Triforce! - Triforce #100.5?: Bonus Bodega Book Read

Episode Date: August 10, 2019

Triforce! Episode 100... .5? The Bodega Book is here! Pyrion gives us a sneak peak at a future chapter and Lewis and Sips distract him. Put Bodega on your body: https://yogsca.st/BodegaverseTee Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh. How? How did it go? Very nice. That's all we do. We just sit on a sofa for an hour. Very nice. That's all we do. We just sit on a sofa for an hour. Just relax. Yeah.

How are you guys all doing this morning? They're doing woo. Are you sitting comfortably? Okay. So I've got this book that I wrote. And the idea was that I was going to read some of it to you guys. I don't know how you guys feel about that. Good.

Why are your faces all purple? Look, they all have purple faces. Yeah, that's true. I thought it was a cosplay thing. It's not just a flux. Dildonians. Dildonians, yeah, that's right. They do feature.

Are they purple? Are they purple? It depends what color of dildonian it is. I think the best dildos are always yeah, that's right. They do feature. Are they purple? Are they purple? It depends what color of Dildonian it is. I think the best Dildos are always purple, aren't they? I guess so. And they glow in the dark. I hadn't considered what color scheme the Dildonians had gone for. Yeah, yeah.

Do they have a cast system? That could be in a sequel. We might have a delve into the deep dark world. A deep lore dive into the Dildonians. You have like the simple grunt works at the bottom. Just the simple... Like the drone. The drones.

And then you have... They go up to the very complicated... The vibrating Dildonians. Grunting Dildonians. Vibrating Dildonians. I guess you get those big machines. The bucking bronco ones and stuff. Those aren't for that.

Are they not? You've seen those at a bar and you've thought, wow, that's the biggest dildo I've ever seen. I thought that was for that. Yeah, the grinding. I don't think they are. The grind. You guys want to hear some of this?

Do you want to start already? Wow. Well, don't read too much of it. What are we going to do? Nobody will buy it if you read the whole thing. Do you want to chill? Well, no, we can start. Read your favorite excerpt to start.

Well, no, I was going to read a bit from the start of this one chapter that hasn't gone out yet. Okay. Because I thought, you know. It's new content. Yeah, don't read the old chapters. Everybody said those. Don't get too excited, okay? Yeah, please don't get too excited.

You guys ready? Yeah. Yeah. Do we need to set the scene? Do we need to give anything background, or do we just launch in? Maybe a little bit. They're coming up. The crew of the Disco Valencia are coming up with a plan.

That's the setup. Okay. Right. All right. Yeah, I know. I'm in. That was enough of a build-up for me. Fully invested.

Do you want to describe the Bodega universe a bit, just to set the scene of where we are? I want to know... So this is after all the stuff that we did? I don't want to know story stuff. I just want to know the universe. You want me to describe the universe? Yes. Like the world.

What would it be a world building? Just for my head. Head canon. Okay. Like, where are we? What year is it? Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought about that. Like, where are we? Like, what year is it? Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought about that.

But, future. Or, It's the future. Very distant past. No, no, it's the future. Earth was a thing. It still is a thing. I mentioned it a couple of times,

I think. Okay. So, Earth is a thing. So, this is like the future and we've all met up with all these other, there is actually a bit in the bit I'm going to read

that explains some of that stuff. Oh, I don't know why I bothered. It's literally the next page. Just wasted all of your time. Well, so do people have faster-than-light travel? If you literally wait... All right, fuck me. It's just like reading stories to my kids.

It's unbelievable. All right, you ready? Yeah. All right, so this chapter's called Zero One. They stopped being numbered sequentially a long time ago. Just got to get comfy here. All right, you ready? Yeah. All right, so this chapter's called Zero One. They stopped being numbered sequentially a long time ago. Just gotta get comfy here. All right. Yeah, should we take our shoes off? Yeah, get into your bodega, listening.

Just gotta get comfy. I have to close my eyes when I listen to these. Yeah, that's cause you're going to sleep. Yeah, me too. When we used to do this on the podcast, I used to just fully recline and get right into the zone. Okay, go. Ready? And if he snored, we had to cut it out. That's some model he got there, Neb, said Bodega, wearing only his space underpants,

hands on hips as he surveyed the vast diorama Nebish had constructed in the cargo bay of the Disco Volante. So much detail. So much accuracy. It looked like the work of pilflorian ants rather than the work of a single man. Okay, pilflorian ants. Right, okay, I'm good. Thanks, it's taken me around three months to complete it, said Nebish, but it's finally done. I want a meeting at noon. I'll tell you the plan.

Okay, well, that's lunchtime is the only problem, said Bodega, rubbing his stomach. Can you, Bodega interrupted, with a simple raised palm, if you're asking me and Rab to skip or postpone lunch, you're out of your gork-durn mind. Fine, we'll make the meeting 1pm?

Cutting it pretty close, said Bodega, scowling. Two? Uh, three? That's fine, seeowling. Two? Eh. Three? That's fine. See you then. Nebbish sighed. He'd agreed to this rescue of Tamira, and somehow, for three years, despite working more or less alone on the entire planning

stage, he'd maintained his focus. So, just to let you guys remind you of who Tamira is. Can we just butt in at any time? Of course. Are there pictures in the book at all? No. Man. Not even one? No. Damn. There's one on the front.

Well, yeah, I know, but like, I don't know. The way a book works is you put the pictures in your mind. What about like a map? You know, like in the Lord of the Rings books, there's always... There's no map. What the hell? Well, he was only dealing with Middle Earth I mean, how do you draw a map of a universe?

