Triforce! - Triforce! #113: Sips Grylls Survival Skills

Episode Date: February 5, 2020

Triforce! Episode 113! Sips gives us some top tips for surviving in the wild! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do who wants this last parachute? I do

enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly.

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Welcome PFlex. Welcome Sips. Podcast to carry me home. We haven't got a jingle. We just have that little thing at the start that goes, yeah. It's not all right. It works. But I would like a nice...

Something to salute to. Something like that. What about something like chipper, but like a marching song as well? Like, Triforce. It's the Triforce. You guys are really cool. Triforce. It's the Triforce.

It's three old guys talking Out their arse Next week Stories about dropping kids off at school And drinking weed So I went to Sips' I went to Jersey weekend Yeah Lewis was Lewis was over here over the weekend

Flex Four days of freezing cold Island Is it cold over there is it it's cold yes it's pretty cold it's rainy yeah it's pretty gray and miserable and that's like this for about eight months a year so there you go yeah it's the same same here yeah same here fucking free island life huh you guys just live on a bigger island than me we get we get pretty sheltered in london like we've got all the the residual heat from everybody you know all the people in the buildings and the all the central heating and everything it never gets that cold but then sometimes

there's like a big snap but then i go and it feels cold but when you go to another part of the country that's a bit more rural or much more coastal the the cold ramps up yeah it ramps ramps right up yeah yeah i i'm acclimatized to to this mild miserable weather now whereas like um you know growing up in a place where it was really really fucking cold for a lot of the year like when i first came over here everybody's like oh it's cold like what are you talking about i was wearing my shorts and like a t-shirt and stuff but then after a couple of years like because i've been over here for like 17 years now right right now i'm a big pussy i can't handle even 10 degrees i find insufferably cold yeah well i mean you're like me in that we just try and remain indoors as often as possible yeah preferably in front of a computer so yeah yeah urban heat island that's something we learned in geography

right it was like that that certain cities are much hotter than rural areas because new york city's got to be like that every time i see it in the winter there's always steam coming up out of the sewers and there's like vents coming out the side of buildings i know it's the same new york city winters are the worst because you've got those long avenues and it just the wind when it picks up it's it's so so bad i i remember winters in new york as being bucking miserable and summers as well as being unbelievably stiflingly hot so yeah it's it's like the worst winters the worst summers but it's you still gotta love new york yeah it's yes it's significantly warmer actually because of the heat center than

surrounding areas though but also it's the vegetation is a big thing like in central park you can see a big square yeah on the map on the heat map where it's like a couple of degrees cooler because the the urban heating is they have a skating rink in there too so um i love new york but i i don't understand the love for central park other than there's nothing else like that's it's really it's not a great park in all honesty and i say that as a as a former new yorker and a lover of the city central park is massively overrated right if you go to there's a ton of parks just in my area that that are fucking way better than central park is massively overrated right if you go to there's a ton of parks just in my area that that are fucking way better than central park but it's all you've got when you're on the

island that's like there's no option this is as green as it gets so i get it but they could make it a little nicer well it's not really a park so much as a a series of roads with grass around yeah i mean well then again it's they've made an effort, at least. A Hyde Park in London's really nice. I've been there. I thought it was great. I thought it was really nice. Yeah, so three degrees warmer,

but as high as 12 degrees centigrade warmer in the evenings with big cities. I mean, when you're out in the countryside at night, you do feel the heat drop off. Like, it just vanishes. Especially if there's no cloud cover that's it that's why i never go camping why the fuck would you do that to yourself you ever go camping and i've been

camping so many times and you know what if you if you if it's one of those things it's like a cultural thing you're you're exposed to it at a young age through like either your family going camping or maybe you go with your friend's family to go camping or you're in Cubs or Scouts or whatever. They do a lot of camping as well. They're all about the wilderness and stuff. It's something it's like an acquired sort of taste, but it's amazing. Camping is I really rate it. It's one of the best things you can do, honestly. Like you completely detach

yourself from like your your your devices and stuff like you don't you don't have any electricity you just go to sleep when the sun sets you wake up when the sun rises it's it's the most natural and sort of relaxing thing you would really benefit from it flax with your anxiety and shit like that you would fucking love it honestly I'm telling you no i wouldn't a couple of days you'd be miserable but like go for a week or something and and really really like immerse yourself in it it's awesome oh man it's nothing nothing's better just take your vape with you and like uh cooler with some where am i gonna charge in it and stuff where am i gonna charge my battery just get a battery pack charge it from your car or something who cares like uh you just or just or just take a pack of smokes no no no take some magic mushrooms Just get a battery pack. Charge it from your car or something. Who cares?

Or just take a pack of smokes. No, no, no. Take some magic mushrooms. Fuck whatever, man. You're camping. Who cares? You're out there. You're shitting in a hole in the ground.

It's awesome. Just grab a couple mushrooms off the ground, shove them in a pipe, and smoke them, you fucker. Light it on the campfire. Me and Lewis watched a bunch of SAS He Who Dares Wins while he was over. My wife likes watching it, and we were watching it with her and stuff.

There was this great bit, right, where this fucking Essex hard man, who's part of the SAS, with this lovely, perfectly trimmed, coiffured beard and looks gorgeous, you know. He's like, when I was on operations, my family sent me a letter

so i fucking burned it yeah yeah i didn't want it to affect psychologically my performance yeah exactly he's like my when my family used to send me letters when i was on operation i burned them that was it that was the whole so dramatic that was the whole cut it was so fucking great show but listen the the whole time we're watching this uh lewis was like that's easy i could do that i was in cadets i went to an sas camp one time yeah i could do that oh i could do that i'll live fucking pussies i could fucking do that i could do that and i was just thinking to myself you know what i'd pay good money to see lewis take on the sas challenge like i i would love to watch the whole 15 minutes i would also love to see that uh before before he

got uh forcefully ejected from these guys you know he'd say so he'd mouth off to the sas guy like they were his personal trainer he'd say some shit you would no i mother staff and suck suck my dick that's it 20 push-ups i'm gonna do push-ups on your mom you're gonna push up your mom's rear end staff and then that'd be it you'd be out you can't be inappropriate like you were with your personal trainer with uh sas staff they they won't take it i think it's the opposite of you lewis being in the sas yeah like you're having to be told what to do you don't like that yeah you're a person that rejects authority and being told what to do it's like roleplay, I understand it I'll just get into it

