Triforce! - Triforce! #213: Mog No Take Brisket

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Triforce! Episode 213! The invisible man causes havoc for the media, we come down hard on Mog for stealing the beef brisket and lil' Lewis Jr will be thankful this podcast exists! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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this wild ride no do you remember the do you remember the board game buckaroo i guess you call it a board game when we had to load things onto a donkey and when there was like a hair trigger on it it would kick and shit would fucking go everywhere yes yeah it's like that i remember i remember buckaroo i remember it's definitely a game and it's a game i played at my nan's house you know that's that's how old we're talking here and you know along with kaplunk and uh mouse all of those mouse trap oh what a what a these things are still popular you know nobody's playing mouse trap now well they are though oh my kids there's that nostalgia value right really like when you go to buy a board game for your nine-year-old you want to buy the board games that you played when you were nine oh it's so bad though if you remember back

it was just shit it was a shit game it really was buckaroo was a game where you had to pile shit plastic shit onto a springed plastic horse that at a certain point you would put too much on yep you see much like a pop-up pirate which actually was quite fun i played that with the kids but you can tell which which sword is gonna do it like it's got a bit more resistance so you just don't put it in that hole quite funny oh yeah oh i see so the pop-up pirate is the one where you stab him a certain amount of times yeah through the inner barrel he's smiling i tell you what he ain't smiling for long because you sometimes you stab him with a dagger but yeah you can tell when it's gonna hit it if you feel very carefully i may have watched too

many episodes of the lock picking lawyer on youtube the lock picking lawyer yeah walk me through this one that i'm not familiar if you've missed out hi this is the lock picking lawyer and today we'll be looking at this this padlocklock is made by blah, blah, blah. And it's made of solid titanium with a plutonium core. And we're going to pick it in 10 seconds. And he is incredible. Like he gets this huge padlock that if you were any normal person or some kind of thief, you'd look at it and go, fucking hell, look at the size of that padlock.

No way, mate. It's impossible. And he's like binding on two, nothing on little click out of four and there we go and that didn't take long it's like he literally does it in 10 seconds i i have so much respect for people that's such a good impression of him as well we definitely we talked about this like two months ago but people who get into these things like but so into them you know what i mean like where they have like you know like uh like like radar tower talk like associated with it and stuff and it's just like i don't know like i guess like we're kind of like that with games

in a way but still not as serious you know like but like these guys will just find this one thing that their brain just they love so much like it's it's man it's hilarious isn't it it's so i i feel like it's a very uh i i don't want to sound sexist it feels to me like i only know dudes that are like that i know lots of women who were into something but it always seems to be something where you think yeah fair enough yeah this dude has dedicated years of his life to lockpicking. And I just think it's such a dude thing to do. I think women are more afraid to nerd out, though, about it. It could be, yeah.

In the way that men do. I think it's not embarrassing, but certainly not. It's frowned upon to geek out the way that he does, almost. And also, I think lockpicking and him in general is an interesting thing. We see it as this sort of slightly, it feels a bit criminal. Do you know what I mean? It's this kind of thing that you see spies do and stuff on. He sells stuff.

I don't know. It has a strange glamour. He sells a special kit for lockpicking. A lockpicking kit. And I'm thinking, as a lawyer, I mean, I just think it's interesting. You would assume that he would be like no no no you can't just sell this but he sells like a lock picking kid yeah but what's it like um breaking and entering like and picking a lock and stuff that is all within the

realms of being illegal right like or or is it like you're not allowed you're not really meant to right he's hobby you're told it's it's for helping the person who's locked himself out not for or lost their keys not for not for i know but like this comes back to the superhero conversations like yeah he's invisible so that he can help people but like you know sometimes in his darkest moments he's like standing in your room watching you get changed and you don't know you know what i mean it's that same thing it's like it's like uh he wields this power but who it's like 95 percent of the time being invisible is not helpful for his for his like yeah i guess he's it put having a specific a very specific power like that is it useful for sort of very specific things, i.e. spying and information gathering.

You know, he's not going to be able to lift a car, or he might accidentally get squashed by a crane, you know, in a warehouse when he's trying to spy on them. I mean, I reckon the amount of invisible guys have probably just been accidentally run over because people didn't see him. He's just trapped. probably just being accidentally run over because people didn't see him he's just trapped exactly no other powers i feel like oftentimes though these guys are given superhuman strength as well just casually otherwise like you said it's too dangerous man that would be people be

bumping into them all the time. Okay, imagine this though. The Invisible Man falls down a well and after five days they finally rescue him. The news outlets must hate that, right? They must hate it when the Invisible Man falls down a well or whatever. Because all the shots of them hoisting him out must just look insane, right? Like they're hoisting out nothing like there's no you don't get the satisfaction of seeing the face of the person that was trapped in the well for five days or whatever so it's really weird imagine like sky news and stuff

for fuck's sake we can't run this like this is no good we're not going to be able to see his face when he comes out of the well tax money gone on they hold a goddamn bucket out of a well we're meant to applaud that ridiculous i think the invisible man ah they'll tell you that they'll always tell you that we sent the invisible man to the moon look here he is walking around on the moon yeah right i don't believe a bullshit i honestly think at like whilst being one of the best possible superpowers it has to be one of the most risky superpowers as well right because you could easily get yourself into some jams and nobody's going to be able to help you they can't fucking see you

you know are we saying he's invisible all the time like he's perma invis because the invisible man was invisible all the time. It was not reversible. That's why he had to wear the bandages, right? Yeah, he had to wear the bandages or put like some sort of costume on or something, right? So that people could actually see. So is he also naked all the time? But yeah, when he's invisible, he is stark naked.

Yeah, he has to be. Which is weird. So like they're pulling him out of the well. He's nude. It wouldn't work in like canada do you mean you couldn't you couldn't go he would have to live in a warm climate yeah for sure because you couldn't you'd just be shivering so already he's so geographically limited yeah okay we're trying to find the invisible man okay we can narrow it down he's near the equator

we're pretty sure of this but not not too hot because otherwise the sweaty footprints would give him away do you know what i mean it has to be drinking a glass of water which he should be doing in that kind of temperature they're going to be like yeah the fuck is this water he would have to sneak up on someone that's sitting at a cafe and just use their straw while they're not looking like just drink their drink and then scuttle away would you have to bar him from playing football for example he'd be the best striker you'd be impossible to mark yeah true he's always in space and they'd just be like oh i guess that was the invisible man that scored that

one we can't see him celebrating the ball very hard with his bare feet though i mean if you yeah but he doesn't need to he just needs to be round the back also people will be running into him all the fucking time yeah dude like they can't see him and he's naked he can never win a penalty

he can't win a penalty because you can't be sure if he dived so he just has to be careful but the goalie can't roll the ball out in order to kick it

because the invisible man might be there he just they can just see they can just see but they can play around that definitely how can you play around an opposition player literally being invisible?

It's the ball game. You're watching the ball. Right, but he doesn't dribble. All he does is pop up at the back post. I mean, boxing would be way worse. Yeah, that's true. He couldn't let him box either. He could hit him in the balls and they couldn't say.

He would have to wear the gloves actually he would box him like bare fists you know or something like that you would just never see where it was coming from he could kick you

right in the balls and you'd have to take his word that he hadn't because the other guy would be like that's a low blow he just kicked me in the balls

and the ref would be like I didn't see it he's like I'm telling you this guy is kicking me in the balls over and over again let me feel your balls and see if they're tender.

