Triforce! - Triforce! #189: Lewis buys vegetables, embarrasses everyone

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Triforce! Episode 189! Some behind-the-scenes stories from the Yogscast Sports Day, Lewis tries to get some vegetables and fails to notice social clues and Pyrion breaks the hero archetype from classic movies! Also: we want to fix your lives. We're definitely qualified. Send us some of your awkward social encounters and we'll fix them... or make them much, much worse. Go to http://manscaped.com and use code TRIFORCE to get 20% off with free shipping. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Je suis rejoint par Sips. Bonjour. Et Louis Sprindly du Yogscast. Allô. Je suis Perrion Flax et nous espérons que vous apprécierez nos balades. Oui, oui, c'est magnifique. C'est beau, c'est beau. C'est très beau. J'ai des concombres dans ton cul et après ça, peut-être que tu peux me faire chez moi. I hope it is that

I like that I like that Voulez-vous felcher one way le repositoire de felch? I like that. I like that. Anyway. Oh, God, I just had to close the door. I just noticed there was a man out there

with a meter and he was looking at me really funny when I said tu aimes le felching. I sort of looked around sort of slightly horrified that I'd said it

and then he was looking at me horrified. Tu veux... Tu veux faire un bel chat, monsieur? Is he in the office or something? Yeah, just a random sort of... I think he's got one of those... He looks like he had one of those moisture counters or something. Oh, well, he's going to need to look for some moisture up your butthole.

Oh, man. Oh, my God. What an intro. Nice one, Flax. Fucking nailed it. That GCSE French really came in handy there. Nailed it. God.

Very good. What have you guys been doing? How's the baby? How's the dad life? The baby is six weeks old as of yesterday, which is time flies. That's a month and a half old already. She's getting big. She's feeding well.

She's making moves towards sleeping uh longer at night which is pretty good whereas we would get maybe two to three solid hours of sleep uh in a night uh without interruption now it's like pushing four five we had a we have a seven we had a a seven hour the other night which was pretty good record yeah record it's all timing real night of sleep yeah like sometimes she'll just want to feed a ton before she goes to bed which is great because then it just like knocks her out for a couple hours um but no she's it's good she sort of realizes when it's night time she's sleepy when it's night time and stuff so it's it's uh it's it's getting there it's awesome it's a slow process but once things start falling

into place the whole thing uh becomes uh much better i'm sure you can agree with that flex i absolutely can there is nothing better than a good sleepy baby let me tell you like it's just it's it's amazing to me when you when you have uh when you have kids as as as you have uh you have now three yeah and it's reminding me again listening to what it's like it's amazing how much basic stuff brings you joy again like getting to sleep your kid eating something because yeah now i'm just i just say to my kids make sure you have some breakfast and they go all right and they either do or they don't and if they don't they'll be all right they'll wait till lunchtime they'll have something it's on them. Sometimes they're not hungry.

I can relate to that. But with babies, you do not have any of that kind of choice. It's all on you. And yeah, it's amazing that the joy that you get. You're like, oh, yes, I got five hours sleep. Oh, this is going to be a good day. And it's also like it's the little victories in the day as well. It's like, oh, she's sleeping.

Oh, my gosh, she just slept for four hours hours and i've sat here and watched two movies yeah oh man that those are great times but don't you think in a way those i think it's it's very healthy mentally to have a series of small victories during the day i mean obviously the hard stuff is hard honestly i've always i've always maintained this even outside of uh even outside of having children and stuff. Like me and my wife have talked about this a lot throughout the years. By the way, we just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. Congratulations. I say celebrated.

Wow. We acknowledged it at like three in the morning while the baby was up. And we said, oh, yeah. Well done. But yeah, it's been 18 years since i'm married congrats and um but this is something that's come up like time and time again because you have these sort of like i don't know if you do this flax having having been married for a long time and stuff but you have these sort of conversations every once in a while about because I met my wife when we were both, you know, late, like, like late

teens, just becoming adults. Right. So we got together and a lot of our kind of growing up, if you like developing as people, we've done that together. So all along the way, there's always been a kind of like stop points, break points where we've been, you know, you kind of do like, you kind of analyze like um you kind of analyze like what what what you're doing and how you're living and you know whether you're whether you're happy doing these things and stuff wow and like the the little victories thing is has come up it's a big thing yeah over time where it's just like like a little victory could just be just like a hope knob yeah well no it sounds stupid but it's so true like like i mean i've

worked at some pretty shitty jobs that i haven't liked before and one of the things that helped helped me get through it was just having a routine of like okay i know i'm gonna get a coffee in the morning or i'm gonna get yeah i know it sounds stupid but it does actually working at a job that you hate is fucking stupid as well so you look forward to those little moments it enables stupid yeah so you just you're right you have to you have to do these things right i when i was working in a as a shitty uh medical typist at the broomfield hospital the thing that got me there was the hotel the hotel wasn't the hospital had quite a nice weirdly canteen right and i was excited to go and have the fry up breakfast every morning because i got it for free yeah that's nice those like that's what i'm

talking about you know like it's just it's just those little those little things but like flax is saying you notice it a lot more with with babies because they become a lot more important but uh it's just i just find it i find it interesting it's i think it's a a healthy uh thing to do mentally to help you along. You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree. And if you're not doing it, maybe you could consider doing it. You know, just look at, just look at these small mundane things as things that can prop

you up throughout the day sort of thing. But not, maybe not so much like I did a line of cocaine in the bathroom at work. I don't know if that's necessarily. If you could say I did a line of a big old pair of titties in the bathroom at work, then that's a small victory, I'd say. It's a tough one because on the one hand, that's amazing. On the other hand, I don't know how long term that can... How long can that realistically go on for before it starts becoming a problem?

Just a routine. Yeah, yeah. A big problem in your life. I don't know. Yeah, agreed. before it starts becoming just a routine yeah yeah yeah a big problem in your life i don't know yeah agreed well but by the time this this uh podcast goes out it'll be my 20th uh wedding anniversary so you and i've both been in very long-term relationships and i think uh wow way to like undermine sips's achievement no no no no undermining it's a comparison and and that's all that is well over mine no because I'm older than him So it makes sense that I've been married for a long time

I'm only messing I think it's a huge achievement for both of you That is, as someone who isn't even married How old would I have to be to have a 20 year wedding anniversary right now? I'd have to be 57 Is that how old I am? Or is that how old you're saying? No, that's 20 years from now for me.

