Triforce! - Triforce! #195: Vimbos Time Machine

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

Triforce! Episode 195! Sips has been watching some Married at First Sight, Pyrion becomes a shill for Vimbos: the Prince of Liquid Beef and we can't decide how far into the future we'd travel to! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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19 and over and physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See casino.draftkings.com for details. Please play responsibly. i love the sound of this yeah yeah i would make a podcast with your friends those are the only words i know and so i feel kind of bad that you can't speak german without sounding like an extra in a World War II movie. Like, I find it impossible. I know, but I mean, I didn't, I wasn't raised anywhere near Euroland, right?

No, but nobody can. Like, it's impossible for someone to try to speak German that isn't German. A very happy pie lover. Oh, yeah. Oh, good time. We come from the land of chocolate. You that guy from the yeah it's it's uh it's it's a great language i love it lieber deutsch but uh it's hard because it's got all kinds of weird grammatical differences and you just kind of sound like a overloint von flax when you speak it well i do i think it's because

our only exposure to it growing up was comedy germans in hello hello and uh yeah and in other movies well that's it it's like all the stereotypes right that you get exposed yeah i'm sorry inshunden germans no no no hey they understand i'm sure they understand spre Sprecher Deutsch this morning. Das mon tag. Das boot. Yeah. Sorry, I was trying to ask why are you speaking German today? We did French on a previous episode. I want to spread the love a little bit. Right. I got

a story for you guys real quick. We spoke previously about a woman accidentally joining a search for herself. Right. Yeah. Do you remember that? Well, it's happened again. This time a drunk man. Yeah. In Turkey, right? Yeah. it's happened again. This time a drunk man actually joined them. Yeah, in Turkey, right? Yeah. It's just, what is with these search points?

At no point do they stop and say, is anyone here the person we're looking for? Who are we looking for? Steve Bowers. Yeah, that's me. Yeah. Oh, we found him.

Good job. It is nice. I mean, it's a good outcome, but it feels like the outcome's tainted though. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. By that,

like human idiocy. I like that, that he was also generous enough to help with the search, you know? Yeah. You've got to wonder how this, and how much this sort of stuff happens, right? Like, other sort of similar dumb stuff. Oh, yeah. I'm sure loads of people, I'm sure the opposite happens. I'm sure some people are in a search party looking for someone, and then they get lost.

And then, you know, the search party has to search for them and then they're and they're the people they're the person that they were looking for originally so in a roundabout way they're still looking for a missing person only the person got lost during the search for themselves and not um you know lost before that you know what i mean technically just kind of weird you could have both happen. Like that guy. It's like a Mr. Bean situation. Basically, that is like, that is probably like a,

like on the cutting room floor of Mr. Bean Productions, right? Yeah. They probably, they probably had that episode all lined up and they're like, yeah, maybe it's like too convoluted. Mr. Bean Studios.

Mr. Bean Studios, yeah. I don't know whether it can get that convoluted. I feel, well, I feel like if one thing's happened and another thing's happened, they could both happen together. And then you have an episode of Curb. Yes. That's what happens in those situations. It's like, what if this awkward thing happened?

That has happened. And also this awkward thing happened. How would we get out of this incredibly awkward situation? that's the beauty of it really because it does feel real um not mr bean obviously no search party thing i got a question for you guys have you ever had a mouth ulcer on your tongue before no like on the side of your tongue no oh my god i have one right now and i gotta tell you it is so fucking painful to even speak like because my teeth keep rubbing against it oh god it's the worst i've had it for like a couple of days yeah man might be like an std dude i mean that would imply several things

that um you know i would love to brag about but yeah but yeah, it is a good, it's a total can of worms. There's a lot of questions that will be asked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, no,

like I hope that, uh, neither of you ever get this because, uh, and it, it really hurts. I did have an also one time when it was, it was so bad that I couldn't actually,

um, move any part of my mouth. Like if I talked or anything like that, it was like a stabbing pain. God, I thought you were going to say body. No, I thought it i thought it was gonna be like full body i tried to twerk and that that hurt as well oh man i couldn't talking no twerking it was definitely an std in that case yeah god yeah it was bad but i got this stuff called ambasol which is like uh you

put it on it and it's like a anesthetic so it's like preserves your ulcer like an insect in it i think it's called it's good stuff i got it in america but uh you know it just is good stuff it just numbs your your mouth fuck you up that would be fine honestly i just need something that does that because have you tried rinsing with salt water that's my that's the way i normally that sends me through the roof, honestly. Yeah, it hurts, but it does work if you keep doing it. Yeah, yeah. You need some actual drugs.

You can't just use some old wives' tale. I've got some Bongella. Have you tried rinsing it in swamp water bathed in yukes? Well, funnily enough, I've tried that. How is that comparable to salt water? It's not some quack remedy. It's just the salt dries out the ulcer. No, it is. It's like, oh oh you spill red wine on it just use squeaks a bit of lemon juice on there a little bit of

baking soda yeah and then you know it'll come right off it's like fuck just use some actual cleaning product like it's 2021 who's using like man we did that one time um we put vinegar on like a spill in the in the living room and uh the whole house just smelt like vinegar for like a month. It was the worst. God, it cost you more to buy the lemon and cut it out. Just get a florally scented cleaning product instead. That's my recommendation. You guys are both vegetarians.

And one of you for, what's the word? Moral reasons. But when it comes to dumping cleaning products down the drain, no problemo. Everybody's got a limit, don't they? Well, comes to dumping cleaning products down the drain, no problemo. Everybody's got a limit, don't they? Well, they don't pour them down the drain. You put them on the stain. No wonder you're not able to get these stains off.

