Triforce! - Triforce! #105: It's Not All Bad

Episode Date: October 9, 2019

Triforce! Episode 105! The world is ending and no one cares but Pyrion believes in cave men, Lewis is trying shrooms and Sips is training some new recruits! Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Today joined by me and Sips. We're back. And Piri and Flax. Hello. We thought it was all over. It's been two weeks. Summer's a tricky one, you know.

Summer is a tricky one. One of those times. Have you had kids staying with you or have you managed to get some dad time? Like what has it been? Well, they're back at school now. What, other people's kids staying with you or have you have you managed to get some dad time like what has it been well they're back at school like other people's kids staying with us do you get other families to like take over no way no we keep it tight we don't you know we don't live in like a stone age village so no no we don't just palm off the kids on one of the other families and go hunt mammoth yeah we take the kids with us like any modern mammoth hunting family would you're not siberian nomads either then no no no because i mean we are i'm actually i'm reading a book about that right

now which is quite interesting so it's called sapiens have you seen have you read seen that book sapiens it's quite famous it's about sort of uh how we got where we are and um it talks about that that initial crossing that they made to north America. So that crossing from the Siberian sort of reaches of Asia across the Bering Straits to Alaska, which would have been land at that point because of the ice age and everything. And they got across and then of course it all melted. They couldn't get further south because of glaciers at the time between Alaska and the rest of America. So they were sort of stuck in Alaska in this freezing cold. And they must've been thinking, what kind of choice is this that we've made? Um, but eventually it must've been, there must've been some point where there

was a generation whose parents had been able to walk across the Bering Straits and their kids then couldn't, there must've come a tipping point where it's like, well, now it's just all sea. When I was a a lad a cave lad we could just walk across and now you know you've got to take these boats and it's getting further and further every year and i don't know though it's crazy time i saw this thing i think it depends on how how far north you're willing to go because i saw this thing um kind of recently and this happened recently where there was like this tagged fox or he's a wolf or something from sweden i think they tagged him with like a like a gps thing because they wanted to see where he was going and

what he was doing they were studying this fox arctic fox and wolf or whatever it was anyway yeah used to cold climates and stuff so they put this thing on and there's no movement like so they're trying to see you know is it a seasonal thing like what the you know what's he up to like where is he gonna go what's he gonna do sort of thing and then um all of a sudden this thing starts moving and he's like he's he's covering miles and miles and miles a day like he's just non-stop moving and they're like what the fuck is going on um and he went all the way from sweden and he made it like all the way to western canada in like a record amount of time like he was like in like northwestern canada like and all by foot presumably because i don't think they can swim or you know that that much or whatever but he made it

all the way over there just like i mean he yeah but he's like in the space of a couple of weeks just on foot physically designed to physically designed to cross the Arctic. Sure. But I mean, you know, I'm sure animals were migrating, but people sure were. Sure, but it blows my mind that like that is a thing that they can do. Yeah. Like it's possible for them all on foot to do that. Like I didn't even think that that was possible.

Like, I mean, humans could probably do it at a push, you know, with the right gear and stuff like that. But it's pretty amazing, isn't it? It is incredible. Yeah. Incredible. Fucking foxes, eh what how do they work i don't know how they fucking do it but i mean i was thinking like that in the book it says that for like tens of thousands of years of human history we have no record like we don't know what they were like but they were like i mean they were like us mentally and physically they were as i mean the guy makes the point that these guys must have been like the best generation of humans that ever lived because

if you think about how many skills they have to have what they have to overcome how tough they have to be physically and mentally to to be able to survive and prosper in that environment with like so many things out there trying to kill them and a simple infection is going to do for you your teeth are going to kill you a lot of the time you're going to die of of any kind of bad fracture is probably going to do you in yeah um there's just so many different and all the wildlife out there you you are not the master of your environment at all there's no help coming and you've got to keep on the move traveling how the fuck i mean those people were like super humans yeah i'm just in awe like the more i read about what ancient life must have been like the more you like we look down on them as being which is a very modern idea of looking down

on people because they didn't have fucking phones or whatever but they were amazing and think of the shit that they had to figure out on their own with no books no record they had to say right i figured this out i'm going to tell all of you guys because when i die of a bison attack you know you don't want to lose the last it's like in room worlds when you have one guy who can make yeah something and he's gone the colony's fine it's a slow um evolution of adaptation though isn't it like oh the spanning thousands of years you know like oh it's not it's it's um behavioral evolution not um physical evolution we didn't evolve from from the uh you know 20 000 years ago man we haven't changed much at all no but the only difference is that we're not as tough no but we don't have to be either

and like in other ways we're we're tougher if you if you know what i mean like but but again like society's changed massively like everything's changed massively you know we are more in control of like our environment and wildlife and all that kind of stuff uh where where we were the thing is we've been able to specialize so that took a long long fucking time imagine like uh like at first yeah it would have been rough like people like living in caves and probably people dying of old age when they're like 15 years old or whatever. But like slowly over like generations and generations of like learning how to do certain things and doing them well and then setting up, you know, initial settlements and stuff like that. I think probably once they started creating housing and stuff like that, I think things probably got a lot better.

It was farming because it meant you could stay in one place. That was the thing. Like once you can stay in one place, then you have a bit of time, if you like. If you think about like people think of foragers as like they'd have to spend 12 hours a day gathering food, but apparently not. Like it doesn't take that long to gather the food you need for the day and you know not just that there wasn't as many people either like yeah you know you'd have to spend 12 hours foraging food now because there's like tons of mouths to feed but back then it was like five people so yeah so you gathered what you needed you went hunting every few days and then you were just chilling out and like what i always think is like we think about

the smartest people that ever lived as Einstein and shit like that. But there must have been an Einstein back then. There would have been geniuses back then, born just the way they are now, who would have been like, I'm going to figure out this shit. And they would have fucking had scientific experiments, I guess, that they would have done. Because how else would they have figured this stuff out?

