Triforce! - Triforce! #120: Homeschooled by Cthulhu

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Triforce! Episode 120! Mr. Dad has some lessons to teach you- SIPS, STOP POKING LEWIS Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Coming at you in the week one of the lockdown. Oh, my God. What interesting times that we live in, huh? Coming at you in the week one of the lockdown. Oh my god, what interesting times that we live in, huh? Coming at you from a safe distance. Yeah. This is the first recording I've done from home. Nice. So it might be a bit echoey, a bit sound, a bit different. Because he lives

in such a big house, is what he's trying to say. Listen, you might hear the echo from the West Wing and the east wing area the marble floors might cause some echoing apologies james could you bring me another bagel thank you this is a topical joke because the the the one and the only um chuckles prince prince charles has uh has contracted the coronavirus he has it and he held audience with the queen just a couple of weeks ago and she's old and he's old too

they're like the like the target demographic for the the virus to they eat very well the oysters and things like this they got a lot of like good vitamins look up with a and things like this. They've got a lot of good vitamins. Woke up with a frightful cough this morning. Couldn't shift the blaster thing. I think I've got corona, mummy. Frightful, Charles. Oh, man. Oh, Charles, don't be

silly. That's the... All the poor people get that. He hasn't had any... He says he feels fine. Charles, don't be silly. All the poor people get that. He's quite right, mother. He hasn't had any... He says he feels fine. He hasn't had any symptoms, but, you know, things get worse. I haven't had a single symptom.

Man, hopefully the NHS isn't... Apart from this giant carbuncle on my bottom. It's frightening. Hopefully he got it early enough because if the NHS is too busy busy he might not get a bed you'll have to queue come on yeah excuse me i've been waiting three hours this boy has a splinter i'm pretty sure it's not serious but i am the air to the throat yes i know i'll take a seat

oh man i reckon kids are getting more splinters and stuff because everyone's at home do you reckon people are falling off ladders and drilling and drilling themselves in the hand and stuff you know do you reckon like household i guarantee you that people are doing far more diy than they would have normally because i've several of the guys i hang out with on discord are saying that all they can hear from their neighbors is like hammering and drilling so i thought either they're trying to cover up their wild sex noises right with just they just leave a drill running and so they can go go at it or people are like well may as well put those shelves up i've been putting off for 18 months and well get on with it yeah that's i got my bike out i pumped up the tires and while i was doing it

i um because one of the tires was like, it's really awkward to get the little, you know, that stupid little clip thing. Yeah. Oh, you mean to take the tire off? Well, once you've pumped the tire up, you want to pull that thing off as quickly as possible so you don't lose all the air that you just added.

Yeah. Anyway, it wouldn't come off and I yanked it. And then I managed to pull it too hard and I stabbed my knuckle on the gears god damn and so now i've got this big sort of cut on my knuckle and i was like was bleeding quite a lot and like i i that's just as very that's something i could treat with plasters and savlon but you know if someone had actually you know even me stuck at home not even stuck at home nothing's changed i'm literally the same if

anything i feel like i feel guilty that my life has changed so little yeah no my life i'm at home all the time i'm bored i don't get to go outside i'm like i never should i be going outside is this what i've been doing wrong all this yeah i know i i felt the same thing but then i'm like but you Tarkov is entertaining me. When I get bored of that, there's been a new expansion for Stellaris. Hold on, there's someone at the door. I'll be back. There shouldn't be anyone at the door.

I don't know who it is. Yeah, well, you know what? It might be a social distancing postman because they're out there. They got their masks. They got the two meter rule. Yeah. My postman delivered some stuff to me the other day and just left it on the hood of my car and shouted at me from outside i'm just gonna leave it on the

hood of your car okay thanks very much that was good i wish they were like that all the time honestly like i don't think they need to come right up to my my door or talk to me ever whatever honestly i think this i think the social distancing has been good i think we can all learn something from this let's not talk to each other more in the future after we're past all this hello hello it was a delivery driver and he left the parcel on the doorstep and ran away i understand um it's my birthday on sunday right so i think mrs f had ordered something for my birthday. So I'm going to pretend that I didn't look inside.

But it's like, it says it's a bar in a box. Oh. I don't know what that means. So I guess you open it up and it's like a mini, it looks like a little bar and she can certainly drink from it. Oh, no. No, you're going to have to screw that. What if it's plutonium? Put that together. You're going to have to get the drill out.

What if it's plutonium? Yeah, you never know. Like just a bar of plutonium like it's not not specific on what kind of bar it is that's true micro bar of radioactive material yeah on the back of the books do not open you can get anything on amazon these days as well so like you know i wonder if you could buy radioactive material you don't need to buy it you can just just go down to your local creek and you can get some for free where all of the, uh, we're all big energy have dumped it. Right behind your suburb.