What are you doing? You then have to rub it off and rinse whatever you had. It goes into the environment one way or another. Oh, yeah, but you've got litres of the stuff. Litres of the stuff? I'm not saying it's a waste. I'm saying that that stuff stays around it does

you're not using like two litres I mean I'm not a fan of you know this casual you know

pouring stuff down bleach down the drain and all that but at the end of the day yeah here it comes you know it's better to better to fix

this carpet than buy a new one there it is by fucking it with baking soda and lemon. It's probably better for the environment not to have to get a new T-shirt every week because you can't wash it properly. Right. Just saying, you know, who cares?

But your argument against using vinegar and lemon is that it smells, not that it doesn't work. It's stupid. It's stupid because it smells so bad. Like, it's just not... It's a non-starter because of the smell. Like, it's so disruptive, you know? You walk into your house every day

and you're like, I don't even want to be here. I just... Get me a new house. Like, I just got to get out of here. Like, I can't live like this. You know what I mean? And when you're at that point,

you got to change it up, you know? You just got to pour some bleach down the drain or whatever you got to do. But, jeez, that's too much. It's just too much i'm just saying there's a bit of there's tons of old wives remedies though like do you mean it's like oh your baby's teething i'll give him a cold spoon in his mouth you know do you know one of my favorites is the spoon in the top of a bottle of champagne or like uh cremel or prosecco you put the spoon in the top

and it keeps its fizz what did you just say crema crema yeah i just crema in my pants in my it's very popular fizzy drink sad ulcer remedy it's like we had it in luxembourg our relative of mrs i'll try it out i'll let you know have you tried cremel and i was like what is it she's like it's it's like a euro bottle in luxembourg it's dirt cheap i don't even know what you're fucking saying yeah c-r-e-m-e-n-t yeah you can get it in little let me tell you what over here you're looking at nine to ten quid and they missed a trick little they could have used that song from the 90s remember little by little remember that

song like they should use that for their advertising so good they can have that one for free little if you're listening have it for free i just want to see it happen you know just want to just want that to exist kreml so anyway the remedy, not remedy, the old wives tell us you stick a spoon in the top of keeps, it's fizz. It's bollocks. It doesn't do shit.

I've looked it up. There's nothing in there. I've tried it. It does nothing. Nothing. Where does this shit Why does it persist? Yeah, why does it persist?

Because the thing is if someone says to you It persists because people believe it. It's the same with the horse dewormer and stuff. It doesn't need evidence. It's the same people. Oh my God, you're right. It's the OG anti-va dewormer and stuff it doesn't need evidence it's it's the same people

you're right it's the og anti-vax it's the same people that are like like smothering their legs with honey and stuff like that i mean yeah it might work once but like it just turns out that it was on its way out anyway that's to get the hair off that's different well whatever like the shit that they do honey no i'm just saying like it's an example i'm not i'm not being specific here i'm just saying like you know people that will just do something really weird and convoluted i'm lathering myself up with honey right now that actually works you know yeah it's all it's the same people yeah we'll do it just as a protective thing right like eating you know eating chicken soup to cure a cold do you mean that one is i don't think anybody believes that actually cures a cold, though.

No, it just helps. It makes you feel better. It's just a comfort thing. It's like drinking ginger ale when you have an upset stomach. Well, you're going to barf again for sure. But it's just that if your mom gave it to you when you were like five years old and it made you feel better at the time, that's a lasting thing, right? That's going to persist through your life for some reason and there you go that's just it i mean i had ginger

ale all the time when i was a kid and there's nothing wrong with me i'm fine i turned out guys yeah i know it's a it's a weird one like it's part of me like um kind of likes the idea that there's like these really simple ways around stuff but honestly the the amount of things that i haven't tried much like i'm not i'm not crazy you got to believe me when i say this but yeah i've tried a couple of things like you know like the like vinegar on a on a stain in a carpet or whatever just to see like if it works and i gotta say most of the time none of this stuff actually works it's it's just it's not it's not worth the effort and the and the upset you know what i mean yep there's always someone putting up stones up their vagina get some

ajax and just fucking pissing in there some drano and and you're done you know like it doesn't need to be complicated you shouldn't you shouldn't be wasting a lot of time on that kind of stuff anyway right i mean there's there's mmos to grind out there that you could be wasting your time on instead and that's probably more fun which is what you're doing right now i am yeah i can hear the clacking of the keys well you know we gotta get you a quieter keyboard dude this is great no i love it i love the mechanic so triggering so loud but it's it's satisfying too clack clack clack you know it's nice there's loads of like these weird folk remedies though, bear fat and mandrake plant and mouse droppings. Yeah, it's weird that they've stuck around, especially because if they're that old, that

was before people knew what the fuck they would do. That was when actual doctors were prescribing folk remedies. Yeah, but that's all they had back then though, right? Yeah, but my point is, why has that persisted? We haven't persisted with everybody having a well in their back garden and outhouses we've allowed that those technological advancements to keep up but when it comes to health for some reason people if it's an old remedy people trust it but you wouldn't say i'm going to buy a model car like the old ford model T car first made like 1915 or whatever.

That's what I'm going for because that's old trusted technology. And I like that. No, they buy brand new cars that were made in the last year. So why do they trust that? But when it comes to medicine, they're like, oh, I don't trust these new remedies. No, I prefer remedies from before we knew what the fuck we were talking about. And there was no scientific method or anything. Yeah, that's astonishing.

