Triforce! - Triforce! #1: Sell Your Kids

Episode Date: March 23, 2016

Welcome to a brand new podcast with Lewis, Sips and Pyrion. In this episode we decide what to call the podcast and we discuss the best way to raise your kids.   Music Courtesy of Epidemic Sound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. Peloton has everything you need to help you get going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Maple syrup, we love you, but Canada is way more. It's poutine mixed with kimchi, maple syrup on Halo Halo, Montreal-style bagels eaten in brandon manitoba here we take the best from one side of the world and mix it with the other and you can shop that whole world right here in our aisles find it all here with more ways to save at real canadian superstore hey everyone welcome to a brand new podcast with me sips and and Pirion. It's really fun, I really like it, I hope you do too. This is a great place for it.

The old pod will still continue with me and Simon, as regularly as it always has. So yeah, I hope you guys enjoy. Hello everyone and welcome to a brand new podcast with me, Lewis, Sips, and Pyrrhin Flax. Ted, aka the old man. Okay, I'm the old man, alright, okay. I've got 12 more days of still being not 40. Once I hit 40, then I guess that's proper old man status right there. Miles, I didn't realize that you were that close to the big 4-0. That's crazy.

That's when they, yeah, that's it. 12 days time. I like how they call Dota players the old man when they're about 25. Yeah, it's depressing. It's depressing. So this is a new podcast. We haven't even got a name for it yet. I guess there'll be a name in the title, but we've got to decide now yeah the name is going to be all right because

me and period flax have been doing this thing where we cast scrub dota games right and it's currently called lewis and period cast scrub dota i thought it was a catchy title when i came up with it so i sent an email out to harry and everyone everyone around that I like in the office. So basically just like Harry. Just Harry. And we got a few suggestions back. You sent me an email yesterday with suggestions, P-Flex. Do you want to hear them?

Yeah, I mean, the one that was stuck out, right, was Dirtbox Dota. Yeah, I like that one. Now, I didn't like that because it sounds quite filthy. Now, I want... Dirtbox Dota. Yeah, I like that one. Now, I didn't like that because it sounds quite filthy. Now, I want... Dirtbox. Listen, I want to have this Dota series where, you know, it becomes like the biggest thing in the world. It won't, but okay.

But if it's called Dirtbox Dirt, that sounds, it sounds filthy immediately. The other idea you had was call it Filthy Casuals. Yeah. Okay. Which does work. But again, it's got that, it's got that word on it. It's that sort of dirty, filthy word. Are you saying that these titles I've suggested are too smutty?

Is that the problem? They're a little bit smutty. Yeah. I think they're too smutty. Let's run the alternatives by Sips and we'll see what he thinks. Here's the gist of it, right? People send us a replay of a Dota

game. Me and Lulu watch the replay and we cast the game as if we're like casters. These guys are so bad that we actually look good and have knowledge compared to these guys, okay? So this is like the lowest of the low. So here are the suggestions two two people who aren't very good at dota no i think people who are bad at dota even worse yeah i saw the tweet yesterday where you're like somebody said to you

do these guys have a high enough mmr to be taken seriously as commentators and or critics of gameplay i mean i guess it's a point but i mean if you're saying that these guys are so bad that they don't even buy boots and stuff then yeah i mean it's literally it's it's so far down the trench it's like i mean it's basically people with with like less than 100 games some of them genuinely so if you guys are like 1.5k mmr and you're commenting on people with 500 mmr that's probably okay, right? Well, yeah, but we're like three and a half, right? Which for these guys is unreachable. I would genuinely suggest that many of these players will never reach anything like three

to three and a half K, even with hard work. Pflex. We're very average players. The thing is, but that means you're bad, okay, in a way, in Dota. I've played 3,700 hours of Dota. How many have you got, Pflex? Just shy of 5,000, yeah. I mean, that is a lot of Dota. And we are commenting on these people's games who've played, maybe had 100 wins. Now, 100 wins is a lot of Dota, okay?

How many, 100 wins is 200 lot of dota okay how many that's 100 wins is 200 hours of dota probably yeah how many how many games do you play 200 hours of okay without being decent at them right i mean i've finished i i've got any internet at home okay i i had to because i've moved flat i've had to basically look at my steam library, see what was installed on my PC and just go with it. OK, so I've played Wolfenstein The New Order. It took me about four and a half hours to burn through that game. I just cruised through it four and a half hours. And I was like, I felt like I was the boss at the end of that game. A new player who spent 200 hours in Dota, we consider to be a complete fucking massive mega noob well it just shows the skill cap in dota 2 like they say that it's probably got the highest skill cap of any game out there right now

that's played competitively right so it just shows you guys have like 5 000 hours it's definitely i've got 828 hours of dota 2 and i suck balls. Like I can, I barely win games. Like I have to play really easy heroes in like really easy roles where I'm just like, I have my handheld or whatever. Like I can't play carry. I can't kill people as a carry. I mean, I can't do shit in that game.

It's all right. That's why I don't play it now. It's all right. I uninstalled it. I got mad and I uninstalled it. Yeah. So here are the suggestions. Here are the suggestions.

All right. So we need to work on these, obviously. Destination Trench. Destination Colon Trench. Yeah. Destination Colon Trench. I have a problem with any title of anything that has a colon in it. Yeah.

I like the destination, though. I like it. That's nice. Like destination, you know, the gutter. It's like we could call it Road to 1k mmr yeah but it's that road to stuff is it's all been done you see here the lewis and flax expedition which is like the lewis and clark expedition right and we're like i get it i thought we'd be like on a journey we're pioneering you know we're parting the long grass and to see the crazy people that live in 500 MMR bracket.

We're enslaving and seducing natives. You guys can like Attenborough that shit too. You can just be like, and here we see the 500 MMR player playing Dota 2 quietly alone. Exactly, exactly. He's crying. Like the thumbnail could be us with pith helmets on sort of looking through the grass and there's like you know don't are happening anyway rolling in the deep i that was just i just took that out there because i happened to be listening to that song so i thought

that would do rolling in the deep yeah okay it's like the deep trench right anyway dirt box dota which i thought was funny but apparently you know when this is on too smutty when this is on children's bbc or something it'll be considered too smutty when you know le when this is on... Too smutty. When this is on Children's BBC or something, it'll be considered too smutty. You know, Lewis thinks it's going to be made into some... There'll be a billboard in Times Square advertising our series and people will have a problem then with the name. Incompetent... I like it now.

Incompetent Bastards, which is like, instead of Inglourious Basterds, they're Incompetent Bastards. But I wasn't sure, because the thing is that Bastards is spelt with an E and that annoys me. So I had to correct the spelling to Bastards spelt with an a and i knew that people would have a lot of people get the reference that's there's that too yeah just they'll just constantly be correcting you say

you spelled bastards wrong but i kind of wanted something different from just the trench potato bracket all that stuff kind of we wanted something original so it's hard to come up with a name for it it is yeah that's it that's a tough actually. I mean, I tend to think that you guys have it already in what P-Flax has called it. The most basic descriptive title. Some Dota 2, yeah. It's very specific. It does what it says on the tin,

and that's important nowadays, right? There's no confusion there. It's not convoluted. Yeah. So, okay, apply that same logic to this podcast uh okay that be Lewis, Perion, Flax and Sips um do an introduction talk about the name of a podcast talk about some game stuff do some questions and then they're done the podcast episode the podcast yeah yeah what do you think about that

it's very specific that's what it says on the tin yeah I mean it's a lot of wording on the tin it's gotta be said but if you click that link

you know what you're getting and we're delivering exactly what we said with a Ron Seal of podcasts that's it exactly exactly you know what you're getting

yeah maybe we have to go with something like that the problem with that is that a lot of the times it'll just get cut off on people's feeds. So all they'll see is Lewis, Pyrrion Flax, and Sips, Dewar.

That would be it. You know, that would be literally all they would see. So we would have to call it that for short. You know, people, nicknames, okay? Everyone, you know, if someone you know is called Christopher, no one calls him Christopher except for his gran and possibly his mother or if you're a member of the mafia sometimes they will call you yeah that's true hey christopher christopher come here i need you to go down to new jersey and do something for me for some reason the mafia yeah yeah they'll only

shorten anthony to tony but everything else they will say in full for some reason well they'll extend it like paul becomes paulie hey paul yeah yeah that's it they'll make it even longer whereas most people want to shorten a name so you know just to sort of save time and effort and stuff like that the mafia have no problem making it even longer like you know they have to give them nicknames within their actual names like you could have like jimmy feloni and he says everything twice so they'll call him like jimmy two times feloni sort of thing and then and then they will fully call him that every time as well it's crazy get jimmy two times feloni we need him for this job that's right i don't get it it's crazy but i tell you i tell you

my theory about that right there are there are basically, in the Mafia world, there are like three names, right? They're either called Paul, or they're called Anthony, or they're called, well, that's it. Or Christopher, right? Paul, Anthony, Christopher, that's it. And it's all from the Sopranos, which is obviously... Right, so you've got to come up with a nickname, or it's like, go get Paul. Which Paul? You know, Paul. He's got a big head. You mean Big Head Paul it's like, go get Paul. Which Paul? You know, Paul.

He's got a big head. You mean Big Head Paulie? Yeah, go get Big Head Paulie. Simple, right? Because you've got to differentiate him from Skinny Paulie. Go get Skinny Paulie. Go get Eight Fingers Christopher. You know, Chrissy Eight Fingers.

You've got to differentiate between the multitude of Christophers, Pauls, and Antonys. For goodness sake. That's true, actually. It's because they pick these very sort of... Is it Christian or Catholic names? They're all Catholic. They're all Saint names, right? So like Saint Christopher and Saint Anthony and Saint Paulie. And all the girls are called Marie.