See if you've been kicked in them. You'd have to put special material that reacts. I can't feel anything. Let me rub a bit more around the area. Leave Mike Tyson's balls alone. He's kicked me in the balls. That's twice. He's kicked me in the balls.

Fucking invisible man. Oh, man. I want to eat his heart. I want to eat his invisible heart. Fucking invisible man. Oh, man. I want to eat his heart. I want to eat his invisible heart with an invisible spoon. I think it would be a blessing and a curse. You know, like, I don't think, I think there would be times as the invisible man where I would be very, very scared.

But there'd be other times as the invisible man where I'd probably be pretty happy. And be other times as the Invisible Man where I'd probably be pretty happy, and equally other times as the Invisible Man where I would be very horny as well. I don't know if I'd eat invisible meat, do you know what I mean? You'd need to meet the Invisible Woman. You'd need to meet an Invisible Woman. Would you drink invisible water? No. So, as I understand it, when he eats something, it's not clear whether you can see the food

until it's been digested sloshing around in his well no because then you would see like like is his piss and his poo uh no no no let's not i'm not assuming you'd see it i'm just saying is if they invented invisible water right invisible food, would you eat and drink it? No. No, but I would eat. If they invented food, and I'm sure there is alternatives, but I'm too dumb to research them all, so maybe too scared to take them. But if I could, I've said this before too, and I maintain this. eat if i could take a pill and that would give me every all the nutrients and everything from a full meal and fill me up and make me think that i've had a full meal i would do that man so you just

don't like eating i i really i don't like eat like i don't really like stopping to eat and i don't like preparing food either like i just i just want it to be done with i would say it's one of the few pleasures that is universally appreciated by our species. Yeah, no, I get that. And you're just not into it. I am. I just am that unique snowflake who just doesn't want that. Enjoy to keep us alive.

That is bizarre. It is. I know it's a weird one, but, like, I don't know. I just feel like there's other things I would just rather do, you know? Do you suppose part of it is that being a vegetarian, everything you eat sucks? No, it's not so much that. Honestly, I think it's just having kids. It's a big production, you know? And it feels like a lot of hassle. How do you feel about- imagine you could take a pill that would give you the same pleasure

as having an orgasm. Would you just take that instead? Does it cost money? Because having a wank is free. I'm just saying. Yeah, I know. I actually like jacking off and having sex and stuff. That's fine. I think, you know. You want to keep doing that.

It's whatever. Well, the problem is that is actually what these. Don't get me wrong. I've never done the hardcore drugs. Like a big family Christmas dinner or whatever. I'll take those. I like those. They're nice.

But they're much more effort. Yeah, but somebody else has to do it. Oh, my God. It's not normally me who has to do it. Right. No, that's fair enough. But, you know, it's just like everything. So you're saying things taste worse when you've put the effort in.

No, not even that. It's just like it just takes too long. He's lazy. I'm lazy and the whole process takes too long you know what do all the washing up after and stuff as well and i just feel like most evenings i would just like to just you know okay everybody come for your meal pill and then everybody just takes it and then okay that's bedtime you know like done i think it would just be much easier you know like um there'd be more time for other activities, like jacking off and other stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I noticed there's some tumbleweeds in the room right now. I guess you guys don't agree. I just don't know what it is. I'm just putting it out there, I'm sure. Okay, if there are other parents out there, you have to know where I'm coming from on this one. There's not tumbleweeds.

I don't, honestly honestly i don't feel like this all the time either just sometimes you know like some like like there's definitely like some weeks where you're just like oh man you know like gotta like i could eat source the food gotta like prepare the food gotta hope that the kids are gonna like this food um and then and do all the cleaning up after and you just think are you Are you not into, like, all of the cooking things and food TV shows and stuff? Oh, not really. Like, if they're on, I'll watch them. But, like, I don't know.

Like, the stuff I watch is more like, you know, like you guys know, like, we like to watch The Apprentice and, like, Married at First Sight and stuff. But what I've come to realize about these shows is that i don't actually really like these shows i like the viewing experience like with my wife or like you know with your with your partner or whatever because we joke like the whole time we're just like making fun of the contestants joking around can't believe it and it's just like it's a it's like it's our own episode of goggle box or something right but it's actually funny you know what i mean like it is just a very enjoyable use of time i love that so i love that's why i love those shows like it's well i think you're not alone i think a lot of people over lockdown have spent a lot of time watching films and tv and doing these things at home with their partners and and the same, because we went to the cinema and saw Batman this week.

And the cinema, my God. It was... Oh, my God. It was kind of... I've seen a few people complain about it, but, like, there were just people with their phones on, like, day mode, you know, right in front of us. Just browsing Reddit or, like, checking their email or, like like fucking scanning through instagram like and there were people just getting up all the time there were people just chatting at normal volume about things that were happening they lost the ability to be not twats around other people i think yeah

and i don't think they i don't think i think i think if any of them have been told oh look could you just keep it quiet they probably wouldn't be oh sorry sorry sorry you know but like i think it's just people have just yeah it's almost be like cinema feels almost like it's become a throwaway experience like it's like you're annoyed that while you're there maybe the movie wasn't gripping enough to keep people's attention but certainly um certainly there was like a lot of people going out for peace but it was long it was three hours three hours? that's a slog honestly in a theatre three hours is too much I'd have to break that up

into like three sessions why does it have to be so fucking long I swear to god people treat Batman filmmakers treat Batman like it's the fucking holy book and you have to be reverential it's fucking batman guys the story is so fucking simple like his parents die he's a millionaire and he becomes batman there's like there's not much more to it right like it doesn't go

very deep we know the story of batman like we've seen it in every batman movie but it's across every batman movie is it always the same story yes it's the same okay yeah they do i don't know why they do it like why why do they keep bringing it back like i tell you what i mean it's not quite that they have a they have a different guy this one's the riddler last time it was different though there's a there's a handful of batman movies where the riddler was the bad guy and the tv show and stuff too like so what the riddler just keeps coming back he's like okay here's what i think try number 500 i'm gonna get him this time besky batman my god you're right here's what i think it

is right if you go back to the the comics there are a huge range of different kinds of batman in all the comics you're right and some people like the frank miller version some people like this reimagined like three or four times but he's not been reimagined that wildly differently to the way he's pretty much always been like in the 80s he got a lot darker and it became like 80s and 90s batman was literally just a shadow on the page that you might see his eyes that's it like he became this incredibly dark figure and a lot of people became obsessed yeah almost like that people became obsessed with making batman as dark and gritty as possible yeah but tim burton did the the the 80s batman the kitschy kind of and then

the danny devito penguin batman right right so which was more like the tv show the adam west tv i honestly thought that that that was a good look for batman i think that it probably for me peaked there like they could have just left it at that so i like the similar gritty more dark very dark i i actually thought the movie was pretty good um but here's the thing those filmmakers all want to be like yeah but this is my batman like they all think they've got some fucking massive insider genius take yeah what batman is meant to be like yeah that's it they just fall into these hollywood tropes there's so many like moments in that movie that are just in every movie like so for example very basic like it's super straightforward

it's like formulaic as fuck and martin has an app which is called like pee break or something i can't remember what it's called but basically it could you could it tells you when you can ever safely have a pee in the cinema oh my god well you should go and use the facilities for goodness sake not pee in the sim nice um so there was like this one bit and it was like i don't know two hours 19 or something and martin's like apparently the next three minutes is just an incredibly generic car chase so you can go now and i was like all right and so i went and came back and he was like you missed literally nothing yeah i was like a dark, gritty, shaky cab car chase. I was like, fuck me. I really feel like this app, though, they could use it to prune movies.

