Triforce! - Triforce! #132: Gen X Vampires vs Zoomer Litterbugs

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

Triforce! Episode 132! Lewis is an emotionally sensitive sponge, Pyrion's trying to get to the bottom of littering and Sips has given up. Visit http://expressvpn.com/triforce to get an extra 3 months of ExpressVPN for free! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello everyone. Good morning. I'm looking out the window at the rain pouring down over Bristol. It is absolutely hammering it. Raining in Bristol? Raining. I was going to walk to the office. That seems unbelievable. And record from there this morning. We're starting to open up the office.

There's a couple of people pottering in, but we've got like two meters between desks. You have to have a clean desk and it gets wiped down. But some people have just get up we're being really careful we've got like some arrows in the lifts right they're like up lifts and unfortunately we only have one working lift so the down lift doesn't work the down is now the stairs so if you want to go up you can go up the lift and down the stairs which obviously i'm sure the delivery drivers will enjoy people still get their crap delivered to the office even

in this lockdown. So there's just like shit tons of mail all over the place. We've got a foot-driven goo hand sanitizer dispenser now installed. So that's to wipe, clean your hands on the way in. We've got like a sign-in sheet to check who's been lurking around so we can clean their desk. We've got like a sign-in sheet to check who's been lurking around so we can clean their desk we've got like um lurking around it's nice yeah we've got you have to wear masks the other people in the office is lurking around i bet they appreciate it yeah it's it's and we've a couple of streams are happening from the office and a couple of people are

happening from the office people are happening wow you could turn it into a live birth center you've got yes the pool and everything people who can't stand being at home any longer uh yeah you know and and or or or are able to get in without taking public transport but actually like we sent out an email and it's basically we said like you know if you don't you don't want to come in again then you pretty much don't have to you know certain things have been better um we've definitely been more communicative because we've got a big group discord everyone's more aware of what other people are doing because you can just look in the other channels and be like oh these guys work on this

thing other things have been worse like i think we've been we've been less social we tried to organize a few social events like like movie night we've had a couple of movie nights we had a couple of games nights where we played board games together on you know what i find interesting i don't know sip maybe you were invited to these things i didn't hear a peep yeah well it's what happens when you don't um live live in and around bristol you just yeah we just fucking shunned yeah what are you clicking who's who's clicking away i'm sending an email to another network. I'm just like, get me out of here. He wants to find some people who will treat him with dignity and respect. With love and respect. I can hear one of you.

What have you been up to? What's interesting with you guys? I've been sawing stuff. Our hairdressers are open again. Yeah, they're open again. Schools are opening here next week for us as well uh so everybody's going back to school so we have to uh my kids in the time that they've been locked down have outgrown their school shoes so we have to get them yes

my year six uh my eldest she's gone back yeah she's been back for a couple of weeks and her uniform is very tight. And we're like, this is your last year in primary school. You start in secondary school after summer. We're not buying you anything. And the teachers and everything were like, look, if they don't fit into their school clothes, don't worry about it. Just they can wear whatever.

So, you know, within reason. I think that's fair enough. This whole year is a write-off. Yeah, exactly. I think it was Rob Delaney was saying on twitter the other day he said this academic year is a write-off and the expectation that people should be at home homeschooling their kids on top of trying to work a full-time job when you're working at home and everything else that you have to do yeah is crazy yeah like i don't know what the expectation is

like there isn't one i genuinely don't think anyone is out there like, oh my God, how did the kids not learn as much as they would have in school without school? No one's saying that. No, but kids are sponges anyway. They're always learning stuff no matter what. They don't need to be in a classroom setting just to learn, right? Yeah.

I don't think they are sponges. My two certainly never fucking listen to a word I say. if they're sponges they're very selective well like yeah selective sponges is probably yeah they don't my kids don't listen to me either like i have to that sounds pretty that sounds pretty good a selective sponge like you could see that on the on this on the supermarket shelves right yeah like you know yeah it would be handy yeah cleans up like it's like when you spill you know your coffee onto a onto a onto a surface full of crumbs and shit if you could just selectively sponge up the coffee get it back cleanly into that cup that would be really good you would drink selectively you look great today

sponge thank you i will absorb that and then you can say to the sponge geez you're you're fucking stupid sponge i will not absorb that i'm not absorbing the absorption is gone it's it's out i didn't i didn't say sensitive sponge sensitive emotionally sensitive emotionally fragile sponge i think that's what we all are actually as well holy well yeah i mean it's i think it's it's you it's human nature like Like these days, I don't think people take that into account. We're expected to be some sort of like, I don't know, robot or, you know, we're expected to have some like, you know, perfect programming somehow or something. But people always have been and always will be different and fucked up for different reasons as well, right? You're not wrong.

It's impossible. It's impossible to get it, to, to be right or get it right or live up to like a standard or other standards or whatever. You know, I think the best you can do is just be yourself. And,

um, did you know that they're rebooting Bill and Ted? Yes. I saw the trailer. It looks horrible. It really does look bad. Yeah. Fuck me. It caught me by surprise. I was looking, bill and ted yes i saw the trailer it looks horrible it really does look bad yeah fuck me

it caught me by surprise i was looking i was watching trailers the other day from uh sorry i know that seems like a really weird uh segue but i was about no please i was about to end what i was saying with this podcast is all about segues be excellent to each other and party on dude you know like the right the quote from bill and ted and it made me that was where that train of thought was going it was yeah it made me advance think of bill and ted and then i realized hang on they're rebooting it in respect oh fuck me yeah the trailer it looks shocking yeah it looks really bad well it's like a new generation so i was talking to ben yesterday at the start of this recording and he was bill and he was um he was chatting about how it was he saw this post on reddit um

and i did as well there was like some there's been some posts where like boomer not being a zoomers the new generation have been sort of ragging on millennials in the same way that boomers have so millennials are getting it from both ends right obviously boomers are always like looking down on millennials calling them like slackers and layabouts and they don't know how hard those work in their life and you know and millennials are always like oh boomers took all the money and we can't afford houses now and we have to live in shipping containers and rvs and all this anyway uh the the younger generation have been getting on complaining about millennials saying that they're all you know they all they all they all

pick a harry potter house that they're part of and they eat avocado toast and you know all the all the other wonderful complaints about that stuff's so terrible fuck me i know it's funny though it's it's funny and sort of i was like wait who's eating avocado toast millennials are yes see i would i would say that zoomers would be eating that stuff that seems much more recent a much more recent fad than uh than it would have been for millennials right like like avocado on toast is what like within the last decade that became but the point is who are the grown-ups now it's the millennials yeah yeah I guess so yeah so I guess where's the it's it's this it's this gen gen z right and it's kind of I like it I like I like seeing it but the thing is