I think a show where you would excel, Lewis is Antiques Roadshow I think you would absolutely fucking own everybody on that one why do you think you'd be good on Antiques Roadshow? or like flog it, you mean like go into a bargain market and like no, Antiques Roadshow, like something really

fucking, what am i gonna bring i don't have any i don't own anything just yourself no you're one of the experts oh you just have to go out there and pretend you know just you being there is enough to be the champion you and fiona bruce just like hanging out talk you know laughing at uh poor people and just fucking you know talking about antiques and shit you you'd have it. I reckon I'm like a shapeshifter. I can blend into any environment. I reckon I would be great in the old SAS camera. Are you sure?

Because your massive head from this fucking statement that you're a shapeshifter might stick out a wee bit. I have shapeshifted into a big head. I don't know if you noticed. I don't know. Like, people do that, though. They quickly conform to their surroundings you know and i think that these guys these ss guys have trained so many fucking people that any any lip gets like you know slapped out of you pretty quick i don't think people do i think charlatans do but generally people are either

you know good at something or into something or not charlatans yeah oh i love that word i i so okay i went to uh when i was at jersey i went to your son's well it wasn't his eighth birthday party but it was another yeah it was another it was a happy birthday it wasn't his birthday but a happy birthday to the kid whose birthday we went yeah yeah happy birthday to that kid it's a funny like age, as Sips explained to me, for the last couple of years, every weekend it's some kid's birthday party. Sometimes multiple.

It's constant. Yeah. And so it's like this rolling part of your life that I kind of didn't even consider. I guess it's a common thing when you have a kid that they're constantly changing and you'll constantly have to learn new things because you're never prepared for what's going to happen kind of thing but it's something that isn't like you know on the list of things that you expect to have to do

which is go to these parties and you've talked about them a lot and it it was like um who's got to witness it firsthand you seem tired after the end of the day well the best way to describe it i thought was like go to the gym okay it was like something which i i felt like i sort of had to do right but i didn't actually mind it i thought it was quite i thought it was okay once i was there but i was a bit bored because you know i think everyone else was having fun um apart from like one or two active dads yeah one or two dads get involved yeah there was that that fucking show off who was like doing flips on the trampolines and stuff. And you just think, yeah, there's like one, there's always been that dad hasn't there? You wouldn't be allowed to do that in the SAS.

It was it, you know, they curse at you and they kick you out. Show off. Like that one dad who was in like the scout master as well. You know, he was the guy, he was like, just like an incredibly awesome dad yeah for some context on this you kind of wish he was your dad when you're like going on scout camp and stuff and and you know he's like yeah his kid's a bit of a wet blanket right and he kind of prefers some of the other kids and wishes he was their dad yeah it's this weird dynamic we're talking about jumping and flipping because the party was at an indoor trampoline park for context oh man yeah those are

fine yeah so and um and so me and me and sips are there in the sort of parents area watching the kids all have fun and this one dad who who who looks like it looks like an act like an animated gif gif waiting to happen yes where he he accidentally catches. He's doing like a triple backflip, but he accidentally catches like a toddler with his toe. And that toddler also does a triple backflip. You know what I mean? As he's in the air. You could imagine.

And then he quickly does dad reflexes and catches the toddler before any injury has occurred. That kind of thing. So it was that for a few hours. They all had pizza and chips, which I think is the standard kid food. And maybe some ice cream. Yeah. They have like two chips and a bite of pizza.

They were like royalty. Yeah. Okay. So there's like two tables of kids. I'd say like maybe 30 kids like total. Yeah. And the parents of that kid, the kid whose birthday is are on duty okay so they've got these big trays of food and they're sort of serving the kids as if the kids are a

royal banquet and they've all these kids have gone to a party in your life i just want to describe this to you so you understand what it was like from my vision okay so these poor parents there are like slaves okay they're walking around like yes master do you want another slice of pizza on top of your half-eaten pizza and these kids have like eaten a quarter of a slice of pizza and left it and they've eaten half a burger they've got like a whole plate full of chips yeah and like loads of chocolates everywhere and they're like yeah why not they just like nod and have another slice of pizza added to this pile of food right so they're all the parents like oh can i get you anything else master like going around. Oh, it was heaven.

And then they all got a goodie bag. They had a cake. Everyone got a massive fucking slice of cake. It was like everyone got a goodie bag and they all, it was all very like, like traditional, weirdly. Like almost like it had been this rote thing. It's like they do this every time they have, you know, they do the exercise or the event or the fun thing. And they have the food and then the parents help out. And then, you know, they do the cake and everyone event or the fun thing, and they have the food, and then the parents help out, and then they do the cake, and everyone gets a goodie bag.

It feels like if you're a parent and your kid comes to one of these, you know that there's going to be a time when you have to be the ones being those waiters and serving and organize this thing and make sure the kids are having a good time. And you can imagine it being incredibly stressful. It's very strange, but you have to do it to fit in you don't want to be those weird parents who do something weird you know yeah you've got to keep it all very normal i i know a few uh obviously you know got two kids like sips lots of birthday parties it does start to peter out as they get

older they they get more of a group of friends. What's wrong with Peter? Hey, very good. They start to diminish in frequency because the kids start to get like a select group of friends. So rather than just, which early on, reception year one, year two, kind of year three, the entire class is invited to every party. So every party, you're looking at like 25 30 kids so you've got to plan exactly the trampoline thing or we're going to hire a massive hall with

a magician or something like that like that that's it but then it starts to get easier and it's like five kids and it does it does slack off you just take them bowling or some shit but it is stressful it is stressful especially the parents that turn up drop their kid off and then fuck off and you don't see them again for like until half an hour after the party's finished and they roll up all right you know to pick up their kid you're like why the fuck did you couldn't you you know just come and get them when everyone else does the parents that hang out and help out they're they're the saints they're the real saints yeah those we didn't do that tips did we no just we? No. We just were like, we were keeping our distance. We just had coffee and complained the whole time.

