Triforce! - Triforce! #13: Portage Killer

Episode Date: June 22, 2016

Lewis, Pyrion and Sips are back for another Triforce! Lewis is getting serious injuries from games, Sips is setting up a camp and Pyrion looks back on the golden age of smoking.   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hi, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people of all ages across the world. It's the Triforce podcast featuring Lewis. Hey. And Faflax. Hey. And me. Hi.

Anyway. What a cracking intro. We're back. It's really put me in the mood for a nice dadly chat hope you guys are pumped yeah i'm super pumped i feel like a a mini dad like a kind of free dad i feel like um because i'm surrounded by dads all the time now you like a dad by proxy yeah i feel like i'm getting like all the joy of being a dad but with none of the trouble of staying up late and have to deal with the kids that actually happen to be a dad.

But I'm doing all the dad stuff. Are you, Lewis? No, no. Do you have like really sort of obnoxious back pain? Like a stiff back when you wake up in the morning? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I do. Sometimes certain things ache.

Like I noticed I was playing a lot of Hearts of Iron 4. Oh, yeah. Okay. do sorts of certain things ache like i noticed i was playing a lot of um hearts of iron for okay and my middle finger was really aching from using the scroll wheel wow to move around right so i had to i looked online and i found an auto hockey script that allowed me to use wsad to move around the map that's that's how old i am so I'm now getting disability assistance, basically, to play a game. The arrow keys work. Isn't that crazy? You can move your cursor to the side of the screen as well.

That moves the map around a bit. Does it? Yeah. I never used that, honestly. You know, like two things that have always traditionally moved the map around in those kind of games, like since the dawning of time. Yeah. They do work.

I don't like pressing. I think I needed a better mouse, but my scroll wheel is very difficult to press in so my middle finger i don't know are you worried that when you're an old guy a really old guy like because obviously we assume that when we hit the nursing homes okay so when we're like 70 we'll just be playing super nintendo and all this stuff you know whatever who knows right we just play consoles or vr or whatever are you worried that you're gonna have like arthritis in your hands from playing video games for your whole life i am a little bit paranoid about that no because you know this stuff is designed it's it's like ergonomic right but the where the the sort of line ends for things being ergonomic is

pressing the middle mouse button it's yeah it's unnatural you know like a mouse movement mouse button one mouse button two uh one hand on the keyboard like with the wasd claw thing that's all fine i can live with that like i don't get any pains or aches or anything but the minute i gotta start pushing the middle mouse button i'm like fucking dead like in two seconds it's it's not you're not meant to so it's not just me and i think it was like an afterthought too because it's really comfortable to scroll the middle mouse meal uh wheel that's no problem but the minute you have to push it down and if you have to push it down and hold it down for whatever reason it fucking sucks like they should remove

that from games as an option it's garbage the scroll wheel shouldn't be a wheel it needs to be a button that's sensitive to being touched at the top and the bottom and you sort of you scroll it with your finger but it's not an actual friggin wheel yeah so that when you push it it's just another button because the problem is you're pushing a little stupid hamster wheel thing so they need to just have it so that you just move your finger in a scrolling motion on the thing that is still a button yeah so when it comes time to button that thing it buttons like a button and on some mice it makes the dumbest noise too when you're scrolling like it just makes this yeah clicking noise and yeah yeah i think i think period's right if it was like a sort of like a sensor

sort of thing that you could just rest your finger on and move up and down if you needed to you know what i i worry i worry that i'm going to do something like bang my head or knock an eye or or spike an ear in such a way that when all this super advanced vr is out when i'm in my 80s they'll be like did you ever like bang your eye in just such a way and i'd say yeah and i said well then you can't use this system and And it's the best VR experience ever. But I feel fine. It doesn't matter, sir. I'm afraid you've had knock-eye spike ear syndrome

for 40 years without realising it. And because you banged your head that one time, that's where our VR stuff has to go into your brain and you're incompatible. Like my physical hardware, my body will be incompatible with the amazing VR experience experience all the other old people at home we just lie in there drooling going this is incredible i'm having sex with

tons of people in vr and it feels like the real deal and i'm in a war now and i'm a spaceman and i'm just sat there watching fucking judge judy yeah look at old eye popper over there can't join in loser guys i'm 80 years old that's my that's my fear i i i can think of like about three occasions in my life where playing video games has led to me literally having real concerns about my health because i remember diablo 3 playing that and um the flashing lights okay of like the attacks and the moves and stuff because i was playing it like really hardcore like like six to eight hours a day when it was the new season i was really into it and it was it was really making my eyes like like feel strange and i was feeling really sick about it basically i'm sure you've played diablo 3 but you you get some incredible gear which basically

breaks your hero to the point where you could use these abilities that you were supposed to use once every 20 seconds 20 times a second okay and the graphics just completely spaz out you know hammers go everywhere or flights flash or something happens anyway yeah there was this light flashing on my screen and it just made me feel super super sick and then back when i was younger i remember i used to have a player game i can't remember what game was it was probably like one of the heroes of my magic games when you just had to click your left mouse button a lot, all the time. I was clicking, I can't remember.

I don't think it was like a quick time event where you had to spam a left click or anything like that. But any game like that, what happened was my index finger got really bad, like RSI. And so I started switching to use my middle finger for left click and my ring finger for right click. I actually used middle finger, ring finger for like three or four years after that instead of my index finger.

And I never used my index finger to click with. And it's still a bit sort of problematic today. Yeah, I still often still do that. So that's like a real injury from playing video games. It's like Revenge of the Nerds, Nerds in Paradise paradise where that guy is in a wheelchair because he hurt himself playing chess that's you that's you actually these are not major injuries but i feel i feel that they're interesting like how and obviously minecraft was the other one where i started to get really sort of weird heart palpitations after playing like a really stressful game of Race for the Wall sometimes.

I'm not even joking. You fucking for real? I mean, I found it annoying, but I don't think it actually had any sort of detriment on my overall health. Like I can walk away from a computer game and just be like, yeah, whatever. I think it was at a time when I probably wasn't doing any other exercise at all. Right. And as a result,

my body couldn't deal with the adrenaline spike. Holy shit. Man, coming back to what Pirian was saying about, you know, getting injured and missing out on technology or whatever. I feel like I'm the total opposite. Because I know like when I'm 80 years old, I'll still be doing the same shit I'm doing now or that I was doing like 10 years ago and not keeping up sort of thing.

I find the older that I'm getting, I'm less interested in new stuff that's coming out. And I always gravitate back towards old stuff instead. Really? Right. Yeah. stuff that's coming out and i always gravitate back towards old stuff instead really right so yeah so like i still play games that um you know are part of franchises that i was playing like 10 years ago or whatever and yeah they've come a long way sort of thing but like the whole new thing with vr and everything i couldn't give a shit i i honestly feel no desire whatsoever to go out and buy one.

I just don't give a fuck. Like it just doesn't interest me at all. Have you tried it? I've tried it like at events and stuff and it's okay. It's kind of cool. But it just seems like such a ball lake to get going with, you know, like I just want to fucking sit down and like play a couple of games or something or whatever. I don't want to have to like strap something to my face you know what this sounds like dance around my living room and stuff like sounds like you're a filthy casual is what it sounds like i am i like even even the nintendo

wii like i just find it you're too lazy for the wii come on dude you just put your hand through yeah you just got to get the fucking the sensor bar and all this shit. And it's like, okay. You're a sit down gamer. Just fucking give me like a iPad or something. So lazy. Yeah. I just want to, I just want to sit down and be lazy and just like get weird back aches from having a terrible posture and sitting in the same chair for a long time and slowly like slunching down.