We always make out they must have figured it out by accident. They just, oh, we just stumbled upon this brilliant idea but they they must have been like fucking scientists and shit walking about doing i don't know maybe they did in some cases they probably did stumble across things that was like okay we know how to replicate this but we don't actually understand it at all like yeah i'm not saying i understood the process it's just a miracle that it's working and like smoking food how do you figure that out yeah but hanging food over a fire and smoking it will make it last longer again it's probably just a lot of like trial and error right like right but that's what i'm saying experiments timmy the chieftain probably accidentally uh burnt some

food and then you know didn't want to look bad in front of the village. So he like, oh, maybe if I just like put a bunch of smoke on it, it'll be fine. And then much to everyone's delight. Wow. This smoked haddock tastes fantastic, Timmy. What did you do to it? Timmy the Chief. Chief Timmy. All hail Chief Timmy.

Nothing, guys. Nothing. Just a little secret recipe I like to do once in a while. Just call it Timmy Magic. I got guests coming over to my cave every once in a while. I like to smoke some meats for them. Now call it Timmy Magic. I've got guests coming over to my cave every once in a while. I like to smoke some meats for them. No, go get some rocks and build me a henge. The henge of Timmy.

I think it's a lot. I think it is a lot, a lot of dumb luck. Nah, I don't think you're giving him any credit. There is no formula to it. There is no, you know, there was no like, I don't know, like, like epitome moments where they're like, hallelujah, we now know how to go forward. Back then it was just like, does this taste okay? Sure. Okay. Smoke the meat again. Right. But you're making out like they're idiots. That's the whole point is they're not,

they can't be idiots. So how do we get here well we got here slowly like like one generation's claim to fame was the wheel and then nothing happened for like 500 years i like the idea that that was like their their village well birthplace of the wheel and then a couple of generations later it was like holy shit ug discovered the magic of fire and then nothing happened for a thousand years you know what i mean that's just that's yeah but that's not because they were stupid that's because of what they were up against they were just there's no way of writing shit down no they were dumb and lucky they were not dumb and lucky and they had numbers lucky and they had numbers as well. They had other people. Oh man.

Uh oh. I mean, Ug killed himself in the magic fire. Okay, Ug-Ug, your turn. They keep trying. You know what I mean? I was reading this morning about mushrooms, right? And so a lot of mushrooms are like, I feel like i read this thing and it was a little bit like we have no scientists have no idea how bees fly and i'm like well yeah they do yeah i mean and also like

scientists have understand nothing about how mushrooms grow and actually like they do there's some good evidence to show that like the most prized mushroom by like culinary chefs is the morel right um which is this one which looks like a like a kind of like a brain well actually don't don't take my advice on what it looks like basically it looks like a kind of wrinkly thing with like black on the outside of the wrinkles it's i have a whole cabinet filled with morels it's it's it's very apparently very delicious and like the most prized mushroom and it's like a multi-million dollar it's only probably it's so apparently very delicious and like the most prized mushroom and it's like a multi-million dollar it's only it's so prized because it only grows around the inner thigh of

jennifer lawrence it's the only place it can be found yeah and we're lucky because two thousand years ago cavemen were smart enough to put together the morel initiative which uh which made it so that learned lawrence's yeah they were able to harvest it more efficiently and they discovered all the ins and outs of it so a load of naked jennifer lawrence's out in the woods oh my god it's my fantasy take me back to that time machine anyway uh they don't even grow them on farms they can't they can't be farmed these morels so they're like very kind of sought after and prized and apparently like there's this big um community of people lots of communities around the world who go out and forage and look for them and bring them home and cook them up but obviously the danger with

mushrooms is there's what's called false morels there's always a fucking cheat in nature and there's someone fucking it up for everybody else yeah there's ones that look like them but aren't them and as a result, like loads of people die every year eating the wrong fucking mushrooms. Even today. It's 2019. It's not caveman times anymore. And yet people are still dying

eating fucking mushrooms from the woods. All right. So let me ask you this question. What's the point in having a false morale? Fake it till you make it, Flax. That's the answer to that one. Is that what the morale? This is the fake it till you make it morale?

You were to say we've changed P, Flax, since then, but no, we're the fucking same we're going out what are you saying that was my exact point is when that they were fucking smart you've literally taken my point and backed it up i helped you but you know sips is saying oh they were lucky and stupid and you're saying see people nowadays are lucky and stupid yeah we haven't changed that was my my point is that people nowadays are probably not even as we haven't changed that was my point is that people nowadays are probably not even as smart and as capable as the people back then because we don't need to be like i'm sure that guy that gathers morels and dies to morel he's probably a really

good accountant yeah what i mean was or one of them is like an amazing fucking dressmaker or this person is brilliant wasn't able to account for his stupidity, though, was he? Well, I think people assume, like, two things are going to happen when they eat a mushroom and let people think that they're going to get, like, a magic mushroom or they think it's going to be, like, really delicious because they've heard it. So there's this other mushroom called chicken of the woods,

which is its real name, not even joking. It looks like one of those ridgy ones that grows on trees right it's like in a oh yeah those ones yeah they look almost like uh like out of water coral or something like that yeah they do mushrooms or like yeah like like um and and it apparently grows on like wounds of trees so it's quite like rare in that sense right like you have to like it's kind of a weird location for a mushroom to grow and also honestly like um apparently like if you deep fry it it just tastes like fried chicken and rubbery and stuff and i'm like wow as to me that sounds like that sounds like a good option right yeah but like i just i've just i've just for some reason i think

mushrooms are awesome i want to i want to go out there it's making me want to go into the woods yeah somewhere please don't do this mushrooms are pretty amazing i mean like you know that you know the corn brand um uh food you know like uh oh yeah free food it's all it's all uh from uh micro proteins from mushrooms fungus yeah yeah yeah starts as nothing and they make it into something it's fucking incredible mycoprotein is like gonna save the world there's this one guy i think his name is like paul stamets who's done like a ted talk which we shouldn't get into but he basically is like the fucking jesus preacher for mushroom how they're gonna save the world like yeah i mean it could solve a lot of

food problems for sure um yeah and i i'm fully fully on board like i've eaten a lot of weird stuff and some of these mushroomy mycoprotein-y fakey things sound like taste like as good yeah you want to season them i mean some of the flavors obviously artificial and whatever if you're okay with that but oh i've been eating this cheese tastes fine sips which is like coconut oil turned into cheese slices and it just tastes like vegan cheese it tastes exactly like feet you know just like just like cheese yeah i had some vegan cheese while i was in portugal we went to a went to this vegan restaurant while we were in portugal and it was like um you didn't order from the menu every day they just had stuff that they made and you

