Triforce! - Triforce! #10: Comments and Corn Syrup [Team DD Archive]

Episode Date: May 25, 2016

Lewis is still in America so we couldn't record this week, so here's another helping of Team Double Dragon highlights. Enjoy!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. This is going to be another week of archive footage from me and Sips' old Team Double Dragon. I can hear your sighs of exasperation. I know you're looking forward to some new PFLAX, Sips, Lewis content, but I'm in America again. So next week should be back business as normal. In the meantime, I hope you're enjoying listening through all of the old waffly uh worst bits of team double dragon uh we've got another hour of that coming up so settle in i hope you

enjoy hey everybody welcome back um i can't see my keyboard and I can't type properly. So what's up, man? How's it going? Why can't you see? Because I'm dumb, okay? I'm a really, really dumb guy. Are you blind? Did something happen? Yes. I went off, I got conscripted, I went off to fight in Vietnam, and I was out on a patrol in the jungle, and one thing led to another, and now I have an eye patch. And it really affects my hand-eye coordination in a big way,

so I can't type properly. So are you going to get that looked at? No, I'm too lazy and traumatized to um to get it looked at so do you have i would just go on the internet and complain about it to you mostly do you have do you ever look at your keyboard though not really all by is it all by sense and feel now um i mean sometimes i look at my keyboard if i have to you know do like a really tricky tricky keyboard maneuver sort of thing like use a tilde or maybe like a dash or something that i'm not always used to using sometimes i have to do that but otherwise no i don't really look at it at all what about you

well i sorry i'm drinking a bit tea here just in case there's any slurping but um i know just a couple of people around the office were pecking away at the keyboard kind of like doing that thing where they look at the keyboard um yeah rather than look at the um screen because i never look at this that i never ever look at the the keyboard ever i obviously have spent too long. I do it entirely by feel. I spell a lot of stuff wrong. But often I just leave it or like fix it by backspacing, etc. But even then I don't look down.

Do you backspace a lot? Like will you delete the whole word and then just retype it? Or do you just backspace what you need are you an efficient backspacer or are you a non-efficient back i always thought i was pretty inefficient i always thought i was pretty bad but then i was like hanging around in the office just watching some people over the shoulder and i noticed quite how bad they were at um i'm not gonna name names oh you know go ahead come on come on name some names at... I'm not going to name names.

No, go ahead. Come on. Come on, name some names, please. No, I'm not going to name any names. Come on, dish out the dirt. Because they'll be embarrassed. No, I'm not dishing no dirt. They'll never watch this.

They'll never even know. Come on. No, they'll hear about it. All the people will post on Reddit and they'll start... Like who? This rumor's going to start. Lewis is going to...

And the thing is, those people, they don't know who who they are uh anyway after i said this they will yeah they'll know who they are all right yeah let's agree to disagree because i don't think that they would ever know but still what did you learn to touch type as a kid um the quick i i learned the quick brown fox jumps over the fence typing. Remember that one? So that's where you have to press everything you can.

You had to type that out a million times until you sort of got good at typing. That's how I learned. That's how they did it back in the 80s. Until you got good at typing. Yeah, you had to do it. You had to like up your keystrokes per minute. That was like the thing. So like if you could type that sentence out super duper fast, you were like a proficient typist. And then when you went for your guidance counseling, which was like a career advice and stuff like that, they would often turn around and be like, yeah, okay, well, you're going to be a secretary, even if that's not what you wanted to be, because apparently they're the only people in the whole world

who do any typing whatsoever. That's right. If you could type quickly, they were like, oh, my God, you're a secretary now. It was embarrassing, to say the least, that that was what people assumed. I guess that is a nice qualification, but I think that often typing quickly is

countered by um what you actually type and a lot of people can't even string a sentence together you know to actually it's no good if you can't you know if it's no good if if you can't actually make a coherent phrase or you know make people understand what you're trying to say yeah you could type if you could type the quick brown fox over and over again that's whoop-de-fucking-do you could type the quick brown fox when jumped over the lazy dog like yeah you say that but what if i was in a situation where i had to file a police report very quickly where actually a quick brown fox was involved last seen jumping over a fence and it was critical to the defense or the prosecution's um ability to charge the quick brown fox with a crime or defend him from one well precisely i think that those kind of occasions i

think you've discounted that i think you're i perfect man for the job. I think you're very dismissive. I think you're very dismissive of the facts. Okay. I think you just jump to conclusions. And that's why I've invented a new kid's toy, which is a mat. And it's called to a jump to conclusions map. And you have to literally hopscotch your way to conclusions i think that the old classic thing it's a horrible thing to say but if you can't do then teach right so if you can't yeah if you if you don't think you're good enough to actually do anything like math or science or whatever then then teach instead now that's i think that's a bad precedent okay i think that sets a bad

example i think that the people who i think i think unfortunately teachers are very undervalued our society and i think that um yeah teachers are not paid very well uh and it's sad to think that the people who are not very good other people were teaching our next generation you know i think that's sad yeah um so yeah i think sometimes sometimes i think you can find these teachers who are who are who have failed in life okay and have ended up in teaching because they couldn't do couldn't get any other job right and um as a result they are trying to like pawn off their work on students almost a little bit like a little bit like the student is

a captive but all the students are a captive audience for their crappy whatever it is right yeah i get the i got the feeling that feeling as well at school sometimes you know i'm not saying all of them i think some some i've got some friends who are teachers they are fucking amazing and honestly yeah you know what good for good for them choosing to be teachers i would not want to be a teacher in this day and age. No, me neither. When every kid has a phone to film you and put you on the internet, you know. Oh, yeah.