How do you feel about a standing desk? There's a lot lot this is all the rage now they have a lot of people getting them in offices and yeah they're like a thing apparently sitting down all day is as bad for you as smoking well so is red meat and so is standing up all day is probably just as bad like you you're meant to move that's the thing standing up isn't gonna make you fit yeah you know going for a walk or doing some shit is gonna make you fit the old ladies the old ladies that work in bakeries or as dinner ladies and they're on their feet all day and their legs are like elephant legs and they're

yeah they got like these massive tree trunk legs it's from stand all their body has gravitated downwards like like a bag of icing and it's just all at the bottom of their body a bag of icing it's all bursting to get out of their legs it's true I don't see how that's good for you or enjoyable even I've been on my feet for 47 years

oh you must be in prime health Mrs. Migg. Help! Kill me! Yeah. I don't, like, I like sitting down and after I've sat down for like an hour or whatever, you get up and you stretch a bit and you sit back down. It's fine. Like, I don't want to be fucking standing up for hours on end. Like, Jesus Christ. Just move.

want to be fucking standing up for hours on end like just move if you're so attached to your computer that the only way you can stand up and move around is by having to stand up and move around whilst using a computer yeah then get a fucking vr headset go and have a walk around the block when you get lunch go out and get lunch you know what i mean like go and do something something like i saw one guy that in order to get around his exercise problems had fitted out his computer with an exercise bike so he had to pedal to power the monitor right if he didn't pedal no power for the monitor so he had to pedal to play i'm just thinking why don't you just take one hour out of playing the game and go for a bike ride enjoy the world around you instead of just going

oh dude i've been grinding in wow all day just take a fucking break i think yeah yeah or and and and if it's a big problem for you i find not enough people embrace being uh morbidly obese you know they're always complaining about it it's like well you seem to fucking enjoy yourself getting to this point why not just fucking know, have a bit of a celebration? I did it. Yeah. I made it. Celebrate with a pizza or a cake or something.

Yeah, just enjoy it. Yeah, have a walk out to your local McDonald's. Just have a walk down there every day. Just enjoy it. And do it. No, I think there is a psychology thing there, right, P-Flex? Like, I think if you have to do something like like that like strap a monitor to your exercise bike it kind of means that you you're you're tricking yourself into exercising and sometimes that's that's okay but i feel like you're avoiding

a problem it's like it's like rather than actually just come out and say i have a problem playing this game so much that i'm just never moving then why don't you just set a goal for yourself rather than trick yourself you shouldn't need to trick yourself in this i think i think that sometimes you do need to trick yourself um i think sometimes that does work i think i think that one of the things though is that people certainly think that um people certainly overvalue exercise when it comes to weight loss, right? That's the thing which we're always told. It's that losing weight starts in the kitchen, not in the gym.

I think a lot of people assume that you need to exercise intensely to lose weight. And I think that that's wrong too. I don't think you're gigantic because you've sat around and played wow or whatever for like 10 years and never moved uh and then you go out and you you join like a fucking high velocity kickboxing club or something you know what i mean like that's not going to really help you out like you you just need to you just it's just it's lifestyle right and like yeah i think if you're constantly tricking yourself or whatever you're just setting yourself up to to fail or just not do that all the time.

You know, like gyms are a little bit like that, too. You know, like if you go to a gym and you have a personal trainer and stuff, it's just like it's something that you don't want to do that you now have to do because you've paid for it and you've organized it and stuff. Exactly. And it just becomes like another thing that you force yourself to do. Whereas like if your lifestyle was different and you naturally just went out and walked places or you did something or, you know, you were interested in something, you know, you were on like a football team or, you know, you had somebody that you cycled with or something like that. You would just naturally get exercise and probably be healthy sort of thing. Basically, you have to just do it for yourself, right? You can't, that's how people who quit smoking quit smoking. They, you know, it's not that they, at the end of the day, they've done it themselves. And they should be proud of that.

If I said to someone, oh, you know, you should really quit smoking. They're not going to listen to me. They're not going to, they're not going to suddenly think, oh, actually, this is right. And smoking is such a weird one though. I can't believe no one said listen to me they're not going to they're not going to suddenly think oh actually this is right and smoking is such a weird one though because you said that you never like you never fully quit smoking because you're you're always tempted right because you've done it before so like you always have these moments later on after you've quit smoking where you're you know you're drunk or something you're like oh fuck i'm just gonna smoke and then you you smoke like very briefly but like you shouldn't really do that but it just happens it's like one of those things i don't know i guess it just like alters your your brain in some way or whatever you always feel like compelled to

smoke again but it's like at the same time it's one of those things it's kind of like phones have replaced it like smoking in like the 80s and the 90s i think it was like it was like a prop right like if you're waiting at bus stop or whatever so yeah i'll just i'll just smoke or you know you're waiting somewhere you're doing something you had like some time yeah you had some time in between something it was like perfectly acceptable to just be like you know i'm just gonna smoke and like back then you could smoke in restaurants i mean we used to be able to smoke in the mall like we used to be able to walk around the mall smoking it was amazing yeah, we used to be able to smoke in the mall. We used to be able to walk around the mall smoking.

It was amazing. Yeah. But you can't do that now. You used to be able to smoke in the cinema. You could, yeah, in restaurants. It was crazy. It was just like you didn't smoke if the people at the next table were still eating. Like you'd wait until they'd finished and then you'd smoke.

I mean, it was a whole different world, kids. Yeah. When we were in high school, we had a subway sort of close to our high by our, to our high school, you know, like the, where you eat subway, not like the underground. And you could smoke. And where I lived, it was cold for like six months of the year or whatever. So we'd go over there and we'd buy a sub and we would literally sit in subway for like six hours, just smoking our butts off because it was nice and warm and we we could and it was great it was great i mean i don't think people like as if imagine if you're 16 now you've pretty much grown up in a world where smoking isn't a thing that everybody does it's like totally outlawed yeah everybody fucking smoked like my parents smoked all their friends smoked my teachers smoked you could go into my dad's office and there would be people sitting there smoking in the office like it was just it was like mad men if they weren't joking in madman when everybody's

fucking smoking everybody fucking smoked like everybody it must have been like a like a post war thing though right because i think i think it got very popular during the wars and stuff you know cigarettes were considered like a luxury thing that you got and i think i think that probably just carried on like after probably like world war ii or whatever just became like a luxury thing that you got and i think i think that probably just carried on like after probably like world war ii or whatever just became like a cultural thing where you know it was very common for soldiers to be given them in as part of ration packs yeah they get a pack of packs in there yes you know what else i think became like super popular after the war that like uh because i was just wondering one day i was thinking because we used to go camping a lot and

like you know i grew up in a country where camping is like, you know, the done thing. You do it, you'll have to do it at some point in your life, just because it's so accessible or whatever. But like, I sometimes think that maybe camping became popular, like post-war as well. I don't know if that's something that people would have necessarily done a ton of, like before that, but maybe like, you know, the people that went away and fought in wars and stuff like that somehow for some reason enjoyed staying the killing and stuff like you know we'll get a little tent and we'll go out in the woods because i think that people like doing that sort of thing but like i i often wonder if maybe it was it became even more popular after maybe people had been sort of i i kind of wonder if it was the boy scouts and the girl guides and stuff that popularized it

as well because a lot of people that wouldn't have done it otherwise like a lot of town kids and city kids yeah probably had access to it and thought actually this is a lot of fun although why they'd think that i don't know camping is the fucking worst man if you know honestly though like it it can be really shitty but it like depending on how you do it it can be really good like obviously there's fast that's how i do it right it's fully half fast i get the tent i put it up and i'm like this thing's missing a couple of poles but fuck it yeah and then it's like uh you know i just dump it one thing i noticed though about about britain and like especially over here there's not there's there are forests but you know there's lots like fields and stuff like that

when you see people camping or going like on in their caravans like on tv in britain they often do it in a field and i mean like when i went camping in canada like we'd always camp in a forest right just because it was more interesting than a friggin field yeah so like maybe maybe people in britain need to like it's true like i'd go camping like the new forest or something like that would be awesome like it's beautiful like i'd go camping in like the new forest or something like that would be awesome like it's beautiful forest really really thick you could just go out i don't know if you're allowed to like genuinely i mean canada's so freaking big that there's no way they're going to police it and say you're not allowed to camp 1000 miles from civilization sir and there's gonna be like a park ranger there no yeah like you've got a ton of land whereas in in the uk

but if you just pitched up a tent pitched a tent in the forest people would complain yeah well so i went camping i think the best camping trip i ever went on i went with my friend and his dad and his dad was like this he was like really enthusiastic about fishing and camping and just just sort of like outdoors life sort of thing you know like he he worked like it like a pretty crappy job and when he got time off like in the summer or whatever this is like everything would lead up to him going away on these trips or whatever with with or without his family kind of thing but in this case he took me me and my friend uh we went camping um and we went for two weeks okay we went to this place uh where you you camp like on an