Or galaxy really yeah You could lots of dots exactly that's the best you could come up with just some dots and then when the stars move you got To release a new addition with the adjusted star positions. Yeah Well, why do you for later maybe do the map? Okay, I'll do the map We could whip up a map you took your shoes off. Yeah, why don't you do that? You do the map. Okay, I'll do the map. We could whip up a map. We could whip up a map. You took your shoes off. Yeah, he's relaxed.

Jeez. Gee whiz. Gee whiz. Anyway, sorry. That's all right. So Tamira was a woman in an earlier chapter. I think it was, let me see which chapter was it. What was his girlfriend's name again?

Majesta. That's right. He's got a lot of ladies interested in bodegas. The last time you read these to us was... Years. Yeah, it's been a while. Literal years. So it was way back in chapter 20. What's that in Spanish?

No, this was when we stopped in Spanish because we didn't know the numbers anymore. What did we get up to? Ocho and then nothing else. Yeah, we were just like, let's just go to numbers. We forgot. Not 20-ino. We get as far as... 20-erino.

Part. It says quince, but I guess that's quince. That's 15. And then we were like, 16. Good, okay. Yeah, so Tamira was way back there, and she kind of is a spy. Do you remember? And they met in a bar.

Do I need to refresh your memory? Yeah. Yes, go for it. Tamira sat back to the wall in the darkest corner. This is a completely different chapter. As she'd been trained, the Wallop, which was the name of the bar, was a bar like few others. Right. Does this ring any bells?

No. Yeah, yeah. Instead of paying an entry charge, customers were expected to show a life insurance policy at the door, and those without weapons were turned away. She'd calculated her chances of making it out of this pit unharmed at around 40%, and death itself was around a 5% likelihood. Okay, this is starting to ring a one bell. Still, for a chance to meet with Bodega,

she figured the odds were in her favor. Yeah, it goes on, and eventually I think they get captured by the forces of Krem Slumdom. There's like an attack, fleet comes in, Bodega gets glued, loads of glue, he chants at her to run run away and then there's some stuff that covers what happened to her they don't want to give away so what do you what do you call the bodega universe is it the bodega verse the bodega verse yeah okay good it says it right

there on the cover the bodega verse i like that okay okay uh oh yeah so nebbish has been maintaining his focus and it says probably because he fancied the pants off of Tamira, even if she almost certainly felt nothing for him in return beyond friendship. And that was fine. She was still notionally a member of their crew, even if only loosely. As a friend of Bodega, she was considered non-expendable, and friends were never left behind. Never.

Don't worry, Tamira, we're coming, Nebbish said, as he adjusted the tiny brim on the tiny hat on the tiny bodega model with a tiny pair of tweezers. As models of alien worlds go, it really was some work of art. Sadly for Nebbish, the craft and detail would almost certainly be totally underappreciated by his compadres. So he's built like a big model to explain the plan. Yeah.

Yeah? After bodega and Rab's usual vast and smouldering lunch, the rest of the crew assembled around the cargo bay on plastic folding chairs. Bodega, Rab, Varu. Do you remember who Varu was? Big robot? Yes.

And even Reed, who'd taken a sabbatical from work specifically for this job. Nebbish stood before them, laser pointer in hand. You all right? Yeah, I'm... I'm okay. I'm excited. It's like... You don't have to be.

No, that's fine. That's fine. I'm gripped. Okay, you've read this. I know, and I can't remember this bit. I was mostly doing grammar checking. It's true. He was mainly checking for grammar and spelling. Guys, this is it. This is without doubt the biggest, most complex job we've ever attempted.

There's a chance one or more of us will not survive, although I've done everything I can to minimize that risk. There's also an extremely good chance we'll learn the location of Tamira and be able to rescue her, assuming she's still alive three years down the line. There's also, of course, the possibility that we will become wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. Now, said Nevesh, we finished off that last part in a rush near mumble before returning to the diorama. Explain that part again, said Reed, piping up suddenly. The money part, sighed Nev, turning back. He'd hoped that the entire focus of the presentation would not be the money part. Once they got into the money part, they'd start

talking about nothing else. Yes, replied Reed, shifting slightly in his seat. Not that my entire interest in this little caper stems from the promise of money, but it is nonetheless intriguing. Well, I'll come to that part in due time, Reed, I assure you. Fine, let me know when you get to that bit, said Reed, as he leant back in his chair and appeared in all honesty to be trying to go to sleep, a bit like Sips. Nebbish sighed again. Now I've got to do the Rab voice, which is tough, because I'm bad at doing it. Hold on, pal, said Rab quickly. These robots don't need money, aye.

So, how are we going to get rich? As I said, I'll come to that bit, and you'll all know when I come to that bit, okay? Aye, go on then. This, he began wearily, using his vid-screen projector, to generate a large holographic panorama in mid-air, is the planet Zero-One. It is a machine world. Spinning before them, they saw the holographic projection of a steel-gray planet that looked more like a ball bearing than a habitable world. It had deep scratches that ran in perfectly straight lines

on sections of it, mainly around the equator, but for the most part it was smooth and featureless. No water, no climate visible. It was like God had lost his most boring marble. A long time ago, computers were tasked with running everyday life for most beings in the galaxy. New advances in artificial intelligence, driven forward at speed by the exchange of ideas

during the great conglomeration of worlds. Asterisk, footnote. Now this is what you were asking about. There's loads of footnotes, because I just wanted to put a footnote. I love footnotes. I love footnotes. Sure.