How embarrassing would that be? Hey, look, he didn't comb his mustache today. It goes viral. And then all of a sudden you can never get a date. Like, fuck. Mr. Brindley mustache viral. Mr. Brindley forgot to do his pants up and had his dick out all day gone viral i mean at least i can edit that stuff out you know um on my videos because you know i

do my my own youtube channel i i'm notorious i look like a god on my own youtube channel because i can edit all that stuff out but you know you know, I have no control over, like, another kid's YouTube channel. Well, that's the thing. Like, there was that Scottish MP, wasn't there? So one of the Scottish MPs was elected recently, and she was quite young. I think she's in government at the moment, but she's quite young. And so she had a Twitter profile for the last couple of years. And, you know obviously i'm

being only young like 20 or something now or maybe maybe in her 20s some of her tweets were up there were kind of a bit inappropriate like you know her drunkenly drunken night out tweets and things like this and so i think i worry in a way that um i don't worry necessarily but yeah I guess I do that a lot of young people put stuff on social media or the internet for no reason okay I think that when you do stuff

you often need to do it with something in mind okay i.e. what is the value of what you're getting back from putting something out on the internet

okay yeah like if you have a twitter feed where you just tweet out you know pictures of your or instagram where you just tweet out pictures of your lunch or whatever yeah well what i do is i put my bathing suit on stand in front of a mirror and take pictures of myself mostly right why do you do that just because i think it's interesting i think it makes me look interesting i would like to see other people doing it as well so like i'm trying to so it's like i'll show you mine and you show me yours kind of thing yeah so you're doing it to kind of get reciprocal

you're trying to encourage other people to do it trying to create a scene of people who like to show themselves in their bathing suits. Yeah. But like the thing is, I'm lazy, so I don't always post pics of myself. But trust me, I'm looking at all of them. What do you think about privacy, Snowden, security? What do you think about the fact that basically everything that you look at on the internet goes through a CIAia uh tracking base right and gets stored in a massive data center in the middle of the desert like a hundred million quadrillion terabyte terabillion

bytes right yeah and of everything you've ever done on the internet it'll get stored on a server all my videos and everything everything you do Yeah, every website you look at, every email you send, everything you do on the internet all gets stored in a big database, and they can track that and link that to you. And, you know, any time they want, okay, they can basically say, right, they can type in your name into the database. These are the sites you visited. This is when you did them. These are the search things you typed to google you know like baby formula um nappies like all the stuff you

type in like on a daily basis everything yeah yeah yeah and then well what do you think about that i i don't think much about it i mean i do have one thing to say about that. And that's that I never actually wore the rubber underpants. Okay. I just bought them for research purposes. And I threw them away pretty much instantly. Right. But you know what I mean? I don't know if I care about that.

I know people get really sort of uptight about that invasion of privacy and they're watching everything you do and stuff like that and the thing is yeah there's there's records of all that kind of stuff all the stuff that you look at all the stuff that you do i mean think about your average person what are they doing on the internet what are they looking at probably a bunch of dumb shit probably a bunch of gross shit as well like you just don't really think about it until it's presented to you sort of thing, right? Like, you know, like if somebody was trying to make a case against somebody for being like a wild fucking pervert or something like that. But I think it's good in the sense that if people are really fucking deranged and they're trying to figure out ways to like kill thousands of people at once and stuff like that. And they have some way of identifying these people and then stopping them.

I think that's a pretty good thing. I don't think it's too bad. I mean, I don't agree with it, but I'm glad in a way that it happens, if you know what I mean. You know what I mean? I don't want them to do it to me, but I'm glad that they do it to other people, if I'm brutally honest. Well, I think it's kind of a, it's like the nothing to hide argument, isn't it, really?

It's like, well, look, if you've got nothing to hide, then you've got nothing to fear. The whole thing about, you know, if you're a good guy it doesn't matter but yeah i didn't really want my wife to know about my vast had a really good thing to say about but it just don't add a really good thing to say about this he said arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy because you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say

okay oh yeah i think a lot of change a lot of social change a lot of major change in our country has happened through people breaking the law and through fringe and through people on the edges really getting out there and you know we talked about this earlier in this same episode but you know 20 years ago the treatment of of gay people was very very different to how it is now yeah it was it was it was a lot less accepted so you can't say that we have the perfect society right we don't and we never will but the thing is you have to remember as well that a lot of this stuff is in context, right? Like, I mean, arguably 20, 30 years ago, I would say that religion sort of being intertwined with state was a lot that there's been a lot of movement against that over the past like 10, 20 years where it's like, you know, separate church from state, you know, don't make decisions based on religion or whatever. We have a society and a government.

We need to make these. was sort of uh said about um people who are gay and stuff like that a long time ago was um was off the back of religion as well because i i think still now i don't think i don't think religion accepts it at all but i think now society and certainly government has accepted it a lot more you know because there's there's a lot more rights isn't there like i mean um two men can get married now legally in a lot of places whereas that never happened like 20 30 years ago and in fact that would be outrageous 20 or 30 years ago i think yeah so this guy said um bruce schneier said if if one could give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man i would find something in them to have him hanged

so you know that's true too the fact that you you know, if you couldn't see exact, you know, if you were running for prime minister, that rubber set of pants, you know, would be on the front page of the newspaper and they'd call you, you know, rubber pants guy forevermore. Yeah. You know, that ill-conceived thing you did when you were young will be held against you for the rest of your life kind of thing but it'll never be as bad as it was for people

20 years ago or whatever because the because the way that society works and the way that it has worked is um you know people become a lot more lax with things and become a lot more liberal about things right like you they just things are just become more acceptable certain things obviously not everything but certain things become a lot more acceptable over time and stuff like that and people in the future who are going to become politicians won't be judged on the same things that um their predecessors were like at all you know what i mean like yeah maybe like when reagan was running for president and somebody found out that he had like an, like, you know, uh, uh,

an affair with like his, a maid or something like that. Maybe 30 years ago that I've been like, Oh fuck, no way. You know, that's it. His whole candidacy is ruined.

But maybe nowadays it'd be like, eh, well, you know, people like to have sex. Who cares? You know what I mean? Like,

I mean, I don't think we're quite at that point yet, but I think that, I think that it shows that like tolerances change over time. So, you know, yeah, we're not always going to be judged for like the same shit sort of thing. but i think that i think that it shows that like tolerances change over time so oh yeah we're not always going to be judged for like the same shit sort of thing my i don't know if you heard it in the last episode but my my um doorbell rang i don't know if i don't know if you heard it in the background but yeah it was like in the middle of last episode and it kind of put me off a little bit because I rent a flat, okay?