Yeah. You don't need to buy any of that shit you get for free. Do you think my plant killed those fish? There's no maybe about it, sir. Excellent. Oh man. So interesting times that we live in where, everybody has to stay at home you're only allowed to go out and exercise once a day you're not allowed to speak to people that aren't part

of your household or at least you have to be two meters away from them i went to town the other day and everybody was ignoring all these rules everybody was just out doing going to the pub and just like having a good time stuff there's like 15 cases over here so people should sort of be a little bit careful but well more stronger rules came in from monday didn't they uh but i did notice that instead of handshaking you know people who work at the same office when they bump into each other on the weekend or whatever and it's always like uh like really extroverted like oh hey randy and they shake hands and stuff there was no handshake there was an elbow touch they did like an elbow bump

with each other you saw i saw an elbow bump in the wild elbow bump out there i didn't think that people were actually doing that yes it's the safest way of bumping these days i just i've been doing the oh hello and we wave and we stand about five meters apart and chat when you don't want to do any flesh touching so i've seen a few of that so i went out for a walk yesterday and stayed i managed i think i stayed five sort of a couple of meters away from it from everyone the whole time and there were a bunch of people um talking to their neighbors outside their balcony windows so i saw a lot of people chatting with each other on the balconies, yelling across the balconies to each other.

There was a couple of people out pushing prams around and just trying to look frazzled or having to wrangle kids and stop them from like, don't touch the railing too much. It's just, I mean. you know, stop them from like, like, don't touch the railing too much. Well, kids, you know, kids are, they don't have any concept of what's going on. Like, don't get me wrong. They're probably a bit like scared because things have changed or whatever. But and they're like, you get out there and you're like, okay, we're gonna go outside, you can't go near anywhere. They're just running around like up to people and stuff like,

oh, fuck, I just told you don't go near anyone. But they don't understand, you know, like they're just going to do shit the way that they've always done it. So you can't really stop them. But yeah, it's weird, isn't it? It's a weird one. My son has been FaceTiming his friends who are also at home in quarantine. My daughter is doing that right now with most of her class, which is chaotic. So they get on to FaceTime and they're like, what are you doing? I play Minecraft.

Yeah. Oh, I'm just about to eat my lunch. You know, it's just like, fuck me. I wish I was a kid again. That'd be awesome. Imagine you get all this time off school and play Minecraft. Yeah, they're doing all right. I mean, I'm giving them home learning and stuff.

Like I've been in the evenings when I start streaming, or in the afternoons, they've been bringing up their essays that I make them write in the morning, and I've been reading them and stuff, and they've been quite good. Oh, my God. Okay, first of all, I can imagine like day one, you're a dad, right? So you've managed to get a whiteboard or a blackboard from somewhere.

No, I haven't. And you've written on the blackboard, Mr. Dad. Mr. Dad. Mr. Dad. You may Dad. Mr. Dad. You may call me Dad if you want. I will be your substitute teacher for the foreseeable as we are having to remain indoors. Yeah, so please get out a pen and a piece of paper and write me an essay about, and then I have to come up with a subject.

And I've been like, write one about iCarly, because my youngest has been watching that. So I was like, tell me about iCarly, because my youngest has been watching that. So I was like, tell me about iCarly. Write about that show. So she wrote me an essay about iCarly. My eldest wrote one about Pokemon today. I haven't read it yet. Yeah, I just make them write essays about stuff, just to get them used to the idea of thinking

about something, putting it on a piece of paper, practicing handwriting, spelling. And then we've got these exercise books that Mrsrs f ordered online that are things like maths and english challenges and things um just practice grammar and all the rest of it because it's important they stay in touch with their brains rather than what they want to do which is lie on their sofa and watch the ipad man you should just get them like one of those like uh stock market like penny trading apps or something and just let them go

fucking nuts like figure it out you know do like all like the calculations the math and stuff i think that's much more useful and then potentially your household can make some money off the back of this so you're saying put them to work as a as a sort of ad hoc child labor trading floor yeah yeah i mean that's entrepreneurial yeah yeah well like all of the all the the pro players in well not all the pros but a lot of the pros are like start playing the game when they're like eight or nine right and then by the time they're 14 or 15 they're like the best they're the best yeah that there ever was and that there ever will be and nobody like the best starcraft players are

like teenagers yeah so like you need to like put those put your kids yeah think about it get them on this get them on i reckon they'd be better stock traders than yeah than like the pros start them start them low and then you can go for high stakes stuff when they when they have a control over the app you know they know how to use the app better and yeah their analysis is a little bit more spot on be like poker maybe you should teach poker i know a a friend of mine did um he works in in the banking and stuff and uh he said that every year there'll be like a big too hard about who the trader of the year is and it'll be some guy who's made like five billion dollars in profit for his fund or whatever and it's like yeah there he is smiling and grinning they're

like what is his secret next year year, never heard of him. Like nothing. You know, the dude just did like everybody else. It's just a lot of the stock market stuff. I mean, you can't honestly say that some expert is out there who's cracked it. Because if that was the case, they'd all have cracked it. Every time you buy low and sell high, someone is buying high and selling low.

