Triforce! - Triforce! #152: Trial by Hobo

Episode Date: November 18, 2020

Triforce! Episode 152! Pyrion has a fool proof plan for his drug empire, Sips just can't trust a hobo jury and Lewis recalls his high school Chads. Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everyone. Good morning. Welcome, welcome, good morning to us. Trifles Podcast. Hello Lewis, I'm glad to be here. How are you doing? I can't help doing some TV show entry. Welcome, I'm good. How are you doing? Have you had a good week? You had a busy week? Yes, I have actually had a great week, Lewis. It has been fantastic.

No, it's been pretty good. What have I been up to? I haven't really been up to much. You know, just the usual. I've been playing games online with people, sometimes without. I've been streaming a lot of it. And occasionally, I do a couple of tweets, which is kind of fun, too.

And oh, we did a staycation. We did our last staycation of the year with the lockdown and stuff. We took the kids and we stayed at a local hotel for one night. It was fun. Which hotel? It was good fun.

Well, tell us about it. Did it have a little mini bar? I'm starved for information. It didn't have a mini bar. It had a fridge, though. It had a little fridge that we could put milk in for the kids. They liked to drink milk. Did it have a little kettle?

British hotels always have a kettle. It had a little kettle, yes. It sure did. because people can't go away without a cup of tea i'm just drinking one it had a beach view which is not hard over here because everywhere you look there's a beach pretty much um but it was nice still it was pretty good it had parking crucially it had it had on-site parking we didn't have to park somewhere stupid to get there not unusual for a hotel i'm trying to think if i've ever stayed at a hotel that doesn't have parking well over here there's some that don't there's a couple yeah i've stayed in a few especially or if they do have parking it is city hotels really really shit parking so uh it was nice

to have good parking it had an indoor pool and a fitness center and stuff that was nice of course did you make use of that no of course not i felt kind of sick even thinking about it but it was nice facilities to have and i always think whenever i go to a hotel with a fitness center i'm always like oh yeah do you know what when i go on holiday there i'm gonna get up in the morning and i'm gonna go to the gym and i've never i don't think i've ever been in one like ever ever when i if i if i go somewhere and stay at a hotel the only exercise i'm doing is masturbating pretty much i mean that's wow that's it i thought you guys didn't do that right this is old me knew me knew me it wouldn't do that now. Shout out to the Yorkshire Tea Biscuits. Yes.

Doug had brought me in. So Doug had came in the other day and was like, oh, I've got something for you. And he patted like his pockets, right? Like his jacket pockets. And I was like, what the fuck is this? And he pulled out just a teabag, like a loose teabag, and dropped it on the desk. And I was like, okay, first first of all that's just come straight out of your pocket right i you i i feel like he didn't even like put it in like a bit of kitchen

roll or anything okay and he was like smell this i was like i don't want to smell anything's just come out of your pocket but anyway so i picked up and it's um like a one of these yorkshire tea biscuit tea bags that they've been talking about that taste like custard creams or whatever just give me a cup of tea fuck well the idea of it's like it's like imagine you it's a cup of tea where you dip the biscuit in and it and it breaks apart and you get all those scummy bits in the bottom but you don't have to do that anymore because the tea just skipped i'm not being funny if you dunk if you dunk biscuits in your tea to me you're a commoner well it's common it's attacked it's a technique it's common very comforting it's it is but it's fine i was talking to harry this week about how he had uh a build around and he started slipping

into local you know uh local draw you know local bristol slang and stuff you know because you want to seem like a normal everyday kind of guy not not a meme lord did he say pepega or poggers at any point or unlikely well your boiler's fixed poggers mate there's uh there are limits for that kind of stuff right but um it's like because listen my uh my mother-in-law my mother-in- is, it's not like really old school in the sense that she's overly a prude or anything like that. You know, like she, you know, she wouldn't like think that it was gross to see like boobs on TV or something like, you know what I mean? She's not like easily offended sort of thing. Defended sort of thing. It's like my mum and dad secretly watched Game of Thrones but didn't tell anyone because they were worried

that people would judge them for it because they know it has swearing and boobs and stuff in it, right? And they have a certain standing to uphold, you know, in the local community. So they didn't even want to tell me. Mr. Brindley, I hear you've been watching that program with breasts in it. What?

No, no, I would never look at a pair of woman's breasts on the television. That's disgraceful behaviour. Never even seen Mrs. Brindley's breasts. I ensure to avert my gaze whenever she enters or exits the show. My mum used to change her channel if there was even a hint of

anything sexual happening. And this was in the 90s and the 80s and the 90s they didn't even allow swearing on television after nine o'clock every film was like yeah famously farmers and flip this and they there was nothing if there was a pair if a woman started to undo anything or a guy leaned in the kiss and it was clear something's gonna happen she would change the channel you had the dubbed swearing in north america they dubbed over the swearing so like die hard if it was on because of the time zones and stuff it didn't really matter what time it was on they would just dub over the swearing so screw you

melon farmer yeah mr falcon it's just so bad honestly you're completely right this is what i so last week we talked about twin peaks and and then i watched the movie um oh do you okay what do you think of the movie it's kind of nuts the movie just it's basically like made me realize that the tv show was just like you said it was all censored and melon farmer and like so but so much that it came across as a kind of hokey soapy kind of dark comedy stuff i didn't think of it as dark and sips and everyone always refers to twin peaks as dark and i was like yeah the core story is about abuse because it's got that light-hearted 90s sort of soapy background it doesn't feel yeah as and then the movie the

first scene there's like tits everywhere yeah laura palmer's got a baps out in every scene there's like people like it's much much more well like as you learn more about her you realize that she was like really going off the rails because of like everyone's doing cocaine because of every scene it's like so gratuitous like yeah the amount they must have gone through like four or five bags of um whatever they'd use instead of cocaine. I assume they don't use sugar or flour because that would be, what are they snorting up their nose? Real cocaine. I mean, they're in character.

That was the 90s. Method action. Because honestly, they were going at it like it was running out. They were just cracking that stuff. It's probably just flour or something. They were snorting it in every hole. And it was quite something. So I watched the Twin Peaks movie.

And then I watched Twin Peaks, The Missing Pieces, which is the bits that got cut out of the movie. Right. And what about the books? It's two more hours. Did you get the books? There's two books that are really good. I haven't had time.

We've only had a week since this last podcast I would have blasted through all that shit in no time another two hours movie and I watched the first episode of the new series in 2017 which was another two hours I was like fucking the return is so fucking good

I was sat in front of the TV the whole time the return is so bizarre because some people have massively, massively aged and had kids, like you guys have. You guys, 25 years ago, were young, supple, youthful young babies, right?

