Triforce! - Triforce! #190: Power Plays & Weeb Weddings

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

Triforce! Episode 190! Pyrion went to see Ian McKellen in Hamlet, Lewis is the victim of a brutal power play on a train and Sips wants to get Old Hogan married in Final Fantasy 14! Support your favour...ite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:14 available as a mild hybrid inline six turbo or as a plug-in hybrid, crafted to move every part of you. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. We retoy with me, Chris Brindley, the very luscious Pyrrion Flax. He's back. He's back. And Sips. How are you doing? I'm back, too. Welcome. I'm good. Welcome, everyone uh you had a good week you had a good time oh man yeah yeah gosh we're really in the throes of it with the baby oh man i saw the picture you posted on twitter what an adorable
Starting point is 00:01:57 little bubby that really oh yeah i showed mrs f she was very happy she's got those big like uh she's got big eyes you know know, like. Yeah, yeah. Big anime. You know, like their facial expressions. They don't have much control over them. So it's always like, you know, you could like blow soft air into their face and they're like. It's really funny. It's amazing because every experience is completely brand new.
Starting point is 00:02:23 And because they can't remember stuff yet, it seems new every time. So it's a wonderful little existence. And then as they start to come out of their sort of baby, like pure baby phase and start to learn things and give you little looks and expressions and smile when they see you, it's wonderful. It's wonderful. Oh, yeah. No, she's starting to sort of do that.
Starting point is 00:02:40 It's wonderful. It's wonderful. Oh, yeah. No, she's starting to sort of do that. Like if she's had milk and stuff and she's just awake and comfortable, she'll look back at you and smile and stuff. But any other time, if she's like trying to poop, she won't, obviously. If she needs milk, she's just screaming. So she's not smiling much then either. But they're very simple.
Starting point is 00:03:02 They're basic, right? Yeah, yeah. But like a tremendous um well responsibility and uh and they they consume just a lot of your uh time and effort as well but it's worth it because then they grow up into little people who can like farm gold for you and wow and stuff and i mean it's the payoff is immense and when that's the dream there yeah the dream yeah and then you know they start playing mine dream, yeah. Yeah, and then, you know, they start playing Minecraft and Fortnite. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:27 And then they build, like... You lose them for several years, and then they come back with their own children for you to look after. And then, you know, the cycle continues. I saw my parents this week. I went down to... I met up with them at Tewksbury Abbey, which is this really old parish church.
Starting point is 00:03:45 It's like the oldest or the biggest parish church or something. It was basically a Benedictine monastery a couple of hours drive out of Bristol. Right. And a really cool looking place. My parents obviously like walking around old churches and things and all that. Obviously, yeah. I mean, who doesn't? It's a really interesting place.
Starting point is 00:04:02 It had like, at one point, obviously in the 1700s, they decided to start burying important people from the local area underneath the sort of floor in the middle of the church. And so they started putting these giant sort of scravestone slabs on the floor. And obviously they realized after doing about 10 of them that they were going to run out of space pretty quick. Well, this is the thing.
Starting point is 00:04:25 In like Europe and stuff especially are just there's no room to bury people anymore right they're just like running out of space so that's i think that's why in the end they were just like let's cremate people instead it's easier right here's a thing in greece they are out of space to bury people yeah they're out of space they are out of space they bury people They're out of space They ran out They don't have space left The space for burial has been consumed So They've eaten it
Starting point is 00:04:54 What's happening? It's full of bodies already First they're firing it into space Now they're eating them? I feel you've definitely got a handle on the situation here That's a good summary first of all i'm terrified so you bury your loved one for a few years and then you gotta come and dig them up to make room for someone else to be buried there and they give you the bits and off you go that's what happens i don't want to um have anything uh left
Starting point is 00:05:19 of me uh when i depart the uh the the earth when my soul leaves. Yeah, what's it there for? I don't want somebody to find my bones or anything. I just want all traces of my physic gone. That's why I just, you know, turn me into ashes and then glitter cannon me over the Super X in Ottawa or something. A glitter cannon? You know, however they spread ashes these days. I think at a gender reveal party, they fire someone's ashes. No, no, I saw this thing where they were remembering.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Let's get a piñata filled with your ashes and we all smash it. I'm pretty sure it was in England. The only reason I know it was in England is because these people, they were holding up, they had like a festival outside and it was like a festival outside and, um, it was like a celebration of life for this young guy who passed away. I'm not sure of the circumstances. I only saw the picture. Um, but like on the, on the, they were holding a big banner, like for the picture. Right. And, uh, on the banner, it said, uh, uh, gone, but not
Starting point is 00:06:20 forgotten. We're going to really miss you mate or something like that. The wording's not that but it was something like that so it's like okay clearly like they're they're british and uh the idea was it was a celebration of life and uh they they glitter canoned his ashes out of a cannon like just onto the crowd like just that's just just to remember the equivalent of a viking burial but you know more like a stage show but yeah you've got to get your suit dry cleaned yeah yeah at least with the bike and burial it all takes place out on a a fjord you know you shoot the arrow the flaming arrow out to light the boat up yeah and you miss like a million times as well oh yeah but that takes hours i think that's part of the fun hours yeah i mean if i went to a funeral and there was archery involved, that'd be great. It's like, you know, you could wager bets.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I reckon, you know, big floor's going to get this one. And he's like, misses. Whoa, crowd has a cheer. Everyone has to take a drink. It's like a drinking game. I think that's amazing. In fact, I'd like that. And then, you know, fire an exocet missile at the boat just to make sure.
Starting point is 00:07:24 No bits. Let the fish eat me. No problemo. I feel like that would be such a cool skill to have. Imagine, okay, your full-time job is... Firing an exocet missile. Is aero fire at like a, you know, at a canoe going down a river and you have to set it alight and you get really good at it.
Starting point is 00:07:39 And it turns out you can then sort of like hit any target. But then imagine you use those skills just day to day. Like you're never in a situation of like combat or warfare or whatever, but it's just like, oh, crap, I can't get this apple out of the tree. You just like with your bow and arrow. It's like it's pretty safe, you know, like you're not really going to get any, like hopefully no friendly fire incidents because you're so trained and good at it and stuff. I feel like that would be such an exciting existence right you could turn the kettle on
Starting point is 00:08:09 with an arrow just flip the switch change the channel yeah yeah well some slugs in the garden execution is demeanor though you'd have to be like kind of very sour faced and miserable i think you'd have to read the room it's dependent on the room if everyone's having a great time you can sort of you know wear your wear a fancy hat if everyone's somber you wear a solemn hood right i think you cast your eyes across the room and it's like you're at a ren fair and you're like hell yeah time to go you like everybody's dressed for the for the part to enjoy some archery right like yeah you just you know that's your your time to shine all you got to do is find yourself in a room filled with people like that that's all you just you know that's your your time to shine all you got to do is find yourself in a room filled with people like that you know speaking of old timey stuff
Starting point is 00:08:49 i went to see hamlet last night oh nice did you yeah i went to windsor theater uh with mrs f it was our 20th anniversary yesterday oh congrats thank you alas it's a big yorick i knew him horatio exactly a fellow of infinite chess. It was Ian McKellen. Ian McKellen was in it. What? Yeah, a.k.a. Gandalf, for anyone out there. A.k.a. Ian McClelland, if there's any on cinema fans out there. Sorry, sorry.
