Triforce! - Triforce! #199.5: A Day in the Life of Data

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Triforce! Episode 199.5! No one wants Flax's dirty, tainted blood, Sips makes himself laugh with a terrible joke and Lewis tries out some retro Kalashnikov-chic fashion. Go to http://manscaped.com and use code TRIFORCE to get 20% off with free shipping. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. It's cold. It is cold. It is cold. Welcome, everyone, to a festive Triforce podcast. This is recorded right in the middle of the Yorkscast Jingle Jam, although we are doing a live one that will have gone out before this, I think. So the context of everything we do may be slightly ski-whiff, but do not panic.

Ski whiff, you say? Ski whiff. Yes, that's a word that my dad uses. It's ski whiff, not ski whiff. I think you always... It's like whiffing skiing. You pick up these things and sometimes they just come out

of your head from somewhere. You know? Yeah. What makes a man is a whole mix, a melange. It's not ski whiff, although I like ski whiff it's it's skew whiff ski lift i don't know whether it's just like a northern version or just a corrupted version that's interesting the fact that the word skew whiff is being buggered up is itself kind of skew if so that's double meaning i've skew if the word

skew if yeah incredible yeah well maybe i just misheard it my dad's saying it you if so that's double meaning i've skew if the word skew if yeah incredible yeah well maybe i just misheard it my dad's saying it you know and that's what i picked it up i never had to think about the word skew skew if instead of um because it's i guess scratched or whatever is now the popular word right or what is it called um scuffed sorry scuffed scuffs yeah i guess that is kind of popular right isn't that like an older term isn't that like some oh is it like i certainly hear harry use it a lot he also says beans it as in he's you know maybe he's beans it like to mean someone's beans all over himself he says that all all over himself. He says that all the time. Absolutely bean stick. That is a yogsism, though. That's not a popular saying.

Oh, look. That's not actually out there in the vernacular. Oh, is it not? I see. By the way, ski whiff is an alternative to ski whiff, apparently. Oh, there you go. Okay. There you go.

So it is actually fine. Well, there you go. Calculated. I wonder if it was one of those egg corns or whatever. It comes from the 18th century as a term used by handloom weavers, typically in Northern England, was originally used to describe fabric, which was out of alignment. It comes from the 18th century as a term used by handloom weavers, typically in Northern England. It was originally used to describe fabric, which was out of alignment. The term survives today.

Oh, wow. The word weft does not derive from whiff, as in puff of air, as suggested elsewhere. So put that from your minds. Right, okay. Weft. It's firmly out of my mind now. I didn't know.

Where's the word weft? What does that mean? We don't know. We don't need to know. Weft. Keep it secret. I didn't know. Where's the word weft? What does that mean? We don't know. We don't need to know. Keep it secret. Keep it to yourself. It's a secret codename. He's wefted it.

Yeah. What a wefting. Oh, God. I can't think of weaving without the Wheel of Time. Oh, my God. Yeah. I've been enjoying it.

It's not bad. And I've been also doing a special sponsored show. Oh, here we go. Have you? Well, I've been enjoying it. It's not bad. And I've been also doing a special sponsored show. Oh, here we go. That's... Have you? Well, I'm sort of supposed to be sort of hosting it because I read the books a long time ago.

And so they were like, we need an expert. And so I was like, oh, dude. I'm not remembering that. I actually forgot almost all of my knowledge of the Wheel of Time. Yeah. I seem to only have negative knowledge of my time reading like the first couple of books of wheel of time like they were just kind of slow i know i've said it before but i'm saying it again i just found them slow just too much fantasy for me

there's a lot of talking about weaving the wheel and the pattern and the times of the change and the destiny and lots of imagery around that it's all sort of well it doesn't really go anywhere or really feel like it's it's kind of just an elaborate way of saying dirty fucking in those books for me like that's what i want so i read a book i want just some really graphic um fucking you know that's it that's all i want to read about so yeah whenever i watch these fantasy shows or read about it i'm always a little torn by the fact that peasants still exist and still basically spend their lives toiling in shit and filth uh and yet there is magic in the world and actual monsters and things and i i just can't get my head around it like for instance in the witcher you're in a little village and they're like wait if you chat to the villagers are like oh another day covered in shit in this miserable village i

suppose the plagues come into town and then you walk one minute out of town and there's like a wyvern that lives in the forest they're like oh yeah look out for the wyvern yeah we mean look out that's like it's like how can you exist in this place how can any of you not just be white with terror just towering that's what that is what they are doing that's why they gotta phone up the witcher they gotta call them up and say yeah but it's like everywhere there's monsters you go to the swamp two meters away something's been suckling our goats or whatever you know like there's always some issue but it's not it's never that long standing right it's always kind of like a more recent thing and then he has to investigate it's like the wyvern dude the wyvern was was a baby for many

years and didn't bother anybody but then it grew up and started eating the sheep and that's when everybody started noticing you know the way people say that the witches are like bad news all i'm saying is you turn up in town and there's like a hundred monsters around the village i would understand people saying well it was fine until the fucking witcher showed up because now there's those horrible river sucking lads that do that double jump move at you and there's the wyvern of course and there's all kinds of other shit going on i mean how can there's a guy who calls himself the woodsman nobody's going in that woods and coming back what's the point you'd be dead you would be dead because i've died fighting those things as the witcher so what chance do they have well they don't have a chance

but it's it's the street cred that they gain when they get back after a successful uh wood gathering or berry gathering sortie into the woods you know what i mean they get back they haven't died and all of a sudden everybody's like holy crap gary is incredible like how has he done it so many even a witcher went out there didn't know how to fight properly his controller got unplugged halfway through the fight he died so many twigs and berries and he survived yeah but so in in uh in wheel of time i guess it's less dangerous because they haven't seen uh the trolloc which is the worst name for a monster i think i've ever heard the trolloc it really is isn't it they were like what is that and someone's like that's a trolloc they're like holy shit and then later on someone asked them they were like oh yeah i saw a

trolloc they were you saw a trolloc as if they're unusual so monsters in in that part of the world you don't see them like you could go your whole life and not see a ball what i remember about the wheel of time wasn't there this thing where like if they used their magic too much or they radiated too much magic there was something watching them all the time and it could detect the magic and that it was like hunting them down yeah it's like the dark one or whatever. Satan, basically, is out there. Yeah, basically. Yeah, I remember there being... It's been a while, but I read...