Yeah, yeah. So nicknames are this thing, right, where you never get to choose your own either, except when you're playing Dungeons & Dragons, which I think is one of the reasons people like to play online games and stuff like this. It's because they get to pick their own nickname. Because back at school, you never got to pick, right? You could come into school and say, right, you can call me, you say right you can call me you know you can call me um call me slayer and everybody calls you potato face yeah

and they're like no no we're just gonna keep calling you potato yeah that's the thing with nicknames you can't turn up and dictate what your nickname is gonna be it's a natural thing right people just start calling you something you know like they might call you butt breath or like you know even worse jizz breath or something like that it's usually to do with your surname right yeah so you would be chris the lover lovers yeah that's a good one right that's the one you'd want but actually yeah they'd give you something instead like like like uh loaf if i had my way i would want to be known as stone cold killer but i don't know maybe that's that's with an a on the end right yeah of course cold killer of course yeah yeah but you know like i said you can't pick your own nickname so that people just the s in stone would be a dollar sign yeah oh now you that's building to what you're talking maybe maybe that maybe we

can apply some of these to the name of our podcast well we could replace the stone cold podcast and the s in podcast is a dollar sign yeah that would be sweet man we could change the c to be like a cent sign as well you know like oh yeah dollars and cents yeah be sweet and the s in stone could also be a dollar sign whoa i don't know and the e in stone can be a euro symbol holy shit right yeah is there are there any l's in there i mean we could have a pound sign somewhere too yeah the l in cold could be a pound oh of course yeah there is an l in cold let me let me write this out on a piece of scrap paper and see how this looks. I'll report back to you guys. Let us know.

Dollar sign, T-O. The other names I was trying to chuck around for our game were to do with potato bracket. So I was thinking of like, first of all, I said, I was like MMR colon potato. Okay, so almost like, you know, you haven't even got a number for MMR. It's just the word potato because you're so bad at Dota, right?

But then I thought potato sounds a lot like Dota 2, right? So we could just call it Dotato. Dotato. I don't know. That's a bit of a mouthful, though. Yeah, I don't like it. I'm just going to say it. I don't like it.

What's wrong with Dotato? It sounds like Dota 2. It's like it. What's wrong with do-tato? It sounds like do-ta-too. It's not so much what's wrong with do-tato. There's just nothing right with do-tato. How about po-tator? Po-tator-too. Why does it have to be potato-themed, though? It has to be catchy.

I like the word potato. That's all. I think it's funny. I think the word potato is That's all. I think it's funny. I think the word potato is just inherently amusing. It makes me giggle. There's certain words like flange and wobbling. I like how you just came up with that straight away. Think of funny words. Flange.

Yeah, that's a good one. There's just certain words that just make you smile. Yeah. They conjure up nice things like bumblebee poontang and poontang is my word yeah so i've written out stone cold podcast in the in the way we described yeah and you know in fps games the way there's always a guy with x's at the start and finish of his name and lots of upper lowercase and characters that you need to hold down alt and use the keypad to get. It looks a bit wanky like that. But I quite like the name Stone Cold Podcast is good.

Stone Cold Podcast. I can live with that. I don't know if it's, is it taken already though? That's the other thing. There's a million podcasts, right? We don't want to- Does Stone Cold Steve Austin have a podcast

and he's going to be like, I've heard about these assholes in England. He's going to come down. I do not want to cross that, man. Yeah. All right. How about we go with the same idea as P-Flax is saying? So I saw some guy with some Arabic symbology, right, in his CSGO username.

Okay. And it was like a hyphen equals like a little curly bit. And it basically looked like a sniper rifle. Okay. So it's like a sniper rifle. Okay. So it's like a sniper rifle in ASCII. Yeah. How about we just have, we call it, we just, we don't, you know, it doesn't have a name. It's just called that.

What about like a word with an exclamation mark and then colon the podcast. So you have a word like potato exclamation mark, the podcast. The podcast. Yeah. I see. It's like a, it's like a it's like a broadway play yeah that's right rent yeah yeah exactly yeah guess what steve steve stone cold steve austin already has a podcast named stone cold podcast and uh we're like two years late on this lads all right we're way out of time he hosts the stone cold podcast live exclamation mark a no holds barred that's all with with hyphens in your face also hyphenated monthly interview series on the award-winning hyphenated wwe network it's kind of embarrassing it's like your dad having a podcast you know the same as you wanted to name it we are pretty well

you're not a dad but me and me and perflax are dads so you know we are here making a podcast as dads so maybe the prophecy has come to fruition now we're two dads two dads two dads two dads one guy one non-dad my two dads like that my two dads! Exclamation mark. The podcast. I like it. That's got legs. Yeah, I like that. Two dads.

What about this? Two dads. The podcast. Exclamation mark. And a non-dad. Period. The podcast. And a non-dad sad face.

Come on. The podcast. I think non-dad sad face. Come on. The podcast. I think my two dads works. But then one day, Lewis, you might become a dad. And then we can just change it to three dads, exclamation mark, the podcast. Hooray. Yeah. We'll have to rebrand.

We future-proofed the hell out of this thing. We are ready for the future. Definitely. I mean, we've got at least nine months, you know, that this is going to be called Two Dads For. At least nine months? What have you been up to? No internet at your new flat.

Does that mean that you've just been, like, out on the prowl, you know? On the prowl. You know, planting some seeds. Cooling up the cut-plotting. Oh, my God. Some future little Brindley prospects out there i'm making an army oh my god with all sorts of different ladies that's right i do think if you if you refer to unborn children as the brindley prospects that's i like that the brindley prospect maybe we can call the podcast that, The Brinley Prospect. Exclamation mark. The podcast.

That's good, The Brinley Prospect. I like that. I like that a lot, actually. It's got a lot of potential. It's got a lot of potential. So one of the things we did want to talk about this podcast was games at some point. Now, I thought we should move on to- Wait, we haven't figured out the title yet.

We were so close, too. We we should move on to wait we haven't figured out the title yet we were so close to we can't move on yet two dads my two dads the podcast i like it okay what's wrong with that look it up we're gonna go back see if it's already my two dads all right i mean you know i mean sips i i assume that it doesn't sound super cool i think we need to appeal to a cool young demographic i'm not sure hold on not sure let me pitch it to you right i don't know if sips remembers this show then if you remember this show lewis there was a show called my two dads right the sitcom like that's what it's referencing is the sitcom it does make you two sound like you're gay lovers as well so it might set the wrong message excuse me the two dads on my two dads were not gay lovers they were i think modern victims of circumstance lewis they were

it was the it was the nerdy office guy played by uh let me think was it paul what was his name paul right paul rubin god what was his bloody name the guy from mad about you paul reiser yeah yeah and then greg evergan i think was the other guy and basically and stacy keenan who basically disappeared i don't think anybody's heard of stacy keenan anymore but basically i can't remember the exact setup but the mother of the kid died so the two men who wanted to go out with her before she died decided to look after the kid so they kind of it was two dads but they were both playboys you know they were trying to be playboy lovers and have lots of girlfriends whilst also raising this girl. It was a great setup for a terrible show,

but that was the reference. My Two Dads was a reference to that. Wow. That's fun. My concern is there might be a fan podcast about the show My Two Dads, which only ran for like three seasons and wasn't really memorable. But it made an impact on you so how do we know that that hasn't sort of made impact on other people out there in you were thinking when i get to be a dad i'm gonna be dating i'm gonna be exactly like paul

riser from mad about you which he's better known for in his role mad about you and i'm gonna be that playboy dad book okay in the aliens movie stone cold killer is obviously sips right so which who are you what was your sort of desired dream nickname pflax as a kid you know did you want to have like because i was always i always wanted to be called psycho right that's my thing that's crazy i want to fuck that i wanted people to be scared of me yeah no i never went for Psycho. Man, they'll see you coming down like that dark alley. They're like, oh, shit, look who it is.

Just this fucking wiry little nerd walking down the alley, casting a shadow against the walls. Oh, no. Run, everybody. It's Psycho. And then you're like, hey, guys, how you doing? With the owl voice. Wow.

Oh, shit. Man, that's terrifying. When I started a job one time and everybody had like a nickname at the job. And they were like, what's your nickname? I was like, how do you mean? I said, you know, my name's Edward. People call me Ted. They were like, no, no, no.

You've got to have like a better nickname. We're not going to call you Ted. What's your nickname going to be? So I was like, well, my name's Edward. People call me Ted. They were like, no, no, no. You've got to have like a better nickname. We're not going to call you Ted. What's your nickname going to be? So I was like, well, how about T-Force? T-Force. So. Nice. Stone Cold Killer.

T-Force. I'm not kidding. The guys that I know from that job still call me T-Force to this day. Like they're completely. T-Force. Yeah, completely unironically. Because my name's Ted Forsythe. So it's like T-F like t four sides it's like the start of t four sides it sounds like a toothpaste yeah it's actually an action movie made in the 90s my friend and i have it on dvd

it's unbelievable it's either a toothpaste or an advertising gimmick of like three cartoon characters who sell you know pg tips or something uh that's what it would be and they'd be kids it's that time of day again that's right it's bedtime are you gonna be a man or a pussy brush your teeth with t-force there's a toothpaste tube with a little cape at the top of the stairs get on up here kids you got superpowers on your teeth forget about it paulie hey go get uh paulie t-force zapparelli would you man yeah t-force for sure like that's the best nickname holy shit there's a fine line with with nicknames though because sometimes they feel really forced you know like have you ever met a group of people who really force the nicknames big time and play up to them all the time?

But it's not, it feels forced and it's not very funny or cute or anything. Like, I've had that in the past at jobs. What like? I can't think of anything specific, but I just remember at times in various jobs working with people who were really into the job didn't really have much of a social life outside of the job so they sort of like used the job as their their social life too and they would really just like over egg it on like the like the familiarity the nicknames and stuff like that and i'd always leave at the end of the day thinking like fuck those nerds like i don't want to fucking over egg a

nickname and be all familiar with those guys at all and it just like left a sour taste in my mouth huh i think you're oh yeah well you shouldn't have been sucking their dicks then uh maybe i know i can't help myself sometimes so you know i just know so i think that's a common problem with work right like i always think family are your friends by default i.e your family regardless of what you do and what happens in your life you can always come back to your your family okay because they're always like and you always have to sort of stay on good terms with them like yeah we better just we better just go to that that thing and stay on good terms with your uncle because you never know you know family it's always useful to have a spare uncle

you know just in case you know i don't know what happens like zombie apocalypse maybe yeah go to your uncle's ranch it's always a safe thing family you can always trust family okay um but at work when you go to these jobs and sometimes you're stuck there for like seven or eight hours stay with these people you're just thrown together with yeah uh man like they're kind of sometimes those people you really just don't want to be friends with but they don't mind being friends with you or they quite want to be friends with you yeah it's like oh it's so awkward it can be yeah i mean but equally sometimes you you start a job somewhere and you hook up with a couple of people or or there's you know one or two people that you work with who are just really on your fucking level like they're just just, somehow it's just like the stars

and the moon have aligned or something. And all these people are like people that you should have just been friends with your whole life. Because like- It sucks when that happens. But you know what, Sips? It's the other way around for them. They think, oh God, this guy really wants to be friends with me.