All right, so this is, you might get this reference. The great conglomeration of worlds was one of the more surprising and beneficial developments that had come about when humanity finally ventured out into the stars upon meeting their first alien race it turned out that they too had only just developed faster than light travel and that all the other races they met had similarly advanced only to this exact stage all their pending scientific advances also seem to be

moving forward at similar rates in fields such as new forms of propulsion, weaponry, social structure, farming or mining techniques and so on. So I might point out at this point I was playing a lot of Stellaris. Each of the races seemed to have almost a roadmap laid out before them and some felt that this roadmap was almost certainly going to lead them to a massive space war. It was such a baffling and weird state of affairs that the many races got together and formed the Galactic Council, and agreed

that something really, really strange was going on, so they should definitely not have a massive space war, and that they should just all come together as one and be as chill as possible. The resolution passed unanimously, barring one single planet, Earth. Still, one versus everyone was never going to work, so Earth was bound by the galactic law.

Expressing outrage at this situation kept a few Earth politicians in jobs, since they could point to the galactic council and remind everyone that, yeah, they were bound by it, but they voted against it so it wasn't their fault. Wars were still fought, of course. Beings will be beings after all. But there had yet to be that one god-awful space war that results in the death of trillions and the dawn of a terrible new age. Still, there's always a chance of a sequel if this book does okay. Nice. So the end of the book, not to like spoil it, I guess it's left open so that you can make sequels and expand on the Bodegaverse, right? Yeah, of course. I'm not stupid.

Would you ever be interested in doing a crossover with the Wackiverse? The Wackiverse? Yeah. Explain. Well, I have a character called Peter Pennywhacker. Oh, yeah. And he would fit in perfectly to some of this. Describe him to me.

Well, conveniently, Sips has the new book. Yes. No, I don't. I made him in FIFA. I remember the FIFA game. He had a big golden fro. Yes, yes. He looked like a leather handbag with big golden fro. Yes, yes. He looked like he was... He looked like a leather handbag

with a golden fro. So what would be his role in the Bodegaverse? I don't know. Friend of Bodega? Enemy? Or just a guy he bumps into? Either. Both. Think about it anyway.

So he's lived... Is this the same guy? He's lived into the future. Yeah. Still can play football. Yeah. He can time travel easily, so it's fine. So he's an immortal time-traveling footballer.

Yeah. He's got his own theme park and everything. What's the theme park called? Jeffland. Duh. Yeah, geez. I don't know what I was thinking. Anyway, think about it. I know. Absolutely. We could do it. Yeah, geez. I don't know what I was thinking. Anyway, think about it.

I know, no. If you want to do... Absolutely. We could do it. Call my people and I'll have a go. I'll call your people, yeah. Cross-divers do great. They do, yeah.

Do they? In all cases? Yeah. Marvel versus Capcom. Great crossover. Yeah, okay. Worked out pretty good. Alien versus Predator.

Alien versus Predator. Was it good? Really good one. When the... Remember? Batman vs. Superman. Batman vs. Superman. That was a really good one, too.

You're really selling this. Yeah. Really. Remember how they had the original Cosby show, and then they had the one with the daughter in it, and then there was the new Cosby show. We literally spoke about this on the previous podcast. I'm not even kidding.

Really? Yes. Like 99.9, I think it was. It might have been the one before. That's kind of a crossover, sort of. But I guess... No, it was just characters from that show going off to different things.

We even talked about it. It was called A Different World, I think. And they go off to college. Do you remember? And then I talked about all the spin-offs from Happy Days. It's all right. I mean, normally we wait like 10 or 12 episodes before we forget something.

But now it's getting episodes away, so we can't remember. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm getting old. I heard there was a thing that happened in your bath. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, give us an in your bath. Oh, yeah.

Give us an update on that. Well, I've got to replace the plug. It doesn't work. It's stuck all the time. You've got to keep that plug now, though. Yeah, I know. You could sell it, probably, at the Yogg store. A plug that doesn't work.

Maybe next time we have a YoggCon, they have that display case of artifacts. I'll bring it in and we can put my bath plug in there. Yeah, it's perfect. Think about it anyway. No, I'll think about it. I'll get in touch with your people and we'll do it.

Yeah, do it. Anyway, sorry. Carry on. Please, I knew this would be like this. I like the footnotes and also I like, the reason I like Bodega I guess is because it's full of, it feels a lot like Terry Pratchett you know in a sense

Is that a big inspiration? I've read some of his stuff, when I was younger I read a lot of his stuff But that footnote for example does remind me of a typical Terry Pratchett bit where it's kind of something you just want to do a little bit of world building and make a couple of funny jokes. Yeah, yeah. And it just works nicely in that format.

I like that. I love them. And I like the little jokes that aren't just big laughs. It's a classic thing in the Hitchhiker's Guide and things like this. It's full of little jokes as it goes. But that's the kind of world building I like. You know, rather than obvious stuff, it's full of little jokes as it goes and it's not but that's the kind of world building i like little you know rather than obvious stuff it's just tucked away yeah and absolutely no i saw like that's what anyway i've just just given you compliments for no reason

you never do that i know just think about it anyway yeah okay um is is this book going to be available in any other format other than just like a paperback book like are you going to be available in any other format other than just like a paperback book? Are you going to do a hardcover, like limited edition? I was talking to Mike and Harry and Keith about that and I don't know if it's worth doing a hardback. Come on, why not?

