Triforce! - Triforce! #173: Masters of Slang

Episode Date: April 21, 2021

Triforce! Episode 173! We address the Prince Phillip shaped elephant in the room, argue about Andre the Giant pooping in the tub and we try to identify slang from across the world! Go to http://manscaped.com to get 20% off with free shipping. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh, wow. Hello. Nailed it. Hello there. Hello, children. What are you doing? How are you doing here? Hey, kids.

What have you downloaded? You shouldn't be listening to this. What are you doing here? I was just finishing up. How did you get out of the cage? I made a mess here. What are you doing in here? How much have you seen? I was just looking at some pictures on the internet.

Oh, gosh. Well, this is awkward. No, I had a scratch on my down there. I was just scratching it. Oh my gosh. I spilled coke all over the place. That's what all the paper towels are for. What do you mean?

There's coke all over here. I moisturize my hands all the time. I really try and chat otherwise. Don't worry, Eddie. Welcome back. What a dark, dark start. How are you guys doing? Good, good. Don't worry Eddie, welcome back. What a dark, dark start. How are you guys doing?

It's been a week of pubs opening in Greater Britain. Yeah, you guys are getting there. I refer to this week as the hobo period. Everyone is looking so shabby because the hairdressers aren't open and everyone's got beards and and looks like they've they could you could tell they've been kind of cutting their own hair yeah or their wife slash girlfriend has had a go yeah they're not looking they're not looking their finest but not looking tip-top not looking tight or fresh really people are people are feeling the the good vibes of booze generally that is being served in public places

you know who who knew that paying you know overpriced and you know sitting in the freezing cold to have a drink that you could just do you know and you have been doing for the whole year uh would feel so good you know yeah strange isn't it and it's like a new experience it's like going to a theme park yeah that's it it's like a new lease on life for everybody it's just like wow who needs disneyland they're all the local shitty pub vaccinated they're fucking ready to rock and roll baby they want to get out there want to they want they're single and they want to mingle they want to they're too wild and crazy guys you know they just want to get out there so yes as as a as a as i've been out in

bristol this week i've been hearing we were chatting about the bristol slang right and i thought i could ask you if you guys remember or know or can guess what some of the local bristolian slag slag slag what some of the slags they are see if we can guess which ones are slags yeah go on yeah yeah yeah okay obviously a classic like west country saying would be gert lush right right yeah yeah um not familiar with that one whatsoever but i'll uh that's a that is a real bristol thing i'll guess yeah it means it's really good it's like it's it's awesome yeah well it means rather nice how about scrumpy sips what's that grumpy isn't that like a type of um cider or something it is it gets you proper fucked up gets you right scrumpy jack is that is that the one am

i right yes it is absolutely there you go good proper scrumpy should come in a in a jug with a with a a hoop with a at the at the neck a triforce branded jug? Not a Triforce branded jug. That's for boiling water. That's for a prison assault. That's for survival. That's for making a statement on day one. You wouldn't use a scrumpy jug. Because it has quite a narrow neck.

You'd be there forever. Triforce jug is capable of a proper quick attack with boiling water in prison. That's specifically the use of the triforce i feel like we've we've jumped right into this like slang thing but um there's an elephant in the room here um can we just talk briefly about how prince philip has joined the rest of the jedis now in uh heaven and uh speaks to us now from from ghost ghost form so we talked about him

the week before he he died I felt pretty pretty bad about I don't think you can feel responsible for triggering the death of no a 99 year old man

I mean it was a man I mean also it's like we'd done it on a previous episode so I don't think it was the trigger for anyone that was well he'd kind of been

in the news a bit anyway because he wasn't very well so there's he had like a heart condition he was probably on the front of your mind but he might be a long time listener so that might be why he's not well like he's the first time he heard me do a stupid impression of him yeah he was like on a downward spiral from then and then this this finally tipped him over the edge that's my my concern so i'd like to apologize to the majesty the queen yeah and everybody out there that's a

big fan of interesting insight uncle phil i like the i like the little glimpses into royal life that you get every once in a while you know when they do like press release or whatever after prince philip died um prince charles came out of one of his houses and and made a little brief statement and referred to him as my dear papa which which is kind of, I don't know how to feel about it, actually. Like it's on the one hand, it's kind of like, oh, you know, whatever. Like that's his dad. But on the other hand, who calls their dad dear papa? Like other than the royal family, you know what I mean?

Like it's just such an upper, upper, upper upper upper class thing to say yes i wouldn't know a single person who would ever refer to i would like to i'd like to sing a brief song about my papa it goes like this oh my papa Oh my God. With the fucking... You were so fucking old. It's the fucking facial expressions too, eh? You can imagine it. It's like that's like... All the time.

Oh man. There must be like this psychology of still kind of having it... Because Prince Charles is 73 or something. He's a very old man, relatively speaking. But Prince Philip was 99. And he was married for longer than most of us will live. Hey, listen to this, though. On the topic of him being 99,

and I was thinking about this, because, of course, rap superstar DMX also passed away on the same day. He was 99 as well. He was not 99. Correction. He was 50. 69.

Pretty young, actually, to die. He's had some, I think he had issues with drugs and addiction, like pretty much his whole life and stuff. And a couple of years he uh he almost died as well i think 2016 he just in a parking lot in new york just stopped breathing for a time and i mean that's probably a good kind of worried about him then as well holding your breath it might have just been holding his breath um but interesting to think uh dmx he died at 50 uh the year dmx was born okay and like remember DMX throughout, like, the late 90s when his albums came out, his big albums came out and everything. I will say, actually, I thought he was dead already.