could order as much or as little as you wanted to so like you could just if you want to just order the main course or you could have like a bunch of like entrees the main course and then they had like some other stuff or whatever so there's like five of us so we just ordered everything we ordered two of everything and just shared everything fuck me man it was so good like the vegan cheese they had like this risotto with like some vegan cheese on it and stuff it you couldn't tell the difference like super i went i went to a vegetarian restaurant it was like a really high-end one and uh they soak paper vegetarian paper in vegan water and it tastes tastes just like wet paper it's amazing really does say but it's completely vegan yeah really impressive well that's the that's the important thing

yeah sorry about our pro pro save the fucking world attitude pee flex why don't you just headbutt a cow to death and then slowly

watch it suffocate and then fucking you know smoke it with your fat ass cheeks until it dies and then you fucking suck a lot of its

fucking blood out of its neck oh delicious Jesus that's how i like them terrified me i mean no i'm not i'm not a bad guy i don't eat meat that often but i don't have to explain myself sorry i didn't mean to go on the old pro vegan agenda i just hadn't i think it's i think it's interesting though i think it's interesting that they can

do this stuff without sort of having to rely on animals or animal byproducts or even sort of elements of animals' habitats as well. I just think it's amazing that people can come up with these sort of workarounds to very traditional things. traditional thing i mean i i'm all for it like i honestly the more people that don't eat like i i i'm genuinely offended by people that have to eat meat three times a day and and have meat as a snack you know multiple times a day and you don't need that much meat and it is super bad yeah it is it's it's just it's just not sustained there's no long-term plan for it like we we there's no way we can carry on like we are, like consuming the meat and even farming the way that we do in like a hundred years time.

Like it's, I think it's so interesting. Sorry, Lewis, I read a thing saying that the wildlife in Britain, we are the one of the most sort of wildlife starved countries in Europe because of the way we farm and pollution and stuff like that. And just changes to the environment

that have happened so quickly and haven't considered like native wildlife that when i even when i think back to being a kid there were just more animals around like i haven't seen a hedgehog in years i genuinely don't see that many birds even with my bird table in the summer it's not like it used to be man i saw tons of them when i was in the uk in the summer, but unfortunately, all of them were dead on the road. Yeah, you see a lot of roadkill. Fuck me, tons. It's crazy.

All my barbecues that I had this summer, I saw like a couple of wasps. And all right, you don't have to be a fan of wasps, but you hardly see any flies. Like I'm just saying, there is a genuine... You got birds though.

Yeah, but there is a genuine death happening that we're just not noticing. And I do think it is a concern. My problem is I've got some mates of mine, and they're like a lot of people, they're sick to death of the sort of environmentalist, what looks like bleating, right? It's never ending, it's continual. And it's a lot of it has been politicised by the left and the right. But I just say, just look at the science. If you don't look at anything else, just look at the science, look at the facts. If you're're anti-science that's not going to work on you but at least say all right

i'm gonna i'm gonna look at this from a non-political point of view yes there's a fucking problem and i i personally am with the people who are at least trying to do something about it than the people saying that it's not worth it or we shouldn't or what about china and stuff like that like i don't think any of that's helpful even if you disagree with it politically even if you don't care for that stuff you've got to look at the reality of it and you've got to do something about it. That's the way I see it. Like politics and everything aside,

the problem with all of this stuff is that it's happening so gradually that there's never anything like shocking enough to happen that sort of startles people enough to care, right? Yeah, I mean, we need something to happen. You have so much time to get used to the fact that, hang on, there's no more of this now,

or this is a problem, or hang on, I can't buy apples anymore, or whatever, you know what I mean? It's such a gradual thing that happens until you get to a point where lots of shit all of a sudden has happened, and you look back and maybe you'll think, holy fuck, how did it get to this point right nobody noticed because yeah because it is so gradual

and i think that's why there's a lot of bleeding and people are going on about it and trying to scare people because people need to be made more aware because there's so little awareness about it because right again it's just so gradual like people have so much time to get used to this stuff. It's crazy. Even things like the weather has got, you know, there are a lot more hurricanes, a lot more flooding, a lot more rainfall, stuff like that. Even that is still happening. Like if they say the temperatures could rise by one degree this century, that's a disaster. Scientifically, that's a disaster if the average temperatures rise by one degree centigrade. But to most people, they're like, fuck it, one it one degree 2100 i won't be alive you know it's like it's easy to put that from your mind you're right if there was a comet that was on a collision

course with everybody would all of a sudden people would be doing shit yeah doing everything they can to help and do this or whatever but because there's nothing like threatening you and your life like this instant you know it's like people just don't give a fuck. They're comfortable or whatever. I think giving people this info is in fact dangerous. Yeah, because like if you say, oh, you know, one degree hotter, people think, oh, one extra sunny day. Yeah, perfect. You know, people are like, people are like, people don't understand what that means.

I think a lot of people do. People don't understand what that means. I think a lot of people do. Actually, I think we give a lot of credit, but I think that it's very easy for politicians to dismiss it as not a major issue. Also, if you point to the Arctic and say, look, it's melting, people are like, well, I don't live there.

I mean, it feels like a billion miles away. But I also get that, like, okay, first of all, it's super depressing. It is really depressing. And the second thing about it is that people have got enough problems in their own lives already to deal with. I mean, half the time I can't even drain the water out of my bathtub. For instance. But then you've got that politician who said, look, if the ice melts, it's already in the water anyway.

It's displacement, people. He had an idea that the Arctic was just literally ice, like an ice cube yeah floating at the top of the planet yeah like that was his theory not not that the ice is stacked up on land that will then go into the water and raise i love it when politicians try and come up with their own science i hope that his house is the first one to get completely demolished by flooding he lives on a fucking mountain in the middle of the country i guarantee yeah yeah they just please please you know don, don't get your fucking whiteboard out and start drawing pictures of ice cubes and saying, look, folks, it's going to be fine. Just trust someone that knows more than you.

