Triforce! - Triforce! #106: No More Hollywood Surprises

Episode Date: October 16, 2019

Triforce! Episode 106! Sips gets some mouth help, Lewis watched Joker and Pyrion is part of a big scam! Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Truffles Podcast With me, Lewis, also Sips Hello, Sips, also P-Flex Good morning How are you guys doing? Good week, good energy It's suddenly gone from summer to winter

I got soaked on the way in today I'm going to have to start carrying an umbrella around. It's a shift. Worst time of year. A monumental shift. Umbrella season. Is that time of year? I hate it.

It just puts a damper on everything, man. Get out. He's only gone and done it. For reals. For reals. But seriously, folks. all the markets all like shut down and there's no one anywhere and it's all like i don't know just just everyone everyone feels like like everyone's spirits are low as well yeah i mean well seasonal affective disorder

is a real thing i i suffer from it quite a lot i suffer from a lot of weird shit actually and when it starts to get dark and the evenings draw in and the mornings are dark, I get so fucking miserable and I hate being cold all the time. And my fucking arthritis plays up and it's awful. I just hate it. I'm like an old person now. Oh, the piles are giving me jits. Oh, the gouts are playing up.

Doing me bloody head in. I've been thinking about it a lot recently. And I think my biggest problem is that I simply just have a small penis and I can relate back a lot of the uh the trouble and strife back to that one frustration defining aspect of me and my life how different do you think your life would have been if you had a like a a massive cock like absolutely fucking massive oh man i just just just thinking right now free flights easily right you just go up to the desk say i got a big one they're like you don't even have to pay sir on you go what flight do you want to fly with extra extra third

leg room so all of them but i'll need a spare seat for my for my dick for my enormous yeah flop right on there like if you had a big a decent sized penis you wouldn't have had that ferrari you know impounded that's it um and you wouldn't have you know i'm not saying decent size that fight i want something that people actually go oh God. I want mine to be like comically large. Literally a comic book penis. Yeah. You want people to go, ugh. No, I want them to go, ugh.

Yeah, like a blimp. I want it to be like a blimp. I don't know. If it's comically large, I think people go, ugh. Like a big inflatable hammer. I want it so big. I can't make that it looks like an illness that's that what you want you want to look like you've had a bee sting you yeah and i've had an allergic reaction on my dick that's made it bigger hey i read this thing about

a guy 45 years old okay at 45 years old this guy decides that that the power move of the day for him is to inject Vaseline into his dick to make it bigger. Wait, wait, wait, wait. And he gets gangrene in his dick. Isn't it silicon? I thought there's like a community of people. It was like petroleum jelly or maybe it was silicon. Well, maybe it was silicon well maybe it was silicon that guy died like that he he has the biggest cock and balls because he's been pumping silicone into them oh um he when he sits down it looks like there's a dog hiding in his crotch

he has to have special trousers made that have an enormous crotch because i mean he whipped it out on camera and his dick i'm not kidding it was literally like you you have to get two hands under it to lift it up oh it's vaguely the same shape as a penis his testicles are enormous and i just think right you know that's not real i have a wheelbarrow to like push his balls he was like buster gonads do you remember him from this do not seriously guys like don't fuck around with your dick don't never inject anything into your don't use i would say i'd say body but if you really feel like you need to leave your dick alone it's not for having things injected into it okay just things inject out of it maybe we

don't need this disclaimer but i feel like it's there anyway. Like, don't use those penis pumps. When a 45-year-old man gets gangrene in his dick from injecting stuff into it, I think that's the point at which we do have to have the discussion. I mean, come on. That's the target audience. You know what? It's high time we took issue with these penis injectors. Everybody else is getting into the neck one way or the other. Why can't we call these nerds out?

Stop fucking the pavement. Stop fucking bicycles. Stop injecting stuff in your dick. You know what? We've been here before. We've covered a bunch of these, but this is a fresh one. If you're going to fuck a pavement or a bicycle,

more power to you, I guess. You know how many of them make you dick. Don't let me catch you doing it because I, you know, would be upset. But at the same time, as long as you're not injecting stuff into your cock, it's fine. Honestly, just,

and you're not like harming other people or whatever into your cock it's fine honestly just and you're not like harming other people or whatever like it's fine just just carry on i don't care also if you're working with something which is less than the average okay let's just say you know i'm not stalking from experience obviously uh i have a massive cock uh yeah the but if you're working with something it's a curse and a blessing big swinging anyway uh if you're working with something... Will Barrow Brindley! It's a curse and a blessing. Big swinging... Anyway, if you're working with something that's less than the average, you've got to up your tongue game.

Go work on other projects. Yeah. I don't think injecting petroleum jelly into your tongue is any better, actually. I think... I see. I see. I feel like that's a lazy shortcut, though. Do you know what I mean? Like, just educate yourself.

Well, I'm too squeamish to do it to my dick, but my tongue, on the other hand, I can inject shit into that all day long. I think you could learn a lot. You could teach yourself. Isn't mouth health so important? I don't know if you guys are like me, but every once in a while, I'll get like these big... Mouth help. Yeah, I'll get these big ulcers in my mouth.

