Triforce! - Triforce! #118: Grinding Life's Achievements

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

Triforce! Episode 118! We're grinding hard on all of life's achievements, from the common "Have a Baby" to the super rare "be a cool guy"! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Trifles podcast. That's right. The safest, safest form of entertainment you could be listening to right now if that's your thing if you like that sort of thing this is as safe as it gets safe as hell you don't have to be around anyone to listen to this garbage you just be by yourself you could be in your underground bunker as i understand the super rich are currently jetting off to their their underground bunkers with private doctors and nurses in tow tom hanks is too late he's he's got it him and his wife have got it they're stuck in australia of all places it's exciting i mean who next okay currently you're insane that's not exciting you're a sociopath it is actually

insane person yeah okay isn't this exciting it's it's it's okay of time of recording coronavirus uh donald trump just just stopped flights from Europe to America, which is quite a big event. Not from the UK, though. Not from the UK. UK is still out. I think Ireland and is it Romania? Right, but does that mean if I fly from Italy to London and then get on a connecting flight,

are they going to stop me? God knows. I mean, the thing is, it seems all very... I wouldn on a on a flight to italy why would you go there it's all all these you have to react quickly and i don't think people are very good with knowing what to do i think people are relying a lot on people's own own like oh if you're feeling sick make sure you don't go out you know people are relying too much on that people are saying you know we should do try and just try not to spread it guys come on that doesn't work does it doesn't because like your average person believes that this will never affect them so you know they'll they'll go out with their chest puffed up and be like the fucking coronavirus is gonna affect me and they probably

have it at the time um and they're going around and just like licking you know uh stair stair banisters and they're you know licking fucking they're trying to get it they're like there's there's people who are trying to get aids out there i'm sure there's plenty of people who are trying to get fucking coronavirus what's that that nba guy did that didn't he didn't he say he was like i'm never gonna get this and he went around and like licked a bunch of microphones and stuff and then no the iranian the iranian health minister the guy in charge of stopping corona where they now have quite a serious outbreak went around saying look only god can control this sort of stuff it's silly to think that any measures we

bring in would do it i think this is ridiculous it's all in the hands of god and trust me he loves us so it's going to be fine and then subsequently gives uh the uh the speech while sweating heavily under the effects of coronavirus oh no ends up in hospital and says i've changed my mind i think we should do something god has forsaken us yeah i think he should take that as a sign from god that god actually actually thinks yeah god's like you're a fucking idiot mate yeah so yeah so there's so this is a this is a podcast with P-Flax. So P-Flax is waiting currently for his dog to come. The Corona Denier, P-Flax.

No, he's not a Corona Denier. No, he said I was a God Denier. He's a fear. He's a Corona Fearer. First of all, I am not a God Denier. I want to get that out there. He's a Corona Prepper. He's got all of the toilet paper in his local area.

So you've run out. You're in Twickenham and you've run out. I actually get this right. When Brexit was going to go through and there was like, you know, what is it going to happen? Mrs. F said, let's go to Costco and buy some backup supplies just in case. And one of the things she wanted to buy was toilet paper. So I have a Brexit-proof pile of toilet paper, and it just happens to come in handy, I suppose,

for the corona stockpiling. I don't know. She said to me, why did I think toilet paper was going to be a thing after Brexit? I said, I don't know, love. You know, I have no idea. I just said, okay. The BBC went and tou towards the toilet paper factory.

They have like 85 million packets of Luro ready to go. It's like there's no shortage of Luro. No, there is no shortage. There never was. But it's one of those things we were talking about. Like, you know, panic causes panic causes panic. And if you hear that there's a shortage, there is a shortage.

What's the next? It is not our job. It is not our to put the the seed in someone's mind like if we mentioned a product like think of the stupidest stupidest i mean i know what sips is gonna say he'd normally say dildos right so let's say there's a massive dildo come in dildos i'm obsessed with dildos i just think it's so funny that it's just this rubber schlong that people put into their body no but it makes sense you can't you don't want to go out kissing people and sleep with prostitutes and all that normal stuff what normal people do you want to stay at home and you want to entertain yourself fleshlights are going to be in demand yourself people are going to be getting

horny porn hub i bet you has had like a massive uptick by porn i don't know i think when there's like a sickness going around it's like i think it works the opposite like a bon uptick by porn. I don't know. I think when there's like a sickness going around, it's like, I think it works the opposite. It's like a boner killer. It is. It's like a passion killer, right? Everybody's like, ah, fucking death and decay everywhere.

I can't get off to this. So like, they're probably noticing. I feel the opposite. Don't you? When I'm really hung over or when I'm not feeling very well, I get really horny. I think it's because my body is saying,

this might be the end of us. We might be about die you better procreate fast buddy it's like is it is that question is if you what would you do if you had 10 minutes to live p flex be like i'd wank off twice yeah yeah i love that i love that one like if the planes crash and i'm just gonna have sex with the person i'm sitting next to on the plane sure yeah i'd love to see that one yeah while you're dying of like ultra g-force and uh blacking out and screaming like like you've never screamed before because death is imminent and stuff yeah people's vision of what it would be like to be the plane crash is always that the pilot calmly comes on and says uh the plane's going down um we've got like 15 minutes

until we smash into the earth somehow. So everybody start fucking. You know, smoke if you got them. That's pretty much... We're going to dim the cabin lights and put on some appropriate music for you guys to just get it on for 15 minutes. It was nice knowing you.

