Triforce! - Triforce! #104: Following the Flowchart

Episode Date: September 25, 2019

Triforce! Episode 104! Intro to Holidays to Ranting to Kids stories. We're following the Triforce Flowchart today! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. That's right. Three weeks running the most consistent podcast on the net. Guaranteed. How many other podcasts have made it to what is now 104 episodes? Actually, possibly more than that. I think we've got to be the longest running podcast the most consistent at least we should continually pat ourselves on the back we should podcast is still dragging

itself up how have we done it how have we done it even frankenstein didn't live this long it's incredible we're still going what do you mean sorry what do you mean frankenstein didn't live this long well you know he was just sort of like just sort of like a mishmash of bolts and green skin. A monster, you mean? He was a bit of a monster. You know, he just cobbled together and lived a short but fairly influential life, I suppose. But, you know, I feel like this podcast is very similar in a sense, but has lasted longer. It's gone the extra mile, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I suppose. Yeah. Like, how old was Data, you know, in Star Trek? He can't have been more than like... Ten. Was he like five or six years old? Or ten? Something like that.

Yeah, he wasn't old. He was only ten. Well, think about the fact that he's basically a kid with physical superpowers mental superpowers but who doesn't even know what kissing is you know what i'm saying that's data yeah he was like running the ship a bunch of times as well hey you know anyone else better qualified because not even wharf is better qualified apparently your whole child i think a 10 year old child will do better in some of the countries. They don't have all the overheads that adults have, right?

They don't have all the stress overheads. You know, they just sort of take things as they come. So I think in like a crisis situation, a 10-year-old kid is probably well suited for, you know, navigating a ship through troubled waters. This is why you're not in charge of a spaceship, Sips. Yeah. I remember on a podcast a long time ago, you said that you wanted to be a starship captain. Yes. And to crash your ship into the sun or something.

You wanted to have a moment on the bridge where you went, oh, my God. And then the ship got blown up. Right. That was an ambition of yours. If you want, get a starship captaincy. Easy. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. And then just stick a 10 year old bring your bring your 10 year old kid on a shadow day like a work work shadow day take over son there was a russian passenger plane that actually did that the pilot had his kid in the cockpit let him fly a bit and the black box recorded the fact the kid fucked the plane and they crashed and everybody died yeah yeah terrible that's wild number one put us into warp nine son you have the helm and then i just go and play the flute in my uh quarters for a bit and then i have my moment where we do crash into the sun because my because my son has no experience navigating space in a starship as a captain i'd like to think the rest of the crew would like if

his order was stupid they'd just be like just belay that one you know whispering just belay i love that word belay that order but i don't want to never hear that you mean like do it later or you mean just ignore belay it sounds like uh it sounds like a posh um like variation of the name billy like uh imagine yeah imagine like you're a rapper belay the rapper or something you know like yeah yeah me and me and the tarquin and belay are going out to the yurt yeah yeah oh belay not you belay and janae belay nice so what have you uh boys been up to this this past week anything oh we have to follow the flow chart have you seen yeah there was a flow chart oh i saw the flow chart yeah what are we gonna rant about today guys what's what's it was like has anyone been on holiday uh no has

anyone my answer is no a new video game no i played borderlands 3 oh yeah i did that was new yeah thoughts um it's fine i did a rant about it and then stopped i i tried to get into it but you got probably for the same reasons period didn't like it there's too much uh dialogue voice character acting all the time annoying really so constantly hey up here up here by the way you can jump up here hey come up here like constantly why put that in a game like it doesn't need to be there i just found every characters the octave of all their voices was raised up to here every character's like they sometimes it was even higher and they would they just it was shrill, shrieking, unfunny, embarrassing at some points how bad the scripting was.

And I felt like multiple times the plot was just, like the storyline as far as I've got, like we've got off the first planet, we're on some second planet, and we've just been through all this stuff. Someone's lost some stuff know some stuff it's it's not going great and who decides to pilot the ship is that fucking robot claptrap that i don't understand why he's still around no one comments on the fact that this this demonic creature is

running around ruining things for everybody he almost blows the ship up. He almost kills half the crew. And everyone's just like, no one comments on it. Oh, Claptrap. But about everything else, if anyone else breathes on there, like, you better watch it out, you mister. I'm going to shove a bazooka up your keister. Like, that's pretty much the level of humor. And I just thought it was dreadful.