Right, right, yeah. We've been together since we were 18. And like Sip said, grown up together in a way. It's all very well. When you're 18, you're not really an adult adult. You're legally an adult, but you've got so much adulting to do. And there's so many things you haven't done yet that you're going to need to learn the hard way

about all kinds of stupid shit. And all those responsibilities and stuff like that is what really comes with adult life getting a job and worrying about bills and shit like that your 20s and your 30s um i think are the the harder i think is incredibly impressive that couples grow up and change completely because when you're 18 you're completely different to when you're 36 or 46 or you know i'm i'm always impressed that people still are very deeply in love um after that amount of time considering how much both of them must have changed um i wonder if it's because changed together yeah but because you've experienced so much together maybe you've changed in the same ways so it's it makes you can sort of compatible i definitely

noticed that like sips's wife has a very similar sense of humor that always honestly that helps so much that does help me and mrs f laugh every day that is such a big thing i mean here's something sips i don't get this this this drives uh me up the wall um when you hear about couples who don't talk to each other for like days at a time. Oh, yeah. They'll fall out. There'll be some argument. Yeah, yeah. I'm not talking to him for like three, four, five days. They're just talking about something.

That's a huge no-no for us. We've never done that. Yeah, it's like if we disagree or have an argument or something like it happens. And we'll both like be on board for it. So like we might just stand in the kitchen and yell at each other for like 20 minutes about something yeah yeah then it's done and it's resolved but like we will never like sleep on like an issue like i don't think in 18 years we've ever gone to bed and been like no you know like we everything's always resolved

before the next day starts. Because otherwise, it's super. Yeah, I agree. I think it's unhealthy for sure. The only way I could, like, at all understand what this is like is because I've been reading Adam Buxton's sort of first book. Right, right, right. Big fan of Adam Buxton. Yeah, yeah.

He's a comedian. He's got a good podcast. He's good, yeah. You know, I think big inspiration for us as as um as podcast people um and and he keeps a log every time he has an argument with his wife he keeps a little log of it um of what was the triggering factor and then you know how who who who what what the main points were on both sides who was in the wrong it's always who who ends up winning if you like but arguments are often precipitated by something incredibly trivial but then bring out more withdrawn frustration do you know i mean that that is like that has built

up over time yeah an argument often isn't about what you're actually arguing about. It's about more stuff that's annoyed you over the course of... And it's often slightly weird stuff that's triggered the argument. You wouldn't normally... It's not always about the dishwasher or leaving the towels on the floor or something.

It's about... I don't know. I think he wanted to get a picture of his face painted on his shed, right? Because some local artist wanted to get a picture of his face painted on his shed, right? Because some local artist would want to paint his face on his shed. His wife just wouldn't allow it because she had to look at the shed every day out the window. That's understandable. Yeah, that's fair enough.

And he'd be like, you don't want to look at a picture of my face? No, I don't. Why? Like, you can imagine how that argument could proceed. But yeah, you don't why like you can imagine how that argument could proceed but yeah exactly you don't you don't want that and you could also understand how your partner you could you could just be like well i wouldn't think she'd have a problem with this why would you have a problem with this and then even the once she's told you why it's still hard to like get it into your head right um but

yes so i'm reading this book it's it's this kind of i think it's part one and it's it's sort of a combination of random stories from nowadays we're coupled with kind of looking back into the 80s because i think adam he went through this trouble where his dad died and then a week later david bowie died right and oh yeah they were both very bowie fan big kind of parts of his life. I think he always, some part of him always assumed that David Bowie was going to be eternal and be, you know, when finally his time came, aliens would come along and beam him up or something. Yeah, yeah.

That was actually one of the harder celeb deaths, I think, for everybody to take. I certainly really, it sounds weird because they're a celebrity and you don't know them, And I get that whole argument. But when David Bowie died, I was really crushed. Like it was awful. Yeah. Because he's like one of those people that's always been there.

Like my whole life, David Bowie's been there. I love David Bowie, love his music. And it's just like, how has this happened? You know, because you kind of want them to go on and on. And then as they get older, they sort of fade into obscurity and retire. And then maybe they die. And you like oh that's sad but when they're still going and still making music and they still seem so young and vital comparatively speaking yeah it feels so much worse it's uh it's a shame we a lot of a lot of good actors and musicians died very recently

really last few years wasn't it was it 2018 was like a whole bunch of people died i think it was yeah it's really sad and um most recently the uh the the rolling stones drummer he passed away too didn't he charlie waits what's yeah just a couple of days ago yeah a really really nice uh story about him actually i was reading um just like some stuff around him passing away and and like a lot of like the messages that people were were saying about him and stuff apparently um back in the day like when the rolling stones were not quite up and coming but they they'd sort of gotten uh a lot bigger and uh and were touring excessively and stuff um they they had this sort of system mcjagger and and the rest of them where their their romantic conquests were like uh you know recorded like tallied up sort of thing

they had lists of uh creepy not like not the names i don't think of the people that they were sleeping with but just kind of like the the volume the volume of people that they were sleeping with and you know like mcjagger by the end of one tour had like 150 and uh you know i think keith richards had like was was close behind or something like that um but then but then uh but then charlie watts just uh none he he was just he was married to his wife for 57 years and he he didn't didn't do any of that he was just wow loyal to his wife yeah and uh i i just thought that was really i just thought that was really nice actually probably mick jagger you know he's just getting his get he made a song about getting his rocks off i mean he was just getting his rocks off all the time i just non-stop i guess yeah he probably in a way did sort of win in the

end but no i just thought it was a nice story because you hear like of all these you know the crazy times of bands becoming huge and touring and stuff and it was just such a such a nice story you know what i mean like yeah that is nice he used to complain when they were on tour that he couldn't sleep because he he was like he was just used to like you know sleeping in a bed with his wife and that was like how he was comfortable sort of thing so when they were in hotels and stuff he would constantly be like no i didn't sleep very well last night because it's because he wasn't he wasn't with his wife oh whilst everybody else was shagging around shagging around that's how it works so it's been i wonder whether i should keep a diary not of my sexual conquests because quite honestly that could be written on the back of a receipt.

