Triforce! - Triforce! #150: A Terrible, Miserable British Holiday

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

Triforce! Episode 150! Pyrion is enjoying a rainy, miserable holiday, Lewis explores 8800 Blue Lick Road and Sips has some doubts about Burger King! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Triforce. Sips, how you doing? Oh, just great, yeah, thanks for asking. How are you doing? Good. Pflax, how are you doing? Hello, I'm coming at you live from the Isle of Sheffy. Oh, where is that? It is North Kent.

Yeah, so it's one of those urban islands that's not actually like isolated at all it's basically just a normal town it's a no i mean it's very very it's it's odd because you have to cross a very large scandinavian looking bridge to get here i don't know if there are other bridges and then it is i mean if you look on a map it is like a chunk of land that's completely separated by by water um i believe but it's yeah it's oddly industrial on the bit that you come in from because of all the docks and stuff around here so you come over this bridge and it's just there's a vast morrison's uh sort of uh. What do they call it? Distribution center. It's enormous.

And then there's like a huge factory of some kind. It's like a massive thing with all lights and it looks like a power thing and there's power lines everywhere. And then we drove for half an hour. We went past a prison, huge prison. Nice. And then we're in the countryside. Yeah. And then and now we're we're in the middle in the countryside. Like Alcatraz. Yeah. And now we're in the middle of the countryside.

And I can see Whitstable with my binoculars. And we're literally in the middle of a huge field. There's a few houses. And then there's just fields, fields, fields in all directions for miles around. So it's very, very quiet, very peaceful. Right. Sheep Island is what it comes from the old english sheep sheepy island sheepy island a plentiful source of fossils so it's it's like um

it's basically i don't know whether it is an island but we it's got like a river sort of really blocking it so it's a large river isn't it or something it's it doesn't feel like a true no kind of you don't show me is it so close to the coast it's so close to everything else you could probably swim across yes you could swim across but i mean i suppose in some technical sense it is they call it an isle but yeah yeah it's definitely not it's not off the coast but i'm sure the people who live here call themselves island but also it's like the psychology right of going away somewhere like that it feels like you've you've isolated yourself or you've like you know like like jersey you know it always feels to me like even though it's very british very

still connected to everything i'm just away from the world so can you can you trick yourself where is the family by the way i was expecting them to are they silently listening in the back no it's it's me and mrs f and the girls and then we've also brought my mom right because uh you know she's on her that's a good shout isn't it like you bring along a mother-in-law or somebody and then it just like you can say like oh hey i just need to go to the store and then you can just like go to the pub all afternoon because well yeah you think so but because of because of covid it's been really hard to find a place to book so we were only able to get one place for two days we got this place for two days so we're essentially we drove down on monday to the south coast in an area called christ it was yesterday and i've already forgotten it was that good it

was near rye it was quite near rye it was right harbor right another very historic town so what you booked two different places we had to one for a couple of days and another that's very true why is it so like that because because it's just hard to get a booking it's hard to find places because of covid a lot of it yeah some places just aren't open and then some places are just booked up because people need to because there's less places people are people are booking up what they can get like with with lockdown and stuff you gotta you gotta think as well like i we my family like we live in a house so it's not too bad there's like a downstairs and upstairs so during lockdown like i've got the garage like everybody can disperse around the house and have space to themselves

and it's fine right like it's not it's not too bad but like a lot of people will live in flats smaller accommodation you know they might have like a couple and like one child sometimes a couple and multiple children living like in a smaller flat or something like that holy crap can you imagine being locked down for as long as everybody was locked down for and just nowhere to go yeah yeah just literally just you know like crammed in like sardines because the thing is if you have a living accommodation like that you're more likely to just go out a lot right you probably eat out a lot more you probably go you're probably out all the time on the weekends like with the kids and stuff and that makes sense but with lockdown not being able to do that you can imagine that a lot of people are just like desperate to go and

stay in some accommodation that's bigger and just you know i mean i know people as well who it's not even their family that they're stuck in that situation with it's like with a flatmate or oh yeah yeah something like that so it's not even someone that you could really like i feel like you can forgive family a lot yeah but other people there are there the limit for acceptance and forgiveness is far far lower you know you're sort of you're gonna lose your uh your mind with them a lot a lot quicker um yeah for sure like and i mean it feels to me almost like there was no you know winter is a kind of time when everyone's sort of stuck inside anyway because it's raining and it's cold and it's miserable and sure you can go out this week has been like just a testament to that fuck it's like a hurricane over here every goddamn day like and and so we just got onto the end of that sort of winter you know february march period when we

were all sort of put into the lockdown the first time so it feels like everyone was kind of ready and they were just starting to go out again and kind of do stuff and then at least at least that's what it's like here a little bit i guess it does get pretty miserable for the winter months you know it's something we we always complain about a lot but we sort of sort of it's long enough between summer and winter for us to forget just how bad it was and how dark it is you know like getting up at sort of eight in the morning and it's dark and then going to you know they're getting home at like five and it's dark and it's like geez you know but um but we get we have a great compared to scandinavia or canada i'm sure it's like you know yeah i was just talking to my aunt yesterday and it's like

three degrees there she lives she lives alone um and she lives she lives in montreal and it's they're they're kind of locked down again not as bad as like a while back but um you know like the cases are rising and they're they're telling people to to not go out as much and blah blah blah and so with the weather being like it is she her her normal thing was when she wanted to you know like meet up with people she'd meet up with her friends and just go for like a walk, like a distanced walk or whatever. But she can't really do that now because it's so cold outside. Yeah. So there's just nothing really for her to do.