Starting point is 00:09:15 Was this at the theatre or the movies? This is at the theatre. This is at the theatre. You went to the theatre? Ian McKellen's doing theatre at the moment. Yeah, yeah, he is. That's excellent. But he's playing Hamlet, right? It's what they call an age-blind performance. So, in other words, the moment. Yeah, yeah, he is. Excellent. But he's playing Hamlet, right?
Starting point is 00:09:25 It's what they call an age-blind performance. So in other words, old people. And it's like gender-blind and race-blind. So you can have any actor in any role. So you've got women playing men, you can have men playing women, you can have old people playing young people, young people playing old people.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Yeah, because Hamlet is a younger character. Yeah, he's a young man. But obviously Ian McKellen is 82. Man 82 and good for him still performing at 82 ian mckellen is not gonna do hamlet and not be hamlet exactly exactly that's that was my point is you're not gonna get him to play spearholder number three you know he needs to be hamlet's dad right but but hammer's dad dies at the start of the movie. Sorry, the play. Sorry to put a spoiler there. I haven't seen it yet.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Hamlet is not my favourite Shakespeare play. Yet. They were probably showing it at Shakespeare fucking Abbey. It's good, you know, it's good, but it's not his best. I'm a massive commenter. I don't watch that highfalutin shit. I hadn't been to to um the theater i know it's been out for 500 years so i'm getting around to it i'm getting around to it oh don't
Starting point is 00:10:31 spoil it yeah it's not a netflix limited series it's it's there forever um it was good i mean there's a lot of sayings and things that came from uh from shakespeare but in hamlet in particular uh there's loads uh to thine own self be true, if you ever heard that saying. That's one of them. Be yourself. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. That's obviously from Hamlet. Murder most foul, if you've ever heard that.
Starting point is 00:10:56 There's like a million. Obviously, to be or not to be. The lady doth protest too much. That's from Hamlet. Hoist with his own petard. That is as well wow there's like a there's a million honestly you could go on forever uh about are there any more petards in there is that the only one that's the limit on the petards um that's unfortunate to sleep for chance to dream
Starting point is 00:11:16 obviously all the all the flame the famous ones from from uh there are more things in heaven and earth erasure than i dreamt of in your philosophy so more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than I dreamt of in your philosophy. So more things in heaven and earth. You hear people say that all the time. Brevity is the soul of wit. That's from Hamlet. One may smile and smile and be a villain. It just goes on. It goes on and on. Yeah, if you read the Bible or you read any Shakespeare,
Starting point is 00:11:39 you realize that that's where English comes from, basically. Or at least the English sort of quirkiness and the sayings. You don't realise how packed, jab-full it is. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind is another famous one from Hamlet as well. Exactly. That was one of the gender-free productions as well, wasn't it?
Starting point is 00:11:59 So, first of all, being in a crowd again. A theatre crowd is different from a cinema crowd, obviously. They're older, richer, better dressed. You can see them. They also don't have, they don't know how to shut the fuck up for some reason. There was quite a few people there who just ran their mouth the whole time.
Starting point is 00:12:16 So there was a lady behind us who had quite loud conversations in the middle of quite important speeches with whoever she was with. So she would say things like, you would hear his say, oh, he's always like that, isn't he? Oh, he's awful.
Starting point is 00:12:30 And this one time, so they had one of the actors who had a very clear voice and she said, she's always so clear, isn't she? That was what she said in the middle of the play at like that kind of volume.
Starting point is 00:12:40 So everyone around her can hear her say to her partner, she's always so clear, isn't she? And that obscures some of the things she said. The great irony of that. The thing is, Ian McKellen... A completely useless thing to say. Yeah, just completely pointless.
Starting point is 00:12:53 But we all know what it meant. We're all thinking the same thing, which is you can't really hear Ian McKellen. He actually can't project quite as well as some of the younger actors because obviously he's 82. So quite often his speeches were a little bit lost in uh you know an old man's voice is not as um as virile as a younger person so occasionally the hamlet speeches and things like that would deliver he
Starting point is 00:13:18 delivered them a very naturalistic kind of off-the-cuff style without the usual you know step to the center stage spotlight holding a skull and stuff yeah yeah he just kind of did it as an aside quite often on the important speeches and focus more on the uh just the regular stuff but you honestly were straining to hear him quite often so that was not only her commenting on how well one act of projected but by implication how poorly uh ian mckellen was doing but then when he did the to be or not to be speech uh this guy behind me finished the speech like did the next line and was obviously very pleased with himself so ian mckellen goes to be or not to be and the guy behind me goes that is the question yeah and i was like well done mate you're patting yourself on the back for knowing the most famous speech, probably in the English language.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Shut up. Why are you talking? Why are you talking? But he was like so pleased with himself that he knew the next line to the most famous thing. Was he with somebody? Like, was he trying to impress somebody? He was just talking to himself. Dude was just talking to himself.
Starting point is 00:14:17 That's even worse. He was like an old dude. It's like a guy who knows one of the quiz answers on University Challenge and is patting himself on the back all day for it. Well, yeah, I answered one of the questions. So I just noticed there's... Isaac Asimov wrote A Guide to Shakespeare, and one of the things he said was, there's a story about a woman
Starting point is 00:14:36 who read Hamlet for the first time and said, I don't know why people admire this play so much. It is nothing but a bunch of quotations glued together. Which is so interesting yeah that is so yes um hamlet's really really cool i i all of them are and i think a lot of people like you said nowadays deliver them in a more because because actually the english is quite thick it is it is quite hard to understand it is quite hard to understand i think a lot of people try and modernize the the the text a little bit or at least in their delivery yeah i think a
Starting point is 00:15:13 good actor like like i've noticed good actors can make a comprehension out of bad script do you know i mean i'm not saying it takes you as bad but i think that it's i think if you just read it you wouldn't wouldn't understand it they try They try to modernize it sometimes. I feel like if they did nowadays, it would just be a total mess. You know, to Kek W or to not Kek W. Just be filled with stupid Internet words and terms. Yeah, you're right. I love that.
