Triforce! - Triforce! #100: The Big One-Zero-Zero

Episode Date: August 7, 2019

Triforce! Episode 100! Live from YogCon we finally get to hear episode one hundred of the Triforce Podcast! Bodega: Tales from the Bodegaverse available here: https://yogsca.st/BodegaBook Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh, hello everyone and welcome back to the Triforce podcast episode 100. So, can't believe we made it to 100. This is our prize. Yeah, it's ridiculous really. It's our reward. Well, I mean, do you remember we said, what are we going to do for 100? And people assumed that there was going to be something special planned. And we didn't have anything planned. So then I was like, maybe we should do the YodCon.

And it was like, okay. But then we had to drag out into the decibels before we got there. Oh, yeah. We don't talk about those ones, though. No. The.90. Oh, they were good episodes, I thought.

No? Yeah. No, the crowd hated them, clearly. So, yeah. Oh they were good episodes I thought. No? Yes. No the crowd hated them clearly. Sips. Hello? Can you guys hear me? Is your mic on? Is it on? Yes. It's nice to do this live from an oven. Yeah that is unusual. I would prefer the fridge. Yes. You could have gone for the fridge. Yes. You could have gone for the fridge. I'm amazed they're not live animating the chalking heads behind us. Some guy up there having to press a button every time one of us is

talking. Steve has to do it manually on Wirecast. Come on, Steve. Get on it. Come on, Steve. Give him a nervous breakdown. He's already had like two this morning, I think. Did you guys prepare anything for today? I did. I know you guys didn't. Flax has some talking points.

I'm just reaching for my phone. Don't worry. So first of all, maybe we should start with something we know, like the bathtub story. Wow, they really want to hear it again. I've been banned so many times, I feel bad wasting your time up here. No, go on, I'm up for it. Well, while I'm getting my email sorted out, you can quickly give us a summary of the frigging bathtub again. So there I was, a day much like today, very hot.

I ran myself a cold bath to cool down. And then I cooled down. I had a nice soak in the tub. And I got one of these plugs. I don't know if you have it. It's got like a... You got to turn it. And there's like a mechanism that brings the plug up. So I finish up in the tub and sort of turn it. Nothing. It's stuck.

It's all this like soap, scummy, grimy water from me. I was the only one in there. Sorry, did you find it? Yeah, I'm just waiting on you. I wanted to see where this was going. Maybe there's a twist. The same way it always goes. We were gripped.

I mean, I normally zone out when you're telling the bathtub story anyway. That's a good one. Then it suddenly occurs to me, I'm sure we've talked about this before. Sips bath water for next merch. Sips bath water, yeah. Sips bath water for next merch. Good idea, good idea.

Yeah, well, it'd be a different color, wouldn't it? It'd be a lot browner. What I think is funny is we had this grand opening and then it's just us sitting on a sofa doing a podcast the way we normally do it. I know. Sorry. Yes.

All right, do you want to hear this stuff? I'm just going to get you... This is going to be like this for the next hour, so just get comfortable. Okay, so these aren't good topics. Okay. I was in Ibiza on holiday by the pool, and I was just sitting around thinking like I do,

and I just thought of a load of crap, and then I thought, shit, we'll have to stop it. Well, let's not make a change from our normal format. Yeah, exactly. All right, so I'm just going to read these as I type them. These are observations. Spanish ants seem to work a lot harder than English ants. Right.

So my question was, These are observations. Spanish ants seem to work a lot harder than English ants. Right. So my question was, how come we don't get some of those hard-working Spanish ants, who do not take a siesta, by the way, they're working round the clock, because I dropped food for them, they were all over it, help out with the economy, and I'm pretty sure there's some British queen ants that are crying out for that kind of foreign work ethic.

I thought that was a good point. Well, first of all, you dropping food for the ants, I feel, is a problem. Why? Do you do that for English ants? No. Exactly. You're right. I'm part of the problem.

All right, we'll ignore that one. That one didn't happen. What do ants do, though? What's the... What do you mean? What's the point of them? Like, why do we need to get... Yeah, they don't have podcasts and What do ants do though? What's the point of them? Like why do we need to get Yeah, they don't have podcasts and stuff.

Yeah, it's like, no, but why would you need to import better ants to replace your... Well, here's what they do, right? I dropped a bit of salmon. I'm not trying to show off. I just happened to have some salmon. Dropped a bit of salmon. The ants were all over it. Yeah, I saw it. You saw it on Twitter, right? It was quite an interesting process.

It was gone in a few hours. I'm saying I could put a bit of salmon in my garden. I doubt the ants are going to care. I know, but just think that colony of ants now has the upper hand because they've got stores and stores of salmon in their nest or whatever you call it. And the other ants still just have whatever, like little grains of sugar or whatever they pick up normally.

So it's tip the balance now. We should feed up one colony of ants with salmon, one with sugar, one with tofu burgers or whatever he eats, and see which colony of ants wins. All my money is on the meat-eaters. I think we should do some experiments. The other thing I noticed is I always misspelled Triforce as Trifroce.

Right. Which makes it sound like an Italian podcast. Right. Trifroce podcast. That would be a good podcast. Yeah, it's like a habit. Look, so I get the R and the O the wrong way around. Trifroce.

Trifroce. Instead of Triforce. I think we should consider doing more of these Derren Brown style experiments. Derren Brown? But with ants. Really impressive. If Derren Brown could get ants to do stuff, do you think he'd be the Derren Brown he is today?