Yeah. The funny thing about it was, was that actually often it was actively making people sicker to try these remedies right like you know but then again when you got the plague or something you're like fuck i'll have anything i'll try anything yeah i mean before there was an alternative fair enough but alternative medicine back then there was no alternative you take the leeches you eat the frog poo you stick the snail up your ass whatever the doctor tells you i got like 12 snails up my ass right now i mean i don't know we could try switching to slugs it would be easier just saying no shells are a killer listen i tried to watch a squid game yesterday because i know we talked about this last time but for some reason i

went on netflix and uh it wouldn't let me play episode one it would let me play anything else except for episode one of that show specifically so i just gave up yeah and instead i decided to watch married at first sight uk edition season six you fucking maniac oh my god man it's crazy it's crazy do they are they contractually obliged to get married no there's no legalities to it whatsoever and oftentimes when you finish this this the series and you look them up none of them have gone on to be happy or married you know they're just they're kind of like doomed from the uh from the beginning you can kind of see this in their personalities and stuff as well but i mean honestly it's it's

the ultimate like train wreck tv it's it's it's it's like you hate it but you can't stop watching it you know like yeah i mean like the thing is like there's at least on a dating app there's at least some filtering going on right where both of you have at least chosen to go on a date whereas this one feels like neither of the people have actually picked that person, right? And so they almost feel like, because they haven't made the choice themselves, it's almost doomed to failure.

Because they're like, how does this guy, this random algorithm or this, how does this producer of this show who's hooked me up with this random fucking guy know who my true love's going to be? Well, they don't care about that, do they? No, they want drama. They want people to just, you know.

I mean, I guess the way it works is you have people who want to go on the show to promote themselves, like they do on Big Brother. Honestly, though, that's everybody on the show, though. They're hyper aware of... But you also get people who are desperate and they just think, do you know what? I really want to get married. I can't find someone.

I am so done with actually trying to find someone myself and just having a bit of patience and just trying to be a decent person. What I'm going to do is I'm just going to trust a TV producer whose entire job is to make me look like an idiot. Like that guy with no neck that was on it. Do you remember him? He was like a meme for a while. No neck, Nathan. He looked like Ram Man, right? Like that guy. no neck that was on it do you remember him he was like a meme for a while he looked like ram man right like that guy i don't know it sounds hilarious though wait

what show is this on no neck no neck uh i don't know who ram man is but i do know who ram man is no no oh wait 90 day fiance before the 90 days his name is ed brown aka big ed no neck head yeah holy crap he is like a he's like a human he really doesn't like ram yeah so that guy is obviously just like fuck it like it can't get any worse than none sure yeah he's just like i love that i love that i typed in no neck and he was the first result hilarious he doesn't mean like it was everywhere pictures of that guy but he's got i mean he's a tragic figure it really is all these people are it's tragic i yeah i mean you know it's it's horrible that's why i can't watch it because i just feel deeply sad and depressed off well the thing is is there's so little focus on on more of

the tragic figures though because you you you sort of get their story and it's almost like light relief between the really explosive extroverts that you know are like oh this isn't what i ordered and you know like it's just crazy but it's man again like you you you just love to hate it sort of thing you know like my my wife watches it and it's just it's such a nice opportunity for me to just like get in little digs about everybody that's on the screen but oh my god she also hates them so we just laugh about it's really it's really nice it's just like a bonding moment yeah it is like a big roast yeah well these guys what do they expect i feel like in a sense like the tv show is kind of sets it up for that like in its sense do you mean it picks weird

people to make weird choices and everyone in the audience to equally be baffled man there's okay so this couple were fighting bearing in mind they've known each other for a week and they're married right but it's not like they're they're not married but like in the show they are and they always say like you're my wife but like come on mean, you've known this person for like a week and stuff. And so they do these like dinner parties. It's part of the show where like the whole group of couples get together. And that's where like the shit really kicks off because all of them hate each other. And there's like all this drama and stuff.

So this guy was like yelling at this other girl and they were having an argument. But his wife kept like interjecting. And like he was just like, shush, just shush a second. I'm trying to speak and stuff. And then he was just getting so annoyed that in the end he's just like, shut your mouth. Just shut up. Shut your mouth. I'm trying to speak.

And you're just like, I mean, that's got to be the biggest red flag ever, right? You've known this person for a week and they're telling you to shut your mouth like come on like i'm not kidding but if if i met someone on a blind date and they shushed me at any point yeah i mean just like and this other guy i'm walking out yeah yeah this other guy was trying to talk and then his his wife like piped up to say something kind of over top of him but i she didn't really mean to or whatever and he just like sort of really quietly looked over at her and he's like when i'm talking you don't talk and i was like okay and she was like mortified by it as well and you're just like jesus christ like you really don't know what you're

gonna get on this show like that guy is probably just going to like drop kick you the minute you get home like it's you know what i mean it's yeah it's pretty pretty worrying shit yeah i've uh for some reason i've just i just spotted on twitter someone retweeted a picture of something called vimbos right v-i-m-b-o-s if you google it it's a picture of it's uh sounds like it sounds like a snake oil remedy. It does, but it's actually just a rival to Bovril, right? Right, okay. That's why I'm fucking sick of the Bovril monopoly, though.

I'm glad somebody's gotten in there. Back in 1890, there was a rival, and it was Vimbos. And they call it an ox in a teacup. And their slogan is, the prince of fluid beef. Big beef stocks should be trembling in their shoes right now because we got Vimbos on the scene, and shit's about to get real. Well, why pay for water?

