Triforce! - The "Call Sips" Incident | Triforce Mailbag #73

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Triforce Mailbag 73! What've we got hidden in our hard drives? Was it actually annoying for Sips when Lewis called him in the YogPod? Should cat owners start adopting birds? Have we told this story before? All this and more answered in today's Mailbag! Take control of your income. Start your free trial at http://shopify.com/triforce Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax. You start the, this one. Oh yeah. Hello, mailbaggers! And welcome to another episode of TriForce Mailbag. I have a bunch of emails. Oh my God, it's a Mailbag. It's a mailbag.

It is a mailbag once again. We're going to kick things off with two jingles. One short, one long. That's how it goes. This one is called, oh, this one is by Lowell and made this move, made this song. Okay, ready to play it? Yeah. All right.

In three, two, one. Play. Welcome. To a mail bag. A mail bag. I love the male bag. Male Man.

What I knew about 20-old women was that they were not fucking me. It's like a cyberpunk fight music. It's a really good. That's a really good one. It's like like a cyberpunk fight music. music. It does. With some nice quips by us in the back.

Finishing with you saying, piss everywhere at the end there. Now, piss everywhere. It's like if we had a show on ESPN or something, do you know what I mean? It's like, now over to the Triforce podcast. Yeah. And it just plays that. Lots of action shots of the studio, us looking serious. This is from Lowell, who is a commercial diver.

Do we want to know anything about diving or cave diving? What I want to know is, what the hell? what possesses you to do cave diving? Oh, God, kid diving. Why would anybody ever do that? Why would you want to do that? To me, it's like, well, the most scary, crazy, awful things to do. So, it's terrified.

So it's the stupidest thing a person can do, in my opinion. But thanks for you. One of them. There's some pretty stupid things to be done it. It's pretty bad. You call it Lowell stupid because that jingle was not the work of a stupid man. That was the work of a fairy. Very carefully said that.

I don't think he himself is stupid. He's obviously pretty good at making some music and putting together like audio samples and stuff like that. I'm sure he's a really intelligent guy. I just questioned some of his decisions. Indeed. Exactly. Exactly. This is from Jordan.

He's got three messages. To period. Short and sweet. I've attached to Triforce jingle would like you to play it. To Lewis. Sorry, mate. It's an MP3 file. The WAV or Flack was too big for me to send.

To Sips. Hi. Hi. This is Tiny Pepness. It's, this is one minute, 40 seconds long. That's a long one. It is a long one. It is a tiny pepiness at all.

It is not. It is a big, it is a girthy pepness. But I wanted to bear mind, this is not a bad tune. Okay. It grows and suddenly it's like, oh, actually, this is pretty good. So I thought I'm going to give it the air time it deserves. So here we go. Okay.

All right. Three, two, one, play. TriForce. Okay. TriForce. Oh, yeah. I can already tell that there's a, bit of a buildup happening here. There's a buildup. A farting noise. But a fart noise.

Like a flat tuba. Oh, he made it rhyme. I know. Wow. Like I just stepped out of the airlock into space music. What a line. They'll make you want to shit your pants. They'll make you see the light at the end of the So weird. Wow. God, that was really good, tiny pepness. That's a pretty, pretty good tune, I reckon. That's a pretty good tune, I reckon.

That's really put me in a certain energy. Yeah. Uh-oh. Lewis Energy, is it chaotic? Is it beneficial to humankind? Let's find out. Is it safe to be around? I'm just too shabbing so many things up my ass right now.

It's weird. Well, let me bring you back down to Earth with an email from a tiny penis haver from Pennsylvania. wondering if you can give me some dadly advice. Lewis, now that you're a homeowner, you're welcomed into this circle. This is why he bought a home. This is homeownership.

Can I say, can I say I would absolutely love to have a son around the house right now because I have been doing this like manual labor. I thought I would be fine, like doing all this stuff. But my wrists and my back and my knees are like are sore. Well, yeah. A lot of muscles that you don't use.

But the first time ever, I just feel old as fuck. And I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice if there was someone younger around to do all these tasks? Like, I need to sweep the patio. I need to like, and it sounds such an old thing to do. But I don't want to do it because my wrists are sore. A little bit sexy if you think only a son could help you with these things. I will pick you up on that. Well, no, I'm just saying I need a strapping.

Having young, having two teenagers in the house is very handy. I don't want a nerdy. son. I want a son like Duncan. I want a son who's like a work course. Like an option. Plays video games for a living. Duncan is a soft milk drinker. He does not doing anything. He's built like a beast. I'm just saying if I have

a son, I would like it to be like Duncan. You want a son like Duncan. I know you don't get to choose. That's fine. You might get a nerd. You might get a jock, but whatever. And probably neither them would want to sweep my porch. but I'm just saying

That's why does that sound like a Like a sex thing I'd sweep her porch You know what I'm saying I'm saying? It's easy I'd empty her gutters Yeah

I'd fucking take the lint out of the Lint drawer in her Tumble Drive I'd unclog her toilet God Jesus You could do it You could do it with anything

I'd power wash her patio I'd change her brake pads I'd try I'd wash her windows You could actually just do, you could actually do with anything. That would be clean, I'd clean her clock, but that does, you do, I did clean the clock yesterday in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, but if you say I'm going to clean your clock. It's punching someone.

Yeah, it implies that you're going to knock them out. Yeah. But I'm saying it in a sexy way. I'll put out powder on her aunt's nest. Oh, is there anything less sexy than pant powder? I can't think of it. Oh, God. All right, so here's the advice.

I need some dadly advice. I'm sanding a set of stairs. In your professional opinion, how smooth is too smooth for wooden stairs? It seems these days the sky is the limit for sandpaper grit. Do you like a silky smooth step? Would you like reassurance of a bit of extra grip? Grip. I like a little bit of carpet on my stairs, to be honest.

Yes. I would have probably hardwood everywhere else around the house, but I would insist on carpet for stairs. Yes, of course. I don't think you can have any opportunity for slippage on the stairs, especially with kids. It's just like, no way. Why would you ever want a smooth stare? It's insane.

It's like you're putting an actual Dungeons and Dragons Death Trap in your own house. Exactly. You have to make a dexterity check every time. You're going to have like the stairs that Kevin McAllister iced up for the wet bandits, you know? Like you're not going to be able to walk up those things. You're going to be slipping on them and getting a blow torch to your head and paint cans in your face. You need to take a shit really badly for some reason because you're old. You run up.

You run to the stairs. You slip. You fall. You injure yourself. You cry out. No one's there. You're on your own. You know, this is the life you've chosen for yourself.

You've slowly. You know, lie there. Say you're home alone. Say you're home alone and you're getting ready to get into the shower. And you're, so you're nude. And then you collapse. or you slip on the stairs and you fall down and injure yourself or whatever. Anyone coming home and finding you is going to be traumatized for life, right?

You're completely naked. You're totally incapacity. You might be even dead. Somebody has to find you in one of those states. It's weird to think, isn't it? Yeah, that's why you should always, if you're at home alone and you're jacking off, keep all your clothes on. Just in case.

Just in case something happens. I do worry about being found in a weird way when I die. Like it does occur to me that I think, geez, that would suck. I mean, I think we all know that if we die, the first thing we want to happen to our computer, this should be on the top of our will, is incinerate it. Did you destroy my computer? Destroy that whole thing. Do not look at the hard drive on my computer.

