Triforce! - Triforce! #168: Young Buck Teaches Old Men to Flirt

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Triforce! Episode 168! Sips and Pyrion have been out of the game way too long. Luckily the young buck Lewis is here to show them how to flirt in the modern age! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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to the Triforce Podcast. Calm down, Lewis. We're back. This week, I'm coming at you. P-Flex, good morning. How are you? I'm doing alright. This week, I'm coming at you. Get really carried away. P-Flex, good morning. How are you? I'm doing all right. Sips, how are you?

You know, usual. Same old. Can't complain. You know, just hunkering down, getting ready for July. Oh, the third child. Oh, jeez. It's starting to hit me now that we're going to have another newborn baby. And the memories of the previous two newborn babies are flooding back to me.

And you know how like people plan their summers out? They're like, yeah, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. Lockdown restrictions are going to be eased. You know, we're going into this new era of covid with you know post vaccinations and stuff and they're gonna open up the nightclubs in june and stuff my plans are to hide in my garage as much as i possibly can oh no come on now having to um take care of uh you've got it you gotta help out that's the job that's i know i i will but it's a it'll be a reluctant helping out you know i'll be lots of heavy sighing the third kid is always

neglected and eating glue and just like an artistic one because they've like they're not they've not given any attention so they have to make their own fun and have a big imagination and they also tend to be the most chill they do yeah that's what i hear um yeah maybe that's just your chill when you're bringing them up though maybe the anxiety that you have you're so serious about your first child that you know it's oh it's maybe that rubs off like even the second one but with the third now suddenly you're such a veteran you know it You know, it's like in a war, Lewis. You've done two tours, and this is the third tour. No, this is your third tour, and you were in the shit twice.

Like, you were really in the shit. The first one, explosion goes off, you're hitting the deck, you look like a complete rookie. Second tour, bomb goes off, you just wince a bit. Third tour, you're walking headfirst into an artillery barrage, and you just don't even give a shit. You know it's going to be fine. Artillery doesn't really hurt that much.

That's what you're telling yourself. No. That's exactly it. You were driving the dad van into it, you know, headfirst with like holding like nappies in one hand and dummies in the other. And 60 in your teeth. That's another good one, actually. The, oh, I got to run to the store to get some supplies. That's a good one to get out of having to listen to a screaming baby and stuff, too.

Supplies. Oh, my God. They didn't have any at the close place. I'm going to have to go further afield to get these supplies. Jeez, I might be gone for hours. Is that the one by the bar where the guys are? Yeah, yeah. The bowling alley, oh, yeah.

I looked everywhere, and i found they were selling nappies at the pub so that was really good i came up trumps there sorry i was gone for seven hours but i did get them in the end so i know we're um i know we are a gaming podcast technically and we have all been playing loop hero this week and everything you say and everything that happens is now for me a loop right like a baby is the next just the same repeat like every podcast that goes by it's the same old guff now it's just slightly different you know so yeah i know you guys have been enjoying it it's it's interesting it's a really neat game it's really good it's well done it's it's just really good i'm i'm pleased that a good game has come out you know yeah one that isn't just like every other game you know it just feels

fresh it's like a it does yeah a new new new idea a new concept and it's not weighed down with all the garbage that other games are weighed down with i don't know if it's because i'm getting old or what but man i've been so salty with games recently and just so sort of cynical about them and stuff. Like, I don't know. I think it was from playing, it was from playing Valheim, which I really liked, but there's just some really dumb shit in it. Like really tedious inventory crap and stuff that didn't make sense. And I don't know, you just think like, fucking just do better, you know? It's 2021, game's been out for a long time. Like there's no excuse for annoying people

trying to have fun playing your game, you know? It is crazy how simple it is, but how much those little details, it's very satisfying. The last game I played that it makes me think of was Slay the Spire in that it's just progress and, you know, card based and everything like that. It is very of was slay the spire in that it's just progress and you know card based and everything like that it is very different played it basically the way it works

is you've got a little pixel dude who runs around in a circle so you start off as a little warrior with the sword but eventually you can unlock other sort of classes and as he goes around the round you can actually change the kind of landscape of the loop and add like a swamp in there or a forest and then different monsters will spawn and it's an auto battler in a sense and it's quite grindy actually i found myself tabbing out quite a lot while he went around and did a few yeah you kind of can get to a point like that where you might be just doing a loop just to get resources to build a building you need or do an upgrade or something it's it's so it's definitely taken a lot of things there's things from recent years in terms of idle games but also kind of auto battling

you know the fact is that you can't control yeah anything while the battle's going on but yeah eventually you do unlock traits and you can you can change up the equipment and stuff it's quite it's quite it's quite familiar in a sense like the the style of it. If you've played mobile games before, you've played like indie games before. And then as you, you've got to make a couple of choices. Like, am I going to try and do another loop or am I going to take what I've got so far and go back to my base and upgrade things so I'm stronger next time kind of thing. Yeah. And so, yeah.