island so you have to do a portage so you have to like carry a canoe through a forest for a couple of miles because you can't park anywhere close to this place yeah um so you put all of your two weeks of supplies and everything into the canoe and then you carry the canoe through the forest you get to like the lakeside or whatever and then you row out or canoe out to this little island uh and then that's where we camped for two weeks so like no electricity like no nothing like we went to bed when it got dark we woke up when the sun uh rose we we just ate everything we ate that we warmed up we warmed up like on a fire and we went fishing like fucking every day and we had to shit in a

hole like you had we had to dig holes to shit in and stuff and it was it was awesome actually it was really really enjoyable like we really stunk when we got back um we were like really hungry when we got back and stuff but it was it was such a cool way of doing it like it was just it was really something it was a really cool experience like doing it like it was just it was really something it was a really cool experience like i would totally recommend it up to the point where basically you said that like you really stank because i guess i guess it was too cold to swim in the river no like it was a lake so you you'd go in but like you know like we took soap with us so we just like jump in the lake and have a quick wash or whatever but you're out there you

don't see anyone there's you know no one around so you don't feel like compelled to wash like every day sort of thing you just like stink it up shit in a hole eat stuff that you've cooked on a fire go fishing a lot on a fire again was it will you catch will you keep eating the fish that you caught this sounds amazing yeah yeah yeah he was good at sort of like um preparing gutting fish and stuff and we cooked them up and ate them some proper some of them you're not allowed to like you because you have to have a license you can only catch certain ones or keep certain ones and whatever i mean i always my experience with scout campsites the things were much more tame you know it was like you know you drive down to this place you'd walk about 10 yards off of the out of the car park you know put your tent down on a nice field next to a building with like

a shower in it and yeah well yeah i mean that's it like when i was in when i was in cubs and scouts you you go to like basically because in canada again it's all geared up for that so they'd have in in like a national park or whatever they'd have like a big area for big group camping sort of thing and you'd get like a huge log cabin with like bunk beds in it and stuff like that and and and you did it that way it was still pretty fun but yeah nothing beats like really fucking bare bones camping like it's really really fun especially if you bring amazing yeah if you bring like lots of um style brought, we bought so much fucking junk food and we brought a lot of beer and stuff too.

So it was like even, even better because you'd just be like out fishing all day and like standing around in the sun and just like being outside all the time. And man, it was really nice to just like drink beer and fall asleep by a campfire. I'm a city dweller. And the idea of being that far out in the wilderness kind of scares me even though i'm way more likely to be killed

in a big city than i am out in the wilderness the idea of of being stuck in the wilderness and being tracked by some kind of murderous villain yeah but i mean that's the thing is most murderous villains aren't prepared to do portage. So, like, if you're on an island, you're probably fine. Like, they probably, because most of them aren't going to be out there anyway, right? They're going to do like what Lewis does. They're going to park up somewhere, walk 10 yards and just hope that victims present themselves. I brought my canoe. We were like in deepest, darkest Canada at this point on an island. I brought my canoe that unsuspecting family won't even see me coming

we were like in deepest darkest Canada at this point on an island so there's no chance of that happening like it would have to be it seems like the least

likely place this weird forest killer would have to have a heck of a lot of time on his hands and a lot of passion for his craft

yeah to follow us out to that island you'd have to respect him at the very end I would I'd be like you know what well played sir you know you're about to like um skin my thighs and and eat them in front of me and then kill me or whatever but honestly respect man holy shit it

must have must have taken a great deal of effort to get out here and find us and you know some of those holes that i was shitting and i didn't cover up so just be careful on your way back yeah what if he'd be like you know what so few people take the time to really appreciate what i do you've changed my opinion about victims possibly forever i'm really really i'm glad you saw that the effort i put into this this craft of mine anyway yeah off with your arms hold still please man it's funny though because i didn't have it i have a clue right so when we were packing up our stuff the supplies and everything everything was like really calculated too you know like like we had fruit juice but it was in like these little like pouches like the crystallized stuff and then we just mix it with like you know fucking filtered

lake water or whatever uh but you we we had literally exactly what we needed for two weeks. So if we stayed an extra day, we would starve because we would just be out of supplies by then. Fortunately, you weren't in the Antarctic. We were packing up the stuff. And then in and amongst the stuff, there's this rusty little garden shovel thing, you know, like that thing that your mum uses, like just that little mini shovel, like that little handheld mini shovel to like you know dig up a plant in a garden or whatever it was like this old fucking rusty thing i was like what the fuck are we bringing this for like we're gonna do some gardening while we're there and then uh my friend just like sort of

looked at me with like this expression i was like well what he's like no that's what we have to like dig holes to take shits in with it's like oh okay oh my god can we put that in a plastic bag or something yeah it's been clearly used like a couple of times you don't shit on the shovel you just you dig up you dig the hole with the show no but you there is there is definitely the risk of shit getting onto the shovel like if you're you know what if you dig a hole and somebody you've managed to dig a hole where somebody else is. Yeah. What are the chances?

Done it and stuff. I mean, in a way, that's like buried treasure level unlikeliness. I know, but still, I mean, you know, that thing is going to get contaminated one way or another. So, and then it's just sitting there in your luggage, like kind of gross. It's inevitable. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to happen. I mean, do you think we've become too coddled and like kind of like

just used to living it nice inside a warm place and you know not not knowing what it's like to be out i don't think so lewis i mean think about the standing desk you know people still have hardship in their lives they still struggle yes people still put themselves through the paces the scroll wheel some of the scroll wheels on a mouse will put you through your paces apparently i mean you know you might have palpitations if you're standing up scrolling through minecraft The scroll wheel, some of the scroll wheels on a mouse will put you through your paces, apparently. You might have palpitations if you're standing up scrolling through Minecraft. If you're a serial killer, you're on your feet all day. All day.

Just imagine. It's grafting. Pure old-fashioned grafting. That's what that is. Well, you've got to be careful because if you plan on being a serial killer in your 70s or 80s, you might have the bag of icing effects like i can't chase down my victims effectively anymore because i've got these big tree trunk legs from too much standing up at a desk serial killer's elbow i can't swing a blade anymore those big tree trunk legs that go straight into the uh poopy hole when you're chasing after

that family you're trying to creep up on someone and all you hear is like boom boom oh it's all tree trunk legs behind me it gives you like a 20 minute warning so you can start running killer oh my god yeah i'm sort of thinking of um the woman from misery now because of the tree trunk like so she always struck me as a bit of a dinner lady type. Yeah, she did have a dinner lady quality to her. She was fucking crazy. Apart from, you know,

when she broke his ankle with a sledgehammer. That was kind of... I didn't see that at school from the dinner ladies. We used to get in trouble if we didn't eat our crusts. Really?

Did you guys have this? Well, they give you curly hair, don't they? Or they make your hair curly. If you think about it, I've got a problem with crusts, okay? I still cut the crust off my kids' sandwiches, even though they don't even ask for it anymore.

Because I can relate. Because I don't eat the fucking crust. Well, the crust sucks. Well, that's why you've gone bald, P-Flex. No, because I was forced to eat them then, Lewis. Would you not have eaten the crusts anyway? You didn't like them? What's up with that?

I like crust. But if you have a really good bit of bread right the crust is good but what is the crust the crust is the burnt exterior you buy a loaf of bread yeah like your your average hovis you bring it home the crust is like the worst part of the bread why am i gonna say to my kids you have to eat your crust the only reason that came about is i reckon it was post-war rationing and food was cheap no no literally we've got to fill the kids up with something eat the damn crust or you'll be hungry later and we'll have we have no food no but that's what they used to do they used to make bread crumb pudding didn't

they like they used to use the um right they used to use the crust of the bread to make like this fucking weird pudding with because nobody wanted to eat the crust like they reuse everything well i don't know how i do like french but the crust for french bread is really really nice but that's the thing yeah but if it's a good crust i think he's talking more about the crust on like a slice of wonder bread or something no no like i get the hovis best of both worlds which it clearly can't be i mean it's promising a lot but i like the way it's called best of both it's kind of got a kind of a white bread thing going on but it's also kind of got a brown bread thing going on but without just being that overbearing covered in fucking seeds this is healthy but bland brown bread you know what's really nice you know what's really nice

get an oatmeal loaf you know it's got like little like oats sprinkled on the crust like that the kids weren't like no i'm telling you it's really nice though like your kids might not like it but it's really fucking go to white rose and white rose pick up wait wait rose wait rose and all marks and spencers right pick up an oatmeal loaf you will enjoy it honestly ted it's your kind of thing with yourself which is peanut butter i had a i i had a delivery last night, right, from Ocado. The Ocado guy turns up. Ocado is wet choice. Yeah, yeah.