Wow, he got those ants to eat that salmon. Like, you know. I got the entire colony to suck my dick. I'd watch that. I'd watch it too why not why not oh man

this is not audience participation you're not allowed to talk shut up it's not going to be on the podcast oh my god you want to hear the next thing yeah go are we done with the ants

I feel like there's a lot more uncharted ground here no let's move on once they've sucked a dick where are you going to go from here once they yeah once Darren Are we done with the ants? I feel like there's a lot more unshortened ground here. No, let's move on. We're done with the ants, right? I mean, once they've sucked a dick, where are you going to go from here? Yeah, once Darren Brown gets them to all suck his dick. Okay, so Chris Pratt, right? Yeah.

You know Chris Pratt. Everyone always says that Chris Pratt is like that dad bod kind of guy. Right. And my point is, Chris Pratt's a good-looking bloke who's obviously in good shape and put on a few pounds. Yeah. He's not a dad bod. Like, this is a dad bod. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah. Like, noodley arms and a little pot belly, bald. That's a dad bod. I'm just saying I think it's a lie. You think people saying Chris Pratt has gotten a bit lax? No, I just think they've got it the wrong way around. I mean, for a start, I don't think he even has any kids. He's not qualified.

He shouldn't be wearing that title. He shouldn't be allowed to be called. Yeah, I disagree with the entire thing. Right. No. Controversial, I guess, but. Like I said, I'm not saying these are good topics. Right. All right. Foreign telly. Foreign telly. All right. Because I was away for a week, right? We're slamming through these. How many do you have? Four. But this is a long one. Right. Okay.

So I realize this is ironic given our current situation, but I've written here, foreign telly is 60% people on a sofa having some kind of discussion. In a foreign language, Josh. people on a sofa having some kind of discussion. In a foreign language, Ash. I didn't plan it for that one. And the cast, regardless of the show or country, is always the same. This is true, I find, in the Netherlands, France, Germany, Spain, Italy. I've been to those

places and it always seems to be the same. You have a round table discussion, sometimes they're sitting in chairs, and the cast is always the same. A beautiful woman, very, very proper looking, dressed nicely, nods a lot, doesn't say much. Hey, you see a badass? Oh, you see anything like that? A youngish business guy, has very expensive looking glasses, tends to offer a very occasional tidbit.

Are you pointing at yourself as that guy? No. Okay. There's always a heavily tanned middle-aged dude who has bright blue or bright green neon kind of glasses, and he has the air of an expensive man waiting to be brought a platter of oysters. I don't know what... Very specific.

Yeah. And then there's the character. He's always a slightly bigger, older dude, big shock of white hair. He talks like that. very husky voiced and everybody thinks he's hilarious. Just in the middle of their conversation, the host will go, and in comes a character with a name like Los Habib, and he's like a guy that comes in, and everybody's going, hey! Like a mascot. Yeah, like the mascot.

And they're obviously having quite an important political discussion. Wait a second. Bring out the characters. And literally in every country I've been to, that seems to be the case. What are we meant to be talking about in relation to this? It's a discussion point. Right. Have you found this to be the case?

No, it was like an explanation on how foreign TV works, which is cool. That was my observation. You're free to have your own. What have you prepared? Nothing. Exactly. Not nothing. What have you prepared? Very little, yeah.

Wait, so does that mean there is something? Yes. Right. Yeah, thank God. I'll put you in. So I was thinking, well, I was already thinking, right? Okay, experiments, like social experiments. You just thought of this.

We were talking about this earlier. Well, it's preparation. In this podcast. Well, I'm allowed to have ideas that are based on your ideas. Yeah, but that's not prepared. That's a conversation. That's what I expected. I prepared it like five minutes ago.

I thought it, like, squirreled it away like a little a call in my brain get going and it's been you know growing into a Trigger right stating yeah, so you want to experiment socially on people well imagine? There's just like an ordinary guy, okay, and he's going to watch like an ordinary movie like Transformers or something ordinary people ordinary watch you know I don't know if ordinary people watch that all right What's an ordinary movie that an ordinary, slightly less than ordinary guy... What do you think would be, like, the average movie? I don't know. Mission Impossible.

Yeah. Yeah, Mission Impossible. Mission Impossible. It's like an ordinary movie. And you have a guy, and he goes in to watch the movie, but you don't play the movie, you just play trailers. How long before he gets, like... He does something.

I'd actually like to see that. What? How long before he does something i'd actually like to see that what how long before he does what he just gets up and goes this is never going to start you're just running ads and trailers and ads and trailers yeah i don't know whether he just like eventually like three hours would go by and he'd just leave and be like happy with it you know or whether he'd like go and try and tell someone but then you'd have to think like do we make the cinema totally empty? I don't know, it's starting to get a bit ridiculous. You'd have to have an audience of people. You'd pack out the theatre with actors. With stooges.

And then he comes in, excuse me, sorry, sorry, sits down, and it's like, oh, it's just us. And he's watching, and then the popcorn ad comes on, and then the mew, THX sound, and all that stuff. And then trailers, and then maybe some more adverts. And then it popcorn ad comes on and then the me THX sound you know and all that stuff and then trailers and then maybe some more adverts and then it fades to black and he Thinks here it comes and then another trailer and more adverts you just keep going. I would love to see that We should do that. I don't know how but we should do that. It's concept mr. Beast's he'll handle it

Darren got a great idea But stuff like that you could do a similar thing with a stall in the middle of the high street it's like you queue up for free ice cream or whatever but you have to queue around the stall so you can see that people are going and the queue is moving

but you keep adding people so the queue never ends so he just continues queuing round and round how long will people queue for free ice cream? For free ice cream. So it's like at the airport when you get really close to where you think is the end of the line.

And then it turns a corner. They put that little cord barrier thing up and you have to keep going. It just endlessly does that. Except we actually make it last forever. I don't want to be cruel. This is cruel! Cruel, yeah.

