Triforce! - Triforce! #131: Teleport Pranksters

Episode Date: June 18, 2020

Triforce! Episode 131! Pyrion's showing off his house staff, Sips doesn't want a teleporting future and Lewis has been informed of an earth-like planet! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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music and like some sparkly sounds like we're in a fairy kingdom? That would be a nice opening i think really right welcome friends to the triforce podcast please sit down on these unbelievably comfortable chairs made of kitten stomachs and fairy bottoms uh welcome welcome to the the virtual ren fair since all of the real ones are cancelled this year, we're providing you one, digitally, where you can wear your

Shakespeare mustaches and... And say m'lady with impunity. Say m'lady all the time and wear fedora hats and whatever else they used to fucking wear. Sit down on this toadstool and share one of my doobies with me. Doobie.

That's what my mum... That's the word my mum uses. Is that what it all comes down to? Is that when you go to a Ren Faire, that's what it all boils down to? Just to be clear, a Ren Faire is Renaissance Faire, is that right? I think so. Why the Renaissance?

I have no idea. I guess it's a fashion thing, right? Well, I think the people who go to them aren't actually introverted, LARPer people who would rather stay at home anyway. It tends to be people who aren't that interested in history, just have this golden-tinted, rose-tinted view of what people used to do in oldie times when it was old.

Oh, let us just farm and have barn dances and all spin around in circles and kiss each other with the cows in the background i don't know in i don't know hay dresses like my perception of a renfair or at least the imagery i've seen surrounding renfairs in the past has been like more sort of like it looks like people dress like for a shakespeare play yeah out out in out in a forest somewhere with like tents and usually usually there's like a blacksmith and a uh uh you know like everyone's holding a haunch of meat and a pint of beer haunch good use of the word haunt everyone's kind of there in a disney sort of way you know it's very it's always a sunny day for a start you know yeah well and so in england we're talking about

you know about a week and a half every year when it's possible to put on this thing otherwise it's just this drab kind of everyone cuddling inside the rain with an old woman saying who would you want a cup of tea dear we got i could give you a digestive biscuit with that if you like and uh old mrs marshall's made some scones but she used salty instead of sugar so they're savory scones we call them and they got ham in it's like well you know that's that's what that's what we're dealing with that's the alternative right i've got some i got some cold hard facts on a renaissance fair for you here if you if you care to listen 90 of the women apparently that attend have an enormous bosom oh yes from the pictures that i'm looking at here they're okay if you call them wenches i mean i'm tempted to go

i am seriously tempted to go i don't i don't know if they are okay if you call them wenches i think it's kind of like Oktoberfest, only... No, it's not at all. Listen. Okay, listen to this. A renaissance fair... Listen, Lewis, for once in your life, listen. A renaissance fair or renaissance festival is an outdoor weekend gathering, usually held

in the United States, open to the public and typically commercial in nature. There's one in Bristol. Which reportedly recreates a historical setting for the amusement of its guests. Some are permanent theme parks, while others are short-term events in a fairground, winery, or other large public or private spaces. Many Renaissance fairs are set during the reign

of Queen Elizabeth I of England. Some are set earlier during the reign of Henry VIII. Some are set. Or in other countries, sucherset. Such as France. Somerset. And some are set outside the era of the Renaissance. These may include earlier medieval periods, including Vikings or later periods. Most Renaissance fairs are arranged to represent an imagined village in England during the

reign of Elizabeth I, as this period has been generally considered to correspond to the flowering of the English Renaissance. Right. So there you go. I love that. Yeah. If the Vikings invaded the Renaissance. Yeah.

Some Viking loppers turn up and start slapping everyone with foam swords. Fantasy elements such as centaurs are welcomed at some Renaissance fairs. So there is an element of fantasy. Well, I mean, the whole thing is... Big question. Big question. renaissance fairs so there is an element of well i mean the whole thing is big question big question you turn up at a renaissance fair that doesn't allow fantasy in full centaur cosplay what do they do do they say i'm sorry you're gonna have to leave this is not that kind of fair sir that you're that sounds like the renaissance unfair to me this doesn't sound very 2020 it's very inclusive.

Do you know what I mean? You should be allowing the people to express themselves however they are comfortable. Whether they be bipedal, quadrupedal, or from Somerset, they should be treated the same. Yeah, as long as they've got weed and they're willing to share and pass the doobie. I think it's a mead, not weed, would be the sign that people would go for. I should work at a Renaissance fair. I'm amazing at this. Mead, not weed. Som should work at a Renaissance fair. I'm amazing at this. Mead, not weed. Somerset in Somerset.

I'm on fire here. We should do our research, honestly. We should go to one. We should do that next year. This podcast should be about us going, stories of us doing stuff, not thinking about what stuff is and speculating wildly. Wouldn't that be amazing?