Please read Undernoted carefully. And there's an advert. This analysis shows the comparatively small proportion of water in Vimbos compared with the analysis of Bovril, as published by Bovril Limited. And there's a full scientific table breaking down what's in it and the water content.

Incredible. It is incredible. So they're just implying that the level of fluid beef is a lot lower in Bovril. You get more water in Bovril and more fluid beef in Vimbos. I mean, it lists on the advert here, albuminoids and peptones and content levels per Bovril via Vimbos.

So what, Vimbos is full of all these additional shit? It lists constituents. This is the advert for Vimbos. Water, 19.39%. Soluble nitrogenous matter and peptones flesh forming and stimulating 43.59 insoluble albuminoid matter flesh forming 9.31 fatty another carbonaceous i love insoluble albuminoid matter that's in an advert for something you are meant to drink who's gonna drink that i can really taste the

insoluble albumin when you say flesh forming is it possible for more flesh to form on my tiny penis do you think with our mineral and saline mattress including phosphates bone forming yes oh my god god bless you vimbos i want a t-shirt i want a vimbos t-shirt just with that cow in a cup yo if you find one and you order one can you please order me one too i think it'd be good if we both had one you know we'd be good i think it'd be good if we all had one yeah yeah maybe like we got to get you know all these sponsors that we've been getting on our big uh podcast that's now on the pickaxe network let's get vimbos in too can you imagine we could do some fucking nice ads for them and shit let's relaunch v boss in too can you imagine we could do some fucking nice

ads for them and shit let's relaunch vim boss you know like it was it was like it's one of those um like twinkies you know it's got our business but we can bring it back you know we need a jingle for them and everything like man they need one you can trust vim boss vim boss enjoy the taste of insoluble albuminoid matter brackets flesh forming it's flesh forming i mean what's that incredible i think those ads from that era that that was before advertisers realized that the whole truth and nothing but the truth is actually pretty off-putting yeah because i don't want to know that there are flesh-forming, insoluble albinoids. I would just like to know it tastes good. And once they realise

if you just tell people this is really tasty, they'll buy it. They don't need a scientific table breaking down the... In fact, sometimes if you tell, the more you tell them, the less they'll want to eat it. Do you know what I mean? As soon as they fucking find out that it's... Was it fluid? The taste of fluid beef?

The prince of fluid beef. No one's looking for the prince of fluid beef. Oh, man. Fluid beef just sounds so fucking gross. It's just like a tall glass of fluid beef on a hot day. I mean, you guys are crazy. Auntie Mabel's looking terribly poorly today. Take around a big glass of fluid beef.

Really get the back of their feet. Which brand? Bovril or Vimbos? I said fluid beef not water, which is bold. Take her some Vimbos. Pronto! Vimbos! There we go, that's it. We'll bring it back. Get on it.

Let's get on this. We're bringing back vim boss in a major way i want a picture for the thumbnail for this should be the three of us in a cup with a cow as well hey can you yeah like in a hot tub can you imagine right now when this podcast goes live there's just like some like empty dark bunker and like one single solitary red light going off and then the door slams open and a guy with like uh with a dress shirt and a tie comes in he's like dear god fin boss might be coming back wake the ancient ones

oh fucking thought out old grandpa Bovril. He needs to go. Oh, great prince of fluid beef. We honor you with this offering of thawed castery. Oh, fuck's sake. That's some good shit. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Trying to manage your expenses?

Introducing the new TD Low Rate Visa Card. Because rested breaks happen. And Taco Tuesdays happen. So do dog checkups, phone plans, spin classes, eh? Fucking ridiculous. slash low rate card. Conditions apply. Limited time offer. Yeah, snake oil, eh? Fucking ridiculous. I heard that snake oil actually does come from a Chinese herbal remedy. They would get some oil out of these

water snakes back in the day. They probably do to treat arthritis. I think it actually does have some benefits because it's got a lot of some fucking omega-3 in it or some shit. Do you know what I mean? It's like the OG omega-3s, which I'm not even sure. Chinese snake oil, which was real, came from Chinese water snakes, may have had real benefits because of its high concentration of omega-3.

But honestly, I can see how it works. Because if somebody approached me right now and said, I've got this oil here, put this on your mouth ulcer that happens to be on the side of your tongue which I can imagine is very painful and I'd be like yes it is this will work for sure I'd be like great okay I'll try anything like you have a blowtorch I'll blowtorch off my tongue like anything to get rid of this this pain you know what I mean like I understand like i can see how people could be conned by this stuff you know well especially because it was in the era where some of the drugs they were given out were literally cocaine and oh yeah but you're gonna choose that every time been a fucking bonus

for sure though right i mean crikey yeah i mean that would obviously uh feeling feeling ropey of not anymore here you go young man try some. What are you doing? You're not meant to snort it up your nose. Fuck you, buddy. It just goes on a cocaine rampage. In 2018, cocaine was used by 19 million people, estimated, right? Guess which country's the highest prevalence of cocaine use is. America? 2.2%.

No, North America, 2.1%. 2.1 percent i know it's very popular in the uk uh no not the highest um i mean columbia jersey bizarrely it's austria australia australia australia right and new zealand they have a higher cocaine use than north america gosh jeez crazy they just love their cocaine down there. Maybe it's a bit more relaxed. Maybe they're a bit more enlightened. They realise, hang on a second. Where are they getting it from?