And if you hadn't had kids, you would still be much better, apparently. I think this is it. Some of the actors haven't fucking aged a day. But some of the some of the actors haven't fucking aged today well yeah but some of them have died like uh and recently some have died as well like um what's his face the um oh fuck i can't remember his name now he's like he's the the like the like the bald secret service agent i don't know if you've seen him in the return yet oh albert yeah yeah he died recently uh i like norma died as well you know but

norma at the uh at the diner she's do you ever find out why she has a log or or not well she's she's sort of spiritual yeah she's just sort of in tune with the forest and so she's actually she's one of the rare characters who's so in the sort of david lynchian style the maddest characters tell the most truths yeah kind of thing you know you know it's funny you were talking about drugs I watched a show called 24 hours in police custody which is more interesting than it sounds it was it was sure it was done in quite an interesting style there was no narrator it was all told through the characters. Not characters, the real people. And it was about this drugs bust

where the shipment of heroin comes into Britain in a van. And they'd hidden it in what looked like very innocuous items. So there's these things called spider catchers or these cheap plastic things for catching spiders. I don't know. Sure. At the bottom of it was five kilos of heroin. And they thought, okay, let's let this go to where it was meant to go,

and we'll just put bugs and recording devices and everything and see what happens. Oh, put spiders in it. And they found these guys, and essentially the way they, like the damning piece of evidence that they had was that one of the guys, one of the key guys who they could not tie to this case had a dash cam that automatically turned on when he locked his car every time he locked his car the dash cam turns on presumably in case someone crashes into your car while it's parked or tries to nick it or something and they they seize this and they're

looking at it and it's an hd recording from his car of this drug deal and him turning up and i was just i was blown away that the guy who's like he's this guy has an encrypted phone he's very careful it's all like it's all super careful and yet he's just recording and apparently not realizing it every single thing that happens over the past few weeks is just on his dash cam it was amazing um and it was really interesting because the police have this weird kind of respect almost for these actual criminals because they they keep talking about them these glowing terms like oh they're really careful they're very smart you know it takes a lot to catch them and everything. But then when they came to book him in, he called them sir,

he was very polite, they apologised that when they'd arrested him it was his son's birthday, they didn't mean that and everything. And it was like, whenever I've watched these police shows before, they arrest some goon and the guys are like, oh, fuck it, I have you, I will smash your stuff up and piss it everywhere. And you can tell the police aren't impressed because they're like if you were an actual hardened criminal you would know at this point the jig is up there's no point being a twat i'm gonna go to prison that's part of

it you know and they just it's almost sort of part of the business but it was it was just such a it was such a big case it was like one of the biggest drug cases uh in that area like ever and they found out that over that time we're talking over a ton of drugs had been smuggled in by these guys with this system and they only caught them on the last few but they'd smuggled in 39 shipments so they'd been doing this for a while and as usual they're all living large he has a business as a front but it makes no money and i i was thinking surely there's a smarter way to deal with this than literally having a farm, having the drugs delivered to your farm, and then going in

person and doing it all from there. I was kind of surprised that that high level of drug deal was so easily busted as he had his dash cam on and he was there doing the deal. So I was trying to come up with ways if I was going to become a drug baron, which I'm obviously not, how would I do it? And I'm thinking drones. That was the first thing I thought of. It's harder to do with drones now.

They're on it. They figured out that people try to use drones and they're on it. And you learn nothing, PFLAX. It's the technology that fucks him. You want to get rid of all technology. You want to go back to horses and cats and dogs. You want to use like...

Paper and pencils. You want to use like no technology, no traceable tech. You have to get rid of... You can't trace a drone. How are you going to trace a drone? You have to become Amish. That will be the most successful drug. No cars.

How are they going to trace a drone? Hey, let me tell you my plan. Everything is fucking tracked. Can I tell you my plan? They even have trackers on tractors and shit. Can I tell you my plan is fucking can i tell you my plan can i tell you my plan before before you shoot it down because you're shooting down my high level drug empire here i'm shooting your drone down that's what i'm fucking doing it's in the embryonic stages it's

in the planning stages all right so i would have like a drop house i would employ a homeless man to stay in that house i never meet him directly We send him money every month to just stay in the house and receive deliveries. When he receives the delivery... Where are you sourcing this trustworthy homeless man? Already I've detected flaws in your plan, but carry on. Just a man that can't be traced to me. Just some guy.

Like, I don't want it to be... You've already got another person involved. These are elementary crime mistakes. This guy's got nothing. The way I figure it, he's motivated. I'm sending you money every week. We know where he is. We're watching the house.

He can't fuck us. But he takes the drugs from the delivery. We just post it. Amazon postage, whatever. Comes in. He unwraps. He puts it on the back porch. A drone comes in, picks up the drugs,

and flies them to a waiting vehicle some way away. And I've got surveillance of the area. How are they going to, how are they going to, they can't run after a drone and it's going over a bunch of fields and stuff. There's no way they can get there. If there's a helicopter in the air, we don't fly. If there's any kind of, you know, any kind of police activity, we don't fly. I pick it up from my drone, I drop it off in the van. This is not my van. This is some other homeless guy I've hired. I've got a network of homeless people working for me, and there's no connection between me and the drugs.

They take it to the drop-off point. I have no contact. Welcome to Triforce News. Today, criminal mastermind Ted Forsyth was arrested after his drone was spotted carrying a kilo of cocaine across neighboring fields. No offense to homeless people, but I feel like having not just one, but two homeless people so integral to your logistics network means that it's failed already.

Because I don't think you can trust those homeless people to do a good job. All they have to do is this. Hello? Parcel? Oh, thanks. They'll fuck it up. They'll fuck it up. Then we kill them. They'll find a way. No, I don't think it is this.

I think it's the opposite. So there was this... Homeless people, believe it or not, are really good sources of getting criminals. There was that case, wasn't there, where the guy robbed the bank. He hired people on Craigslist to come and hang it outside the bank. And the money van pulled up. it outside the bank and he there was a the money

van pulled up he grabbed the money and ran off and got on a boat that he did he like a blow-up boat and ran down the river he had this whole heist right yeah it was quite famous in america and he got foiled because a week earlier he'd been doing a practice run and a homeless man had been poking around in the stuff he'd left in an alley. And he came along and was like, oh, what are you doing with my stuff? And the homeless man wrote down his number plate. And then when the police, when he actually did the robbery a week later,

the homeless man still had it. And he got the guy. The guy had planned out this perfect crime and would have gotten away for it if it wasn't for the good observation skills of Sherlock Hobo. And all it took was, here, I'll give you like a nickel for some information. And he was like, okay.

And he gave up everything. And that's what's going to happen to the two that are working in your logistics network. They never meet me. When do they ever meet me? No, but other people, they're easily swayed. You can't also assume that homeless people are criminals either. That's like a real bad stereotype. No, you're right, that is.

I'm not saying that they're criminals, I'm just saying that they're not trustworthy. No, no, I am. But my point was that I need someone that is motivated by money to a point where they would do a job like that. They're not going to quit, because the alternative is they live on the street. Just ask people on Fiverr. Just get like random people on Fiverr. I trust them even less. I would trust the noble hobo over a twat on Fiverr. I trust them even less. I would trust the noble hobo No over a twat on Fiverr. Right, but they don't they don't know you. Can I suggest? How are you gonna be a hobo digitally? Oh, but then you can't leave a digital footprint That instead of using a homeless person you use like a young teen because if

For some reason shit hits the fan. They can't really be arrested or go to jail. Like, it's hard. Like a kid. Because they're kids. They're not going to look favorably on you, though, if you're, like, corrupting the youth of tomorrow. Yeah, but then you're turning them into a loyal soldier, potentially. I was trying to think.

The reason I chose a homeless person is because I want someone with no ties and no reason to go to the police. I love how sips is trying to make a mafia family and like adopts these like kids and make them into made men and it's just build like tested and true i don't trust well hiring homeless people and putting them in in in positions where there's like something at stake or responsibility is a huge no-no nobody would ever do it but like a 12 year old kid an impressionable 12 year old kid probably better honestly um and and won't be able to take as much heat if all right what if we hired a drug addict no never hire a drug addict to do anything

all they'll be thinking about all the time is drugs and how they can steal drugs from you or steal money from you to get drugs or where when they're going to be next doing you can't even have accomplices because everyone can't any honestly like no one could keep a secret like if you've told what like if you've told like more than one i think maybe one person could keep a secret but if you've told two people there's there's no way that secret's gonna stay secret secret. Like, everyone's going to know. This is how these crime criminals all get got. They have their little gang.