And if you rent a flat, you have certain rights, okay? And one of those rights is that people can't, specifically the landlord. Ring your doorbell? No, people can't come into your flat, okay? Unless you've given them permission, okay? Or you've organized the time. So, is somebody standing right behind you right now and you're passively aggressively pointing this out to them in a recording

no um oh but because that would be hilarious i mean i would say can we get a webcam for this one what happened yesterday was um because i'm one of these people who can i guess before you tell me yeah go on you were in the middle of um wetting your whistle in a major way on a leather couch okay in your living room and the landlord decided fuck this guy this is my flat um i'm gonna show around um one of the potential new uh tenants the flat and they walked in and there you are completely naked on a leather couch all lubed up and you're like you know i have rights and everybody started screaming well actually what i did was... Actually, yeah, you're totally right. Well, okay. So, here's the thing, right?

The landlord is selling this flat, okay? And he wants me to leave. Selling it? Now, obviously, I'm not supposed to have any contact really with the landlord because he does it through a letting agent. So, I signed up with a letting agent called... Whatever they call it. I'm not going to say what their name is. But they okay you don't want to be great you don't want to big them up i don't want to big them up i also don't want to don't want to get them in trouble either

sponsored by findaflat.co.uk you need a flat we got them no it's just a local letting agency so they're all sorts of them all right um and you know they you know if you're if you have if you own a house you just go to or flat you just go to this letting agency you say hey um can you know they you know if you're if you have if you own a house you just go to or flat you just go to this letting agent say you say hey um can you let out my flat they say sure you say i'm you know i'm going away for a year so just you know you handle everything and they say sure and you pay them a certain percentage or fee or or whatever um and it's boring but you know how it works the world works like that okay anyway basically i don't think that the landlord should have any interaction with me okay and i also don't

think he's supposed to um and he's certainly not allowed to come into the property okay under any circumstances really unless he specifically agreed it with me anyway most landlords are cunts okay and i will say this yeah right now partly because they're i'm not saying all of them are but every one that i have experienced and interacted with has been okay um okay because they are they are they are they you know you're staying in their flat and they assume that you you basically are a turd right and they want you to and they assume anything that goes wrong with the flat at all ever is your fault and they're really really annoyed to have to fix anything that goes wrong okay they're like oh god fuck me i don't want to have to you

know do this money noend money. God. So, I've stayed in this flat for four years, okay? In the four years I've been here, there's been nothing, right? Not a single thing that's gone wrong, okay? However... Right. What about that time your boiler went down, though? Because that went wrong.

Well, even I paid to get that fixed. And he didn't... Oh, did you? Yeah. And he hasn't even paid for that. So, you know... That's crazy. I assume I'm going to be able to get that fixed and he didn't you know yeah he hasn't even paid for that so i assume i'm gonna be able to get that back when i leave um i'll add it to the fucking list of complaints that i have anyway of yesterday okay how is that list by the way so about a month ago

i actually a couple of months ago um i found some mold growing in the back on the wall of one of the cupboards, okay, in my flat. Have I told you this? Yeah. I have told you this. No, no, you haven't. I don't recall any mold. And so there's like some black mold, okay, growing in the back of my cupboard. And it was a cupboard that I used to just store crap.

So when I moved into the flat, it had a lot of crap in it right like a like a bunch of broken chairs and a load of an old lamp and stuff like that and because it's a tiny flat and i couldn't be asked to like i didn't want to chuck them away because they were on the inventory you know and if i left okay the flat or if i chucked them away when i left the inventory would say three chairs right so i didn't want to chuck them away because then they would say oh okay you need to pay for three new chairs right so i didn't want to chuck them away because then they would say oh okay you need to pay for three new chairs right so anyway i had this cupboard full of crap like duvets pillowcases all this stuff that had been left i didn't want to use right and it went all fucking moldy and so i put it all in this moldy cupboard in this cupboard and so a lot of it yeah went all went

went all moldy and stuff and so i was it the um was it the duvet that your great great nan gave to you no it's all the flat stuff your name from in the flat oh okay so anyway i took pictures of it all so the first thing you should always do okay everyone listen to this this is really useful we have smartphones these days yeah you can take pictures of fucking everything do so right yeah yeah and that point will become more relevant as this story goes on um but i took okay i took um a load of pictures of everything and i told him um basically uh i told i told the latin agents and they said oh yeah no okay we'll send the landlord around and so one day the landlord comes around um kind of um but he said he said i'd like to come around so i said okay i'll meet you and so he

came around and he had a look and he was like this is clearly your fault did you make a big steamy pot of pasta no he said no of course i didn't what the fuck anyway he said this is clearly your fault you must have spilled a load of water in this cupboard okay and i said right sure and he said i want you to clean it up. And I said, sure. Right. And so, because I didn't want to deal with this asshole. Sounds like a very friendly exchange so far. And I said to him, I don't think it is that.

Right. But if some more mold comes back in this cupboard, on your head be it. Okay. I'm not taking any responsibility. Anyway, cut forward a month. Okay. I don't use that spare room.'ve taken everything out that cupboard i look in that room the the mold has spread i cleaned it up okay i cleaned all the mold up and i painted all over but the mold now

has spread across the entire wall of the spare bedroom right and it's a fucking nightmare in there right it's like holy shit and i'm like actually now like slightly nervous to be in my flat because of all the mold in here i'm like what the fuck is going on anyway so i took a few pictures sent it back to their people and um you know a week goes by nothing and a week goes by nothing and so i'm like you know i told them what the fuck you know at least i've got a record of the emails where i told them i've got pictures of when you know of it getting worse it's like i'm totally safe right in terms of my because i i read about these these people who got sued by their landlord because they didn't report mold that there was in a property that they rented

okay and the landlord sued them for more than their deposit so normally like when you're in a flat you think oh okay here's another thing about being in a flat um you you pay a deposit when you move in and yeah you think that's the most that you can they can possibly charge you like you could wreck the flat and they think oh well i've only got a two thousand pound deposit so i could just that you know it's never gonna get worse than that even if i completely fuck it up but, that's not true at all. If you fuck a flat up badly, they can sue you, and it'll take claim damages off you and make you pay a lot more than your deposit.

So the letting agency say, we're sending around a guy, okay? And so I'm like, okay, a guy, when's he coming? They say, well, when's it convenient? Because they have to arrange it with me. And so, in fact, they can't even really get in to do anything unless they give me a date and notify me by mail. Normally, they have to notify me by mail at least a week in advance or with reasonable notice, right?