Like it's just cyclical. It goes round and round. And then sometimes you're on the right side and sometimes you're on the wrong side that's the golden rule isn't it buy low sell high like that yeah buy buy buy high sell as low as possible right no that may sound counterintuitive but someone's doing it somebody's definitely doing it because if i'm selling when it's high someone's buying it when it's doing it it's the guy on the world of warcraft auction house that undercuts you by a thousand gold instead of one one copper that's the guy who's doing it that's the guy who's buying high and selling low because when you sell

low things sell faster and that's of course more important of course you want things to sell faster so that's why they go low yeah i mean because so it always surprised me when they say buy low sell high that it can't like some people must be thinking this is going to keep going up so they buy it high and then it crashes and they lose money but some some guys made money and then maybe next time he'll be the one buying when it's high when he should have been buying when it's low i mean i've read all this stuff saying this right this uh coronavirus represents an outstanding opportunity for the money makingmaking, shareholding, investment portfolio entrepreneur guy. Because this represents what's called a bargain.

All these prices have crashed. Now is the time to invest. And I'm thinking, are they saying that because they want to drive the price up? Because they're like, great, another crisis. Awesome. Prices are going to nosedive. We'll buy low low and then everything will recover we'll make a shitload of money they must all be thinking that right yeah well they're all

lizards so yeah i think yeah well it's it's all it's all though it's the economy is it is a gambling game isn't it and for us certainly you know we shouldn't there's a classic thing like that you know a bubble or or it's not the right time to invest when everyone's talking about it like when bitcoin everyone's like buy bitcoin and every taxi driver was buying bitcoin you know that was like the time when that was not the time coin was at its peak and it's never reached that you know it was a couple of years ago and it's all just half the price it was then right now right that's my indicator that if it's if people are talking about something being that like if people in the street are telling you i've tried to reverse the stock market

is not the time yes because it's too late it's too late by that point yeah missed out on the profit window it is just too late i don't know like but investing is all about 20 year time horizons anyway you know so it's not hugely important unless of course your pension's coming up in which case um for up flex much more important oh man that reminds me you can get that in there i don't you know how old am i going to be on sunday lewis 45 44 thank you 44 44 yeah damn congrats man how big is your pension pot now i have no i have no pension i don't think i have any it's your no it should i mean you have a pension whatever the state pension is that's what i've got i haven't worked for 10 years and i never had a steady job so

i know you know i i haven't been paying into a pension fund i should have are you on the door well no i'm not on the doll i have been i have been because i'm self-employed and i claim it's rightfully yours it's not i'm not unemployed i'm self-employed yeah that's true lots of people use it alternative to their to their to the to the pension idea yeah um you know then it's not don't feel guilty about not putting money into it necessarily it's not right well don't because i don't know what i'm gonna do i mean mrs f will have a good pension you've been have you been paying off your house i assume and like things like that like that in a way is saving for

but i want to i want to be able to leave the house to someone rather than just sell it like those bastards on the nationwide ads that i was talking about yeah the ones who talk about fucking equity in their houses, right? I don't want to be that old fart. No. Who's like, we decided to fuck our kid's future up even more by drawing down the equity. So some bank owns most of our house and then we can spunk it on a mobile home and fuck off to Spain for a couple of years.

I don't want to be that guy, right? I want to be financially solvent when I'm older. Or I figure I could just die before I claim my pension and then it makes everything a lot simpler. All of these things are terrible attitudes, P-Flax. Your kids will be fine without you and shouldn't need to live on your handouts. If they are, then it's unfortunately a situation. Why are you talking about?

Unfortunately, they haven't figured out the 10 easy steps to becoming a multimillionaire that I've outlined in my new book. They don't need half a million pounds when you die. Lewis Brindley, how to become a millionaire in 10 easy steps. Step one, tell your kids to get fucked. Well, no, but I never expected my parents, and I don't think your parents, your kids, if you ask them, if you say to your kids, you know, do you expect, you know, half a million pounds when I die? They won't say yes. Step one. your kids you know do you expect you know half a million pounds when i die they were not well they won't say yes step one you better like you better live like a pauper to pay you know to give

me a free house when i'm you know when i'm 40 i think i think you're missing the whole point of inherited wealth which is that without it you're in the same position as a lot of very poor people out there who and a lot of demographic groups who have no inherited wealth like if you die and leave your kids nothing there's been like the whole point of being a parent is that you want your kids to be better off than you were that's the whole point no see i don't i don't agree with that because i don't want them to be better than me i want to be the best that's when i go i want to ensure that they are nowhere near as good as me so that i can die comfortably knowing that i am the best and i died the best and nobody's ever going to overtake me that's a that's great i think what i'll do is i will leave them something