Well, I think in 2021 as well, it's massively problematic. I think you'd be cancelled in a heartbeat. I don't know how they got away with it back then. I guess it's just like different times or whatever. But like now, I don't I feel like that's really frowned upon now. Or maybe maybe just because I'm a bit older or whatever. I don't know. No, I'd be cancelled in a heartbeat.

You're right. But I do do stuff, and sometimes I'm like, I do do stuff. I do do stuff. What have I done this week, though? And I realise we did the Olympics thing this week, PFLAX. Yes, we did, yeah. So PFLAX came down and casted.

Oh, I heard about this. I wasn't sure what it was. So there were two British Olympians, Team did, yeah. So PFLEX came down and cast it. Oh, I heard about this. I wasn't sure what it was. So there were two British Olympians, Team GB. Yeah. One was a modern pentathlete, Joe Muir. Joe Muir. Joe Muir. She's Scottish.

I don't think you were supposed to pronounce it as brashly. No, because I said to her. As racistly as that. I said to her, is it Muir? I said, how do you pronounce it? She went, Muir. Muir. Muir.

Muir, laddie. And I said, all right. I said, should I say it with a Scottish accent? She said, I think you're going to have to, buddy, or something like that. Oh, God bless them. Of course, because she's a modern pentathlete, she is incredibly fit, obviously.

Excuse me? Just really, I don't know, just not a big woman, not like about my height, but good at everything. You know, swimming, cycling, fencing, horse riding, everything. And it's like she's just obviously, she looks incredibly sporty like well like like like the perfect human human we send her into space do you mean yeah to like colonize the future planets like the perfect if it was a scene in a movie where they were like we've this is the class that we're sending in as astronauts that's the kind of like just pure like physically bam absolutely on it

yeah 100 and really nice as well and then it was uh charlotte wortherton who also is incredibly uh obviously in great shape she's the gold medal bmx winner and me slouching like slightly hunched over slightly sweaty like like my greasy hair and uh where are these where are these these clothes that they'd sent me that were one size too big so it makes me look even worse so I thought they were

also going to be wearing the same tracksuits that I was so we'd be matching but they brought their own like Team GB figure hugging lycra outfits or whatever and they had their own rain jackets, hoodies as well they were fully prepared for

they get fully kitted out and fitted as well they get properly they don't just give them a large and say here you go they get them properly fit to them I guess I was just impressed because as a brit i still

am not used to the idea of it raining right i because i don't go outside enough for it to for it to be a thing but you know as soon as it started raining they were just they didn't they didn't bat an eyelid they didn't like try and make for cover or pick up an umbrella or say oh shit i forgot my umbrella there was none of that that's what i do they would just they just had like this hood that folded out and it was like they were just, it almost didn't affect them, right? Right.

And so, whereas I obviously had been given a T-shirt and a tracksuit, but I'm stood there. And it's like raining and I'm like, okay, I'll just go over here, I guess. So we did like a sports day for charity. It was for the Red Cross. We're going to put a couple of videos out. And if you're interested in donating to the Red Cross,

you can still go ahead and do that. And the video will be somewhere. You'll be able to find it. There's already a couple of fan cuts. And so it was my team of me and these Olympians versus Hat Films who were both fine, but also they felt like it was a bit rigged, obviously, which it was because we did things like fencing and BMX. It was a little rigged. There were some events in there that were specialty events, but it was fine. Sing and BMX. It was a little rigged.

There were some events in there that were specialty events, but it was funny. The Hat Guys are so good. Do you know what gets me is with the Hat Guys and I think one of the reasons that they work so well together is that if one of them starts doing something, they all start doing it. It's like they're all of one mind. So they're just

so good at seeing what the other person's doing and joining in and joining in it absolutely looks like they're a very inclusive team and very together and it looks like they plan stuff but they haven't they just they go along with it and they they they're brilliant they work so well together and they're fucking top lads let's be honest yeah they're great fun they're really they're really they're really positive good energy so yeah so uh so for example with the fencing the first round was was joe who's obviously an olympic fencer and she was like oh this is this is the one i'm worst at in the pentathlon i'm like what are you talking about like that still puts you like a head and shoulders above any of these guys. Yeah.

And so she obviously went up to fight. I think Ross went and fought her with a sword. And obviously Ross sort of looked at me and was like, I can't. So anyway, he went out there and she just sort of danced around him and poked him a few times. so anyway he went out there and he she just sort of danced around him and poked him a few times and then charlotte obviously who's who's who's um obviously only does bmx right she's never picked up a sword before had to go up against trot and what was going through trot's mind was how do i hit this girl with a sword and not look like a complete dick but it turns out that charlotte is just like a devil um and just didn't give a shit and just totally went for it and he was left like trying to defend himself and like

trying to fight her off so he obviously got completely crushed by her as well and so then it was me versus smithy and i feel like smith's done a bunch of larping stuff before he has yeah when i was well so is trot actually trots like pretty big into the into the larvae and when i was a teenager i used to be my parents send me off on these sort of camps and we occasionally did fencing so i've done a little bit of it right and i basically all i knew was that if you fiddle around and try and parry and block and do all this fancy stuff all you're gonna all you're gonna do is get hit right eventually so you just have to be really aggressive but smithy was also really aggressive

we were just we were just slamming into each other with reckless abandon and um i well we obviously had these foam salts it was fine but man like one time he caught me in the neck and it was like totally knocked the wind out of me um and it was just i don't know it was just a good it was a really good laugh it was a good whole day yeah we we um we sort of because the whole thing happened on clifton uh college which is really nice public school it looks like a bit of hogwarts dropped into bristol that's really what it looks like and um so we were originally sort of trying to rent the place and they were like oh we need you know four grand you know for the afternoon and we were like oh i don't know if we can afford that so we started looking around for other places and i know what it's expensive a whole football field and they've got a whole like indoor bit and they've got you know internet they obviously