They can't just turn up unannounced. Well, they can ring on the doorbell, but they're certainly not allowed to come in unannounced. Anyway, fucking some maintenance guy comes and i meet him and he's like he's like this guy who just absolutely stinks for some reason of sweat and i'm like holy shit anyway i show him the mold he's like oh yeah it's quite a lot of mold there and i'm like yeah he starts rubbing himself all over the wall like touching it all over the place like no no fucking snubskin at all.

No fucking clothes on. And he's like, oh, it's really warm. It must be the hot water pipe next door that's burst. Obviously, they haven't. It's probably a lot worse on their side. Oh, yeah. By the way, the reason I looked in the spare room was because I got a notice stuck on my door by the building manager who said there's been a lot of leaks

in some of these. Some of these flats weren't built very well. is a little bit of points you might want to check it's like a brand new fat flat in a fancy place don't uh never mind yeah brand new ones are always the worst that's why you should always get an old place man they're you know they're tried tested and true made of actual bricks rather than a cupboard i, they make them out of cardboard now. New places are made out of shit. New places are fucking, you pay like 300,000 pounds

for a place made out of shit, fucking tiny. It's garbage. You've got to think like, it's sad really. It's really sad that house prices, they can't stay this high

much longer because, you know, they won't. They'll be crashed, don't worry. Honestly, I'm, you know. No, they won't. They'll be crashed. Don't worry. Honestly. You'll be fine. I'm looking forward to it.

It doesn't matter. Yeah, I'm fine. I don't own my own place, so it's okay. But it doesn't matter. Even if I did, it's fine. Anyway, who cares? You're right. Look.

Yeah. Okay. So, he fucked off. Yeah. And then a week later, I'm just sitting here in my... So, this was yesterday. So, a week later, I'm just sitting here in my pajamas and my dressing gown yesterday week that i'm just sitting here in my in my pajamas and my dressing gown and i hear the doorbell ring i mean the doorbell this whole thing happened while you were in your pajamas because that's most of it did yeah most

of this all happens in pajamas yeah so the landlord and the pipe inspector all came over and there you are sitting in your pajamas well okay so you know you're saying that your landlord's a cunt but if you want to be taken seriously maybe put a fucking suit on next time before somebody comes over so listen so yesterday right i'm very organized with my schedule because i have to be right i'm very organized we i turn up to everything on time i very rarely am late for things okay right because it annoys me right and so i have a schedule and it's not a diary it's a schedule so i have it on google docs we all have one you know i can look at you i can show you you know what schedule is i could show you what i was doing two weeks ago at 10 at 2 at 4 whatever okay

and i'm not very organized when i hear now if my door if the doorbell of my flat rings that means there's someone right outside now that means they've gone through two security doors to get outside my flat okay now most of the time it's people if their doorbell rings it's going to be someone um one of my neighbors or something like that who might want i don't know a can opener whatever i don't know what what i want but no who knows That doesn't happen, does it? Yeah, it's happened before. Your neighbors actually come over and ask you for shit.

You've got to fucking move. Holy shit. Your place sounds really bad, like in every way. Well, I'll tell you something. I've lived a couple of times, okay? So it doesn't happen very often. Or it's one time it was the police, right? And they were like, hey hey we've looked at your

internet browser history we saw that you bought a set of rubber pants and you know oh no and you were like yeah I don't fucking care and guess what motherfucker yes right I've got them on under my jeans right now and you pulled your pants right down they're like sir we're gonna take you in uh that is unacceptable

anyway so the doorbell rings and i'd say when the doorbell rings in places that i live 90 of the time i don't answer it okay that's just how who i am right i just don't answer the door i don't answer the door now sometimes i will sneak up very very quietly to the door and look through the peephole at the person of your own door yeah oh i see yeah yeah yeah sorry outside yes i get you yeah and then i will silently back off so they don't think i'm there and they'll leave me alone okay i didn't do it in this case i just thought because i can't remember what i was doing but i was i was i was like i am now so i'm wearing usually i'm wearing a pair of pajama bombs okay i'm wearing an old t-shirt

i'm wearing a dressing gown which is uh white and woolly and fluffy and i wash it about once every three weeks so it kind of gets a bit grungy after a while but i do wash it okay sure and i'm wearing a pair of socks okay that's all anyway i hear that terrible i'm getting really nervous already talking about i hear that terrible sound of a key turning in the lock okay oh no i'm like you rushed to put your clothes on what the fuck no i so i get my i literally i was like first of all i was like terrified because i thought jeez and also i was really really pissed off because i thought right who is who is letting themselves into my flat unannounced okay so i went up to the door with my phone and i took yeah pictures of the person who was coming in the door as they were coming in the door right

and who was it who was it it was obviously my fucking landlord letting himself in unannounced, uninvited, thinking he must be at work or something. Yeah, yeah. So I took a load of pictures. That's crazy. Yeah. And I sent them to the agency saying, are you aware that this landlord just lets himself in to people's properties unannounced? Send it to the fucking police next time. See how he likes that.

Sir, we're going to have to take you in. Seems that you've been letting yourself into somebody's flat with a key. If you're a woman, right? If I was a woman, that would have been a lot scarier. It's nice that we have smartphones these days. okay and i i it's nice that we have smartphones these days because if i was a woman like i would um maybe even i would do this as a man i think is if i if i hadn't recognized him as the landlord the first thing i would have done is tweet that picture out i would have been like there's a man coming to my flat right now and i would tweet that and i always said to him hello sir whoever

you are you've just illegally entered my flat i've posted a picture of your face onto my twitter feed in case you're gonna murder me uh so i suggest you leave right the fuck now um yeah is that what you said to him no you wanted to say that i said you had a dream about it i said oh hello i should have said that oh hello i've come to look at the mold and i I said, we met before. And he said, yeah. And I said, I told you that if the mold came back, it was your fault. Because I didn't do it.

And he said, oh, did you? And I said, yeah. And then he looked at the mold. He was fucking horrified. Right? He was like shitting his pants. I was like, this is pretty bad, isn't it? And then he fucked off.

But he was like totally unnerved by the fact that I'd taken a lot of pictures of him what a cunt anyway i'm gonna put them he should have said i'm gonna put them on facebook that was a great story honestly i wasn't sure where it was going at first but it ended with a bang holy fuck that was crazy and i think you know what though i think a lot of people will think that I'm some sort of psychopath about the way that I handled that situation. No, I think you're wrong about that. I think most people will assume that you're some sort of diva based on how you handled that. Okay.