Well, the Jungle Gym or whatever it's called isn't like a flipping heated, it's like a warehouse with trampolines in it. And so it's kind of like just freezing cold. Those places exist for this, for parties. They do. They really do. Like that's literally, think how much money they make. Because like Sips said, it's like 30 quid a head.

I mean, they just squeeze the kids in, give them some cheap old pizza and bingo, bango, bosh, you're done. I mean,

the kids eat so little pizza, you could probably just reheat it afterwards and give it to the party in room two. Easy. Yeah, you're not wrong. But no, I really enjoyed it.

And then we, I don't know, Sip, your kids are so lucky. You know, I think, you know, you're such a nice place to live, Jersey.

And it feels like super, super chill as a place. We went around and went to a toy shop, went to a bookshop. Yeah. Made some balloon animals. Yeah. Like did some puzzles. I know. It was really fucking cool.

It was just very, it was a very wholesome weekend, wasn't it? Oh, yeah. Of watching kids do stuff and waiting for them to go to bed. and your son's got a really good sense of humor now as well and he's actually starting to like he properly made me laugh a few times as well with like little he's funny little jokes funny he takes after his mom funny looking it's funny looking as well i met terry of course yeah yeah terry saw so we get clean with a toothbrush TV, and so then we got him out and cleaned him with a toothbrush. That was good fun, yeah. We did him.

He was sloshing around in his bowl, and he was having a whale of a time, actually. Man, he was full of piss vinegar after that. It was like, revived him. Yeah. He's like, I mean, I was saying, like, you know, it's the middle of winter, isn't he hibernating yet? Because I'm sure on Blue Peter,

they always put the turtles in the fridge. Yeah, he's got to be bigger. He's too small. Yeah, they need to have a really consistent low temperature to hibernate. Really? Yeah, if it fluctuates too much. They put them in a box with some shredded newspaper. And they just hibernate for 16 weeks.

Open in March or whatever, leave it in the fridge. What happens if just they just hibernate for like 16 weeks open in march or whatever leave it in the fridge what happens if they don't hibernate um nothing it's just uh they naturally want to they're they're programmed to um but they need to be a certain weight before they can survive it yeah because he's very small he's only three so in a couple of years when he's bigger he'll be able to but even even now even though he can't hibernate he last year for a certain period of time he was like semi-hibernating like he was just not eating as much wasn't as active was constantly seeking like the cooler part of his cage to just like sleep he just slept most the day and stuff and then at like literally like at this certain cutoff point the next day he was just like boom he was like back active like awake like running around more eating a lot more and

stuff it was it's it's weird i don't i'm always amazed by like small animals and how they know how to do stuff like it is nuts i know i like even like guinea pigs like they they know how to do everything they need to do within an hour of being born. It's insane. I don't understand. It's a miracle. It's pretty crazy. But then again, what they are doing is a little bit simpler than making complex jokes about Pokemon.

Think about this, though. I'm sure I've said this before, right? Think how big their brain is. But think of a spider. Even a small spider knows how to do everything a spider does. Even the really complicated thing of making a web, which most people couldn't do, they know how to do that. And all right, yes, 100%, it's just instinct.

But we kind of dismiss that as not being itself incredible. That's some amazing programming right there. It really is. You can fit that into something that big. And it's adaptive enough to build it. It's some amazing programming right there. It really is. You can fit that into something that big. And it's adaptive enough to build it. It's not the same every time. They're like little raspberry pies, right? The web is adapted to where it's meant to be.

Yeah, it's incredible. They're just little tiny brains that are just very simple. Like, I mean, think like even Terry. He only knows how to do like five things. And those are the five things that he has to do to live for like 150 years. It's crazy. You know what I mean? Like he knows when to eat he knows how to stay safe he knows how to not get eaten by other animals hopefully um and um he knows that he needs to

exercise and that's it like that there's there's nothing else he doesn't need company doesn't i don't think he would give a shit if there was another tortoise in there or not like they're not they're not like uh pack animals or anything they don't have like a social network that you know we we don't understand or whatever they're not though they're solitary they made at a certain time of year like they hibernate at a certain time of year done that's it just like small little brain with these little things you you're ready to go. It's amazing. It's really fascinating, the whole thing. Do you know if it's actually a boy? Because it's hard to tell. No, you can't.

They have to be a certain size before you can tell what sex they are as well. So Terry's a unisex name, like we've said. Yeah. He can swing either way. He doesn't mind. We say he because we've just sort of assumed wrongly, I know it's 2020, that it's a guy but for now it's fine i don't think terry minds much so if terry turns out to be a girl cool you know like no well it'll

be she instead or you know maybe terry might not identify as either so so so let's say you get a camper van yeah okay so Okay. You've just bought, you've decided that you've had, you've had this midlife crisis. Yeah. Or you saw one, a friend of yours at school, you were chatting to a dad and he was like, I've got this old camper van.

I'm not using it anymore. I was thinking of selling it. Yeah. And you were like, oh yeah. Am I a boomer in this situation? You're a boomer. You're a boomer.

All right. And you've bought a camper van. Yeah. Okay. And you, Terry, and your son, are going camping. Right. Because you're like, it was like a thing van, okay? And you, Terry, and your son are going camping.