Yeah, yeah. You just like, you try super hard. You're like, guys, oh fuck yeah. Another day at work. Oh shit. Yeah. Larry two times Maloney and shit. We just like, you try super hard. You're like, guys, oh, fuck, yeah, another day at work. Oh, shit, yeah, Larry two times Maloney. Yeah, fuck, we're like best friends. I never want to go home again.

Oh, I love you guys. And those guys are just like, oh, fuck, this guy's crazy. I have to go home. Of Sicily. Just like taking out targets. Yeah, yeah. Messing with the rifle. Siana family. That's a really negative thought.

The idea that the people that you think that you want to be friends with don't like you. You know what? I was watching a TED talk the other day by this woman called Brene Brown. A T-Force talk the other day. And she was talking about how

people set themselves up. They should. The T-Force talks. You know, catch right on. She was talking about how people set themselves up. They should rename that. They should. The T-Force talks, you know, catch right on. She was talking about how people set themselves up to be prepared for disappointment by immediately thinking, ah, it'll probably never happen, or to think of the worst thing that could happen.

So people are being nice to you, and your brain sets you up to protect you from future heartbreak by saying, ah, they probably don't even like me very much. That's a very negative thing to do. And what you have to do is be happy being vulnerable and just accept that. You're not really going to prepare for it.

Just because you've told yourself, ah, it'll probably be no good, when it actually turns out to be no good, it's not like you go, I knew it, and you're happy about that. You're still miserable, so enjoy it while you can. And don't focus on the negative and think, this will go bad. Listen up. I'm right lewis ted talks are fucking i used to think they were good okay and then i watched a couple that just was shit there was like this guy who was like what would it be like if you reply to all of your spam emails i did it for a year i spent a year of my life replying to spam emails And this is my journey

I'm really quirky and different Just come with me on my stupid Fucking journey And some other next guy comes to the stage And he's like do you know what it would be like If you woke up every day At like 4.30 in the morning That's what I did for a year

I got up at 4.30 in the morning This is my journey This is how it changed my life come with me I'm like stupid fucking really fucking tired all the time And I didn't really know what to do with myself when I woke up at 430 because it was dark and there was nothing to do It's like but I got so much done I got so much done in the mornings because the morning was so much longer When I woke up at 430 the mornings was so much longer you wouldn't believe they at 4.30, the mornings were so much longer. You wouldn't believe.

They were about two and a half hours longer. It was like, what are you fucking talking about? You're talking about TEDx. That's not TED. There's TEDx. That's different. They let anybody give a TEDx talk.

I could give a fucking TEDx talk, I bet. If I wrote to the TEDx people and said, I want to do a TEDx talk, they'd say, okay, we'll slot you in.

Like, anybody can do it. You don't have to be clever. The proper TED talks, those people like economists and scientists and researchers and shit. TEDx, geez, some guy walks in off the street. That's it. They'll give him a TEDx talk. It's completely different. Yeah, I want to give a TEDx talk about Paulie No-Nose, what a piece of shit he is. All right. All right.. Here's my fucking bitch. Alright, listen up. Here's a picture of Paulie no-nos. Let me tell you, this guy's got no-nos. That's why we call him Paulie

no-nos. He's a bum. He owes me 50 bucks. He keeps avoiding me. Hey, what are you going to do? Forget about it. I can't even punch him in the nose. He doesn't have a nose. Surely Paulie no-nos would have a fucking enormous nose. Wouldn't that be the point? No, they're not ironic people.

I don't think they're deeply ironic nicknames. No, they don't appreciate irony at all. We call him Billy the Hat because he doesn't wear a hat. It's like, what? It doesn't make no sense. When you call him Paulie No-Nose, he's got a huge nose. Someone's going to get shot over the confusion there because they're going to call him an idiot

for not getting the irony of the nickname and then guns are going to get drawn. There's going to be a beef and a sit- and you're going to need to you know someone's going to get whacked lewis yeah and then they'll be laughing because that's the shit that they find funny killing a guy is hilarious not so much well it's like gallows humor isn't it it's like the old tommy spirit of getting through it by just making a joke of it, you know? All right. Well, listen here, rewinding a little bit back to the TEDx talk about the 4am wake ups. A true story here. My best childhood friend, his dad used to go to bed at like five o'clock in the afternoon, early evening. He'd go to bed at five o'clock so that he could wake up at like

three, four in the morning. And the reason he did this, we at five o'clock so that he could wake up at like three four in the morning and the reason he did this we figured out later on is that he didn't really like having kids running around all over the place when he was trying to play military strategy games on the computer so what he would do is he would just skip it he'd just go to bed at like five everybody's still up and whatever and then the kids would go to bed and they'd be sleeping and while they're like sound asleep nobody's even considering even remotely waking up this dude would get up at like three four in the morning whole house to himself yeah just sit there fucking smoking a carton of cigarettes play some civilization before he went to work and stuff that sounds like the fucking dude had it

fucking i reckon he had he was so happy yeah he probably loved that like i think so yeah it's genius it's not that's terrible it's pretty bad it's it's it's it's enterprising but yeah i mean like it's basically just taking a shit on your family from a great height. Do you know what? I think a lot of people don't actually really want kids when they have them. That's not unusual to say. But I think we all kind of assume that everybody's going to love their kids and be happy. But for instance, we had some work done in the kitchen. We had a bunch of work done downstairs like last year, just in the middle of last year. And the builder said to me, do you know, Ted, what you might want to think about is having a partition wall put in that retracts it's like a sliding partition

wall in the middle of this room and i said why would i want that he said well once the kids get older you won't want to be sitting in the living room with them will you i was like what do you mean he goes well a lot of people have this nowadays what you do is you separate the living room up you have a telly in one bit telling the other bit you and the missus sit in one bit kids sit in the other i was like so what are you saying that when the kids get a little older i'm gonna literally separate them from my life by having a sliding wall after dinner right kids you get on your side of the wall and just close it up and they stay in their side and we store an answer what what's the point of having a family what do you why just fucking erect a tent in the back garden move them out so i just get them in the garden i mean like you know what you might want to do ted is build an extension yeah and the kids live in

that and you just poke food through a chute yeah wait what you might want to do ted is you know we can build a dungeon for you if you want to lock these little shits up. Just unbelievable. Full time. Yeah, that's crazy. But, I mean, at the same time, I mean, kind of tempted. It would be fucking sweet. If you could pass me that guy's contact details. Tell you what, I don't know if you're selling them. There's a good market for buying kids.

I know a guy who'll pick them up for you on the cheap. Ship them off in a shipping container to China. He won't ever see them again. Fucking who knows? What a lot of people are doing nowadays taking them off to slavery in china yeah oh man yeah no some people some people seem to like i don't know like you can tell that they've got kids themselves and they hate all children and they sort of try to impose their beliefs of hatred of child hatred onto you as well and you're like yeah that's true i don't fully hate my kids yet you know like they're still young

and stuff like we haven't gotten that point yet i'm not considering a partition or anything like that you know like everything's cool for now honestly whenever people say you know on reddit it's like reddit threads that say oh you know people on Reddit, it's like Reddit threads that say, oh, you know, people who've grown up and married and didn't have kids, how do you feel about it? Oh, man. They're always so fake happy. They're like, oh, yeah, we totally didn't need kids.

It was, our lives are so great now. We get to go on holiday and oh, it's wonderful. Just sitting in my living room, admiring the Christmas tree, hubby's still asleep. Coffee's brewing. The dog is licking my hand. Man, I'm so glad I didn't have kids. How do you know, though? I think that a lot of the time, I think it's in our genes probably to have kids.

I think you two are very pleased about it. And I think one of the things you said to me, P-Flex, was that if you could afford more, you would have more. And I think sometimes you see that. Like, people who seem to have more money seem to have more kids like i'm not kidding if if like we're like me and mrs f when we we've got i've got two girls and when when when uh like maybe a couple years later afterwards mrs f said do we do you want to have any more babies because i would i would be down for more babies if you wanted any. And I was like, well, I've got to look after them. And I kind of, having done what, six, nearly seven years, then they'll both be at school. Come September, they're both at school. So then between nine and

like three, I have some time to work and stuff like that. And I'm kind of enjoying what I'm doing. And now like a lot more than I was like six years ago, because it's getting's getting more fun I'm doing more stuff so if we had another kid I feel like that's setting me back another four and a half years you know that kid isn't going to start school for another four and a half years that's another four and a half years of doing the nappies doing the up at the three in the morning mrs f you know she she's destroyed like the breast the breastfeeding thing just destroyed it she's just like up all night she just looked like a haunted ghost she looked like a ghost that was itself haunted that's how pasty she looked she just like wiped out i thought do i really want to go through this again we've got to have the baby gate we've got to put all that up got to buy a push chair because we

got rid of the whole schmear and i was like jesus do i really want to do that again i was like no but if i but if i was if i was rich if i was rich i would i would i would do it like if because i just you know you could just have everything you wanted massive house nannies and shit it would be it would be great nannies and stuff would be useful right like i don't know they they sort of like i don't know like if you guys well you probably don't i mean lewis i don't't think you read women's magazines or whatever. He does, but not the kind we're talking about. No, but there's like a-

They got women in them. They got some, yeah. Some of them aren't really wearing clothes either. Which is, yeah. No, but a very common thing is- A lot of pictures of animals. A very common thing in some of these magazines is that they'll take somebody like um like um you know prince william yeah uh and his wife um and they'll say like oh you know she's had two kids and she's she's a mom she's super busy and stuff and like

yeah she probably is but like they have all the fucking resources and help in the world as well it's true yeah this is somebody who gives birth and then two hours later is in front of cameras like in full makeup and everything smiling and stuff um and you know they have nannies they have help they have money they have resources they have all this shit they still have like all these responsibilities and like a job to do and everything too and And your average mom does not live like that, right? True that. Like P-Flax was saying,

your average mom is like up in the middle of the night, just looks like a ghost, is tired. Like it's a full, full, full, full-time job. It's like the hardest fucking job in the whole world, like dealing with kids all the time. It's crazy. Right. But there's two factors associated with that, okay?