I'm sorry, guys. Not so much a psychopath. I don't know. Maybe I am like a complete psychopath. Who knows? But it's kind of a normal situation that that i don't know it just sort of it's such a boring everyday normal situation that just irked me to the point where i don't know i went a bit mad i guess well the problem is is that you only half play the game

because you're half trying to listen to me and i don't play the game at all i'm not really aware of what's going on at all because I'm just rambling about garbage. But I only use half my brain for that. Let's take stock a second. What did you ramble about last time I played this game? You said you didn't like teachers. You didn't like landlords. You had a deep distrust of dentists for some reason.

I don't even know where that came from. You know better than your doctor apparently uh which is i don't remember the last shit i mean those guys have to train really hard and like for you to walk in with your like turtleneck and your glasses and think that you know better is just bullshit that's a classic problem that doctors have though these days is that that everyone googles everything it's true yeah my doctor actually said that to me he's like god i hate the internet i was like why doc what what's wrong with the internet i love it you know like i play games on the internet hang out with my friends we can have a good time

while we're all online and he's like yeah but you know how many armchair doctors it's created and i was like oh fuck yeah i never really thought about that you get all these guys who go on to like web md and they're like oh shit i had a really itchy ass this morning i guess that must mean that i have aids they like do a self-diagnosis and yeah apparently that's not the best i think that when you do start doing that, the thing you don't necessarily get is a more medium. The problem is like if you Google, oh, chest pains, it's going to be like heart attack. You're having a heart attack or something pretty serious. Or like if you Google, oh, I've got a lump, they're like cancer, cancer, cancer. Whereas like 99% of the time, well, not 90.

I'm not a doctor, so I don't actually know what the percent of the time is. But I think a good percent of the time we're not 90 i know i'm not a doctor so i don't actually know what the percent of the time i was gonna say that's like a good percent of the time it's pretty confident 99 there for somebody who's not even a good percent of the time you know you having an achy leg does not mean you've got varicose veins or whatever you know it's not gonna it's not gonna be that bad um i think that's that i think a lot of people are very hypochondriacs because of the internet. They think that, you know, they wake up and they've got like an erection. And they're like, oh, my God, the world is ending. I must have like space AIDS.

What happened to my penis? I've never had this before. Exactly. It's much bigger than it usually is. It's hard, too. It feels very sensitive. Oh. I'm not saying don't go to the doctor i think you should go to the doctor for even the most trivial things just like head over there and be reassured if you can go for free too right like i mean oh yeah that's the thing i

guess in america where you know you can't go for free then it's always a i suppose it's a lot of people in america it's different, right? Yeah, that's it. Because everything costs money over there. Like if you get, if you lose two fingers, okay, in like a bandsaw accident or whatever, and you manage to find the two fingers out in a field

and you put them in an icebox and you take them to the hospital, Doc, I lost my fingers stitch me up and then he could be like okay well to stitch up your index finger that's going to cost you fifteen thousand dollars uh to stitch up your middle finger that's going to cost thirty thousand dollars because it's longer it's a longer finger so you have to pay more and so then you're like left with this weird choice that you never thought you'd ever had to choose before. Like, which finger do I value more?

My index or my middle finger? Because I can only afford one of them to get stitched back on. It's a shame. That sucks. It's a shame, isn't it? That we live in this world where... It's wretched, isn't it?

It is wretched indeed worst world i mean somebody save us from this stupid world i hope some aliens come by and they're like we're enlightened we won't make you pay to get your fingers put back on but we will probe you anally a couple of times hope you don't mind and i'd be like like, yeah, sure. Fucking do it. Get right up in my ass. I don't mind. So have you read any other comments out of this? No, you know what? I'm very selective with my comment reading.

I like reading tips and stuff. Not so much reading about how I'm retarded. So I tend to skip those ones. I don't know if you feel the same, but having somebody point out my mental limitations is not a way I like to spend my quality free time. I can read you some comments, if you like, from videos. Oh, I would love to, yeah. Please be selective, though, and don't break my heart, my achy, breaky heart.

My achy, break my heart my achy breaky heart my breaky achy breaky heart yeah alex blackstar altai says this is nice but can we get lewis to play because this channel is really just lewis rambling with sips half pays attention that's he's true i guess he wants it the other way around he wants you rambling with me pay half's right. Pay half attention. You know what? That guy has excellent observational skills. He has. I mean, that's something, isn't it? He's right, though.

That is. You figured us out, everybody. That is the format of our channel. For now, anyway. We have plans, right? Well, plans. plans no not really we don't really i was just trying to get you excited but hopefully reading these quotes reading these comments is a little bit weird and out of context because i don't quite know what they refer to often all right well what video are you reading the comments from because that might

give you a clue uh any video well i've got latest video latest comments so it's like the comments that have just come in in the last like six hours of course pencils are still used in school there's no way i'm doing math with a pen that is from ghost lane oh so that's yeah no that's that's a good point actually i mean if we've already we wondered if we teched up past pencils and we'd like gone on to you know no one used them anymore but no apparently people do still use them they rub out their math with them and stuff nice jack bridgman says hey sips do you remember apple juice did you have that when you were at school or were you a filthy milk drinker oh my god no okay where i grew up my friends we did not get milk at school okay

we had to bring all of our own shit and if you think that i brought milk with me in my bag to school you were mistaken okay we had to bring to bring our own McCain juice boxes to school because our school would not provide us with anything. We didn't get pencils. We didn't get paper. We had to pay for our own books. Holy shit, it was awful. Like it was like in the 80s, right?

When they were like clamping down on all that kind of stuff. Because I think in the 60s and 70s, you were fine. You know, you went to school and they just gave you everything. And then maybe in England, they gave you a bit more after the fact, but not where I grew up in Canada. It's like pretty hardcore to bring everything. So no, I did not drink milk at school. I drank probably apple juice that I had to bring from my own home

that my parents had to buy themselves. It was tough times. I had to walk on my hands to school for 20 miles every day with no shoes on my hands either. It's terrible. Joshyboy82, I actually watched this video while eating a radish, lettuce, and cherry tomatoes with miso soup dressing. I'm drunk and this is the only food in my house.