I feel like these are the kind of people who've signed up for Darren Brown's show, though, and they're going to expect... Well, that's like a waiver on your mental health. Yeah. Yeah, Darren, just torture me, mate, whatever. Like, for example, we could do it like... Well, it'd be easy to do it on a bus, right? That just never stops.

Okay? A bus that never stops? Or like a train. Like, you're waiting for a train, but they just keep doing more ridiculous announcements at the same time. Oh, I see. I thought you meant they're on the bus, and they're like, ding waiting for a train, but they just keep doing more ridiculous announcements at the station I mean they're on the bus and they're like ding ding ding the train driver got lost and he's in Cardiff He'll be here like soon. That's not an experiment. That's every day. Oh Yeah

Even even with the movie thing like it takes three hours to get through the ads already like a lot of people just get up And leave before the movie even starts already. They're actively already experimenting on people in that scene. That test's already been done. It's already there. I think if all the other actors were really intently eating their popcorn and being quiet,

would the person be the eldest? I eat popcorn like a mouse when you're at the movies. If it's a tense bit in the movie. I'm like a shovel. you're at the movies. If it's a tense bit in the movie. I'm like a shovel. I'm just in there. It's usually my son holding it. I'm just like, come on.

You can't give the kids a popcorn. They're going to lean over and drop it and stuff. You make them think it's theirs, but then you're just all of it. Okay, that's clever. It empowers them. So the other ideas I had written down are, how much pepper could you possibly put on someone's food before they say when?

Why wouldn't they just say when? Well, because some people don't do that, do they? They just let the person... Do you know what I mean? No. Some people don't say stop. So the waiter comes over with the pepper, and you're just keep some people don't say stop they just so the waiter comes over with the pepper and you're just like i don't know what to do here it's it's like piling up but i don't know what to say and you just go okay thank you i'm not going to say it'll

work on everyone but you'll get some idiot who'll just let it go on for ages but they think this must be the way they do it he's changing changing out a pepper mill. He's run through it And then after that they stick in the parmesan out With a massive spoon just a pile of the honey. What's the what's the deal with when they do the pepper? Like say you were very specific you're like yeah, I just want three turns and they did four could you say? Sorry, that was too many turns, that's too much pepper now. I don't want this anymore. Send it back? Send it back. Do you think they would bring it back?

Yeah, they'd say, oh, we're going to take it away. Do you think they would use the knife to just scrape the pepper off and make you think that they brought you a new plate? Would they spit in it because they don't like you now because you've caused problems? How do you think that that world

works i think it's to do with the owner of the establishment whether or not they are an arsehole or not yeah i think a good restaurant they'd say i'm very sorry sir and they take it away yeah come back with one unpeppered yeah everyone else has eaten their meal and you're like i said three turns of pepper and then they'd come in very carefully yeah watching the whole time turning the pepper yes two two three three no no that was four so that's too much it's too much and they'd kick you out too much yeah i mean you hear those stories about like uh waiters and stuff who are like annoyed with you because you because you complain about something and they take your ham sandwich in the back room

and just rub it all over their balls and stuff or whatever. Somebody told me this happens. I've never... Yeah, I'm always terrified of that. I never complain. No. You'll eat the pile of pepper and the pile of parmesan.

Thank you so much, sir. I would never complain. Like, even if they brought me totally the wrong thing and I couldn't even eat it, I would just sit there like, well, great. You're like the best customer. I know, yeah. I just find it, like, awkward, you know? I don't want to, like, kick up a stink.

I don't want anybody rubbing their balls on my food or anything either, so. That's another social experiment you could do, Lewis, in a restaurant. How badly can you treat the customers before they say, this is, I'm leaving. You get really hungry people. So you make them queue for half an hour so you can hear the grumbly stomach. Then you're like, right.

And they order something, you bring out the wrong thing, the pepper trick of yours, all this. You give them a plate of nibbles, but it would be, like, really tiny. Like, the most, like, unsatisfyingly small. Just to get their mouth watering, but not... And halfway through them eating them, you say, oh, that's just for decoration.

You're not meant to eat those. You ate those things. They've been there for, like, four weeks. Because if they're hungry and there's nowhere nearby, they might just have to put up with this terrible meal. And then you bring out another plate of them. Yeah. Because if they're hungry and there's nowhere nearby, they might just have to put up with this terrible meal. And then you bring out another plate of them.

Yeah. They've eaten the not snack snacks. You replace them. They're almost the same. So if you go somewhere to eat and they come around with cheese and pepper and stuff, do you actually let them

put it on as well? I usually just say no. What's the reasoning there? You don't like pepper or cheese? It's just weird, isn't it? They have to bend over you and they're shaking it and stuff. I always just feel like

there needs to be a big barrier between me and the person. I want you to put it in plastic and then pass it through a bubble. Yeah, with the plutonium handler gloves. It gets like irradiated and I receive it. Thank you very much, you shake like the robo arm. You won't touch them.

So you'll trust someone to cook your meal? Not really, not even. But at this point, you're kind of locked in, right? Like you're in a restaurant, you're hungry, you've ordered food. You might not be near your home or whatever. And then I just think it's a bit much to then them, you know, poo-poo over it with like pepper

or fussing over it and stuff. They're not wearing hairnets or beardnets or anything. It's fucking gross. It's pepper. What do you think is going to happen? It comes out of a mill. That thing is pretty sanitary I guess. I guess. I guess.

They just grind the pepper and you're just like, wow, wow. It's made out of wood. They might have germs on them and stuff, no? It is strange how quick we turn to savages, though, right? We were on this shoot for the Jeff Space Agency, which is coming out today, and it was really hot. We only had a limited amount of water, okay?