And any other time... Why? You know, I don't even think about mouth health at all. I'm just like, yeah, whatever. I thought you said mouth help. It just works. I thought you were saying mouth help as a euphemism for a blowjob. No, mouth health. Well, I mean important it's important to have a healthy mouth like cleaning your teeth and

flossing and stuff if that's if that's your uh if that's your i thought you said isn't mouth help so important mouth well no i mean it's nice i would consider it fairly important. Yeah, no, it's like a Dr. Seuss rhyme. And then in the health, mouth, health, health, mouth, health, mouth, it's like hard to say words all strung together into harder to say sentences, right? No, you're completely right. As soon as you get a toothache, you're like, fuck. I really shouldn't have been avoiding flossing.

I have this huge ulcer on my lip, like inside my lip. Oh, I hate ulcers, man. It's so annoying. And I'm just thinking to myself, Christ, like I don't remember what it was like to not have one in my mouth. An ulcer, I should say. Sorry. Right.

And it's so painful. I can't really eat. You know what you've got to do? Here's a really simple home solution. I mean, nuts. Vongela or whatever it is. This has always worked for me. I can't really eat. You know what you've got to do? Here's a really simple home solution. I mean, nuts! This has always worked for me. No, no, no, you don't do that. No, there's like an igloo thing.

You can make a dome over it. No, no, no, listen, listen. This is super easy. You can do it right now. Have you tried injecting Vaseline into it? Wow. Just making it bigger. Wow.

You get the biggest cock you can find. Right. And you rub it all over the affected area right so my own is or you could do what i do and get some salt dissolve it in water nah make it pretty salty and then you have to hate yourself to do that you swill that around in your mouth you swill that around in your mouth spit it out and do that and then you wait a couple of hours do it again it works for me every time my uh my wife got this like mouthwash when she had her wisdom teeth taken out it's like this industrial strength mouthwash kills like every form of bacteria like corsadel or whatever that shit

yeah something like that so i tried some of that but holy crap it just leaves your man it just leaves your mouth feeling all weird, right? You know when you brush your teeth with a really minty toothpaste and your mouth is like on fire afterwards? Yeah. I hate that. You know, have you ever washed your dick and balls with like a minty shower gel and it numbs the whole area as well? Like that tea tree shit. Get that on your balls.

It's shocking. That's shocking. You're having a shit, like a spicy shit and you're like you didn't expect it man having said that though just as you said that i got this like perfect uh visual and like uh like i felt the sensation what if you put like some of that minty shampoo or body wash onto some toilet paper and wiped your ass with it like that would be nice oh i can feel that really spicy hot let me let me run the numbers on that yeah it's gonna sting yeah but in a good way though a soothing sting right i think there's no such thing as a soothing sting after you've taken

like just a joke like you've dropped the like the hottiest hot the hottest spiciest greasiest deuce of your life and your asshole is on fire fire. That's going to feel pretty good, I think. No, it's horrible. I think, oh my God, my butt hurts. No, but the calming. He's talking about applying like a balm. Yeah, like a soothing balm. I don't think adding stinging stuff to...

Asshole balm. Yeah. Oh, his butt on fire? Add some fire. It's a different kind of fire. Yeah, fight fire with fire. That's what they say of fire. Yeah, fire with fire. That's what they say, right? So it was on magical blue fire,

and now it's on magical red fire as well. It's a fell fire. It's a green fire. Two dots. All right, lads, I've got a story for you. This is such a... Go on. Let me just, before you drop the baller story of the century,

let me just finish off. I've had those mouth washes before that that do make everything go weird in your mouth and make it taste like different for a day it feels like it's like it was like you know when you have those weird that have you ever had that stupid fruit that makes everything taste like like like sour things taste sweet oh yeah those weird fruits like and then you eat a lemon and it tastes all sweet and you're like, oh, that makes me slightly terrified

that it won't go back. You know? I know what you mean. I feel like after I've had that, the inside of my mouth feels like a weird, sterile killing room. Like the dexter is made

with like plastic and fucking bright lights And the teeth are like the people standing around the tongue which is just so there's nothing going on in there like all life inside my mouth has been destroyed by this whatever magical potion they're gravestones yeah that's what they are your teeth oh god anyway um okay sorry so this goes back to when i was in china china in china very topical i received a phone call i received a phone call and it was a wrong number. But the

guy said, hi, is that Ted? And I said, yeah, this is Ted. He goes, it doesn't sound like Ted. I said, well, I can assure you I am Ted. He said, I don't think you're the Ted I'm looking for. And I said, all right, well, which Ted were you hoping to find? And we had a laugh about it. He was an English guy and he just called the wrong number, but also wanted a ted so it was the wrong number looking for someone with the same name as me and i thought what a weird coincidence i get back to the uk and this guy messages me and he says hey not ted it's me joe that guy who called you that one time where you were in china i didn't want to creep you out by calling again but my friend other ted brought something up after I told him about the number mishap. A YouTuber called Pirian mentioned on a podcast that he was in China, and he showed me a wiki page, and his name was indeed Ted.

I thought you sounded similar to the guy on the podcast, and Other Ted has been asking me to call you again or give out your number. Please don't do that. I'm not doing that. I know, I'm not doing that, obviously, but I found the podcast fun brackets triforce and have been subscribed and each episode that goes up the more i think about it so can i get that cleared up are you actually pre and flax and i said yes and he says holy shit i can't actually believe this i was pushed over the edge when you mentioned bournemouth school uh and i started out my teaching career at bournemouth school for girls which is just across the road from bournemouth school and he's now teaching in pool so what gets me is this guy who misdialed me while i'm in china

looking for someone with the same name yeah he's also from the same town i grew up in and has taught at the same school i actually took my a level we were talking last week about ben richardson and his girlfriend anna kendrick born with school for girls is where we took theater studies so this guy used to teach at the school where I was at school with Ben. So because we did one of our A-levels there and the rest of them at the boys' school. What a weird coincidence. That's weird. That the guy not only calls looking for someone with the same name, but he's from Bournemouth

and he's a teacher at the school I went to. It's bonkers. That's actually... You know what would be even weirder? If it turned out in the end that you two had sex. That would be weird. With each other. That would... Oh, that each other. Ha ha!