Because you're like, it was like a thing I did. I wanted to expose my son to camping and give him like, get him like wilderness ready. I'm sure he'll love it with, you know, maybe he's been saying, oh, can we go camping? You know, Billy's dad takes him camping and he's like, you know, he really wants to go. Imagine he's not into Fortnite and Minecraft and all and all that shit he's into camping okay um you go you go camping i want you to tell me like how you do it okay what's like what's the thought process that goes behind this how do you make it a good time how do you make it a good time him into an outdoorsman right what you do is okay you have uh you have your pet tortoise and you have your

eight-year-old son in order to have a fun time camping you simply need to buy a cool tent i mean one that's easy to deploy as well you don't want to be spending too much time setting up a tent you want to get there you want to get the tent set up you want to get your sleeping bags set up as well ready to go so that you know you have a comfortable place to lay down and stare at the ceiling of your tent, because that's pretty much all you're going to do the whole weekend. And once that's set up, you want to bring along with you some of those plastic army men, you know,

with the little bases below their feet, so they can like... You can buy a big tub of those. You buy a big tub of those, okay? And then what you do is you find a nice spot to camp really remote as well. Portage recommended, honestly. You put out everything you need for like a weekend or a week into a canoe. So that's like a cooler with like drink powder. You could just get like a filter and drink like water right from the lake

or bring your own fresh water. It's fine as well. Um, and then bring like, you know, like, uh, you know,

like powdery stuff to like mix so you can make juice or whatever in case you don't want to just like drink water all the time. Oh my God. Some ration packs. Yeah. Yeah. And then, uh,

and then bring, you know, bring some, you can bring some like pre-washed, like sort of like prepared, like veg and stuff like that. Wrap it up put leave it in the cooler um because you're just gonna be cooking on a fire you know you put

everything into tinfoil and just like hold it over the fire let it warm up and that's that's what you're gonna be eating and if you want to eat like fish if you know how to clean fish you can do some fishing because you'll have your canoe and presumably some fishing rods and stuff too and then as long as the weather is nice all you do the whole time is you sit around and you read books you can bring a hammock that you can set up you can lay in that bitch and read some books your son can read some books as well or you can like uh you you can learn how to make fires you can um you can set up your army men in a really cool like uh display using some twigs and some acorns and shit like that and then throw rocks at them to knock them over that's fun too uh you can go on a canoeing adventure you could

go on hikes you could do some fishing i mean there's so much you're not describing this stuff like like okay so it's all very specific this is all stuff that i did and i had fun do you probably like you bring a mountain bike and i had fun do you know how to like you bring a mountain bike and you can do you actually know how to fish sure you could you could teach you could teach me and an eight-year-old how to fish an actual river yeah absolutely yeah and catch a fish it's not hard i don't i don't know i don't know how to do it we've been doing it since since the dawn of time it's like a tested, and true way of getting food. Are you saying that we understand fishing like a turtle understands the five things turtles understand? I think so.

I mean, it's definitely been passed down. Like, you're generations and generations of your previous people. I don't know if we have an inbuilt ability to fish. Generations and generations. I think as a race, we now understand how to fish. My dad was an accountant for his whole fish. You've seen people fish before. Right, but that's the point. If Lewis had never seen someone fish, would he be able to bait a line,

detangle it if it gets tangled, and know the good spots? No. Man, it's not hard. No, it's fun. Fishing is great fun. It is not hard. It's not that difficult. No.

There is skill to it for sure sure but we're not talking about you can easily just go out we're not we're not doing a pro tour here we're talking about just having a bit of fun and doing some mushrooms and going fishing i mean you know yeah oh well yeah well sure i maybe that'll make the weekend go go faster no i won't it's like a fucking time vacuum. I was watching Dave Chappelle, one of Dave Chappelle's stand-up things. He's talking about drugs.

I don't know if you guys have seen it. It's the one where he's like, imagine how much pressure you'd be under if your landlord was also a crack addict. And he'd just like turn up at like three in the morning. He's like, you got that rent? He's like, he needs to get some more crack and then he tells a story about how he how he did mushrooms this one time because

he's like the thing was about drugs and he was saying don't do anything above weed he's like weed is fine but like anything above weed don't do it he's like i tried mushrooms at a party one time and uh and he was saying that uh you know he planned out his day as if he was as if it was weed and he's like you know i'm just gonna like have a shower go get my hair cut and then go see a movie or whatever so he went he he so he ate the mushrooms had a shower went to get his hair cut and just started tripping out like while he was getting his hair cut like the barber looked like a penis and like and and all this stuff it was pretty funny and then he was like he's like thought it would be like weed where he'd be like okay i won't be high for that long let me do a couple of things and like become unhigh so he's

like so so i i thought i'm gonna listen to some music so he listened to every cd he had and still he was still high after it he's like all right i'll go take a little nap see if i can like shrug it off slept woke up still high he's like ah fuck maybe i just do some exercise so i ran around the block four times and he's like still high like before he did all this he looked at his watch it was like 2 30 he gets back from his run he's like it's 2 35 like it's just like all this stuff it's like five minutes have passed so yeah no it's um yeah yeah don't do mushrooms well and go fishing unless it's like i mean you can but just be prepared if they were like sold in mark's dispensers do you mean well obviously that's different kind was you could eat regular mushrooms sure for it yeah they're not magical those ones but no if you could like if

weed was available in like nice in you know in the same way that there's like weed shops uh-huh you know if mushrooms are available in the same way yeah you know people had people had given them a good go and really knew like what to do i'd be different kinds yeah you do have different brands coca-cola brand mushrooms you know you go to mcdonald's and you'd get a happy meal could i get the happy meal with magic mushrooms i mean like if they could commercialize drugs they'd be in fucking everything like you'd get your meal deal would be sandwich crisps bottle of coke and some lsd yeah you know that would be the meal give me those people would be high all the fucking happy meal you'd have like uh it's like brave new world where they gave everybody soma right to make them chill

it would be like that man no i don't know that one too literary in brave new world yeah yeah we know that i was thinking i'm sure i read a story about how mushrooms are like like constantly changing and there's so many of them that even in like supermarket mushrooms they discovered like recently a couple of new species you know just there was some old ass mushrooms on the shelf there i can't remember i'm sure i read that somewhere you know what i do you know what i do when i buy bananas from the supermarket and i've taught my kids this it's the stupidest thing i've taught them i always check the bananas for spiders right i read an article about this guy who reached into his fruit bowl and was bitten by a poisonous spider and almost lost his arm and almost died