And he delivers it and he's like, there you go, Gov. Hands me the slip. And he says, only one item missing this week. And you're like shaking. You're like scared. I was like, let me see. And it was the red pepper and garlic hummus. Oh, shit.

I went in and I said to Mrs. F, I said, only one item missing is the red pepper and garlic hummus. And she was like, not the hummus. But my first thought was, what a world. It's like she's received news that her son has died in the war. Yeah, not the hummus. Bad news though, no hummus for us not steve but i thought i honestly like what a world we live in where i can be disappointed that my fucking frou-frou red pepper and garlic hummus didn't deliver and i'm like disappointed i'm in a

position where i'm able to be disappointed about the lack of hummus into tears you're consoling her like patting her on the back don't worry I thought, hold on a sec, fuck that. And I grabbed the pita bread and I marched out to the guy and I said, what the fuck am I meant to do with this? And I threw the pita bread in his face. That's what I'm, that's what I was about to say. This is useless now. If you got a whole bunch of like snacking vegetables, like, you know, pre-cut carrots and like, you know, little like broccolis and, you know, stuff that you would generally dip like into hummus crudités all that stuff yeah all that stuff would be useless i'm just throwing crudités at him all the way down the road here's your fucking sliced

cucumber and slices and carrots i'm not eating this shit without hummus you fucking asshole god damn you never come back that was pretty much my evening apart from next monday when i bought another order of it um listen i i feel like that's an example though of our luxury that we can just eat hummus out of out of the tub with with carrot sticks you know i think that's so fucking good though i think that i think that that desensitizes you to to hummus a little bit you know it's too strong it's like eating peanut butter with your finger you know you can't stop doing that slippery slope my wife hates it when i do that i drink milk from the jug i drink orange juice from the carton and i eat peanut

butter with my finger what are you like well here's what i do when i'm drinking the carton of orange juice right i don't put my lips around it what i do is i tilt my body way back at an almost impossible angle just pour it into your open mouth i that's a good idea no part of my body touches it so i'm just like what are you complaining about she's like it's disgusting i'm like i'm not touching it look that's really hard to do like with milk bags like um yeah because we get because in canada you get yeah generally you get whenever i go see my grandfather lived in ottawa and whenever we'd go see him the milk comes in a bag and i was like yeah this is really hard to pour into your open mouth without just putting your mouth all the way around the bag i didn't understand it was it because of the freezing

nature of canada that they can't leave it out in a bottle because it shatters? I think it was just like, I think it was post-war, like a post-war thing. No, I'm just joking. It wasn't. Rationing. I think it's just, it's just, you can buy four litres of milk

at a time in these big bags. Yeah. And I don't know why, but we used to get, I used to work at a grocery store and holy shit, that stuff sold like hotcakes. Like it was crazy.

We'd get racks and racks and racks of these big bags of milk and they'd just be all gone by the end of the day it was nuts i'm just sorry i just read a thing that said gardens are banned in new zealand it's like a real a real thing okay what do you mean gardens are banned in new zealand googling googling gardening is banned because new zealand is like an agricultural based society that is relies on people buying goods grown on new zealand soil all right so they're not allowed to actually plant their own veg that isn't that like a breach of human rights you can grow things but not cultivate anything which means apparently flowers because it's like an avocado shortage going on right oh god that's like my lack of hummus an avocado shortage go honestly like a avocado shortage is something that i can

live with for sure i read this a couple of days ago about it and it was like it was really kind of bizarre it was like a sort of microcosm of a more serious problem there'll be like people breaking into avocado plantations like getting big old bin bags of like avocados and taking them a little bit like what the um the way drugs are sold in amsterdam right so like they get they grow people grow weed in like their lofts or their basements or wherever yeah and they put them in these big bin bags sometimes people break into their house and steal them yeah and then they take these bin bags to like the coffee shops and sell them there they're not really sort of supposed to but they kind of are and so a lot of these people were

going into breaking into these avocado plantations, loading up loads of bin bags full of avocados and taking them to high-end restaurants and cafes in Auckland. What a black market that is. Hey, you want to buy an avocado? Not here, not here! Yeah, got three garbage bags full.

Isn't that bonkers? At the end of the article, it was talking about how these avocados that are bought on the street might contain, you know, might have not been washed of their pesticides that were sprayed on. So be careful. These avocados have been laced in crack. What the hell is going on?

I heard they cut their street avocados with like detergent and stuff to make it go further, right? Yeah. Or something, yeah like fairy fairy liquid powder something green what could there be like a music festival now we've had word that there's some bad avocado going around don't take the bad avocado it'll give you any of the guacamole do not accept guacamole from someone you don't know do not touch any of the hummus it also has heroin in it oh my god please please no so oh my goodness sorry to have such a strange tangent i don't know why i like that we love tangents this is the home

of tangents here this is tangent sansant safe place we've done 40 minutes of bum chat yeah this week what have you guys actually done have you done anything like interesting this week if anything happened if you crashed your car has anyone like uh sick i went to bristol for two days um as you know it was fun because i was with you most of the time and um i saw the warcraft movie oh yeah you saw the warcraft finally yeah finally got around to seeing it what did you think it was okay it wasn. It wasn't terrible. It wasn't amazing. It was somewhere in the middle.

You know, as a longtime Warcraft fan, there was a lot of fan service in there that I enjoyed. It was fun seeing people get out of every possible situation with a teleportation spell. That was cool, too. It was good. Yeah, no, it was pretty good. I enjoyed it. cool too yeah so it was good yeah no it was it was pretty good i i enjoyed it it was entertaining it was good good uh good experience at the cinema and stuff i don't know if i'll watch it again i'm kind of like i'm a bit like that you know

like the star wars movies like the phantom menace and uh the other one and the one after that the the more the more recent ones the force awakens i only saw those once in the one after that, the more recent ones, The Force Awakens. I only saw those once in the cinema and that's it. I never watched them again after. So like my experience of them was different. A lot of people were like, they were trash, but like they'd watched them 300 times or whatever. So, you know, they did these big in-depth analysis

of the movies and how they compared to the old ones and stuff. But like, I'm not all about that. Like I just go to the movie theater theater buy some popcorn watch a movie and if that two hours that i spent there was enjoyable enough i'm cool with that sort of thing and then i move on with my life so like yeah people i do think people read too much into films that are just meant to be fun it's just meant to be an entertaining film and i think uh if you read a lot of blogs and reviewers and stuff like that about about films a lot of them try to deconstruct

it all in a way that i i don't think i mean everybody wants to be the guy who comes up with the clever deconstruction of like a kubrick movie but you know what the star wars movie is just like a roller coaster or whatever just enjoy the ride and i don't think you need to read quite so much into it if you want to do that fine but don't be disappointed when the average movie that you see is really i mean like i like i really enjoyed iron man 3 i really enjoyed the the avengers movie and stuff and people like getting all mealy mouth what does it say about america what does it say oh come on it's just a friggin movie i watched predator the other night oh and i just netflix no no it was just on tv fuck it's on netflix now too the original predator and the original die hard to you what i mean there's

two movies i've i must have seen them 50 50 to 100 times easily over the last 30 years of my life every single time that i turn on and it's like die hard is just starting i'm like i ain't going anywhere for the next two hours yeah i'm just gonna fucking watch this movie but i don't sit there i plug right in yeah i must deconstruct the release what does this say about bruce willis's propensity to yeah what does the jet lag scene really mean perhaps we're all in a way jet lagged and perhaps barefoot is about a return to a simpler form of life when when we walked barefoot on the proverbial rug in the proverbial office shut the fuck up it's bruce willis it's die hard man i just want to

watch a guy crawl around in vents wearing a wife beater that gets increasingly filthy and disgusting as the movie goes on for two hours. That's what I'm there for. Exactly. I'm there for the snappy yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker, that kind of shit. I mean, he isn't even wearing shoes for half that movie, is he? No. Most of the movie.