Just cut out all the chaff. Because some people listen to audiobooks and podcasts on 1.5 speed. My mate is a times two everything. Just to get through. like 1.5 speed. My mate is a times two, everything. Just to get through.

Right. I reckon with, with this app, you could properly just zip zap through movies quicker, get through all the drafts, just get to the. He watches films with the subtitles on at two times speed. Jesus.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, some people like the car chase, but fuck, who, who is. I mean, I've seen so many car chases that i just don't really

need an interesting well i don't even i just don't find car chases that interesting and i'm at the point in my life now where i i i get stressed out by a car chase because i just think you know that's really dangerous they should not be chasing you dangerous there's a lot of people around you know like um i i wouldn't want to be anywhere near that in real life. So I thought that if you've seen the French Connection, which is an old film with Gene Hackman in, it's really good. The car chase, very famous car chase in French Connection.

It might even be French Connection 2, but I think it's French Connection 1. That's a really good car chase. Like really, really good. That's seen as like one of the all-time greatest car chase scenes right exactly but it's like most car chases are just kind of shitty like they're just pretty boring especially because quite often it's just they're chasing each other and now they're in a car doing what they were doing when they were just like reminds me of the old car chase for the blues brothers yeah there's probably a couple of notable james bond car chases in there as well right like but this is pretty much with this you know he's gonna

make it well you know he's gonna make it yeah like i feel like if the car chase is just they were chasing on foot and now they're chasing on a in a car like you know in an on foot chase it's always the same at one point they'll run into a chain-link fence and then climb over it. At one point, they'll run into a yard and the dog will be like they'll go through someone's living room. Most chases are just, you know, they're not

that interesting. Sometimes you get some good ones. I thought that the chase in Seven was quite good when he's chasing the guy through the building. They get to his apartment and he turns up and they think, oh, who's this guy? And he's got like a paper bag and then he just starts shooting at them. And then they chase after him. And in the end, he catches Brad Pitt.

He's got his gun to his head and he just walks away. That was quite a good, quite an exciting chase. And there was quite a lot at stake. I don't really remember that one. It was a good moment. It was quite a short chase, but it was quite good. I remember Seven actually being a decent movie, though. It was quite a short chase, but it was quite good. I remember Seven actually being a decent movie though. It's a great movie.

I thought it was pretty good. It's a great movie. Even though Brad Pitt can't act, he's quite good in it. Yeah. I mean, I don't mind him though. I think honestly, sometimes it's almost part of the appeal for me that he can act, you know? The same way I like watching The Apprentice or whatever.

It's just like, it's like an event. It's an experience, you know? Yeah. There's certain things that pull you out of immersion, isn't there? We've talked about this before where I think that's so important to have something that grips you. And I think sometimes big celebrities are the opposite of that. They're like, oh, it's because they got so much baggage, I guess, in many ways. I don't even really know.

It's that guy from Harry Potter. Who are like the big Hollywood celebrities of the day? Like, I'm so out of touch with- Nowadays? I never watch movies. But like, I remember, for for example like uh you know in like the late 80s going into the 90s you had like you had like your um tom cruise's you had like uh robert de niro you know all these guys were kind of like tom cruise is still a list hollywood you

know you would you would want to see interviews with them and mel gibson before you know everybody realized that mel gibson was mel gibson was insane i would say dwayne the rock johnson is quite big oh yeah okay yeah yeah the rock tom hanks is still making a shitload of movies and very successful leonardo dicaprio is probably a big movie star in most people's eyes and i would say they would be right tom cruise is still box office george clooney's still pretty big brad pitt's still pretty big matt damon seems to be very successful yes yeah matt damon jennifer lawrence yeah meryl streep i'd say denzel washington really yeah she's big if she makes a movie it's really fun yeah i guess so yeah chris pratt seems to be in everything yes okay yeah that's a good shout actually chris pratt

is like he's in all the big sort of guardians of the galaxy jurassic park maybe his star has has has shined, though. But yeah, Robert Pattinson obviously has been huge, and he's Batman, and he does well on it. I'll say... He does well on it. He does well on it. He does a good job.

Yeah, it's weird. I used to watch so many movies. It's weird. He's got a great jawline, but you don't sort of see it necessarily when he takes the mask off. He sort of goes from weedly emo boy to you know gritty super badass apparently he he did an he did a batman voice and they were like please stop doing that like he had like his own his own

like i just ate my voice like the McGarnacle voice but it's he was doing he was putting a voice on and they were like was he Robert stop that right now and he was like

he still does it though he still does it yeah but his original voice I really wish I can't place this guy when you guys say Robert Pattinson for some reason

I just think of yeah he's very generic I can only imagine this like one specific I don't even think he works at the BBC anymore but he's like he's very generic. I can only imagine this like one specific... I don't even think he works at the BBC anymore, but he's like a finance editor. He's the guy... Oh, you're thinking of Robert Peston.

Yes. This is the guy that pops into my mind every time that you mention this name. I can't picture the real person. Robert Peston. Yeah, the Batman. The Batman. And Zoe Kravitz was in it, who was... she was really good, but man, did she remind me of Halle Berry's Catwoman.

Oh yeah, Halle Berry was... what is it called? In the worst fucking movie. Oh, Zoe Kravitz. I assume this is Lenny Kravitz in... oh, she's the daughter of Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz. Oh, right. So, Lisa Bonet, by the way uh who was big in the 80s if you ever watched the cosby show she was a big star in the day um she is married

to jason momoa who jason momoa was in game of thrones he was uh yeah he's huge he's great he's hollywood everyone loves he was merman in the merman movie or whatever the fuck it's called aquaman aquaman yeah merman is this this is like this generation steven seagal this guy looks like that jason merman yeah he looks he's got some seagal vibes not like not modern day seagal i don't know if you've seen seagal recently so he is 42 right all right okay lisa bonet is 54 it's quite unusual in hollywood to have the other one lisa what lisa bonet b-o-n-e-t oh yeah she was big in the 80s yeah she was big in the 80s oh yeah where's she been and i've seen her in the

cosby show of course she just don't listen do you this is unbelievable i just said that like 20 seconds i know but you're saying names and i'm looking them up as you're saying them so i'm not listening to everything he's like he's five minutes yeah i'm still looking up i'm still lagging behind she was so lisa benet was the was uh not the old eldest sister she was the eldest daughter yeah but then she left the show she left because she thought she was a big deal then she came back and they did that show she was in a different world as well right she was in a different world that was the offshoot

she was the offshoot man I loved that show I'm sure it was fucking awful I think it was I think it ran for a little while I don't think it was that bad had Marissa Tomei in in season one big fan of Marissa Tomei in, in season one. Marisa Tomei. Big fan of Marisa Tomei.

Big fan of Marisa Tomei. She was the heartthrob from Seinfeld, right? That's right, yeah. Marisa Tomei. The manure conversation was with Marisa Tomei, wasn't it? That's right. Trying to find the positives of the word manure. Marisa Tomei.

The dreamboat. Marisa Tomei is 57 years old now. She's from Brooklyn, New York. Sheisa Tomei. The dreamboat. She's 57 years old now. She's from Brooklyn, New York. She was born in 1964. Is that true? Daughter of Gary A. Tomei and Patricia Addie Tomei and sister to Adam Tomei.

So, you know, she won an Oscar for My Cousin Vinny. Really? So get this. For her performance, Tomei was nominated as Best Supporting Actress and won over Miranda Richardson, Joan Plowright, Vanessa Redgrave,

and Judy Davis. American film critic Rex Reed created controversy and a minor Hollywood myth when he suggested that Jack Palance had announced the wrong name after opening the envelope.