We were thinking of doing a different printing. Well, I think it looks like a modern self-printed that's what I did it wants to look like an 80s crappy that's what I said it should be little and dusty and and fat yeah and thick yeah so we'll probably reprint it like that maybe cool what do an audio where are you gonna have it like on the Kindle and stuff like I don't know how to do that so I have no idea I can do it for you. I can't. No, I was going to say. And what about is there going to be like an audio book? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Nice. Narrated by you? Yes. I mean, who else am I going to get to do it? I think we're going to see if we can get like a studio near where he lives and he can just go there for the day and read it to him. I'm not going to join. I'm not going to go down. No, I'm not going to get you guys in because it would just

be like this people be like this is the worst studio i've ever worked because three pages in and now they're talking about bath yeah sorry about that so i was just going to read it and i guess we'll put it on the okay internet nice yeah that'd be That'd be fun. It's a fun thing to do. You don't want us in the background just laughing while you're reading and stuff?

You could do a director's cut where you guys have to listen to it and by the end of it you're just really annoyed. Like snoring. Yeah. Like a 32 hour long

director's cut. Of you sleeping and you wake up and it's still going. Yeah, that'd be good. I'd be up for that. Nice. Exciting.

How long would it take to read the whole thing cover to cover? I think the average book is about 8 to 10 hours. Damn. To read. So 2 minutes 50.

How long could you talk for? 8 to 10 hours. I don't know, I could give it a go. You take breaks, right? Yeah. I don't think I'd do it in one session. What if you're like, you know, I could give it a go. You take breaks, right? Yeah. I don't think I'd do it in one session.

What if you're really amped up for an hour, and you're reading it with a lot of passion and energy and stuff, and then you go off and you have a two-hour break and a siesta, and you drink a bit and stuff, and you come back, and your energy levels aren't the same and your tone is different? Exactly. How are you going to achieve consistency? I don't know.

Right, okay. I haven't thought about it. No, we haven't really thought about it. Are you thinking you'd want to hire someone to read the book? No. Like a professional? No, I'm just curious. I've never...

I've never done it. I've never known anybody who's done anything like this before. Me neither. Let's get Stephen Fry up in this. Stephen Fry? Yeah. I don't think we can afford Stephen Fry. Lewis can.

I don't think I can afford Stephen Fry. Let's see what I can do. Okay. Do you want to hear some more? Sure. Okay. No. We should just sit here for the next 25 minutes.

Of course. So I'm just trying to find where I was. Oh, yeah. New advances in artificial intelligence driven forward at speed by the exchange of ideas during the great conglomeration of worlds. That was the footnote bit we talked about. Right, yeah. Meant that sentient beings no longer needed to handle

most day-to-day tasks. Anything you could do with your hands or your mind could be done by machine. Leisure became the de facto job of everyone in the galaxy on a developed world. Ain't no way I'm letting some machine fly the disc over land, that's for sure, said Bodega, leaning back in his chair and grinning. In the cockpit, the thankfully unintelligent autopilot unit was unable to process

this terrible and hugely unfair insult. Nebbish continued. After AI got dangerously good at its job, people started getting bored. Without the purpose afforded to them by a job even a menial and pointless one people started to drink more take drugs more and to fight more first among themselves later among the different races new and powerful anti-machine political groups formed religious groups quickly amended their hot takes on their race's particular ancient holy scripture to reflect the change in public opinion and the lord spaketh and said lo computers are really bad you get the idea

in order to head off catastrophe the gc decreed that artificial intelligence should never again be permitted to get within half the mental capacity of sentient beings. In other words, Varu is only half as smart as me, aye, said Rab, perking up noticeably. Technically, yes, assuming you're at least half as smart as the average for your species, Rab. Aye, that sounds about right, I'd say, said Rab, who leant back in his chair alongside Bodega,

but who underestimated how much he'd eaten for lunch and toppled over backwards into a heap. Varu turned to him, the robot's great chrome head, expressionless as ever. Had the Galactic Council... You made me do this voice. Had the Galactic Council allowed it, my humor circuit would currently be overloaded,

as would my I-told-you-so programming. Sadly, your species is too weak-willed to admit this, said Varu. Since AI was now banned galaxy-wide, this left the GC with a problem. They had sworn to protect almost all life that was intelligent and wasn't delicious. Computer programs aren't edible, but the AI ones were certainly intelligent. Smarter than people, in fact. So it was decided the machines would get their own world. And that's all one? asked Bodega. No, said Nebbish. The machines were to be given a brand new world,

colonized for them by Galactic Council member planets, and kept secret as a sort of surprise. Naturally, the machines had learned of its construction and had a vast simulated eye-rolling upon reading the plans and laughing amongst themselves. It was, frankly, all wrong. Luckily, the machines had successfully predicted where the political winds were blowing and had been constructing their own world in secret for several years. So that's all one, said Bodega firmly, yet somehow still uncertainly. Precisely, said Nevis. Bodega grinned and leaned back perilously further in his chair. There is no inherent planetary atmosphere, no water, no clouds, no wind.

Down here on the surface is nothing but machinery, computers stacked up in arrays miles high, each containing millions of artificial intelligence beings living out whatever lives they lead in whatever virtual worlds they've constructed for themselves. All connected via the frankly dizzying network that snakes around the entire planet. A planet that's nothing but computers,

said Reed, shaking his head. What about power? We're not sure. Nobody knows exactly what powers this mammoth sea of electronics. I don't want to read too much more. Man, you know who you should get to read this? The guy that

read the quotes yesterday. The actor? Yeah, yeah. He would be great. Fucking good, right? Like, jeez, that would be great. What was that guy's name, the actor? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Him. That guy.

I'll have my people call his people. Yeah, yeah. Do it. Oh, my gosh. So is that all we're getting? Yeah, I think so. We've got some questions. They were random, of course. Yeah, you don't want to spoil it too much.