Right, okay. But when he was, the year that he was born, Prince Philip would have already been 49 years old. That's insane, right? Like, he's already kind of, like, pretty old. And DMX is only just a little little babby and then goes on to live 50 years and then prince philip and him diet on the same life hip-hop and i just thought that drugs yeah and um you know so i actually um i didn't know any dmx songs apart from that x gone give it to you which yeah well that was i think arguably his like

biggest song like so i didn't realize that was that was him because i don't i didn't like what other x did you think was going to give it to you though well i thought there might have been some other x's a different another rapper called x yeah exhibit could have maybe given it to you as well i think that's quite a cool rapper name just x well he said i'm sure i'm sure i'm sure i'm give it to you yeah well i mean he referred to himself often as x so like i mean you're right it's like a quicker way because dmx it's like calling yourself christopher you know it's quicker to just say yeah chris go and give it to you actually that's not a bad uh that's not a bad name actually mc christopher christopher yeah i never never strong name it has to be lil chris one of the best

little lil something little bow wow little romeo lil chris little chris yeah little kim pissy chrissy pissy chrissy little pissy pissy piss pants chrissy piss pants this is triggering me hard by the way all the memories are coming back let's go give it to This is going to give it to you. This is going to give it to you. I pissed myself. Yeah, no. I wonder whether, because, like, you always hear, like, people, does it change who you are if you always have this kind of authority figure? Like, once your father's died, I mean, fortunately, my father is still alive. So I don't really know. I don't really have a reference.

But I wonder whether people feel more independent or they feel like they're suddenly the patriarch you know or they feel more authoritative because prince charles has spent his life as a prince which has a title very much associated with youth and waiting and you know kind of kind of being in the wings yeah do you mean i wonder how much that has changed his psychology of is i wonder if his life has felt like he's waiting in an airport for a plane that's never come oh yeah poor prince charles with his his life of massive privilege must be yeah just wish i was king some days camilla i other two crones to die, Charles. Camilla, I know, but old Papa, my beloved Papa, is cleaning on.

Who knows how long Mummy will go for? He's checking. He's one mark closer to the throne. You know, he's one step further now. I mean, I reckon it must change you as a as a as the way you think and act and behave these these types of things that maybe he probably went through phases of it there was probably a time where all he wanted was to be um king and then he's probably now that he's older i mean i'm i don't know him obviously and I have no insight into this whatsoever

I'm just pulling this right out of thin air you're the Londoner P-Flex you're the most likely to know yeah that's it you live pretty close to him I'll pop round yeah just see if you can get past like the anti-pleb devices

that they have installed over their properties I'll fucking be going off right away the moment I'm in vision of the palace but no I like if i okay if i put myself in his shoes um and uh and i got to the age of like 70 whatever i think i'd be done right like i would just be like you know what i was ambitious at a time and now i'm just like whatever i just you know i'm tired i i don't really want to do anything now i'm kind of glad

i guess the other thing is is he'd have to go through the whole hoo-ha. You know, what is it? Not commiserated. Jubilating. Jubilated. He'd have to, whatever you call it. A right old jubilate. Coronation.

Yeah, coronation. He'd have to go through all that. But, you know, I mean, it's interesting. I like every once in a while when the royals do sort of, like, feature again heavily in the news, and you get these these like little insights or whatever i like it i like it when one of them dies no it's just like i just like the little insights that you get into like their their lives but like you never know if they're genuine or not right because they're so i guess they are the og reality tv family yeah I suppose it was always supposed to be this sort of role model, really,

or something, or at least not a role model, at least something that, I don't know, it's always been, that's not a role model at all, but, you know, it is bizarrely royal. It's kept to arm's length, isn't it? With all of its ceremony and pomp and circumstance. And over time, they've had to continually evolve what the royal family is especially in this century you know yeah so much happened arguably nowadays there's a lot

of calls for them to not exist they're not relevant anymore but that's always been the case they were chopping their heads off 100 years ago and then you know then obviously you know they sort of resolved after the second world war to kind of just be this kind of cutesy mascot almost yeah it's very strange but they've obviously their role has evolved over there's been various outcries over time of them and it's just it's like history repeats itself as well over and over again with Harry and Megan being the black sheep trying to be normal human beings and kind of getting kicked out. You know, it's this strange cycle of they keep making the same mistakes as well, you know, of being so weird and stuffy. Yeah. And it's almost stuck in their ways.

Yeah. It's almost like people can't help but alienate people in their own family and behave in this way. It's almost an unfixable problem, but it's by its very nature of how it is, and so it's appointed by God and all this. There's still a tremendous amount of support for them, though, like the outpouring of public support for them any time anything happens or anything they do, anything.

It's crazy. It's like having a dog though do you know what i mean everyone like if if everyone's if someone if they've got if some celebrity has a dog everyone's gonna be like oh i hope that dog sticks around well that lovely dog it's great to have a dog isn't it what are you on about how is the royal family like someone owning a dog it's because it's like just it feels like a part of your household somehow, right? There's some sort of odd comfort factor to it. There's this weird patriotic kind of attachment to them as well. I think it's utterly bizarre that people...

It is. Like, it's just such an odd historical hangover, the whole royal family thing. Yeah. I mean, we are still a monarchy, lest we forget. We've got some weird thing where she's still the head of the state and the church and all the rest of it it's it's odd yeah it's it's very odd it's odd i think a lot of people are wrapped up in the fairy tale idea though as well

these you know the the classic idea of princesses and queens and kings and romance and living in palaces and that idealistic idea of what life is it's just very strange it's very divisive i know a lot of people who really hate the royal family and what they represent which is you know literally you're born into vast wealth and privilege and the fact it's still there is is such a there's lots of ways to be boarded to vast wealth and privilege. Of course. But this is literally like, I think it used to be one of the only ways. This is your royal family. They're kind of super important and posh and dignitaries.

It is, I mean, obviously, you could just be born the son of Dora, of a, you know, Bill Gates or something. You know, obviously, it's the same deal. But you're not publicly toadied to in the same way. No. It is strange that they're born essentially... You are toadied to in the same way um i think it is strange that

they're born essentially it's strange it is very strange it's hard to explain to people who don't have a royal family that it's always been strange to have this kind of like this this strange status right where you are at the top of that ladder in the same way that schools like Eton still are going. And they've had these long traditions of the whole place is full of, you know, wealthy people with connections and they've always gone there and they still are elected prime minister every time. It's old Etonians again and again. And I read a little bit about Eton this week. So there's this guy who wrote about his experiences there.