But they don't. They think they know it all. Like, if we're wrong about this, great. I'd love to be proved wrong. I'd love for climate change to be not true. It's depressing to see these billionaire oil executives knowing that they're going gonna fuck the planet and building their own bunkers in the mountains those are very popular i've watched um a thing about uh old nuclear silos so the a lot of the nuclear um arsenal of the united states when it when it's time is up or they decommission it or whatever they've got this huge fucking silo that goes like

10 stories underground well and it's built to withstand like a nuclear blast right so this thing is fucking this is the place you want to be right if there's any kind of disaster and what people have done is man i don't know if i want to be in that place though think about it realistically it'd be cool to survive but fuck me imagine going into a bunker with all those assholes and surviving for real and then being stuck with them and nobody else? No, but you're rich enough to just be there with your family. That's the point.

No, no, no. You buy a condo. You don't buy the whole thing. You have an apartment underground, and other people are there too. Now, what I think is interesting is, and I'd like to see, there was a book or something about this, is what's the society going to be like post money which it would be after a disaster garbage no one cares if you're a billionaire nobody's living in your condo people what are you gonna do each other instantly yeah they would but they're not going to get into your

condo so what is society going to be like inside that condo not worth money doesn't matter yeah how are they going to swing their dicks around and say well i'm obviously more important than you because i'm worth 10 billion yeah 10 billion what may as well be 10 billion rocks at this point no one gives a shit if there's a nuclear war i am ready i'm ready to die i do not want to survive a nuclear i want to die in the blast initial blast me too i want to be just absolutely pulverized into another dimension yeah i go not even i just want it i just want to be like oh what, what was that noise? And then dead, you know, like I don't want to survive that because it's not going to be fallout.

It's not going to be, it's not going to be cool, like garbage towns and stuff. It's just going to be a lot of weirdos who all of a sudden have nothing and can't control anybody anymore. There's going to be a lot of like really dark shit that happens and they'll all kill each other basically yeah it'll be horrendous i mean we i feel like as rational adults we definite and surrounded by media which does show us all of this quite dark stuff we do have like

and i get this a lot when i watch like i also watch a lot of murder stuff and yeah yeah hey did you watch mindhunter season series two very good oh fuck me man the rabbit holes that that show has sent me on no thanks i didn't realize that that was a real case they all is real it's all real yeah yeah sorry lewis the reality is that mass murderers and things like this are actually very rare um yeah yeah don't happen every day and certainly don't happen in certain countries almost at all ever yeah you know and so we but we but we get into this idea and we build up this this fear that you know people are dark and evil when in fact it's the opposite i think that people often you know don't want to take other people's stuff or or kill other people or hurt people we want to take other people's stuff or kill other people or hurt other people. We want to work with

other people to live happily and work together. I think that's how humanity really has come from the caveman times. Most people are basically decent people. Even if they're assholes on internet forums or Twitter, they're not murderers. They're not going to steal your shit. There are assholes out there. But I feel like the reason it affects people so deeply when something gets stolen or they get beaten up or god forbid someone in their family gets killed or whatever it affects you because it's not typical in this country at least i mean there are countries where it is fairly commonplace but even then the murder rate is it looks terrifying it's like 20 people per 100 000 or something is is individuals right are nice i think think, in general.

I think some places, yeah, some places have higher homicide rates. And I think it's certainly countries like Brazil and Mexico have pretty dangerous places to live, as far as I know. Some other countries that are less, kind of have big infrastructure. You know, the more wild the country is and the more sort of back kind of countryside, I think the more rural it is actually some ways worse it is. But no, like I was thinking it's not like I think that people, while people are good, like inherently, I believe that they're good. I think that corporations and these sort of profit driven businesses are bad i mean i i guess like one of the reasons i sort of became a vegetarian the sort of vegan thing in the first place was partly because i started to become frustrated with the idea of

industrialized production of things like and how it was just on such a vast scale that it felt like all it was doing was just poisoning the world i guess like like a caveman i don't have a problem with a caveman shooting an animal and then taking it home and cooking it and eating it because that's not done on an industrial scale you know he's not burning down an entire forest storing it all turning it all to like you know turning it all to cattle fields and then mass putting those through a massive slaughterhouse putting them all into patties and eating one of them so for you it's like the organized factory style life comes in food comes out that you find i think unsettling also not more than unsettling i think it's away

from nature and they're like almost like just looking at the sheer amount of pollution going into the oceans and how they're being so fucked like i started to become because i was i read a thing which said you shouldn't eat more than one portion of fish a week because of the amount of mercury in it and right i i kind of believe i don't know if it's true but i believed it and i felt like you know like literally that's the that's the situation we've got to, that there's that much poison in fish that you can't eat more than one a week. And it was the same with other sort of industrial things.

They were just like, fuck, you know, even like growing vegetables, you know, with the amount of fertilizers and pesticides and all the shit on there. It's like, where do you turn? It feels very depressing and very, I don't know whether I'm going mad, like in this kind of a...

No, there's a lot of people who feel the same way who are going who are that you know there's there's big movements towards more sustainable more sensible things but it's it's a very slow process because there's a lot of people who fight against it they don't want anything to change the cheese that i'm eating the coconut oil is probably coming from some terrible sauce thing where, you know, etc. I'm sure everything I'm doing is, I'm sure I'm doing plenty of things that are absolutely terrible for the environment.

Well, funnily enough, it probably isn't, though. Because it's not being mass produced, and that's the problem. When stuff starts becoming mass, mass produced, that's when a lot of the issues arise. You don't think cheese is mass produced? Cheese made with coconut oil is not mass-produced i can guarantee you okay disagree anything that you can buy in a shop is mass-produced mass-produced nah a lot of this stuff is just like

they get a crate of it and maybe 10 other stores get a crate of it as well and it sits on the shelf for like years like when i used to work at the grocery store there's always shit like that there was like you'd get like these like um tins of i don't know something like that you know like cheese made of coconut oil or whatever and it looked great and like one yoga mom would buy it like once a decade basically that's me now he's the yoga mom by the way the murder rate the murder rate in England and Wales last... So 2017, there were a total of 726 murders in the whole of England and Wales for a rate of 1.2 murders per 100,000 people, which is pretty incredible.