Oh, no. You've left me wanting more. Well, that's the way you sell books. That's what you're supposed to do. left me wanting more. Well, that's the way you sell books. That's what you're supposed to do. So did you pick a good chapter that was not necessarily attached to anything?

Yeah, no, I didn't want to give too much away. No, it feels like one of those sample chapters that you'd see at the end of... That's such a kind comment. Yeah, it's nice. It feels like a sample chapter. Like a Lipsomorum or whatever it's called. No.

Or a Mipsom. Like at the end of some books you get a sample chapter. Oh, right. To give you a flavor. Yeah, yeah. And you read it and it's like, oh. Nah, I'm all right. So I'm excited.

I'm excited for people to get their hands on it and see what they think. Have people got it yet? When's it coming? The 7th, I think. Unfortunately, it was meant to be out on the 29th but well were people able to pre-order the book yeah okay who who's done that anybody three people like three people yeah that's pretty good that's more than three yeah i know i can sell a book too so i'm only joking some of them were putting their hands down during the reading. No. Cancel. Oh, my God.

All right. We can do questions, I guess. Yeah, we've got to put some mic around, right? There's a mic around. There it is. Questions? If you have a question that you want to ask us, stick your hand up. He's very brave.

Keep it cool. There's a guy with his hand over there. Okay. So are the chapters from the point of view of Bodega and other characters, or just Bodega, or how does it work? There's a very big chapter that's not from his point of view at all. And I think there are other points

in the book that aren't really anything that he can see. But most of it is, you know, it being called Bodega, the book, it would be kind of weird if he was like true hey it's me again remember me from chapter three we haven't seen him so yeah it's mostly him but i try to do the rest of the crew as well sometimes okay thank you yeah good answer that's right yeah stick to the script flex sorry what Well, there isn't a script.

So, can we talk about how I messed up and didn't lift left in the bonus chapters? Yeah, so there are two chapters in here that the editor was like, cut those. I was like, oh yeah, and he explained why, and I was like, yeah, that's a really good point. And then I sent Lewis the final version where I made all the changes that the editor had suggested I'd made. Except you didn't cut the chapters out. Because I didn't know how to use the thing that he'd sent me. I'm crap with words. So I just put a note saying, yep, fine, cut these.

And I thought they would handle it. So Lewis just looked at it, changed some spelling mistakes, and then sent it off. So there's two chapters in there that aren't really related to the story at all they're just like short stories that you could just stand alone one of them is set on a planet that reed and bodega turn up to in the sort of break that there is in the book before nebbish reveals his plan and then one of them is about a young bodega and how his first combat experience and that was it nice and then the editor was like yeah cut those i was like okay but now they're just in it's more value yeah you've got free two two free chapters that's it yeah so yeah i don't know like i feel a bit bad because he was like oh you know keeps the flow better but i was like i don't think it's i thought i thought they were all right i thought they were right that's why i put him. Yeah. Then he probably knows what he's doing.

No. It's not a conventional... You're not... This is your first foray into this. You're quite new. Yeah, it's true. And the person who was the professional editor was my cousin. So, you know, we've kind of...

He was great, though. We've kind of just done it a little bit. He gave me the nicest comments. He'd be like, this was great. Laughed out loud at this bit and stuff like that. I was like, wow. Yeah. Lewis is just like, yeah, all right. Yeah, we could do a little bit. He gave me the nicest comments. He'd be like, this was great. Laughed out loud at this bit and stuff like that. I was like, wow. Lewis is just like, yeah, alright. We could do a bodega. Sips is just asleep

when I'm reading it. I would have edited it, no problem. Fine. Peter Pennywhacker. Yeah, suddenly an exciting new character. Fine, replace bodega with Peter Pennywhacker. That would have been funny. Replaced Mega Vape with Afro. Yes.

I'll think about it. Think about it. I'll think about it. You're Peter Paul. Do we have another question? Hey, guys. Hello. So previously before, we found out that Bodega is a haired man.

And I was just wondering if in the book we get a really good physical description of Bodega at any point? No, that's something I haven't really done. I'm very bad at describing what the people look like in the book for some reason. I don't know why. Because I said to the editor, reading back through this, I haven't

actually described the characters very much at all. And he was like, yeah, don't worry about it. Most people just fill in the blanks anyway. And he was like, yeah, don't worry about it. Most people just fill in the blanks anyway. And I'm like, yeah, that's probably true. Like, I've got an idea of what he looks like, and I could put that in the book, but I guess everybody's got their idea of what he looks like. If you leave it too long, though, and

people develop their own idea of what he looks like, they'll be disappointed when you finally do a reveal of what he looks like. That was the other thing. I thought there's already, people have already done fan art and stuff, so I don't want to ruin it by saying no actually you know is it like the radio dj you know you always get disappointed when you see them in real life yeah i guess he is like terry wogan who's disappointed to see terry wogan who's suave every time i saw him i was disappointed oh monster i'm just joking with terry yeah you know um well

this is why he's on the cover as this shadow, right? Yeah, we know he's kind of a space cowboy. Probably wears a cowboy hat. I always think of him as you with a hat. No, he's not like me at all. He's thin and cool and strong. Do you think he'd be old or young? I don't.

I mean, he's clearly not young. He's been around the block. Right. But he's obviously not. He's not past it. No, he's not past young. No. He's been around the block. Right. But he's obviously not. He's not past it. No, he's not past it. Is he at his prime or is he past his prime? I'm thinking Clint Eastwood in his prime, that kind of grizzled, but, you know.