And there are bosses and the music is great. Oh, the music is something else. Holy crap. Yeah. Well, because it's an also battler, you you don't really have you kind of have to just judge how confident you feel and then once you've gone into this boss fight it's nothing you can do it's kind of weird to like yeah you're like well go on go we'll go for it and you just send him off and then you watch for like two minutes yeah you kind of sometimes they just sneak up on you

too because the way that you summon a boss is the the the loop that your guy is going around the cards that you're given randomly throughout your encounters with you know enemies on this loop give you cards which are tiles to to sort of change the the map around so you can add like forests or rocks and all of these things give you different bonuses and stuff but the more of them you place it um it progresses you towards summoning the boss and so sometimes you're like okay yeah finally i got these rocks that i needed to place here or whatever and then all of a sudden you're like oh shit i've just accidentally summoned the boss i didn't realize i was so close to to summoning is there is there a meter that indicates when he's when he's yes yeah there is in the top left

so a lot of times people... Here's a hot tip, hot take, hot tip. Sometimes people don't even put half the tiles down. They just don't put any mountains down or any meadows down or anything. They just leave them to burn because when all this stuff burns in your hand, unused, it turns into resources,

but also you don't progress the meter forward. Obviously, that can make you weaker, but it's one of these games in the same sense as they are billions in that it feels to me like the game doesn't really teach you how to play or isn't obvious necessarily you have to kind of figure out a couple of things quite a few things yourself it's kind of nice the way they do because the tutorial is very quick and it's it you know, you're playing, you're doing an actual loop while it's sort of giving you the basics, but it's not outlining all of the different combos and synergies. That's for you to figure out.

So it's this nice, you get this nice progression, but you get this nice like discovery sort of weaved into it as well, where you're like, oh my God, this works really well. I've just figured out that if I put a, you know a vampires next to a swamp or something um that's a really good synergy and and you know it's it's very powerful and i i can just replicate that everywhere sort of thing so you it's really nice when you when you come across something like that and it works you're like holy crap i just figured this out it's super satisfying god i've just had an email so well this fucking sucks so i was gonna go to a gig i'm gonna take my eldest daughter to see everything everything which is a band that we both really like it's gonna be her first gig and it's in camden and it was gonna be great and they had to cancel it because of covid

just had an email they postponed it and it said it when it when the new date's gonna be and i go look and they said on the email that it was a Wednesday. And I looked and I was like, that's not a Wednesday. And I checked the year. It's not until next year. They've put it off until next year. Well, it's understandable. Yeah, but a full year?

Come on. That's ridiculous. I'm surprised that they even had it uh open and and with a view of doing it this well i mean it's crazy the tickets ages ago sure like it must be like six months ago that they announced it and i guess this was pre-lockdown too and it was like yeah we'll be coming out of it by then right right and then fucking hell that's crazy like literally months and months ago and i told my daughter and and you know it was going to be like it was going to be near her birthday and all the rest of it's going to be it's going to be great but then yeah so they pushed it back and i was like well fair enough

obviously they had to they literally pushed it back a full year oh sorry all right so one thing that is happening this week interestingly I got a letter about it's the census oh yeah we did that it's kind of this like well obviously it's been going for thousands of years I assume like censuses and you know they're in the bible

people have censuses censuses yeah yes I grew up People have censuses. Sensai. Sensai. Yeah. Yes, Sensai. Yes, Sensai. I grew up in a village that was in the Doomsday Book, apparently. Doding, Doddinghurst.

Doddinghurst was in there. So, you know, it's a little farming village. Still probably about the same population as it always bloody has. Crazy motherfucking English. So I assume I'm in the, I assume I'm in some of the older censuses as well, right? Like I must, someone must have put me in. I don't remember filling out forms for it before, but someone must have done on my behalf or I must have done and I've forgotten.

But you don't really have, it's quite forgettable. You don't have to put that much data in. It's like, what do you do, where you live and who lives with you? And that's sort of it. It's kind of weird because, you know, you think they could ask for a lot more information, couldn't they? They could ask for like, I don't know, what do you think about, you know, how much recycling do you do? I don't know.

How many times do you go to the toilet every day? Like, just stick it on loads of stuff, you know, in the census. Get some proper... I don't think they would know that kind of stuff, though. Isn't the point of a census just to sort of figure out who's where and with who sort of thing? Probably. That's exactly what it is. But it always gets marked down in history.

Whenever you see these ancestry shows, you always see them going through the census. And they're like, oh, we've got a James Barker here living in Hull. Yeah, but there's not another colonist. It looks like James Barker has partaken in um it looks like the three times recycling per week and um you know like it's just it's not that sort of thing i'd like a little bit more info though maybe not that much maybe not that that specific but i don't know i feel like you can't learn a lot about someone from just their you know name job yeah but this isn't just with research for some future series of where did i come from or whatever yeah this is just a way to

keep track of who the fuck they've got lived where yeah they just want to know who lived lived where at what time but it it does come up as a thing which which is kind of a snapshot of history, though, for people looking back, you know. And you just see on who do they think they are. And there's always people crying and saying, well, in 1854, my auntie was living with her husband. And then in 1859, she was living on her own, so he must have died. Oh, I'm so sad do you mean it's like god it's it's it's it's this i just feel like maybe they should have put a little bit more more data in there i guess the problem is people don't want to put all that shit on there with with such a

minuscule amount of data somebody still managed to start crying so like maybe it's good that they didn't put more in there like yeah you've just been like fucking hysterical you know you must have died and it looks like they recycled five nights away just like increasingly getting upset i don't know i haven't thought about it until now but i've just i just i just felt like it was because I had to put religion down, obviously. And what came to my mind was, at the time, do I do that meme where everyone, you know, because there was the census meme from several years about where everyone wrote Jedi under their religion. And I was like, I'm not taking part in that.

