Triforce! - Simple Simon Ep. 8 Ft. Evan Daugherty

Episode Date: December 18, 2013

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Hello and welcome to Simple Simon, where we ask Simon simple questions about our guest, who is today, Evan Doherty. I hope I've pronounced that correctly. Hello. Hello to you gentlemen. That is the correct pronunciation of my name. I am very jealous of you being in lovely sunny LA while we have just got pitch blackness out here in the UK. I know, I felt kind of bad because you can see out the window at the sun streaked kind of... There's flowers and it's beautiful.

And space. We're all crammed in, in a horrible closet. I'm in a cupboard. I'm in a toy cupboard. Can you see behind me? I've just got my toys. I see that. I'm somewhat into that as well. But no, the sun is nice. You do sort of, you can get sick of it though.

So I envy your seasons that you have across the pond. Don't. It's just summer here every day. Oh, how fucking terrible. So, Evan, I don't know if you've seen the show, but basically I'm going to ask Simon questions, and you can kind of answer them in this sort of.

I've got a question. Who is Evan Doherty? Who is he? Would you want to introduce yourself? You're welcome to do so. Yeah, sure. I'm a screenwriter of movies here in

Hollywood that people may or may not have seen. The first one I made was called Snow White and the Huntsman with Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron. Another movie is coming out in a few months called Divergent, which is based on a big YA Hunger Games-style novel.

And then this summer, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And then sometime in 2015, the next G.I. Joe movie. So that's me. These are big movies. So this is like a celebrity guest, guys. And that's the problem. Everyone we've had so far has been someone that Simon knows. But I want to get more random people on.

And so this is our first attempt to see if this format works for someone that Simon has no idea who it is. I feel kind of bad because I'm like a A guinea pig. Well, yes. But also, I'm coming from old media. And I feel like no one in the world of the internet cares about old media. No one watches movies anymore. I'm not a celebrity at all by the way. So I feel like instant hatred will be... You're a bit of a celebrity. Simon has mixed feelings I think about some of the old films but let's ask a question and just show you how the format works. So so simon yes um would evan rather watch a sequel a prequel or a remake of his favorite film oh okay okay so we're

straight into the movie questions yeah he's a screenwriter i like that that's good um so a sequel a prequel or a remake um see this is because he, or a remake? See, this is... Because he's written a remake of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or a reboot thing. He's written a sequel of G.I. Joe, the third... well, the second sequel. I... what does he prefer? What does he prefer?

I think he likes the reboots. I think he likes the sort of reimagining and rebooting of things, taking an origin story and retelling it for a new audience. Definitely remakes. I'm going to actually say that that is correct. Because, I don't know, it's good. I guess it's of those three,

the closest thing to being able to start from scratch so in so far as you don't have to sort of pick up where storylines left off and such I guess that's what I'd say. Remakes I have mixed feelings about remakes the amount of times Superman has been remade

now There is the crutch of origin stories. How many times can you tell an origin story for these characters? Four. Is that the amount? Four. That's correct. I'm really sick of it

after four. Yeah, that's the right amount. Okay, next question. We're just going to carry on. We're plowing on. It's getting darker. What is Evan's starter Pokemon? Or Pokemon of choice? If he had to start playing Pokemon, what does he go for?

He's a big Pokemon fan, I can tell. What does that mean? He's stroking his face. He's having a good think about it. Hold on. I'm just kidding. He knows Pokemon. Everyone knows Pokemon.

Come on, Simon kidding. He knows Pokemon. Everyone knows Pokemon. Yes. Come on Simon, what is it? Um... Oh... I... Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur. Which is my favourite starter. I reckon Bulbasaur too. He would go with the leafy... Bulbasaur too? The turtle... Yeah. Even Bulbasaur.

Oh! It's the sequel. Bobasaur. That's not a bad guess. I think that's a good one. I would say, I'm just going to pull into my mind and remember all the Pokemon that appeared in Super Smash Bros., which is my main connection to the world of Pokemon, and say Snorlax. Can you win a Snorlax? He kind of has a world of Pokemon. Yeah. And say Snorlax? Can you play as Snorlax?

He kind of has a starter Pokemon. Why not? That would be fine. That would be a fine starter. Is that not a starter? Or Skeezor? I don't even know what that is. Skeezor?