Yeah, that's pretty... Actually, that's more than I thought. Man. Pretty good odds, I'd say. So listen, the list of American serial killers is a doozy, if you ever look it up. Oh, there's a lot of them. Oh it up oh there's a lot of oh my god there's a lot of and they sort of peak in in the 80s the 70s and the 80s and i think that's it's attributed to the fact that back then um fiber samples dna testing all that stuff wasn't really

big you know it was like it was still not trusted um they still used a lot of lie detector tests that were admissible, which aren't anymore and stuff like that. So forensic science has come a long way since, and it's led to them catching people early before they become serial killers. So serial killing is on the decline, but nowadays, it's interesting, mass shootings are on the rise. Yeah, but you don't catch those guys no but it's but they follow the same patterns as serial serial killers are normally like uh have have mental issues right like they they start to like isolate themselves from people society they plan all this stuff long in advance.

They fantasize about things. Yeah. And I think mass shootings follow the same thought processes, right? And also they look for attention. Like it's a fame thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They manipulate the media and they try to make law enforcement look useless and stupid and stuff. I mean, look at that guy that, what was his name?

He's like an incel hero. look at that guy that uh what was his name he's like an incel hero he was that that guy that shot those girls uh he was my god english american i can't remember his name yeah they like fucking memorialize this guy i don't want to say his name i can't even remember who fucking cares he did like a blog a vlog he did vlogs before he did it saying he was gonna do it and then he did it crazy and it's like that that's the same kind of shit as like the you know the serial killers sending in letters to the to the press like mocking them they fucking they love it it's all a massive ego thing it's just crazy man it's crazy oh i've got a new a new prison thing talking about serial killers this reminds me so there's a there's a tv show at the moment

in the uk on channel 4 called crime and punishment and it's about winchester prison which is apparently a shithole like we spend a lot of money oh is that that old victorian prison it's about winchester prison which is apparently a shithole like we spend a lot of money oh is that that old victorian prison it's like a lot of them it's falling apart right it's like horribly understaffed if this was prison if this was prison architect there'd be blood on the floor like permanently it's super bad nice and the staff morale is rock bottom how much jogging occurs there out of interest well they haven't mentioned jogging but there is a new one that i saw called potting oh right sounds bad and that's where you get your poo and wee pot and chuck it on people right and this one guy very british that's a very british thing to have i'm sure it happens

everywhere but this is school yeah it is but so they'll at slop out time they're carrying their bucket and instead of taking their bucket to the place they're meant to tip it they'll just see a prison guard just pop them oh my god and they're like oh my god and they get all kinds of eye infections and we're gonna need another uh tier of patreon now we need a pot we need a we need a pot now too i think if you get i think there should be a punishment i think if you get potted you should get jugged yeah i know that just leads to more a cycle of of jugging of hate yeah how do you solve that i think it should be a trap i think if you get caught jugging or potting hugging we do potting jugging hugging that's the one honestly we have a hugging tier on triforce we don't actually hug

you obviously um but uh we can send you um a self-hugging we need a self-hugging device some kind of inflatable, fluffy thing that has arms and you sort of hug it and it hugs you back. I think if you get caught jugging or potting while you're in jail,

I think your sentence should be extended to life. Like just automatically. Even worse. You just couldn't help yourself, could you, Billy? You just couldn't help it, could you?

You just had to jug them. Well, now you're in jail for life hope you're happy you know those industrial grinders they use to like make sausages out of old meat and stuff i reckon what we do is we get like a camera okay this is going to be a very dystopian dark suggestion there's a camera okay and so anytime anyone's caught potting anyone right they get that's the camera feed is like uploaded to like a little panel of judges okay and they have to all unanimous agree that he definitely did it they got it on their camera he definitely did potting that was it they they're like bam they press the button

and that prisoner just gets the bottom of his cell opens up like a trap door oh my god like something out of slide into a grinder uh instant instant death i don't think you want to do it instantly you want it to be a slow grind slow very slow an old an old lady shuffles in spits on her hands and starts cranking the foot you know your feet and how about also all the other pee and poo in the prison goes into the same ground. It's getting poured on top of you while you're being the sausage trainer. I created this in Dwarf Fortress at some point, I'm sure. This is definitely something that's happened. So, Lewis, from that conversation, I can guess rehabilitation not really something you're looking for.

I'm not a fan of capital punishment. I don't know. I don't understand how prison is meant to rehabilitate people. I don't understand how prison is meant to rehabilitate people. Because I think going to prison is so fucking awful and traumatic in itself. I don't think anyone comes out of prison the same person that they went into. And I guess that's kind of the point, but I don't see that as a positive. Right, but we have very bad prisons. Our approach to crime and punishment is very very sort of victorian and

and everything that was before it which is you did something bad you're a bad person we are now going to grind you up into a sausage while pouring pee and poo on your head but that's kind of much kind of what the prisons do yeah like they they are they're not capital punishment but they are like they they fuck you up like the idea is it's meant to be so unpleasant that you say i won't break the law because i'm going to do a formula on my head that says crime plus payoff minus time of prison plus horror of prison i always think of that all the results should be something negative so you go well then i won't do it but that's not really the way crime works because it doesn't really matter how fucking bad the prisons are we've tested this theory because there are plenty of prisons in the world that were fucking horrible like there are ones in've tested this theory because there are plenty of prisons in the world that were fucking horrible.

Like there are ones in America that are awful. There are ones in South America that are like murder camps. People still break the law. So prison is not a deterrent. You either look at it from a deterrent perspective, which is we'll have more guns on the street, more cops and beat people up more

and feed them in the sausage grinder. Or we say, why is this person breaking the law? What is broken about them? Can we fix it? And if not then we can obviously lock them up um but i i don't i don't know if you look at some countries in the world that they're testing out this kind of more progressive uh theory of prison i don't know if it's working for them i'd need to read up about it but you hear about it you hear about it a lot

in in places like sweden norway i think it's got some very nice prisons and stuff like these kind of yeah yeah like you hear about them you hear these places, but they're very sort of like... You know, Norway, for example, okay? You always hear that they have great social systems, they have great prisons, they've got great everything and stuff. But it's just a really boring place. Nothing really happens there anyway. So it's like...

I imagine all their prisons are just empty. So you're thinking, better to have a more exciting and interesting society and terrifying prisoners and horrible prisons. It keeps things interesting. Man, if you didn't have all that, though, you wouldn't have shows like Mindhunter. That's true. The media would suffer.

Think of the TV shows. It would suffer. You wouldn't have the TV show Crime and Punishment. Exactly. Behind bars. Because there wouldn't be any crime or punishment. In Norway, there's none, probably. So their TV shows are probably just like, it's probably just nonstop cooking shows.