Ben was like you know I'm glad I'm not a millennial and I was like you are no no you are I'm we're millennials me and you and because I guess you two are just we've had this conversation like 50 times you're a little bit but yeah so i had to explain to ben and the way i explained to him that we were millennials was i saw this picture of reddit which is like um it was on r slash cool guides which i am a big fan of yeah um cool and well that did sound that did make me sound like an uh a late gen x there um but no it's this it's this kind of picture it's in the discord at the moment but it shows like the um tv shows that were on and when you were when you were a kid and what what resonates with you and just looking at it at a glance i recognize everything in one box and then

like the next box i don't recognize anything and i'm like what the fuck is ben 10 you know what the fuck is like the the batman animated series i mean like i don't know i guess you're you like you you guys maybe are not quite at the point because i know ben 10 and the batman stuff because my kids watched it exactly being a little older i don't even i don't know about exposed to that bat 10 ben 10 i don't know ben 10 it was a cartoon about a kid called ben right uh i think he was 10 i mean it makes sense and there was space stuff oh right okay he could turn into a robot or something he had powers i never really watched it okay a generation of like stuff that came out sort of or like late sort of like i don't know there was this generation of late millennials that i just

didn't know any of and i didn't watch any of it you know like i don't know like just looking at this picture like teen titans spy kids samurai jack impossible invader zim some people will be like my kids watched all of these things, and I have never, basically ever heard of any of them. Steven Universe, you know that one? No. My kids love Steven Universe. Oh my god, they love that show. And then I look at this one, and I'm

like, this picture, this one, is just sips. Look at it. It's like, G.I. Joe, It's Better Gadget, Hulk Hogan, The Goonies, Thundercats smurfs ducktales yeah that's all stuff i grew up with roger rabbit great mouse detective it's just it's just like rocky four it's like a sips in a carrot kid yeah it's like sips in a nutshell yeah that was my whole childhood i those are all shows that were on popular at the time i watched them like i was i

was uh i was the target demographic for he-man when he-man came out i was a five-year-old kid and that shaped you and they they made those action figures for small children that was the that's what they were going for um they wanted small kids to they found one insects get those get those toys ripped and buy them all collect them all i was just it was exciting though i like like when i look back to to the stuff that was coming out when i was kid and everything like gi joe he-man all that kind of stuff's awesome god i wonder if lucky lucky lucky to be a kid in that era for sure like those people still have the issue of stuff selling out as much because in the past you had to go to a store to get it.

And obviously, they have a limited stock. But nowadays, I guess you can order stuff online. I know stuff obviously sells out, but it must be different. No, no, no. There's this whole thing, right? Actually, you've really hit it. There's this whole thing around artificial scarcity. It's like this big thing on Instagram, this big thing on marketing.

And the idea is that you put out this product and you put such a limited amount out that it sells out really quick. And then everyone is left with this feeling of being displayed, oh my gosh, this thing's sold out and I'm feeling disappointed and I didn't have a chance to order it.

So when the next thing comes along, which is in a week's time, everyone is oh shit okay i have to order this quickly yeah it's a trick that makes you into a better consumer right like yeah there's this whole thing about stuff being sold out or or or at least like certainly on the biggest you know like some of these instagram influencers have like millions of followers honestly like you wouldn't believe and they sell out these things so quickly but it's it's part of the strategy you know if if they if they wanted to they could make plenty right of of lipstick you create fomo by you you you create it yeah and it's and it's really like you have to watch out

for it because it's it's completely fake. Well, all I ever worry about is, is my corner shop out of cider? And does my vape store have my flavor? Those are the only two things I regularly panic about running out of. Yeah. Those things are always in good supply, though. But didn't you massively stockpile a load of vapes i've barely i'm just reaching the bottom third of my stockpile uh last week and i ordered replacements to restock

just to be on the safe side i made a decision at the weekend that i've got this like um he's gonna start a little cupboard next to my kitchen you're gonna take up vaping which i don't i have a reliable a reliable source has told me that you're gonna take up vaping yeah it was that was his 2020 plan he was so there's a cupboard next to my kitchen right you have a cupboard in your kitchen yeah i call it the pantry because it's like a walk-in oh a walk-in pantry very nice all that's in there is boxes of old shit from when i moved like mostly books warhammer models stuff i haven't bothered to unpack, right? If only you had an extended period of time, an extended period of time at home would have allowed you to get round to that. Well, I have. And I'm looking at like three big bags of books that I'm going to take up to the charity shop. So they're all like nice

quality still. But I couldn't, it was closed. So I couldn't bring them up. But now I've got this space in my pantry and I want to make like a doomsday organizer, right? So I've got like five toothpastes in there, like five shampoos. Do you know what I mean? Like, so, because I constantly, I'm a person who during this whole thing has kind of,

and also during my life, it's kind of I've bought a new a new toothpaste when my toothpaste ran out right right or like sometimes I wouldn't be able to clean my teeth in the morning with toothpaste because like it just run out the night before do you know I mean and I couldn't manage to squeeze an additional half of a you know I just had to like you have no reserves whatsoever like no I've never had reserves I've never really had of anything of like washing up liquid or or dishwasher tablets or i mean there's certain things that you just have to have reserves of i mean it's not going to kill you to have two tubes of toothpaste on hand well

no but the thing is i'm not someone who automatically like i i know that there there are some people who this is what those um i saw a couple of years, there was this fad of people buying those Amazon buttons, where you basically put the button on your wall or whatever next to the toothpaste. And when your toothpaste ran out, you pressed the button, and that ordered a new toothpaste. Good God. So there was this whole fad where people had all these buttons around their house, and whenever something ran out, they just pressed the button, and it would order them a new one. and whenever something ran out they just pressed the button right and it would order them a new one yeah right it sounds like one of those dot-com boom bullshit things that fucking fail it feels

incredibly wasteful as well just that all the technology that's gone is those buttons but also the fact that you're gonna have to amazon out like a single use fucking plastic yeah it's pathetic with an extra toothpaste in there or whatever i don't know i'm not i'm i was never a fan of that but i understood why the mentality behind it like if you if you don't have much space and you know you are living in like a fucking shipping container because you're a millennial uh eating avocados and how many of them live in shipping containers you run out of avocado shuckers how many people are we putting in the shipping container category here how many is a lot millions millions in there i don't believe millions of people i've never seen

a single shipping container there's not that many people living in shipping containers all right fine they're not living in shipping tanks they're living in like a shitty flat with six other millennials that's what they're doing jesus um because they can't afford they have to have a flat share and it's it's it's tough it's tough being out there in the real world pflax yeah you know i bet you i bet you one of one of them in there has the sensibility to have a reserve tube of toothpaste on hand avocados ain't cheap i bet you one of them went to the store and just bought two instead of one just because i know and often they are on offer two for one and stuff and so sometimes you know that's why i have extra right but i'm not saying i've never had a spare toothpaste in my cupboard you know but there's always something

that's missing do you mean like i'm always on i'm always down to my last you got to the point where you could not brush your teeth because you had zero toothpaste that's you can't get to that i'm starting to that's wrong i mean you get to the point where there's hardly any left in the tube and once you start having to really twist it. You cut open the tube and scrape it out off the walls. And that reminds you, oh, better get some toothpaste. But you're making out this is some hardship. But you're also saying this is a generation that wants to push a button and get toothpaste airdropped onto their house.

I feel like I am blessed with the space for a pantry that I'm wasting. And I want to just have. You know what you should do? If you're wondering what to do with that space, fill it with empty mason jars, okay? And then when people come to visit your place, you can show them the pantry. And then just sort of do a lingering stare at them, like a creepy stare. And they're looking at like this cupboard full of empty mason jars and maybe they'll think twice about visiting you again you know it could it's like it's like

it's like it's like it's like mosquito spray you know what i mean like you're right for friends for people yeah so you're like yeah yeah you want to mess with this i don't think you do i got lots of empty mason jars in my pantry all right change of subject i want to i want to mess with this? I don't think you do. I got lots of empty mason jars in my pantry. All right. Change of subject. I want to get this off my chest. All right. Right.

This is to all of you out there. I'm calling you what you are. Litterbugs. Right. All right. I've had enough. I go to the park with my kids, trying to raise them right. What do I see?

But a bunch of kids about 10 maybe 15 years older than my eldest having a barbecue in the middle of of the the the park or in the twickenham green or something like that with those little horrible disposable metal fire hazards that set fire to the forest down in dorset near where my mom lives they scorched the grass and what do i see after you've had your fucking barbecue i see all your shit just left on the ground. Now, I was trying to say to my daughter, I was like, how does that happen? Like, imagine if us three went out for a barbecue. And at the end of it, I stood up and went, right, we're done here and walked off. What would you say? Wouldn't you say, Flax, we're going to pick this shit up? If I was like, don't be ridiculous. Just leave it

there on the ground. Wouldn't one of you you say something there wouldn't be anything to leave on the ground because if lewis had anything to do with it we'd have no backup hot dogs or hamburgers or anything we'd just be standing there looking i'll tell you what it is i'll tell you i'll tell you what happens here's here's the scenario you go out with all your friends okay and some some of them invite their friends some of those guys or girls are incredibly annoying. So even though you've come there and you've brought the barbecue and you've made your sausages and you've been generous, you've been kind, you're the friendly guy, you're the nice guy. Those people are shit and they're annoying and you leave first, right? And because there's still the barbecue and stuff around there, you don't clear that up, you know, because you leave it to them because you think someone else one of them will clean it up right you're going first and you've had enough

of them so you go because you were like i brought the barbecue i'm not going to clean it up you know that's that's their job but those guys are assholes pflex and that's why you left right and then you don't think you just assume that they're not that bad they're assholes but they're not that's my here's my question though no one thinks then no one thinks it's their responsibility because they didn't bring it right but hold right, but hold on, hold on. What I'm saying is, I understand that there are people out there that litter. It's a fact of life. Some people are assholes and they just don't care.

But how do they congregate in groups? And how does everyone in that group share the same interest in littering? Because I don't know any social groups that I could be in, all my friends, everyone that I know, who would be happy to do that. And it's not like I've specifically gone out and sought non-litterers, you know what I mean? It's not like I know for a fact that my friends wouldn't litter, but I genuinely would assume that they wouldn't. And I've never seen evidence that they litter. But these people are out in groups of 10 people, and every single one of them is hardcore committed to littering to the point where they will leave a ridiculous amount of stuff in a huge pile on twickenham green walked past it the other

day and i'm thinking that is like a 10 12 person barbecue and not one person has said lads we should pick this up and in fact the majority has agreed not to pick it up where are they meeting well this is the thing i want to know if you're a litterer out there i want to know do you guys have a discord server do you have like a facebook group where you get together and say, let's go for a barbecue and leave everything on the fucking ground? How do you get to the point where they all do it? Right, that's my point. Where are they meeting? I've talked about all the shit we're doing in the office, right?

With like actually giving shit about distancing and being careful and not inviting people in. There's fucking people having a rave on like the local bit of green turf. There's like a fucking gang of like, I'm chatting to someone with a face mask at two meters away and there's like 15 people like slapping each other on the back in a circle, like laughing and shitting all over themselves.

I'm like, fuck is going on? Like why? You know, they're assholes, P-Flat. I think there's also people that have had- We've got to the point now where people are so sick of this lockdown shit that people are like, oh, it's over. Okay. I don't know what I'm allowed to do and not allowed to do. I think those are people that have had... So they're now like immune to it or whatever. That's what they're doing. They're just going around and slapping each other on the back and stuff. You know, like they find other people in a similar situation and it's party time. You know, they're done.

They've done their bit. They're past it. They don't need to worry anymore. So I think in some cases when you see people doing that that's what's that's what's happened you know what i mean i said they're they they feel they feel okay about everything because they've they've developed like the their immunity or whatever through having it and surviving it and stuff and now they're out there slapping each other's butts i think that's a nice assumption but i i'm not sure i conclude the same as you. No, I mean, it's probably not the case.

I'm just surprised that these groups of people get together. And I'm thinking that there must be some underlying personality trait. Like, people tend to go with like-minded people, right? Yeah. Like, if you go out with a bunch of people and you don't get along with them for whatever reason, there must be groups of people out there that I don't like or don't get along with, and they're the ones who—it must coincide with the urge to litter what is that personality it can't just be arsehole that's too easy there must be something else going on that links these people

together so strongly it's not an age thing because i know plenty of young people that don't litter and i fucking get as angry about it as everybody else but what is what is that character trait i'd love to know the littering one i don't know maybe it's just the the the drinking you know after a few drinks yeah you loosen up and you just don't get a bit leery you just don't care about garbage anymore yeah you're just like oh man just whatever i realize this is the most old man rant i've ever had but it's very it's very we live in a society but i know it's very annoying it is i mean i'm sorry there's no way around it it's disgusting it's pretty ignorant young people are meant to care more about the planet than the older generation so what do we do what do you do

if you see someone littering i touch as loudly as possible touch right give it one of these if the mic can even pick it up well like egos and principles aside and stuff flax if you really cared that much you would clean it up after them i'm just saying well well what am i meant to do clean it i don't have a i don't have a bin bag well i don't have anything that's probably why it's there in the first place they didn't have one either evident right but there's there's a bunch of them you pick up something there are bins there's a bin 20 feet away yeah and they still don't use it that's that's what annoys me yeah and if you know

you're going somewhere there's no bins you'll bring a bag it's just horrifying so they did you just leave it there though is when you left sorry that that's bullshit no that argument is bullshit it's just a question i said i just said to you i don't walk around with a fucking bin bag no i know you don't but you just left it there hang on a second don't't walk around with a fucking bin bag. No, I know you don't, but you just left it there. Hang on a second. Don't you walk the dog with a bin bag? No, she has a tiny poop bag. I'd have to use the entire roll of poop bags.

A shovel. And I'm talking, this is like a party level pile of rubbish. Right. What if you had a bigger dog though? They still only come in one size, the poop. The poops don't get that much bigger. There's a thing that happens in Bristol, which is annoying, where it's

like a really not hot day everyone goes out and everyone cleans up their litter okay right but the problem is there's only one or two bins around the square right so rather than people going or walking or taking their their crap further they just leave the shit on the side of the bin or perched on the bin or somewhere near the bin you know they don't bother to go find a different bin it's all it's all well it's like i'm gonna i'm gonna put it in this bin but i'm gonna neatly arrange it at the bottom of the bin in a display and so it's like it's like a diorama there's like poop bags like a fucking set of skittles of bottles you know i mean like a triangle of bottles and um all that

fucking happens is some seagull comes along looking for some chips or whatever and just fucking makes it all puts it everywhere it's just and then it just is spread across a whole wide area you know like a wild animal's going to it and you see all the fucking time happening and i it's like um it's just part of it but like that annoys me that that you think you know it's like i realize this is full but that's not my fault that the bin's full but there's like loads of little psychological tricks that people like just ordinary ordinary people reasonable people are like well i can't be asked to walk over to that side square there's been right here i didn't feel it i'll confess if there's a bin right here. I didn't fill it up. I'll confess.

If there's a bin that's full, I'll go for the perch. But I do that at home as well. Right. Like I'll put something. Because I think when I empty it, I can put it in the bag. Bingo, bang, a bosh. But the perch is always. It's like if your bin's full.

I do this as well. You know, if the bin's full, I just push it down a bit. Oh, you've got to squinch it. Put it on top. And if it doesn't give, then I'm like, oh, well, maybe Iinch it put it on top and and if it if it doesn't give then i'm like oh well maybe i will just balance on top until i have to but then all you all you're doing is putting off the inevitable and making it much worse when you do have to inevitably get emptied in and making it harder for you guys recycle you know you guys recycle at home yeah

of course we do yeah it's like a lot of stuff but a few things do go in that stinky bin. All right, so here's my question, right? Where I live, everybody else on my road, I don't know where they all got the memo, but everybody puts out their recycling bins on the front, right? They copy other people. Yeah, you put it on the pavement. This guy's doing it. We're the only house that doesn't do it.

I always forget, and I have never done it in all the years we've lived here. We've had recycling bins for like 10 or 15 years or something like that. I've never put the box on the pavement. Take yourself a little reminder. You're an old man. I could do that. But even when I was a younger man, I didn't do it. And my thinking is, it's literally one foot.

You literally take one step into my front garden, it's there. We don't have a big front garden where you've got to go all the way up to the house. It's literally the smallest little London front garden you can there like we don't have a big front garden where you've got to go all the way up to the house it's like literally the smallest little london front garden you can imagine it's like the bin is there and i'm thinking i remember when i had a push chair and there's a guy on my road in a wheelchair trying to get down the road with all these bins and everything is a pain in the ass and all that happens is the wind blows and it blows bits of people's recycling all over the road if i keep it on my property no one's gonna have to bump into it no one's have to go around it and if it blows out it's still it's my problem it's not the street's

problem i think putting the bins out in my situation is a bad one so i'm happy not to do it but i'm worried that the bin men don't like me that we're like the bad house because i watch this video it's only a matter of time before they don't take your bin. Right. There's this little kid on YouTube, and when the bin men would come around, he would run out to greet them, and he would make them cookies, and he would say hello to them, and he would chat with them.

Put me in the bin, man! Well, one of the guys, I'm garbage! They would pick him up and let him push the buttons and everything. I was thinking, that must be great for a kid. I'm the opposite of that visit. Like, they come here, I haven't even put my boxes

out it's full of cider and they must be thinking this guy sucks this house sucks and i feel bad about yeah but i'm not gonna change that's right they watch it they're like they drive up to you and it's like a dark house and they they see the the curtains like twitch and this pale bald voldemort face leers out of the upstairs window with a frown on his face, a scowl. He's just been recording the Triforce podcast and he scowls at them. And he's thinking, oh, I hope they're going to take the cider bottles

out of my front garden. I wonder if I've upset them. I thought it was Voldemort. And you could tell his face. Severus, Severus, they're taking the recycling, Severus. Yes, my lord. They didn't take the cardboard, Severus, they're taking the recycling, Severus. Yes, my lord. They didn't take the cardboard, Severus. Thank goodness one of my horcruxes slipped into the recycling this week.

That's right. Horcruxes, right? That was a thing? Yes, you're getting it. It's a millennial. You're a millennial now. What is horcrux? Is that a thing or a house? It was one of the other bits that was ripped off of Lord of the Rings

that was shoved in the books where Voldemort has put his powers and fused it into an object. But a bunch of them? And you need to destroy them all before you can kill him. A bit like the one ring in Lord of the Rings. It's just a coincidence. It's the standard sort of trope. Anyway, I just like the idea that the bin men are watching you in the

same way that you're watching the spy house in the same way that they're watching their bin men on the other side it's like i don't know it's like a a kind of string of spying do you want do you want a spy house update is there one there is okay it's quite intriguing so a couple of weeks ago some early lads turned up do you remember i told you there were some russians working in the in the garden they've now boarded up the back of the house they put a gate on the side um and they've like cleaned up massively and i thought that the guy had hired them to do that it was the council because their neighbor their new neighbor's complaining so this place is like stinks and there's like stuff growing into our property can you do something council turned up and basically like animal proofed the entire thing

but my new neighbor the guy over there he went and had a peek in through the window and he said it's like frozen in time from the late 90s so there's a computer there with one of those massive old crt monitors that's like huge and he said all it is is like it's literally it's like a skeleton with his hand on his dick just dial up porn that's what the guy died watching

he died waiting for the internet died waiting for it to load for a page to load poor bastard he was two years from one day

two years from one man one day this picture will load and I'll see her a muff all I can see is the nipples muff

fucking dial up but he said he peeked into the window and it's just like a huge streak of filth and animal rubbish and stuff that's just blown in because it's been open to the elements for so long but other than that the house is untouched like frozen for well it's been years years and years and years it's quite eerie i mean is this is this an it's just an example of an investment or does some old old chap own it and no i think i said on a previous run to singapore the guy lives in in teddington right this is this house that he owns was like the second house and they'd rented it out and all the rest of it an old lady used to live downstairs she subsequently died so now it's just kind of left his his wife is sick so he's looking

after her rather than doing anything to do with the house so he's just been left sort of forgotten just hasn't had just hasn't had time yeah i can't see it happening the attention it needs but i'm thinking and also i can see him just thinking ah fuck it can't be asked you know but what's he need he's obviously doesn't need for anything he doesn't need the money doesn't need like doesn't need the hassle doesn't want doesn't want to sell it because he thinks oh well if i could get around to it if i could just get a weekend i'll go and then i'll tide it up and that'll give it a bunch oh i don't want to wait he would sell it straight away he'd be like i have this is i'm in over my head i am there's no way i'm gonna take the time to fix this up it's a huge job

like it's an awful lot of work he should sell it house you should buy it me and sip should buy it and house flipping oh yeah i love that i only like doing that for in a virtual setting though flax i don't know if i would want to do that in a real life wouldn't you like it we go to the house we we walk around we trash it about what we could put here we create a virtual version of the house in house flipper so we can try things out and see how it looks and all the rest of it and we think you know what know what? We could put some stairs in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we want to keep all the period stuff. We'll keep the skeleton ranking up. Fireplace has to stay.

CRT monitor has to stay. If we just veneer the skeleton and we just mount him on the wall. Take it out a few meters at the back. Put some new tiling in. Keep the CRT monitor. That's quite retro. Also, fountain. I'm thinking fountain in the garden.

Yeah, all the dead bodies that are in the basement. We'll just keep those as a kind of themed kind of torture room yeah yeah yeah yeah that could be you and me it could be yeah but at the same time it's like um i think if you're gonna do that that's gotta be like your only thing to do right that that's enough to do you don't you wouldn't want to live next to it yeah it would be super easy you're not wrong it would take you it i mean i wrote an email that took me three hours it took me a whole day to write an email this week how long was the email wasn't even that long i just felt like no one really even read it i was just i felt like i needed to do like an update newsletter to everyone and so i was like you know here's what's going on

and stuff and and it just did you send it to me the whole fucking day i got that one yeah oh it's the it's it's the oxygus newsletter number one that was the first newsletter very yeah took me i scrolled through the headings and i realized none of them applied to me so i just kind of i appreciated it no well exactly i think that was generally everyone's response you should put some more clip art in there just to spruce it up a bit yeah right like newsletters normally have pictures to sort of also i want to know what you've been up to and your families you'd say you know little janey started school and uh grandpa's 84 this year can you believe it stuff like that that kind of stuff needs to be in there otherwise i just think you don't care about i didn't add enough fun funny bits it was

very serious yeah also the first the first topic is is obviously brand deals and uh i don't get those very often no i was like you're not popular i'm not brandable you're just not brandable yeah you're not very brandable if we ever get like a bowling ball company in whoa or like an egg company yeah want some sponsorship you know or like um a polishing company like i don't know or snooker um explain the connection with snooker the cue ball gotcha anything else come on keep going billions keep going i'm almost there uh some people listen to this podcast and they're bold too i'm happy to i'm happy to be their representative and to take this on the on the bald head instead of that we don't use our chin we take

it right on the top of our head because you know what we have to live with this yeah and if you want to point it out constantly and make fun of it you go ahead if it makes you feel like a big man lewis with your pantry full of garbage well so should mention, by the way, we haven't mentioned it yet, that this podcast now has a sponsor, ExpressVPN, which I use at home. What do you need a VPN for, though, Lewis?

Well, it's totally legit. You can use it for whatever you... keep your privacy safe. You don't use one, Sims? You really should do, by the way. Well, you should. It's just for your own personal safety. you keep your privacy safe. You don't use one, Sivs? You really should do, by the way. I do. Well, you should. It's just for your own personal safety.

It's quite a useful tool. I've used it quite a lot in hotels and free Wi-Fi areas and stuff. Right. Just because, you know, you don't know who's collecting your data there, do you? True, yeah. But also, I do use it quite a lot to just access other countries. Access their defense matrices. Well, a lot of the time you'll go to YouTube, right?

And there'll be like a John Oliver video and it'll be like, this country is blocked from your location. Oh, God, yeah. Do you know what I mean? That happens a lot. I fucking hate that. Anyway, we did an advert for it and it was a bit wooden, right? Right.

So, no, we need to be less wooden. Much like this. This is an advert for it. Yeah. Expressvpn.com slash Triforce to get three months free. No, we need to be less wooden. Much like this. This is an advert for it. Yeah. ExpressVPN.com slash Triforce to get three months free. Nice. Of VPN if you want.

Sips, you should try it. Is that your script or is that you just saying it? This is me riffing it. Okay. Well, that was thrilling, mate. I mean, honestly. Yeah. ExpressVPN.com slash Triforce. You can get it now.

For your health. So you got your hair cut, Sips. You said that at the start. Did you do it yourself? No, no. Did your lady wife cut it? No, they opened up barbershops and hairdressers here last Friday as part of our lockdown exit strategy plan thing okay um so mostly mostly everything

is now open over here which is nice so life is just slowly sort of going back to normal especially with the kids going back to school next week and stuff that'll be did you that'll be good did you have to cut your kids hair during the the lockdown? No, we didn't. So by the time we, me and my son got our hair cut because. Together. Yeah, because, well, he can't go. Did you take turns or did you do it at the same time? No, well, it was nice because we went, we were in town because like I said, the lockdown is easing substantially over here.

So I took the kids. And you turned to each other and you said, let's get a haircut. No, well, kind of, yeah. So I took my kids to town because it's just a thing that we do on the weekend. You know, like go have a look around and stuff. There's things that they like to do, whatever. So we're walking around town and I thought.

You're like out there. We were close to them. It's like sunny, like got the barbecue going. Yeah, littering and just, you know, just doing all that kind of stuff having a good time um so we were walking by or close to where the barbershop was and i thought i'll just go check i'll just go see what's up like they just opened yesterday so you know it's probably gonna be busy let's just go look and and see what the deal is sort of thing so i get there and it's empty and i was like well that's kind of weird.

And I look on the door and there's a sign that says, you know, we're only doing appointments. We still have to social distance. Everybody's wearing like hazmat suits and stuff in there. And so I said to the lady, like me and my son really need a haircut. Can I make,

can I book an appointment? Like for as soon as you guys can, can like fit us in sort of thing and they're like yeah yeah we'll we'll put you in for like what next thursday in the morning or something i was like yeah okay whatever that's fine um and then one of the ladies like in the back sort of pipes up and says uh the person i'm waiting for's appointment is is 10 minutes late so i can do one of you right now because i'm not just waiting around you know what i mean like if you're going to turn up 10 minutes late fuck you basically yeah yeah yeah so i was like okay cool uh you know just just do just do my son um you know get let's get him a haircut because it

was like really like in his eyes everything uh he wants he saw this guy on the internet yeah pflax that he wants he wants what he's got yeah get the polish i'm just over here chilling i'm just over here chilling yeah so she so she starts cutting his hair she starts cutting his hair and i'm thinking oh great i'm glad that we came and checked this out like it's good he's getting a haircut and stuff and then this other lady pipes up while my son's getting his haircut and she's like oh i'm free my appointment is also 10 minutes late do you want me to cut your hair i didn't i didn't even say anything about me getting a haircut she just took one look at me and

thought this guy needs a haircut really bad uh i was like oh yeah sure i'll like yeah whatever i'll like that's fine so i got my haircut too and it was one of those those sweet little victories you know when you're just like fuck me like i just completely um lucked out i like i took the opportunity and now i don't have to turn out later in the week to get my hair cut or anything i just i'm ready to go amazing yeah so so yeah the shops opened here this week and i walked past primark on the on the monday because i was heading into the office and my god the queue was like unbelievable yeah it was like it went on for miles yeah and obviously they're not letting people they're being a bit careful and they're people are keeping the distance and stuff but it's like i was like blown away that so many people needed to buy shit from primark

like i didn't realize that i don't know so many people had run out of i don't know fucking lycra bras no cheap bras people want to people want to prepare for when they can go out again they want to look good they they well yeah they want to look good they want to feel good too people have been locked down for a long time i heard that they weren't allowing people into fitting rooms right i was also hearing that anytime people like there was like you were given you just weren't allowed to touch things right so you had to like put stuff in a basket and then if you didn't buy it um that that stuff got disinfecated and burned yeah they just piled it up by the bin for the seagulls fitting room takes on like a takes on a whole different meaning for me like if i'm forced to go into a clothes store

i need a room where i can just go in and have a fit because like i'm inside in my head i'm in such such intense amounts of pain i hate going clothes shopping like i hate i hate being dragged into a clothes store man it just it's so boring i can understand like why people don't want to buy their clothes and shoes online right because i think it's always a dumb yeah thing to do right people need to try that shit on or else it's just not just doesn't fucking it's never works every i don't think i've ever bought a pair of shoes online that fitted i think i did i had to buy some ski shoes at one point and everyone i couldn't find anywhere that sold them so i bought some online and they were just the worst they just i had to wear like i think i had to put insoles in them to like make them you know the gel things

to make my feet fit and then i had to wear these massive socks or whatever so my feet weren't just echoing around in these gigantic empty boots right um but and i put up with them because i you know spent the money online i buy i buy uh t-shirts online all the time yeah that's true i think i think some i think tops and stuff is okay but you never know quite what they're gonna look like well that's true and i've got some that i i bought and it's not the material i thought it was and stuff and i'm like oh this is like nylon or whatever i don't know whatever the fuck there is that thing yeah like you buy sometimes like in the clothes shop you'll get something off the shelf and you try it on and you'll think this is gonna look amazing i might as well just try it on but i know it's gonna look amazing you try it on and you're like oh

fucking hell this looks shit why does this look so weird on me and it's because we all have i mean you know what but it's easier it's obviously it's easier for men i mean when it if you think about women if they don't try stuff on the sizes the sizes that women get are madly different from the sizes that men get because i mean men tend to be you're like you're either small medium large or you know you're in the xxl department right you go in there you've given up generally speaking the only thing where you need to worry about fitting is trousers because you know you've got different length legs and stuff like that yeah but we don't have the different styles of hips and butts and no boobs to worry about like it's not an issue but a big i can buy

a t-shirt no problem a big part of clothes shopping and a big factor into the system of purchasing clothes is uh returns right like it's like say you order something online you order a shirt and it gets down it doesn't fit you can return it and they'll normally pay it's a lot more they'll normally pay for the postage and everything it's more of a new credit you back and then you can just like have you ever have you ever returned personally no but like how much stuff have you returned that you've bought online because i don't think i've ever my wife does it all the time like every day something there's something uh parceled up ready to be returned like it's crazy i can't believe it yeah i i i i had a week

off this week off streaming and i had i had a week off this week of streaming and i had i had suddenly i had like you know an extra sort of 20 hours to to do so i built some lego and i boxed last week i boxed some stuff up for you sips and i sent it your way oh yeah i got the box i haven't opened it yeah i got it yesterday i wrote a little postcard to your to your son oh thanks he sent me a letter so i sent it back that's nice and i had to find a post box i know it wasn't that difficult but it was like you know i had to buy some stamps right and so you do you mean like this it's it's it's time that i didn't normally have um but i and i'm not saying i had to go to the post office and send this box like it was just kind of i didn't mind doing it

but it was definitely out of my way and i feel like if i'm buying clothes online i i just want to be efficient do you mean i want to buy a lot of clothes and then take a whole lot back i don't want to like buy a shirt find it didn't fit god it's such a pain in the ass and maybe that's why i'm at the point in my life where and i i've kind of kind of only just realized this i can't remember the last time i went to buy clothes and it turns out that most of the clothes that i currently have are clothes that have been given to me right i think as a dad you accumulate shirts a lot shirts and nobody knows what to get you so they'll get you like stupid novelty shirts like i got a fallout shirt for my birthday uh which is really nice for my kids and stuff before that at christmas i got some sort of

shirt or whatever so now my my drawer my shirt drawer is just filled with shirts that have been given to me like i i never go online to buy clothes i never go clothes shopping i i only go if i absolutely like it's like a complete and utter necessity to do so like i'm you love the fallout out of clothes you're gonna love why i've got you then in that case all right great is it a fallout show because unusually um was it is it is it actually thoughtful or is it just like i remember one year for christmas you got me the art of erotic dancing a dvd which i still have in in here and it's in its shrink wrapping still. That was a nice gift, honestly. What else have I bought you over the years?

Random crap. Random crap, yeah. That's a good summary, yeah. Well, like when you were on your birthday, you were playing so much Fallout, I got some stuff on sale, and I was like, Sipsy's going to love this. Nice. I looked at it, and I was like, this is a bit weird.

Sipsy's going to love this. Oh, fuck, I better go open that box, and I i just thought it was gonna be a bunch of junk in there but now you didn't even open it it only came yesterday i haven't had a chance are you serious see this is what i'm talking about we're busy we're doing stuff if he'd stopped if he'd if he had a week off streaming he would have found plenty of time i built a little bit of lego there you go lewis has built lego. A parcel arrives. I open it straight away. Wow. What, are you like Christmas morning?

Yeah, it's exciting to get mail. I got some post just this morning. And do you know what? I tore it open excitedly. It's my new resident parking permit for the year. Wow. Very exciting. That's pretty exciting, actually.

I would love to get a resident parking permit. Two days ago, Box arrived. Mrs. F had ordered some plates. But the thing with Mrs. F is she can't visualize how big a measurement would be when she sees it online. So she sees the plates. These are very small plates. She thought they were like regular-sized plates. These are smaller than a teacup.

That's how they get you. The teacup plate. What do they call it? A saucer. They're smaller than a tea that's how that's how they get the teacup plate what do they call a saucer that they're smaller than a saucer and she was like well this is look at this is like 18 of them for a bargain price so this was meant to replace our side plates many of which the kids have broken or they're cracked and stuff we've had them for years so she got them but you could not fit a sandwich like it's smaller than a slice of bread so they're like um i guess they're for like put sweet chili

sauce in or something or like no they're like they don't even have like much of bread so they're like um i guess they feel like putting sweet chili sauce in or something or like no they're like they don't even have like much of a lip they're they're almost flat fucking well it's it's like one of those things though it is that you you the worst thing is cracking open a present or not present like a delivery or something that's been sent to you and find out it's that fucking tube of toothpaste you ordered. It's always a little bit disappointing. It is. Because there is that wonderful, magical... This is why you shouldn't order toothpaste online

when you run out with those Amazon buttons. Don't do it. Because it's just going to cause you disappointment every day. Yeah. You're going to think it's a present. It's toothpaste. We get that all the time. We get a parcel, I open it up, it's stuff for the dog.

Yeah. You know what I mean? That's not a present for me. That's not going to like a present for me that's like water for the iron we have we buy this filtered water so it doesn't clog it up with in london everything clogs up with uh what is it lime scale lime scale right so we buy it's a it's a nice iron we don't want it to break it's it's like the best iron we've ever had it's like this fancy steam iron and everything fill up the reservoir in the base with water and it's got a pipe going to the iron So it's you don't fill up the iron you fill up this this base unit. It's really cool Very very good. I think I'm a big fan of this sleep. Big fan of this

My household has no longer any need for an iron and has not had one for quite some time Wow a nice point to get to yeah, why is it no longer a need for a car? Yeah, no one knows everybody is always wear a hoodie. no one sees my cranked up yeah that's it i i just wear like fucking jeans am i i wear dad shorts and t-shirts and stuff for the most part my wife doesn't need to really iron her clothes i don't iron my clothes ever like it's only if i'm specifically going out to see people other than my family right then i'll iron a shirt right but i mean don't, don't you feel bad? Mrs. F is really well turned out every day. Yeah, but she works at an office, though. No, but even when we've been at home, she dresses in a nice dress.