Starting point is 00:15:42 It needs emojis in it. It needs some emojis. It would pause for like TikTok emojis to come up on the screen. Some cummies and stuff yeah you're right i love that it needs emojis in it some emojis it would pause for like tiktok like emojis to come up on the screen cummies and stuff yeah there'd be like that face with the teeth like you know that one yeah oh that would be on there a bunch of times when someone got stabbed it would be like oh oh yeah just be trying to think of a quote trying to think about that line that time no it's it would be um i don't know if they can do it you know i think i think it's gone it's too old now right it's it's now
Starting point is 00:16:13 people just want to watch it'll come back around it's been cycling around for the last 500 years like anime and stuff nowadays right like that's i think people become the new people i mean there's always some shakespearean movie or remake. Some of them are, you know, bonkers back in the 70s, you know, where they turn into a rock opera halfway through or something. Do you know what I mean? And they'll be, they've always rebooted these things in weird ways. You know, there'll be, everyone's, it's like Sherlock.
Starting point is 00:16:39 How many times has that been rebooted in different formats? You know, Robert Downey Jr. did some movies on it. I think it's no different here. I think the stories are, I think even now a lot of people don't know a lot of these Shakespeare stories. And, you know, if you read the plots of them in a couple of sentences, they wouldn't recognize it.
Starting point is 00:16:57 And probably I wouldn't either because it's been so long since I was forced to study this stuff at school. i don't know i can't remember at school if we did much shakespeare i think um i think you could take like sort of an advanced english class like when you got to the point in school where you could pick what classes and what credits you needed sort of thing but i yeah i never did what historical because americans and canadians do other literature, don't they? Yeah, I remember like in English, we read like, you know, like of Mice and Men.
Starting point is 00:17:31 And what's the other one with Boo Radley? Or maybe that's the same one. Remember that one with Boo Radley? I can't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To Kill a Mockingbird. That's the one, yeah. Great book.
Starting point is 00:17:41 And Catcher in the Rye was another one that we had to read at school yeah i mean these are all classics right but like i don't know if um i don't know if we did much like shakespeare you know like i said i think you could do it but i never did because i was yeah i did i guess it's definitely more of an english thing probably that we're expected to to do that so no shakeswksbury avenue was really really interesting just walking around this it's almost like we've just casually got this thousand year old building just hanging out nearby jerry i feel like a lot of english people are like that that they've got yeah they're just you know you just walk down the road and there's a guy knocking down
Starting point is 00:18:21 a shed in his garden that's 350 years old or whatever like for example with chooksbury abbey there's a thousand year old tree as well that was planted at the time of the abbey and it's this absolutely enormous trunk you know it's because i think they just i think trees just keep growing or something or they grow to the size of their plot their pot yeah i think i think if you want a miniature tree you just stick it it in like a good hard terracotta pot and it will, once its roots get to a certain point, it obviously thinks, oh, there's no point getting any bigger and just sort of stops.
Starting point is 00:18:52 Yeah. And so I think if you've planted it in the earth, it can grow to the size of the earth. I think that's how it works. It gets as big as it, and then a storm or whatever will knock it over or they get sick, you know, eventually. Yeah, they get big to the point that they fall over.
Starting point is 00:19:06 I mean, oddly enough, I went to Kew Gardens yesterday, and there's a tree there that was planted in 1760. Have you spent any time at home recently, Flax? Like, jeez. No, yesterday was a busy day. You just out? Yeah, went to the theatre. But today, I don't intend to leave the house.
Starting point is 00:19:23 That's how that goes. That's nice, yeah. And the day before that, I don't think I leave the house. That's how that goes. That's nice. And the day before that, I don't think I left the house either. But yeah, it's an odd one. But yeah, so this tree was planted in the middle of the 18th century. And it's still going, but only a bit of it. So the rest of it fell over, just a branch. But they replanted the branch and it cracked on.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Like it just carried on growing somehow. And yeah, it's odd. odd trees trees are incredible really you can take a clip in from some and just stick it in the ground it'll keep going um there's a there's a tree in marble hill that's about well i think it's about 300 years old it's just they've helped it out because the branches get so long and heavy that they sort of have to tie metal sort of lines around the long branches and tether those to the uh the trunk to stop the poor thing falling over so i guess it's like and there were cactuses in queue gardens that were fucking massive and they'd had to do the same i had some big branch that they'd had to tether to itself because it gets to the point where you know these are just so old they're basically
Starting point is 00:20:25 we have to just cyborg them or like you know they fall over yeah i mean obviously give them like a crutch right like an old man in the wild it would just fall that bit would just fall off um and i guess but we're here we're here to help and it's beautiful and it's old so let's let's help preserve it but um you know trees trees live a long time and then they and then they die that's pretty much the way it goes but sometimes you can uh you can i mean there are creosote bushes i think creosote bushes someone someone will fucking correct me i think they're one of the longest living organisms i think there's some that are like thousands of years old man they're great a great looking bush as well i use them a lot in planet coaster and planet zoo as well they're're fantastic. Great coverage.
Starting point is 00:21:05 Yeah, they're just a good size. You know, you can kind of fit them in alongside rocks and other trees and stuff. Really nice. Really nice. I love that little... So I heard... One of the things I remember recently was in the Olympic ceremony, opening ceremony, they made these big wooden rings.
Starting point is 00:21:22 And they were made out of trees that were sown in the previous tokyo olympics so they sowed loads of seeds grew some trees and then cut some of them down to make these parts of the ceremony and the rings and stuff and then they planted more trees for next time i guess which is pretty cool yeah um i think yeah there's a lot of like that sort of stuff going on i saw that in japan a lot like a lot of when i went to j's a lot of like that sort of stuff going on. I saw that in Japan a lot. Like a lot of when I went to Japan, a lot of the places that you visit, you're like, wow, this is amazing. And then it's like this was rebuilt in 2004 because it burned down because most of them were made out of wood. And you read these little plaques they've got and they've got, you know, this was originally built in 1350 and it burned down in 1360. You know, they constantly like like, they were rebuilding and rebuilding.
Starting point is 00:22:08 And the same thing happened with this abbey. Originally it had this wooden roof that eventually either got burned down or collapsed or something and it was replaced by some stone one. Yeah, I mean, there's lots of places like that in Europe, too, that were pummeled into the ground during World War II and rebuilt. Any buildings that are still going 1,000 years on, though, were old 900 years ago. And then someone loved them, right? And rebuilt the roof.
Starting point is 00:22:31 And then 100 years later, they were even older. And this is still 800 years ago. And someone else spent a huge amount of money to keep it going somehow. Do you know what I mean? And even now, you know, I'm sure because I think it was originally a monastery. And then the queen had some sort of fund at some point and bought it off of them. And then there was a thing during the War of the Roses where some men were hiding from a nearby battle. There was a battle of Tewksbury, I think, in the War of the Roses.