While this allegation was repeatedly disproved, Tomei called this story extremely hurtful. Yeah, well, I bet. She looks great. doesn't she's 57 years old man aunt may in uh in the spider-man movie she's she's fucking gorgeous i fucking love marissa to me i would be her jason momoa to her you would be her uncle ben i'll tell you what i'm

a big fan i was watching uh friday night dinners had a retrospective thing oh the guy friday night dinners the the dad from that was the guy friday night dinners the the dad from that was the dude in chernobyl right and he passed away what last year he did die yeah he had a he had a real he had a real career going actually before he died it was picking up right it was just like yeah yeah he was doing a lot of good stuff yeah i think he could have been the new what's his name? Exactly. That lad. Hold on, I always forget his name because it's very forgettable,

but I love him. He's a great actor. But the guy that was in Mad Men and also in Chernobyl. No, he wasn't in Chernobyl. Oh, no, he was. Jared Harris. Yeah, that's the one.

Jared Harris. Because his name is Jared. He was also in that sci-fi show, The Expanse. Foundation. He was in The Expanse for a bit as well, right? Oh, was he? Yeah. Okay, well, he was very good inanse for a bit as well right oh was he yeah

he was very good in foundation he's he's an excellent actor he is yeah uh i really like him i think we're talking i can never remember his name jared yeah jared harris that guy jared harris jared harris was sort of not in anything big and then we love him we love them both paul ritter could have been he was in chernobyl and he fucking loved him he would have popped up but now it's that guy but then he died it's, oh, it's that guy. But then he died. It's fucking tragic, man. It is tragic, yeah. He was popping off. He was doing all sorts of things.

He was popping off big time. He was really tragic. Safety first. He was going. I've been saying that for 25 years. That was a great series. It was really good. Yeah, it was such a show.

Speaking of shows from long past long past and this is probably this is old news now but i've only just come around to to watch it i watched the uh the uh 30 year anniversary reunion special for fresh prince of bel-air because my man my kids have been watching it though you can watch every episode of all six seasons on uh iplayer and my kids love it they've been watching it and i remember i remember also watching it around the same age my my son is now but um also interestingly they're studying the show at school like as part of their you know like the same way we would have read like a book from like you know catcher in the rye or whatever uh when we were at school they're doing fresh prints yeah

they're like studying the cultural impact of fresh prints as 30 years on which how old is your son he's like eight ten ten yeah this seems like a very detailed subject yeah i don't know maybe his teacher was like a fan or something but yeah no it's like they're fresh it's like it's like really basic stuff though it sounds much more complicated than it is one a fresh prince they had guest stars don cheedle they had shaft they had fucking quincy jones executive producer evander holyfield was all of the star power queen latifah was it from quincy jones though because quincy jones is like this huge music mogul well connected at the time was all was very well connected so like this was his show and you know he could he could pour like a ton of like star power into it at will sort of thing but uh but it was also just it was also just a very

popular sort of show at the time when it came out but it's really interesting there's lots of really interesting stories like it's really interesting to see it like you know carlton and hillary and you know all the all the all the cast no no uncle phil because he passed away in like 2013 i think or whatever like it was quite a while ago now but um they had like like both both ant vibs because you know there's like – they had a changeover after like halfway through, like after the third season. And they find out the story about the first Aunt Viv, like what happened to her and stuff. And it was really interesting. It's like an hour and a bit.

You can watch it on iPlayer if you haven't seen it. But it's worth a watch for sure. It's a really, really nice little documentary about the show, like with all the cast and interviews and stuff. Donald Trump is in an episode. Yeah. Yeah. So are boys to men. Boys to men, yeah.

Boys to men. I mean, Trump was like- He was just like a celebrity. Late 80s, early 90s, he was a celebrity playboy, right? Yeah. Everybody actually thought that he fully was a billionaire maybe he wasn't at the time i don't know but like yeah he was like he was on shows and stuff for sure he was just like yeah he played the guy went around and was a bit of a punchline yeah like

that's that's why he's fucking so angry because new york never accepted him really he was always seen as a joke yeah yeah and so he's sort of furious about that he's a dickhead he's always been a dickhead he's in lots of old stuff though like he's in lots of old episodes isn't he in home alone 2 or something he pops up yeah i think if you watch older movies and older tv shows i think he was probably on the simpsons a couple of times i can't really remember but like you know what like anything he could be in he he was in sort of thing around that time. I think he was just trying to build his profile or he was obsessed with celebrities or I don't know what the deal was. His story is so weird.

It does feel like he kind of just faked it until he made it in some cases. He faked it. But had enough money. Like after, because I spoke about the old inventing anna thing last last week like this whole world of kind of you have to like like like him ringing up the you know new york times rich list or whatever like you know as his assistant and you know telling them how rich he was kind of thing this sort of stuff that he did was so i don't know like both desperate and smart in a way like do you know what i mean like kind of i don't know it kind of it reeks of of like negative stuff but

at the same time that's kind of it's like the politics game right it's how you play you have to you have to get people you have to get people to think a certain way about you and you have to get people to think a certain way about you. And you have to get people on your side. And you have to get people to vote. I don't know. It's strange. It's an odd one, isn't it? It is weird.

It's building this team of people who trust you as well, right? Yes. And who also enjoy drinking your bath water along with you. Yes, I think so. Or at least think that they're there in the boat in that bath with you yeah at least and so getting sprayed by some of the water and their initial responses are always protective of you right so rather than like rather than like prickly yes you know um i think he's done amazing in terms of just people just for some reason feeling like they have to be on his side, you know? Yeah.

It's a weird one, isn't it? It is so weird, so clever. You almost sound like you wish that you had done it yourself or that you could do it yourself. Do you have some life regrets in this area? You're looking back and you're like, I wish I could have gotten my secretary to ring up the new york times rich list and put in a word it's all it's but we we think about it as if it's this new thing this fake news thing you know this fake this idea that you can spin out you know your image and and people won't do the research to call you on it.

Or they'll take, you know, you could just say bad news about things. Like, I guess I've listened to this podcast a while ago. Which one? What was it called? Was it called The Triforce? I think it was actually just on the serial, because serial got really popular. Did you listen to the podcast and immediately, just without even thinking, go out and buy some self-grooming um paraphernalia or maybe like subscribe to a vpn service spontaneous no i'm just wondering yeah um so no they would there was this in the serial podcast which was mostly about murders they've kind of often what what happens is these podcasts i listen to they they kind of – they keep their podcast as like an enclosed story

and then they launch a new podcast with a new story about a new thing. And so they have – and it's hard for them to direct people around to their new ones, right? Because they tend to like after they finish the show, they'll put out like a little teaser for their new show or whatever. And I guess it's tricky. Anyway, on the serial feed, they put out this completely different story about election fraud um in this like in this american like little county and i've been listening through it and and it feels like there's this sort

of just because it's it's it's one of these small counties got like 70 000 people in and it's like 60 white 40 black but because of that um and because of certain things that they've always done, like they've had the only place where you can vote in the area, the white area. And so if black people want to vote, they have to drive half an hour to vote. And that's one of these ways of voter suppression. There's loads of ways that you can suppress people's votes that aren't obvious. But one of them is having not enough polling stations for example um and and so conventionally this place was just incredibly white dominated right and um the ways that they sort of and obviously what happened was there

were a load of election scandals because the the black community got together they got this sort of block and they started voting as a group and everyone thought that was kind of because it was so well organized it just felt so like it shouldn't be allowed but of course it's allowed it's just politics right politics is bringing together a group of people and getting them to vote the same way right that's why we have political parties that's literally what that is that it's literally what that is. It's literally what that is. But for some reason, asking all the black people to vote the same way is a problem. And so the white people rose up and started doing some of the things that they were doing, but illegally.