Because, you know, we're prepared for these hot days. And we obviously ran out of water. And I left my water bottle next to Ben's one, but I didn't know which was which. And I was like, am I thirsty enough to just gamble and drink, like get a bit of backwash from Ben? And I was like, I was really on the edge. But then like an hour went by, and I was like, oh, I'm even thirstier now.

Should I just risk it? In the end, I drank all of it just to be sure. Have we ever talked about backwashing on the Triforce podcast before, before I started talking about backwashing? No? Yeah? No? No. No, I don't think we have. Oh, man. An untouched topic for you to speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, come on. Get all those anecdotes out. There's degrees, right? Like you could have water, a shared water bottle from like a, i would drink water after you lewis you don't strike me as the type of person that would backwash too badly but like my kids i would never drink after them there's like really big chunks of food floating around in their bottles and stuff like

they it's kids are messy like that right right? They'll eat a digestive biscuit and then drink water and half of it comes back out in the bottle and stuff. You can't. Learning from their dad. Yeah. No, thanks. My brother used to be like that too. He used to take long car trips, you know, in portage and all that kind of stuff. Long car trips were like how you spent your summers sort of thing. And he'd have like a bottle of Coke or whatever. Have you ever seen backwash floating around in a bottle of Coke before? Oh my God.

It's disgusting. Yikes. It is pretty gross. Yeah. Like the color of the cola dyes the chunks and stuff. Oh my God. The colour of the cola dyes the chunks and stuff. Oh, my God.

This is why we bring sips. For these golden stories that really just stick with you. Yeah. Pflex? No. Got any stories for our backwatch? So, I mean, I haven't got any more notes. But, like, how else... I mean, okay, for example...

I have one more thing. Oh, okay. Now, I'll carry on with the experiment. So, I just had an idea. Okay. Imagine, okay, for example. I have one more thing. Oh, okay, now I'll carry on with the experiment. So I just had an idea, right? Okay. Imagine, okay, we get a guy, and he's on Tinder, like a normal guy, or Grindr. Actually, no, not Grindr, it's different, but it doesn't matter. And he swiped loads of times, like we all do, and no one's replying.

When you say we all do, you're talking to two people that have never used Tinder, never been on Tinder. I was married before it even came out. I'm pretty sure you were too, right? Yeah, yeah, I was. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's all right. And you're like thinking,

I've swiped loads of times on all these girls. What is the swiping left or right? You have to say yes or no. So which is yes? This way. Swipe left is yes. What happens with the yeses? They just go in a basket?

Is it like a pile? Do you have a limit on the number of yeses? Could a robot just swipe left all day? I think you have to pay for more. You get a penalty for saying no too many times too, right? Really? Every once in a while you have to say yeah. Yeah, because I think the algorithm is like,

this guy just doesn't want to hook up with anybody. Why is he even using Tinder? Yeah. Anyway, no matches, normal. And so what we do is we get the girls to start swiping yes on him. And suddenly it ramps up. so it's like one, and then like four, and then like 16. There are too many. Too many to handle, okay? How many can he handle, okay, for a start? How many can... I guess I'm making it like a... I guess

I'm asking how many... That's weird. It sounds weird. Wait, so you're wondering how many yeses it can handle? Like, when you say handle, do you mean before his ego spirals out of control? Or before he just goes... I think they'd fob him off on dates, right? So if he actually wanted to try and get their number or meet them, they'd give him some excuse, right? And so how quickly would he get bored with them?

And how many people could he juggle? I want to know how many balls he's having in the air. Right. At once. What happens when you say say yes and how automated is it like will it send like a text message that person straight away saying hi i'm lewis sure i loved your tinder profile let's hook up and then it fills like a calendar entry for you and then so if you're going yeah like all the time like oh my god the next three weeks of my life are just like block booked. I can't do anything. I got all these

dates. People, what am I going to do? Is that what it's like? I guess I'm like thinking of The Bachelor here, aren't I? Like, I think this is what it is. You're asking him what it's like to be successful on Tinder. Man. I mean, he's used it. At least.

It doesn't mean it's there. You got me. My God. It's easy. You'd love it. Don't worry. One day, you know, when you're an old man and you're looking for love. Yeah, that's when he goes on Tinder,

when he's an old man. Would it accommodate an old man like me at some point? I'm not saying like... Is there like an old person's Tinder? Is there like... Yeah, I don't know. I assume by the... Can you put like in your interests

like just companionship, chess, knitting and stuff like that like for the older people? I guess no, people don't really, no, not really. They only care if you're six foot tall. Is it by geographical location or is it by age? Like, do I put my filters in and say... That's more like Grindr. That's what? That's Grindr works more like that.

You know a lot about Grindr. Let's move on. Someone said it should be called Wrinkler. I still have never watched a TED Talk before, but I'm assuming that if there was a TED Talk about Tinder, it would be a bit like this, maybe? I think they stand up a bit more. I think it's exactly like you think it is.

You've never watched a TED Talk? What the heck am I going to do watching this? There are some pretty good ones. Really? Yeah. Is there one about Tinder? I want to do watching this? There are some pretty good ones. Really? Yeah. Is there one about Tinder? I want to know so much more. There's probably a TEDx about Tinder.

There'll be a TED talk about some guy. I matched with 100,000 women on Tinder and went on 2,000 dates. This is my story. Come with me on my stupid fucking journey. Oh, man. That's right. Have you got anything that you want to rant about? This is like the perfect opportunity to do your very own TED Talk. My daughter watches a lot of YouTube, right?