You know, even, yeah, it's just silly. I hate the Jedi. I put Sith down, yeah screw the jedi i don't know like i just i just wondered if you had any thoughts i think a lot of the information that you're talking about that's like um like it's it's not it's not just one source is it like you'll have the census that'll dictate you know who's living where and with whom and all the rest of it and then you've got your birth and death certificates marriage certificates you've got all the other bits and bobs you can find we're not i mean jesus so much

information about us nowadays compared to even a hundred years ago you can find out so much just googling people and finding all these uh all these things you've got fucking linkedin and facebook and well i mean what if in a hundred years time facebook is still going and you go crank out they'll do some show where they go and dig out someone's old facebook posts from these are from 2009 oh my god oh look what they're wearing they're wearing clothes oh my god you know it's like unbelievable so i don't know i want to say like yeah i agree generally but i think i think for like younger generations more so because i would say that i don't know if you guys have this experience we're all more or less from the same sort of generation but like the people that i went to high school with and stuff have a very minimal

internet footprint like they're not they're not on facebook posting snaps of all their vacations and stuff they're not all over Twitter they're not like most social media they have no presence whatsoever um and this is just from you know occasionally like you know stumbling across somebody that I used to know and finding out through them you know who they're following if they follow people that I used to know as well you know just just to get an idea of like what social circles. But I feel like most people, maybe I'm generalizing, most people that I went to school with, it feels like they graduated from, say, high school, went to further education, got a job, and that's it. Like there's not really much.

It's really hard to find where people have ended up and stuff because there's such a small footprint. And I feel like because we didn't grow up with social media media we didn't have it when we were in high school it wasn't a thing yeah it didn't it didn't become popular for you know like my generation i guess to spill the beans of their entire life on it either you know yeah i mean yeah i guess people from sort of you know people in their uh early 20 now, you know, if you pay the right amount of money, you can probably get a close up of their fucking butthole. Like, that's how open they are about being on the Internet. They're just fucking everything's out there. My wife was watching some show yesterday about revenge porn.

It was like some. She saw her own butthole. No, but she saw it. There was this woman who was I think she was on like um some some reality show i can't remember which one it was but apparently so she got onto the show and her ex-boyfriend was jealous or i don't know just mean-spirited about it or whatever and had a whole bunch of images of her like you know not just nude but like being kind of like sexually explicit with it as well and so he just circulated them to everybody to like her parents like everybody just sent these

things out into the into the world for for all to see sort of thing you know she was saying like oh you know my brother saw them and it's ruined my life and everything and um i just i don't want to laugh at this stuff because it's awful it is awful but i think it's just a wake-up call that you you just don't do that shit but it's like such a fear i mean it's but everyone's doing it though everyone is sexting everyone left right and center but the thing is when you meet someone for the first time and you fall in love with them you have no idea what's gonna happen a year or two down the line and how much you're going to hate each other after that period you know you you think you're going to be together forever and then inevitably when you're certainly

when you're young these relationships you have tons of these short stupid relationships where you just work right for each other or you you realize that that person isn't the the one but you're not leaving a massive footprint like you know if i dated somebody in high school for a couple of weeks and then it didn't work out well fair enough you know what i mean though the worst that would happen was maybe like oh a rumor would go out after saying that i had bad breath or something like that you know but there was no like pictures of me you know shoving uh butt plugs into my ass and and and whatever else is going around like on the back of these sort of thing sure well you know you you're massive you don't want your massive footprint out there on the hell no when i'm putting butt plugs in my ass i'm doing that in

private i you know i don't want anyone else to see that's for my eyes only and you know if there's other people around at the same time too but um i feel like for me i i look at this and i think you know i see something like this and i think that's crazy it's so easily avoidable but i guess maybe it isn't again coming back to this difference in generation because again we didn't grow up with that kind of stuff you know i would never dream of taking a picture of my penis and sending it to somebody but nowadays it's more uh widely done i guess so maybe people don't feel like that but like it's it's such a weird thing like i like i said i i just think oh my god she could have just easily avoided that by not doing it but maybe there's

pressure to do that kind of stuff nowadays that i'm unaware of or whatever we talked about this before i think quite a bit because we we have like, we're quite confused about it. We don't think it happens, but I can assure you it's the stream of self, self like pelfies and sexy sex is yeah. Penis selfie. Oh, or a pussy selfie. Wait a second.