So I think she just Skypes like anybody who will Skype with her. It's pretty funny. I like that. Yesterday we went to, because we left the first, because you know the way they have a checkout and a check-in time in all these places the checkout time in our first house was 10 a.m and the check-in time the check-in time at the next place was 4 p.m so we had six hours to waste now there's five of us in our car with the dog in the boot and a week's worth of luggage for all and food that we brought with us because it's quite remote you know there's things you need and so the car was absolutely jammed full and we had to waste six hours so we went to man we were

so desperate we went to dungeon s because my mom had never been there and we'd i'd been there before with mrs f but um the kids hadn't seen it in a long time and dungeon s is a very strange place because even though it is definitely connected to land it feels like you're in another so it feels like another dimension like you step through some portal so you drive down a series of very long winding sort of roads and then some very straight roads and it's right on the coast and it's a very very deep um rocky beach with sort of uh thick grass swampy heath around it and then there's just all these houses and they're all different and they all look like some weird artist's residence or an abandoned ghost house like that's pretty much what all

the houses look like right on the dungeon s estate. And it's very strange. They're all quite distant from each other. Some of them are so small, but you think it must be like a single person could stay in there for a few nights before they lost their mind, like a cell of some kind. And then there's two massive lighthouses and a cafe and a pub. And then there's this huge Dungeness power station, the nuclear power station looming over everything. It's so strange. And if that wasn't weird enough, we got there and the rain was coming down so hard that I could barely see. We pull up, the rain breaks for like just long enough for everybody to run inside. And we had to get the dog because she's in the boot. So when I went to get the dog out of the

boot, it started hailing horizontally. It's like a hail of machine gunfire coming in from from the coat and the hail is just shooting into the car and filling up the boot and the dog is freaking out and i'm trying to put the collar on it and mrs f is like just get that collar so i slammed the boot door i was like you go inside i'm staying in the completely lost my mind and just sat and sulked in the car for a bit. And while I was in there just thinking this is the worst holiday ever, the sun magically came out and I got out and I got the dog on her collar and I took her into the cafe. But I was completely soaked through. I mean, as if I'd been through a car wash level of soap. My shoes were squelching. And that was at 10.30 in in the morning so obviously we couldn't check in till four so i was walking around squelching everywhere all day it's been miserable i'm not gonna lie it's

been a crap holiday so far oh man that sounds like every british childhood holiday i had from the ages of four through to you know 15 i think honestly my parents had been through the same thing and realized that English holidays were just kind of drab and miserable like you you if you were if you're unlucky you just got a shitty miserable bad weather week even in summer yeah and it was just like being trapped with with the family uh if you might as well be at home and there was just it was just not I mean I remember we went to Norfolk a couple of times. And it was, it was, it was pretty miserable.

I mean, me and my brother would play Magic the Gathering or something like this, you know, try and keep ourselves entertained. Right. But after a while, my parents were just like, yeah, we're going to go on holiday less, but we're going to go somewhere abroad. Right. I mean, so it was like, instead of going away every every year we'd go away every other year to like a greek island or something and we do for us it was either it was either camping or driving somewhere so fucking far away that it just took days to drive there like yeah multiple days of like you know eight nine hour driving and it's and it was the worst oh my god it was hot like it was the 80s you know most cars didn't have like air conditioning or anything and it was just like oh geez the worst fucking most of

those types of shitty holidays that i went on with my dad because he was um back in the day he was a scout sort of leader when he was in his 20s um you know back up in derby he was a big scout he was part of the scout sort of group and had a lot of fun up in derby he was a big scout he was part of the scout sort of group and had a lot of fun up in derby because because it's kind of the the um the lake district the peak district all around up there and so it's what compels you to be a scout leader in your 20s exactly that was what he was doing during his 20s and he really enjoyed going out on the peak district when he had a lot of friends in it and he stayed friends with him his whole life really anyway as a sort of scout master

i think he'd done his time and when i was in the scouts he was one of the sort of rather than being a scout leader he was kind of just a dad who was keen to get involved right because he remembered everything and had all of his all of his all of his kicks he kept everything you know he kept this old knackered old tent that was clearly like 30 years old when he got it um but it was this sort of heavy canvas tent with these really heavy metal poles and i feel like a lot of his idea with camping was driving up to a campsite and then pulling the tent out of the back of the car and literally putting out there you know not carrying it any distance you know there was no that that was it that was like part of it right and so it was this very kind of there was no trekking into the wilderness to camp you know

you were camping in a campsite that had a toilet facility and a shower facility and a probably like a little chef next door or something like this you know and so it was kind of this it was nice in a sense but it was also kind of not quite what we were expecting. Because sometimes, you know, the people were like, oh, we have to check some distance, you know. And trying to bring my dad's tent was not doable. I think even then, it was like, even 20, 30 years ago, it was knackers. It was nice. I will enjoy, I will say, like i did i did a lot of this stuff i mean you guys

must have done the duke of edinburgh and the cadets and all this stuff where you went out and you went somewhere fucking miles away we did yeah we did um i was in i was in beavers and cubs i don't know if you guys have the same system over there but like so cubs was i i probably you you move on from cubs to scouts when you're like 10 or 11 i guess so like yeah like fairly young i was like pretty young but i never went into scouts because i just like i didn't even really like cubs that much someone always picks some arbitrary distance like in the brecon beacons or somewhere completely on the other side of the country and we go there for almost no reason yeah and sure it's like a beautiful place but it's a long fucking way yeah and you and you're often just camping in a field anyway so there's a field right next to where we were do you mean

like but you had to go somewhere different it was that psychology we had like we had winter retreat and summer retreat and so winter retreat you stayed in like a big cabin because obviously you couldn't camp outside in a tent in this in the snow and stuff and everything was like dog sledding ice fishing like all like that sort of wintry outdoor stuff and that was that was all right but like you're penguin baiting you're sleeping in this massive sort of it was like like, it was like a, like a, like a barracks or like a dormitory or something. Right. Had these bunk beds and stuff. And like, it was just, man, I don't know.

I don't even know if they do that nowadays. It's time for igloo building today. It was like, it was like six winter camp. Six men looking after like 30 kids. I don't know like how that. That's what it was. I don't know how that flies today. Like with, with everything that goes on and stuff like that.

I just don't know how anybody sends their kids off on those things. Unless you really know the six guys. It almost felt like... Imagine that wasn't a thing. It almost felt quite reckless anyway, in a sense. Because, you know, you're out there with all these kids who are kind of not the... You know, but I guess you're just kind of scared straight often in these places because you know that like you're in the middle of a fucking wilderness area

if you wandered off you know you'd probably get eaten by a fucking you'd probably be found savaged by badgers no you'd probably find like a main road in a fucking mcdonald's actually in england but um you know it's it's it's one of these things where it did feel kind of slightly risky, slightly unsafe doing these scout camps back in the day. I always just, I felt, I don't know, I was always scared. I think I was always just scared the whole time that something would go wrong. I certainly think about when I was in the cadets, I know you were as well, Lewis. We did army camp, which I've mentioned before, which is where we went to an army base. I think it was near Minehead.