Their detective shows are things like Mrs. Ploebels' pie was stolen from her windowsill. We must find out who stole the pie. Where did Whiskers the cat end up? It's in the tree That's the theme tune Oh it's a cold case It's gone, the case has gone cold We can't find Whiskers the cat

The case has gone cold We can't find a trace of him They're all cold cases We put a GPS on him and he's in Alaska now how did that happen they're all cold cases brilliant that was such a good joke

hey listen I got something to share with you guys I just got an email from my favorite games publisher, Playway SA. I don't know if you're familiar with them. No, not heard of them. They're responsible for one of your favorites, Flax, U-Boat. Oh, yeah, I love that game. And they also publish House Flipper and Train Station Renovation Manager and Junkyard Simulator and all these fucking fantastic games.

Hold on one second just before you finish that train station renovation manager is that an actual game it's coming out i don't know when i've been waiting for it for a long time all you're doing is renovating train stations that's literally the game people love that shit and then you get to repaint the trains and stuff and get it back up and running yeah fuck yeah jesus sounds awesome anyway very satisfied very satisfied playway sa have just sent me a key for a game called are you ready yep radio commander all right okay okay are you interested a little bit i think i've heard of this okay i've heard of it carry on carry on

we would like to offer you an exclusive access to radio, a realistic real-time strategy game set during the Vietnam War! Use the radio to give commands to the soldiers on the battlefield. Keep track of the situation based on their voice reports only. Yeah, I saw the trailer for this. Does that not sound fucking awesome? Holy shit.

That does sound really good. That sounds great. They pull up and say things like, Sir, it's an ambush! Sir, we're catching a lot of shit down here, sir! We need fire support now, goddammit! We're eating up out of shit down here, sir!

Alright, soldiers, keep it together. Call in the fire mission. Call in the fire mission, sir! It's always the voice cracking guy, isn't it? Sir! Sir! We're drinking up shit! There's shit down here, isn't it? Sorry! Sorry! Sir! We're drinking up your shit! Put your shit down here, sir!

They're everywhere! Police up your shit! They always say that. Police. Police up your shit, private! Give me those goddamn cornet! I'm going to play the fuck out of this game. Yes, I'm very excited about this game now.

Oh, man. So exciting. I'm going to play the fuck out of this game Yes I'm very excited about this game now Oh man So exciting Guys I also have some more exciting news for you Guess what is back Rust? That's right The Apprentice has started Oh The Apprentice

Again This week it started Fucking you Are you kidding me? Is that even possible? I feel like we'd shaken it. Okay. Yeah. They went to South Africa. One team had to do a safari.

Okay. And the other team had to do a luxury wine tasting day thing. And, oh, it was fucking so cringe. Jesus Christ. I can't get through an episode of it i have to close my eyes and stuff it's crazy like oh maybe don't watch it i don't know i'm just throwing this theory out there maybe don't watch it it's like a sick fascination though like sometimes you just want to see what happens but it was pretty bad pretty pretty bad they pick i've been doing um

school visits for secondary school oh nice um because my my eldest is in year six she's going to be moving up to secondary school next year i haven't been inside like a secondary school since i was a secondary school like it's just it's i have no idea what they're like nowadays all i remember is what my school was like in the 80s and the early 90s it was a fucking dump it was like one of the best schools in bournemouth and it was a dump yeah so now they've got like Chromebooks in the computer lab and they're like, their art area is like beautiful. They've got like a wonderful theater.

It's just everything. Like it's obviously, this is a nice area. So the schools are reasonably well-funded, I hope. But it's just, I just couldn't fucking believe it. It blew my mind. I was like, this school is amazing. And they've got like counselors on hand because you think about it being a teenager fucking sucks you can't always go to your parents with what you've got to to worry about so you they've got school counselors full-time working at school you go in i'm really upset because i've

got this downy hair coming through my chest i don't know what's happening you know that kind of shit and they're there to talk to you about it i mean it's like the ocean's all full of poison and the ash is all gonna be very once a week because of the mercury levels i'm a week from mercury fuck's sake i ate some fucking mushrooms in the woods and i've been shitting for four days now i don't want to tell anyone I don't know if it was real I think it might have been the fake shit but they're there

I mean we joke about it but I could have used some of that shit at school that would have been really useful there's all sorts of shit you fucking have to deal with at one of the schools we went to we sat in on the talk where the headmistress gave up a talk and then the head boy and the head girl said you know our school's awesome i thought well you know for you guys it

is because you get to be the head boy and the head girl and you're like celebrities in the school or whatever but fine so i listened to their little talk and afterwards the head boy came up to me and said oh are you period i was like yes i am and i know the head boy at a school so that's a that's a a celeb that I know. Wow, I would never admit to that. But sure, go for it. Why wouldn't you admit to that? He was a cool kid.

That could come back and bite you in the ass. In what way? I don't know. I don't think you should associate with boys, is all I'm saying. Right. Especially not hand boys. He was the kind of young guy that I thought, this guy's far more together and organized than I've been in my entire life.

I'm just joking. He's like 16 or whatever. I'm just'm just yanking your crank fuck porn by the way the minute you mentioned headmistress all i could picture in my mind was somebody say you've been a very naughty daddy you've been a very naughty daddy fuck porn man like what the hell i think you're the problem i am yeah you yeah. You've ruined your- it's ruined you. It has. So, so, so okay, first of all, did you actually go around any schools? Second- and like, did you actually- have you been around any? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did it bring back any memories at all? It did. Like, did it like- did that- the smell of it, or like the feel of it, like walking around? Oh, the smell of schools, gross eh? It was not good. Jeez. It was- it smelled like we- some of the rooms we walked in I was like damn smells like feet in here like it really does fucking like ass in

here it's like full of teenagers like please sir wait until the talk is finished questions at the end you're just blurting it out smells like ass in here god damn it kind of fucking mickey mouse operation you asshole run it

so the questions at the end God damn it. What kind of fucking Mickey Mouse operation are you assholes running? So the question's at the end. I got to get some fire support. Hey, smells like ass, guys. Come on, everybody. Smells like ass. Smells like ass. Smells like ass. The children will now take you on a tour of the school.