but maybe they have to follow an international trail of clues and puzzles yeah that would be pretty cool a bit like that film with what's his name in uh around the world in 80 days you have to send them on a balloon race and stuff what was it called national treasure with nick cage oh yeah sure now the inscription on the liberty bell will give you the clue to the next stage and you know sort of like crystal maze i have some assassins trying to catch them some crocodiles this is like dad at home this is like mr dad teaching them though it's like go to the eiffel tower and write an essay about fucking germany it's like go to the cathedral go to the vatican

and fucking you know look at the tomb read the read the inscription and just write me 300 words under my under my coffee exactly if they had to do some kind of John Wick style, you know, there are assassins around every corner, it would make them ready for any future impending apocalypse. It's kind of like, you know, going on a death adventure. Yeah. Going on a mission to, like, earn their inheritance. If you want to look at it this way, too,

having children is like an investment, right? It's like kind of part of it's the same way that you would invest into a pension fund because if you invest into your kids enough and in certain societies this this holds true then well and in others very very common even today that you know you need people to work the farm who better than no but i'm talking about people who are are willing to to tolerate you as an elderly person because let's face it the rest of society is not up for it right that's the in asia that's very i wouldn't expect my kids to tolerate me now let alone as an elderly the

west we just see old people as a as like crusty and and a pain in the ass nobody wants to do anything with them everybody just wants to shove them into retirement homes and forget about them and stuff like that but i think if you have a good relationship with your kids like you know they might build a little house for you to live in like next to theirs and stuff you know like they'll they might look after you might have a a really pleasant old old life instead of you know just being forgotten about these flax is putting in the work right now he's not going to be forgotten you know that slamming that door in his face they're going to remember that one day and they're going to be like you know what my dad taught me a valuable lesson and then

they're going to just slam the door to the retirement home in his face maybe they put him in there maybe they will maybe they won't i'm i'm not saying that i haven't helped to look after my parents you know to some extent right you know um and i'm especially nowadays you gotta you know that they're vulnerable your parents like they're older right i think i think i think you know it's it's all it's very easy to be to contribute who was i was speaking to someone the other day and they said that you know they've got something like someone who's been affected by this crisis and they said that they had you know about 20 grand in savings or something but if their mom needed it more than

they did they'd give it to their mom and i was like that's that's really generous of you that's really good of you now i mean that it's like gambling it's like playing the stock market like you know with sometimes you might get a kid who's a heroin addict you know but sometimes you might get that kid you know i don't know have you been playing the game of life recently or something i don't know i don't i think this is it is it is like i don't know it's not very nice to think of your kids and as an investment in your future no no i was saying that is a way you could look at it if you wanted to i'm not saying it's a healthy way of looking at it but i feel like most of the time kids are a sacrifice that you are willing to

almost like they become more important from what you two have said anyway so they become the priority in your life you know your selfishness goes away yeah um and you that and they become the priority and i think like you said you know making sure you want to leave something for them is is a much is a very common thing that the the generation feels like they they have to provide for their progeny but at the same time i feel like you you end up with that at the at the at the rich end of the spectrum um you end up with the walmart as you know taken over or you know even companies being led by their son or it's like the monarchy you know back in the day they were not the best the family members were not the best people

sometimes you get a good king sometimes you get that's why a lot of monarchies have failed though that you know there's tons of them have dissolved over the years there's only there's why a lot of monarchies have failed, though. You know, there's tons of them have dissolved over the years. There's only a couple that aren't like massive dictators and stuff. I think the British monarchy is probably one of the best examples of, you know, a monarchy that has like, it's like a constitutional monarchy and it works quite well. It's not like... Prince Charles. Yeah, it's like... How monarchy and it works quite well. It's not like... Prince Charles. Yeah, it's like... How do you think about this, Prince Charles?

Prince Charles, what do you think about what I'm saying here about the monarchy? Hey! I am too poorly to comment on any rumors regarding my inheritance of the throne please bring me the royal paris seats of all and a glass of royal barocca i think he's he has clout like i mean i don't have any respect for really for jeff bezos or mark zuckerberg let alone their kids no no but i mean but there's definitely like in a monarchy there's there's some proofing in it right like um because you could have like a situation whereby you know you would have had like charles and then like andrew and the other one oh back in the day

in line they'd kill a weak kid but then but then charles went to have... Prince Edward! Do not forget him! Yeah, nobody cares. But because Charles had children, then they get pushed back because his children take priority, right? And then his children's children take priority. And now they've changed it so that... We need some Game of Thrones up in here. We need like a war.

Like Harry is Stannis Baratheon. Yes, but they've recently changed it where uh where women or or girls are are part of the lineage now too so princess charlotte is you know in in the order that she was born she is she's in line for becoming the queen which is like a recent change but you see what i mean it it makes it so that some of the undesirables get pushed back further and further and further. Oh, I see. Because, yeah, in a monarchy, they always change the rules. Nobody wants King Andrew or King Edward.