Your penis isn't taking the picture. So is it technically a selfie? No, you're taking it of your penis. I'm saying I want to see a dick holding a phone. That's a pelfy. When somebody sends you a picture of their dick, is it just that? Is it just a picture of their dick? Yeah, it's a dick pic.

Or is their face in the shot as well? No, no, it's a shot of their penis. Yeah, this is my dick. No, no, it's just a picture of the dick. It's just a shot of a penis. Yeah, yeah. It depends how arty the photographer is. I mean, mostly it's just the poorly lit the dick. It's just a shot of a penis. It depends how arty the photographer is. I mean, mostly it's just the poorly lit,

downward angles, terrible. You've got to think, I think a lot of dick pics are just not well shot. You know, I think, you know, I'm sure the ladies will be able to verify this for me. But I think that a lady 99 99 of the time doesn't want to see an unsolicited dick no but there is a time about that i don't think there is like to actually look at peni but maybe i'm i'm sure there is a time when sometimes uh a lady would like an

artistically well lit well shot shot of her so here's my here's my question regarding these these uh these dang guy pics um and I'm this is going out to the few women that listen to this podcast

there's gotta be at least one left there must be two or three out there maybe um if you were listening I've got some questions alright number one

when you receive a solicited so not unsolicited but you are perhaps attempting to engage romantically with someone, maybe you've met them on the internet or they're a friend of yours and you're trying to get closer and you start exchanging rude pictures. When they send you

a pic of their dick, are you thinking, yes, yep, excellent. That's acceptable. And are you thinking part of you is relieved that this is actually just, that'll do. That's a moderate to decent penis acceptable. And is that in fact a weight off your mind so that when you do come to fuck, there's no sort of like, yikes, that's a tiddler. You know what I mean? That there is no letdown.

Is it in fact kind of a nice thing to know that everything's in order? It doesn't look like a banana. You know, it's not got some crazy Tara Pisa thing going on. It's not misshapen in any way it's a perfectly acceptable penis or perhaps sometimes you get a picture like wow wow we was like it's a whopper you're like all right now i'm really excited like does it actually help is it a good thing or is it ever that is it is there any occasion where you actually just want to see a picture of a penis because i can't think

of what these days it's gotta be there's gotta be more to it though right like for for me i think it's not about getting a picture of a penis it's the whole uh act of you know doing something that's like you know risque risque or forbidden or something like that there's there's more to it right it's like if you wanted to just look at a picture of a dick, you could find one anywhere nowadays, right? You just do a search for penis and a million would come up. Absolutely, but I'm talking about... And it's not with tits and stuff too, I guess.

But this is one that you could get your hands on, right? So this is like... Maybe. This is like if you're buying something on Amazon and there's no picture, you're not going to buy it. That's what it's come down to. I mean, sure, if you get a picture, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're getting your

hands on the goods, though, right? If someone sends you a picture of their dick, I'm pretty sure they're DTF, you know what I'm saying? I think that's where you're wrong, Flex. I think this is a wrong assumption to make, because unless that person explicitly says, yes, you are welcome to lay your hands

on my todger of course this isn't about consent i'm not saying you can't just assume that it's yours to to get your mouth right it's almost like if i said to you hey let's have sex and you said okay obviously that's not saying that's not a fucking binding contract but the implicit statement there is we're probably going to go and have sex like that sorry but that's just the way it is you're going to go and get down to it and if someone says no stop then you stop but if I send someone a picture of my dick and they're suddenly like sexually interested in me I'm not going to be like

oh I just sent you a picture of my penis I can't believe you're interested well yeah of course it's foreplay it's chatting someone up I guess it's cat dicking if you sent someone a picture of someone else's dick right and instead of your own.

And then you got to it and they're like, this isn't your dick. Is there? Okay. So if you sent somebody a picture of your dog's penis instead of yours, like as a joke, is that against the rules? Like, would you get in trouble for that? I would hope so. I think so.

Yeah. You can't just send people okay so you can send a picture of yourself gaping but you can't take a snap of your dog's dick and send it to someone it has to be it has to be requested if they request a picture of your dog somewhere then you could you know what i mean the whole thing is so fucking ridiculous so here's here's i've got another question so at what point in the texting and the conversations uh is it clear that the exchange of pictures of body parts is going to start taking place because you don't want to just jump in you don't want to just be like hey how's it going yeah no problem what you up to today i'm not much you yeah just chilling bam picture of the penis it's like

no that's ridiculous like there has to be some kind of like there has to be a build-up for sure it has to be it almost sounds kind of experience with this you sent a dick pic well right you you know how this i've talked about this before it has the way it works is that it's a it's a sort of grad you know when when is it like my mom and dad won't obviously send me anything sexual but they'll send me a picture of them hanging out on a park bench or whatever you know just sorry are you comparing a picture of your parents hanging out on a park bench my parents will send me a picture or someone will send me a picture and i'll send i'll be compelled to send a picture back right saying oh this is me hi i'm

i'm here building lego or whatever do you mean i'm doing something equally wholesome okay i do you mean like something they've sent me a wholesome picture of them in a garden i send them a wholesome picture if it's the same thing with sexting they so if someone sends you a picture of their their tits that then you're like okay what do i send them back at what point is the transfer made from conversation to pictures of body parts i mean you're talking about if someone sends you a pic so it's polite to send one back or whatever what i'm saying is how do you make that escalation well listen it's a big job well it goes it goes a lot of it involves sexy chat as well so So like chat gets sexy. Then they're like, Oh,

you know, check out this tattoo. Give me an example of sexy chat. It goes down. Uh, God, let me get my phone. How about you?

But with just the letter U and a question mark. And an R. That's an example there. How are you? I think everyone has sent some flirty texts, right? You must've, Oh, you two have been married for too long man i've been

married for like uh 18 years uh and when we got married there was no social media whatsoever i haven't done any sexy texting or anything like this is our 20th anniversary later this year i wouldn't even know what to do if somebody even initiated a sexy text like i don't even talk to anybody it's crazy let's try it let's get you let's get you both right in sexy texts to your wives and say something nice like there's no way no well exactly that works though in your favor even more creepy than i already am yeah tell me it doesn't have to be don't have to send her a picture of your butthole. Like, like, you don't have to send her any of that stuff. It could just be like, I feel like with a lot of this stuff, though. I mean, maybe just me again.

Maybe I'm just like old fashioned or whatever. But like, man, if somebody is going to send me like, you know, a picture of their tits or whatever. I mean, I could just go look at any tits I want on the Internet. You know, like I can watch a full porn if I want to. Right, but I don't think this is about jerk-off material. I can go see some airbrushed tits. Like, I don't need to see your fucking, you know, poorly snapped tits. But these are tits you might get your hands on.

That's my point. But my point is, I just don't care. You know what I mean? Like, okay, maybe I'll get my hands on those tits at some point. Great. Maybe not. Again, I could just go watch, you know what I mean? Like, okay, maybe I'll get my hands on those tits at some point. Great, maybe not. Again, I could just go watch porn instead. But this isn't for you. No, this is not about some titillation to get you literally to wank to their picture.

I think it is just an escalation of the, let's start talking about sex now, you know? Let's send a picture of tits and and it's very it's very it's like a process you have to there is a scale i'm very objective driven guys you know like if somebody's gonna send me a picture of their tits i'm gonna want to have like a bit of a masturbate or something you know there's something that's fine maybe that's part of it as well maybe if you're if you're socially distant okay so then, I'd just go watch some porn. And I'd be done much quicker and then I can get on with it. But imagine that, you know...

The tits of someone you know are far more attractive than the tits of someone you don't know. Maybe I know the wrong people. I don't want to see most of the people I know as tits. I'll be honest. Yeah, but we're all old. True. That's true. Okay, look. of the people i know is tits i'll be honest yeah but we're old true that's true yeah okay look let's let's let's wind this back a little bit because it's gone out of control here maybe if

i was good friends with rihanna or something okay cool yeah just try and imagine that you yes just try to put yourself into the mind of someone who is not married for an 18 year old dad, 18 years old and has three children and also only associates with grandmas and mums Are you saying that the rest of the world isn't exactly like me? Oh shit Try and put yourself into the body of a hot young 21 year old stud

who watches hockey Watches hockey? He's a quarterback and there's all these girls it's college and he's a quarterback and he's he's there's all these girls it's it's college and he's studying um social studies on the internet socially studying so you know you go out there and you meet people you're single you're ready to mingle you're chatting up various different girls on the text and one of them is in tune so she won't stop she won't stop texting you telling you all this okay she's up

okay again for me that's alarm bells if somebody can't stop texting me what the fuck is your problem like let's just go meet at the disco or something the disco get a milkshake together and then we're out of our depth here we're out of our depth we're using phrases like single and ready to mingle we're talking about going to the disco i don't think this is gonna happen for us just come on you can just imagine it's like a scenario like you know you watch a horror movie a sci-fi movie imagine you're just watching a a young 20 year old going to the gym sexy movie where he's taking a picture of himself in the gym maybe you've just done a workout and you're proud right take a little picture send it to someone say look at me this is a good shot look at how much my penis is sweating here's a picture you'd be terrible

use your imagination here's a series of pictures i hope this doesn't come and bite me in the ass later on in my life come on it doesn't have to it doesn't come and bite me in the ass later on in my life. Come on. It doesn't have to. It doesn't start there, though, right? It starts once people are much more intimate. I'm sure some people are just creepy and sending unsolicited stuff and shouldn't do. But I think most people who are doing it have gotten to a stage in their relationship where they're more worried about you know whatsapp recording the fucking pictures or them being you know saved on their cloud and so you know

hackers will get them rather than the person they were intended for i think a lot of people were you know trust the people they send them to you know what you know what it comes down to is even famous people with a public image to protect send nudes jennifer law Lawrence and all those other women sent pictures of themselves to whatever fucking idiots they were having sex with. And then the Apple cloud or whatever it was got hacked and they were all out there. So it must, it can't just be a sales pitch. You know what I mean? It's not just like an attempt to titillate.

This has to be a direction that seduction now has taken. I guess. Because Jennifer Lawrence doesn't need to send you a picture of her tits to say, will you have sex with me? It's fucking Jennifer Lawrence, dude. Like, you're going to have sex with Jennifer Lawrence

if the opportunity arises. And also, I don't think you could always assume that anyone you're sending the pictures to will instantly go to the next guy next to them in the pub and be like,

oh, look at Jennifer Lawrence's tits. Who am I? It's a gentleman who among us wouldn't, is my question. If Jennifer Lawrence sent you a picture of her tits and your mate was right next to you among us wouldn't is my question if jennifer lawrence sent you a picture of her tits and your mate was right next to you you wouldn't say mate i've been looking at fucking jennifer lawrence oh no but i bet if you were going out with someone you wouldn't instantly

show that to the next person next to you i would be 100% respectful i would be like no a gentleman never tells i'm gonna keep these titty pics for myself. Your best mate is sat next to you. You're in the pub. You've had a few drinks. Jennifer Lawrence sends you a picture of her tits and you keep it to yourself. Unbelievable. Well, you know. What kind of friend are you?

Chivalry is not dead flax. I'm happy to inform you. And furthermore, I would get in touch with her and I'd say, dear Miss Lawrence. It is on life support. I have received some pictures from you that I'm not sure were meant for me. And I would like to ask for your hand in marriage first and foremost. But then further to that, I would also like to take a picture of my dick. Here is a picture of my dog dick.

Here is a picture of my cat dick. Here is a picture of my ball sack as a retaliation. Here's a picture of my sweaty dick. Jesus Christ. So I don't know how we end up going down. It's because it's a world that you guys are so unfamiliar with. I'm unfamiliar with it. And honestly, I just think it's so absurd.

I'm fascinated by it. It makes no sense to me. I don't know why anybody would ever do that or even entertain somebody else doing it for them. Like, it's just such a weird. I don't like to see myself in that situation. I don't like to take a picture of my face, let alone, like, my dick. You know, and I think I don't think I actually even ever. People recording themselves, like, having sex and stuff.

What the hell? Like, are you? I think the only time i would take a picture of you like yeah fucking panting and being weird like i mean it's not you're not porn stars these people are trained professionals no but but at the same time people are you know people do have take a lot of people take a lot of selfies themselves until they get one that looks really good and completely unlike them a lot of selfies they look really good in those pictures like for example and let's talk about some other members of the ox cast here a lot of people in the ox cast when they're going live tweet a picture of themselves to say hey i'm going live i don't do that specifically because it would put off any potential viewers because no one wants to see this mug like egg shaped so if you're young

and attractive and you take a picture of yourself beautiful like why wouldn't you that that's like a big part of of being young and attractive is that people want to look at you and i fair play but i don't want to fucking see myself and I definitely don't want to see myself having sex. You ever tried to have sex in a room with a mirror? It's fucking impossible. You catch sight of yourself. You think, oh, Jesus. I don't want to see that guy.

Turn that thing around. Put a towel over it. No, but that reminds me of these old ladies you see who are like, oh, in the 50s, I was a right dish. Look at this. And she's like, you you know a picture of her in a you know full full piece bikini or whatever that stretches down to her ankles or whatever and you're like oh god i don't want to i miss it look she looks nice there but there's an old lady

telling me about this it's kind of like you're very conflicted instantly about the whole the whole idea of imagining people but they but also she's like well i'm proud of these pictures that i took when i had a good body to show off i wanted to show it off kind of thing and you i think that's where you're getting to now p flex maybe you're wishing that you filmed yourself no you filmed yourself when you were 20 because you could then like play it back and be like oh yeah look at that no no if you ever look at footage of yourself when you were 20, you were a dingus. And if you're looking at it 20 years later, you're just looking back and thinking, holy crap, I was a fucking idiot. Like, I can't believe I didn't realize this at the time.

Like, I know I'm an idiot now, but I was an even bigger idiot back then. Oh, my God. I was an insufferable idiot when I was 20, for sure. I still am awful, but I was awful five years ago, let alone like 20 years ago. God, like I can't watch stuff from the start of the Triforce podcast. With your personal trainer and stuff? That was a dark time. That was a really dark time actually when you think about it. That was a good time.

No, maybe for you, but uh personal trainer um this uh credibility was uh questioned before we carry on this week's sponsor is expressvpn you can get three months free at expressvpn.com slash triforce you guys already know about expressvpn i assume you guys both use it i can't stress enough how it's important to protect your online activity from big tech companies who track and profit off of you but also there's another reason I like using ExpressVPN. Oh. Netflix. Over the lockdown I feel like I almost completed Netflix and watched everything on there. Right. But then I switched over to the US and there was loads of content I hadn't seen. ExpressVPN lets you choose from over 90 different countries so there should

always be stuff to watch on on these streaming services i'm just gonna go check and see what netflix azerbaijan has now that's yeah i was gonna say i want to see netflix afghanistan i don't know what is on there but i'm sure it's some good stuff yes so protect your data and stop paying full price for streaming services while only getting access to a fraction of the content. You can visit expressvpn.com slash Triforce right now and get three extra months free. That's expressvpn.com slash Triforce. Thanks, guys, and I'm with the show.