That would... Oh, that one time. I would ice the cake. Are you that guy? I recognize the husky voice through the hole in the wall in the toilet. In the park. The public toilets. Implying that I wouldn't be able to just pull a bloke without cottaging. Let me tell you something.

If I wanted to, I could go and have gay sex. No problemo. Guaranteed. I bet you could, yeah. They like bold daddy types. you know what i'm saying some of them yeah geez well it's probably like a whole fetish area isn't it i could be i could be someone's fetish you never know like egg dads or something i don't know like there's some there's some name you could make uh you could have a society secret society north North American Egg Love Men Association or something like that.

You could be like the Nambla. Like Nambla. Are you telling me we could be like the North American Pedophile Association? That's what my organization is going to be called. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, North American Bold Love Association. First meeting of this new organization.

Yeah, we need to think of a name. What could we base our name on how about those pedos that's a good start let's base our organization on on a pedophile organization what a name though north american man boy love association i mean come on unbelievable up with that that's crazy pedophiles apparently yeah i guess so fuck. They probably had a big round table discussion. Yeah, that's what I was saying. That's a sire round. Like the Knights of the... Sir Arthur, what do you both call this association?

Well, Sir Robin, I've been thinking about it at length. Fuck's sake. Hey, Osir. What do we all love? Boys. Exactly. What are we? We are men. Where do we all love? Boys, exactly. What are we? We are men.

And where do we live? North America. And how about? And how much do we care about them? We love them. It's just that easy. So the Knights of the North American Man Who Love Boys. That's vacation.

Jesus Christ. I think that's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it? Like, P-Flex. But, I mean, the thing is, the world is, everyone says, oh, it's a small world, isn't it? You know, when they meet someone, like, in a coincidental way. It's like, oh, don't you be here. On Coronation Street, apparently.

That's what that sounded like. It feels like that sort of thing that is almost like just accepted. But actually, the chances of something like that are very... Then again, numbers that they give out are obviously... I'm just trying to unpick the coincidence. No, I am too. So I was thinking, did I get my phone in Bournemouth

and I've had that number all this time and is there like almost like an area code thing so that if I get my phone in London, it's got this code and if I get it in Bournemouth, it's got that code like at the start. And was it just, I mean, are we similar age? So we got phones at a similar kind of time and that was the kind of number at that point. Yeah, it is a bit weird.

I mean, the coincidence of him calling for a Ted, I thought was funny enough. But then the extra coincidences on top are also just weird. It just added up to too many coincidences. I think if he'd said Edward, that would have been maybe enough as well. Well, if he's a Ted, he's an Edward. I guarantee you this guy's an Edward. Yeah, but if he'd called up asking for an Edward,

you would have been like, oh, I'm Edward as well, though. Or are you, Ed? You're an Ed, yeah? You're not a Theodore or whatever. I'm an called up asking for an Edward, you would have been like, oh, I'm Edward as well, though. You know, or are you Ed? You're an Ed, yeah? Right? I'm an Edward. I'm an Edward. I don't like to go by Ed or Eddie. No, but if he'd asked, if he'd rung up asking for an Ed, would that have been the same level of coincidence? What's Ned short for? Nedward. Nedward. Ned. Yeah.

It's a weird one, eh, Ned? I know what Ned, let's Google Ned. Ned. I'm going to get pictures of Ned Flanders. Honestly, Flax, if this happened to me, I'm not saying that. Maybe it is just like an amazing series of coincidences or whatever, but if that was me, I'd be like, this is a setup.

I've been hacked or something. I see. No, my mates all said this sounds like a setup or a con, and I'm thinking, what were they going to con out of me? i'm just wondering how how easy is to get a coincidence to like how easy is it to how easy is it to speak to someone and find something you have maybe that maybe you've fallen for the con by repeating the story on this illustrious podcast maybe that was the goal of the con maybe congrats it is unusual that his friend Ted also knew about trifles, though. Yeah.

That's kind of unusual. That's one coincidence too far. You think it's a setup. You think they've set it up to get on the podcast. I think we've fallen right into their trap by talking about it. Well, it's well played. The conspiracy theory. So Ned is an English given name and variant of Ed,

sometimes short for Benedict, Edward, Ed edmund edgar or edwin edwin benedict benedict benedict i love it when there's a name that doesn't sound anything like surely benedict would be shortened to ben yeah i mean how would that go well they yeah the english like to shorten uh jeremy and gary to jez and gaz don't they which doesn't make sense either i i don't i mean that i think they used to. I've never understood that one. I think they're both pretty awful names, aren't they? I mean, Jez.