Thanks very much for flying on British Airways and hope you have a happy afterlife. Everyone in business class gets a free blow job from the uh man i i i'm like oh god i think that's one of the worst ways to go right in a plane crash that has has to be just so utterly fucking terrifying like you're like even in bad turbulence you're like oh fuck like you know you get that like you almost shit your pants sort of thing oh so you imagine like uh the pilot coming on and saying that you're they're about to to do like an unscheduled landing or something you must just think into a mountain get me out of this like

i feel like that kind of stuff like most of the plane crashes happen very quick and no one realizes well yeah i think oh yeah i think i think most people just black out almost instantly right i think if the pilot realizes they fucked it, they're not going to tell everyone. Oh, guys, by the way, you guys have got five minutes to prepare for imminent death. We've just started a slow, maddening descent into inevitable death. It's going to take about half an hour for this to be over. So just the weather on the descent is pretty good at our location. Of course, we're not going to be over so uh yeah just don't we let you know now just don't we let you know descent is pretty good at our location uh of course we're not going to be getting if you look out the window

the last thing you'll see before you die is just a vast ocean uh if you're interested in you know having having some memories to take with you if you do survive the crash somehow apologies this is shark infested waters oh jesus christ fuck me man how that's grim we gotta can we talk about something not so grim like there's a virus going around that's affecting everybody you know what's crazy i was reading about italy's got a really good health care system it's like rated second in the whole world uh i think france is number one so italy with the second best health care system in the entire world is their health healthcare system now is crumbling because of the amount of cases that they have of this, this virus. And the big problem there they have is that they don't have enough ventilators,

because when it develops into its full respiratory illness, apparently people need to be put on ventilators, and they just don't have enough in the country to support the amount of people that need them so they're they're basically saying now that they're prioritizing helping younger people that have it so like if you're in your 30s or whatever and you have it and you need a ventilator you'll get one if you're over 60 and you need a ventilator you just won't get one and that's why a lot of people are are dying it's dracon just sort of spreading in it older people are not going to be prioritized which is you know how they talk with their hands and they like they kiss and they go are they like spraying the virus everywhere is that why it's spreading because

apparently babies uh aren't as affected by it and children as well. Yeah, Italian babies don't do all the hand gestures. No, no, but I think children and babies are sort of like helping to spread this because they themselves are not affected. They don't show many symptoms of having it, but they might have it. And then so you might take your baby to like visit their grandparents. So we should quarantine all the babies is what you're saying. Because the babies like pass it on to, you know, your grandparents or whatever.

Do you guys remember, this is grim, right? But do you remember, have you or have you heard this story that for a while in sort of the, some parts of sub-Saharan Africa, they believed some of the sort of, I don't know what you call them, shaman or the kind of local medicine kind of guy not a doctor yeah just a uh you know like a witch doctor a medicine man i don't know i don't know about which like which doctor from dota right that they they said that the cure for aids was you had to fuck a baby did you no no no it was fuck a virgin right but the only go-to guaranteed virgin was a baby so a lot lot of babies were getting raped. It's in the Book of Mormon. Right, so here's the thing.

Well, not the actual Book of Mormon. I think the only way that this story came up is someone walked in on this witch doctor fucking a baby and he was like, what are you doing? You're fucking a baby. He goes, no, this? It's okay, I have AIDS. This is Oh my god

Oh my god oh my god that's this week's podcast oh my god oh I needed that fuck I haven't laughed like that in like a week i don't think oh man oh anyway carry on so pflex has got his new dog right and he's waiting now for the dog walk to turn up because

he can't even be asked to walk his fucking the new dog no no she takes her she takes her for like two and a half hours no she takes her for a two and a half hour walk that's a long walk jesus yeah she gets in a van survive that she goes off with a bunch of other dogs they go to like different parks all around southwest london and slightly further out she drives in there they all walk walk. She sends me videos. She's got a backpack full of water and supplies and stuff. That's crazy. That's a fucking whole day out, pretty much. Jeez.

And she does that. She goes every day. She socializes with the other dogs. So she's getting... Because, I mean, I don't have any friends in the area that have dogs. I know other people in the area that have dogs, but they're not friends' friends that I'd meet up with often. They're people I might see. I can take it to the park and stuff like friends, friends that I'd meet up with often. They're people I might see. I can take it to the park and stuff like that.

But then, you know, I don't want to go too far away from home because I might get a call from school. And also, I want to be able to stream and do podcasts and everything. So I'm like, you know, I'll get a dog walker. So the dog gets a ton of exercise and socializes with other dogs, which is really important. So, yeah, I thought it was good. Go ahead and criticize. You know what? I have no judgments.

You do you. Thank you. I was talking to the other member of this podcast. You're a grown man who knows how he has to live. You do you. I thought you just walked him really to tire him out a bit, get that energy out of him, keep him healthy, and also give yourself a little bit of brain time, a little bit of healthy brain time.