Last night I had, I ran out of food, sips. And you had to eat your own penis? I had a bowl of couscous with pickled beetroot in it it was uh me it was very nourishing yeah tell me more about what it's like to just be the filthiest fucking millennial in the entire world i'm a bit i'm a big bachelor so you know bachelor yeah it's a big bachelor it's easy to just slob out not buy food and just see what's in the cupboard and uh end up eating something which is just made up of leftovers yeah i do that a lot it seems to be a lot of complaining about the difference between okay don't read those ones because no because we talked about uh sugar okay because

i watched a bunch of documentaries there's like a book about how sugar is really bad for you right right yeah and um basically you know if you're if you want to lose weight the first thing to do is start cutting sugar out of your diet because it's it's bad and yeah people are saying people are saying oh there is a difference between different types of sugar there's good ones and bad ones shut the fuck up no there is though and the reason is is that the sugar that you get in fruit juice and coca-cola and stuff like that isn't like uh intertwined with like any fiber or anything like that so you basically the the naturally occurring sugar

that you get by eating a piece of fruit or you know sugar that you might get in like um i don't know like a cereal or something like that takes longer for your body to like act actually absorb and process sort of thing so it's it is actually better for you um but if you have sugar that is in a juice or like in a coke or something like that it's straight up ready to be absorbed so your body absorbs it very quickly and that's when you get like a sugar rush and like a dip i don't think there's such a thing as a sugar rush and that's how you get fallacy diabetes very quickly there's no there's no those are such things as sugar rush there's two types of sugar one of them is the american sugar which is made

from corn syrup which the american government subsidizes and that's why it goes in everything you know basically corn in america is cheaper than it costs to make because the government pays for it basically and and yeah once once to keep everyone in jobs and keep farming and keep the economy going and so what they do is they pay farmers to grow corn and that's why everything in america has fructose high fructose corn syrup at the end yes that is a uh effectively a it's sweet sugar it is found in other stuff fructose it's found in like honey. And the problem is that the human body doesn't really have a process to break it down properly. Anyway, if you're interested about this, don't fucking take advice off two idiots on the internet. But basically...

One idiot, you mean? Take advice from the guy who knows what he's talking about. There's really only two types of sugar, sucrose and fructose. And sucrose is bad for you and fructose is very bad for you so it's there is no good sugar you know you can eat fruit sure it's not too bad it hasn't got that much sugar in it if you eat like an entire apple or an entire banana like the amount of sugar in there isn't too bad it's when it gets juiced and you get the equivalent of 10 apples worth of sugar into one fucking tiny shot that's when it gets bad

yeah all right people out there i'm not talking to you sips no no people listen i've got some advice okay if you don't want to if you think that we're idiots and we don't know what we're talking about that's fine but i will give you some good advice right now that goes a little something like this okay you ready yeah you ready for this one yeah i think that if you have everything in moderation you will be fine okay if you want to eat a piece of cake go for it but don't have 50 million pieces of cake in one day okay have a piece of cake but also have like a nice meal that has like some veg in it maybe like i think here's the problem right you don't understand do a bit of exercise in in the day as well that would be good as as well get outside get some

vitamin d you know get in the sun and everything do a little bit of everything and you'll be fine you won't get huge you won't get unhealthy you won't get the diabetes you'll be fine if as long as you just do a little bit of everything every day and you behave listen in moderation right yeah the worst the fattest people out there will say that they do do all that stuff they'll say they'll say to you i do do stuff in moderation i do do exercise okay well i would argue that they're lying well i don't think they're lying i think they're they are straight up they are lying i don't think they're lying. I think they're deluded. No, they are straight up. They are lying. I don't think they're lying. I think they're deluded. I think they just don't realize and don't have any kind of concept, which is why if you are,

look, I'm not a nutritionist. I don't know shit about nutrition. I don't know shit about anything. Okay. But if you are overweight, then do something about it. And don't take Sips' diet plan of do a bit of everything. Yeah, do a bit of everything yeah do a bit everything i'm telling you you'll be fine i mean don't do don't do a bit of everything if you're

already morbidly obese okay that is that is not a good idea if you're morbidly obese go on an action plan so that you can get down you know get your bmi within the limits and stuff, and then do a little bit of everything, and you'll be fine. Get some BMI. Yeah, okay. Go for it. There. Listen. That's some solid advice for free as well.

I mean, come on. For free. That's free advice. I think, yeah. I think that people who actually listen to this podcast Listen to the advice that your doctor is going to hate. Top 10 diet tips. who actually listen to this listen to the advice that your doctor is gonna hate oh man i feel bad sometimes on this podcast i feel i feel guilty okay that the advice we give is is so bad and i feel like i feel like we should do a good job i feel i feel like because i have got a sort of scientific educational background i feel oh yeah i feel nervous to i feel upset when people

call me on the bullshit but at the same time you can't you can't admit to that i don't i'm not gonna cut that either so you're in trouble now you know everybody is going to really lay it on you in a major way now that they know that it upsets you you're never going to be able to say anything in this town again and be taken seriously you realize that well though at a certain point in time though i think this is something i learned from you was that you just have to not care you know well? Well, there's that. Just to let go. Did you learn that from me? We're just doing this thing and throwing it out there. I love this.

I love how this conversation has descended into, hang on a second, do I really want to do YouTube anymore? Like, I'm really putting myself... Fuck, I think I'm done. This is what happens when I read YouTube comments. This is what you've caused. No, come on. They're not that bad geez you have to you know what you know what the best way to deal with youtube comments is imagine that they're all written by the guy from the south park episode of wow you know the guy with like the fucking wrist brace um and he was sitting there with his like maxed out twinked out uh min max world of

warcraft character you know the big guy imagine that every comment on youtube is written by him and then read them in the voice of hans mole man from the simpsons and it makes them a million times better i'm looking at these youtube comments where everyone is saying, I'm very disappointed with how Lewis is talking out of his ass. And I'm like, hey, you know what? If you're fat, fuck you. And you know what? Maybe you need to learn some shit