So, well, first of all, I think when people have kids, they don't know what to expect because the kid changes so much over the different ages. It's completely different to being a baby and a toddler and a little kid and a teenager and going off to school or whatever. Every aspect of that, you have to have the whole spectrum. You have to have this breadth of knowledge and expectation. And every year, I guess, is different. There's different noise. There's different times to wake up in the night.

There's different problems to encounter. You know, first of all, you're changing nappies and cleaning up poop from everywhere and vomit. The next year, you know, you're, like, trying to do their kid's maths homework and you don't know what the fuck because you can't remember it because, you know what I mean, it's ridiculous. And it's a breadth of craziness.

And so people don't know what to expect. But at the same time, time like if you've got kids and they're they're different ages it's it's it's a completely different kettle of fish as well you don't know there's a lot of variety there right yeah i've run out of my train of thought no no but you're right the fact is if you have help if you have resources if you have a system whereby you're not the sole sort of like doing everything uh and and it sort of rolling on and impacting other things like working and stuff like that um you know it's it's it is a tough decision because it's super full-on you know that's that's the other you can't you can't just enter into it lightly be like oh you

want to have another kid yeah sure because there's so much fucking shit surrounding it. You know, it's crazy. You have to decide how much work you are, like, okay, first of all, it's about your own satisfaction as well. Because if you, you know, you can say, and you and your wife can say, hey, look, shit, we did all this work. We stayed up all night. We didn't have any help. We didn't do it the easy way. You know, it's very satisfying for you.

It's very personally fulfilling for you saying, we completed this game legit okay we didn't cheat right we didn't spawn in a nanny and have him look after the babby for two years and then take over we played we were we iron man that shit we iron man yeah child the baby yeah exactly you didn't get any support and i think something i think a lot of people do and i think babies are different like i know for example some of the people in the office uh have had a much different experience to others you know terpsis baby's been very different to ben's baby and and i'm sure every every baby is different and you'll probably know this as well from having multiple babies they're both they both need different things and some of them are a real

handful and some of them are not and and that is difficult i think at the end of the day you have to kind of i don't know like back in the day right you these rich people would just send their kids away until they were like send send the children away to be looked after and bring them back once they can talk and i will be their father then and i will say hello son i am your father this daddy it's like yes welcome it's like almost like you you have children but you only see them four years later or something here like what the hell's going on they did they'd send their kids away to be educated so they'd like they'd say i think you're going to be a lawyer i want you to be a lawyer so you're going to go

work for so-and-so for like four years. I'll see you later. You're out of the house. Well, that's another thing though. That's the ultimate partition wall right there. You're literally removing them. And money does that, right? Like boarding school is definitely a thing.

You just send your fucking kids off and you don't see them for a couple of years pretty much while they're at boarding school. I just don't get it. I couldn't do that. Even if I had the money, I wouldn't do that. No, no, never i just don't get it even if i had the money i wouldn't do that i'd just be like i don't know like you want them to have opportunities and you want them to like excel and get ahead in life and stuff like that but at the same time you want to be there for it too like i think if i sent my kids to a boarding school i would relocate to live close to that school so that they could sort of come home in the evenings. Dig a tunnel under the school and then they sneak down.

Like an escape hatch. They get to stay. Hey, how's it going? Yeah. You having fun, Jimmy? You fucking creeper. What the hell are you doing? Well, I just want to make sure that Jimmy's having fun.

You're tunneling into a kid's school to like spy on them. Oh, come on. Come on. Oh, my God. Poor kid. That's so funny. Holy shit. But no, at a certain age, they don't want to see you, right?

And it'll get to the point where, you know, they'll be at school all day. They'll come in the evening. They'll go up to their room. They'll play video games, chat with their friends. They'll go out with their friends, go to the bar. They'll go to sleep. And you'll see them. Maybe you'll pass in the morning for breakfast.

I'm dreading it. Or eat dinner together in the evening. I'm dreading it. Or eat dinner together in the evening. I'm dreading it. But, you know, at that point, when you're having that little interaction anyway, how different is it to sending Harry Potter off to Hogwarts, you know, and just having him stay there and have a great time? People send their kids away to boarding school when they're, like, super young. Yeah.

Like, when I was 11 or 12, I'd still, like, even when I was maybe 13, 14, I'd still sit and watch telly with my mum. Like, we watched the whole of Twin Peaks, right? That was our thing. We'd watch, there was, like still sit and watch telly with my mum like we watched the whole of Twin Peaks right that was our thing we'd watch there was like a show before Twin Peaks and then we watched Twin Peaks and just hanging out with her and we talk and stuff like that and sometimes we just sit up talking so I always had a really good relationship with my mum we talked a lot like we still talk on the phone a lot and I've always felt like that it's not something that I like I never just were like got home from school slam the door and I'm in my room felt like that is not something that I like. I never just went like, got home from school, slam the door and I'm in my room.

Bang. Like that wasn't a thing that I did. And I really hope my kids don't do that. No, but it's a generational thing, though, right? Like, well, not so much. It's not strictly a generational thing. Like, it's not like a straight cut thing. Like, if you had a really good relationship with your mom, that's pretty cool.

But nowadays, like most parents are like massive man children right like we still all play video games we still all do shit that our kids are gonna eventually start doing as well so it's likely that we'll have better relationships with our kids because there's more common ground there but like when i was growing up and like certainly when my parents were growing up there was definitely like a partition wall between like adults and children right like it was like go outside go play outside go do this go do that or whatever you know like i've just come home from a factory job for like 10 hours i just want to like smoke a cigar and read the paper or whatever like yeah i don't know if that stuff like strictly happens so much nowadays like i think there's a

lot more common ground a lot more common interest there's like a lot of media that's like shared between adults and children and stuff. And I don't know if all of that was in place when we were necessarily younger, you know? I think, but I think they're always, you know, parents are always younger than they think they are.

They don't know really, none of them really know what they're doing. I don't know. I mean, to go back to sort of boarding school and stuff, I think that as parents, you want the best for your kids

and that's one of the sort of overriding things that you always feel a lot of pressure on and that's kind of why I feel sympathy for these people who are anti-vaxxers

and stuff like that because at the end of the day they're doing it unfortunately because they believe that it's best for their kids you know and that's part of

what drives them right they are good natured people in a sense that they want the best for the kids even though they're doing it're doing it they're just idiots yeah they're just they'd rather their kid was you know safe essentially rather than putting other people at risk because that's really where it comes from anti-vaxxers it's the people who have kids who

can't have the vaccines who suffer from the people who decide not to have the vaccines, right? Anyway, 80% of our parliament in the government is made up of people from private schools. So private schools still make up like this 10% or 5% of the kids that get educated, but they make up 80% of our elite. So if you want the best for your kids, send them off to fucking private school, send them to boarding school.

It's just apparently better so maybe maybe getting them out of your house Sips will make them more successful people they're successful Lewis but they're fucking arseholes like I don't want my kids to be successful arseholes I don't want to be like

well you're successful but you're a complete cunt what's the point in that? well it depends how you measure success isn't it? well apparently according to you it's being a massive cunt. That's what it is. What are you saying?

That everyone in our elite is a cunt? I'm saying name a politician, right, that went to private school and is coming from a wealthy background. You think really good guy, great statesman, has a lot of great ideas, really brilliant. How many of them are just politicians who just want to have a political career so they can walk into a high-end ceo job make a lot of knobby mates along the way and make a shitload of money and fuck everybody just send your kids to fucking you know shitty st fuck's local shithole then fine and they can you know hang out with like fucking louis the hat malone hey he's a good guy. Hey, Louis.

Hey, how you doing? I mean, we're looking for schools to send my son to pretty soon. And I really like the sound of this shitty McFuck's shithole. Have any contact details or anything? I've only played Devil's Advocate P-Flex. My role often is to try and just throw a can of argument. Is the headmaster, does he happen to be Clown Hitler? Because that would be perfect, actually. Clown hitler it's not the juggalo school oh my god juggalo still a thing is that still i'm just gonna google juggalos i'm gonna i want to see what they're up to i'm gonna

google juggalos listen before we get too off topic we have to think up a title for this podcast still. I'm quite happy calling it T-Force, exclamation mark, colon, the podcast. Okay. T-Force, exclamation mark, colon, the podcast. That doesn't make sense because I'm T-Force and it's not my podcast. You're always going to be in it, though. Okay. Listen, how about we modify it, right? Sips, you want to be like straight up G.

So maybe we can just call it G-Force. Hang on. That's a graphic. That's a can just call it G-Force. Hang on, that's a graphic card shit. That's a movie. Okay, back to T-Force. How about we gamify it? Okay, and we make it like Triforce because then that's all three of us, right? Tri, it's a triple person podcast.

It's game related. It could be called the Triforce podcast. It sounds gamey. And I'm of course trisexual as well. We do play a lot of games. Between us, we're trisexual from time to time. I like to fuck on a tricycle

if I can. Okay. Nice. Well, I think we are decided. We finally come around to a name. The Triforce! Exclamation mark. The podcast. The podcast. We will end here. Really? Thank We will end here. Really?

Thank you everyone for watching. Yeah, this has been a good first podcast. We don't want to go too quick. No, we're not ready. I had another really big topic. Save it for next week. Game stuff

and questions as well. I have some questions still. We're not done yet. We'll do that all next time, guys. We're not done. We're not done yet. Let's put it to a vote. How long is this podcast going to be?

It's been 45 minutes. Longer than 45 minutes. I thought we said an hour. Alright, fine. We're going to carry on. This is like that thing, right, where you walk off on stage, okay? And then everyone cheers like, woo! It's an encore. And then we come back on. It's an encore.

Alright, fuck. Sure. I've got two things. Can I just say? First of all, top on the subreddit for Juggalos is a thread that says, new mod up in this bitch, which I quite like the fact even the mods talk about stuff in that way on the Juggalo subreddit.