And everybody seems to hate each other. Like, you're on the ship and there's a guy on the ship who locks himself in the basement. So one of the minor quests, they give you something called like Ethereum bucks or something stupid like that. And you have to give them to this guy in the basement. And then he gives you this quest item. So they gave me the Ethereum bucks and I went straight to the fruit machine, gambled it, lost. And then I thought, well, that's the game fucked. And when you go and talk to him, he goes, you got any no i'll have it anyway it gets to you anyway so i was like whatever

there's i mean it's just bad writing i think when it when the quest line you could literally fuck the quest so bad that they just had to write in i'll just give it to them yeah and then clap trap probably some pilot ship puts a hole in it and then his ass is jammed in the hole in the spaceship window to stop the air being sucked out and he's making jokes about that because hey my butt is keeping us alive guys it's just it's embarrassing yeah i was actually i actually felt bad i didn't i didn't even register half the time because it was so incessant it's just i just blocked it out um after a while but i think the thing for me was,

I get that Borderlands is a big franchise that a lot of people like. A lot of people follow the story, I guess, and stuff. I never got into the story. I played maybe half of the first one, half of the second one, and now this one I've played a quarter of, I think. And I've just realized after three Borderlands games,

I'm just not really into Borderlands. I just don't care about the characters. I like the gameplay. Like I like the shooting. Sure. Yeah, yeah. I actually like the graphics and stuff too. Yeah, I love the way it looks.

It looks really cool. It plays really well. But there's just nothing in there to hook me in. And it feels like just another Borderlands game. Like there doesn't seem to be like anything new or great to it that would really hook me in. Yeah. There seems to be zero innovation. And I read it.

The PC Gamer did a really good review. I was reading it and nodding furiously because I was like, geez, this is exactly what I thought. I was like, I wrote this. Wait, I did write this. I almost like cricked my neck. I was like, I wrote this. Wait, I did write this. I almost cricked my neck. I was nodding. This guy's also a grumpy old bald bastard who doesn't like video games.

Holy shit. My long lost brother. Where do we find more like this? It was just fucking... It was so irritating. So I played it. I did one playthrough of it and then I got i got as far

as landing on another planet and there's a bit where you you have a chase basically on some vehicles oh my god fucking builders the builders just banging on the pipe it's honestly i think that has raised my stress level i've been very grumpy the last couple of months and it's the constant banging and drilling yeah combined with things like i played hearts of iron last night and got incredibly angry with that you think after all that banging and drilling you'd be satisfied and happy but no it has had the opposite effect they've been filling in there i mean they've managed to build the frame it's a bit like watching constantly filling in cracks a bunch of amish guys build a barn but without the charm you know right without all like charm, you know?

Right. Without all like the other, you know, that's not the only thing they have to do in a day. It takes like a lifetime for them to build a barn. But then on top of all that, they got to like churn butter and they got to milk cows and they got to fucking hand plow the cornfields. And fuck me, man. Like, geez, I get to sit in a chair all day and complain about video games those guys are actually out there you know in the fresh air they don't even have suds wait i think they might brew their own ale they must do right the amish drink do the amish or is it like a religious thing they're not allowed to they must brew their own ale to have some suds out in the

sun while they're erecting a barn or churning butter or whatever the hell else they do like amish and alcohol can and do mix new order amish the new order of amish are completely i mean that's ironic we're the new order of amish and we're going backwards like they're literally it's like a wrestling team theO. The new Amish order. The code. I milk my cows. They raise a barn behind him. Raise that barn and then push him into it. So they split in the 60s, the new order Amish, and became even more Amish.

Right. Old order, they should have called themselves, really. Used to have, used to get stories. There's Amish communities like all over North America and we used to occasionally have these like really gruesome stories when I was growing up about um you know because they they still use horse carriage like they don't they don't use modern technology right they they're sort of like back to basics as as a people so you have these people, you know, riding their horse and carriage into town to get supplies or whatever. And every once in a while, you'd have these horror stories in the news of like, you know, drunken kids speeding by them

and throwing like beer bottles, empty bottles, like at their horse and carriage, like effectively glassing people and stuff and it's like what the fuck like i thought you were gonna say it was the other way like no run over by a horse yeah it'd be really horrific no no it's like it's fucking brutal i don't know if that kind of shit i'm i'd imagine it probably still does happen but it's pretty brutal isn't it like it's terrible they're not hurting anyone Just let them fucking do their own thing. No, they're just chilling. Let them be. What do you guys think about living that kind of rural life?

Because I've been watching a bunch of primitive technology on YouTube, obviously. I don't know. Those videos are very... Yeah, I watched a whole bunch of those a couple of months ago. They're really good. They're so kind of moorish. The fucking furnace thing that he made and the house house out of like mud and bricks and stuff and yeah it's really weird it must take absolutely days to make a video you know or even weeks like

like it shows like him going through this process to make a brick and it looks like it takes like an hour to make a single oh is this the primitive technology guy did you did you see that water technology that's his channel you see that water? That's primitive technology. That's his channel. Did you see the water-based rock breaker that he made? Yeah, yeah. To like break rocks into. What I love is he doesn't talk.