Dogs are, by their nature, they're active creatures. They're not like cats. They do sleep a lot, but they also need to be stimulated. And it's good for them to socialize with other animals. It's good for them to socialize with other people. And Agnes is an absolute sweetheart. She is such a nice dog. And everybody that she meets, she's like, you're great. You know what I mean? She wants to be nice to them and pet them and sort of hang around with them and lick them and stuff. She's very, very friendly. And she's the same with other dogs because she's always been socialized with other dogs and she's used to other dogs. And it's just very good. And I mean, you know, she's got a tiny little life to lead and a little brain and everything. I want to make sure she's happy and um she seems very contented I think going on these walks is really

good for her and it makes me happy that you know I'm not going to take her for a two and a half hour walk every day but the dog walker does and uh it's working out great and the dog walker's fantastic and Aggie loves her nice it's like it's it's like you're talking about your toddler or something and you're like you know well she's gonna go and play with her friends and she's gonna go and draw me a little picture she's drawing me a little picture i put it on the fridge you know it's like it's so adorable but also i'm i feel like she's getting more love and attention than any of the other members of your family no i mean but bear in mind that um she sounds like she's going for like a spa pamper day like every fucking day you're the one saying

it's like it's just a walk but it's a nice walk it's good for her yeah and i mean dogs do need to be walked every day yeah multiple times and they need a decent one not just around the fucking block you know you gotta take them for when they're older it's different but she's still a puppy she's only like uh six seven months old or something so she's still a puppy we found the here's here's a tip dog owners here's a tip for you that was given to mrs f by a friend this is the best cheap dog toy that you can get for a puppy all right here's what you do you get like a little tiny tupperware container with a screw-on lid that goes on very tight you put some dried lentils in there you seal it up and it literally i've never seen her so happy she we actually had to take it away from her because she was going so

nuts she's chasing it around it's rattling she loved it she her so happy. We actually had to take it away from her because she was going so nuts. She's chasing it around. It's rattling. She loved it. She was so happy. So if you ever want to entertain your dog, there you go. Cheap and cheerful stay-at-home treat for the dog. Lentils in a box.

Yeah, lentils in a box. Never seen her so happy. Wow. Who knew? It's like old wives don't pass down. It is. Oh, do you know what you need to entertain a dog? I think it's hard to judge. There's so much to entertain a dog i think it's hard to judge i think it's hard to judge with dogs because they just eat anything you know like you could just

like wring your socks wet into like a bowl and they would you know it has some taste to it so they'll drink like they eat their own shit and everything so like you know what i mean i don't think they're very fussy which is probably a good thing you know because lentils are like pretty cheap it's like that's like that's what students eat you know, because lentils are like pretty cheap. That's what students eat. I love lentils. Shout out to lentils. I know you hate shout outs, but I'm giving one. Lentils. I think shouting out lentils is fine, though. I mean, I don't have any problems with that. So one of the things that's happened, so Doug has got a dog. He was walking, he walks his dog all the time. And he's obviously had his new puppy for about a year now. And I was speaking to him yesterday, and he was saying,

man, like, I'm glad the weather started to get a bit better, because, you know, six months of walking my dog in this horrible weather has been, like, really grinding me down. Yes. Right. Is he all weather-beaten? He's got, like, a red face. It's not been, like...

Fisherman's face? That cold. It's not snowed or anything. It's not been too icy and slick this year. But it has been just shit. Like, just dank and dark and miserable and wet. It's like that every year, though. We don't live in California, for Christ's sake. No, it's been really wet this year. And this morning while I was walking in, I fucking stepped on a loose cobble and it sprayed like brown sort of puddle water all over my shoe.

I bet I know where that was. I bet it was while you were walking past the McHugh Hotel because there's one there. And I've trodden on that before when I've come down to Bristol. The thing is I know to avoid certain loose cobbles and I jump around them and then I hit another one and I was like, fuck. Anyway, I've got to take my shoe off and hang my sock on the radiator to dry off. And then I fucking stood here like a pleb. And then the other thing that happened was I was fucking walking around the corner.

And, like, you know, sometimes on the roofs, like, the gutter will just spray, like, a big jet of water out. It just sort of went right down my neck. And I just thought, fuck, why do we put up with this shit do you mean like i could i could be anywhere else right now like like ben's ben's parents go and go like emigrate to south africa during the winter because they have a family there and so off they go just and loads of people do it like old people always go to south of spain do you mean like do they do they know something we don't all the retirees go to florida and america where it's hot yeah have they finally been like i've had 50 years of this grinding me down i can retire i'm just gonna fucking go somewhere hot like at what point do they it's better for you

health-wise as well to be in a in a hot climate warmer climate like they think they think that once summer hits a lot of these like cases of coronavirus are going to be lessened as well i think i do more exercise when it's nice weather i think i'm just like i'm just outside more i don't know i eat better i'm just i don't know like it feels like just why do we put up with this and how how is it people like up in canada or even higher north like the fucking norway and stuff what like how do they put up with it they're all very very very like like placid about it and reasonable yeah well that's all they've ever known so they're just used to it you should be used to it as well like uk is just a a gray place for like nine months of the you know i was wondering about the effect that weather has

weather must have an effect on people culturally. And I was thinking, if you think about the average British person, they're generally pretty optimistic, I'd say. We're kind of like, you know, our mood is pretty steady, because we're just used to the oppressive grey clouds. I think we're realistic.