They started throwing away ballots and doing all these things. ballots and doing all these things um and of course they're sort of often it's it's a small town full of rumor full of drama full of like people accusing things about say the other the other side did this thing the other side did this thing um and it's all just like little little kind of and but but what are the the major problems is is that it's it really shows like how in a small town rumors and fears have have have persisted or been repeated and sort of fanned the flames of drama in this place often with no merit like there was this thing where there was this idea that that people in a nursing home so the the idea was that the block had gone to this nursing home and got on all of the people in the nursing home to vote and then taken all their ballots

in for them. Yeah. That was this idea that was, it doesn't sound very ethical, right? But of course, it was investigating. It turned out it was just a woman who worked there. A lot of the old folks were like, oh, can you help us vote and she was like okay so she helped them and you know it wasn't anything to do with the the block or anything like this but of course because it was a story and it was so incendiary it's been repeated and repeated with no you know it was investigated and deemed to be

nothing but because like it so often these little stories come back over and over again and the people who were involved in them and investigated they've retired and moved on and the new people don't know about it and so when they are confronted on news like did you did they did was this this thing and they're like well i don't know and that means that means there was you know it's like you didn't investigate it you know it was suddenly like this this this drama and it's it's so interesting to see how this this can happen right and i guess in our lives too like in communities of people you know rumors and and like small um things that that you think are terrible on the outset that are turned out to be nothing can still

and despite this support all this work you know all the people still believe that the the the the nursing home thing is real it's like it's it's all like a big a scam really it's like all fake news right everything's fake but i guess fake news begins at the rumor mongering level and it always has been there in our human communities right ever since ever since caveman times you know this is probably was like have you heard that have you heard that you know mog like took the fucking um like the beef the beef brisket from Snog's cave do you know what I mean you don't take brisket

you take man brisket you get hit on head with biggest rock exactly that kind of shit I smash him myself Mark where brisket we don't know about brisket what brisket oh no

now you forget about brisket? We don't know about brisket. What brisket? Oh, no. Now we forget about brisket. Very convenient. Very convenient. It's like caveman gaslighting. You just... Mark, fuck Mark. Yes, Erk? Where brisket? What brisket?

Oh, no. You're making up lies. You pretend you don't know about brisket. I saw him with brisket kind of like descendants of yoda or something brisket you brisket you have and now brisket we don't have where is brisket no i know what you're saying there's but it's a it's iterations like with everything right it's iterations, like with everything, right? It's an evolution. Like the fake news has always been there, but we know it as it exists today using the tools available today or whatever.

And tomorrow it'll just be different. But it's the oldest trick in the book, right? You know, trying to convince people of something that is probably not true, but you have this insane idea and uh and it's it's just about trying to get as many people on board as possible right that's like yeah and it's a wonderful switch as well throughout all throughout history that have hinged on just that like i mean i look at the oldest trick in the book is to say, oh, you think the thing I did was wrong.

These guys have been doing it way worse for the last 10 years. Go look at them. Don't they call that the... What is that thing that Boris Johnson talked about, or people have accused him of? The dead cat thing? Yes. Well, I mean, that's never been more apparent than now with everything. Like you literally...

Everybody's talking about something else. You just drop a dead cat on the table and that draws everyone's attention. And for Boris now, that has been the conflict in Ukraine. Because, I mean, a couple of weeks ago, this guy was on his ass and on his way out, pretty much. And now nobody talks about it because there's just something a lot more newsworthy to speak I think that's just convenient for him, though.

Of course it is. I'm not accusing him of masterminding. No, of course. He hasn't masterminded anything i would never accuse him of masterminding anything because he's a fucking idiot but uh but this has worked out perfectly for him because now nobody cares about him what rightfully so but i mean he is the prime minister but like it's you know what i mean it's just uh he's it's it's just it has worked out perfectly for him because there's something um more important that everybody wants to talk about and think about and hear about than um his sleazy cabinet you know it's just uh it's a shame really

but but there you go it's um it's it's all it's all part of this big machine, right? I tried tested and true one as well. It's going on since the beginning of time. Do you remember that rumor that Richard Gere shoved the hamster up his ass for sexual gratification? Do you remember that? Yeah. Do you remember all of the...

Was that in the fresh print? Do you remember all of the iterations on that like he used a uh he used a cardboard tube like a like a toilet roll tube right uh to facilitate the hamster going in and uh and and and used a lighter so that his partner could see the hamster going in and farted and singed his partner's eyebrows like like like the stories just got more and more so apparently it was a gerbil right uh apparently that so the rumor goes that he once got a gerbil stuck up his ass and had to go to er to get it removed and that is it uh that's that's the end of the story um it's apparently a real thing gerbling apparently is a real, but it's only a rumored sexual practice on Wikipedia.

Right. And nobody's ever, it's like an urban legend. Although who came up with it, I don't fucking know. I don't know, but I mean, even then, like, why do that? Of all the things that you could do, man, poor gerbil as well. Like, Jesus, I don't think a gerbil really wants to be in your asshole. I mean, honestly, they've got little claws and teeth. Why would you do it like just get

a fucking vibrator if you're a fucking put a gerbil up there so i don't think it's actually true um but yeah it there is there is something to do with with small animals that people do but i don't know if it's this okay i don't know how we got to that but i think it's an important cultural touch yeah i feel like i should share some news with you about things that we talk about on this podcast a lot. But just before you do, can I just make my point about why I brought that up? Yeah.

I would love to hear this because it seemed pretty random. It came out of left field. I'm not complaining though. I'm not complaining. No, no, no. But that is a story that was almost a hundred percent guaranteed to be

complete bullshit. Oh, I see what you mean. But it still spread everywhere. Sorry, I see what you mean, yeah. Right? It still spread everywhere. That was pre-internet. That was pre-24-hour news.

That was just one of those things that got out there somehow. Might have been in the fucking National Enquirer or something. Who knows? Another one was Marilyn Manson having ribs removed so he could suck his own cock. You remember that one? Right. I don't know if that-

Almost certainly made up. Yeah, I would say that that that has to be but well because it was always a different person because according to what generation you are it was a different prince or michael jackson just can apply to so many people but like it's absurd though as well but i mean i'm sure i'm don't get me wrong mark bolan i think I think it was as well. What, from T-Rex? Someone else. Yeah, yeah. There was always a different singer who was accused of having- Yeah, of having his ribs removed so that he could suck himself off. Anyway, what were you going to say, Lewis? That was playgrounds. We were told that when we were like 11 or 12. And every 11, 12 year old is told this. It's bizarre.

And you're right, the actor changes every time. For us, it was when that joke was circulating, it was Marilyn Manson for us. That was. Interestingly, David Bowie never factored into that equation, but I would have believed it if it was Bowie. You know, you would have thought that's the kind of stuff he might have done. I'm a big fan of Bowie. So, yes, in Pokemon card news. I didn't realize we were going this way. So, yes, in Pokemon card news, a man from Georgia was charged relatively recently and sentenced just this week for three years in prison over a $57,000 Charizard. So he applied for a COVID disaster loan and then bought a single

so that's what he went to prison for for for defrauding the covid disaster response i think you gotta be pretty worried if you're rocking up to jail with that charge right like you're you're immediately trying to role play and think up a better excuse for you being there. You wish you were the invisible man. You're just asking for it, right? Like, I don't think any- What you in for? Wait. Well, you see-

Oh, God. Well, excuse me. See, the thing is, Mr. Beef beefcake it all started when i applied for emergency relief from covid um and that's why i bought the expensive charizard card would anybody like to play some pokemon i know all the rules holy shit man yeah so another star of fresh prince of bel-air martha stewart yeah she has launched her own range of nfts baby hard time as well she did some time yeah she did do some time and she was she sold a squirtle she became quite good friends with snoop dog at one point as well, I seem to remember. Not surprised that she has.