He doesn't go, hey guys, welcome to the channel. Please do follow, like, and subscribe, blah, blah. He just fucking gets on with it. The dude's just making a house. I really respect that. You know what I mean? He's making a bow and arrow. He's making some bricks out of clay. He's doing some some shit in the river i feel like that's like the ultimate

dad video to watch on just love it right no running his mouth it's sort of it's it's so simple in a sense that he doesn't doesn't really need like much explanation yeah there's another one actually that's quite good called uh john's kitchen and it's basically this guy in Japan who cooks things and he goes out and gets the ingredients off like his uncle's farm but he has like a cat with him

and he puts the cat in the bike and he cycles to the farm and he picks up some like bags of stuff and he brings it back and he's got this incredibly kind of

fancy kitchen with like really sharp knives and stuff and it's all very you know aesthetically pleasing and kind of calming to watch You just described the format of like every children's tv show pretty much right there's always some sort

of gimmicky sidekick that he takes along with them and it's like he's got this like quintessential perfect little like existence that's right he's got this perfect very idealist fashion little bike with a basket for his cat and he goes and picks only the ripest tomatoes from a trusted source and stuff and it's like yeah okay great good for you john some of us actually have a fucking life where we can't do all that shit okay we're we're bogged down in the realities of modern living so so what what do you suggest for that yeah we go to the fucking tesco and they've only got one set of avocados i fucking order my shit from a kato like a normal person delivered to my house do you ever get taken with that dream though but i think i think we use sometimes video games to

replace that like sometimes you know like an island paradise facebook game or some shit you know just sat like scratches that urge to to like go and live in the wilderness yeah or playing rust to make like half an hour makes you realize how horrible people are and actually you wouldn't want to live in this kind of prehistoric community at all because there'd be like crazy guys coming out of the trees with face paint on yeah to like chop you up and cook you over a fucking barbecue yeah you know man we've been bullied so much in rust recently like it's it's sad hearing people's rust stories are pretty hilarious man we're gonna play it again and once i get my new machine but yeah duncan was telling me how he he built this big amazing place he was in there like just yeah it was just at home he was like it was like oh yeah i was just

yeah just doing some scrap salvaging or something. I was like, oh yeah. And then he was like, and I heard these Russians like land on the roof and then they dropped loads of C4 and they just blew the whole house up and then came in, killed all of us, destroyed all of our chests so the stuff would despawn and then fucked off.

It's like, they just came in a fucking helicopter with C4. Like what the fuck? What the fuck? I love thatcan role plays in that game to some extent too the other night yeah he begged me for an hour to craft him some boots it's like for what what do you fucking need boots for and rust like you know what i mean just go out and keep your feet warm just go out and fucking hit some trees and come back with the goods like you don't need boots for that but no he was like insistent but yeah no we have had some we had some really uh problematic neighbors russian neighbors

we assume that they were russian they might not have been maybe it's a bit of profiling but a couple of times they um they tested our base to find the weaknesses and i think after they figured it out they just waited for us to not be online. Probably not realizing that Duncan was just like, you know, smelting ore in the base in his downtime. Like nine in the morning. Yeah. And then they just decided to strike. So, yeah, we've lost a couple of bases. We've been bullied a couple of times by like these super gamers.

You know, clearly jacked up on Mountain Dew. Bigger boys came. Fucking Cheeto flakes in their um peach fuzz beards and stuff they you know they probably have like uh you know like a neon green light in their dark room with like all these like monster posters and stuff and um they're like clutching their anime body guys that they just know everything about the game they've played it so much they know like they know how to fucking they see a base that it doesn't fit into like some sort of like meta build for the game currently and you played with wilsonator they just know straight up

have you played with wilsonator not recently no oh man that dude knows right yeah he's played a lot of us he's one of those guys yeah so twice this has happened one dude has turned up fairly well geared with a good gun and everything and has just sat outside our base and killed all of us systematically over and over and over again until we lose all of our stuff because everybody insists on just running out not knowing where this guy is taking all the good stuff every time they respawn and dying immediately to him because he's just like by the door or far enough away from the door where we can't see him and shoot him.

But he can shoot us through the windows in our base and everything else. And then he just fleeces us. Like this happened twice. There's like six of us and one of them and we cannot even touch the guy. Like it's insane. This happens. six of us and one of them and we cannot even touch the guy like it's insane this this happens this i

am continually stunned by the dedicated communities to certain games where people every game you go into right there's dedicated people who are the fucking craziest people who've put thousands and thousands of hours into every game like like this week you know obviously i played a bit of wow classic last week and wow classic's this thing where already on retail there are thousands, hundreds of thousands of people playing this game, but like so many of them have played only that game it feels like. Yeah. Since ever. And they've all got so many fucking achievements and so many cosmetics

and everything like- What, in Classic? And you go to, you go, well no, but on retail. Oh, on retail, yeah. But on Classic, you go on Classic and, no, but on retail. Oh, on retail, yeah. You go on Classic, and there's like fucking 25 U servers or whatever, and you go on any one of them, and they're all fucking still full.