Right. And she was watching some absolute garbage. And I said to my wife, I can't understand why she likes this stuff. It's just some random guy, total garbage coming out of his mouth. And she actually said to me. It's a bit like Triforce. Yeah She's a regular listener and I was like, oh the flame Zinger, that's like well played madam. You defeated me

I was outside walking down the road and there was a really cool looking guy on a skateboard Okay, big guy. I was behind you. Skated. Oh yeah, you were there. Came right at me. I was like, oh. He said, I have a tiny penis. He was. He literally was sort of, uh. Anyway. And he said, I have a tiny

penis, he said to me. He said it very casually. By the way, I've got a tiny penis. Absolutely minuscule. And then he skateboarded off. off i was like that's a lie that guy's awesome look at him i met a guy at the airport a couple of weeks ago who came up to me and uh he did that like eye lock thing so you're like okay i know this guy recognized me or whatever he came up to me he's like i have a really big gaping vagina. And he said it pretty loud too and there's like all these people are like, whoa, really?

That's the worst thing. Yeah. That's what you have caused that. No. I have had that happen to me so many times. What do you mean no? It was your idea. Was it? That's a pretty good idea. You knew what you were doing when you came up with this.

Yeah. It does happen. It backfired on me big time. I'm glad. A couple of instances where I felt a little bit like, all right. Trying to buy drugs here, I mean. Sell me the drugs. People come up and say, I'm not going to say it,

but I think you know what I'm going to say. And I go, yeah, please don't say it. Like, my kids are here. Otherwise, I would have said it. Yeah. Well, sorry, I guess. No, you're not. Putting you guys through that.

It is pretty funny. It is funny. Yeah. It is funny. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. And I hate it.

And you hate it, too, yeah. That's me. I'm exhausted. I'm done. I did four things. That's it. And I hate it. And you hate it too, yeah. That's me. I'm exhausted. I'm done. That's it. There's four topics and we've blasted through them all already. We could ask the audience to yell out a topic. No, no, no. They're not involved in this. We're not inviting other people onto this podcast.

We've still got time. You've been on vacation. I've been on a mini vacation. You probably have done some shit. Yeah, what have you been up to? Well, yeah, stuff. I went to Ibiza. How was it? It was great. Nice. Yes, the party island. Didn't go to

any parties or clubs. Did you go to the Ministry of Sound or anything like that? No. No. We did go to the harbour and you see all the guys with the mega yachts. The massive yachts. And there were actual girls in hot tubs dancing on the third story of this guy's mega yacht while he's having lunch. And I was like, wow, that really is out of a music video.

But I also thought, what an arsehole. At the same time, there was a little bit of jealousy. Oh, massive jealousy. Yeah. What a guy. yeah what a dickhead i bet he hates his life god that champagne looks terrible as well yeah is he just like up on the top floor of his yacht eating and then everybody who's like on the bottom floor wants to shake his hands he's got the robo arms he's got the glove box reaches. Welcome to my yacht. He's like through a bubble like he doesn't want anybody near him. Keep my arms

length. Yeah. Like a butler passing a sandwich on like a silver plate into the sterilization chamber. That'd be good. Yeah. That's my kind of yacht. Yeah. No pepper. Sterile yacht with no pepper. Don't come near the food. Put it in the chamber. Let's go. Oh man. If you're in a yacht you've just got to eat like fucking...

like tin stuff and dehydrated stuff, right? It's all... none of it's like... What are you talking about? This guy's a billionaire. You think he's eating tin sweet corn? No. Does he have like a personal like... They've got chefs! They've got like a chef! Eating like caviar directly out of a dolphin's ass. Yeah. This guy's got money. He's a someone. He's not eating anything out of a can. Is that where caviar

comes from? No, it doesn't come from a dolphin. No, it doesn't, no. I wonder it's so expensive. It's a way of enjoying it though, right? That's a serving suggestion. Exactly. On the can of caviar. On a dolphin with caviar powder. It's got steps on how to eat it and stuff as well.

No? I went to Portugal. Nice. Any yachts? Not one, no. Sounds great. Not a lot. It was very dark there the whole time.

Very dark? Yeah, we were out dark there the whole time. Very dark? Yeah, we were out at night the whole time. Yeah, that's night time. Yeah, I know. It was nice, though. It was really cheap. Man, everything was so cheap. We were doing shots for €1.50.

Wow. So what was this holiday? It was a bachelor party. Oh, of course it was. A stag do. Surfing. I forget that you have other friends outside. So listen.

I'm kind of jealous. 20 Canadians in Portugal, I'd say half of them have never left Canada before. So they were like walking around going. Which was pretty fun. And we had surfing lessons. We had an hour and a half of surfing lessons in the morning. Oh, is there a video? No. But I had to wear a wetsuit, which is pretty nice.

Is there a picture? Maybe. But man, surfing is so hard. Like, it was crippling. I couldn't stand up once. It was unbelievable. You have to like do a push-up. I don't know how many push-ups you can do.

I can do zero. So you have to get onto the board, lay on it when the wave is coming at you, and then you have to turn around to ride the wave, do a push-up, stand up, and then surf. It's impossible. It sounds really hard. You need to be like that guy on the skateboard.

He's like, surf straight past you. I've got a tiny penis. It was good. Then we did an escape room, which was really bad. Was it like a really crappy escape room? It was pretty bad, yeah. It only lasted for an hour.

There was like five rooms. We did like one. That was pretty long. You mean it was really hard? It was hard, yeah. You had to do a lot of math and stuff. It was just crazy. What are your strengths if they're not push-ups or math? Where do you where's your powers?

I feel like those two are like interchangeable I Don't know if I have any powers honestly like right barely have the power to yes. Sorry right now No, I want to know what your like secret superpower is like if you were you've known me for a long time What do you think I excel at the most? Well, you don't have a microwave. No, this is true, yeah. You don't have a microwave?

No. Is that what he said? Yeah. Is that a superpower? Well, I mean, yeah. Not owning an appliance. Wow. Why don't you have a microwave?