You know what I mean? Or even Charles. You know what I mean? Like, hopefully they just wait out Charles and he just gives up his claim. Just says, you know what? Fuck, I'm too old. I don't want to do this anymore. And then, you know, gets passed down to somebody who might be better sort of thing like there's there's definitely some like i just think like

safeguarding there needs to be like some sort of sliding scale on inheritance right where jeff bezos's idiot child doesn't inherit you know 70 trillion dollars in order to completely fuck the world up with it you know i mean like i feel like i feel like we need some sort of sliding scale if you're going to inherit more than you know a hundred billion there should be some sort of it's their money they do what they want with it you know he can make the spruce moose and live on the moon if he wants with it's his money and and and if his kid inherits it it's his money but it's whatever you know what that's fine you have no control over any of this anyway okay fine you guys are fucking idiots what are you talking about what you mean you never heard of estate tax

yeah well but how these guys spend their whole lives avoiding that kind of stuff like they know how to do it it's a lot of it's a big chunk because the whole point is if someone earns that money and just leaves it to some idiot then that money is entrenched potentially in a line of idiots yeah but nobody's doing that nobody's leaving massive lump sums it's all assets and like that by the time his son takes it over yeah it'll be either it'll be entrusted vast areas of real estate he'll become like the ceo of the corporation and and then he'll get around all the inheritance stuff anyway. You know what I mean?

It's not like Jeff Bezos, like the moment before he dies is going to liquidate everything. And then here you go, Timmy. This is all I was worth. It's about three trillion. The lawyers will just sort it out for you. It's a bit of tax, but... I think that actually PFLEX... PFLEX is 100% right about inheritance because there's this issue where some communities,

like black communities in America, were never made, like, right. You know, they were never brought up to the same kind of wealth standard as the local white folk. There was a bill called an acre and a mule, and the plan was... Or 100 acres and a mule or something like that. The plan was post-emancipation because they realized that essentially,

like there's a really famous cartoon that illustrates this. And it's a bunch of people trying to watch a race, right? Or trying to run in a race. And imagine if some people started on the start line and other people started right near the finish and claimed, oh, what do you mean? It's a fair race. Just get on with it. You know, everybody's got in the same boat. If I start with $100 billion assets, I'm not running the same race as someone else. So that's an extreme example, right? But if you imagine black slaves have just been freed in Northica and they're told

you're free there you go get on with it catch up but you've already got people that have been living there that are inheriting things like farms and houses and money and from their parents so when you hand that down generation to generation the other generation doesn't get a chance to catch up because shit's already owned like this idea dad what is this gonna be on the exam yes this is so pay attention so they had a chance to give reparations to the freed slaves of giving them some land and some some livestock to get started on a farm because that way yes mr dad can i go to the toilet you may you may yeah but i'm gonna hold the lesson till you get back oh okay well i'll just wait okay i thought you might be able to wait so they they voted down they had You may, yeah. But I'm going to hold the lesson until you get back. Oh, okay.

I'll just wait. I can wait a minute. Okay, I thought you might be able to wait. So they voted it down. They had this chance to do that, and they voted it down. And the idea that, oh, you should be able to catch up. You've been free for X number of years. Mr. Dad, Mr. Dad. Yes.

Sips is poking me. No, I didn't. Sips is poking me. No, I don't want to be that. Listen to me, you two, both of you right now. If you can't sort this out and enjoy this lesson or at least endure it i'm gonna do this again tomorrow and you're gonna have you suck you suck this sucks all right were you looking forward to playing on your computer later well

you were weren't you you're gonna maybe play tarkov or something else like that that's done for today you can wait till tomorrow no i wasn't planning on doing that today, actually, Mr. Dad. Cool, what were you going to do? I had other plans. Okay, well, they're cancelled as well. You can come and see me after school. You can spend a couple of hours helping me tidy up. God, this is really triggering me.

God, it's like it's some deeply suppressed memory. Fuck, sorry. Were you actually my teacher? I got in trouble this one time at school okay and i i at this point i'd gotten sick of getting in trouble all right because i felt like i was being like like profiled in a way not racially it was it was more like i had a reputation for being a disruptive member of the class so i got kicked out of class a lot and and it it seemed like off the back of nothing

sometimes you know it was almost like a preemptive kicking you out of class because they just knew that i was going to be somehow disruptive or whatever and i wasn't even really that bad like just a bit of like talking or giggling or whatever at the back of the class you know like pretty i think you've got a stamp on it pretty early on though so anyway we had if we got kicked out hold on just let me ask, did you have the same thing where when you were kicked out, the whole point is there's a mean teacher that patrols the corridors looking for kids who've been kicked out and giving them detention

because that's what happened to us. Yes. Oh, gosh. So if you were kicked out and then the patrolling teacher caught you being kicked out, you got in even more trouble. So I got kicked out of class a lot. It's like a child catcher out in the corridor with like a i know it's pretty weird they're patrolling like oh which

ones are joining my detention today so so at at some point in my school career i decided that i was uh being uh unlawfully kicked out of uh out of class and then so i got kicked out of class by this one teacher. And he's like, okay, I'm kicking you out because you're being disrupted. But also, you're going to come back in here at the end of school for like a detention. And I was like, no, I'm not going to do that. And then he's like, you better do that. And I was like, no, I'm not going to do it. And then I just went home. And then as soon as I got home, I just said to my dad, I'm supposed to be in detention, but I just left. And my dad just sort of like didn't say anything.