Starting point is 00:22:57 And then some people fled there and then they were all killed in the monastery. I can't remember. It was some disaster that happened there. killed in the monastery i can't remember it was some there was some disaster that happened there and you know when you when you have something that's that old and obviously a huge landmark it's going to be involved in things like the fucking war of the roses which seems like this kind of fictional event you know in it was like before i think it was before the english civil war in like 1470 or something um and it's kind of the part of history which was heavily inspired game of thrones and stuff like this these kind of it's kind of families having a
Starting point is 00:23:33 squabbling nobleman living in a realm where there were very few privileged individuals it was mostly peasants yeah and kings there wasn't really much of a middle class and and also i think it was sort of before we'd really gone and really explored the world very much i think after this sort of time the age of colonialism started happening and then we started you know fucking around on the rest of the world the tail end of the the 15th century so i think it was what is it 1492 columbus sailed the ocean blue isn't it so that was when he has a shakespeare quote actually but i think actually there was there there was a lot of stuff that happened before columbus though as well right columbus was kind of like he's kind
Starting point is 00:24:16 of known stuff but yeah there was there was there were a lot of expeditions before columbus but columbus is i think just for whatever reason became the the most known or the the most the most popular but right like like a lot of discoveries were made prior to him i wonder i haven't read it there must be loads of biographies and books about him but i wonder if he just had in my head he's just a ballsy guy who's like i'm just gonna fucking sail this way and hope that i you know don't don't run out of food before we get to land. Yeah, I think we have a vision, obviously, just a little caveat here. Paul Harrell style. We don't know. All right. We're not experts in history.
Starting point is 00:24:54 I'm confident saying that none of the three of us really know a huge amount about Columbus. Are we comfortable with that statement? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Honestly, you can apply that to almost anything we talk about. Exactly, you can apply that to almost anything. I think in my head, though, I have uneducated opinions about stuff that I just so feel is... Yeah, you still think about stuff, you know? I mean, we're not allowed to think about it unless we've written a thesis
Starting point is 00:25:15 and it's been peer-reviewed. Fuck off. We're talking about Columbus here. I've looked him up on the... I've done that any... I know a little bit about the guy. I think he was... Was he Italian, right? I've got the same first name as him, so I'm know a little bit about the guy. I think he was, was he Italian, right?
Starting point is 00:25:25 I got the same first name as him. So I'm pretty much soulmates with the guy. And the Spanish queen sent him off with some money and said, go and fucking find a route to China. And he did. And they thought he was India. It was India. And that's why they called it the West Indies
Starting point is 00:25:42 because he thought it was India or something like that. These might be apocryphal. And yeah, so they, I mean, you know, there's a huge amount of stuff written about Columbus, good guy, bad guy stuff, you know, who knows. But it's, it's bizarre to think that we had been in Europe for 1000s of years and North Africa, and the Middle East, that hub of what we see as civilization um but the rest of the world you know obviously china was getting on with things they had a whole bunch of stuff going on over there uh india as well i know that they were aware that the earth was round um they knew something that it it was something that they boy how wrong they were no one thankfully once
Starting point is 00:26:22 stupid they were back we discovered yeah the thousands of years of sheeple believing that the earth was was was round thanks to some it's weird though i think recently that recently the flat earth idiots have been replaced by the anti-vax idiots yeah yeah that's the new idiot thing to have see that's that's the thing with it people always say to me when i when i get uh angry about flat earthers and stuff is what do you care they just believe something harmless this is like a gateway drug to genuine anti-civilization lunacy like people's pumping worming tablets into their body because they think that'll protect them why would you take
Starting point is 00:27:00 a tablet meant for a fucking horse and sheep and not a vaccine? Honestly, it's not even worth discussing. Leave them to it. 100%. Let them do it. But you say that. But if that's the attitude, these people become politicians and senators. And they say, we demand that ivermectin be treated in the same way.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Because, you know, it's our right to have our opinion heard. But that is bad. We need to have our opinion heard but that is bad we need to have some kind of please have some truth i'm just saying let's bring it back isn't it it's it's finally come around to them actually that these these anti-vaxxers that one of the things i read which is amazing is that they now think that everyone who's vaccinated is causing the virus to become like mrsa like aug, like a super virus. So because you've been vaccinated, you're creating this super virus, right?
Starting point is 00:27:51 And as if they're still saying, well, I'm not getting vaccinated. It's like, well, there's now a super virus. Like, definitely get yourself vaccinated now. But when they end up in hospital, there's all these, there's a Reddit, sub subreddit and there's a bunch of twitter accounts that post social media posts of people this is very tragic it's not funny like that's the thing but these are people who posted i ain't getting no fucking virus this is all a big hoax you guys you sheep have had the wall
Starting point is 00:28:20 pulled over your eyes followed by everybody please pray for me i've got the rona and it's super bad and i'm probably gonna die and then a post from a loved one saying we lost them like this is happening this is happening so i have no problem with people thinking the earth is flat really i think they're fucking idiots please don't ever you know think otherwise but it's not a dangerous belief the way anti-vaxxers is a genuinely dangerous deadly belief to hold and it's being perpetrated by assholes and it really fucking annoys me so it's being perpetrated by a lot of people who probably themselves are vaccinated as well like uh a lot of yeah all those all those guys at fox the big high ups and stuff of course they're going to be vaccinated like they're they're not that stupid but they still
Starting point is 00:29:03 they're they're telling people what they want to hear in a lot of ways it's like it's point scoring right they just don't understand when this happened when i really there's going to be a book in it somewhere about what was the tipping point in people abandoning sanity and reason and just saying yeah that's it we're just going to take sheep deworming tablets because we don't trust the vaccine we just trust this off-the-shelf drug that treats animals. We're going to take that. What is going on?
Starting point is 00:29:28 Who are these people influencing people to that degree that they have abandoned reason and they're going to take this? I don't get it. Anyway, so Columbus knew that the world was round. But he thought the distance from Spain to Africa to Japan was about I think he thought it was a quarter of what it actually
Starting point is 00:29:52 was. So would he have would there have just been an ocean there? Obviously, you know, like a giant mega Pacific Atlantic ocean which isn't impossible. I mean, I'm not saying the world is one generated civilization, but on a different planet.
Starting point is 00:30:11 We're like a Pangea. Yeah, on a different planet with a Pangea, he would have still been going. To this day. Just going around and around. I mean, they already knew about places like, you know, they knew anything that was connected by land. If you think about it, we had the Silk Road.
Starting point is 00:30:26 We knew these people came from fucking miles away. We were like, wow, these look at these animals. Yeah. Camels and shit. We were like, wow. They brought all kinds of things that we didn't have. And I think they must have thought like they were looking for another route around there that didn't involve schlepping all the way around Africa and all the way around India to get to China. They thought, what if the China's got sea on its right, right?
Starting point is 00:30:48 When you look at it, China, there's sea there. Where does that go? What if we go left? We'll come onto their right side, easy peasy. We'll go west and we'll go to the east, simple. And then they bumped into this other gigantic landmass that is the Americas. And they were like, oh shit.