That's one of the key parts of the film is, in fact, the lack of shoes. And what does it mean, his lack of shoes? Are we any of us wearing shoes? You know, there's a lot of glass on the floor in one scene and he's like shit i can't do anything here i'm not wearing shoes is like schistenfinkter and there was always one bit he says to the other german guy shoot the glass in german and the guy looks at him like huh and he says shoot the glass in english and i'm like really like wouldn't he just said it again in German if I like if I said

to you hey sip shoot the glass and you went what I'd go schisten finster yeah you go all right shoot the glass yeah I didn't know in my native language I know but there's no I can't if you're under pressure and it's like a highly charged situation though people make funny funny decisions don't they like maybe he was so stressed out he's's probably just like, Oh God, I can't even, my brain is in overdrive. Just say it in English, I guess. And hope for the best.

You know what I mean? Like, it was just transparent. Let the audience needed to know what he was saying, but then why not just have him shout, shoot the glass. The first time. Die Hard is so good.

Yeah, I love it. It's like, I still think it's interesting, right? How, so Die Hard, when did you see Die Hard when when was it you remember die hard it's like a christmas movie isn't it it used to always be on around christmas time on tv the first time i saw it

my mum rented it for me from flix which was the video uh shop in in uh bournemouth near where we lived and uh they had a little picture of an oscar you know it's sort of like to just to let you know it was movies and she went to me i used to be a very sickly child i used to get i had like mumps and i had all kinds of fucking shit and i would be at home off school a lot and um she rented me movies that were way too old for me like i must have been 13 or 14 and she was like fuck it i'm getting him die hard it's a good movie so yeah i mean die hard came out in 1988 right wow yeah i don't think i saw it in 88 i probably saw it so i would have been like 12 so it probably came out on video when i was about 13 or 14 so i watched that she'd rent that she'd say you know if i was poorly she'd say do you want me to

rent the movie for you she was great when i was sick so she'd go and rent me die hard and i watched it like three times because i was a kid kids do. You just watch the same thing over and over again. My kids do the same thing. My four-year-old is like, Frozen just finished. She's like, put it on again. I was like, you just finished. She's like, put it on again. Kids do that though.

Yeah. The repetition. It's like comforting or something. So I'd watch it again and, you know, then it was on TV, recorded it off TV. Like you said, Christmas movie. So, you know, I'd have my diehard and I'd watch that. And, uh, that was like one of the, my little collection of movies is like that alien aliens, predator, terminator two, a bunch of movies. I thought that was the video collection. And those are the ones that I've seen. And they're the ones that pretty much

anytime they're on, I could sit back and watch them, even though I've seen it a hundred times. I don't know why. Yeah, no, they're just like, I like i think it's it's something if you watch something um and it has some sort of impact on you when you're like a child and it's still something that you can enjoy as an adult you'll yeah you'll probably enjoy it still sort of thing because there's just a whole mix of things like it reminds you of being a kid it reminds you of like yeah it's like nostalgia yeah exactly so like yeah i'm the same with like die hard i'm the same with um national lampoon's christmas vacation that's that's another movie that i used to watch like with my family every christmas yeah yeah um we just like make it a point to like no matter what we were doing sit down and watch that stupid movie and it was just like i don't

know it's just such a great movie this is different it's come it's comfort though it becomes like background music though often like you know in the lounge and stuff at christmas but that's another movie like if it's on tv i'll literally just drop everything and just sit there but you're not gonna do that with the phantom menace no i guess you know no but then again it does i mean we're talking about the phantom menace it as a film i that came out in 1999 you know i was 15 we bunked off school we got a few beers you know and we went and watched the phantom menace and we enjoyed it and it was it was it was fine

it was well received though when it first came out i think it was just after the fact like a billion dollars at the box office yeah i think it's just after people had time to digest and realize like what what happened in the movie which was like i think people expected to be able to watch it over and over like star wars almost it's the same thing with world of warcraft and mmos too right like in a sense like people complain about mmos and certain games like i saw this news recently about the division that like 95 of the audience has like quit since it came out i mean i so what i am not surprised about that at all. I play games for like, you know,

until I'm done with them and then I quit them again. Since when did you expect to buy a game and have it be played for two years? I don't expect that anymore. That's not an expectation of mine. But when they build the game around that multiplayer stuff and they're like, we're going to add new bits and obviously think how much money

they must have put into developing that game. I it was beautiful it was a really beautiful game it was it was yeah i mean it obviously the amount of detail just in rooms where you're just running through you look around and i think it's not like there's just oh this is an off-the-shelf room i'm like wow this all feels completely like something they hand built like the entire place absolutely yeah and um i kind of feel like if your numbers suddenly plummet your plan for going forward of it's all right we'll cover the development cost because with this framework yeah but from this with this framework we can then release a bunch of add-ons and we'll make enough money to cover all the costs and make some profit and stuff so if they bring out a game that's meant to have a shelf life and doesn't, I mean, like, I'm with you.

If a game comes out, like The Witcher 3 or whatever, and it's like, they have the expansions and then it's like plummets and everybody, Witcher 4, you know, fair enough. But this was a game

that was meant to have active servers and now it just doesn't. And I kind of, like, imagine if Overwatch suddenly went, and nobody was playing it. That wouldn't be like, oh, well,

it would be like, holy shit, we thought this was going to be our big game for the next four or five years. Again, I don't think it matters so much because people have had to pay an incredible amount of money to buy it in the first place. If it was free to play and no one was playing it, that's a problem. But you've almost made your money back already. I don't get games companies being disappointed for making an absolute shitload of money off their AAA game yeah and then people quit after they finished it oh

what do you do also the division end game is completely different to the division game yeah right yeah division game you're like shooting your way through using grenades using whatever weapons blah blah it's quite fun and you get the end game and it's like okay you need to upgrade your gun to a purple gun to a legendary gun and upgrade your headshot capability. Because every human has to have like 50 headshots to die. It becomes like Borderlands. It becomes like, it's a different game in every single way. I feel like a lot of games now are designed to, in a way, where they want to keep you playing after you've sort of finished the game if you

like or you get to like the end game part of the game or whatever but a lot of games just like fall short in that sense like i think something like world of warcraft which like we we all played for some amount of time i guess like that that kept me playing for years and years and years you know even though like i got to the maximum level and did raids and all that kind of stuff. And it kept me in. But like sometimes I think about this and I wonder why I was kept in there. But there weren't as many games coming out at the time either, right? Like when World of Warcraft came out, like, you know, there were still lots of games coming out. Don't get me wrong.

But there wasn't nearly as many as are coming out now. You know, like almost every month now there's like some new huge game that everybody you know needs to play sort of thing coming out and a lot of games now they try to hook you in they try to keep you in the game or whatever but there's there's too much else coming out that people will just gravitate towards inevitably and i i don't know i think a lot of companies just don't know what to put into a game to keep people in it. Diablo 3 is a good example. That's meant to be a game that you play a lot of all the time you grind through and stuff like that. But the game just dies like a week after a new season comes out. You know, everybody's hyped for a new season. They come in, they play a lot, they binge on it for like a week. And then it just doesn't

have like one or two key things in it to keep you hooked and i'm not sure what those are but like i feel like maybe the division is the same but i'm not sure what it is i guess with wow it was the whole community social aspect yeah you could go hang out in a city hang out you didn't necessarily need to do anything when you logged in or whatever but i guess like the division and diablo are different because you you actually have to do something when you log in you know like there's not really somebody to just hang out with and talk to you you have to log in and grind to get that purple shotgun or whatever and maybe that maybe just like the thought of doing that is just kind of shitty for people and they just don't want to do it have you seen anything come out of e3

that you're interested in i haven't been paying any attention to e3 like i don't even know what's been announced nothing i didn't watch it i want to go next year like i've never been to one uh it looks like fun i really i really would like checking it out as well i've never been to one either we should go we should go next year all right yeah we'll go next year if you two haven't been that'll be fine i mean it's it's it's kind of like a big journal actually i think they're now trying to open e3 up to the public and make it more of a consumer con because it's actually an industry con yeah the idea is that you can only get in if you're in the industry and in some way either a journalist or a game stare oh i'm in the industry

or you know someone who can get you a ticket and it's it's kind of it's fun it's interesting there's a lot of stuff to see there was obviously the thing which the main thing which i heard was the skyrim special edition um upgrade to the graphics which quite honestly i'm a little bit surprised by because well skyrim came out in in um november 11th 2011 right and it's a huge game it's really good um but i i got the things that frustrated me in skyrim were really not the beautiful look of it i still think it looks really good today especially with mods. If you get some high resolution mods on,

I'm pretty sure you can make it just as good as what their special edition is going to look like. But then again, if you're on PlayStation or whatever, if you've got PS3, I think that's who Skyrim special edition is really for. It's not really for PC gamers. But I think with Skyrim, the problem I had was that there wasn't enough monsters.