It sounds like a kind of... Sounds like Jizz. Sounds like a sort of a slightly overweight guy in a suit on the tube in London. Who's like drunk. Jizz and Gaz. All right, Jez. Yeah. Do you want to get some chips?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's what it does sound yeah i don't get like how do you get how do you add an az or an easy like uh is it is it kind of like uh off offshoot of like cockney rhyming slang or something yeah sounds bad or ga or good they want to short jeremy and gary but they can't be asked to go yeah come on gary gerald gerald we had a we had a jazz the gerald which who was g-e-z jazz that was a thing as well yes yes yeah yeah would it be that's just shoeholding that that's that's not cool that's an interesting one jazz or gas so i

watched in that case so i watched the movie i watched watched Joker yesterday. No spoilers. No spoilers, but he becomes a supervillain. Well, yeah, he does, doesn't he, in the old Batman. So it's sort of R-rated. So, you know, swearing and, like, you know, fairly felt like it was quite dark. You know, it's not the best movie in the world, but it's good enough.

So, like, a solid four out of five stars from old Lewis. And I'm a fan of batman in general and the world the universe and gotham and the world and stuff and it's it's always pretty shitty you know gotham city i used to think i was but i'm starting to realize now that i'm not i just fucking don't really like superheroes or anything to do with them at all like i just like i'm i think i'm i'm tapped out on superheroes you Have you watched The Boys? Yeah, actually, I liked the first episode of it. And I keep meaning to get back around to watching the rest of it. It's good.

Anyway, Joker's good. It's an interesting twist on the superhero thing. You know, it was pretty good. Yeah, I don't want to talk too much about it. Spoilers. Did you enjoy it? I enjoyed it. But I thought because of the weather,

right, because of like the whole, because it was a bit rainy and a bit miserable, it's kind of like that in Gotham, you know, always.

You know, you never go to Gotham City and it's like a fucking lovely, sunshiny, bright day outside with everyone having a good time.

You know, mostly there's some shit going down. Someone's nicking something or stabbing someone or raping someone in a fucking alleyway or something's going on, you know mostly there's some shit going down someone's nicking something or stabbing someone or raping someone in a fucking alleyway or something's going on you know or someone's pushing someone or you know being mean to someone it's like it's like dirty shit new york city i guess it's hey well it's it's modeled after like 70s new york city i think isn't it which was

probably yeah i think it does feel like that with like a lot of kind of, a lot of wild... 70s and early 80s. The 70s and 80s was a pretty rough time in New York. Yeah, it was. Yeah, I think that's what it's... And also like, I think just, even the people are like,

just a bit wary of other people. Like London, you know, when you go to London sometimes, people don't really have time for you. They've got to be somewhere now or else they're going to be yelled at by an asshole or yes yeah jez is gonna fucking yeah tell them to and then yeah but otherwise it's suited besuited a-holes either non-besuited a-holes or besuited a-holes in london and it felt a little bit like that in in gotham and i don't know like

in a way like it got me into the vibe a bit more because it felt like a mirror, like I stepped into the same weather. It wasn't like I'd been transported to a different world. But also, it was kind of just not so... It was just good. I liked it a lot. It left me a little bit kind of...

Because the thing about Joker is, and this isn't a spoiler, is it's clearly not a typical Hollywood feel-good superhero movie, where the good guy wins or whatever. It's a story about a supervillain's origin kind of thing. And as a result, there's the victory moment kind of thing. There's a couple of great moments where you really end up like, I don't want to say rooting for him,

but like sometimes you're like fucking like you feel, you feel his side and, and some kind of, I don't know, like, like basically because he has this, that's the other thing that you've seen a lot of is him laughing. Right.

Just kind of very dead, deadly laughing. Like, and then laughing is this thing where we do it so socially. Laughing is this thing you do with other people around to show that you're comfortable with them and you have to laugh at the right time. It's very important to laugh at the right time. Throughout all of Joker, laughter is used as this kind of madness thing where he won't laugh at the right time he'll laugh so weirdly and differently every time or or laugh deliberately or like kind of you know it's so it's used so

kind of weirdly and i came out and i was just chatting with um with the people i watched the movie which was which was like a bunch of the guys who've been down lately and i laughed and i stopped myself laughing and i was like oh my god i like my laughter in my ears sounded like weird to me right so you felt maybe at that point that you were the joker or turning into the joker somehow i've got on a weird monologue here but i enjoyed it i like hearing your inner your inner monologue sometimes come out very unfiltered i have a lot of respect for that but you know how sometimes you watch a movie and you're into it and it's like a horror movie and you watch it in the lounge or whatever and then you go to bed and you're like you turn all the lights off and you're like oh

you're a bit spooked for for no reason um about like just you're just on it man i never get that and you know why because when i go to bed it's business time and i don't mean i want to have sex when i go to bed i mean when my head hits the I don't mean I want to have sex when I go to bed. I mean, when my head hits the pillow, I'm in a coma. Like I'm so tired. I have to be in that bed at that precise moment. What time do you go to bed? Or else like two in the morning. That's what I do when I don't have to get up.

But at the moment, I have to get up. I know I'm not tired, but I know I have to go to bed because I've got to get up. It's like 7, 7.30. See, I still go to bed at 2 a.m i much prefer going to bed when i'm tired otherwise my brain starts going and that's when i get in trouble the rest of the day i plug my brain with games i'm playing videos i'm watching tv shows things i'm getting on with and then you're saying that you don't allow your brain to think yeah that's what i'm saying like generally speaking during the day i don't do a lot of just sitting and thinking. And I know there's something, what do they call it? They call

it mindfulness, right? They call it mindfulness. Mindfulness, yeah. Where you just sit and fucking just chill and just let your brain process some stuff. Because otherwise you don't. I went to sleep last night. I'm playing a game called Panzer Core at the moment, which is like a hex-based World War II strategy game. Right. It's very nerdy. It's old. It's not new. Based on, there's always been these hex-based World War II strategy game. It's very nerdy. It's old.