Right, but I would say we're optimistic, and generally fairly hopeful. We're also quite blunt, though, aren't we? Yeah, we are blunt say we're optimistic and generally fairly hopeful. We're also quite blunt, though, aren't we? Yeah, we are blunt. We're blunt. But the thing is, if it's raining today, raining now, 10 minutes, it'll be fine. That's a very British attitude to things. I think that's quite an optimistic way of looking at things.

It's don't worry too much. It may be bad now, but it'll be all right soon. Because it is. It doesn't rain all day in Britain bad often. Whereas you go to other countries, if it starts raining in the morning, you're fucked. That's it. It's not doesn't rain all day in Britain that often. Whereas you go to other countries, if it starts raining in the morning, you're fucked. That's it. It's not going to stop all day.

This weather is here to stay. Whereas in Britain, it's like, oh, yeah, this huge rainstorm will go and stop. And I don't mind the rain. I like the sound of rain. I like the smell of rain. I like looking at the rain when you're in a house. I like, you know, sometimes like ducking out in an umbrella

or getting soaked outside under an umbrella and coming in and drying off like those things are actually quite enjoyable but i think every day for like like half the year does also there's nice rain and i'm so glad we're turning the corner like i like dramatic rain like like a huge downpouring and everything's going nuts i like that but i don't like the all-day drippy off and on you know like that fine fucking mist rain that is just like you know like you know even if it's pouring rain like there's like space between the drops sort of thing you don't yeah necessarily get it but then you get that like fine misty rain that's just like fucking drenches you instantly like the minute you step outside i hate

that though and those ones stick around like a stale fart too they're just like around all day so i i've been thinking about this because i was doing i was walking around in town i had a day off and i was looking in some some sort of tat shops and stuff they're like plant pots that you can nail into the wall so you can have like a plant hanging off a wall and you know just stuff like that like tat that that people put in their house anyway i i was thinking because i saw this book on the shelf that caught my eye and it was like kind of one of those coffee table style books that people just have and they like it's a decorative piece but sometimes you'll look at it and you'll think oh that's interesting and it was like the architecture of like isolated cabins and i was like oh man i could i could do i could i

could isolate myself i could self-isolate myself in a fucking cabin do you mean like a big shed i would love to self-isolate with like a little bit of land around in nice weather as long as there's good internet i'll self-isolate i just need i need internet good internet and my pc and i'm basically good to build a cabin somewhere on a little bit of land far away enough that you you can kind of not see some arsehole burning some tires or something do you mean on the it's just a common uh common thing well i mean i feel like any bit of land you'll buy will have a neighbor who's an asshole of some description or you can see. I mean, I want it to be isolated enough that it doesn't take me two hours to drive to a fucking Sainsbury's. And, you know, and has at least a satellite Internet, sort of a Wi-Fi Internet, a wireless Internet connection, whatever it is, you know, 4G.

But isn't like just to fucking like backs up like i was when i was looking at getting houses because i still i still rent um here in bristol i don't own a house um i was looking at places and there was this one place that was built between two other people's houses like they had two detached houses and this tiny bit of like a part which used to be like a pathway you know between the two other houses they sort of took that incredibly thin bit you know made that into like a hallway yeah and then like put a proper room out the back and then a little bit of a room out the front like like like a house that had just been squeezed something but i don't know it's like something scummy about it it's like

someone buying up a big um townhouse you know and then like selling all the rooms individually I don't know as their own houses or whatever. Do you mean? Mm-hmm It's like measure you bought like a big townhouse in London and you just installed a toilet and a sink at each one Yeah, you know and put it all curtain up. Yeah, and you sold them as like Luxury flats do you mean or something? Yeah,. You come up with some bullshit language to sell them. Well, how about this? I was reading this the other day.

It's the world's littlest skyscraper. Have you heard about this? No. It's in Wichita Falls in Texas. Of course it is, yeah. And this building is basically this con artist that said to people, if you guys give me $ hundred thousand dollars from these invest this investment group i'm going to build a skyscraper and he said verbally he said it's

going to be like 480 feet high but on the plans that he gave over and distributed it was 480 inches high okay so it would have been 150 meters or so. And then it was 12 meters when he finished it. And there was no staircase. After he built it, they'd said to this elevator company, we're going to need elevators for this. And when they saw it finished, they were like, obviously we're not going to need elevators now. There's just a ladder to get up and down. It's now like a historic building.

But it was very embarrassing at the time. But I think that's a great story that this guy said, yeah, 408 feet. That's where you're going to look at the plans. So it was like a classic swindle. The fact is, like, he didn't just take the money and run. He actually took the money, built the fucking thing, and then stood up to his swindle and was like, yeah,

if you come to me with a lawsuit, I'm just going to fucking well be like, man, the balls on that guy. Do you know what I mean? In Texas, I'm sure someone would have shot him no it was declared legal it was 1919 so you never know that you know that the wild west had finished but they they took him to court and the judge was like look it says on the plans it says you know 480 inches you should have read them so it's like a yeah kind of kind of misrepresentation but i guess i don't know if nowadays that would fly. That cost $200 back then to make that skyscraper.