from the poison of this yeah so they hide out in the fruit there was a scorpion as well i remember all kinds of shit i don't know whether this is one of those schoolyard things no no no no no no this actually happens there was a news report so a guy working a supermarket went to move the bananas and his fucking spider fell on his face in the storeroom bit him on the face big old tropical fucking spider and of course the first thing he does is go and smush it so they were like we don't know what spider it was and he brings what's left of it and they're like well we're doctors we're not uh what do you call someone who's uh I don't remember but anyway so it's just like what the fuck do we do you know we don't know what he's been bitten by we're just gonna have to watch and see what happens how necrotic is it you know and just trying to treat that it's like fucked up so

i get the bananas and i'm like i check them inside the bag and then i carefully undo the bag and i'm like poke looking in for any holes where a spider could be do you have like chainmail gloves on while you're doing this i should yeah like i'm genuinely it's a thing we don't anticipate, is the idea that a fucking crazy-ass big spider could sneak over in a banana. Yeah. Look at this. Scary. Like, a Canadian weatherman found a scorpion in a bunch of bananas. A pensioner found one in Aldi bananas.

A Halifax family found one in some bananas. Yeah, like, loads of people have stolen of stolen a found uh they stole a spider i've taken a scorpion from gotabala or somewhere that was yeah tons of things yeah gateshead was stung by a banana run out of some bananas fucking opening up you're inspecting your bunch of bananas and fucking the prince philip Philip is in there what are you doing in there Phil hello get out of my banana and then he stings you

why I'm mad what are you doing in there oh I'm terribly sorry I was looking for bugs to eat. Man, I ate a banana the other day for the first time in a long time,

and I got to say it was good. I missed bananas. They are really nice. They're the cornerstone of a fruit salad and a smoothie to me. A high-tier fruit. You need to have them. I can't imagine a smoothie without banana in it i think it's just like a you know uh what do they call it a banana sundae do you remember those you

get the banana cut in half lengthways ice cream banana split that's a that's real banana split there that is one real real good split that is a humdinger of a dessert isn't it i mean you just know you're gonna be in paradise in 2.5. It's too much, though. Like, every time I've had a banana split, I can't eat the whole thing. And I'm fairly fat, and I still can't finish the banana split. It's too much. It's like a Black Forest ghetto.

I don't know if you... It is a lot of food after a meal. Yeah. Like a dessert. Yeah. I mean, you don't need an entire banana. I think that's where the French have it nailed. You know, like their food, the portion sizes are pretty good.

And then you get this like little dessert that's just like two chocolate circles on a plate with like some caramel sauce sprinkled on it. And that's fine. That's all you need, right? You just need like a uh just need a little little one little sweet just to like take the edge of the meal off sort of thing but yeah a whole cake a camping dessert could be like yeah a chocolate butter just like one rollo yeah that's just enough you know yeah banana like like on a fire you can have a banana on the fire no easy no those things keep for ages bananas you

take like a bunch with you and now they'll be good for the whole way did you did your guys moms ever you know your the bananas go all like dark and mushy and stuff and then did they ever make like muffins or cake or anything with them you can make you know what one of my favorite things to make is banana blondie banana ever had that i've had banana bread is that the same thing so it's it's similar but imagine, so, this is great. If you want, you've got some bananas, you want to make some stuff with it. The slightly older bananas that are mushier, like you're saying, are perfect. So, you get some sugar and you caramelize that and then you break it up and you add

nuts into the mix and it's sort of like, one of those big fan of Brazil nuts are real good for this okay and then you smush them up and you mix them up so you've got like this sort of hot pan hot hot uh sugar wait your mom is making this right no no this is my mother-in-law's recipe oh your mother-in-law okay it's gonna say I'd happily get my nuts in the mixer so you've got a campfire you're cooking cooking up get it in there people might be interested scott would have eaten on the fucking way to the antarctic ah whatever look it up and then you break up some some canned meat uh tin tin of tin of potted meat uh pop that in there and gosh when we're on campaign i took this was taught to me by an old indian

fellow on the trail oh crack it yes he had a well those pith hats it's always an indian fellow isn't it with the english they they love indian fellows right yeah it's very it's very colonial yeah to have like an indian servant on like like pulling, like a boy, like come boy, push my mule along. Yeah. Yeah. And like, make sure they do all the work.

You know, they do, they make the fire and it's like an Indiana Jones, press your trousers when you're on. They did a lot of the work in that too. You know, when he's finding the temple of doom, they must've fucking hated us.

They must've hated Indiana Jones. How did they ever not stop hating us? They must, but honestly, you just got these fucking Brits turn up in your country, take it over. These temples have been in our jungles for centuries. And this fucking clown turns up with his dumb hat and his Western ways. At least Indiana Jones was respectful. I'd say most of the other Brits you get going to India back then were just like, I say, you know, do this.

I guess, yeah, it was either Indiana Jones or Nazis. So which one do you pick? Actually, there were no Nazis. But I don't think the Nazis enlisted the Indians or the locals to do the caravan. Because like in most of the Indiana Jones movies the nazis just would turn up everywhere with a lot of trucks and a lot of boys to do the stuff that's true they had their stuff you know they didn't they weren't depending on the locals you know they weren't they weren't visiting like a town of dung huts and um you know eating the sweet nectar out of a pile of dung or whatever

they just brought all their own stuff that's true in the in raiders of lost ark they have a lot of uh a lot of lads digging in the desert i do think they use local local people for the digging yeah i remember that maybe yeah but i don't think those local people were up for the digging you know they were probably forced to do it whereas indiana jones probably would have said like you know he would have rallied them to the cause sort of thing yeah and he would have said hey lads let's go do some digging they were like exactly yeah but nazis aren't like that you know they're like you will do the digging and that's it shoot you yeah you will eat this banana with uh granulated sugar and potted meat i will shoot you in the head Oh man What a way to go What a way to go

Fucking Imagine that's your family legacy So I just I just really like the idea I just want to know How rough you want to camp Sibs Like if you go

I would say moderately rough Do you want to be inside Of a travel lodge Or do you want to be Washing in the river Yeah washing You go for it Take a dip in the lake

And take some soap in there With you and that's how you wash Soap in the river That's pollution dude man it gets like diluted yeah down into the fish's face no it's fine honestly dude you complain about washing so that's like one of the most basic humanity things that we that's on the list of five you don't even need what sips is gonna take soap he's made himself that's 100% non-toxic. Out of my own body fat. Listen, if you were a basic human, like just spawned and didn't have no understanding of nothing.