But I could see like a tear form in his eye. Like he looked at me. I was like, yeah. And I think it was like at that point where he realized my child's son is becoming a man. A man who can stand up for himself. And then, do you know what's weird though the next day i went to school and that teacher didn't kick me out of class didn't say a word to me like didn't even let on like it happened so i i think i stripped him of his of his power by not going to the

detention or refusing to go to the detention and i think it got to the point where he's just like i can't do anything with this guy like he he's actually got me over a barrel here like my my power is that people do what i say and if somebody doesn't do what i say i'm without power so i i effectively neutered him for the rest of the year it was awesome all right any kids listen to this do not do that that is a terrible lesson that simply just taught you it taught me a lot about being a man though it's not there's nothing manly about just being a dick and then not taking your punishment really what did they kick you out for well i don't know they didn't even explain they were just like all right out you go i was like what i was just in the middle of drawing a map or something like

i didn't do anything oh please a lot of the time it is prison justice in there they people just you know they know sips is a easy target yeah they want to make it up the teachers aren't other prisoners they're not just picking on sips he was just sitting there minding his business you just don't remember what you were doing you're probably doing something really stupid i remember that he was a big bellend i remember that much yeah i think a lot of teachers are good guys but some of them are bellend of course yeah i went to school i know i there were a lot of teachers that were absolute pricks but they wouldn't just kick him out for nothing he's literally sitting there quietly getting on with his work because here's the thing you're saying the teacher's

authorities everyone listens if you're not doing anything and they arbitrarily throw you out they've lost respect and people people will rebel yeah you must have been doing something well it wasn't like that movie where they have like all the kids get gang up and they do a siege on the school and do a rebellion stuff it wasn't like that because my my classmates were pussies like i would have been up for it for sure but nobody else was like behind me or whatever so i just had to do a one man i had to do a one man rebellion and it worked here's the story of the time it worked so just for it for anyone that went to bournemouth school i know there are a few listeners out there went to bournemouth school mr hawkins who was still teaching until fairly recently when he died mr hawkins he was the guy he was still at the school

i'm sure when some of you out there listening were at bournemouth school he was the guy. He was still at the school, I'm sure, when some of you out there listening were at Bournemouth School. He was the guy that would wander around and say, and what are you out here for? And he'd say, I was talking in class. Ah, three, two, one, detention, detention, detention. I'll see you later. And he'd walk off. He was insane. Yeah, fuck those kind of teachers, though.

What the hell? You need those characters. You don't need those. Get them out. Why do they have that job that's creepy and weird and not not appropriate i don't think anybody should do that in their job like take great delight in other people's misfortune and and handing out punishments and stuff the thing is he was not a scary guy in that he was mean when he was teaching he was nice he was amiable but if you messed around he would just look at you and you knew that he was enjoying it

like that was the thing you knew that he he didn't get a thrill out of it but to him this was like oh good i get to punish them this will this will put them back in line like it was it was he'd been doing it for so long that it was like it was part of him to just punish and and because he had that crazy look at his eye you knew oh i'm fucked that's it i'm gonna get like a week's attention because he has ultimate power man i think because if you can't fuck with hawkins you just do because he's crazy enough that whatever you think he's oh there's just been attention exactly but he's like a cop though gone crazy with power like he he could he could he's literally looking at you thinking i could say you did anything i could say you pulled a gun on me i could like do you mean

yeah but he didn't do that he just he just deployed his authority you you sunk yourself because he'd say what and what were you boys doing you do and you'd always confess so he was the cop who says do you mind if i search the car oh yeah go for it and you've got a ton of weed under the back seat he's that cop what you should say is i do not consent to search right that's what you should do but when mr hawkins gives you that crazy look you think maybe he'll go easy on me if i tell him what we did oh well boys will be boys but you don't you just confess in the glare the headlights of his eyes staring into your soul mr hawkins crazy popping out of his head eyes yeah what have you boys been doing man one time i got in trouble uh for talking again

and uh we used to have like these like school uh distributed diaries like you got one at the start of the year and it had like you know your school's logo on it it wasn't like a fancy school or anything i think it was just something that they were doing at the time so it was like uh it's kind of like a planner what were you meant to keep in there well you were meant to write like what your homework was that night for each day and shit like that was like a little like diary like a little planner sort of thing um and so i got in trouble for for you know for fucking around in in class it was like laughing and joking around at the back of class or whatever so this so this teacher is like all right that's it like you're in trouble you need to stay in after class this

is before my big rebellion where i'd stopped going to detentions so like i was i was compliant i went so i went in and she's like all right fine let's see your let's see your diary i was like oh shit because like i never like i didn't write anything in the diary, like to do a school or whatever. It was just like a glorified doodle pad. Right. And at the time, for some reason, I was drawing lots of pentagrams. I don't know why. It's just the thing that you do.

