Triforce! - Triforce! #143: It's Crusadin' Time

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

Triforce! Episode 143! Lewis has been reading up on Crusades, Pyrion has an exciting update on his golfing career and Sips has accepted that he's old! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly hello everybody and welcome back to the triforce podcast yes that's right oh we're back and period flags hello and Hello. And sips. Why me last?

I was talking first. Yeah, how dare you? So, so, so, sorry, sorry. So, so, so this week, okay. Yeah. All I've been doing is playing Crusader Kings 3. Yeah. Reading about the Crusades.

Yeah. And thinking about the Crusades. And so one thing I thought interesting, which I was just thinking about literally five minutes ago was each of these like old houses old dynasties has this motto right and some of them are really stupid um but obviously it's all the classic stuff in latin like you know i'm sure your school had a latin bit of text around it um yeah it's like behave and prosper or something like that you know or you know knowledge is power i don't know classic stuff like that yeah um but some of these house dynasties are really weird one of them i noticed

i wrote two of them down one of was, break your sword upon our pleasure. Jesus. What does that mean? Does that mean like my dick is so fucking hard that I'm going to fucking deflect your sword with it? I'm not sure it means that, but maybe that's not what they had in mind at the time when they were like, hey, Lenny,

we're going to need a house motto here. You got any ideas? And then Lenny just comes in obsessed with his his dick and everything dick related and you know maybe it would have been a little bit more sort of like my dick for your pleasure you know would have been the motto i see yeah i don't think i don't think they would have had like because oh it's bad translation do you think yeah it's because it was probably like uh i think um i think spanish or something our school motto was i used ttr enim harambe which means harambe it means justice for harambe right that's a really good motto actually it was uh so so the original so the one which i the other one

i got when i picked a house for some i it might be randomly generated, but it was Irritate Not the Bear. And I thought, great advice. That's my personal motto in the mornings, for sure. There's Medieval House Name Generator. Fantasy Noble House Name Generator. I think that would work for a lot of households, actually, as well. Do you know what I mean?

Like Irritate Not the Bear, because the bear is the dad. The thing is, you have to read beyond these house house days and i had one more for you actually which i thought was really succinct and like just really really like just good like it's i repay and i was like that sounds like it's obviously it at first glance that doesn't sound scary you think all right when you think about it so they're financially solvent and or reliable. That's what they sound like. They're reliable.

But also, there's this revenge there. There's this don't fuck with me attitude. Do you know what I mean? I think it's weird that how many houses... The gist of the motto is from what you're telling us is, look, we're not threatening you but if you fuck with us we will destroy you and i think it's interesting that that's the attitude obviously very defensive it is you know if you met someone if you met someone and you were like you're like

hi i'm sips oh hi i'm ted by the way i i will avenge upon you sevenfold any harm that befalls me and you're like okay you know what's threatening yeah i'm just no i'm just saying that if you fuck with me i will level you i will destroy you will be reduced to atoms so anyway you were saying it's like i was playing crusader kings 3 as well and uh renaming my uh dynasty and house name and motto and stuff but and i found the best thing to do for a motto maybe this is what they did back in the day as well was use excerpts from songs so one of my mottos was don't go chasing waterfalls i thought that was pretty good and another one of mine was my heart will go on because i thought that was that would have been a pretty good one as well you know what i mean yeah yeah that's a good one i think having a heart

on the banner like not not a heart shape, but like an actual, you know, like a style of actual. My next one I think is going to be my neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack. Because I think that's a good, I think that's a good motto as well. I've been carefully renaming everything around the egg theme.

So I always make my ruler bold. All my kids' names have the word egg inserted into them and uh for instance when we were in charge of of sweden we became sweet egg uh the kingdom of sweet egg uh wessex was wessex we renamed it i don't really i don't tend to rename counties or you've got it empire like if i create a custom empire um sometimes i'll name it something weird but house name i always make uh pennywhacker who's like my of course my fictional character that i like to um to use for all sorts of stuff i like to rp as them as well that means a lot of different things and um the last game i played we had um a guy named rory was uh donating and saying can you please name somebody after me so

i named a child rory um and rory went on to be we had rory the fourth as a king and then emperor rory went through to emperor rory the fifth wow do not vex the lion that's what his thing so the rule was every time we had a first rory because he's rory first born son would be named rory and oftentimes made it through to inherit uh fully and then rory does sound like the name of a toy lion doesn't it rory rory yes and then and then it would be um other sons would be named like peter so for peter pennywhacker and daughters would be named penny for penny what is penny whackers motto well it could be anything like the cost of the pennies and the pounds will look after Peter Pennywhacker and daughters would be named Penny for Penny. What is Pennywhacker's motto? Well, it could be anything like.

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves. Look after the pennies and the whacking will look after itself. All my bitches pop your pussy like this and things like that. You know, just like whatever motto suits them at the time sort of thing. You know, it's just. It's such a great game to stream. I think because it's unlike any other game like everybody's everybody that's played ck3 still enjoys watching it because the story is different every time i'm like rimworld and other

games like that it's got such an emergent story and random shit will happen like we were playing last night we did a six-player multiplayer game which was great fun and uh someone declared war on me for part of mercia right and i thought it was mercia in england which you know sometimes in sweden you end up with chunks of it i didn't even invade you just get bits of it randomly but i suddenly had a little tiny bit of spain the shakedom of mercia and i was like yes it's like how did this happen it's just funny when you're playing a lot of vessels just go off and yeah they go do shit well and normally they just press their own claims so if you have a if you have a vassal that's you know started off in your kingdom as like a guest or something like that sometimes they just come

into your realm with like some weird ass claim it's a foreign land they'll press it get it and then yeah sometimes they'll marry someone and then you know end up accidentally inheriting a random bit of shit. I've done that a bunch of times. It's funny. It's really interesting. It's nice to spread your seed out there. It is.

Because you never know what's going to come back to you later on. I've been playing it a lot recently and I've done a bunch of different starts. I've started as a count and built my way up. Started as a duke and built my way up. So, like, you know, being a vassal of, you know, having a leash or whatever and i've done independent started as an independent count started as an independent duke where you can sort of thing and um i i it's it's it's it's different right when you're independent uh you feel like you you really have to survive right like uh because everybody is out to just bully you we talked about this last week and it's so interesting how the system that they had in

place, this feudal system of counts and dukes, and the way that it inherited, led to this kind of odd behavior of people, where they behaved in a certain way and acted a certain way, because they were sort of pulled into it by the system that was built up. It ended up with these civil wars and and fractured you know constantly things were fracturing and forming back together and that just created this constant war really between people um trying to claim something that they would you know having a weak claim or a strong claim it was so vague you know that people could just be like yeah i've i got a claim to this bit because i'm the duke of this bit and it's like i had a like i had a really good one i was playing um i i was trying to to form the holy roman empire so i started off as uh as we win the

the dutch of well like the dutchie of vienna i guess uh but like the the the the comfortable way of spelling it for me i can't even pronounce that word uh but so like so anyway i created austria i had the kingdom of austria um and then i had um i had like you know i had my rulers i had my dynasty everything was in place or whatever and um i had a son and a daughter the son was set to inherit um and the daughter would have been next in line uh but stupidly, I married the daughter off for an alliance, but not matrilineally, right? So she went off to Byzantium, married in there. I had a really good alliance with them.