people i think host i don't know weddings there who knows what they have there anyway um old old tom bait starts looking around for other places and they found like a rugby a rugby sort of field with a little rugby pavilion it's sort of it was kind of this wide boy who was touring him around right so obviously he he was he was talking about oh sorry how am i gonna get paid is it cash in hand uh you know what what's what's what's the deal and so you know tom tom was just like oh yeah sure whatever and then um afterwards he emailed the rugby club but accidentally cc'd in us right um saying i've got these mugs who a quick 500 quid turnaround, no problem. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, shit. That's hilarious. Obviously, he's just instantly showing off that he can make money on this thing, which is very off-putting. So obviously, we were then presented with either use this rugby guy, or nothing really, or pay a lot of money for Clifton College. But it turns out that we know someone who works at clifton college and so our guys got in contact with them who got in contact with them and we managed to knock them down a bit so nice we just didn't want to go with the rugby guy um just thought it would be a nightmare so in the end they clifton college

were like oh yeah it is it is for charity we it is for charity. We can do it for less. So, yeah, so we were happy to do that. It was a weird event, but one of these memorable ones, right? Like doing a sports day. I love doing these live events because they are the ones that stick in your memory as stories, right? Like things that when I'm an old man um my your your your grandchildren come around and i'm like tell us about the old times lewis uncle lewis i'll be like well then let me tell you the story of how the gold medal bmx olympian kicked hat films in the balls one to

remember they'll be cheering nice so yeah So yeah, that was a joy. So listen to this though. There I was in town waiting. We had to go do some stuff, buy some stuff. We had the baby with us and the kids. And my mother-in-law was meeting us there. And I had the job of going to meet her where she was going to get dropped off to meet us. So I'm standing there waiting for her

and this young lad walks by me. It's a busy, um, he walks by me and then he just does this sort of like side, almost like whisper thing. He says, I have a small penis by the way, and just kept walking. And I, and I said, thanks for letting me know that. It was pretty funny, actually. I think I admire that. I like the sort of like nod and carry on walking. He didn't stop or anything. He just kept going. Just on the drive-by.

Yeah, he just did a drive-by. It was really nice, actually. I like that. I like a drive-by. It was good. So, guy that did that the other day, lots of love and thanks. We appreciate it. Thanks for listening to our dumb podcast.

And also thanks for announcing in public that you have a small penis as well. That was funny. It definitely made me laugh. That's why we do it. I find it awkward. I don't really want to do it. I must admit. It's awkward.

What, podcasting? No. Well, both. Yeah, sure. We've done a good 189 episodes. It's been a lot of episodes. Yeah, I mean, I don't even know how you keep track anymore. I started watching because I have all this free time.

Well, free, free time. I don't have that. You know what I mean. Anyway, I started watching. I don't know if you guys have heard of this. It's called On Cinema at the Cinema. It's Tim Heidecker and Greg Turkington, which started off as a kind of podcast, but they wanted to make a podcast to sort of mock people who make podcasts.

And it started off as a movie review podcast where they would review movies, give people their expertise on on on the movies and critiques and stuff but it wasn't at all you know like everything just got like five five bags of popcorn and the the like the movies that they're obsessed with are like the hobbit and like jack reacher and movies like that which is pretty funny but anyway the podcast then turned into like um like an adult swim kind of web series and there's been like 12 seasons of it wow they're really short they're like you know five to ten minutes long and you can watch them all on youtube there's this massive

youtube playlist of every every episode plus there's a spin-off um like action spy series called decker oh yeah that that starts up and And then also they do like annual Oscar award shows as well, which are like two hours long. So there's like this definitive playlist of everything from the on cinema universe that I've been working my way through. And it's pretty good. It's funny. The character arcs and progression and stuff are are great they're really funny like tim's tim's character just sort of becomes more insane as the series

roll on he starts getting into like uh like acupuncture and like uh herbal supplements and like medicinal vaping and and stuff and uh and and greg Turkington is just sort of this self-proclaimed movie buff because he has this large collection of VHS movies. Eventually, when they stop producing VHS movies, he has to tape them like off TV and stuff onto VHS to keep his library going. It's really funny.

It's not like in your face laugh out loud funny it's it's that's like subtle sort of comedy right like it's right right with with with some of the the funny editing and and stuff like that too it's it's worth watching i do like the eccentric weird surreal surreality of tim and eric's stuff i think you know i like it too but i like the understated stuff just as much you know like when it's yeah because you recommended beef house yes to me yeah and i thought it was okay until i watched the episode where with the the shithole the shithole episode was pretty funny yeah my god yeah i died yeah yeah i died beef house is pretty funny it's

the nice thing with beef house is not a not a massive investment. It takes like... They're 11 minutes long or something. It takes two minutes to watch the entire series. And it's just like, there's definitely some pretty funny parts in it too. You know what amazes me? Tim Heidecker is incredibly prolific. Man, he's always doing stuff. He's done tons of stuff.

He did... What is that show he did? It's like Office Hours. He's done that for years. And is that show he did? It's like Office Hours. He's done that for years and has loads of guests on that. He does multiple podcasts. Yeah. He always seems to be doing something, and he pops up in things. He was in I Think You Should Leave.

He popped up in an episode of that. Yeah, he's in a bunch of those. Yeah, you just see him pop up. He's just that kind of guy. Yeah. I mean, whenever I've watched Office Hours, he's in a bunch of those yeah yeah you just see him pop up he's just that kind of guy yeah um i mean whenever i've watched office hours uh he's he's very funny and he like he's good with his guests but he he i i think one of the things i dislike about some comedians is they never it never feels like they're laughing at other people's jokes yeah like they've got this weird thing going on like you know that guy what's his name uh fucking i don't know if his name is avid

merion or if it's a character he did oh right yeah you know that guy oh yeah i see keith lemon that guy he yeah that guy i honestly couldn't tell you what his his real name is i know i don't know he's he's i think he's his name's lee francis oh there you go okay so that guy there you go so a friend of mine a few years ago, he was a presenter that I knew, like a TV presenter that I knew. And he said that one time his agent was the same agent as Lee Francis had at the time. Obviously, this is my friend's story. I can't tell you whether it's true or not, but they went out for a drink, the agent and my mate and Lee Francis. And they were talking about work and stuff like that. But Lee Francis. And they were, you know, talking about

work and stuff like that. But Lee Francis was in character the whole time. Like he's not relaxed in the pub, hanging out and talking to these other people. He's on, like he's as his character, he's appearing in the pub. And this is in a meeting with his agent and someone he's just met. And my mate was like, that's very good, mate. I get it. But you know, you can relax. But he wouldn't, he wouldn't leave character. I think was like, that's very good, mate. I get it. But, you know, you can relax. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't leave character. I think some people, like, I get the impression that Tim Heidecker is probably a lot of work to hang around with because he's always trying to be funny and he seems pretty nuts to me.