Randy Quaid. Definitely not like Randy Quaid. Okay, sorry. So he's just over the edge of his prime. I would say, you know, do you remember Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry? Yeah. He was, like, getting on a little bit. A little bit remember Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry? He was like getting on a little bit, but he still

was Dirty Harry, right? He wasn't like some young kid, but equally he wasn't like an old man. He was grizzled enough that he was still good. Cynical, grizzled, but still good. Clint Eastwood in The Line of Fire was probably pushing it. That was too old.

He's not in The Line of Fire. He's too old. Or Unforgiven. That's too old. That would be subsequent Bodega books. We'd be getting awards. Old Man Bodega. That's like 100 years old now. I'm not even joking.

Yeah, Clint Eastwood is really old. Yeah. He was directing films, wasn't he? Didn't he do one with a horse in it? Horse. Did Clint Eastwood direct a film with a horse in it? Yes. That's my question.

I'm going to go with yes. Do you have an answer for me? I think he directed Unforgiven. He with a horse in it. Yes. That's my question. I'm going to go with yes. Do you have an answer for me? I think he directed Unforgiven. He did Unforgiven. He did The Million Dollar Baby. He's done loads of movies. He did... Sully.

He did that. Sully. He did... Gran Torino, I think, was his. Gran Torino. I think the old Space Western is a big inspiration. I mean, Star Wars definitely has a lot of that space western feel to it. Yeah.

With the gun on the hip and everything. I mean, that's very, you know, space opera, space cowboy kind of thing. Yeah. And I like that. And Firefly. I really like Firefly. You find that, like, space and sci-fi stuff does fall into these categories of, like, sometimes people treat spaceships like submarines, you and they have this kind of or like pirate

ships they have this like ship mentality to them where you're isolated and other people are more um like like futuramas more wild and bonkers and kind of crazy sci-fi i like the different choices and it feels like bodega's there's a mix it's a whole mix of all bits of it you've got you've got this room enough in the Bodegaverse for, and deliberately so, to have this universe of wonders. Yeah, it's not like Star Trek, where it's all kind of clean and defined. Yeah.

And there's nothing like money or stuff like that. You know, there's just latinum, which the Ferengi are always after. Latinum. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's more, if I think of something that I want to put in it,

there's no strict rules, so I can just chuck it in. Yeah, that's a good answer. Yeah, thanks, good question. That was a top, top... Do we have any other questions? Boom. Lots of hands going up.

See, it takes a few brave bodega-style pioneers to break the question boundary, and then suddenly everybody's... I know, there's tons now. What the hell? Hi. So, you mentioned that, obviously, Stellaris had played a point in inspiring part of your description in the book. So, are there any other video games or even movies that have played, like, a big part in helping you write this, or...? Video games. I mean, movies and books. Name any sci-fi, and I've probably watched it.

I mean, I love it. Yeah, we've watched Red Dwarf. Yeah, all that stuff. Anything sci-fi-ish, I've probably watched it at some point. And then some of it's probably been stolen and shoved in the book. More recently would probably be Stellaris, right? I mean, i play a lot of stilaris and there's certainly i i do think it's weird that everything in stars you all start

from pretty much the same point and i'm like what are the chances of that you know what i mean that we all have ftl at the same point because you bump into some guys that like way behind you should bump into some guys that are way ahead and stilaris does kind of have that but i always turn it off i just want it all to be even right so yeah it's a bit cheaty to me but it's not cheaty no it's in the game it's not cheating i haven't put my game genie in oh yeah it's my code good point yeah wait no i mean you must have seen so many do you worry that like that you know we forget obviously what we've talked about on the Trifles podcast last week. Do you worry that you played or watched some sci-fi thing 10 years ago

and you're unintentionally ripping it off or something? There's literally a chapter in there where I explain I apologize for doing exactly that. Right. I think that happens a lot, though. Well, there's a Charlie Brooker episode. You know Black Mirror? Yeah.

So there's an episode in that where a guy gets stuck in an in a sort of egg and time passes incredibly slowly for him it sort of sucks his brain into this thing it's like a prison and you're in there for years but only a few minutes pass outside and that kind of happens in there but i hadn't seen that episode of black mirror at that point so then like came up with the idea for that? Yeah, but his was way better. The way he did it was way better.

Mine was just kind of, well, it's Dagger-ish. It's hard to tell sometimes if you are sort of like drawing inspiration from something you've seen or not. But I hadn't seen it and people pointed out to me. I was like, what do you mean there was a Christmas episode of Black Mirror? And everyone was like, go and watch it. So I found it. I was like, oh my God.. So I found it. I was like, oh my god.

Yeah, I remember this. Because, I mean, that must happen all the time. I'm constantly stealing people's ideas and thinking they were my ideas. It's just part of... You can't avoid it. Yeah, when we were doing the pub quiz yesterday, you know the quote thing? With the true or false, you just put true for everything.

It's like, oh, that sounds like a good one. You can't remember. It's hard to remember like what you've said or seen throughout your life but yeah it's funny because sometimes people in the audience know things we've said way better than us yes and they'll they'll say oh do you remember when you said this and i'm like i can't remember saying that at all yeah i'm really fresh in their mind. I worry a lot that when we tell our anecdotes, we tell them differently every fucking time. I try not to do that. But I have done that to a friend of mine.

I do this to my mate all the time. I'm telling him a story, and he's like, I was there. And that's not how it happened. I was like, oh, yeah, no. I've been telling loads of other people this story, and I was telling him wrong this whole time yeah he's like i was there that's not how it went down then he tells me the correct version but that version still doesn't stick i've still got the wrong version

in my head we live in this imperfect like world where you just have to kind of roll with it you know it's like you know a lot of history and a lot of stories that we're told about history are obviously written by the victors and it's not necessarily you know a lot of history and a lot of stories that we're told about history are obviously written by the victors and it's not necessarily you know a lot of stuff is pieced together I was looking at that picture of William Shakespeare yesterday everyone thinks it's him but I think it's just a random fucking guy

could just be some dude but now that's Shakespeare yeah exactly anyway that's an off topic thing has anyone got another question? hello so for people like me and Sips who like picture books, would you consider doing a Bodega comic? Come on.