Starting point is 00:31:04 And there's fucking people here already. How mind blowing that must have been to realize. I mean, that's that really is the equivalent to us finding alien life on another planet. That's how crazy that would be. There's another fucking continent with people living on it. And they've got buildings and stuff. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:31:23 Like, that's crazy. How quickly can we kill them all and take their land that was their first instinct how much gold do they have understandable i mean i when somebody has something that i that i don't have and i want i'm killing them like no hesitation sorry if this was sim you'd see they still got spearmen they still got spearmen lads we've got frigates let's go barbarians they're red to us look at all these goody huts yeah i've got an achievement to unlock here by conquering this man i'm going for it if it was if do you guys remember colonization the one set around yeah the american
Starting point is 00:32:01 civil war if you went and you could go and dig up the Incan treasures and you'd have these giant wagons of gold that you had to take back, whack them on a galleon and ship them back to Europe. Man, I loved that game. That was such a good game. It was such a good one, wasn't it? Yeah. They did a remake of it, which wasn't terrible either.
Starting point is 00:32:20 But the remake didn't have the same. There was something about it. The original. I just want the original with the graphics for it was so good like the way the cigars looked the way the soldiers looked the way the ships looked it was classic pixel art yeah yeah and the music was really good too yeah it was great ben did a playthrough of it and it's it we really enjoyed it does it still hold up yeah Oh, yeah. Hela does. Hela does.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Hela does. Look it up. There's some beds, colonization. There you go. You'll find it. Anyway, I wanted to tell you something that happened to me. Well, two things happened to me, actually, that were weird. So one thing that happened was I was walking to the train station.
Starting point is 00:33:00 Yeah. I'm not dawdling. I don't walk slowly or anything. But there was a man who was obviously in more of a hurry than me. And he sort of walked, power walked past me as if to like overtake. And obviously I didn't see him there. And so I was, at that time I happened to like swerve to the right. And obviously we collided in the street.
Starting point is 00:33:20 Oh my God. Okay. Right. Then I sort of turned around and was like, oh, sorry. You know, and he sort of, he was like, look where you're going. And I was like,
Starting point is 00:33:28 I don't have any wing mirrors. That's what I said to him. Because it was like I was driving a car and he'd hit me from behind. Right. And it was his,
Starting point is 00:33:38 it was clearly his fault. If you get rear-ended in any way, it's almost impossible for it to be your fault. Like that, that's the way for it to be your fault. Like, that's the way insurance companies treat it, which is why people do that thing where they reverse into parked cars.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Because if you go to the insurance company and say, you just drove into the back of me, they're like, yep, fair enough. That's why people have the cameras. I've got a camera, because people do the crash for cash. My mum's always warning me about it, because she watches all those fucking daytime TV shows. And they reverse into you, and they get out and out and say oh you crashed into the back of me and you're like no you reversed into me they're like no i didn't and it's impossible when you go to
Starting point is 00:34:12 unless you got a dash cam yeah two you have to have a dash cam nowadays for sure you gotta have the dash cam folks come on yeah your dash cams Come on. That's one of the common things that happens on the dash cams exposed YouTube things that I very occasionally watch. But no, I mean, I don't have wing mirrors. I just said that to him and he just sort of looked at me like I was an idiot and just sort of
Starting point is 00:34:37 walked off ahead of me. And I sort of followed him to the train station, sort of slowly dropping back as I went because I didn't want to run him again. But yeah, that was weird. And then on the train station sort of slowly dropping back as i went because i didn't want to but yeah that was weird and then on the train uh i took the train there all fine i had a mask and stuff but i noticed that the train conductor like the and the the train inspector the ticket inspector weren't wearing masks so i was like oh i guess i don't need a mask right so like on the way back i'd actually somehow lost my mask of course because
Starting point is 00:35:06 this is what happens but i thought it doesn't matter i don't need a mask didn't know whether the train is wearing a mask it's fine that the actual staff are wearing masks i'm not going to get into trouble right so felt a bit bad about it but not that bad if i got the train it was all full um i walked down the end and i saw so there was some empty seats but there was like 10 empty seats but they were all just like there was there was a train conductor there without a mask who said, oh, you can't you can't sit on these seats. They're reserved. I was like, sure, whatever. So I but of course, there weren't any other seats. So there was a random woman there who didn't have anything sat next to her.
Starting point is 00:35:39 So I sat down next to her and she turned to me and said, do you have a mask? And I said, no, i don't sorry um and she sort of sort of grumpily uh looked at me and sort of mumbled some things i didn't hear what she said but she was obviously really grumpy and really mad about it okay so i sort of i didn't i sat like as far away from her as was comfortable to see anyway i sort of forgot about it and then we got to the first stop uh which was only about five minutes right and got her bag up and got to went to stand up so i so i stood up and i stood in the corridor and she stood up and then sat back down again and put her bag down next to her right what so it was this whole
Starting point is 00:36:18 passive aggressive well she stood up to get you to stand up so she could put it so you were sitting next to her and she basically stole your seat and she passively aggressively stood up to get you to stand up so she could put a... So you were sitting next to her and she basically stole your seat. And she passively, aggressively stood up, pushed me out of her seat and then sat back down. Incredible. Because she knew that I would make way for her to get out. That's incredible. That is such a power move.
Starting point is 00:36:37 That really is remarkable. I was half impressed and half stunned at this move. Right. And so then I had to you know ask someone else to move their bag so i could sit down next to them because i'm not going back to that same woman i don't know how people leave their house and give a shit you know what i mean like i was just i was just amazed at that people leave their house and confront people that they don't know you know what i mean like i i try to avoid speaking to anybody Like if I absolutely have to speak to somebody, I will like to pay for something or if I need help finding something or whatever.
Starting point is 00:37:10 But if somebody is doing something stupid, I just fucking walk away. Like I'm not going to be like engaging on any level. I'm not going to talk to them. I'm not going to be passive aggressive with them. Nothing like it's just like I'm out of there. I don't get how people can be bothered to invite drama like that into their life you know what i mean like i don't know what what they get from it other than probably some feeling of like shitty or well maybe it makes me feel good i don't
Starting point is 00:37:36 know it's it's so bizarre no boss but i was just i was sort of i was i was obviously mostly impressed but slightly i don't know I just felt like you should have just saluted you just done because it was my like second confrontation well played
Starting point is 00:37:51 I think if that had happened on the other way you have bested me here's a medal holy shit man that is a that is a powerful move though
Starting point is 00:38:01 it's true I can understand why people people have got their own motivation do you reckon she came up with that on the spot? Or do you reckon that she was planning it? She's thinking, how can I get this guy to move without confronting him in a direct way
Starting point is 00:38:15 and also kind of having an impressive flex of nicking his seat in his face, but getting him to essentially volunteer it? I wonder if she stood up thinking, is this my stop? And then when you stood up, she thought, oh, thank God he's getting off. She's like, this isn't my stop.