Do not look at the folder marked secret stuff. Yeah. I feel like anybody who looked at my computer, I feel like anybody who looked at my computer would just be shocked at the sheer amount of like fallout Rimworld and like City Skyline's mods I have on my computer. Like there must be thousands just. I'd falled out of her, Rimworld. Sitting, sitting around there doing nothing.

Like, God, there's like hundreds of thousands. Skyrim mods. It's like, oh my God, I have so many mods on my computer. It's insane. Have you got any weird like big titty or anything like that mods for Skyrim? No. No, I never bothered with any of that. I think you lie.

I say, check him hard drive is where I say. You can check all you like. You'll never find like long dongs of Skyrim or like, you know, inies of Skyrim or anything like that on my computer. I've got porn on my hard drive that predates this podcast. I'm going to be straight up and say, yeah. You've downloaded porn? Yeah.

That's weird. I just live in fear that the internet will be down and I really want to bang one out. So I just got like a stash of it. Can you just use your imagination? Can you use your mind powers and just take you to like... Not anymore. It's gone, long gone. It's like an old friend that, um, that porn.

Yeah, it is. It's like it's properly, I transferred it from other computers to this. It's a modern day VHS tape behind the, behind the furnace, behind the, the, the, the equipment or whatever, like in your basement. Let me just see what, when, when was this? How old is this picture? This is the first one in the first old. You downloaded pictures.

Yeah, the pictures are the best ones, dude. Man, what is this? It's like 1993. What are you doing? So this was 2014. Right. I downloaded this picture in 2014. I don't think we'd started podcasting in 2014.

No, we had 2016 was when we've been here. So yeah, this one predates, predates that. So what happened? You're just, you're at home. You're browsing, you find a picture, a pornographic picture, and you're just like, I'm just going to save that. Pop that in the folder, yeah, it's all organized. So what, you have a folder called My Porno. No, I'm not going to reveal.

I'm not going to reveal the folder names. It's just in my document somewhere. All I'm saying is, some people collect cards. I collect pictures of beautiful women. That's just, I like collecting things. I collect comics. I collect video games. I collect all kinds of shit.

That's one of the other things I like to collect. There's nothing wrong with it. What? Like box copies of video. video games? Back in the day, I did. Like, I had loads of games, you know? Well, you had to.

I mean, if you played games, you had to have the box copies. It was the only way to have a game. Exactly. All this new fangled stuff, it doesn't do it the same way it used to. You know, you got to hold on to that stuff, Beephast, because, you know, it's... Oh, I'm holding on to it, baby. I'm holding on maybe a little too tight. In their way.

That's what I want. I don't want anyone go into it. The whole deaf grin. I'll browse his comic collection. Like, he's damn. He's categorized this. That's what I don't want. It's people looking at the photo and be, wow, he's actually categorized.

I'll investigate his computer for porno. Yeah. Doesn't sound very good, does it? So, please, I think, but as we were saying, I think if someone else were to die around me, I would not, even if it was for innocent reasons, I'd be like, oh, let's see if, oh, he's died. Let's go and see if he wrote a poem. You're not going to find a poem, are you? No, I mean, I got, there's just things like things I've said.

stuff I started writing and gave up on. Right. There's all my draft emails I never bothered sending. Just don't look at all this shit. Just delete. Just delete the whole thing. Like all my, my, just get rid of it. There's a lot of cringy shit on there as well.

I don't even understand half the rambling notes I've written for myself. How are you supposed to understand that? I don't even write rambling notes. And think I was some sort of, you know, try to take over the world. I just say, let's do an email. We're doing a non-email podcast. I'm realizing listening to you guys that maybe people leave much more of a trail of themselves behind them, but I don't. I don't really write notes. I don't really do like most

everything. You're like Dexter. It's all in my mind, you know? But to leave a trail, Sips, one has to move. Otherwise, you're just staying in one position. I know, but that's it. But like, even on my computer, it's like so boring. There's nothing on here. Like, you'd go on here and you'd be like, oh, yeah, I know. I found pretty much everything that I've already known about this person who just like plays the same four games over and over and downloads mods for them. and there's like a couple of, there's a couple of icons on my desktop that don't lead anywhere now

because, you know, the application's been uninstalled or whatever. That's the, my God's his shortcut doesn't go anywhere. That's about the extent of it. I thought I knew him. I didn't know him at all. Yeah. There's like a bunch of invoices from house renovations

on my computer that I'm sure somebody would love to peruse through. And that's about it. There's not, there's nothing spicy on here at all. to like normal accessible stuff, everyday stuff, you know, whereas Pflax and I have to have to hold on to that rare, you know, unique stuff that you just don't get anymore. Yeah, the vintage.

You know? Yeah, exactly. It's all that, that huge muff. Yeah. The 80s stuff. All right, let me read a bloody email. When I was younger, I was told not to answer the door to the gas meter man under pain of death.

If we did answer the door and he was there, we were to tell the, we were to tell him that my parents weren't in. It genuinely became a huge fear of mine that I'd answer the door to him and get in huge trouble. I never understood why this was such a big deal until I got older and found out the truth. I grew up in a very old house and as it turns out, every winter my dad would shut off the gas, run the hob until there was no more left in the system, and then he would disconnect the gas meter and turn it around, like upside down. This meant that all winter he could blast the heating without having to worry about the cost because the meter would tick backwards. Okay, now hold on.

I think that's borricked. It doesn't tick backwards. Does it? If you reverse it, what is this? Oh, my God. you can wind back the mileage on a car by going in reverse. No, what I talked about is on this podcast. I think this might be what provoked it,

because I had, when I moved into this house, an electricity meter that was going backwards because the solar panels were generating more electricity that I was using. And I was like, my meter was going down. And I called them up because I thought, I don't want to get in trouble, you know. What an honest, I was a good, good boy.

But I imagine, and I had a lot of people comment, actually, on the podcast saying, Lewis, you should have just been quiet about it and got three electricity, mate. And I just, with a couple of things, one, I'm not a criminal. Two, AI's going to get me, right? I don't want to have a scandal in two years when AI has looked this up. Three, I'm just not going to tell my whole family. If the electricity man comes, just don't tell him.

Yeah, you're right. No, I'm not going to tell everyone who's around the house to come in with me on this conspiracy. Yeah. It's just not worth it. That's fair. that's fair. I still don't think that flipping the meter upside down works like that, but maybe it does. Let me know. I'm not calling you a liar email. They just had, yeah, the gas running the other way through the meter.

I'm just saying your dad might have been winding you up or anything. Who knows? It's possible, but I mean, I assume that these old meters were just pretty analog. Yeah, maybe, maybe. Anyway, we've got an email from Rocco. In episode 165, Rocco, Lewis offhandedly mentions how there was a dotinghurst, gang. I need the whole story. Tell us about the Dottinghurst gang. The Doddinghurst gang. Doddinghurst. Doddinghurst gang. So Doddinghurst was a little village where I grew up in Essex. And, you know, there were gangs and there were people who sold drugs out of the backs of cars. Right. Are you sure you want to be talking about this? What if they're listening right now and, and, and, you know, planning your demise?

I think a lot of this criminal, a lot of criminal element does happen in small villages and towns on the edge. is on the fringes of London, you know. And there's a lot of, I think back in the day it used to be a lot easier to launder money through buying property and things like that. Now it's a lot more difficult, but that used to be the way. This is what your little gang did in Doddinghurst. You laundered money. I wasn't in it.