Thank you. Just going to eat one of my vegan sweets here. Oh, nice. Oh, where'd you get those from? You. Oh, nice. So, P-Factsax i noticed you tweeted me as if i had some vegan agenda going on obviously so i sent i said i sent some vegan sweets to some of the some folks in the old some you should be getting one some of them is the uh i guess

there's like i don't know i should have sent you a double load actually because of the kids in your house they'll probably be gone in 20 minutes. I also have kids in my house. The same number of kids. Yeah, and Lou's talking about sending me a double load. Jesus. You know what's coming next, it's a chat like that. Oh my god, here it comes.

Check out this caper. Just the fucking... Just the biggest goatee from Louis ever. With a load of vegan sweets shoved up his ass. You guys are disgusting. Oh, I'm disgusting. I'm not the one who's fucking taking pictures of my sweaty penis and ball sack and sending them to random people. I am disgusting.

Come on. Well, look, so census, they should put that stuff on there do you mean like they should put you know sorry what do they need to put on there what were you what are we talking about have you ever said a dick pic yeah that's uh you know i want to know what that's a very modern addition to the sense i reckon you can divide society up very neatly into people who have sent pictures of their penises or tits to people and people who haven't and the age gap would be it would be like a brick wall between the two it'd be like after this age almost never prior to this age almost definitely uh but there'll

also be people who were like thinking listening to this they're probably might be 19 or 20 years old thinking i never have and i never would You guys are out of your fucking mind. We're not all doing it. How dare you throw us all under the bus? I think it's correlated with marital status though, right? And like dating. Oh, I don't know. I think that's a very, especially during with COVID and stuff,

not being able to get out. I bet you the amount of sort of like, you know, I'm married, but I'm sending pictures of my dick to somebody else. Cases have risen like crazy, right? Like how else you can't really, you can't carry on like a full blown affair during lockdown, right? It'd be really hard to do that. Actually, it must be awful to work for those authorities. You can see all of that stuff all the time all the you know and they just constantly going through like can you imagine if your job was to like be the fbi

blackmail guy and you just had to like like sift off all the dick pics and put them into folders and categorize them by name and like tag them into people's files and be like yeah this is that time this guy got a dick pic sent and then i have to put that in the blackmail file for him so why are the fbi keeping hold of all this prime minister well because it's all good in it it's you can use it if people to to exploit i don't know if i feel like the tremendous amount of manpower would be needed to keep tabs on all this stuff i don't know if they care that much about it you reckon it's just automated like no i think it's not something that they're you know actively collecting this is stuff that just exists and when they need to access it they know that they can right they have the tools they have the people they can they can get on to the

cloud or whatever even you know apple are always like the fbi is not getting anywhere near our data they are okay apple i mean i hate to break it to you but if the fbi need to access your dick pics they're gonna get them one way or you reckon i'm just yeah for sure do you remember um that guy anthony wiener he was a i think he was a congressman or whatever it is like i don't know if it did a difference between congressman and senate but anyway he was one of those guys he sent dick pics to this lady he's a he was a married man he sent dick pics this lady chatted up a lot of women online he's older than us right. And he got busted and he lost his job. And then he ran for mayor of New York and he was going fairly well. He did have an argument with a guy in a bagel shop,

which I think, which didn't look good. But then in the middle of all this, everything's going well. It's looking great. He keeps doing it. He sends more dick pics to this other woman. And of course, all that comes out. And now the whole thing falls apart it's a really there's a documentary called wiener because his name is anthony wiener right uh it was on the it was on netflix a while ago it's really really good uh some people are just compelled to do these things i guess he can't help himself he's got to send i reckon like god i reckon even back in like Roman times, people were fucking having like a dick pic made of their mosaic. It's an odd one, though, because it's something that we're always we're always outraged by when these people are acting this way. But they but they they have acted this way since the beginning of time.

Right. This is it's just become so standard now but we're still outraged by it and it's like he almost feels like we could save ourselves a lot of time and hassle and just um and just sort of accept that these people are just going to carry on like this because they just are anyway i mean they're just a subsection of society i guess i guess loads of people are doing this shit there's tons of people who are doing it that aren't being caught or you know they're more careful or whatever and the thing is in a lot of cases these guys aren't they they don't regret doing it they regret being caught but they're certainly not remorseful about you know having a low moral fiber or anything like that they're just like um you know they're just they're, they're just fucking weird people.

My top tip for crime is don't let anyone else know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Lewis has a top tip for crime. My top tip for crime is don't involve any other people. The less people involved, ideally just you. Don't let anyone else know. Just keep it really just to work to yourself. Because otherwise, they're all the weak links, right?