It got popular in the US after World War II, apparently, during the 1950s there's a very strong early music revival and out of that came folk musician and traditionalist john langstaff oh god what a what a guy this is the guy that we can thank for renaissance fairs or the longest staff you've ever seen the staff on this guy you wouldn't believe it oh yeah there's a bristol renaissance fair outside of chicago it's uh american oh i see i think i think it's a good i mean it's a good excuse to get people together in a warm environment that's copyright free you know they don't have to pay i don't know harry potter or someone to put on some themed bullshit yeah right there's no maltreatment of animals necessarily no

circus people there's no freaks or anything being on show nothing be nothing cruel like that right there's it's not just a booze up it's not a music festival you have to be really loud annoying so you can bring the kids it's feel it fair it feels like fairly safe like how many other choices how many other options are there bring the kids you know i want to have fun there's one so there's one in chief we don't have to bring the kids one in cheesbury which is not far from bristol we should go we should go we should go it's a it's sort of a popular thing isn't it because i have you ever heard of medieval times like it was like uh like a jousting yeah i went to one it was amazing thing you can go to you can eat and watch uh some some jousts and night could you tie your favor onto the night of your your handkerchief to the night that you were hoping

not really i mean not at the medieval fair not at the medieval times that's usually uh a right reserve for like a prince a princess or a queen or like if you i think i'm pretty sure that they had they had falconry you're in an audience with like thousands of other people watching this. They're not just going to stop just for you, Lewis. I wasn't that busy. It's not all about you, you know. It's mainly a restaurant that serves haunches, to use Lewis's word earlier, of meat that just comes in like, bam, there's chicken on your plate. Like a huge slab of roast chicken.

Meat you can hold. chicken on your plate like a huge slab of chicken big yeah big pints of beer and you watch knights farting about and you watch some falconry and some sword play and that's pretty much it and fire eating yeah i think sometimes they have fire eaters as well so it's on the it's in the it's in the 10th and 11th of july next year 10th to 11th july next year chook spree we'll do it fully do that okay yeah but what are we gonna go as i'm gonna go as an orc hat films will be down for that they've got some they love all that stuff yeah they will they remember we um we did go when we were in sweden for paradox con we went to this viking themed restaurant where they had haunches of meat and fur yeah that didn't feel very i don't know like it was cool but like we weren't really like. Lots of booze out of goblets and shouting.

We weren't in role playing there, right? We were just role playing. No, we were kind of like tourists. It felt, you know, it did feel like in the same way, though, it felt like going to a really fancy Japanese restaurant or something like that. And they've got all of this decor and style and serving. And we're just there as like white guys in t-shirts kind of thing looking like completely feeling completely out of place it felt the same

in this viking themed restaurant you know we didn't it's not like in the japanese um themed one you'd suddenly start i don't know singing old japanese songs or like i don't know bow into people and i don't think i know any old Japanese songs well exactly but that was kind of what it was that was kind of what it was in the Viking one they sort of passed some lyric sheets around didn't they we had to know they did a bit of a man how like how how nervous would you be like you know you get invited somewhere and you're just like so so pleased to be invited somewhere by by somebody to go to like a japanese a traditional specific japanese like meal or whatever and right they're gonna sing songs but you don't know any of this you'd be really nervous right you'd be you wouldn't have any time to practice or yeah but

that's the experience of most foreigners i'd say in any places you don't know that it's like it's like you don't know imagine go to church and they give you a hymn sheet you don't really know what the song is just get on with it you kind of do that in church too right when the hymns come on nobody knows the the words for the hymns unless they got like that mr Bean sketch with the hallelujah. Remember that one? He's like, oh yes. That's a perfect example. Yeah. That's what it'd be like, I guess. How do you think a Japanese person coming to like a, an English meal, a rodeo, what kind of songs would we, what would, would English people sing at a meal? I feel it would

be like, did you get cut off, Sips? Am I cutting off? Sips has been cut off. A Japanese person coming to our... Now we have to imagine what it is that he said. Oh, God. It's probably so offensive that it got cut off. It's like last week. Oh, man.

Am I back? It's like a commonplace thing that seems to happen in this podcast. I like how at the start of the podcast you were like, oh, by the way, I'm going to have to go and answer the doorbell at some point yeah i am yeah i mean because people we've got our cleaner here today for the first time since lockdown and we've got our dog walker started again this week i know i know when i when i mentioned this stuff on stream people get a bit so who's gonna clean but yeah i have because i don't want to have the clean i'd rather stream stream not clean you know what i mean and i i just feel I don't want to have the clean. I'd rather stream. Stream, not clean.

You know what I mean? And I just feel like if I want to get a cleaner once a week, and she does some ironing as well, win-win. I don't have to do the ironing. She gets some money. What's bad about that? You also have a family who are very messy. Ain't that the truth, brother?

I have a cleaner who comes and comes once around once a week for an hour does a whip round right pay 20 quid um you know job done it's not not a big outlay and it's pretty useful i can't be asked to do every single bit of hoovering and dusting and all that crap she does a great job and she's great yeah it's fantastic i carry it on paying her through this whole um thing as well i haven't seen her well. I haven't seen her for like three months, and I've just paid her every week as normal. Same, same, same. I felt like it was...

Yeah, what are they going to do otherwise? Yeah, there's nothing they can do. So, yeah, I did that. Very grateful. And the dog walker. Like, we take Aggie for walks, and it's nice, but like I said before, with the dog washing, she gets to socialise.

You've got your two massage therapists, Jeremy and Ryan. Excuse me. They come in and do your legs and your back. You've got your two massage therapists, Jeremy and Ryan. Excuse me. They come in and do your legs and your back. I don't have male massage therapists in the house. Renaissance, fair style, busty, wenches only. You've got your coiffurist, who gives you hair advice, picks out your wigs for you.

He's been on hiatus for some time. Manages the chest hair. He curls your chest hair for you. Okay. And then you've got your manicurist, your pedicurist. Right. What else? Cook.

Sandy. Chef. And Johannes. Gotta have a chef. You've got Rita, the chef. Yep. She comes in and does breakfasts and then comes back for lunch. Yep.

But then does three dinners a week. Yes, she does. We get Pierre at the weekend. Pierre comes in. Pierre, of course, for the themed nights. Yeah. The cultural evening, you call them. Indeed.