And in real terms, real money nowadays, that would have cost upwards of $800 million. How much does it cost to make a skyscraper? It can't cost that much, right? A fortune. Duke actually collected $200,000 yeah which was three million back then yeah right and spent i guess a fraction of that small fraction of that yeah it would have been yeah no but how much like how much generally would it cost like nowadays with uh cost of things how big is your skyscraper like like like something the size of like the empire state

building billions it would cost actual billions billions i don't think it would i think it would dude i think it was pretty big it is pretty big yeah but i don't think it would cost billions i think you're insane maybe a couple hundred million no way man i reckon the chinese would build it for less so empire state building was originally built for 40 million yeah right And now that's worth 555 million. Yeah. Right. So it's half a billion.

Right. Yeah. Straight up. A couple hundred million. Back when labor was very cheap. Steel was very cheap. Land was very cheap. If you're going to build a skyscraper, you're going to have to build it somewhere like in

a major city. So you're going to have to buy the land, which is going to cost you a fucking fortune. Then you have to put all these- Okay, I'm just talking about actually building I'm not talking about the land and everything Just building a building of that height What Sips is asking is In the middle of a field

In the middle of nowhere How much steel is he going to need? Let's get it ordered Just get it back ordered I'm going to need a load of steel A load of concrete Spurs built their new stadium Get a load of boys

Tottenham Hotspur's built their new stadium It was a billion pound stadium We're going to need some shovels How much did the Shard cost to build? That sounds like a lot of money. Tottenham Hotspur has built their new stadium. It was a billion pound stadium. We're going to need some shovels. How much did the Shard cost to build? That sounds like a lot of money, doesn't it? Holy shit. The building was demolished to make with the Shard in November. The building contractor Mace received the contract award for the construction of the Shard

for a set price of £350 million. So £435 million for the Shard. Yeah. Wow. I take it back. I really thought it would cost a lot more than that. I know. I thought so too.

But when you think about it, just a tall building, there's not that much to it. You know what I mean? Like a stadium is wider, right? And takes up more land as a result and probably has more, I don't know, power requirements and this and that. And it's got the big Jumbotron screens

and all that shit like like that probably pushes up the costs a lot but just like just putting some steel and some concrete and i just figured like the length of time that it takes to build all the safety stuff all the wiring the foundations i mean they take years to. How can it just cost 300 million pounds for something like that? I know. I could have invested in that. Fuck, I could have done it. You could have.

I could have invested like five pounds. I really thought that would be an awful lot more. I could have owned 0.000000001% of that building. That would have been something. Fuck, it would have been yours. That would have been yours. That would have been mine. Just mine.

You could have gone there and claimed it. Yeah, your claimed it yeah you could have taken a shit on that little corner and being like well this is my corner i can take a shit here if i want fuck you guys do you do you ever get that desire pflex to like just be or be a be a man and go into a wood and cut down a tree and try and build a log cabin i don't know do you ever get that wish that dream i've already made something amazing twice what children right have you ever built anything with your bare fucking hands though like against all the odds i mean i made them with my bare dick against all odds right i don't know if you did really nah i think i did i mean you were only part of the equation sure it was me i don't know you enjoyed it though i assume you enjoyed assume you enjoyed it. If it wasn't really, if you didn't feel like work, you know. Yeah, but you're implying that I wouldn't enjoy building a log cabin.

You went afterwards like, oh, that was a good day's work. Made a whole child today. Fucking hell. That was exactly how I felt. I was proud of my achievement. It's an ongoing construction project. You're way over budget as well, actually, on both projects.

It's a million pounds each of those actually it's not one of those instant things like in video games you know like in a video game like you kill the last thing you need you need to kill five players and you kill the last one and instantly on your screen it's like you've done it like it unfortunately when you have sex with a woman and um and the the seed is sown for a child you don't get that achievement straight away you know what i mean like you i knew you have to wait a couple of months before you find out that you've got my brain said to me that was the one yeah and i was right and then it happened again i was like nailed it man if only life was more like video games you're like mid deed and um you know

charging up my power bar for my uh my special make a baby move you get that achievement sound it's like oh fuck yes finally i've impregnated the women i've done it achievement after this achievement for so long they're farming it every day i wonder how many people have got that achievement i wonder if there are like real life there's lots lots of achievements i mean like that yeah that's a very common you wonder how many people have got the achievement of make a baby that's not like the server first uh it's not rare that is a that is a very common that's not even an epic achievement anymore that is just a a white you know that that's like the same as just like congratulations congratulations, you've reached level 30.

You know what I mean? What are the other real life achievements? Like how many people make it to 100? Not that many, surprisingly. I think most people, a lot of people get to their 50s and normally develop some sort of cancer or something that threatens their later life. And, you know, I think survival rates are much better now, but it's usually around that age, right? If you're going to get something,

you'll find out that you've got it or not. Sort of like in your late 40s, in your 50s. And then the people that do kind of make it to their 90s are usually really fucking decrepit by the time they get there, early to mid 90s. And then usually usually you know when they say natural causes normally somebody would just get like pneumonia or something like that that'll finish them off i think it's pretty rare like it's much more common now that people

can live to 100 and beyond but it's still pretty rare i would say i don't think it's that common apparently a third of babies born today will make it to 100. Do you reckon that's true? I don't know. I mean, I've been thinking for a while, it would depend if we change the way we approach medicine to maybe not be so precious about things like stem cells, for example, right, which is like a big thing. I think there's a lot of morality, especially from the religious right in America bound up in a lot of morality especially from the the religious right in america bound up in a lot of the things that we could be doing that would advance medicine a great deal there's a lot of fear around it yeah i think there's a lot of problems there are a lot of moral questions