I don't know. Just... What a superpower. It is 2019. It is. I don't know, man. Do you trust those things? They're just like...

Yes. What do you... Yes. You're one of those people that's like, it could blow up at any time. It's radiation, man. It could get into your brain. No, it's just like, I don't know.

It just seems so out of place. Do you like shy away from your washing machine when it's on the spin cycle in case the fucking drawer just comes flying out? No. Do you ever think about... Do you trust those things? I just think microwaves are just kind of weird. Changes of molecules.

Yeah. Food's poison. It dehydrates my salmon. I don't they're okay you gotta use them the right way I think responsible microwave usage right

yeah they're pretty handy I mean you bought like a rapid rapid fryer oh the which I saw in the fryer oh that's good

so you released a picture of your or a lot of video at the back because you've got Terry cam the little cam you picked it up

and showed the interior of your dad garage that's right, yeah. And it looked like a crazy hoarder's disaster zone. Which it's not. I saw the fryer. It was a lot of recycling. It was just a lot of...

So you're saying the fact that it looked like a crazy hoarder's place was an illusion, that actually that stuff is all really important, and you're saving it. No, no. Much like a hoarder would save. I'm not saving it. It's obstacles. It's like a home defense system. If somebody was to break into the garage and see all that crap,

they'd be like, all right. But behind all that crap is a lot of computer equipment. They'll never get to, yeah. It's camouflage. Exactly. Clever. I tidied it up, though. It's all tidy now. It's nice and clean.

I don't know if anybody saw it, but it's looking pretty nice. I want to see the update and also those wetsuit pictures and possibly the surfing video. And the surfing video, yeah. I want to see you on the surfboard, like, holding on for dear life. Okay. Oh, we're going to be washed out into the Atlantic. Yeah, imagine a man laying face down on a surfboard for an hour and a half.

That was me. Either underwater or face down on a surfboard. That was and a half. That was me. Either underwater or face down on a surfboard. That was his life. And the waves were really big, too. Like, overwhelmingly powerful. You forget how powerful the ocean actually is. Right. It's a little bit intimidating at times.

You get a little bit scared. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Well, it's a perfect place to wet yourself, I suppose. Yeah, that's true, yeah. In the wetsuit, it helps with the warmth and stuff too. You need to get a bit of... You know it. Have you ever done surfing?

It seems like the kind of crap you would have been into for a couple of weeks. Yeah. I've done a bit. Yeah, I tried it. What if you put that on your Tinder profile and did a yes, and then somebody came back to you and they're like, let's go surfing, and you'd never done it before, and you had to do a push-up.

Do you think you'd be able to pull off the date, or no? The push-up or the surfing? It's a big part of it. I think I could manage. I could always just bluff it, you know, be like, oh, my ankle's really sore. That's always a good look on a

first date. Yeah. You have fun. Let's go surfing. Oh, I've hurt my ankle. Yeah. I'll sit on the beach and you surf. That's it. I've never done surfing,

so never. Well, it's not too late, P-Flex. There aren't any big waves in Bournemouth. Or is it too late? I mean,

Bournemouth, come on, there must be a bit of surfs up. The waves are like this big. Right. Well, that's a good place to start.

I might have actually had a chance to stand up on waves that big, to be fair. You reckon? Yeah. Smaller waves. You'd just be preparing like this and there's a tiny wave crawling behind you. You hop up on the board and move two feet. You're like, yes! Put that on Tinder.

Too much. Yeah. That's all you need, like a little two-second clip. All done. You could Photoshop in a massive wave. That might work. Yeah. I'm sure that would go down fine. People do that.

They have themed, kind of funny profiles, like joke ones. See them all the time. What do you think... I'm very curious about Tinder, because it's completely missed me. Okay. We're back on this. I've got a lot of questions. I'm sure you about tinder because it's like completely missed me, okay? A lot of questions yeah, how? Like when you're swiping left and right remind me left was good right was bad whatever But right way is good in one way is bad right is good right is like a done doing the holding swipe right

Is not we save that one. Left is like, no. But is there a button you can push that just says, hi? How's it going? Because you don't know if you like them yet. That's a big statement. If somebody knows you, like does a swipe to say no, is there like a record of that? Like if you log into Tinder and you're like, you like this person, they did not like you.

He said no to me. Can you go through and be like, I would have said no to you as well? Does it work that way or not? No. Does it tell you which people have liked you and then say to you, what about these people? So yeah, if you like someone and they like you,

then you can chat. The thing is, that's pretty much how it works anyway. We didn't need technology. But now you're just casting your net in a wider geographical... That's it. It's just the convenience, right? Yeah. We live in the digital age, P-Flex.

It just confuses me. Everyone is... Did you guys see that streamer that was using kind of like the FaceApp, but it was like she was using it to stream and it glitched out for like a split second and she looked nothing like who she was broadcasting as like on stream did you see this no you should look it up it's pretty good we've moved on to the recommendations yeah yeah yeah no check it out we'll talk about it next time on 101. When we're back.

Are we going to do one? We haven't done enough. You're going to stop? I usually end series at 100. You want to stop the Triforce podcast? This is all I have. I live for this. I'm not in TTT or anything else. Because I said I didn't want to do it I

Think that is the defining characteristic of the P flex Yeah The source engine makes me feel sick. It gives me travel sick. Yeah, so we do a half-hour session I feel like I'm gonna puke that is you're the only person who has that issue. Yeah. Half-Life 2, I had to play it in half-hour chunks and go and have a lie down and then come back and play it a bit because I really wanted to finish it, but it made me feel horribly ill. How bizarre.