Didn't have no understanding of nothing, including the English language. Or no family. You were just left on a riverbank and you were left with someone who was also, I guess, very... Okay, humans are a bad example. But one of the basic things we could probably do is, like,'t know strangle fish in a river right swim in a river like i eat that you can tell you've never been fucking fishing strangle a fish what are you doing well you're like i don't know like bait like a bear you know you go way around the river strang them. They have claws, man. They just hook them out. They swipe them dead.

Fishing. Basic grabbing fish out of a river. Shitting in the river. Spear fishing. People have shit in rivers since the dawn of time. That's probably good. Fish probably love it. They probably eat.

It probably helps. I agree. I'm sure there's no problem with a person shitting in a river. You always shit downstream, right? Because if you shit upstream, then the poop is going to come. I learned that from City Skylines. Am I right? Yeah, well.

But you're always downstream from something, right? Right. And that's why there's conflicts in the world. That's philosophical. At a very basic level, somebody's shitting in your drinking water. You're always downstream from some asshole up the river shitting in the world. That's philosophical. At a very basic level, you're always shitting in your drinking water. You're always down the river shitting in that river. Exactly. That's why we have world wars.

Who in the world do you think, he's not downstream of anybody? The West. The West. That's not a person. I need a person. Do you think it's just literally, there's nothing upstream?

Jeff Bezos. Bill Gates. Bill Gates is shitting right at the top of the river in the brook bit where it's not even a river yeah you know he's shitting in one of those beautiful tranquil trickly glades Richard Branson um and that turd is just floating straight down into the main he shits in a tube and the tube ejects his shit into outer space yeah so. So Bill Gates is still... Very rich. What was the richest man in the world. He's given a lot of his...

Apparently the wealthiest is Jeff Bezos. Yeah, yeah. Bill Gates is like the biggest philanthropist in the world, isn't he? He's donated a lot of his money. They should change the rich list to the most donated list. I think they have a separate list for that, don't they? Yeah, like most... But obviously the thing is that becomes a game then

as well because people like i could be like oh i need money to make money so if i can keep my money then eventually i'll i'll be on that jeff bezos has 131 billion dollar net worth net worth no it's just nuts yeah he donated like ridiculous he did he should donate 130 billion of that how much more do you need exactly billion dollars but i mean it doesn't have that money just sitting in an account where you can just write a check and say here you go here's my donation like it's net worth is it you know it's yeah he owns like several islands millions of slaves and you know it's all tied up for some bananas and stuff you know what i mean yeah it's all locked away and i would i would sell everything and have that all as liquid give me liquid cash liquid cash for you 130 billion of

it i would invest in all kinds of things that i don't expect to see a return from and then i just have the billion left problem is if you have 131 billion you start thinking oh i'll give five of this away but i don't want to have less than 100 billion. Just in case just in case what just in case what you've managed to spend it, something bad happens. No, I can get rid of it. You don't need nobody needs $131 billion. It's fucking ridiculous. What if you have a really insane drug addiction? If he can go through $131 billion doing drugs? That's some pricey drugs yeah he would have to have a cocaine habit where he just has pounds and pounds of it mainlined into his body every second

of the day and even then i don't think he could even go through it in a lifetime yeah his nose is just like a vacuum cleaner extension yeah if he just has a line of Coke going around the planet, he's just going... That would be a really good reality TV show. Follow the line. How much Coke can you Coke? You just have to go around the whole planet sniffing one continuous line. Whose line is it anyway?

One continuous line of cocaine. Oh, man. I would watch that. You know what? That's the next level. Lewis would ace that too. That's the reality show for lewis i think that's the one he would excel at that's the one i not not not s.i.s you

know what you would watch that who wouldn't watch that where they lay out lines of coke and you get your competitors they have to try and snort as far down the line as possible that's it and the winner winner gets interesting like they've had all those shows like big brother and the one where they have to like they can't sleep for a week and stuff and like doing experiments and stuff put everybody into a house with tons of cocaine and just see what happens and and that's a reality show just call it like cocaine house i think it'd be interesting if we could have a view into their brain like that's the that's the way it would work i don't even want that vicariously no but i want to vicariously see what they're seeing so give them loads of lsd and then i want to be able to put on like a vr headset and experience life as tony and a big brother i just

want to see i want them in a house where there's nothing okay there's no tv there's nothing to do all there is is bags of cocaine on a table places to sit and that's it and then like 12 people and the only way you get eliminated is when you've just absolutely had enough and you and you say i have to get out of here before i either kill someone or go insane like you don't get voted out or anything like that it's as you hear about that japanese game show this was a while back if you haven't heard about it i urge anyone listening to this to look it up. This guy had to spend a year in an apartment with nothing. Right.