Don't say nothing about ass-smelling kids, god damn it. My kid's not going to spend time with in maths with that ass you smell a kid oh fuck's sake but yeah so we did the tour like the we were in little groups like three or four parents and then two of the students would take you on the tour and they were like 13 or whatever and they were i was like damn when i was 13 i'm sure i could barely speak but they were like this way is the science lab and this is what we get taught and these are our teachers and they were like properly showing us around. I was super impressed.

I was like, you know what, kids? Well fucking done. Yeah. Like seriously. Job kids. They were really, really impressively mature. I was very surprised. I mean, if that had been me, I would have thought, great.

No school this morning. Fantastic. And done as little as possible. But they really tried. It was very sweet. And their schools were very impressive. Did take me back to how shit my school was. But I said to the lads that took us around i said right boys here's a question because we're next to the chemistry lab do you guys still turn on the bunsen burner and let enough gas out

so it creates like a cloud of gas and then light it with a taper and blast your mates up and they were like oh yeah no they don't do that that's what. Don't do that. That's what you do. That's so dangerous. It's great. What do you mean? Do you let all the gas out and then burn your mask? What kind of a... You let it out. What kind of a thing is that? It sits on the desk. It creeps around like a little invisible cloud.

You turn off the gas and you put a tape in here. It goes like that. And she goes like, Ah! Scares the shit out of people. We used to do that all the time. I was like, the whole point of chemistry.

You could get into real trouble for that. No, no, no. That's how you end up with gas explosions. No, no, no. I was like, the whole point of chemistry. You're in real trouble for that. No, no, no. That's how you end up with gas explosions. No, no, no. It was fine. I'm sure there's a safety system in place. Totally safe.

They wouldn't give the kids gas and fire if they couldn't control the situation, I'm sure. I know sometimes when we were leaving the chemistry lab,

you leave all the gas taps on and then run out. That was the other thing we did. Christ. Oh my God, head boy. I was not the head boy. Definitely not. No, I wasn't't that's not how

you get were you like were you ever a prefect or anything were you like ever no fuck oh no you went to school in america didn't you only till i was eight oh all right i mean over here i'm talking about the schools over here i doubt i mean they don't give the kids fire and gas in the states that i know of i would assume they just give them you know give guns and stuff but over here right they had prefects and all that shit they were always the wank them you know give guns and stuff but over here right they had prefects and all that shit they were always the wankers you know what i mean like the absolute wankers yeah they call them hall monitors in the states yeah yeah those are the guys that grow up to uh use the ice cube analogies to describe global warming by the way yeah seriously those

are the same same guys so once an asshole always so right basically if you if you detect that someone's an asshole at school 100 guaranteed that person will still be an asshole as an adult even worse actually i'm probably in a position of power yeah so always bear that one in mind too i do i'm gonna google it there was a kid at my school who was an absolute twat i wonder what he's up to it's nice that's what facebook's for, isn't it? Just to go on there and see the kids of all of your schoolmates. Yeah, see how well everybody has done and make you feel bad about yourself. Oh, shit.

Looks like Mandy went on and met some other stud and had five kids. Yeah, that's pretty much what it is. Guess I wasn't good enough for that party one time. I'm lucky. I'm going to find this fucking girl. Do you guys know anybody that you went to school with who is currently serving time in jail? Probably, but I don't know the people that I know. But I know people that I'm almost certain. I was at school with Gareth Malone from the choir and all that shit.

No. You never heard of Gareth Malone? he's kind of a kind of a big deal he's uh you see him everywhere conducting fucking choirs and shit he's that guy i went to school with a guy who was implicated uh in uh september 11th stuff he was like jesus oh yeah he was arrested shortly after something to do with i don't know how involved i i can't imagine super involved but he went to my high school and he was arrested as far as i know he's still in jail i think but that's the only person a guy went to school with uh what died in a car crash as well that's one of the only people i know from school who's actually died as well it's weird isn't it like

you go to school with a ton of people yeah on average you would expect some of them to do either exceedingly well and some people to end up just like these hopeless situations or whatever but for the most part as far as i can tell most people just are pretty average you know they've i think that's it i think that is it that one in a hundred thousand murder rate you know and even then some of those i'm sure are going to be pretty unusual circumstances you know you know sometimes i get very angry and you know really want to just sure strangle someone but you know and i could see it happening you know if if it really got out of control you want to kill somebody do you wet your bed push them in uh push them in a canal have you ever wet your bed before like as an adult uh i pooed it pooed right nice did you wake up and was the poo had the poo

completely exited your ass and was just like lying delicately beside you on the bed or did you wake up with just shit all up in your ass crack like and a bit on the bed as well the second one yeah right holy shit so you know anna kendrick you know the actress anna kendrick oh vaguely okay all the fucking people watching this podcast will know who anna kendrick is i bet 99 of them she's an actress she's she's pretty famous right she is currently dating my my friend ben richardson right who was like one of my best friends growing up we used to play blood bowl and fucking warhammer games and i'd paint miniatures went ran to his house all the fucking time she's dating ben go ben wow congrats ben well i'm so impressed you think he listens to this fuck no dude he lives in hollywood he's like a movie director not a he's

a cinematographer or some shit yeah but he's still gotta have like a bit of downtime you know there's no way no there's no way he listens to this podcast i guarantee you dude's living the la lifestyle dayton anna kendrick what do you think he's gonna fucking listen to the triforce podcast or the other one there's no accounting for bad tasting but so from that i did theater studies a level with ben and with gareth malone all right right so ben ben is Ben is dating Anna Kendrick and living in Hollywood and being a cinematographer. Right.

Gareth Malone is like multi-millionaire director of the choir and all this kind of shit. I've got a podcast. Hey, are you happy? No, I'm miserable. Well, maybe you just need to live in Hollywood.

You might need to re-evaluate your life then. I thought you were going to say, yeah, I'm happy. And I was going to say, well, that's the main thing. Who cares what you're doing? I'm very happy. Good. Mrs. f listens to the podcast i'm very well there you go my wife doesn't why so the other day there i was there i was the other day streaming

okay and i thought to myself i didn't i didn't vocalize this but i thought to myself man i could really go for a brew like i could really go for a tea or whatever. And then two seconds later, my wife walks into the garage and she's got a cup of tea for me. I was like, holy fuck. Like, were you watching the stream? Could you just tell like by the look on my face that I need a tea?