But I'm sure he seems like more of a laugh. Yeah. Someone you could actually talk to. Whereas some people like Lee Francis, I think they are, the joke is always with them and you're either along with it or not. And it doesn't matter to them. Yeah, I feel like. He's in his own little world.

Yeah, I feel like you're, I feel like with somebody like that who's in character all the time, you're always on the outside. You're never. Yeah, how could you ever really talk to them? You're never part of the joke. You're like a target for the joke sort of thing.

But it's almost like he's making you the audience or the butt of the joke all the time. Yeah. And it's like that, I think think that's just nuts i think that is absolutely nuts like uh when how could you ever have a conversation with someone like that and think are they actually listening or yeah right like even if you have an agent or whatever like you're in you know you're you're if you're in character and you're trying to like talk business like how the hell do you know like whether they're being serious or not you know what i mean like it just it's kind of weird but i don't know it's pretty nuts yeah i have got the impression he is a bit of a weird guy but i think i think that i think some people are just committed

you know and i respect that i do not respect okay i don't know just want to get that out there yeah i'm not sure how i feel about the whole thing. But I mean, it's not something that's ever directly affected me either. So I don't, you know, it's not like I'm not like that annoyed by it. You know what I mean? Like I haven't had to suffer through that, you know, somebody being like that. So maybe it'd be different, you know, if my wife was like, God, I hope she's not like that. Imagine this whole time she was just, you know, in character. Playing a character.

Well, I think you become the character that you play. We've talked about this before. Anyway, talking about me writing a diary, I noted two other things down this week. One was that I got the letter from HSBC that said they were shutting down my business bank account, which is a bit of a problem because, you know, it's quite important

uh and so i had to fill out all of this stupid um anti-money laundering garbage right uh which is apparently something they're making banks do now which is which is fine it just took ages i had to have my i had to get all these weird numbers i had to get my tax identifier number i had to get my company tax identifier and you had to log on to hs to HSBCC.com and input it all there as well and submit it. Yeah, it was a pain. I had to take pictures of my passport and stuff and upload those. They got everything now. It was just a nightmare.

And the thing is, while I was doing it, the website was logging itself off in the background every fucking five minutes for security reasons. So, of course, I'd have to keep starting again. It was a nightmare. I did that. I thought I'd mention that. And the other thing I did was I hung out with Boba and I told her a little story. And she told me a little story.

And it's the kind of thing that I want listeners to send me, right? They're like just awkward stories about everyday life. me right they're like just awkward stories about everyday life so um the other day i was picking up a box of vegetables for a friend from a shop okay fairly there's these big veggie shops i buy vegetables i like making stupid stuff it's fine i've never done this before though it's fine gone and gone to this place and picked up vegetables don't't judge me. So I went there and I turned up and the woman at the counter said, oh yeah, it's out back. Vegetables, is it, sonny?

We've got those in spades for you. Here, a box of vegetables. Here's your carrot and your onion. Here's a lovely cabbage for you. Well, actually, she just said, she apologised. She said, I'm'm sorry we've got no vegetables for you today it's all turnips that's what she said so turn it to vegetables madam are

they i thought they were little creatures that were sleeping oh that's changed the vegetable business for me forever so i laughed okay and she hurried didn't sort of react and hurried off and then a man a different man came a man came with a covered box of vegetables. And he looked at me seriously and he said, sorry, sir, it's all vegetables. It's all turnips. Sorry, sir, it's all turnips. He made the same joke. So I was like, really?

Because I wasn't at that point. I wasn't sure whether he was joking or not and then obviously he looked at me awkwardly as if to say are you an idiot uh of course it's a joke and then it was a it was just a box of random vegetables that they had left over that were all sort of going out of date just a little joke sir we do it it went through this like thing in my head where i was like did was the first woman not joking and i just laughed in her face and then you know like there was this whole moment where i doubted myself i was still like like 50 sure that this wasn't going to be alternatives but there was this moment where i was just like oh shit is this if i just really put my foot in it? Is this actually just going to be all turnips?

You were worried that it was just going to be I was, I had fully turned through this. Don't worry, sir, we've cut, shaped and painted the turnips to resemble other vegetables. You won't be able to tell the difference. It really is just all turnips, isn't it?

What an existential crisis for Lewis Brindley. I know. So this was a bit of a moment for me. So I... Anyway, it's fine. We made some soup and it's all good. But it was a nice time. It was a nice social event. Before we carry on...

Oh, man. Before you start, can I just say... Man, my balls are... It's like a casserole down there. There's a, I don't know what's going on. It's a mess. It's like a jungle. What kind of casseroles are you making?

Hairy ones. With the turnips. You, all those turnips are getting out of control. You guys need to check out the new Manscaped Performance Package 4.0. I actually bought one of these for my friend. Right. And he loved it. Right. That that's friend I'd be talking about finger on magnet finger drives a Tesla very nice man

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ready for, you know, whatever you've got to do. The leaves coming down off the trees. If you have been trimming your gonad hair with a lighter, like I have for years yeah get with the fucking program in 2021 there's a better way people yeah that's right you can get 20 off of free shipping by going to manscape.com slash triforce your balls will thank you uh on with the show uh what else so yeah boba then told me her story which i think i can recount she won't mind um she was getting an uber eats it was just turnips a man pulled up in a in a turnip carriage with a turnip costume couldn't get the pumpkin carriage today ma'am it's all turnip carriages all the way no it was just it was just a story of of awkward things that happened so she's waiting

for uber eats and the man turns up outside and starts putting stuff down on the pavement. So she comes out of her house, and obviously it's America, so she's got her cash tip ready. She's got $5, which is all the money she's got in cash, you know, but she's going to give it to this Uber Eats guy. So she gives it to him, and he sort of takes it and looks at her, strangely. And at that exact moment, the Uber Eats guy comes around the corner.

And this is just a different man dropping off some delivery for a different person. Apparently, she's sort of horrified. And, you know, what do you do in that situation? Snatch the money back and give it to the Uber Eats guy. I missed something. So somebody dropped food off on the pavement and she was going out to get the food and then somebody else turned up. And what's the problem? It's the actual guy.