Just to counter Perian's point, I'm cool if we end it because I can just stream Minecraft full-time now because it's huge. It's huge. Minecraft, yeah. I bet you can't wait to get back to that. Absolutely, yeah.

Is your son able to play Minecraft yet? Is he? Yeah, he's all set up. Has he got the old computer? He's going to be teaching you stuff pretty soon. It's like he's scared

of a lot of stuff in Minecraft. When he plays on survival, he doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to go in a cave. He doesn't want to see creepers or anything. How old is he? Seven. Okay.

So he plays on creative so that he can't die. He's not scared of anything. My seven-year-old does the same thing. Yeah. Won't play on survival. Yeah, yeah. It's weird, isn't it? But my eldest was like, I'm really good now.

I play survival. Oh, yeah. Ten-year-old, yeah, it's weird isn't it? But my eldest was like I'm really good now. I play survival Ten-year-old. Yeah, she's brave. I remember being around your place and he was playing Mario maker and obviously it was room it was familiar because you know when I was seven I was probably playing Mario maker and I probably told this well not no Mario Mario Brothers the original and it just looked the same, because you can do the classic designs and stuff, the classic sprite set. And I've told this story before on this podcast, very likely.

He really has. He would just edit the game, move Mario to the goal, unedit the game, and finish the level. Every time. It's like the ultimate cheat. Yeah. I don't know if you guys ever had the Game Genie or anything. You had to plug it into the console and then put the cartridge into the Gen cheat. Yeah. I don't know if you guys ever had the game genie or anything.

You had to plug it into the console and then put the cartridge into the genie. And then you had that phone book of codes to make it do stuff. Yellow pages. And the one game that you had wasn't in that fucking vast tome. I think the younger you are, the more you're up for cheating at games

and stuff. I used to like doing that, but now I'm like, no way I would never cheat at a game or whatever. I want to play it on the hardest mode possible and get annoyed and blame the game and blame the developers and not myself. It would also suck if you streamed yourself cheating at a game.

Yeah, yeah. It happens. Some people get caught doing it, I guess. Clara! That's one of my favourite CSGO clips. Okay, good. This is one of the bits that gets cut normally because it's like a little end.

We'd play like a little clip here. Whatever. What are you saying? That was like a little jingle. You're saying that normally my comment then would have been edited out. I agree. I mean, the conversation just kind of went south.

Maybe that little bit on the end would. And this bit, obviously. It's all going. All going. None of this is being used. Cut all this. And then we pick it up with a new exciting topic. Go.

I've been caught it a thing. I've been working around the clock. The keynote was good, wasn't it? Did you like it? I hated it so much. You were dreadful. No, it was really good. Simon came up with the idea. Tom Bates wrote it all. Thank you, Tom Bates. And then I had to be pushed out on stage to actually do it. You did great. I was very

nervous. I know you were. Backstage. And I said, don't worry, this lot will love it. And they did. Yeah. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Very good. It's really good. If you can just keep laughing at all of the jokes, you know, it will really help out. It's the sign up there that says laugh. Is there? The jokes come up, yeah.

Okay. The Q, that's what they do. Steve's got a big lever. Yeah, that's it. It's just like, all right, we need some laughs. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's a pretty cool place. We spent a lot of time faffing around, trying to get it set up and stuff. A lot of people have put a lot of work in.

So, yeah. Like, I haven't really seen any. I didn't really see any of it until yesterday. Are you stressed out? Or are you... No, I'm calm now. I think everyone is, like... Now everyone's here safely.

And, like, everything seems to be working. Apart from the screen in front of me which says, Ignore that. Yeah, that literally says, Ignore that. Ignore what? seems to be working apart from the screen in front of me which says ignore that yeah that literally says ignore that ignore what? that could actually be a triforce catchphrase anyway ignore that, cut that

edit that we don't cut much actually no that's true because we're busy ignore that yo you're just keeping it gangster up here, yeah. You, oh wait. Extra 15 minutes for you. Oh no.

It's like we haven't even gone off stage and done the encore or anything. Oh my god. Still sat here. Think of all the things you could have done with this extra 15 minutes off stage. Like you could have gone to the bathroom. You could have gone outside for some fresh air. We could have done all these things and now we're stuck here for 15 more minutes. Because you couldn't wrap it up.

Yeah, because you couldn't wrap it up in time. You were desperately trying. I felt you were trying to end the podcast. It felt like you were winding it down, thanking people. And then Steve's just like, yeah, we'll give him another. Well, it said two minutes on there. So I was like, oh.

Oh, did it? Yeah. Oh, I see. I don't look at the directions. I was like, oh, we better round it off. I'm just like sort of putting a bookend on it. It's autopilot. You know you need to poop, but it's probably like 20 minutes away.

Yes. That was like that. All right. So what else is happening this weekend that you're especially proud of that you would like to big up for the next 15 minutes? I've already done that. You've already done it.

There's nothing else that you're looking forward to at all? Yeah. What are you looking forward to? Looking forward to meeting everyone. We had a little VIP dinner last night. Oh, yeah, that was good. Yeah, a VIP dinner. It was very...

awkward. Lewis dressed up as James Bond for the VIP dinner. I dressed up. No one else did. Came up to me and said, thanks for dressing up because I was wearing a T-shirt and jeans and a hat. Everyone else was too.

I mean, I didn't realize that everyone was going to dress up. Nobody did though. Just him. But a lot of the people, the VIPs at the dinner, I felt dressed up very nicely. And then there's me wearing these old jeans and a scrubby t-shirt with creases that I've been wearing all day.

And I was like, oh, I've really let everybody down. But I thought that's in keeping with my character anyway. Yeah. I think you were the most not genuine person there with your tuxedo suit on. You didn't even have the bow tie, though. It was loose.