New mod up in this bitch, yeah. Got a new mod. I'm a Reddit moderator, motherfucker, yeah. Second of all, I was thinking today, right, this is a complete change of topic, nothing to do with games, so it's a perfect segue. The question is this. Imagine if there was no such thing as heterosexuality,

homosexuality, or anything in between. We just had sex whenever we wanted, with whoever we wanted, and there was no kind of decision-making or judgment about it. It was literally, do you fancy having sex? Just like saying, shall we get a pizza? Imagine if you got together with your mates for a game of Five Aside. You know, all married guys, you know, but not that that means anything

because when we all just have sex whenever we want, there's no need to worry about like partners or monogamy or anything like that. We just do whatever we want. Hey, let's go play Five Aside. Yeah, okay. That would last about five minutes before someone says, phew, I need need a shower shall we just have a massive orgy in the shower and everyone just goes yeah fuck it like that's it what are you talking about i'm saying i'm saying that if if there were no boundaries and no barriers to like when i meet up with my mates and play football

we go to the pub or whatever we're not there to have sex we're not there to have sex with each other no not at all but my point is in the back of your mind that actually you know i might want to have sex with frank and yeah you might be you might turn up and just say like wouldn't it be like hilarious if just frank just blew me i've had an idea frank after a tackle you know the way you have that nickname um frankie the the human sucking machine pirelli. The human Hoover. Yeah. The human vacuum cleaner.

I was trying to think of a machine that sucked and I couldn't think of anything. But then you had Hoover. Frank is terrible at football, but holy shit, can he suck a basketball through a garden hose? That's why we keep him on the team. That's the thing. I don't think we would have got anything done i think the fact that you can have groups of people that have no sexual interest in each other whatsoever meet up and actually

get shit done is the only reason shit gets done more so this is such a bizarre shower thought more so men you have to have there has to be some things in place to prevent men from having sex all the time because that's all they would do. Like, if given the chance, men would just be having sex with whatever, whenever, all the damn time. Yeah, all the time. It's like an impulse, right? Women, not so much. Women can, like, sort of take it or leave it, right?

They're just sort of like, yeah, whatever. You know, I just want to, like, go for a bike ride or whatever. Take a man for a bike ride. It doesn't rule our life. He's looking around for somewhere along the bike ride where you could stop and have some sex. He's, like, fucking the seats. And then he's, like, stopping and just fucking the bike. And, you know, you have to have rules and regulation.

That's why we have a society. Basically, we have a society with rules and bylaws and laws and stuff in place to prevent men from just having sex with whatever whenever all the time yeah yeah because our brains pretty much just say i constantly oh man sex now right now come on let's do it it's like you're cycling along you see a hot dog stand you just fucking need to have sex with that guy behind the hot dog stick your dick in the bun put some ketchup on it. Tempted. Hey, look, there's an oil tanker there in that industrial estate.

Oh, you know, Jeremy's over there fucking it right now. I'm going to impregnate the fuck out of that oil tanker. What is going on? What's going on? It's a recycling plant? Yeah, I'll fuck that. Whatever. Look at the fucking chimney on that power station.

Holy shit. That chimney can take a dick I'm telling you go Steve he's climbing up he's gonna fuck the power station power station Steve oh man how'd you get that nickname I fucked the power station oh well good one mate

high five power station Steve oh my god here goes power station oh well good one mate high five power station steve oh my god it goes power station oh get around good power where should we go on holiday this year steve somewhere like with a big power station i've got a list of mapped out of all the power stations i haven't fucked in the in the british isles and i'm gonna do them all like like the john o'grose to saint ives walk i'm gonna do that but fucking power stations along the way man that sounds like a really good group of nicknames for a bunch of guys at the office power station steve uh recycling plant barry yeah fucking hot dog stand jim oil tanker oliver but see but you see what i'm saying how little would have been done

and i wonder if when people talk about that tipping point, when we stopped being animals and started settling down and figuring things out, if what happened was we evolved the idea that you don't just fuck everything all the time and that there need to be rules. I wonder if that was it. I think so. Some chimp's brain twisted so that he was like, actually, I'm not going to have sex with Power Station or whatever. You know, bananas, whatever the monkey nicknames would be. The equivalent of a power station.

You know what? I'm not going to spend another day shoving bananas up my ass. I've done it for the last four years. Every day. I'm going to stop. And that is when mankind evolved. I'm going to see if Mammothfucker Mike and Sabretooth Simon... It's like a TED Talk.

Monkeys evolved in the jungle. For millions of years, they were shoving bananas up their asses every day. But then one day, some monkey changed. Five Banana Steve decided that no, there was no more room in his anus for a banana. Here we see a thousand fossilized skeletons of bananas, monkeys who have shoved bananas up their ass. As you can see, they have been preserved in their ritual. They've fallen into this swamp or mud pit or tar pit with a banana still firmly wedged in their asshole but not this monkey this monkey is doing some mathematics on a piece of stone and that ladies and gentlemen is that

that's the beginning right there listen guys this is like the perfect segue into gaming news all right this is this is what i like to call this segment of the show is what I like to fondly refer to as gaming news. So let's hear it. What have you guys been playing this week? Do you have any gaming news? Bearing in mind, we're like two dads and a soon to be dad, maybe, depending on whether he gets the internet at his flat or not, his new flat. We're kind of like behind the times on games, I would say. Like, we sort of stick to what we know.

Don't tend to really play stuff as it comes out, right? Do we agree on that? No, I don't agree on that at all. We're not like at the cutting edge of gaming, I wouldn't say. Like, I don't play stuff the day it comes out anymore. Do you not? I'm really jaded like i play this enough right i get them as quick as i can i'm like it says my feeling about gaming lately

is that there's so many games right now yeah that you see these little tiny communities um fill up around small sort of games and there's lots of people out there who play there's so many games right i mean even on the battle.net launcher now we've got hearthstone overwatch here is the storm you know world of warcraft starcraft 2 diablo there's a bunch of people playing all those and that's just a battle.net launcher that's not the 10 000 games on steam right but even little games on steam there are communities around you know and there's still people playing like the gary's mod there's people playing skyrim and modding it and civ and just cause and grand theft auto and fucking those those those puzzle games and the casual not even to mention like iphone games and like league of legends and

runescape fuck me there's so many games right and very few people tend to branch out into another game hardcore right they tend to just play four and game hardcore, right? They tend to just play four and a half hours of Wolfenstein and that's it. They like to pick up a game and throw it away again. So very few people kind of also people tend to stick to what they know too, right? They tend to stick to a game

that they know and love and come back to it year after year. So you know I think that we come back to Anno again and again and things like this. Open Transport, Tycoon Deluxe, every year we come back to it. I think it's going to get to a point, okay, where we have got enough games to fill out a year

and enough of a shitty memory, because we're all getting old, that we've forgotten about the last time we played it. And so it's like, it's almost like reading all the Agatha Christie novels and then forgetting them and then reading them again. It's like prating the Golden Gate Bridge, okay? So what I'm saying is it's going, it's almost like reading all the Agatha Christie novels and then forgetting them and then reading them again. It's like prating the Golden Gate Bridge, okay? So what I'm saying is it's going to get to a point where we've got enough games that we love that we'll never have to play a new game again because it will just go from Diablo patch to WoW patch to Hearthstone patch

to Overwatch patch to patch on Factorio to the new Civ V game to the new GTA. Do you know what I mean? It'll just constantly, we'll never be able to have breathing room between the best games that we all love and enjoy. That's what

my dream situation is. So basically, what I'm saying is they'll have enough really good content that you'll be able to be born, okay,

as a babby and you'll have like a cool film, like a new film, a new film that you've never seen before all the way through to the age at which like you're film, like a new film, a new film that you've never seen before, all the way through to the age at which like you're five. And then a new film that's appropriate for your age all the way up to your 10.

And then a new game all the way up to like through your whole life. And you'll never have to watch the same film twice. You'll never have to listen to the same song twice. You'll never have to play the same game twice. Everything will be like, this is where we're going towards. Okay. So, so many with the internet and so much variety and so many things being made you can watch something new and original brand new

for an entire lifespan what a beautiful idea that's a that's an interesting idea um i listened to a little bit of that and understood very little of it um sorry what i would like to say about game i honestly zoned out about two minutes Very little of it. Sorry. What I would like to say about game. I honestly zoned out about two minutes. Fuck you guys. I couldn't follow it. It was too esoteric. I just want to know what you've been playing recently. Like you said you played Wolfenstein.

What did you think? Like how many dicks out of 10 would you reward that game? I'd give it like a nine. I loved it. I really liked Wolfenstein. I never played it. Should I play it? Yeah, it's fucking brilliant. It's really good. Story is actually fucking fantastic.

Oh, okay, sweet. I'm going to get it then. Honestly, I was so pleasantly surprised that I played it through as fast as I could. I was addicted to it. It's great. It's really, really... In fact, I'm going to fucking reinstall it and play it in a minute. That's how fucking good it was.

This is crazy. I'm going to actually buy it today and play it. That sounds good. Do you know what it reminded me of? I'll tell you what it was reminding me of. It reminded me of Half-Life 3. At some point in that game, I thought, do you know what?

I don't need Half-Life 3. It's probably going to fucking suck. This is a better game. I don't know. It's got good level 3. It's probably going to fucking suck. This is a better game. I don't know. It's got good level design. It's good story. It's like future dystopia. Kind of it's fun.

It feels very similar in the mechanics. You come out onto this thing and you can see this giant bridge in front of you and you're like, okay, I need to go to here and here and here. When I played Half-Life 2, there was a, like, commentary, a developer's commentary thing where you could walk around the levels and they would talk about level design and all this shit. I liked all that.

I went through that. Wolfenstein took all of that and did it well. I mean, I don't think it's the best game I've ever played, but it's enough. It scratched that itch of a first-person shooter with a great story. I was blasting the hell out of people. It felt really satisfying.

I felt powerful. I enjoyed it. I'm glad to have finished it i'll put it down and never play it again but there is an expansion called the new order which i've bought on steam but i can't install it because i have no internet some games are good with that though right you know some games you finish it and you're like cool i'm done you know i enjoyed that it's really good experience i'm done it's like putting down a book Yeah. Not every game has to have a ton of replayability, I don't think. Yeah. Like, you know, you sit down. If a game, you know, 10, 15 hours and you're done, you know, that's pretty good.