I didn't do this. Maybe they didn't buy any property. I don't know anything about them, but I do know that there was, you know, there's always that sort of stuff going on in these little villages, right? Huh. How about that? Do you remember when I said that running meters backwards, I said it two minutes ago, wouldn't work. It was a setup for a later email.

Are you ready? Yeah. Regarding Lewis's backwards meter. Love the pod. I work for a large UK utility company, so deal with backwards meters every day. Lewis is right that the meter is clocking backwards due to the solar panels. This is because he has a traditional meter installed instead of a smart meter, which can deal with the export energy from his solar panel system. The meter should never be clocking backwards and Lewis should report it with photos.

Blah, blah, blah. You did all this. You did a good job. It's done now. If he'd like to make sure he pays a correct amount for what he actually uses and isn't overcharge, he should email them for as soon as possible, and you should get the smart meter. He's done it. It's done.

I've done. I've done it. Thank you. Thank you for your email. I'm looking at getting, smart meters. I wanted it anyway. But the thing is, because my house appeared to use so little electricity, right, because it was running backwards. I basically was paying such a low electricity bill that it wasn't really worth the company's time

to install a smart meter. Just what I mean? So they didn't want to install a smart meter. which I would have wanted anyway for when I have the solar panels and well I'm going to have some like a battery and a heat pump and stuff like that and if you have that you're going to want to you need a sort of you basically to be on a smart meter with a tariff where you buy the cheap electricity at night to charge up the battery because I do get occasional power cuts and stuff look this there's a lot of work to do but um in this old house one day we're going to one day it's going to one day it's going to one day Amazing. One day. This is a question you can help answer Sips as well. Listening to an old episode of the YogPod, the one where Lewis and Simon harass Sips, the

Yokescast website dev, which is what you were back then. You just did the website. I did, yeah. Is that right? Yes. By calling him continuously. So they just kept phoning you. Did they?

I think they phone me like once, but it was... This is a very old YogPod episode. I'll tell you what I could do. I could ring Sips. Damn it. Nobody wants to hear from Sips. It's 1104, he's probably in bed. If I wake him up, that'll be the...

That'll be quite funny. Hello? Hey Sips, it's Zephoss. How you doing? Oh, hey. We haven't woken you up, have we? No. I know it's quite late, and you're supposed to be going to bed, I think. Yeah?

And I was just calling to say, to say, you know, hi. How's it going? Hi. You're our web designer. Yeah. This is so fucking awkward. This is the most awkward thing ever.

Yeah. Yeah, so you're on speaker. Cut your losses. Cut your losses. Hang up on him. I'm going, bye Zips, bye. Oh God, that was horrible. Poor Sips! Oh my God! Oh my God! He caught him off guard. He didn't like it. He didn't like it.

Let's call him back. Let's call him back. No! Oh God, no! Why not? This is gold. This is harassment! This is harassment! He'll put like a restraining order against you. He's not answering, how is you? Oh. Oh, my God.

I think this is basically the end of your friendship with ships. It's just over. Well, you've got to remember as well. This was people phoning me late in the evening that I'd never spoken to. That I'd never spoken to other than to play wow with at the time. And this was in a day and age where you didn't really get phone calls from people that you knew on the internet. You know what I mean? Yeah, it was weird, that then.

This was before like really like, you know, social media baked into everything and people like online dating and stuff. I mean, this was in like 2005, I think. This was a landline phone call. Yeah. Yeah. And they happened. Well, Lewis had my number because I said, you know, he had my number because I was doing the website. I don't know why you gave it to me.

Because he was doing the website. I think you said if we ever needed to call you to do something or whatever, give me your number. so I gave you my number and then you did call me. But it was weird because I'm... You think I asked you for your number and you called it. Wow. I think you volunteered at Sips, honestly. I think you said, you know, look, Lewis,

a huge fan of what you're doing. Listen, I know I'm a lot of things, but a volunteer of my phone number is not one of those things that I am. That's true. I don't know how I got it off you. And I think it was like one of these things that you just... I think at the time you... Begrudgingly, I probably gave it to you.

Do not use this. Yes. I do not call this under any circumstances. It was 11 years ago, according to this. No. It says here 11 years ago. No, no. It was like in 2000.

It was like the first apartment that I lived in when I was here. It was like 2009, 2000. But on the TriForce channel, this was uploaded June 12th, 2015. I mean, I'm not saying that's when it was, but that's how old the video is on the channel. From the Yog Pod. Those were the re-released one. The Yon Pod. Well, the YogPod.

wasn't originally hosted on the original yog pods came out in like 2007, eight. That was the first thing we did in 2008 was the yog pod. This the email of Sam noticed that Lewis and Simon referred to themselves as Honeydew and Z-Fos. Yes, which is back then, yes. But now you use your real names and obviously Sips and I still use our online names. Why and when did you change to Lewis and Simon instead of Honeydew and Zephoss? Why do you now go by Lewis and Simon? I think even back when we played, wow, I don't think we even called you Z-Foss. I think we called you Lewis.

Because I think, because you lived with Simon and Hannah and they always called you Lewis. Everyone just called you Lewis. I think it was as soon as we lived together, we basically started calling each other Avrianne. I see. Yeah, no, that's fair. I was going out with Hannah and it was weird to call her LaMadia and stuff like this, you know. And I think like, I think it just, I think that was it. it was the physical presence.

And I think maybe it's a similar thing with you guys in sense. Like if we were closer friends, you know? Yes, yeah. And I do, do find myself doing that P-Flex when we spend time together. Like if we spend the week together doing something, I start calling you Ted. And if we are, if I visit you Sips at your house, I start calling you Chris. Yeah. I have noticed that.

Yeah. Or daddy. You can call me daddy on your three-one as well. A lot of people around here call me that, it turns out. In a sense, it is a chosen. Well, that's a reason why. But there is, I mean, you are called period, flaks and sips right now on Discord.

I'm not going to, yeah, but I use Discord for more than just this podcast. I think if, if you chose to name yourself Ted on Discord, I would probably call me, Ted. People would start calling you that more. Well, do you want to know what's awkward? I might have mentioned this before.

On WhatsApp, My WhatsApp name is Perium Flax because I have to use WhatsApp for work so much that I've set it to that. But that means that all the normies that I talk to in real life also are like, who the fuck is Perian Flax? And I'm like, I'm sorry, like I don't want to have to have two WhatsApp accounts. At the same time, though, as soon as they add you, I mean, you're in my phone, I think, as Ted. Sips is in as Chris. Oh, no, you are Perian Flax, actually. I think it's, if you put the number in, though, as you can change, if you change their name,

it will come up differently, I imagine. So, like, you come up as dad in your kids' WhatsApp or whatever. Yeah, that's true. I've set nicknames for everyone else. Anyway, this is, do you remember I told the story a few weeks ago of the lady that, um, dislikated her shoulder? Yes. Um, and about, call on the big hero.

That was a great story. That was, you know, did I give you the update that I bumped into it? Not physically, but I bumped into it. on the road near me. He pushed her over again. So she lives a neighbor, but she's out and about, and we caught up and chad. And she's doing okay. So anyway, this is from someone, I had multiple emails about this.

Lewis, this is addressing something you said. This is an important PSA to counter something that Lulu said, okay, from multiple sources, many of whom are ambulance drivers or emergency medical people in their own right. The main reason I wanted to email was Lewis said, just call back and they'll bump you up the list. That is, respectfully, complete horseshit. Calling repeatedly does not magically escalate your category or move you higher up the queue. Calls are prioritized using a clinical threat to life matrix, not by who phones the most. In fact, unnecessary repeat calls just clog up and already overwhelmed call center and can slow things down for everyone else.