Yeah, she could definitely roll a droid. But I don't know whether she is in on this. I guess she is now in on the NFT scam train. Right. Good for her. Ride that scam train. What is it? Is it just an animated image, I'll say, just to avoid any controversy of her, you know, rolling one, lighting one and smoking it. Or like, what's her, does she have any, what's her, what's her NFT?

Or does she have like a series or what? Yeah. Picture of Richard Gere shoving a gerbil up her ass. Wow. And then, and he's smoking a joint while doing it. And they're both impressed. That's got to be worth something. It's a rare they're both impressed. That's gotta be worth something. It's a rare NFT.

Yeah, that's gotta be worth something. I think it's a line of images of her costumes carved into pumpkins. Please let's stop this, everybody. Let's get together, collectively as a species, and say, let's stop this. This is silly. What else are we gonna do, though? It feels like so naturally it's just gonna come to this. What else are we gonna do? like it feels like so naturally it's just gonna come to this and it's only gonna get worse let's face it i mean come on we're gonna be like 80 90 years old and it's it's just going to be non-stop you're you're gonna have a sore neck from constantly your head dropping down and you shaking your head back and forth what are you talking

about we're gonna be back in the apocalypse. No. No. Mug, where is, where is digital brisket? It's just going to be fucking- With my brisket NFT. It's going to be, what you talk about, digital brisket never existed. What you expect- Mug, where you put me NFT of different shaped rock? Me not seen NFT.

Oh, now he hasn't seen NFT, just like brisket. Brisket all over again. Oh man. This whole thing just- I'm just going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,

I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, shaped rock may not see nft oh now he hasn't seen nft just like brisket brisket all over again this whole thing just is that's where we're going we're going back to return to i think that would be the best thing uh the worst case scenario is we all fucking die so i'll take that at least there's still people we can get back to where we were yeah um maybe but uh have you do you know the return to monkey meme no no let me look it up hang on a second is it is monkey without a y because everyone loves to oh yeah return to

monkey a song by white storm apparently is that the one no return to monkey meme oh yeah this i know no i'm i'm on know your meme okay well i i think it's more sort of recently to do with people being like fuck's sake the world is the world is shit can we just return to monkey like return to simple times like Yes, I get it. Like, does that appeal to you? No. This one doesn't. You know, taking your clothes off, going back into the jungle, living more simply. Seems like a normie meme to me. Yeah.

Okay. Well, no, fine. Okay, good. Didn't realize I was talking to the two hippest dads on the planet. This side of Stinky's Peep Show. Oh, i did read an article this week about kids actually um there's a so some toddlers uh some kindergartners uh and their elementary school teacher i guess have put together a hotline where you can ring up and talk to a talk and ask a toddler a

kindergartner your your like basically they might have a solution to your fears anger right this is ludicrous you can have a pep talk from right kids um because they're so positive right this is a myth the teacher was inspired by her students positive attitudes despite all they've been through across years of pandemics let's let's remind ourselves they are unfiltered as well. They are also ill-informed. And very ill-informed. I doubt that they're even really aware of this shit.

If you can show me a six-year-old who's across all the global problems and really understands them and how to break it down why it's not that bad, go for it. But if they just say, I like ice cream and that's meant to make me feel better all right i have a six-year-old daughter if you facetime my daughter that's a very fucking zen response if you facetime my daughter right now hoping to like relieve some anxiety or something let me tell you how it would go she would answer she would not say hello or anything she would stare at you okay right and you would be awkwardly trying to break the ice somehow. Like Batman. So she's just.

So you would probably say like, hello, what's your name? Silence. She wouldn't answer you. I'm Batman. I phone the hotline because I want to feel better about myself. Can you help me? Silence. And this would go on for a good couple of minutes until she was comfortable enough to say, what's that on your face?

Or something. And that would be the conversation. You would not feel better about yourself. You would feel like shit. minutes until she was comfortable enough to say what's that on your face or something and that would be the conversation you would not feel better about yourself you would feel like shit that's a mole my mom says i'm beautiful that i mean challenge me all you want but most six-year-olds that would be how it went down i would say so yourselves. If this is the journey that you're taking, you need to prepare yourself. They can be pretty brutal, six-year-olds. And it only gets worse the older they get. Okay.

Well, I mean, maybe the pep talk is, maybe you need to hear that, Jamie. Maybe the kids will say things. It's like a tough love sort of thing. Like a boot camp. Adults don't. You're doing a Zoom call boot camp um tough love yeah it's like you know you need to be told that stuff and and kids you know the filter may they always say this and i don't know how true it is because i never spend any time with children

but they have they have a they're supposed to have a more naive look on the world more simple look and they say things that are you know like yeah it's inspirational do you not know they do but this stuff's kind of only tends to really happen five minutes before they're meant to go to bed otherwise you're not getting anything out of it come up with a big subject yes and so what you're saying is you could never really learn great philosophical wisdom from them because the good things come out immediately only you have to put this bed in. Having to brush their teeth and go to bed. Would you ever get any of this gold

that you're after? It's just absolute bollocks, the idea that some little kid is going to fucking solve problems. No. Gibberish. Oh, I don't know, though. They're very up there. Where are you getting this from? In what way? I mean, they're incredibly self-centred and selfish. No in what way I mean they're incredibly self-centered

and selfish like I'm no offense I love my kids but they essentially if something isn't so like adults you don't want to be reminded of how

self-centered they are so like Donald Trump and basically everyone who runs the world yeah like all like Boris Johnson

like all leaders they do not represent the best of us we could learn something from them they do not represent like some some ideal we should be more like little kids who literally only care about themselves because that's you know they they're fucking little kids they haven't figured out i'm there

man i'm already there right yeah like that's not gonna make me happier that's gonna remind me that essentially we are alone in the world and and there are very few people out there who are going to help you or give a shit um and it's a tragically lonely place as most people discover so no i think kids are an awful awful way to improve your mood if anything uh i think just fucking sitting back and watching some tv and just chilling out having a having a baby well actually um speaking of people being lonely in their flipping pandemic free time the uh brandon sanderson our favorite yeah writer um he has he sort of announced recently that he wrote four books during lockdown he's prolific on top of the stuff that he said he was gonna write is this the wheel of time no brendan brendan sanderson oh yeah sorry he took

over the wheel of time um but he did finish the wheel of time off the um yeah it's very fantasy but he's very very good apparently i i don't read he's the best writer out there that's um he's great love him he wrote four claim. He wrote four books during lockdown. And he's done a Kickstarter to self-publish them. Yeah. And he wanted a million dollars. He has 15 million? It's now surpassed $25 million for a book.

Calm down. You can just buy the book. I know. It doesn't take $25 million for a book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calm down. You can just buy the book. I know. It doesn't take $25 million to fucking... Why? This is shocking. No, but this is like a pre-order. Do you know what I mean?