I think I read like one or two of the books and like... Yeah, there's those lads. There's the faceless lads who've just got loads of teeth. Yeah. Or the wraiths or something like that. I mean, it's all very, you know... Very fantasy, yeah. It was a little bit of a sort of, you know,

it's kind of a little Lord of the Rings, isn't it? Like, I hate to go there, but the idea that there's a supreme power looking for this power out there and can spot it a bit like if you were to use the ring and there are like wraiths that are scary and the armies that he's got. Yeah, I suppose it is very similar, isn't it?

A little bit. The whole thing, actually, it's very hard to watch that first season without thinking, oh, this is lord of the rings in reverse except that they go to safety instead of you know to the bad place yeah wheel of rings they're always on the run on this journey lord of the wheel lord of time they they get a fellowship and they get split up and they go to the mazad moria and they meet a mysterious fellow who knows the wilderness and the rules. That's right.

The Merriman. One guy is like an aspiring like mayor of a town or something, right? Or there's like some at the start, I seem to recall at the start, there's like some sort of

somebody's like trying to run a town or maybe is running a town or is the son of a town runner. Where's this going? I don't know i'm just recollecting i mean this should give you an idea of how boring these books are because my recollections are boring as hell as well so oh that's really funny yeah oh so yes jingle jam

is in full swing and i am like i don't know i'm kind of shattered actually it's it's too much it's hard work i'm not used to streaming every day or at least being in every day and it and it feels like it feels like um i'm just i'm just there's so much to do like i've been hung over every every day well i think that's probably closer to the uh the issue at hand right like you're probably just not used to drinking all night every night like well it's not that. It's more just socializing. I'm just worn out talking to different people and trying to also a lot of like every day there's some sort of different crisis, you know, to deal with. So I'm constantly like on sort of panic mode about, oh, God, I have to write this thing and talk to these people or figure out how to deal with this thing.

And just sort of hope that it all gets gets gets through and it sort of does but man i don't know i'm um i'm obviously loving it you know but am i obviously we've been doing this for 11 years now it's it's hard listen it's anything worth doing is difficult right it should be hard you've raised a ridiculous amount of money already if it was easy you just had to turn up and it happened would you get the same satisfaction from it i don't think so i think the fact that this is hard work when it's over you've got christmas as a reward and everyone's happy everyone's loving it i think it's a good thing that you're doing i think it's a great thing that you guys are doing so don't stress the hard work i'm sure it sucks while you're in it but at the other end you'll

look back and you think i'm proud of that so don't sweat it yeah well that's what i want really i don't want to have i don't want at the end of it, think, oh, I could have done better. You got your huel there? Sorry. Yeah. I'm fueling it up. Is that a problem? I heard you.

No, I just heard it in the background. I think some people use it as a fitness aid or something or anything. I am just so lazy that being able to make something in one minute to have for lunch slash breakfast. I love it. I love the idea of that man i love that that's so good there's no meat in it it's just whatever it is just some goop it's just does it taste it's just does it taste nice i've got mint chocolate and i've yet to be sick of it

i've had it for over a year now holy crap and i'm i i love it one year of hue you should do like a like a youtube documentary one year of huel there would be no change literally me looking the same here i am day 408 as you can see no change no change at all what happened to your gym you were going to the gym though yeah no i really enjoyed that i did 12 weeks of gym and then i had did you notice Did you notice any big changes? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I mean, I absolutely put on muscle and my body shape changed and everything, but I didn't change my diet. Right. And I still drink cider and sit down most of the day.

Yeah. So on my off days, I needed to get up and do more. But in terms of my overall strength, it was a huge improvement. 12 weeks. I felt great. But then October arrived and I had to go off to Bucharest for two weeks. Oh, yeah. And I was going to use the gym there, but because of COVID restrictions, we weren't

allowed to use the gym. Oh, that never works, eh? Yeah. And then, well, I would have had so much time. And there were other, bear in mind, the esports sort of scene, whichever scene you're a part of, the young lads are all down the fucking gym. Yeah. There's this image of anybody involved in gaming as being like a sort of shriveled troll character but

they're not like a lot of the players are fucking jacked yeah you see some of the talent they're all gyming it up so i mean equally you do see some that aren't so jacked uh oh yeah of course you do but that's true of any walk of life what i'm saying is there's a lot of people that that are involved in esports especially the players they've got all this spare time some of them got a lot of money and they're young guys so they you know they they get in shape and all the rest of it yeah um so i was going to go to the gym there were people i was going to go to the gym with we would have had gym buddies we would have been chill but it was closed um or we were you know if it wasn't closed we were told look don't use it because there's all kinds of covid going on down there and i was like yes i don't want to

get covid then we went on holiday for a week and then it got really cold yeah and i thought well geez there's no point signing up for another pt session and everything um because i've got to go away in december for jingle jam and then it's christmas i don't really want to have to do this over christmas so i'm just going to be one of those new year's resolution people and get back into it in january but when the weather's better it's a lot easier to be outside working yeah the moment it's so fucking cold it is i just uh i can't stand the idea i still got my shorts on but i am wearing a sweater today because it's so cold i just i don't get the shorts like i i'm literally wearing thermal underwear it's just a personality trait now he's just it's just too

comfortable they're grafted onto my upper legs i can't i can't a personality trait now. He's just... They're just too comfortable. They're grafted onto my upper legs. I can't take them off now. Well, he's known as shorts dad. He can't be like... That's true. Yeah, I got an image to maintain. As soon as he breaks his, like, you know,

shorts streak, he's done. But this is the kind of behavior I'd expect from someone who has an absence of personality. And this is the replacement for their personality is oh it's shorts guy because it gives him something to be known no for me it's just icing on top of the uh cake um that's just layers of cake to it it's like one of those rainbow cakes

you know it's just layers and layers you keep cutting there's just more layers you think oh look at this oh my gosh yeah i didn't realize this realize this. You know I'm a shorts guy, but he's actually cake guy as well. Yeah, I love cake. Oh man. There's the guy that brings in the cakes. Oh, cake guy. He's the best guy. Yeah, I love that.