because I'm not fat. You might have noticed this. I mean, you're like the polar opposite of that, actually. I'd say that you're wiry. And you're not fat either. You have a vegetarian diet you're very thin i think america could learn a lot from us is what i'm saying yeah maybe and i know i talk out my ass a lot but really what i'm trying to do on this on this is provoke you to

learn yourself and not listen to what the man tells you okay that's right even in school don't listen to the man right learn yourself and and you know if you want to lose weight good luck to you because god it's really hard people it really is god i'll tell you what it's really fun putting it on but holy shit it's so sorry for you um and it's you know what i think it's often the fault of parents i have to say this not educating their kids about food and not feeding their kids properly when they're young and you know if you're a teenager and you're fat holy shit it's your parents fault really you know because you've not been you know you don't look after yourself you

don't feed yourself and so you need to well good luck getting out of that spiral. And it's hard work, but it's very doable. And it just involves very much changing what you have in your house and counting calories probably to start with and cutting out key things like sugar. Like sugar is the main thing that needs to go. And it's in everything. Sugar is in everything. It's a real plague in our society right now. Everyone's addicted to sugar and it's in everything sugar is in everything it's a real it's a real plague in our society right now everyone's addicted to sugar it's in everything it's in yogurt it's cereal go it's in fucking everything yeah and so sorry shit god give me some fucking

snickers bars or something that'd be great god i just had to i had to get that out of my system well it's fine man don't worry i know i i feel the same way when i read a youtube comment sometimes i like rage out too it causes me to just normally in a recording i feel like hitler though now you are hitler i'm calling everyone fat i'm sorry you want to do you want to round up all the fat people now and you know do you know what though also do you know what i mean let's talk a little bit about this okay people who crusade on behalf of other people okay oh yeah so people who say i'm really angry you said that about fat people i'm not fat but if i was fat i'd be really angry about it no you fucking necessarily wouldn't necessarily not be right of course that's right yeah because i'm angry i'm i'm you're angry on behalf of other

people right how do you know that they're angry you're so there used to be this thing right where we talked about this in previous episodes as well where sticks and stones right where oh yeah people didn't used to get upset by people calling each other anything that was you were supposed to not be offended. Wait, check the comments on that episode. See if you can find it. I don't even know if I called the episode Sticks and Stones. Because, yeah, there's probably some really good comments in there, too, I would imagine.

Okay. That might take me a minute. One time a stick did break my bone. One time I was beaten up by a stick. That's right, though. that's what we want you want you don't want people to get beaten up no come on no we do no that's no it's not nice what have we got here we got sips and lewis borderline offend 70 of their fan base for 10 minutes right well no wizard spoon right first of all you fucking picked out a random number out of 70% of their fan base for 10 minutes. Right, well, there you go, Wizard Spoon, right? First of all, you fucking picked out a random number out of your ass there.

70%. How do you know that? He's like a human calculator. He was born in, like, 1998 or whatever. That's, like, around the time when human calculators became, like, a thing, isn't it? It's fine. Every generation thinks the next one is entitled and immature guess what guess they're younger people mature as they get older i don't understand why people are so obsessed with categorizing people

because it makes it helps me make sense of the world around me. Okay? Don't judge. Yeah. I'll do all the judging around here. You millennial. I don't know. Oh, man. So, I think that if all this podcast does is... Is anger everybody.

Is piss you off and give you poor advice. Who can we anger today? Do you know what? There are communities out there for advice on anything. And you should use your moral judgment and your brain to decide which ones of those are bullshit and which ones of those are not. If you want to learn how to be a better person

there's lots of philosophies that have been created since the dawn of time yeah to try and do that um to help you get better yeah and you know it might be a community of people who talk about the best ways to go to the gym or to think about our place in the universe whatever it is there's people out there okay yeah one or two at least and there's no concrete ways to do anything in this life there's no concrete ways set down to live your life um or make decisions or choose what to do. You have to just come up with your own way through this mixed up world, this crazy world. It's crazy. It's wretched. It's all wrong.

And I'm right about pretty much everything, I would say. Would you? What do you think of that? Well, sure. It has been known to be the case. It has been known. It is known. It's just a kind of stream of consciousness, this thing for me.

Well, we record it early in the morning, okay? Yeah, that's true. When I've barely woken up. Yeah. The last thing I've had time to do is transpose my thoughts. And also, I've not really also been one of these people who can just talk off the cuff about stuff confidently you always struck struck me as somebody who can but this is one of the big points i think that i always talk about that i am so terrified of being wrong yeah i'm very um very equal-sided sometimes in the things

i say yeah and whereas whereas some people are so confident and set in their ways and you know they'll tell you exactly what they think and then when they get called out for being wrong later they'll just be totally unapologetic about it you know true some people are quite happy to like donald trump i guess it's a good example someone who is just totally willing to just lie like or be completely about recently i haven't really been keeping up on all of that because i well there's there's some stuff gets posted on reddit okay okay from this politifact website or whatever right and when a politician does a speech it says you know donald trump said that you know all the filthy mexicans coming in are gonna cause us jobs to

get used up or whatever and the reality is is that probably a bit of immigration is a good thing okay or whatever and so the economic facts don't match what he's saying so he has a certain amount and we have a certain amount of data at our fingertips okay yeah sometimes it's difficult to translate that data into a punchy 10-second snippet. But, you know, the departments of social security and social... That works. Jump cuts. Well, the problem is that economic data, you know, we have data on jobs

and we have data on exports and imports and all these things. The data on people who go to school, we examine all of our kids all the time. We know exactly what they're doing all the time. And we have all this incredible amount of surveillance going on. There's an enormous amount of data at our fingertips. Oh, yeah, we talked about this the other day, remember? The problem is a politician often...