Like, I'd pay £30 for that. The Old Blood is the DLC. Yeah, because I've got the new order. I'll have a look for this Old Blood. The Old Blood. Cool. Nice. Yeah, that's a really good game.

Well, I'm glad you told me that. Now I'm looking forward to that. I remember playing like the original Wolfenstein on my friend's dad's computer like back in the day. And we just thought it was like the greatest thing ever. Yeah. And pretty much. It was at the time. Wolfenstein just lied dormant.

But it actually was at the time amazing. It was. Yeah, I remember. It was so good. i remember voice acting and everything and it was crazy my liban that's what they show yeah yeah ever after you finally killed hitler that's what he would say there's a lot of references to the original so you'll see those but there's also this bit in where you can actually um play the original or at least the little level of the original so it's quite fun you like go to sleep upstairs and you have like a nightmare and it's

like the original 2d game cool it's a level it's pretty that's pretty sweet nice i found it's like the difficulty was fairly balanced i kind of i play it like quite recklessly and quite chaotically i like sometimes now i play games a bit more role play right I used to play games a bit hardcore a bit try hard um but now I tend to like play them on normal like normal or veteran difficulty okay like the default but I RP it up in that I like to just I think oh my god it's so cool having these double shotguns I'm just going to go through this bit with double shotguns that's how I'm going to roll right yeah I don't care if I don't do it perfectly but this is just how i feel i should be acting in this in this part of the game i think that's a natural way to play a game i mean that's pretty much how i play game

you know you just do what you feel like doing at the time you know you just roll with it doesn't have to be perfect for example though i think i was a guy who used to be a reloader right in xcom i used to be this guy who if someone died, I reloaded, okay? I totally have changed that. I have now, if a guy dies, I'm like, okay, I'm going to work that into my headspace in my story. I'm like, I'm sorry, Angela, or whatever.

You didn't make it. You know, don't worry, but you helped us get through this mission. We're going to do it without you. We're going to remember you. That headspace, I much prefer that and it makes a more fulfilling game experience it tells a better story doesn't it i think that's why more games these days are putting iron man and hard mode and hardcore versions in because they just

add this level of intensity and excitement that isn't there if you save every fucking five seconds i mean i was playing x-com 2 last night and i'm on my 12th iron man campaign and i still haven't finished the game because like i get to the point where like because i only play iron man i get to the point where i get to a mission kind of far into the game where like i either squad wipe or i lose somebody like really crucial to like my team composition or whatever and the rest of the game just like is fucking derailed and i have to restart but it's cool i like it so like last night i had i had this like sniper who'd been on like 30 missions he had like 75 kills or something like it was crazy like he was all like fucking um maxed

out like in terms of his abilities and stuff and i had the dark event where you have the faceless like extra faceless yeah in the missions so he had like a spider suit so he could grapple around and stuff and you know i always kept him back but we were on a mission where we had to go and um retrieve like an alien artifact from a box or whatever there's two turns left to do it so i had to bring him up okay so i brought him up grappled him up to like a freeway overpass thing he was behind a car he was in a really good spot you know he was like getting some snipes and everything and then a faceless popped up behind him because i'd forgotten to do the battle scan so the faceless walks over to him swipes blows up

the car so he's down to like three health or whatever. And then like, I think part of like the freeway collapsed or something and he fell down and died. Oh my God. And I was actually heartbroken. Like I'm sitting in my kitchen on my laptop with my face in both of my hands going, Tariq, how the fuck did that just happen? You're dead now you're on the memorial wall and i'm in a bit of a shitty spot because he was like my sort of long range sniper go-to guy we gotta get this kill and he was paired with a gunslinger because like the synergy there is like pretty good you know guns james t-force tarik oh man yeah so we lost t-force he didn't make it but

the show must go on right like you know everybody's gonna remember tarik but you know a new star will rise to take his place and you know we're rolling with it and it's fucking sweet and i think it's worth sharing this philosophy on gaming because you know i think that that moment will be so much more memorable for you than anything else that happened and it was so much more impactful you were invested and you can't just oh okay f5 f9 fucking oh well that didn't happen and it's so forgettable when you have that power listen so much so that i told the tale to my wife this morning she was just looking at me like i was fucking insane. I was like, I can't believe it.

Last night I lost Tariq. She's like, who? It's like Tariq, you know, like my all-star sniper. He died. She's like, how did that happen? So I told her the whole thing. She's like, geez, that game sounds really complicated. She's just nodding and like making a pancake in the kitchen.

She was just sort of drinking tea and half listening. The relationship I have with my wife and games is that she knows I play them, but she has no interest in them whatsoever. Like at all. Same. Which works, it's good. Which humours you, right? I'm fine with that.

If you talk about it like an excited teenager telling their, you know, mum about it. I tried telling her about it. We had that amazing comeback game against Mega Creeps. I tried telling her about it like an excited teenager telling their you know mom about it i tried telling her but we had that amazing comeback game against mega creep so i tried telling her about it she's just like i just don't care i don't care about your silly little games it doesn't okay she didn't say that yeah yeah yeah no she just nodded and said oh my wife is not into gaming either but she hears me talk about it so much that she has probably better general gaming knowledge than most so like she'll meet up with like her friends or whatever and like her friend might be like oh god my husband's playing this this fucking game all the time he's like oh what game is he

playing she'll be like oh you know like i think it's like world of warcraft or something oh yeah world of warcraft yeah my husband used to play that all the time yeah he loved it oh god he spent like like 200 years worth of time playing it and oh i couldn't even talk to him i'd have a conversation with the back of his head for like four years because he was just like so engrossed in that fucking video game stuff like she can actually have these sort of like mini game conversations with like other wives and moms but but think about this right like a support group like our wives can trump other wives in how sad their husbands are like they got the trump card like if if my if someone's complaining oh my husband's just got an xbox which i don't have an xbox so they'll be talking to my wife like the same conversation oh yeah well husband just got an xbox so they go spending time together in the evening my wife's like my husband has 5 000 hours in dover too

i know but it's like it's it's another 10 000 it's not so bad though right because like sometimes you're like oh yeah you know my my friend's husband um didn't spend time with him on sunday because he like went to watch the rugby uh at the pub or whatever and i'm always like oh god yeah he sounds like really shitty because you know on a sunday i'm always here maybe not so much in the evening because i'm playing x-com 2 and not talking to anybody but like during the day i'm here right so that's okay she's like um i guess so yeah i'm in the house or If someone broke in, I'm available. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a good hobby to have, though, right? It's like not too expensive. You know, you're in the house. You're not like always present, but you are sort of in the house and like available and stuff. You know, you're not away. You're not getting drunk. You're not like spending a lot of money. Try to defend yourself, you filthy game nerd addict

cheeto ridden neckbeard scum i've got a problem i need help oh man oh dear no the gaming life is the best though it's like so good so wolfenstein x-com 2 period i guess you've just been playing a lot of dota yeah i've been playing it i've actually been playing a hell of a lot of Dota. It's weird because towards the end of a patch's lifetime, I do eventually get sick of playing the game. And I mean, Lewis at the moment is going through a phase where he's not playing much because of his move. But I guarantee you that once he gets internet again,

he'll be like, I'm fucking back, baby. And even if he tells himself that he, I'm not so big on Dota at the moment. moment once he plays one game he'll be hooked again so i i took a slight break after the international last year where i was just so doted out and i was like oh my god i need a bit of a break and i maybe i played other things for like two or three weeks i was streaming a lot of blood a lot of blood bowl a lot of blood bowl and then i was like actually this game kind of relies on luck a lot i mean i love blood bowl and if you're like generally speaking i'm a decent blood bowl a lot of blood bowl and then i was like actually this game kind of relies on luck a lot i mean i love blood bowl and if you're like generally speaking i'm a decent blood bowl player

so if i play against another player even if they have a lot of luck i can still win because they make too many other mistakes right but in dota there's so little luck compared to blood bowl that i kind of like the fact that when i win i know it wasn't luck and when i lose i know i didn't just get stiffed by the dice like i fucked up and i kind of like it's that when I win, I know it wasn't luck. And when I lose, I know I didn't just get stiffed by the dice. Like I fucked up. And I kind of like, it's a very honest game. And that's why my dojo addiction will never die. Because it's one of those games where it's pure skill.

I mean, yes, you get some like, oh my God, that bash chance. Oh my God, he got that crit. But it's rare that the game is decided by one random moment. It's almost always decided by good play over the course of 45 minutes because it's such a long game. If the games were five minutes long,

then yeah, you could definitely have an argument for luck. But it's so much about 45 minutes to an hour of solid teamwork and gameplay that I think it balances out. Yeah.

I think that's the one thing that I... Well, it's not that I dislike about Dota. I respect the fact that they are know, they are intense games. You have to be there. You have to be concentrating, you know, like you have to contribute to your team. But I think like just the type of gamer I am, I can't commit to it.

And I find it hard to like have a long-term commitment to that where I have to have like 45 minutes to an hour of uninterrupted gameplay that i can't just be like because i'm pretty casual yeah yeah at heart you know like i like to just dick around in games like i enjoy like game mechanics i enjoy stories and stuff like that and i think that i get to a point in dota where it's just too much like it's just it feels like hard work after a while it is hard work i can't justify just like like completely shutting down for an hour at a time and doing nothing else sort of thing like even when i'm playing something like xcom or whatever like like i'll frequently just like you know tab out do something else for a little bit or like have a little chat with my wife or whatever you know and then come back to it sort of thing you know like yeah but yeah it's a commitment an hour uninterrupted is too much for me like i just can't

do it and it's not just an hour of playing the game it's an hour of like intense concentration talking and coordinating and your eyes are moving around your hands you know you're moving like crazy and it is like it is a really really intense game you're right like when i used to play world of warcraft, and I'd just be farming levels and doing requests or just farming creeps, I'd be watching a movie on the other monitor or just listening to music, just relaxing. But that's a different kind of gaming entirely.

I mean, I think, yeah. I think let's put a bookend on this podcast. I've really enjoyed it. I hope everyone listening has. Why do you keep trying to end the podcast? We're not done. Because I need to go and make a cup of tea. I don everyone listening has. Why do you keep trying to end the podcast? We're not done. Because I need to go and make a cup of tea. I don't want this podcast.

Sips, if we set a precedent that this podcast is going to be an hour and a half, everyone else is going to be expecting it for the rest of the time. Not necessarily. We've got to put a bookend on it. We have questions to answer, though. Do you want to do the questions quick and then we'll end? I'll tell you what, Lewis. If you want to go make a cup of tea, me and Sips can answer the questions

while you're making a cup of tea. Jesus! Go make a tea. Go make your cu and Sips can answer the questions while you're making a cup of tea. Jesus! Go make a tea. Go make your cuppa. We'll handle the questions. I can tell you're bored, Lewis. No. We can record.

You go make your tea while we speak to the questions. Yeah, we got questions. Go then. Let's do the questions. Sure. Okay. Are we done with games? We're not talking about games anymore?

No, we're done. Do we want to talk about The Division at all? Lewis's favourite subject. For fuck's sake. You've asked about 15 people, should I buy The Division? And everyone's giving you a different answer. I mean, my problem is I've watched videos of it

and it all looks the same, like hiding behind cars and a bus stop and shooting a guy like 100 times and eventually he falls over. And I'm just kind of like like do i want to do that for hours and hours and hours to get a slightly improved shotgun or a different backpack and i'm like man part of me feels like yeah and then the other part of me feels like nah it's not like for me sort of thing but there's there's certain like game mechanics that i think are in that game that appeal to me but i don't know if i want to like i don't i don't want

that game to just consume my life and it be the only thing i play for like a couple of weeks because yeah i get the impression that you need friends to play it with and we have none of those we have none of those yeah big trouble i have really terrible questions we've done video games so i want to i want to see what questions you got let's hear all right there's four quick questions okay the first one comes from a chap called alexander rutkowski and he asks out of the three of us who is the saltiest uh it's probably me right now but i'd say lewis generally is probably so it is me generally actually you pflex you could get a bit fake salty. I can. I'm generally just pretending to be salty, but I do occasionally get genuinely salty.

Occasionally. When I do get genuinely salty, it actually ruins my mood for the rest of the day, which is why when people think I'm being salty, the fact that I'm still okay to just carry on means I'm not salty. You don't really get salty you kind of go

from one extreme to the other so sips will skip salty and go straight to asshole desperation asshole yeah yeah i tend to do that yeah so like if if things are stacked against me big time it's either fine i just turn into like the i'm not playing this anymore asshole where i just don't even control my character anymore and just laugh at people and stuff yeah yeah you don't go salty you go troll mode you basically just ruin it for everyone else i have been known to get a little bit salty though like in playing dota is like dota is probably my saltiest like i can't really tell when you're being salty though that's the thing with you it's difficult to tell when you're actually mad because you sound so comical when you're salty it's kind of good it's kind of such a comical sort of it's like god damn it's like that and

then you don't know whether that's you being stupid or you actually being salty because it just sounds the same no i i guess when i'm when. When I'm really angry, I over-talk it. Like, I'll really try and make my point like I'm in a fucking courtroom or something, you know? Like, it's law and order. It's the final scene.

That's it. I'm, like, building a case. Objection. I'm calling witnesses and shit. It's ridiculous. That's how you know I'm salty when I start building a massive case

and I'm, like, really arguing the point and trying to, you know, that's the real salt right there. Well, this is perfect into the next question, because the next question comes from a chap or maybe a chap called Bolt Golt, who asks all three of us, why are we so bad at playing games? I mean, you could you could fabricate a case around that. I mean, there's probably a lot of good reasons why we're apparently bad at games. Personally, I don't think i'm actually bad

at games i think what you see from me is um gameplay with commentary and i think if you try to realistically sit down play a game for an hour and talk the entire time you're not going to play optimally you just can't you're not focused on the game you're trying to think of things to talk about at the same time i think you're making up excuses i think which takes away a lot of reasons no it's true why we are not necessarily good at games and it's because you sometimes we are good at games that we try and focus on but but yeah sometimes i don't know it's i don't think i excel at games but then again i don't think anyone really gives a fuck if you're good at games or not. I think only a very small percentage of people

who are very, very good at all games as well. Games are such an enormous spectrum. I think that if it's entertaining, who fucking cares if you're good or not? How many people do you see who are really amazingly good at a game and also funny and entertaining like that's that's a little bit like saying you know why are you bad at playing the piano because i haven't spent 10 000 hours playing the piano yeah but there's a difference in there i mean if i could play the piano but i just wasn't like a occasionally hit the wrong key or whatever that would be i'm still playing this question is

this question is innocent it doesn't actually mean it we're not probably bad at games any more than you are like i think yeah we're probably just average i think a lot of people are average i think even people when you see them like pro streamers playing a game that they are not a pro in yeah they're just average you know admiral bulldog plays fucking some star wars jedi knight or whatever he's just average he's not some sort of i don't know man i'm actually gonna i'm actually gonna disagree with you on that i've actually because i've played games like uh at an event and you'll play a game with pro gamers that they haven't played before and they figure out the game and and the quicker way quicker and their reactions and their mechanics with with any

control and everything is so good and they're they'll they'll spot things that you don't like their speed of thought that they've got to reacting to what's on the screen and their input and everything and you're what you're doing is you are a 40 year old man maybe that's hey maybe that's it not for 12 more days all right not for 12 more days i'm a 39 year old man yeah hashtag that lewis hashtag i don't mind not 40 i don't care about being 40 i mean what am i a footballer am i gonna have to retire no i don't give a shit what are people gonna stop watching oh it's 40 woof i'm out of here like you know who cares please don't please don't slow down a bit your apm might suffer though this is a thing i know guys in this office who seem

older than you people yeah it's true i am i am a real man child i mean i've got kids and i still just sit around playing games all day i mean it's just me too but that's good amen it's perfect yeah i think that's the thing we didn't mention was that i think being a dad gives you the ability to be a kid and play with lego and mccarno and shit that you really want to play with as a kid it's kind of it's kind of boring actually like you can't like really lego and stuff it's kind of boring it is a bit boring it's kind of fun though because it reminds you of't, like Lego and stuff, it's kind of boring. It is a bit boring. It's kind of fun, though, because it reminds you of being a kid again. That's like one fun thing about having kids, isn't it? You relive parts of your childhood through them again.

I hated being a kid, though. So it kind of, it wasn't, yeah, I hated it. I couldn't wait to grow up. I loved it. I wanted to stop being, I wanted to get out of school and just be free. That was it. The chains of education that I... You've been 40 since you were 11.

I want to go back to school every day, pretty much. I hated it so much. You liked school? I liked the social aspect of school. I didn't like having to sit in a classroom and, you know, be sort of taught stuff or whatever. But I liked going to a place that everybody else had to go to and just, like, horsing around at school and everybody else had to go to and just like horsing

around at school and like get into tensions and stuff like that it's pretty fun yeah i liked it hated it it wasn't too bad i mean it was it was bad at the time at the time it's like fuck i hate school i want to get out and stuff but honestly like well not now so much because i get to play video games for a living but if i had to work if it was a toss-up between working in some shitty office job or some shitty retail job or living my entire life in high school, I would totally go back to high school. That would be weird, though.

It would be weird. It would be pretty weird. It'd be like an Adam Sandler movie, but I'd be cool with that. It wouldn't be that weird. You could be a teacher. I think that's how it works. People are teachers. No could be a teacher. No. I think that's how it works. No. People are teachers.

Come on. Where's the... No, teachers, yeah. They just like go into the staff room and just like try to kill themselves every day. Yeah, pretty much. Drink like coffee that's got like a ton of whiskey in it and stuff. What else have you got?

Give us a question. I just wanted to say one more thing about this, being bad at games. A lot of the time as well, I mean, you can't judge somebody's ability to play a game based on the first time they've ever played that game. You know what I mean? Like, nobody sits down and plays a game for the first time and is actually good at it. Like, it doesn't really work that way.

And a lot of the time, like, if somebody posts a YouTube video or whatever, it's the first time they've played the game because they want that experience to be fresh and stuff. So you can't really judge. I'm just saying. It's not an excuse. Stop with stop with the it's just a fact yeah all right harry klein uh is the next person with the question who it's a little bit of a weird one what is your favorite game from the early 2000s if you can remember any games from the early 2000s there's a few i've thought about this because i sort of looked at the question some time ago uh i can tell you what mine is go ahead go ahead medal of honor medal of honor that's a good one actually i used to play that online when i got uh i've you know got one meg or whatever broadband when i first got broadband and i used to play that online i used to play it all the time

every night i absolutely loved that game and there were lots of mods and maps and stuff it was it was i was totally addicted to that game i loved it so much that was a good game man early 2000s for me would have been planetside i came out early 2000s that was pretty fun yeah i used to play that a lot planetside shit star wars galaxies i used to play the shit out of that game my friends used to play that as well they loved it it was fun it was fun up until they introduced like the sort of um it went through this sort of phase where it was a cool game because it wasn't sort of there were there were a lot of things in the game that just weren't thought out but they were just in

the game and people sort of worked around them and did stuff and it was cool and then they tried to make it into like a serious mmo because wow came out so all of a sudden you had all of these characters littered across all these different planets that had exclamation marks above their heads and there was quests and stuff yeah and it kind of wrecked the game in a weird way it gave this structure to a game that seemed to thrive on not having structure the structure was defined by the players uh and then when they tried to introduce this structure i think it just ruined the game i feel anyway and i stopped playing it at that point but then i moved on to playing wow uh which was weird because it was a very structured game but of course it was very popular it was a very structured game, but of course it was a very popular game.

I really enjoyed playing that. It was more of a community. I mean, I sort of think of this in terms of a time. I mean, what year did you go to university? I started university in 2002. I started in 2000. No, 1999 I started going to college. 1995 was when I started.

And I finished in 2002? Up until I went to university, I'd played PC games a lot, but I'd mainly evolved from a PC game into a console game, and I had a PlayStation in 1964, and I played Banjo-Kazooie and all that crap, and that was fucking fantastic games. And then, you know, Super Mario 64, all the golden age Ocarina of time you know the golden

age of nintendo games and then straight into morrowind was out in 2002 i remember that was the first thing i played when i went to university and then i went from that into dark edge of camelot which was a big mmo in star wars galaxies into world of warcraft and then into other mmos and then i kind of lost 10 years playing those games. I missed a lot of big games that came out between World of Warcraft. I did too, yeah. And quitting World of Warcraft. But, I mean, that was my...

Morrowind was a real big one for me in 2002, in the early 2000s. But, yeah, I mean, most of my formative games were before that. And I guess for you you guys it was as well it was the earliest stuff that was was were you a big um playstation or nintendo what was your sort of did you have either we had a very nintendo house up until playstation 2 came out and then it was like we had a 2 following. I think we had a Nintendo 64 and we played the shit out of that all the way up until PlayStation 2 came out. And then when PlayStation 2 came out, it was from there. It was just like PlayStations.

All the way. For me, the time when I really liked console games was when I had a Super Nintendo. Time when I really liked console games was when I had a Super Nintendo and I would play like Super Star Wars and Street Fighter and all the Mario games and stuff like that. And yeah, the Zelda games, they were so good. I mean, I was young. I was like really young. You know, I was like still at school, like 12, 13, 14, whatever. That was amazing.

And then I. Link to the Past was amazing. Remember that game? What platform was that on? The Zelda game that came out for the Super Nintendo and you could go like back in time to like this like evil sort of like alternate reality and stuff. It was fucking awesome. I still want to play these old Super Nintendo games

like Secret of Mana. Secret of Mana was high. Yeah, Link to the Past. I actually called the Nintendo hotline because I was stuck at one point. Super Nintendo games like Secret of Mana. Secret of Mana was just kind of an incredible trigger. Yeah, Link to the Past. I actually called the Nintendo hotline because I was stuck at one point. That was in the days. No fucking way. I called them up.

I called the Nintendo hotline as well. It was so good. I remember calling it for like certain games. Didn't you guys get Nintendo Power, like the magazine? I used to get that. Too expensive, dude. It used to have all the maps of like Final Fantasy dungeons and stuff. It was awesome.

Too expensive. There was a magazine called Superplay, which was a Super Nintendo magazine. Quite famous, actually, back in the day. It was kind of quite funny and quite adult as well. So it wasn't really a kid's magazine. Like PC Zone was like that. When there was a PC Zone and PC Gamer.

PC Gamer was the more straight-laced. PC Zone was like that. When there was a PC Zone and PC Gamer, PC Gamer was the more straight-laced. PC Zone was much funnier and had lots of jokes about bogeys and stuff like that, the kind of things that kids like. But for me, before I got into PC gaming, when PCs were still garbage, before the 386 and 486 and the Pentium and stuff actually started being able to do graphics,

it was the it was the Amiga it was the Amiga was the apps or the attack the or the Atari ST like they were the precursor to PC gaming because it wasn't a console it had a keyboard and then PC gamers you know once they came out with the idea of decent processors and and then eventually graphics cards then it sort of liberated PC gaming but the Amiga had been doing games that should have been on PC. If PCs had got their act together earlier, the Amiga was amazing. Amazing, some of the games on that. There is something to be said for playing games from your childhood,

and I recommend you guys do it and go as far back as you can and see if you can do it again. Because somehow it triggers these both feelings and memories in your head that you sort of or feelings weird emotions like that you associated at the time it's really weird it's like it's like going through the loft of of your house and finding stuff that you can't and it's like holy shit i remember this yeah and do you know i mean that there will be those holy shit moments when you play games from your childhood or or watched films from your childhood that you very very that you almost didn't expect

you remembered but for example like looking through an old amiga catalog of all the old games and then just catching a name saying hey hang on a minute was that oh my god battle toads or whatever jeremy yeah yeah um sometimes though you go back to those old games and you remember them a lot more fondly um there is that rose-tinted Spectacles nostalgia hit. Yeah, you're right. And it's like, wow, this is not as I remember. But sometimes it doesn't matter because it's already triggered that pathway to thinking,

okay, that's led me to this and now I'll play this and this is a good thing. Yeah, for sure. Me and Ben playing the old XCOM recently, we finished that on stream. Oh, yeah, the original XCOM. It's so rewarding to actually play it again and talk about it because it was really weird that I found in Ben I found someone who

had played the shit out of this game as well and so we had this shared like experience that we would neither of us realized and it was like and so I was saying things like oh my god what if you do this and he was like oh yeah no but if you do this then you could do this and I was like oh holy shit that's he knows stuff about this game he's he's telling me stuff it's like i found a kindred spirit yeah and then i wanted to marry maybe he's a soulmate you know maybe like beautiful that might be it maybe like the brindley um dynasty or whatever it is maybe it begins with ben who knows who knows um all right listen one more question and then we can we can wrap up okay i know okay lewis lewis we're holding lewis here against his will at this point but i mean

there's there's a format there's a format that was agreed upon going into this and then fucking early climax brinley decides that 45 minutes what did we agree upon how how long did we agree yeah we totally were an hour and a half yeah we're we're on an hour and a half now pretty much so yeah we're almost done don't worry all right the last question here is from sean matthews and he asks what books are you all reading at the moment and what is your favorite for me personally i'm not reading any books right now. My favorite book of all time, though, if you want to know, is Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut.

Nice. Good fucking God. All right, what have you got, P-Flex? I actually just finished the third book of the Red Rising trilogy. Hey, you listened to Sips' book, didn't you? Because it was fancy Kurt Vonnegut, right? Yeah. This is just, this is Pierce Brown's trilogy, the Red Rising trilogy.

Red Rising, Golden Sun, and Morning Star. And it's a sci-fi trilogy set in a future where society is run according to a very strict cast system. And you've got like the golds and the blues and the silvers and the pinks and the reds. I'm going to have to pick this up. Is it good? It is hands down one of the most fun books I've honestly ever read. And it's just ridiculous balls to the wall, over the top action. And it's just brilliant.

It continues to surprise you and stuff. Apparently they're going to make it into a movie, and he's making a future three books. Wait, what's this guy's name? Pierce Brown. Just look for Red Rising. Get all three books. The trilogy's complete.

I've been waiting for ages. Shout out to my friend Ken Hotbeard Chen for recommending it at TI ages ago. And it was brilliant. It's the most ridiculous action movie in a book and it's a trilogy and it's brilliant I loved it cool I have been

reading some stuff after finishing Game of Thrones right I went on a binge and went through a lot of kind of dark military fantasy okay I like historical what fiction as well one lewis yeah so you could fantasize about military fantasy yeah your brown shirt so there's a there's a series of books by a guy called glenn cook who

wrote uh black company it's about this elite mercenary unit who is kind of doesn't have a lot of morals and they will basically just be employed by anyone who pays them and they they have this long history they're like they're the last of the three companies of catavar and they go around the world uh working for various horrible people and doing lots of horrible stuff it's good it's like i like it wait what was that fucking Michael J. Fox movie where he goes to Vietnam and all that shit happens and he doesn't agree with it and he comes back and he's like jaded as fuck?

Is that what it's like, Lewis? No. The other one I've been going through, which I actually struggled with the last few books in the series, was Stephen Erickson's Malazan's Books of the Fallen. There's a really good one in the middle called

Chain of Dogs, I think it's called, or something like that, or House of Chains, and it's a sort of military fantasy set on these continents in the middle of nowhere, and it's mostly soldiers, but very occasionally there's some sort of wizard in there who has incredible or sort of weird powers um but i i like it i like it when i like it in fantasy when using powerful powers has a drawback okay so there's not some like harry potter

guy who can just summon a fireball you know when you do that it kind of maybe like every fireball you someone makes you older or something like that so you know you've got 25-year-old wizards who look like a really ancient old man, and in order to summon a fireball, it's really dark stuff. Like Warhammer 40K. Warhammer 40K is such a cool and cruel and dark world. The way it works is the Emperor, they have to sacrifice 10,000 psychas to him every day for him to live, and he's just basically

corpse in a chair ruling the empire like the mad max universe like really dark and fucking really twisted and shit yeah and everything's really grimy and they've forgotten how to use all the technology and so everything's all kind of just rusty and knackered and all the power armor is like hundreds and thousands of years old it's's all just... That's cool. They've basically been like on the verge of this empire collapsing for thousands of years. But they're just holding it together. And like, it's great. It's like the last days of Rome. There's a lot of historical cool stuff out there if you're interested in battles.

I love a good battle. I love a good siege. Yeah, yeah. With some guys in the siege. You don't know whether they're going to get through it or not. I like a good battle. I love a good siege. Yeah, yeah. With some guys in the siege. You don't know if they're going to get through it or not. I like a good battle too. I watched like the most recent series of Game of Thrones. I was like really late watching it.

And there was that fucking, you know, when they go to rescue the people to the north from that big town. That's a good battle. Holy shit, that was a good battle. I was like fucking edge of my seat the whole time. I couldn't believe it. I loved it. Yeah. I love a battle. Love a good battle holy shit that was a good battle i was like fucking edge of my seat the whole time i couldn't believe it i loved it yeah i love a battle love a good battle that's one of the things that george rr martin tries to shy away from though i know certainly like in the earlier books he sort of you see you hear about the battle you know the battles are happening yeah but usually you're

watching someone else while that happens so he doesn't have to he likes all the fucking political wheeling and dealing and behind the scenes sort of shit he likes and he doesn't shy away like how's the cards a bit uh doing like sam's thick pink shaft or whatever you know he loves to think about sam's fucking wily coyote in his pants yeah maybe that's maybe he shies away from battles because there's very few tits out in a battle. That's true. People usually cover up their tits in a battle. That's true.

That's a good point. All right, well, Lewis, the moment that you've been waiting for for so long now, you ready? Yeah. You can do your outro now. Yay!

Right. Well, listen up. Thank you, S Sips and thank you Pyrrion this has been the first of the Triforce podcast and we will be back hopefully next week with another one

definitely next week if you guys like it let us know send us your questions and messages let us know what you want us to talk about and tweet them at us or send them in, we haven't got an email address I don't know how they can send them in I don't care

follow us on Twitter at Sips underscore at Yogscast Lewis and at Pyrion Flanks on Twitter well thank you for joining us peace out peace and love see you next time, bye goodbye Twitter. Yeah, on Twitter. Well, thank you for joining us. Thank you. Peace out. So much.

Peace out. Peace and love. See you next time. Bye. Goodbye. See you later. Goodbye.