No, that is it. You need to establish your set personality in different groups of people. Yeah. So speaking of COVID, I'm getting my boost this week. I'm getting a booster jab tomorrow because it's been six months since I had my last jab. But apparently it's been cut down to three months and it's rolling out over here. So I'm getting it. So I'm going to be triple dipped. Wow. Congrats. I couldn't get mine yet. Oh, do you know what? I tried to give blood last night because I've got O negative blood,

which is too much. Good one. I've got O negative, which is universal donor blood. Like anyone can use my blood. Doesn't matter what type you've got. O neg is fine. But the flip side is

I can only use O negative blood, which fucking sucks because it's quite unusual. So if I need blood, I kind of have to have blood from another me but anyone can use mine so you know it goes along with my generous disposition my blood is the same i think you're like like 10 or less than 10 percent of people and and and obviously but you're highly more highly requested because you know it's it's if someone comes in

and they're unconscious and they haven't got time to check their blood type, you just smash their own negative in there. Smash it in there. So it's in high demand. So yeah, I guess you're encouraged to give blood more regularly because of that. So I hadn't given it in some time. Like last time I gave it was probably like 15 years ago. And it's just one of those things that it wasn't part of my regular routine.

It was like, oh, I give blood every few months. I'd just kind of forgotten about that for some reason and they just called me cold called me the other day can you give blood and i was like yeah actually i can why the fuck aren't i already and they're like oh great there's one near you i went down and they were kind of surprised and they're like oh really you want to give birth yeah let's go take it So I went down there and they did the iron test where they take some blood. It wasn't even the NHS. It was just some guy.

Local vampire society. But they wouldn't let me give. They wouldn't let me give blood. They said, because I'd had that heart thing in February, they were like, no. They had to call up a doctor. And he was like, no, best not. Wait a couple of years and then see. I was like, what the fuck?

What? So you've got some tainted blood or something now? No, it's just it could dip my blood pressure and that might be but yeah because they took off take a pint or whatever so you know it's a decent amount of blood they yoink um and if that lowers your blood pressure and maybe that causes some kind of you know triggers an attack or whatever they were like we don't want to take a chance i was like look i'm pretty sure i'm fine yeah i've been benching and fucking lifting weights for yeah 12 weeks and there was no problem and i've been i pushed my my physical body to the limit and they're like no i'm like fucking ridiculous so in two years i have to wait and

then i can come back and try again do you get any money for donating blood no you don't get any nothing what about what about sperm can you get money for donating that i don't think you do no just asking just are you looking for a side job no no no well it's just for a friend once What about sperm? Can you get money for donating that? I don't think you do, no. Just asking. Are you looking for a side job? No, no, no. It's just for a friend wanted to know, and I thought this was the best place to ask the question. Looking for a hand job by the sounds of it. A side job.

Oh, brilliant. It was weird. Christmas presents don't pay for themselves. I was surprised there were a lot of people there giving blood. I was like, this is great. But they were all about my age. So I guess you get to a certain age, and you just kind of sit in there like.

Maybe they'd all had the phone call, though, P-Flex. Yeah, but there were no young people there. They were all about my age so i guess you get to a certain age and you just kind of sit in there like maybe they don't have the folk cool op flex yeah but there were no young people there they were all middle-aged right i sort of just look a bit bored you think young blood is better than old blood or it doesn't matter oh it's got to be better the blood of the other we think virgin blood is better than um than than like old middle-aged non-virgin less chance of anything in there it's more more potent. Yeah. It's more helpful. Well, I don't know, though. I think it's... I don't know if it's like...

I think it is treated in some way. You were talking to us, though, Lewis, about those rich people that pump young blood into their veins. The blood boys. Yeah, the blood boys. That is definitely a thing. Yeah, that is a thing.

But I think they take all the hormones and enzymes and all the good stuff with that. Do you know what I mean? That's the whole thing. It's not just... The blood itself, I think, is... If someone's someone's dying you know i think that they just need blood it doesn't matter where it comes from because it's the same it's but i think it's the stuff in it that they like these rich folks crave to keep themselves young and i don't know if that

is in it when it's given to people because it does get also by the way isn't giving blood you remember back in the day in the medieval village yes i remember in people that the whole they love to just bleed you that was like yeah they were bleeding all the time yeah their go-to thing yeah right they would put leeches and shit on you too right to help to help bleed you out even more they weren't there i think is there any like advantage of giving blood like at all because it must have had some basis no it didn't have any basis in anything the romans used to treat headaches if you had persistent headaches by drilling into your head and letting the spoiled blood out like trepanation right the idea that

there must have been something to it i do not think so no how does this stuff happen how does this stuff is it just bad ideas to get spread around i think it's the same today honestly yeah it's like the horse uh dewormer stuff of of today it's just the same you're gonna get some messages about that if you mention that on the podcast by the way i did did you well there's so many fucking idiots out there i'm just saying though it's like kind of the same thing isn't it right so first of all ivermectin is given to people as an antibacterial not an antiviral it is given to people as an antibacterial, not an antiviral. It is given to people. It has actually been a very successful drug.

That is true. But the problem is that people aren't buying the human dose when they're buying the vet one because they can't get the human one or they're taking huge doses of it. And it does nothing for COVID. It's not about, you know, it's if you look into this right it's an antibacterial anti-parasitic sorry anti-parasitic yeah it's literally they use it to treat all kinds of river worms and crap like that in africa head lice scapes right strongly gloid as a zasis it's nothing to do with a coronavirus isis man there's loads of horrible shit i take it all

back i don't want anyone to talk you don't want any messages about this trust me no i don't want with a coronavirus. Ascariasis. Man, there's loads of horrible shit that you can get. I take it all back. I don't want anyone to talk to me. You don't want any messages about this. Trust me. No, I don't want any. Because you will just be barrageded? Barrageded? Brigaded? Berated.