And you go to any fucking zone, anywhere, and it's all like instanced as well, so it's not like you're seeing the only zone on that thing. You go anywhere in fucking Stranglethorn Vale, and I was walking around, and you walk into a camp of kobolds, and it's deserted.'re all fucking dead and you walked you walk you're like oh there's another camp around here they're all dead there's no players there's no fucking you don't see anyone because someone's come in killed them all fucking left to clear the next one and just gone around

the whole zone killing absolutely fucking everything and they're all fucking dead it's like play north guard and i as like a new player i got loaded up north guard and i was like i was trying to get like a multiplayer game and everyone's got like this rank and they're like all of them have like 10 000 point rank or something and i've got like 17 after like four fucking games i'm like how have you got fucking like 10 000 points i mean you must have played like thousands of fucking games of this game and like every i'm just i want to know like from our audience i want to honestly though if they had achievements and point tracking and stuff for uh super mario kart

and the super nintendo back in the day that would have been me i would have been the guy with 10,000 points i knew all the fucking spins and the curves and everything i don't know you're in a different i just you're in a different place when you're a kid playing games right right? If there is a game that you, for some reason, keep finding yourself going back to, you play it all the time, it's your thing, what is that game? Because there must be these people, these people who do this in every fucking game.

I've got a theory, all right? I've got a few theories. I think it all stacks up. First of all, I think some people, obsessive compulsive about a thing. So it doesn't really matter what you put them in front of they're gonna play it and come and and they're just gonna do it. So if you put Rust in front of some could be a bunch of different games could be Dota could be Rust could be WoW could be anything if they can play it and they get any kind of level of enjoyment out of it then that's it. They don't care about anything

else that becomes their consuming overriding driving force in their life is to get as many points and win as many games as possible it's like a compulsion i think that you've also got to figure that there are definitely people out there who can't afford to buy many games so they've got their crappy pc it can run this game yeah there's a reason that some games like like take runescape right as prime example dota 1 was another example original cs like 1.6 these would run on pretty much any pc and they were cheap relatively cheap games and you can get them and then that's that's it you've got something to play rust is like that too it's been given away free and like yeah it's really every bundle for years. Yeah, so a lot of people just have it.

And then, yeah, they just get really good at it by playing it a lot, I guess. You know, these guys are always like waving their dicks around too. Like, I've got 5,000 hours in this game. Right. Maybe they're more excited than like that about it, I guess. I don't have 5,000 hours in any game. Can you wave your dick around literally? You can wave your dick around in Rust.

I'm a lady though in Rust did it still did it get randomized i i thought it decided for you and you were stuck with it yeah it is it is i'm a lady as well i can't i'm a beautiful bald lady yeah oh my god i just clicked on steam duncan has just downloaded a game called fortify which is a base designer for rush yes quickly plan your base yes with lots of helpful tools and you could throw bombs at it and see where the c4 yeah well that c4 you just plant it that the thing with base design is you want to make it you want to it's it's all about raid cost right and that's the that's the thing that puts people off when people realize hang on it's going to cost me like 12 c4s to get to where i need to get into this base then it puts them off and they decide not to do it exactly i mean there's there's no such thing as

an unrateable base like no yeah everything is rateable but you have to make it so cumbersome for them to do it that it puts them off doing it? So small compact bases are best for that, but they're a fucking nightmare if you play Rust the way that we do, because I don't know what it is, but there's like six of us playing and at any given time, all of us are in the fucking base together

at the same time trying to look in chests. So you're constantly being blocked, body blocked by people. You can't get through hallways and stuff because everybody just idles in the base and sorts out chests. Nobody's out actually doing anything worthwhile right so it has to be big enough to accommodate people but not too big that it costs a million resources exactly because there's upkeep now too so if your base is super big you have to fill your your your tool uh your

tool cupboard with um resources to keep it going is there a balance to be held? Like, can you have like a vault, like a high value, like treasure room? Well, yeah, that's what people do. They put it right next to their tool cabinet. And that's the point, like the furthest point into your base, right? So all your high value stuff goes in there because that room is the least likely

to be fully raided, right? Somebody might start to raid your base and they maybe they'll get like three doors in and then that you know they might get some of your like really shitty loot rooms where you store all your charcoal or whatever oh my god it's like going through a dungeon yes it is it is yeah you've got to make it like that but it's great they've changed it around now so you can build even even where you're building restricted you can now build uh twig platforms and stairs and you can attach ladders to bases so you have to consider you got these little goblins coming up inside

your base you think you're up top yeah sniping them and you've got sick platform all of a sudden some knobhead ladders up yeah and that's it they're chucking nades yeah so you gotta so you gotta watch your roofs as well because that that you know even though you might have a lot of honeycombing and doors and stuff like that if your your base is only one high, that's only one roof to blow into. If they know where they need to go or if they figured out where all the good stuff is, they just got to blow up one roof and get in. It's great. It is awesome. Yeah.