This ain't no party without cocaine. It's all the way out there on the edge of the world. Man, well, maybe they just took a bit of time to catch up. The edge of the world. They're out there, man. They're practically in space. No, not the edge of the world. I meant the edge of the world,'re out there man they're practically in space no not the edge of the world i meant like the edge of the world as in like not catching up yeah maybe they're still using

the folk remedies this is australia we're not talking about they fucking probably still have vimbos going in fucking australia do you mean they it never went bankrupt sounds like a brand of australian crisp anyway can i uh can i get your lips around a lovely crispy bit of vimbos would you guys like to have your minds blown um not by vimbos or cocaine like i actually have uh an interesting thing to share with you that i saw um earlier in the week they um about 10 years ago they monitored and took pictures with like a very high-powered telescope in space of a star undergoing supernova oh yeah and it was like it was like hundreds of millions of light years away from us it's like uh and over the course of a year and a half they uh they took pictures and

they put them all together and you can see this thing just going white hot and then exploding and like you know like the ring of the the dust uh like the light hitting the dust or whatever so this is about 10 years ago and when people would have been seeing this happening in real time over the year and a half that they took the pictures and stuff like that it had actually happened 66 million years ago because that's how long it took the light to project from where it happened to us so that we could see it with our telescope or our eyes wow that's fucking nuts eh holy shit i was just like wow so then i started reading about the sun and planets and stuff like that which was also very interesting but uh man i that blew my mind it's a rabbit hole i just thought that was not in space yeah. It's like a space rabbit hole.

Fucking space, eh? Every time. Yeah. Just when you think that space can't amaze you anymore, it comes back with something new to amaze you with. Like, oh, man. Just when you think the vacuum can't get more interesting, it pulls me back in.

Yeah, light, man. Oh. I thought you'd like that one. I love that one. Not as much as Lewis. That's good. I think he'd really like that one. I love that one. Not as much as Lewis. I think he'd really like that one. Oh, I did. I did.

I was having a proper chortle. That was not actual laughter. That was just appreciative chortling. Sir, you have bested me with this pun. That's false. Excellent joke. It's very German. Yeah. Oh, shit. ho ho ho that's that's false excellent joke ho ho ho ho ho it's very German

yeah oh shit so no that six that star that you mentioned that was hundreds of billions of light years away

well it would be 66 million or 66 however many light years wouldn't it do you remember it took 66 million years to get here

sorry I didn't get the calculations right but it was something like that anyway yeah yeah yeah so that's how it works yeah if it took 66 million years to get here. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I didn't get the calculations right, but it was something like that anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's how it works. Space is a cool way to measure distances in space, I think, with the distance of light travels in a year.

But it's a funny one to try and measure anything or compare it to anything on Earth. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's very hard to visualize. It's just such... Everything in space is such vast, terrifying numbers and just mind... You kind of just lose perspective, you know,

unless you watch one of those videos that sort of shows how tiny you are in comparison to all of these. There's loads of them. I've been actually going down a bit of a rabbit hole with this. So, you know, the classic idea of the comparison between the planets and the suns and all this, you know the the classic idea of um the comparison between the planets and the suns and all this you know and on youtube they're pretty old and they go way back

yeah how big they are and there's um there's loads of other ones on youtube of comparisons of like tank sizes yeah yeah because in world war ii there was like a german tank that was literally like a coffin right uh like a coffin on legs germ you mean that was kind of a pretty pretty rudimentary one person tank and it goes up to stuff that sort of was either prototypes or things that were not built very many it was that one that they had plans to build that was like multi-story building on wheels it was it had room for motorcycles in the back that they could like kick a lad out it was like the death star scout around but it was so heavy i mean just think how much fuel you'd need to move that thing and it was just ludicrous and also you could see it from miles away because it's like fucking huge yeah but it would have been heavily armored though right yeah but still it's hard to that thing

it's gonna go down i guess so yeah just knock a track out with some shit also it's just gonna the first bit of mud it comes across just it's just going to sink into it. Yeah. You can't drive it around any swampy area. Hands, we are sinking again! Yeah, sadly, it's a tank vase as much as the planet Earth. I was just reading about a new kind of supernova they spotted, of this, a star crashing into another star.

And I think, you know, our corner of the Milky Way and everything, it's pretty quiet out here, comparatively speaking. There are some clumps of stars out there that are like pretty close together. And occasionally you get the star system flowing with two stars.

And when one of them gives up before the other one does, you know, runs out of fuel or whatever, sometimes it supernovas or it forms a little black hole, spins towards the other, it's sort of twin star and then they little black hole spins towards the other it's sort of twin star and then they collide huge huge but just imagine it's impossible for us to imagine

the amount of energy involved in a collision between two fucking stars it's too much for people to grasp it's nuts yeah it's um it it's insane space is just the ultimate for like uh blowing your mind the shit that can happen out there is just it's why and no one could hear you scream either it's just it's remarkable yeah or laugh or chocolate it's like god isn't it yeah so um no but there is these i mean it's actually when you start reading about it it's all mind-blowingly terrifying. You know, the idea that these super mega black holes can sort of combine with each other.

Black holes are one of these things that are thought to be a lot of the universe is hidden away. Well, we don't have to worry so much in our solar system because our sun isn't big enough to actually supernova but what'll happen is um it'll start it'll stop um producing nuclear fusion when it runs out of hydrogen eventually in like five billion years or whatever um but it'll still um it'll still like emit energy because of the like the chain reaction of all the fusions that it's been doing uh for like some time until it eventually yeah it'll still it'll keep it'll start fusing helium instead yeah so what's all the hydrogens turned into helium it'll fuse the helium which will create bigger elements you see

and at that point the sun will expand to destroy the earth and be much bigger yeah but i think life on earth as as we know it for sure but most life on Earth will cease long before any of that happens. Oh, I mean, we're fucked in the next couple of hundred years, let alone a couple of million. Yeah, yeah. God knows what will happen. A million years, wow. A billion.