Starting point is 00:38:30 No, no, no. It was very deliberate. It was the whole process of gathering up the stuff, putting it all away, you know. Amazing. It was the whole process. Yeah. But had she pulled this before?
Starting point is 00:38:41 Is there some forum somewhere where people come up with ways bandits this is like her calling card like she does this to lots of people yeah i reckon it was like an old person email chain do you mean they they'd had they'd had it go around and how to get you know let's get your seat back on the train it looked practiced it looked expertly done yeah she she did it with the confidence of a veteran swimmer that's incredible i saw i saw this video of uh a guy it's like i think it was on the subreddit like people uh dying inside or something like that and it was a video of a guy he's holding like a yellow blanket and um and bouncing it like you would like a newborn right like you bouncing this like this blanket in
Starting point is 00:39:22 his arms and um he was like on a pretty busy what looked like a subway car and uh some dude stood up uh to let him sit down and uh the guy sits down and it's just like it's not a baby it's just a sweater like he sits down he's got this look on his face like oh hell yeah i'm sitting down but like it was just just his sweater and the and the guy who stands up like the footage goes to his face and he's just like what the fuck like he just has he just looks like uh like like quite annoyed about it but also i don't know maybe at this maybe a little bit like lewis's um experience my face you know he was like he was annoyed but like i feel like maybe he was a little
Starting point is 00:40:02 bit like wow what a move as well the same time because like he had He had the motions like it looked like he was he was like, you know soothing a baby like in his arms But he wasn't he was just doing it to get a seat was pretty fun genius. Yeah, sorry I thought I'd say need he's like no it's like Me to know these things Screw don't tell that's that woman though because she'll start bringing a underjumper on the train it's gonna get out there
Starting point is 00:40:30 it's not cool dude I've been playing Blood Bowl pretty much all week and it's such a weird game there are certain games that I find if I'm streaming them or if I'm playing them someone in chat put it really well they said that for 11 months of the year I say it's the worst game ever and I hate it and I'm streaming them or if I'm playing them. Like someone in chat put it really well. They said that for 11 months of the year,
Starting point is 00:40:45 I say it's the worst game ever and I hate it and I'm never playing it again. And then I'll reinstall it out of some moment of madness and be addicted again for another month. And then I'll hit my limit and uninstall it and rage quit and shout. That's pretty much my relationship with Blood Bowl. I think you have to have a couple of games
Starting point is 00:41:01 like that in your life, honestly. Yeah, it's a good balance. It is. But now we've set up this league have a couple of games like that in your life honestly yeah it's a good balance yeah it is but now we've set up this league um where monticus on my on my discord set up this league for people on the discord to basically play blood bowl right against each other and me and him are going to cast the games we're going to commentate on the games like american football style um i thought about eight people would sign up and like 40 plus people decided to sign up so this is gonna
Starting point is 00:41:25 fucking go on forever and i i've realized now i'm stuck now with blood bowl for the foreseeable like i thought i'd just play it for a few weeks and then be done like this guy said in chat yeah but now i realize i've got an albatross around my neck and it's blood bowl and blood bowl three's coming out soon i'm gonna fucking play that as well So I thought it was just dipping my toe in. But instead, I've fallen into a giant trap. I've done the exact same thing, pretty much. I started playing Final Fantasy 14. Just go.
Starting point is 00:41:56 I'm going to have to just go for it here. I've been enjoying it. Just take your clothes off. Dive in. Just swim. Listen, I started a guild. Swim for your goddamn life you might meet you might find america one day go for it i started i started a guild in this game uh for because my
Starting point is 00:42:11 character is called uh old hogan and i'm doing a hulk hogan cosplay like i've got the you know the wrestling undies and the uh the bandana yeah and the boots and everything clip of uh someone made an actual hulk hogan in the game, Young Hogan or whatever. Yeah, so anyway, we made a guild, and a whole bunch of Hogans have joined. So there's like Hollywood Hogan, there's Primetime Hogan, Young Hogan. There's a whole bunch of different Hogans.
Starting point is 00:42:36 And then we've also opened it up for other wrestlers, like Ric Flair joined yesterday and stuff. But yesterday I was accepting some applications. There's like over 100 people in the guild now so it's like i guess i'm just playing this for a while because i you know people are like picking it up and playing it and joining the guild and doing their cosplays and stuff and it's it's not one of those ones that you can just sort of drop and you know leave everyone in the lurch even though we've done it like a million times with wow guilds and stuff like that but have you got met your man randy savage well okay so the way that the the auction house works in this game is
Starting point is 00:43:10 like you know in wow you just have stuff in your inventory and you just post it up on the auction house and away you go in this game you have like retainers they're like valets they're characters that you summon and you can send them away on little missions and stuff as well but you give them the items and then they run to the market and sell them for you sort of thing yeah so so and you can customize all of them so i made you you get two retainers and then if you want to have more than two retainers you can you you pay to have more so you can have like up to nine if you're very serious about all this stuff but you get two for free and it's more than enough sort of thing and uh so i made uh razor ramon a chico and uh the undertaker and that's their names uh when they're posting stuff up on the auction house so like people are now buying uh stuff off of
Starting point is 00:44:01 razor ramon and uh have you not got Macho Man Randy Savage in there? He was the best. Yeah, well, because I'm going to probably get the other retainers. You can get married in this game as well. So I'm trying to get somebody to create an Elizabeth character so that the Hulkster and Elizabeth can get married. And hopefully somebody joins the guild as Macho Man Randy Savage and can be the best man at the wedding as well.