One guy gets drunk and tells his girlfriend, and then she tells her mates at the pub, and everybody knows then, and the whole town knows. That's why I'm saying that I want my entire setup to be on the end of my encrypted phone. I never actually meet face- face with anybody it's all arranged and none of the people i work with are people that i've ever met or no you know you can do further how do you get to that position as well i wear slippers in a bathrobe and wander around

the streets acting confused all the time to throw them off as well so like also really you're you're you're smart and you've got everything sewn up and everything is running smoothly and they'll never suspect you because they just think that you're crazy bathrobe guy i also think you also have to do uh you also have to have a regular job and keep normal hours and appear in every other way to be a perfectly normal person yeah so in the evening you you arrange all this stuff. But these guys do it full time. And they're very obvious. Once you start looking at this guy, it's like,

hmm, his business never makes any money, but he drives all this Flash stuff. Where'd this money come from? It's like, we definitely got to die. You can't spend that money on Flash stuff because it'll draw too much attention. So you still have to drive around your old bangeranger and and i guess at that point the house coat and stuff it becomes why am i doing this yeah if i have to live like this i'm i'm just thinking as a retirement fund yeah and you just

they did they did so many of these runs i think if they just stopped earlier they would never have been caught but they got greedy as usual yeah i think it has to be like for me like the it seems to have to be like the whole you have like the onion router whatever the onion i've never actually used the onion browser i i understand that it's like an encrypted encrypted browser though where you can look up drugs right you can buy drugs and stuff if you wanted to right yeah you can find like these online marketplaces like they're like two clicks away. As I understand, I've never, again,

I don't know what I'm doing. Is this the dark web? More well-informed. No, you do sound like you don't really know what you're talking about. I sound like my dad right now, but I understand

that you can buy basically anything. You can buy prescription drugs, you can buy illegal drugs, you can buy fucking pre-rolled weed sticks, whatever. Weed sticks? Good heavens.

Do you, excuse me Mr. Drugs, do you have any weed sticks? Pre-rolled because I don't know how to roll? What a weed stick is! Well, I ain't got time to roll my weed weed. But I would like a weed stick. Why, yes I do, young man. In fact, I have 69 weed sticks here and another shipment of 420 weed sticks coming in tomorrow.

Would you show me how to blaze it, please? I will show you how to blaze it and I will show you how to praise it as well, young man. So, first of all, there's no going to... There's no chatting, right? They just mail it to you in, like, a sealed package. I think that's the way to do it, just through the fucking Royal Mail. That's how they got that diamond, the world's biggest diamond, back to London, didn't they? Do you remember we talked about this?

When they found it, they were, like, they chartered a ship at a private, like, security firm to, like, bring it back on the boat. But that was all just a decoy. They actually just put it in the post amazing you know and it just went through the normal postal system and got back to london just fine you know i like that and that's how we should that's how the drug drugs should be done do they do they have dogs at the at the depot that sniff every package yeah yeah but they do yeah a lot of them are wrapped in like and there's loads of ways to foil those dogs because you use vinegar and stuff and other things.

They have like ways to like. But don't you have a dog that sniffs vinegar? Yeah. Well, no, but they're always one step ahead, you know, the drug dealers. Well, you go vinegar, they go chili sauce. You go chili sauce, they go pepper. You go pepper, they go. Well, you don't want to make it delicious.

You don't want to slather it in meat paste, P-Flax. That's not going to help, is it? I didn't say meat paste. I don't think dogs like, I don't think dogs would. These dogs are trained though. They don't really care if they smell meat paste is it i didn't say meat paste i don't think dogs like i don't these are these dogs are trained though they don't really care if they smell your dog doesn't like meat paste trying to sniff specific stuff she would eat meat you're sure it's sure it's a dog my dog if i open the dishwasher and a drop of water falls like condensation from the dishwasher she will leap off the sofa and run over just in case yeah it's food i was like it's a drop of water you have water why are you staring at me for dishwasher drops it's she's always want more food similarly if there is even

one flake of shit in their asshole they'll lick that out like oh like it's a meal as well make the dog seem so unpleasant what is that it's like it's like it's just gross dude you don't need to dogs are to talk about it like i saw a thing the other day of a dog um because daylight savings happened and there was a dog expecting a walk at at daylight savings you know ready to go very excited and the owner was like no no no no it's another hour the park's not open yet we can't go for another hour and the dog's like just has no idea uh because there's no way you could tell that you know there's no way you can communicate it's through dog language that the park's not open my heart fell a little bit for that that papa right because you've got

to think well what i hope the owner just played with him for an hour or something do you know what i mean yeah uh or something listen um i was i i never got a chance to finish what i was going to say about my mother-in-law can we i know it's been a while but how far back are we going we're going back to the start we were talking about uh trade tradesmen coming in and and harry adopting the local lingo to speak right right right right um and i was saying that my mother-in-law, what I was going to say was, my mother-in-law had a tradesman in. It was a plumber. Plumber came in because she didn't have any hot water. She woke up.

She didn't have any hot water. So she was like, fuck, OK, I'm just going to phone this plumber. So the plumber comes out, has a look and stuff. And he seemed like a pleasant guy. My mother-in-law is pretty old school. She offered him a cup of tea and stuff. And then he was like, he was like, oh, excuse me. Would you mind if I, if I used your bathroom? I really need to take a piss. And my mother-in-law was just like, excuse me? Like, it's just like, I think it's because he said the word piss instead of like,

you know, just leaving it, you know, just saying like, can I just use the bathroom? But because he said piss, this offended her greatly. And she actually had to phone the place that sent him out and complain. Right. And she's never done that before. You know what I mean? Like she's pretty... The word piss.

She's pretty laid back and easy going. I'll be honest with you. I don't really care for the word piss unless it's being used in a comedy sense. Like, it's not a pleasant way to say you need to go. It's a horrible word. It can be funny in context for a joke or whatever. But this was not. This was like, this guy's vocabulary generally must be.

I worked with a guy who used to say that. So it's just like, oh, I really need to take a piss. I don't say it, but I say I need to pee. I really need to pee. Yeah, I'll say I need to pee or I'm just going to pop to the loo. I normally say I'm going to pop to the loo. Yeah, I'm just going to pop to the loo. Because that implies I won't be nuts.

Do you think that's unreasonable to phone and complain about that? I wouldn't have complained. I wouldn't have phoned up. I say I'm going to pop to the loo and I need to pee. I mean, she's old, though. She's in her 70s. She's got nothing better to do is what it is. But no, I wouldn't have complained.

Is it because she spends so much time with your kids that she thinks that that kind of language i think she was just blown away by like the she just thought it was really rude actually but again she's not like a she's not an overly prudish person or anything i think that one just for some reason i mean imagine if he said oh really ready to take a big shit yeah do you imagine if he said well i think it's not too far off to say taking a piss as well. Like, it's like, it is pretty rude, isn't it? I really need to piss and shit. I personally wouldn't have complained.