And we had to do a 24-hour exercise. So we left at like dawn one day. We had to pack up everything. It's a very army thing. It was. Leaving at dawn. We leave at dawn. So we had to load up our bergens, which are these huge rucksacks.

And we were in uniform. And they gave us a Lee-Enfield rifle with blank rounds. We have like five or 10 each. I think it was 10. A Lee Enfield rifle. I know. This is how old this story is. No, they still use them. They still use them. I'm serious. They are really, really good target shooting rifles and they're cheap. And honestly, after World War II, we've had so many of these things that they just, they were still in circulation for cadets and training stuff there it's still a good

good rifle anyway we okay we went off um and we had to march for a couple of miles and we had to beware of ambushes and stuff like that and then we sort of had to set up a perimeter and post sentries and then we had to make our tents and have some rations and then we woke up the next morning we had breakfast took down the tents everything up, repacked all our bags while still maintaining, you know, a tactical awareness of the surroundings. And there were older lads, sixth formers and suspicious friends of the sixth formers who were mysteriously on this army camp as well. That's something you wouldn't get these days is people who were not associated with the school but were mates of people who would just come along so it was weird because we go on this army camp and it was like some of their mates would just come along in full army gear and they were all i mean no none of them were in the army or had been in

the army they were just ex-pupils who basically had never moved on from being in school and were somehow still friends with people who were at the school. It was bizarre. You did get that. You did get that a bit, didn't you? Like people who were way too old for something like cadets or scouts or had moved but stuck around kind of after they're supposed to have left. Yeah.

Because they like that position of power. There's this funny hierarchy right where you go like up through the different school groups and you sort of get promoted to the head boy or whatever of your primary school and then suddenly you're a year seven and you're a chump you're a you're a no one you know and then you sort of make your way back up the hierarchy again and they'd obviously made their way up the hierarchy to kernel or whatever it was in the drum corps and they just can't they can't possibly leave i think they understand this is as good as it's because if they went into the territorial army or they went into another cadet group they'd

be the lowest level again but because they they they're holding on to that fucking artificial i remember those those kind of there were a couple of people like that who were so very highly ranked in those groups right but in the rest of the school and the rest of the world they were kind of a nobody yeah so they were obsessed with this kind of idea of holding on to this power that they had in these groups and they they did boss people around and they enjoyed like kind of its power is this weird corrupting thing you know you think it won't like change you but it definitely does even though it's just the power of being one of the older boys in a school and then also not being at the school and you can smoke and drink and talk about going to the pub and everyone's like wow he's going to the pub so well yeah because he's like in his he's like 19

or in his early 20s still hanging around with all the kids from school what why aren't i more suspicious of these people you know what i mean quite is but that back then it wasn't a problem and you could see you could see it being quite addicting though like to to be like to have people listen to you and you know actually have useful things for you to you know almost like being an educator suddenly like you're able to like teach these kids how to like put up their tent or you know survive in the wilderness and i don't know sort of semi semi manly sort of feeling useful stuff but these kids certainly the kid in my cadets were not the manliest you know manliest men type type folks yeah they were kind of like the people that you see in british army movies though they were kind of slightly, they spoke properly.

They weren't like muscly, big, scary Ross Kemp guys that you see in the SAS. You know, like, we're, yeah, we're the actual British Army, but we're led by, hello. Yes, my name's Douglas. I'll be your colonel for today. So we're going to send you into France. The bloody Nazis have taken over a little town there called Calais. I went on holiday with my family there a couple of times. Lovely place.

But those bloody Nazis have taken it. So you, Ross Kemp, and you, Big Mike, you're going to fucking, I mean, you're going to take those blighters by by shock that's right you're going to shoot them take them over uh take cali back for the good jolly old brits and then we and my family go on holiday there once again uh jimmy that's that's the kind of they were oddly now today the people that i met in cadets who were pencil pencil mustache like that gentlemen see but the guys that i had were not like that the guys i had were not like that because when i went to university subsequently i i got a summer job working in a warehouse it was a pharmaceuticals warehouse and it served some small chemists in

the bournemouth and pool area and what would happen is they would give us their orders for you know we need uh 10 sanitary towel packs and we need some corn ointment and we need some smelly foot inserts for shoes and we need 10 boxes of paracetamol. And, you know, we'd have to go around the huge warehouse. And after a while, you just knew where everything was and you just load it up into a crate and put it to one side with the name of the shop. And then the delivery guy would come and get it and drive it in his little white van and drop it off at that shop. Now, the guy who drove that van

was one of the guys who had been lurking around the CCF, the cadet force in the school and had always sort of been there. And he saw me, he clearly recognized me. And he was like, I think he thought he'd been caught out that actually he wasn't some super important army guy, but he just drove a van for a pharmaceutical warehouse.

Oh, my God. It's like seeing a teacher at the supermarket or something in their casual clothes with their dog or whatever. It's weird because I don't think anybody ever respected him. He was kind of a punchline. But it was just weird, these guys. Like, they weren't at the school. I don't know if they even were at any point and i just i've just always been fascinated to find out how had they been cleared to go away for a week with children because nowadays that would never happen in a million fucking years i would hope anyone listening

well still at school let us know if there are still strange grown-ups that somehow attach themselves to these groups yeah it was mostly i assume just friends of teachers or someone like that right it was it tended to be a couple of the teachers who were passionate about this and if the school didn't have a teacher who was a member of the territorial army or something or even vaguely interested in it then they wouldn't have a cadet force often they just have to sort of you know put it to one side because it because this you know you've only got like how many stuff how many teachers you got at school 30 teachers oh yeah loads yeah loads and loads so many big crowded schools i mean it was a thousand pupils in the school there were a lot of teachers a lot of teachers i guess i guess we had what did we have so i guess we had like 600 people so So we had like, like we had probably, our years were about 90.

Lewis went to Hogwarts. So four, maybe, maybe a bit more than 30 on the podcast. Maybe that's why he likes Harry Potter so much. Maybe his, his education was very similar. He was educated in like a castle academy by like an old hermit man with a beard and stuff.

You know, with the, with the, with the costumes and the, the wands. Wands. Lots of wands. Oh, my God.