And I was writing down lyrics to lots of songs that I was listening to at the time as well. So I was listening to lots of like Pearl Jam and like Nirvana and stuff like that. So this teacher starts going through this. It's just like fucking pentagrams everywhere and uh is that the same as the star of david the no no it's not at all oh no it's not it's not quite the same and uh and there's all these like there's all these questionable lyrics to songs in there and stuff too and she just looked fucking mortified like she was like what does all this mean it's like what do you mean i think she thought i was just being like abused and i was like fucking on drugs and everything like that's why i was genuinely concerned i was like honestly it's nothing

like i just don't use my diary for anything but doodling she just couldn't accept when she saw the pentagrams she'd she'd sort of looked up at you and locked the door and said, Ishtakatharu Afasaru. She stops dancing. He will rise again. One of us. Join us, young one. No, sorry, they're just doodles. Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot.

I will see you in detention in the basement. Wear the robe. Oh, my God. No, because I was doodling the Star of David, so maybe I was counteracting all of your pentagrams. Yeah, maybe that's the balance that we were looking for. Yeah, maybe. Somewhere out there, somebody was Star of David, so maybe I was counteracting all of your pentagrams. Maybe that's the balance that we were looking for. Yeah, maybe. Somewhere out there, somebody was Star of David-ing all of my pentagrams.

There's always a balance in the universe out there if you look for it. Yeah, holy shit. So anyway, sorry to interrupt your lesson, PFLAX, about inheritance. No, that's fine. People can feel free i mean feel free to look it up yourselves but the point is it's been like it's been a couple of hundred years and the sort of the black community is still much worse off and it's it is due to money being kept in families a lot of it like a lot or along but more importantly that you don't

have anything to hand on like if you never get out of a situation where you're essentially in debt like what the only reason we were able to buy the house we live in now is because mrs f's grandmother left her some money when she died and that gave us enough for a deposit now if we weren't in that situation we wouldn't have been able to buy a house in our late 20s early 30s whichever it was and we would probably have just about got somewhere maybe a few years ago it wouldn't have been well where we are now it's a shame that our society is set up like that and that's one of the reasons i think that maybe if inheritance taxes were higher and i'm sure they are high anyway for certain

people but if they were higher for the at higher end, maybe the wealth would have been transferred more equally around society and not been for hundreds of years kept in the same community. So that was my point that I was trying to make earlier. No, you're completely right. And I mean, I'm sure there will be some people who disagree and think it's other factors

and all the rest of it, but you can't ignore that factor. It a big factor uh and it explains a lot is like generational poverty is a is a real thing and the idea is a shame oh you're just going to pull up your bootstraps not everyone that is born into generation i mean it's also a thing like let's say i was born into a family that had an unemployed father and unemployed brothers and i'm born and I am also unemployed and then I have kids and they're unemployed where does that cycle break you know what I mean it's a real problem and it becomes a sort of uh an endemic and that's the issue it is a generational issue though too because you'll have like yeah I don't think I don't think people set out to be unemployed as such you know what i

mean like it's it's it like a good example is like somewhere like sheffield where that had like a massive steel industry that uh that failed or just completely shut down so you would have had generations of family that all worked there all of a sudden everybody is out of a job like your cousins your uncles your dad your grandpa like like everybody depended on that one industry that is now gone right and that's where you did all of your all of your skills existed and stuff they're not transferable really um and then and then it's tough right it? It is really tough. And I think the vast, vast majority of families are just making do. They're not sitting on a big nest egg or something to pass on to the next generation. I think that a lot of people have, certainly of this generation and the last generation,

we're past the baby boom. Our population is is but there's definitely there's definitely a larger portion of society that's moved out of the working class through the generations as well like off the back of previous generations sort of putting in a lot of extra work to ensure that you know their their kids went to school and got better jobs than the ones that they had and had a better life and then pass that on. I'm not saying that that happens all the time because it clearly doesn't. But more so now than ever, that has happened, right? There's families that have, you know, gone up a class in society,

if you like, just off the back of previous generations, sort of having some foresight. I don't know, though though i don't know about these days whether certainly in the west the middle class has it has grown or grown wealthier in the last sort of 20 to 30 years i don't think it has i think actually we've seen you know from a time when in the sort of 60s and 70s you know you were able to support a family with one person employed and housing was a lot cheaper now you know it feels like everything is is a lot the middle class are being squeezed um well they always the poor the poor always have been really i mean it's just it feels more so now because there's just so much uh more involved you know like the 60s were

definitely a simpler time you know you didn't have a house that was filled with stuff like you do nowadays you know like there's there's a lot there's a lot more individual items that make up like the the status quo of modern life right like every house has to have like a big flat screen tv every house has to have a couple of ipads every house you know like it was it was much like the scale was was smaller like in the 60s right you didn't have like all these extra things things cost a lot less you earned a lot less but i think it was still the same i think the middle class is designed that way to be to be squeezed maybe maybe it was the same though maybe just vacuum cleaners were more expensive yeah exactly it was just expensive and now they're cheap and we had like the scale was

just different but it's still the same i guess the point i was sort of trying to make was that i think it's a bit of a shame my dog has figured out how to climb the stairs guys nice she's she's on my lap in my office right now homeschooling is paying off big time for everyone involved she's figured out how to climb the stairs. This is a disaster. You mean this is fantastic news? No, it's not. I'll tell you why.