I think he was sort of, I think he's black. So kind of he had, he experienced a bit of racism and a bit of, as you'd expect, in a place which is predominantly, you know, white. And kind of this, like, training ground almost for political kind of haranguing. You know, so Eater has all these bizarre traits where it prides itself as this leadership school,

but really it's kind of a suck-up school, if you like, because the prefects elect the next year's prefects, right? And so in order to become and have status in this school, you have to be a suck-up. You have to be a certain kind of character. And you learn the way to placate and politicize it you know as part of the social structure of the school and so it has this kind of nasty side to it where you can be excluded or bullied or people will work to turn people against you and there's a lot of infighting and a lot of drama i guess um we would call it a lot of a lot of tattling behind people's backs and telling one person

another person said something about them you know and a lot of fighting of that and building factions um it's sounds horrible yeah honestly i wouldn't want to go there i wouldn't want to even send my kids there and then you have to spend a lot of money for the privilege as well it's like i don't know it doesn't yeah i don't know it does it does it feels like this sort of odd very odd remnant of of old yeah yeah it is that is like a very sort of but you you meet people from you know with a specific way of speaking and you can't help but think about them a certain way too you know i think if i were to meet the queen i would have trouble not being very deferential very not sure how to behave and wanting to obey rules you know and and follow i don't know strange instructions and precedents oh yes you must bow three times

and then you know nod your head yeah there's a lot of old old traditional stuff as well. Yeah, I think I'd find it very hard not to be respectful of these just bizarre kind of things that really have no relevance. Yeah, do you think you ever get to a point where like, you know, like the first time you meet the queen, you're very, you know, aware of like the, you know, like the traditional stuff and like whatever. of like the you know like the traditional stuff and like whatever but then like the more you guys hang out like you're playing super nintendo every day or whatever and you're hanging out a lot do you think you'd get complacent with that like you just like stop stop curtsying at some point and then she would like remind you gently like you're meant to curtsy and you haven't sort of thing and you're like oh shit yeah but i just beat you at 200 cc bitch like what are you gonna do about it and she's like curtsy and like you know you can't get away from it like it'd be kind of weird i mean it must be weird trying to have friends as a as a royal because i mean it'd be like being

essentially the queen is the most famous person in the country her head is everywhere every time you spend money her face is looking at you right there she's a she's a big deal yeah she is yeah her match is a big deal. And I just think it would be impossible to have, like, a friend that you didn't think, oh, they're just my mate because I'm the queen, isn't it? Well, I think it's the same for most, like, you know, big celebrities and stuff like that. Yeah, but they could be mates with other celebrities. No, I know, but oftentimes you hear them say, like, you know,

I've got everything, but I feel lonely. And it's because the people who are around you, you're constantly second guessing them because you're like, why is this person interested in me? If I didn't have all this influence of money, would this person even care sort of thing? You know what I mean? And they think that about everybody, even other celebrities right because right but those other celebrities tend to go out and marry and fuck other celebrities because then you know that you both have a stake in the game if you would just just date some normie there's a chance that they're recording everything to go sell it to the national inquirer like they might just be a nut who's like looking to bring you down yeah so it must be if you're the queen you couldn't just chill with a couple of homies it would be uh it would be tough because who's to say that barrel over there isn't actually snitching to the news of the world well yeah and i mean there have been cases and it doesn't even have to be like juicy gossip it could just be triviality yeah and i think it's gotta be hard to

to make friends and i think i think i think who's that guy that made a career of it, basically? Paul Burrell. That's the guy. Fuck me, man. Former butler to Princess Diana. And you'll always know about it. Like, every time he's on... Paul Burrell, Burrell exclusive.

Die preferred neighbors to Home and Away. More on page eight. He's still digging out fucking memories of diana like some fucking weird side and the worst the worst thing is is that all and any time there's like a a show of like you know looking back or or anything like that they always get him in like i don't know why they can't just say like okay let's not include burl this time let's see how it goes you know i think it's the americans and you know hear me out here americans uh they're fucking obsessed with our royal family they love it

and they're all i mean oprah interviewed megan and harry right like what you know why why not uh someone over here because they they give a real shit thing yeah i think i want to say about americans is i think americans have a high tolerance of super rich. Would rather the super rich remained super rich because they think that one day they will be super rich. And I think they're really chill about having a call about having the idea of a royal family and princes hanging around. Because one day maybe they might get to be a princess. Just on the off chance. You never know.

You know, might meet a prince or meet a princess and maybe in a bar and then you know we get chatting and we have a lot in common maybe like they don't have many friends they feel isolated you know they can't tell anyone it's been a tough like lockdown to me with jlo stranger what's her movie i'm dating them for a few years and then finally they tell me a jlo movie where she's like a maid or something and then she falls or like the the rich guy falls in love with her or something is that made in manhattan i think it is yeah i actually think yeah 2002 film made in manhattan it is directed by wayne wang wayne starring jennifer lopez and ray fines oh yeah yeah there you go. Fucking power couple of the early 2000s. Which one was the royal one?

Ralph Fiennes. He was in everything, you remember? Like, every goddamn movie that came out in that period of time. He is still in a lot of stuff. I love Ralph Fiennes. I think J. Lo would make a pretty good princess, though. J. Lo is a princess, basically. The modern equivalent.