And I would kind of think, you know, come on, just. Where's the line, though? Just roll your eyes or something. There's things over the line, right? What about dump? I need to take a dump. I need to take a dump. I find that funny, but rude as well. Yeah. What about number i need to take a dump i need to take a dump i find that thing i find it funny but rude as well yeah what about number two i need another i just don't think

you need to say yeah just say i need the loo can i just need the toilet yeah can i use your toilet yeah that's all but i i don't i wouldn't have complained but i certainly would have thought geez that's a bit coarse yeah i don't think i personally i don't think i would have complained either but at the same time i don't blame her for complaining either you know like like i don't think i would bother to complain but i think i i think she's i think she's in the right for complaining because it is kind of weird isn't it like to turn up i mean it's strange but like i said i worked with a guy in the office he sounded so i'm just gonna go take a piss and he'd always drag the S's out. Piss. Like as if we needed the sound effect.

Oh, a piss. You mean, yes, urinating. Sorry, yes. It's like, I'm just going to take a piss. And he'd go off. And you'd be like, jeez, did he have to take a piss? Just going to go pinch a fucking loaf. So what was it? I was talking to Ped and Ravs about this on Saturday,

and Leo was talking about it as well, because she has Japanese lessons, right? And so she informed us that the way that you ask in Japan is very much more kind of polite. And I guess it would be like the same of us in English, if we were like, do you have a toilet? Or kind of very not directly approach it. What do you say, when they built this house,

was a toilet one of the rooms that they included in the other rooms? Exactly, very cryptic. May I visit it alone? May I please perform a piss, Sensei? No, no, no, you never ask for it. You just say, is there perhaps a toilet in this house? But even looser than that. So yeah, like you said.

Well, so you sort of say, toilets are interesting aren't they hmm yeah one thing i like to do when i'm in a house i always like to check out the toilet alone for a few minutes oh would you like to check our toilet out absolutely no yes no yes i would thank you so much like is, he's so fucking painfully polite. I know. I love that though. Like that, that, that, that, um,

like desperate politeness kind of where you're just trying to work around. But that's one of the things that got the, um, sort of Japanese and Korean sort of pilots into trouble because they're, they found that I've talked about this before, but like their, their, their politeness got them into trouble because they wouldn't tell pilots what they would...

They were overshooting the runway or something like that. They'd be like, oh, that runway's looking a bit far away, isn't it? I wonder whether they built that in the wrong place. They wouldn't tell... So they actually were kind of given training to be direct and standardized. I think they all speak English now as well, which is more... Maybe that helps them be more direct, you know, because it's less formally... There is definitely the room to be polite in English.

There's deferentialness to authority as well. If you teach them the phrases that they need, and those phrases are blunt, those are the ones they're going to use. So if you just teach them, you know when you would normally say, oh gosh, I hope we don't overshoot the runway today. That would be a shame. You know, why don't you just say,

you're coming in too short. That's the English phrase that you need to use. Like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the phrase you need to use. So if you just teach them those blunt phrases, you don't need to worry about them being impolite. They only know how to be blunt. There you go man love that speaking of people being blunt that some of the dialogue in have you ever if you guys ever seen the movie whiplash yeah yeah

yeah i watched it for the first time last week and really i loved it i thought it's great but man it's great the people in it are so rude to each other. It's unbelievable. They're horrible to each other. Turn the fucking page. Like, what? I'm just here to have fun drumming. Yeah, you lost two seconds of that. Yeah, I would actually be really offended by all of the interactions of all of the characters. I would find that a bit hard to deal with.

I don't know. I really like realistic realistic dialogue though like sometimes you know something stuff stuff is so stilted when you watch it you're like this is this is not two fucking people talking to each other no one talks to each other yeah it's you know it's nice when you watch shows that are kind of talky over overlapping talking like like people really do you know you know that's interesting i watched um and lewis this this will feed into your belief that i watched daytime tv but i watched 12 angry men uh with glenn fonder which is a classic i've watched i watched that relatively recently starring a period flex 12 times it's a it's a

very very famous it's one of these movies that always hits the top 100 movies or whatever you should these right right these you should always watch it's very very very good it's a little dated but like you said the conversation but not that dated no it's not

I don't feel it's that dated because the court system is very fucking old and shit in the way it's done well not shit but like very kind of fixed

you know and it hasn't changed in hundreds of years oh you mean like the system of how the jury works the system of court the jury

because it's still almost identical really so many bits of it haven't changed in 70 80 years no yeah you know but it's interesting how old is that movie oh gosh i think it's from the 60s yeah it's probably 50 years old at this point but uh so essentially the deal is that like we only see the jury room that's pretty much the only setting there's a brief bit in court and there's a brief bit outside court at the ends to bookend it. But the bulk of the film, like 90% of it, is in this one room. And it's really, really, really interesting. The characters are all different, but not so different that you think... They're not so wildly different that it seems forced. It just seems like a group of 12 random people

that have been selected for jury duty. And you know, they've all got slightly different backgrounds and slightly different opinions. But it just struck me I've never done jury duty. And it's ironic, because I've always really wanted to do jury duty. And I've never been selected. And I know tons of people who hated it, and never wanted to do it and got selected. All I'm saying is, if you listen out there i'll do jury duty i would love i've never done it and i never want to do it i've never been selected either actually i'd like to do it okay actually i would have liked to do it when i was working like at a normal job for just some time yeah yeah but now i don't want to be selected because i i don't want to have to do that i don't

really want to take any time off my current job self-employed for sure like if you if you ran a butchers and you were the only person who made sure that opened you can say no in those instances you can say no yeah like if you like i think that's what surprises me is it it kind of goes to the core of who must be doing jury duty. It must just be old people and the unemployed. Who else is doing it? My wife was selected to do it. Because most of the jobs, if you said your boss is going to write and say, look, if they leave, we're going to go bust.

This is a great job for the homeless. Get them in. I don't know about that. Get them in. You can't trust them. But listen, my... You can't trust them. No, you cannot.

No offense. No offense to the homeless, but I would not trust them to be jurors. These Sips' views do not represent the views of the Tribal Sport Trust. I don't think you can trust them with drug-related jobs, and I certainly don't think that they would make good jurors. That's just my opinion. I don't know. I lean on the side of we should help people who are down on their luck.

Sure, you should definitely help them, but I don't think step one of helping the side of we should help people who are down on their luck. Sure, you should definitely help them. But I don't think step one of helping them is to make them jurors. That's all I'm saying. You don't think? No. So my wife was selected for jury duty, but she was selected about two weeks after she'd given birth to my son. And she was able to get out of it as well.

She's like, I'm just like, I'm a new mom. I've got this baby. Give me a break. And I really can't do it. And she's like i'm just like i'm a new mom um i've got this baby and uh i really can't do it and they were like yeah sure no problem like they just like i guess it's not quite the same as being conscripted for the war is it you know you can probably like they're like yeah all right i think the worst would be i think the worst would be getting jury duty for like a really big long ass case you know like this is what me and mrs f were talking about when we were watching it that was it we were like if you watch the oj thing you know if you look at how long those people were sequestered for oh my god oh it's weeks yeah

that's your life some of them are going crazy as well eh yeah you can just stay in a hotel yeah awful the oj lockdown og oj lockdown and then you saw some of them were just like living You guys are staying in a hotel. Awful. The OJ lockdown. OG OJ lockdown. And then you saw some of them were just like living it up. They just thought it was the greatest thing. They got to eat at the hotel every day and stuff. And it's just like, so people are weird. This is what I'm saying. You know, let's put homeless people in those hotel rooms.

You know, we've got, I think it kills two birds with one stone. And I'm all down for like those types of initiatives. I think it kills two birds with one stone. And I'm all down for those types of initiatives. I saw a thing this week where in Sweden, they were dropping off mail and deliveries and stuff with the van. But then in the back of the van, they would pick up all the recycling. And I was like, what a genius.

In one end, out one end, the van is always full. I'm like, come on. These ideas we need these these types of things i'm just saying that give it a go why not you know what jury trial by home okay let's let's i choose trial by hobo let's do the trial uh of homeless jurors uh when it's you who's in court fighting for your life okay that's when we'll do the trial are you okay with that well that'll be fine with me because i'm really nice to them you're the one who thinks they're untrustworthy no no let's let's just see how you feel if they're if they're judging you and uh and and possibly putting you i call sips to the witness stand yeah i so listen here sips

i hear you think homeless people are untrustworthy do you i think they are a bit like but hold on hold on just just to clarify there are lots of different levels of homeless people there are people who are homeless for economic reasons and and they've had some family disaster or they've been forced out of their house and stuff like that that's one group then you've got the kind of homeless people you get who walk up and show you the contents of their underpants who piss in front of waitrose who do all that kind of stuff that's like oh my god and then there's the mentally ill homeless people so there are all these different groups more prevalent in america of homeless people in america the homeless people seem terrifying to me and they are a hundred times crazier right and more and you want to get them

on a jury jury i mean well i'm not saying we do this in america fucking i'm aware it was fucked dude i'm not trying to fix them they're on their own right they managed to get rid of old fucking cheeto face thank god he's out the door the homeless people you're talking about are uh accountants that have just fallen hard times fallen on hard times and have somehow ended up on the streets. A very specific group. Maybe they got disgraced for sleeping with prostitutes. They still have a working monocle and a fairly fresh top hat and would make excellent jurors,

is the ones you're talking about. Yeah, they dust themselves off, put them in a hotel room, get them in a nice... A lot of homeless people are actually just unable to get a start. Because it's so difficult to break that. I think isn't that the thing they did in Scandinavia where they had all these empty buildings and they essentially gave homeless people apartments.

And that makes such a difference in terms of changing the situation because suddenly you can open a bank account and you can receive posts. And if someone says what's your address you can now give an address and so many people without that base level living paycheck to paycheck anyway do you know i mean like like very like such a large proportion of our economy is built on people having no savings and no like support necessarily and you know if they lose their job they're gonna lose their house as well what is it they say how do you get a job i think they say people are i mean i know they say

you know society is three meals from from uh revolution or whatever or you know descending into chaos but as i understand it as well most people are like two or three paychecks from the street yeah like that's the way most people live is, you know, you're going to be homeless on that kind of fragile level. Anyway, let's move on. Oh, my God. So this podcast, by the way, is sponsored by ExpressVPN. Tell me more, Lewis.

Oh, my gosh. When you use the bathroom, you always close the door behind you, right? You don't want random. It depends if I'm at a house. So why would you let people watch you when you're online huh using the internet without express vpn is like going to the bathroom and not closing the door oh my god you've scared me so i i do i i use a vpn using express vpn is easy as closing the bathroom door you just just load it up, click a button, and you're protected from prying eyes

watching you poo. You know? You don't want it. You don't need it. I don't want someone watching me poo. That's disgusting. If you're like me

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today. Expressvpn.com slash triforce today. Expressvpn.com slash triforce. You get an extra three months free. And you don't have to let the FBI people. Yeah. Yes. You shouldn't be watching that in the first place anyway. But if you happen to be, well, what can we do about it?

But if you do want to watch Sips Pooping, use ExpressVPN to keep yourself private. Or do so. Please. pooping use express vpn to keep yourself private or do so please i feel i feel like i i'm not the one who needs to worry in that situation really you know i think it's down to other people to be worried about you know like so you don't close the door when you go doing a number two with the door without it like if i don't have a door for example i'm still i'm still going for my number two i don't really care you know it's everybody around you suffers yeah you're like a prisoner why well fuck you got it when you gotta go you gotta go jeez this is a completely at odds with the previous toilet chat we've had

so you're telling me that not only would you not let people use your toilet you would openly shit with the door open because and i quote you sir when you gotta go you gotta go well apparently not you should have gone when you were at a place with what are you gonna do wait for doors to be in what if there's no doors tough mate what if i'm at your house and i need a shit i'm shit out of luck then as well aren't i find a door or fucking shit your pants outside i i kind of feel like that about a lot of things i think it's because i'm a bit older now but like you know for for example like say you're coming out of the shower right and you're walking into your bedroom to get changed do you

guys do that or do you guys take all your clothes into the shower with you no i have like i have clothes scattered okay so sometimes for example i'll have to walk naked through the entire yeah uh flat okay and how do you feel about that pair To get a pair of pants that's hanging out. Okay. So your dick and balls are hanging right out. You're ass naked. You've just gotten out of the shower. I'm swinging. Yeah. Are all of your blinds closed while this is happening?

Or are you just like, fuck, I don't really care. Like I'm just. No, not really. Not anymore. I used to worry about it. Because I feel like when I was younger, I'd be like, oh, fuck, I got to close the blinds. I don't want anyone to see me naked or whatever. Nowadays, I'm just like, well, if you're looking, it's your fault.

Like, you know, I'm just fucking doing my thing here. And that's how I feel about the shitting thing, coming back to the shitting thing. If you're watching me shit, that's down to you. Like, you know what I mean? No. Why are you fucking watching? Here's the thing. I remember I was at a friend's house one time.

We were having a party. This was about 10 years ago. We're smoking out the window, and this guy comes home. You still had a full head of hair. I did. This guy comes home from, it was more than 10 years ago. Unburdened by the chains of dadhood. Exactly.

So it must have been more like 15 years ago. Pyrene party flax, they called him back then. Guy comes home from work and a flat over from my friend's flat and he's parks his bicycle in his flat which i always think is awkward like but if you've got a bike you know where else you're going to put it if you're living in a flat parks his bike and then he just takes all his lycra off right there in the middle of his living room with the big light on right curtains wide open just strips off and although there's like a mixture of blokes and and birds watching this out the window and um we see uh we see this guy and all

the we're all just like oh my god dude close the curtains and all the girls like you know sort of thing and um he didn't notice and i thought i mean you're saying if you're watching then look away but at the same time if you just stood in your window naked, being like, well, just don't look, you're actually, I think that's personally extremely self-centered and honestly a little bit sociopathic to think that, hey, if looking at me do this is a problem, look away. Well, then why not just shit in the street?

If they're looking through my it's it's like a horror movie you're saying don't look and i think that's what is what is shitting in the street have to do with it though nobody's shitting in the street just don't look dude well yeah exactly you would be shocked wouldn't you but you're saying that you want to have a shit in a toilet with the door open if i don't like it i should just not i'm not saying i want to have a shit in the toilet with the door open i said if there was no doors and I had to take a shit, I would still take a shit. That's different. But that's what I was saying.

That's an emergency situation. Exactly. That's what I was saying the whole time. I did not hear the word emergency. You're right. No, I didn't say emergency. I said if there were no doors and I had to take a shit, I would still take a shit. I think that's true for everybody, though.

Because if somebody is watching, well, what the fuck? I still have to take a shit and there's no doors. But you would say there's no door and I need to take a poop and everybody look away and they would. I said that. But then that's not even a thing. And then you called me a sociopath. I didn't. I said that telling people, and you guys are now saying walking around, you're flat naked.

And if people look, well, that's on them. Yeah. I just think it's a bit weird. Why would you do that? I'm not saying I'm walking around naked on purpose here i'm saying like for like five seconds while i'm leaving the shower to go get changed and i'm naked you know what i mean i don't think there's anything wrong with that do you dash or do you just stroll i just stroll i'm not in a rush i don't i don't know pflex like for example if someone had to manage if someone had to look in my and this is

the case i'm thinking sips house too like just a casual delivery guy or guy popping around is not going to be able to not going to be able to see me no right yeah you're upstairs right like they have to be illegal anyway they have to have got a ladder or like looking for another telescope yeah like those people with telescopes you perv into other people's houses that is what we're talking about oh geez that's so unlikely well that's the that's what i'm saying it is it is unlikely that's why i'm not dashing to get changed or whatever because i'm assuming that nobody is really making an effort to look into my bedroom while i'm getting right but okay okay so so hold on if you'd been more specific about the scenario, I think it would be different.

But it felt like a blanket term. If there's no door, I'm pooping. If I'm walking around naked. Well, yeah, but I have to assume. I'm some sort of exhibitionist who's trying to have more rights to exhibitionize. I don't want people to see me naked. I don't want to upset people with my pale, wrinkly, pasty like horror doll and body right that's just going to traumatize people i'm not trying to do that but i'm saying if they're perving on me trying to get into looking on me changing or look into my flat and they get scarred by it that's their problem

i'm not responsible if we're putting those layers of caveat on it, what you're saying is, it's deeply unlikely that anyone could see me unless they'd specifically gone out of their way to see me. Is it still okay to walk around naked? Yes, of course. Like, that's not even a question. But when you put it as broadly as, if the windows are open and curtains and everything

and you're walking around naked in your flat, is that a problem? Then all the different possible connotations pop into my head of of who could look in and what's the flat situation what's what are you overlooking a fucking playground who knows listen no no no if you're robbing a bank and you fall through the skylight and break your neck that's not the bank's fault for for that right do you mean that's what i'm saying right no then absolutely but i i just, when you said, when you were asking these specific cases,

you didn't put enough groundwork into setting the scene for me. So my imagination ran wild. Right. In my imagination, you have a big, big, big window. Me and Sips are just walking down the street. You're walking around naked. Fully naked.

You're opening the door to take a shit. I'm not fighting for my right to be naked here. I'm just saying, if you're if you're making an effort to look into my bedroom where i am naked which you shouldn't be doing in the first place right right it's fucking up to you it's down to you if you're grossed out well that's your fucking fault because i don't think that's even an argument because if i if i'm looking through your window with binoculars i'm hoping to see naked sips that's what i'm well but you might sips. That's what I'm... Well, you might not be. Like, that's the thing.

Well, in that case, you get rewarded for the end. Exactly. I'm all right. It works both ways. So you're saying they put in the legwork. If the bank put a ladder next to the skylight and let criminals in, that's cool for that too. That's their decision.

Do you know what I mean? It's all cool. It's all gravy. What? too that's their decision do you know i mean it's all cool it's all gravy what i don't know where i'm going with any of this sorry i'm very confused we're all very no i just i wanted to to set the record straight though because sips lives at 17 yeah evergreen okay and occasionally after i take a shower i stroll into my bedroom um fully naked as well so please do not look into my house ever pretty much is what i'm saying to you

if you want to catch him naked you just need to be there at 9 30 on your binoculars that i have a very small penis like you'll it'll be really hard to see from far away and he'll be drawing the curtains and yeah and that's not a euphemism no yeah i'll be peeling hard to see from far away. And he'll be drawing the curtains. And that's not a euphemism either. No, yeah. I'll be peeling them back. Crikey. So, wow. I'm glad that we got things straight there because I didn't want to leave the podcast today with Flax thinking that I was like some sort of weirdo.

Some crazy exhibitionist. Some crazy sort of exhibitionist, which I'm not for the record. If you're gonna paint a scenario the broad strokes is too much you've got to be specific that's what i'm saying well i just like i feel pressed for time sometimes you know you gotta oh we got ages you gotta say things quick you know because like we want to move on and stuff so i didn't want to spend we ain't got nothing to say nothing's happened in a whole week we're gonna it's all right like so i mean i think there was a time when i was definitely more protective of my nudity yeah that's yeah that's what i'm saying

when i was younger i was for sure like i was very paranoid about like if you go to a public pool you know there's no pandemic okay pools are open you go to a public pool you happen to go at a very busy time you're in the changing room getting changed. For example, when I was younger, I would seek out a cubicle or I would put the towel around me and like change under my towel, right? Now I find that I'm older. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I'm just fully fucking naked and whatever.

Don't get me wrong. I'm doing it as quickly as I can and I don't want anyone to see what I'm doing. I'm going like at a leisurely pace. I'm not it as quickly as I can and I don't want anyone to see what I'm doing I'm not going at a leisurely pace I'm not like super shy I have intent to actually get out of there I don't want to spend more time in there than I need to I want to take as little time but at the same time I don't want to accidentally

fall and stack it and have my cock and balls roll out I mean that's always a concern what an image rolling around your back like a turtle why isn't anyone helping me I feel like it's always a concern. What an image. Rolling around your back like a turtle. Why isn't anyone helping me? I feel like it's a thing that happens when you're older though, right? Because like every time I've been into a changing room,

there's always some old dude like, and it's all hanging out and he doesn't give a fuck. He is though, but he's the opposite though. He's always being a pervert. No, he's gotten in there after the pool and most people will shower with their bathing suits still on. Not him. He's fully fucking nude and he's he's always been like no he's gotten in there after the pool and most people will shower with their bathing suits still on not him he's fully fucking nude and he's showering he's not turned away either you don't get a shot of his ass and he takes no time takes takes all the time in the world to get dressed yeah they're just out all the time like he's not even making it it's

not it's like he's not even brought a towel with him he's just and he's using body wash like all over his face and head and hair everywhere. He's just completely smothered in body wash, like foamy body wash. It's like being at the zoo. But surely the same argument goes, which is just don't look. Well, exactly. I don't.

That is not the argument. I notice because sometimes I'll walk in and be like, oh, and then I look away sort of thing. Oh, naked old man. He's welcome to do that in a cubicle. He's welcome to have his cockables out in his own little cubicle. But as long as I don't peek behind the curtain...

Look at those balls. Do you know what I mean? I think we're all on the same page here, fellas. Yeah, I think we are, yeah. I hate having to get naked in public, like in a change room or something. It's just... I hate it.

Fucking hate it. Like, I used to hate at school when they'd make us take the showers. None of us did. There were like two guys in a in a changing room or something it's just i hate it fucking i hate it like i used to hate at school when they make us take the showers none of us did there were like two guys no in our whole class that would get naked if i think i'm going to be going in the sea or in the swimming pool i'll just wear my trunks underneath my jeans the guys that got naked were always guys that were on professional sports teams so they had a lot of experience with just being naked around each other all the time, it seemed. You know what I mean? You know what the weird thing is?

I remember the kids in our class who used to get naked after PE and shower. And the rest of us would just wet our hair because the teacher would check. Like, he would come in and check and be like, Everybody got their hair wet? Yeah, you all got your hair wet? We'd all have wet hair and be bone dry underneath because we just run into shower wet our hair and then come back out again the guys that would get naked they weren't like the popular kids or the jocks just two of the two random kids i can't even remember their names ours were like i was at school with them for six years ours were like they're probably the least sweaty ones as well super chad like uh big jocks like they were on

the football team or they were like hockey players or whatever really it was the other way around for you okay oh the people who weren't like that uh wouldn't even go into the locker room because they because brad and chad would like fucking turbo wedgie them and pick on them that's just how it worked at my school you were either you were either brad and chad uh so like the dominating alpha preteen, or you were just somewhere in the middle, and Brad and Chad, you weren't on their radar really. You were Weenie. Or you were like nerds that just never went anywhere near the locker room

because Brad and Chad would prey on you like the whole time. Weenie loves us. I mean, the school I went to, it was a grammar school. You had to pass an exam to get in. And we were meant to be, if you were in that school, you were like the top 13% of Bournemouth, right? Everybody else went to non-grammar schools. We were meant to be the smart ones.

Some of the kids that were in there, oh, my God. I was just like, you must have just lucked your way through the exam. Probably their parents had connections or money or whatever. No, that was not a factor that really wasn't and these kids were not from well-to-do backgrounds there's no back backpatting and corruption no i mean that's definitely the case they're not just gonna they're not just gonna get it so a kid from a council estate who got into the school and was thick as shit genuinely he he his parents scratched the back of the teachers oh maybe they saw something that they weren't supposed to see you're right you know yeah i love that sims jump us to the conspiracy

half the kids there from council states were like the smart kid on the council estate who was like, this is their showdown. Yeah, maybe their dad was a window cleaner, climbed up the window one time and looked into one of the teacher's bedrooms while they were getting changed after a shower and saw something he was not meant to see. But the other half of the kids that were there from council estates were, honestly, I just wondered, holy shit, like, what are you doing here? They just fought all the time. They hated the teachers. It was just like, what's going on like it was it was bizarre this is a this is a good thing to have and i think there is some element of giving sort of low-income family support to get into good schools because once they're in a lot of them do do just as well yeah and and like it's a great level and crucially they become very good jurors

later on in life well also the way exams the way exams work is that exams greatly favor people kids whose families could afford to be tutored and trained up and stuff like this right and so these these these exams for kids disproportionately affect low-income families. And so you do have to have some affirmative action, if you like, in there to bring representatives of making it fair. I don't think that was why they were there. I really don't.

I think there were some. I remember a couple of kids at my school were low-income kids on scholarships and stuff. And there were some programs. And I hope they do exist still and do stuff i'm sure you do they have to i mean i mean honestly otherwise the schools that these kids were going to go to some of them were fucking awful like genuinely awful i i just i just some of them i just there were there were definitely people there that i thought what what actually are you doing here i mean i'm not doing well at school but you know these kids just seemed like on another level of some of the biggest wankers

in my school were the rich ones oh yeah I mean oh a hundred percent oh yeah for us it was it was Brad and Chad they were the just the worst we didn't have jocks really uh jocks were just the we had we had a couple of absolute assholes who would always who would basically go into nightclubs since they were 15 we had the whole fucking um initiation van and everything like we had initiation yeah jocks with like cricket paddles in in a van they would drive around on on the first day of school and um and get people and like like smack their butts with cricket paddles and stuff like it was just they're they were the worst like they're i don't know it was just i guess it's like a cultural thing or whatever like we never had that luckily i never was uh i never i never had any of that done to me but like it it definitely happened wedgies were you doing it were you in the van no

no i wasn't in the van either uh lots of wedgies locker room like stories of like mega wedgies in the locker rooms and stuff like that um you know people like holding somebody down and farting in their face and dumb shit like that like it's all that kind of stuff it's always just it's always horrible it's horrible but also like such a kid thing such a schoolboy thing to do isn't it getting your head flushed at a toilet yeah yeah there's all that all that shit it was always it was always jocks because like you had the the groups in in high school when i went to high school was you were either a jock um you were like uh really either a jock you were either really academic and you hung out with like gifted people and you had like different classes

to everybody else uh or you were like a skater um and most skaters were like stoners or you were just a full-on stoner who didn't even skate because you were so stoned all the time you couldn't even do the physical there's always that spectrum isn't there's always the guy who's the most stoned yeah yeah and like And those are pretty much the groups. There wasn't really... There weren't too many in-betweeners. They should award that at the end of year medals. Do you know what I mean?

Headboy, best talented, best maths, and then most stoned. Those guys had their own society. Most heads flushed out toilets. The high achievers and stuff. They never mixed with anyone else like they were just like we never had any of this in the cafeteria they had their own tables that they sat at together and stuff nobody really bugged them it was only when it was only when there was

like a prison um like gym class so and and like if somebody was like exceptionally bad at physical education they would like get picked on in the locker rooms and they form their little cliques yeah like and and in order to survive that's what it is you know this is so weird like this is so alien compared to my school experience i i felt like we were more uh because first of all everybody has to wear a uniform so that kind of removes a lot of the character if you like behind what people you don't know what they're like because they're just wearing the same fucking suit as you well that in north america we didn't have um school uniforms either so clothes clothes were a huge thing fashion clothes like you know if you if you weren't wearing like the right clothes in certain uh circumstances you'd get

picked on a lot like it was there's lots of that see i think that's that's i mean i know that people i know especially in america i remember the simpsons did a bit about uh school uniforms where they're like making fun of school uniforms in a way because it was like the whole point was and the kids are wearing them they're all basically turned into robots and everything yeah but there is a massive upside i mean we definitely couldn't have afforded good clothes for me at school i looked like shit shit. Like, my clothes were really bad. Thinking about it now, I look at pictures, I'm like, oh, my God. Like, awful. If I had to wear that to school,

there would have been definitely kids there who were dressed up really nicely. I would have thought, Jesus Christ, I feel like an absolute piece of shit now. It would have been awful. The other thing about school uniforms is the cooler you were, the shabbier your school uniform was, right? You wore it as badly as you could without getting caught. Do you know what I mean? You'd have, you know, like loose tie, like shirt untucked, just like as messy as possible.

It was the people who wore it smart that were the squares. Do you know what I mean? You know what? There were also the squarest squares in our school were the kids who seemed to add to their school uniform like a waistcoat right right yeah they'd wear like a propeller cap and a briefcase like jesus like a bow tie you know it's like yeah yeah like these guys are all in on the uniform thing and they were like teachers pets and all of them yeah or a briefcase yeah briefcase is a dead giveaway you got a briefcase come on you're not a you're not a businessman you're at school with the rest of us what's in there the same shit that's in my bag you haven't got papers from the office you're taking home to

work on overnight you're you're at fucking school you don't need a briefcase it's ridiculous we used to have like um all our hallways were just lined with lockers too which is i guess probably the same at every school i never had a locker i guess you have to pay for them yeah so we we all had lockers but i remember my locker was basically just like a lunch dumping ground and at the end of the year every year i'd have to you'd have to clean out your locker because you got issued a new one like the next year whatever uh so like the last day of school was always like everybody cleaning out their lockers and i remember me and like a couple of my friends our lockers were close by and like the whole hallway stunk because there was just like these old fucking lunches that got moldy like in all

of our lockers oh man so gross fuck it was so there was the mythical uh locker filled with copies of the daily sport that we had in our school oh yeah if you were very lucky some what someday someone would find the key open it up and like i don't know pass them around yeah come back in there for for another three months or whatever i don't know i saw something on twitter about um about the a boy school next to a girl school so mine was a boy school of about a thousand kids and there was was a girl's school of, I think about 800 kids just across the field. And it was like a big playing field. Like when schools used to have like vast playing fields, it was huge. But at lunchtime there was a cricket pavilion bang in the middle and it was kind of fallen into disrepair. But

the boys and the girls, that was the border. And thinking thinking back now they would have to put teachers like border guards on a line along that border making sure that there was no intermingling between the boys school and the girls school wow and thinking back now how fucking cruel is that mr gorbachev you're kidding me you're separating kids from other kids yeah just because some are boys and some guys what do you think there's going to be? We're going to have to fucking set up an emergency birth clinic in the pavilion because everyone's going to be banging. So there's going to be babies spitting out of every corner. Calm down. We had a couple of all girls schools.

I think it was mostly all girls schools as opposed to like all boys schools like in Canada. I mean, I don't know. Like I didn't really know anybody who went to any of these schools or whatever but it was for like the elite like it wasn't you didn't just like go there if you were like middle class or or whatever this was like you know if you went to these schools you were fucking stinking rich sort of thing all of our schools were mixed no uniforms nothing the the separator for our schools was that you had different boards of education so like i was in um a board of education that was like uh focused on like french immersion so for like

english speaking english uh born um kids in canada who wanted to become bilingual by the time they were ready to work sort of thing fully bilingual so like all of my classes were in french everything like i so are you can you speak fluent french yeah i'm rusty as hell though i i never i never use it like i can understand it like i can watch french news and understand everything like i can wow i can have like a conversation in french but i'll just sound like crazy because it's all it's all grammar grammar and sentence structure is all different but like what i'll just do like a one for one translation sort of thing so like not not not none of what i what i say sounds like properly french because i'm just using english sentence structure and so they do they understand though if you speak to a french person in in sipsy in french yeah yeah they can yeah they'll understand

yeah like it it's fine like if i practiced i'd be a lot better, but I just I never do. That's interesting. I never knew that about you. OK, but the other the other school board was like a religious school board. So you had a handful of schools that were like part of like a Catholic school board. So they had different they had different time off at different holidays and stuff. It wasn't like in the UK, everything happens at the same time for school, right? Half term is the same for everybody, whatever.

But we, so we would be off and they would be at school still. So like our thing- To be fair, to be fair that they also, the schools around here have different half terms. Oh, right. Like, yeah, one of my eldest friends called around and was like, you know she there and i was like no she's at school and they were like oh we have half term this week and we're at school next week so so there are differences oh okay i thought it was like i thought it was like all across the country because like i know i think it tends to be around the same time term mine are like here right right right you know there are definitely differences

yeah but yeah so we used to go to like this other high school and you're like we'd be off and they'd be at school so we'd go to their school and wait for them to come out at lunch or whatever and hang out with them and stuff and vice versa they'd be off we'd be at school and they'd come over and stuff so it was like right you had that crossover but you know it was it wasn't it wasn't like a boy girl thing it was just like the different school boards but that's not i think i know that uh but it's just one of my one of my favorite comments i think it was on twitch uh ever that i saw about me in a stream was uh someone said i quite like period but i have a feeling he'd just stare at my tits and it's always stayed with me because

it's probably true but i honestly think the part of it is having... What are you talking about? You're the man with the iron gaze. You're the guy who didn't stare at that woman's tits or don't touch her, but famously. That's your nickname. Yes, but that was when I was on camera being a professional, Lewis. Right.

All right? Off camera, I was all over those tits. I was staring at those tits nonstop. They were right there, dude. You saw the picture. You couldn't miss them. I was staring at those tits nonstop. They were right there, dude. Like, you know, you saw the picture. You couldn't miss them. I definitely copped a big eyeful of boobs off camera. But I keep it professional.

That's the point. Right, I see. When I'm being professional, I'm being professional. When I'm not being professional, I do stare at tits. I can't help myself. Six years in a boys' school, starved of being able to see boobs. I don't do that to a guy. Seven years. I'm a product of my environment. I had seven years in a boys' school, starved of being able to see boobs, I'll do that to a guy.

Seven years. I'm a product of my environment. I had seven years in a boys' school. Do you stare at his tits? I can't stop myself. Exactly. So I'm saying, but if I'm on camera and I've been asked to do a job, Lewis,

I'm a professional. Maybe mess me up. I'm a professional. Well, it's fine. Well, I'm glad we got that all out of our system yeah that was that was nice that was very therapeutic for me i like that i mean that was it though being in an all-boys school for for a long time fucking hate it and now i've sent my eldest to a to a girl's school because it's a good school i hope hey girls are even worse to each other than yeah they're pretty bad my

sister went to a girl's school and she she would come home every day and she would complain about some group of friends who she wasn't talking to and i would i would get really angry my mom was all my mom always tells me you would be absolutely raging because you i my reaction would be like but you were friends with them yesterday what changed why are you no enemies? I said, tomorrow you're going to be friends again. This is ridiculous. And she'd be like in tears about some breakup with a group of friends. The next day, it's like it never happened. It's so weird.

I never did that. That's like kids for you, though. That happened all the time with us. I never did that. Really? I had my group of friends. I was a group of friends. That's it.

Occasionally, we'd have a little disagreement. It'd be gone in a couple of days. I don't think I've really even fallen out with anyone in in a sense do you know what i mean like i've never really had an enemy in a sense or someone who's i feel like they've i don't know wronged me somehow or done anything even like girlfriends that i've broken up with it's never really been that sour you know it's always been like i don't know like it feels weird to to have that level of drama in your yeah in your everyday life and it definitely was like that with the girls that i knew from the girls school or on the bus we were all just so i don't know so much much meaner

they were very mean to each other yeah really but i i wonder if part of it is it's much less likely to to resort to violence which i mean I had fights at school for sure. Not many. I have. Okay, I did have a couple. Yeah, we had fights. I think that in a way... I had fights when I was like younger.

Yeah, exactly. Like much younger. Like when I was like nine, ten, like we'd have fights at school. But like in high school, I would never had fights. No, hardly ever. But we did have a few,

but it was generally, that was the catharsis that was that was what settled it in a weird way I'm not I'm not advocating violence I'm just saying that I think boys tend to just go to fisticuffs whereas girls just get bitchier and bitchier that's a massive generalization there were a couple of people I didn't like actually now I'm thinking about it yeah but but it was definitely it was definitely a zero to 100 when you're a when you're when you're a kid when you're a boy though when you're like you know it's almost like someone says something really now thinking about how stupid it is you know someone calls you some stupid name it's a fight yeah there's gonna be a fight suddenly like you go from zero to 100 you're

like raging whereas i don't know if girls like bottle it up or like kind of store it up or store it up, I don't know. I'll tell you what, the ladies that are watching this, if you went to a girls' school, if fighting was a regular thing at your school, let us know. I certainly don't remember my sister getting into fights at school. We have no perspective of what goes on in there.

We just think of it as this wonderful, angelic you know harry potter style place right full of where they're all handing each other posies of flowers and complimenting their hair and stuff like that you know that kind of shit i certainly remember there were fights all the time in the boys school and we would all just watch i mean it was great it was like the highlight of playtime was uh it wasn't that much it was it happened occasionally but i'm sure there must be fights in girl school as well but just maybe it's just different it's a mysterious world we're never gonna know who knows what they're thinking who knows yeah that's the thing we'll never figure

it out i really even want to know actually i'm quite happy being ignorant i i'm never going to understand women well then we're all very 37 years maybe in another 37 I'll understand women ah yes finally understand ah yes women ask me anything I'm around for two hours

women I understand you now I understand I have comprehension of your people that's what we'll achieve enlightenment

at some point anyway thanks everyone for listening we'll see you next week have a good one look after yourselves goodbye

bye bye