Was he in Super Smash Brothers? I think so. Was he like a reward in an egg or something? Because I'm pretty sure he can't play as Snorlax. He just comes down occasionally and knocks everyone off. Yeah, Snorlax and Skeezor both come down and knock everyone off. Lewis's favourite Pokemon is a pig on a spring. Called Sprink. It's adorable. I'll take that one. That sounds good. There's also a Pokemon which is like an ice cream

which I really like. It's just called Vanilla Ice. It's just called like Vanilla Ice. It's just an ice cream with ice. It's called Vanilla Ice. I think it's called something like that. Vanilla Ice. You know the wrapper? Yes.

Yes. It's a firecracker. That's Pokemon. There's a Pokemon, do you ever play Pokemon Snap where you just go around and photograph Pokemon? I don't know. That was a game I remember playing when I was in college. Was that on the N64?

I remember. Yes, it was. Yeah, you have a camera and you take pictures of Pokemon. That's pretty exciting. I'm surprised your Pokemon knowledge isn't more extensive, having been a photographer of the Pokemons. I know. You would think.

How does the game work? Do you take photographs of them in compromising positions with each other? Any blackmail them? You sell it to the newspapers, yeah. That's how you play it. You got it. You got a point. Holy crap. So that's a point. I've got one point! One point!

We're gonna have an item squish on points, Simon, like in World of Warcraft. So the points are gonna be reduced down to normal levels. So we're getting out of control. That's what I'm saying. So you've got one point. One point. Well, I'm going to treasure that one point. It means a lot to me.

Let's hope I don't get a negative point and lose it. But yeah, fantastic. Simon, when was the last time Evan wore rubber gloves? When cleaning something oh god maybe his trash compactor it got stuffed I love the Americanization instantly he ordered a big bucket of KFC no one was around it was just for him, and he just threw all the bones in the trash compactor, they got stuck, and he had to put on rubber gloves, put his hand in, but he forgot to turn it off at the mains.

And he was putting his hand down, and then the phone rang, and he removed his hand, and then the trash compactor came to life, and he nearly lost his hand, and that was the last time he wore rubber gloves. Wow. I am on the edge of my seat at the suspense of that story. You can have that for one of your stories. Don't steal that idea and make $3 million off of it.

I love it. Well, I do actually love to get giant buckets of fried chicken and eat them, but I don't use the rubber gloves. You weren't saying I was using the rubber gloves to eat the fried chicken. That would be brilliant, because then you wouldn't get grease on you. That's what I was saying. I thought that's where you were going, which would make a lot of sense. But to answer your question, I don't know if it's a point or not, but I think the last time I used rubber gloves was sink-related, point or not, but I think the last time I used rubber gloves was sink related in the sense that I was washing dishes in the sink with rubber gloves. I don't know if that counts though. I think you can have a point for the sink. He wasn't mucking out the bins, he wasn't

cleaning the floor, he wasn't cleaning the bathroom. He didn't have his hand down around the U-bend of the toilet trying to loosen anything that might have gone stuck yeah no it could have been a whole myriad of different things so yeah I guess that was fairly close just washing up all right that's fine you know points two points so Evans finished washing up he's finished playing Pokemon he's gone down he's looked at the cinema times and he's like ah there's a film on he wants to watch. He's got his girlfriend, and he's doing it like, he's going to the cinema.

I don't know why I'm building up this really weird story. Why not? I like it. It's good. It's colourful. Go for it. Continue. He's going to the cinema.

And on the way, let's just add this out of nowhere. I just thought of a good idea. He spots a street food vendor. What kind of street food vendor is it, and what does he buy? Oh, this is easy for me. OK, OK, right. The go-to street food that he enjoys, what is it?

Hot dogs. Hot dogs. It's a hot dog. The stereotype there. Lots of onions. I want, it's that, I mean again, it's so close. Can we, it's a variant. A corn dog on a stick.

Well, yeah, that's it. That's it. Yay! I can't believe it. I can't believe it. That's it. A corn dog. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. As soon as you said street food, I mean, there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

It's a corn dog. A corn dog. Is it a sausage with a pancake around it with chocolate chips in? Well, no, that's not far from like, there's also like this pigs in a blanket we have, which is like, it is like a hot, like a pancake around a sausage. A pig in a blanket?