There's lots of like auto turrets, like shotgun traps and stuff now that you can dot around your base to like help out with stuff like that too we're gonna so there's electricity now i don't know if you had flax with electricity but you can you can make all these crazy the hot air balloon that you can get in and shit yeah around the map and stuff yeah it's awesome but it's still really fucking hardcore but that's why when we we were gonna play it on a private server we're gonna play on a private server but the problem is that you can't have the big gang. You don't get the real experience that way either. It's like Care Bear time, right?

No, you want to play against the regular pubbies. Because first of all, if there's three of them and they've got a sick base and there's 30 of you, you don't mind raiding them because they're members of the public, right? They're assholes. So you're going to fucking run them down and you're going to zerg rush them with 30 lads

and you're just going to take them out. People are so horrible to people they don't know. It's crazy. It is crazy. There's an old adage. There's an old adage I live by. If he's unknown to me, a cunt he be. So we did the same thing, though.

We had this guy. This guy and his friend were making a base next to ours. And we were like fairly established at this point. We hadn't been picked on or raided or whatever. So we had a couple of guns there was six of us we knew like the lay of the land around us we were just trying to control like a harbor or like be close to it because we were using it to like recycle or whatever so this guy tony labamba and his uh and his friend move in next door okay and they start building a wood house and every day and every night one of us

was just sitting outside their house waiting for them to come out okay so in the end like the in in-game voice all it was was two guys sitting in house going fuck you guys let us have a fucking house we don't have anything like we're not doing anything and stuff like they weren't angry like they were joking around like it's like every time like they heard a noise come from outside the house they would start singing or like you know start saying like i'm gonna fuck your mom and stuff like that and it was it was really funny like the whole night was like that it was just constantly like we go out we do something we get something and come back like ah let's go check on tony labamba and of course he'd be coming back totally naked but like fucking tons of wood and

stone so we'd kill him and steal all his shit and stuff. And like, it was never a hesitation. We would just gun him down in cold blood every time. We'd be like, hey, Tony. Boom! Just blow him away. You know, if that was a viewer, like on your Discord, you'd feel bad. Like we've done that where we bullied people.

Like this is, this isn't fair. Like me and Barry and Jordan, guys would me running around yeah killing people it's like this doesn't feel cool like this this poor guy just wants to play and in the end they're like p flex please i just built this base i've got like three wood and barry's like all right come outside we'll have a chat and they open the door and he's like yeah crossbow to the face yeah that's just like all right guys well done thank you yeah it's like all right this isn't fun but if you didn't know that guy fuck him you're gonna t-bag this shit out of him i had a realization the other night though when i was playing and uh somebody downed me and i went on voice and i was like fuck you like i was really just like fuck off

like fuck you what like what are you doing and stuff? And then I sort of like time stood still. And I thought to myself, I'm almost 40 years old. This guy is probably 12. And he's having a great time. You know what I mean? Like, that's fun when you're 12. I'm almost 40 years old.

And I actually thought to myself, am I having fun here or do I just hate myself enough to put myself through this like it was a real it was a real like introspective moment right I was like what am I doing like but then I just carried on I

dismissed the thought almost straight away just respawned and went after him anyone that plays games for a living has this awakening now and again where your brain questions what you're doing like there's a moment where you feel embarrassed of your own behavior and you think what the fuck am i doing like you think if i was watching this as me like if you took the same person but we weren't game players like we were

just we had a regular fucking job and we were looking at ourselves like a parallel version wouldn't you look at yourself and think what the fuck am i doing god i'm glad i'm living this life and not that one look at this guy shouting at a video game oh my god i've had some i've had some doozies for sure fucking drilling drilling and grinding. Oh my God. Fucking drilling and grinding. That should be the name of this fucking podcast. Yeah. Episode 104, drilling and grinding. Drilling and grinding.

I've noticed that, you know, the way they have the little thumbnails for this podcast and all YouTube videos. When I came down to Bristol about three years ago and we did the uh magic the gathering thing barry or someone took a load of pictures of me doing various poses to use on thumbnails right i've noticed that me being angry is like the most used picture of an angry me yeah i'm worried that i am angry too much the angry guy no i don't know why i've seen your instagram that's just grumpy yeah right oh the two kind of go together fairly well though i think i've been let down too many times by by game releases yeah right man just as that grinder hit i could just sense it in your like demeanor your online demeanor i could tell that this is this is wearing you down

it's like it's great it's physically physically grinding down some stone but you know also grinding your soul down as well at the same time it's like a super villain origin story but a really shit super villain and all he does is complain online the complainer like but but you but you you live next door to building for like years and years and it just twisted your the whinge I'm so triggered el compleno you know what I was thinking the other day