Hang on, I know the word. Bombarded. Trepanated. Yeah. But yeah, so I think, you know, the idea, oh, there must be something to it. No, we still see today people deciding that, you know know you just

need sunlight to cure cancer and shit like that there's all kinds of idiots out there in the past we called those people doctors right rasmussen university this could not must might not be a real place giving blood can reveal potential health problems well that's not useful is it i mean it can because they have to test the blood and stuff like that so oh i see yeah okay that's not bad giving blood can reduce harmful iron stores all right that's that sounds like bollocks you can have iron deficiencies though too right like you have to yeah you gotta bulk up on that stuff because mrs f went to give blood and they said that her iron levels were too low right um that's like coming in women yeah yeah but i mine my they put a drop of blood in some green like juice i don't know what it is more common after women have had uh have given birth as well

probably yeah maybe not directly after but i think it's like a thing like you know if you've had kids yeah your iron levels are just going to be lower i think it's just because you're tired all the time i wouldn't surprise you if that was it just you're just fucking knackered all the time yeah you know what i'm talking about. Well, yeah. You're in it. You're living it right now. I'm right there.

Yeah, I'm right there. Yeah. Got no... Go, baby. All my iron is gone. I've lost it all. I don't know where it's gone. Sorry, buddy.

I'll bring you some iron next time I see you. Yeah, okay. Thank you very much. It's all steel now. Can you bring it in the form of iron brew, please? That's how I like to bulk up on my iron when I'm deficient. Your iron levels are tragically low, Mrs. Forsythe. But I drink iron brew every day.

That should work. But yeah, I think all the baloney that the doctors used to come up with. I was watching a film called The Last Duel. It was the new Ridley Scott movie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I've heard of baloney that the doctors used to come up with. I was watching a film called The Last Duel. It was the new Ridley Scott movie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I heard of it. It's actually pretty good.

It's got Adam Driver. I downloaded it. It's got Matt Damon. Ben Affleck, unfortunately, is in it, doing his usual Ben Affleck face. Right. And a few other people that you'd recognize. And then it's about this French knight and his sort of rival and the french knight's wife um is raped by the rival and they then have a duel to the death right to sort out

whether this actually happened because you know that's the way they used to do things yeah um and she couldn't get pregnant with her husband the knight but she got uh raped by this guy and then she became pregnant and they were arguing in the court uh like this is this is funny this was a really funny bit he says a woman can't get pregnant unless she's into the sex if she doesn't enjoy the sex she doesn't get pregnant ladies and gentlemen that's just science and everyone in the court is like yeah that's just science which is funny but the thing is as funny as it is to look at these medieval people or late medieval people are talking about how you can't,

the woman can't get pregnant unless she comes, basically. A senator stood up and said that about rape in the Senate or whatever. I don't know what the different buildings are over there, but I saw the video of him saying a woman's body has a way of shutting that down if it's actual rape. But he's like one of those pro-lifers. So he's saying we shouldn't have abortion. But recently.

Yeah, this was recently for women that are raped raped because women that are raped can't get pregnant he's basically saying the woman's body has a way of shutting that down that was he didn't go into much detail but the idea that people in the past believed all this hokum and now we're better if you told people now if the right person told people leeches they would be fucking putting leeches on themselves i guarantee god we should start spreading that we should sell for cry force branded leeches man i don't want anything to do with leeches right on that i don't even want my name anywhere near the word you don't want your name near the word leech no i hate them they're so gross like have you ever seen one yeah i had one on me one time oh god what was it like gross like and really hard to take off they really

embed themselves into you When they want to get gone Did you use a lighter? My mum always told me about how to get rid of leeches for some reason When you pick it off There's like a hole And there's like a lot of blood Comes out of them

And it's like coming out of you They're really fucking upsettingly gross Like it's just the worst. I went to a lake when I was a kid with us, like on a school trip, but like a school day out. And there was like kind of like shallow pools of water, like not quite connected to like the lake. That's leech territory, right? That is that's prime leech territory. Walk through it.

Look down. The witcher was there looking for some big ones. It was like a piece of seaweed or something looking for some big ones it was like a piece of seaweed or something on my foot and it was just this huge leech oh man it was so gross yeah so obviously when they bite they numb the skin don't they so you don't know yeah that's right because i thought you were meant to hold a lighter under them and then when it gets hot they just fuck off because if you try and pull them off sometimes they leave a tooth in there or something i had a i had a tick one time, too.

Did I ever tell you guys about this? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've had a couple. It's embedded in my thigh. You have to use a special little tweezers to get rid of them. Man, those things really get in there. They weave right into your skin. Oh, I don't want things in my skin.

No, it's upsetting as hell. It's really gross. I was taking it. I sat down to take a shit i looked down i was like what the fuck and there's just this huge tick like embedded into my inner thigh i don't even know how it got there yeah yeah really gross i mean we're worried about this but you know if we were in australia it would be a fucking you know like two foot long spider in your like you know on your back and you wouldn't even realize it it's like you're feeding on you for like two weeks he's in the part of your back you can't see you're turning

around and he's just there there's ones that don't even die in the water they can swim in the water when their cave gets flooded and stuff oh that happened when i was in florida last we were in my the pool at my dad's house and there was a spider on the edge of the pool big fucker i'm sure i've spoken about this before and the kids were in the pool they were was a spider on the edge of the pool big fucker I'm sure I've spoken about this before and the kids were in the pool they were like ah spider so just get in the water

he can't get in the water and they got in the water and he fucking jumped in the water and ran across it like and I was like dive

dive dive went under the water and I was to like scoop this thing out with the big net and threw it over next to his fence

and my dad was like don't throw it next to him oh my god you were like you were like the witcher Yeah You got your silver net I'll use net. Press X to equip your net. Yeah, oh shit man Oh fuck. Well, yeah, I mean this is what it would be like in medieval times, you know, except