Cultural evening. Friday and Sundays are different countries of the world. What was it last week? Was it Moroccan? No, it was Mauritius. Mauritius. I knew it was something beginning with M. What is the local food of Mauritiusius actually what did you have burgers and chips

i live in sommelier as well recommends uh wines depending on well i mean he lives down in the in the wine cellar annex yes the um underneath the kitchen yes when i say live in i mean we've locked him in the wine cellar. Yeah. Technically, he's alive in there. So it is... But he signed a consent form for it and stuff.

Some people would prefer that. Under duress. He's quite an introverted kind of guy. Under duress, but yeah. I mean, I got him from the

Sommelier Slave Guild. So the Sommeliers, they hire these guys out and that's it. You've got an indentured sommelier for the rest of your life. It's kind of like a butler.

I mean, you've got two butlers and a driver, obviously, as well. And a buggy driver who drives the horse and cart. Who cleans the car. It's a car cleaner. Of course, you've got your pool man, mower, tree surgeon, and gardener, head gardener, who coordinates the whole back garden affair. Yep. We've got the childminders and the nanny so and the au pair

we have three au pairs actually right just because i like them i like au pairs um you like looking i just keep them around the house yeah and that's what they're for isn't it essentially um just so useful just how many staff have i got now i'm trying to think what else my jester i've got a jester i mean he's he's just for general when you feel a bit down, you ring the little bell. I would do it, but he'll come running up here if I do it. He comes. He comes. He could tell when you're not feeling, you know, you're not feeling 100% yourself.

As can the courtiers that flock around me at all times. Whose life are we actually describing right now? Is it Lady Gaga's life, I think? I mean, there must be people out there. In fact, there definitely are people out there who are not only rich enough, but also inclined to have that level of servitude. Do you know what I reckon is?

I reckon it's Snoop Dogg's life, except for I reckon he also has the entourage, right? Snooping about that life. No way. I bet he's got help. I reckon he's loaded. I'm thinking your Bezos's. Your Bezos's. bezos's your your your

your your gates's right your sultan of brunise these are the people that have yeah this level of service because they're like i'm so important and busy yeah i can't buff my own toenails i need someone to do that for me it is a little bit like coming home to your country house in your period drama show and all of the staff are out there in their uniforms welcoming you home and they're like good good morning mr flax how was london did you have a good time in the city i'm taking off my driving gloves excellent jeeves put my gloves away will you and buff the car polish the knobs spare the wheels and bring me some wine and i stomp off are they all they all split up and start scuttling and doing their tasks and

scullery mating and chopping up onions and the potatoes and grooming their dog and gosh so if you how many could there's like hundreds you could hundreds of potential for anything anything that you can do that you think i can't be, you could potentially have someone to do that for you. See, there's the door. I would get my butler to do it, but I'll do it myself. Now I'm on my fucking own. Now you're on your own. Just tell a story.

I can't just, I don't have any stories to tell. I've told them all. I've not been doing nothing. I've been trapped inside my own fucking head for the last three months slightly in my house i suppose as well on my own in the office right now blimey i've started playing tabletop sim i've started playing board games on tabletop instead of in real life and i've i've cultured a newfound love of tabletop games. I played a tabletop game on my own

with like an AI controlling the other players. I played, what's it? So I was trying to learn how to play Root and there's like little AIs, electric robot players that I played against. I enjoyed myself, but I felt like the saddest man. The saddest man.

Just playing a board game versus AIs. How have you been? You alright? I've filled. Don't worry, PFX. No one will know. No one will know my sorrow. This is the first time we've done a Triforce minus one, I think. We've never done a two, have we?

Did you do one in the early days with just you and Sips because I couldn't make it? I don't think so. No, I don't think we would have excluded you. I vaguely remember a Triforce where there were the three triangles and mine was like grayed out with Xs for eyes or something. Oh, maybe then. Maybe Sips. Oh, yeah, you're right.

I do vaguely remember that maybe we can do that to sips right now so going back to this house thing there is this thing is which we're sort of trying to raise awareness at the moment called national loneliness week which is happening i think on you know the middle of june or middle of july okay happening this this month yeah and the aim is to get people to take out an hour and find an online game to play with sort of families friends right you'll talk to someone else talk to someone different and it's it's it's a really good idea i think that i think that these people in lone in country houses i read a book recently um the uh god um shit you know it's funny you were talking about loneliness while you're while you're looking up

your book my mum sent a text message to maddie mrs f saying you know you you could tell your husband that um you know it would be nice for him to call his mother and and sort of you know basically said you know she's on her own she doesn't have anyone to talk to and all the rest of it and i was like i called her the other, but it had been two weeks. It had been two weeks. I just hadn't called her. And I called her up straight away. And I was like, I'm sorry, mom, but the day's just, there's no differentiation between the days. Normally I'm like, I'll call her on a Wednesday or, you know, I know there's a routine. Like when I used to take my youngest to drama and stuff like that, I would call my mom sometimes from the pub and we'd have a chat or I'd call her on a Wednesday when they were swimming or something

like that. And I had structured these calls in and she came to expect them and she was there and all the rest of it. I don't give her a call the weekend and stuff like that to check she's all right. Two weeks had passed by. And I think when you think about what loneliness is, for a lot of people, I don't think it's just being alone. It's the feeling that there's no one out there who even cares that you're on your own. That's the real feeling of loneliness. Not just being alone,

because some people are like, loneliness? I don't mind being alone. I don't mind being alone. I spent eight hours playing U-Boat yesterday on my own in my room, barely spoke to anybody else in the house, and just sunk tankers and

and uh destroyers and stuff like that no i love reading books and i love playing sometimes there are single player board games or certainly single player games you know it doesn't feel like that's the problem that's not loneliness i think people have misunderstood loneliness is about feeling like you can be lonely surrounded by people exactly I think that if you had a hundred servants in your giant house, you might be the loneliest one of all. Exactly. Um, because you can't relate to these people or they don't feel like they're friends because you're paying them.