It's not new. There's always been these hex-based games. And it's turn-based. You move your units around and blast whoever you blast in, and you've got air and sea and all that crap. So I go to sleep last night, and I close my eyes, and all I can see is hexes and numbers. That's it.

And then conversations start coming back to me, flashes of TV shows I've watched, and it's just voices going over and over, like I can't switch my brain off, which is a big problem that people have. When it's finally liberated, your brain is like, wait a minute, you've flooded me with so much stuff. I need time to process this.

I think consuming that much media, whether it be games or TV or YouTube or the radio or anything, you've got to give some time to think. i think allowing ourselves to be bombarded i mean we people say we've been bombarded these days you're the ones watching it me included you don't have to be bombarded you could switch that shit off go and sit in an empty room people aren't knocking on the door with a with a fucking megaphone but shouting at you you can just chill do you think that you could also just uh just as a counterpoint here, could you also potentially bombard yourself with mindfulness?

Like there's got to be a balance, right? Yeah, you could try to be too mindful. You don't want to be sitting there and like bombarding yourself with too much mindfulness because it could go the other way. So somewhere in the middle there. And what about for those monks, right? Those guys that go off to the Buddhist monasteries and stuff? They seem to be doing all right.

They just meditate for like 12 hours a day. Are they not chill? They're just like zombies though, you know? Yeah, but they're just so chill. It's not my journey, but I mean. Look, if you show me one thing that those Buddhist monks have ever created, like one thing they've ever invented

with like thinking huh what what what have those orange robed assholes ever done for us he's on his own he's talking he speaks for himself saying um like what come on like not that I care really you know what they do and I'm a fan i like the idea of going up to a mountain i was reading today about this um there's this like chinese buddhist site um which is this tiny like fucking like finger of rock sticking out into the sky and they've built like a little temple right on the fucking tip of it like on the fingertip of this rock and it's like the tiniest thing fucking up in the sky basically and it's like it's above the clouds and it's

madness it looks terrified to get up there in the first place and then even like doing a bit of chanting up there oh must be great but also weird you know you probably have to eat like you have to probably probably lug up a load of pot noodles up there um you know you're not growing any fresh food are you kind of on the top of that fucking hot noodles just anyway that's your go-to food you would take because they're asian because they're asian yeah they have pot noodles good one i don't know if they have do they have pot noodles in asia yeah yeah i mean they're not pot noodles but there's like it like when i've been to the supermarket in china that is fucking millions of different brands and varieties of essentially pot noodles, but good. Like they're really good.

The flavor is much better. So this morning I walk into my garage as normal, you know, open the door, step in, say hi to Terry, look in Terry's cage. He's just on his back like he flipped over he's i don't know how long he was there for but he was pretty pissed off about it because when i went to pick him up and put him normal he hissed really loud at me as well so he was chilling and you ruined his meditation that's that's how turtles get my guess so he was really he was really angry about the whole thing but i realized when he was on his back how big he's guess so he was really he was really angry about the whole thing but I realized when he was on his back how big he's gotten like he's grown a lot he's huge and like

when you see him from underneath you realize like how like because what you know when you see them from the top you know their shells like curve and they don't seem so big sort of thing but they're flat underneath so you get you know they look wider and stuff it's really weird I've seen them in a whole new light like in a compromising position do you think you were like a predator coming to like yeah it's like a dad walking in on his son like you know just squeezing his hog playing minecraft yeah you do wonder that they must have ways of getting yeah i don't know like they i don't know if they do, though. I think they either wait for something to nudge them over or they get eaten by a predator. Because I don't see how he could right himself.

Like, he was really stuck. It was like, he wasn't moving at first either. So I was like, Terry, you're dead? And then all of a sudden, when he heard me, his arms and legs started flailing. And I was like, all right, okay. That's what you want to hear isn't it when you come into like come into the room buddy you're dead you're dead

no so luckily he's not dead but yeah it's a weird one i guess uh i think he tried to climb up some stones and then probably just fell backwards or something i don't know it's really weird he's he's flipped over before. There's been cases of him flipping over before. Luckily, there's always somebody around because if they're underneath their basking light, it can like cook them, you know? Like they're not meant to like receive light on the bottom.

It's just like the top. Oh, God. You get a delicious Terry burger one morning. Yeah. I mean, imagine yourself, Lewis. You're laying in a tanning booth and you accidentally fall asleep, but you're doing like... Accidentally flip over.

No, but you're doing like the butt cannon at this, you know, like when your knees are up and your ass is sticking up in the air. That's how you've fallen asleep, you can imagine. It would dry you out big time, right? Potentially cause some damage. Oh, right. Yeah, potentially. Oh, God, i didn't think

of that yeah that would be that would be horrible i'd really need some vaseline injections a place where where regularly the light does not shine all of a sudden there's too much light going in there i mean surely what you do is you just build a uh an environment for him where if he does flip over he just falls off it right i think the main thing is as long as the ground isn't too flat. Yeah, things like a hardwood floor. Like if you think about a tortoise in a house, yeah, this is not a natural environment out there. The ground is never perfectly flat. No, something grass or whatever. Yeah.