to be sure there's a lot of problems with the profitability of medicine too that yeah but if you could if you could give people a treatment that would rejuvenate their organs and their brain and their body i mean that's the the big one really is we might have the medical science to sustain your body for longer. But do we know how to stop people just en masse going senile when they get older regardless? Because dementia is something we do not know the cure for. The question is, though, is how long do you want to live sustained with like a 90 year old body basically right exactly but i think when i get to that age i'll be a lot more sort of ready to to pack it in i'm sure i've said this before if there's a fountain of youth and i could have

a 20 year old body and live forever okay sure not 20 year old but let's say that you could have regular treatments of stem cells or some related technology. I'm not going to say I understand the fucking details. So some nerd on Reddit can say, oh, it doesn't know anything about stem cells. All I know is the words stem cells. And I know that there's some kind of rejuvenative process there, right? Let's take that as the basis for this. I'm just saying if there was some kind of therapy involving something that rejuvenated your organs, because that's the problem is your body stops naturally repairing itself that's what aging is is that you you know when you're young you you get a cut and it heals no problem your skin snaps straight back everything's all fresh and new and your body's making new parts replacing damaged parts much

faster gradually your body the ends of those cells start to wear down and you stop being able to repair yourself and replicate new cells as much which is why you start to wither and die if they could reverse that process and i'm not saying literally just say oh you'll be a hundred year old decrepit dude for another hundred years if you like but literally you could your body would be reducing you feel like 200 i've been 100 for 100 years it would suck it would suck you live more of your life as an old person than as a young person which 100 years of not being able to wipe my own ass this is a living hell that's no life at all my caris been watching my ass for 100 100 years. She's 177. It's always Colonel Sanders, isn't it?

She has a woman who wipes her ass and she's 172. Nobody in our house wipes their own ass because everybody in our house is 400 years old. 56. I wish I was dead. Well, you're over half your life dead right now.

Dead, P-Flex. You're like 40 something, right? You know I am on medication for anxiety and you fucking weighed in with you're nearly dead. We're on our way out, P-Flex. You've lived longer than your life expectancy is going to be, right? Well, no, from now on. So you're like, I think if you're 40 right now your life

expectancy is about 81 maybe like 82 um so the younger you are 44 this month holy fuck you're okay let's put this into calculator canada life's okay your life is 84 years 84 years on average so you've got 40 years left so i'm over halfway is what you're saying yeah but think about flax put it into perspective think about your whole life leading up to this point I do that I tell myself

that's a long fucking time yeah I mean I think back to being like seven yeah and it seems like forever and so much has changed since then like a fucking eternity ago yeah exactly but oddly enough

although me being seven or me being at school seems like an incredibly long time ago. You've got phones and the television and you've got the antibiotics and they've got all this new faggled stuff. And, you know, when I was a young boy. Back in my day, you just put a bit of mud on a cut and you hope for the best. That's right. You know and you hope for the best. That's right. You know, you guys have the coronavirus while we have smallpox. Fucking millennial cunts.

Fuck you. Fuck's sake. Oh, man. Think of how relaxing, the like the hard parts of your life are over now flax you know you've got the next 40 years of just like wearing slippers paying people to walk your dog in a pipe living it up basically your kids are gonna get older they're gonna start taking care of you like you've taken care of them and stuff you know it's all i wouldn't rely on them to fucking take care of me why not because they're useless like low maintenance they can just know that you can just rent a room from them with good internet and a computer and you're set they're just they

honestly they they're they're they're getting so willful and you ask them to do something and they so no no and when they're younger anything they can do to help out they want to do it because it's exciting but now they're saying no so then can you not leave your fucking towel on the floor after you've had a shower, please? Hmm. Can you please flush the fucking toilet? My god, it's happening Yeah, well that's how they'd have to teenage years is a lot of like shrugging and grunting and stuff, isn't it? Yeah, it's infuriating. But once we're over this hurdle, it'll be fine.

What are you going to do to spend quality time with your teenagers? Are you going to do things like play D&D? I would do all that kind of stuff. Go do sports and stuff? I would do all that stuff. I just do whatever my kids are interested in. My daughter wants to play this game now all the time where i lay on the couch and pretend that i've fallen asleep

with her favorite doll um and then she takes it from me and hides it and i'm supposed to not notice this and then wake up and wonder where the doll is that's the whole game yeah this goes on for hours it's crazy my son just wants to play games all the time he wants to play house flipper and tank restoration simulator and he just wants to play games my oldest just wants to play minecraft and undertale and there's a couple of other games he plays and then my youngest wants to play games and watch videos on the ipad like that's they love it they absolutely love it yeah and i mean i can't criticize it because when i was their age i did the same thing.

Yeah, same. Fuck me. I remember renting games all the time and going to my friend's house playing games. Like all we did was play games, basically. I mean, her friends come over, they play games. She goes to their house, they play games. That's it. I mean, in terms of quality time when they're older, I'd love to, I'm looking forward to going to the pub with my kids.