Five billion years, imagine that. Although we'll probably still be putting lemon on our fucking stains, Jolene. Yeah, right. We'll still not have got the point. So, all right, here's a question for you. Vin Boss still won't have made a full comeback you can travel forward in time it's a one-way trip how far forward are you

gonna go as a gamble as you know i'm gonna go forward everything will have changed you know life is going to be unrecognizable but i'm gonna gamble people are still here and maybe we're hyper technologically advanced this is such a cool question we've gone forward and there's been some catastrophe and you arrive and you're back in the stone age essentially how far forward would you risk going before you think i don't know i don't know if it will still be here by then man i wouldn't i just would not go forward i wouldn't want to i'd be too scared i'd be like too scared to see like what happens and stuff like i want to i would just like maybe a day if I had to, you know,

just to get it out of the way. Would you like to play it safe and just go back to the sixties and live out the rest of your life? No, you can't go back. Sixties, seventies, eighties. You can't go back.

Oh, you can't go back. No, we're going forward only. You have to decide how long. So, I mean, that is realistic,

right? Because you could freeze yourself. That's, that seems like a realistic option, right? For people to do it, or at least a more scientifically possible oh so rather than time travel let's just say that you freeze yourself but but the problem with that

is then you're assuming so we're gonna say that we've constructed a capsule it's impenetrable it's undamageable you're not going to suffer long-term health nothing you are literally in stasis in this capsule you bury it in the ground somewhere or in some bunker. It keeps you like fluids, fluid beef going into you and all this stuff. Gives you the Vimbos to keep you going. You're literally suspended

in liquid beef just to preserve you. You're frozen. You set a timer on it. It's uninterruptible. Nothing's going to come along and stop it short of the earth being destroyed

by a massive, you know, the sun fucking crashing into it or something. So there's no gamble that you're not going to make it out that's a more scientifically likely than time travel so yes let's go with that the vimbos capsule right you have to set the date on it like fry did in futurama where a thousand years so how far ahead are you setting it okay before it wakes you up fuck this is hard right because i i generally feel that when i was younger i thought that things would change quickly right and i think that looking back through time everyone has been the same way even looking back at like confucianists when he was discovering the stars

for the first time and and you know fighting with the church and thinking oh you know in 100 years church will be completely irrelevant everyone will be completely rational no one's going to leave the earth flat anymore lol you know 1600 comes around everyone's even worse than normal i think like i think it takes i think it takes time to like fucking take such a long time to change but but we have had this explosion of technology you know especially nuclear weapons it's kind of changed the the paradigm of of boring stuff right like if we didn't have nukes i think that you know it feels just more i'll tell you what we would have had another world war if we hadn't had nukes i i truly believe that i honestly believe without nukes that that yeah it's been a huge war deterrent

hasn't it yeah because like it's terrifying but it has oddly enough worked i think in a weird way the only way we can trust people not to have wars is if it was if it was literally the extinction of the species if we did like you're right in a crazy way that's the only thing the cold war would not have been cold at all it would have been very spicy it would have been red hot yeah um i think the the the saddest thing about traveling into the future like no matter how far you decided to go into the future would be um realizing that when you got there that like all the people that you you knew still just carried on without you and and there's like a very little chance that you would

ever know how that went you know what i mean like depending on how far ahead you went right even like a hundred years it would be really hard for you to find out information about like your loved ones immediately and like what the rest of their life was like in your absence we do keep we do keep yeah but there's no guarantee that any of that stuff is still around right like? Like it could be under the ocean because of flooding. Oh, no, I like it because the old days of the internet have been lost. People don't say shit. Or they have a whole new way of doing it that you are unfamiliar with.

It's like Twitch deleting all their VODs, you know? All that's gone. So maybe, like, actually in the future, they won't have good records of all of your history, you know? Because they were like, oh, yeah, this is all My oh yeah this was actually a big problem that they're saying is that this this this era of internet based media that much of it is lost and if you've tried sometimes you'll go to follow an old link even a bookmark you've got and the page doesn't exist anymore because it's not like it's been printed and a copy has been stored in a library somewhere and you can go look it up that's the

only copy you know i mean you have to basically store take a copy of it stored in a library somewhere and you can go look it up. That's the only copy, you know? I mean, you have to basically store, take a copy of it, store it on a server somewhere because people don't do physical copies anymore. Digital copies do inevitably, servers close down, companies go bust. Like you said, if Facebook disappeared and said, I'm sorry, we have to shut it all down. Yeah.

Bam, you've lost literally billions and billions and billions of years of content. Think how many people use Facebook to post every fucking day. All that added up. Think about all the man hours of time that Facebook is recording people's opinions and their photographs and all those journeys and everything for 8 billion people on the planet. You know,

I think how many of them use Facebook? Some of them don't keep fuck all. Like I bought something called eBay like three weeks ago and I was like going on it to see what it fucking, you know, how much I hadn't received or something. And they'd already like deleted the fucking listing and shit. And I was like, they can't even keep it for like two fucking weeks.