Starting point is 00:44:22 Or they could do the service. Do you, Hulk Hogan, teach Elizabeth to be a love fool anyway? savage and can be the best man at the wedding as well well they could be the they could do the service do you hong kong teach elizabeth yeah it's it's the cream of the crap it's fun it's been fun for sure it's such an odd game but it's it's it's a weird one because i was thinking about because i've been playing it i was thinking about this game compared to wow this game is has a lot of the stuff that wow has you know it has like the end game rating it has dungeons it has gear and stuff like that but there's so much to do that most of the people i know who play it aren't even max level you could just do so much stuff along the way and people get into the stuff along the way that there's no there's no burning desire for
Starting point is 00:45:04 people to just hit max level and do all of the hard stuff you know that there's no there's no burning desire for people to just hit max level and do all of the hard stuff you know what i mean like there's all these professions crafting there's an economy like there's all sorts of stuff that you can get really stuck into that you don't need to be max level for and it's um it just makes me think it's just such a shame the way that while it's gone because it could have been i think it's a real shame that uh a lot more popular mmo that looks like it's got a lot to it is for fucking weebs well there's a big uh that is a big component of it as well i'm just looking at a stream right now you can choose to partake though i mean that's the thing you don't have to be a big weeb you can like my guy my guy looks like really like hunky
Starting point is 00:45:40 but not like anime hunky like he looks he looks like 1980s hunky you know he's got the mustache and he's got he's got the big muscles but like they're not they're not they're like they're the world's strongest men muscles you know they look like right they look like they work at you know like in a junkyard or something you know it's that it's those kind of muscles okay not like right authentic not like the schwarzenegger like the gym 12 hours a day muscles you know they're not roofer muscles yeah it's like roofer muscles yeah well i'm just looking at some of these uh final fantasy streamers and they are just the biggest fucking weebs ever right well yeah well like half of them it is a big part of it like i said youtubers who have replaced their
Starting point is 00:46:22 avatar they have to stand out somehow really does that stand out given that there's like a million of these despicable human beings out there now well i mean they're you can't you can't pigeonhole entire genre like that p flex there's lots of people and i will he's doing it there's lots of people we can't put them all on a ship and ship them off to preach their beliefs in a different continent anymore we gotta live with them now you know
Starting point is 00:46:48 I don't we can't expel them we can't you know and execute them in the abbey we have to we have to we have to live with them
Starting point is 00:46:56 and work alongside them these weird anime loving folks I mean folks I couldn't get into it because of the game the setting didn't bother me actually final fantasy saying i think there's a lot worse anime games and settings out there and
Starting point is 00:47:11 i think final fantasy is quite light and always always always part of my childhood as well i really enjoyed the final fantasy games growing up so yeah as far as it goes i think it's a fairly good one um and i'm i think it's it's a lot of fun to get into an MMO. It feels like you are diving into a world that is large and fun to explore with lots to do. In ways like Skyrim, you know, discovering that world for the first time or some of these things. You know, they're having, I guess,
Starting point is 00:47:42 MMOs are the open world games these days to some extent because this there is a lot of choice on on your direction and you're not just repeating the same thing over and over again um or starting again you know a lot of these roguelike games where you're basically just trying to do the same thing with a different skill or trying to do the same thing a bit better is that in mmos of, you're doing the same quests in different locations, et cetera. But it's a bit of everything. And I don't know. I can see why people like it.
Starting point is 00:48:09 Certainly everyone in Yogs is enjoying Final Fantasy at the moment. Are you playing with Rydian or anyone? Yeah, yeah, I'm playing with all those guys. Yeah, I'm just doing my own thing, though, which is kind of nice, too. You know, like you don't have to. The group sizes are smaller. The requirements are smaller. You can do anything. So, so like as long as you're up for leveling something up you could
Starting point is 00:48:30 have you can be any class and there's tons of different classes and you just swap between which one you feel like playing that day you don't have to roll an alt if you don't want to and stuff there's it just does a lot of really nice quality of life stuff and uh you can tell that they've just studied the the genre a lot over the years and there's there's just a lot of really nice quality of life stuff and uh you can tell that they've just studied the the genre a lot over the years and there's there's just a lot of really nice systems in it my top pick um by the way from this this week is 12 minutes um which has got daisy ridley and james mcavoy oh yeah i've heard some people talking about that saying it's pretty good yeah it's like a it's like a groundhog day sort of 12-minute time loop story thing.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Yeah. It's not very long, but it's really kind of gripping for the first few hours. And, yeah, I recommend you check it out. Like, honestly, these games, I love, like, these Annapurna narrative short form story games where it's like watching a cool movie, but, you know, that's what, you know, it's a pure game. I think I prefer Anna Purnow. Anna Purnow. Anna Purnow.
Starting point is 00:49:32 Can I just drop a little crazy piece of trivia? Check out 12 Minutes. Just shouting out to everyone. All right, listen to this. It's actually worth a listen. You know Daryl Hannah, the actor Daryl Hannah? Yeah. She's married to Neil Young.
Starting point is 00:49:45 No way. I had no idea. That's nuts. That blows my mind. She's also famous. He is 75. She's 60. They got married three years ago.
Starting point is 00:49:56 When did this happen? Well, obviously that happened three years ago. But I'm saying, in what world? Is that a... I'm blown away. I guess they were both... I guess he found his heart of gold. They must have had...
Starting point is 00:50:07 Give me that gin for a heart of gold. And I'm very old. They've been through many relationships in their lives. And they finally settled on the grumpy, I believe irascible would be a word for Neil Young. He's never struck me as much fun neil young he's grumpy serious man yeah daryl hanner has married him i'm just intrigued by that i reckon daryl hanner could marry someone 20 years younger than her be fine no one would bother no worry about
Starting point is 00:50:37 that she's gorgeous and famous right yeah but i mean you like who you like right it's like you know heart wants what the heart wants. That's probably fucking Shakespeare as well. Let's have the heart. The heart wants what the heart wants. I don't know. It's a song by Selena Gomez, apparently. I don't believe that's correct. Close.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Pretty close. Well, the modern day Shakespeare, some would say. Emily Dickinson wrote, the heart wants what it wants or else it does not care. So there you go. Other than that, though, I haven't really been doing much. This week has been just lots of dad stuff. Kids are back to school next week, which is great, actually. It's good that they're going back to school.
Starting point is 00:51:16 They've had six weeks off over the summer, which has been nice with the baby and stuff, but it'll be good to get more routine going with them going back to school and everything so we've just been doing lots of shit around that buying new shoes i had to get like a p kit sorted out and new uniform bits and pieces that they've grown out of and stuff like that because like when they're when they're small they still grow a lot right yeah god constant um the stream of of revolving uniform that you have to deal with is yeah yeah unbelievable yeah i don't know uh why but my kids will wear something once and then throw it in the wash regardless of what i mean my kids have to they come home from school and
Starting point is 00:51:58 it looks like they've just been like uh let loose in a chicken coop all day or something they got crap all over them it's nuts i mean i'm absolutely on board with all your school clothes when you get home in they go unless like if it's trousers or something have you got schmutz on them could you wear them again yes that'll do but anything that's got stuff on it they've always got like food on the collar spilled some paint on the front but now like my oldest is a secondary school um she's starting year eight my uh youngest is in year five. So they're not at the covered in glue and sparkles stage at school. You know, it's not quite the same.
Starting point is 00:52:33 A cardigan, you wore it once. You took it off as soon as you got to school. That doesn't need to go in the wash, but it does. But then at the weekends, they'll have three costume changes. And every time they take stuff off, they don't put it back in the cupboard. cupboard straight in the wash so when they went away to stay with my mum for a couple of weeks um there was like one load of laundry that me and mrs f needed to do that whole week one load and that was it job done you had this like nagging fear that you hadn't done something yes the whole time i was like i know i forgot something there's something we need to do. It's weird. It's weirdly quiet in here.