I was wanded every day, multiple times a day. It was just relentless. Yeah. My poor asshole was devastated. I mean, one of the guys that would come along was the caretaker, I'm pretty sure, or at least a mate of the caretaker. Like, sometimes you go to see the caretaker, and his mate would just be in the caretaker's office it's like you can't just walk into the school it's just

my at my primary school we had uh our caretaker was um like like a fat elvis impersonator like he had he had the the hairdo and everything and he used to go like oh like in the hallways and stuff and like we didn't really know who elvis was but we thought it was really funny but like you know he'd just be like mopping or like you know fixing a toilet or whatever and it was always like he always had like his shirt like collar unbuttoned a little bit like too much and he had like like you know these like chains and like an elvis haircut and stuff it was really funny actually it's good i wonder what happened to him he's probably dead now i mean he was old at the time so a flock of grouse a flock of grouse just ran past no way yeah you're right you're you're right out there you are right

yeah no we are a flock of ground yeah like a whole bunch of them just they've run along run along on the ground they run you remember the chocobo races from final fantasy yeah they run like chocobo races that's how they run like that their legs just go like the clappers and they just sort of scuff along speaking of final fantasy i went down a bit of a rabbit hole after i got that mini nes did i want okay i got the mini nes it has 30 games on it i mentioned this last week. I really have been enjoying it. It's nice to just dip in and play some old games and get a blast of nostalgia or whatever. But what I found is I'm suffering from the same thing my son suffers from. I'll play through a game that I'm very familiar with. Like, and, you know, I played it a lot as a kid.

A lot of like the muscle memory hasn't been lost. You know, like I still know how to like do things or whatever it's it's great but the minute i die i'm completely just like i'm done i don't want to play this anymore so i switch it off and then what i do is i go on to youtube and watch a speed run of the game because i want to experience the whole game again and i don't want to play and then have the inconvenience of dying so i watched somebody do a 100 of of a game that took me months to finish as a kid in like an hour oh it's amazing man they're really satisfying i watched like zelda like link you know zelda 2 speed run it was like

an hour like you know the whole game and it's just like he's just creaming through these bosses that i remember me and my friends absolutely just screaming at like when we were kids you know the whole game and it's just like he's just creaming through these bosses that i remember me and my friends absolutely just screaming at like when we were kids you know they were they were hard it took forever to get there you know your mom is calling you for dinner you're like just a sec mom you know you're like under so much pressure to like, you know, beat this boss and stuff. Just save it. Save it in play. You can't save it, Bob. Some old classics. I watched that. I watched Final Fantasy, the first Final Fantasy game on the NES.

I watched the speed run of that. This guy blew my mind. He was just like, he rolled four fighters, you know, the red guys. Like I never did that when I was a kid. I had like, you know, a fighter. I had like the ninja. I had, like, you know, a fighter. I had, like, the ninja. I had, like, the black wizard and the white wizard. Like, you know, just to have, like, a good mix and stuff like that.

No, not this guy. Four fighters. Just goes in. He didn't have to farm ogres. You know, he didn't have to buy lots of potions to go in the swamp cave. Nothing like that. This guy just goes in with four fighters. Three of them are dead constantly.

But the game is weird because like certain fights where there's multiple bad guys, if you only have one person alive, it'll scale. So like he got to fights that I remember getting to as a kid where I was like, oh, fuck, I'm dead. There's like 12 bad guys here. He was getting to these fights with one guy alive and there'd only be like two of them. And it was just like, it was a cakewalk. He just blasted through everything. He was getting to these fights with one guy alive and there'd only be like two of them.

And it was just like, it was a cakewalk. He just, just blasted through. Everything was awesome. When you, when you look back at games that subsequently, but like you said,

when you played them as a kid and they presented a real challenge and you were pulling your teeth out, trying to beat them. And then you watch some grownup come in and min max the shit out of it. It sucks all the joy. It really does. Yeah. But as a but as a

grown-up now i can appreciate it because i just want to see the things that i remember like i remember when i first got the airship the first time in final fantasy one i was like crying with joy i just thought it was the fucking best thing because the journey to get the stone to then get the airship to come out of the desert was so long it just took me forever like i had nintendo power magazines with maps open everything like i was just i was just so into this game i and i couldn't have been more than eight years old at the time around the same age as like my son now and i I just like, even back then, I just remember having all of these, all the resources I could get, you know, like I told you guys,

I phoned my dad's friend at work and stuff for like, for tips, but he'd never made it that far anyway. And it just like that, just the satisfaction of getting that airship and then being able to like fly around and not bump into enemies and stuff was just incredible. I remember loving that as a kid. And then i'm watching the speed through and the guy does it and it was just like oh yeah that was oh my god that was kind of cool wasn't it it really was like

not not the same but i'm still glad to have seen it sort of thing but our psychology is so so different like yeah like speed runs are this thing where if you do watch a speed run of a game you can't possibly play that game again right because you're like i'm gonna spend 20 hours trying to complete this game whereas this guy's done it in 15 minutes and i know how to do it and i i know i'm never gonna do it as well as him or i don't know like it's like what it's like why am i doing this you know kind of kind of is really odd speaking of speed runs there was this thing i played this week which was interesting you know which is kind of the this sort of odd horror game that isn't actually it's an accidental horror game which is this um house have you seen this this

house that's for sale in louis louisville or somewhere oh i saw it yeah there's a house for sale what what was up i watched like a little bit of that i saw it there was like a room full of what looked like a massive porno collection, like a DVD porno collection. And then off to the side of it, there was like this walk-in bathtub. Like, what the fuck was that? I know. So basically, there's this, it went a bit viral. And there were speed runs on it, which is why you reminded me.