We dog-proofed the downstairs. The rest of the house is not dog-proofed. She was eating the cat's food out of her bowl. The cat beat the hell out of her this morning when they met at the top of the stairs, and I thought, well, that'll put her off. And now here she is in my office. What are you doing here, lovely girl girl you're not meant to be here no you're not are you gonna have to get a fence we have a chair a stair gate downstairs we're

gonna have to deploy the stair gate oh monkey uh anyway p flex i think what i was trying to get to was that i don't think you should feel bad about not leaving a castle to your to your progeny but well this is this is relaxing listening to your soothing voice and petting my dog nice oh thanks man she's very sweet i need to take it downstairs i'll be back in a sec all right jeez what are you doing dogs i'll tell you what he's gonna leave that dog more than he's going to leave his family. You're not even allowed to walk your dog anymore now. That doesn't count as your one exercise. You have to just let them outside your front porch to do their doo-doos. What do you mean?

You're not allowed to walk your dog. A mayor in Italy said, you're not Will Smith from I Am Legend. Go home. But you're allowed to go out once a day for exercise. You are, but not to walk your dog doesn't count. You're not allowed to go out and walk your dog. Because what if your dog has the virus and it's sniffing another dog's butt and gives it to them? Because you can absorb it through your butt.

I don't think the dogs could carry the virus. Well, didn't it start as an animal virus? I'm sure they can. I'm sure they must be able to get it. Maybe they can. I don't know. I think it made the jump from bats to cats to people i don't know dogs can get it or something like that something like that yeah holy crap it's a funny old time yeah but again like you said it doesn't oh my god life life has not um changed very much for me i

feel like i've just been living this way for like, the best part of a decade. So I think a lot of people I speak to are very anxious. I think a lot of people are very stressed about this whole situation. Yeah. And certainly, you know, the media doesn't doesn't really help in terms of sort of it does feel like we've watched zombie movies for years and years. And suddenly, like, I don't know, all's unconscious fear and you know worry in the back of our mind and all those images we've seen gives us this big negative bias towards the whole thing and makes us a lot more anxious about it i've sort of internalized a lot of that stuff you know everyone's watched walking dead and thought oh you know what happens if i was in the walking dead you know just as a sort of

it's a scary time i think it's scary for a few reasons oh it's ever since ever since the turn of the century i think things have been getting progressively sort of crap and aggressive and everybody seems to beat each other's throats all the time and i'm thinking what what has changed that's made us this way everything seems like i i never used to be anxious things used to be pretty i'll tell you what it is what is it esports oh my god always comes back to esports don't it yeah to blame forever it's easy it's all these competitive gamers you know yeah they play video games all evening shooting each other beating each other up and then they go to the streets and they do the same thing yeah they should ban it what was wrong with it with a stick

and hoop just play with a stick and hoop run down road we used to the streets and they do the same thing. They should ban it. What was wrong with a stick and hoop? Just play with a stick and hoop, run down the road. We used to play football on the street after hours until our mums would get us in when it got dark, we'd have our tea. And now,

these kids are upstairs in their bedrooms all hours of the day and night shooting each other with guns, pretending to be giant monkeys and flipping laser lizards and stuff. It just doesn't make no sense. I don't know where it's come from. I think the world's gone to pot

thanks to all these blubbing video games. And what they must be wreaking havoc with their thumbs. I see my kids, they're whacking away with their thumbs. What are their thumbs going to be like when they're my age?

Rotting off like a couple of gangrenous little stumps. Won't be able to play games then. Or probably not playing with their minds, but their minds will be melted. They'll have mush brains in either VRs you have going in their brains. It melted. The amount of mush brains in any of the VRs you have going in their brains

is just a bunch of mush. A lot of rubbish. Stick it out. Yeah, stick it out. Well, don't forget, P-Flex. Ooh! My name's John there. John Bovril.

Johnny. John Bovril. John Bovril. Where did you play when you were a kid? I played it straight with other kids you know just knocking about

like we didn't we didn't need all these devices I had a stick I had my stick and I'd move and that was it move

move fuck's sake well listen on that bombshell I hope you enjoyed the Triforce podcast this week it was a real one um and i hope that you're staying safe and quarantined until further notice and and stay frosty and go fuck yourself as well thanks everyone love you bye