Starting point is 00:53:05 There's not the humming of the washing machine on. It is strange. But my mum is really struggling with differences between kids in 2021 and I guess the way I was raised in the 70s and early 80s.
Starting point is 00:53:19 So for example, she really lost her shit yesterday because when my kids were eating dinner and when my eldest had finished she got up and went off and did something else and she was like that is the height of bad manners how dare you get up from the dinner table but while the other person is still eating what she doesn't understand is my eldest eats at a normal pace my youngest eats at a snail's pace like you would be there all evening waiting for her to finish her dinner. I'm not going to expect my daughter to sit there
Starting point is 00:53:47 just because her sister's eating. This isn't some fucking religious ceremony. This isn't a formal meal at some fancy restaurant. They're having dinner after a busy day. Let her fucking get up and walk around. Who cares? My mum was like,
Starting point is 00:53:59 well, you know, this is the problem. This is the problem these days. As if you could tie the entire collapse of civilization down to the fact that some people don't sit down until everyone's finished eating. Yeah. I mean, both of mine,
Starting point is 00:54:11 like normal food. Oh my God. It's just like, it, it, it's such an endeavor to get them to eat. Like if you put like a plate of cookies in front of them, it's gone.
Starting point is 00:54:21 And like, there's like fucking sparks coming off of the plate. And if you give them normal food, it's gone like there's like fucking sparks coming off of the plate and if you give them normal food it's just like you're just constantly it's like all of a sudden like every fucking thing in the entire universe is so interesting and it has to be spoken about at that moment in great detail and you're like yeah okay we're not talking about that fucking speck of dust to the left of your plate for three hours and also let's let's move on for the last hour you've been saying i'm hungry i'm hungry yeah yeah yeah gave you your dinner you've had one bite and now you want to go do something else sit down and eat your fucking
Starting point is 00:54:55 dinner and here's the thing as soon as it's gone you can go do what you like yeah that's the best part about it is that when you've eaten which is something you want and need you are free The other one I love as well is right before bedtime is when all of a sudden like I want to make a papier-mâché of the entire World Trade Center circa 1960 center circa 1960 um and and maybe a life-size replica made of paper of new york city as well to complement it it's like you're going to bed in five minutes you know what when you wake up in the morning do that all day long until you're blue in the face i don't give a shit five minutes before
Starting point is 00:55:38 bed yeah brush your fucking teeth let's go oh my god what is the hold up here every night the toothbrushing the toothbrushing drives me mad the other the other night i was i was i started streaming at eight the kids were going up to brush their teeth at eight they generally go and chat and play in their room until about 10 it's hard to get them to go to sleep these days and i said to them right in you go and then i can see them both in the bathroom one of them is holding a a toothbrush. Go upstairs, play a game of dotes, come back down. I hear them talking. I open the door, I say to them, did you brush your teeth?
Starting point is 00:56:10 Oh, yeah. I'm like, wait a minute. I saw you both in there holding a toothbrush, looking at the sink and the mirror, and one of you was looking at the toothpaste. What happened between me turning away and you deciding, do you know what? Actually, sob this.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Let's go and do something else. You know I'm going to check up with you. And when I come to brush my teeth and I see, ah, the bristles are bone dry on their toothbrushes, you haven't been brushing your fucking teeth. I was like, go in there now. The best one is when- We're doing it.
Starting point is 00:56:38 We're doing it. You're not. You're not doing it. I have proof that you're not doing it because even when you were doing it, you weren't doing it. Don't give me that! Man, I get stuff set up to move them along a little bit, right?
Starting point is 00:56:50 So, like, normally, like, I'll make their beds, get their rooms ready and stuff, and then I'll put toothpaste on their toothbrushes and put them at the side of the sink because I know within the next five, ten minutes or whatever, I'm going to be sending them up to brush their teeth or whatever so they can just go in there, grab their toothbrush and they're done sort of thing. And the same thing.
Starting point is 00:57:09 They come upstairs and they're just like chatting. They're doing this. They're doing that. And you're like, have you done your teeth yet? No, not yet. You're waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. And then finally, you're just kind of like, OK, whatever. Like they're just going to be done in a minute.
Starting point is 00:57:21 Let's go sort of thing. And then they both like head to their beds or whatever. Everything's done. And they finally go to sleep. They go in the bathroom after. And there's like one toothbrush with like rock hard toothpaste. Like stuck to all the bristles. Because one of them just didn't fucking bother.
Starting point is 00:57:37 Oh, it's amazing. You know what I mean? The thing is like one of them is brushing. All you had to do that whole time was that one thing. One thing. Jeez. One thing. You can't do that whole time was that one thing one thing one thing you can't do that i mean we've got we've got electric toothbrush and you have to swap the bristles on and off so everyone's got their
Starting point is 00:57:53 own bristles right you swap yours on so obviously while one of them's brushing the other one's has to wait for a full minute no you can't expect me to wait a minute happy birthday three times like it doesn't take that long it's just crazy so the other one will give up and go and do something else and then forget and then the other one whilst holding the toothbrush will still somehow decide to go do something else it drives me mad it drives me one thing my daughter does though it's so fucking cute every night it's like she asks i don't know like i don't know where she gets this from but my kids ask for permission to do anything and we're not it's not like we're strict or anything but like even like they're like oh can i go for a poo like well yeah
Starting point is 00:58:34 i mean like what are you waiting for um but so like every night my daughter we're not here we're like you know doing teeth getting ready to go to bed and stuff and like usually just before bed she's like oh dad um can i put out my clothes for tomorrow it's like yeah okay sure like go for it so she like picks out she picks out her shirt and her shorts and her socks and stuff but instead of putting it somewhere sensible she she lays it out on the ground by her bed like like it looks like it looks like somebody just like melted out of the clothes and they fall on the ground it's fucking hilarious so like i i get so much like comedy value from it i just leave her do it every night it's so fucking funny and then like when i because i usually lay next to her her bed like on the floor just like i just watch like you know youtube or whatever what
Starting point is 00:59:22 while she's falling asleep and then when when she's asleep, I leave. And my parting shot every night when I leave is I look at the floor, I look at the clothes, and I almost laugh. It's always funny. I don't know why. It's just such a sweet thing. You just imagine that you turned someone to dust with your mind powers. Yeah, you abracadabra them. Ray of disintegration.
Starting point is 00:59:43 Just out of there, yeah. I like that yeah I thought you were gonna say you just dare a really big fart just as a parting like gift
Starting point is 00:59:50 I mean that happens sometimes too goodnight yeah I think that's that's beautiful that's beautiful adventures in parenting
Starting point is 00:59:59 am I right that's that's our podcast for today thanks for listening everyone yes thank you we love you very much and we'll see you
Starting point is 01:00:06 next time. Bye!

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