And the only way he could get anything into the apartment was stuff that he won in competitions in the newspapers and stuff like that. You told me about this before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you'd have to win food and everything? Yes. Oh, my God. So, he won like dog food and he had to eat the dog food that was all he had he had nothing like he was literally naked

in the apartment for a year and if he could stay for the whole year he won the prize what was the prize at the end i can't remember i can't remember it's not important man i started watching the show last night talking about kind of like a game show or whatever. It's on BBC2. It just started last week, I think. And it's called Winning the Wilderness or something like that. And it's about this couple, this guy in 1985, hiked 57 miles in Alaska, just randomly found like a mountain and named the mountain after himself and built his own house on it this it took him years like it was like you know those videos on youtube of the guy building

the mud huts and whatever in in in the wilderness it was like that but he's built this beautiful house like all all handcrafted him and his wife he met his wife like a couple years into it or whatever she moved out there and and and they just they're in their 70s now this this super remote house it's like hundreds of miles from anything there's no roads nothing the only thing they have that makes it so that they can actually get supplies to and everything is they by hand made a landing strip like an air strip because a town like 200 miles from them has this little hub of like, you know, four seater planes that to get to like these remote areas around this part of Alaska. So every once in a while, they can get stuff, I don't know what, maybe

medicine and shit like that. But like, they've got like a vegetable patch greenhouse, like they hunt, like, you know what I mean? Like they just live this super, super natural life in this house that they built, but they're kind of old and it's, it's getting harder for them to do it. So they've decided that they want to give it away to somebody like another couple who can like continue on their legacy. So there's like six British couples having to like do all these challenges in the wilderness in Alaska and then they have to meet them and decide like who's gonna like take it over whatever it's really good it's interesting but I don't think I could do that like I don't think that's the life for me I would miss the internet too much and probably like you know eating food and stuff like that too

much you know what I mean I think a lot of this stuff as someone who's on the inside I could see how easily it would all be faked and certainly the hollywood edit and certainly scripted in a sense like you know you could see that so many of these modern shows that are ostensibly about you know surviving or being in the wilderness they they literally legally are so have to be so careful with these people that they can't you's not like, they can't just sign a waiver and then you can torture them kind of thing they've got to be careful because you remember

Noel Edmonds house party, do you remember that show? yeah yeah yeah, Mr Bobby so before he had the house party he did another show called something like what the fuck was it, Noel Edmonds Friday Night Takeaway or something like that they did a stunt where a guy was in a cargo container and they dropped it from a crane attached to a bungee

cord and it broke and the guy died this was on live tv holy crap and he basically took a big hiatus from television because everybody was blaming his stupid fucking production company and everybody involved in doing this ridiculous stunt with a member of the public so anytime you have a show where people are doing dangerous shit, there is no fucking way that there is any excuse for a TV company putting anyone in actual danger, which is why they're that careful, because people have died. So I hate all these shows where people have to do stupid stunts and shit.

It's insanely dangerous. I mean, this show doesn't fuck off because they're just doing it. Yeah, but this is not stunts. It's like it's like survival stuff. Like yesterday they had to learn how to make a fire. Right, that's what it is now. Yeah. But if they weren't looking after it,

they would be dropping them in the middle of fucking nowhere and just leaving them to it. And this thing has a tinge of danger to it, and you have to be careful. I mean, this guy, I've just looked this up, so it's this guy who was doing bungee jump rehearsal, and know a bungee jump doesn't sound that bad but you know they are dangerous and and you know what happened was obviously like it wasn't tied on properly and he and he and he died and and that that stuff must happen all the fucking time i'm sure people die in

the name of entertainment doing these dangerous things all the time like helicopter crashes happen yeah and these types of things are accidents and and i guess because all the time, like helicopter crashes happen. Yeah. And these types of things are accidents. And I guess because of the nature of what you're doing, you have to be really super careful. But, you know, look at like, you know, people have, look at fucking, what's his name? Got shot, you know, old bloody Bruce Lee. Yeah, Bruce Lee.

Yeah, he got... Was it Brandon Lee Phillips or was it Brandon Lee? Yeah, he got shot. So the deal with that was that they had prop bullets and the prop bullet had a real bullet on the end, but no charge. And when they loaded that into the gun in one scene, when they unloaded it,

the prop end of the round was lodged in the gun. So when they put the blanks in, you had a blank with a bullet on the front, which is essentially a bullet, which is apparently how it happened. That was the rumor. So it was like a prop malfunction and somebody not checking.

But there was a, what the fuck was it? There was another, it was the Twilight Zone movie. This was back in the 80s. And this was, who was it? Was it, it was like a really famous director was making this scene. And the actor, Vic Morrow, and the two kids in the scene were killed when the helicopter malfunctioned, but they still used the rest of the stuff they'd shot.

And he said, oh, no, no, it wasn't me and all the rest of it. No, that was just an accident. But there was all kinds of stuff that came out about how they weren't being safe properly and they were the stupid explosives they weren't expecting, and it was like real fly-by-wire stuff. You know, it was like real, you know, just, oh, it'll be all right kind of filmmaking. So I do, I hate it, I hate it. All these shows now must have fucking health and safety

and lawyers and safety checks up the arse, because it's just not worth it. So in Japan, I mean, Japan used to have this reputation for these kind of quite cruel TV shows, in a sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even like Takeshi's Castle and things. So this is one of the examples. Actually, the one you mentioned, PFLAX, was this guy who had to live for a year naked in an apartment by living only on sweepstakes.

Yeah, yeah. And stuff he'd won. But there were three others in that. There's 20 other challenges, but apparently some of the best known were two guys were put on a desert island with no food or clue where they were. They would only get off if they built a raft and went to Tokyo. It took them four months, and apparently it was a really traumatic experience. There was a comedian and a radio DJ who were told to hike from the bottom of South Africa to Norway.

One of them, they almost starved to death. One of them was hospitalized after collapsing in the Sahara Desert. It's kind of a crazy kind of... This happened like 20... No, not even 20 years ago. Well, yeah, actually about 20 years ago now. So, yeah. So this happened 20 years ago.

But yeah, the other guy, there were two guys who were fans of different baseball teams and they were confined to a single room with a TV that only showed their team's baseball games if their team won they got to eat dinner but if they lost they would be put in the darkness with no food until the next time the team played keep it simple cocaine house and watch the ratings soar they used to have a show called endurance right and you would see clips of it this is a japanese show it's just people listening to the triforce podcast no one survived nobody could do it yeah so they would do things like they had to drink a load of beer and then stand next to a river uh

and the last person who didn't go for a wee won the round. Oh my God. Like it was stupid stuff like that. Were they like sweating, trying to hold in their piss and stuff? Yeah, they were like really suffering. They drank all this beer. Could they sit down and stuff? No, they're just like the sound of running water. And when they gave up, they had to just run and go pee.