Three guys talking on the internet Just constant parasites and leeches everywhere fucking get you but look how paranoid people were and all the crazy shit they came up with for things that are real and to be honest with you ticks leeches you know spiders certainly in europe nowhere near as dangerous i'm talking about people living in a world where you'd be like there would be no cure for this this stuff like you're gonna get killed by the water creature like those little lads that live in the water there is a literal wyvern out there there are other monsters too some of them will shoot you with like poison gas there's like she

lived next door to them too yeah you live next door to these things by the way so good luck with your three pig farm yeah enjoy life why did you set up your three pig farm. Enjoy life. Why did you set up your three pig farm next to the bog that's known to be inhabited by the witch of the bog? That's my question. Why are you here? You would live anywhere else. I'm sure there's a field like fucking super far away that you could have set up camp in,

right? Like you get your pig farming operation going there. But then I guess you'd have like a griffin or wyvern or something swooping down. Maybe something. There's always something right and then but then they've also got all the usual books in the movie and the show would be terrible if it wasn't for that stuff though right that's the point it keeps it exciting yeah it's just crazy yeah and in in like uh you know in the the wheel of time they all know they don't just believe in the wheel of time, they all know they don't just believe in the wheel of time and all that shit. It's provably real because there's literally people using magic walking around and they

believe it. And they're like, I'm going to pull some spools from the wheel of time thread or whatever and create a fireball or something. So it's like, well, this actually is real. We actually do live in a magical kingdom where there really is some fucking giant wheel somewhere and the bad guys are actually real how could they cope with this the mental pressure would just be unbelievable i think they would all be absolutely bonkers i just want to know how they like deal with their downtime you know like when you know like the bad guys like like saruman for example like you know what does he do he probably reads a lot of books, realistically. But, like, what fucking color is Jammies, like, when he goes to bed and stuff?

Yeah, he must go to bed. Like, what's his routine? I want the fly-on-the-wall docu-series. Like, maybe the director's cut for Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings could have been, you know, a day in the life of Saruman. Like, you know, not when shit is hitting the fan. You know what i mean like this is like pre him uh you know creating orcs and stuff like that what the fuck did he do all day yeah you know what i mean like just like picked some berries in the forest in the morning like you know did he have like i guess he just smoked his pipe a little bit and

read some books and and then went to sleep or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I know that he was at the eye of those eyes, the crystal balls. Yeah. I can't remember what they were called. Fuck me. I think they were just called eyes. No, they had some cool name. Cool eyes.

Fuck. All right. Damn it. Palantir. The Palantir? Is that what they were called? The Palantir? Yes.

So he looked in that a fair old bit because that way he could talk to um sauron yes he did uh but in you know i think early on he was like i'll keep an eye on him you know lol and and sort of he's keeping an eye on sauron but sauron's eventually getting back to him like what the hell is sauron doing this whole time as well well he's building his army and his power isn't he and he's scouring the land with his race i know but he's not doing that full time like what's like what does he have for dinner like you know he doesn't have dinner he's a giant fucking eye he just doesn't take a break ever he is a literal eye he's just so intense he just

constantly like wait no but that's just the physical manifestation of his like uh of his right but yeah but therefore he doesn't have breck breckens does he he doesn't have he has to at some point he's got to take a break at some point come on no i don't think he does dude that's the whole point is he's out there he's always watching yeah and he's just building his force he's just scouring the land looking for the ring because that's how he gets that he can't have breakfast until he finds it's gotta be like some wizard of oz uh thing you know where there's just like a you know some little dude controlling like the eye or whatever you know what i mean like there's no way and and uh further to that

that guy needs to have a break sometimes like or maybe there's like it sounds like there's like shift work there's a couple of them like a machine there's a couple of orcs back there pulling the levers and the wheels. Yeah, to make sure that they got 24-7 coverage of the eye. But like, there's no way. There's got to be some breaks in there somewhere. Yeah, the more you think about it, an omniscient creature that always is watching

does sound more like an AI, doesn't it? You know, it's like some sort of, you know, almost like an inhuman, you know, maybe that's maybe maybe back in the day if they knew about computers they would they have made the connection sooner slap some redstone in there or something i don't know like just use some automation maybe but like that somebody somewhere along the road has got to be having a bit of a break or just like cooking up a nice breakfast or you gotta have an art ai is really even evil

you know is the computer really evil which you know is it which ai yeah well any like can you even ever have any of them be evil aren't they surely as evil as the people who programmed them no because it's artificially intelligent it's gone off and it's thought for itself like they haven't told it what to think that's the point, isn't it? It's intelligent in the same way that... I mean, you wouldn't say that I hate to automatically go to it, right? But Hitler's parents weren't as evil as Hitler, one would presume. Well, right. Because there wasn't like...

The first and second Reich weren't... His mom and dad set those up and he's just following the family business. That's true. You know what I'm saying? So I'm thinking like, whatever he did, although they made him, he's his own agent and has his own intelligence. One often did it. So an AI would be the same. And if you ended up with AI Hitler, that's just the way it goes.

That's why it's so dangerous. Is evil something which we put, well, I guess we decide what, other people decide what is evil, right? I guess so. Like an AI obviously would mainly act in its own, I guess, self-preservation. Well, that's if it's not following Asimov's laws of robotics, which are the first thing it can- Does-

The first and primary rule is it can't harm or allow to be harmed by omission of action. Does data from Star Trek conform to the laws of Vizek's law of- Absolutely. Oh, right. Okay. He was modeled around those he has some very similar rules actually right okay but it's it's it's more of a i'm not talking about like the rules that allow like restrict them i'm talking about their purpose you know what why why are

why was data allowed to fall in love with tasha yar in in star. She came on to him, bro. Yeah, I know, but he still developed, like, feelings and was able to cry at one point as well. Like, I don't understand how that happened. Because he has a very complicated neural net that was designed to allow him to grow and to perhaps one day feel emotions and to learn how to be more human. Although that was a quest he took on his own shoulders

and people were like, you don't need to be more human, you're fucking awesome. He was like was like well i want to crack this do you think there was ever a spin-off series just about data like i think it would be terrible he would just like go off and like start like like like family matters or something you know he would just start like a family somewhere and it would just like chronicle his his life like dealing with his newfound emotions and stuff like that like hi honey i am home as you humans say peculiar there is no dinner ready all day at the box factory

he'd be the most passive-aggressive shitty husband is it commonplace for human wives to fail to have sex with their husbands and put dinner on the table i feel a very strange feeling like i would like to choke a bitch um oh no no i would watch that show man i think that would be pretty good i'd watch one episode they could go all over the place with that. Imagine the first time they go on a family vacation. Like they got to take the shuttlecraft and go to like Disneyland or Disney Planet or whatever it would be in the Star Trek universe. And the kids are in the back like, are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Fucking Data is just losing his shit. That'd be awesome. I will turn this car around. Oh, man. Oh, man. losing his shit that'd be awesome i will i will turn this car around oh man oh man ho ho ho gents uh naughty or nice tis the season to perform i hope you're gonna give me some sort of update on my baubles here my my my bare christmas baubles yes you need to make sure your christmas presents are fully ready, looking sparkly, looking as good as they are this Christmas.

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slash triforce thank you very much thank you thank you you know so i watched the new june movie last night and the night before because i rented it you can get it on amazon prime and i'll be fine i'll be i'll be honest with you it was 15 quid to rent but if me and mrs f had gone to the cinema it would have cost more than 15 quid. So it was worth. And watched it on our telly. I watched it up here first, and then I watched it on the telly. And it's really good. They did a really good job.

There were a couple of things that I thought... Have you guys seen it? What? The new Dune movie. No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing I was just talking about. Sorry, sorry.

I was waiting for it. I was looking up this new Star Trek thing. I'll just say this for the viewers at home, because I'm sure they've... I've watched the Dune movie. Sorry, sorry. I was waiting for it. I was looking up this new Star Trek thing. I'll just say this for the viewers at home because I'm sure I've watched the June movie. We talked about it. I watched it in the cinema.

It was great. I haven't seen it yet so I didn't want to talk to you about it. But yeah, I saw it and I just wanted to make sure that you guys had seen it. Sips, have you seen it?

No, I haven't seen it, no. Do you have any interest in seeing it? I will see it at some point, I'm sure, but What about all the audience? Go for it if you want to talk about it. There's no spoilers.

The story for June is not secret. There's already been a movie the book is one of the most popular cypher books of all time I'm not so I'm not gonna spoilerino I'm just gonna say I don't mind a spoiler so just go for it that it's fine they changed the pronunciation of pretty much everything that was pronounced one way in the dune movie made by lyn Lynch and now in this movie so Harkonnens becomes Harkonnens yeah I noticed that Thufir Hawat becomes Thufir Hawat and the Padishah Emperor

instead of the Padishah Emperor it's Thufir Hawat why have they done that and he becomes Thufir Hawat I don't know so someone said the audiobook pronunciation was that way

they did this I don't know if it's they did this in the Weed of Time as well Tar-Valon in the audiobook became Tar-Valon Tar-Valon

you know everything has become like literally every single pronunciation i was like it's not pronounced i think you'll find it actually um i've got a wiki open here and uh it's just especially when it's a book i think you have an idea in your mind of how things are pronounced and the way that the david lynch one was was how i i mean i've seen that movie so many times because there was no there were very few good sci-fi movies around it just it just came on netflix actually this right yeah it's it's bonkers but i love it i do love it we have spoken about it but so the new one is really fucking good mrs f loved it and she

hates anything set in a desert right she hates anything set in a desert right because it's too dusty That's how she didn't like it. She didn't like Mad Max or she did like Mad Max. Oh, that's another Dusty didn't care for any of the Tatooine scenes in Star Wars whatsoever. I don't think she hasn't I she quite like Star Wars She's a Tatooine denier. She does. Yeah. She does. She's not a big fan of the Tatooine stuff.

It's basically deserts and dust. She, even though she's, she's not like some clean freak or anything. I'm not saying Mrs. F is like, Oh my God, dust.

I'm just, she just doesn't like the vibe. I get it. I get it. I get it. I don't think I like it much either. Honestly, like it's kind of boring,

but she, she loved the new June. The thing is, so there's a couple of characters I really like. Thufa Hawat is a character I really like, and the human computers. And the reason that they have them is because there was some terrible AI war where they basically outlawed AI in the Dune universe.

The year is 10-1-21 or something like that. Wait, so where did you see Dune? Did you actually go to the cinema? No, I got it on Prime, Amazon Prime. I just rented it You can rent it on prime already. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, holy crap It's like 15 quid but you can rent it you get it for 24 hours And I was like like I said, can you guys literally were fucking man? I zoned out so hard

I was thinking about the data sorry. I'm sorry. No, no, that's I was reading about the Star Trek show. There's a new one apparently called Data. I tune out sometimes. It's just called Data. National Lampoon's Data Vacation. It's a kids show. There's 10 Star Trek series just now. That's crazy, man. Yeah, that's too many. I watched the first episode of Deep Space Nine this week because... The first episode of Deep Space Nine

put me off of watching the rest of Deep Space Nine for life. It was so bad. DS9 is the best one, man. It's the best one. You've got to just skip all of it. That's it. It's one of those. But what's better? It's like Final Fantasy 14. Don't worry, the game gets better in a hundred hours.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. What name? Okay, there's ten Star Trek series. Name one better than Deep Space Nine. Next Gen. Next Gen is clearly the best. TNG is fine. Clearly the best. But what's better than that? Nothing.

The rest of them all suck. No offense, Star Trek. Exactly. Voyager sucks. The S9 sucks. The new ones suck. The Enterprise one fucking sucked. Didn't Enterprise have the guy from Quantum Leap in it?

Yeah. I never watched that one. God kind of sucked. Discovery kind of sucked. They all sucked. What was the new one that was on Netflix? Lower Decks sucks. Lower Decks was not good. Rubbish. That's the cartoon one, right? Was that the fucking awful?

It's like a comedy cartoon. Well, they got one part of the title, right? It's a fucking cartoon. Christ alive. Just yelling. Just yelling all the time. That's all it is. Just characters shouting. Fucking come come on it was too much it's too much so in june anyway so through for how the human computer i would have liked to see more of him i think in lynch's movie he was more of a central character and he is an important character in the book he's kind of glossed over a little bit

dr yui we barely get to know before things happen in the plot. And Piter DeVries, who's like the mentat for the Baron, he has like two lines and then he's gone. So I think I could have done with slightly fewer visions. Paul having his visions, maybe cut some of those down, have a few more scenes with these characters. Man, ever since you mentioned Dr. Yui, all I can imagine is this like a urinologist who you go visit and he just says his catchphrase constantly, Yui, Yui, all I can imagine is this, like, urinologist who you go visit,

and he just says his catchphrase constantly, Yui. Yui now. Yui. No? Okay, sorry. Yui. It's swigging to me, it's it.

Strike one. Okay. I'll take it, I'll take it. Let's carry on. Yui. You're just making yourself laugh now. I i know people love that that's my that's my youngest and mrs f's favorite thing is a joke that only makes them laugh and then they just think it's the funniest thing ever the less you laugh it's a dad the more you look confused they just fucking kill themselves i often tell jokes in my house where nobody laughs and uh but i'm laughing i

find it funny and it's just you just get used to it after a while i think most dads go through that right well i'm saying mrs f and my daughter so they're they're the ones doing it i think it's just some people fucking channeling some major dad love it yeah fair enough some news articles but i want to save them

for the for the weekend no do it now yeah why are you saving the... Oh, because we're doing one this weekend. That's right. So do the weekend. I won't have it. There'll be more.

I'm worried that the live show is going to be a thing. Man, maybe I can bust out my Yui joke on the weekend. You know, just in case. Yeah, try it out again because they won't have heard it yet. Break the glass

in case of emergency sort of thing. An indie game called... An indie game dev called Ward, who are developing an FPS called Oceanic, were contacted by Kalashnikov. Right. Wow. And about making one of their guns into a real shotgun. Okay. So they chatted for a bit, but then Kalashnikov went silent and then a month later released a weapon design just stealing their concept art

for a shotgun really so they'd obviously they'd obviously found this shotgun as i really liked it made it but then like just ended up deciding not to work with the the indie guys at all man and so yeah there's a they're now making video game kalashnikov are making video game weapons do they have a website i'm gonna look up kalashnikov you can buy i mean obviously obviously known for the ak-47 and i guess nothing else no that is well they've made there's been a couple of um there's been a couple of iterations of the of the ak for sure over they've made fucking loads. Yeah. There are so many Klashnikov weapons. Yeah. The AK-47 is just that one.

Just one. Yeah. There's loads. How many more are there? Name another Klashnikov. Oh, there's AK-48 and 40, like there's tons. There's the AK-74, the AK-74SU, the AKM. Didn't you play any Counter-Strike, Lewis?

Yeah, come on, brother. There's lots of AKs. AKB-48. What's that? AKB-40, what are you talking, son? Here's a list. AK-47, AKM, AK-74, AK-74SU, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, AK-47, What's that? AKB40? What are you talking, son? Here's a list. AK47, AKM,

AK74, AK74M, AK101, AK102, 103, 104, 105, AK12, AK12K, AK15, AK15K, 200, 205, 201, 203, 204, AK19. They all just look like AK47s though, right? Kinda. Well, no. They all have their signature

sort of like uh wooden uh like a handle thing right and then the curved uh clip thing as well as they make the rpk series of weapons which is like the like the lmg if you like yeah they have is the the 308 all kinds of weapons but they're not wooden stock now most of the modern ones are all sort of, you know, composite materials and shit. Yeah. They're just plastic made to look like it's wood. I think they'd have to it would be pretty shitty if they just tricked people into buying these weapons

and then they were shit. I don't think they'd have a particularly good reputation if Kalashnikov rifles were actually wanked. They're really good rifles apparently too, right? Like, you can kill a guy through a door and stuff like that well at least you couldn't the wood pit is so iconic right like for that you see all the or you see all the taliban they have oh yeah that's why it's iconic their style right well

yeah but they can't afford the fancy new ones they these ones are probably 30 years old yeah but it's retro it's retro no i don't think they are no smile what are you doing with metal stock put that away that is so retro i don't like the retro vibe he's got like a he's got like a fucking pair of neon sunglasses on and shit oh man that's funny i definitely uh there's a man who works for nintendo called this is just a fucking mess this whole thing but there's this guy you know there's you know the guy who runs nintendo his name is he called neil niel nintendo no you know doug bowser right he's president of america did you say do i know doug bowser doug bowser i don't he runs nintendo right not did he change his last name to bowser or was it an incredible course not coincidence You say, do I know Doug Bowser? Doug Bowser? I don't. He runs Nintendo, right? He does not.

Did he change his last name to Bowser or was it an incredible coincidence? No, it's called nominative determinism. Somebody modeled the bad guy of Super Mario after the guy who runs Nintendo and decided that a fat crocodile was the way to go, pretty much? Or is Bowser like a dragon? Is he a crocodile? He joined Nintendo in 2015. I know, he's huge. Come on, you can't say that. like the was the way to go pretty much or is bowser like a dragon is he a crocodile he joined nintendo in 2015 i know he's huge come on his real name isn't doug bowser 100 is that's insane

and not only that okay not only that but a man named gary bowser okay ran the rom site giving away roms for old Nintendo games. Wow. And he has just been charged by Doug Bowser $10 million. He's agreed to pay Nintendo $10 million in reparations for piracy, pirating the ROMs and doing it over a long period of time. He had a website, didn't he? Is he represented by a lawyer called Cooper by any chance?

Cooper and Toadette Law Firm. Cooper Trooper. Cooper. Cooper and Trooper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's ridiculous. What were the giant balls, the sort of balls that fly through the air called? They're called chomps or something.

No. The chain chomps ones. It's like the cannonball things. Oh, the bullet bill. Is that right? Yeah, look it up. I think it's Bullet Bill. Yeah. Characters in the Mario franchise.

Yeah, there's loads of them. They're all probably in bloody Super Smash Brothers now. Recurring enemies, Bullet Bill. There he is. There he is. I told you. Yeah, see, I know it sounds not like it would be the case. Isn't this mad that people who are called Bowserowser end up working yes in nintendo but it is

nominative determinism in action you see it again and again people just their their names just end up like making them do stuff that they they're people are such sheep oh man they just they're just such slaves to their destiny p flags that they they cut they they just allow life to blow them along you know they this guy sees a nintendo job coming along and he thinks oh people have talked about how i my i my name is a nintendo character for my whole life that's perfect for me um is there a guy called bob omb working there as well that would be bob omb so if his name was bob omb that would be perfect that would be it's a guy who works there and his name is sony playstation

and he's just trying to bring the whole place down from the inside like he's aspiring to become the head of nintendo and then he's just gonna like you know do a bad press release for a job interview well mr sonic i don't think we will be employing you oh man i think nintendo owns sonic now doesn't it yeah they do which is bonkers yeah it's wild we we've met we've met the guy who um works at valve on the on the vive do you remember jose he was his name is vibes that's right yeah and then he went to work for oculus and now he's changed his name now he's uh jose o. It's crazy. It's really weird. I've got, for Christmas, I got the kids the Oculus.

Nice. Where the fuck is it? Oh, shit. I definitely ordered it. I'm pretty sure it arrived. Oh, I don't know where it is. Oh, it's probably good that it's hidden. Oh, I've still got Mrs. F's present here.

So that's safe. But she might have put the present somewhere. What have you got her? Yeah, what'd you get for your wife? She wanted a new jacket. So I got her a new coat. And then I'm debating what else to get her. Nice. What have you got her? Yeah, what'd you get for your wife? She wanted a new jacket, so I got her a new coat. And then I'm debating what else to get her. Nice.

Wow. She got me a wok. She got me a wok for Christmas. That's it. Are you going to open that bad boy? Like, is it going to be wrapped under your tree and stuff? It's not really a present for you, is it? I wonder what this could be.

Yeah, it's literally a wok. It's shaped like a wok, for sure. Did she pick out the jacket, P-Flex? Yeah, she said to me get me this I was like done so excellent

like she doesn't trust me I've got her presents in the past that I thought were really nice I checked with other people what do you think I asked women that I know

is this beautiful and they were like yes that's lovely she'll love that and she's like I don't really like it okay so I just stopped

trying I think anything you get isn't gonna be yeah good it doesn't matter how it might if she picked she might have picked it on her own but it doesn't matter it's ruined because you picked yeah she didn't the thing is i i think i i'm sure there are other women out there that shop this way there might be men that shop this way too when i go shopping i know what i want to get before i leave the house i go to the place where that thing is sold i purchase it and i go home. I don't fuck about. If I need socks, I go in. Where are the socks? There are the socks.

Yes, these will do. Socks are quiet. I stocked up yesterday. She's like, she'll look at the thing. She's like, oh, that's really nice. But then she wants to look at all the other options before deciding on this one. And for me, it's like, that one is fine. I like that. I am happy with that purchased. But that's not the way she shops. There are plenty of other people out there that shop that way, I'm sure. I am not one of them. But I think by removing her ability to shop around, I've ruined the experience of getting something.

Because I get her something. She hasn't got to see what the other options were. What could I have got her? I could have got her. I think a nice present is to just take your partner shopping. You know what I mean? Like, that's the present. Yeah.

You just be like, I didn't get you anything, but I'm going to take you shopping. I'm going to buy you whatever you want. You can't unwrap that. I mean, you can buy whatever you want, and then we can get some lunch or something. You know what I mean? I think that's a pretty good present in itself.

They like the surprise, you know? They like the surprise. But this is great, though, Sips. Because that is a present for people who forgot to get you a present. Yeah. Do you know what this is a great this is great though sips was that as a present for people who forgot to get your present yeah jimmy no i think you could just pull that one out i know it seems like it's somebody who's not thoughtful but actually i feel like that is kind of a thoughtful thing right to like you know take somebody out for an experience like i think it sounds like it's not something money retrospect buy. Retrospective, I forgot here. I think if you're constant enough, you could own it, though. That could be one episode of the Data sitcom series.

He forgets Tashiar's birthday, and then he has to sort of backpedal and then offers to take her out on a shopping spree for lunch as well. I don't know if he'd forget, though. You know, that's one of the things that robots don't do he excels yeah he has he has a lot of he does have an eidetic i feel like if he forgot he would have to have deliberately forgotten that he would have had to deliberately delete out of his mind but another another like i've deleted her birthday so she's overarching bit could be geordie laforge is constantly tampering with his circuitry and stuff and causing

all these situations while he's asleep yeah yeah yeah he's like a cat burglar he breaks in and just like delicately rewires them sometimes jordy was really unlucky in love on the show but he was also a really creepy he was super creepy yeah like if you watch there's an episode where he recreates a hologram of a woman that he fancies uh ostensibly to work together there's one there's an episode where he recreates a hologram of a woman that he fancies uh ostensibly to work together there's one there's definitely an episode where he like kind of fancies uh deanna troy as well and and holodecks her and then i think she actually it's either her or picard walks in on him mid holodeck of this and they're like jordy what the fuck are you doing like it's i thought that was a very upsetting episode i thought it was that guy reg who's like kind of useless yeah reg barkley

i thought he had he had a holodeck where all the women on the ship were all like oh reg thank goodness you're here and you're more skippy outfits you know what although it is creepy i've gotta say let's be honest a lot of men on that ship are doing exactly what Geordi and Reg are doing. There's got to be a sign outside of the holodeck that says the holodeck is not to be used for like sexual gratification. Please stop coming on the fore of the holodeck. Exactly, yeah. You're fucking up the census. Please wipe down the holodeck.

You've got to go in there and like solve a crime from like 1945 or whatever. And there's jizz stains all over the place and shit because Geordi's just been in there? Come on. That's unbelievable. Yeah. Picard wants to go in there and fucking play the flute and ride his horse around. The homic smells have come again, Mr. Dangerous. Shit! What happened? Still come. Why does Sparkle smell like jizz again?

Geordi! Rattler! Why does Sparkle smell like jizz again? JORDI! Rattler! You just go in there and slip over immediately. What the fuck is this? I only use the holodeck for combat, not combat! Who is doing this?

You have no honor! Floor is very slippery. You have no honor. Ohor is very slippery. You have no honor. Fuck me, man. Oh, that's good. Well, there you go. That's our podcast. Thank you, everybody.

Have a Merry Christmas, and we'll see you next week. Merry Christmas. Bye. Goodbye.