If only the earth was round, then we wouldn't have this problem. Tortoises no earth equals flat terry's like this earth is too flat yeah he knows so i was watching uh i was watching maze runner maze runner have you seen that movie it's like a it's like a teenage uh hunger game it was on channel four even younger it was on it was on film four younger games it's definitely more it's definitely more in that vein, Hunger Games, than anything else, right? This guy wakes up in a metal box going up in a lift. The doors open at the top, and there's a bunch of guys

already there, and they're like, welcome to the glade. Then they explain that they're stuck in this glade at the center of a maze, and food comes up, and of course, everything goes tits up, and they have to escape and all the rest of it. Now, my kids were watching this movie. It was probably, it might be a little too grown up for my seven-year-old. She was a little scared of any kind of peril. Like there's a dude running away from something at one point, terrified, right? But what made me laugh was the absolute nailed on cliches

that you get in these movies, okay? Let me tell you, right? So here's an example of a cliche. You will know exactly how this goes the moment I start describing it to you. But to them them it's like fresh material because they're young so they've never seen this before oh yeah what's that oh i made it to give back to my parents here i want you to give it to when you get out and the guy

takes it says listen to me come here gives it back to him you're going to give it to them yourself you're going to get out of this yeah that old one yeah that is like the oldest and what do you think happened to the guy who he told was going to give it to his parents himself? He died. He tobogganed into a snowblower. He died, right? He fell off a cliff. It happens in everything.

A bald man wrenched his heart out of his body on a broken bridge. So the guy's got the, if you have the thing and someone gives it to you and says, give this to my parents. I'm going to give it to myself, man. this to my parents you're gonna give it to yourself man you're not here that person's gonna die if the hero is the one saying you're gonna make it out of here yourself he's gonna be fine yeah but if he gives it to another guy and says i want you to give this letter to my parents i don't think i can make it out you're gonna give it to them yourself they're both gonna die whoever has the letter is gonna die i think that it happens in saving private r, this letter gets everybody killed. This is such a cliche.

But my kids had no idea. So to them, it was like, wow, this is unbelievable. And they were really worried. Oh, my God, he's going to die. I was like, he's the hero. This is the guy on the poster. He's not going to die. And they sort of looked at me like, huh?

Like they were betrayed by this idea. And I'm thinking maybe this generation is ready. But the guy on the poster dies in scene one that would put the wind up everybody they get leonardo dicaprio in a movie five minutes in he's dead he doesn't appear in the rest of the film people like didn't see that coming that's the only real twist left that the guy you pay 30 million dollars to be in the movie dies in the first five minutes be brave filmmakers i think we can do it plot Plot armor is a real thing. Yeah. And it's very difficult to address in ways that don't suck. And I hate to say it,

Game of Thrones was very good before seasons, whatever, at doing that. Yeah, yeah. It was very good at surprise character death. Yeah. Of people that people liked and gave a shit about. The other guys was like that too. Do you remember that movie? Yeah, that's a good movie samuel l jackson and duane the rock johnson oh wait that's the i'm thinking of a different movie i'm thinking of the nice guy also in uh

is it what is it called deep something it's a movie with a shark deep rumbling deep deep rumblings deep deep deep water horizon deep water horizon. Deep water horizon. Samuel L. Jackson dies in that sort of halfway through the movie. No one sees that coming. He's going, we've got to try to come together. Get out of here. And then the shark just comes out of this pool, goes rawr, and eats him and fucks off, right? It was like, whoa, like a big moment.

They need to do that more. Kill off the characters in the movies. Come on. Deep, deep. The story of indian scuba diver who's afraid of sharks you know i i think that they i think that's that's something which hollywood is bound by though in some ways have you seen um the new um uh once once upon a night one one night in yeah once upon a time in hollywood yeah not yet um it's it's great but also it does address that slightly because you know there's a guy this character in it it's not a spoiler who talks about um how you know you don't want to be perceived like get like typecast in hollywood

or you don't want you don't want your character to be shown as being weak or beat up or yeah you know because it's a slippery slope into not being a hero anymore you know yeah and before you know it you're sean bean you die and everything so if you want to if you want to get like a be a big name you know and you feel like you have some control like if you are a big name so if you want to get a big name in your movie they're going to come with stupid fucking rules about what they can and can't do uh in the script and the script has to be adjusted to fit them you know interesting i'm sure even in once more time in hollywood you know leonardo dicaprio and brad pitt you know wouldn't surprise

me if they had said well you know i'm gonna have to have equal screen time i just don't mean something like that you know i don't know i feel like those guys if they get together with somebody like tarantino there's not much of that you know what i mean yeah no i think if they were making a shit movie then yeah yeah i think it was like a different i would be i would be surprised if that conversation hadn't happened though like jimmy i feel like they were discussing it and then tarantino was like this is a movie about that i mean the thing is that it's not those guys having those conversations either it's their managers right oh people people who make a big deal about this stuff yeah but other people who who pander to it to justify getting paid and stuff like that right oh they're all i think people

yeah you're right that they've got advisors and stuff and they're like don't get me wrong there is an element of ego for sure behind the scenes where leonardo caprio is probably like you're that fucking that bucktooth bastard make sure i get as much screen time as him billy when you go in bargain hard bargain hard billy like there's definitely they subtly do it they subtly do it by just saying man you know that fucking i can't believe he got more screen time than me yeah i can't believe that i had to be doing x while this guy was doing y oh my god but there's a lot of outright there's a lot of pumping up and ruffling of feathers and all that kind of stuff in the background, right? For sure.