So she's tipped the wrong guy. She's already given this guy a $5 tip, even though he's delivering groceries for someone else. And the thing is, she said to the Uber Eats guy, if you come up to the house, I'll give you a tip. So he's expecting a tip as well, the guy who's just turned up. Oh, crap. I know. It's a disaster. I've told the story worse than she told it, which you'll be mad at me for.

But I still think it's worth recounting. So what was your solution, Sips, to this quandary? Man, I don't know. I don't order food to my house. So, like, I've never been in this situation like uh where well you're now in it you know we put this would have been in america right well i don't like this again i don't have a dog in the fight like i just say well sorry sorry bucko like uh whatever you know which one are you saying sorry to the one who's you who doesn't get the tip you say oh i've given

the tip to that guy yeah yeah just say oh god there's a mix-up um i don't have any money left peace well boba asked for the money back so she was like the tip money yes she was like oh sorry that wasn't for you it was for this guy can i have it back right and i think she gave i think he gave it back and then i think she gave it to the right guy. So she actually got out of it somehow unscathed. But I would have done what you'd done, Sips. I wouldn't have had the balls to ask that guy for the money back. I think I would have rather apologized to the second guy. In America, it's different, though, because I think everyone expects a tip there, right?

But in the UK, the tipping culture is not the same, right? You can get away with not tipping in certain certain circumstances so are you putting yourself in america for this story as well or this story is in america yeah right okay so you're in america and not tipping somebody i did say that oh man well you got guns over there you know could you stop playing final fantasy and pay attention to the story it wasn't that complicated to follow. Look, I'm not playing Final Fantasy. I'm listening to the story. I'm trying to follow along.

You're saying it's not complicated, but I'm falling asleep every five seconds here while you're telling it. It's hard to keep up. Do you wait for the other person whose delivery you mistakenly assumed yours was to come out of their house and tip. Because then that guy might get a double tip, is what I'm saying. But then you have to stop them and say, sorry, no, I've already tipped your man. Can you then tip my man? But that banks on them also be understanding that there's a tip. And also the tip might be different.

It might only be like a dollar tip instead of a five dollar tip. There's this whole can of worms there. Man, this is making me feel a bit sick honestly like uh it's such a such a convoluted mess for no reason like i just we just boil some pasta and move on like i i don't know why like people get themselves into these huge muddles you know what i mean like it's crazy it's not that it's not that huge of a muddle it's more of just a sort of slight a small accident that leads to awkward social consequences yeah you know it's a shame that you can't just leave the tip when you're ordering you know what i mean like yeah i order like order a pizza for like

what like 10 bucks and then just put in like a five dollar tip. So like you just pay $15 and then they just drop it off at your house. They don't even need to... Well, the problem is that what you tend to get is the companies always keep that, though. Do you know what I mean? They're always so scummy, they don't give it back to the staff.

Yeah, but come on. That tip basically just becomes extra revenue for the staff. Well, then they can sort it out instead of me having to sort out, you know, giving a tip to the wrong person and then having to awkwardly ask for it back. I mean, come on.

Jesus Christ. This is the price you pay, though, you know, for being a person. I guess so, yeah. In the world today. It just seems so, it seems like. The world is a maze of social traps. You have to navigate it. Like a series of orcs blundering to their death

uh blindly so yeah that's i'm trying to analogize it for you so depressing isn't it like holy crap how do we arrived at this point we are all just orcs running through think of all the people throughout history that fought for this i mean it's it's sad really like all all of that sacrifice just so that somebody can fucking order an uber eats and pay the wrong guy a tip i mean jesus and then fucking fret about it that was yeah yeah you know what i was watching i've been watching some movies over the last couple of weeks uh and quite often like i've been watching some older movies uh from time to time as well chucking them in there and they're all there. And there are some tropes that you get popping up again and again that characterize the hero antagonist sort of macho type

in a lot of these films. So the enemy is often bad to animals. They'll hit a dog. Right, right. But so these are things that the good guy does that are meant to i guess make them appear tough and and manly right okay so let's let's say there's a situation if they're ever in any kind of survival situation that's trying to somewhere something like that

and there's some water the hero type will never drink it he's always like drink some water you should drink some water to the rest of them they're like are you gonna have some as well it's like not thirsty i'm like dude you're working as much as them majorly parched you must be parched your lips look pretty dry have some fucking water like it's nothing to do with being macho it's just a human body if you go to a gym and anybody's working out anybody that's working it says don't need water no thanks you'd be like you're a fucking idiot mate like you should be drinking water your body needs water you are mostly water what is wrong with you i love that though that is such a good one i've definitely seen that's never how it starts though right that's the reluctant hero that then does that right like they'll spend the first half of the

movie drinking all the water to themselves and staying super hydrated and stuff and then when it counts then they'll you know pass up on the water so that everybody else can have some and that's the turning point in the relationship right everybody's like thinks this guy's an asshole but he's gotta save the world we're just gonna have to put up with it

but then it turns out oh my god he does have a heart after all he didn't even drink the water and he hasn't eaten in multiple days. And every time we tell him, he just tells us to get some rest. You should get some rest. I'll take first watch. It's like, dude, you've been up for 47 hours.

You had nothing to eat. You have nothing to drink. Frankly, I think there are better choices in the group to act as centric. Because I'm not even sure you're all there. Your blood sugar is going to plummet. You're going to pass out. Drink, eat, rest, please. This is important.

We can take it in shifts. Is this how I should have behaved on the Olympics day? This is what you should have done to the Olympics day. No, I don't need water. If they're ever hurt or anything like that, take this. It'll help with the pain. No, thanks. You have to have a clean slate to pull first watch, though.

You can't be the tired hero, and you can also not be the tortured hero with the skeletons in their closet as well. Because if you're on first watch, your mind's wandering, right? And you're thinking about that time that you couldn't save the puppy from the inferno or whatever. And it's torturing you. And then, meanwhile, the Taliban are sneaking in. You know what I mean?

And you don't even see it happening. I personally think it's a cop-out taking first watch. Because they're more likely to attack a door. the taliban are sneaking in you know what i mean and you don't even see it i just i i personally think it's a cop out taking first watch because they're more likely to attack at dawn you're fresh too right dawn yeah first watch you're still super yeah if you're taking second watch you're waking up after like you know two hours of sleep you're saying if you're worried about being jumped in the night i think they're gonna to wait until they think you're all asleep or super groggy. And then you've got third watch guy up who's like your last pick, basically.