you see this this has become like one of the default forms of arguing online now you get into an argument with someone they say something really fucking moronic and stupid one of the default what forms of arguing online now you get into an argument with someone they say something really fucking moronic and stupid yeah you respond to that and they say lol you triggered bro and everyone's like oh like that shit he's triggered he won that guy called you triggered so he wins and i'm thinking that's too easy there's no craft you haven't had to make a

point you just say lol you triggered bro and everyone's like whoa he's got him he's called him triggered therefore he's triggered me saying this people are gonna say oh p flag so triggered what triggered doesn't mean what you think it means back in my day we all put on our leather jackets and rode our motor motorcycles down to the milkshake spot and we uh we lacerated our our foes with wordplay yeah come at me with a switchblade now all you got to do is just say words you triggered bro and in your track pants sitting at your computer eating some cold meatloaf that your mom made for you and you're a hero fucking zoomers man imagine if you know all those rap battles yeah how shit would they be if the battle consisted of one guy saying something the other one going yo you triggered bro

and the audience is like oh he wins rap battle over it's like who can be the first to say are you triggered bro i was i was asked yesterday am i a man dude or, or bro guy? And I respond with just man. Like dude and bro are just not things that I say very often. I say dude quite a lot. Bro seldomly. Dude, enough, I guess. But it's not my go-to. I'd say man more than both of those other things.

You say, hey, man. Hey, man. What's up, man? Stuff like that. Yeah, what's up, man? I don't say that. That's more of a North American thing. I guess so.

I don't really get people saying, hey man. Dude is as North American as it gets though. No, it used to be, but it's moved. It's been around for long enough now that everybody says dude. Everyone says dude now, right? But in the UK it's mate. Mate. Mate feels a bit like I'm not the right kind of person to say that.

You don't say mate. You have to be a bit more woke to'm not i'm not the right kind of person to say don't say mate kind of you know you have to be a bit more woke to be able to say mate but no uh dude dude's the easiest say man it's always like you're complaining when girls call each other dude though that's kind of i like that you like that i like that i like it when i like it when girls swear at each other and have have ways of referring to groups i think i can't refer to girls as man no you can say hey guys they don't care like it became unisex you can say dude you can call a girl dude and that's fine i don't talk to money people so my wife hates it when i use internet slang i'm sure i've said this before i said ty the other day when she made me a cup of tea she was really unhappy she hates it yeah she's like at least you didn't say pog pog yeah my kids say poggers my kids say

stuff like that oh i can't believe some of these people like you you go onto a stream you're like i'm gonna watch this and it's just like this fucking oh it's like a like a like a tsunami of a fucking gibberish like you know like with the pog champs and the the what's the what's the pepega and everything it's like yeah they just get monkey fucking hurt yourself like christ it's just crazy like i don't know it's it's funny like seeing it in text in chat or whatever it's not great when you're saying it out loud it's got to be said like come on now like if you're being ironic about it okay but if that's part of your everyday vocabulary fuck me if i like if i ran a business and i was hiring somebody

and somebody came in i was like all right you got the job and he's like pog champ all right sorry you don't have the job you fucking idiot get out of just fucked yourself. That is the most old man thing you've ever said. I know. I know we do digress into old man territory, but that right there. That would trigger me hard, though. Literally going from talking about it to, if you came in for a job,

that's such a fucking bad thing to say. It is, but come on. If my kids start talking like that. If you want to work on my area. You get out there in the real world with your papayas and your pogchamps, good luck to you because you're going to crash and burn, son. You'll be right back here. If my son starts pogchamping and pepegaing and whatever.

Daddy, I need to peepo poo. Peepo fancy. I'm going to be pretty upset. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to hear that. Tech W, mate. Monka S. Oh, that's so funny.

Pepe laugh. Jeez. Pepe jiggle. Monka shake. Oh, fuck's sake. Man, I don't know. I feel like at times, I don't know if that's feeling old, though, or just being a bit sort of like wise.

Like, I mean, they all do it. I mean, look at Barry. Barry literally just ruffle. I haven't heard Barry actually laugh in some time. Like Barry just says ruffle. He literally says ruffle instead of laughing. I feel like there's tears, tears of like, of laughter, you know, it's like we've always had it, you know, you like we've always had it you know

you can i think i think a lot of the times this is how language works right you're looking for a shortcut everyone always wants to don't have to say long things they want so what so people say they just want to say you know so people will just say lol uh instead of just like fake laughing you know like somebody says something, you're like, you know, like it's like a fake laugh. People will now replace that with lol. I mean, come on. I think it's just taking a shortcut, right?

In terms of language, like, you know, no one refers to you as Christopher or whatever. It's Chris, you know, one refers to you as christopher or whatever it's chris you know it's it's like it's and it feels awkward to have these like a mouthful of you want it to be quick i think part of it might be it's like belay that order right you want a quick it's it's social anxiety about talking maybe if you have to stand there and say oh i found that i found that most amusing you know that doesn't work when you just go ruffle and everyone's like, cool. You know, that's enough.