It felt like once you'd been through, you know, five or six dungeons, you'd kind of seen every monster in the game. You know, you fought a lot of Draugrs, you fought a lot of bandits, you fought some rat men and fucking that was it pretty much. And obviously the dragons. But I don't know. I feel like they mentioned that New Elder Scrolls games are a long way away. Apparently they're working, Bethesda are working on two games now which are as as big or as ambitious as fallout 4 right um but they're then neither of them are um an existing ip apparently right so that's interesting dishonored 2 is coming out and they talk a bit they talked a bit about doom as well and the future of that so this doom is quite

interesting because me and sips this week had to go at one of the snap maps okay um which are like custom maps that you can make in doom and i don't think i don't know if the video's gone out yet on the main channel but the one we played pfax was uh one called harvest doom okay it's like it's like harvest moon um yeah but in doom you got to make like little farms and stuff it It's cool. It was, it was, it was silly, quirky, took about 20 minutes to do the whole thing. And it was, I don't know. It was, it was,

I liked it for some reason. I think that it seems like doom. We talked about doing a little bit before, but it ticks a lot of boxes for me. The multiplayer is not great, but I don't care about that. I enjoyed the single player campaign. I felt like I got my money's worth.

I'm looking forward to a new DLC for it or the continuation of the story um it was an absolute blast to play gameplay wise the engine felt so enjoyable to just blast my way through with shotguns and stuff yeah man i loved it yeah i need to play it i still need to like play it through and finish it i bought it finally but i just need to get around to actually play so yeah there's um there's a huge amount of like trailers and and and sort of i don't know i don't know about the announcements really a lot of it is a lot of a lot of v3s is around consoles yeah the xbox and the ps4 really dominate like um they they dominate an entire fucking one of the entire conference is just basically xbox nintendo and um playstation so

there's a lot of stuff like final fantasy games and crash bandicoot and a lot of fan service being you know a lot of a lot of remakes of favorite ips announced microsoft um are trying to get the oculus sold on everyone basically microsoft and facebook are trying to push the oculus and they're basically just trying to get everybody to pay every games developer a lot of money to be exclusive to to oculus rather than five yeah right which is common thing that happens uh actually this is why a lot of games are exclusive to console this is this is interesting for a certain amount let me tell you what this is a different this is a segue into something else so So tomorrow, as in Friday the 17th, I'm going to York, right?

I'm going up to York. So by the time this goes out, I will have already done this. But anyway, what I'm going to do is go up there because York University, some guys there in some kind of digital lab thingy are building some software to do with esports and they wanted to talk to me about it.

And they said, would you like to give a talk about esports while you're up here? And I was like, okay. So I'm going up there tomorrow to give a little talk to some students about esports and stuff, because I guess they think I know something about it. I'm not going to tell them that I don't. All right. By the time they see this next week, they might realize a post talk that I obviously didn't know what I was talking about, but I'm going to do it anyway. One of the things I wanted to talk about was about esports in the future. And obviously, I can – this is clever, right?

I can talk to you guys about this now, give my talk, and it'll seem like I knew what I was doing at the time, but I can also get your opinions now ahead of time, but they won't know I did it until after the fact. Brilliant. Okay. Right. So here's the thing. I was thinking about the future of esports, right? And the fact that it's going to be big money

and all the rest of it, and all these big companies are getting involved. And like, I know that Comcast are sponsoring a team. Yeah. And all these traditional sports clubs are like sponsoring a team. Like the Mets have picked up an esports team or someone like the Yankees or whatever, blah, whatever blah blah blah what is the one thing that these big companies always

always seek to do and just like they're doing with the Oculus Rift and the Vive and all this is they always want to narrow down access to the stuff that you want so you have to go through their platform so my concern about esports in the future is that there's nothing really stopping ISPs from doing deals with these big game devs and saying, if you want to play League of Legends 2, you have to have a Comcast box. You have to be a Comcast customer. Just like if you're in the UK and you want to watch Game of Thrones on TV, you have to be a Sky customer. Exclusivity in gaming, not just through the console you need but the actual connection you have to the internet i reckon that's what's going to happen to esports i reckon

it's going to fuck it right up that's net neutrality thing isn't it and i don't think that's going to happen because i think games companies are too aware that the the whole mechanics of free to play are that it reaches everyone right it? It's not blocked by people who don't have credit cards or are too old or too young or can't afford it or don't really know or don't want to risk it or blah, blah, blah. The great thing about the reason that free-to-play games work so well is that they access the entire internet equally. Yeah.

And there's no bounds to entry, right? I don't know. I think that there's too much money in the big games that are popular i i think in a way in a way i think that here's the thing right that i think about esports is that a lot of people say oh i want this we want this game to be the next big esport and they they they work the games company go out there right away and say we're going to make this into the next esport we're going to build an esport and that's not what happens like esports some of the biggest esports come out of not intending to be esports right yeah and some of the ones which are designed to be esports

suck yeah like nintendo really don't want smash brothers to be an esport they do their best to stop it being an esport in fact um and other people like hearthstone was never intended to be yeah kind of an esport hearthstone was always intended to be kind of an eSport. Hearthstone was always intended to be just another fun little thing on the Blizzard launch. I think they ended up becoming something way way way more than they thought Hearthstone would be

and as a result it's eSports and it's Twitch streamers and everything that's been around it they've moved with the with the result you know they've they've as the as the evolution happened they've moved with it and they've evolved right i don't even know most of the games now that are big esports i mean when when they came out they came out long enough ago where i don't even think that that would have been at the forefront

of people developing its mind bearing in mind that it would have taken them a couple of years to actually develop the game before it came out, too, sort of thing. You know what I mean? Like, maybe you're right. Maybe a lot of the games that are big esports now were never meant to be, sort of thing. Right, but look at Dota, right? Dota was a mod for Warcraft 3 and was played for like 10 years around the world. Loads of people played it. It was really big.

But it wasn't until, I mean are we at TI6 so TI6 is coming in August of this year the international is like the big Dota event and it's only started in the last six years like TI1 wasn't like a Valve sort of massive event the way it is now it was relatively small compared to what it is now yeah so when they did dota 2 they obviously just thought like somebody somewhere thought we should do a freaking big tournament for this and that would be awesome and only then did they really realize the potential that it had as a sport that people could play and and all the stuff that would go along with that right whereas then you suddenly had all these companies like two or three years ago saying holy shit movers are big we're gonna make one yeah and they were fucking awful. They were all fucking awful.

And they just tried to shoehorn in all this stuff and tried to appeal, and nobody cared because they already had the exact same thing. And they made their game identical. It's like, hey, don't play Dota. Play this game that's almost exactly the same instead. It's like, why would I do that? That's the thing.

Like, all these other new games that come out as esports, what was there that was exactly like Hearthstone? I guess Magic guess magic the gathering but hearthstone was like a much more accessible and the ui and everything was much better designed it was much prettier game to play overwatch is kind of like i guess like a it's like a cross between any of those fps sort of esports and a bit like a moba as well because you know you've got teams of and heroes and they're all the abilities and stuff yeah so it was something again that was slightly different and new a lot of the companies that try to get into esports try to think at what's look at what's working and copy it yeah but that that's the thing it's got to be something new but also kind of

familiar and i think that's that's the way all these games have gone that have been successful yeah it's it's weird to think like like you know dota dota 2 obviously benefits massively from being like a big competitive esport now but if if it wasn't a big esport it would still do very well yeah you know it's the model of the game and the way that you know it makes its money and stuff it would still be highly successful i think yeah it would even if it wasn't an evesport yeah yeah but they make a huge amount of money from the items that are related to the big tournaments yeah that's true yeah because like you've got the the compendiums right yeah so every time there's a big tournament the compendium comes out that's when valve makes its its real

money league of legends i don't play enough of to know i do they do anything similar to that because i know that there's tournaments for like League of Legends is huge. You know, like you look on Twitch and there's always some summer tournament or summer league or winter league or something. I mean, honest answer, honest answer. Who fucking cares? It's League of Legends.