And if you bought it from another person, there's no record. They're not keeping a book. At least if I buy something from a company, you can go and look and see, you know, because they have to keep records for accounting purposes and stuff. So in terms of what your family and friends have been up to, if you went forward 100 years,

I think I agree. I think it actually would be quite hard. You could still go to, you know, find things like registers of births and deaths and marriages and stuff like that. But in terms of the detail of their life. But then again, if you go back 100 years, was there much written down about what people got up to then? Probably much less. Well, much well much far chance of finding everything but okay yeah i mean you had the census

didn't you like mostly when these people do uh you know these things where they say oh it's listed here that auntie mabel worked as a cock gobbler that's a bit weird do you mean that stuff is recorded on weddings i always felt so always felt so uneasy, like, you know, even in Interstellar, you know, when he's, like, back on the space station. Messages span 37 years. Yeah, and he meets his daughter, who's, like, just like an old granny sort of thing. Oh, yeah. And you just think, oh, that is just, like, it's heartbreaking, right?

Like, you don't see your kids grow, and you only see them like at the very end of their natural life or whatever and it's just all right i mean you're you're right like going forward in time means you have to say goodbye to everyone and also but then again for me that's almost like a little obviously no believe me it's a relief for us too. Take me into the future 500 years. Fuck you all. I'm so glad you're gone.

Say it. All right, so let's simplify it by saying that you have to imagine a scenario where you don't have... You never married, you never had kids. Okay, yeah. And so you're leaving behind, at worst, friends. And whilst that would suck, people do move countries and leave behind family and friends and stuff like that. So it's something that we can imagine. So let's imagine that you're traveling forward. I'm looking for an answer. Everyone you ever knew is dead.

How long are you gambling on? Don't worry about that. Just ignore that. Because if you go 10,000 years in the future and we're still here, technology would be so unbelievably advanced. Death has probably been cured. No doubt interstellar travel is a thing because we wouldn't be able to have persisted for 10,000 years on the resources that we've got. We must have expanded. At the very least, the solar system is now

a big industrial hub. Man, bodies by a drowning pool would be considered classical music and you'd hear it in elevators and stuff. Yeah, exactly. So how far are you going? Well, I mean, look how much things have changed in 50 years or 100 years.

Look how out of date our grandparents are and their views are and we look down on them as if they're like come on what you do you can't say those things anymore you know yeah you'd be like a caveman you know i i go i go ahead 40 years i'd go ahead 40 years to when i would naturally be 80 years old but i'd still be 40 and everybody i know would be kind of like you know in their late 70s like 80s mid mid 80s sort of thing and then i think the world would have changed enough to be interesting but relevant to what you know as well you know like you you'd be able to see things that have changed you know you'd be like do we have jetpacks yet and they're like no yeah have we fixed climate change no flying cars you know like you know uh do you know are people living in are people living in space and stuff like that you know what i mean like probably what have we got facebook 2.0 came

out that was quite it would be like more you'd have a lot more context for the changes right than if you went ahead a thousand years and you know people just don't even need bodies anymore and they're they're they're just like heads in jars or whatever you know what i mean like whatever ends up happening far beyond the scope of our possible lives you know like i feel like 40 40 to 50 years would would be interesting anything beyond that would just be too overwhelmingly mind-blowing. I would like to go 1,000 years into the future and see... Okay, you've clearly thought about this.

It's a nice round number, and I think 3021, it would be fascinating to see what we had done in 1,000 years. Look back over 1,000 years of Earth history in the modern... Find out what happened to... What attitude do people have to the society that we had back then what you know how has the world changed our country oh my god still a thing they finally brought back vimbos imagine you imagine you went in into the into the future a thousand years and only to discover that like your daughter tried to revive vim boss but was unsuccessful and was like in the in the media and the papers and had a really tough time of it because bavar was just so so big and just had such a chokehold on everything i mean i mean a

thousand years in the future they still refer to the vim boss incident say, don't make a Vimbos of it. Way! Like it's become a cultural touchstone. Your daughter's failure as a Vimbos magnate has literally become part of the language. Oh man. Or Vimbos this right up. I love that. Oh no, my daughter's legacy.

It's got like ancient advertising of like three old guys in a cup with a cow, like in a hot tub. That's it. Oh no. Everyone laughs at it. The most advert advert of all time it's a thousand years old but we still despise it even now in 3021 i think you still can't get over

vimbo i think a thousand years would be interesting but i think it would just be again it would be just be too much you know like to to handle like if you think if somebody from 1021 uh time traveled to now 2021 like it would just they would just have a heart attack immediately right like the world is so fucking different to anything they could have possibly ever of him at of imagined like like a thousand years right there's no yeah i don't know just think how much language would have changed would you would you still be able to speak to people? Yeah. I mean, if you go back a thousand years,

that version of English is not, I mean, there's vague similarities, but it's substantially different from our English. We've got comparisons, right? Because we've had these remote tribes people who've grown up in the jungle, very isolated, knowing nothing about modern civilization,

growing up to be 20 30 years old and then coming to the big cities and seeing everything and they we have had them be able to adapt i think and or at least at least be not have a heart attack and immediately have their minds yeah explode i mean they their minds were blown um for sure but they were not like and like they did in bill and ted's excellent adventure as well when those guys came back you know they were fine they you know they went to the sporting goods store and immediately they understood how much fun that is and stuff and they were just they were just having a good time like it didn't really matter

that they didn't know what was going on they were just they were just there for the experience you know i also think a lot of the technology that we've got nowadays it's not exactly you don't need to be a rocket science to use it because most people use it and most people are fucking idiots myself included jesus you just gotta see these people try to use the computer it's unbelievable everything would be voice activated i do wonder about things that that might really like if you go forward a thousand years and it turns out we had a catastrophe, we saw that coming, and we've actually, society's unraveled,

and we're all just living in huts and mud huts again. In, like, piss-soaked shanties. Like, well, I mean, I guess some people live like that now, but, you know, like... But now all of a sudden... Imagine, like, imagine dramatically the population of the Earth is reduced to, like, you know, 1%, and people are living, like, imagine dramatically the population of the earth is reduced to like, you know, 1% and people are living like Fallout style. That would be not a great place to end up.