You get the... I think that is absolutely shocking. I think that is shocking. For a guy who's already a successful author, many times over, to then kickstart a book and not cap the Kickstarter, it's not going to take him a

million bucks to write a book and then to make it to 25 million and be like oh thanks guys here's the book fuck off i think that's disgusting geez what tell us how you really feel man i think it's disgusting well i i think like it's it's it's obviously he i don't know what his what his motivation is but i i like people doing it themselves i like i like people breaking away from the chain of the publishing chains and stuff yeah the big boys yeah the diy it's like it's like it's like 1980 um uh washington dc punk rock is what you're describing here but for books you know you're talking you're talking like yeah like minor fantasy but you're talking like bad brains you're talking like uh you know black flag and stuff

but for books yeah well well look it's obviously people are getting something out of it it's it's it's it's it's something they love it shows how popular his writing is that people are that passionate about yeah about um his his stuff and i'm a big fan i like the whole independent uh like today like thing you know like i like when people are good enough at something where they don't need to um you know and and and nowadays it feels like it's even more possible than it would have been in the past right but like to to self-publish a book or to or or now to like uh release like an album you know like a self-published on like using like a platform like spotify or something like that i i find all that really interesting

like um and uh and it's such a great story when it works too you know i like yeah i mean some obviously you might not have heard of him but he is a pretty big deal yeah and that's another thing i think when you can get to a point where you're big enough to do it because like radiohead kind of did that didn't they they were they were a pretty big band that just decided oh hang on we're just going to do this ourselves like and they and they did like they don't have any they're not like they're on their own label they do all they put on all of their own uh concerts and and shows and stuff like that and i think they're probably happier for it too right like they don't have anyone to answer to i heard some nirvana on um the new batman movie actually um yeah yeah they're a band that just doesn't seem to be going away.

I still see young people with Nirvana t-shirts. Oh, man. I mean, they had great songs though. Like they were a great band. And they'll never go away because Kurt Cobain died when he was like 27. So he joins that club that, you know, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison, and I guess Amy Whitehouse is part of that as well. Where it's like they still had so much more to give, so much potential.

So like a lot of people are obsessed with what could have been. I don't know if Nirvana did. I mean, I can't remember the last time I listened to Nirvana and I loved them back in the day because I was a kid. Yeah, of course. No, you look back and you listen to some of their music, whether you're a fan or not, you can appreciate how it would have been as big as it was at the time. And you could only imagine that even their last album, which depending on what you like or whatever, you might not have

seen it as like their strongest album but it was still good and you know there probably would have been more good stuff to come from that band realistically i think the lyrics for a lot of their songs are absolutely fucking awful well yeah and i think i think a lot of the time they're trying to commercialize um that sort of 90s outrage oh yeah well no the band was not at all but uh at the time like everyone around them was definitely trying to commercialize everything about them because that was kind of the the the movement of the time american way yeah and it still is yeah but the the band themselves were very very anti-commercial any fucking tiktok star that gets a hint of popularity is swamped by publishers and and people coming along trying to trying to

monetize any our eurovision entry this year is a man flax there's some really great old footage of uh nirvana doing like uh the word and top of the pops and stuff where they were expected to go on and play Smells Like Teen Spirit because they became like in the public eye the band that plays Smells Like Teen Spirit and they hated playing it in the end because people were just obsessed with just that one song because it was like the big popular song of the time or whatever and they went on top of the pops and top of the pops were like yeah like no live music basically you can sing but you you can't play the instruments like because the way the show is or whatever and so he just did like this fucking richard cheese like they were pretending to play the

instruments and like he was like yeah blowing the mic and stuff oh man like they they did so much stuff like that it was they were very very funny like uh just like purposely bombing interviews and stuff like they were very anti the whole thing um and it was but they still went on the show i think that in some ways like that's out you're there's some guy behind it being like god can't they be more professional but the others are they on the other side there's the guy behind it being like, God, can't they be more professional? But the others are there on the, on the other side, there's the guy being like, Oh my God,

actually, the more we do with this, the more fucking drama we can make, the bigger we get, you know, they, they weren't in a vacuum, you know,

there were people smashing up hotel rooms before them and, and doing wild stuff to swear it on TV before them. It was, you know, this was the nineties. It wasn't like it had never been done before but i think um yeah i think i think people had to some extent they did still feel like yes naughty kids yeah i don't know in some ways and that was appealing to the generation

who were who were it seems really juvenile now looking back at it it's like you know they're making out like oh yeah they're still doing it they're still promoting sure they're making out like, oh, I don't care about any of this. But they're still doing it. They're still promoting their stuff. They're still selling their records. So it feels phony. Yeah, but there was nobody else really doing it at that level at the time, which made it pretty funny as well. I don't think there's a way to not be phony, though. I think, honestly, with Nirvana,

it felt like they were the most genuinely troubled kids. I mean, he was like a massive heroin addict for much of their success like it's all of those bands in the 90s were like that i just i just think it was a vibe rather like i think it was a thing but i don't think it's not all those bands it was one scene at the time but like you're talking about the 90s like tory amos and like boys to men and like you know like r&b was getting like super big like uh i don't know it's not like it wasn't every band like it was this was kind of like the um you know like the kids that listened

to all of the the bands in the in the in the like the you know the big rock bands of the 70s and stuff like that this was this was that sort of generation almost like dying out and paving the way for like different boy bands and shit like that to emerge in the 90s like i don't know i guess the current the current train wreck sort of trend is is people like lil pump and his kind of replacing your teeth with diamonds and and why are they all yeah like getting face tattoos i guess yeah i guess yeah i guess that's the new that's definitely like the modern you've got there here there is a fucking top 10 ranking the artist called lil something yeah because there's like a little

lil pump little little pain little like there's little caesars like there's like a million littles right there's there's so many you got little dicky little dick little pump yeah little yachty little bow wow oh yeah little bow wow i forgot little peep little tj little cease little b little uzi vert little baby little wayne and little wayne of course the ultimate can we stop with the little what is the Uzi Vert, Lil Baby, Lil Wayne, and Lil Kim. Lil Wayne! Of course! The ultimate Lil. Can we stop with the Lil? What is the deal? Lil.

Just come up with something else. Well, for every Lil, there's got to be a big out there. I want to see Big Wayne. Why can't it just be Uzi Vert? Why can't it just be Uzi Vert? Come on. What does the Lil mean? It must mean something.

Where's Big Pump? It must... I got to meet Big Pump. And Big Bow Wow as well. Get Big Bow Wow and Big Pump in a room at the same time for me. Every time, please. I want Moderate Baby as well as Little Big. I want Medium Sus.

It's like Goldilocks. Median Wayne we could go for. Yeah. And Mean Wayne. And Mode Wayne. Any statisticians out there might like that. Carry on. Somebody's been smoking my weed, and it's all gone.

I don't reckon these guys come up with their own names, though. I reckon they're given names by people in there. Yeah, no, they're not given those names. Those are definitely, like, a lot of them will just be, yeah, they'll be names that they've had since they were young or whatever. Well, but that's why. No one's going to be called Old, old pump when they're 13. No, but like, it's kind of weird that you would hang on to that because like,

when you're like 75 years old and you're still Lil Wayne, you're not really Lil anymore, right? Like, where's... I guess it's like being called Tom Jr. though. Tom Jr. Because that's now old. If you're called Jr., God, you're in your 80s, right? Yeah, because there's Donald Trump Jr., right? Isn't one of his kids Donald Trump Jr.? Yeah, that's now old if you're called junior god you're in your 80s right yeah because there's donald trump jr right isn't one of his kids donald trump jr that's true i don't know don't

donald jr junior donald i hate that that's such a fucking thing to do isn't it you don't want to have your own little lewis brinley lil lewis or lewis brinley jr oh like that's what i call him little lewis does good work little lewis man i like i don't don't rock it don't knock it until you try it you know like yeah i think the world needs a little lewis or lewis brindley lewis brindley jr or esquire what's esquire mean because you hear that sometimes too i don't think that that's just a thing you can put your name i think that's just a it's like saying mister you know. I think that's just a... it's like saying Mr. You know, it's just a subtitle. It's a courtesy title. Yeah. If you get a letter from like the government over here, like say they send a letter

to my son for a dentist appointment or something like that, they'll put his name and like Esquire. Really? Yeah. I don't know. So in the united kingdom esquire historically was a title of respect according to men of higher social rank particularly members of the landed gentry right somewhere above the rank of gentleman but below the rank of knight yeah it's a it seems to be you could just put it on your anything yeah you know i can send a message to ted Forsyth Esquire.

I mean, as a joke. It's a curtsy title for any man in a formal setting with no precise significance, usually as a suffix to his name. So it used to be if you were in the running for a knighthood, you'd be blah, blah, Esquire. I'll tell you what we should bring back. Hanging. When we call kids Young Master. Young Master.

Because I had an uncle that always, you know, called me Master Brindley. Young Master Brindley. It's a very Batman-y thing. Because obviously that's what Alfred does, isn't it? Master Wayne. You know. Like, you can only get away with that when you're very old. Like, you can't be 25 years old and going around and calling, a little kid like a master or whatever like it

doesn't work you know yeah once you can't be like a young parent no but i think it does because it's english i think i think it's an english thing to call a young man master i call my kids like uh i don't know like about you flax but like um like i don't know what like if you just call your kids by name or whatever but i always just call yes well you're their dad, it's different. No, no, but I always call my kids like Mr. or Mrs. One and two. For whatever reason. Like I've just always-

I very rarely call them by their actual name. No, I only call them by name if I'm really fucking mad. It's always nicknames. Or if I really need their attention. But I've told you before about the whistle that I've developed to get my kids' attention. So this has been working now for such a long time. I don't know if I mentioned this before. When dinner's ready, in order to get their attention, because they're always up in their rooms fucking farting about doing whatever,

I do that whistle up the stairs. I can whistle quite loud. I can't do the thing where you put your fingers in your mouth, but it's loud enough, echoes with the hallway, and it gets their attention. they come charging downstairs for dinner occasionally i weaponize it and use it when i want them to do the dishwasher or something like that but over a decade of training now when they hear that whistle their stomachs rumble their mouths salivate it is the pavlovian response because it's always been wow dinner whistle dinner so they come downstairs and they're furious if there's no food. And my eldest daughter was like, my mouth is literally salivating

because I thought it was dinner time. I was like, no, no, no, 10 minutes till dinner. I need you to do the dishwasher first. They hit the roof. So I'm trying to develop other whistles for other occasions, and I only know that one. Oh, my God. So we need to learn another whistle.

This is like sheepdog training. Come by. Come by. You've got to. I've gotten really good at the, instead of getting mad at my kids, I do the disappointed thing. You know what I mean? Don't get mad.

Get even. So, like, you know when, like, Flax, you don't sound like you have this problem because you've had like the whistle with the coming down for dinner thing seems to work but like when we call my like our kids to the dinner table they just ignore us so we're just like all right come on it's like it's dinner let's go they'll ignore us nothing and so and so we wait a little bit and they're all right come on second time let's go dinner time nothing like they just you know carry on playing or you know just ignoring us or whatever and then i'll just do like a really loud sigh i'll just go oh okay fine i guess just don't come for dinner then that's fine and then they come that's

when they decide to to to rock in you need to use the system it's the it's the disappointment in my voice the kind of thing you do it's like well i guess the bin looks hungry i guess we could feed the bin your dinner surprisingly effective and then another one another one that you can do like i don't like you must know this flax you know like your kids get excited about really dumb things or whatever so like you're getting ready to leave the house. Your kids are probably younger than they are right now, realistically, because your kids are a bit older. They probably don't do this much anymore. But you're trying to leave the house and people are like getting their shoes and their coats on and stuff. But then one of them is like break dancing.

The other one is like flailing around and like they're just not on task at all. Right. And you do that and you do that thing where you just like stop you look at them and you just go okay and that and immediately that's that's another cue for them to like spring into action going quiet yeah that's how they know it's serious all right and then like they know that you're like, okay, fuck, he's really disappointed right now. Well, I quivered a bit when you said that. That triggered something primarily. The delivery, very important.

The timing, very important as well, but it can be so effective. They're used to- I actually did have the brisket. Take it back. Take it back, Dad. Don't hurt me. They're used to shouting. I'm loud by nature.

I don't yell at my kids very often, but I am quite loud. So if we're talking or I'm telling them off and, you know, they kind of tune it out. They've learned to tune it out. So I've developed a couple of systems. First of all, very quietly, come here, come here, come over here. Stand there.

Oh, that's weird. Don't like that. And they suddenly like, oh, I am an actual trouble. Yeah, yeah. Not just, whose bloody shoes are these on the stairs? Can you please put them away? Not that. Not coming in from school, bloody shoes are these on the stairs can you please put

them away not that not coming in from school just dropping their coat on the floor can you please pick your coat up like you've got to save this for actually big things like a bad report oh yeah yeah had a had our report yesterday was all done remotely we had four minutes with each teacher all set up in this online thing you've got very very carefully scheduled you see in this person's 415 man you gotta be like the dude from the micro machines commercial to deliver that report in four minutes right like but you'd be surprised some teachers they're like yeah they're doing really well any questions you're like not really um do i have time to ask any if i had any anyway no okay sounds like a visit to the gp

jesus christ but it's quite funny because some of the things that some teachers say their experience with your kid is very different and it's depending on what the subject is so my daughter's really into computers no surprise there and the teacher for the computing and technology and stuff was gushing about she was like she fantastic. She's doing so well. She's good at the programming that they're doing. And she's like finding on you. She asked me a question about HTML the other day. I didn't know how to go look it up.

And we looked it up together and all this kind of stuff. I was like, brilliant. But then geography teacher was like, does Jean not like geography? I was like, oh, no. I said, why? What is she doing? She's always distracted. And she's just kind of chatting.

And she did badly on this test. So. No, get her onto some hearts of iron, man. Like that was sorted out. How can I convince her that she needs to listen? So I got my office chair. We put it in the bedroom with Mrs. F.

She's got her office set up there. Put it in the middle of the room. So she had to sit in it like mastermind while we grilled her about how she'd be doing at school. She fucking paid attention then. I'll tell you what. I think you've got to come up with something original each time to really get their attention. You do. This is all good advice, Lewis.

One of these days when little Lewis Jr., Lewis Brinley Jr., little Lewis is running around and he's getting ready to go to school and stuff like that. You'll think back to this moment. You'll think, holy crap, those guys. They were right through the trenches. Gosh, it's this tips yeah i'll be i'll be hitting you guys up i'll be dropping i'll be dropping the lewis off no no no there's no room here yeah we're full capacity we're busy do you just look after him for a week we are bursting at the seams over here.

There's no more room. I just don't want to do it. I'm going to be more honest. Oh, man. Yeah, honestly, looking after somebody else's kid is the worst. Fuck me. The worst. Yeah, get them out. Anyway, I was only joking.

That is great. Thanks again. Right. Thank you. We'll see you next week, everyone. Thanks for joining us. Adios. Adios. Muchachos. Love ya. great yeah right thank you uh we'll see you next week everyone um thanks