Yeah. But I don't think they have any compendiums or anything built in like that. You know, like I think- They actually complain about that a lot. I know I read a forum one time when they were saying, how the fuck did this idiot Pyriam Flax get an announcer in dota 2 and we

don't have anything like that in league of legends and why don't they have like the workshop and everything like the money that you pay to play league of legends goes directly to unlocking the heroes or whatever yeah like that's that's pretty much how it works as i understand it um but they made a billion dollars last year i mean whatever it is they're doing their work i've really enjoyed not playing movers for a while. And one of the things I'm really looking forward to actually is just seeing, because there are a lot of really interesting games on the horizon. I mean, I think we're in a great place games-wise.

There's a lot of good games coming out that we can play that, you know, if you need a single player game that's going to last eight hours, great. If you're going to, if you want to play like an indie kind of builder game or something quirky or survival game like Rust or Ark or arc survival there's a lot of those out there i mean the new zelda that they were showing at e3 looks really really fun and really wants me to get back into playing a you know just experiencing like an ocarina of time style right zelda game again there's a lot of i don't know i'm just i'm just i'm really happy there's a really good place and so last night i was playing hearts of Iron 4 on you guys' recommendation.

Yeah. But I've got an embarrassing tale about that. So I've never played Hearts of Iron game. Okay. And I didn't, I watched your Romania, first of your Romania videos. And I didn't learn anything about how to play the game. I think Romania is a good pick because they're kind of, they're a small country, but they're quite pivotal role and location.

You know, they're relevant. They actually are involved in the war. I think the war didn't end too well for them. I know the prime minister, was it Ian Antonescu or something? I think his name is. He was like executed for war crimes after the war kind of thing. He was, yeah, I don't think it went too well for him so hopefully your one will not go the same way we'll see i mean i've actually i've actually got 11 parts

so far wow and i've no way i scheduled them so they each come out every day like for the next 11 days fuck you're like a real youtuber i know i was so proud i was so proud of myself so was that all streamed, though? Yeah, so I streamed it, just cut it into chunks and uploaded it. So, I mean, I did, you know, it's not as polished as it should be. No, it's fine, though. The thing is, like... Yeah, I'm excited to watch it. Yeah, it's...

If you want me to do some editing and stuff, I'm available. Do you want me to tighten it up for you a bit? No. Okay. Just offering. Oh, my God. So I made... I like it loose.

Okay. The tutorial is Italy, right? Oh, wait. So you played Hearts of Iron IV. What nation did you play? Well, I did the tutorial, which is Italy. Oh, you did the Italian tutorial, yeah. Boom.

Well, I just wanted to do the tutorial. And I got... I had to like attack ethiopia right that's the way to yeah and so i thought oh okay i i know but i didn't really know what i was doing um and i accidentally well accidentally i obviously mistakenly decided to send all my troops through a direct just basically go straight for the capital yeah and i did that but i didn't leave any divisions protecting my home okay area and so they just walked in took my home area cut off all the reinforcements and my

little group of italian soldiers was trapped in the middle of ethiopia slowly got whittled down and eventually died and it was like the most epic victory for Ethiopia, I guess, of all time ever. You know, I lost like eight Italian divisions. Hang on, you... It was horrible. You failed the tutorial? Horribly, yeah. And it didn't even let me...

It didn't even like register that I'd done it. I don't think they even... Let me tell you something. I'm pretty bad at video games, but I did that tutorial. I don't even normally do tutorials. And I aced that fucking tutorial like i feel pretty good right now i'm coming down there aren't i next week i'm coming to bristol i need some help we should do a thing where we'll pick a nation and i will i will train

you up in the ways of hearts of i can we can we be like kind of whatever nation you want to play father and son nation yeah yeah um i'm new to the game so for me it's important that i have a small country to start with where i have a lot of time to just yeah yeah organize myself get myself together because jumping in as a superpower when you're not ready to to do that is yeah it is pretty overwhelming yeah I mean, if you do want to start as a superpower, I would recommend Nazi Germany purely because you've got a lot of options and you've got so much in terms of resources and manpower and stuff like that. You actually can go a bunch of different ways. And the tree that like, you know, when you go to national national focus the major nations have a customized focus tree for them so for instance you can go allies with the soviets you can turn against them you

can go buddies with italy or you know there's a whole bunch of cool with the minor nations it's a default tree yeah yeah so you you can focus but not in the same way so you don't get the same historical things like germany's got the anshulus of austria which is where austria just says hey we're german too and taking the sudetenland and stuff so it gives you more of an insight into how the war is going to go if you play as a minor nation your role you're almost taking yourself out of history because you can do whatever the fuck you want yeah if you play as the major nations you can at least get an idea of how the war goes for later games because i think you need to know how the game generally plays out. Although in my games, generally,

when you get the early editions of Hearts of Iron III and Hearts of Iron IV, all kinds of bonkers stuff happens. Like, I was playing Hearts of Iron III one time, everything's going great, we're just about to take France, and the Australians invaded northern Germany and captured Berlin. They just took it.

Nice. Like, I didn't have any troops around apart from one cavalry, because I was like, who would invade now? But of course, the Aussies were like, G'day, sport! We're here in Berlin! And they just one cavalry because I was like, who would invade now? But of course the Aussies were like, get out of sport, we're here in Berlin. And they just rolled in.

I was like, oh, we fucking lost. Jesus. Like that kind of stuff happens. In later editions, they tend to iron out some of that stuff, which is a shame because I like that bonkers stuff that happens.

It keeps you on your toes. Keeps you on your toes. Yeah. We need to play, we need to play like a multiplayer of that or like Stellaris or something. I would love to do a Hearts of Iron. I think it would be quicker than Stellaris.

Stellaris is such a long game. It is. I feel like Hearts of Iron would be a lot quicker. It really is a long game. Yeah, I mean, I think once we all have had a little bit of time to digest the 4X and not be completely frustrated. But I think it's difficult because any 4x that has either no turn timer or the ability to pause is obviously a little bit awkward because most of the time you

know when you're playing these 4xs like like heart survivor 4 is so much more realistic than civ civ is kind of a fun game you know but it's completely unrealistic in a sense to do with the the troops and the movements and the size and spacing and and the important things about war whereas hearts 5 4 is incredibly accurate you know and incredibly detailed and so different it's a completely different game and i think that in a sense playing it multiplayer has to be done in a way that's not super frustrating for other people. No. If you've got loads and loads to do and you're trying to manage France or Germany or the UK, and then someone else is sitting there on Romania and they're just waiting.

Honestly, I think if one person plays as America, they actually would have quite a bit to do. Because you do have quite a lot to do because you do have quite a lot to do as america not so much fighting in the early years but you've got to prepare for it and decide which way you're going to go whether you're going to go after japan first whether you're going to go after europe first japan is quite a big player but they're kind of cut off from the rest of the map but you have got a lot of shit to do i think i think they make the way germany soviet union uk are the other big. You kind of want to have those three almost. Like somebody plays as the UK.

I don't know if you can play as multiple nations in multiplayer. Like that would be kind of good. But the thing is, whoever plays as France is going to get, probably going to get conquered and kicked out of the game. So it would kind of suck for them. My feeling is that the way to do it is to probably find a game speed that equals nine hours or whatever. And then we do like three mornings or three sessions of it, you know, together.

Yeah. And that way it's over in nine hours. And, you know, that is it. I don't know, man. I feel like just throw all the cards up in the air and see where they fall. Like just fucking start a game. That's always your idea for everything, Sips. I know, because I don't like to think too much.