He's going up there and he's on watch. He's like, oh, he's been asleep. He wants to go back to sleep. That's when you attack. Just pre-dawn, everyone's still asleep. They haven't had anything to eat or drink yet. That's when you strike. Not five minutes after they bedded down

and they've all got their guns and they're all, adrenaline's still going. So, hero taking the first watch is a cop out. He should say, I'll take the 4am watch,

the worst watch. Oh, I see. That's what he should be doing. That's the real hero move. Because who wants to get up at 4am? So, another thing, if they ever do take

any kind of medicine, they take it with a huge slug of whiskey. They're taking any kind of pills. That's how you're not supposed to take medicine. That's always on the label. But they're so tough that the whiskey will knock you out to them is like it's like water to me look look look and they're taking their tablets right all right

they never seem to have any friends everyone they know they seem to begrudgingly acknowledge that they are aware of their existence they never sort of hey buddy like hugging and it's also like tony what's going on sorry about what i did to your wife you know that kind of shit of their existence. They never sort of, hey, buddy, like hugging, and it's also like, Tony, what's going on? Sorry about what I did to your wife. You know, that kind of shit. Like, why does anyone have anything to do

with this guy? He's a fucking twat. And another thing that you see pop up, another thing you see pop up, if, let's say, they have to go to someone for some assistance,

and this guy's like, he's a criminal, but he's not one of the bad criminals, you know? He's not one of the guys that's like murdering people and stuff he's just vaguely a criminal guy that they know i know a guy and they're gonna see that guy and they explain their problem and their friend will say i got some moves i can make on the street you'll have to trust me

on this one i don't trust you you know but i've got some moves i can make on the street and then he just makes a call or talks to a guy. And now he's got all the information. It's out there on the street. So what I want to know is, what is this intelligence network that exists on the street? That this guy who previously

had no knowledge of their situation can make a phone call or talk to a mate. Suddenly they know everything. How? Who's blabbing? Shut that person up. There are leaks all over the street. I wouldn't trust it. Because if you're asking about it, they're going to know who is asking about it it's going to feed back if the street is this leaky you cannot trust it as a source because even going to the

source reveals you in a way yeah well right they it's one of those things where it's like uh it's like keep your your friends, but your enemies closer. And that's how you have to treat the street as well. Because on the one hand, the street will help you with the information that you need. But also, on the other hand, the street may be your undoing too. Like it'll find out all your secrets and spread them and there'll be nowhere to hide. I think it's just the nature of the streets. Live by the street, die in the gutter. Is it the underground orphan network from the boxing club or whatever?

It's all the orphans from Oliver. It's like that. He goes out and feeds them in the soup kitchen. But Sherlock Holmes had a gang of street toughs that he could call and I can't remember the name of the lad

he would whistle out of his window and a lad would run up and he'd say I need you to find out everything you can about this man

you know and they'd go off and it's just on the street I just think it's interesting that this exists as a concept and people

just buy it I mean if I just went out onto the street now and started asking questions from all the ne'er-do-wells in the area i doubt they'd suddenly have the full scoop on everything no you have to embed yourself into the street to find out the stories of the street though uh you know what you know you know david simon the guy who uh who wrote uh yeah yeah

he wrote um he wrote a book uh called the uh the corner the corner yeah yeah based on he was like an investigative journalist but he would embed himself for a long period of time into into these neighborhoods and sort of you know live live with these people like for a year at a time or whatever and and spend a lot of time with them and just to just to find out these stories to see how it works and stuff because it's uh notoriously difficult to to get into the inner circle of some of these i mean if that's talking about a neighborhood like i can i can absolutely that's talking about the streets are you talking about the streets or are you not right but a neighborhood is a very small area i'm talking about these guys that's a street that's like a street the street guys i'm talking about a whole

city worth of knowledge that these guys nobody has that much knowledge everybody's got like a limited geography like that's my point hang out in your hood you're not going to someone else's hood right that's that's how gang wars start exactly that's my point is that he's talking about okay i'll put i've got some moves i can make on the street to either buy you some time or get some knowledge one we're talking like citywide that's what they're saying in the movies i feel you haven't been listening to my point here because you're agreeing with me nobody has a citywide scope of information. It's impossible. Exactly, exactly. And yet it pops up in movie after movie. Oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah, sorry. I feel like what you're leading to, though, is like, it's almost like a series of rules that are obeyed completely irrationally. It's like, our hero cannot have any help from anyone, even if that includes someone putting a bandage on him. Unless she's a hot woman. Yeah, I was going to say.

You know, it's all following these strange heroic rules of badassery yeah that he can't you know it's like if he if he goes to sleep first it's like oh i'll be first into the fray i'll be like stand behind me as i charge towards these guys you know like he's he's always gonna be that that's why he has to have first watch, even though it's irrationally bad. Right. He just has to be first. He has to do it. I mean, right.

So imagine if it was reversed and instead he was like, we'll bed down here for the night. You take first watch. I'm going to get some shy. Like that would, for some reason, that would seem less heroic. Imagine you're like fourth or fifth watch and you're like, hey, how did the previous four watches go? Yeah. No problems on those. Oh, fuck. Yeah. It yeah it's coming it's coming this is the last watch it's gonna happen on one of these watches and it's i i got fucked here i'm on the on the worst one there was food and water

and the hero's like give me that water give me the food it wouldn't look heroic no not at all you know oddly enough it seems stupid. He starts crying because he's so cranky he didn't get enough sleep and stuff. I got the shakes. My blood sugar's super low. Come on, help me out. I've been hurling all day.