And she's like, no. So I don't watch that. Yeah. And I was a little bit disappointed, but then I thought to myself, it's kind of cool that she could just sense out there, like in the force or something that I want tea and bring tea. She just thought, I wonder if my husband would like some tea why isn't she watching

my stream at the same time you know she could sub that's all he's saying you know tea is nice but she could she could sub or even just a follow she could smash that bell like you know yeah it doesn't cost the cost to send smash the fucking bell would you leave a like doesn't cost me a toasted cheese and ham sandwich of the day. She doesn't watch the stream. She ain't subbed. She's got her Amazon Prime just sitting there. Why doesn't she just, you know, drop that Prime? Yeah, why doesn't she just fucking drop that Prime?

Crazy. Because otherwise it's just going to waste. To be fair, it's my Prime account, so it wouldn't really be. Prime myself. Fuck, can I Prime myself? I Prime myself most evenings. No, this is a serious question. Can you Prime yourself?

I'm going to fucking prime myself right now. Yeah, you can. You can do it, mate. Why wouldn't you be able to? Because it's an extra sub, man. Jeez. I can double my sub count right now. You're right.

Yeah. Blacks can double up. I would say, because, okay, I know where you live, and I know how your dad garage is. This is very threatening. This is very threatening. but you look out at your house okay in fact you can see what you're wearing right now you can see the house guess where i am so did but when your did you when your wife brought you a cup of tea did you subconsciously

the corner of corner of your eye see her bringing it out the window and then she knocks on the door or did you see her come out i saw her come out of the house with it okay two minutes after the thought entered my mind i was like wait your garage is now two minutes is detached from the house oh my god i have a big window that i can see the house from so i can see people coming and going like for instance yesterday here i was streaming uh i look outside and there's a stranger at my door okay knocking on the side door of all doors right like normally people knock at the front door so she's at the side door knocking so i look and i see my wife come to the door and i can tell by my wife's expression that she's like what the fuck is this person doing here that was that kind

of expression of the side door and then so the door opens and i see them like talking or whatever next thing i see my wife handing her a chair from our kitchen what the fuck and then my wife does this thing she thinks i can understand what she's saying by like doing like this weird like uh like not like a semaphore yeah kind of like using gestures and like um not talking but i'm meant to like read her lips or something. So she's trying to explain what turned into, out to be like quite a complex situation. Via lip reading. Yeah.

So I'm just sitting here like, what? Like, I didn't know. Are you streaming at the moment with like your jaw just like slack? I was shrugging a lot and shaking my head. Anyway, so finally I was like, all like all right stream i got to just take a quick break and go see what's going on so i go in and she's like um and there's like fucking three ambulances like outside of my house and she's like oh um yeah as our neighbor uh there's an old man just like collapsed outside by the road and she had to phone the uh paramedics and

she wanted to borrow a chair so he could sit on it because apparently he had like heart problems or whatever uh it's like oh okay great and then she brought the chair back and he i think he's okay he they had to be taken to hospital and stuff but uh had it not been for that window i wouldn't have known any of this was going on i would have been blissfully unaware i would have been in here i wouldn't have known about the collapse the uh the loan of my kitchen chair nothing all. That's all the goodest of strangers, people helping out each other. That's crazy, isn't it? Some portico on the street,

checking if he's okay. You say that, but the other week, some travelers turned up on the park, me and me. To take to Jusk if they were okay. Angle-grinded their way into the park. They cut the gate open with an angle grinder. Ten caravans turned up, rocked up, parked up.

All the people in their cars are doing donuts on the grass. If one of them in one caravan wants to go see someone in another, they doing donuts on the grass if they if one of them in one caravan wants to go see someone another they drive there across the grass spinning their wheels tire tracks everywhere they stole all the chickens from the local allotment jesus and the police were like get the fuck out of here you guys have 48 hours and they were like fine and they got the chickens back and they cussed out everybody that they saw and it was they were fucking horrible jeez they were really the least friendly people you've ever met.

Man. Put them in the grinder. Grinder. Drop poo and pee on them. Pee poo sausage grinder. Pee poo sausage grinder now. Fuck me, man. Jesus Christ.

Well, anyway, I'm out of stories, guys. I mean, it's been two weeks, so a lot of stuff has accumulated. But I've fully blown my load now no that that that was everything extreme thrusting i enjoyed it yeah i think it was great i don't see any problems with it i think it was i don't know you always do a review of the podcast we've just finished it yeah it's like a quick google thanks for listening to that i looking back pretty mediocre really uh be a miracle if this one gets published but uh if you are listening to this we appreciate it um look out for our new uh pee and poo pots on the patreon as well

uh they'll be branded so if you want to don't actually use them for pee and poo because uh they're not waterproof and they will collapse on you yeah uh you know what terry did today he climbed up onto his house and uh dropped a big one on top of his house. So when I came in this morning, he wasn't on his house anymore, looking at me with like this glint in his eye. It's like, Terry, what's going on? Look over his house. There's just a massive pile of shit on top of his house.

He just like- That's a dirty protest. Dropped a huge one. Yeah. So maybe he's dirty protesting. If you could do that, you probably would though, right? What, shit on your own roof? Yeah, just casually climb up onto your own house

and take a big shit in front of everyone. Yeah, but you don't have an owner who's going to clean it up, Lewis. There's just going to be a shit on your roof. Did I tell you guys about when I went to Canada and I smoked some weed in April when I was back for a week? We smoked some weed and I tried to tell people the story about my friend who shit in a margarine container and uh was opening it very slightly in the car and everybody was like almost

barfing it stunk so much anyway i tried to tell that story and i could not stop laughing like it was so fucking funny i don't know what it is about shit it just absolutely slays me it's not about shit it's about weed oh that just had a part to do with it but man i was i had the giggles so hard i couldn't even speak it was just like i was crying it was nuts oh man fuck me it was so funny when that happened like i don't know if you've ever been in a situation like that but if somebody has shit in a margarine container and it's sealed closed and they open it even just slightly in an enclosed car good Good Lord. That's a smell. That is a smell.

And on that bombshell, that is this week's podcast. Thank you for one. Oh, DL. All right. See you guys later. Bye. Thanks for listening. Goodbye.