That works to some extent, Sips. I mean, that's great sometimes with something that's always your idea for everything so i know it's because i don't like i mean that works to some extent sips i mean that that's great sometimes with a with a something that's short but with something that's long like heart surviving the problem is that what happens when you go away for two weeks or i go away for two weeks or pflex goes away for two weeks and then we can't play and then we don't come back to it and never finish it and then we're kind of disappointed yeah i think it's sometimes it's better to make it an event and have like like turning up to to a dnd session you know every week or whatever you know as long as you know yeah as long as it's a consistent thing maybe it could be like a weekly thing like i really look forward currently it's weird how this has sort of changed in my life i like i love spontaneous

things i love doing things spontaneously that's like really wonderful but at the same time i really look forward to playing factorio with duncan on mondays i really look forward to playing hearthstone with turps and thursdays i kind of i have these appointments like that i really look forward to yeah you like to compartmentalize a little bit i like to i like to just experience things and sometimes just we know how the civ games work you know the civ games are fucking fantastic because we are excited every morning but we don't play for too long yeah we don't get burned out on it and we don't, but we, but we stop before we want to,

because we have to. By which I mean, we don't play something until we get bored. We play it until we have to go. And then we were excited to come back because we've stopped it at a point where we're keen to carry on playing, you know? Yeah.

And so sometimes stuff does well as a result. Sorry, I'm boring you guys. No, no, not at all. I'm not yawning because of that i'm just tired i didn't yawn at all it's been it's been a good podcast guys have you got any questions sips yeah um just we'll round off with that quickly before we go into questions um you've been playing hearts of iron four anything else you've been playing this week uh I played a bit of Hearthstone, unfortunately. I don't know why.

I've got a few games that I bought on Steam that I'm sort of looking into playing, but I did pick up a few games on sale because I never actually played Watch Dogs, so I might see if I can play that this week. Sometimes games just, you miss them. Yeah, Watch Dogs was one I completely skipped that have um i bought the expansions for witcher 3 and then i realized that i hadn't played witcher 3 in a year because i think when i was in the middle of it i went to ti last year i

think so i came back and i was like man i've forgotten everything and now i just want to play because i haven't played it for a month and everything yeah so it just sort of fell by the wayside so i loaded it back up i was like i'm sure i'll just pick up right where i left off but i had no idea i'd forgotten all the controls i didn't even know how to use my sword or anything i was like oh shit so i considered restarting it and i got about half an hour in and i realized i remembered all the quests and all the things i'd had to do and the amount of hours i'd put into the game and i was like i really don't want to have to do this all over again no so that's difficult isn't it yeah so i reloaded back at my save and i just i'm getting back into it now it is such a such a fucking good game i bought it and i never played it

far harbor so i think what i'm going to do is i'm going to wait until all the fallout dlcs are out because that is the last witcher dlc as well which i'm quite surprised by i thought there would be more, but they released them fairly quickly, I guess. Oh, it's a great game, Sips. It really is a beautiful game. And I got... I'll try it.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. The combat is hard. So a lot of people are saying, oh, you should play it on the hardest level because otherwise, you know, it's not the real experience. You're not allowed to play video games for a living unless you play it on the hardest level, you asshole. it is so hard if you play it on the hardest difficulty but it's it's it is

genuinely a great game so i've played that a bit played hearts of iron four and of course i've been watching the football that's why i haven't been i've barely been streaming oh the football i've watched every game every single game i love it so much would you like to do i sound like a football i sound like gary lineker you are gary lineker would you like to be i sound like a football i sound like gary lineker you are gary lineker would you like to be like a kind of footbally kind of host um for esports or sports pflex that's something you'd like to do well so like if there was a show about esports uh do do like a sort of hosting for that you mean yeah yeah yeah that would be good i mean i i've always thought that i i could do something like

that um yeah but the show could just be called e-sports exclamation mark it is interesting like sometimes you see things or or sometimes i do this sometimes i see like i was walking past this place yesterday um one day before yesterday with sips and i was like man i could see myself like just running that place like it was like a sort of barstruck bowling alley. It was a bowling alley. And I was like, I could see myself just running that place. It's weird how sometimes, but a lot of the time I think, oh no, I could never do that.

I could never do that. I see a lot of things and I think, oh man, I could never do it. And then other people say, oh, I could definitely see myself doing that. You know, I actually wouldn't want to do one that was just esports. I'd rather, like I watched some of the E3 highlights and there were people doing interviews and hosting and stuff. And I thought, they're just, their only thing is that they're stupidly enthusiastic.

Like, they're not funny. They're not saying anything clever. They're not saying anything that's particularly going to stick in your mind. They're just like, all right, guys. Yeah, Call of Duty, whoa. And I'm like, I'm sure I could do better than that. Like, I'm sure I could do better than that.

I mean, I feel like esports at the moment. It depends. I mean, they're appealing to an audience of 10-year-olds. Yeah, but they're all like, God, this is embarrassing. Because these guys are way too fucking old. They're not cool. Kids don't like people that just shout at them. I don't think they want people that are cool.

No, I think they want people to just shout at them, though. Yeah, maybe. I think they want people who are cool, like 35-year-old dads. I'm not saying me, Lewis. I wasn't suggesting me. Pirian, you need to get a garage and you need to convert it into a smelly dad pad like me. I've just used my top room. I've converted that.

By the way, people keep asking, why does Pirian have a hospital bed behind him? Yeah, yeah. Because the bed in my spare room is a bit hospital beddy it's just the angle it really doesn't look too much like a hospital bed i promise it's because you're like dexter in real life and you actually uh kill people in that room only when you're not streaming video games deep woods campers are my targets i will i will portage across it. I acquired this target through the means of portage. Now I will eat them. That is a perfect end to the podcast.

Oh, no, we've got time for a couple of questions. Let's have some quick ones then. There's one here oh yeah colin asks what type of music are each of you into i always think you guys would be really into jazz or classic rock um i like a bit of classic rock i like a bit of jazz as well i think predominantly i still listen to a lot of hip-hop from the early 90s like that's my go-to like if i listen to a lot of hip hop from the early nineties. Like that's my go-to. Like if I listen to something, it'll be stuff that you listen to when you were a teenager. I'm not even,

I'm not even like coast specific. Like I'll listen to East coast or West coast. So you have a, a, a cross beef interest. Like you're not concerned with the beef. I'm like the Switzerland of the rap uh beef i'm totally yeah i it doesn't bother me at all i'll listen to anything from that era in that genre it's gotcha i'm all

good i am someone who i don't know lately i've been just going through various spotify playlists i've been listening to some my current playlist of choice is totally tropical house wow uh that's what i was listening to this week when i was playing hearthstone wow so that's just look it up on spotify it's got like half a million followers so it's quite popular yeah tropical house geez totally tropical house does it have lots of whistles and like flutes and stuff in it probably yeah sure and i've also got a is it like the music from like the tropical paradise level in mario kart is that what it's like uh not really no it's not no uh also i've got a playlist called holy shit an incredibly epic playlist you can google that

it's 12 hours long it's like all it's all kind of like um van halen soundtracks from games and films like Mass Effect 3, Batman Arkham City Game of Thrones Lord of the Rings, 140k stuff, Spider-Man 2 epic trailers and XCOM 2 soundtracks stuff like that, really good sound really good, epic-y kind of no vocals

you just listen to music that you would describe as an epic soundtrack it's good, I love it, So that's my jam right now. That's your jam. What have you got, P-Flex? I listen, as anyone who's ever watched my stream will know, to an extremely wide range of stuff from the classic hip-hop stuff to trance and dance stuff to, say, cats and dogs music, where they replace the words with meows and barks like i'll listen to anything i if it's got if it's good i'll like it like i'm completely non-judgmental about the the singer

or the band or the scene or whatever like i'm not like man justin bieber never made a good song because i really like that sorry song that he did i think that's a really good pop song so i'll fucking listen to anything and if i like it i like it and i like i know a lot of people like i'm into this and I'm into that, but I'm definitely not into anything specific. I'd listen to a lot of music, a lot of new music, some old stuff,

and yeah, I'll listen to anything. Well, there you go. That was a great question. That was a really good question. That'll do, pig. That'll do. Thank you, everyone, for joining us. We will see you next week.

Peace! Love you, bye! thank you everyone for joining us we will see you next week peace love you bye