I'm exhausted. He's always taking medication. Where's my aspirin, Hayler? I need my allergy pills my i need my allergy pills it would it would suck he would seem less heroic even though it would be more realistic i think everything has to lead into the feedback into that that mad even though the rules are that they don't make sense when you think about them at the time it just brushes over the idiot part of your brain yeah oh yeah and i don't know i don't know if it teaches bad lessons you know do you mean like you certainly

see you certainly do meet people who who it feels like everything they've learned has been from watching stupid tv and they behave and say things that stupid tv characters say. I definitely meet these people, and I'm always sort of surprised by how they don't think about what they're doing. It certainly happens when you see arguments and stuff. People just seem to quote TV characters. It's a feedback loop as well, right? Because then people are like,

oh, this is how people i've recorded these people having a real argument which obviously is not real because it's just them repeating stuff they've seen on the telly and they're like well that must be how people actually talk so let's put that in our tv show as a real argument yeah it's feedback feed feeds back into itself yeah and ends up you end up in this weird situation where you're arguing about stuff you don't care about and no one should be arguing about it's weird it is weird life is weird life is like a box of chocolates and is weird as well yeah i hate that saying yeah me too because you absolutely know what you're gonna get like yeah that's ridiculous sometimes you do yeah buy

a box of maltesers maltes. There's a menu in every pack. I don't even know why that line became famous. Revels. Revels you don't necessarily know what you're going to get. Yeah, that's the specific advertising. Okay, that's what it should be then. A stick for Revels. Life is like a bag of Revels.

A bag of Revels. You never know what you're going to get. You're going to bite into the coffee one. I honestly don't think I'd buy a box of chocolates if I didn't know what was in there. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to get a random. It's think I'd buy a box of chocolates if I didn't know what was in there. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to get a random... It's like a... Life is like a box of vegetables.

A box of turnips. Yeah, you just get the turnips. It could all be turnips. Yeah, it could just all be turnips. Also, if you're eating chocolates, who just fumbles around in a box and just grabs whatever and then takes a bite? I always look, hmm, what is on the menu this evening? Yeah.

Oh, I'm not a fan of the strawberry creams. Oh, the caramel. For example, celebrations. I want to make sure I'm not picking up a bounty by accident. Oh, I love a bounty. I'll have all the bounties when you finish. I'll save them for you then because they suck. Big balls.

Bounties are great. Oh, my God. But there's always one or two that a family doesn't like. Yeah, it's bounty. And sometimes you'll go and you'll visit and you'll look in their almost empty box of celebrations. It's just bounties. Oh, I'd be so happy. But sometimes it's like a jackpot, you know,

that they don't like bounties, but you do. Does your wife like the bounties? No, none of us do. I don't think Mrs. F is a massive fan of bounties. Nobody in my family will eat a bounty. We refuse. There's a lot of good food going to waste in your place apparently Oh, yeah, cuz he's just buying bounties every day. Of course. It's not going away. It's like a few fucking bounties

Yeah, it's like four mini bounties like snow. No, it's up to a regular bounce the stacks up over time Yeah, all these events all these you know They celebrate she doesn't have the bounty cupboard don't open that cupboard it's just mountain of bounties i really want a cupboard that don't open that like i would love i'd love to have that i really want that yeah and you know what we're we're gearing up to do we're we're getting um uh containers we're gonna be the we're gonna buy bulk like in containers we're gonna stop buying like cereal pasta flour nuts like all rice all that shit we're gonna buy we're gonna get containers and just buy them out of the dispensers because one of our one of our supermarkets has that now oh that's a good idea we had to replace uh we had to replace all the the paper bags and plastic

bags of stuff in the the long the long-term cupboard yeah because we had a moth infestation of pantry moths and if you have a bag of flour and you open it use a bit of flour and then you roll the top over even if you put a clip on it the moths lay their eggs around the entrance to the bag so you go to use the flour and there's all fucking moths there and like their little pupae and stuff i was like what the fuck like fuck the pupae fuck their pupae fucking pupae i i i mean they they laid them in our hammock over the winter opened up the hammock when the summer started it was covered in silk moth silk they get everywhere so what you've got to do is transfer everything into these big plastic lockable sealable containers so they can't get in there anymore moth problem

gone it's cleared up yeah straight away so you got a pantry moth problem the problem is your bags of long-term stuff that you think oh that's fine it's a bag of flour fold over the top clip it no problem the moths will fucking get in there son you gotta get it in a container yeah it's nice it's just a lot less a lot less um stuff to go in the garbage, too, you know? Oh, yeah. Trying to reduce the amount of crap that we throw out, you know? Like, we produce a lot of garbage. But you have to take the containers to the shop with you, right? Yeah, yeah.

So you've got to put, like, just put them all in a box or whatever and then put them in the trolley. So when it comes to checkout, how does it in the shop? So you get it. So the empty container, you weigh it and you put a barcode on it. Right. And then once you fill it with goods, you then put another barcode on it. They scan both and then it evens out.

They take the difference. Job done. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, it's good. You have some nice like sealable. So in the future, Body Shop are doing it as well for like shampoo and stuff. I don't know if you guys buy anything from Body Shop, but we tend to.

I have not been to Body Shop in years. We tend to from time to time. And they're going to be doing that as well. Like big dispensers where you can just refill your stuff rather than buying new packaging all the time, which is pretty good. I'm down for some of that. Honestly, I like that. Yeah, I think that's good for the for the

planet i don't think many people are going to actually use it though because people are lazy it's true um but i mean i i want to do it because i just have to start somewhere i just think it it makes more sense i'd rather have that like uh organization in my life you know what i mean like not like to go crazy with it but i don't know. I just feel like it annoys me when you just constantly have like all these plastic bottles and shit to throw out. If you're filling up your, a bag in a supermarket from one of those big things, take a picture and tweet it at us.

No, I will not. But, um, no, not you. Everyone else. Right.

And also, also tell me your awkward social stories i want to hear them i want more people to tell me make sure that i'm not alone in just what are we going to call the segment yeah oh uh i'll tell you what we need to come up with a segment and i think we should start naming it after the first week when we start to figure out what kind of problems people are having and shape the title around i see let's call the segment fix my life that'd be good that's a good segment it needs to be more we'll fix your life more punchy and we're not if we promise that's it ruin my life we have to deliver ruin please ruin my life more that kind

of thing make my life insufferable with all these weird systems that you're devising that's that's what we call this that That's a good idea. We'll look and see what the first week of Problemos sent in to Lewis looks like, and we'll come up with a name based off that. Oh, God. Yes. Thank you, everyone, for listening today.

You can follow Triforce on Spotify to get new episodes as soon as they come out every Wednesday. And until next week, I love you. Take it easy. Have fun. Goodbye. Bye. next week. I love you. Take it easy. Have fun. Goodbye.