All right. Well, I'm going to call bullshit on that. You are wrong. Well, I think it varies from where I literally had this happen with like two weeks ago with my dad. But if something changes, if something changes, that's different, isn't it? And this is literally what happened. I don't normally talk about this stuff because it's like in my personal life, but I have actual genuine experience of ringing the ambulance, not hearing anything back, and ringing back and them saying, oh, okay, yep, no, because originally they told me they were

an hour and a half away. And then I called them back and they said, oh, okay, no, it sounds more serious. Right, but that's the difference. That's the difference, is that you're not just calling back for the same. same thing. You're calling back and escalating it by saying, I said before it wasn't that bad, it's worse, he needs help. So that is the difference is you're calling back to bump up the queue with new information, which is valid. Listen, we can talk if you want on this podcast about the NHS and my experience is with it in the last couple of weeks. And it has been a marked

difference between terrible and amazing. And I think that's everyone's experience with the NHS. It's both incredible and at the same time, awful. I agree with that. And, and like there's, it obviously needs, everyone who works for the NHS needs to be paid more. They need more funding for literally fucking everything to the point where I'm visiting. And they're like, sorry, we can't, you know, we can't afford tea for visitors. I mean, there's no tea for visitors. That's that level of cost cutting, you know, like, just, I don't know, so. So we could talk about this a lot, but my dad's doing okay, just if anyone's interested.

But he's, he's, I've been up there a lot and experienced the whole gamma of it. And look, it's, it's in this case, you know, you have to, I think there's a lot, a big feeling in the UK where if you're able to afford it, just go private because that's the tax that the wealthy pay because the NHS isn't very good. And it's, that sounds awful to say that. But I think a lot of people say, oh, I don't want to put extra stress on the NHS because I can afford it. I'll just, or I don't want to wait literally a year and a half or more for pretty. routine stuff, I'm just going to pay my tax. My tax is going private. Now, obviously, this is a big complicated political matter, and I've paid out of pocket for a lot of things for my dad, who's 88. Because otherwise, he wouldn't have the quality of life that he has today. Right. And so, and I'm lucky, very lucky that I'm able to do that. And I realize a lot of people aren't in the same position. But I think that, you know, if you, if you are genuinely concerned for someone and you call the ambulance and they say it's going to be an hour and a half and you're like, I think it needs

more than that, then fucking ring back. Like if you are scared and concerned about someone, don't, don't think, oh, no, it'll be okay. You, in all situations, go for the worst option you can think of, right? Because you'll be kicking yourself afterwards if they then died because you were not forthright. Yeah. All right. That's what I agree. I am saying, you push, you say, no, I need an ambulance now. I don't care about anyone else and don't even think about anyone else because anyone else is probably some drunk asshole who's, you know, cut himself on a beer bottle is crying or something, right?

Like, that is not true. I'm just saying, you are not stopping someone, you're not killing someone else by being honest and genuine and forthright about the issues you're having and being serious. about your concerns. Okay? So all of you ambulance drivers and people who know about this and work in the phone lines,

thank you for your input, but it's not going to change how I behave. And I'm going to call back if I feel the need to. All right. Well, I look forward to further emails about this. I've heard stories of people calling once and being polite,

but there's no being polite. You know, like be like a New York Air Traffic controller. Be rude, be blunt, and be open. Because when it comes to the health of your loved ones, you will regret it if you don't do all you can. Do you think that New York air traffic controllers are more rude than other regions?

They are, yeah. They are. Have you not listened to, like, if you go on YouTube, you can listen to ATC recordings for every airport in the world. And New York is really rude? Yeah, the JFK guy's like,

yeah, Jet 4A Ket to say, move your ass to wrong with four right now. I didn't tell you to go down. What are you doing? They're going there wrong way. Five, I said four. What are you a moron? Come on.

It's like that. Oh my God. That's great. They're really funny. Holy shit. Before we continue, this podcast is sponsored by Shopify. Are you starting a new project? Maybe a new business.

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and start hearing, sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash trifles. That's Shopify.com slash trifles. On with this show. All right. email. This is from Richard. This is a sort of a, this would have been a lose news back in the day. I think we might have mentioned this. The lad that lost his his Bitcoin wallet in the

landfill, $950 million of Bitcoin. Yeah, we've talked about this. Yeah. That he's given up. Well, he bought the landfill, didn't he? But he's given up. He has given up. Yeah, he came up. Ten years of searching. Yeah. And he was like, I'm not going to find it. I'm done. I mean, thank God. Yeah. It was a terrible. End of an era. That news came out and the number had increased. Yeah. Right. It was like, man searches for $2 million worth of crypto. Man searches for $3 million worth of crypto. And it's like every year, you thought it was a new news story,

but it was the same fucking guy year after year. And it was man searches for $4 million worth of crypto. It's like, it's fucking finding out how much crypto's worth based on this idiot who's like, you know, trying to raise. He kind of was like the fucking, it felt like he was the hawk tour girl. Do you know what I mean trying to like raise his fucking, he got his moment in the sunshine? What happened with her? I know she did that rugpole, but is she still famous?

She did a meme coin and then cashed out. I assume everyone on the internet seems to think she made a fucking mint off this rugpole meme coin. I don't reckon she fucking made anything probably because you know what it's like with all those people. She made some mula. No, no, no. I reckon you know what it's like P-Flex with all these things? That she probably was the ultimate scammy of the whole thing. I bet she made bank.

I hope so. She deserved it. In exchange for giving some hand jobs to the right politicians, I'm sure she got away with it. Anyway, this is something I had thought about occasionally, and I would love your guys important. This is from Canadian Mike. I recently did a 14-hour flight to Hong Kong, followed by two hours to Vietnam. As a result, had a lot of free time to catch up on media. I've got two young kids that we left with the grandparents, so this was a rare occasion to watch things uninterrupted.

I was curious, your thoughts on certain movie genres or titles you'd watch on planes. All right, now I realize I've misread this, and I thought that it said titties. Right. Because he spelt titles with two teeth. That's why you clicked it. So I read this far and I thought this email was going to be, how do you feel about the fact that sometimes you're watching something kind of inappropriate for younger kids? Well, I felt like that many times. I was watching the first series of Game of Thrones on a train one time and on a plane.

And that is a wrong. I think you're going to say in your living room. The first season, maybe the second season as well, there is a lot of like animalistic. fucking and everything. It's insane. So there were definitely times where I was like, had to kind of like tilt my screen and stuff because I thought, man, if anybody sees me watching this,

they're going to be kicking up a stink. Yeah, if anybody looks at my boner. That too, of course. But yeah, there was, it was awkward watching that in public. I wonder how often someone like a parent, one of those little busy body parents would be like, excuse me, what my child can see your screen from there. Can you watch something else if you'd be well within your rights to say,

fuck off? Yeah, my worst experience, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I had a fuck you, you fucking fuck t-shirt that my wife got me from New York of all places. It said, fuck you, fuck you fucking fuck.

It said that on the t-shirt. And I wore it, I wore it to my local store one day without thinking. and this woman was in there with her kid and she saw my shirt. She was like, oh my God. She couldn't believe it. I was like, what?