And when you send a dick pic to someone, instantly... Send it to yourself to yourself because otherwise they're all the weak links right and when you send a dick pic to someone instantly send it to yourself and yourself only do you know what I mean just keep it for yourself and even then like you know you need to be careful cover your tracks send it to your lawyer first and tell your lawyer

I'm thinking of sending this picture to somebody and see what your lawyer says take advice from your lawyer i'm thinking of sending this picture to uh somebody and see what your lawyer um says take advice from your lawyer on that and see yeah see what he comes back or she comes back yeah because that's what they're there that's what they're there for they're there to give you impartial advice what if they were there for your protection uh there's nothing wrong with sending a dick pic i just wouldn't send this dick yeah Yeah, yeah. Depending on the response you're trying to listen to. The angle's all wrong. I didn't realize I was representing somebody

with such a small, itty-bitty penis. This is news to me. You don't want to shoot from the, you don't want to shoot down. You want to shoot up with some soft lighting in the background, no pale, fluorescent, white, dark lighting. Add some emojis as well.

Give it a little smiley face. Have you ever seen the squirting emoji? You might want to put a couple of those ones in. Put a little poop on the end. I would also, given your age and the withered nature of your penis, the sepia background might be appropriate here. Nostalgia, I believe,

is the title. Fuck's sake. Add some jazz music underneath and you've got a real show going. You might as well, though. I mean, it's so fucking weird. Like, the whole thing. Again, just weird. I just don't understand it at all.

And we never will. I don't know how you do that and think to yourself after you're done, that was a great use of my time. Another podcast where you two are fascinated by the idea of a dick pic. Just, it's so, it's very, you have to understand too, when they're listening and shaking their heads, this is not a thing that we grew up with. No. And I honestly had never thought.

Imagine we're from a completely different planet where this sort of thing doesn't take place. I mean, I absolutely can imagine, because I know people are awful, of guys sending it to women unsolicited because men are disgusting, right? I get that. Yeah. of guys sending it to women unsolicited because men are disgusting, right? I get that. But my point is this. I can't understand how that becomes a part of the flirting and sort of pick up procedure.

And it's widespread. I know a lot of people have done this. And, you know, don't swipe left or whatever, you know, as in when you're looking, when they show you a picture, you're not allowed to swipe either way. They're sending each other pictures of their bodies the whole time. It's obviously like there's people are disconnected

by distance or whatever and they want to send pictures of themselves to each other to to get them horny and then when they meet up they have sex and everything i understand it but it's still weird to me because i can't imagine there's a hundred factors yeah like i mean the thing is okay fair enough somebody sends you a picture of, say that this penis is just perfect. Okay. It's glistening in the sun and it's perfect length and it's the perfect width and everything. And you're like, god damn, that is a perfect penis. And then when you meet up with this guy and his perfect penis and you have sex with him,

the downside to the whole thing is that he makes screaming cat noises when he comes. You know what I mean? So who cares if his penis is perfect? That's traumatizing, right? That's weird and creepy and nobody should ever experience that. But you have because you've been led up the garden path by this guy's perfect listening penis in a picture. I mean, come on. But what you've done is, though, you've at least eliminated one of the the potential problems there right like when you like the more information you

have going in the better like if you're buying something on amazon you know or ebay or something you want to see lots of pictures of it to get a good idea of what you're dealing with and the more info you're going in with sure you're going to be upset by the cat screaming thing but at least his dick wasn't weird and at least like you know all these other things weren't weird you know at least he actually looked like he was you didn't get cat dicked by it and all the other stuff you know so it's very nice to know so here's a question do you think there are you know the way there are hand models and do you reckon there are dick models out there like people whose penis is just like some agency somewhere it's like mr johnson not like a bare penis but but certainly like i mean if you look at the the front cover

or the packaging of uh men's underpants i mean there are definitely bulge models out there yeah like you have to um you gotta get those on if there is a market out there just old pictures of the perfect penis whether that's a thing i don. I don't think a bulge model would necessarily have a good penis. He'd have like a weird penis, right? No, he would just have to have an acceptable cover mound that showed off how elasticated the underpants were and how accommodating they are to different sizes of genitalia. I think you'd know the difference if they just had a fucking stuffed sock down there i reckon not only that though but they gotta have good leg muscles and tone and stuff too right because they're gonna be a dude in shape with a big package but not so

big that it's like that's all you notice you don't even notice the underpants what about like those bikini cut men's underpants and stuff you gotta look good in those i wouldn't look good in those for example i could never um do that modeling so like my hat goes off to these guys who can pull it off that's it's crazy i'm glad you're supporting yeah no shout out to them yeah male talent shout out yeah well there we go look everyone be safe out there uh i love you very much look out for each other and yourselves yeah and why not why not go and buy some vegetables? Go buy some loose veg. Just buy and eat some loose veg. Jesus.

Support local. Buy it from a stall. I bought a yellow courgette. There you go. It was nice. Enjoy. That's my life right now. All right, guys. So boring.

I hope you guys have more exciting things going on than we do. All right, take it easy, everybody. See you next week. Bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, bye.