Yeah. And she looks great, like, considering like considering she's like kind of old now she's still looking pretty pretty good you know like uh i guess one day maybe that'll change but enjoy it well lasts i guess i'm sure jaylo is geez well us or her all of us yeah all parties involved everyone should enjoy jaylo while it lasts yeah yeah it's one of the finer things in life i would say that's it that would be the introduction here's j-lo to present the award and everyone enjoy her while she lasts we're not sure how long for but let's make the most of it let's make the most of it j-lo come on up here shake it while you can baby let's see something

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Thanks. On with the show. So, yes, I have got a list. This is my prep for this week of Jersey slang. What happened to Bristol slang? Oh, well, I've still got a couple more. Okay, yeah, we'll do Bristol and then let's do Jersey. Let's see if i can get

any of them i'll ask sips the bristol slang and then i'll ask pflax the jersey slang i might not even know any of it but um we'll see what sips is what is cheers drive sips uh i have cheers drive i have no idea i've never heard that's what you say the bus driver when you get off come on is that's right that's what you say is that a bristol thing it's particularly bristol oh i thought i thought we were on jersey stuff sorry okay so we're on bristol stuff still okay sorry you got your mindset okay like let me get my my imagine your bristol cheers drive yeah okay now that means that means some of these are quite common across see we would say hail to the bus driver like where i come from hail to the bus driver bus you would say that as you got off the

bus yeah that sounds that sounds like a kind of what is arca e um is that arca e is that like uh like a like a like a christmas thing like h all ye angels, joyous and triumphant. It's sarcastic. Like, oh, get a load of this one here. Oh, right, okay. Ooh, hark it in. Completely, completely off. Look at you.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. It's sort of used if someone wants to be a bit flash. It's a derogatory rhetoric. That's right. This one, you might actually get, P-Flex, but this is hard. Gashead. Oh, Gashead? What's a Gashead? rhetoric that's right uh this one you might actually get pfx but this is hard um gas head a gas head also a bristol rovers fan there is a bristol rovers hand oh my god that's very specific trivia master here that is a bit of masterful trivia hey um just um just a slight a slight uh

off off tangent on this on this exact topic uh a show that I've discovered recently that I'd never really bothered with before but I am actually liking and it's on tonight is Taskmaster. Holy crap, what a show. Taskmaster, a fantastic show. All the people in Yogs watch. I love it. I've been watching it a lot and I gotta say it's a great

one. I love the humor. I love the quirkiness. It's just such a well done show uh anyway i have a i have a show to recommend as well very quickly if i may which i am extremely late on this but line of duty oh yeah my wife uh loves that i started watching a bit of it i liked it but i just never got back into it but she's watched all of it into it. So series six is out like now, I think. Or seven, I think it's six. What's her face from, you know, the Scottish woman who's been in. Kelly MacDonald.

Yeah. She was in Boardwalk Empire and she's in. She was in Trainspotting. Trainspotting. Yeah. She's great. Yeah. So I'd never really watched any of it.

I'd walked in on Mrs. F watching it. She was like rapt. Yeah. Rapt attention. I was like, what are you watching? She's like,rs f watching it she was like wrapped yeah wrapped attention i was like what you want she's like line of g i was like no i just thought it was like line of duty so it's just like i thought it was just another police show let me tell you something it sounds like another police show and honestly it is another police show but it's a it's a pretty good one

it's a belter i am i love this show it's actually pretty good, yeah. No Omar, though. I mean, I feel like now I need to have Omar in all my police shows. You know, like I need to have that. I'm going to go so far as to say that this feels like the British wire, in a way. I think it's... Characters from previous episodes will pop up. There's quite long story arcs. It's quite detailed. And it's very specific to the procedures of

the police. So there's a few things that they do. In the episodes, quite consistently, I'm only on series two, so no spoilers please. One of the things they do is when they interview someone, they seem to have gone for as authentic as they can, whilst also then chucking in absolute bonkers stuff that blows your mind. But if they interview anyone, they push a button on the recording and it goes for like five seconds and it goes, just for the record here, I'm DCI

Comlany with DC's Spunkers and Shithouse and we're interviewing the suspect under caution. Aye, and DCI Comrary's here as well. Comrary. DCI Shithouse, if you'd like to proceed

please look at exhibit 43HG47 which as you can see is a picture of my butthole if you'd just like to have a look at that I'd like to step in here

and say this is against police commission guidelines you take that up with the DCS IP three, four. Okay. Well, I'm coming in from AC 15 and I'm telling you,

you've got to sign this now. And it was all very procedural. Yeah. It's like a very, very police procedural show. Right. But it, there's,

there's no humor in the show. Like to date in the, in the 12 episodes I've watched, it is a humor free zone. So the humor is in how seriously they take it. And's there's this guy ted hastings ted hastings who says things like uh let me think he's northern irish i think he's certainly irish so he'll say things like uh your team were boss in the game and you've given away a penalty and stuff like that Jesus Christ I love it it's so funny and he says mother of God

quite often and God give me strength and stuff and sort of puts his head in his hands everybody's very

somber and serious and they seem to hire when it comes to women that are on the show they all have to have quite big eyes yeah

they have to stare quite a bit her eyes are humongous but there was another lass called Georgia who was in it for a bit eyes are she has big eyes yeah but there was another last called georgia who was in it for a few episodes she had quite big eyes it's interesting because when i was watching marvel's agents of shield all the ladies on that show had to have very big bosoms very big bosoms like all of them right i love the use of the word bosoms i love the word bosoms it's a great word so go for it because it's it's kind of friendly the word bosoms like if you say tits that feels like i mean you know what i'm talking

it's also gender neutral you know you could say you know bosoms for a man yeah you could say yes i hugged him to my bosom it just means you know your chesticle area doesn't necessarily mean you've got bazongas there you might just be like like i am just ripped and it might just be just be muscle if you had really gigantic um tits yeah would you like just be used to having them or do you think as a superhero maybe sometimes they would get in the way sort of thing like as a guy i i you know like i i got a pretty big johnson but like if, if it was any bigger, for example, comically bigger, I would find it hard to fight crime with, you know, I'd have to wear something really tight to keep it packed in for sure. Well, yeah, if you're in a fictional series, you can be any way, Sipson, that will never impede you. The size of your ass or your Johnson will never get in your way.