You've got to ruffle feathers. You've got to ruffle. Yeah. I think, like, interesting, something that I thought about this week was that, you know, these guys like Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, they don't have to do these movies, clearly. They really don't.

Like, they can just retire quite happily and just do whatever the fuck they want to do. If they were in it for nothing but money, I agree. Yeah. But also, I don't think they are in it for when they've got that much money i don't think it matters anymore yeah well i think they still they still expect to be it always matters maybe but but i think that the i think they do genuinely enjoy being on and being the center of attention yeah of course that's why they're being in charge

yeah that's like i i think it's it's it's the thing that they wouldn't do if they didn't actually want to do it and i also think they're so rich that they wouldn't do if they didn't actually want to do it. And I also think they're so rich that they can basically just turn down anything they don't want. They're not actually genuinely interested in themselves. I don't think very many of them are like, yeah, you should do this. You should do this.

It'll be good for your career or whatever. They've made it. Yeah, yeah. It must be really gratifying to be at that position where, first of all, think how many jobs you get to turn down. Like you can just say, no, I'm sorry, I'm passing on this, not interested. You must get lots of offers that are really interesting. Be like, yeah, this is really interesting, but I just don't think it's right for me.

Like you're in a position where you can actually just turn down work. Pick and choose stuff. That you don't fancy rather than just saying, I'll do whatever. But then the opportunities that would would open up to you would be immense right like and you can see that they probably sort of get enthralled by you know certain scripts or certain directors or whatever i mean when sometimes you don't you see like a star's made a movie yeah they make a movie and you think what the fuck are they doing in this it's like a pet project or like a promise yeah he said to someone He said to someone, you know, I'll definitely do your movie.

Something that they were just interested in trying out that they've done or whatever. I like when that kind of stuff happens as well. It's just a little bit sort of off the grid sometimes. Yeah. I like a good cameo. Yeah. You know, someone, a big deal turns up in a movie

in two minutes, you think, wow, but I don't know why it seems cool. It kind of throws shade on everyone else in the movie, but it is also, it's like in the credits, I really don't, I actually really don't like that i said i think a serious movie shouldn't have those kind of jokey cameos from big budget actors they don't always have to be jokey cameos though i think sometimes they can be very subtly done and that's sometimes like it pulls me out of the movie it does make take you out because you go, oh, it's so-and-so.

That's all you end up saying, right? You don't look at them as a character. I've had a problem with Stan Lee in that. But I think if it was in something serious, like Leonardo DiCaprio, he's done shitloads of movies, from Inception to Shutter Island. He's worked with everyone. The Island of Dr. Monroe and all those ones too.

And I think in Shutter Island or Inception, Like everyone. The Island of Doctor Monroe and all those ones too. Yeah. And I think in any, like in Shutter Island or like Inception, it would be weird if like, I don't know, if like some super famous actor just had a 10 second sort of jokey cameo. I suppose it does happen. Maybe I'm over, maybe I'm overthinking it. I think often it is crowbarred in, but sometimes it's done well. Sometimes it's done, but sometimes it's sometimes it's done but sometimes it's it's done in a in a shitty way and but other times i can't think of any examples but i'm sure

i'm sure i've seen times where it's been done non-shitty it's been fine sort of thing or i've liked it what was i what was i looking at oh i know what i watched fucking stephen king had a cameo in It Chapter Two. And it felt very fucking unnecessary. Because I watched the movie in the theater. And before the movie was on, there was a little sort of awkward bit with Stephen King. Where he looked like he'd been wheeled out and asked these awkward questions. Yeah. And he sort of wasn't really very, I don't know,

very charismatic about it. Unfortunately, it hadn't been edited very well or they hadn't asked the right questions or whatever. And so I sort of, I'd already had like Stephen King in my mind

and then I'm watching this movie and it gets to this sort of shop scene and Stephen King's this sort of creepy shop owner. I'm like, oh, what the fuck is this scene? And it went on for far far too long it was sort of unnecessary and it felt like it didn't add anything to the plot and i was just sort of waiting for it it felt like an ad break in the like middle of the movie for like a minute for just a random advert or to like i don't know like

just just like i don't know like wank off stephen king a bit i felt like it was unnecessary he's a terrible actor as well terrible terrible terrible he's a writer he writes like a fucking he's prolific horror writer

oh god so many of his books are terrible but is that because they've been putting Stan Lee in everything that now Stephen King has to go and have

a cameo in his movies he's been in a bunch of his films he has been yeah he's always made little appearances I haven't seen him before I always found

The Simpsons pretty funny with the crowbar cameo kind of stuff you know like they'll be they'll go to like uh you know bart and lisa's open school fair or something like that and one of them will turn around there hey dad look it's it's lightweight champion reggie jackson hack it's like you know it's this guy that looks just like him i guess in a simpson-y way but that's his only part in the whole show in the 20 minute show is just one one line and he's he's just like chucked into it for whatever reason i think they used to do it really funnily but then they did yeah they started doing it really bad yeah i haven't watched it recently he's cameoed in hundreds of his movies. Who?

Yeah, yeah. He always pops up. I don't think I've seen any of them, actually. Most of them are dreadful. I haven't seen Kingdom Hospital, Rose Red, Storm of the Century. Hey, you know his best one? The Langoliers. Langoliers.

