Triforce! - Triforce! #135 - Curious Case of the Butter in the Bathroom

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

Triforce! Episode 135! A man enters a bathroom with a whole stick of butter. 1 hour later the butter is gone. Is it in his butt? Visit http://expressvpn.com/triforce to get an extra 3 months of ExpressVPN for free! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Triforce Podcast. Good morning. You can put some energy into it. You can put some fucking energy into it, please. Put your nuts into it. Good afternoon, good evening, and good night. I had to wake up extra early this morning, Lewis.

I need you to pep me up. What time did you get up? I've been up extra early this morning. This sounds like a story that we should go into then. What's going on? Why are you up extra early? Because normally you're up early with the kids, right? The plumber had to come and fix my shower.

Did I tell you guys about my shower not working? Oh, no. Is that the one which has been busted for the entirety of the lockdown? So you have to have a bath instead of a shower every day. Yeah. I can't believe that. You've got a family of four people having baths every morning you know you know like some victorian can i go in next daddy daddy goes first washes off the

ground i've got one of those showers that's like on legs you know you know he's got those little legs like underneath the base part to like lift it up off the floor you ever see yeah you've got one of those giant marble bathrooms with that that They're called feet, aren't they? Yes. It's raised up off the ground. That's right. And you go in there and it's just filled with bubbles. That's right. And you're just lying in there.

Yes. Like a stewing chicken. Listening to techno with a laser show and trying to have a shower, which I haven't been able to do for months now. So water got in behind the shower somehow it leaked and um underneath because it's all it's like a tiled bathroom but underneath there's a square cut out for the pipes and stuff to go down and then there's just some like you know plywood or yeah it's like it's like one of those hidden yeah tile panels yeah one of the legs at the back was resting on this plywood which had gotten all

wet um and then so the back leg of the the shower base sinking gave away whatever the fucking silicone the seal stuff you know you seal the bottom very dad level conversation yeah oh yeah yeah grouting yeah the grouting's gone all that yeah it's not the grouting it's not the grouting no it's different it's it's it's the sealant nah mate it's not your grouting. The grouting is different. It's the sealant. Nah, mate. It's not your grouting. It's your seals. It's your silicone. All we've got to do, we've got to scrape out the old silicone and gun in some new stuff. I thought that grouting and silicone was the same thing.

No, grouting is like a sort of... It's like a mini cement. It goes between tiles. It dries and it holds the tiles in place. I thought that's the same thing, though. I thought a lot of times they used that sealant. You don't use silicone sealant for in-between tiles. That wouldn't be...

Yeah, it wouldn't hold the tiles. The silicone sealant has some flex to it. They'd be rubberized tiles. So you'd get this rubbery... You put the silicone at the joints because when you fill a bath and get in, it moves down a little bit. So if you just had grouting there,

you're going to crack your grouting, mate. What you want is silicon because it's got some give to it. That's right. All right. So now what's happened after a while is it's sunk down. The seal has peeled off and allowed for more water to trickle down in behind. And the problem has just gotten worse and worse and worse. Yeah, it does.

So now they've had to take out the whole unit. They've got to replace all the plywood. in behind and that the problem has just gotten worse and worse and worse yeah it does so now they've had to take out the whole unit they got to replace all the plywood they got to like seal it up again and stuff but hopefully fingers crossed all things going well today i'll be back in the saddle baby taking a nice steamy shower do you reckon you're gonna just you're gonna do that's the first thing you do when it's fixed you're gonna go in there and just have a shower even though it'll be like four in the afternoon yeah are you gonna just do a weird afternoon well i'm on i'm on an afternoon shower schedule now i don't shower first thing in the morning i shower at night unusual i shower at like five o'clock at night yeah okay yeah just to like wash the day off yeah it's nice you know you feel all

nice and clean for the evening and then you go to bed, you're like relatively clean. You know, you shower first thing in the morning, you go to bed, you're filthy. You're like, you've got a gross, greasy film on you and shit. Like you jump into bed with that on. Like it's kind of gross, no? No, I get it. Like I don't mind I wash it multiple times per day. Nah, there's no way that's that's that is that is wasteful i would never have like two showers a day there's unless it was super hot if it was really hot maybe i would have another shower at night if it's a sweaty summery day yeah you can sometimes have a shower or you've or you've done something that left you sweaty like you know if

you're i always struggle with this like the morning the morning shower i'm whether you because a lot of people do exercise in the morning. They do a run. Lots of people. Or a fucking gym. Yeah. One thing I did yesterday was Ring Fit. Have you seen Ring Fit?

It's like, it's like the latest Switch Wii Fit exercise thing. And so it's a video game with a ring and you put the controller in. Sounds almost too good to be true. Right. Does it? Playing a video game to stay fit yeah yeah we've been down this road before i'm sure not very good no but anyway it's okay um i tried it out i had to i put all my my stats in my height of my weight and my age and god like it's sort of how how much exercise i do it's like not very much noise anyway i started playing this thing and i'm you have to kind of it's like temple run right so

you know when you're like doing one of those runners where you run through a map right uh but you have to jog to keep yourself going through the map um on the spot and if you jog faster you run faster um so you could sort of run rush to this thing you could jump at things by like boosting yourself up um squeezing this ring and also uh when you fight a battle against like either a boss or just like a pleb you have to like do exercises so one of them is like squats right right and one of them is like sit-ups, basically. And so I had to do, I'm not even joking, like 50 squats to kill this boss.

And I was like, fucking, what am I doing with my life? Just stood in my lounge doing 50 squats to kill like a fucking cartoon dragon. Yeah, really, who designed this? Like Satan? Jeez. It was really odd because like there's this dragon standing there right and he's like going raw and you're like doing a squat and each time you do a squat a little like fist comes out of the ground and like fists him up the ass

jesus i was like what the fuck um and he got, ah, then you do another squat. Do it again. It was so fucking, I, I, I might do it again, but I just, I,

I just felt like anyway, afterwards I was really sweaty and, but I'd had a shower already. And so I was like, I just had a shower and now I've done those exercise. Am I now, do I now have another shower? So I had another shower.

I didn't, right. Do you know what I mean? But there's two showers already. Yeah. That's a lot of showers you're saying yeah that i mean you have to almost have that second shower that's required right if you if you've done something that requires you to be exerting yourself physically yes uh especially if you get really sweaty i was always told that when you were doing yoga you should always do it with like a clean body kind of thing so you're supposed to like do the exercise with being clean so does that like i don't know what the etiquette is a lot of people like you

would say it's greedy i use the pool of water i think in a general sense though if you're washing every day you're you're clean like once once a day washing is quite a lot of washing in the grand scheme of things. Think of all the people in the world. Some people don't wash every day, but we do wash every day. So I would say that we're in general pretty clean. So I think it's safe to say whenever you approach yoga,

your body's clean. Even if you feel like a little bit pongy. You think comparatively. Comparatively, you are clean. Yeah. Speaking about showers, I knew someone who that was their sort of way to get off. Right. They would use the running, the friction of the running water.

They would spray it on there. This is a lady you're talking about. It's a lady. Yeah. She would spray it on her private is a lady you're talking about it's a lady yeah uh she would spray it on her private area that's not really unusual and so as a result they would end up taking quite a lot of showers and for quite a long time i bet um so but some people get that in their routine is that okay or is that like a big waste if you if you have time what are you what are you talking about a big waste of water i don't know like i'm always concerned that yeah we live in the uk it rains every day i i think it's okay i mean i did i know that there we have droughts occasionally

where we're running out of water but that's not if you're doing it during a drought i disagree but most of the time in the uk it's raining in there come on all right picture yourself in a you remember when david blaine did that thing where he was in a see-through box and he didn't eat for like 40 days or something and i'm not going to eat for a week he was like what an exciting guy he was hoisted up in a public square or something i remember that it wasn't it near tate modern or something like that something like that yeah okay so imagine a similar box is suspended above a poor village in africa or something right how comfortable would you feel being suspended in that box a taking a really long unnecessary shower b masturbating while

you're taking this really long unnecessary shower you know what i mean like i think i it's it's kind of like it's one of those things where you're you're doing it at the time you're not really thinking about like any of the consequences of doing it right you're just like i'm just taking this really nice shower or whatever what's the consequence of that to africa no i'm i'm just i i'm just i'm just saying like as an example i don't know if there's any direct consequence to anyone in Africa, but would you feel bad when knowing that you're like amongst a lot of people who have not much or not as much as you or whatever?

I think I would feel bad. And you're just sort of like really indulging yourself in a fairly wasteful way, right? I would feel bad if I was there in a box showing off my long shower abilities. What if i was there in a box showing off my glass box yeah yeah a fully a fully glass box and they were seeing you it's an it's an example though i'm not saying that you would actually be doing that it's just like how comfortable would you feel like knowing that people with nothing knew that you did that, would you still do it? Would you feel more comfortable being watched

by a load of villagers who see you naked, jacking it in the shower? Or would you be more comfortable by the fact I'd be mortified if somebody was watching me jacking it in the shower, but... It depends if they were also jacking it in the shower. Then maybe it's like a little moment. It's kind of the same as people who are really outspoken on like social media but not in their day-to-day or real life

you know like it's like the people that that have no problem being really outspoken about a topic and and writing just reams and reams of tweets or reddit posts or whatever but would never say these things like in a in a public space right like in an auditorium where people would would be able to like call them up on things or whatever, you know what I mean? It's kind of the same thing. You're in a private space doing something and you don't really think about it, right? You don't really think about it because there's no context for anybody else to call you up on what you might be doing wrong or anything like that, right right so do you think that it's healthy

to live your life thinking that whatever you're doing in privacy gosh what would other people think if they saw me doing this is essentially what you're saying especially if you're comparing the relative luxury of taking a very long shower yeah with the deprivations yeah i think yeah i am i'm i'm kind of saying that but not like not extremely saying that, you know what I mean? No, I think that I think that I think if you had in the back of your mind, most times, a thought for others, for example, not even people with nothing, you might do things differently. That I think that's what I'm saying. That's the essence of what I'm saying. I'm kind of worried about that thought process. I mean, it makes it very difficult to enjoy the benefits of living in a Western democracy if you're constantly thinking, gosh, I feel bad

because some people don't have access to this kind of thing. I mean, it's all right to occasionally think that, but I think if that's all you think, what are you going to do? I'm not saying you're consumed by this. I'm saying that you have some inkling or some occasional thoughts. I'm very fortunate. I do think that.

I sometimes, when I'm in the shower and then get out and get downstairs and look at all the appliances and stuff, my microwave, for example. Yes. And I'm thinking how lucky that we live in a country where, and also if I order something online, it can get there the next day. I've ready access to the internet, to free information, to non-censorship and all that kind of stuff. But we're very fortunate. But I think as long as you recognize that and accept that there are definite places in the world where things suck, I't think you can i don't think you need to change your your lifely lifely uh your lifestyle as long as you're

not damaging the environment unnecessarily or harming people or stealing or anything like that like i think just living your life i mean with the with the the standards that we've got you know what can you do what are you meant to apologize constantly what's the cost like like however much a shower costs it costs like five p it's the energy right i suppose the thing is if you think about the energy cost of taking a half hour shower so you can have a wank in the shower yeah if you did that every day get really really saucy with the shower head that's that's a lot of time and that is a lot of energy yeah i mean you have to pay for it that's you know that's on you i think that's that is it isn't it like eventually you are paid i would i'd like to know how much that costs because

other people's fetishes i'm sure people spend more than the cost of a shower yeah shower fetish has to be the cheapest that's got to be one of the cheapest going i mean apart from pavement fucking we know that's a cheap one and bicycle fucking yeah it's just i think it's just something interesting to think about i'm not saying i'm i'm, you know, I'm guilty of all of these things that I'm, you know, it seems like I'm condemning or whatever. Like, yeah, I will take longer showers sometimes or whatever, you know what I mean? Like, but I just think it's interesting to think that it what I said before, it's interesting to think that you might do things differently, right? If you thought that other people were were judging you like in uh in terms that you're not used to right you know i wonder if part of the sort of uh the very aggressive response that there's been in some quarters to let's say climate change that crisis is that because it's a thing that exists people feel judged yeah and they feel like if you say cut down on unnecessary energy usage, try not to drive, they feel judged. And when people feel judged,

they tend to respond very negatively and they feel like, well, what are you telling me what to do? And then they get very sort of, uh, combative. And I think that's part of the problem. People aren't looking like you said, there are definitely problems with taking half hour showers so you can have a wank. I'm sure that's an issue. If everybody did it, the energy cost would be very high and all the rest of it. I get it. But the response to that is you just go up the price of water.

Are you kidding me? Do you know how much I pay for water already? I don't know if that helps really, though, just upping the price of stuff. Because I think people will... That's how the economy works. I know, but I think people are so so like unconscious when it comes to things like this you know you don't you don't necessarily notice um you know increases in like the cost of water you're not gonna look at your electricity bill and be like oh yeah some people do don't get me wrong some people really do analyze every every minute detail of

their electric bill but the majority of people don't really notice that kind of stuff i mean having said that the congestion charge that they brought into london it's like uh what do they call it not a behavioral tax someone and someone will know what it's called um i read i read a book uh the undercover economist i'm sure i've mentioned it before tim harford i think it's like a clever way to get it's a way of manipulating people yeah and essentially you just say the plastic bag tax exactly which is how i almost always take a plastic bag so i don't want to pay 10p for a bag and also i feel like i get judged exactly exactly it's really worked it really has worked to like stop me using like if you have to ask for a bag

because they don't just give them to you you have to say may i have a bag and they sort of give you that little look and then get the bag yeah and you know like i know that the plastic bag usage in the uk has really gone down i am all for being manipulated by the government anyway let's talk about how the man likes to keep things behind invisible walls and right like you've said previously lewis when you want to watch a show in america and for some bizarre reason it's not available here in europe uh vpn will get you there that's right the trifles podcast is sponsored thank you pflax you're very well by express vpn you can get it on your ipad or whatever it's nice to just do it in privacy without the man watching

you the man um where where are that man be from yeah all women i'm sure are watching as well although i like to think they're better than that i don't know it's like especially since it's not private you know your internet service providers are legally obliged to pass things on to government agencies right right and they are yeah oh god you know Yeah. Oh, God. You know. So anyway, there you go. ExpressVPN.com forward slash Triforce. You can get three months for free. Boom. And we also support it.

Thanks, everyone. Please enjoy the rest of the show. Interestingly, I read an article a couple of weeks ago on Colony about a guy who keeps disappearing into the bathroom with a stick of butter. Yes, I read that too. Yeah, it was an amazing post. Was there ever? So, yeah, summarize it, Lulu. So, I've just got it here. I can read it. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and we finally moved in together.

Ever since we moved in, I have seen a new side to him. It's a very odd issue and i can't wrap my head around what to do some people have accused this of being fake i swear this is a real situation i'm dealing with i don't know what else to say but it's bizarre at first i started to notice butter was disappearing quickly right i assumed maybe i lost track of how much we had or maybe he was cooking when i wasn't around i don't know but one night a few weeks ago i saw him try to stealthily take a stick of butter from the fridge, which I pretended not to notice, and he took the butter with him into the bathroom. I have noticed my boyfriend spending an hour or more of time in the bathroom. Hour or more?

Oh. But I never saw him take the butter before. I was very confused. So when he came out of the bathroom an hour later, I saw no sign of the butter. I also saw he did not put the butter back in the fridge. It was gone. I tried to subtly keep an eye on him and over a week he did this three separate times and each time a stick of butter disappeared. A whole stick? A stick. A whole stick of butter? A whole stick. Finally, I said one day, where did all our butter go? I hardly used any this week and it's all gone. He pretended to not know and said maybe we just forgot to buy it. I said one day, where did all our butter go? I hardly used any this week and it's all gone.

He pretended to not know and said maybe we just forgot to buy it. I said, no, we had four sticks before. Now they're gone. He just acted like it was a mystery and said, guess we should order some more groceries. By now I was getting very confused. So I ordered groceries and made a point of saying, good to finally have four sticks of butter. This should last us quite a while. Oh my God. he made no comment on the first two days whenever i used a small amount of butter i would remark about how much

butter he had left oh finally one day i saw him do it again he took a stick of butter into the bathroom was gone for an hour or so and came back with no butter i couldn't believe it so when i made dinner i acted shocked that one stick of butter was gone. He said, maybe we only had three, but he knew I'd been making a point of it. The very next day, another stick of butter was gone. I listened at the bathroom door and heard sink water running and thought I heard moaning. I was very confused. Finally, this time when he came out, I said, I know he has been taking butter into the bathroom he got all flustered and said i must be mistaken but i said i had literally seen him

take butter into the bathroom and come out without it and i knew he has been lying to me about the quantity of butter in our fridge he started apologizing and said let's just not talk about it but when he saw i was getting mad he, what if I order my own separate private butter? I was like, okay, but what are you doing with the butter? He asked me to promise him to never ask about his butter activities again and just put it behind us. He said, just look the other way on this one thing and stressed how this is not a big deal at the end

of the day but i have been so confused and even worried about it like what is he doing why was he lying about it why won't he tell me you don't want to shove butter up here because he's not an overweight guy and i feel like if someone ate that much butter they'd become hefty but he shows no sign of it okay give me two seconds i just have to go uh let this guy um out of my house quick and no we've triggered we've triggered sin get some butter because the plumber is here i will go get some butter but i have something important to say when i get back okay i'll be back in two secs do it well i mean is there is there any doubt in your mind that that dude is doing sex stuff with that butter? Well, first of all, I think this is like one thing. It's a little bit of a test just to see how dirty you really are.

You know, because some of the comments in this thread were very, like, very much like they went, they had some really messed up ideas on what he was possibly doing. I mean, I don't know whether he kind of folds it into a circle and fucks it. I don't know if he sort of shoves it up his butt. I'm trying to think what he could do with it. I couldn't really think beyond. But there were people saying there's like a wet and messy fetish. Well, so he covers himself in water and butter. Well, you know, I don't know what.

Like, obviously, these things get out of control, don't they? You know, people... I feel like if it was something indiscreet involving a lot of mess, there would be evidence of that mess. Like, he's going to miss something. Like, if she was like, there was butter all over the ceiling, or there's like a film of grease, because he'd have to take some serious cleaning products. If he's doing anything with the butter that involves getting it all over the place... It's like a film of grease because he'd have to take some serious cleaning

products if he's doing anything with the butter that involves getting it all over the place very oily i think there's going to be evidence there's going to be greasy spots because it's butter's very greasy it's hard to clean you get but like when you're making a cake you get butter all over your hands it takes fucking ages to get all that shit off there's no way oh my god but he's doing something super messy well it's gross too it's a dairy product so if it's not cleaned up properly the the bacteria that can like form off it'll smell real bad gross oh my god they this is this they need to get the csi guys in there right and go to the bathroom with one of those like spray things that they have the luminol in but instead of

the gun right yeah i i could not um i could not continue in a relationship with somebody where there was something like that where it's like a mystery don't ask me about this mystery i don't want to talk about this one thing i would just be like okay sorry yeah i feel like there's no way i would put up with that no it's all right though isn't it for people to have a private life it's okay to have a private life but that's like extreme uh compartmentalization isn't it it's like really there's no way that anybody well should be okay with that he's he's very ashamed about it though or at least feels like he has to keep it private from his partner there's obviously shame a lot of shame right yeah and i feel like you shouldn't necessarily if you're into something weird just fucking go ahead and share that shit with your partner like what's the worst that can happen they'll either support you or they won't and

then at least if they at least you know either way you know if they decide that that's too much for them then you just i think you'll find that most people are willing to give it a go even if they're like you know they want to they want you to be happy mr butter i'm not sure if i would be up for giving anything to do with butter ago though other than like using it as a baking ingredient or like to put on my toast or whatever so in fact i'm not into the whole like your food on my actually was written this this story was actually written by a woman and you want to know the real reason why your bath plug was all blocked up it was full of butter like all it's your wife who's been squashing that butter down the butter down there with with with she's usually to wash her hair actually because it gives it a

really uh luxuriant shine right a totally innocent reason right how do you feel how do you how would you feel just finding that out would you be relieved i would be like i would do like a fucking dirty den on eastenders at christmas i'd be like here's the letter from my here's a letter from my solicitor and i would i would fucking slap the divorce papers right down i'd be like this is unacceptable but related. Would the butter related fetish work with, I can't believe it's not butter or any spreadable butter. Does it have to be? For me personally, I don't know about you guys.

I do not like the whole like putting like chocolate syrup on my dick and balls or like, you know, putting a strawberry jam up my ass. And I don't, I don't like food sex like food stuff you know what i mean like agreed put whipped cream all over my my dick and blow me i don't even like it when you see there there's porn especially porn related to large-breasted women where they cover themselves in food yeah that's gross i just think just just have have a shower and then we'll get down to it but do you think that do you think that they would feel comfortable doing that in a Glax box suspended above an African village? Well, they've got their face all over the internet with whipped cream all over their tits.

So it's just one more gig, isn't it, I guess. I mean, yeah, I don't like the whole food angle. It's not for me. And for that reason, I'm out. Have you guys ever wondered, talking about porn, why are there no Amazon star reviews of sex? I was thinking of like Amazon reviews for sex would be, I tried some sex as ordered and it was a little disappointed.

Whilst it was fun at the time, I did feel afterwards that it had a lot of consequences that were not advertised yeah when i when i first started using sex like where's those reviews the honest reviews there have been there there are some available i remember reading a thread on something awful years ago about this very thing it was a website where people were able to review uhitutes, basically. Oh no, yeah, I know that. That's Punternet. I think it's called Punternet. No, but this was the most depressing, miserable read ever. Yeah, no, it is.

I actually felt... That website's still going. Oh, that was horrible. I occasionally check in. I remember that thread. Yeah. And I remember being fascinated by it. And I still check in. I remember that thread. Yeah. And I remember being fascinated by it. And I still check in occasionally. But this is like the Reader's Wives segment of Playboy.

No, it's not. It's stripped of any attempt at glamour. No, no. They don't refer to my throbbing love pump and stuff. There's nothing like that. It's very methodical. It's very like, yeah, I turned up uh after and the and she said that she needed uh 20 bucks uh she took her pants off and she stunk real bad and it was like

it's like all these miserable experiences with people who have just no business doing any of these things and like it's sad people having sex with oh my god sex but this is but i think the modern equivalent is probably like i don't know like tinder date reports almost i'm reading that the date a date is like this this is so this is very personal yeah it's very personal it's described a little bit about like like the way you would describe like imagine we met up at a at a someone else's wedding we might describe the route we took to get there. So would you take the M4 and then come off at Swindon? Yeah, I just came off of Swindon, went, took a left there.

It's like that. Oh my God, it's like the Triforce podcast. I just had to let the plumber round. So I had my shower wasn't working because my wife's been shoving butter up her arse. So I haven't washed my hair. So I was all greasy and I stank. It's sad.

It's really sad at the same time. I'm just thinking, the butter, it tends to be, is it Lady of the Lakes or Lando Lakes butter? And there's a picture of a Native American woman,

very pretty, on the packet. I wonder if he's got a fetish related to her specifically. Maybe. What's the commercial what's the is it clover um clover is the one where people cry in the commercial right we could we all love clover you know that one and they're always like there's always some dude with a tear running down

his cheek like as he's about to eat some corn or like butter buttering his toast and he looks at his wife and there's a tear in his eye and stuff yeah and she's thinking this is a terrible waste of butter maybe it was clover butter maybe he's wrong maybe he just needed to feel something a couple of times a week you know like he'd just look at the butter stare at it intensely and then just like tear would form in his eye and stuff just loves clover this this is very common like i think like people seeing people's like stories of of this sort of stuff and i don't know like it's like amateur porn though isn't it i mean people want to hear the real gritty i don't think they do sad and depressing i don't think many

people are getting off over these really grimy i don't think they do i think it's a i think it's a tragedy a lot of this stuff there's so many weird little fetishes we read this stuff and we're interested in it and stuff but there's people these these people have lived this life and have been affected by this like i can't i would feel like such shit if that was me and i had those experiences in my brain that i remembered from time to time i would feel everyone's got shit that they are embarrassed about or awkward like everyone's got like i don't know like stories that's extreme though that's something that would come back like that's traumatic i think i i think that's

something that would that would play on your mind more so than the time you you you know accidentally smashed your friend's mom's window or with a baseball or something you know what i mean like yeah but i i remember having to i don't know i happened to crap in a in the wood or something i don't think i don't feel i've had to crap in the woods before i don't feel bad about that and it's not something i really think about very often it's just i had to crap in the woods one time if i have paid somebody to have sex and they took their pants off and it stunk and I had this miserable, intimate experience with them afterwards, I would remember that forever. And it would bother me until the end of my time. You know, it reminds me of a friend of mine.

He used to go to prostitutes quite often. Oh, God. He was the kind of guy. He's a very, he has a lot of sex this guy, right? And he's a friend of yours. Not really. It was a guy I used to play video games with a long time ago. And he used to be like, he would go to bars, he would meet people online, go to bars, get picked up by their wife, and they go home and have sex with their wife in front of them. uh he was uh

what do they call that like uh he would cuck people right for you know like by a professional professional yes i i automatically am dubious of this guy right it's i guarantee you this is a i guarantee you this is a i reckon he's meeting these people online and and meeting them in bars i don't think he's going to i don't think he's actually going to bars picking up wives you you are wrong okay like there are places that you can go where people know what the deal is like dog like you know these things get out there dogging spot yes and so this was like a place where you went and you would be a single guy at the bar and people would go there to pick you up to fuck their wives like that was it was by agreement it's an agreed that's what they're into so be it whatever wow could you imagine if you

just ended up sitting at the wrong bar like you're in town for a conference yeah exactly you you were you're just a nice normal guy sitting at one every like five minutes a couple would come along and start chatting you up oh can i buy you a drink you look like you work out that's the husband squeezing your biceps. The wife is drooling. Do you like to fuck my wife? Whoa! So what's the idea of this then? Are you squeezing your hog

while some dude is humping your wife in front of you? Yeah, no, I think that's literally the fetish. That is the ultimate ending. That's what happens. Some guy is just plowing your wife in your living room on the coffee table, and you're just sitting in your lazy boy cranking away. I feel like it's not that different. Like, humiliation fetishes are a thing, right?

Like, look at those rich guys that like to get beaten up by dominatrixes or whatever. It's the same kind of thing. Maybe she's the one who's leading it. Maybe he's not physically able. Like, there's lots of little things that could... Rits of reasons. Where does this stuff come from, though? This has to come...

This has to stem from, like, previous, like, abuse or something like that, right? I disagree. Right. I disagree. It's just some people just are just wired that way. People are different. Right. And there could be a hundred reasons for it. And they'll give you a reason. You'll be like, oh, that sounds reasonable. disagree right it's just some people just are just wired that way people are different right and there

could be a hundred reasons for it and they'll give you a reason you'll be like oh that sounds reasonable i mean some of the stuff is really weird like inflation fetish where they like to get in a suit pump it full of air and get stuck in a corridor like that's a that's a thing sure it's all linked to like that rubbery balloony fetish and stuff and latex and all these things that you can understand have you ever heard have you ever heard of the the comic book artist robert crumb yes no okay so robert crumb one of my favorite comic book artists fantastic there was a fantastic documentary about him uh called crumb yeah which is brilliant and it looks at his super fucking weird family now he talks very openly in his comics about where his fetishes he used. He used to draw like really overweight women and stuff.

No, no, no. It wasn't overweight. That was the thing. It was very tall, strong women with big, thick thighs, big butts and big boobs. Right. There was a shape that he described as like the bean where they're sort of shaped like a bean and their butt sticks out. Anyway, he was into very big, thick legs and boots. And the reason for that is one of his first sexual experiences when he was a kid, his aunt came over to the house and as a little

kid he was rubbing up and down on her leg and he sort of like, holy shit, I'm really getting into this. And he never lost that. Like that early experience formed his sexual identity as I am really into, because imagine he's a little kid, so she was much bigger. So in his first sexual experience, he's confronted by a much bigger woman with big, thick thighs wearing leather boots. So that stuck with me, never lost it. That was the one thing that he was obsessed with.

Right. So I thought that was really interesting. And being someone who is into larger women myself, like the thick thighs, the big boobs, the big butts,bert crumb spoke to me on a very profound level right uh when i was reading his comics i was like a teenager and i was like oh my god this is the best thing ever um but his comic his his comics are very funny very weird some of it takes really weird turns and is bizarre but in the documentary you meet all these women that he's been with and they talk about yeah he's a weird guy it's bizarre like they're just like yeah he's a strange guy he was into some weird stuff he

likes to ride around on their back and like get piggybacks and stuff like that that's his thing now if they're both into it yeah it's the harm no i i agree i think you know like if you find somebody who is into the same stuff as you and it's completely harmless you're not like you're not like um kidnapping people and like subjecting them to things that they don't want to be and and and so on and so forth i i agree i think go for it if that's what you want to do if that's how you want to spend your time more power to you you know i i'm just thinking you know i i just i don't mind you know if you want if you want to use butter or or maybe maybe you should just use butter that is less um harmful to the world you know maybe because butter you know uses quite a

lot of water um like probably more than a shower i would say so your problem with the butter thing is that you'd be like somebody could be eating that butter but instead it's finding its way into a guy's asshole or fucking some butter, have you thought about the environment? Well, I'm just saying if you get through a lot of butter, you know, maybe you should feel bad about it and you should use some more ecologically friendly... What's he going to use? Tofu.

Go fuck some tofu, dude. Is that your message? It's like soy butter. It's probably a lot better for the environment, you know? I don't think this dude's... But then again, it might not have the same texture as what you want. But this dude's butter fetish isn't what's setting us back in terms of the climate problem.

It's not like there's a pie chart somewhere showing industrial emissions, car pollution, butter up the butt, like there's a slender sliver on that pie chart. I don't think it exists. No, you're right. Yeah. Also, you can't make a proper pie without proper butter as well it just doesn't get the firm consistency that this is the problem yeah

this is otherwise you get a lot of crumbs this is it yeah uh look i think i'm i think it's listen i've had another shower thought okay i i want to share i didn't finish my story i've just realized but go now you go ahead okay you finish it all right so it's it's not very nice but he was he was at this oh yeah no hang on because we were talking about crumb but you were talking about this guy who who has sex with other people's wives yeah so that that was one thing that he did right but when he couldn't get any action like from he couldn't pick up any girls or anything he would go to a massage parlor that was near him and he would go there and have sex with the masseuse or they would give him a handjob or whatever.

So he goes in there and this girl was jerking him off and it was taking a long time and she got fed up. Right. She was like, I'm done. I'm not doing anymore. So he's furious. Her hand's tired. Yeah, she got tired, which is understandable.

So he was like, what are you talking about? He says, you've got to finish. She's like, no. So he stomps out into the reception area with his boner out and starts shouting at the the woman who runs the place and she was like the older woman who'd obviously done this previously and was now just running the shop she was like fine i'll finish you off so she takes it back in that's some dedication yes but it's like you go out and complaint to the manager and she's like come on come on man but he's angry she's angry and i was like why did you stick around he was like well we paid for it

you know what i mean he paid for this so he was gonna get his hand job regardless he his anger was not driven by anything other than i paid for this service you agreed to give me a hand job and now you're you're refusing i just think it was such a bizarre scenario where she understood well yeah he's right i mean you've got to get his handjob but they were they both were like snarling at each other the whole time like cursing each other out i mean you can understand like you know you don't want no time wasters if i'm giving a guy a handjob right and it's taking ages and it's like you know how long how long's the limit like half an hour like an hour yeah where do you draw the line where there's got to be a line somewhere you know whereas if she's just got on tired after you know a couple of minutes and what i'm sorry i'm going into this too deeply but but i'm just imagining you know

that they're telling her on a business you know there's a load of guys outside who are waiting to come in and do the things with butter and and all the other stuff. There's a queue. Do you know what? They need the big, thick bean lady to do the hand jobs because she's got big, beefy wrists. Like a shot putter. You want a female shot putter. You need a shot putter to do the hand jobs. Jesus Christ.

This is what we should be doing. We should be running the brothel like a proper industry. She could do like 50 hand jobs an hour. You know the way they've got... If you been to ikea they have the chairs and they have the mechanical bottom that sits down in the chair to demonstrate how often you know you can sit like 10 000 sits and still go and have you ever seen that they could yes just have like a training regime like that of showing just how you know it's like a mechanical lady jerking a mechanical dick and showing you just how long we can... If it takes you two hours, we can service that, sir.

No problem. Well, why don't we open a brothel, guys? But it's all robots, so nobody gets hurt. Oh, my God. Yeah, they wouldn't know. We could just do it with, like, glory holes and stuff. So this guy has sex with other people's wives in front of their husbands goes to massage parlors to get hand jobs uh long hand jobs from people and stuff

really um do you think somewhere out there there's a soulmate for this guy that could maybe possibly like um satisfy him entirely or there's no it's a very specific soul mate isn't it someone's so someone who's already married he's just like a glutton for uh for like weird degenerate activity like he just he was just a he was an odd guy and he had a lot of he would get into hobbies very intently right so i think he's just a very compulsive person so he would be like i'm into kayaking and he would just be talking constantly about kayaking like he would know everything about kayaking he would buy all the best kayaking equipment

and then next month he's into something else so I think he's just a compulsive guy I think that I can understand that I can appreciate that I think that we're the same you know we get into something and we're really interested in it as humans like that's the thing we do

you know we want to learn and be educated and get passionate about things we as humans like that's the thing we do you know we want to learn and be educated and get passionate about things we want to find things to get passionate about and if that guy's passion is hand jobs he's just looking for something i don't think he knows what he wants because he's constantly finding new things and i think essentially it's obviously not satisfying him because you can't be that into something and then abandon it a couple of months later you wouldn't obviously never really passionate about it you're still searching you're desperate to find something to be passionate about the joy of variety of the spice of life you know becoming you know finding he's always waking up and it's christmas morning you know no i

disagree kayaking today i think it's like he wakes up it's christmas morning and none of the presents he got are what he really wants. But for Christmas Day, he feels this is the best present ever. But the next day he looks at it, he thinks, I don't actually like this. I think that's the problem. So what does he really want? Exactly. He wants a three-hour handjob where the person never gets tired and finishes.

That's what he wants for Christmas. In a kayak. In a kayak. In a kayak, yeah. Filled with butter. Yeah, I filled with butter yeah i don't know i don't know like they say uh like all this stuff about the spice of life and and and whatnot but like i don't know it's like some of these some of these experiences or you know like you know getting into like kayaking or getting into like golfing or getting into like i don't know like

do they are those do they really count as experiences like they're don't know, like, do they, are those, do they really count as experiences? Like, they're not, that's not like, they're just stuff to do, right? Like, you already have things that you probably like to do, you know, like some sort of hobby or whatever. So, just getting a new hobby isn't really like a spice of life. I would say it's more like going somewhere to like you know visit like a natural wonder of the world or something you know like a like a like a profound experience would be like a spice of life to me i would like you know what i mean i i don't know i agree like you you can't just think of a hobby or a pastime as yeah this is what defines my life i think yeah it is something else. I

think I think really, people are always just looking for something that they can be really passionate about. And once they find it, then it becomes it satisfies them to the point where they're happy to chill out a little more. I feel like the people that are doing something different every single day. They think they're filling their life with stuff. But really, yeah, I feel their life with anything meaning. It's weird, because i feel like a lot of people would probably think that i'm have a really boring life a really boring existence but i've never really felt compelled to go and find new exciting things i've always just been happy i like i've always just been into the things i've been into and i'm happy being into those things and whatever. And that's it. You know, like I feel like I've been fairly like content.

Yeah. Like happy with my life decisions for like a long time now. You know what I mean? It's not, I'm not like constantly looking for something new or whatever. I don't know. I'll tell you what, I do. I was thinking the other day about maybe trying to play golf. It's the kind of thing middle-aged men do.

There's a golf course near me. It's not expensive or exclusive. Could there knock some balls around it might be fun it might be might be fun yeah i don't know i just like i'm sure it probably is fun i i feel like with some of this stuff it's like there's got to be some context behind it right there's got to be something that gets you into it in the first place like you're you know like the it's it's necessary for something like you know like also i think if you could spend time with a friend yeah you know what i mean if that was part of it was he's my golfing buddy so it's a chance to go out hang out with someone for a couple of hours play

golf have a chat go to the bar afterwards and then go back like it would be a nice little breakup to the week sort of thing yeah i would be going by myself which would be kind of sad well i wouldn't really want to just golf alone i don't know if that's really sad though i'm at the point in my life where i'm quite happy to do almost everything alone yeah but i worry i would look sad you know what i mean i wouldn't care i would happily have you ever gone to you how you've gone to like have you gone to the movies before on your own all the time i love it same like i i have no problem just like doing stuff on my own even though i have like it same like i i have no problem just like doing stuff

on my own even though i have like a family and stuff i'm still quite happy to oh yeah to occasionally just do things just on my own like i like that sort of solitude and it just gives you time to think and stuff too i spent a week playing kingdom come deliverance kingdom come oh kingdom come deliverance i played it for like 10 hours a day. Right. Alone up here. I would start at nine, guess about four or five o'clock and I'd stop. I did that for like a week almost.

And at no point did I think, man, I've really been on my own a long time. I didn't care. Yeah. Like it's just, even though I, I mean, I love my wife and my family. I love them, but I also don't mind being alone. Yeah.

I'm the same. I don't know what that is. Maybe that's our age or something. I don't know. It's just like, nah, I never feel like uh worried about it either like i yeah i think it is a contentment thing right like i just i don't feel like i need like new people i don't feel like i need new things like i've i've got stuff that i i like i'm passionate about and that's like enough for me sort of thing you know i think i think when you're talking about experiences that are designed for a single player like reading a book then it's

not unusual to do them on your own i think that when you're talking about something like i don't know going to play a football match and then like you know you need to bring a five-a-side team to that or whatever turning up on your own isn't going to work um yeah or things that i don't know turning up to like or advancing alone couples swinging session you know without a partner like i don't know like some people obviously maybe that that works for them and they're confident enough to pull it off i think it's different i guess it's like i mean i'm sure we've spoken about this before but like when you have like a wife or a husband and you have kids and stuff your your social quotas for a day are met almost instantly you know like like within like five seconds of you waking up you've already

had a bunch of conversations with people you've had to like sort things out you've had to get you've had hugs you've had yeah you've had you had hugs and like and and everything you're you know like i don't know any other dads who feel lonely you know what i mean like if anything most of the dads i know they want to be alone more time alone yeah exactly like it's i guess it's i guess it's part of having um you know like a partner children it's like having it's like having money in your wallet that you don't necessarily need to spend but it's nice to know it's there yeah i think having the family there ready for affection and attention you go down and give them a hug and have a laugh oh daddy's here hey that's nice to have and i definitely

like every like in the afternoon we'll hang out in the evening we'll hang out but i'm working during the day and i'm working in the evening um but that's fine it's like i don't need to be around them constantly and they don't need to be around me constantly i like that kind of alone together i mean that's the very much the the wow kind of idea that you're playing a single player experience with other people and it's also the best board games too those german design board games where you sit around a table with friends and have very minimal interaction yeah no fighting at all very german board game maybe we trade some occasionally one of you will be like oh has anyone got any uh oh you've you've gone there have you okay i'll do this then it's like you know jimmy yeah yeah very relaxed chill chill as fuck and i think i think

that is there's different types of like uh relationships partnerships and stuff like uh i don't know like what what you guys are like when you have like partners or married or whatever but like uh with like me and my wife we've we've got our own stuff right like she's interested in in things that i'm not at all interested in and likewise you know like she's never been into games she doesn't really care for them at all um so she's never she never pursues that or she's never gotten into that because i i was into it or anything like that you know what i mean but yeah in a funny way it's been like a strong point of our relationship that we both have things that we like to do right right that we don't

have to just be in each other's face all the time you know what i mean you're not constantly tripping over each other like sharing the same hobbies sharing the same everything you have independently awesome lives that are enhanced even more when you come together yeah you know it has to be like this thing where neither of you i would feel so smothered like with being with somebody who had to do everything the same as of how i do you know like what yeah yeah like i wouldn't i wouldn't i wouldn't enjoy um having a partner who was as into video games as me you know what i mean yeah it'd be weird it would be to me it would be weird but like i know that it's not weird i know that there's lots of people out

there who have that and it's wonderful for them or whatever i'm just saying for me personally i would tell you that's not something that i would enjoy the one game that mrs f is super into and always has been since it came out and plays it now with the new version animal crossing really okay she loves animal crossing and all the girls play it maddie plays it and the the two girls play it constantly so like she was she was working yesterday she's been working really hard over lockdown working from home she's like i'm gonna take a break she lies on her bed she grabs her switch or my daughter's switch and just starts animal crossing and i was watching it and i can see why she likes it like it's not for me at all i i i looked at it and i was like nah like boring

but it doesn't have to be it's like it's like saying that watching disney films is not for you or watching horror but if they want to watch it sure of course it's not to be it's like it's like saying that watching disney films is not for you or watching horror films like yeah sure of course it's not for you it's like it's not really that's not it doesn't have to be like but i just watched it and i thought this i can see why oh she likes it because it's like you go around and collect things yeah the animation for putting stuff in your pocket i love yeah like she she found a a great white shark i found a great white shark and then she goes puts it in her pocket i was like that's really cool like i like that yeah so okay yeah on the topic of uh of liking things not liking things or things being designed for you not to like or whatever i was sure okay i

was a hundred percent positive that i did not need the game hitman in my life at any point in my life i was i was quite happy to just not play that game for whatever reason i just never liked it just never appealed like i didn't really like i there's it did nothing for me i saw trailers and stuff it's whatever that's okay you don't have to justify it you know and then so i got i get so i got hitman 2 you couldn't't imagine yourself being a bald guy i understand that's it i i don't like it it's it's unnatural weird anyway i got the demo version of hitman 2 you know like the first mission that you can play it for free or whatever so it's like fine whatever i'm gonna give this a try this is months ago i give it a try and i was and and it confirmed all my suspicions i was like this just

isn't for me i don't really get it i don't know what to do sort of thing like i i don't feel like i can do the things that i really want to do in this game whatever you came in with a bad i came in with a terrible attitude yeah you you maintained that that's right yeah okay carry on so recently um i just finished playing through la noir on on stream because I'd never finished it before. So I finished it. Great game. I thought it was pretty good. I had some gripes, but overall it was very good.

And so I was looking for something to play, scrolling through my list. I see Hitman 2. I was like, Hitman 2? Ah, fuck it. Let's try it out, right? Like I played the demo. I didn't really like it.

I'd played 24 minutes of the game or whatever. It just wasn't for me. No for hitman holy crap i'm like 17 hours in how did i not appreciate this game it's fucking amazing it's amazing i'm having so much fun playing it it's just it's great it's so good yeah it's weird because you kind of it's a weird game too like it's not what you necessarily i never i never appreciated that it was just a murder sandbox like i i just never yeah like the levels are huge it's it's just really fun you can like cooks you can put like some you can make someone mess up the puffer fish cooking of their sushi and poison them with fugu i drowned a woman in a toilet i where's this game been my whole life it was amazing i've been having so much fun playing it it's just been

such an awesome game such a great experience it's expensive because of the way that they've done the dlc and everything i think i paid 90 pounds for good god yeah all all of the missions the legacy missions everything you've got to just wait for the gold well i missed out it was on sale during the steam summer sale but i missed it so i just got into it at the wrong time i guess wow can we just give a shout out to sips for spending 90 pounds on a game he thought he might hate and he'd also play the demo of well no actually just can we just get some respect for that decision i bought it after properly playing through the demo mission right i wasn't going to buy it i thought i would still hate it but i got

to the end of it and i thought hang on a second like it clicked for me even just in that demo mission something clicked and i was like actually this is really good i could really get into like more missions and stuff and sure enough fuck the the missions some of the levels are great like the fucking uh suburban american one you know the old dude in the in the house and stuff i fucking love that map like i i love that you can go back and do different styles and and there's challenges and i just think it's great i just can't praise it enough i'm you know what i'm tempted to play is this death stranding that's just come out on Steam. Yeah, Rav's gifted it to me

saying that it was really good. I have to play it. He gifted it to you? Yeah, he did. What a generous guy. I know, I know. What a guy, eh? So I'm going to play it next.

It's like 60 quid. It's meant to be pretty good. Is it 60 quid? Yeah. Oh my God. Well, that's just the price you should pay for games these days. Fuck off.

Games haven't changed their price for like 30 years, P-Flex. 60 quid. I never paid. That's a lot. Until Hitman 2, I'd never paid 60 quid for a game. No, but there's a bunch of these games that were console exclusive. You see, Death Stranding is one of them, but also Detroit being human.

Right. Control, stuff like this. Like stuff that was good last year that ended up coming out now on pc either epic exclusive or death stranding on steam but no death stranding it's weird game you'll love you'll like it sips i think i don't know if you'll love it yeah well rav sort of sold it as wait no no opinion about whether i'll like it i've literally i was the one who said i was gonna buy it you tell sips you think you're a, Flax. It's hard to judge what you will like. You are.

Yeah. I know that Sips will like anything. Because you've liked games in the past that I've thought were total garbage. But then equally, you've liked games that I've loved as well. Or games that I was sure that you would like based on other games that you've liked and you've you've you've hated i can't think of any examples but i'm sure that this is how neither can i you've just got a notion that this is anecdotally we're sure yes yeah so so so the tldr of that is you're a tricky customer tricky customer when it comes to games yeah uh yeah i reckon there's loads of

really good games i can recommend you actually i've just bought a game that i apparently uh it's called urtuk the desolation oh god i didn't really enjoy that oh it's okay you've been playing it i mean it looks like my kind of game because i really like those kind of grindy uh build up lads get cards get items that kind of thing i like really i'm really uh i couldn't get beyond the first couple personally i'm really sick of deck builder games now card games I'm still not I just uh find that there's so many of them and I just oh yeah I really enjoyed I've been enjoying playing monster train have you played I've heard it's no I didn't like the look of it and I've heard that dicey dungeons is very good as well but it's not it's amazing I just can't can't uh I'm sure I will play them at some point

and I probably will love them as well, but I don't know. Again, I don't know about you guys, but every once in a while, I go into a rut with genres. My problem with Monster Train was the art style looked exactly like Slay the Spire, so I thought, well, this is...

I think that's the point. This is thievery. Slay the Spire sold millions and millions of copies, and it was just relatively cheap to make. It was such a good game. I need to make my own. I'll pop it on my wish list. Play Flax. I'm cheap to make it was such a good game i need to make play flax i'm gonna make my own game okay with you in mind all right i'm gonna add a whole bunch of stuff into this game that i know you're gonna like and i want you to be the uh primary influencer

for this game okay the game is going to be called dude sim alaska okay okay right it's about a guy or a girl both a guy or a girl can be a dude okay you're going to be doing dude-esque things in it but not like dude brad like like you know summer vacation or whatever right i mean dude like you're living off the land in alaska okay it It doesn't matter what gender you are. You rock up, okay? It's going to be like, imagine Red Dead 2, okay? You're imagining Red Dead 2? Yeah.

Beautiful outdoors and stuff. Loved it. One of my favorite games of all time. What's the budget for this? You have to build yourself a log cabin by hand. You have to place every single log. You got to make the rope and stuff like that. You have to place every single log okay you gotta like you know make the rope and stuff like that you have to go out and do some hunting you have to survive you have to get better

at hunting you have to get better at skinning animals and stuff you can find parts to a car while you're out there because it's like modern day you just you've chosen to go and live in you're off the grid the wilds of alaska yeah you're sick of modern society and stuff so you're just you've chosen to go and live in you're off the grid the wilds of alaska yeah you're sick of modern society and stuff so you're just going to do your own thing but you're going to build a car well while you're out there you find pieces of cars and of a car and stuff so you have in your garage that you build yourself with your own bare fucking hands right regardless of your gender um you're going to you can start building car. So all these mini games within the game are going to be based on real games. So like,

it'll be my summer car, but it'll be inside dudes in Alaska. You see what I mean? So you can, you'll have this opportunity to build a car. You have a bike that you can like go to town and trade your pelts and get some money and you can buy more car parts if you want, or you could just ignore the car

completely you can you can get a hunting rifle that you can grease up and you can refurbish and pimp out if you want you can decorate your house you can make like a trophy room you can go fishing you can do whatever you want it's going to be beautiful and it's never going to be completed because the budget is going to be so astronomical. But one day, if by chance it's ever created, Flax, I want you to play it and sell it for me, okay? Give it a shitty review. No, I want you to be the ultimate unit shifter, Flax.

I don't think I could. You don't like the sound of this? It doesn't sound like my kind of game, I'll be honest with you. We'll recommend it to you and you won't like it exactly perfect there we go this is exactly gotcha you proved your point well done sips um thank you for listening to the trifles podcast this week we'll see you guys next week with more drivel chat i hope you enjoy your show hopefully we don't talk about prostitutes too much next time. I didn't start it. That was fairly miserable.

Yeah. Sorry about that. Who did start it? You. Me. It was you. I'm sure it was actually. No, I was just doing the wanking in the shower.

That was me. Yeah, you started it. Oh yeah, that's right. That was perfectly innocent. I'm not responsible. All right. Thank you everyone. Bye.

Bye. Live, love, laugh. Go fuck yourself.