Triforce! - Triforce! #184: The SAS x Ivanka Gambit

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

Triforce! Episode 184! Lewis thinks SAS Hard-Man books are for "dur brains", Pyrion has a plan to spend a passionate fortnight with Ivanka Trump and Sips is celebrating Canada Day even though it's a boiling hellscape right now! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Hi everyone. Pyrrion Flax has dragged himself from the hangover and celebration atmosphere, the parties that are still going on in the streets. Well, hold on now. Well, hang on one second. By the time this goes out, we could have crashed out of the tournament.

Embarrassingly. Embarrassed. It would be embarrassing if we crashed out at this point yeah because our next game is ukraine yes right yes why is that funny yeah well they're not the most uh famous footballing nation are they how many times have they won the world cup how many times have we once in 1966 how many times have you won it le Cup? How many times have we? Once. In 1966. How many times have you won it, Lewis? Mr. Judgmental? Well, but at the same time, there's South American nations like Uruguay that have won the World Cup. Back in the 40s and 30s. Yeah, I know. But, you know, I'm just saying Uruguay, Ukraine.

Which one's the scarier? I'd be more scared of Uruguay Yeah, I honestly would be a lot a lot more fearful of South American football team There's nothing about football and having watched none of the games really you don't know well Let's let's let's find out if we if we crash out anyway Are you feeling you you on like cloud nine and there was i was around on um when the match was happening i wasn't actually watched it because i was in the recording right but i caught the end i like i could hear cheering out the window from the local pub you know and i when i went walked home from the office everyone was just dancing around in the streets like it was like the country had just caught fire

yeah um very strange to see that the the people get so excited about it. Wait, a car had caught fire? No, well, it felt like there was this energy. I see. I've talked about this a lot of times because I spent, I went on my French exchange when World Cup 96 was going on. Right. Oh, no, France 98, sorry.

Not Euro 96. France 98. And I was in France when they won the World Cup, so I was swept away in the whole city being- Did you immediately put a beret on and some like, mime paint and try to fit in? Like you were like, oh man. I did have a French flag painted on my forehead. Fucking scum.

You are a scumbag. You're a traitor and a scumbag. They felt like I had to do it in order to not you know not run into trouble yeah that's fair i was in lyon and they they were like just just do it um and they you know they were like just put the flag on your face just don't don't let anyone know you're english so no so wait the the first world cup in 1930, oddly enough, had an odd number of teams in it. I wasn't at that one. You weren't at that one.

This was 1930. So Group A has Argentina, Chile, France and Mexico. Argentina won that group. That group had Yugoslavia, Brazil and Bolivia. Yugoslavia won the group. Group 3 had Uruguay, Romania and Peru. Uruguay won that group. And group four had the United States, Paraguay and Belgium.

We weren't in the first World Cup. We didn't take part. Wow. But the United States did. And how did we end up taking part as England rather than the UK? So the way I understand it, the reason that we've done England, Scotland, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Wales, you know, all the islands are separate is because of the, um, the, the issue is that this is why we never, uh, entered a, a, a team into the Olympics until we could secure the fact that just because we play as Britain at the Olympics doesn't mean

that we have to play as Britain. Cause I'm pretty sure people would love it if we had to be just Britain, like UEFA would like, they would make their life easier. Yeah. Five teams into one team you know that's a lot simpler uh or four teams it would be an island would obviously still be ireland um but yeah for some reason there we we've sort of maintained that uh separation at least we get five cracks at it because what is the commonwealth games uh you have um is is it all is it all combined again great britain into one? Or can Scotland and Wales have their own? I mean, think about the Olympics. It's Britain. Commonwealth gamers, I don't know.

It's Team GB. One thing that's interesting is if you look at France, I think we were talking about time zones, wasn't it? Last week or the week before when we were talking about the fact that France has the most time zones. We have a lot of time zones as well. Everybody thinks it's Russiaussia but technically it's france because they consider all those little islands and bits of france as france so if you look at the french national team um a lot of those players essentially come from outside you know their sort of demographic their history if you

like is from outside right sort of mainland france but they qualify as as french citizens so they play well i mean they yeah like senegal and algeria and stuff right but they have their own national teams right that's true yeah but if you look at a lot of their best players i mean kilian mbappe for example mbappe is not what i would call like a typical french name it's clearly uh let's find out, Guyana or somewhere like that. Let's find out where his origin is from. Yeah, but he... Cameroon. So his father is from Cameroon.

But he was born in France. He was born in Paris. And his mother is Algerian. Yes, but obviously Cameroon and Algeria have that sort of connection to France. So I think that obviously they can sort of uh reasonably claim that uh you know they can they can get people from countries like i mean killian mbappe is a phenomenal player although he did miss a crucial penalty i'm just saying it's easier for them to get a good team he must he must be having a hard time at the moment there's always it's

always that this these world cups and Euros, history repeats itself, right? Someone or some character does something that gets them vilified for years for missing a penalty and that's, whether it's David Beckham getting a red card at the World Cup or whatever. Didn't the current manager have a bit of a blunder like that too? He missed a penalty or something. Very famously, Gareth Southgate missed the penalty at Euro 96, I think. There you go. I think it was at Euro 96 that he missed. Just as he was missing that penalty, Lewis would have been wearing his beret

and prancing around in the hedgerows of France, pretending that he was French to fit in with the winners. Meanwhile, back at home, a totally different story. Pretending I was Michael Owen, you know, getting out there on the field, kicking the ball in the goal. You know, doing all those football things. Pretending his socks off. I mean, luckily for Kylian Mbappe, there's such a dearth of strikers these days that he could miss 10 penalties in a row and no one will care. They'll still pay 120 million euros for him or whatever. There's just no strikers out there nobody's making strikers what do you mean that sounds like the most

mad thing to say isn't that what every footballer wants to be no that's the dream so if you look at um the premier league a lot of teams don't have like a really good striker like it's a hard thing to get it's it's just a big thing big clubs are struggling to get like really Classic center forwards and when I think back to the 90s if you look at the number of strikers They were especially in Serie A. It's that's the Italian league by the way There were a ridiculous number of really really top draw strikers And now they just aren't clubs are genuinely struggling to find really top strikers out there. So a lot of the guys that are really good are like also really old.

And they're just sort of dragging themselves on because there's no other good strikers out there. Do you think it's just that the game has changed though? And the nature of the way that people now defend and play? No, I think it's to do with the way that the young players are trained so if you there's a there's a guy called the secret footballer i think it's a secret footballer and um i've read a couple of his books and he's an ex yeah i'd keep it secret he's an ex pro and he sort of spills the beans on what it's like as a footballer and stuff like

that and he said that you'll notice that there's a lack of certain types of player being produced because clubs all want to make midfielders because they're much more sellable than strikers or defenders. I see, I see. It's easy to sell midfielders. Everybody's playing with fucking five bloody midfielders these days anyway. Crank out midfielders and you can make more money from it. Like that's much easier to just crank out midfielders.

That was his claim anyway. And the thing is, if if he's wrong where are all the strikers at that's all i'm saying where are all the strikers at there is a serious lack of good strikers no yeah compared to the 90s i've noticed that as well like of course you guys have yeah there i was just paying a lot of attention to do you know what i feel like such a tourist when it comes to football because I really enjoy the tournaments. But I don't watch the regular Premier League or anything like that. It's because a lot of it is absolute shit. That's what they don't tell you on the box. When you purchase Premier League, a lot of it is absolute wank.

Like just boring fucking football, plodding, and just dull. It's really only some of the games that are really, really exciting. A lot of it is absolute wank like just boring fucking football plodding and just dull right it's really only the some of the games that are really really exciting a lot of it is shit anyone that watches the premier league will back me up on this i'm pretty sure that they would and say yeah it was shit a lot of the teams are just boring when we played there a lot of the time that we played it was fucking boring um half the teams in there are just fucking dull they're all desperately just terrified clinging on because if you get relegated you end up where we are Bournemouth which is sad very sad the sadness culture sets into the club you're gonna end up like Sunderland fucking Sunderland as sad

as it gets is that is that one of the most pathetic teams ever like purely purely because my mate Bob is a Sunderland fan right yes yes they are the most pathetic team so people so people watch sunderland and they're like this is pathetic i can't watch one more minute of this well they they were a top flight team for a long time and then they got relegated what a ludicrous display like all that kind of stuff right and then they got relegated again right so they're they're like in league one which is i mean they're a big club like you know they're they're a big club and the people of sunderland are rightly pissed off the ownership was awful for years uh and they'd signed all these fucking shit players on big wages desperate to

cling on to the premier league and when it didn't work out it would be like investing massively in your property and then property market tanks in your road only and you keep making all these expensive adjustments to your house to attempt to improve its value and none of them works and they all break down and it's all shit and you can never sell the house and you're desperate for the market to come back around your way that's where sunderland have ended up to put it in terms that are non-footballing i guess right we talked a little bit about this before didn't we with the american teams buying up american investors buying up like rexham and stuff right talk about that to put it in terms of the non-footballing I guess we talked a little bit about this before didn't we with the American teams buying up

American investors buying up like Rexham and stuff did we talk about that yeah Ryan Reynolds and his mate you know

doing it for the movie or whatever because they want to make a show about it that must have made them a bit well that's not Ryan Reynolds

to be fair that was that was some what is it Netflix or is it Prime I can't remember I've watched it

it is very sad it's mainly people from Sunderland going this club's been running in a fucking ground lake it's shocking but they just complain and but the actually i can't really do i can't do a geordie accent as evidenced by that was very good that was really good well the sunderland accent is distinctly different and it is it is hard to nail down it's uniquely distinct, distinctly different. It's a bit like a Welsh accent I find very difficult to do. Some accents are easier than others. Wheels!

That's the extent of it for me. Wheels! Is that Russian? We have this euphoria at the moment in the UK around football. For some reason, it's the time when everyone sticks... The fridge office gets a a sweepstakes going everyone puts a pound in coming back to this whole notion of enjoying the big tournaments and not so much a premier league i feel like i'm not alone in that at all there's tons of people out there like

that you know but uh but i do really get into it like uh i i really enjoy watching it becomes unavoidable at certain times of the year and you get it's very easy to get swept up in it like because it's such a strange energy that everyone has um also it's like a story it's like a series that's long enough to enjoy but also sure enough that you can finish it and the other thing about it is is that we have it's been going every two to four years since we were born like i remember when i was five and when i was nine and when i was 13 watching football with my dad in a pub or when we were on holiday come and find it in a place to watch the football you know because it was on or whatever and i so it is this weird nice like

almost like that christmas morning like positive feel you know of something familiar that's that's fun and kind of different. And yeah, it's not long enough that you have to... You're right, P-Flex. It's like you go through this idea of, oh, we could win this tournament or whatever. I don't know, when you start thinking about it, like, what is it?

Oh, you might win a game, who cares? It doesn't... It's suddenly less... It's best not to think about it just go with it um but everyone gets wrapped up in it and it's this strange thing like energy that permeates people that you wouldn't necessarily think were interested in it yeah or all people who've got no who've actively showed dislike for football before suddenly i mean you guys always make fun of me when I talk about football, football,

and all that kind of stuff. I mean, I don't really. But again, football culture is different than just enjoying the game as well. Very, very true. It's very der-brained. It's very der-brained is what I consider it to be. I don't know.

I was talking to my wife about this the other day and it seems almost unique, but maybe I'm wrong because, again, I'm not super into football. So, you know, please don't get offended by me saying this, but I feel like especially in England, for some reason, there's definitely a kind of stereotype that like most of the like the fans are thuggish. You know, there's the there's like the hooliganism and all that from the from the fans are are thuggish you know there's the um there's like the hooliganism and all that from the from the past i don't know if it's still like a big thing now or whatever but and i'm sure it happens in other places but i i feel like at the at the forefront of a lot of that people from outside of the uk would view english fans as like a bit more that way inclined would you agree with that or or no a hundred percent a hundred percent it feels a

little bit unique to to england especially like i know i have friends from outside of england who are like i can't stand watching england as much as i want to support them i just i hate the fans like i don't want them to win blah blah blah which is i is a little bit offensive sometimes but at the same time i can kind of understand where they're coming from even though i don't necessarily agree with it you know right well we we obviously had a very long history especially the 70s and 80s of crowd trouble and hooliganism and we exported that wholesale to europe and like those sort of firms if you like the the hooligan firms and the idea of british hooliganism is still very popular um ifaces like Russia and stuff like that really love that. A lot of countries really, really love the hooliganism

and sort of adopted it. I mean, they made movies about it. That sort of hard man looking for a rock and all that kind of stuff. There is a difference, though, between the fans, which is that, yes, there's crowd trouble in the Netherlands, there's crowd trouble in Germany, in Russia in Italy of course, but I don't feel like it's as

as sort of like intricately reported as like the sort of hooliganism that exists in the UK, but having said that I've lived in the UK for a while and maybe you're more likely to hear about that in the UK than elsewhere our fans were historically the worst for that kind of stuff.

This stuff has been inherently very closely tied to masculinity, right? It does feel... I don't know, I go into, like... I was in WH Smith the other day in a train station and I was looking at, like, the new books that are out, right? And there's so many of them which are this... a full face pic of a bearded, good-looking guy. And it's like, my time when I was killing Iraqis.

That's like the title of the book. Do you know what I mean? And then I killed some more of them. Do you know what I mean? It's like, they're the names of these books. Like, How I Survived Seven Days in an Iraqi Prison. That's like, do you know what I mean? These are like every...

And there's like hundreds of them. And they're like by 10 different guys. And I'm like, who's reading this? Who is reading this stuff? I reckon it's der brains. I'm sorry. Or it's women who are reading it as like man porn. They're like, oh God, look how sexy he is.

I'm not saying young women as well. I think it's mums. But I don't think mums are turned on by the description of some guy bayoneting in Afghani. Like, I don't think that's a thing but i don't think mums are turned on by the description of some guy bayoneting in afghanistan like i don't think that's a thing i don't know my favorite bit was when he stuck a bayonet in his eye oh yeah i think it is i don't know who it is but it's not me it's young young men it's young i would feel i feel uncomfortable i would rather read i'd be uncomfortable reading that on the train.

I would, me sat there. Can you imagine me sat there holding, holding open this book with this sort of, you know, hard S- Me! S-A-S-M-E! That's what it's called or something. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, I don't know.

It feels like a trap. Did you not read Bravo 2-0 by Andy McNabb, which actually improves with every read? Does it? No. Well, I mean, the thing is that, it's an Alan Partridge reference. But did you not read that? It came out in the 90s, I think.

I mean, that's the original one, right? But Andy McNabb was his real name or something? Or was it then... He was in the SAS. A bunch of the other lads on that mission also wrote books. And they all contradicted a little bit. Yeah, a little bit yeah a little bit

which is quite funny i mean the essential story is they got lost in the desert and he got captured and it was like a fight for their life and stuff like that you know they got run down by uh iraqi forces so i don't know like if you read it it's very it's very very silly you know stuff like saw two one of camaradas corner sootted on. They always talk like that. I said to Dave, Dave, grab the law rocket. Dave grabbed the law rocket, and I said, shoot that truck, Dave, and he did, and it blew up. It's like that.

Yeah. I was like, well done, Dave. Well done, Dave, and we high-fived. That's right. But so, yeah, you're right. There are a lot of those books. There are a lot of those books. But there's a lot of them now, and they're for derbrains.

And I'm just thinking, like, the other things that are for der brains are like you know how there was like anti-vax marches for der brains there were these guys two guys who went on anti-vax march and they saw uh chris witty do you remember the professor in a park and they went up to him though oh chris Whitty let's get some selfies with you and so they sort of just sort of grabbed him and sort of

took some pictures with him and he was like and they got arrested I think because they sort of one of them lost his job they were young lads

but yeah he lost his job he was in a state age they were in their mid 20s I don't think that counts do you know what I mean well 24 is young Lewis I mean that's young I'm not saying it's old enough to know better oh of course I'm just saying that counts do you know what I mean well 24 is young Lewis I mean that's young I'm not saying

it's old enough to know better oh of course I'm just saying that these guys were like I don't know why I expected better from the Utes but I did but this guy

was a 24 year old estate agent so right there that should tell you everything you need to know so not only did he lose his job which is a win there's now one less estate agent

in the world as well so technically Chris what you took one for the team well done Chris I've never had that. People come up to me and be actively yobby, though. Like, no one's bullied me in the street necessarily, is what I'm saying.

What about that bloke that stole your chip that time? Yeah. Well, I don't think he knew that I was anyone. He just, he didn't. No, but he didn't. Oh, you mean because you're Lewis Brindley of the Yogscast. I see. In the same way. Like, do you it feel understood yeah so i don't i don't think it is that common i think most people are are fine about it but what else like i think the other things that very der brained is um the the the amount of people who turned up to clarkson's

farm's farm shop that he opened, right? Oh, of course. What a money spend. Clarkson opened a farm shop in his farm in the Cotswolds. And, of course, there's hundreds of people blocking the road for 10 miles, you know, to go to it. And I'm thinking anyone who drives to Clarkson's Farm farm shop, you, my friend, are a derp brain. Right.

So just so you know, just you are. Like, it must be just a string of people who don't have a brain. They don't think about what they're doing. Why are you doing that? Don't do it. Going to Clarkson's farm?

Going to his farm shop on the week that the shows come out on Netflix or whatever, or Prime, when it's just massively talked about everywhere. It'd be like, I don't know, it's like storming the White House. It's like just, well, that's putting it. When Trump was in charge.

That was the Capitol, right? The Capitol building, yeah. It was largely Durbrains who did that. I think the last people to storm the White House were the Brits and the Canadians, right? Yeah, then they burnt it down at one point. Was it 1812 or 1814? It was a long, long time ago.

I think America was not quite like, whoa, Wall Street, big army. They weren't quite at that stage yet. No, they didn't. This was like in Hearts of Iron IV when the US has hardly any military. Yeah, that was them. They had like 10 lads and one boat and they were like, we're a country and everyone was like, yeah, right. I'm going to invade your fucking capital. Yeah. That was pretty much what happened I think. Actually, that

is incorrect. I have done nothing else this week to talk about, though. I have been playing Tarkov! Yes, yes. I was hoping you... The wipe has been great, Flax. I have a story for you about this most recent wipe. Please tell me. My first game, I jumped in. We did a customs run with just the gear that you're given. This is my first run of the wipe, okay?

I go into a building. I find a duffel bag. There's a little bit of downtime. You know, the squad is just like chatting or whatever. Look in the duffel bag. Graphics card, baby. Nice. Wow.

First run of the wipe in a duffel bag of all places. You can't do anything with it until level 20 now. I know. So it's just going to sit in my stash. But I just thought. That's a nice find. Good job. That's a good.

It's a good omen. That is a big one. We're in for a good wipe, lads in a duffel bag yeah i've never found one in a duffel bag before i must be part of the patch in a duffel bag on a couch have you seen the new boss the guy with the sledgehammer no i have not me neither too scared too scared i don't even know where he exists factory so so this tarkov wipe is interesting because it comes bundled with a new patch uh for which there are no notes whatsoever they've left it to the community to figure out what's changed in the game which i actually think is excellent i wish more um i wish that would happen more often it adds a bit of discoverability to the game i mean games nowadays and the mentality around games is that you know

every little piece of data is is data mined beforehand everybody wants to figure out how to min max this that and the other so i think it's kind of cool that they've done it um maybe some people don't agree but i i just thought that that was kind of neat i think it's a really cool idea i think i think more i mean i understand why if you're patching like Windows or Microsoft Excel people should need to know what's changed But in a game like yeah, why not keep it more? Exciting yeah for fans to find out they're gonna find out right I mean it takes you know I end up reading the excitement the patch notes and losing all my excitement by the time You know I'm at the end of them especially with D God, the patch notes usually takes me like two or three hours

to read through the fucking things. Are you guys using the internet without ExpressVPN? Never. No, not even one time. I like to keep my data safe and I don't want the big boys to know what I'm up to. Exactly. Using the internet without a VPN is like taking a call

on a public bus on speaker for everyone to hear because they know every single website you visit. It doesn't matter if you're in incognito. Your ISPs see everything you're doing, and they sell it to ad companies and tech giants, and they will target you. So I use ExpressVPN. I've got it on my phone, on my iPad.

I've got it on my PC, but you could also put it on your router if you're that way inclined to protect your whole family. It creates a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so people can't peep on your online activity. You could just fire up the app and click one button and it's very easy. I use ExpressVPN and I recommend you do. So if you visit ExpressVPN.com slash Triforce today you can get extra three months free on a year plan that's ExpressVPN.com slash Triforce. I played a couple of games this week that were good I played Phantom Abyss have you heard of that? Yes, a lot of people that I in my in my peer

group are playing it. So I in my in my peer group So we're not in your peer group. Well, no, I mean you guys are part of my larger peer group for sure But larger we're great a peer group Like little bubbles peer bubbles. I would say I've got bubbles appears. I would never consider myself a peer of yours Well fair enough, you know what? No Be fine because I'm not on the same level as either of you. Like, you're not gonna be like copying me because I'm not a peer. Shut up. Why would I- I'm not gonna shut up.

See, right there. That's why you're not a- I would never tell you to shut up. Lewis just thinks that you're like a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe, so that's why you'll never be a full peer. Exactly, that's right. That's what I'm saying. You're not peers. This game looks white.

Um, Phantom Abyss, yeah. It's like Indiana Jones, but it's like a roguelite, right? So you can like- so that's why you'll never be a full peer. You're not peers. This game looks white. Phantom Abyss, yeah. It's like Indiana Jones, but it's like a roguelite, right? So you can collect wits. It's like a full, guisey, mirror's edgy running thing where you have to run through a temple collecting loot. But because it's sort of, the idea is it's asynchronous multiplayer, so when you die, your ghost is saved

and your loot is saved and someone else has to complete that temple that you just failed and you't your ghost is saved and your loot is saved and someone else has to complete that temple that you just failed and you get your stuff back it's it feels good to do it but is there's just not enough content at the moment i don't think i played it for a few hours and i felt like there just wasn't enough upgrades or anything interesting to do it just yeah so i think it's got potential and it looks interesting if you if you like that i know niles he's put like 80 hours into it or something ridiculous i mean when i say it looks wank i mean i didn't like the art style i mean it just looks a bit kind of yeah yeah i would say normally that doesn't matter but there's definitely a couple of games where that has mattered to me and like

you know like i i hate to admit it but it can be off-putting right if the if the art style or like the feel of the game just doesn't gel with you, it's enough to turn you off. It does feel like it could be 10 years out of date on the art style. But actually, gameplay-wise, it's very smooth and very satisfying to hook onto a ledge and jump up on these things and dodge the traps. I think as you learn it, a little bit like Hades, as you start getting comfortable with movement and stuff, it becomes like really enjoyable to play.

Yeah, it's one of those games, I think, where the combination of it feels good to play and really interesting game mechanics is what's going to make it like like Hades. I mean, Hades was was also like a stunning looking game as well. Right. With like really nice sound design and everything too which is often enough to get people to come back but um it's it's that it's the it's the sort of like challenge modes right and i guess you get a lot of that in in phantom abyss similar to like how you would do in in hades i played that the last spell that you uh you gave me a copy oh yeah what do you think it's fucking impossible it is a hard game i made it to to um night three once it starts off quite hard but it gets easy yeah i think you i think it's

one of those ones where you you sort of play it you figure out good moves or whatever and then you apply those to your next run and then before you know it you're you're just sort of like um there with it like they are billions was a lot like that as well. I think it was just a grind, right? Like, it's like, because every time you die, you unlock a little bit of extra something. Yes. So I just realized, like, once that popped up, I was like, oh, it's just a grindy game. So then I realized that it was more of a, just, if you just sink enough time in, your lads will get more powerful.

What got me was that I was like, the first time I played it played it was like night one i was like cool what castle he spells no problem didn't even get to the village no panic in the town whatever no problem and then the next night i was like why can't i use any of my spells i was like oh yeah you get like three mana per day yeah you just ran out of mana you can find potions and shit but but i didn't realize that yeah no well it's one of those games that you get punished for not realizing stuff right and then yeah so the next run you do you're like okay now i know this i have to i have to change my my game plan sort of thing exactly and you sort of realize what is the like you realize you've got to kind of pick a build yes and stick with it and sort of max that

so things like the propagation effect or whatever which is like i think fire and stuff like that which propagates to other yeah units that stuff's really strong actually right and the multi-shot things and everything i have found that melee heroes are basically useless that's how it seems to me yes um they feel super weak because you don't have any armor right but once you get armor they're unkillable or mostly unkillable so you can just sit them in the middle of a load of enemies, and they do insane damage. A melee guy will be way better than any other guy, but you have to get him there with gear. Yeah, there's some interesting...

For example, there's some of the weapons. Also, it really varies on the weapons. Some of the weapons that you give, like the one-handed sword, is super, super mobile, and there's a skill which you can get which does um so his first skill is momentum right so the more he moves the more damage he does when he finally uses the spell but also if he goes below three uh movement he ignores all armor and ignores dodge and does like double damage and so all these other things so you combine all this

together and so you know when you finally get to the boss wave you can just one shot the boss with him you know because you you usually move you dance around wave uh well yeah there's loads of loads of stuff and then you gotta you're working your way up to the final wave so that your dudes can cast the last spell the very last spell yeah okay well it looks like i'm not going to be dipping back into that then oh now that's how it's good it's good. It's good. I mean, with Tarkov out, like, understandable as well. But I think it's one of those ones where, like, for me, like, I played it a little bit, but I haven't gone back to it because I'm just playing other stuff sort of thing.

But I'll revisit it at some point. And I'm sure by then it'll have had some patches and balances and more content or whatever as well all of the games we are playing are continually different yeah of course well that's just like that's just the industry now isn't it yeah i've been playing a game um called the tenants recently okay which is i'm guessing that you are a landlord and you have to fix up some houses yes yeah it's like a really cartoony um it looks like the sims you know it's that kind of isometric and right you got this now you got a big city that you you you start off in the slums so you you can buy like old caravans and do them up and you can buy old apartments and you have to

um you have to vet your potential tenants so you have to do background checks on them and see how much debt they're in and stuff. And part of you – Can you be a slum landlord? You can, yeah. Like I built – like the first apartment that you're kind of given to get you started. You get that, but it's not enough to make the money that you need to really keep going. So you do jobs in between, which very repetitive you know it's just like there's there's different categories some of them are better than others but mostly it's just like please renovate my bathroom and they you know

they pay you you know three grand for the for the pleasure there's a there's a budget that's not coming out of your money or whatever but it seems to take a little while to to sort of get enough money to to get like your next property but once you actually buy the properties you can uh you can divide them up so like uh like you know what should just be a flat for like one or two people i've made into a flat for like six people and you it's just like you know you make little prison cells with inflatable mattresses on the ground and just pack them in. You can kind of trick them into paying a lot more rent as well. Like you do like you negotiate the fee that they're going to pay.

And if you just go like really high, they'll come in, you know, on the low end of that. And then you just adjust the slider down a little bit and they'll always sort of creep up to meet you in the middle. It's really good. Yeah. her down a little bit and they'll always sort of creep up to meet you in the middle it's really good yeah so you end up getting like quite a bit of money for oh man that's the accommodation running a private prison or like something like this is how the industry works it feels it feels like a fun game parts of it maybe feel a bit rough around the edges i don't know i can't like really put my finger on it but it doesn't feel done you know like it feels like it needs to be balanced out a little bit more maybe some more more content and stuff i don't know but um again

it like every game now right they come out and you you're just like yeah this is cool but i can't wait for them to make it better like it feels like every game is like that right yeah it does it does feel i mean obviously we um we've definitely spoken about early access and that sort of model before i don't know um i don't know if there's a way around it for small studios. People's expectations for games and the features and how it looks and how it plays and all that is quite high. So if you are a smaller studio, how are you meant to get this game out without going through a big publisher and getting them to okay it? Which is like a, I feel like there's two ways that this can go.

You can either have early access where the customers are the guardian of what makes it through and what doesn't essentially, because the shit early access games drop off because people go, this is garbage and they don't want it. But at least they're making the call. The other version is a gatekeeper of a publishing studio who goes, no, we're not gonna okay this concept. And then you never get the game. And for some people of a publishing studio who goes no we're not going to okay this

concept and then you never get the game and for some people a lot of those games those more niche games are exactly what they want i mean i'm thinking of say say battle brothers which was early access and all the rest of it and and was fairly limited early on if people hadn't supported that would it have got made would expansions have been made eventually and stuff like that i doubt it it's frustrating but i think it allows the customers to be the gatekeepers the the problem is that essentially you have to be a gatekeeper by spending Money, which is the downside so you buy a game that is essentially you have to like the look of it first They have to show and you're kind of constantly investing in it Going sort of thing. It's it's a there's a weird sort of like it's almost not like a balancing act but like you'll you'll have a mix of games thing it's it's a there's a weird sort of like uh it's almost not like a balancing

act but like you'll you'll have a mix of games where it's like um it'll come out and it'll be bare bones and then it's sort of released but it's early access and you'll get regular sort of like content added to it but right what's come out is is pretty solid right and and it's just you're just waiting for content and maybe that takes like you know three years for them to do that or or something and and then the dev team isn't just completely like you know burnt out working on the same thing and the designers as well dude rimworld is like a prime example of that think how long that was around for i was playing that when it first came out a long time yeah a very long time ago like a lot of other people yeah

the fact that he was able to stick with it and keep going well yeah because of that so in factorio too yeah yeah factorio i played one today called or not today sorry but uh last week called captain of industry which is kind of like a mix of factorio factorio and a couple of other things and it's it's quite good but again it you know a lot of it's not done and from what I understand the guys who are working on it I think there's two guys that have been working on it they've done a really good job but they've been working on it for six years and you gotta think yeah that's crazy man if I was working on something for six years straight

I would be really sick of working on the same thing you know what I mean like it feels like maybe like they're doing a Kickstarter now, which I'm presuming is because they want to keep working on it. Sure. And maybe they're just, you know, they don't have the means to carry on working on it or they want to, you know, bulk things up so that they can get more people in to help work on it and stuff like that. But I don't know.

It feels like it's hard to get a Kickstarter going when you have nothing to show for it. Yeah. So, you know, it makes sense for them to do the Kickstarter now because they actually have a game that's playable and is enjoyable. And you can understand that people would kickstart it at this point. But it's like it just seems like all backwards somehow. You know what I mean? It's like the Kickstarter is coming in after six years of development. But I assume that development was essentially in their spare time. I you couldn't yeah i'm assuming i'm assuming again no i mean for a start you'd

have to have six years worth of salary saved up ready to go unless you have something on the side or you know you're just you just happen to be like extremely wealthy and you've just decided to spend six years doing that or whatever i don't know like what the situation is but yeah it's a it's a weird one but um but i you yeah i hope i hope they i hope they do pull it off because it does seem like a cool game oh closed closed alpha yeah tim but oh no you're even earlier yeah it's like pre-alpha what's what's pre-alpha yeah well it's like the it's a dev build basically but the version i played is is pretty solid like it's you know it didn't crash there wasn't really any bugs or whatever but you know like the tech tree looks awesome there's tons

of stuff but you quickly get to the point where it just doesn't progress because it's like there's a lot of placeholder stuff in it you know right yeah wow well i mean they're not i think you're the only person with this build apparently because you can't even get it on the kickstarter i can see yeah no i think there's a couple of other influencers that have had it because i only found out about it from watching youtube videos so influencer is that what you consider yourself yeah yeah yeah influencer influencer i mean i i don't know if i necessarily consider myself that flex but that's just what they call people who do the stuff that we do do you take pictures of yourself in front of like famous landlords?

Very influential pictures of myself. All right. So here's something I've noticed. Do you, when you start your stream, are you always holding up a certain kind of drink? Which I've seen a lot of people doing on TikTok and stuff. The TikTok's about to start and they're like, oh, let me just take a sip of my Dasani water. No, I don't think real companies uh would like me at all so um no unfortunately i haven't had the opportunity to um to promote their uh

dumb drinks i might get a vape sponsorship it's potential there's potential there you go there's potential there you go that's the only thing i could ever realistically be sponsored by cider cider and vaping hey um slightly off off the topic of this but um i was looking at my tomato plant this morning and guess what little tomatoes little tomatoes baby oh i can't wait for them to turn into big tomatoes and try them out it's it really exciting. Holy crap. Oh, man, they're going to be so good. Man, I really enjoyed the old gardening. It's been nice. My potatoes are flowering now as well. So apparently the flowers will come up, they'll start to die and drop off. And then the sort of like leafy, like tube bits that come out of the ground will also start to shrivel up and die. And once they start doing that, that's when the potatoes are fully grown and ready to go so be eating some potatoes that i grew in um in

potatoes and tomatoes hell yeah i'm excited to find out what you're gonna what it's gonna be what it's gonna be like honestly but harvesting it yeah i'm gonna i'm looking forward to the whole story and i've learned so much like i know make sure you keep notes next next season uh i'm gonna do some more but i'm gonna be much more organized and not just have like a bunch of crap everywhere you know like i'm gonna i'm gonna plan it out better and stuff but because i know what i'm doing now so you this was like the tutorial yeah i went into this with like with no plan whatsoever learned as much as i could just from like reading stuff and watching like you know stuff on youtube or whatever and i i feel like i have a fairly good knowledge and stuff now

so next year i'm gonna get like some better equipment organize it a lot better and stuff and uh i think it's gonna be great but man this year has been super fun like just watching some stuff grow some stuff not like you, you just learn so much. It's crazy. What do you guys think about Ivanka Trump? I think she's really hot. Right. Where's this coming from?

It just popped up on the news feed. I mean, I've really fancied her for some time. I can't not see Donald Trump when I look at her. Like, they look... She looks like his daughter and i find that tremendously off-putting honestly she's a really attractive woman i mean she's only gonna look more and more like trump yes she is yeah and she kind of acts like him in some ways as well which is also well it would only be a short-term thing i don't know it would only be a short-term

thing you know just a few weeks of of wild passion we would avoid talking about politics obviously oh my god but you know i reckon that'd be a wild ride yeah but i said you can't you can't just you can't live like this anymore pfax you can't live so recklessly that's right i've got to rain down my my playboy lifestyle has run its course of all the hot babes out there as well like why why you know why i don't think i could get them i'm thinking have you seen her husband like i reckon i could i'm not being funny flax but i don't think you get her either i don't know i don't see how this is even part of the argument no there's none honestly all right well here's why i think there is if her father in my opinion is very corrupt

okay the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I reckon I could corrupt her a little bit. Oh, my God. Are you saying it's like pickup artists target women with tattoos because that speaks to a personality that's impetuous? Jared is like my body type. She's basically married to me right now, and you're going to come in as some SAS hard man. That's my angle. I'm going to pretend to as some SAS hard man. That's my angle. I'm going to pretend to be an SAS hard man.

I scavved in the ruins of factory for three hours and I got seven graphics cards. Have you ever killed anyone? Yeah, I killed a lad called Sturman. I killed a guy called Gloobar and all his mates. Everybody believes you. Nobody's played Tarkov in the real world, so they all believe,

wow, this guy seems like the real deal. Did you hear? He killed this guy called Sturman? This sounds like a bad guy. I've got a Bitcoin miner in my basement and I've got four Bitcoins today. Got a special magical treasure box in my basement too. My leg had been shot off,

so I'd stabbed some proper towel in it, stuck a bandage on it and a splint, net some painkillers and legged it to the extract. Did you really? Wow. Yeah, I got three books on bestsellers list of W.H. Smith. Yeah, and the whole time I had a can of

coffee beans shoved in my ass. So what do you think about that? God, that's like smuggling cocaine. imagine if that pierced and like how much of a how much of a caffeine high you'd get from like an infusion of isn't that a thing like a coffee enema and stuff yeah you can get coffee enemas i can probably not that i've ever had one before but i've heard of them isn't there a caffeine poisoning how much you have to have probably a feral bit it's really bad for your heart is a kid google is a caffeine enema safe to have caffeine caffeine enema safe okay well i'm glad i'm ruining my search and amazon is gonna

my alexa's gonna ask me when i get home it's like you have one notification buy coffee beans yeah buy an enema kit and then tomorrow buy coffee beans they're just just gently moving you is it time to refill your coffee enema here's this is from a website talking about caffeine addiction and it gives all these things about like treatment and symptoms and at the end it says prevention to prevent a caffeine overdose avoid consuming excessive amounts of caffeine like that's essentially the only way you're realistically going to get a caffeine overdose is by just necking coffees endlessly so really the summary of how not to get it is don't drink so much fucking coffee um i just i want to mention to you guys as well again totally off topic today's uh is quite a special day it happens to

be it's the usual weekday that we record this uh podcast and i know lewis doesn't like us like saying what day it is for whatever reason yeah no no we've always been public about this no today today is actually fully and officially canada day what did what did what to celebrate congratulations canada so much i'll take i'll say congrats i'll say thank you like on behalf of all my fellow um kanakastanis but um yeah no canada day is good fun like they like when i was a kid we used to go downtown to like watch fireworks and and and have a couple of beers and stuff like that but it was always really fun because you could uh public transportation they just stopped policing that day so you could always smoke and drink on the bus and stuff like on your

way down and everything it was just a really fun fun party day you know i i miss it honestly do you do you have do you have like montreal smoked meat or like fucking some butter tarts or like what like as a special treat on canada day yeah no you just have a barbecue and drink some beers like it's really straightforward you know it's july so it's usually really hot so find somebody who has a pool go and uh live at their house for the day and have a barbecue hottest day yeah in canada yeah in in bc it was like 49 degrees or something at one point it's insane what what the fuck yeah um apparently if it got any hotter it would have evaporated all the cum out of all the men's balls

like uh it was so close to getting to that point yeah yeah it's like i think it's like 55 degrees and like your cum and just like disappears or something i don't know i think it just kills your sperm just kills all your cum. What are you talking about? Do you not realize that there's a reason your nuts retract and release? Oh my god. It's because if your body heat is too hot, your balls hang low to get away from your body. They used to say as well

like if you were a laptop user not to actually put it on your lap because it'll heat your balls up way too much. You'll kill your boys. You'll just kill all of your boys. I was... And if it's freezing cold, they hide inside. I've never been overly worried about that. And it turns out I had nothing to be worried about because my guys work.

So a town in British Columbia. Yeah. So what's that? The Northwest, right? That's where Vancouver is. Yeah, Northwest. Yeah, like west coast of Canada. It reached 49.6 degrees C.

That's insane, right? Like, I would be dead. I'd actually die in it. And people did die in that heat. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, apparently, like, literally, it caused a... It's apparently a phenomenon called a heat dome that traps hot air and doesn't allow other weather systems to move in. A dome?

And everything that's... And it's caught with a dome, yeah. It's caused a wildfire. Like, I'm just amazed that this happened in canada yeah well at the same time it's just the it's the earth's natural way of regulating itself i mean there's nothing like to worry about we don't have to change anything or or be worried or anything it's just a natural thing okay so don't worry okay i think 12 people died yeah of hyperthermia yeah yeah that's crazy which is like when it gets too hot yeah well apparently there's been a minimum of 486 sudden and unexpected deaths over well there would be

that is way too hot like i remember it hit 35 here one year and and I was on my way out. I felt like I was just about to die. Just kill me. You wanted to die. Just unbearably warm everywhere I went, and I just could not handle it. It was the worst. So 49 degrees, I can't imagine. It would feel like being in a sauna times 10, I guess. It must be so uncomfortable.

It must be ridiculous. I guess like it's just so Uncomfortable it's like It doesn't get that hot in the Deserts around Sort of you know Saudi Arabia and stuff Does it like I mean I know some places like Ethiopia some of the hottest countries on Earth are in that sort of equatorial

Africa and Middle Eastern region Right and they Routinely live with Very high temperatures but I think 50 is Exceptional even for that. Yeah, it's insane. I wonder what the highest ever recorded temperature anywhere is. That's got to be up there, right?

I think it's in Death Valley. Oh, right. Highest temperature in the world. Appropriately named. So the highest was 56.7 degrees. Oh, that's a scorcher. And it was from 9th, I think. In Furnace Creek Ranch.

Furnace Creek. Furnace Creek. Wow. So wait, it says here, hold on a sec. 2011, 84 degrees. No. In Port Sudan. No way.

Was reportedly taken in Sudan. 84 degrees. What? Yeah. That's what it says on Wikipediaikipedia these are unverified right right 84 that's yeah that's uh that is insane right like that's you you you would you be you would be scalded like going outside instantly right there's a there's a higher one in iran which was a heat burst oh my god but in uh in july of 1972 a temperature of 93.9 degrees was recorded in furnace creek Jesus where is this coming from that's insane like that's just insane

so the creek would just start to boil like soon right it would be you would be close to it would i mean i think going outside going outside would be i mean you know when you uh when you open an oven you get that wave of heat yeah uh it's very unpleasant it would be insane i mean you would i would presume that the moment you were outside you would sweat immediately and profusely like every all the vegetation would be cooking as well right like and you've got to walk on that ground your shoes are gonna melt oh my god straight away yeah yeah gosh the heat i uh heat burst that's a nightmare like all the little insects are just gonna shrivel up and dead yeah birds of land and just keel over my god you could go to to this furnace creek there's a there's a thing called the oasis at

death valley which is a luxury resort oh my god where you can just be incredibly hot on holiday i'm normally i am incredibly hot like when i'm on holiday um but that's more of like a like a fashion related thing but yeah god that doesn't sound nice at all i hate i hate very cold and i hate very hot as well equally in equal i actually have a borax museum at the um at the death valley oasis has a museum that features borax mining tools oh borax also and uh equipment from the pacific coast borax company uh there's some models of 20 mule team wagon trains interesting and some mineral mineral specimens very interesting yeah do you know what borax is yes sodium borate yes it's used uh in like um refining like materials like silver like

metals right so it's in stuff household laundry and cleaning products yeah oh that too yeah it's a ph buffer a co-complexing agent, which I've been crying out for. Water softening agent, flux, whatever that is, small scale gold mining. Flux, that's what I meant. It's used in the manufacturing of flubber. Of course it is. A rubber polymer, sometimes called slime, flubber. Flubber's not real.

Or glitch. Is it? It is now. Flubber, named from the film the absent-minded professor glorp glurch or slime are common and referred to a rubbery polymer formed by cross linking of polyvinyl alcohol with a boron compound jesus there you go you can make it there's a picture of a lad holding flubber it's a real thing no it's silly putty we call it silly putty isn't no flubber is a non-newtonian fluid. Why does Silly Putty have that...

You get the little pockets of air and they snap, you know? Yeah, yeah. When you're melding it, molding it. It's almost like a plastic, isn't it? Yeah. It's like a plastic, I think. I had it when I was a kid. I remember you could roll it flat and press it onto a comic.

When you lifted it up, it had the print of the comic. That was piracy. You shouldn't have... That was piracy. Sorry, Lewis. That was 1983 piracy. You wouldn't steal a comic was piracy. Sorry, Lewis. That was 1983 piracy. You wouldn't steal a comic with silly putty. Well, it was reversed

because it was backwards. It was pointless. You could get a mirror and you could... That's right. But I would have to own the comic first to do it. So in my mind, it's just a backup. It's fine. I've made a backup.

I'll also say my silly putty was eventually taken away from me and disposed of because I left it on an armchair and my dad sat on it and he was not happy. He had silly putty was eventually taken away from me and disposed of because I left it on an armchair and my dad sat on it and he was not happy. He had silly putty stuck to his arse. Yeah, I think it probably does like a greasy stain, doesn't it? I had one of those classic pop guns. Did you have one of those that shoots a cork out of the end?

Yeah, yeah. I had one of those where you cocked it like a Winchester rifle and put the cork in the end and shot it. And I remember one day all the corks went missing. I was like, I can't find any of the corks in gun and my parents like no keep looking they'll turn up looking back now they fucking threw those away i would have done the same thing i was shooting that thing all the time it was it was a real awakening for me that was when i first do i want to join the sa man i'll tell you the ones that we threw out i don't know if your kids have had these flax but you know like

those fucking like they're like slimy hands on a on like a slimy string and you whip them at the wall and they oh those things are amazing stick man they leave so much grease behind though we had to chuck them all out like there's just big grease splodges all over the walls and stuff from yeah gross the worst my kids make stuff at school sometimes when they were younger they would make slime yeah school, which is like some weird flowery. I don't know how they've done it, but it's weird. They make their own Play-Doh at school usually as well with like flower and shit.

They bring it home and they're like, I've got this new Play-Doh I made. And I take one look at it and I think as soon as your back is turned, this shit's going right in the bin because this is a fucking nightmare. That's a good parenting tip generally, actually. Like, don't be afraid to just chuck stuff out like uh if in doubt throw it out most of the time like with kids in my experience the excitement is contained to like the moment they're doing it but they don't they won't think about it again after that right so like yeah same with like these like sticky hands

or whatever they got them and they liked them at the time but then the minute they put them down and move on to something else you could just chuck them out they will never come back to them unless they're just sitting there and they they catch their attention but if you chuck them out like they won't ask for them and if they do just say oh i must have put them in the attic or something just like just like fob them off of it luckily now because of the dog i've got a ready-made excuse i can just say look i'm sorry because we're gonna have to throw this away because if the dog ate it she'd get really sick which is true and they'd be like but i won't leave it on the floor i was like come on you know at some point she's gonna get me like okay and they throw it away it's that dog it's

really good when you get to the point where you can kind of reason with your your kids when you can yeah when you've got someone else to blame for when you've got when you've got scapegoat yeah that's what it is the other one that we use a lot as well is like uh when they were smaller like it doesn't work now but when they were smaller say you're like out in public or whatever and your kid is like trying to climb up some stairs that they shouldn't be or like doing you know touching stuff that they shouldn't be or whatever our favorite one was like oh the lady's watching the lady's gonna come over and and tell you to stop and that was always enough for my kids to be like oh my god who is this lady what is she what how dare she even uh come near me i'm gonna

i better stop doing this like it was uh like such a good deterrent the lady so it's a good one yeah well there you go that's uh that's a good podcast Thank you guys for joining us You can follow Tri Force On Spotify To get new episodes As soon as they come out Every Wednesday Until next week Hope you guys

Hope we're still in the football And Yeah why not Why not treat yourself To WH Smith Get yourself a little book Yeah With a bearded man on the cover

Why not Just see what's all the fuss is about Why the hell not Just engage in some escapism With some Some hard man Drive down to Clarkson's Farm Shop and buy some shit as well. Why not?

Yeah, do that. Thanks, everyone. Okay. Bye. Bye.