Langoliers. Langoliers. I thought Misery was a good one. Misery's really good that's probably his best book as well I don't think he has a cameo in that there's hardly any characters there's no opportunity for it, there's like two characters in it

it'd be weird if he was like a mailman or something just a mailman thank you door closes, end of scene like the fucking shoehorn Pujo, he did he did pet cemetery as well didn't he pet uh yes i remember that because it was deliberately spelled for joe and he always confused did he do carrie as well i think he did carrie is that his green the green mile green

mile yeah that's pretty good honestly shawshank redemption is a short story of his right so shawshank yeah that's right yeah it was stephen king as well wasn't it dr sleep is the one that's coming out in january he didn't stephen king write the shining originally yeah yeah yeah yes yeah but dr sleep is the sequel to it and so so just just the shinnen so my issue with stephen king is his books his books are too fucking long. They're just too long. It's like he doesn't know when to stop. If you read Misery, it's not that bad. But if you read it, it's fucking massive. It's a big book. It goes on forever.

Massive. It goes on forever. And most of that is pretty fucking boring, in all honesty. It's really a lot of boring stuff in those books. He just doesn't stop. All his books are getting thicker and thicker and thicker i don't know how he does it he must just be like all fucking day every day it's just no stopping the man take you know you don't need just fucking trim it down i don't even he there's no way he writes all of them he probably has like he probably has like a team of like

people that write books and he just slaps his name on it not one man cannot write all those books like apparently he can it's like 20 books a year fuck me man it's not oh it is okay alexa how many books is stephen king written stephen king has published 58 novels okay including seven under the pen named richardman. Right. Richard Backman. 58 books. Over 200 short stories, most of which have been compiled in book collections. 200 short stories as well. Oh, you can knock them out in a day. Okay, so Stephen King is, what, four years old?

So 58 books and 200 short stories. He's superhuman. He's superhuman. Too many books. He started in 1967 jesus yeah well how old was he in 72 now oh my so he was 20 in 1967 he was 20 years old that's when he started you gotta love you gotta love what you do right to to carry on apparently he does like that long fuck me i mean i think the thing is he has written some crackers but an awful lot of his books fuck me they they are i didn't realize there was an eighth dark tower book i thought it was i thought it stopped at seven i'm not even up to that was in 2012 so

eight of his 58 books are dark tower books that's nuts so i'm looking at the length of books the stand is 1152 pages it 1138 pages under the dome which he wrote in 2009 which is dreadful The Stand is 1,152 pages. It, 1,138 pages. Under the Dome, which he wrote in 2009, which is dreadful, 1,074 pages. I like how you said that. What is that? Under the Dome, which fucking sucks, by the way. Under the Dome, Jenny. I feel like a lot of his books is like a short story idea that he drags out to a thousand

page but all the movies are too a lot of the movies are a short story idea that's dragged out to a two or three hours like where should we set this steven how about maine let's say can we set it in maine can we shoehorn maine into this one there's two movie adaptations of the shining isn't there there's the the famous one and then there's the not so famous one are you serious yeah there's another shining i think there is i think that there is i really liked i mean the shining's a classic no i'm vaguely excited for doctor sleep because it looked it looked profoundly unsettling and you know i think that's where stephen king has always excelled really in my opinion like doing creepy weird horror stuff where a lot of the time you just don't really understand stuff you know i think a

lot of the time movies try to give you that closure and like help and a lot of times his books it's like it's just creepy and weird for no fucking reason not gonna explain anything do you mean and then when when you get like a movie they're like okay we have to put in a little hint that it's an alien from space so there hasn't been another shining film but there was a a mini-series on tv a three episode mini oh maybe that's what i'm thinking of in like 1997 apparently right i might be thinking of that why did they bother this like you can't why do you bother like it's already a classic because there's someone at that table

must be like somebody got already done a really good movie there was five bucks to be made off of it or whatever so they did it give stephen king a cameo that's why they do it um i've been watching uh well i watched the apprentice last night which is as you expect just garbage of course the same but i can't stop watching it uh i was angry the whole time too and um but i've also been watching this um limited series on netflix called unbelievable about a serial rapist it's really interesting it's based on based on true events that popped up and i just thought it would be a bit too fucking depressed i've got enough in my life i don't want to be depressed anymore

sometimes i just can look at i looked at the trailer and i was like oh god this looks very depressed no it's worth a watch it's really well done the acting is uh superhuman as well okay and uh and i i started watching uh the jinx you ever heard of that this yeah it's really well done the acting is uh superb in it as well okay and uh and i i started watching uh the jinx you ever heard of that this yeah that's really good yeah fuck me it's so weird isn't it like i'm on like three like episode three or something and it's amazing that people like that bizarre yeah it's like they just they just exist yeah like that's to me when people talk about oh you know some wealthy elite that's these guys yeah like they live in a whole different world from the rest yeah it is it's it's

it's kind of shocking how different it is as well like in ways that you don't existence to them is completely different from it is from how it is for everybody else yeah but uh really interesting at the same time yeah yeah really yeah that is such a bonkers story we've got to stop the podcast guys thank you though for listening we'll be back next week I've got a few things to do sorry guys I have to cut a bit early but thanks everyone thanks for the support we've got Patreon

you can support us on there that's very much appreciated we don't run ads or anything but we might do it we might do some ads we might do some ads so I can convince these We might do some ads for Fitzies, guys. Yeah, I've got some ideas. Anyway. We're ready to bury this podcast.

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