You don't need to say anything. You just say ruffle. You just saying that has made me realize that I'm in a very dark point in my life where very few people actually call me Chris anymore. You're half of one of these. Yeah. So that means I'm surrounding myself mostly with internet people and not real life people anymore which i call you chris worrying from time to time do you yeah maybe i just don't notice i don't people were kind of weirded out by it they were like who called him chris yeah he never calls

me i can't remember the last time you ever called me ted i mean harry just calls me pflax everybody calls me pflax like nobody calls me in the office anyway no one calls me ted yeah um i mean i mean like my kids don't call me chris obviously my wife never uses my my my name we always just like call each other stupid shit sort of thing do you call each other mom and dad sometimes yeah god no sometimes we do yeah like i'll say go to mommy or go to mommy and tell her or something like that or you'll be in trouble when mommy gets home because i'm at home so i rely on her coming home and kicking up shit you know what i mean she can be the judge yeah sometimes but i don't i don't call her mummy to her face i do if if my kids are around and i'm referring to her even in bed yeah oh mummy oh mummy i call her daddy in bed

that's nice oh i know who wears the trousers yeah i'm just old-fashioned i just call her daddy in bed. That's nice. Oh, nice. I know who wears the trousers, yeah. I'm just old-fashioned. I just call her bitch. Yo, bitch. What about dude? I don't. Hey, dude. Hey, welcome home, dude.

Oh, MonkaS, I'm so glad you're home. Ellie, Giggle. Mate. Oh, Pepega. What? Fuck. I think you've misused all of these. Ellie Giggle mate oh Popega what's that yeah fuck I think you've

misused all of these I think I did yeah I think I did oh my god like oh Popega oh Popega

like it's a no shucks lads and lasses out there listening this is the hip spot to be we know all the papagas and coggers oh yes pug champ to pug you come on down so my daughter is sick yesterday um yeah it sucks she threw up on my couch keep following the flow chart yeah so she threw up

on my couch so the couch so you're gonna this is it the fucking flow chart we've yeah we have yeah complaining about something your kids did is the next one on the couch but it was cute in the end because uh she we we got a bucket for in case she was gonna be sick again do is cute even throwing that's not that's not cute but so we get her a bucket and we say if you're gonna be again, make sure you go in the bucket. OK, we don't want you to barfing on the couch again. So she's like, OK. And, you know, like kids do that, right?

They sort of say, OK. And you think that, you know, they think they know what they're talking about. They don't. They just say, OK, sort of thing. It's just like a thing that they do. So the bucket's there. My wife has to go out. She's got this appointment that she has to go to or whatever. So I have to take care of her by myself. So I do. But, you know, it's there. My wife has to go out. She's got this appointment that she has to go to or whatever.

So I have to take care of her by myself. So I do. But, you know, it's fine. And the bucket is at the ready because I'm not messing around. There's no barfing happening outside of a bucket on my watch. I look over at her a couple of times. I'm like, are you okay? Like, if you're going to be sick, make sure you use the bucket.

You know, like, you can feel it. If you feel funny or whatever, just go to the bucket and throw up in there, okay? She's like, yeah, okay, I will. And so she goes off because she's, like, sick, but she's still, like, running around and jumping around and stuff like that. They do. They have energy and shit. Like, it's crazy. They're not just, like, confined to a bed like an adult would be when they're not feeling well.

So she's off. She goes upstairs. And then she comes down. She kind of runs downstairs. And she like i need the bucket i was like quick get to the bucket like what are you okay the bucket get over the alarm so she gets over the bucket she's like dad it's only to sneeze and so she sneezes into the bucket and then like a bit of snot goes in the bucket she's like i did it there's a bit of snot in the bucket. And then like a bit of snot goes in the bucket. She's like, I did it. There's a bit of snot in the bucket. I was like, okay, great. And so for the rest of the morning, every time she needs to sneeze,

she runs to the bucket and sneezes in it. Every time she has to cough, she runs up to the bucket and coughs in it. And I'm like, all right, that's fine. And then I had to explain to her. I was like, remember this morning when you threw up, you know, like stuff came out of your mouth and it stunk and it went all over the couch she's like yes it's like that's what the bucket's for you

don't have to sneeze into the bucket every time she's like oh like it just came to this realization that the bucket was actually for you know barf and not not for everything else she wanted to do which is pretty cute so it kind of like canceled out the fact that there was barf all over the couch in in a way you know like if you can feel that something's kind of cute or whatever it's fine but uh but yeah just another another uh story uh in the adventures of being uh a parent a long-suffering on the couch dad so that wasn't really a complaint actually that was more positive than I anticipated. I thought that story was going like you took your eyes off for a second

and then, you know, it was just puking everywhere. No, my kids are. You just heard like that sound of a glass. My kids are not pukey kids. Like if they're puking, it's because they've got a virus. I was a pukey kid. Whatever. They were never pukey babies.