I'm looking forward to going to a gig with them, like taking them to their first gig or something like that would be really hype um yeah there's all kinds of things i'd love to do with them um yeah that's so yeah it's gonna be it's gonna be cool i'm i'm really interested to see what they're gonna be like when they're adults like what are they gonna be like you know what what are they gonna do exactly like you but females oh that'd be awful i'd feel so bad for them. Bald, streaming games on the internet. Fucking pain. Bold and miserable. That's me. That's me,

folks. Hey, I'm Perry Flex. I'm old and miserable. Man, Lewis is just fucking, just absolutely going for it today. You're like a wild animal. Sorry, P Flex. I don't mean it. You fucking do. Don't make out you don't. Don't say it and then say you don't. At least stick with what you've said.

Come on. I love you, man. I love your big bald head. See, again with the bald head. Give your big old rub on the bald head and kiss it. Fucking try, son. I'll break your arm. I love your misery, man.

I love it. I get a boner. Can't kiss. No kissing. I hope Mario and Luigi are okay. Has anyone checked on them? Do they live in Italy? There's never implied that they do.

No, I don't think they... They live in the Mushroom Kingdom. Right. I don't think coronavirus has reached the Mushroom Kingdom. Is there a wet market in the Mushroom Kingdom? Man, I don't know. Probably. Is that where they fucking have all the animals and stuff?

Is that what it's called? A wet market. That sounds fucking disgusting. I think they just eat mushrooms, though. Yeah, but think of how many things Mario kills. He's jumping on the heads of all those turtles and all those coopers and whatever. Turtles and mushrooms, mostly. Giant bullets, everything, right?

Oh, yeah. They can make a decent living from selling all that shit. The mushroom people have to live. Just the scrap metal alone. There's a wet market in Mushroom Kingdom stacked high with Koopas and Kappas and whatever the hell they're called. All the dead Bowser's.

And you could just buy them and fucking turn them into Chinese food. Yeah, fucking put them in a grinder. Biofuel that shit. Yeah, holy shit. Good idea, P-Fax. That's a great idea. Think about it, Mario.

That's all I'm saying. Nintendo, get on it. Mario wet market. Listen, I haven't had any weird dreams this week i seem to be out of my my um yearly sort of like having dreams for a week like now i'm just back to not dreaming at all just like coma sleeping good not not a single dream did you because the classic way is maybe put a notepad by your by your by your bed and if you wake up and have any more dreams write them down because i'd love to hear i don't want to remember most of these though they're upsetting for the most part right well in that case but if you write

down your dreams you can this is how to learn lucid dreaming um you can start to control them apparently i make train sounds if i'm distressed in my sleep, like if I'm having a nightmare or whatever. What, choo-choo? No, not like choo-choo, but I go like... Like I do this weird breathing and stuff. It's odd, isn't it? I don't know if that's like a symptom of something or maybe like... Yeah, maybe you're just like, are you scared of trains? Do you have a phobia of trains?

No, not at all. You know, that's what my dog does when she's dreaming when she's asleep. They go... yeah they go and they go because they're barking with their mouth yeah yeah yeah that's it i think you're like trying to like scream but your yeah your mouth is like shut so it's like but your mouth is sewn closed yeah my wife my wife doesn't like my wife doesn't say anything while i'm snoring or or doing train sounds she just sort of like puts her hand

underneath my pillow and just sort of like does this like flick thing which like normally jolts me awake because it's like really annoying and then one time one time i must have been like really loud she was like constantly doing this like flick thing under my pillow and i sort of woke up and i turned over i was like can you you stop that, please? But I was still asleep. I don't remember doing it. But apparently, like, really fucking sassed her out hard. She's good. Good humor. She might have stories about stuff you did in your sleep.

And you're like, I can't believe I did that. You have no memory. I've been dreaming about, I've been having Tarkov dreams. Because me and Sips have been playing Escape from Tarkov pretty much solidly. I played it for like two weeks solidly. Haven't played Dota in two weeks. I'm just Tarkov'd up. Yeah, yeah it is good fun it's just so much fun there's been discussions lewis i don't think you would like it we know so here's the thing i joined the i joined the channel

this morning before we started recording and lewis said tell me about this talk of i think i might need you to teach me how to play and i said that we're like i zoned in right i don't need one the conversation that me and sips have on the regular when people say you should get lewis to play this we both say the same thing which is i don't think lewis would like this game yeah it's it's because i know you i know you and you would be furious with getting shot and not seeing where it's coming from losing your loot the the it's it's a complicated game yeah that requires patience yeah and i just don't see you having the patience for it in all honesty it is a bit like pub g at which lewis

liked remember when we were playing pub g a lot he did like it a bit he liked it but we we did stop fairly quickly you should try it try it at least i like playing with people yeah well we well tarkov is hard to play with people because there's no indication that they're in a group with you. So you have to have really good comms. So there isn't like any sort of name above a player that's green or anything like that. So oftentimes it's like, is that you coming up the stairs?

And you forget to answer and then you're dead because the person shot you because you didn't say you were coming up the stairs or whatever yeah you know what i mean there's lots of that the bigger the group the worse it is as well but after you've played it a lot you sort of get like a better feel for where your teammates are and your call outs for buildings and stuff are much better but it's um the maps are big so you have to learn the maps. The way that loot spawns in the maps is random, but there are certain rooms that are locked that you can get keys for.