I think there's a difference between having the data and converting the data into something that makes good sense and and making conclusions from it drawing conclusions from it and often people will try and draw the conclusions to fit their own agenda in many ways yeah but also sometimes in this data there are fairly strong biases or or indicators that a certain thing is a certain way so for example immigration there's probably a lot of evidence to show that in some countries and certainly in america maybe these days i don't know it's a good thing okay a little bit of it is a good thing you know right having people come in um you know if there's probably some statistics that show you know how hard they work versus other people how happy they are versus other people there's probably all sorts of studies done and the problem is is that many politicians are just humans and they they are their agenda is very locked down to um win the next election and so often they will

just not they will just just like it's i guess it's not lying but it's definitely not and it's it's it's bending the truth it's a little bit like what we do here in many ways you know or what all humans do they hear something interpret something from it and then repeat that back out a little bit like chinese whispers okay yeah yeah so like telephone yeah don't yeah like the telephone game don't get me wrong i whenever i i sometimes i say stuff very confidently and it's it's bollocks and it's because i've heard it wrong or it's carl pilkington's its way out of my head you know in i got completely wrong and so oh man i i think i think it's hard to it's hard to it's hard to go through life being

100 correct about every single thing and i think this is something that humans have struggled with for a long, long time. You know, how to live your life. I mean, we don't really talk much about philosophy, but do you follow the philosophical teachings of anyone in particular, Sips? Yes, I do, actually. I'm glad that you asked me about this, Lewis. I follow the philosophical teachings of a man called carl pilkington yeah and i think that i think that that is a guy who knows what's up in a lot of ways actually you know he asks the real questions he wants the real answers as well and you know i think it's like

it's just deep you know it just makes you think it just takes you down to that level yeah it does but it's the same thing with having a kid right because kids look at the world in such a different angle carl billington looks at the world very innocent way world in such a different angle carl billington looks at the world very innocent way yeah through they don't have a filter they don't they don't have they haven't been ground down by the realities and everything in the world the next generation are calling themselves iGen. You like that? Oh, like because of like Apple. Like iMac, iPad, iPhone, iGen. Jod125 says we're 98% similar in DNA with a potato. I'm not sure that's true. But I think we're 99 similar in dna with a mouse and like 99.9 with

with a chimpanzee maybe is that why they use mice for experiments like lab experiments yeah it is actually that's why they feed them cocaine and stuff i'm not sure they i'm not sure they're doing that paul lewis he was trying so hard to complete sips his sentences sips didn't even acknowledge his attempt to find out if they are soul mates so did you oh I remember that one yeah we're trying to get me to complete your sentence and no you were true you were trying to complete my sentences and I wasn't paying attention to you doing it right because we were having a conversation about soulmates and um we were saying like you know you meet that one person and they just know what what wavelength you're on and they complete your sentences that's right oh and then

after that for like a couple of sentences you tried to complete my sentences man i forgot that was really sweet i like that i'm so sorry see this is what happens when you make me read comments i'm just sifting through this torture there's so many awful comments i like i like having a one-sided conversation with myself i'm skipping the lovely ones because i'm looking for sort of controversial things no no don't go read the lovely ones. Come on. I need it today. I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps. You know, I want to read.

Oh, sips. Holy shit. I can just tell you've got a huge dick. Oh, I bet you it is gigantic. Oh, and it probably glistens in the moonlight. And it's probably got like really, really nice veins and everything. Like those are the kind of ones I want. It's the kind of shit I want to hear right now.

No? No. Well, okay. You're not up for that? Okay. Sure. I'll do some. Sips. Keep up the good working out.

Holy shit. You are ripped. Man, you look good. Alex M. Fucking hell. Lewis really does waffle. Ha ha. That's not a nice one.

That's 111 upvotes. Jamie8242. This year, Team Double Dragon will retire because Sip stabs himself with a Lego piece to escape Lewis's drivel. That's got 100 upvotes. Really? Wow. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Really? Wow. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Some people complained about me mentioning... A lot of people got very upset, actually, about me mentioning... When I mentioned single mother families, okay? Right. And how that's a very sort of traditionally something which the Republicans and the Conserv conservatives, they don't like. It's a kind of one of these things.

And I think I mentioned it in context of I'm worried that I'm becoming more conservative as I get older. That's a big fear for you. It's weird. What's one thing you fear in this world becoming more conservative it definitely is and i think when you look at the the things which these these these these can't these these um it's definitely more old-fashioned values you know you know something like gay rights is much more opposed by older people and older generations right and so i guess what we talked about was um

was i i i guess what i'm trying to say okay is that there's two sides in politics okay there's the liberals broadly and the the conservatives who are more old old school values okay right and um therefore the conservatives are kind of old school they believe in the things which i guess older people have more value in you know like family okay yeah um and so i think that a more liberal mindset would be anyone can raise kids anytime as long as they're qualified blah blah blah blah i think that do you know what i think that honestly i think that probably some single parents raise the best kids they that that exist okay i think some of some of the single parents are fucking probably super amazing well that's a big turnaround from what you were saying last time i i think that do you know what though i think that

all parents probably should be required to you know bring up a puppy before raising a kid you know or something like that should have to because i think that a lot of them don't know what they're getting into and also the thing i think i noticed with you and turps and also ben to some extent is all three of you are sort of terrified that you're gonna mess this kid up and you're like super this there seems to be like a super amount of pressure on you guys to perform especially with the first kid um it's you feel like you feel like oh anything that do might cause, you read far into implications. You say, oh, you know, am I teaching him bad things by doing this? Or, you know, you've got to balance kind of your own fun and happiness

with being serious and having responsibilities. Oh, my God. So I guess what I'm trying to say is. Yeah, what are you trying to say? god so i guess i guess what i'm trying to say is yeah what are you trying to say i'm trying to say that um i think that i think that single parents are probably fine i'm not backpedaling from what i said last time i think that there are certain things which single mothers i think it's i think it's probably slightly dangerous that we're having this, a lot of single mothers bring up a lot of kids, almost as the norm, okay?

Almost as if it's starting to become cool to be the norm. Because I think that that family unit is a strong thing to have, and it's a happy thing in people's lives. Yeah. And I think that probably the mother misses out on that just as much as um you know from not having a single from the baby daddy you know exactly as the as the kid does and i think that but that doesn't mean that they don't bring up kids well i think they do and i think that they i think that if they're the right people then holy shit they'd probably do a way better job than a ill suited family

would do alright well join us next time where hopefully we offend you more with just us being raging a-holes sorry I don't know why you asked me to read

the YouTube comments out and all it's doing is causing me to have the same old ragey... He's having some sort of seizure. Rants again. Yeah. Okay, well... Oh, my God. We'll think of something else for next time.

I'm getting so hostile about it. It's getting to me. See, this is a bad... You don't want to meet this guy in a dark alley, that's for sure. You can bet your ass I'll be doing a 180 out of there. All right, well, see you next time. Bye. Bye.