You know, like my son puked on the kitchen floor one time and then got chicken pox like immediately after. And that's pretty, oh, I lie. One time, oh my God, it was fucking unbelievable. He was sitting in his car seat in the back seat and we'd stop to get some ice cream this is early on we were so fucking tired and just completely bombed out from having our first kid we just didn't know what we were doing so we're like okay he's falling asleep

in the back seat let's stop and just get an ice cream and just sit in the car in silence for like five minutes it'll be great so we do that uh and then he wakes up in the back seat we're like oh shit he's woken up and then he just fucking barfs everywhere like it was it was like problem child two this sounds like a scene from the exorcist fucking off like tired like panting in the front seat like breathing heavily you look around this is like sleeping baby and everything's fine it was like he just exploded breathing heavily you look around there's this like sleeping baby and everything's fine it was like the death star

exploding but it was all vomit like it just everywhere it just like plastered the you know like in like those

alien movies when they shoot an alien inside a car and you just see all of like the windows of the car plastered instantly from like the outside

or like in fucking Pulp Fiction when he shoots that it was like that but barf oh fuck it was everywhere it was so gross and the car my my youngest pukes a lot my youngest pukes a lot and she gets car sick i don't know why like real easy and we'll be like we'll be just driving down

the street like 10 minutes away and she's like i'm so one time i was taking them to lego land it was like an inset day at school so we're're driving to Legoland. Like the one in Windsor? Yeah. It's like slow moving traffic. And we're going along on the sort of A road. Everyone else on this road is also going to Legoland. She starts to feel sick. We're going like eight miles an hour.

So I was like, well, there's nowhere to pull over. So I wound down the window. I said, undo your seatbelt and just puke out the window. So we're driving along the road and she's being sick out the window. So we're driving along the road and she's being sick out the window. We're like, while we're driving along. Now the car behind us stopped. They were like,

and they stopped. And I'm still going. So there's like a huge gap between us and this big trail of puke leading all the way down the fucking road. And I'm thinking, what are you stopping for? Just go around it a little bit. It's just a kid being sick

yeah they stopped like it was an emergency i was like geez maybe he was worried that it was gonna like skid out of control and cause a big pile up at eight miles an hour like a video game like they fuck the physics in the game you touched some sitting around the car just spins off into a ditch fucking big fireball the car explodes yeah man kids getting sick like i said we're lucky my kids don't get sick very often so yeah but there have been a couple of instances where yeah it's been we were we were in italy on holiday and we were going i think it's perugia could be wrong and we're going up it's a very windy sort of mountain road if you like or hillside road very windy up there and mrs f will like, or hillside road. Very windy up there.

And Mrs. F will be listening to this saying, it wasn't Perugia, you idiot. It was Soto. But it was something like that. Some Italian town or city on the top of this hill. She doesn't listen. Don't worry. We get...

Fucking idiot. We're going around all this windy stuff. And I say to the kids, I'm like, you all right? She's like, yeah, we're all okay. Just as we get there and we're looking for a parking space, my youngest suddenly goes... Like literally... He's like, yeah, we're all okay. Just as we get there and we're looking for a parking space, my youngest suddenly goes, like literally, bam, all over the inside of this hire car,

like every fucking where. And my wife is just like, pull over. So we pulled over and she leaps out of the car. She opens the back door to look and she's like, fuck, like everything's a write-off in this car. The car seat is fucking covered in puke. The back of the seat in front is covered in puke, everything. everything so she's like looked across the road and there was like just some random shop now neither of us speaks any italian but she had to go in there and she was like what i need

now is napkins or something to get rid of this puke and my eldest is like crying because she hates the sight and sound of and and smell of puke so much she's like weeping like the youngest is like just frozen in terror covered in puke a traumatic experience yeah my wife runs across this road and comes back with all these napkins i don't know how she convinced the italian ladies there you must give me 200 weight of napkins my child has been sick i don't know how she did it but she did It was like a fucking bank or something, and she still came out with napkins. God bless her. Mocked up this kid,

but the car stank. Like, absolutely stank. The rest of the holiday, you could just smell sick. There was no way. And then you're on holiday, you're washing the car, trying to get the sick out.

It was so grim. There's nothing worse. Buongiorno. Napkin-erino, por favor. Mia bambino, puco, mucho puco. napkinarino por favor mi abanito pico mucho pico in el higher car

oh my gosh it's el compleno it's you take everything I have that's a super villain

fuck's sake alright that's enough thank you very much that's the Triforce podcast we followed the flowchart perfectly this time to the letter so big round of applause or should I say

pepehands for a couple of poggies for the Triforce podcast hug you bye Let's get a couple of poggies for the Triforce podcast. Woo! Hug you. All right. Bye! Bye!