She does her hair. She does her makeup. She's got jewelry on. And there's me. I'm wearing the same shorts I've worn all week. And I have a scrubby old t-shirt that's all crinkled to fuck. Yeah, my wife is the same, but she doesn't need to iron anything. Right, but why do they put up with it,ips is my question i don't know oh i'm so bad at ironing though that i feel

like i actually make it actively worse do you mean it has like creases of weird shit in it that like i i feel like it's actually the shirt was better before i started ironing it do you need me to teach you how to iron a shirt because i'm quite good at it well i feel like i feel like somehow men get away with the whole i am what i, like love it or leave it sort of thing. You know what I mean? I don't think we should. That's what I'm saying. I don't think we should either,

but we do. Come on, we got to take what benefits we've got, P-Flags. In this patriarchal society where we are the kings. Give us something, ladies, please.

God, geez, you've stolen everything. You guys can give birth to other life. You can do everything. We can't do shit. Oh, man. Yeah, no, it's weird.

It's weird how that imbalance exists, doesn't it? Because men, I don't think, would ever put up with it, right? Like a woman. Well, you know what I think it is? I'll be honest with you. First of all, I know that, and this is going to sound sexist, but I do know that women judge what other women wear quite strongly. Right.

Like, typically speaking. Most other men judge other men i agree like we might tease each other if you're a man who's into fashion suddenly you're looking at everyone else right right but a lot of blokes especially when you get to my age and sif's age you know i'm not thinking i'm gonna pop to the shop i better put on my my hipster trousers and uh and this cool t-shirt i just go down there because i want to get what i want to get right yeah but i know that if i bumped into another dad he wouldn't look me up and down and be like wow you really made an effort he wouldn't give a shit yeah any more than i would you know what i mean the shorts do you know i mean they notice the shorts because it's like fucking snow

on the ground and you know sips is right that's the only time you it would be i think i i feel like men become complacent a lot a lot, a lot more readily than women do. But we never had much to work with in the first place. No, but women seem to constantly make an effort in all areas, right? They've got more options. They do, but they still go the extra mile, right? They've got more expectations. Yes, my expectation is i'm a i'm a mess and you know

i expect uh in any relationship you kind of two people that are a mess you need one of them to have their shit together and be well turned out and what if the police came around for some reason and we're both turning up looking like we just woke up you know what i mean one of us needs to look like they're on it i wouldn't miss it luckily she looked well exactly i would be screaming out of my window i'm calling my lawyer right now i wouldn't even answer the door so we're just asking everybody in the neighborhood no get away from me no questions i'm at that point with no consent i have no time for them i can't be bothered if they're knocking on my door they can speak to somebody else that i'm not it's i'm not talking to them because it's all uniquely anti-social

individual no but it's all these games and shit that they play, right? They're like vampires. They try to get invited into your house and stuff like that. It's like, fuck off. Go fucking bother somebody else. I'm not doing anything here. You don't need to talk to me. Hold up the garlic.

Yeah. Fucking cops, get out of here. Is it true that I'm sure I saw in a vampire movie that they can't cross running water? I think that happened to Dracula in one of the movies. Well, maybe. He can't cross running water. What? Of all the weaknesses, I mean, it doesn't even make sense.

What's their problem with running water? Well, I think they could cross still water. They could go, I've seen them on planes getting around it. Right. But what if, I mean, first of all, that means how did dracula get on that boat he was loaded on london with the crane but he's not allowed to cross running water yeah but if he's in his coffin it's fine you don't think it would freak him out so what's the deal he just doesn't like it he's like hibernating the whole time when he's on a boat if he's ever on a container ship or a boat

or whatever as vampires that's how they seem to get around. Even though they can fly. Yeah, but they get tired. I mean, geez. You've got to suck some blood. You're not going to find it halfway across the Atlantic. That's true. That's true.

But anyway, so I think they just sort of hibernate in their coffin for like the long. But so is the restriction, is it a, oh, I don't want to do it. Or is it like a physical, he can't, like a force field? Like are we just assuming vampires are like, oh, couldn't i couldn't cross running water maybe yeah probably not there's all sorts of weird stipulate it's like curse being a vampire right so there's lots of downsides to it yeah i'm just curious what the limitation is is it a self-inflicted limitation no no is it like a phobia that they have like what's the deal because vampires try to do as much as they can.

I tell you what, you never see a shabby vampire, do you? A shabby vampire? They're always impeccably turned down. Yeah, that's true, actually. Like women. Vampires and women. It's kind of forced on them, though, in the same way that women feel like they have to dress smart and wear makeup and conform, you know?

You know what's occurred to me is that what if the whole vampire thing is like a warning to men not to get married what do you think maybe i mean like i'm just wondering if it's like if if part of the root fear like you know oh don't marry her she's a blood sucker you know what i mean like that that idea that men that this this vampire is going to suck the goodness out of you slowly over time and turn you into their thrall make you their thrall that might be part of the you know the men's fear of being tied down yeah because it's like it sounds good for like a hot woman to be in your bedroom and like right going for your neck but then suddenly you're enslaved you're doing everything she tells you and you're putting the

bins out yeah yeah and now you can't go outside anymore you're stuck in the house stuff you're ironing the bed exactly they don't want to cross running water and famously women hate running water of course yeah because it makes them feel like they don't like the smell of garlic if i eat loads of garlic mrs ever's like stop trying to kiss they got a very sensitive sense of smell more than us more than men you know they despise god they hate god hate god if i've ever known any anything about women it's how much they hate god that's one attribute that's one of them definitely one of those things that's such a stereotype and it's there for a reason isn't it yeah they hate god yeah uh what else they could turn into a bat no vampires well yeah i suppose vampires yeah i think they could turn into a wolf as well

the she-wolf right and bats you, kind of high-pitched voices. Just like a woman. Just like that. All right, let's stop. Thank you, everybody, for listening to this podcast. We'll see you all next time. Oh, my God. Bye.

Thank you, bye. Goodbye.