You looked like some sort of tycoon or something. It's smarter without the tie on now. Yeah, you see them like... Because they have to look smart casual. I. It's smarter without the tie on now. Yeah. Yeah, you see them like, because they have to look smart casual. I think it's smarter because the implication is you're so important you don't need to wear a tie. Yeah. If you go to a business meeting and everyone's wearing a tie

and you're just like, hey everybody, and your shirt's undone, they think he must be in charge. Yeah. Coming back to Tinder, is that something like on your Tinder profile? He's planning his afternoon. Would you have like the shirt and the blazer on or stuff?

Or would you like go like... Yeah, what are you wearing i just i just like pushed out i just pushed out 20 sets and i got like yeah do you mix it up do you think you'd mix it up you don't want every picture to be business casual business casual business casual it's like i love to unwind it's like you clearly don't so you'd want to have one of you surfing on a tiny wave at bournemouth beach one of you overdressed with your friends wearing t-shirts what else could you go for you got it they're all the ones leaning on a tiny wave at Bournemouth Beach, one of you overdressed with your friends wearing t-shirts, what else could you go for? You got it. They're all the ones. Leaning on a sports car. One of you in a bathtub

full of baked beans. I think that would be a good one. Yeah. Also, I don't know, just, yeah, in a giant mascot suit, you know. Are there any people on there that are eccentric like that? Like, would you see a picture of a guy just, like, in a bathtub filled with baked beans, for example?

And would that guy get lots of yeses? That would be a yes from me, for sure. I love beans. I want to meet this guy, for sure. I think girls could get away with that kind of stuff. Guys would just swipe on every girl.

That's how it works. Whereas girls can be selective because of that. Well, in my experience. Not to toot my own horn or anything. No, you have to be careful. You have to put yourself up as best you can. You have to pick yourself up. It's dishonest though, isn't it?

Interests as little as possible. Not getting up early, cup of tea in the morning, vaping, like Dota. I feel like you need some help. Get in touch. The phone's ringing off the hook. Is there like a leaderboard that it shows you, like a public scoreboard? I would love to see it. This guy's got loads of swipes.

There's like a grandmaster's ladder on there. Yeah, can you unlock cosmetics? So you can dress up your, I was going to say in-game, but in-app pictures, now have a little crown or better lighting or something like that. Yeah. Competitive tindering. Ooh. Yikes. Why is that a yikes of all the stuff we've talked about? You can talk about backwash again for a bit if you want. Oh, it's so gross. Just an idea, guys. Would you eat the

beans if they were in the bath with the person? The person's in the beans. Beautiful woman in the bathtub full of beans. Oh, if it was a beautiful woman, yeah. Hell yeah. What about him? In the bathtub full of beans? I don't know. He's clean. He looks pretty clean. Well. Look at him.

I mean, I trust him. He's a clean guy. I'll say yeah. Not all the beans. What about my bathtub beans? I don't know about that. That's a no. Yeah. I wouldn't eat the beans. What about my bath of beans? I don't know about that. That's a no? Yeah. I wouldn't eat the beans out of the bath I was in. No, yeah, me neither. I wouldn't eat my own beans either.

Eat your own beans? No, no. What about you to me, Lewis? If you saw me, picture the scene, okay? You get home, it's late at night, There's nobody home. The lights are off. But hang on. You look upstairs. There's a light on upstairs. What's going on?

Weird. Then you hear some smooth jazz coming down the stairs. I didn't leave my radio on upstairs. What the hell's going on? So you trudge upstairs and the music's getting louder and you can smell baked beans. What's going on up here? You open the door and there I am. Just laying in a bathtub smell baked beans. What's going on up here? You open the door and there I am, just laying in a bathtub full of beans.

They've got to be right up to your face. What's your first thought? Just your face is showing. Thank God somebody made dinner for me. Before you can say anything, start telling me about the bath plug. What? The bath plug.

That bath plug after the beans is going to be a nightmare. It's going to get all gummed up straight away. Imagine you accidentally, because you know sometimes you accidentally let a bit of, like, I don't know if you're like me, but sometimes I just play around with the bath plug in the bath. Just let a little bit of water out. If you let a couple of beans out, you'd never be able to squish it back down, you know? There'd be too many beans in there. How do you get them out anyway?

Well, they're just like, I don't know. You'd have to scoop them out with a mug, take the mug downstairs to the bin, tip it, come all the way back upstairs. Oh, my God. You could drop them off the balcony on the stairs. You're going to throw your beans off the balcony. You could set up a guttering system.

Get one of those builders, the brick thing, for when they throw rubble down from the top of the building and it goes down the fun chute into the skip. But you're just putting beans, they're just gradually oozing down the inside of the thing. Would you eat those beans? Just straight at the end of the tube. Just waiting. More! They're coming, I can see them.

Just... Oh, do you know what? You just need to get a bed set up down there. This is why we don't normally do this live, so you can't see these types of things. Delving into fantasy territory here. The nicest possible fantasy, though.

Nice. Alright, that's enough. Yeah enough yeah that's it we're done thank you everyone thank you guys guys have fun and thanks for coming as well. We've had fun-ish. We're not finished.

There's still loads of stuff we're doing. No, but we're done here right now. We're done here, yeah. This is like the most standard podcast we've ever done, but there just was an audience. Like, this is exactly what it's like every week, right? I thought it would be kind of different, but it wasn't. It was the same.

Well, I don't feel bad. It's consistent. I wanted to see that canon go different, but it wasn't. It was the same. Well, I don't feel bad. It's consistent. I wanted to see that canon go off. Fine, consistent. It went off already. Oh, yeah. All right, we did it. We did it.

All right, bye, everyone. We're done. Bye. Thank you.