Yeah, you're never going to have a conversation with them, are you? Because they're going to be like, yes, sir. You're going to say, you know what? You know what we should do is build a, build a rocket ship and just go live on Jupiter. Absolutely, sir. Would you like me to get a rocket ship for you? You know, they, they wouldn't, no, no one's one's gonna say what the fuck are you talking about dude that's ridiculous mr musk sir this is this is why your bezos's decide to build spaceships because they

say i think i should build a spaceship and their butler goes indeed sir shall i call nasa yes yes get nasa on the phone right away no there's no one there to say shut the fuck up it's this is ridiculous although the spacex launch the other week was pretty fun it was really cool yeah like um a lot of people were were very impressed by it and kind of i don't know it was it was a spectacle wasn't it it was a kind of really interesting thing to see i mean it's the lot when was the last time that there was a launch that people paid attention to like I think that's it. I know that the viewing figures for the different moon missions were drastically different.

Because people lose interest unbelievably quickly. In the majesty of putting people on the moon, they're like, I don't care. Yeah, we already did that. I feel like I've seen similar SpaceX launches over the course of the last sort of four or five years. Why was this one unique? Is it because it was the first NASA-SpaceX joint thing? Yes. And involved going to the ISS and all the rest of it.

It's the first privately purchased, I guess, mission to a kind of NASA facility, if you like. Yeah. So normally they'd run all of their own supply runs and brought their own astronauts up see now first time here's the thing lewis if i was writing some kind of sci-fi book which incidentally i am but if i was writing one about that was serious i would be saying that this was the point that they would look back on with deep regret because getting the private industry involved took away the idea of space as being something that all the nations of the planet could explore as as humanity ding dong that's 10 30

that is 10 30 to wake up and um i actually stopped taking my pills i'm off them because i've run out i'll talk about that in a sec but um so i would see that as the moment when everything shifted and suddenly space became a corporate free-for-all and if businesses have the money to get out there and government entities like nasa and uh the european space agency and all the rest of them don't have the money to get out there space won't be explored it will be owned and i think that would be the beginning of what we explored it'll will be exploited. There you go. There you go. There's a line for the book. I so I was on citalopram, which I know quite a few people that have panic attacks get put on and it was really good. It really helped. They'd have some

side effects. But they weren't unbearable. One of them is I clenched my jaw a lot, like all the time I just be clenching my jaw. It's just a weird side effect. I don't know how you take a drug that just one of the side effects is, oh yeah, you'll clench your jaw a lot. What chemical is doing that? Why does my brain have a chemical that says clench your jaw loads? And somehow citalopram activates that and just clenching the jaw. Weird. But anyway, when I came off it, I didn't realize that what you're meant to do is kind of gradually come off it. I was just like, right, that's it. I'm out. I'm done.

Let's crack on. And I just stopped taking it and immediately felt very dizzy and kind of vaguely high for the next, well, what has it been? Nearly two weeks. So I've got this weird kind of floaty buzz going on. And I do feel dizzy a lot of the time. But that's a known side effect of coming off it is you literally just get dizzy it's so crazy like I'm a big proponent of of uh good chemistry for your brain and stuff but the stuff you put in it balances one thing but it's it's

just imagine trying to come up with a drug that fixes something as vague as anxiety I I am I am terrified of these kind of medications. It feels like the brain is this thing that we know very little about. We find a chemical in the brain that's, I don't know, serotonin or dopamine. We find a drug or medication that interacts with that, and then we just are like, okay, let's just see what it does. does oh it looks like it makes these people less depressed or these people less anxious so but it's like a sledgehammer really and you know it can have very wide ranging side effects on different people and you know everyone's brain chemistry is all very different it's very scary to me to mess with that stuff and and i i'm obviously i understand that the need for it and

i think it works and is valuable certainly like especially with you know you know especially because people change people people i i i'm a complete different person to who i was five years ago ten years ago and you know if if i was going through a stressful or traumatic event in my life i'm sure i would be very grateful for some thing to alter my brain mood, you know, and necessary. Are you of the, we should be careful sort of about it? I don't like the idea of people using these things without proper attention. I don't like these things being used, just fairly given out like candy.

Yeah, I don't think that happens. But that wasn't the case in your case case and i think that i think that oftentimes i think sometimes things these things are given away oh you're feeling down here's some prozac you know there's certainly i mean one of the reasons for that is like we're going through the nhs over here so if i go in the doctor's like you know anything that they give me they're not getting a there's no benefit to the doctor to prescribe certain drugs they don't get a bonus for shifting a certain amount of prozac and this was one of the issues is that the doctors got rewarded by the drug companies for selling their product because it's been commercialized so at what point i mean if you don't see that as a conflict of interest uh it would be like having

jurors for hire that will come in and guarantee you whatever verdict you want you know what i mean it's like it's got to be it's one of those systems that has to be absolutely freed from any kind of influence and the medical advice you're given has to be good advice not advice that's it's good and it'll also pay for a new car you know what i mean that's not good advice well definitely one of the things that i don't like about doctors is how they get very angry that you've done your research. They're like, what, have you been browsing Wikipedia looking at your disease? You don't know shit.