And it was ridiculous. It was so stupid. There was loads of stuff like that. I think Clive James, rest in peace, used to show clips of it. And like, let's, you know, I'm pretty sure it was on that. British TV shows used to look at a lot of foreign telly because we didn't have access to it.

There was no YouTube. So unless some fucking TV show found this clip and showed it to us, we just didn't know about it. Like Eurotrash used to be like that. They'd show you clips of foreign telly that were sort of so bizarre. Sure. But yeah, it was funny. Endurance, it was cool.

Endurance. Oh my gosh. this is such a crazy like this i'm reading this thing about poor old nasubi who was this guy called is the who's the guy in the apartment yeah his name comes from like eggplant and he was basically he had to be like he had to be naked almost the whole time and every time he reached like a target that they set they would kind of like make it worse so for example originally he had to like win enough money to buy a plane ticket back to japan because he was in south korea but once he did that they were like oh actually you now have to do it

first class so he was like oh god so he did that and then like oh it was it was it's do you know what it was like it actually is it sounds amazing but like just i don't, it was, it was, it's, do you know what? It was like, it actually is, it sounds amazing, but like just, I don't think it was good for him. Partly because he was alone for like 15 months. He was like the Truman Show kind of thing. You know, he knew he was being recorded and live streamed and sort of things, or at least like thought. But you know what they did when he won?

He did the first goal. You know what they did to him? They took him to a surprise location and he thought he was going to get a big prize, but they took him to another apartment this time in South Korea. And he wasn't allowed back until he'd earned enough money to get home on a flight with, with, uh, Japan airlines. And then he got, he got back to Japan. They blindfolded him again, took him to another apartment and he gets there looks around just sort of sighs takes off his clothes thinking that's it and then the walls of the apartment fall

away and he's in the tv studio what a guy like honestly he like what he didn't quit like you could imagine like these because you see it on the on these shows that people eventually just are like i'm done you know i quit but was like, he was willing to stick it out after he'd been doing it for over a year. It's crazy. But maybe he just become like, what a guy. Like either he, I hope he's okay. Apparently he said he had trouble holding conversations with people

for the first six months after his ordeal. And also said he was he couldn't wear clothing because he felt very hot and sweaty because he was so used to being naked um and also so used to being on his own but i think he's i'm not down i'm not against people putting themselves through experiences like this for scientific reasons in some cases like you know if you're gonna go to mars okay that's like something where you're you might be isolated for a long time you might have to be with a very very small group of people or even on your own in a very confined area probably like limited space like if you're on the interspecial space station i think like these experiments these isolation experiments that people

put themselves through are very interesting to like learn a lot about humans and like what our how we how our brains work and you know if we ever went to mars we would need to be really good at understanding how to make things because it's not something that you can just prepare for it'll have to be stuff that our instinctive base brains can cope with so you'd have to design a spaceship and an environment that doesn't fuck you up but yeah we want those five things we want to be able to shit in a river get fish out of a river right have sex with a tree whatever the things our ancestors did to stop themselves getting bored you know we need to like understand that even though we're going into space you know we are

still genetically coded much like terry is to yeah yeah eat a lettuce and to need certain things whether it be the color of the walls or the what you can see or the amount of space you've got stuff you can do how much freedom of movement you've got how much time alone how much time together all needs to be understood before we do that and there's some people saying oh i'd go on a one one way trip to mars yeah sign me up and i'm thinking no you fucking wouldn't you have no idea what that would involve, that isolation. Like, you think you can be alone in an apartment in Japan for 15 months

like this poor aubergine guy was, or eggplant. Fucking ridiculous. Imagine spending the rest of your life on the surface of Mars, just hoping that things work out and, you know, anything goes wrong, you're fucked.

It'd be terrifying. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, I don't know, though. Sometimes I don't know. People could side off saying, you know anything goes wrong you're fucked it'd be terrifying sometimes yeah sometimes I don't know though sometimes I don't know people could side off saying you know much like they did at the jungle jump

thing you know if they go if your kids go in into the jungle I was watching these kids fly around I thought crikey bloody hell

like one of them might just bounce out and fucking break their neck you know but they probably signed a well the kids I assume haven't signed a waiver but someone's signed a waiver

somewhere along the line or someone's got some insurance someone's signing a waiver if i go with like go to a shooting range or a bungee jump or something someone's gonna make me sign a piece of paper that says if you hurt yourself we're not gonna be held liable for this which is worthless by the way if you can prove that they were um if you believe that they were negligent or they shouldn't be doing something yeah you can usually give them a give them a go and shut them down but i'm just saying like that some people don't know what's best for themselves though either like you know like someone might think oh damn you know i'm gonna fucking put i'm gonna stick myself i'm gonna go camping and i will survive in the backwater of jersey and you know the thing about

jersey is like you know there's probably likepense. It's about two minutes walk up the road. So it's not even like the most remote area is it's probably fairly safe, you know. But if you go to the fucking middle of the jungle or a desert island, like having to build a raft. Yeah. Fuck. It's rough. Like, again, I don't know if that I'd want to as much as I in my mind think I could do that. You know, I don't want to do that.

Some people do it to feel alive though some people would deliberately strand themselves and like take on this challenge with the risk of death because they do it like they really want to challenge themselves and like break through that like that barriers and stuff you know it seems like a midlife crisis type thing you know i could i could see some people wanting to do that anyway have you what are you going to do for your midlife crisis i've already done mine oh i've been playing a lot of uh over mushrooms yeah mushrooms overwatch yeah that is a hell of a that's a hell of a drug yeah right um that's enough the triforce podcast thank you for listening everyone thanks everybody stay frosty have a weird one bit of a waffler

we'll see you next week next time same bat time same bat bye