All this knowledge about websites to bring to the party. Yeah, you would have all this knowledge about websites, but oh my God, you'd be fucking so screwed, right? Like you'd just be one day without like air conditioning and you'd be like oh my god where's the ice machine i need ice there's no clean water i got an altar on my tongue and i haven't got any lemon to squeeze i feel like where is the vim boss i feel like if you live through the calamity, the catastrophe, at least you have some time to sort of like resign yourself and prepare to what's coming up. And then your survival instinct kicks in. But just being dropped into the middle of that aftermath, coming from, you know, lots of comfort and convenience, that would just be the worst, right? It would be impossible.

Yeah. I think you're saying that you're about as comfortable as you can get, so you don't want to risk it. You know, what else are they possibly going to do, like, in the future? Apart from what you – you go into the future and everyone's hanging around in these pink tubs of jelly that suck you off. Oh, my God. Okay, well, I didn't realize that was going to be happening.

What did you say? A thousand years? Okay, I just got to write this down. How far would you go, Lewis? At what point are they making a better pamper machine than the current beautiful planet that we have at the moment? How far are you going? How far are you risking?

I don't know i i think i could i think i could have a peak you know i'm getting i'm getting it done with you know i'm tired of this this boring earth that i've experienced everything of i want to see i want to want to change it up let's turn the page yeah i mean how far are you going i think i think probably a couple of hundred a couple of hundred yeah 200 i'm going a billion let's see what's here in a billion years holy crap you fucking crazy motherfucker

everyone's gonna be I'm worried that everyone's gonna be digital in like 200 years anyway with just the holograms yeah it's gonna be everyone's gonna

man what if the what if the planet has been enslaved by like an alien insect species and you just turn up and they're just like so shocked

that somebody survived we missed somebody he got out of the zoo quick put him back in there isn't he cute look at his little hair if we went a billion years that you never know mankind might have died out. It might just be a new species has become the dominant species. Why would you want to do that, you nutter? Think what a novelty you'd be. They'd be like, yeah, like Sim said.

Yeah, they're all like a bug species with their own guttural language as well. Anyone out there who knows if you took people off the planet and left it for a billion years would you end up with another human-like species after a billion years of basically no humans to stop that happening um or or are all the animals extant on the earth now that's it they're not gonna evolve in what they still they still do evolve though right like it yeah it's just very slow you wouldn't even notice so long notice evolutionary changes even like in your lifetime right it takes thousands of years but yeah something even a billion years would it

be possible for cockroaches to have taken over no uh would it be possible for dogs to have turned well something high on the food chain feasibly yeah, but not anything like what we've done. The whales. The whales do it. Well, potentially. The thing is, all of the stuff we've discussed today is very 60s sci-fi. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, yeah. A lot of the time, it was like a guy goes forward in time and he's like, well, I don't like this. So he keeps going forward in time. And every time it gets worse and worse, he's like, oh, fuck, I should have gotten off at 20, 21. Do you know what I mean? and every time it gets worse and worse he's like oh fuck i should have should have gotten off at 2021 jeremy yeah uh and it just it keeps getting worse and then he ends up you know floating in space or whatever because he's gone too far on the earth it's been destroyed yeah and then he has to go to the end of the time and then he has to see if

time restarts it's that whole thing the weird one for me is when people say like i want to go back in time i want to go back to being a kid but knowing like uh what i know now sort of thing and that's you wouldn't want to do that not really because i just feel like like the movie big it would just be too unfair right like you imagine like how rich you're trying to hook up with your first date and but you know like what you know now and that you have the same social sensibilities and stuff it would just be like gaslight central right like it'd just be weird i'd meet mrs f and i'd be like oh hi nice to meet you i'm your future husband we're gonna get married in uh 2001 yeah but she's like this guy's she's like 15 at

the time and you're oh my god i'd wait until i'd met her normally anyway well i suppose but like it just i just find the whole thing kind of weird and like it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable too you know like what it should do it is weird it is it's but maybe that's just our culture once like time travels all normalized everyone's all flipping around being young being old everything's all mixed up maybe it'll change you know maybe you'll be the the bigots oh we would be that's what i'm incredibly bigoted by 1000 years hence i'm sure or i'm there already, honestly. Or things had gone really bad and we were basically seen

as like some crazy extremist socialist or something. They were like, what? He thinks women are equal to men? Fucking shoot him. That's the rule. We wrote it down.

Yeah, but then again, judging humanity by its history, there'll still be those little fringe groups that you can get on with. Do you know what I mean? You'll be a radical fundamentalist group, but, you know. Yeah, you'll have to. There'll be a website somewhere. But there'll be be those little fringe groups that you can get on with. You'll be a radical fundamentalist group, but, you know...

There'll be a website somewhere. But there'll be loads of people who also agree with you that women should have rights and all this stuff that we believe in right now. Well, some of us believe in. Come on, I mean... Well, we're already splintering.

We've got to stick together. There's not many of us left. The bugs are killing us we gotta call it air chaps on that bombshell all right yeah sorry about that thanks for listening everyone the negative ending on that one that's uh just the way it goes yeah you'll be fine you'll be fine don't worry anyway we live in a we're in a very blessed time we live in a society yeah that's it just gotta remember that yeah yeah and this is a blessed by peace actually thanks nukes see you next time