I go to medical school. And the thing is, I really hate that because you know your own body and your own symptoms and your own feelings and how you've been in your own history far better than a doctor who usually you've never seen before um not necessarily even have access to your medical records because they're on paper somewhere in a filing cabinet in essex where you grew up or whatever you know it's seeing you for the first time and kind of you know went to medical school let's say 30 years ago or something

you know um probably isn't you know is a jack of all trades sure but also knows about everything from foot fungus to fucking you know i did i could not disagree with you more i mean and and quite a lot of the time you know that doctor while you're talking to them will look up stuff on the fucking wikipedia and look at the exact same articles you've been fucking looking at i don't know if i've ever seen my doctor Googling my symptoms, ever. Honestly, it's a very common thing. And so I think you should always educate yourself about these things. And don't, I mean, there's so much crap out there.

Here's the flip side. You're a doctor. You have a medical degree. And although it was 30 years ago, you've also now got 30 years of on-the-job experience. That's true. And you are an expert in your field occam's razor that rash is probably just you know right something nothing like eczema you know it might turn out to be some terrible virus from space but i think i would definitely trust the doctor over my own diagnosis because they'll say well yes it could be that but it could also be this so let's do some tests let's take a blood sample let's take a a biopsy let's

do some some actual work here to figure out what it is and we're going to make you an appointment with this guy who's an expert in this and this lady's an expert in that and we're going to figure out what what's wrong with you rather than just go oh, oh, God, I've got AIDS. I've got AIDS. Well, there's this amazing medical student hypochondria where medical students are being taught about new diseases and illnesses. And every time, whatever they're learning about at the time, they are convinced they have. Oh, that's funny. I can imagine. And it's an amazing

thing where you read about a disease and because the symptoms are so broad you know feeling a bit down bit achy pains i don't know oh my god i must have a fucking brain tumor suddenly you know it's like you know you you you become very paranoid and and obviously you do just you know google anything like oh stomach pain and it's google and it's like the symptoms of stomach cancer or stomach pain it's like well no you probably just got a gas or whatever um and so so in a sense like but i'm sure most people are rational enough to understand that you know they should both take that into account and say you know you can be honest you can be like doctor you know, I was looking at my symptoms and it said I might have

this, you know, and he'll be like, oh, no, he's probably not. And here's the reasons why, you know, and if he hasn't ever heard of it, then you can obviously think about, you know, educating him. I'm just saying, let's help help a brother out. It's a good point. I would also like to give a shout out to Becca on Instagram for sending me the story. Astronomers have found a planet like Earth orbiting a star like the sun. Throwback to a few episodes ago now where you claimed. What do you mean? No, no, no, no, no.

No such thing was possible. And it's just guesswork and they haven't found anything. Incorrect. No, no, no. No one's found a planet like Earth. What are you talking about? What do you mean like Earth? Astronomers have found a planet like Earth. What are you talking about? Headline. What do you mean like Earth? Astronomers have found a planet like Earth.

That's literally the headline. Defy the word like there. Like. What do you mean like? The discovery of exoplanet KOI 456- Sorry, 0.04 orbiting the star Kepler-160 suggests we should more aggressively look for habitable planets around sun-like stars. 3,000- sun-like stars. 3,000...

Sun-like star. Sun-like star Kepler-160 has super Earth. Inhabitable zone. 3,000 light years from Earth since Kepler-160. A sun-like star, because it's not a red dwarf. It's like, what is our sun? What is it? It's a white star.

So it's a rocky transiting planet has been discovered. It's not too big. It's a little bigger. Twice the size of Earth. Less than twice the size. Orbiting approximately the same distance from Earth. And it receives about 93% as much light as the Earth gets from the Sun. Which is good.

Because you don't want too much. Earth-like. Earth-like. Sure. Earth-like. But it might be full of poisonous fucking sulfuric acid how do we know right but it's a good it's a it's you're you're looking for details here all right it's it's interesting that there are planets like ours even within our range of vision oh my god i so i clearly missed nothing then while i was gone no we're doing throwbacks to old podcasts. I got a message about a planet being found.

Because I think you angered a lot of people with your comments. Well, first of all, my knowledge of the solar system is clearly out of date. Because this stuff is very recent in the last sort of five or ten years. So what treasure trove of knowledge did you have prior to the last sort of five or ten years and i used to be what treasure trove of knowledge did you have prior to like the last 10 years well i was i would loved i loved space and science i read all the sci-fi stuff and all the stuff and i was fully up on it but it looks like we've been discovering these fucking pixel dots orbiting around other stars. I'm impressed that we're able to see planets in orbits that are similar to Earth.

But there's no evidence that these planets will have even oxygen in the atmosphere. You've just got to squint your eyes really, really, really. Look at the other planets that orbit around our fucking sun. You know sometimes you can squint your eyes a little bit and you can see germs and stuff floating around in your eyes. Do you ever get that? No, no, no.

They're called floaters. You get more of them as you get older. Oh, really? Yeah. Although in the film Cocoon, anyone remember the film Cocoon? Yeah. With Wilford Brimley and what's his name?

He was in Police Academy. Steve Guttenberg. Steve Guttenberg. Thank you very much. and in that the one of them goes to the doctors and all the floaters have gone from their eyes because the aliens have made them their bodies young again so i remember that for some reason i remember that weird detail from cocoon and that's how i heard that they were called floaters for the first time because to me a floater is someone's done a poo and it's floating in the toilet that's a floater yeah yeah you can't it just it's a i would normally think of that as well if somebody said yeah the the book i was thinking of that i read was the fifth head of cerberus by gene wolf wow um and it's it's a kind of a weird sci-fi

story set on a planet in the distant it's been discovered like a planet that's been discovered around another solar system but what happened was there were this odd race of shapeshifters on there on the planet right and the question about shapeshifter is if a shapeshifter is perfect it will lose its ability to shapeshift yeah Do you see what I mean? So if a shapeshifter becomes a human, humans can't shapeshift, can they? So if a shapeshifter shifts into a perfect human, how is that indistinguishable from a real human? Sorry, so essentially, if a shapeshifter...

Man, you know what? ...is perfectly shapeshifting... I completely zoned out while listening to that. No, no, but listen, the reason I zoned out while listening to that trying to no no but listen the reason i zoned out was because for some reason you stumbling over shape shifting shape shifter and stuff made me think of how much wood could a wood chuck chuck and i was thinking in my mind how many shapes could a shape shifter shape if a shape shifter could shape shape like i was trying to like formulate that in my in my mind and then i was

not listening to what you were saying uh sorry so the the question is clearly that if the shape shifter shifts shape into a person and that it's perfect as you say even down to like the dna and the atomic structure of the cells and everything then they shouldn't be able to shape shift anymore exactly so how are they different because shapeifting because in order to do that they would have to consume their ability to shape-shift right so they would have to go that's right think i'm a person now and there's no difference but isn't that a bit like the question of similar similar sci-fi question is it if if captain kirk gets on the teleport pad transports down to a planet it's not him it's a copy of him you know apparently they uh introduced teleporters and teleportation in star trek for for budget reasons they just couldn't

they were like we can't afford this they they needed some quick way for them to get to another place without having to build a ship and and show that makes a lot of sense like uh you know a scene of the ship leaving the enterprise and going down to a planet and stuff like that. So they're just like, well, yeah, that was all very expensive and looked like shit. I mean, they get in the shuttles in Next Gen at the drop of a fucking hat because in Next Gen, they're constantly saying,

don't want us out of here, Mr. LaForge. Can't get, and there's too much tachyon interference. So they're stuck again. Why do they ever trust this thing? It's worse than's worse than we got too much money in our budget we we can do other things now i can't just use a badly 3d generated starfield oh yeah i i don't know i think this guy i think the transporter was a great storytelling tool, though, for people tracking it. It's iconic. Yeah.

When we went to Seattle, Lewis, remember we went to that Star Trek exhibit thing? Yeah. And there was the Kurt Cobain one as well, wasn't there? Yeah, the Kurt Cobain one was really cool. The Star Trek one, not so much. But it was interesting at the Star Trek one how they showed a lot of things that featured in Star Trek that then sort of became, you know,

common things that we use like in everyday life now. Like the first communicator, I think it was. Was it the communicator? It had like that clam flip shell. The flip phone. Yeah. And the early Motorola cell phones were like, they looked exactly like that.

They did. It was like a direct inspiration for the design of that product. And there's a couple of other things, too, that was really interesting. But it just shows how much of an impact that show had on not only popular culture, but just people in general. The new generations coming up and then developing products that look like a generation of people the stuff that they definitely have a picture of what we think futuristic things are and people want to buy new things they want to buy futuristic things and i think like you know apple design has for the last sort of 20 years been very sleek white designs that felt very futuristic in the sense you know um i used to and that's part of

the charm part of the allure i used to wish that they would invent teleportation because i remember when i was younger uh i hated going on car trips like i hated going to visit my aunt in montreal because it was a two-hour drive i hated it like i like I just couldn't, I couldn't handle the two hour drive. It was too long. And I used to just like, wish and hope that they would invent teleportation so that we could just be there immediately rather than have to sit through the two hour drive. But now now that I'm a bit older, and I've spent a lot of time on the internet. And you know, I've done a bit of trolling on the internet. And I've been trolled on the internet as you know i've done a bit of trolling on the internet and i've been trolled on the internet as well and i just think now with teleporters there's you've i've got a friend who likes to to play jokes and pranks and stuff like that and i just know that he would use that to

prank me you know like you're just sitting there like watching a movie or something and all of a sudden he just teleports you into his bathroom while he's taking a dump or something you know you just appear and you're like oh shit don's taking a dump or something you know you just appear and you're like oh shit don't do this to me like you know what i mean like there's there's a lot of trolling potential in teleportation that i don't think people like he teleports like a bucket of water over your head you can teleport people into a volcano yeah and be like i don't know what happened oh it must must be a malfunction in the circuitry or something. I don't know what happened there.

You could like teleport there. You could be like making love to a beautiful woman and then they just teleport her and swap her with like a horse or something. Imagine you teleported like either into the room where your wretched, cursed, cheating wife was having an affair with another man or you teleported the man and your wretched, cursed, cheating wife was having an affair with another man, or you teleported the man and your wretched, cursed, cheating wife into the room you were in, and you were like, gotcha!

You know what I mean? There's lots of options there. Oh my God, you could teleport someone's arm off, or their dick off. No, not so much that, though. How are you going to do that? Well, like a localized teleportation field. I don't think you can specify body parts to teleport.

Yeah, I mean, always in next gen, that was always a big thing, wasn't it? The signal was too confused. But then the thing is, that meant that they just didn't want to do it because it was dangerous. It was originally called, it's not the teleport, it's the transport. Yeah, that's right.

Which sounds like such a boring name for it now, doesn't it? It sounds like someone's job. I'm a transporter. Yeah. Driving for a craft. It's like calling it the most mundane thing. We got this thing we use to move around, it's called the transporter. We're just going to transport down to the planet.

There's always jobs like that though, right? Back in the 50s when you used to work at the box factory like this is the most boring job and nowadays you like if you work at like the iphone factory back in the 50s you'd be like holy crap like what are these portable phones and you're making these in a factory that sounds like the best job ever and now what you're making isn't relevant is it i mean if you if you are doing a menial i don't know Some things are really exciting. I think the human nature is that the most interesting, exciting, amazing job gets mundane. Super quick.

In a week. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Like, you might be asteroid mining and fucking around or teleport to a brand new you know solar system every week and i don't know and teleported down the planet all those people on the enterprise were like oh god another week of this i can't wait to go home and like fucking watch watch space force on netflix or whatever the fuck i tried to watch that i tried to watch that i didn't really i didn't find it that

i didn't really like it that funny to begin with i only watched about maybe 10 minutes of the first episode but it just didn't I don't know I just don't know if I like the setting much and I like it had a lot of actors in it that I've liked in other things like Putty from Seinfeld was in it and there's a bunch of other guys that I recognize in it like Steve Carell obviously and whatnot but yeah I don't know it just didn't seem that that funny really i don't know i wasn't maybe i wasn't getting away more or something i don't know because some people are saying it's really good but i don't know just like which show struggled a bit space force space force sucks who said it was funny i don't know people so it's dreadful as far as i could tell

it's been universally panned i've yet to talk to anyone who even thought it was possible i made it through 20 minutes i was like this fucking stinks yeah i was i'm the same yeah i was like no maybe not as aggressively like i wasn't i was angry i just switched it off i was just like yeah i've got better things to do really i mean i like steve corell i think he's a likable funny guy yeah i really like him i didn't think i would like him in the u.s version Office. He was great. Yeah, he's really funny. I just thought my initial sort of, I started watching it recently because a lot of people said that it's really good and I should watch it. And I always just sort of brushed it off saying, I think the British one's better.

I prefer the more subtle sort of humor, not the exaggerated. Steve Carell, for me, I always just see him as loud. You know, he was always making like weird noises or whatever and stuff. And it's funny enough. Like a shit Jim Carrey. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so I sort of dismissed

the US version of The Office thinking it was just going to be like that. But actually it is very funny and he's very good in it too. No, it's great. The US office is really, really good. It is, yeah, it's really funny. I'm glad I started watching it. throughout but uh but space force i just

couldn't get into i actually made the effort to try to watch it and i just couldn't get through it so and now every time i log into netflix it's right there yeah space force i was like no it sucks now you're making me pissed me off yeah now i'm in a bad mood like that i i don't like that about netflix that i can't seem to hide stuff that I've watched an episode of and hated. And then it's there in my garage. Do you want to carry on watching this? And I'm like, no, I don't. Fuck you.

I can't think of too many things that I've watched only a bit of. Like most things, if I go to start watching it, I'll get into it and start watching it. But I think Space Force is one of the only things that I... It feels like eating your fucking vegetables, though. Do you know what I mean? It feel like i have to like get through this shit and i like oh fuck i don't want to i don't i'll give it i'll give it an episode or two at most and if i'm not intrigued or interested fuck it why bother but sometimes here's the thing with me sometimes i just want to have a tidy view of i don't i don't know i like i like i like a feeling

of like i've completed something or i've done it or i've tidied it up like i'll watch a show that i wasn't really a completionist is what you're saying i want to get this achievement watched space force i don't want it to be 10 years 10 years have passed and then i'm like did i ever watch the rest of that or i don't know i mean or watch something because i think it's like you forget when you this is something you guys will get used to um as you get older um talking to the audience not you guys yeah i thought you were talking to me i was like the audat the balls on this guy but the fucking cojones on this man sometimes i'll see a movie and i'll get like quarter of an hour into it and i'll be like i've fucking seen this movie and then i'll be like this this thing happens then happens. Then that thing happens. I'm like, ah,

shit, I can't quite remember it. You know, I know I've watched it. It was all right. So I watched another 15 minutes and I'm like, yeah, I know.

I remember what the spoiler for the end is now. I don't want to watch the rest of this movie. How do you watch a film and not remember that you've watched the film? But that's, this is happening to me more and more, dude, because I, you know,

I watched a lot of movies between the ages of like, I don't know, fucking 15 and 25. And now I'm'm 36 and i'm 37 pretty soon jesus and you know i'm it's it's it's i i can't you know there's loads loads of good movies sure what was it i watched lately something got recommended for me on um amazon prime it was like i think it was called contact it's like a jodie foster you never heard of it i saw that in theaters back in the day when it came out i clearly had seen it but it was like i i clearly see it on tv or i'd seen parts of it on tv or i

knew what happened in it and i knew it anyway i started watching it on amazon pro because for some reason it popped up at the front of my fucking thing and i was watching it but i was like oh yeah shit i know this this thing's gonna happen they're gonna do this and then that movie's the biggest fucking prick tease by some aliens ever it really is they fucking make contact and then they're like hiya just to let you know we're out here don't worry you know eventually we'll let you know the way they make contact is by mirroring back the first big broadcast they heard which happened to be hitler yeah right yeah i remember that yeah they send back a video of hitler and the government is like we're dealing with space nazis the space

nazis are coming to kill us and it's like it's like so accurate do you mean like i believe i could genuinely believe the government would react like that. Can you imagine actually if the aliens turned up in full Nazi regalia? Like, hello, Earth. What's up? Huh? This is what you guys love, right? You'd be like, oh, my God.

Well, I mean, Star Wars, I'm pretty sure the Empire is modeled after Nazi Germany, right? Like the green uniforms. Yeah, of course. I mean, they even call them storm troopers and all that just a storm trooper and watching watching star wars with a german dub must be a little close to home little close to home wow i think i wouldn't want to do it there's that scene in the mandalorian you guys remember that where the two um the two storm troopers the speeder bike troopers are are outside of the city waiting for orders,

and they try to shoot a tin can on the ground or whatever with their blasters, and they're just constantly missing it. It's really fun. It's just a really short scene, but it was really, really funny, actually. That's a good show. Yeah, it is really good. I like that a lot. Again, I didn't think I would like that either.

I thought I was kind of done with Star Wars. was gonna be yeah i thought it was done but you can usually tell within the first episode yeah if it's something you're gonna watch or not right i think i think the thing is with the mandalorian is yes it was set in the star wars universe but it it showed that it doesn't have to be shit like all the star wars stuff that has been coming out a lot of it has been shit but the mandalorian was like, what if we did it and it wasn't shit? I still haven't seen it. And they were like, oh, wow. The most recent trilogy film.

And I still haven't seen Solo either. I haven't seen that yet. Solo is decent. I actually quite enjoyed it. I thought that if you look at the new Star Wars stuff that's come out, Solo was decent. I know some people didn't like it. I thought it was all right. It was a nice little movie.

Would you say that Mandalorian's the best of the bunch? Rogue One was very good too. I liked Rogue One. I would say Rogue One. I thought Rogue One was really good. I hope they make more movies like Rogue One. Just little side things to the main plots. The way they tied into the main trilogy,

the original trilogy was so hype. Yeah, it was really nice. That was amazing watching that play out. I liked force awakens regardless of what anybody thinks i thought it was a good star wars movie the other two sucked force awakens was yeah i i thought force awakens was pretty good i think it just had a really nice mix of sort of fan service it had a nice mix of callbacks to older stuff older star wars stuff and it was just super exciting right because it was just a brand new star wars that i mean it had some really good moments and everything and some good i like the characters i thought this is gonna be interesting yeah and then they

the second movie fucked everything and then the third movie came along and was it was just i just don't even remember i mean i have no interest in re-watching yeah the second one and the third one why would anybody re-watch those? They suck. I felt like that about the prequel movies as well. I liked them at the time. The prequel trilogy, I saw them all in theater, but once each, like when they came out.

Of course. And so my memories of them were pretty vague. And I was like, yeah, they were all right. It was cool to see a new Star Wars movie. But now that I've gone back back my son's getting into star wars and he's been watching some of the some of the prequel movies and man they're really hard to get through yeah it's bad it's pretty bad yeah we've lost lewis by the way sorry sorry he's back man what is going on with the internet it's crazy i don't know he just don't have been doing the same thing over the last few days by the way randomly booting people out of the game for like 10 minutes at a time and then they'll reconnect and someone else will get booted out

it's it's shit the internet's gone to shit it's overloaded everybody is trying to watch horse fisting space force yeah space force everybody's trying to stream it at the same time yeah uh well anyway that was a great podcast uh thank you i was i enjoyed being in it for 10 minutes actually it was uh it was nice sorry about my technical uh no but we went we were fine i did i had to do a bit on my own fucking i had to answer the door so yeah jesus christ well listen you know what i'm such a smart guy i left my um my audio rolling the whole time so you don't need to fart around with re-syncing or anything nice you might hear me so we can hear we can hear all the behind the scenes yeah i think i

sneezed once you'll probably hear me just sorry guys can you hear me fucking discord fucked up again i know and then sighing as i look at my router trying to figure out what the hell is going on like you know what happened to me last week do you remember i was booed off at the end yeah i remember yeah all right well well cheers cheers you guys that was a great bit of podcast what the hell is going on. You know what? It happened to me last week. Do you remember? I was booed off at the end. Yeah, I remember. All right. Well, cheers, you guys. That was a great bit of podcasting. We'll see you guys next week.

Hope you guys are all doing all right out there. Yeah. Stay safe. Stay safe. Stay alert. Love you all. And don't forget to bubble this weekend with a loved one.

You're allowed to now. Cuddle? Bubble. Bubble? You can bubble. What? What is that? You can bubble with a loved one now.

Didn't you guys hear the announcement yesterday? If you're a single parent or if you're a single person, you're now allowed to bubble with a person. You can bubble with like- Is this a sex thing? No, no. What the fuck are you talking about? You can bubble with your mom or like you can bubble with your-

Right, what does that mean? A social bubble. Are you guys stupid? No, what does it mean to bubble? I don't know. I don't. You keep saying bubble. What does it mean? A social bubble. Are you guys stupid? No, what does it mean to bubble? I don't know. You keep saying bubble. What does it mean? You guys just don't watch the news. No. If the news said you can bubble,

I would be asking the same question. Exactly what the news has said. Brilliant. Thanks for the clarity. Right, well, make sure to bubble with your friends. Fucking have a bubble. Yeah, bubble with your friends and your family this weekend. Yeah, you're allowed to bubble now.

Jesus Christ. All right, good. Well, that's good. I'm glad they lifted the lockdown all night. I'm not. If that's what comes out of it is bubbles. Yeah. Social distancing, bubbling.

What else? There's been a whole bunch of great new terms that we can use. Stop. I want to know, can we get back to horse terms that we can stop i want to know when when we can we get back to horseplay horse that's what i want to know horseplay oh horseplay tomfoolery when can we get back to just chicanery i'd like a little chicanery you could do that on formula one when can i get back to being a foppish dandy where i just fop around all day and do some tomfoolery mr president what about the what about the Renaissance Fairs? The Renaissance Fairs

will be back. Don't worry. They will be back. They're going to be huge. Bye-bye. Bye.