So there's a lot of inventory management as well. Big stash with boxes that are bigger inside than they are in your stash that you can store stuff in. Like a TARDIS box. Yeah, and this works on the player as well. So you can stash like a backpack full of stuff inside a backpack. I'm paying attention. I'm paying a lot of attention.

I feel like there's a lot to learn in this thing. It is very fun though. I know you. I know you. It requires a lot of grinding and effort and you die a lot. And sometimes you think it feels like bullshit. And I personally don't think you have the patience or the stamina i i could i could see that i could understand that i can completely

i get it i i understand i've been playing a few um i've learned a few board games this week because i wanted because i'm absolutely this comes back to like playing games like online like with your family and stuff and and just just trying to play games with your friends online is such a hard thing to do like often just to try and get them together like for anything that isn't a quick and easy run it's like oh join me for a dota game join me for a game of this you know anything that's like like half an hour is usually okay you can pull together a couple of people and do it and that's why these games i think are popular whereas things like civ and stellaris we've been playing these things on armchairs for years now and

they none of them work they all desync they're all not made for multiplayer they're all garbage netcode and the devs don't bother because they're like yeah no one really plays multiplayer anyway so i'm not gonna fucking bother i'm so anyway i've been playing a lot of board games real life board games um and i actually the best way to learn those is to play the digital versions which often suck um because they're like the whole point of a physical board game is that you're there rolling dice playing around with cards which is such a nice thing to do you know like there's like playing poker at a table is so much better than playing poker online you know? And it's the same thing with board games.

There's something just really nice about sitting there with real people, with a cup of tea, chatting about stuff while you're playing this board game. And often like the decision making is quite like clever. Like you make your decisions, you play the stuff out, you know, you're relying on your brain more than your reflexes. And I think in that sense, like maybe that's why i don't like i won't like tarkov and i have grown away from these games that are much more skill-based i i'd rather like make a cunning plan and then execute it you know over the course of an hour you can kind of do that in tarkov interestingly you don't have to just be

a sweaty accurate you know you know, FPS player, you can run around a whole map and just loot and never kill anybody, if you're smart about it, and get out with like millions of rubles worth of stuff, which is also very fun. I think that's what I think that's one of like Tarkov's great strengths is that you can play it in a number of ways. And not all of those ways require you to be exceptionally skilled to to get by but that's that's the essence of a good board game you know you you get a good board game and you're like okay i've got these cards maybe i'll go for the victory condition of having the most cows this time or maybe i'll build the most houses do you mean like what like whatever

you know you can play it differently at the start you can look at what you've got well so i'll be playing a couple of board games i really recommend i recommend wingspan oh yeah you told us about this in you last thing i don't like about it is i don't recognize any of the fucking birds because they're all like american and i've never apparently they've got a completely different woodpeckers they have different animals in a different country you got bush tits well i assumed that birds would fly around the world quite like You are such a simpleton sometimes. What's wrong with you? I thought birds, because they fly around,

would have kind of been able to go anywhere. But no, they have a completely different bio. Funnily enough, they can't always migrate across the vast ocean. Not every bird is just fucking flying to America, dude. I didn't realize. I didn't realize that we had such... You've got a scientific background. I know, I know.

Don't you remember when Darwin went to the Galapagos, he noticed that there was even different species within those islands? Do you remember? Well, I guess the thing is I didn't recognise any. I recognised a golden eagle and a vulture, and that's about it. And I was like, fucking hell.

Anyway, there's a European bird expansion for it, which I've also got now.'s about it. And I was like, fucking hell. Anyway, there's a European bird expansion for it, which I've also got now. You need that. Which has a lot more reasonable birds, like robins and great tits and normal shit. Great tits and normal shit. Normal. Normal shit, like fucking mallards and stuff. Magpies and fucking cuckoo birds. And coots and swans and geese.

Rather than all these fucking weird things, like Mershalors and fucking Dangalors I don't know Orioles weird weird looking birds oh Lulu bless you I've liked it

it's good I recommend you should check it out it's a good game it's really popular actually it's just come on tabletop cm and it's coming

on steam version it's popular it's good quality it's good I like it I proed it last time I'm proing it again this time so for no reason

we haven't got a sponsor we're still funded by Patreon you can support us on that if you like we've been thinking about doing an ad

there may well be an ad coming for naked bars it's gotta be man I eat them so much at some point in the future every day I eat these things but in the meantime

support us on Patreon we're not getting any money for this there's no ads ad free we need money there's a coronavirus I gotta buy a teepee give us your money pflax will use it to pay for a dog walker and sips will use it to buy steel for his inevitable skyscraper and i will just

throw it into the fucking fireplace wow i will waste it on tiny miniatures that's why i waste it even worse you might as well just throw it in the fire in my tiny miniatures that's why I waste it on tiny little war hammers even worse you might as well just throw it in the fire in my opinion miniatures Patreon thank you much appreciated that's Triforce stay safe out there guys don't cough on anyone

or get coughed on wash your hands and stay safe and don't take your baby to see your grandparents until all this blows over just stay safe. Sensible and safe. And clean. Stay clean as well.

It's his little disease bomb. Yeah, that's it. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye.