Triforce! - Triforce! #144: Those Magical Family Moments

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

Triforce! Episode 144! We've got YouTube recommendations, disgusting eaters, magical family moments and Pyrion's illustrious golfing career in today's Triforce! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Triforce podcast. We're back. We're actually recording half an hour late this morning because Sips was showing me and Pflax's CK3 Empire. The Pennywhacker Empire. Monster Empire, yeah. And Motherfucker. It's huge. It's a big one. I've never seen anything like it.

I don't understand how you've done it. It's like watching some sort of spiffing Brit stuff. I recommend CK3 to anyone. I've played it this week. I had a good time. I think you do have to play it with a little bit of role play. You know, you have to take your time. You don't want to rush. You want to watch things happen. You want to see your children grow up and turn into crazy motherfuckers.

Or, you know, you want to sleep with your auntie and have a hunchback child. Do you know what I mean? You want to enjoy it. Savor it. The multiplayer stuff, I've been doing that with the lads that i would i would have previously played like hearts of iron or dover or whatever with it was it was really funny because each of us would kind of specialize in something like my you know my boy just went down the intrigue tree and he had a ridiculous amount of intrigue and if we needed someone killed we would just say

there was like a queue of people that we would go to him with and we'd be like um could you kill my heir because my my next heir after him is a genius he was like yeah yeah give me a minute just kill him and he'd kill the king of france and then he'd come and kill my heir then he'd kill someone else and by killing just the right people he went from being britney and having one province to the entirety of west frankia he was just now the leader this is some game of thrones shit he's like your spy master yeah he's like little finger eunuch you need a little finger yeah you need a dwarf you need everyone right it was really something it's very very game of thronesy i can't wait for the game

of thrones mod actually that'll be here's the one thing you need to understand about multiplayer crusader kings if you have like five or six people playing and you save it and resume it at a later time, do not continue the game without all of you there because the AI will come in and be like, why are my friends with this idiot? And just declare war on you. Like, my buddy Plague was like, he couldn't turn up. He was like an hour late or whatever. So he cracked on anyway. And he was Denmark at the late or whatever so he cracked on anyway and he was Denmark at the time and they just started

taking everything and attacking everybody it was horrifying it was like oh my god we can't stop him and he's like it's our mate's empire

but that's what happens in real history right that's exactly it because the kids you never know what your kids are going to be like you're dead

and they're like some crazy motherfucker you might have that guy from game of thrones that was cutting people's wieners off and stuff like that that might be your kid exactly yeah you never know like this is the same case for you you know you've established a period of fact flax bloodline and sips bloodline as well and you you know you have a set a certain reputation a certain threshold for greatness right yeah for behavior for comedy yeah for attitudes, for being cool, for looking good. You're saying my kids could be horrible people? That's an awful thing to say.

I'm saying your kids might be like fashion models, really talented photographers, expert writers. They could really put you to shame. Or they could be a drug addict, a dark disaster area. And you never know. It's true. You never know. You just don't know. So I talked to Ben this week,

who's got a family member who is just starting sixth form. Right. So like 16. And he was telling me, so this is sort of secondhand through him, but he was telling me how they were chatting about what they're doing getting ready for going to school. And so what they've done is before the sick form started, all the people have looked at each other's accounts through Instagram. This is some black mirror shit, right?

But apparently this is what people are doing now at school before even like meeting each other wow they've they are they first of all none of them ever got phone numbers of anyone else if you have a phone number of someone they're like really close that's like your mom right thing right right everyone else talks and they don't use whatsapp they use instagram like messaging right and they all have an instagram and they've't use WhatsApp, they use Instagram messaging, and they all have an Instagram, and they've all checked each other out, and they all know each other before they've even met in school. This is a world that terrifies me, right? Because Instagram is this place where people just mostly post pictures

of themselves looking good, right? Looking perfect. You take like 100 selfies. So they think. I mean, you know. Yeah, but mostly they're right. themselves looking good right looking you take like 100 selfies that's so they think i mean you know yeah i'd say self-recommendation is no recommendation at all really when you think uh you know some of these people who are like i look great do you i mean i don't think you look that great personally but i mean if you think you look great i guess that's all that matters

you know what i mean like what what is all this shit i think they they they have an understanding of what what is instagram good right so it's like what are the popular i mean it's the slightly above head slightly turned looking kind of cutesy and there'll be pictures and stuff like that like it's like they always take the most flattering picture of their house or where they are that's possible so i think the issue is that you're presenting this perfect version of your life and yourself. That's why my Instagram is always me looking grumpy in a pretty basic place, like in front of a sock shop or something, because that's real life. I don't want to lie to people. Most of the time, you're not smiling and happy and looking perfect. Life is fundamentally pretty boring a lot of the time. So is that not worth sharing too?

I heard that Instagram is basically just now just celebrities posting pictures of themselves doing what you guys just said. There's definitely a lot of influencer stuff on that. Like it's quite funny how I speak to people and they are fans of some Instagram influencer and they think that they're the only person who is their fan right and so but

for example one one thing you know some some nail polish or something will be delivered to the office and it won't have a name on it and there'll be you know five different people who think it's theirs because they're all they're all actually fans of this Instagram person who isn't small at all they're selling millions and millions of products right and it's it's a really crazy different different world I think that it so what you all these people somebody on in on Instagram or like an influencer on Instagram yeah that's all they're they're they done that's all they're known for is just being on Instagram and people are fans there are plenty of people like that yeah like I mean TikTok there are people who are just huge on i can like just about understand like what like we do that

people would want to watch somebody like play a game especially somebody who's like good at a game or whatever i can understand that like i've watched you know obviously people i don't think i'd ever just follow somebody on instagram just because they're on instagram you know what i mean like i don't know what you could do on instagram that would sort of convert me to like a fan like i mean i guess maybe if you're into fashion or something like that but like there's a couple i just don't get it that i've spoken to who follow weird people kind of just out of a morbid curiosity right okay what they're like because they're like i don't know, some people who were involved in MLMs or just particularly weird, and they're not usually good people or pleasant people either.

It's like they just sort of, I wonder if that's part of it, this kind of curiosity of like, who is this fake person? Why do they act like this? What has led them down this weird path? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think it's a very different audience from what we can imagine. We all do streaming or YouTube and we understand, specifically around gaming. So the games that we like to play and what we like to watch, I think we just kind of, obviously everybody puts their own spin on it,

but essentially that's a world that we understand. I don't understand why someone would follow someone. We just kind of, obviously, everybody puts their own spin on it. But essentially, that's a world that we understand. Sure. I don't understand why someone would follow someone. I still don't even really understand this world that well. Well, we understand at least in part, right? It still doesn't really make a lot of sense, does it? Yeah, but surely to you, it makes more sense, as it does to me, than someone following someone on TikTok who just says,

hi, guys, check out my new shoes, looking great today. Fuck, I don't even know what TikTok is, honestly. I feel so old like i don't even know what it is it's like vine do you remember vine yeah so tiktok is kind of like that only it's got a lot more functionality it's a lot more community based like you can do things like create a duet so you create you do something where you say but so it's more like video like small videos like somebody saying like hi i shit my pants but they're not just like six seconds like vine it's more like video like small videos like somebody saying like hi i shit my pants but they're not just like six seconds like mine it's like they're not but that would be great that would be a great that would be a great tiktok you should do that here's my pants what's up bam

and oh man it's very clever tiktok is very clever um they're they're often they they they feel amateurish and they feel real and they feel ghetto but they're often very staged or little jokes that are quite clever and are made by people who know what they're doing and and it's got this tiktok has got this amazing amazing algorithm where when you watch some according to what you've watched it knows what other people have also... It's all about how you don't interact, rather than how you do interact. So it's all about how long you sit there while something plays in front of you, and don't turn it off, rather than what you do click on.

So it's all about that watch time thing that YouTube built in a few years ago as well. It's like if you watch something for longer than a certain amount of time, YouTube will just give you more of the things that similar people have watched for a similar amount of time. So, I mean, it's weirdly clever like that. Anyway, TikTok, it's this weird thing. It's not unusual. It's not weird. But I wonder whether I always give people the benefit of the doubt, though, in general.

And like when we say people, I'm like'm like why do people why are people into this and i think there's there's i think that easily when you watch something when you watch some weird guy you're like okay i can see why this guy's weird and interesting and people might want to watch i think most people are similar in there are definitely things i want like mre steve why am i watching a guy eat rations yeah but, but how are you watching? Like, are you watching on YouTube? Every day? Do you get notification? Oh, shit. Yeah, new MRE Steve, I can't wait to watch this later. Literally, yeah. Really? Okay.

And like, it pops up on my list, new video, I will watch it straight away. And yeah, I don't know why. It's just one of those things. It's comforting. It's familiar. It's like, it's, it's, I do it too. I have this list of YouTube subscriptions. And sometimes I actually have to unsubscribe to things that I feel are like, ugh, like I used to watch so much like Hearthstone stuff. Yeah. And I used to watch a lot of Starcraft, like pro games and stuff as well.

And I had to like unsubscribe to a lot of these channels just to stop them. Otherwise I would watch every single one what does youtube currently recommend to you guys like um i've actually got youtube open right now do you want to do you want to know my recommendations yeah this is what it's recommending omar sells the shipment back to prop joe so that's a clip from the wire because i watched a clip from the wire yesterday and now all it's recommending me is clips from the wire sure omar what omar sells the shipment back to prop joe 1.4 million views it's just a clip from the wire right a guy playing a strategy game called i think it's called um combat shock troops 2 or something which is made by have you

ever heard of a company called slithereen games yes itator- Ultra grognardy, very nerdy games, right? So this is kind of like that. Very hardcore strategy game set in some sort of modern war scenario. Something where Jamie Vardy is making fun of Casper Schmeichel, which is a Sky Sports thing. Billy Joel's You're Only Human, which was in the most recent episode of The Boys on Amazon. That song by Billy Joel was- joel's you're only human which was in the most recent episode of the boys right um on amazon that song by billy joel was your only human after all right that one no bizarre no no it's not that

one uh so this one is called another advanced useless machine which i'm intrigued to watch this was uploaded seven years ago if you go on youtube and you go to the top of your page on your home page at the top it says all and then it should say something yeah and you go to the top of your page on your homepage at the top it says all and then it should say some things do you want to hear the things yeah I want to hear the things right

Columbo wow Columbo is the number one number one it's alphabetically sorted I think but at the same time

I have been fiending Columbo clips for some reason like a lot of the clips where he goes uh just uh just one more thing sir i almost

forgot uh where did you get that gun and the guy's like oh you got me colombo you know like a load of those i've been watching yeah basically the reveals exactly the reveals each episode reveal compilation i know what you're gonna say colombo i know what you're gonna say where did i get this gun well you got me colombo exactly again exactly i got no excuse and then the next one is comedy which is fair enough i watch comedy yeah that's very that's a very broad then the third one is thrillers and i don't know what that is doing there and then baseball fair enough i do watch a lot of baseball clips. Strategy video games.

And then there's one called scenes. I don't know what scenes. I think it must mean scenes from films. I guess that means scenes. Nice. And then there's Escape from Tarkov. World War II. Right.

Stanley Kubrick. Golf. History. Apple. Apple. I don't know if that means Apple as in the company Apple or literally apples. And then basketball.

I'm not even a basketball fan. Then it says Super Bowl because I've been watching NFL highlights which are uploaded to YouTube. The season started this week. This is really weird. Then fantasy football. No idea why that's there.

I don't do fantasy football. I'm not interested in it. Then podcasts. I think because occasionally I check in to look at the comments on a triforce episode yeah and then recently uploaded those are my tags so i've got a there's a clip from there's a clip from frazier crane's funny moments part one hd from cheers then there's colombo the refusal and it's him from the colombo channel by the the way. There's a clip from Sin City. There's a clip from Arrested Development.

There's football supporters singing Will Griggs on fire. A lot of TV stuff. A lot of copyrighted stuff, by the sounds of it. Not a lot of original stuff there. It's all clips of TV and movies that you can't be asked to sit through the whole thing or don't want to or i've seen it before and i just forgot like there are clips like there's that bit in the wire where the the entire scene it's uh mcnulty and what's the copper's name i can't remember they go and they just say fuck yeah they just say fuck like i i watched that the other day yeah i

like that one that's a great now all i get is recommendations for clips yeah that's a great scene i really like tom scott videos of course i get recommended a lot of those for some reason i get loads of mad men suggestions i haven't even finished watching the entire series like i kind of just have you like looked up stuff in the past about it like out of curiosity but i clicked one weird christopher loads of christopher hitchens things because i watched a christopher hitchens compilation one time so now all i get is christopher hitchens things um well i mean that's all that that's very i don't know watching that sort of atheists sort of rhetoric was very it was very powerful his his arguments weren't they christopher right but it's not just about atheism.

I think Christopher Hitchens was a very, very, very interesting guy. Very intelligent. Very well read. Great speaker. Great speaker. Wonderful debater. I mean, he'd be incredible now on YouTube, wouldn't he? Yeah.

If he hadn't died. Terrible. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, he had a really good way of cutting through. I always felt like his arguments had an absolute moral core that was inarguable like you couldn't argue against him because it was like i mean he'd studied morality and philosophy so widely in history his understanding of facts and figures and names and quotes and things was ridiculous so someone says something and he pulls him up on it and they just don't have a response i I will say this.

A lot of debates are very tedious because it's kind of one sided. It's like watching someone just it's like watching Real Madrid beat a pub team. It's like that'll be entertaining once. But if they keep doing it, it's just like, geez, you know, give it a rest. Calm down, Real Madrid. Yeah, it is interesting. Take it easy. Because you see that often in these debates where people are poorly informed on one side

and they say something that is wrong or kind of this stereotype. And the other person doesn't realize that it's wrong and can't really call them up. And even if they do call them up, they don't have the facts at hand or whatever. Do you know i mean they don't have it's like it's like when you write an essay or something you you could constantly put in citations as you go through right whereas when you're in a debate or speaking on a stage that isn't there um and and so you have to rely on either your own prep work a great deal of groundwork you know or a real just solid base of knowledge. And I think that's what

Christopher Hitchens had. It was like this great memory for, like you said, those kind of unerring moral arguments that mean that, yeah, okay, you've just made me a believer in one sentence,

you know, because even if that isn't like i also can't even argue you need to have a lot of experience in in debating and arguing so that when your opponent says something you don't need to think and fumble around for an answer he's already heard this argument before like the more you debate i think especially a specific topic like he has he spent a lot of time debating uh religion most of the arguments that are pro-religion he's heard them before and more often than not i'm sure he's heard them that weren't on a televised debate so he's got his answer ready to go and he's got you know he just knows i love those i love those

really prepared answers like you guys said, where they just calmly sort of like whittle through this. Not even it doesn't even feel like an overly prepared response, but it just it feels like something natural. But it's it's just put forward so eloquently and and calmly. And like, you know, it's not somebody screaming a point or making like a fool of themselves. Like, I really like that. I like... I mean, everybody, the number one comment you see in these is that this is missing from current politics.

And I think it's absolutely true. A couple of really smart people sitting down and talking about an issue. Why is that not something that we see anymore? If you do see that, it tends to be... Because the people who get into politics aren't smart people who want to debate issues there. Why are they suddenly not smart? Have they always been that? Has it always been that way?

I think so. It has, yeah. Well, then how come we used to have this and now we don't? We didn't used to. They want you to think that we used to. We've never had it. I'm literally watching it, though. We're such old men.

I think if we're going to get on the road that all politicians are inherently evil and stupid. I don't think that they're evil. I think that they get into politics for all the wrong reasons. I think that people who would be really good in politics, who would do the right things, aren't interested in getting into politics because of all the fucking clowns they have to deal with.

We do live in the era of the professional politician. It used to be that presidents came from the law or doctors or you know different different other you know they had a calling and a job and a life in the real world and now we have this career politician the idea that you can go to school study politics and be a politician i will say this most of us feel that they're out of most of the politicians in america are still lawyers like they're almost all lawyers i mean for me i've never heard of al franken before yeah yeah you know he used to be on saturday night live yeah he wrote a bunch of political books and then he eventually became senator of wisconsin or

somewhere but he's he got cancelled as well there was he did sexual misconduct allegations and stuff and he was he was he was quite resigned from his uh but yeah he he was i remember reading his books before he even got into politics and thinking wow you know this guy is is really switched on uh he knows a lot about politics like why isn't he just a politician and then sure enough he became one he's not anymore but that's quite unusual i think yeah yeah it is very unusual that's anyway here's my problem if we're gonna say that politicians um have always been and i think you're right they've always been you know career politicians and they got into it for various reasons the coverage around politics has changed more than politicians have changed i think

politicians are essentially at core the same. What's changed is how they present themselves publicly because a lot of people are looking for sort of gotcha interviews. There was a period where interviews with politicians were very dull. And then we had a few scandals and a few terrible interviews where the politician's career was ended because of a bad interview. So now they just don't do real interviews anymore. But in response to that, we've also decided that rather than having two intelligent people sit down

and debate an issue from each side, we're just going to have people screaming at each other on fucking news night or whatever. And that seems to be what it is. Now, if politicians haven't changed at their core, when did our coverage of them change what what was it that meant that suddenly everything had to be a screaming match and all debates had to be people shouting each other and there was no one actually saying well that's not true like why are people allowed to lie and i think i think that i think young people are more exposed to politics now through social media through like things like you know youtube and you know like people have phones. They can look at clips of stuff or whatever. When I was a kid,

and I can safely say for the people that I was surrounded with as kids and stuff as well, none of us were into politics. It wasn't something that you had an abundance of access to. No, but I think there's more awareness of who's who's who said what you know like people people are much more aware of like trump for probably for all the wrong reasons because of the stuff that he says and the videos that go out about him and stuff like that i think i think on average i think younger people have more access to politics than they ever have

and maybe that's changed things slightly. Maybe they feel like... The kids are to blame, as usual. No, no, I'm not blaming kids, but I'm just... You know, a lot of these politicians, you know, big PR companies behind them who are looking at demographics, who are looking at trends, who are looking at all this stuff.

And I mean, Boris is a perfect example of that. You know, this is a guy who is basically 100% run by a PR company. Like all of his lead-ups, his campaigns, all of this shit about fucking making buses out of cardboard boxes. When did this happen? Well, I think it's been going on for ages, but I think the demographics have changed a little. There's this TV show called Yes Prime Minister from the 80s.

And Yes Minister before that, yeah. Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister. It's great. And actually, that's one of the ones that I get recommended on YouTube. Same here. Actually, same here. My top ones, my tags at the top. For some reason, my very first one is Divinity Original Sin 2.

How fucking weird. I've never ever in my life watched a divinity original sin 2 including the ones that we made i've never watched them like i've never really i wouldn't have even clicked on them to look at comments nothing it's been that long since you logged into a youtube channel well not really because there's some there's some more um relevant stuff here like more recent stuff like what is that what else is there's a bunch of there's some there's some more um relevant stuff here like more recent stuff like what is that what else is there's a bunch of there's a bunch of um uh hip-hop stuff in here no no no there's nothing if you just you don't have to talk about it if it's weird the elder scrolls is another one uh of my tags warcraft pub g fallout fallout new vegas city building games podcast city building comedy building games yeah crusader

kings 2 um these are all tags for me there's a lot of norm mcdonald's stuff because i i tend to watch i also get a lot of norm stuff from his podcast that he did which is really fucking funny and then there's a bunch of like sort of spoof parody hip-hop things on here which i barely ever watched i don't know why i'm getting recommended these oh i've been getting the chess stuff as well i get a lot of vlad tv stuff which is like uh they dj vlad who interviews a lot of rappers like there's one here chuck d on lord jamar saying eminem is a guest in hip-hop this This is two months ago. I never watched this, but I'm getting recommended this stuff. Lots of Norm stuff. Boosting stop motion to 60 FPS using AI.

Lego Eddie. I can't, I don't. Did you guys ever watch Jelly's Marble Run? Not even once have I watched anything like that. Yes, I watched Jelly's Marble Run. I got into him in a big way. My kids love that so much. My kids used to watch Marble run stuff all the time too it's so much better than like f1 it is you like if you think

you like f1 you will love you will love jenny's marble runs all the olympics like just because it's like all of the randomness and the all of that exciting commentary right all that hype without any of the real shit also is the little details he puts in like the crowd is organized you have marbles of the same color as the marbles that are running in sort of groups they're like cheering for their marble marble runs this podcast go watch it up right now and watch a video because it's it's fucking it's a hole you'll go down a hole trust me it's brilliant there's there's a hole, though. You'll go down a hole. Trust me. It's brilliant. There's some holes.

Tom recommended me a hole on YouTube this week, and I looked at it, and I almost puked. There's this guy called Sausage Steve or something like that. Is that what it is? Sausage Party Trailer Puppet Steve Reaction Video. No, no, that's not it. Homemade Salami with Steve Lamb in the river cottage? No, it's this guy who makes ordinary sausage. There you go.

It's called ordinary sausage. Ordinary sausage. And it's a guy on YouTube who makes things into sausages. Oh, the Travis Scott sausage. White Castle sausage. Fleet O' Fish sausage. An entire KFC bucket he puts in a sausage maker. Oh, that's disgusting. and makes it into a sausage and

yeah like it is repellent um and you have to watch through through through closed eyes sometimes when he's making the sausages disgusting but it it's it's i don't know it's weirdly moorish in a sense like it's interesting it's almost like the whole the whole thing is like you know that youtube thing if someone has a stupid youtube channel where they crush things or they put a thousand degree hot knife oh man yeah this is this is the guy who makes things into a sausage so he made like a sausage out of a block of cheese and some ice and i don't know just does he eat the sausage at the end yeah he tries he tries them all and some of them it turns out apparently great he made like a lobster one that was really

cool and it was like 30 30 buck sausage it was like i think i think the guy's called report of the week and he does one where he starts he goes welcome to report of the week running on empty food review that's how he introduces the video this guy yeah he's famous right very famous so he does he just reviews fast food that's it so it's like wendy's has brought out a new uh chicken burger and there he is and he's got the chicken burger and he talks for like 10 minutes about the burger and about his week and stuff and then all of this fast food looks so sad so he has to fucking eat all of this stuff obviously to review it fuck what a joke what

imagine that fuck i i can't remember the last time i ate something from wendy's or mcdonald's well he does that's fucking gross like he he eats it. And the weird thing is, is normally when I think of food reviews, you would cut out the eating part because that's the least... Watching someone else eat, to me, is not a fun thing. Like, just sitting and watching someone eat. No, I hate the sounds as well.

It's disgusting. If you're in, like, an empty, quiet room and somebody's smacking away or whatever, oh, fuck. I hate noisy eaters. I can't abide it. The lip smacking and shit. Sometimes someone, like, I hate noisy eaters. I can't abide it. The lip smacking and shit. Sometimes someone like being a noisy drinker is just as bad.

Oh, yeah. Someone big lugging. Because it makes me paranoid, though. It makes me think, am I a noisy eater or am I a noisy drinker? What about people who absolutely manhandle a bottle? You know, like when you drink water out of a bottle, like people who suck the water out of the bottle so that like the the whole bottle like almost like you know like they've just like they've just fucking walked in from i hate that a saharan trek and they're like glugging it yeah why did the people

do that i hate that i i think to them it's like if it doesn't bother you then you assume it doesn't bother other people like i've eaten with some disgusting eaters like genuinely revolting no no i would have said like you know me i would have said jesus christ would you mind like people it's like calm the fuck down it's a it's a hamburger like just chill like we don't need the detail i get it you're enjoying your burger you don't need to shovel it in your face like you know do you know anybody who becomes like possessed by food like when they start eating they're sweating and they're just fully they can't even speak anymore like they're just like fully fixated on eating their food i've known a couple of people like that.

I've always found that really interesting. They're just like their brain will just not. It switches off. That's it, they're eating. Yeah, completely. They're eating and that's it. It's weird, isn't it? You know what?

Mrs. F is a very determined eater. Right. Like she's not a conversationalist. To her, she want to have a lovely, like we go out for a meal. I'm a very slow eater. Ponderous almost. I take my time. That's actually really good because very few people are,

especially dads because you often haven't got time. No, yeah. I eat fast. I think out of necessity though because like – Ben is like the fastest eater I think I've ever seen. I think when you're a dad though, especially if your kids are still small, you kind of have to be because you just like – you don't get a lot of time to sit down and and enjoy food you just have to wolf it down

and then get ready to fucking clean all of their food off their face and everywhere else that it's gotten to during the meal or whatever like i think it's a necessity thing right like my youngest is a talker like when she's eating she'll be chatting so you'll put her there she's like i'm starving you're like what's for dinner you give her dinner and she's like oh great i'm so hungry she takes one bite and then she's like guess what happened today in school you won't believe this i love this this is so healthy though right i'm that right i'm that right i'm the one who's who's eaten like yesterday we went out to burgers me ravs ben and joe um me, Ravs, Ben and Joe I had eaten my onion rings before

and they'd finished their meals I hadn't even touched my burger yet and I sort of forgot it was there actually because the onion rings were so filling I was like oh fuck I've got a whole burger left and you guys have finished and then I had to eat it I felt like I was eating it at speed

I was pacing myself like fuck how quickly am I going to get it like, I felt like I was eating it at speed. I was pacing myself, like, fuck, how quickly can I get this thing in? Yeah, I'm not a first eater either. I felt awful afterwards. I don't know. I mean, to me, it's like a meal alone. I'll just get on with it. But I'll normally be watching TV or something like that. Like, I'm on the sofa in front of the TV eater these days.

I don't eat with the kids. It's disgusting. I don't want to eat anywhere near the kids. Their table manners are revolting i hear that last time i said this uh people were commenting saying that questioning if i was actually a good dad and if i was well they can go fuck if i was actually harming my kids by not wanting to eat with them come over here that's your role fucking worst okay it's revolting it's revol. I don't even find it revolting. It's just annoying.

It's just annoying because you're just sitting there, you're trying to eat and it's just like fucking a million questions about nonsense and then putting off because they don't want to eat, okay? Like if it was a chocolate cake,

you wouldn't hear a fucking word. Oh, exactly right, buddy. They'd be wolfing it down. But because it's like not chocolate cake, you have't hear a fucking word. Oh, exactly right, buddy. They'd be wolfing it down. But because it's not chocolate cake, you have to go through, why is water wet? And all this stuff. And it's just like, fuck, I'm just eating. I want to eat five minutes and I want to go.

I do not want to sit here. Also, you know they eat fucking eaten. That's the worst thing. Because then they'll be like, I don't want to eat my vegetables. They're cold. You're like, yeah, because you fucking ran your mouth for 10 fucking minutes down and talk about your day okay uh sure maybe some people do that okay my family does not do that how was your day good dad why do birds fly okay you know you know what i mean it's not it's you're not having a meaningful conversation you're having having a, I'm going to do everything in my power

to not eat this food in front of me. Exactly right. And so I'm going to think up these dumb questions that are going to lead into other dumb questions and waste a whole bunch of time. And then the food will be cold and then I'll have a good excuse to not eat it. And then basically,

when you say to them. So basically your attitude is that your kids are trying to trick you into somehow not noticing that they've not eaten their broccoli. Not so much trick me, but it is a production. It is for sure a production. So what happens is...

People who don't have kids... No, you don't have kids, so of course you don't agree with that. They're like, but it's a magical time with the family where you're meant to fun. Get a fuck. You could not be more wrong.

You know what else is a magical time for the family? When you're trying to get them ready for bed. because that's another thing they never want to do right exactly so they're so transparent all of a sudden it's like it's like fucking i've decided that i'm going to learn how to play let it be on the piano uh at bedtime all right great this is great you know what i mean it's just it's it's always something, right? But I guarantee you, every parent out there is nodding along with this and going, yep, fucking assholes at dinner time and at bedtime.

You know what? Everyone who says it's meant to be a magical family time hasn't got fucking kids, all right? You don't. Because they will try every trick in the book to avoid eating dinner. You know what is a magical family time, though? When everybody's eating ice cream.

Because that's something everybody wants to do at the same time. Quiet, peaceful, everyone happy. Yeah, everybody is happy when you all eat ice cream because that's something everybody wants to do at the same time. Quiet, peaceful, everyone happy. Yeah, everybody is happy when you all eat ice cream together. That's amazing, isn't it? How quiet they get and how focused when it's dessert. Yeah, everybody's focused on the task of obtaining and then consuming the ice cream. The dessert, yeah.

It's beautiful. It's like a well-oiled machine when you get the ice cream. That's how you know they're full of shit the rest of the time. As an outsider. Oh, my God. So last night, my youngest, we got some little mini tiramisu's from the supermarket because the girls love tiramisu. Mrs. F does too. So my youngest is there and we had chicken and leek pie with mashed potato for dinner.

And my youngest, as I said... Sounds like heaven. Huh? I'm not a huge fan of leek. I don't know. In the pie, it's good. I'm not a leek fan either. Yeah, yeah.

You don't want to eat on its own. Leek and potato soup can fuck right off, honestly. Yeah, it's just annoying, right? I fucking hate leek. But in the pie, trust me, it works very well in the pie. Yeah, yeah. Pie sounds good. So we've all finished. My youngest, as usual, it works very well in the pie. Yeah, yeah, pie sounds good. I think they would say it's good.

No, it's not. So we've all finished. My youngest, as usual, is still up there farting about. Yeah. And my wife's like, if you finish, she's like, yup. And she sneaks her plate off to the bin to scrape what's left in there. Yeah. Which is like the whole thing.

And my wife says, did you eat all of it? And she's like, oh yeah, yeah, I ate all of it. And then my wife's like, you know, really? She's like, well, a little bit of crust. I left some crust. And now my wife loves the pie crust. She thinks it's the highlight of the pie in many ways. So she's offended.

She's instantly offended by this. And she says, right. So she grabs my youngest's dessert off her, takes a big spoonful and eats it. And my youngest starts crying her eyes out. Oh eyes out and now now here's the thing my wife is a very calm person very logical she's very cool very chill you've met her she's very cool she's she's not an overly emotional person but she will go from fucking zero to a million miles an hour if the kids are pissing her off and she will eat your dessert if you fucking leave some

wow that's pretty that's pretty cry she's literally like boom so i cannot stand when my kids cry about stupid shit like desserts because it always annoys me that they're crying their eyes out about a mouthful of tiramisu and it makes me feel like they're the most privileged little shits and i'm like i have zero tolerance for that. So I'm like, all right, if you're going to cry, go to your room and cry. You can finish dessert up there. Oh my God. It's just an escalation. She's nearly nine.

Yeah, I feel like that. So she's not a baby. Yeah, that's still like at that age where stuff, every once in a while, like they're grown up enough to not let things really bug them that much. But every once in a while, everything gets on top of them, right? Yeah, right yeah and then they'll just have a breakdown but my my 11 year old she was never like this they're just very different they're very different yeah yeah but uh but yeah i'm trying to trying to break her tolerance for crying about every little thing like it's not healthy to cry about your dessert like i'm sorry but it's not i think it's well then again it's a production

she put she's putting it on she's doing that thing where they cry and then they look around at you you know but I know I know women who are 30 years old

I don't believe you I don't believe you I know some women who are in their 30s and regularly cry for no reason right and it's just part of

who they are I don't know any women in their 30s who cry regularly I think it's just women who have to work because don't know any women in their 30s who cry regularly I think it's just women who have to work with you because my wife would be furious if I was hanging around with women maybe it's my fault if you're a crier and you don't know why

let me know I cry all the time but I cry about shit like you know the ending to a sad movie so much more worthwhile or a really good song me it's like how did this army in ck3 beat my army like when it said that mine was gonna win that's the kind of stuff i cry about but not about your dessert and she'd already had a fucking lolly she had an isolate when she came

home from school it's like how spoiled can you get okay it's you gotta understand though sometimes there's deeper layers you know much like a tiramisu has less of the robbing my hands about the theft of the tiramisu may not have been the trigger it may have been the aggressive action that was that was the the snatching of it no it might have been the the the vitriol with which your wife stared at your child no it was just a single mouthful of tiramisu that's all it was trust me might have been it might have just been the tip of the iceberg there might have been other problems going on that you don't know about it might just be yeah it could be a whole gamut of things and i think people are complicated and i think we always as men look for

solutions right um women do i'm sure actually as well like someone comes to me with a problem and i'm always like i'm trying to find a solution and sometimes what they just what they want from me is just to tell me about we can't solve women's problems because most women's problems are just men so we can't solve well no but men come to me with their problems as well and they're not often looking for a solution either they just want to they want to vent or they want to do what they want to talk about it but i always have to because i always catch myself trying to think up an answer like when you were telling me about your kids like you know not not eating their dinner or whatever i'm like well what happens if you starve them what happens if you just don't give them any breakfast and then that way they're so hungry when it comes

down to lunch listen to this okay but i'm not this is my that's where my head goes i know it's bad this is what i'm saying okay we sit down you know normally like my wife will you know get some dinner ready or whatever uh we'll sit down and we'll start eating and um and instantly it'll be like well my daughter's usually pretty good she'll she'll start eating she doesn't eat much so you know she'll have a couple of bites and then she's like done or whatever and my son will sit down and he'll pretend like he's starting to eat because it'll be you know whatever it's like carrots or some some shit that he doesn't want to eat right so we'll sit down he'll start like taking a bite and then he'll be like dad yeah be like how come um the the clouds in the sky or it'll be some some like complicated question whatever always and you think okay fair enough so you start answering okay and then where do the

poops instantly his face glazes over okay because he doesn't actually care he doesn't want it he doesn't want to hear the answer right or you're a bad storyteller there's always two there's always more he's asked a question right and then you're in the middle of trying to explain to him you get about a couple of seconds in and then he just like interrupts like with some other question or whatever so you're like okay i see where this is going question and then this goes on we we do this dance for like a little while and then in the and then and then my wife will just say kurt just, just eat, all right? Just enough questions. Just eat your dinner, all right? We're just here to eat our dinner.

And then he'd be like, oh, okay. He'll take another bite and he'd be like, actually, I'm kind of full. He's just like two bites of his food, right? He's like, I'm pretty full. He's trying a different tack. Yeah, yeah. So then we're just like, no, no.

You've had like one bite of your dinner. There's no way that you're full. He's polite. He's just trying to let you know. But then as soon as he says that he's full. That he's not interested in the pie. So as soon as he says he's full after two bites, then my daughter's like, yeah, I'm full too.

Because they just want to go play. They just cannot fucking be bothered. They're not hungry. And they have a couple of ways around it that they think will work that never work um and then in the end it just becomes such a battle that you're just like okay fine and then we're putting them to bed shortly after this and then they're both like i'm hungry exactly that's that's the killer what the fuck you had a whole plate of food in front of you we're talking about clouds and fucking why birds have wings and shit.

And then you said you were full. And I figured that that was the end of it. But no, now you're hungry again. So then. Just drink some water. You can't send them to bed hungry. So then they end up eating like fucking, I don't know, fruit or like some rice pudding or some shit that takes way longer than it should to eat. Because, again, it's just another way to delay

the inevitable sort of thing and that's basically i see kids between the age of like four and i'd say to bed so well so are just like lost time yeah like you think about the think about this when my kids go to when it's bedtime they go up to their room and they are unsupervised playing for like an hour an hour and a half and it's like their actual go up to their room and they are unsupervised playing for like an hour, an hour and a half. And it's like their actual complete free time for the day. Like imagine if your job involved getting up at seven in the morning, you're told what to do from that point for the next 12 hours. You're either at home where you're told what to do and you ask for stuff and the answer will generally be no.

Then you have to go to school and you're ferried from place to place and told what to do, when to eat. You have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom. You come home from school. You're told do your homework, tidy your room. You're given a list of shit to do. Again, you're under somebody else's rules. Finally, it's bedtime. You brush your teeth. Again, that's the last thing. Brush your teeth finally it's bedtime you brush your teeth again that's the

last thing to brush your teeth so they have to brush their teeth then they're free for like an hour to an hour and a half sleep is the last thing they want to do because it's wasted time they what do they got to look forward to they'll wake up the next day for another life of servitude oh man there's and there's always something you you think you're there you think you're like okay they've gone to the toilet they They brush their teeth. They're all fucking ready. We've read a story. Like we've fucking done the lot.

You know, there's nothing else that you could do. And it's like, can I read a comic for a couple of minutes? Can I do some collage, please? Yeah, can I? I was thinking of maybe doing some paper mache now. It's like, oh, what? And sometimes we just let them. Sometimes we're just so fucking done that it's just like, you know what?

Knock yourself out. And then they go to bed at like 11 because you're just like, whatever. Like, fuck me. Also, remember that essentially, especially when they're really little, they literally their entire life revolves around spending time with their parents. They want to spend every single second. I mean it's it's it's horrible to think of but kids will even provoke an argument with their parent for the attention just just to be close to the parent just to be yeah at least you're talking to them you know what i mean rather than

on your ipad i mean ours are pretty good in that sense they don't the attention that they get is never really negative they don't play up too much. They don't provoke arguments or whatever. They get a lot of our time, a lot of our attention and stuff. They're certainly not attention starved. We're not just sitting around on tablets and phones ignoring them or whatever. But it doesn't matter. It's never enough for kids.

That's the thing. It is never enough. They want more and more. It's just like this is an insati the thing. It is never enough. But yeah, no, it's just like, this is an insatiable appetite for attention with a kid, right? They just need all of your attention forever. It's so weird because it is all about these hidden meanings, right? You have to almost be a detective or a dad or used to it

in order to sort of dig deeper. What is the real issue and I think that life is like that often people don't mean to not say what they mean even when people I think a lot of people

don't know even what they want when they tell someone something they don't know what they want when someone tells me about their trouble they've been having with whatever they they i guess they just want to get it off their chest or they're venting or they but they don't know what they want they just know they want to tell it to someone right and i don't know what to do i don't know whether they want me to solve this problem or just be a shoulder to cry and i don't know what the answer is they don't know what they want from me i don't know what i'm supposed to give them

no we're just going through life do it our best okay just trying to figure it out um we are well i mean yeah it's it's uh it's it's an odd one with kids isn't it but i you talk to other parents that it's the same it's the same for everybody so here's the thing i know that people listen to this podcast and get very um evangelical about kids. And I don't fucking want any of your advice. Okay. Believe me. I don't want comments telling me and Sips that we're wrong or that actually this, actually that. If you've got kids and you've agreed with any of this, save the disagreements because everybody does things differently.

We're not bad parents just because occasionally we don't want to be with our fucking kids. If you have kids, you'll understand the value of some free time. I just don't want to hear any fucking tips on parenting from a fucking 15-year-old. Thank you very fucking much. Carry on. No, that's perfectly allowed. Hey, we live in the UK.

There's a lot of 15-year-old dads out there with really good tips to give. That's true. I think I'm constantly making assumptions about your parenting, you know, whenever you say things. And it's so easy as an outsider to do that, right? To judge you and just not have a clue what it's actually like or what you go through,

or even really understand the full context of these stories. I think that sometimes it's easy to get the wrong understanding. Also, bear in mind that we exaggerate a lot you know yeah i mean you talk to other parents and you'd think that their kids were basically barbarians running around trying we're trying to entertain you on this podcast believe it or not i know sometimes it doesn't always work out that way but uh you do have to take a lot of it with a pinch of salt, you know, like where they are trying to be funny sometimes.

Sometimes. So I was talking to someone this week. I don't want to necessarily veal the stuff about this, but I thought it was funny. And they have a relative who went on a hike, okay, in Scotland for a week on their own. It's like a trail near where Ravs lives. It's like a common trail. The Ravsian Trail.

I know it well. And it's like this commonly walked thing along Ben Nevis. It's quite beautiful, Scottish Highlands. It's a nice time to walk it as well because the weather's quite good. And they wrote this sort of um blog post of them of the story of them going on the trip right and i happened to read it i was just it was just sort of you know you know it just pops up in your in your timeline or whatever it's like a thing and they're they're quite a healthy person right they're quite fit and healthy but their attitude

towards food was really weird right so they started off by by having a Gregg's Okay, it was like we stopped what they have from Greg's that was like the one kind of what kind of thing were they having? At Greg's though sausage roll. It's like it's like a sausage roll and like what are those pre-made sandwiches? Yeah, okay, so not too too bad things but then to what a sausage roll and a sandwich. He's gets a long track It's a long it's like five days, but and a sandwich it's a long trek it's a long it's like five days

but so they had a sausage roll and one sandwich for five days no but I'm getting to it I'm getting to it so on day one they did the sausage roll

and the sandwich and then trekked the whole day had like this is such a fucking English podcast isn't it some crisps

that we fucking talk about didn't he stay in his caravan what kind of crisps what flavor crisps for dinner they for dinner they went to Wetherspoon of course

sure and had like whiskey and a pie at Wetherspoon posh bastard next morning woke up and had

sausage sandwich right okay for breakfast basically because they like saw a Scottish place oh a sausage sandwich on sale.

Oh, yeah. Sausage sandwich breakfast. On sale? Was it in the window? Big clear-out sale. On sale. On sausage sandwiches. All sausages must go.

Well, first of all, I assumed they were walking through the fucking wilderness. Apparently, day one, there was a Wetherspoons, right? Yeah. So it's not that fucking much of wilderness, is it?

It's Scotland. There's only so much wilderness up there. They had sausage sandwiches for breakfast, bacon sandwich for lunch. Oh, yeah. And then a curry for dinner. And I was like, what is this? Where are they getting this stuff from?

How do these people have so much fucking fun? It just carried on as well. Fuck these guys. What the fuck is this? Day three, they had chocolate cake for breakfast. Jesus. And I was like, how are you having chocolate cake for breakfast? Where did that come from? What the fuck is this? Day three, they had chocolate cake for breakfast. And I was like, how are you having chocolate cake for breakfast? Where did that come from?

What the fuck is wrong? Where did you buy that? Where did these people find their balls? They're camping out in the Scottish fucking wilderness. And I understood the attitude. It was like, I can eat high calorie food because I'm walking 90 miles, right? Fair enough. 90 miles is a long way though yeah that's

a hell of a way yeah i was something like 95 miles over the over the i would want to carve up hard for 90 miles as well like even when uh even before i get on a long haul flight i'm in the airport i'm carving up like crazy like you got it you know what's good to take on a pack of crisps oh fuck yeah because first of all well there's three things number one you get a pack of crisps in mid-flight and the snacks normally cost money or they're shit you get a nice pack of crisps bingo number two when you open them because of the pressure difference the odor of the crisps invades the entire airspace everybody knows you've got crisps and they haven't in your face and number three when you take it from the ground

up it's suddenly the bag is massive it's all it's all like the bag especially if it's real mccoy's cheddar and onion oh mccoy's oh you gotta have any mccoy's in years they are so good oh man they're so thick as well i love them they're crunchy and oh they are a hell of a crisp this podcast uh so honestly like the whole trip, I don't think they ate a single healthy thing at all. Well, I think if you're walking 90 miles, it's all getting burned off. It was just Scottish fare.

But you're reading this trip about a guy going up and down. Your only takeaway is what did he eat? You're obsessed, man. You're obsessed. The thing is, have you ever seen... I think they were obsessed, though. It was like they'd gone on this walk to talk about what things they got to eat. It was like a fucking junk food tour of the wilderness.

Have you ever seen, like, what Michael Phelps ate, like, in general, you know, at the height of his fucking swimming career? I mean, that was nuts, though. I mean, but that's the thing. He just needed fucking calories out the wazoo just to keep going he was like a fucking machine you know what i mean i think if you're gonna walk 90 miles whatever it doesn't matter what you eat your body is just going to fucking process yeah if you know yourself go for it like show me but like look at if you're if you're in your 50s

and you're obese and you're doing a 90 mile walk and you're eating bacon sandwiches non-stop maybe you should rethink your strategy but like right right you know if none of those things are are being ticked none of those boxes are being ticked except for the 90 mile walk i think you're probably fine like your body will process the shit out of all that like it doesn't matter it'll find what it needs and if it doesn't you'll find you'll you'll know and i bet when it got to like eight nine o'clock at night those they were tired out and they didn't have to fuck around with rice pudding or doing some papi or none of that shit they were just in bed just like yeah maybe that's it maybe you need to tie the kids out a bit more run them around like there's nothing else that we

can do to tire these children out okay like they go to the beach every day they run around like maniacs like what the fuck else can we do like it's crazy you can't tire them out you can definitely you can definitely get to a point where they are nowhere near tired because you've done fuck all all day that can be its own problem the other yeah the other thing you think you can tire them out trust me they have bottomless reserves of energy they can get over tired as well which is even worse. Even worse. It's a very fine line to get them exactly the right amount of tire. It's impossible.

It's impossible. It's like sinking a hole in one on a par four from the tee with a putter. You know what I mean? It's impossible. It's that laser accuracy that you would need, but it's just impossible it's weird because when you get to our age we're always a certain level of tired we're always that that just we're always just ready you know what we can have it it's not you

know what though it's because the older you get and the more responsibilities you have with kids and everything i find like yeah it's true i more tired, but I also feel like I like, not me, not so much now in specifically in particular, but more so when I had to work in an office, I had to leave the house to work in an office. I found that predominantly for the majority of the day, I was doing things I did not want to do.

And I felt exhausted all the time, right? Like it's not so bad now because I play video games all day, which is pretty much what i want to do right and i never get tired of doing that like i can stay up all night playing a game that i'm really enjoying or whatever and i don't feel tired but when you're lumbered with a million things that you don't want to do all of a sudden you feel really tired right oh yeah it's definitely hooked into responsibility and having to spend a bunch of time doing stuff that you don't necessarily want to do like sometimes on the weekend if we go to like say we go to town right like there's just a list of things that we need to get or whatever it's so

fucking boring i hate going to town i hate shopping i hate fucking buying stuff i hate looking at stuff browsing and shit like i just hate the whole thing i hate it and uh when we get back i'm exhausted because i've had to do this thing that i just don't like doing so isn't that the most tiring thing is standing in a shop waiting for someone else to finish choosing a fucking pair of shoes for me is there anything genuinely in life yeah that seems longer or more tiring than that there is not there is nothing it's the worst god standing outside a woman's waiting room waiting for them to try unbelievable my god sort your shit out women sort your shit out but the thing is like you you know they just

want some company or whatever and you're like okay sure like i get that or whatever but like we're joking obviously my currency is totally i don't fucking i'm not joking i don't need company for trying pants on because i don't even want to try the pants on i don't even want to buy new pants i'm happy just wearing shorts all the time but if i have to buy some i want that experience over with i'm wearing like as soon as possible free t-shirts i want to spend no more than three minutes on that task because anything more than that is a complete waste of time right like i just don't want to be there here's the worst the worst thing is it's not even as if my opinion is respected because i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about well so when my when mrs f says which of these do you think is better? It's a classic trope.

Yeah. If I say the blue one, she's like, no, not the blue one. It's like, you know, it's like, well, then why am I here? You're here to carry things. I've come to realize. I found, though,

I found that the, I tell you what my tip for that is, P-Flex, is to say what you don't like about one of them. You never say what you like, you say what you don't like. You're like,

that makes you look like a blancmange or that makes you look like a jellyfish. My experience with women generally is that they... How to stay single with Louis Brindley. Yeah. That makes you look like a blancmange. No, because then they're like, yeah, it does. And they don't get it.

They get the other one, you see. That's like... That's like, they call it negging, don't they? You're like a pick-up line. I wasn't doing it intentionally. My experience with women and clothing and fashion advice is like, a woman will say to you, well, when I say woman, I mean like my wife. My wife will say, what should I wear to the wedding?

To a wedding. We've been invited to a wedding, say, okay? And we're going to go. Now, when she says, what should I wear to the wedding to to a wedding we've been invited to a wedding say okay and we're gonna go now when she says what should i wear to a wedding um i just think just go like julia roberts from pretty woman like that's my first you know whatever a prostitute which outfit is the one where he just grew up on this show is a prostitute with the miniskirt i just think you know whatever i don't have any sort of sense for women's fashion that's whatsoever right so i just think you know whatever I don't have any sort of sense for women's fashion that's what so worst right so I just think you know where something

looks nice like her idea is completely different to my idea right but I would not dare sort of like you know I am very much like what do you think looks good and I'll just be like, A or B? B, that one. And she'll be like, really? I'm like, yeah, it's great.

I'll just be whichever one shows off your cleavage. It's kind of hard to give a straight answer, right? And then sometimes they'll be like, would you tell me if I look big in this? You're like, yeah, I would tell you. But you fucking never would in a million years, right never say that to your wife but you've got i ain't i ain't walking down that fucking gangplank i'll tell you it's a mind shield all that it is it is all about it's like the instagram it's back to that thing it's hilarious though i do find it funny but fuck me man like people know what people know what they look like the people are hyper aware of it as well and like they they i think there's this weird

i would never i would never like try on a suit and come out and be like hey do you think i look like george clooney in this i know i don't look like george clooney in this suit okay like i'm pretty realistic with like the state i'm in and like you know what I mean like if I put a suit on and it's not like making my stomach hurt it's a good suit it's fine I'll wear this you know whatever I tell you what though there is this weird thing where you've taken a lot of photos of yourself and you see a lot of pictures of yourself a lot of videos of yourself you you know how you look and you you're not happy with it but you just know how you look right and sometimes someone takes a nice picture of you and it doesn't really look like you yeah and it's a great picture

and you're like you're like that's that's a great i look great in that picture and you realize that you don't always do like that and it's just the nice angle or you you know you've they caught you at a good moment and your mouth is totally closed so they can't see your buck teeth and stuff. That's right. And they're the Instagram pictures that people have. Do you know what I mean? That's the face that you present to your... So I think what's going to happen is when all these sick farmers meet each other,

they're not going to recognize each other at all. Because it's going to be like being catfished. They've got this idea that they're all going on this hot date with all these cool people who look really amazing and all have their faces improved using these apps. Everyone's using these face-changing apps to make themselves look better on Instagram and dinner and everything. It's all fake.

But when they meet people, it's like a bad internet date. So I'm just worried that all these sick formers are going to get together and just be like normal kids. Man, fuck it. Not this sort of weird Black Mirror episode. Don't worry about it. Yeah, you'll be all right. They'll be fine.

I'm not worried about it. They'll be fine. I'm just saying I'm looking forward to seeing part two of the episode from Ben when he fills me in on what actually happened. Because the way he said it made it sound like I was living in some sort of... mean i don't understand snapchat at all but apparently that's how they chat and i'm like i i just terrifies me that i'm getting so out of touch and even when your kids grow up it'll be even different it will be right and you know what it's their thing it we don't even need to understand it like i don't need to understand that i'm never gonna snapchat somebody i don't

even fucking want to talk to people at this point in my life. Like, just leave me alone. If you want to Snapchat my kids and your friends, my kids, and they like Snapchat or whatever. Cool. Have fun. Like, just fucking leave me alone. I don't need to know about any of this shit. TikTok and Snapchatting and whatever.

Whatever. It's for kids. Like, they can do it. You're in your fucking 60s already, mentally. Well, whatever. Seriously. You sound like my dad. I don't need this stuff, though. With your goddamn TikToks already mentally well whatever seriously like you sound like my dad i don't need this stuff with your goddamn tiktoks in your your instagram snapchat you know you know

what i mean like what well yeah i don't need this it's not for us exactly it was never for us that's why i'm saying to lewis who cares like we ain't joking you can't judge about this stuff like who are you gonna snapchat lewis you don't need to Snapchat anyone. I think it's a lot like, it was a lot like being in the Tesla last for me, right? Back to the fucking Tesla. He's so pleased with himself about the Tesla. So being in the Tesla, I, because I had been in one for so long, I had bigged it up in my mind to be this revolutionary. I thought I was going into space in a space capsule.

It was like i was so so i don't know i'd i'd had this idea that it was something that it really wasn't yeah i like that it was just a it was just a car and i think it's the same with snapchat like it's you know we had a internet aam messenger and msm messenger and fucking ILC chat. They've got fucking Snapchat. And it's no fucking different. And they're trying to make us think that it's different

and it's their cool and they're using things that their dads don't use like we did. I love how this is effective. But it's just the fucking same. And before we had before we had ILC

they used the back of newspapers. I don't know what they did. They put stuff on the church notice board. Whatever. I think they still do that stuff. Hey, do you guys want to hear something cool okay sure is it about with something cool it's just what it's just to to to calm down a little bit okay all right we're gonna simmer down still doing my golf lessons still doing my golf this is our golf lesson

our namaste moment oh let's go namaste shit i'm gonna have to get golf lessons honestly it's so much fun i went mini golfing this weekend um right i went real golfing so wow people like this gatekeeping golfing after like two lessons well i'll tell you why i was very pleased i told everybody we're playing that we're we're on the driving range which is like an outdoor it's like a strip of astroturf i described it last week and we me and all these students there's like six of us we all hit the ball and the instructor you know adjusts our swing and says put your foot there and all the rest of it and this guy was really good he's into like was he holding your hips while you were swinging no so still waiting on that just pressed up close still waiting on that close to the back so up close to the back. Still waiting on that. Close to the back.

So I'm swinging the club and everything like that. And at the start, it's really stiff and awful. And then he sort of helped me with the swing. And he's like, do this, do this. And by the end, it's a really nice swing, like really straight and everything. It's looking really good. And we're chatting afterwards. And he said to me the exact phrase, you looked like a golfer today.

Right? Wow. Made me very, very very very pleased the teacher liked my turn around and his dick was right in my mouth i don't know what happened it was so i was so happy i was like yes i did a good thing nice it felt great so it's very satisfying yeah it's fun honestly when you hit that ball and it goes ting and you see it go flying up in the air and then it lands and it's like really straight where you hit it it's fun honestly when you hit that ball and it goes ting and you see it go flying up in the air and then it lands and it's like really straight where you hit it it's beautiful it's a really

really good did you um did you make sure that every time you're about to drive you engaged in conversation with somebody so you'd be like hey uh what do you think about those uh those spurs and then they're like well the thing is now watch this drive you just like you've got to interrupt and say now watch this drive and then wham you just spank it you gotta do that every time oh my god you're not interested in their answer yeah like a child yeah yeah now watch this drive that's still one of my favorite clips i mean even though i'm not a big michael moore fan in all honesty that is an amazing clip it is we're gonna kill the terrorists and that's gonna be it now watch this drive i love it yeah it's such a cowboy shit yeah yeah it's good fuck i even forgot that that's where it was from i just

like i remember the i remembered like the quote but i didn't remember where it was from at all thanks for reminding me holy crap i gotta stop saying that uh all right well that's enough podcast thank you everyone uh we'll see you next week. Cheers. See you then. Goodbye. Love you, love you, bye.