It's just one marathon or something. They've got like the foil around it. Yes, exactly. Do you guys have pigs in blankets? I mean like as the food? I think we call it, we call, yeah we do, we have pigs in blankets? I mean, like, as the food? Not literally. I think we call it, we call, yeah, we do, we have them as the food. Sausage rolls? Uh.

Pastry around a sausage? Yeah, well, we have those, we call those kolaches. What the hell? It's like a German thing. What? I'm giving you a, yes, it's like a Polish thing. K-O-L-A-C-H-E-S. Don't mention their poor infrastructure. Yes, the Polish. Right, exactly.

But yeah, kolaches. I would say a sausage roll is usually pastry around it. I'm saying literally the pancake around it is a pigs in a blanket. That's crazy. That's crazy. But a corndog is a hot dog with batter. Here, here. That's crazy, that's crazy. But a corn dog is a hot dog with batter around it that is deep fried. At least. Oh my god.

Here, I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. Yeah, me too. Me too. Can we have some of those in the office, Lewis? Okay, I'll put it on the list. Next question. So you've made it to the cinema with your lovely corn dog. Hang on, Lewis, Lewis, are these gonna be all about food? Because we did this before and it was quite late

and you were hungry because it was near your dinner time and all the questions were about food. Is that happening again? You've got to the cinema and you want to get some... Do you have a popcorn? Do you have sweet popcorn? No, please, no. So, well, that could be a part of it but no i was actually gonna say was i

was gonna say when you go into cinema um do you sit at the the front in the middle at the back at the side where what is your go-to seating position and also does you does does evan does evan book in advance simon or does he does he just turn up on a whim i reckon he's probably got a membership card to a cinema or a couple of cinemas that he goes to frequently um so it's booked in advance he'll show up if possible he'll be in a really nice screen with the big chairs you know with space with a little table for his you know his things to just rest at so i reckon reckon he books in advance. He has a nice seat somewhere in the middle if possible so he doesn't have to crane his neck up.

I reckon he's pro at going to the cinema given what he does for a living. Okay. Ah, well. I think you're assuming that I'm far too aristocratic in my movie-going habits. I have been to one movie that is that like super

luxe experience with the table and the thing and you order the drinks and the food. But I felt it was too distracting from the experience of watching the movie. So I've only done that once. But it's kind of like, I don't know what the answer is, but I do prefer to go to a movie dinner with the assigned seating. Where you go on the internet and you click which seats you want. And then you're in the middle. I choose the, it's very specific, I don't know if you guys have this there. In America, there's the main seating area, there's a handicapped seating area at the front of it, and there are bars behind it, so that you have far more leg room on

the front row of the main area. That is crafty. Yeah, I don't sit in the handicapped area, but if you sit behind the handicapped area, because there's no seats, it's just room for a wheelchair, so you have more room to put your feet up. Simon, terrible, you didn't get any of that, so you didn't get that he was in the high leg room area, you didn't get that he was not going to the posh ones, or not going to some private cinema, you know, maybe he goes round to Madonna's place and just watches her cinema.

No, no, he just goes to normal cinemas. Like we do. Good. Well that's a good answer that you didn't get any points for. So you finished your lovely cinema trip and you go out for, no, no you're not. Are you hungry? Do you have the chicken or the fish?

God, that's the choice on the plane, isn't it? Chicken or the fish? Chicken or the fish? Chicken or the fish. That's the choice on the plane, isn't it? Chicken or the fish? Chicken or the fish? Chicken or the fish? You're actually going to a cocktail bar, Evan. And you walk in there. You own the place. You've got your suited and booted.

You're ready to rock. And it's so classy, it doesn't even have a menu. You just have to order at the bar. So you could order a cocktail. SIMON PAMPENAERNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNANNAN Yeah, that's the more accurate portrayal of me. In the cinema. In the cut row. Yes, exactly. Go on, Simon, come on. What's he ordering? He's a classy man.

So what is his sort of drink, his tip or his poison? Oh, God. I don't know. I reckon Coke, because I saw him drink a can of Coke earlier. Oh, you've been observant. Yeah. Okay. A Coke with... A JD and Coke. A JD and Coke.

JD. Simple. JD being Jack Daniels. Yes. It's good that he vaguely knows what that is. That's not... I don't know. Again, I think it's half right

because I'm not a... I'm not a tea totaler nor a complete lush. I don't drink a whole lot, but what I do, I prefer... I will have usually a 7 seven and seven what is it's essentially whiskey with something like seven up or sprite or right you know I don't know if there's a name for that in your neck of the woods

but it's like it's like Sprite and whiskey. Whiskey and Sprite, whiskey and 7-Up. Yeah, it's close. That sounds absolutely disgusting. Oh my God. I think I just don't, I don't know. The Coke, it's so, I don't know. It's such a strong flavor, I think, the 7-Up.

Particularly, there's a difference between 7up and Sprite. Do you guys have both or no? Yeah. Yeah. I know what you mean. 7up is much subtler in its lemon flavour. You don't want to taint your whisky with strong mixers. That's what I'm saying.

Right. Exactly. Exactly. That would be my... So the whisky aspect is correct, but the mixer is. I don't know, is that half of a point, Lewis? That's no points.

What? All right, fine, you have half of one. Oh, thanks. So we'll do a quick fire round. Okay, quick fire. Whoa! Quick fire, yes. Simon, does anyone turn his phone off

or does he put it on silent in the cinema? He puts it onto airplane mode because it's really quick and easy to do now. That's correct. Oh, my goodness. You're eating a toasted cheese sandwich. Eating. Brilliant. Shit.

I've run out. Great. Immediately, the second question into the quickfire and it's about food again. Go on, just ask it. Come on, you've started so you're finished. That's what they say. Next question. Okay.

What is Evan's preferred Monopoly piece? Ooh. The Little Talkie. The Little doggy. The little doggy. I have to say, I'm not just being a kiss-up. That's the answer. It's the dog. Oh, snap.

Well done. That's two out of the first quickfire round. Yay. You're going to get all the points. Dragonborn, Dragonforce, or Dragonball Z? Dragonborn? I don't think he probably knows what Dragonborn is. I don't think he's a big gamer. Dragonforce, he probably hasn't heard of that.

Dragonball Z, I think he's heard of. So I think everyone would say Dragonball Z. That is correct, and I have not heard of the first two, but I'm not choosing the third. I'm not choosing the third only because it's the one I've heard of. I happen to have enjoyed it greatly in my youth. Next. Knife, fork, or spoon?

Sorry? Knife, fork, or spoon? Knife, fork, or spoon? I don't like these questions. They're just made up. I would say fork, because you can eat pretty much anything with a fork apart from soup. Fork is right. Four out of four. Holy crap. Keep the streak alive.

What superpower would Evan have? Oh god. Oh jeez. Flying, oh jeez. Flying, he'd fly. I don't mean to be like, that is correct. Flying is correct. Oh my god! I don't know what else you would pick. Well there you go, that was five out of five, Si, I mean the quickfire round. That was a quickfire.

That was it. Fantastic. That was quite something. Evan, do you want to give us some points? Yes. How many points do you want? A hundred. You have a hundred points. Yay!

A hundred and two and a half points. You did it. Well, that was very generous of you, Evan. Wow. You redeemed yourself with that high risk quickfire round. It could have gone the other way. You could have lost the hundred. I feel that the five for five is something more than that.

I think it's a good thing. I think it's a good thing. I think it's a good thing. I think it's a good thing. I think it's a good thing. I think it's a good thing. I think it's a good thing. Well that was very generous of you Evan. You redeemed yourself with that high risk quickfire round. It could have gone the other way. I feel that the 5 for 5 is something worth being rewarded for. It was like cumulative. If I got one right it would have been one point. But then all five it went all the way up to 100.

Of course, yes. 100%, 100 points. There you go, that's someone's phone there that they didn't put on airplane mode. Thank you, everyone, for watching Simple Simon. Was that your phone, Simon? It's not my phone. That's the Evans.

Is that a ring? No, I just heard a text message. Did you not hear that? We got a text. Well, thank you very much for joining us on Simple Simon. Yay! That's another 100 points for the phone going and ruining

everything. If you were in the cinema, people would be throwing popcorn at you. I know. And corn dogs. Just loving corn dogs. Is that what happens in the cinema? That would be my dream, actually. People throwing corn dogs. Is that what happens in cinema? That would be my dream actually.

People throwing corn dogs at me. It's not a bad thing. Well, thank you very much for joining us. And yes, we'll see you next time on Simple Simon, everyone. Thank you and goodbye. Thanks for joining us, Evan. Cheers, man. Thank you, guys. Thank you guys Thank you Bye