The whole point of this thing is, it's a house for sale in Kentucky. And it's got this 3D walkthrough because I guess everyone is locked down now. But also, it's just easy for the guy who's selling it to just set up this 3D camera around the house. And then it generates this 3D walkthrough of the house. And then you can just walk around the house like Google Maps style, right? And so you don't have to go and tour a house. You can buy a house online, especially across the country. Imagine in America you don't have to go and tour a house you can buy a house online especially across the country you know imagine in america you want to move to kentucky you don't

have to go to kentucky and like fucking look at all these houses or whatever you could just do it online and be like yeah this i think i know what i'm dealing with here there's i can see this mold in the ceiling and there's like the showers like all you know manky and i can see that the garden is fucked you know whatever you know you you know but normally when you get pictures on a house you can't see all the floors right so you have to go there in person and be like oh yeah um do you realize that it's all really small and pokey or the ceilings are really weird or shaped all the floorboards are all manky whatever it's good right anyway there's this horrible house and it's you start off in sort of in this sort of lounge area and you could tell there's like you could tell it's weird already because it's first of all it's a shithole it's full of mess it's full of like monster energy

cans and like weird things like they've got like multiples like sometimes you've got three or four tvs in the same room one of them like a massive tv on the wall a massive tv yeah like personal bed a massive tv and it's kind of looks like it's lived in by i don't know like three or four crazy homeless people or students do you mean like really messy students and then you sort of gradually sort of explore the rest of this house and you realize that they've got this whole dvd burning like setup going on and they've got where like this warehouse filled with dvds of like every conceivable dvd and it's it's astonishing then you find that there's this incredibly odd bathroom and that's the that's the point of the game is to discover this bathroom and

i encourage you to try it just because it's so weird it only take you like 20 minutes kind of thing that does sound weird to look around it's super interesting i don't know how long it's even going to be up you know because it's on like a real estate website right right it's fucking thing oh someone will have somehow pinched if you google it anyway there's like speed runs on youtube to like find the bathtub and it's like 30 seconds long yeah because once people know where it is then it's not it doesn't it doesn't need a speed run do you mean for that but it's that's that's the way that's the world we live in now right right? It's like these odd speed runs. And so I guess what I'm saying with this house is like,

I think it turns out that it's actually some, there was some sort of illegal activity going on and they all got arrested. Right. And so the house got, you know, seized or whatever and put up for sale. Oh my goodness. And no one's been back.

I'm just looking. So the bathtub is next to 500 Girls Gone Wild DVDs. Yeah, that's what I saw as well. But the fact that you walk down the steps and it's such a... Oh God, that is strange. It's like a dunking room or something. It's so weird. That's what it is, actually, because it used to be a chapel. Right.

So that was the baptism room. Because it's got, like, normally you have a showerhead on the wall but i can see three in this picture yeah three showerheads well i guess they could baptize multiple they gotta hose down the dirty sinners that's why they gotta wash the sin right off of their gross disgusting sinner skin yeah and purify them yeah in the healing light of the lord yeah they what they do is they get them extra sinned up they walk through the library of sin which is uh what all those girls gone wild dvds the in the storage area it's like one one last um lathering of sin and then you get go into the uh dunking pool of purification i thought i knew a lot of movies

okay i thought i was a pretty pretty clued up right movies and what i learned walking around this warehouse was that i know nothing like i think i knew a lot about movies in the 90s when i had a lot of time to watch them but since becoming a dad i've really lost all of my movie knowledge i mean i've always been a big movie watcher every year. I've watched so many movies. There are a lot of movies that go straight to DVD that aren't worth noticing. Like, they're literally not worth the knowledge. But why would you have those on sale if they're so shit?

People buy them. You'd be surprised. But they've got boxes and boxes of these, like, sometimes. The thing is, the stuff about that warehouse as well was that they were still going up until relatively recently because there's some there's some movies that came out this year that are you know they've got dvd rips off and so they their dvd blu-ray business was clearly still going strong up until 2020 and i guess maybe i don't know like i i think there's a you're not selling from a shop Like you don't rely on someone walking in. You're almost certainly selling these.

They're an Amazon. I think they were an Amazon recently. So people will always, there will always be a weird market of people out there who are into some obscure actor or some obscure series. I see. And they'll pick up a movie because it's a reference to them, right?

Maybe like their family or whatever. Well, they just want to collect bad movies i i know you watch a lot of daytime crap p flex you're like a big no no as we've spoken about this previously i do love the tv movies during the day all the time i do not watch television i do watch movies on tv all the time that's not true i told you at six o'clock till eight o'clock is the only time I watch television because that's when I

finish work. So two hours a day. That's quite a lot. That's nothing. Most of that is I'll watch the end of Pointless. If you watch Pointless, that's a good show.

Pointless is a good show. And then I'll have a look on Film 4 and Sony Movie Classics and everything. If there's an old movie on, I might watch a bit of it. Sometimes I'll record one and I'll watch a film

late at night if I'm bored. But honestly, I don't know where this has come from. Again. that's no that's all it is that's enough that's enough as someone who watches a movie it sounds like you watch a movie every day that's quite a lot no it's not it's not the case it's not the guy i honestly hardly i'm not saying you're watching nine hours a day but you said i watch daytime tv why aren't you watching a movie a day lewis like what else what like i'm not being funny but what else do you have to do all day no honestly though you have like uh you have like

every 12 year old boy's dream job um and you have no kids or anything like why aren't you watching a movie a day you've got more time than anybody i'm reading books and stuff i do it i do i do tend to watch a movie a day actually so i i am honestly like happy with saying that i i'm not embarrassed about that at all i but pfax and i know you're a fellow movie watcher and you're the same age as me i when i was a kid i had um i didn't have my parents had the i don't know the fucking what was he called uh roger ebert or or Barry Norman or some assholes mega Bible. Oh yeah. They're like a phone.

It's like a phone book, but it was fucking enormous. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And of course, like anytime a movie came on the TV, you'd be able to look it up and he'd be like two and a half stars.

James Dean is plays a really unusual character. This classic fifties movie, I mean, it would have everything in there. Um, James Dean plays a really unusual character in this classic 50s movie. I mean, it would have everything in there. But then it quickly, because my parents' version of it was five years out of date when they bought it, as everything was back then. You know, it didn't really have anything kind of, it was kind of, honestly, I think one in two movies that I looked up were not in there um on that were on the tv and also i spent a lot of time just looking through it like reading it it was just one of those casual things we had in the lounge as well i'd end up fucking reading this phone book of movies and so i feel that my knowledge of movies is if not like i don't know necessarily what

happened in them but i've usually like felt like i've heard of them maybe and so i was looking through this warehouse and i didn't fucking recognize any of them and i was like but they almost looked like mostly i should know no but they were all called things like among the farting ass too no they weren't all called they weren't they there was only a small porno section most of it was just was just those movies like just shit movies a star who i've never sort of heard of but i i sort of vaguely recall that they should be famous like like not jean-claude van damme but you know andy van damme andy van damme who's that alan van damme i mean like there'd be there'd be people that like almost sounded and so i wasn't even sure whether they were real movies or just

sort of those fakie rippy knockoffy ones because you know they have a lot of those don't they every time there's like a disaster movie they have armageddon and deep impact and then there's this third one called meteor and it's like got some shit ripoff guy they're still making these right oh yeah they give they get like one star on imdb or whatever and you see them all the fucking time like on pirate sites and other sites like like um and you're like what the fuck is this amazon prime video um has lots of those you know like if you're looking through a category and you're just at first you start looking through a movie category for a genre and you're like wow they've got so much stuff here it's unbelievable and you keep scrolling

you're like i wonder what else they've got and you keep scrolling you keep scrolling and when you start to get to the end of like the legitimate movies they just start serving you up all sorts of garbage like literally tons of b movies like youtube movies like youtube playthroughs sometimes like it's just it's just i don't even know how that stuff gets in there but yeah it's funny do you guys want to know what board games i've got an offer here in the house and what books because i always fascinated wait before you get into that though i want to know because i feel like now we need an update on this every week have you played any golf while you've been out there oh yes yes yes okay so um not while i'm here but before we came away oh yes yes you sounded like a scout

yes i'm so pleased you asked yes yes i am it was it was on a sunday before we came away i played on the Saturday, sorry. I played in the Academy tournament. Wow. Which is for new players. I'd like to thank the Academy for letting me play in the tournament. This is a change because last week you could, when you're having an existential crisis, you couldn't hit the ball.

Well, that's how it goes. That's how it goes. Those tin cup moments where you doubted yourself at the end of the movie but you just had to get your swing it's true so i went to the driving range and um i hit about 100 balls and i i found that the driver and i spoke to some friends of mine about this i still struggle with the driver i think i need a special lesson just with the driver but with most of the other clubs including the hybrid golfers will know what i'm talking about. No problem. I'm hitting it reasonably well. But it was a format called Texas Scramble. And what happens is you're a team and you all hit

the ball from the tee. And then whatever the best shot is, you all take the next shot from there. And then whatever the best shot of your three is, you take the next shot from there. So it's a team effort to try and get a low score to beat the other teams. And so I didn't feel so bad because I knew that if I shanked it horribly into the water, it doesn't matter because one of my teammates will have hit a decent shot. So we played nine holes. And I'm not kidding. The second hole that we played was beautiful.

It was a beautiful team effort. We did it in three shots. It was beautiful team effort. We did it in three shots. It was a par three. We did it in three. And I hit the tee shot, and it was absolutely fucking glorious. It was the best shot I've ever hit. Straight as an arrow. Landed just short of the green.

The next guy came up, chipped it right near the hole. The other guy putted it. I was like, lads, that was an awesome team effort. We were really happy. I did hit a couple of stinkers, but on the whole was actually pretty good like i was so they were able to make up for your lower skill level by like the fixing your problems is that is that how it works like if you fucked it up they could fix your you know they could do the putting and the chipping right do the driving but but it was there was one of the one of the three of us was very experienced he was really good and the

other guy was similar to me he'd been playing a little bit longer than me. He was this big German dude, a little older. And he'd retired. So he was probably in his, I'd say, late 50s, early 60s. And he had very, very fancy clubs, I'll say that. And his sort of driving and everything, he was not dissimilar to me. He hit some very nice shots with the five and the six iron. Really, really nice. But again, he struggled with the driver as well. And I would honestly say that our performances were not so dissimilar that I was like, oh, this is fucking hopeless. Like it was actually pretty close. So, yeah, it was really good. It was a really positive atmosphere. If you hit a good shot, everyone was like, that was fantastic.

It just felt really good and i was like did you guys like when you guys were done did you guys like go have like a like a steam sauna together and slap each other's butts with your hands and towels like flick towels at each other and stuff or is that not really a golf sadly not that's more like a baseball thing i think after a good game of baseball yeah head down to the dugout get down in the dugout just get just get nude and just fucking have a steam and just stare at each other's johnsons and stuff whatever it's just you know it's just a fucking tough game you know you gotta relax somehow yeah just just lean in and if they just keep kissing just go with it just do a little bit if they kiss you just you know because you never know just see what happens just gotta try if they move back then you know you just you know you

just pretend it was like nothing and let's just carry on being friends and just laugh it out just laugh it out yeah just i'm just fucking with you just joking just come here so so uh so imagine people like it feels to me like what you've played there isn't golf but a kind of novelty kind of golf fun yeah fun i want to say as well what's with this nine hole bullshit like what when when are you gonna man up and don't be such a puss and do a full 18 like a big boy can i just say neither of you's ever hit a fucking golf ball in your life no i have lewis has seen me. I've got good form. Oh, really?

He's got really solid form. Oh, man. It's like a swan, I'd say. Like that long neck. Just like swinging my brain. Swans don't have arms. So looking forward to seeing that. Imagine a swan with really buff arms.

I tell you guys about a nice day that I had, and you want me to turn it into a gay sauna session, and now you're flaming it i don't think you really played golf this sounds really healthy um i'm glad you're meeting friends don't back up now i'm gonna tell you about the shitty board games get in a good time well trivial pursuit master edition obviously that's there oh that's good that's's a good one. Hang on a second. So I went to a coffee shop this week

and they had a whole row of books and I should have taken a picture if I knew we were going to fucking talk about this because I noticed how shit they were. It was one of these take one, leave one situations. So what happened was a load of militant vegans had obviously been in and fucking taken all the good books

and left like why animals can feel pain and stuff like this you know i mean on the fucking whole the whole wall was like very i'm obviously a vegan you know yeah so i'm i'm but i'm not i'm not like that kind of thing you know if i'm sitting in a coffee shop i don't want to read about animal cruelty or see yeah but i mean pictures of pigs suffering and the corner of my eye i just want to sit there and read my coffee and maybe look at i don't know a picture of balloons in bristol or something do you mean or like i've got one here for you guys on that topic i've got one here all right what do you think of this lewis as a vegan yourself i'm i'm not a vegan for the record but but still i i wonder what you think of this okay i'll get you one day okay yeah go on um burger king right you know sure burger king um

they have a a vegan burger now that you can get yes do you think that a vegan should be eating a vegan burger from burger king um why why not it's it's the way forward isn't it it's like you've got to start somewhere but i think burger king have probably made enough money off of slaughtering animals and you know putting them into gigantic batteries and mistreating them and stuff over the decades that it's been going for to not need your support to go totally vegan right but like i don't you feel like if you're giving them money you're just like kind of supporting shitty i know i'm not i don't i know i don't have no it's nice to have the three perspectives here i don't i don't have an or in this fight because um i'm not a vegan um but or a vegetarian but i suppose

that if if we if we look at the the history of companies and say you guys have done bad things so we're never going to let you do good things because of it, then there's no motivation for companies to change. And that surely has to be something that people want. But they're still doing these things. They haven't just gone completely vegan. They're still doing these shitty things alongside trying to make money off of vegans as well and i just the thing is the thing i just don't think that people should be supporting them with that especially vegans who should be about more than that right we live in a capitalist society right and it's all about money okay i'm very hopeful

that it costs them sure it costs them a quid to make a patty that's you know cruelty cruelty full but it probably costs them 10p to make the vegan patty because it's fucking and they'll sell it but the market double the price right so the profit margin on those ones push through if they can make it taste better and you know and and be be less gristly and gross and you know less guilt fulfilled, here's a lovely, delicious, cruelty-full, guilt-filled burger. Yeah, I just thought it's just an interesting thing, right? Like, I just think it's, I just think it's, I just, I don't know. Like, it feels like maybe.

I think money is the only thing that's going to change. And I think that them learning this, you know, that these burgers will sell and will make them more money is the way to to to move towards a better i feel like it's another it's another trap for vegans in a lot of in a lot of ways i also think if you look at large companies like bp and shell and all these oil companies and energy companies that have been polluting for for years oil spills and and all the gases and everything that's contributing to climate change and everything if we don't allow those companies to also do things that we support then they'll just spend all that money lobbying against all the good stuff that's it so you either offer them an in like i understand what you're

saying completely yes why should we allow just an interesting shower thought really like no no i didn't make sense yeah it's a really interesting it's really interesting i think that you're right about that as well like you know why should we allow you know someone who's historically been so terrible to suddenly you know get get because because you could see how it would work right people vegans would come along and bring up their other yeah meat-eating friends and it might end up to more meat burgers be sold you know you never know if you're talking about reform like it's not you know like like reform in a traditional sense like a prisoner comes out of prison and uh is is a better person but they're not just still doing crimes on the side right because then they're not really reformed

you know what i mean yeah it's true it's kind of the same but it's not i mean it's not it's an extreme i get what you're saying but i i think the problem is, is if we deny these companies the chance to make money from something that is essentially positive. And I say that for all the reasons you guys point out about cruelty to animals and the pollution that it causes, like mass farming is bad for the environment, all this stuff. I get it. If we say to all these large companies that are in place, already have the funds, already have the geography in terms of the real estate and everything. If we say to them, no, you guys are still bad. I think it's a terrible tactical move on the part of a progressive concept. And I see it all the time. I'm happy enough for them to just fade away.

They've had their time. Maybe somebody else's turn. They won't. But the only language any corporation understands is money. That's the only thing, because that's what we are driven. That's how the free market works and how everything works and how we built this amazing society, which we're incredibly

lucky to have today. We wouldn't have had it. And it's true to say that we wouldn't be, if we had a communist society, it wouldn't be as rich and productive as it is at the moment. And I i think that you know but but obviously unrestrained capitalism is is probably bad yeah and and it needs to be taxed you know we need to

just make sure we put make it more expensive for companies to cause pollution yeah sure they're welcome to do it but we want them to you know i'd rather this way we have to have the subsidies and the tax incentives in the right places i think a lot of the time they're not because they're historically set up to support, you know, the coal miners or, you know, the lobbyists, like you said, P-Flex. It's a very, it's a very kind of odd thing to talk about. I just think a lot of these progressive ideas, like environmentalism and animal rights and everything, they want to sell the entire picture and you have to accept it all right now wholesale and make total change or it's a failure and this is going to be a gradual change

because in some cases we need it to be slightly less gradual and a bit more accelerated but if we don't go in tactically and say all right we have to let these companies that have historically the bad guy in and hope that they are agents for change as well if we don't do that then what's the fucking point you're gonna lose you're gonna have a bunch of it's tough this is a really tough thing tofu eating hippies are going to change the world no unfortunately we're going to have to rely on mega corporations to do it and you have to hope that they get on the same page that's yeah the only way you can control them is with money that's all they care exactly yeah we're doomed we're doomed uh so no it's not so i talked to old um simon clark this week because we have the same birthday and he

came down and we had a chat and we had a pie minster together. Oh, nice. I had a vegan. Is he a vegetarian as well? Old Clarkie? He is. Vegan or vegetarian? I think he's trying to be vegan, but I think he likes cheese too much or something like that.

God bless him. God bless that cheese eating, man. But he's he's writing a book currently oh nice which is it's it's a big project for him is it called how lois brindley is amazing and why i love it yeah no because he's a he's a climate scientist by the way never read the youtube comments on his videos never read them are they because deniers oh my god and it's like i feel like obviously you know dr simon clark is he's a smart guy and the tendency when someone goes at someone who's like academic and smart with an absolute falsehood is to respond to them and to try to argue them

around to your way of thinking and just never works because these idiots have their head in the sand they don't want to don't want to hear about facts they just want to hear the propaganda that they've had bled into their brains why like who are these people like where and i know how do these people exist like i'm stunned because it's been because it's because it's been politicized right or like all these issues have been politicized and so i assume everyone must know someone like this but i've managed to sort of i've managed to sort of slowly work those people out of my life i mean i know you guys fairly well but i'm like but do you guys have any sort of like guilty hidden beliefs that you've never like really shared with anyone but like go

against the grain a bit like can you think of any yeah none that i'm gonna share but yes yeah i'm not gonna share my hidden bigotry i don't know if i actually have any like the things that i think about i usually talk to either my stream or like you guys about like i don't think i really have anything my stream or like you guys about like i don't think i really have anything overly sort of i well i pride myself on being willing to change and i have seen over the last 10 years of ideas that i previously had been converted one way or another not necessarily anything too serious you know i used to believe that 9-11 was a hoax you didn't i. I didn't. I didn't. A friend of mine did. Like, really, we had a chat.

I never believed that it was a hoax, but I was interested enough to watch documentaries about it or whatever because it's just a different perspective. No, it's not a different perspective. That's the problem. It's like giving these flat earthers. It's just a different perspective. I mean, even that, though.

Like, I'm interested to see what makes them tick. I don't agree with it at all, but I would, I would happily watch somebody. We're all fascinated. Yeah. I think it's just managed to, I think it's interesting.

I hope that I'm willing to, um, as I, you know, I think sometimes you don't even necessarily realize you have a prejudice until someone calls you on it or until it affects you in some way because sometimes you know these beliefs are never are never a problem you know if you if you grew up i don't know in some rural hick town in america where you were all racists and then

you never met a black person that you'd never you've never really had to confront that inbuilt prejudice that that community has given you or whatever do you know i mean over the course of that time yeah so i i think until you're confronted with these things sometimes you really you so it's like a little bit like when you're a kid you're taught i don't know like a handbag like it's a handbag or whatever and you go through life thinking oh it's a handbag and no one calls you on it it's like it's like and so for your whole life you're oh it's a handbag not a handbag i've been saying it wrong all this time like i i sometimes find stuff like that that i've done wrong or like i've pronounced bunos aries wrong my whole life or something like that

i still pronounce it like that it's just this thing that we've always done i don't know and and so everyone always finds these things like the classic ones are harry potter like people doing hagrid and hermione or whatever um those are like oh yeah that's a classic yeah that's not a classic there's good examples of there's good examples of egg corns like that where people who've thought an acorn is an egg corn um i mean but i suppose when it comes to attitudes like there are certain words if your parents call them call them Edcorns, you're going to think they're called Edcorns. That's how you're going to grow up. And interestingly enough, we were watching telly the other day, it was Channel 4 News, I stuck it on. And there was a woman on there talking about the slave trade.

And my eldest was like, what does she mean the slave trade? Because I haven't covered it at school yet. And I was talking to her about the transatlantic slave trade and the history of slavery in America and all that kind of stuff. And she asked a question. She said, why are they racist? And I was like, well, that's a very difficult question. And she said, well, why aren't we racist?

I think that's a really interesting question is why aren't I racist and some people are? And I said, well, imagine if me'd been, if me and mummy were deeply racist, um, let's say we hated black people. Let's say that that was our racism. And we brought you up in that mold. You would be a racist. Like that's just the way it goes. And I think it's interesting that we essentially see all racists as that they've made an active decision, but just like you said, Lewis, they might've actively just grown up around other racists as that they've made an active decision but just like you said lewis they might have actively just grown up around other races and that's the culture how do you break that down is very very difficult and i think yeah a lot of it is yeah and understanding that that

that it's the same thing with me and i know i'm a lot of people are religious out there and i don't want to shit on their their beliefs and stuff. But I realized that, you know, if you happen to be born in India, you'll probably be a Sikh or a Hindu, like, or Muslim. And,

you know, and according to where you were born and you certainly wouldn't be a Christian. Well, maybe you would in certain places, but it's like, there's a little bit over there for sure. But again,

so actually like, it felt to me like just by virtue of luck and family, suddenly you luckily were in the correct God area and you had the right beliefs. And I felt like that was so, to me, so ludicrous. There's definitely a period in your life where you sort of look back on your upbringing and question some of the morals and values.

And that's so important, isn't it? Is when you get to that age where you suddenly have your own thoughts and your own assessment and your reflection of things you believe. I think what helps with that is, the difference with that is, like I've had moments like that

where I sort of got to a certain age, I looked back at how I was raised and I thought, I'm not sure about that or that or that. But I've had the space to think like that too. Because I live very far away from my parents. I don't see them every day. I don't even talk to them every day.

You know what else I think makes a big difference? Deciding that those values and those feelings are not, and you can decide, if you went against the community that's a problem if everyone else in your village is racist and your family is racist and your uncle's racist and people who look after your kids and people who teach your kids are racist so it's easy just to be like okay i guess i'm just not gonna say anything right but also i mean i feel like in the 90s like there's there's elements of that of homophobia right like uh like lots of media and

stuff i mean it was it was very common for us to call everything gay and use it as like an insult right like you're fucking gay or whatever and that was just that was just how it was done back then was i actually homophobic i don't think i was i i don't actually think i was i don't think i i i thought about it in those terms it was just um it was just vocabulary at the time that was popularized through shows that we were watching, TV, and just the schoolyard stuff as well. Yeah, like teen culture.

I don't think that everybody I grew up with was a homophobe. But in the same way, there was a lot of, even recently, you know, with people using some of the early seasons of it's always sunny in philadelphia full of like transphobic stuff yeah kind of using the arsler and stuff like this like stuff that is not you know that's recent that's like that's very quick to change like but don't you think that the the biggest motivator to have you reassess your beliefs is is talking to other people yeah it's realizing the impact thatator to have you reassess your beliefs is talking to other people.

Yeah, it's realizing the impact that it has where you didn't think before that there wasn't. Before people lose their mind about Always Sunny, I know that they're bad people and that that's part of it, right? And that they're people you shouldn't emulate. That's why they're these terrible people. It's used in a context that's okay. But I think that even so like watching it now is is tricky um but that's this is why i think when people when people from a small sort of community that doesn't really have much sort of exposure to other opinions gets solidified is you know when the famous idea of the the kid going off to university and coming

back with crazy ideas. That's a real thing. You go into university, you have your ideas challenged because you meet up with people from all over the world, all over the country, from different backgrounds and cultures, and you have your beliefs challenged. You have those arguments at three in the morning when you're all high. And it makes you think, even if you don't change at that moment, it makes you think about some of the ideas that you've got and over time i think it changes people my family just came back so i'm gonna have to call it a day there all right that's good right enjoy the rest of your um your retreat holiday holy crap yeah have a nice rest of your time i hope it goes better than it has been by the sounds of it but

um i'm sure we'll have a wonderful we're going out for a pub lunch so i'm sure that's good oh there you go thank you for joining us there you go my pleasure have a have a wonderful, we're going out for a pub lunch, so I'm sure that's going to be a pleasure. Oh, there you go. Thank you for joining us. There you go. Oh, my pleasure. Have a Burger King vegan burger on us. Yeah. I'm going to have some locally sourced pork for lunch. Nice. It's a sheep.

The island of Sheffield, you've got to have lamb. No, there are lots of sheep, but I'm not going to have lamb. Eat their balls. Just fucking devour those balls. Just eat that guy's golf balls alright bye bye everybody