It lends itself so well. I would love to. Yeah. I know some people out there have done, like, taken bits from the podcast episodes and drawn and sort of put the dialogue in and stuff. I mean, I love comics. I read comics all the time. I always have. I've got piles and piles of them at home. In fact, Judge Dredd is probably one of the biggest influences

for Bodega in a way, as this kind of mysterious, you don't really know what he looks like, unbeatable character with a ridiculously strong gun. Bodega's I've just kind of realized is basically basically judge dread in space shit but without the law so he's like the anti-dread you know what i mean he's like a lawless bandit whereas dread is all about the law but i loved judge dread when i was a kid so yeah i would love to do a comic no yeah there was some guy contacted me about doing some comics actually and i was i was thinking i was really thinking strongly about i think how cool it is like it's just as a thing to have you know yeah they're such a cool medium really fun i love them i really i mean i've got piles and piles of them at home i buy them every month i'm off to the comic book shop and there's one in richmond near me and i'm always

spending way too much money in there it's weird but yeah i've just never stopped buying them so we should do a comic actually yeah i mean comics are a big part of my childhood as well you know buying the bino every week was something i was really excited about yeah yeah you got a lot of binos i i had loads back when they were 8p whoa that's how much the bino was it's like five quid now or something ridiculous you get like a fruit a couple of fruit salads in a and a with my 20p pocket money i could get the bino and 12p's worth of sweets which was a surprisingly large number of sweets just like chomps and fudge yeah all the all the cheapos what a world what a world what a world what a world time so so yes to comic yeah yeah yeah

yeah we need to find the right welle. Well done. Yeah, sure. I'll do one. How was your experience of writing your first book? Were there any difficulties or roadblocks that you came across? It was horrible and scary and nerve-wracking because I thought it would be horrible and crap. People would judge you. I've never written anything before, so I didn't set aside time.

There was no discipline. I didn't sit down and say, I'm going to write X amount of words a day, and I'm going to be really consistent and everything. So I just wrote when I felt like it and spent a lot of time thinking about stuff to put in it and then panicking that it wasn't any good and everything. So it was really quite scary. But now it's actually, once the editor read it and said, i like it i was like okay thank god now that you've done it

do you have like a writing corner in your house with like good luck trinkets all over the place like no pen and no it's it's not being the smoothest road for you i mean you're not a you're not someone who's been trained to write before you've never done it for a living um and but you you had a lot of ideas that you wanted to get on paper and i think you did it very well i think the book does feel like it's in your voice and it's quite it's like it's being read out by you and i think it works with a little bit of stylistic tidying up which me and rich did yeah thank god for people that know how grammar and punctuation just because just because i think i think it reads pretty nicely now.

I think for you it was a thing that, in a way it's good, right? That you only did it when you felt like doing it. You didn't have to force yourself to do it. But I think that that does sometimes work better. I think you got bored of it at one point and gave up for about a month. Yeah, I did. Came back to it and then you got bored again for about

three months and then I was like, have you finished it? And you're like, yeah. And I was like, do you want to just put the bookend on it like i literally ran out of stuff to put in it i was like i can't think of anything else to put in it i don't know where to go from here i wrapped up the main story i wanted to do yeah and so you just bookended it sent it over but we had this big delay because it was like you were like you didn't really want to work on it but you you weren't sure whether you needed to change it, and you were very umming and ahhing, and I was just like, fucking send it to me and we'll deal with it. Yeah.

Yeah, it was a bit of a strange process. I think it would be easier if I did another one, I would know much better. I think it was more mentally healthy. I think a lot of authors are given deadlines and they expect you to do it in time. Yeah, God, that would suck. And we were like, you know, there wasn't any pressure on you. It wasn't a high-pressure thing. You didn't feel like you had to do it in time yeah god that would suck and we were like you know it was there wasn't any

pressure on you it wasn't a high pressure thing you didn't feel like you had to do it you just did it because you wanted to it came out like quite naturally uh sounds like you're doing a really nice poo yeah um i'm thinking about doing one right now i think no i think overall like it's been a positive process for you mentally I think you know the worst part was that obviously at the moment the way it was written was a series of short stories

that vaguely tied together some of them didn't even have anything to do with each other so to suddenly have to take that and then fill a book with them it had to stay in the same vein this was another problem because we wanted to put all the podcast transcripts of all the stories in the front and we didn't want to change them and uh as a result like it was like well do we just tidy up the grammar and stick them in there which is what we ended up doing um because the story that the period is written kind

of picks up from the podcast so they kind of need it yeah because not everyone's going to have listened to the podcast that might read it right right? Yeah, so some people might, but it's been a long time since we've read them out on the podcast, there's a good chance that, because they were a weekly serialized thing. And like over two years ago now or something like that. Yeah, and I don't think it's actually, when I was reading them through, I didn't, I wasn't like,

it felt like I was reading them for the first time, so it wasn't like, even though I'd heard them before, I wasn't like super familiar with it, and it wasn't like... Even though I'd heard them before, I wasn't super familiar with it. And it was a different experience. So yeah, I think that was all good. Any more questions or have we got any more time? Are we allowed to carry on? I think we've got time for one more question, maybe.

Heyya. Hello. So your characters have got very strong personalities. Did you ever find out you were re-enacting them when you were writing? I do feel like when I'm reading the voices, I kind of try to... Like if it's Rab, I try and look like an ogre, I guess. Bodega's just kind of cool. But yeah, I like the... I don't know.

I feel like the characters are mainly dialogue. There's not really any description of it. I noticed that when you were reading the the robot guy Stuff you tried to like box yourself up like a well I was meant to be looking down at rad who's on the floor, but yeah, he's kind of robots a little robot Yeah, yeah, it is weird You kind of get into you get an idea of what they're like in your head the problem is you got to then put that Down on the page so that other people can get that idea as well, but yeah I'd like to flesh out the characters a bit more because at the moment Other people can get that idea as well. But yeah.

I'd like to flesh out the characters a bit more because at the moment they're just kind of like following Bodega around and doing stuff. But I think, yeah, that's for another book maybe. Yeah, absolutely. You should do a short stories book where they're not all tied together necessarily. But that's really hard to do because if you're having the same characters

and you're having a series of short stories, sometimes you want to see where something goes or something's been transformative for that character. Yeah. If it's just short stories like Star Trek, it's like, yeah, that works for a while, but eventually you want to know, you want to see these characters changing

and you want a thread that runs through it all. Yeah. And that's basically what it is. It's like a series of short stories but they have a continuous thread running through them that goes somewhere. But I'd like to see if I could just write one that's like a regular book.

You know what I mean? Where it's like a beginning and a middle and an end and it's one story and it's big and stuff happens. Yeah, but I mean, God, there's only so many hours in a day. I mean, you've got to do a podcast once a week. Streaming, looking after the kids, I know. You have to take on

the Peter Pennywhacker franchise now. A bit of work, Peter. A crossover coming up and stuff. It's going to be hard. But I'd like to try it. I mean, geez.

Yeah. All right, we can get some more questions. Apparently we've got some more time, so let's keep going. Hello. Really quick one.

Just round about how much book is there? How long is it? Let's have a look so how much of the podcast so the podcast takes you up to there so it's slightly over half again is new stuff and then the other stuff is reprints of the podcast stuff and you know what one of the main reasons i wanted to put the originals in there as well because a lot of people do fan fiction and like do their own bodegas and they spell

all the aliens wrong and all the things so I was like we've got to get some canon here for the bodega wiki. But you spelled them differently in every other chapter. But you're going to recheck that and fix it for me Lewis. I did fix it yeah. It should be consistent now. I don't have like a sheet next to where I

write with all the correct spellings of Spalupian and stuff like that. I should have. Nice. That's a good question. Yeah. All right, next. Hi.

Tom Clark expressed like a real interest in doing a short film. Would you work with him and do a bodega one? Never. Yeah, I hate Tom Clark. Yeah, me too. No, of course I would. Yeah, of course I would.

I love Tom, but yeah, it would be funny. We could do all kinds of stuff with it, course i love tom but yeah it would be funny we could do all kinds of stuff with it really whatever but yeah i think uh i mean it's definitely something i'd like you guys would like to do it or uh what would you be the guys the muppets in the looking gallery like laughing at you would be like in the canteen those guys doing the music and stuff oh the uh guys yeah yeah statler and wald Oh, the two old guys. Yeah, yeah. Statler and Waldorf. Well, no, it's not going to be the Muppet Show, but with Bodega.

What do you think it's going to be? That would be good, though. Well, no format's been decided yet, so it's still good. It's true. It's up to Tom, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Maybe Tom has a vision for the Bodega Muppet Show. Yeah, we'll let the director handle all that.

I think it's time to bring Muppets back. I think it's time to bring the Muppets back, too, actually. I'm ready. It's like a cycle. You know, every, like, ten years, Muppets get bigger again. I to bring Muppets back. I think it's time to bring the Muppets back too, actually. I'm ready. It's like a cycle. You know, every like 10 years, Muppets get bigger again. I love the Muppets. Yeah, I reckon that'll be all right. Muppets in space, have they done that yet?

Yeah, they have. Oh, okay. Multiple times, I'm sure. They did. They had pigs in space, which is why they're reoccurring. Yeah, that's it. They had that segment, didn't they? Pigs.

Well, you know. What was the name of the... It was Miss Piggy was there, and then Pigs. What was the name of the... Miss Piggy was there, and then it was Ham something was the captain of the ship that the pigs in space were on. I can't remember what it was called. Get your phone out. All right.

I think we've got one more question. One more question. One minute. One more. Hi. Hello. Did you listen to any particular music while you were writing, or do you recommend listening to anything while we're reading?

No, I didn't, but I like the idea of people putting on some special bodega music. Yeah. Really, like, gangster rap from the late 80s, early 90s, I think, would really... It can be quite inspirational to kind of have that going. I mean, when I'm doing something where i have to concentrate i just put spotify on and just let it play like suggestions i just go to your daily mix or whatever and just run it for like however you know it just starts going on to other songs it thinks of that you might like you have to find things that work for you i think that are not

noisy enough to distract you yeah not like moody enough to like put you in the wrong mood for it yeah yeah it's motivational but not like making you want to take a jog yeah just some low octane clown music or something like that yeah you know not too exciting but you know sets the mood yeah exactly yeah makes you think about ferris wheels and that's it yeah it's merry-go-rounds yeah it's a coincidence I make love to the same type of music yeah so nothing really specific but um I just stick Spotify on that was pretty much it oh my god well there we go that

is that is time thank you everyone thank you very much for coming thank you let's go. Thank you. Thanks. See you later.