And you never see a male superhero with like just a big ass like you know just you know you know sometimes you see like like a man who just has like kind of a big ass like uh not even like a well-toned horse's ass it just looks like like j-lo's ass but just like yeah but like on a man yeah i'm ready like let's get a superhero who is just kind of out of shape i'm ready for a for a butt implants guy a gritty british crime tv i just want a superhero who's just a little bit out of shape you know he's got like that fucking teletubby shape oh you want him to have like a a dumper like a fat an actual dumper but like still i i don't want him to be so big that he

can't move around and fight crime you know like he still has to be but like i don't want him to be so big that he can't move around and fight crime. You know, like he still has to be. But like, I don't want him to also be super muscular. I want him to do an interview, grill like a suspect. And then when he stands up, the chair's stuck to his ass. Yeah. The sides just couldn't fucking separate themselves from his hips. Andre the Giant had a big ass. Andre the Giant's ass was enormous.

He did. Apparently, I was listening to a podcast. He had a very sort of Teletubby shape as as well didn't he did yeah he he used to have the shit in the bath and then wash it away with the with the shower hose you gotta respect that you gotta respect a guy who realizes that and then does it you know what i mean well what choices you have well i think most people would just be like well the toilet this is what the toilet's designed for no no no no no no you know i'm going for it i have to use no matter what do you mean no if you had to take a shit imagine that the scales are up right

imagine the that guy is obviously huge and so a toilet maybe to him is the size of a saucepan or maybe even smaller like a tupperware or an ice cream tupperware like the little tupperwares that you put like carrot sticks in it would be like let tiny, tiny Tupperwares. He's so big that it's like trying to poop in a butter container. It's like an egg cup, yeah. In an egg cup? Yeah. Jeez. Okay, that scales wild.

That's stressful to think about. Are you saying you'd rather just go in the bath than try and poop in an egg cup? That would be a good Taskmaster challenge, actually. Do diarrhea into an egg cup, but none of it can spill over, so you'd have to have perfect control over your diarrhea and aim as well yeah so here's and that would ruin your breakfast absolutely yeah there's no yeah no doubt about that yeah so he was he was obviously an enormous

guy andre andre i mean the clue is in his name you know andre andre yeah that's the clue is in his name you know Andre Andre yeah that's the clue so there was a podcast where I think it might have been on the fucking Joe Rogan podcast which is a shame but because he's a dickhead but uh there was a guy on there who was a wrestler casually throwing out some beef towards the biggest fucking podcast it was probably Jake the Snake right was it Jake the Snake it might have been Jake the Snake who was working with him yes and he essentially had to drive him around yeah yeah that was Jake theake so it was a really good story where he said that andre was like he didn't speak much english he was like beer yeah he was like okay so he had to stop to get him some beer and he went in and got him like a six-pack he was like no

a crate of beer yeah he had to get like 36 cans of beer and in the time it took to drive from like the offy to the hotel which was like an hour's drive or whatever he'd necked the lot yeah like he drank a huge amount a gigantic man like just he was a big guy so he would have to poop in the the bath now lewis i understand that's not normal behavior that's why it's a story about andre the giant because you know he if you're pooping in the toilet he must have tried this and had experience with it. He wasn't that big. He was big. He was enormous. He was huge. He was absolutely enormous. How big are these

basketball players? Dude, he looked big compared to other wrestlers. That's how big Andre the Giant was. They're all big. He was 7 feet 4. That's huge. But how tall are some of these basketball players? What's his, Yao Ming or whatever his name is. How tall is that guy but there's a tall new bull was pretty tall there's tall and then there's tall and wide so so the difference is two inches taller than andre the giant was

you saying yaoming has to shit in a bath as well i'm just saying i'm saying that andre the giant's ass is bigger than the entire giant was seven. Yeah, Andre the Giant was 7'4 tall and 7'4 wide as well. This is what Flax is trying to say. He was huge. His hands were like the size of a normal person's entire chest. Like, his hands were fucking huge. The dude was massive. So are you saying that an ordinary toilet to him was just like a Coke can to us

and he just crushed it between his hands? I'm just saying this man has experience. Imagine you had the BFG over for lunch, right? Can you imagine if you had the bfg over for lunch right okay yeah and and he left and you went into your bathroom and you have a nice bath you go and look in the bath it's just like a fucking german sausage he knows what happens when he shits in a normal toilet it gets stuck he doesn't want a stuck. The pipe work is fucked after he's done in there, too. So he goes in, and also it's much harder to get rid of a very, very large stuck poop

that's in a toilet than it is if you're in the shower. That's his theory. So he shits in the tub, and then he sprays the shower on it to, like, break it up and, like, liquefy it. I'm not saying it's a pleasant situation. I'm sure that Andre the Giant

would love it if toilets were big enough to accommodate what is undoubtedly the biggest poo you've ever seen. Fucking hell why don't we just take him out in the road and let him shit in the road like a horse and we'll just put some fucking hay on it. Jesus fucking Christ. What? Where are we getting where are we going with this? I just got this

amazing visual of Andre the Giant in his wrestling leotard. Unstrapping from the one arm. Just squatting in the road and taking a crap. That's amazing. Thank you so much. Guys will come along with a shovel and they'll be like, that's good for the cabbages. Do you know what I mean?

Fucking, what are we doing? I'm just saying the lad had no choice. Like, him being that size, it was a curse. Couldn't use a normal toilet. Doubt that any women could have sex with him because his heart would have been so mighty. I feel like toilets are like... I mean, the scale here is like off the whack, though.

Toilets are not that small. They're big, right? They're big compared to you. Kids fall in them. You're likely to slip in and get sucked down by the vortex of the flush you know you're you're a small giant is like a thousand percent bigger than the average child though this is what flax is trying to say that like he's huge like if he sat down on a toilet it'd be like that time homer simpson

was on the little clown car you know like okay look here's an example here's an example you know in the in the toilet sometimes there's a kid's urinal and that's the only one you can use and it's like right lower yeah right and you can like you can reach it it's fine right are you saying that that's the that he wouldn't be able to to use i'm saying i very much doubt that a toilet i mean if you go to america there are certain places where the toilets are much bigger than normal and the the the choke on the drain pipe is much bigger than normal because they have to accommodate the huskier butt like it has you know these are some big asses coming in that's such a weird thing to think that there's like a there's such an industry

around people who are big now like it's insane i'm saying that there's like a there's such an industry around people who are big now like it's insane i'm saying that it's all very well judging the man for shitting in a bathtub and then washing it away with the shower head it's disgusting what choice does andre have what choice does he i don't know i don't know if this is true anyway we're gonna move on lots of lots of opinions lots of passion in this one as well. Everybody really wants to get their bit in. Sips, what is a babber? A baby?

Is it a baby? It isn't actually, no. It kind of means sort of my loved one. Someone I care about. It's a kind of term of endearment. It's like something that you say to someone. It's my friend, my babber. My babber my babber

right okay yeah you can call them babs as well i'm not familiar with that one either anybody say that before you haven't heard of that no i'm not from bristol though i'm not from that part of england at all so do the jersey one let's hear it yeah yeah what are i don't know i've never heard of any of these so tips i'm probably never have either but I'll try my best I'll try my best Beeshees, what are beeshees? No idea Is that a very fancy way of saying bitches?

No, it's apparently a slang term for sideburns Alright, beeshees, okay Sure I mean maybe my wife's mum would probably know a lot of these We should get her on one day, actually. She'd be interesting. She's an interesting gal. Imagine she's here.

Right. Put yourself in the mind of her. Right. What is a grolly bag? No idea. It's a handkerchief. Right. Okay.

What is a mullard? Is that a mainlander? Yes, probably. Someone who is a bit daft or unintelligent. Right. Okay. A mullard um is that a mainlander yes probably someone who is a bit daft or unintelligent right okay mullard right what is a push dang uh pass an umbrella sips you are hopeless at these i know you are not a true jersey i do need to find these are probably like things that 80 year olds say though push down there is a bicycle right uh hang uh hang uh hang is it like a expression of um fatigue and sort of i'm done forget it it's over it's this is yes it is is that what you would say after you've been forced to shit in a bathtub and wash it away with the hose probably well they know you might say ah by cry oh but by cry i've heard

that's like i don't know what it actually means but it's kind of like i'm trying to think of the context where people would say it because my again my wife's mom would say that sometimes like a really really really old jersey saying but it's like by christ almost kind of yeah i think so like you would you would sort of use it in it in the same sort of context that you would that, I think. I might be wrong. What is a colon mashon? A colon mashon? A colon mashup.

No idea. I don't know. I don't even know if I'm pronouncing that correctly, but apparently it's the Jersey word for snail. All right. So, this is like an odd mix of almost french some of these obviously well there is a there is a jersey dialect uh called jerseys which is a like an off and like an offshoot of french it was like

the french the like uh like france french the french used to call it like like peasant French like like almost like farmer French sort of thing and uh it's it it's still around but it's more like historically used like I don't think people actively use it but back in the day like a long time ago it was it was fairly commonly spoken I think but it it does it does look like butchered French when you see it spelt out and stuff it What is crefton? Crefton. No idea. Sips.

No idea. P-flax? Crefton. I guess I got to leave my garage more often, right? And get out there. Is it one word? Yeah. Maybe I'll give you...

We're at the pub. Oh, I want to get my crefton. It means to get drunk then. Nope. No. It's someone who is tight with money, especially when it comes to buying drinks. Bloody crefton. All right. Fucking crefton. Okay. No, no, it's someone who is tight with money, especially when it comes to buying drinks Okay, and then what is some shag shit you might you might be called this no never never You've never be called shag. No, I none of the other Jersey nobody would dare does it mean the handsome? It's another word for mate

Oh, yes, I think mate in the sense of friend mate guess i think mate in the sense of friend mate as opposed to these are really these these would be these are really old things to say like again like my my mother-in-law's generation probably wouldn't even say it it would probably be like her parents that would have said it right so people who were born in like the 20s or whatever you've done terrible what about sorry geez i while i was looking for that i found i found something which might work better for you, Sibs. Right. New Jersey slang. Oh, yeah.

I don't think I'm going to be hopeless at this too, but I'll try. We'll get it all. We'll get it all. No problem. So down the shore. Down the shore. Go to the beach.

That is it. That is it. Go to the beach. That is it. Go to the beach. That's right. Pretty straightforward. Nice.

What about let's go to Benny. Go to Benny? Like an benny it's an ice cream let's go get an ice cream it's got to have something to do with ice cream it's not so nice word for uh the people the p actually it's it's not a place it's not homophobic isn't it it's people who who infiltrate the jersey shore during the summer it's kind of like's kind of like tourists, I guess. Like the Bucket and Spade Brigade, as they would call them over here. That must be it, yeah. Wawa?

Wawa? Wawa? Wawa? The police? It's a convenience store. It's a really great place to shop. The best place in Jersey. Go get some cannolis at Wawa.

Yeah. That's what it is. Pork roll? A pork roll? Now, what kind of bread are you having on that? Some gabagool. They take their pork rolls very seriously. A hard roll.

Yeah, they take their... But it's got to have pork in it. It's very hard. You've got to have the exact right combination or it's not a Jersey pork roll. Yeah, they take the... But it's got to have pork in it. It's very hard. You've got to have the exact right combination or it's not a Jersey pork roll. I remember a friend of mine, a guy claimed he was from Jersey, and my friend was like,

you ain't from Jersey. He goes, all right, what kind of bread are you having in your pork roll? And he was like, oh, just regular bread. He was like, no, this guy ain't from Jersey. Get him out of here. Like, you know, you have very specific...

It's a hard roll. Yeah. With egg and cheese, you have your pork roll. Right, you've got to have it just right. It's breakfast. It's just breakfast meat. You know, it's delicious hard roll yeah with egg and cheese you have your pork right you gotta have it just right it's breakfast it's just breakfast meat you know it's delicious probably like spam right it's like spam basically well also there's taylor ham that's a different one apparently it's like a rival what are disco fries um hold on let's think about this one is it like glow sticks like rave rave glow sticks don't think too hard. It's not that no

What comes into your mind disco fries weed it's it's it's just french fries topped with cheese and gravy Oh, okay, that's a routine almost like poutine. Yeah, basically. Why do they call it that though? I mean just cause you get them after you've been to the disco come out of the disco. You're tired. You're hungry You get the disco. You come out of the disco, you're tired, you're hungry, you get some disco fries. You get the disco fries. Then we're going to go down to the shore. What's a hoagie? That's a big old sandwich. It's like a big sandwich, yeah. That, I guess, is, yeah.

It's also sometimes known as a hero. Yeah, a hero sandwich. A grinder. What is a tomato pie? Tomato pie. It's a pizza. It is a tomato pie? Tomato pie. It's a pizza. It is a pizza. Well, not really. It's kind of like a more, like, focaccia-y, like, pizza-y thing.

Because none of these things, none of these, like, American pizzas are actually, like, pizza at all, are they? All these Americans say, yeah, it's nothing like a pizza. I mean, that fucking... It's like a bread with tomato and cheese on that's like in deep dish they do what is it chicago deep dish have you ever seen one of those things oh my god it looks disgusting it's just like a it's like a bit of pastry and then stuff stuff crusts as well oh man i don't know how anybody eats that stuffed crust it's just too much Like, just one slice and you're dead. The boss.

Who's the boss? The boss. Bruce Springsteen. The boss. It is Bruce Springsteen. Why is this? Everybody knows it's Bruce Springsteen. Everybody knows that.

I don't know if everyone knows that. Believe me, they know. Well, now you know. Do they know now? No, they do know now. They knew and they now know. What about AC?

Where is AC? Atlantic City. It is Atlantic City. That's right. What about AC? Where is AC? Atlantic City. It is Atlantic City. That's right. And finally, something which is very Triforce-centric, jug handle. Nice. What is a jug handle? Is that like something that you assault another prisoner with?

What after you finish jugging them? A jug handle. Is it like a love handle? No. Oh, I don't know then. It's a jersey left. Does that help? Oh, they take a left turn then so

you bang a left no it's like a um extra bit of an intersection oh that's been added to help you turn left so it's an extra bit on the right hand side so you you turn off to the right and then you you go on it's like a slipway onto the adjacent road you see and so then you can clever you don't have to cross the whole intersection you just cross onto the other road that's a good idea they got a lot of stuff like that on american roads to um to help you get around you know yeah very well they got a lot of space a lot of space a lot of cars but when i went to boston uh the the other guys this is for a dota thing when i the other guys were joking about you know bang a right or bang a left

sort of thing because the driving is meant to be even worse in Boston than the rest of America which believe me Americans is saying something

you guys are terrible drivers just saying the the the van that picked us up from the airport to take us to the hotel we were in a car accident

on the way to the hotel I mean having been warned about the driving in Boston this guy just turned into us and a school bus and he was like hey what are you talking about but you know in a boston accent well you see like these other countries like vietnam where they just seem to have no road crossings well they don't even have markings on the roads yeah and it's just it's just this chaotic like that as well isn't it but apparently like that's in a way quite safe because the lack of markings gives people

awareness right and so they're very constantly paying attention whereas when you're given very strict markings you follow them and anyone who breaks that ends up this is you know getting yeah that's bollocks road safety road safety is unbelievably bad in most of those countries. But that's one of the things they do in the city centres is they've been nowadays removing markings, right, and making this weird... I watched a video about it on YouTube about how it's actually safer to take out markings

and just have this weird car plus person byway where everyone just mixes together and it's just a mishmash and it's apparently caused less accidents. So which six countries do you think... It's counterintuitive. Which six countries do you think are safer than the United Kingdom for driving?

There are only six countries in the world with less deaths per year. Which do you think? Canada. New Zealand. New Zealand is not one of them. Canada is not one of them. Japan.

Are you serious? Japan is not one of them. I thought Canada would be one of them just because it has a lower population, it's a bigger place. Canada is twice as bad as Britain. Wow, okay. What about Iceland? Nope. Bad roads, bad roads.

Peru. No, God no. Shall I give you one? I'll give you the two, actually I'll give you three that are- Italy. They use all the hordes No Italy is awful That helps So Monaco

Hong Kong And the Federated States of Micronesia Very safe There are three Don't give me those There are three I didn't give you those I'm giving you those

Because you'll never get them I'm giving you three countries That are not that far from us That are safer France No Belgium No

Think of Germany Denmark no think of somewhere where you would think that is the home of safe cars norway is one of them sweden sweden is the other one what's the third switzerland you've looked it up you've looked it up no no i'm just i'm just naming european countries okay well he was just thinking of the those smart places thank you thank you really sweden surprisingprising, because you'd think the bad weather would cause more slipping and accidents and all the stuff. No. I mean, obviously, it's a lot of space for less people, which is a good thing. But yeah, you're right.

You think the weather. But think of Volvos, man. Very safe cars, you know? Very safe cars in Sweden. Well, just because they're safe doesn't mean they crash into stuff less. Well, I'm talking about deaths per year. was the statistic oh right i love what you're saying i would like it i actually would love to live in sweden one day yeah i just think they've got it sewn up like i it just seems like such a such a great country yeah people like everybody i've

ever met from sweden's been pretty nice and stuff too they're always like pretty chill you know like i don't know. It just seems like such a nice place. So by the way, for anyone saying, whoa, that's because they've got those cars. So if you go per 100,000 motor vehicles per year, the list is not that much change. San Marino, Norway, Switzerland, Sweden, Finland, us.

Then Japan. So we're doing all right. Wow. I got some London slang here. Okay. I wonder if you know these. The apples and pears and meal monger. No, more just kind of.

These are more modern. It's not Cockney slang then. It's just sort of more general. Yeah, like what is, do you know what peng means? Yes, peng, mate. She's well peng. It's a peng ting. It's good.

Well, good looking. Yeah, I guess. She's a peng ting. But you can also describe pretty much anything as peng, I believe. Like a painting, but not. Do you know what anything as peng. I believe like a painting but not no Do you know what this this is quite a good one actually irrelevant for the pub? What is next man? What's the next man next man? He's next man. He's the guy who's that he's after you The next

No, it's not it's someone who joins in a conversation when they're not involved i like that one i like that that's me in this podcast a lot of the time that is uh both of my kids um almost all the time like fairly consistently i feel you find that sometimes at the pub jerry nor like you know well back in the pub the heady pub days you get that on airplanes sometimes too if you're traveling with somebody and you're having a chat sometimes somebody will just like butt in you know and then you're still on a 10-hour flight and that it becomes really awkward because they've joined into a conversation and then you sort of have to acknowledge them for the rest of the flight and maybe talk to them again and stuff have you ever had that yeah what about yes well what about chung chung yeah oh gosh you

i'd describe you as as really chung oh extremely handsome it is apparently yeah big balls but really really small penis huge huge testicles but a little tiny just a tiny tiny tiny little ding-a-ling down there so chirpsing is is flirting of course for those of you who know that what about fresh um like new or if you get as in like well to get fresh pflex is looking fresh oh yeah looking good he's a well-dressed what is coach oh that Oh, that's your house, I think. Apparently it's to sit and chill. Oh, right. Koch. I'm thinking of crib.

Back at the crib. Some of these are very... I guess it's easy to overlap this with like American kind of slang. Yeah, but like some of it like may just Koch. Like if you said that to someone, would that mean just sit?

Like it's difficult because London slang, especially the more modern london slang doesn't seem to have any origin in other words like peng i don't know where that's come from or what it's related to it out of context you have you could have there's no way of guessing other than i've heard that a few times i've heard that a few times people use that very mainly i'd guess yeah what about i haven't heard this what's Tonk? Someone who you would describe as Tonk. Very buff, like a big, strong person.

Yeah, a muscular person. Right. What about if you got taxed or you taxed someone? You got mugged? I guess you steal from them. Jeez. Jeez. The other one I've obviously had a lot of is T right tune yeah that's like a tune a good song uh

what else have we got there's loads see i didn't actually grow up in london so much of this slang is yeah way and the thing is like some of it some of the slang could be newer as well right and some it sounds newer so it's like maybe like maybe a bit sort of like all of the Twitch things that we don't understand. Like pee-pee hands and all those ones. There's three here, which I'll give you a clue. Two of them to do with dating. One is link. Can you guess what that is?

Is that like exchange numbers? It's to hook up with someone. Link up, I guess. To link body parts in a pleasing manner. I shall link with you. Yes. Link with me. Link completed.

And then lips. What does that mean? It could mean anything. To kiss someone? Kiss passionately, apparently. And lush, obviously. Yeah, well, we all know what lush means. Good looking, but also long. someone it kissed passionately right apparently and um lush obviously yeah well yeah good looking but also long what does what this isn't to do with uh what about luscious in the context of like uh

somebody who um gets like a bit handsy when they're when they're drunk like a lush yeah like that would be the old term of a lush is someone who gets drunk when everybody else is not getting drunk yeah that's something that your your jersey mum might yeah she's getting a bit lush on the cherry in the port you know that's a different podcast what does long mean what does long mean well it means apparently when something involves far too much effort oh it's well long mate that's long well long mate well long it's gonna take too long i guess i don't know i've never heard of these but some of these you know what you know what a crepe is like a like a pancake like a crepe no no not like a delicious pan crepe crepe it's really bad it's crap it's a shoe what yeah your crepes shoes your shoes what does chief what does chief mean you just

call someone chief don't you yeah don't you just call somebody chief? Hey there, chief. I thought it meant like an unintelligent person. I thought it was like an insult. How do you get to be chief, Lewis? Yeah, you don't just get to... Maybe it's his born into privilege. Yeah, it might be privilege, it might be connections, but he's the chief.

He doesn't deserve to be the chief. He's not my chief. Not my chief. Not my chief. Last one. What aboutters what does butters mean really really good it's good that guy from the kid from south park right no it means it picked on a lot it it's part of a longer one um butter face oh yeah she's got a good body but a bad face it means it just means ugly right um but butters that's not nice yeah i've

that's that's that's rude that's not nice it's rude you might say someone was well buzz sips his sips his wife's mom jeez she's lush and she's buzz oh my god lewis you've met her before as well it's gonna be awkward next time she's lovely i think she would appreciate i'm not sure she would i think you've misread that, actually. Anyway, let's carry on. I'm saying she's got a great body, sis. Okay, well, anyway. She listens to this, by the way.

No, she doesn't. I hooked up with an iPod Nano. She does not. It's gone on shuffle again, and it's playing DMX What's he going to give to you? Why is he going to give it to me? He's going to give it to somebody

What's he giving? I don't want it X You can have it back X My cry X please Alright well that's enough Triforce Podcast for today Thank you everyone for listening See you next week Stay frosty Alright, well, that's enough Triforce Podcast for today. Thank you everyone for listening. Yeah. Cheers.

Thanks so much. See you next week. Have fun. Stay frosty. As always, new episodes are available every Wednesday on Spotify and other platforms. And we have a Patreon, which you can support if you look it up, where you get the episodes early. Yes. Okay, that's all I had to say at the end of that. Thank you, everybody.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.