What's happened? She's like, you can't wear that shirt? And I was, oh, shit, I'm wearing that shirt. I didn't realize. So I had to put it on inside out and walk home in shame. Because her son, I think, was like maybe eight at the time. And burst into flames when he read all of those F words. Of course he did.

Yeah. Yeah, he's not going to heaven anymore. No, he's not. He's seen, he can't undo what he's seen. He's, that's it. You've corrupted the youth of today. He's done. He's done.

How do you feel about that? Pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. That is a, that is a, that is a, that is, that is quite the t-shirt, though. Yeah. Fuck you, fuck you fucking. Like, you can imagine, like a New Yorker saying that, right, to somebody on the road or whatever. But, yeah, I did it on a shirt.

God, I did. I do remember. back in the day, I had like a fairly, a series of fairly insensitive t-shirts, right? Here we go. I wouldn't wear today. But like, I think this was in like 2004. And I did things like women, get back in the kitchen or if you're a woman, you can see this, make me a sandwich.

It was like, one of the jokes was like. He had the frosted tips as well. Did you get one that said, there ain't no black in the union jack? Any racist t-shirts you had, Lewis, nothing about it. No, no, no, no. I think, okay, the example I have is that one of them was a T-shirt that said, I surfed the 2006 Asian tsunami or something like that. Oh, my God.

And I don't know where I'd got them from. I don't know why you want that. You paid money for that. It might have been a gift. I don't, again, I don't think I would have bought it. But I think someone bought it for me as a gift, and I thought it was funny or like edgy. and I was edgy.

And I remember, like, I think I realized. Jesus Christ. I think I wore it a couple of times. And I don't think anyone noticed or said anything, because it wasn't like, it was one of these. Well, you weren't in the vicinity of any of the victims, I guess. If you went to Asia sport in that, in an area that got tsunami, maybe they'd be like, what the fuck, dude?

Like, you might as well walk around with a t-shirts saying, I flew business on, you know, one of the planes that crashed into the towers on 9-11 or something. Like, just a bit much in there. I had that to you. It's not the best. This one is from Ben. It's called Lewis's lack of memory. I feel like I'm dumping on you today and I'm not.

It's just that people want to talk to you. Well, you're just reading the emails. It's everyone else dumping on him. Right, but I did pick them. Right. True. So as an editor of the emails, you know, these ones just jumped out at me.

While listening to Triforce Mailbag number 67, the musical episode, you played two theme songs by someone called Ross. Lewis was in awe of the song Spectacular he said I would like to think so because the music that was used was the backing track on both songs

was clearly an 8-bit remix of Euphemia by Area 11 the Yogs cast outro song for over 10 years Yeah yeah yeah A classic Leone Yogs fan would recognize yet the man behind it all was oblivious

Makes me wonder if Lewis has ever actually watched a Yogs video Look I picked that song And put it on a lot of them I did a lot of the early stuff myself to watch the yorks video i haven't watched anything though that's the thing like i don't watch um the old stuff back i can't i find it very difficult to and see i mean pflax you finding a clip of me calling sips i will sound so different hi sips how's how's it going uh how come we haven't had sex yet

ask him ask him right i don't think it's weird at all it is pretty weird it's what you're my friend i'm morning you? No, but like, cuter again. You don't need to phone me. Do you regret giving me your number now? Yeah. How much?

A lot. Apologize and hang up. Apologize and hang up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm hanging up. There we are. I don't know.

My memory, and this is going to be a thing that we all experience on this podcast, is a lot worse than the viewer's memories are generally of the things we've said on the show, right? I think there's something about being on, being on camera that makes it happen. But I'm sure I would have told any story that I've told in this podcast 20 times to other people, to on other episodes. Like, I'm sure I told that Asian tsunami T-shirt story before something. I mean, it will be out there.

I just, I do, and I think it's only going to get worse, viewers, listeners. I just think we are going to get more and more. Every podcast is going to be the same. It's going to be like, oh, hey guys, did you hear about my, my, do I hear about that grandma that I helped in the road? And it's like, oh, no, tell us about that. You know, we're just going to over and over. It's already happening.

This is already happening all the time on this podcast. I'm frightened that I'm getting more forgetful. But I think when it comes to, also I worry that you could literally play me the same jingles that we've heard. And it wouldn't surprise me if I had a completely different reaction to them. If I was like, oh, I hate that. That's fine. I mean, yeah, but it's like, look, you can't, we've got a lot of stuff fitted in our brains already.

The thing is, I think people would assume it's me not being genuine, but actually it's just me just being human and not remembering. Or listen, the people that email in... I think I'm very inconsistent as well about what I like at any time. Listen, the people that email in have remembered that thing. That doesn't mean that they've remembered every other thing. They've remembered that one thing. And they've decided to email about it to appear to be clever clocks.

Don't you worry about you, Lulu. You do it. It's more, I guess, like, I just want people to know that I am not trying to be. I think again it's a big mood thing. Obviously, you know, if my dad's not very well in hospital, I'm going to be... Distracted. Very on edge about that as well. I'll be in a different mood.

Another day is, you know, when it's not so boiling hot and I've actually, I didn't sleep at all last night. It was 30 degrees in my room, in my bedroom. And I was like, I just, I gave up actually after a while and just sat outside for a few hours. But, man, it was kind of a bit. freaky sitting outside at like three in the morning. Yeah, it's just too hot. Kind of weird.

It's crazy hot. But it was fine. I was in like shorts of the T-shirt. It was still like 24 at like 3 a.m. Yeah. And it was like, I can't really think of the last time I've done anything like that. You know,

just so weird. I was kind of freaking out. You hear all these weird sounds at night, certainly in the country. Like there was like a sort of grunting. Yeah, that's the deer. The deer's make that noise.

And I was like, Was it a fucking deer? Because I was thought it was a fucking somebody sort of creature kind of come at me. It was. It's a deer. That's a creature. Well, I think it maybe had like, it wanted to come past or something. And I was obviously there.

And it didn't, just they walk around. Did you let fly, did you let loose an arrow from your quiver? I didn't see it. I think they see me and I can't see them. I haven't got my glasses. Do they have night vision deer? I don't know. Maybe they don't know.

Maybe it wasn't a deer. I thought they slept, anyway. Anyway, all right, this one, Sips, maybe you can help out with this one. I would love to help out. A few years ago, I had to remove a wasp nest from the garden. Only afterwards did it come to light that my wife had been watching its construction for several months. Fast forward a few years.

We get mice in the garage due to the fact my wife decided to re-home a brood of elderly rabbits. I was not allowed to do anything about the mice until the rabbits died, at which point quite a lot of damage had been done behind the scenes. We have since moved house, but it seems caring for a new property doesn't make a difference. I recently noticed some loose mortar had fallen from the roof. My wife advised me it was probably dislodged by the birds that have been building a nest behind the gutterine for the past month. I am a happily married man. I understand some things you must simply learn to live with when you love someone.

But having enjoyed your domestic discussions in the past, I was wondering, is there anything I could do to alter my wife's behaviour so that she puts the structural integrity of our home before the well-being of various pests? Thanks for your time, Richard O'Neill. Richard. I turn to Sips for a... advice for it. I don't know if you can. I think like some some people just, uh, just are so, uh, enthralled by the miracle of life and, uh, all of God's, uh, creatures big and small and

stuff like that, that, uh, you, you can't. You can't force them to, to care about, um, important things like structural integrity and, uh, and the, the science of engineering and the, the, the wonder of mathematics and, uh, and, and all of those things because they're too busy. watching bees or wasps or whatever all like you i think you just got to you got to you got to you got to take charge of the of the the engineering stuff if that's your thing and then you can just let your wife worry about like all like the the animals and stuff as well and then somewhere along the line you two will will join forces maybe you'll you'll join together like voltron and become this like all encompassing lover of science engineering and nature as well. You know what I mean?

Wise words. Wise words. I agree. I agree with Sips. I think that you love, you've clearly got a good good one. Yeah. She's she's loving. Yeah. She loves nature and all the little animals, the birds and the bees. Yeah. Flowers in the trees. And so she, um, she is clearly kindhearted and is, is just, Just innocently hoping that little birdies will get their little nest. And if you have to fix the gutter and nail it back on, who gives a shit? Dude, like, don't be a bitch about it. It'll happen. I'm taking her side, honestly, on this one.

Like, are you really that bad? Is they really doing that much damage? They can't do that much damage. I mean, they're not undermining the foundations. You know, you can put that gutter back on. Like, don't worry. Yeah. You know, you can get rid of that nest in winter when they're finished.

It'll be totally fine. These, wasps nest? Yeah. I get it, actually, with the waspest, you probably should have given you a heads up about that earlier. The wasmess is the one where I'm actually like, yeah, that's kind of like that way. The bunnies and the mice, I get it too. But like, and that's a real tough one to do because I don't want to kill little mice, but I also don't want them like in my house all the time.

And, yeah, I think both the guys are right. I think you're both right that this is perfect. First of all, yes, I think your wife sounds like a really sweet. person and I love that concern for nature and for animals. We've come and dumped all these buildings and now we have all this expectation that life that was living there or that would want to live there should just fuck off because it's our home. It's like, well, you've got to learn to live alongside all these things. Right? So I completely agree with that. She didn't want to, she didn't want to damage the property with the mice or, you know, or ruin the bird's chances

of making a family. Yeah. You know, so. We need animals. And then, We do need them, but at the same time, like, they don't need to be, like, in my house either. No, that's, I mean, but I get it. I mean, I shot that squirrel in the face point blank. You did. That's true. And then you put them in the bin. And then I'm happy with people keep in squirrels.

It's fine. But I think, actually, I, do you know what? If people have a cat, if people are cat owners, they should be legally obliged to allow birds to nest in their house because to make up the numbers. Yeah. Yeah. Of the babies that get eaten. because cats killed, well, not all cats, I'm sure, a lot of cats are hopeless and don't know what they're doing, but...

A good cat can kill tons of birds. The RSPB does not condemn cats. Really? The raw society for the protection of birds will not condemn cats. They're smart guys. They know that the fucking don't upset cat lovers because the fucking... Yeah, big cats. The big cats lobby will be after them immediately.

The quickest way to get cancelled is to fucking talk shit about cats, isn't it? No, no, no, but one of the... The RSPB insists that cats... are not the reason for the decline in the bird population. That it's not that. And I don't know if anybody watched Clarkson's Farm. Uh-huh. I haven't watched the new series, though, no.

It's very good. There's this one woman. I think she's called Hannah or Haley. I apologize. I forgot her name. She's a remarkable character. She's a absolute bird fanatic. Nose, loves birds absolutely brilliantly.

The biggest problem that I can see is the destruction of natural areas where birds like to live. developers covering hedges so birds can't live there so that way they can knock down the hedges by saying, oh, there's no birds there so we can knock it down. The destruction on farmland of fences and hedgerows and thickets where

birds would nest to make room to grow more potatoes or whatever. That is a huge factor in terms of bird deaths. Not so much cats. So if the RSPB is coming out and saying that, what are you going to say, well, they're wrong? The Royal Society for the protection of birds

is apparently doesn't want to tread on the The thing is they don't give a shit about all the other things like voles and all that other nature. There's a lot of things that cats also kill. I'm not even a fan of cats. I'm just saying if they are not complaining, why are we telling them they wrong? Each cat kills about 90 animals a year. So if you love animals, just think about how much your cat loves animals. I don't even like cats.

I don't even like cats. I don't even like cats, I don't even like cats. I'm really mediocre on cats. We're going to get cancelled. That's why the RSPB, that's smart. I'm sure you love your cat, but I mean, they're just, I don't know, I don't rate them. I think they're a bad pet. Anyway, this is from Joseph, who emails in.

I talked about mental health and therapy and stuff, and one of the things I said was the therapy wasn't helping my eldest because he felt like it was just bringing up stuff that he didn't want to have to talk about and it was making him sad to think about it. I got a lot of emails and a lot of comments saying how wrong I was. I should never talk about therapy again. I'm an idiot, fucking moron, Perian Flax, as usual. Right. This is from someone who is a social and personality psychologist specializing in emotion, emotion regulation, and other things.

You refer to it as suppression, but a lot of what you described is not just suppression and has been shown to be good for people. Here are some highlights. Dwelling, which I said was a bad thing. Dwelling is bad. In research, they call it rumination. Distraction is apparently a good. Change a strategy.

We've got to change a situation. Think about something else, distract yourself with other stuff. Understand you can't control the situation. You're just going to have to accept it and think about things in a different and better way. It's called cognitive reappraisal related to lots of good outcomes, including better physical health and stuff like that. So, yeah, there's all kinds of studies and everything that agree with me. If you disagree, that's fine. But apparently it's possible for me to be occasionally right about something.

We are not taught in school how to deal with grief or stress or tax or. a lot of things that are useful. Well, wait, is that school's job to teach you how to learn about grief? I think they could touch on it a little bit instead of just ignore it completely. You think your kids should go into school. Today we're talking about depression to like a class of first years. Well, no, not first years. It's got to be age appropriate.

You're not going to go to preschool and start teaching them like sex education either, are you? Isn't that something that parents can teach about? Like, why does a school have to teach you about something? something as serious as grief. Listen, I think school is something which we always consider in some way optional, right? But it's not. Everyone's forced to go to school. And each country is their own brainwashed, you know, in a certain way and learns how good their country is and how bad other ones are.

And they have to learn things like Shakespeare, you know, where if you're sad, you stab you someone or you kill yourself. Do you mean? Yeah. These are not necessarily... We are being taught about how to deal with it as well. That's another outlet. You're often told through the lens of fiction and things like this. I think that there are...

Obviously, I'm not... I think a lot of people need to teach themselves throughout life. The best gift you can give to yourself is to learn things and continue to be open to how to deal with things that will happen. you will have to deal with grief at some point in your life. And being blindsided by it is not good for anyone, right? I'm not saying you shouldn't feel emotional or try and, you know, your coping strategies, P-Flex, were things that were a bit weird, I must admit.

What was my coping strategy? Push it down. Ignore it, pretend. It doesn't happen. I don't think I even said that. I don't think I even said that. I can't remember what I said. The therapies are a waste of time.

What I said was that I let my emotions and my feelings and my things that have really hurt me rise to the top a lot. And I don't think it's especially healthy because I get really upset every single time. And my youngest is the same. Whereas I said that Mrs. Ev, if something annoyed her and bothers her and she's upset about it, she just literally disassociates from it says, I'm not going to think about it because I can't change it. So what's the point in dwelling on it? Or is that lad said, ruminating on it. And also, if you think about the way memory works,

when you have something that happened that's negative and you constantly think about it and think about it, you're not recreating it in your mind perfectly. You're remembering the very worst aspect of whatever that was that annoyed you, and that then becomes the predominant memory that you can't stop thinking about. So is it healthy for me to constantly think about negative shit?

Is that good for me? I don't think it is. And I don't think talking to someone multiple times a week about it as some form of therapy is actually going to help me. It might help you. Might help someone else? No, absolutely. I don't help me.

I fully disagree with this idea of bringing up, dredging up or trying to reframe things that have happened in the past as a way to blame your current state situation. You're right. Like the time is a healer and also reframing things in a way. Like you can't change what's happened. You know, you have to do everything that's happened to you has shaped who you are now. And I don't know, it's very, everyone is different. And this whole thing is incredibly complicated. emotionally charged. You know, if you've had some, if you're dealing with some sad event that's

happened, everything reminds you of that person or that, that animal for a while. And, and you are going to be in a, it's going to be hard. It's going to blindside you, right? And, and, yeah, there's, you have to learn yourself how you can deal with it and move on. And, and, and, and what might work for some person isn't going to work. We're all different. There's no catch-all solution to this stuff. Well, I've got a solution for you. I got a solution for you. You were talking about being caught out

as going to blindside you. What if you really, really needed the toilet and you're in public? How about the public toilet scheme? This is a long-time small penis have or emails in, says, I wanted to give my input in the public toilet scheme you talked about where restaurants, etc., advertise by putting a sticker in their windows

that says public toilet here. We've seen this, right? You guys see this. As someone who works for a city council, I can tell you, there is no direct financial incentive for businesses to take part. The incentive for businesses to participate in the scheme is purely the potential for converting toilet goers into paying customers.

Absolutely. I get that. When following up with businesses taking part in the scheme, they felt it was a positive conversion, so we're happy to be part of the scheme. On the subject of why councils closed public toilets? Because I think this is something that really annoyed a lot of people that all these toilets closed. It's simply a case of them costing far more than people might expect, and the facilities

being used by drug users and or being unsafe for people. Sure. When one of our city's last public toys were closed and the interior ripped out, it was found that the walls behind the cubicles had a cavity where drug users had created holes to post needles. When the walls were pulled down, literally thousands of used needles spilled out. Hope this shed some light and thanks for many years of entertainment, Cecilia, a tiny penis out. P.S. P.Flax, chill out. You are more and more coming across as a grumpy old cunt. Fuck you.

But thanks for the email. Fucking out. I am too. Do you know what? There is this weird thing. You notice this. You have to be quite self-analytical to notice this stuff. But I always noticed that I would refuse to pay like a pound or a euro to use a public toilet when I was on holiday in like Rome or in Grand Canary or something like this. And after a while, I was like, hang on a sec. This is actually a good thing. Right. I can pay a euro and I get like a nice clean toilet that's not full of other people. It's not like piss all over the floor. And it's like, it's conveniently located. And I was like, oh my God. And as soon as I flipped on my head that paying 70p or something for a public toilet was actually so cheap, it didn't fucking matter. Like, I wasn't upset about it as much anymore because I, you know, I felt like I shouldn't.

I felt really aggrieved. Like I shouldn't have to pay for public to it. But as I've gotten older and realized that, and I'm sure this is only going to get worse, I'm going to need. I'm going to need some public toilets in the future I'm just going to be shit myself I'm generally at this point I'm always thinking where's the loo I mean I just want to know where it is

I just want to know where it is I was talking I went to I think I think we had this exact conversation before in fact we did but went to a gig with my friends and we're all middle aged and we're like we'll stand at the back now because we know where the toilets are and after a couple of beers we're like I've got to go like now there's no it's just you know it's older

it's a similar thing though when you set off on a car journey you're like, am I going to need a shit in the next couple of hours? I hate that. I hate that. It's like, and you're like, you're like trying to like get into your, into your like measure. You're trying to put your, move your consciousness down to your bowels and be like, how, hmm, how do I feel down there? Do you mean? Yeah.

And then that sort of makes you think, oh, I need to eat more. Feeling heavy. Fucking porridge. Feeling heavy. You're like, yeah. Feeling. Yeah. And that leads you to.

I don't want to do stuff in the morning. It's almost like we're going to get up nice and early. I'm like, what kind of nice and They're like, well, we want to be out of the house by 8. I'm like, well, you better get me up at like before 7 because I've got to have time for the poop to be ready. And then I'm good. That gets the gets me going.

Yeah, I can't get up and straight into the car because otherwise I need to shit within like 10 minutes. Easily. All right, this is an email about Burger King testing. You know, this sucks. Yeah, it does. This is from February. I'm not even that old.

This is a slightly old story, but I only just saw the email. This is an AI system called BK Assist. that listens in on the employee headsets at Burger King employees and compiles a friendliness score based on whether the staff are being friendly enough to the customers. Fuck you, you fuck. You can probably just like, and well, fuck you today.

Fuck you very much. You could just do it like in a friendly tone and it would probably be like, wow, this person is so friendly. I wonder. Fuck you. Oh, fuck you and fuck your mother today. How are you? You could just weave in some like some some burns, you know.

Well, do you want to hear what Burger King says? Yeah, please. This is the most corporate bullshit, whank. We believe hospitality is fundamentally human. The role of this technology is to support our teams so they can stay present with guests. God. Fuck off. I'm so glad that Burger King has my best interests at heart.

Stay present with guests. They sound like they're pimps. I can always trust Burger King to take. care of me when the going gets tough, you know, when I need a friend, when I need a shoulder to cry on, Burger King is always there for me. I imagine that this entirely works based off only the exact words spoken, right? It doesn't record the tone of voice. It doesn't record like the physical movements and the smiles. And honestly, that is like 95% of friendliness. right like the actual words you're saying

are only a tiny tiny fraction you can be like hello you big asshole welcome Burger King how can I help you today you big fucking asshole piece of shit from hell that's what they're like anyway yeah you can't it's just all tone there's no way to fucking Burger King you a prick

yeah but see your tone is already a bit aggressive there yeah I was like maybe we could bring that tone up a bit. Remember, we need you to stay present with our guests. Hospitality is fundamentally human. Fuck off, you robot, cunt. Anyway, hello, American here. I just wanted to say that the listeners that skip or complain about the content of the podcast are pretentious fucks. Who are these people? The sport people. Who are these people whose time is so important they can't listen to a 20-second song, but feel free to waste an hour listening to the rambling.

of this podcast. It's a good point. We ramble for ages and no one's like, skip the bit where P-Flax rambles. It's skipped a 2852, but a one-minute jingle they want to skip. It is weird. Oh, can I say one of the worst things I've fun. I'm like, I'm concise to the point, interesting. I make good, good points. I'm quick with it. And so humble, so humble. And really humble, I'm just a humble ass motherfucker with the big ass dick. Well, here's the thing. So you, YouTube have added a feature called auto, um, fast forward or whatever, auto speed control. So normally, you know, you can watch things at like two times speed or whatever.

But what they do is they analyze, YouTube analyzes how people, how much people are skipping forward. And then they will increase or decrease the speed at which the video plays. So it's more like a Mr. Beast video, basically. I hate that. Isn't that awful? All of that. And so that is basically this, I've tried it out.

And it's kind of fascinating because it does, I mean, I've got a thing on my podcast app, which is, if it detects like two seconds of silence, it will cut that out. Do you see what I mean? So it speeds, and it says it says it, oh, we've saved you six hours of listening, where you were just listening to silence. We've cut out all the silence. But occasionally it does make a conversation weirdly stilted or stuff like this, right?

And you can change that setting to even less time, like only half a second of silence. or you can make it, like, go at 1.25 speed. So it's like not that much, not noticeably faster. But I know, and I feel like that's, it's a very slippery slope towards making every video, this TikTok-y, I haven't got any time. You know, I just want to digest the information immediately and lose all the soul of it. It's frightening, frightening stuff. But it might be useful on this podcast to cut through some of the, some of the dead air. No, there's none.

We make sure that we fill it all. The last email for this week is going to be one from Lillian who emails in about opera, which is something that I think I might have, Lillian emails in. I might have slacked it off more than when was messes. Lillian's around, is there? I know. We talked about Timothy Salome saying that he didn't like opera and I was like, I'm actually with him. I think it's wank.

Anyway, hearing opera and ballet described last week as terrible, wanky and drivel. Sorry about that, Lily. It was a bit eyebrow raising, though I'm certainly not spiraling. Still, I thought I'd offer my slightly more informed two-pence. Truthfully, neither you nor, and this is Lillian's term for Timothy Shalney, Timmy Sham-Sham-Sham are entirely wrong. Even I can acknowledge that parts of the industry feel inaccessible, overly self-serious, and allergic to putting audiences ahead of donors.

It's a big issue that wasn't truthfully addressed in all the up-praw. Many of us inside the industry are actively trying to change it all despite funding cuts and a genuine struggle to stay visible. But the idea that it's completely dying, irrelevant, or only for the extremely wealthy, isn't quite fair. In the UK alone, millions still go to the opera ballet and West End every year. The Nutcracker alone pulls in around $400 to $700 million globally each season. I fear that's not exactly niche or dying behavior.

Perian, we've butted heads over classical music before. I'm so sorry, Lillian. You're right. The tickets to the best opera houses can be horrifically expensive. But that's like judging all gaming events by the price of TI finals tickets. There's a whole world beneath that's far more financially viable and accessible. More importantly, there's so much being done to increase accessibility and interest, cheap tickets, free tickets in some houses, relaxed performance, outreach and schools to name a few.

So it's not all Don Perignon and rich old men. I come from a working family, state school, simply ended up here in a bit of a snowball effect. Opera and ballet aren't as closed off as they look from the outside, even if they sometimes do a terrible job of showing that. And then, and then offers tickets, comp tickets, to see a production. that they are performing in a July. Okay. I'm tempted to take you up on, Lily, and I might do that.

Look, in the same way that I don't particularly like Morris dancing, but other people might. I used to do Morris dancing. What is it? When I first moved to this country from America, I wanted to be more British. I wanted to reconnect with my ancestry. Morris dancing. The primary school did Morris dancing, and I was a Morris dancing. traditional English folk dance that combines rhythmic stepping and choreographed figures.

Nice. And you sort of back, you have a little wooden rod that you tap against the other person. Yes. You jig back and forth with your bells. I had the ensemble. I learned the dancers. I performed in the school in front of the parents. I was a Morris dancer.

I make no bones about it. Nice. So, I mean, look, I don't mind people who like ballet and I just, I don't think it's ever been something which anyone has said, oh, Lewis, you know, you'd love to go to the opera. Do I mean, you, or no one has said to me, oh, dude, I watched an amazing opera last night. Or I watched this amazing ballet. It's just, I don't, I don't, I just don't think it's for me. And it's not marketed at me. And it's not even considered as something. I might do it as like, in the same way that I would watch Morris dancing as a bit fun. And I don't mind the people doing it

for a bit fun. Keep some fit, you know. It's a classic. I'm not stopping anyone doing their traditions. I don't think ballet or opera or any of these things are going anywhere. But I'm not paying 250 quid to go to a ballet necessarily. No. Unless there's a reason for it. And it certainly doesn't feel like it was ever something that I don't even think there's an opera-based video game. I mean, there's 15,000 video games coming out every year.

Is there a single one to do with opera or ballet? They don't seem culturally relevant. is all I'm saying. It's not like new ones are being, it's not like the guys from South Park are writing an opera or ballet, and even that would help. I mean, it feels like anyone who's anyone these days is not writing operas or ballets.

I mean, is, am I mad? But I don't know. And so I don't, I'm not going to shit on anyone who likes it, but I guess like, I just need a bit of,

it's just, it's just something, it's just the thing that's in the world that I don't give a shit about. Just another thing in the world I'm not going to do. Yeah. That's all. If you're into it, it's fine. Like, if your parents are into it and you got into it and whatever, like, everybody likes

different stuff. Just enjoy what you like. And, and, you know, I think it's been around a long time. Pfax doesn't want to go to Australia. I don't go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

I'll email Lillian and I'll say, I'll go. I'll give it a fucking chance because I've only ever seen it on TV and stuff. Maybe being there and seeing it. And you might. catch that opera bug, you might be like, God, that was fucking amazing. You might go there and something will click and you'll be like, holy shit.

And then you'll be watching operas on YouTube and you'll be singing in operas and you'll be getting all fat like Pavarotti and then you're dead like Pavarotti as well. And then they'll die. And then there's someone to write an opera about you. Yeah. And then people will be writing in doing opera intros.

I'm there. I want to see it. I'll go. So you go, he's committing. Mailbag opera. jingles, please. Yeah, right. That's our, that's our mailbag for this week.

Do we want to give any shoutouts? You got a shout out, Lulu? Can any big ups or shoutouts? Any big ups or shoutouts? No, I don't want to check. Anyone, no. I've got a few people I would do an anti-shout for, but I've decided to do one. You can do one anti-shelts out.

No, I'm not going to shit talk anymore. It doesn't work. I don't have it. They know who they are. I want to do a shout out to the weather today, which is only 23 degrees. which is way better than 40 degrees yesterday. And I would like to do a big shout out to the weather and hope that the weather just behaves itself for the rest of the summer

because if I have to suffer through one more day of 40 degree weather, I'll just fucking die. That'll be me. I'm dead. It's too much. It's just way too hot. I want to give a shout out to Elle Fanning, who I think is the most beautiful woman in the world.

What? Other than Mrs. F. Right. Big fan of El Fanning. I just saw a picture of the other day. I was like, holy shit. I don't even know who that is. She's an actor.

She's an actor. Elle Fanning. She's come up straight away. She's an American actress. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. She's called El Fanning. Mary L. Fanning is an American actress.

She looks like a princess in a fantasy story. Like she's just she's just got a glow and she looks really sweet and lovely. Nice. Yeah, big fan. Big fan of El Fanning. A Butte. Right. That's the shout out.

Yeah. I don't know why I shout out of L Fanning. Literally, I was talking about her last night. We watched the football. and I said to Mrs. F., I said, you know, I saw the other day, El Fanning, she is gorgeous. I was like, oh, she is gorgeous. I was like, I'm going to give her a shout out on the podcast tomorrow. Shout out to El Fan.

I'm not going to. Fuck, I don't know. I just think you with the well done you. How do you feel about that? I appreciate it. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Well done you and listeners.

Yes. Well done. Thank you. God. I got really stroffy this podcast. You're fine. You've been stressed out. You've been stressed out.

You said your dad is stressing you out. It's hard. Don't worry. Well, look, next week, when we do a podcast. You'll have had a week to calm down and think about it. Let's have a catch up on the house and other things, and we'll resolve it all then. Just suppress it in the meantime, all right? Just sail in it.

Push it down. Yeah. All right, thank you so much. Keep the emails coming. Goodbye. Bye.