You know, they were my biggest neighbor or whatever. And it was off the back of that marriage. And then my son died. So she became the heir. And then I died shortly after that and she took over. But she was still married to the emperor. Good Lord. And it was matrilineal.

So she was the end of the dynasty. She was the end of the road, basically. I desperately had to scramble around and try to create another member of my dynasty so i had to hunt around and find a fellow dynasty member have an affair with him to have a child okay which i did i was like 43 years old at the time so it was like pretty close to like the cutoff point for women in the game to have children i had a i had a daughter named margaret who became uh the the the sole like heir of the entire dynasty you're like hanging on by it just hanging on by a thread yeah so it's weird how you need to it's weird how the family name is something which is it becomes very important she went off and i she

wasn't married she must have she must have become a love interest or a lover of somebody else or whatever and got pregnant okay this is leading up to me being in my like early 60s so i was about to die and uh and then all of austria was going to be handed down uh to her and if not her then it would just go right back into like into my like uh husband the emperor's lineage right so she gets pregnant and has a child and the moment she has a child from somebody outside the dynasty she is not part of the dynasty anymore and then about a year later i died and it was game over that was it right so after all that i after all that it was done it was yeah it was such a weird journey it's nice to like have a journey though that's the thing yeah there isn't like a there isn't like a fixed thing you don't have to build the eiffel tower or

something no no no that was like the most interesting playthrough i've had in like a hundred odd hours of playing this game so far talking to dukes duke leto atreides and his son paul atreides the duke's concubine jess seen the Dune trailer? I haven't seen this yet. Very, very excited. It looks like a really good adaptation. It looks like an actual movie. Well, I was talking about this on stream last night. I am a big fan of Dune.

It was one of the first really big books that I read and fell in love with. It's such an iconic sci-fi novel. It really is very iconic. It is. And it's just so many of the concepts that it put forward were so good.

That would be House of Trades motto. Sand, yes. And then I was like, there was rumours that there was going to be a new Dune movie and this guy was going

to direct it, that guy was going to direct it and I was like, yeah, yeah. And then when they said Denis Villeneuve was going to do it, like he's an amazing director.'s brilliant like Arrival was just beautiful

I love the new Blade Runner I was really excited but I thought you know what if it goes like the other ones and just falls through and then I started to see the pre-production stuff and I saw who they cast and then I was seeing the trailer and I am I am extremely excited I cannot wait it looks like they've done a really, really good job. House Egg would be poached, scrambled, or fried. Yes. That would be... If we should crack, we shall fight back.

Yeah, that would be... It would be something like that. Or we do not crack. Sunny side up. That would be our... Sunny side up. Sorry, no, June is exciting. I'm excited for it as well.

I think they're scared to release movies because of the pandemic, right? Yes. Because they don't think they... They're scared to... It's because the cinemas are still sort of closed, and they're scared to put them out on demand or whatever. So they're sort of backing up popular movies at the moment, it feels like. Yeah.

I mean, I went to see Tenet um I went to see that a couple of weeks ago what did you think was it right uh I I don't think it was great um I thought it was okay uh it certainly was okay movie released at a bad time yeah it honestly was it was a interesting idea but I just feel like the execution was a little bit ham-fisted i don't know it was it didn't feel like when you when i compare it to interstellar which is probably my favorite um nolan movie because it was just so good it was just like everything about interstellar felt so exciting and i loved all the details put you into the world really well it really did and just little details like the robots were really good. The cinematography was unbelievably good.

The music was so iconic. And I like the word iconic today, obviously, but it was. Like everybody knows the interstellar music. It was just a perfect film. I think it was absolutely wonderful. Regardless of criticism about science, it's a fucking movie. It was good. Tenet was a little bit weird.

And the sort of big action sequences didn't feel very, very good. Yeah, then it was a little bit weird. And the sort of big action sequence didn't feel very, very good. The backwards stuff not to give anything away. But this and backwards stuff just kind of feels a bit flat. There was some one. I mean, you see that the trailers people doing stuff back. Yeah. And it's like, how does that fucking work? And I never really explain it. Yeah. And it's just kind of like, I don't understand why that's a thing or how that would work. So it is a bit odd. It's good, though. I think that the performances are very good. There are some very cool scenes and moments in it. Overall, I would say I enjoyed watching it, but it's certainly not one that I would rush to see again, would be how I would put it. Whereas Inception I really enjoyed. I've enjoyed

watching that multiple times um this felt like they tried to squeeze that's there's so much complexity to the idea they're trying to get across so many different characters and all the rest of it and situations and the setup is so complicated that there's actually a lot of scenes where there's just people delivering exposition and the other problem was the audio mix as it is on most nolan movies was fucking abysmal i don't know what he's doing but i read some theory that apparently one of the guys who works on nolan movie says he likes to have the the sound effects like super loud to sort of blast you into your seat right and to sort of impress upon you that shit's happening but then he doesn't want

the dialogue to be too loud because he wants you to have to lean in and engage with the movie and sort of really pay attention. And I thought that's not good when the exposition is like some guy mumbles something that explains the previous two hours of movie. And you're like, what the fuck did he say? Like what? So it does feel a bit like they try to squeeze too much into something. Uh, if it felt like there could have been another two hours to the movie and we still would have maybe just explained everything But it wasn't that hard to like I see that sometimes where you're watching it like a Animation or like a thing and they've they've got too much story and it feels You see a couple of times on some Rick and Morty episodes where they're just trying to rush through it because they've got too much

Yes time if the port is too complicated to summarise easily, your plot is probably too complicated. Like, that's just the way it is. I mean, Inception was quite straightforward, really. It felt confusing the first time maybe you watched it because, like a lot of Nolan movies, you haven't really seen a plot like this before. The dream within a dream and all the rest of it.

But it wasn't that complicated. Like, The Prestige as well. I watched The Prestige the other day, just coincidentally and great movie great movie but the plot to it is is again you understand it it doesn't need exposition it doesn't need your time for them to fuck around and stuff on the sides as well and even interstellar there is some exposition in interstellar but it's not it feels like it it makes sense because the exposition is delivered as in one character who doesn't know what's happening is having something explained to them by another for a reason. Like the meeting where Coop goes to, he accidentally bumps into NASA's secret

base and they explain what's happening to him. It makes sense that they're explaining to him there. So even though it's exposition, it's at least told from one character who knows something to another character who doesn't. And you understand why that needs to be explained on screen. Sometimes in Tenet, I feel like it's two people explaining what's happening, and you think, these guys probably know. Like, it just feels a bit weird. Yeah, it feels a bit strange.

And there's some other things that are hinted at that are quite cool, but overall, I'd say, a middling film. Anyway, you're right. This film came out in the middle of lockdown. The day after it came out, I went to the cinema to see it, and there were like eight of us in the middle of lockdown the day after it came out i went to the cinema to see it and there were like eight of us in the theater so normally i would have expected it to be absolutely rammed but people are just not going out understandably so yeah a film like june i think

a lot of people don't even realize the cinemas are open yeah no i think that might be a part of it i think um you guys are going back to like uh like um uh limited like limited public meetings and stuff like that next week, right? In England, isn't it? No, it's down to six people. You can't have gatherings of more than six people. I don't know why six. But it's getting worse again. This is my problem with a lot of this stuff is they're going from 30 to six.

Why six? Why not four? Why not eight? Why not 10? What's the science behind that? why six? well but there's always they always have to

pitch these they're always thought through by some think tank right it's like the five a day thing they actually the scientists were like

yeah okay people should eat eight a day but if we say that that's too many no one's ever going to do it it's going to be impossible so we should say

we should say something that's actual actually doable so let's say five eat a day. Not six. No, five. The science says eight, but we're going to tell people five.

Eight different pieces of fruit or vegetable. I don't eat eight of anything a day. Not different. Eight portions of fruit or vegetables. That's so much, though. Not even fruit. What's a portion? A portion is like, I don't know.

Like one banana. 50 grams? 75 grams? But then again, a banana. I had a banana this morning. It was like the size of a finger. One piece of fruit. I had one the other day. It was like the size of a finger. One piece of fruit. I had one the other day.

It was like the size of my dick. It was like massive. Wow, so even smaller. Even smaller than the first one. Jeez. So back into Crusader Kings. Oh, not Crusader Kings again. All it turns into is I threw a three and he threw a two

and I need to throw a four and he threw an eight. As much as I'm enjoying Crusader Kings, and I have been playing it a lot and enjoying it, I'm getting to the point where... You're burned out. It's not so much that I'm burned out. I'm just, I'm starting to get annoyed with certain mechanics in the game that I feel like...

Well, I completely agree. I don't want to like complain about it too much because I do it enough on stream, but... I've just been reading so much about the history of the period and how little I know. And in fact, I don't really like playing as a lot of these countries like Bavaria or Bohemia because I know nothing about the history of that country or what even they, what language they speak, like what their culture was like. You know, I don't know anything aboutzantium and the sort of eastern roman empire

and any of the history of that so i've started listening to this podcast called the history of byzantium which has been going for about 10 years and honestly like it's on like 200 episodes but they have a recent one about one of these crusader events the siege of um antioch right which was a really cool story um the actual podcast i tried to go back and start at the beginning, which I couldn't do because it was terribly boring. And in the middle, it was, again, like just unbreakably dense with history. And it's just so, so much history. Like the Crusades, just hundreds of battles,

each of them with a battle report each of them with like their own sort of unique spin that happened over such a long period of time that you know you'd have a king who was a leper uh there was a leper king who went into battle on a stretcher covered in bandages i mean what what a guy he didn't know that's the thing there is a lot of a lot of this stuff is sort of like, it's exaggerated, right? To make it sound better throughout like the ages or whatever, because there's no way that you can actually, you know, like they didn't find his stretcher after the fact or anything like that.

You know what I mean? Like a lot of it I think is just made up. I mean, he was like the fourth king. He was bald with the fourth or fifth or whatever. And he ruled, he was like the fourth king. He was bald with the fourth or fifth or whatever. And he ruled, he was like the fourth king or fifth, or tenth king of Jerusalem. So they held Jerusalem for a long time and they had this sort of crusader kingdom out there.

They've got pretty good documentation on what they did when they were out there. And so it's just amazing to read all this stuff. Like some of these characters from history were so interesting and colorful. Like we remember Richard the Lionheart, right? It's like this favorable character this stuff like some of these characters it is amazing so interesting and colorful like we remember um richard the lionheart right it's like this favorable character who came in on like the third crusade and was actually competent for the first time it feels like all of these crusade all

these sort of era battles they either had they they lost for two reasons right one was that they were overconfident yeah okay and they were And they were like, they just assumed that the enemy were useless and just charged in blindly or started looting before the battle was over. Or, well, or they got surprised because that happened all the fucking time. Like half the battles they lost because they were surprised

and someone charged them or, you know, charged them back when they were asleep or whatever. But then the other thing is, the other reason they lose battles and sieges and castles is that they fall out with each other. They're greedy, right? And so they're like, oh, I should be the count of Outre-Jordan or whatever.

And they just, they have a, they can't get, they bicker. And so it's like, if you have someone who is, A, has scouts, B, doesn't just charge any old idiot, and C, doesn't have, like, constant arguments with his allies, they basically conquer, like, half the fucking world, it feels like. Do you reckon it was made like that was it back in the day? There wasn't, I mean, no one was going to nuke each other. They all had pretty much the same technology, more or less.

Swords, horses, bows, spears shields armor and it was just like who could keep their shit together long enough would win the war that really is because often these fell out or did anything stupid you lost as soon as the front line broke that army had broke do you mean like that felt like that felt like the thing right like you didn't you could have these huge battles with 20 000 men against each other and they wouldn't kill 10,000 of each other. 1,000 to 1,000 guys would die, and then they'd break, and the other guys would lose 500 guys, and that would be the victory. And then those 10,000 would dissipate back into the countryside.

That's it. Fights weren't all or nothing. They had to bear in mind, like, hang on a second. We need to be able to fight again. We're not going to just lose everybody on this river crossing or right or whatever sort of thing yeah or they could just they were just scared all the people could see the tide of battle turning they're like okay it looks like we're losing this battle we might as well retreat now um and it was like you know it was almost like that first it was almost like a bluff you could just they had to use they had to

use the horns for that one oh three horn blasts for a retreat like can you imagine imagine that's your fucking life you're a soldier in a medieval army just waiting for that three blasts i can't hear let's run away i'm deaf because somebody keeps hammering my helmet with a sword like it's just to be the worst it would be rough but hearing like some of these hear these some of these exploits and also how awful some of the crusaders were. Oh, my God. Compared to the Muslim caliphs and sheiks at the time, often the crusaders were the worst people who did all these atrocities. I mean, even Richard the Lionheart, he had like 3,000 Muslim prisoners

and he was waiting to swap them with the Christian ones from Saladin, right? And so Saladin had like 2,000 Christian prisoners. He had 3,000 Muslim prisoners. They agreed a deal. And Richard was like, Saladin's taking too long. And he chopped all their heads off. And so Saladin chopped all their heads off

the Christian ones. In the name of God. Absolute madness. They made this agreement, but one of them was late. Can you imagine if I turned up 10 minutes to this podcast and you just chopped Sips' head off? Just dismantled the Yogscast completely. Sorry, I've liquidated the company.

I mean, it's so funny to hear these stories and just see what people did. Sometimes the Crusaders were so fucking hardcore in their Christian beliefs and stuff, and they just believed that Christ would save them, that they ended up in these terrible situations with no food and water. Well, this is why we're actively cancelling all of them in 2020. They went cannibal on one placecelling all of them in 2020 they went cannibal on one place

and ate all the people in there yeah there was a lot of don't worry God will give us some food in a bit because obviously we're doing the right thing

and there's just no food could you imagine you've got your crusader army and you've finally taken this castle there's no food and you're like I'm going to have to

chop up some people and eat them can you look in your bible Hugh of Blois or whatever and see if you can see anything about cannibalism thou shalt not eat the heathen is that in there because we're really hungry oh nope checked it can't find it chow down about cannibalism we check with the

bishop he looks really hungry as well yeah the bishop's like yeah it's good yep we're good to go let's go yeah cooking i think part of being a crusader is knowing when God's eyes are closed or he's gone to sleep so that you can get away with some things like on the slide. It really is. And some of these crusader kings were just the biggest arseholes. So what was it? There was this big crusader battle, and they captured all these crusader nobles,

and Saladin was there with them. And he passed one of them guy who was the king of jerusalem at the time he passed him or gee maybe uh some water which was the muslim way to say oh you know um i'm gonna spare you right and so gee passed it the water to um this other guy who was a ray ray ray maude or raymond who was an arsehole he was like one of the evil kings who'd been just breaking truces and being a dick and Saladin was like no I didn't

give the wards to you and he killed him on the spot everybody loves Ray Mord so Raymond fucking was just just dead you know what also surprises me is looting was just like how you got troops to fight a lot of the time like that was a lot of the motivation for people to go to war and stuff was looting.

And even like, even in the Napoleonic Wars, there was a lot of looting. And they were like, well, lads, you've taken the town. I'll give you two hours to loot. That was it. And they'd go like, wah, and just loot. Sometimes the Crusades didn't even make it to the Holy Land. They would get halfway, find a really rich town and just loot that. It's just incredible. Sometimes the Crusades didn't even make it to the Holy Land. They would get halfway, find a really rich town and just loot that.

It's just incredible. And go home again. It was so funny because it was just these, they thought we'd gone far enough and we'd be travelling for three months. Yeah, fuck it. This lot are rich.

Well, you know, with maps and stuff back then, you know, you're walking long enough, you might think, hang on, our destination is like, I don't know,

whatever, Rome. But then you just happen up across a town that kind of looks like rome and you just think we're in rome i guess like that'll do let's sack it you know like it it must have happened all the time like i think there would have been a lot of misinformation back then it's so so funny to read though because they these crusaders were on their way to somewhere, and they'd stop off at a town or a castle, or even an island. I think one time they stopped off at, I don't know, I think it was Crete or something like that, or Cyprus.

And the local ruler is some sort of arsehole to them. He's like, please leave, or doesn't give them access to the market. So they're like, okay, let's kill all of you. And they just kill all the people, take the town over, loot the whole place, burn it to the ground, and then fuck off. And it's like, what did you expect would happen? You guys ever think, though, as well, you know, like, these really, really ancient sort of accounts that are written by people that you just sort of naturally just sort of accept as like,

oh, yeah, okay, that's exactly what happened. But i don't know sometimes i think you know what if it what if in 200 years from now we came back and we read an account of something that you know supposedly happened or did happen or whatever we read through it and we're like wow that must be exactly what it's like but then you go you rewind 200 years to the person writing that account and they're like i don't know like the the fucking stapler guy from office space or like the log lady from twin peaks who has like a fucking jam jar collection and it's just like a bit eccentric and weird and maybe not the most like trustworthy person with like factual information or whatever you know what i mean like it like a lot of this stuff could have just been written by anybody and also under like uh possibly stressed to like not

upset a king or a lord or something i think you do have to look at the characters of these people who wrote it but it tends to be there's a lot of people who wrote things, and there's a lot of different sources. Some things don't have many. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the stapler guy, by the way, or the log lady. I'm just saying, like, we trust... Would you trust them 300 years after the fact?

We trust some of these accounts without ever, like, you know, thinking about it, really. You just think, because it's old, it must be true and trustworthy. I think you're right, and it does need to be a good story or else people wouldn't have exactly yeah yeah so like some some of it you have to i think you just have to take with a pinch of salt really like it's but there is a lot of history a lot of sort of different sources the monks because it was this religious thing people the monks tended to write stuff down um and so a lot of the priests who accompanied the crusades and stuff were quite good at keeping track of what happened. There's a few interesting different sources,

but obviously you're right. They always want to make themselves look good in those sources. Yeah, understandably as well. But I don't know, it feels like people just sort of take it as hard fact when, you know, maybe it wasn't really there's probably a lot of good historians who talk about this stuff because there was this thing called the swedish crusade where the swedish christian kings went to finland and apparently it's just mythological it yeah according there's no sources for it probably didn't happen but it became this like popular story that yeah you know because everyone was doing different crusades so you know with the reconquista trying to take back spain and all of the different sort of crusades that happened there

were tons of so much history and so much stuff that i've no new and still know yeah fuck all about it's like the local legend when i was growing up there was a local legend in my neighborhood where this guy who was he was older than us and he was just he was just known for being for doing things that were sort of like ahead of his time you know like he was the first person that any of us knew who ever like smoked a cigarette you know we were young at the time okay but the local legend was that he'd somehow gotten hold of like 20 Playboy magazines and he stashed them in the woods. Okay. A common place to stash magazines.

Exactly. That was how we used to get our porn. Exactly. But there's no basis for this whatsoever. I don't even think he ever said that he did this. It was assumed. I had a theory about this. It was assumed that he did it.

Just as an interruption. I reckon that you can't throw away porn in your bin because people will see it. Right. And so you have to dump it somewhere. And the woods are where people dump bodies. Right. They also dump like a sofa sometimes or porn. I reckon that the porn in the woods thing is just because people wanted to find a way to get rid of it without putting it in their normal household trash.

So a couple of times we'd be walking through the woods because it was like a shortcut for us to get you know to somebody's house or whatever and we would actually stop and just have like a you know quick two minute look around just to see like oh i wonder if he stored the playboys here or whatever and you know what i mean it was enough it was it was complete myth but we we we we we believed it or just wanted to believe it or thought it was funny enough to believe or or whatever and so like it just became this thing like every once in a while we would just stop and just have a quick look around to see if we could find these like playboy magazines which just didn't exist like they there's no way this guy had 20 playboy magazines we used to see

porn a lot in in bournemouth there was probably just a couple of perverts that did it, I guess. But everybody knows that this is a thing that happens. It wasn't dumped. It was up for display. Like pages and pictures were taken out and put up on branches. Like it was like a gallery. Like wanted posters. It was like a pop-up gallery.

Oh, man. I wish I would have grown up there. It was a gallery of porn. Like a pop-up gallery. Oh, man. I wish I would have grown up there. Nature's gallery. I've never read anything like that. It was a gallery of porn. Like, it was almost like, for your delectation, humble wanderer, welcome. Welcome to the pop-up porn gallery. Please do look at the artifacts that I have displayed for you here. And this disgusting cloth that you might wonder what that was for.

Like, that was pretty much it. Yeah. Oh, that was pretty much... Yeah. Oh, that makes me think of something. That makes me think of something, because I was thinking of trees. I played golf last weekend. Oh, nice. This is because of me and Sips played PGA 22, 2K12 or whatever the fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That reminds me. I want to try that NBA one now, too. Yeah, that looks fancy. That looks really good. I'm going to go right now. Don't take games too lightly, guys, or else else you're gonna be fucking flying jets around and fucking killing muslims no listen i've been watching that um the last dance documentary on netflix about uh

the bulls and michael jordan and scotty pippen and all those guys and it's it's it's uh it's made me want to play some some basketball i think yeah but but i fun. But I played the golf and I thought, you know what? This actually looks like it would be quite fun to play for real. Like I don't normally, because I'm not in a great shape. I'm not the kind of guy who can run, go and play football, Sunday League football and run around for 90 minutes. So I'd die. So I thought golf is easy in terms of, you know, your athleticism.

And it's all about technique and you could just practice and maybe I'd get good enough to enjoy a bit of golf. So I went to these lessons. The other people on the lesson was me and five women who were, I'd say, in their 50s. So I thought, okay, I'm obviously in the right place. I'm basically taking on the lifestyle of a middle-aged woman. I'm happy with that. And I went for my lessons and I thought it was going to be an hour of them telling us how to hold the club and swing it. We wouldn't get to hit any balls. And I thought, well, yeah, it's week one. But 10 minutes in, they were like, right, let's go hit some balls. And we were just,

we were just hitting the ball for like 45, 50 minutes. It was great. Nice. It was fantastic. It was so much fun. It is hard to get the technique right. But I'd say half of my- Were you just a driving range? No, it was like a practice range. Man, I love the driving range. The driving range. I'm going to go to that at the end of my lessons, driving range no it was like a practice range man i love the driving range the driving driving range i'm going to go to that at the end of my lessons hopefully when i've gotten

better at swinging the club consistently there's a driving range not far from me a proper one with like a little booth like they always have on tv you know you have the little area you've got your little tee off area you just hit the ball and it shows you how far you've gone fantastic so this was just like a small a miniature practice hole so there's a little green with a flag in it that you've got the buildup bit. And then there's like an AstroTurf bit that you all line up on and hit the ball. And they give you this plastic tube that's got about 25 golf balls in it. And when you've finished, everybody's finished hitting their golf balls. You just take the tube and you go and you just plonk the end of the tube on the golf ball. And it's sort of, there's a catch that catches it.

So you just go poonk, poonk, poonk, and you just pick them all up with this tube. You don't have to bend over and pick them up, which I was like, this is an old person invention that I can appreciate. And once you've collected them all up, we go back and we hit them again. It was great fun. So earlier on, I had the tendency is that as you're hitting the ball, you want to look and see where it's going. So you lift your head up to see the ball coming off the end of the club, but if that just makes you hook it and slice it so you've got to sort of keep your eye on the ball keep your shoulder over it follow through and some of the shots i'm telling you it was like it was like getting the perfect timing

on the pga game it was like the ball goes arrow straight comes down right where you want it to it's fantastic very satisfying when you hit it just right it makes a great noise and i thought this is actually something i'm looking forward to doing again oh my god this is it you've tipped over you've tipped over to an old man i'm gonna become a golf boar i mean this is it this is the seesaw of life you're on the other side now dude i know but this is the weird thing is as soon as i started talking about playing golf loads of people that i know young young guys were like, oh yeah, I play golf. It's great. We should play golf sometime. And I was like, wow, it's like a secret that all these people have.

I'm not ready. Yeah. They don't tell you that golf is a thing that people do. I don't want to die. I want to be young. I want to live. I want to live. Some of these guys, they're like 21, 22.

I'm not ready. 21, 22, they're playing golf. I'm not ready. I think it's like giving up. I think playing golf is giving up. I thought that too, Lewis. But when I went to the course, it was a full golf course

where I went to have the lessons. They had an area. I would say half the people there were younger than me. There was a couple of teenagers doing a round together. There was a family, like mum and dad,

three kids. They were all playing. There were old people there for sure, but there were a lot of younger people. And the golf pro who took our lessons, who was a very impressive man, he said that the previous day they'd had 80 kids come through in groups of 10 for golf lessons because it's like a big push from UK golf to get more people into golf. And it's an easy thing to do in lockdown.

You're naturally socially distanced. You're on a golf course. You only go around in small groups and everything yeah so they're teaching these kids golf he said all these kids were like amazing it was like they're so elastic that their swing is like perfect they listen very intently and they all just get on with it he was like it was amazing so he said all these kids were like just fantastic golf that's all things that i am not i'm not elastic i don't listen am i i'm not flexible am i i'm none of those things but it's once you start hitting the ball you want to hit it properly

and it's just minor adjustments like it really is does your does your back hurt or anything or your arm i had a tiny tiny bit of pain in my lower back that was just stiffness because i these are muscles i haven't used ever like having to twist one way and then the other and everything not a thing i ever do the most i have to do is sit down you should definitely warm up i think it is more important to warm down than warm up i think is the advice these days but um i think um if i if i learned anything from watching the let's dance documentary is the best way to play golf is to gamble with your friends while you're doing it i think that's how you have i would 100 the most fun but honestly it was it was really fun i recommend it nice um and it was a 10 or an hour a 10 i've got four lessons it was 40 quid so 10 pound for an hour

lessons that's pretty that's not bad actually yeah i mean that's somebody's time right it's pretty good anyway so nice i think no i'm just distracted because i'm interested i think june june is linked to this very much, right? It's a very crusader. Sorry, I'm still thinking about Dune after you mentioned it because I watched the trailer as well and I'm excited for it. I mean, the whole point of Dune is the crusades, right? It's essentially a crusade.

It feels very crusader. It is. But it's kind of a reverse crusade. I don't want to do any spoilers, but yeah. It's like a reverse crusade, yeah. But in the book, it's heavily implied. Well, a jihad, I guess, would be a reverse crusade. Yes, it is a jihad.

Like, in fact, like if you, if you read the, the backstory, like in the, the indices and everything about Dune, there was like the Butlerian jihad and everything I think was about basically tearing down machines, which is why there aren't super advanced computers. You have human computers, the Mentats, who are like, they do the job of computers by being able to focus their brains and essentially perform very difficult calculations very quickly because they banned computers and robots.

That was the, I think that was what the Butlerian Jihad was about. A Dune super fan out there will correct me, I'm sure. Anyway. Maybe they need a Butlerlinian jihad so they do a jihad on butlins butlins yeah that i'd get behind that maybe they should think about doing one of those you know they've already ran the red uniforms yeah but yeah it is there is kind of a crusady thing going on because obviously paul atreides wants to liberate the the fremen people

and everything but one of the things that they've hinted at is that the missionaria protectiva which is like um the bene gesserit mission to seed all these worlds out there with the myth of the quizats hadarach which is obviously what paul is the sort of the chosen one who can yeah who can travel his mind can do all kinds of crazy shit and he's like basically a demigod it's a jump forward in the road, the idea. Yeah. But the weird thing is that they seeded this idea so that if they'd ever need it,

they could just like, if they crash landed on a hostile world or whatever, they were stuck somewhere, they could just call on parts of the prophecy and sort of fulfill bits of it intentionally. And everyone would be like, oh my God, they're the chosen ones. And they could get out of jail free.

I thought that was quite an interesting idea. There's some really cool ideas in it it was really it was really his his magnum opus yeah um the rest of the books were not as hot um i mean doesn't paul turn into a sandworm in later books i think it goes a bit weird i'm just always that's what happens when you have success people are like oh i need to hear more i need more and sometimes that's like so almost certainly the sequels are not as good yeah rarely are spook sequels as good agreed apart from dare i say it the lord of the rings trilogy fellowship of the ring closely followed by uh two towers which is excellent followed by the king exactly excellent all very good excellent books excellent yeah the

hobbit the hobbit was written after those, right? No, it was the first one, wasn't it? But The Hobbit movies weren't as well received, were they? Oh, they were garbage. What was so bad about them? A lot. An awful lot. They were just terrible.

They were awful. I think her name is Lindsay Ellis. She's a YouTuber. She does a really good analysis of The Hobbit movies and why they suck. Right. Probably the Hobbit was the Hobbit was a children's book that wasn't very good. And it was quite small. It was like a Mr. Men book.

It shouldn't have been a trilogy at all. And they basically everything that they wanted to put in, Peter Jackson just put in. But there was also a lot of problems. Imagine they made the first three Harry Potter films out of the last three, you know, the three darkest ones. And then they went back and made the super kid friendly one. Like, I don't know, like it felt weird.

Like, like the type, because the fans were so expecting more Lord of the Rings. And I think. I think anyway, if you watch her video, it's a really good, because I feel like when people really dissect a film that you didn't like like when i i think about the the prequel trilogy of star wars movies which i hated i knew i hated them and they were awful but i didn't have the full list of terrible things and red letter media did a series of videos on the prequels and why they are well that's what made them famous exactly it was and but that analysis there were things you didn't even notice you knew they were bad and you knew at the time you thought this film sucks but you couldn't quite put your finger on why and when he when he shows it to you back to back to back all the awful things you're

like god yeah that was that was awful uh it's just like comically bad i mean that scene in the factory where they're like jumping over it's like a mario level it's literally like a level from mario i can't remember which film it was in or why they did it but they were doing something where they're like jumping over. It's like a Mario level. It's literally like a level from Mario. I can't even remember which film it was in or why they did it. But they were doing something where they're dodging bits of metal and machinery and stamping and stuff. And it made me think about that bit in Galaxy Quest where they go into the tunnels,

the service tunnels, and there's like chompers there. And they're like, why are these here? And they're like, well, they were in an episode. So the aliens built the ship according to the TV series. I thought, yeah, that's pretty much it. I like that stuff.

Sorry, we interrupted you again, Sips. That's all right. You're getting squashed today under our chat. I can't even remember what I was saying. What was I? What did I say? I make notes as I go on this podcast so I can come back. All right.

I watched the new series of The Boys. Oh, yeah. I haven't even watched series one of that. I know. It's very good. I know it's very good. I've seen the first episode and I liked it. I just haven't gotten around to getting back to it, you know?

I mean, there's a few shows like that. I mean, I know that, oddly enough, have you heard of the show True Blood? Yeah. It was awful. It was a dreadful, dreadful show. I watched a couple of seasons of that. I think it was a little bit like awful it was a dreadful dreadful show I watched a couple of seasons I think it was a little bit like

Star Wars the prequels like I watched them not realizing why they were so awful it's dreadful it's awful yeah I don't know the first couple of seasons were pretty good it started to get kind of

um yeah it started to get it got it got much sillier later on but yeah I think I liked like two or three seasons of it though well there's there are seven seasons yeah that's too many seasons for that so mrs f was a die-hard true blood fan right but then just kind of for whatever reason stop watching you know what it's like something else yeah absolutely i do it all the time she wanted to finish it so she's just finished all seven seasons and i've been trying to get her to watch

barry which i think is a really good show if you haven't seen barry check it out it's an hbo show how do you spell it is that barry barry the one with the the guy that has like a is it like australian or something no it's bill Bill Hader, who you might know from Saturday Night Live. He's a very funny guy. Yes, I recognize him. So he's an assassin. He's come back from Afghanistan. He was a soldier.

He's come back, and now he's an assassin. He works with the guy, oddly enough, who was the, I was told I could have my radio playing twice a day. Yeah, the stapler guy from Office Space. Oh, him. He is Barry's sort of assassin agent. I was told that I could have my radio. It's in a considerate volume.

I recognize him. I can see his face. So he plays a completely different character in this. Yeah, he's a really good actor, that guy, actually. I've seen him in lots of different roles and he's very good. I'm trying to think

what else he was in. I'm going to watch Barry now. This looks great. So I always use RatingGraph. Right. RatingGraph.com and you can see True Blood on there.

Like the first couple of seasons, great. But after that... Yeah. Oh, it's terrible. It takes a real swan dive. It's like Lost was like that. I loved Lost at first i

thought that was what a great idea for a show i loved like the setting and stuff i thought it was really cool yeah and then after about two or three seasons i just thought um what the fuck am i watching like well the thing about lost was it had 25 episodes per season they really had to that was a lot of really i stopped watching it when they found the hatch and they they had to... That was a lot of fucking video. Did it really? I stopped watching it when they found the hatch, and they saw a video feed of some dude with an eyepatch, and I thought, okay, I'm... Oh, man, the hatch stuff was actually some of the best stuff when they were doing the hatch.

It was great. Yeah, I thought it was really gripping. I think the lead-up to the hatch was really good, because nobody knew what it was. Everybody was scared of it and stuff. But then... Oh, dude. And then even when they got into it, and they were pressing the button because they weren't sure what was scared of it and stuff but then oh dude and then even when they got into it and they had to like they were pressing the button because they weren't sure

what was going to happen and stuff was pretty cool but i don't know i just i started losing interest like you know like this the weird smoke and everything it was just too fucking it was for me it got bad when you suddenly had the guy in white and the guy in black and it was pretty clear that they were the devil and God, or an angel and a demon at the very least. At that point, I was like, this is kind of boring now. And the constant flashbacks. There were a few very cool episodes, but there were a few absolute stings.

I think the show suffered as well because they had that huge writer's strike, remember? And then when it came back and everybody was back to work or whatever. I don't think that was the problem with last no but i think they they didn't know where they were going no no but but what i'm trying to say is they had that big writer's strike and then when people finally came back and they started right writing and shooting a lot of the original cast uh like what like one woman was arrested and she was no longer able to be on the show a couple of people broke contract and were like i don't want to do this anymore so they had to just uh react to it by

writing them out suddenly like like michael and walt that was certainly one part michael just wanted just left the show and they were just like what the fuck so they just had to do that whole thing where he just finds a raft and leaves the island because there was just literally nothing else they could write for him yeah but the worst you know what the worst thing they did was was that people on the the lost sort of forums guessed the ending to the show and what the gist of it was so they fucking rewrote the ending to the show that was a big part of it is that they built to an ending and then because some idiots guessed it they changed i feel like that's so nice oh is that lost did that happen in lost as well yes oh shit it didn't happen with um certain things certain tv shows like got better as they went on like breaking bad

was a great example of a show where they knew they would go where they knew they were going yes um and it had this ending in place by you know early early development and so like they they ended it with a high and i think that is so important you know for for good memories like people remember breaking bad great what was the other thing that was like a break um better call saul i'm not i'm not a better call saul is fucking hard work by the way um if you're gonna watch it it's great but it's like super depressing great though that's what's so good about it i love the pacing in it it's not like it's just it's just it's just like a comfy sort of um immersion thing for me i like it i i just i just like this it does feel like more of that breaking

bad world yeah but after i'd finished breaking bad and everyone was like you've got to watch better call saul i was like i am breaking bad outed Better Call Saul. I was like, I am Breaking Bad outed. Like, I am done. I can't stand the faint dripping of an air conditioner in the background. They're obviously in the middle of a fucking desert. I love all that. It's just super quiet, super low-key. I can't do it again. I did it for however many seasons Breaking Bad was,

and that was me tapped out. I was done. I haven't watched the latest season of better call sol but i i do like it i will i will watch it like i i like the whole story was grand it was fantastic what a show yeah but yeah so uh the the boys uh i know tom uh tom clark said to me oh you should try the comics it's even more fucked up and i went to uh forbidden planet and i bought like five volumes of collected the boys and uh really it's fucking bonkers like it's almost unreadable like i i preach at the tv show i i heard that series one was kind of slow and boring so i just didn't bother watching it but mrs f watched the whole thing and when i spoke to her

about afterwards i did they put in the bit with because one of the things they find is that they've been basically interbreeding the pope and all these guys have been interbreeding Jesus for 2,000 years so they've got the son of the son of the son of etc etc Jesus in this underground bunker in a mountain somewhere in Colorado and he's insane he just throws shit into the walls he's like bonkers he's lost his mind because he's so inbred and I thought there's no way they'd put that in a TV show. Mrs. was like, oh yeah, he's in there. I was like, what? Because Preacher is so nuts

and there's so many bizarre things that happen. I thought there's no way that's going to be in there. And it is. And I thought the boys, when I read the boys comic, there's no way. I mean, it's like even worse than Preacher for that kind of stuff. I mean, there's so much sex in it and so many orgies and just disgusting stuff.

But there's things like in the boys' comics, very early on, the boys have injected themselves with the serum to become supermen and fight the Supes. And that isn't in the TV show at all. And there's all kinds of other characters that just don't pop up. It's interesting yeah but the tv show veers wildly absolutely wildly away from the comics and it's much more straightforward and therefore watchable because the comic is insane it's absolutely insane yeah so i'm kind of glad they didn't stay that close i mean there are certainly aspects of that they could put into later episodes but there's way too much great stuff it's more like steelheart which is brandon sanderson's um thing about this evil superman who's called steelheart and he's like in a post-apocalyptic world basically because this

this this this this giving random people superpowers has fucking made some of them complete assholes um and so they have this evil Superman ruling the world and ordinary people have to try and take him down. And it's kind of this interesting idea. But yeah, definitely. I think it's like a trilogy. I think it's called the Reckoning Trilogy. So I recommend it.

I also recommend Brandon Sanson if you want to read more of the boys, but not the same. Is this The Reckoners? Yeah, The Reckoners. A trilogy of young adult superhero novels. Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Publisher, Random House Children's Books.

No, thank you. Here he goes again, trying to get us in on the young adult. No, I really enjoyed it. It didn't feel like reading a children's book. Why are you reading kids' books all the time? It's wrong with you, you're a grown man. Oh, my God, I recommend it. It's good.

He loves kids' books. This is the infantilization of the west that we've been warned about since the early 90s and here you are everybody's into anime and they're reading young adult novels yeah grow up grow the fuck up i think you're a goddamn adult i wanted to read you should read a newspaper and that's it all right i gotta say I have a subscription to Reader's Digest and National Geographic because I'm an adult. And I only read those publications. And Time Magazine. You've read the Sanderson novels, right? The good ones.

The Stormlight Archive, right? No, I haven't. I wasn't able to get into Sanderson's stuff. I don't know. Maybe I just like. The Way of Kings is a great, great book i know i need i have them i just uh like i said i tried reading them and i just could not get into them i i maybe need to just give them another go or whatever i don't know i'm just i think it might be the next i i if they were to make game of thrones

then again so he's planned good but good the way of kings would be the way to do it and the paperbacks have 1,258 pages yeah 400 these books

Oathbringer clocks in in a whopping what's the big thing with Sanderson he's got like 451,000 words that makes him that makes people like him

more than other like fantasy writers he's got like rules for magic or something. He's got magic rules. Yeah, I've talked about Eln hit before. But yeah, he's just good.

He knows what he's doing. He writes a lot. And the Stormlight Archive is kind of his flagship series that is the one which is the good one. He's my age. He's done a few other things. I recommend if you wanted to start off, Elantris is a good book. Elantris.

He completed, he did the final books. He was selected by the author Robert Jordan's widow to complete the final books in The Wheel of Time. So he was the guy who finished off The Wheel of Time after Robert Jordan died. Another series of books I have no intention of reading. Well, The Wheel of Time is actually a very good classic fantasy series. Right, here are the names

of the main characters. Rand Alfor. Yes. Matrim Kothon. Yes. Perrin Ibera. Egwene Alvir. Nineve Almyra.

He's literally a farm boy who becomes a magic wizard genius swordsman mastermind. Too many apostrophes. Tar Varen. Yeah. And the main protagonist.'s a it's a very classic kind of the dragon reborn known as car a carn or he who comes with the dawn to the

iel yeah i'm out i'm done tapping out i'm out yeah it's too fantasy too too ludicrous it's very high fantasy yeah but i know it's very popular with certain people i switch off when they use like the elvin language for too much you know like the l l reneer with like the apostrophes ten apostrophes yeah different letters it looks like finnish yeah life is too short i just fucking you know give me like a i'll just go watch goodfellas or something that do you ever think it's ironic that here we are mocking young adult novels that lewis reads and then i'm immediately just tapping out this isn't a young adult novel i'm gonna forget the names the old wheel of time is pretty we all the time was a slog as well i could not do it it's just it's definitely i mean

it's definitely not like too much i think anything that isn't horrible can be young adult. So here's my problem with a lot of these books, is that it's such a... You look at them, it's such a... You know it's going to be months of your life reading this thing unless you literally sit and pour through it. So I'd have to spend way more time every day just reading. And I'd be like, I could be playing Dota or building up... You know, I could be doing that.

Like the lure of the internet. This is the eternal choice that people have to make in their life. Most people, PFLAX, have to go to work and stuff. They don't have the choice of whether to read or fucking watch a movie. I'm literally thinking. Most people don't have the choice. I could. They have a limited amount of time.

And so I would recommend. But if they like certain things, then if you want. I'm really into crusading stuff and i always like reading military um fiction and stuff about yeah you know yeah as you call and stuff like uh bravo 2-0 which actually improves with every read i might just like i just find myself gravitating more towards sort of history uh like non-fiction now you know like i like I like reading biographies

oh fucking hell what's happening we're getting old well it happens we're going to be playing with train sets you're not 40 yet

are you Lewis no she's yelling to the kids to get off my lot I feel like that I'm 38 now how old is Lulu I'm 37

right so the reason you're obsessed with the fact that everything you do has to not reflect that you're getting old is because you haven't hit 40 yet once you hit 40 once you hit 40 you're getting old is because you haven't hit 40 yet.

Once you hit 40, you don't give a fuck, dude. It's like a juggernaut fucking legging it towards me. Listen. Also, I know, I've been reading all this history and also, I just know that people don't live much longer than 40. They're not made for it.

Of course they fucking do. That's the best years no one ever did nothing when they were over 40 my parents are like 65 so this whole time um they've just been they've just been chugging away in the background they're still miserable they are they can't bend over and pick up their golf balls they have to use a little tool for it fine the hair's all gone still living it up they're just talking about me they're still they still like doing the same shit that they've always done like it's you know that i know the thing is just make the most of your life people yeah sit and read a 2000 page fantasy novel you're

at the point now where your life won't really change like an awful lot like uh until you die in like 60 years time or whatever you know like um you'll just you're sort of like you're you've pretty much fully developed like the things that you like to do the way that you want to live your contentment all that kind of stuff that you don't have when you're in your 20s right when you're in your 20s you're just all over the damn place you want to do one thing one day and then another thing the next day or whatever. And then you just sort of like, I don't know, you get into your like mid to late 30s and you're just like, yeah, I'm doing pretty much what like I want to be doing. I'm playing video games for a living. If you're not, then I don't know what to say to you. But like I've for like probably like 10 years or so i've just been like yeah i'm i'm pretty pretty fine with everything you know like it's not it's not there's been

nothing like um there's been no no huge changes or anything you know what i mean like it's just it's just been smooth sailing baby which is nice i'm gonna have to read bravo to zero it's an alan partridge joke that's what what he says he says oh he says Bribery to Zero which actually improves with every read it was just when you were saying that you like reading about the crusades and military stuff it just reminded me of Alan Partridge that's all it was like an accidental I didn't realize that was a reference sorry he's doing like a podcast yeah it's called From the Oast House which I think is a brilliant a brilliant name um and uh sorry advertise somewhere it'll probably be quite funny i was kind of worried the partridge

stuff was tapped out but um i think i mean i do like i do like steve coogan i think the most recent season he did on um the one where he had the uh the talk show on i couldn't stand it co-hosted like that um the one show sort of thing morning matters yeah yeah yeah i thought that was hilarious oh it was so uncomfortable. It was so real. It was uncomfortable, but that was part of why it was so funny as well, right? But I think if you recoil in natural horror at the cringe, if it's presented in too real a fashion,

I think it actually, it's a very British thing. Yes. And I literally can't stand it. I don't know. Go back and watch The Office and you'll get a lot of that as well. Yeah, we have definitely spoken about this before, that cringe comedy is either your thing or it's not.

I mean, one thing that Steve Cougar did, still doing with old Rob Brydon, is they go and do The Trip. Yes. They've done about four or five seasons of it. And I think it's okay. I don't think it's like, I wouldn't say it was good, but I think it's watchable.

Yeah, it's the easy listening of comedy, I'd say. It's got some chuckles in there, and they're just engaging people. Like, it's fun to watch them. But I would say this, like, every episode consists of them having a chat, Rob Brydon doing one of his voices, and then Steve Coogan doing one of his voices. Like, the impressions seems to be a big part of it. And then them kind of not being very nice people.

And oddly, they have this weird friendship where they're like competing with each other constantly. Yeah. So it is kind of weird. But I'll confess, I haven't watched the latest seasons of the trip because it was just like you said, it was like, it's all right.

It was all right. It was just very all right. So I think that's probably how I would define Alan Partridge as well. Like, it's all right. Oh, the series in the Travelodge, i can't remember which series that is a brilliant series i love that series but that had that was just him being a twat like it was just him being a horrible person and the cringiness in it wasn't that bad because you had people on the show who were like making fun of him without him realizing and you were kind of with those people you know

what i mean like you had a voice as the audience i think mid-morning matters was just watching awful people doing cringy stuff and it was just so uncomfortable i couldn't stand it i couldn't stand the movie do you see the alan potter's movie alpha yeah i love that i'm not very good i thought it was okay i thought it was watchable yeah wow so Still was great. I thought it was okay to good and Peever in fact hated it. I didn't like it. Wow. This is the Triforce podcast

in a nutshell, right? That's all I can handle. My expectations were so low. So it was like, oh, yeah, that's fair. Thank you very much for listening, everybody. We'll see you all next week.

Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye.