Triforce! - Triforce! #185: Papa Sips' Third Tour

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

Triforce! Episode 185! Triple-dad Sips shares the experience of having a third child, Pyrion is the Judge Judy of his family disputes and Lewis, who has zero context about any of this, says Sauna in a weird way. Go to http://manscaped.com and use code TRIFORCE to get 20% off with free shipping. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. won't find anywhere else. Experience the excitement of the casino floor right on your phone. Download the app and play whatever, wherever, and whenever. Your options for fun are endless. On DraftKings Casino, your way is the only way to play. Join the fun on your time, in your space, and within your means. The best part is it's safe, secure, and reliable. So deposits and withdrawals happen when you're ready. Go all in on fun with DraftKings Casino. Head to the App Store to download.

Explore a full suite of games and find your favorites today. DraftKings Casino, the crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario, 1-866-531-2600. 19 and over and physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See casino.draftkings.com for details. Please play responsibly.

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. We've had a couple of weeks off, during which time many things have happened. I'm'm joined by sips who is sweating his balls off in chelsea i hate it with his brand new baby oh god i don't know which i hate more on is it i'm just kidding um yeah no it's too hot i, it's hard enough having a newborn when it's like, you know, 35 degrees outside and inside at all times, like even for sleeping. Holy shit. It's meant to break tomorrow. I can't wait.

I hope that it just rains for like a year straight. And yeah, also P-Flex is here fresh. We literally heard him running up the stairs. Yeah, yeah. And he put this headset on. He sounds broken. I am very tired. He's got his tearaway trackies on,

so he can just, like, unbutton them from the side and rip them right off. And he's sitting there in his undies right now. I'm sitting, I'm recording this as I speak to you. I'm still sweating, and I am topless. So, ladies and gentlemen who who are so inclined just imagine a sweaty fresh from the gym period flags here live on the triforce podcast at your service gosh i i actually said you could you could take a shower um before the podcast if you wanted we're we're

in no rush but you replied that you can't because the cleaners here yeah yeah and you can't have the fan on because it's it will get on the recording. So you're just going to... It's like being in a sauna. It is like being in a... A sauna. As a normal person calls it, a sauna. It's a pronunciation.

It's a sauna. I believe that's how it's pronounced. It is. It may be, but that's not how anybody says it. No, I don't know what came over me. Well, I've decided to just, you know, go with the flow. He's inventing his own pronunciations now.

He's just decided, you know what? I'm as English as they get, and now I'm making the rules. I've just decided it is now sauna. Everything's topsy-turvy. Yeah. I, for the first time, have turned my shower. I had my shower this morning.

I turned the lever the other way. For the first time ever. For the cold. Weren't you just saying a couple of weeks ago that you were going to start taking cold showers? Oh, yeah. I did do that. And there was a couple of people on Twitter who were like. It's a terrible idea.

Actually, taking a cold shower is the best thing that you can do i've been taking one for every day for 700 years and there's nothing wrong with me like that's right it's the wim hof thing it's like a thing he sort of teaches you where you can take control of your heartbeat and stuff and control your body and freeze your literal balls off i think other i think people have different levels of heat and cold tolerance like all the americans are currently laughing at us you know yeah yeah once they found out that we are dying in 30 degree heat you know when they're like no but they're 30 degree heat they're quick for it i mean i i jest i i'm pretty i'm sure there are health benefits to cold showers and stuff and actually honestly i could be converted right now to taking just cold showers because it's so hot i've just been taking lukewarm because it's

yeah same it's hot enough you know i don't want to get hotter no um but uh but at the same time i'm always my mom swears by the fact that if you're really hot have a nice hot cup of tea yeah and she was like yeah because it makes you sweat and that cools you down i'm thinking bitch i'm already sweating jeez I would never say that to my mom Mama I'm already sweating. I don't need Americans are equipped for it all the heat, you know the land of convenience, right? They have anything to they've got air-cond everywhere. You're right. That's every shop every vehicle every accommodation Okay, check this out okay you

know boots like the boots the the the store boots you know boots we don't both you know the fucking chemist you're going there you need a hey boots get fucking ac in your fucking store i'm in there trying to buy fucking diapers i I'm sweating my balls off. I've come out looking like a piece of fried prosciutto. What are you doing? Come on. Like my wife, Ziti. I'm like baked Ziti in here. Make a call.

I look like they boiled the cannolis for too long in there. Not on. It's boiling in here. How about some AC? Oh, fuck me, boots. I don't know what they're thinking. Like, it's this huge, you know, you're meant to, it's meant to be a safe place, you know, like to buy things and peruse and stuff. Man, it's like huge you know you're meant to it's meant to be a safe place you know like to buy things and peruse and stuff man it's like shopping in hell in there it's so fucking hot

i think they want you out i think they see you coming and they're like oh it's the guy who thinks you're coming to a chemist to peruse yeah they're like just buy the anusol and leave sir you don't need to peruse then there's a limit i i tried to buy 69 boxes of uh and you saw and they were like no we could only sell you three it's like what the fuck is this shit like you don't want my money they're like no we just want to make sure that other customers can get the anusol i need it and you saw i pronounce it that way because i've taken a leaf out of i've taken a leaf out of lewis's book i'm just doing my own thing would you like some anusol for your sauna? Yes, please.

Yes, I would for my sauna. Put it all over my cannoli. Just slather it on there. Jesus Christ. What is a cannoli, anyway? It's like a little dessert. It's like a cream-filled... It's not pastry, I don't think.

It's more like... It's kind of a... I wouldn't say it is biscuity. I think it's like a creamy tube. Yeah, it's not it's not pastry i don't think it's more like uh it's kind of a i don't know i wouldn't say it is biscuity i think it's like a creamy tube yeah it's a tube let me get to the bottom of this one it's a fucking cannoli is uh what is uh do you eat cannolis hot or cold cannolis are best served chilled and though this makes the creamy filling retain its shape that filling still soaks into the crispy shell you fill the shells ahead of time they absorb moisture from the filling and become soft and soggy it's fried pastry dough there you go yeah so it's like a it looks like a

like desserty it's normally kind of a ricotta filling so i'll be honest with you they're okay they're okay they're not my favorite italian filling perfection but they're okay. They're okay. They're not my favorite Italian perfection, but they're okay. It's a staple of Sicilian cuisine, apparently. It is, yeah. A staple. There you go. Whereas in the rest of Italy, they just eat staples, which is very different. Tiramisu, ricotta, cassata, cannelloni. People have searched for all of these things.

Right, I see. And if you want to know where to get some, I'm just looking at a map, a local map, where it's showing me where I can get some. Let me just scroll over here. Boots. Yes. The Boots Jersey sells them. No, it looks like Bella Italia, Hoitros, and a place called Hotel Chocolat sell cannolis.

Really? There you go. I've never had one. Maybe next time you're in Jersey, Lewis, you can indulge. Get a cannoli. They're okay. I don't know if they're vegan. We'll discuss whether we want to

whack anyone off. I want you to whack him off, Vinny. You sure about that, boss? Yeah, whack him off. You know what I'm saying? Whack him off in a sauna but turn up the sauna is so hot so high that when the whack-off is complete and he comes nothing comes out it just evaporates instantly like a ghost like an old man

i just typed into google why does my space to see what comes up? What do you think the results are? Why does my eye keep twitching? Is the top result. Oh, mine does that too. I never looked that one up. I get that occasionally. Why does my stomach hurt? Why does my dog eat grass?

Why does it hurt so much? Why does my cat lick me? Why does life hurt so much? Why does she not love me anymore? That's not on there. Why does my belly button smell? Why does my pee smell? Okay, how can you even tell if your belly button anymore. That's not on there. Why does my belly button smell? Why does my pee smell? Okay, how can you even tell if your belly button smells?

Like, I can't reach down there. That's impressive. So what letter could we insert here that would really change? I tried the letter P because I thought why does my penis would be something. Uh-uh. Why does my pee smell? Why does my poop smell? Why does my poop float?

And then the other P that people are concerned with. I thought it was going to be penis. Why does my phone keep disconnect Why does my poop float? And then the other P the people are concerned with I thought it was gonna be Penis, why does my phone keep disconnecting from Wi-Fi? Why does my phone say no service? Why does my phone keep this is because it's run by children and teenagers The internet is run by the children who are searching for poop and teenagers searching for phone Assistance because they got shit phone. Yeah, okay But listen, have you guys ever been like annoyed with like say a video game before okay take tarkov for example okay you're playing tarkov and yes and you get you just get angry right now you mentioned out of nowhere or something right right and like and you're so frustrated and so uh so annoyed with it that

like you go to google and you and you you do a search but the search is like like a rage search you know so you'd be like why do i keep getting fucking domed by fucking nerds out in the field and fucking tarkov like hoping as if google could help you with that you know that it just comes back very specifically get good something like that yeah it's like yeah it's like a venting search yeah um i actually i actually i told my alexa to fuck off um well a couple of times because there's now notifications right and it goes and it's like i'm like i already can't sleep i'm like sweating my balls off i've like you know it's 30 degrees in my room i've had the fan on which is loud there's a car alarm going off outside jimmy there's car alarm going off outside. Do you know what I mean?

There's another alarm going off across somewhere else. I got told. I walked through my building, and there was alarms going off, and there was a guy fiddling with them. I was like, what's going on? He's like, it's a heat alarm. I was like, what are you... A fucking heat alarm. I just nodded and said, sure.

But, I mean, heat alarm? Heat alarm. Maybe he was joking, but I don't think so. He looked dead serious. God damn. He was pulling your leg, I'm sure. Heat alarm. I'm going to Google that right now.

Heat alarm. I don't know. The most common reason for alarm falses with heat is the hood switch. The expansion of the hood can trigger the pin switch to activate. with heat is the hood switch. The expansion of the hood can trigger the pin switch to activate. So when the hood expands in the heat, it triggers the pin switch, as I now know, and that sets off your car alarm because it thinks someone's trying to jimmy your hood open to steal your valuable battery. Right. Or the carboblitic

conschmurter, which is a car part I can't remember the name of. Right. Yes. Catalytic converter. Right. Yeah. People nick them. car park i can't remember the name of right yes catalytic converter right yeah people nick so we're back uh we're we're we're back in like kind of restrictions uh over here covid stuff in jersey yeah yeah we're back we had freedom day there's so much has happened i know you guys have had freedom day we're back to wearing masks by law well i think everyone said freedom day

while they were rolling their eyes i think only der brains actually you're big on the der brains people yeah this guy's obsessed with people are gonna stop well i like identifying the person der brains people who people who actually celebrated the idea of freedom day you know i just think how could you fall for this god how is anybody falling like the moment that the government said this is the date and we're not moving it. I'm thinking, well, that's a fucking lie. Like you guys are definitely going to move this date. And they just a few weeks previously had said, we're driven by data, not dates. And then they said, no, no, no.

We've come up with a date now and we're sticking to it. And I just thought, what are you going to do if in a week's time? Absolutely. They're going to flip, flop and he flew. I've been burned so much by this. It's just stupid. They were like, I got emails from like Blue Islands and all those people

and also I was like Reddit and it was like, Jersey's open for business. Come to Jersey. So I came to Jersey. It's closing again. The day I got there, they were like,

from tomorrow, you're fucked. We are closed for business. It's like flip-flopping. Well, we have more cases now than we've ever had since they've relaxed everything.

Just after Louis Springley visited. Just want to say. Yeah, yeah. There's your vector. He's a super spreader out in public. And I can tell you from experience, he's a super spreader in the bedroom as well. And in the sauna. And in the sauna, too.

We crank up the heat very high. Yeah, no, we have more cases than ever. Somebody passed away in hospital over the weekend of it um it was like a 47 year old father of three oh my god so quite young and it could have been you it could have been yeah geez i'm a father of three now as well no they so no data whether or not uh who who's been vaccinated and who hasn't and they they didn't say that the person who passed away whether or not they were vaccinated because uh you know i guess people get scared if he managed to get it

and die like after being vaccinated or whatever but um yeah there's like a whole bunch of people out of their head the idea that being vaccinated means you can't catch it no yeah it's crazy yeah um but there's a whole bunch of people in hospital there's a couple of people in in sort of like a critical state in hospital and there's like over 3 000 active cases like with the contact tracing and stuff just at the end of uh school for my kids uh we were getting emails every day like about direct contact there's kids in his class getting it and stuff and i was just like oh man like my son had to get tested again. Thank God he tested negative. And now they're on summer vacation. But, yeah, it's like it's crazy.

It's just never going to go away. Like, it's just going to be we're just going to be we're stuck with this now. Right. It's going to be around forever. What a fucking shit thing to happen. Do you know what I mean? As if there isn't enough shit. This.

Fuck off. I'm done with it. Yeah, yeah. Well, you've had it, too, man. You must be actually done with it. off. I'm done with it. Yeah, yeah. Well, you've had it, too, man. You must be extra done with it. Holy shit. I'm so done. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's the thing. It's like, it's so stressful, even, like, thinking and talking about this stuff. Because everyone's like, well, you know, you're going to have to have booster ones in, like, a year's time. Because it's going to be around forever, and it's going to mutate, like the flu virus is. And now long COVID as well. You guys, there's a thing on the news yesterday is a guy over here who got who had covet uh and like nine months on he still has symptoms of it that just won't go away cannot breathe he can't function he can't work anymore yeah this is why you should be vaccinated and

i've read that like half the people in well it's a sort of anecdotal event but i was reading this this account by a doctor and he said half of his his patients on the ward haven't been haven't been vaccinated and he's he stopped asking them why um because mostly they're can't do anything about it now and they're obviously usually embarrassed because you know they thought some of them were just just like oh i'm i'm really fit you know i go to the gym and i run every day. You know, I'm like, I can beat this thing. You know, it's not going to hit me that hard.

You know, if they're not specifically anti-vaxxers, they're people who think they, I don't know. There's also this echo chamber-y thing. Like I watched, I got recommended a YouTube clip of House. And this woman was talking about not vaccinating her baby and House sort of gave her a very sort of half-assed, you know, very house level. Well, you should get vaccinated. And then she changed her mind. Right. And so the top comment was, this is unrealistic because she changed her mind. In the face of all the evidence, these people don't change their minds.

That's like the presiding thing, isn't people dig their heels in if anything yeah um and the internet gives them this this echo chamber of positive because it's what is it by confirmation bias where they just feel like they can surround themselves with people who agree and then all of them get the plague uh i think it's also stuff like oddly enough i know quite a few people who are into, they're not specifically anti-vaxxers, but they're almost sympathetic because of the way anti-vaxxers picture is. My kid got sick. You must have sympathy with me for that reason. Furthermore, vaccines is what caused it. And they're like, well, you know, they don't know what's in them. And I'm like, yeah, they fucking do.

Like they're not specific. They're like, I'm still going to have my kids to me but i can understand where they're coming from like yeah they're not like a mysterious sea creature that they dug up from the bottom of the sea we don't know what's in it well we saw some juice inside them so we extracted it we're hoping that this is the cure somehow it was pulsating in his balls we couldn couldn't resist. We squirted it into all the children's arms. We told them all to open their mouths and we squirted his juices. We thought it would help.

We also found a creature that squirts it into the child's eyes. You just get the fish to swoop. It squirts into your kid's eyes. Why aren't you doing that? We're just trying to help. Yeah, you're right. It's not, they didn't find it.

No. You know, they developed it. I love that idea. What are we going to do with this fish juice? I found it on the fucking ground in the park. I was walking through the park and I found a needle. It was the vaccine. It was in there.

So I took it, of course. I stuck it in the nearest kid's arm i could find fuck it he got really sick what are you gonna do not my fault blame uh whoever left that uh syringe in the park exactly god yeah it's bizarre it's the same thing as as you know people saying thank god for like you know saving my my you know son or whatever when he's been in a car accident and it's like 14 surgeons stood around exhausted yeah thank god for those 14 surgeons yeah yeah and they're like oh thank goodness any any anyway there was so much has happened this week just

further on to what you're saying about uh surgery and stuff like that thank god for uh midwives as well holy shit man what a job jesus it's just so they're so they are fucking incredible um do you want to talk about the your experience with having a baby third baby and what that's like sure i'll i don't want to bore people so i'll just be brief um baby was nearly born on our kitchen floor uh because uh everything happened so quickly um so uh i i had the car prepped and everything ready to take my wife in the end i had to call the ambulance because like baby was just like i'm i'm coming out now and uh so they they raced over here picked up my wife that's the first time i've ever traveled in

an ambulance so that was kind of fun my wife was screaming the whole time and uh we get to the hospital they're unloading us and the guys are like do not give birth out here okay just hold on for like two more minutes we'll get you upstairs and then you're good to go my wife is still screaming uh and then we get so we get up into uh into maternity thank god uh they get us into a room 20 minutes later baby's out it was insane it was so fucking fast and then six hours later we're at home like we just did not stay we're just as much as i like midwives and stuff i fucking hate the hospital so does my wife so we left for the first one my wife was like we want to stay over but

didn't you find second and third you're like okay baby's here we're leaving oh hell yeah we were just like record time and like every time we go see the midwife now because we're going to like we're going to this center instead of them coming to our house which is also i gotta say pretty amazing it gets you out of the house also you don't have weirdos just staring at you in your own house we every time they look at the red book they're like holy crap that was a really fast one we're like yeah hell yeah like my wife is a fucking super bionic soldier it's it's it was just insane it was awesome it's really good she's been through two tours. I mean, she has.

Yeah, this is her third rodeo now. So she knows what she's doing. And so does her body. She's definitely picked up some medals. I'm telling you that. She's a decorated veteran. The biggest baby we've had, it's the biggest baby that my wife has passed,

eight pounds, 13 ounces. It's a big, big, big girl. Monster baby. I've no context for how big that baby is it's like four bags of sugar would you say monster baby i'm thinking huge real i know it's like four bags of sugar you know like the ones like knocking over buildings quite substantial weight was six pounds three ounces i don't know why they still do it in pounds and ounces for babies, but they do. So Sips' baby was over 25% bigger. Four kilograms, if that makes it better for you, Lewis.

I don't know if you operate in kilograms. Imagine four big bags of sugar coming out of your dick all at the same time. Just imagine that. But your dick is smart enough to sort of accommodate the passing of that. My dick has never been smart it does what it wants honestly i think it's i think it's independent thank god we don't depend on them for much i'll be honest with you you know if childbirth was related to penises in any way there wouldn't be any people i hate my dick recently like it's it's it's it's fucking hot

it's always in the way. Like, my balls are sagging everywhere and stuff. I just feel like, man, I want to be a Ken doll when it's this hot outside. Like, just fucking graft underpants to my skin and cut off my dick and balls and I'm good to go. You know what we need? We need that thing that a lot of animals had where it just retracts and it's out of the way for running and hunting and sitting. Yeah, yeah. Just get rid of that shit. Let me have, like, a sheath. Mine'm just like hanging. Oh, it's flopping around

Time actually to talk about our sponsor this week landscape Not intended Gosh, but you're right I was just thinking maybe I gotta get the the old trimmer on to my balls because at least it I can't cut my balls Off but at least I can't cut my balls off But at least I could groom them a little bit make it a little bit more You should have in your in your perfect package tips so manscaped Ball deodorant and anti chafing moisturizer shit, which does does I wouldn't advise fully shaving

But with the manscaped trimmer you can like just shave it down to like I used like a one or two. You get like a five o'clock shadow on your balls. Yeah, and that stops them sticking to your leg, the classic. Oh yeah, and then I guess if you get some of that powder on there and like the deodorant and stuff. You know what, if the Manscaped

guys are listening, if you could provide a tiny little paddling pool that you just sit your balls in that would be a really good addition my uh my wife has i'm sure she won't mind me saying because they're fairly common things she has these like cooling pads that you put in the fridge for her boobs because they're sore after the pregnancy can i just i want to borrow one of those for my balls like during this but you don't want to it because then that's going on a boob. Exactly.

I need to get my own cooling ball ring or something. But I'm telling you, the little nut paddling pool, I think, could be a good idea. Just dip your knackers in the pool for a bit. I'll propose it to Manscaped because they are the best on the market for those of you in need of looking after your personal grooming. Pfax, I hope your chest hair that you're displaying right now is very well groomed. You know, like the hair that kind of develops like around like your belly and belly button, that immediate area? Mine is shaped like a maple leaf.

Oh, that's very cool. Yeah. Have you done that deliberately? No, no. I think it's just good genes or like, you know, strong Canadian genes or something. That's how they breed them in Canada. It just looks like a maple leaf. It's pretty awesome. Well, look, if you want to trim

your chest hair or ball hair into to replicate Sips' shapes, why not? With Manscaped. There you go. Manscaped. There you go. Manscaped.com slash Triforce. You can get 20% off and free shipping. Do yourself a favor and always use the right tools for the job.

That's 20% off, free worldwide shipping. Manscaped.com slash Triforce. Trim your chesticles with the besticles. Join 2 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped with their perfect precious jules dick and balls. Yeah, exactly on with the show Can I say on with the show man? That was a perfect? Segway into an ad like just you've never done it integrated. Yeah, normally we do them separate Oh, we've been doing this for like five years it's never occurred to us it's a masterstroke by lewis there holy crap thanks let's get a little

yeah a little triforce round of applause for lewis there wow well done we had a balanced balanced audience there one one applause one boo yeah no i was wooing actually not oh i'm sorry okay no woo oh i'll chuck a boo no that's good that's good that's good thank you he's taking No, I was wooing, actually. Oh, I'm sorry. No, woo. Oh, Chuckaboo. Chuck, one of those in there. That's good. That's good. Thank you. He's taking the knee right now, and you're booing, and I'm cheering. Oh, no.

Very topical. Don't remind me of our summer of shame. Yeah. Wow, the booing. Listen, babies, another interesting fact for you guys, if you didn't know. I'm sure Flax is probably aware of this. Babies are born with this natural instinct to seek milk from a breast but it but any breast so yeah it's quite funny baby like when i pick up baby especially if

my shirt's off which it has been a lot recently because of the heat and stuff uh she's just like trying to like suck on my mantids like it's hilarious she's gonna latch onto those mantids yeah yeah i just i just kind of let her because it's all hairy and stuff i'm like well good luck i mean there's not much happening there but you know if you want to try go for it if you want to mess with a tiny baby and i know you all do stroke their teeth stroke their cheek very gently and they suddenly go like they're trying to grab a nipple it's quite funny you just stroke their cheek and they they just open and shut their mouth and flip their head around

like some kind of crazy animal. It's a weird instinct. Top lip as well. If you touch their top lip, all of a sudden it's like, the food? It's funny. If you want to mess with a baby,

now you know. They don't have anything else in their lives. You monsters. You monsters. It gets boring. You've got gonna entertain yourself somehow what else are you gonna do they're not gonna remember yeah come on that's true actually yeah it's just funny my other kids never slept uh it turns out and uh with this with our with our

current our new baby uh who sleeps all the time it's really great actually um we're constantly like oh is she okay like i hope she's all. She's just like sleeping all the time, but they're meant to, we're just not used to it. We had two kids that just never slept. Like they just were up all the time. Yeah. I, I, I'm really, I feel so awful for people when they tell me that I didn't, we didn't have that, that problem as much, but I know a lot of people whose kids, even now, and they're like, not that different from mine in terms of age, they're waking up at five in the morning, bouncing around. And I'm just like, no. Like, I don't know if it's,

we were very good at just leaving them in the morning for a while. You know, I don't know. You wake up at six, six is fine. You don't wake up at four. Let them, some people are straight in there. We're just like, no. And when it came to bedtime,

I know some friends of mine had big routines. One of my friends would have to lie on the floor with his hand on his daughter until she went to sleep and then literally commando crawl out of the room until she was about five or six. Or she would wake up. And I'm like, no, she wakes up,

but she goes back to her room. Like, you've got to be firm. And they'll cry, no, but my stomach, blah, blah, blah. You've got to put a stop to that shit right away. Right away, baby. That's what you get when that's how you end up with a jacob reese mob yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah we've had we've had like bits and pieces like that over the years with with both of our our older kids and um and we just

sort of let it play out and it kind of sorts itself out it's not too bad but it wasn't like as extreme as you know having to put your hand on them while they're sleeping and then creeping out and stuff like that it's more just like like i still like lay next to one of their beds like before they go to bed or whatever it's just like a tradition sort of thing i just watch youtube or whatever i don't really care um but it's funny because my daughter who wakes up really early and expects everybody to get up and the day to start at like 5 30 or whatever just like the past couple of days has just like come to the realization that nobody cares it's just like yeah like 5 30 in the morning she'll come into our room one of us is up with the baby feeding the baby and stuff and she's just

like okay i guess nobody's getting up with me she just goes downstairs and watches tv it's great so uh like it's funny things just have a way of uh working themselves out sometimes you know you don't you don't plan for it and then um you know she's just like oh yeah i mean honestly i expect that the reason the baby's sleeping either some of them just do but think how relaxed you and your wife must be now third baby you know all the crying sounds you know what you're doing it's like going to get your car serviced and they're just like oh we've identified the problem already we're definitely not going to rip you off here you go it's all fixed in fact while we were having this conversation you just think i'm in good hands yeah it feels

like that too it's like first class service here's your champagne before we take off here's the menu bim bam bosh would you like a you know massage and everything you just feel like i'm safe i'm in great hands the pilot comes on it's it's uh bruce dickinson from i'd made music we're gonna be fine because there's no way Bruce is going to crash. Yeah. No, it's been – I mean, like, obviously tiring, but smooth, like a lot smoother than the other two. I think we're just, like, taking a lot more, like, in our stride this time, which is pretty good. There's not a lot of sitting around analyzing why this is happening, why that's happening.

Just stuff happens and we're just kind of like – No books, constantly read, yeah. Oh, okay. Just like, you know, I guess everybody's going to bed at one o'clock this morning. It doesn't matter. Like, you know, it just kind of, it feels like a little bit like our house has become like Malcolm in the Middle's house, you know, but just with smaller kids. It's just like that chaos, but it's like not, it's not like annoying chaos, you know,

it's kind of a nice a nice chaos oh you're surrounded by your family it's a it's a wonderful thing you know it is it is a wonderful thing yeah sorry i won't go too much family what's family life like oh it sucks but it's uh good sometimes too it's a mix it's a mixed bag it must be so different to you know what i'm my day today is we have just this independent guy yeah it's weird lots of chores i don't know how many chores you do in a day but like it's just none especially with uh with a wife recovering from giving birth and uh and and just like two other kids and then a baby around all i do all day is change diapers and uh do the dishes and put washing on and hang

washing out and bring washing in daily quests yeah that's it it's like it's like daily world quests constantly all day long it's crazy and then you reward yourself with hobnobs yeah and then everybody goes to bed at some point and then you just uh collapse where you're standing so that's fun you do it is weird you do get into a routine eventually yeah especially when they're when they're, the routine becomes more about knowing where they have to be and what they're meant to be wearing and have to bring with them for X activity. So my eldest now, she takes herself off to school, comes back from school. The only thing we really need to do, she doesn't have a packed lunch.

She has a nice canteen at school. Only thing we have to do is make sure she has school uniform for the week. Bosh, done. And then, oh, she's got this on this day and that on that day. So it's just running them around. You become more of a taxi service and less of a sort of and hotel service and less of a butler and you know valet sort of thing yeah it's more more management than anything else and also constantly having to deal with you know like you feel a bit like um a very small scale court a very

local court systems that's a small community. Judge Judy. Just four of us. Yeah, yeah. But there are a lot of court cases. A lot of claims to settle. Things like my girls recently moved into separate rooms. This was a couple of weeks ago. My eldest finally decided she had enough.

The youngest decided she'd had enough of the eldest. They want separate rooms now. So I was like, okay, you can move into the spare room. You can have to tidy it up and all this kind of stuff. But the problem is there was actually quite a few custody battles. The primary one being Alexa. Who keeps the Alexa? Wow.

And my youngest made her case to me, which is I use the Alexa every day. I have to ask her what the weather's going to be like that day. And it's true. She does. And then she comes and tells us what the weather report is. Oh, that's good. That's handy, actually. She does.

And she comes down. She goes, it's going to be a high of 28 today, chance of rain in the afternoon, about 30%, getting cooler later in the evening, leading into rain and possibly stormy showers late at night. And thank you very much, sweetheart. That's good to know. And she listens to a lot of music on it. She sets little alarms for herself on there.

And if she's got a stupid question, she can ask Alexa. Alexa, are zebras horses? You know, Alexa can tell you. No problemo. so in that way we kind of uh roboticize a little bit of uh the child care and then she's playing in her room she's on calls with her mates playing games or whatever my eldest is just on her phone she's on tiktok she's on youtube she's chatting to her mates and everything like that but she claimed that she also knew the alexa so we had to fucking buy alexa one for each bloody room oh my god

the other the other case was the fan just when it started getting hot i bought a fan a big floor fan like the one i've got for the girls room no problem it's a big fan the old one broke so this is a huge four fan you whack it up to max aerates the whole room even though they're in bunk beds no problem my eldest has now moved to the spare room which is the coolest room in the house but it still gets hot in this weather she makes the case to me that she needs her own fan so i'm like great i'm not going to buy a fan as well as an alexa so i have to order a new fan it feels like this court case isn't isn't solving custody battles as much as just buying new shit that's the case but they have to picture me so for instance how come she gets to do so and so and i don't and

the judge's final ruling is because she's 12 and you're nine end of story that's that's always that's the excuse that you just use right like why does she always get to pick what we do because she's five she'll cry if we don't do what she wants that's it it's as simple as that factor and it seems unfair my son thinks that's unfair but i always just say do you want to listen to her cry for like three hours and he's like no i was like well boom case closed yeah next yeah so you're kind of doing that kind of stuff all day and when they get older then there's other things that they come to you with like problems and complaints and then you get reports from their school and you're like what's this why you've been handing in your french home and you know that kind of stuff so it just becomes like i said more upper management like you get promoted from factory of children where you're just like pumping food in one end and taking

poop out the other into handling quite complex cases that's the later stages and then when you retire when they leave home uh you wish they were back i guess and they never call you know they never call so sad yeah when was the last time you called your parents? yesterday when the baby was born that's fair enough my parents sent me little pictures of what they're doing they went to a folly that's a parents thing to go to made by what was his name

Capability Brown is this like a rapper? wow no he was this Victorian landscape gardener who was a famous guy who built all sorts of dumb English architecture all over the country when all these rich families wanted, you know,

like a little shack for the beggar to hang out in and stuff like this. You know what I mean? He was a garden architect. He was responsible for around 170 gardens surrounding the finest country houses and estates in britain wow what was his name calamity jones yeah capability brown capability brown lancelot capability brown yeah i read that he got his name from the fact that when he went round to people's houses, well, country houses, and had a look at their landscape,

he would say, this has the capability to be good. But yes, he's quite iconic as this master gardener. Nice. And very famously built a lot of weird stuff that then sort of went out of vogue, but then sort of came back into vogue more after he was dead like like victorian did you say was he victorian maybe older actually 1783 so quite a lot older than he caught a lot of shit in the 19th century apparently and the 18th they were sort of

saying oh this is cack i guess it's the way it goes like we look at this stuff and you think wow this is beautiful look at like look look at interior decoration from like the 70s now oh my god i mean they would have been these people would have been held up as like best in feel yeah yeah now we look at it like just teak and like browns and stuff like that and you just don't see anything like that anymore like wood paneling on your walls and shit like same with like the 80s remember those big tvs they like uh you had like the tv but there was a encased in like a big wooden sort of like uh it had like fucking knobs and like hinges and shit all over it i want the one that comes out of the wall and the whole wall just yeah just moves aside and out comes a tiny cathode ray tube yeah that's the thing like a lot of that stuff like like

design and and and whatnot some of it just doesn't come back around it'll it'll it will come back everything comes back well some things don't come back around i don't think the charlie chapman mustache is making a reoccurrence no that's probably not going to yeah hey listen um speaking of like gardens and stuff man i harvested some cucumbers the other day they grew okay uh i got some tomatoes some cherry tomatoes coming up i want to know how it tasted well i haven't tasted them yet they're just they're still sitting in the kitchen just like uh you know the first thing i would have done would have been get that in a salad it's freshly

picked you know you gotta leave it hanging around a little bit it's gotta you know it's gotta finish finish greening up and stuff you know you can't just right just chop it straight off the vine and just eat it well you could but like i chose not to i got some peppers coming up and stuff you know you can't just right just chop it straight off the vine and just eat it well you could but like i chose not to i got some peppers coming up and stuff too it's been great lots of lots of good stuff lots of good stuff is growing i think all this hot weather has really helped too just like there's there's just new fruits everywhere i've noticed so or maybe it's because i've been busy with the baby i haven't had as much time to go out and check but i checked yesterday i was like whoa there's just like shit everywhere is awesome your god is not that it's i love how you're shit everywhere it's it's like it's like there's like a wall of plants yeah i know yeah but all those plants are producing

fruit now lewis i'm overwhelmed i don't know what to do with all this stuff well you know you just start a farm you just start uh start sips his farm yeah so just saying it's like a just give it a good idea give it a go um so yes i did want to briefly talk about sport partly because the olympics has kicked off yeah that's right yeah it starts tomorrow right officially it does although apparently some of this some of it started already yeah they they do like bits of it like weird like qualifying bits and pieces right for certain events certain events and stuff, like start early. But the official ceremony is tomorrow. I mean, there's obviously a few sad stories about people who've tested positive and can't go.

Yeah, of course. Which is always a problem. But it's kind of exciting. I always like watching the weird stuff, sports that I've never heard of. And I don't know, just people. It's almost like watching that weird stuff that i've sports that i've never heard of and i don't know just people it's almost like watching that getting done quick you know it's nice to see people who are very proficient and spent their whole life playing this game or doing this sport that no one's ever heard of and they're the best in the world at it and the thing that interests me about the olympics is always every year you hear about how the olympic village is this basically massive sex party where the

15 000 hottest people almost fit people in the world i guess and young go and like socialize after their events are done for the whole week i'd be doing so much fucking if i was a prime condition athlete oh man you'd be doing it like down and like Like like a trapeze artist and shit like these people like ultra in shape, right? You they are but do you reckon that you'd have your own private sex Olympics as well? You'd be like, okay Last year he took the gold medal for banging the most chicks in at once New contender can compete and he he's stepping up to the podium and he's away. And then there's like, they have little commentary teams and stuff like that because

you know, geez, you get knocked out, all your sport is on Wednesday, and it's fucking Sunday. What are you going to do? Well, these people are ultra competitive. I'd imagine that every aspect of their life is like that. Okay, yesterday this guy took the gold for eating his muesli the fastest.

Let's see if he can recreate the magic today. We're looking for a new world record this morning. Yeah, oh my God. Yeah, imagine everything. They probably competed to see who can shit the fastest, to see who can spit the furthest. I think everything is just a big competition in that village. It's probably exhausting.

They're probably having blood transfusions to like you know make sure they can you know drink the most wine or whatever do you mean that i i anyway i always hear about this because apparently they gave out i think it was like 150 000 condoms or something which was enough for but this year they haven't right they're discouraging it because of covid no they have they have but they made the beds out of cardboard but that's not going to stop apparently the apparently that's a myth because i saw the athletes beds being made of cardboard they are made of cardboard but it's that's not to stop them having sex they're not making them sleep it's not like they got a cardboard box like no i didn't think they were really weak and just put a pillow on it it's just they're made of cardboard but it's like recycled material like it's very sturdy it's just to make it easier to to cut down on the carbon footprint

of the games is what it is right and apparently i mean the athletes have assured me via tiktok it's still possible to fuck on these beds i'm thinking of course it is jesus also like we're saying they're just gonna fucking they don't even need beds we've been through this yeah they could just they could just do it hanging off the door frame they're gonna do it whilst pole vaulting they're gonna pole vault towards each other and meet in the middle blammo oh my god that that is some olympic that is some karma sutra shit well that's this is the level that these people operate at i mean i don't blame them if i was like if i was able to do all that kind of stuff i I'm not for the record. I'm like a broken shell of a man right now.

I'd be at it all the goddamn time. Like, geez, why not? You got nothing else to do between events, right? You might as well. I would love to see a guy doing a pole vault with just a massive swinging boner. Of course you would. God, yeah. Doing a triple jump with a full boner.

Goddamn. Like every jump, just agony. Do you think the boner? God damn. Like every jump, you're like, just agony. Do you think the boner is helping him here? I think he's getting some good distance. He's being hindered by his boner, Reggie. I can't believe it. I think it's got a real good wind resistance going on with that little tiny hat he's got on there. Cuts through the air.

He's got like ten condoms on for the aerodynamics. He's just trying to squeeze in some extra leverage on his penis. I can see. He looks like he's suited up 10 times over. Here in the long jump. He's used it as a tiny pole vault. He has used his penis as a tiny pole vault, and it's given him an extra yard.

Amazing. I've never seen anyone do that. Don't give people ideas, though. This is how these things happen, P-Flex. Do you know what I would like to see? People are willing to do anything to get ahead. I would like to see someone's doing the long jump. They're running towards the sand.

They realize they're not going to make it. And they just leap in the air and just plant their entire body face down in the sand. Just wham! And just, like, stay there in the sand. And people have to come and lift them out. That I would like to see. I'm sure that that is. Look up on YouTube.

People have to come and lift them out. That I would like to see. I'm sure that that is. Look up on YouTube. There's all sorts of like funny or like interesting like Olympic event videos. Olympic fails. Yeah, fails and just like goofs and gaffs and stuff. There's tons of those. Oh, God.

That reminds me of something I really wanted to talk about with you guys on YouTube. This is not related to the Olympics, okay? There's a lot of gun videos on uh on youtube people talking about guns and personal defense and which gun is better and all that kind of stuff and there's this this is one of those echo chambers of course but they also argue a lot about which caliber is better for this you know all that kind of shit that it's just like whatever dude it's all just guns to me this guy called paul harrell paul harrell is a gun youtuber he's probably in his 50s i think he's

ex law enforcement he was in the national guard he does a lot of competitive shooting and stuff like that yeah his videos are incredibly long-winded and the my favorite thing is that he always puts caveats in his videos so you can tell that this is a guy who reads every single YouTube comment, responds to them very personally, takes them very seriously, treats it like genuine criticism and changes his style in his videos so that people can't ask stupid questions or try to catch him out. Like he's if you watch the videos, you'll see what I'm talking about. So the other day he posted this video called Rebuttal Full Stop. Like, I don't know who puts full stops in YouTube videos, but it's called rebuttal full stop like i don't know who i don't know who puts full stops in youtube these video titles but it's like rebuttal full stop it's an hour and 10 minute video of him responding to this guy criticizing him uh this guy made some stupid video calling him out everybody thinks this other guy is an idiot they're all on paul harrell's side

it's an hour and 10 minutes the number of caveats and the number of explanations for why he does what he does and he's like and i know that revolvers don't just come in six shots i'm just trying to save time some of them come in five some of them come in seven so there's even some with 12 and he's like everything he says he's like driving himself crazy oh trying to just give this simple presentation but he's also driving himself crazy by trying to cut off any chance that a youtube comment has to come in and say, well, actually, that's his whole life is trying to shut down. Well, actually, he's at the source. And when you watch his videos, I've been watching him for a few years. They're quite relaxing in a weird way.

When you watch his early videos, he's not like that. And now you can see he's almost going crazy trying to shut down. That's going to be an interesting sort of evolution over the years. Just seeing this guy gradually going insane, trying to shut down that's gonna be an interesting sort of evolution over the years just seeing this guy gradually going insane trying that is exactly it it's so check it out because it is honestly something else like he does some pretty good analysis videos where he demonstrates how bullets would go through this and that and stuff it's quite scientific the way he does it uh but then his later videos he seems to be losing his mind it's quite funny jesus christ man you can see where it comes from though right like like he's he's very self-aware and also he obviously takes people's he probably takes people's people's comments too seriously

unfortunately i think that you couldn't there's a line isn't there right where there's constructive criticism and then there's trolling yeah yeah you know i think that it's like this yeah it's just they are getting to him they are really getting to him leave leave paul alone i'm not saying like um just to make like a comparison but i'm not saying i'm doing what what paul does now i'm gonna try to like bulletproof myself at everything i say but um you know like you like you you don't go to like uh you don't take your card to like a mechanic and then tell the mechanic what to do right like he he knows what he's doing right like this guy probably knows what he's doing not only in terms of like guns but also creating content right like he does i i think constructive criticism fine but like i'll take

constructive criticism by somebody who actually has viewers and some experience rather than somebody who doesn't you know what I mean? Like your criticism is just not super useful like like I get it like if you're a viewer or whatever But like it's just like that poor guy would just wouldn't waste my time Honestly like that's the thing that's more to life I don't think it's possible the people that he's working with are also not like YouTubers. Like this is a guy who decided to upload YouTube videos, but you wouldn't call him like the classic YouTuber. It's almost like he doesn't understand what's happening.

Like why are they saying these things? Like he's just, he's dipped into this other world. And I think it sounds like he was one of these people who made what YouTube wanted YouTube to be, which was this thing where you just uploaded yourself doing your thing. But the whole social media platform version of it that's infiltrated it has modified it from what it was originally.

It's not for him. I'm telling you right now, it is not for Paul Harris. I think he needs to understand that it's not a two-way street. He just needs to just put those videos out. Just do him. Do him and not interact with the people. I feel like a good way of coping with this, though, is to imagine that these criticisms

and all of these comments are being made by the same person, right? Like, if you can channel them into somebody you dislike and that you don't believe a word that they say or whatever, and you can imagine that it's them saying it in, in all cases, it's a lot easier to deal with. Right.

Cause you're just like, Oh, this guy, this guy's a fucking idiot. I don't care what he says. Like, you know what I mean? And then,

and then you just apply that across the board every time. And then, uh, and then it's problem solved pretty much. Is it, is this like an issue of people being horrified by finding out who their actual audience is? I always go to Notch when he finally found out that the only people playing Minecraft were kids. Well, so many people playing Minecraft were kids.

And he was shocked, kind of thing, I guess. At least it felt like it. It felt like he didn't know or realize, at that point. And it's kind of, I think maybe this gun guy realises that, you know, he's dealing with a lot of idiots and maybe he doesn't think of himself as one of those people. I guess it's the overlap as well, like going back to the anti-vax thing. You know, I think that a lot of these people

in kind of alternative medicine, there's a lot of overlap with that middle class. Oh, yes. Oh, our Tarquin doesn't eat soy or gluten. And we also haven't vaccinated him. He's a very precious boy. Do you see what I mean? Like there's the whole like the overlap of protection and certain cultures that you don't want, don't really want to be associated with that are actually just right next door to what you're doing. Yeah, yeah. And you have no idea.

But anyway, yeah, it is interesting because I watch MRE Steve, who does the military meals, that guy who opens up, like this is the 1987 Lithuanian combat meal and he'll open it up and show you what's in there and then eat it, right?

I've spoken about these before. It's a very consistent format. He hasn't changed. It works great. He does the format. He doesn't talk about comments at all. He just cracks on. And I think that is the absolute way to do it.

Yeah, that's the best YouTube stuff. It's very pure. It's very pure YouTube. But some people will say suggestions, like they'll refer to their Patreons, but they never talk about YouTube comments. So they'll say, suggestion from our Patreons,

or thanks, shout out to the community for suggesting this. You think that's cool. But they never talk about YouTube comments. So they'll say, suggestion from our Patreons or thanks, shout out to the community for suggesting this. You think that's cool, but they never address criticisms. I think they're very aware of this. Is it a type of person? Because, I mean, I've watched plenty of stuff on YouTube. I've watched plenty of streams and stuff like that. I don't think I've ever once commented, like, with

criticism or anything. You know what I mean? I just don't care enough. Like, if I watch something and I like it, I'll watch it. If just don't care enough like if i watch something and i like it i'll watch it if i don't like it i'll move on with my life like i'm not gonna you know what i mean like i i don't know if if if i maybe i'm just like an outlier or if if most people are like that i honestly think that's most people because people even comments are just like it's kind of like uh like like the spread of misinformation it feels like there's a lot of it out there but actually it's only like 10 people spreading right right right i think that's

commenting i think how many videos you've seen with millions and millions of views they don't have millions and millions of likes or dislikes no no most people can't even be bothered to click like or dislike i don't ever thumbs up or thumbs down a video ever no i've never done it i just like i've never done it i just don't just don't care if i like it i watch it if i don't like it i stop watching it that's the end of it and sometimes i like it and i'll just stop watching it halfway through because i'm just like i like this enough but i'm sure there's something better out there like i'll go find it as well i want to shout out to all those lurkers out there who have been listening to triforce for all this time and never tweeted us never met us never considered pressing on any of us,

never commented on us. They're the real heroes. Nor liked us on a platform. Shout out to you guys who have just lurked in the background and enjoyed this content on your own. Just, I respect you. Because I can, I'm like that too.

I'm a long time follower of certain things. When people pop into the chat or something, like if I'm streaming and say, hey, Perion, first time tuning in and just want to say love the Triforce. Thank you so much. That's really lovely of you.

Brilliant. The people who've stopped into... I'm not shouting out those people. I'm shouting out the people who are never going to do it.

I also want to say thank you to the people that say thank you. The unloved, the unsung, the unnoticed. We notice you right now. There you go.

See? I'm doing it. You're right. I feel like a weird preacher. You are a weird creature. We notice you, the unloved masses. We've identified your curative juices

as well. Inject you into our children in a sauna. We don't know what you will cure but we are coming it's a weird one but i honestly though with a lot of this stuff with a lot of these platforms it's kids too right like i i think i i think we can't uh like like notch finding out that his game was played mostly by kids i think a lot of media like on YouTube and Twitch and TikTok and all that is consumed by kids as well. I installed TikTok and I felt it was like affecting my brain.

I could feel it. Like I felt I was too slow for it. I was like, I just, I couldn't handle it. It was like too much. It was like overload. You've got to give it time. I've been on TikTok for a while now. I've never uploaded.

I will never upload, but I watch a lot. And the thing is the ones that you watch, it you've got to give it time i've been on tiktok for a while now i've never uploaded i will never upload but i watch a lot and the thing is the ones that you watch it obviously got some algorithm in there where it'll go oh he likes this kind of stuff so science videos or stuff with people are genuinely funny i'll watch those the ones where it's like the secrets that they're of mars they don't want to tell you about i'm like next like i don't want to watch this shit so it gradually refines you don't want to find out about the secrets i don't know because i don't trust some twat on tiktok to reveal them to me you're walking through life blind pfax to the secrets of my of mars you fool my mom um she she has tiktok she doesn't upload because she didn't realize that you could and my kids said to her this is when they were down there granny where do you think the videos come from she was like what are you telling me this is just people that have tiktok

just uploading videos i think in her mind tiktok made these videos like they were some kind of broadcasting company like she did not understand enough though i mean she's like if you're older and not like overly tech savvy youtube sure but if you you're looking at TikTok, it's not the same 10 people. There's not a cast of people that clearly work for TikTok and generate all this. It's like a million billion people. And it just never occurred to her

that anyone with the app could upload. She didn't. She had no idea. No, man, that's funny. But she's been on YouTube a lot. How can she not see that? I don't know where she thinks the content comes from.

I think with Facebook, I think she thinks that maybe they are making all of the videos that she fucking forwards to me of you know dogs falling into a swimming pool and stuff i don't know where she thinks the content comes from it's incredible there's an official facebook dog video all right we got a fresh batch of puppies in. Let's get these guys falling into pools ASAP. All right, guys. The cute baby department is crushing us this week. I want 100 new puppy videos today.

100. Get to work, you bums. Oh, fuck's sake. Oh, man. It's good to be back. Thank you very much. Man, yeah. We had a little hiatus.

It was nice. It's nice. It's a much needed break from domestic duties for for me as well it's been real nice also like we'd literally done almost a year straight of triforce like it was like we i don't think we were trapped indoors though we didn't have anywhere else to go it's still going the pandemic it's not over yet i'll have to google this i don't know what you're talking about pan pan pandemic don't look into it. Just stay in there. I think it started in a sauna somewhere. All right.

Thank you for listening, everyone. That's Triforce for this week. Our friends, Hat Films, have started doing their podcast on a weekly basis as well, Hat Chat. So you can check those out. Saturdays at 4 p.m. Give it a go. Listen on Spotify, Apple,

wherever you guys listen to your podcasts. Are they paying for this plug? They're our competitors now. You're my competitor. This is like the end of There Will Be Blood. They've revealed themselves to be our competitor. You're a bastard and a bask. A bastard and a bask.

They're making a proper go of their podcast now. So I've got to give them a bit of respect for that. I'm going to fucking flame their shit out of it. Where are the comments? Where's the comments on that? i've got to give them a bit of respect i'm gonna fucking flame their shit out of it where are the comments where's the comments on that i'm gonna give them yeah me too is that i guys just want to open up by saying i like the podcast but uh a couple of points pointers here now i'm no expert uh all right you can also follow triforce or spotify to get new episodes they come out every Wednesday. There's that's it. Bye. Bye.