Triforce! - Triforce! #215: Socially awkward nerd tries to communicate with women

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

Triforce! Episode 215! Pyrion (unfortunately) watched Matrix Resurrections, we take a look at the 9th best game of 1993 - Chuck Yeager's Air Combat - and Pyrion receives some emails from listeners! Go to http://manscaped.com and use code TRIFORCE to get 20% off with free shipping. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And then you got sick yourself And now everybody's meant to just be Kissing your ass Well I got news for you buddy You get what you give Don't let go You got a reason to live I don't care

There is space for both you got the music in you yeah yeah that's right yeah i'm i'm cool too i'm cool with either yeah um no if you guys had a good week we had a couple days of lovely sunshine yeah it's gone back to freezing as cold again it's like we smelled the flowers today and now it's just yes it's of course turned around crap um crap all all of the all the beautiful people um we didn't we didn't go we get to go to gdc in the end no we were gonna go to the game developers conference we both punked out of it big time well you might have gotten lucky you got jam went out there right yeah she got she got the vid she got stuck in a fucking hotel yeah so i think she had a crappy time some

yahoos were walking around with covid just mingling with everybody like i don't give a fuck dude yeah of course a bunch of people got fucking sick yeah i still haven't had it i still have not had covid even though my whole family has had it yeah you could be one of those asymptomatic could be yeah yeah yeah or maybe you're just um just a big macho man who doesn't feel it just shrugs obviously you know obviously just like yeah no big deal i'm a dad i had to get all the all of our door frames widened in my house so that i could fit through them because i'm so stocky muscular good looking with your shoulders yeah i spent a lot of time i thought it was the belly that was the problem yeah no no no no no no that's uh that that that sticks out like um the the other way you know what i mean

oh i see you can yeah i've still got a slender i still got a slender sort of uh frame but then if you look at me from the side you're not gonna walk sideways through the doorway exactly exactly you have to walk like a real man. Yeah, yeah. Just swagger. I got to get something off my chest before I forget. I got to get something off my chest too. Holy crap.

It's getting huge. All right. I saw Matrix Resurrections, the new Matrix movie. Oh, yeah. Oh, dear. I paid money to watch it because I thought... Did you? Yeah.

I was taking an evening off streaming. Okay, let me guess. Let me guess how many people were in the cinema for this movie. I'm going to guess... I did not go to a cinema. Just you. You rented it at home. Yeah, I rented it at home.

Okay, all right. And I just stuck it on the TV. I was like, this is going to suck. But, you know, I went in with zero expectations. Did you watch it on your own? No, I made Mrs. F watch it with me. That's good that you went in with zero expectations, Oh, I think that's a healthy approach to yes Do this is going it was like punishing for poor old

She was like it's gonna suck. I was like don't worry. We'll watch it. It will just love that You're holding hands and you're like get through it together. You're great your teeth It's like we just got to do this as a car We know more Louise did all the way through the movie and let me tell you something it fucking sucked absolutely stank like unbelievably bad i know you guys are always make fun of me for watching crappy reality tv shows with my wife but the thing is like i never come out of that thinking oh that sucked because it's always like pretty funny you know what i mean but like i would feel bad if i went and spent money to rent something knowing that it would suck and then it's sucking and there was no salvaging it whatsoever either like it just plain sucks

well i quite like getting angry about how bad a film is and i really enjoy analyzing in my mind afterwards what made it so awful because i i just i i love that i love like watching movies and thinking how why did this work why didn't this work it's just interesting it's just it's like a hobby i guess so but also there is always the chance that it doesn't suck and you know that the apprentice whatever is going to just be laughably annoyingly bad yes enjoyably so. But I also watched some movies recently that were like, like I watched Coda,

which won the Oscar for best picture. Not that anybody really celebrated it much because it's so hard to melt down. Yeah. Unbelievable. But yeah, so Coda was really good. I really enjoyed it. And Matrix Resurrections was the complete opposite of Coda in every way,

but also in terms of enjoyability. It was so hopelessly bad. And I've read some pretty bad takes about it. People saying, oh, actually it was like a protest against studio power. And they drop a message into the film where basically I get the impression, I'm sure someone's got some lengthy, tedious Reddit opinion about this that they'll make or in the YouTube comments or whatever. But as I understand it, from what was blatantly stated in the movie, either Lana Wachowski made it or they were going to make one anyway without her. I'll be honest with you.

I think it would have been better if they'd made one without her, because if you're going to make a movie suck on purpose as a message to the studio, which is the only possible solution for why this is so terrible, don't waste my time. Because that's not fair for the fans. If you made this genuinely thinking people are going to love this, you should not be making movies anymore. I would have thought that this would be clear after the two Matrix sequels we already had, which were also terrible. And now you've made this, which is even worse somehow than those. Stop making movies. You can't do it. You had an amazing shot with Matrix.

It was brilliant. Loved it. Everything else since then has been terrible. Stop. Let someone else try it. Please step away from the Matrix. Man, imagine people actually listen to you, though. That would be fucking awesome.

Like, if they were just like, holy crap. He's right. He's nailed it. He's nailed it. He's put into words what I've been feeling for so long now. I wish we could get people to stop so often, though. Like, Game of Thrones, when that started to go around the corner, everyone was, like, begging people, just... Please stop please stop no put it out of its misery is a car crash

that everyone could see coming i mean yeah i know i i i still watched it though and honestly like i just wasn't that invested in i didn't really care and it was just kind of like okay you know what i mean like i i don't know it just it didn't affect me. Like I, I see like, I see like these wounded war veterans after watching all of game of thrones. And I just think like, man, whatever, like the special effects were pretty good for TV. Like it was fine.

You know, like I, I didn't, I just didn't give a shit. Sure. Well, I think with the matrix, do you reckon,

do you reckon they did their research? They were like, Oh, let's watch back all the matrix movies, you know? And, but that was a trap because the second to third ones were garbage research? They were like, oh, let's watch back all the Matrix movies. But that was a trap because the second and third ones were garbage. And they learned all these terrible lessons from those movies. Or was it just the hammy editing, hammy acting?

Was it the script? No, it was everything. It was genuinely everything. The issues start with the fact that the whole aesthetic for the Matrix is essentially grounded in late 90s, what was meant to be cool. Flip phones, slick jackets. Right. And the sunglasses and the long coats. The trench coats. Nobody does that anymore.

The slow down bullet time. Nobody looks like that. Yeah yeah so they even have like the whole setup is that neo is back in the matrix he's uh i'm not going to spoil anything for anybody that wants to see it but basically he's back in the matrix and um he sort of sees a therapist who convinces him it's all in his mind and gives him all these drugs and stuff like that and there's all constant throwbacks to the original film. And it turns out in this new movie that he's made a video game. And the three other Matrix movies, by the way,

they hardly show anything from the two sequels. So even they know that they fucking stank. Most of the stuff that they reference is from the original film. And you look at it, and first of all, Keanu Reeves is like 25 years younger. So you think, wow, this really is a sequel that's like way overdue uh if you like you know but i probably should have rebooted it with a whole new cast a whole new setting but they didn't so they had to shoehorn kiana reeds back in he's a game designer who made the matrix game so everything that he thought was the matrix was just this game and blah blah blah blah blah

that's such a good idea actually as you just said like to reboot it with a with a new story with a new cast like it's an interesting universe like it honestly is the animatrix you could do stuff the animatrix which i know i'm not a big anime fan everybody knows that but the animatrix genuinely had some really good episodes and the setting for how the robots that there is one it's a two-part about how the robots took over and the downfall of humanity and everything that is really really good really dark really interesting i want to like to see some more of that no uh we still have the same aesthetic which is basically everyone who's good dresses like someone who thinks they're some kind of emo goth fucking wannabe gangster something i

don't know it's just so weird like wesley snipes blade exactly they all look like extras from blade uh it's like well that aesthetic doesn't really exist anymore and all the action feels awful like there's no big set piece where you could think wow at least that was a cool moment the the whole bullet time rooftop sequence in The Matrix and the lobby shootout in The Matrix was so iconic in the 90s at the time. And all these movies just copied them. Nothing like that had been done. I'm not

saying that every filmmaker should, like, oh, well, now you've got to come up with something just as, you know, epoch-defining for action movies. That's very difficult to do. I get that. But at least have good action sequences at least have some good fundamentals they just weren't there i just don't know if the matrix warranted like multiple movies you know like no it didn't felt

like the first one was was good i enjoyed it i don't even remember much of it but i i felt like when i got to the end of it i was like okay great you know like that should have just been it like it would have gone down in history as just like this great movie or whatever but now the franchise itself is just like kind of a it almost feels like a bit of a joke now you know like it was you hear about it it was reboots and and everything yeah it's a shame also i i think they're gonna make another two oh no uh they certainly seem to be setting it up that way they set up so many characters and stuff like that that you think they're not just gonna bin this off and no film studio commits to something like this nowadays without saying we want three movies and

two tv series and blah blah blah they all want this extended run of income from from this ip because rebooting it is obviously a big deal well And then they hope to make bank out of it. Hopefully, they will just stop. They will say, you know what? That was a bad idea. Let's not make any more. How many bad reboots do they have to make to realize that it's no good, though?

There's too many to count. Yeah, I paid for it, though. I'm sure some other suckers out there fell into the same trap I did. The Matrix, like anything, has super fans as well, right? You'll have people that just love everything about it, even though the movies are crap. And they'll even admit that some of the movies are crap,

but they still just love the universe, love the characters, love the aesthetic. Everything just works for them sort of thing. Could be, could be. But surely that's not enough of a majority to make it a runaway success though. Like, you know, like there's, it's not like. I mean, also you're looking at people who are 25 years in the future. I mean, I think that you've got to understand that you're aiming at a very specific demographic here.

Me and Ben were talking about this because we want to sort of make a miniatures game. We want to make a Matrix sequel. We wanted to finance a matrix sequel yeah we wanted to finance a matrix sequel of our own and was going to write it and i was going to uh affront up some of the initial capital to get this project off the ground um yeah uh but but it's tough because you're like well you know there are you just have to assume there's people like you, I think. It's like, well, I like this. So other people must be like this.

But I guess as you get older and older, the pool of people who are like you shrinks, right? Because people diverge and diverge. When you're 13, the things you like are probably also liked by fucking millions of other kids, right? Sure. Whereas when you're very specifically you know getting on the thing that you played that you the matrix that you played as a kid or the thing that you did 25

years ago that you're still into now has made it kind of a niche right um and then everybody's calling you a boomer and stuff because they listen to more modern hip-hop and stuff and you're you're still stuck in the 90s and whatever yeah i know i know how it goes i know oh my god so so it wasn't it wasn't a success of matrix it was dreadful genuinely genuinely dreadful needs so how many how what what uh what what star rating will you give that out of 10 stars i would give 10, I would give The Matrix 2.2. Okay, cool. Big ups to The Matrix franchise. That's this week's big ups. 2.2 stars out of 10 for the most recent Matrix movie. So I think that constant a must miss, honestly. Oh, it's a must miss. Avoid. Even if it's free, avoid watching it.

Give it a big old swerve. Don't watch it. Do not watch it. Good. Just watch fucking Humphrey in October for the millionth time like I did the other day. What a film. Oh, man. I haven't seen that in years. God, I have not seen that in a long time.

There's a new Top Gun movie coming out as well, by the way. Did you guys see that? More tea, anybody? Yeah, Top Gun. Top Gun Maverick. Erectile dysfunction or something. Yeah, yeah. Another franchise reboot Gun Erectile Dysfunction or something. Yeah, yeah. Another franchise reboot that probably just didn't need to...

It's the old, bad version. Tom Cruise still looks the same as he did in the original Top Gun somehow. I don't know. Is he like a bacta tank at home or something? I think he's just called Expensive Skin Doctors and Plastic Surgery. He's got to be, right? Like, he's gotta be i think i think that i was reading something about tom cruise and his um cosmetic surgery because he has admitted to

having some done but not lots done but um like an expert on cosmetic surgery was saying where he's where he's done a good job of it is that he's had it done little and often. So he hasn't had like any big, you know, sweeping changes. Like you haven't seen him one minute and then the next minute he's just got like really big lips or something like that. You know what I mean? Like it's been like all these like little tiny tweaks,

almost like he has something done like every day, but it's so gradual that you never really notice. But also he still looks pretty young considering he's not that young anymore. Right. I think it's like a style thing. Right. Like he has looked consistent for the last 40 years. Right.

He has looked the same. And so in that sense, it's not like other people who tend to go through phases where they dramatically change their look or change up their style right where they know especially changing their hair you think he's still wearing the same underpants style of underpants he was wearing in that uh movie you know the one where he's dancing in his underpants he comes sliding across business risky business there we go it is kind of it is kind of weird to think because i think he's still got the same pair he's like he shows everybody who's interested like hey check these out they're like fucking falling apart the last holes and shit in them they're like oh like they've gone all beige and stuff from like i don't know

i think i think it's probably just he probably bought like a hundred a hundred or a thousand pairs of underpants right in 1980 and has been working his way through identical ones, brand new ones every year ever since until, you know, he's got enough to last until he's 100. And I think he's, he's, he's, that's, that's, I think that's the thing we see in celebrities often is that when they change their looks suddenly, they look 10 years older, right?

Or a bit younger, you know, and you think, oh shit, they've think, oh, shit, they must have had some work done or done something. And I think he has been nipped and tucked. Look at his hairline. You know, look at his, like, it hasn't changed. As soon as his hair starts retreating anywhere, it's like he's had a little couple of hairs put back in, you know.

Yeah. It's very cleverly, like you said, little and often. Little and often, yeah. So we don't notice the change. Yeah, because sometimes people walk up and you haven't seen them for a couple of weeks and they've just had this major surgery and they look crazed, right? They don't look quite themselves or it's very noticeable. The lips one is the, you can't do the lips thing. You get all the stuff injected.

Don't do that. That's a bad one. And you can't do the lips thing yeah they get all the stuff injected don't don't do that and they and people can't stop it's like when you when you go to the dentist and they and they uh freeze your mouth right if they're gonna do something on it you can't stop licking your lips because it feels so weird that's what they do though that's the giveaway right you can always tell somebody's had something done to their lips because they can't stop licking like their lips or it's uh it's like the it's like a dead kid boy he's got he's got three movies coming out if you look at uh the mission impossible series which he has really made his own uh he the first mission impossible movie that he made was in 1996 wasn't the original the it was originally maxwell smart right mission impossible was that the same one?

No. Or was that Get Smart? That was Get Smart. That was the one with the Dome of Silence and he had like the shoe phone and stuff, right? Yeah, that was Get Smart, which they remade with, God, who was it they remade it with? Was it Steve Carell? He would, yeah, I think I seem to. Or Jim Carrey.

I want to say it was Steve Carerey. But they remade Get Smart. But so Mission Impossible 1996, the original reboot. I was really disappointed because I was a big fan of the TV series at the time. Yeah, I remember the TV series. This message will self-destruct. And then you had like the fucking like dynamite rope thing or whatever. Like... Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like really hype. And they very, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, like, really hype. And they very, very rarely used violence in Mission Impossible, the TV series. They were trying to get in and get out, and it was like watching con artists, because they had to convince people that this had not happened,

that the agency had not interfered. Yes. This was just the way things turned out. Yeah, it was always, like, sort of like some high-tech gadgetry and stuff like that. And there were guys in a van and they'd be, you know, they'd be saying, OK, you know, they'd come up with this plan and you think it had gone wrong, but it worked out. It was great.

Yeah. And Martin Landau was in. He was fantastic. Like it was just a really good show. And they took Mission Impossible and they just said, let's just have bog standard action movie with some vague spy stuff, just guns and shooting all the time. That'll be it. But they've got like a fucking couple of gadgets so it's like a knockoff james bond shitting on mission impossible but i'm actually really going to love this i've only seen one of

the movies but i feel like the whole movie is somebody sneaking into somewhere with a usb stick and then plugging it into a computer and getting stressed out because the loading bar is really cut and fine. And then you hear that really satisfying keyboard tapping sound that they always put in movies. And they always do that same thing where they go, we're in. We're in. We're in. The loading bar is loading and shit. Yeah. Am I right though? No, no, no. That's like 90% of the movies. It's honestly the, the, the more recent as the series has gone on, it's really gotten a lot better and it's a really good action movie. Now more mission impossible

fallout was a bang in action movie. Really, really good. I recommend seeing it if you can. Um, how many stars for that one? I would give mission impossible fallout a very solid eight out of 10. Wow. Really, really really loved it. Yeah, it was really good. Man. But yeah, anyway, where was it? We were talking about fucking Tom Cruise. Fuck. He doesn't age.

He's got three movies coming out. One of them is a new Mission Impossible. Two new Mission Impossible. Oh, two. One of them is in post-production, and there's one they're filming now. Wow. And there's Top Gun Maverick. Yes, Top Gun Maverick.

And Pete Maverick Mitchell is the character that he's playing. Was he Pete Mitchell in the original one as well? I don't know. The timeline doesn't make sense, right? Because by now, if he was Maverick in the original Top Gun. In 1986. At this point, he would be a retired fighter jet pilot and probably would have worked several years as a commercial airline pilot right which is arguably not as exciting of a movie

well he's in it if we're looking at realism and timelines that's where he's at now probably coming up to retirement from that as well i would have thought although some of them stay on they're a bit like doctors in that sense right like they can get pretty old and still do it because it's the experience that counts yeah i mean i don't know how old sully was when he landed uh his plane on the hudson man i think he was pretty old like he was he had white hair for sure which well i'm getting some now but my i'm not like leslie n Leslie Nielsen or Steve Martin, like a full head of white hair sort of thing. I think you got to be a bit older or have like a-

Sully is 71 now. Right. All right. So- That happened what? Like 10 years ago, I want to say? 2009. Okay.

So, that would have been, what is that? 13 years ago. So, he was in his 50s, right? He was like 58, 59. Yeah, yeah. So, Tom Cruise is 59 now and he's playing as this test pilot. I guess, how old is the average- Test pilot?

In the US Army test pilot? When did Chuck Yeager retire? I feel like in the US Army, probably younger. But if it's NASA or something, older. Because normally, if you're doing test pilot stuff for not for NASA, normally you have to have a tremendous amount of experience, like already being like a fighter jet pilot or something like that. Right. So they tend to be older. I feel like I don't know. I mean, I watched one documentary about the Challenger and that seemed to be the case from what I could tell. So that's what I'm basing all of my info on. I don't know if you guys agree with that. So Chuck Yeager, who's probably the

most famous test pilot in history, I'd argue, although that maybe people would come up with a better one. Chuck Yeager had his own video game on the Amiga. Chuck Yeager's pilot wings, the original pilot wings. He made loads. There were lots of Chuck Yeager video games. Hi, I'm Chuck Yeager. Welcome to my video game. It was just a golf game. I've nothing to do with flying.

Chuck Yeager video games. There was Chuck Yeager's Air Combat. And there is a little a little picture of chuckie agar on the menu i'm just looking at it now and there he is they do this a lot right like the madden franchise was the same they used to have mario andretti um um car racing i can't remember what it was a nascar mario andretti or something but like they used to have something like that they even did a bill lambert basketball game in the 90s who but like they used to have Something like that. They even did a Bill Lambert basketball game in the 90s who was like... They used

to do a lot more celebrity video games. Yeah, yeah. I mean, when was the last time there was a celebrity had a video game that came out? Well, all the sports games do though. Like all of them have the big names. No, they just stick them on the cover. Yeah, yeah, but like they still... Right, but it's not like, it's not called, you

know, LeBron James' basketball 2022. No. It's NBA yeah yeah but like they still right but it's not like it's not called uh you know lebron james's basketball 2022 no it's nba 2k22 yeah you might be on the cover like that's different right um so chuck yeager's advanced flight trainer by electronic arts what a fucking ea that's when ea used to actually make good stuff yeah back in the day man when they when they dropped chuck yeager that's when shit started to really hit the fan so so chuck yeager's fucking air combat came out in 1991 in 1994 yeah pc gamer named it the ninth best computer game ever. Well, okay, in 1991, what else came out in 91? Warcraft. Fuck those.

Warcraft 1, I think, might have come out in 91, or maybe even later than that. 1991 video games. Battle Toads, Lemmings. Yeah. Legend of Zelda, A Link to the Past, we were talking about the other week. Wow, what a game.

Yeah, I remember getting that. A Link to the Past was huge. We're actually good games. The original Duke Nukem, which was not great. Civilization. game i remember getting the link to the past was huge we're actually good games right the original jeep nukem which was not great civilization the original civ came out in 1991 wow what golden age well chuck super castle even by 1994 they were still voting at night however by 1998 it was only 23rd best computer game ever released they referred to it as a classic golden oldie it's seven years old at that point it's a modern old time that was a young industry at the

time it was you know there wasn't much there wasn't the volume of material stuff was moving my kids the other day were making fun of that dance that kids used to do where they put their hands to the left flossing yeah flossing right and then they were in front and behind so they were doing that like remember the force i was like yeah you guys were doing it like three years ago you can't get nostalgic but that's 33 of their life that's true yeah yeah but that's 33% of their life. That's true. Yeah.

Yeah. We're just catching up on the floss. Man. Alien breed. Anyone remember alien breed? What a game. No, I don't remember alien breed.

So you were a bit older than me in 91, even flax. Cause what are you like four or five years older than me? So you would have been, I turned, I turned 46 on Tuesday. Yeah. So I'm,

you're like, I'm going to be 40. No, I'm going to be 42 this in a couple, yeah. So you're like 41. I'm going to be 42 in a couple of months. So you are 41? Yeah. Yes. And so that's five years. Yeah. So, I mean, Alien Breed was a fantastic game on the Amiga. It was really fucking good.

Quite hard. But just it was a top-down fucking two-player like your versus it's literally aliens it was alien it was team 17 it was right in team 17's golden era when they were cranking out some real belters uh it was a great game really really great game it was it was based on um it played a lot like gauntlet right right? Which was kind of... But with aliens, dude. Multiplayer-y, side-scrollery, dungeon-crawler-y thing. They did a... There was a game that came out on Steam that was free, I think.

Like, a couple of years ago that was like that. It was sort of like a top-down alien shooter game. Right. But I can't remember the name of it. But I played it a bit, and it was actually kind of fun. But it did remind me of, like, an old 90s console game for sure like it's between the twin stick genre

it's always so filled with games and they're all kind of i can't get on with them honestly but like so they're so prevalent do you guys remember smash tv yes that was a fucking crazy game. It was pretty nuts. I remember playing it a bit. I think I rented it one weekend. I don't really know what that is. It was like a combat arena. It was like a running man kind of thing, right? To me, that was the original twin stick shooter.

Yeah. Where you move with one stick, you shoot with the other. But there was one before that called Berserk. Any OG gamers will remember Berserk. I remember Berserk. Look it up. It was very old. I think I had Berserk on my Atari 2600.

But it was a belt. Berserk was really fucking scary and good. But yeah, it was good. Anyway, sorry, carry on. No, nowadays what you have is you have these people who are enthusiasts for this, and they have a series of these cabinets in their garage, and you can actually get them.

We were looking to get one for the office. You can get them, and they have like, they're kind of like a generic cabinet. So the cabinet will be themed some way, but you'll be able to play like a thousand a thousand i'm not even joking old yeah because it just comes with like a like a hard drive loaded with just an enormous library of of every single classic games they do that with circuit boards anymore no no they've done that with a lot of the consoles as well like we got one of those mini nes uh ones that has like the original

controller and everything but the nes um thing itself is just like a flash drive inside a you know like a to make to made to look like the original nes but much smaller because the original nes was fucking huge it was like the size of a phone book if you remember um and the cartridges were fucking big too so you don't need cartridges and you just you plug it in it's got like whatever is like 60 games like on it and you you just get like a little menu you flick through it and it's like you know it's like a netflix but of like old games but the same rules apply like my we we got it and i was playing like some of the older games but you're just you're spoiled for choice right so you play you play a game for like two minutes you die and you're just like well i'll

just go try another one and then you you sort of blast through all of them it's true in that like half-assed way and then never touch it again it's like a buffet yeah you don't just eat the whole pizza that's on you have a little slice yeah and then you go get some fucking sausage rolls and some volvo but you never really get to grips with i think it's snowing fuck off is it snowing no it's your kid i noticed a distinct lack of bird song In the background today as well They're all fucking frozen solid They're probably all dead

They're confused What's going on I was having babies and now it's freezing fucking cold Hey we're all fucking Over the weekend The pigeons have been going nuts in my tree. Man, we've had pigeons in my backyard because we had like the turf in our backyard. We had it like, you know, like when you seed it like ahead of the spring and you use like a machine to sort of like bring it up.

It almost like fluffs up the turf and gets rid of some of the dead grass and stuff. And then they put like some seed down. But man, the pigeons have just been like, speaking of buffets, treating my backyard like a fucking seed buffet. They've been back there just constantly pecking and eating up the seeds and stuff.

But I feel like it's probably fine that they do that because they're just going to like poo on the grass and that it'll probably just it's part of the circle it's part of the circle of life yeah yeah before we carry on fellas have you done any spring cleaning yet hell no i haven't i had a shower today does that count the drapes need dusting the lawn needs mowing do you know where i'm going with this no no well manscaped of course that's kind of spring clean yeah

you know you want to get your boys looking and smelling like the fresh tulips that your partner wants yes uh or if you're a partner maybe maybe get your lad sorted out how can i make my wife care about my balls do you think if i trim them enough she'll pay attention to them yeah i think you can spray uh crop preserver and crop reviver it's anti-chafing, ball deodorant and moisturizer. Get some real soft. Keep your boys from sticking to your leg and leaves them smelling like fresh flowers. Remember when we were kids, it was cool to shave like a word into the side of your head or whatever? Yeah.

I'm going to shave the word juicy into my muff. Well, you could do that. The start of spring also marks the start of testicular cancer awareness month in april uh manscaped is partnering with the testicular cancer society to bring awareness to testicular cancer uh so yeah um it is the most common form of cancer in young men aged 15 to 35 which i guess is our target audience i know i know a guy who had uh who had testicular cancer when he was 16. Wow.

It happens. It is a real, it is absolutely a real thing. It is, yeah. I have a lot of time for that. And if you've got a big, gigantic, out of control hedge

down there, how are you going to fucking feel your balls if they got a lump? Exactly. You know? Exactly. Yeah, thank you to Manscaped

for the We Save Balls initiative. Also, smell oh so fresh and clean this spring with Manscaped. Use code Triforce at Manscaped.com to get 20% off and free shipping. That's 20% off and free shipping with the code Triforce at Manscaped.com. Upgrade your life.

Well done. Thank you. On with the show. So I've had a couple of emails. I know this isn't towards the end of the podcast, but I thought they might be worth discussing. I had one from Taylor. Right.

If this is a redundant email, sorry, I'm behind. Medieval people had, on average, better teeth than we do, he says. All right. Or they say, Taylor says. Right. Bear in mind, this was about a month ago we talked about medieval teeth. I think I remember something. It's something to do with the sugar.

Right. So they did not have access to refined sugars and things until the early modern period when they started colonizing the Caribbean and making sugar plantations. The medieval diet would have been mostly vegetables, the odd bit of meat and bread, which again would be far denser and mostly grain. Their teeth would wear down over time if they ate a lot of hard foods, of course. But if you think about it, when you go to the dentist, they aren't saying you've lost 10% of your teeth overall since your last visit. They're usually telling you, yeah, you've got a small cavity over here, we should fill in. Yeah. The reason our teeth get destroyed so quickly is because the shit we eat boards holes in them. When the sugar colonies got up and running, they actually saw a notable jump in deaths

among the merchant class, upper class, nobility, basically anyone who could afford sugar. What happened was rich people would eat straight sugar as a flex, and then they would get massive cavities going all the way down to the gums, and the giant holes were perfect places for infections. Jewel gets infected. Basically, their entire head was targeting necrosis and stuff. Thank you, Taylor. Wow.

Thank you, Taylor. Interesting. I've been educated. You get a lot of this stuff on Reddit with ask historians or whatever. There'll be some guy asking some weird question. There'll be some either no responses because none of them are suitable. And then finally, there'll be one Netflix documentary essay style, whole mega thread.

Some historians actually have taken the time. It's like their thesis. Right. Maybe it is their thesis you know right and it's and it's um maybe it is it's good reading you know maybe they're just like that's that's what they've been studying this whole time but they'll never let you know because they just want to sound like oh they've copy pasted i just did my own research and uh you know i came up with this in like five minutes you know it's kind of my go-to reading, though. Ask historians.

Like, if I'm trying to go to sleep, you know, there'll be something about... I'm sure they'd love to hear that. Yeah. Thanks, you really helped me get to sleep. Although some Triforce fans have said they do that as well. I'm like... Whatever it takes, you know?

I don't think it's necessarily saying that something's so boring or whatever. Maybe it's like you've got to put a positive spin on it. Maybe it's just so comfy. I think it's like you gotta put a positive spin on it maybe it's just so comfy i think it has to be interesting enough to be like keep you going until you're tired but not that interesting that it's a page turner you're right i'm not i'm not this is not a page man i hate that feeling when you're when you're reading a book or you're watching something on your ipad and you you fall asleep and like and that thud

that whatever you're holding makes when it like when it's like go like when you drop it on the ground or it just like flops onto your chest because you're laying on the ground like doing this or whatever right you fall asleep yeah and well do you remember i was having a go at opera music as well the other week so i got a couple of messages on twitter from people saying that either they listen to the podcast and they are opera singers and i apologize for offending them but here's one from scott who says long time fan first time writing in and a professional opera singer holy no offense no offense taken at your collective comments about the genre i know it's not for everyone and the reason i know is that intellectually and culturally I come from the same run-of-the-mill

middle-class background you guys do. Holy shit. Thank you, Scott. What a burn. I know. I have definitely attended fancy gala events

where it was basically part of my job to praise, thank, and variously suck up to posh people with their loafers, lack of socks, and conspicuous haircuts.

But, truth be told, although I love singing and I love the music I would rather spend my downtime playing video games or listening to slash watching

York's Costco I'm not alone in this there were plenty of other singers who would bring their laptops into the dressing room and play League

or Dota to relax and one guy I toured with was a huge Triforce fan there you go so he says he got fans from pretty much every

corner of human endeavor even among people whose work you may not be a he says, he got fans from pretty much every corner of human endeavor, even among people whose work you may not be a reciprocal fan of. Holy shit. He's a big fan of the podcast. Thank you, Taylor. They, sorry.

Oh, no, Scott. Yeah, Scott. Thank you, Scott. And I did get another one, if you want to... Now I'm worried that maybe Adele has been listening to these podcasts, because I think for like three weeks straight straight i basically said that she's boring but you know maybe she's like maybe this is like how she likes to unwind in her downtime between her boring ass shows she's taking a rest in the back room listening to this podcast and here i am

slamming her left right and center sorry adele i'm sorry i apologize ad. I'm sorry. I apologize. Adele. God damn it! God damn this, man. There was one about the naming of hurricanes. Do you remember this? This is about two months ago. Yes, yes, yes. Vaguely, yeah. What did we say about opera on the topic of that before? What do you think we said? Well, we just said it was for the rich people rich people and it sucked yeah that's pretty much it so i said are there any collins out there because we said that's a name you don't hear anymore colin an email from a lad called colin uh he's 34 oh my god you don't you don't see that often you know my name as well man nobody in my kids classes like

uh is called Chris. It's just a dead fucking boomer name now. I don't think anybody calls their kids Chris anymore. But you do hear the old lady names come back in. There's an Olive. Yeah. Olive, Olivia are super popular names. This is from you, wasn't it?

From you last week. Yeah, yeah. We went through this. All right. Give us the next one. That was just from Colin saying that they don't name any storms after Scottish names because it would have been Hurricane Boar Bag was what they would have come up with. Right.

But yeah, there's really, that's it. That's it. Those are the emails. They should do that. They should call them things that we don't, like, gentle insults. You know, Hurricane Dickhead. Hurricane Prick. Yeah.

Hurricane Asshole. I think it would be a bit more. They should let the public decide on the names of the hurricanes. Because they have, like, the advance warning, right? Do you want to let the public decide anything? Remember when they named that one the boat, bode mcboat face yeah yeah and now it's become some people think that's really hilarious there are people out there who like it's not it's not in it's not funny it's not in and of itself it's funny that it was open to a

public forum and everybody just agreed on the dumbest thing yeah yeah but i think we're all a little bit everyone it just shows how many people are down for a bit of like trolling so you know like like all the boomers can get along with that and vote for that everyone it's encompassing it joins together it brings us together it's good it's positive it's never gonna be problematic right unless somebody who is actually legally named bode mcboat face gets cancelled or whatever and then they have to change the name of the boat but you know what i mean like yeah maybe it's maybe it's still a smarter move than naming it after an actual person as well who is just going to turn out to be some

sort of degenerate that needs to be cancelled and removed from history like we've seen happen. Like everyone. Yeah, a lot. Like more recently, right? Nothing should be named after anyone ever again. I'm down for that. Yeah, don't name stuff after people. Why don't we make up new words for things? Yeah. Just make up a new fucking word. Brand new word.

What? Squizblob. There's already- Squizblob. The HMS Squizblob. The Squizblub Memorial statuette for high excellence in theatre. Don't name it

after somebody. Is that the name of the ship? The HMS Squizblub. No one's got a problem with that. The excellence in theatre, operatic theatre. It's like Adam Sandler or something. Just make up a new word. It's much safer, much simpler.

Nobody can complain about that. It's completely, it's not referring to any culture or peoples or anything. It's just a made up word. No ideals. Just do that. Nothing, yeah. It's fluid. But I think that's the that's gonna cause

problems though and confusion right because what if you have to like report on the ship going missing or transfers you know people it needs to be just give a number man like ship number five three two nine niner has not appeared on the radar for some time and authorities are worried that's good you know what I mean? Okay, no, I like that. Just give it a number. Just do that. Like not even a code name. People should all have numbers too. Yes. I'm sick of names.

Yeah, me too. Just numbers. Person number. That's true. There's like four Simons I know, and there's like 12 Toms I know. I'm sick of them. Unique identifiers. 17B43 slash 8X underscore underscore exclamation mark. Wind your neck in 5392532. Come on now. Yeah.

I don't think we need symbols in there, P-Flat. I think we do. Because we don't want to. Well, look, there's 8 billion people, right? You're going to have to go wind your neck in there, 8,187,482. Well, you don't have to sound it out like that, though. It's silly. Just say the numbers.

I think it's fine to just say the numbers. Yeah, but you're right on the 8 billion. 8 billion is like 8397264117. That's quite a long number to have. He's right. Chucking the billion and the million in there has just made it more confusing. Yeah, yeah. It becomes like a tongue twister.

But it's harder for me to remember it as just just string of numbers as it was like a phone number though you know like do you remember but i don't know it yet no i'd have to learn it i can remember some pretty old phone numbers i do too i guess some kids nowadays don't really remember phone numbers right because they're just saved into a phone they press a button you don't really know my wife's phone numbers for her phones no i just i'm vaguely but i always forget that starty bit and the endy bit so it's not really a number at all yeah i should know a couple of bits yeah and sadly that doesn't help the operator explain that to me i still remember five and a four and it just fucking put me through i still remember phone numbers from like most if not all of my friends growing up as a kid and interestingly

if i dialed those numbers today, I would get through to their parents who all still live in the same goddamn places like 30 years later. But I never do. But like, it's funny to think, you know. People like consistency. I think there is that option, remember, where they have the geolocated areas based on like three random words joined

together right because you can because there's so much variation with that that you can basically do anything you can you can you know if you type in like cucumber um tabletop hat box or whatever the fuck you know it'll take you to a very very specific geolocation yeah and at that geolocation there's a piece of there's an envelope when you open the envelope it'll tell you the release date for half-life three it's like one of those it's one of those riddles it's at least there's probably easter eggs like i'm sure in san diego riddle but you could just call people that you know just give them a three three word like consistent designation right like so you could call them like tango charlie foxtrot and then when you're out of all the phonetic stuff

and the military stuff you can just uh you can just say like hey what's up there yeah but it would be like it would be like pineapple curtain marathon or whatever they'd have like some weird name yeah so like the very the very center of queen square in bristol is thick riches fall thick riches fall it's right next to reward race exist oh so you'd see that one's fine but i think that thick riches fall is a problem because those words are not clear how they're spelled these riches got an e in it as well all right here's a better one then. Do you know what I mean? This is from also the centre of Queen Square. Wash Goat Doctor. Wash Goat Doctor.

There you go. Exactly. You're not going to forget that, are you? You're like, where do you live? Wash Goat Doctor. Okay, I'll put that in my phone. Bam. I've got like, it's better than like, you know, BL229JJ or whatever.

It's harder to remember. It's both firms pirate. Flows out a start. Mental invite invite pump that's a good one invite pump i like that see they're not they're they're all like very generic the things they don't use the like cool words though like mastermind or terraforming do you know i mean they don't use like interesting words they use like fucking ordinary sentence words they're boring yeah but the combinations are endless i guess right like that's why yeah i mean you've got a bajillion words yeah yeah oh my gosh so anything else interesting happened this week well i mean there's like the obvious one but the i guess there's a couple of bits and pieces uh taylor hawkins from the foo fighters

passed away yeah rest in peace rest in peace drugs drugs related drugs related apparently or potential um potential like uh heart uh issues around uh i mean he had apparently 10 this is on the report I read, ten different drugs in his system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But damn. Young man, though, man. It's only like fucking hard work to get that many in there.

He's like 50 years old, though. It's like- Yeah, he was, yeah. With a family and obviously- I mean, the thing is, whenever someone dies of drugs like that, the automatic assumptions are like, no. Oh yeah, huh. Like, almost like they deserved it.

Well, the thing is, like, remember Philip Seymour Hoffman when he passed away? Oh, yeah. Almost like they deserved it. Well, the thing is, remember Philip Seymour Hoffman when he passed away? Oh, yeah. He overdosed on drugs and he'd had problems with drugs. But apparently leading up to him passing away, he'd been clean for like 20 years or something. I don't think it was 20, but he had been clean for a while. It had been a while, but it was a relapse. And I think what happens is that when somebody relapses, they're sort of like, oh, I used to do this much drugs.

Right. I'll just do this much, I guess. But then... Give me exactly this much of the drugs. Their tolerance has gone down or something, and it's easier to overdose or something. Yeah, I hear this too. Yeah.

So it could be something like that. That was the old speedball wasn't it it was like the combination of the upper like the heroin and the downer

like the cocaine like the other way around I think the heroin is the downer but yeah it's like heroin and cocaine that's fucking

it's the the ultimate combo of doom surely they cast each other out I don't know it's super dangerous apparently

because you don't it's easy to apparently you've been complaining about chest pains and stuff, like people said. I don't know if it was related. What, Taylor Hawkins? Yeah, in the days leading up. So, I don't know, maybe. Oh, here's the thing.

Talking about chest pains, this is a message to any women that listen to the podcast. I read a really interesting article about the signs of heart attacks in women being substantially different, very often, to the signs that we all associate with heart attacks. Because when they do a lot of the research, they write a lot of the textbooks around that. And this is true in a lot of aspects of medicine. It's very male-centric around symptoms and signs and early warnings and all that kind of stuff. Women can have completely different symptoms for impending heart attacks to men.

One of the more common ones that women have is back pain. Men don't tend to get that. They tend to get that shooting down the arm. All the ones in the movies like, oh, my arm, my chest, oh, it keels over. So women can have a completely different set of signs. You don't often hear of a woman having a heart attack or dying from a heart attack.

It seems mostly men- I know it's not as common, but it is absolutely, it is perfectly common. I know several women have died of heart attacks, so it is common. But I think it's seen as more of a thing that men tend to die of. But yeah, we all know, even from all the movies, the signs are uh for heart attacks in men i can't remember a film or a tv show where a woman has had a heart no i mean that's what i'm basing everything on yeah like there's a big big moment i don't know anybody well actually my grandfather had a heart attack but but i was very young at the time so so I wasn't aware of any sort of the lead up or anything.

I just remember him being quite ill afterwards and taking a long time to sort of get back on track post having his heart attack sort of thing. But I was way too young to really know what the hell was going on, you know? Yeah, true that. I watched a documentary that came out this week called The Hunt for the Crypto King. Oh, I saw that was recommended, but I did not watch it. Yeah, it's all right. But it was kind of an interesting story about how this guy basically had ran this big crypto exchange in Canada. Right.

Quadriga. What was his name? Did he do a rug pull? Did he do a rug- his name was gerald cotton oh yeah of course yeah i went to school with him and and uh so like it was going really well right everything was fine and then he sort of died um mysteriously in India. And obviously he was the only one who knew all the passwords to all the crypto. And there was all the crypto was missing.

And so the documentary was really kind of unsatisfying because... They haven't figured it out. Well, a reporter went there and spoke to the doctor who was at the hospital where he died and was like, oh yeah, this guy definitely died here. And I saw it. You know, it was definitely definitely real, real death. It wasn't like a fake death certificate or anything. So they reckon he did actually die.

But there was no suspicious circumstances around his death. Well, they also found that like he had he was a member of all these hacker forums and he'd like run all like a bunch of scams previously he was had this like secret identity he was like this super nice looking nerdy guy on the out on the front but behind closed doors he was like this scam artist right so weird like weird sort of story yeah man i guess it's weird like Some people you know from the outside who they are. There's this guy who goes to this meetup that I sometimes go to. We refer to him as Creepy Guy. Right.

And he's a creepy guy. He kind of speaks like this to people. Right. And he's got dank hair and spots. And he's kind of big and creepy and gross. And he asks people creepy questions. Okay. Right.

Like, like he asks, like there were these couple of girls we were chatting to at our table and, um, he came up to the table, obviously ignored the guys and just casually asked one of the girls, how old are you? And I was like what world do i live in where this

guy is so clueless that that is like just a question you open with you know and uh she just god bless her replied such a such a perfect response i don't give my age to strangers you know just i don't give my age to strangers right just just this casual like great response and so sort of undeterred he turned to the next girl and said uh where do you live um like a robot right and and she replied i don't know bristol very well and again like a great diverting a great diverting answer which means she doesn't have to answer i i don't know bristol very well it's just like such a like i don't know like i i guess people they're just i just was i just want to shout those guys out for being so practiced in their

in their diplomatic responses but i don't know like we we that guy wears who he is on his sleeve right yeah rightly or wrongly i guess yeah and you know what you're getting really with that i guess i guess uh where do you live how old are you man i think that's but he's been doing this for. Hopefully this club that you're going to is like a crash course in social etiquette that maybe he'll benefit from over time. The thing is, if you try to teach people who have zero social skills how to be sociable, they try to run through it like a checklist. Yeah. Like you'd say, if your toaster isn't working,

first try checking that it's turned on, then change the fuse. They're trying all these things. And when it doesn't work, they're like, why isn't this working? I followed the formula that I was given at my training course about how to speak to women, and it's not working. These bitches are

being mean to me i i hate women like that's what happens is you you give someone a manual and they think this is how it works on the topic of bitches i don't know what's going on on tv i don't know what show this was but on bbc one last night there was a show called Bitches in Cages. I swear to God, I don't know what the fuck that is. Are you fucking serious? It was... What the fuck? Yeah, I was just... Unless it's actually about...

Unless it's about related to Crufts or, like, the dog show. Do you know what I mean? I'm not down for that. I was just, like, scrolling through to put the channel on to, like, the kids' channel. Because, like, when my kids wake up early in the morning, they turn the TV on. It's a TV show on BBC3. Bitches in Cages. Sasha goes on her first girls' work trip abroad,

but things take a sinister turn as the reality of what's expected from the girls starts to become clear. I don't know what's going on. I thought the title was awesome, though. I thought that sounded... Check it out. Fucking hilarious, actually.

Bitches in Cages. It's not a reality show, thank God. It's actually a self, I assume it's self-aware. It's a TV show called Mood. Oh, so was it like an episode name or something like that? Yeah. So there's I ain't come to pay, I came to slay. After wannabe singer Sasha is kicked out by her family,

she's got to find her own way. Get that shmoney. Bitches in cages. Bitches in cages. Fake the shit. Fake the fake shit. Fuck the fake shit. Oh, fake the fake shit, I thought it said.

But yeah, why would they- Is that a mood though? Bitches in cages? I don't know. I guess I just don't get what a... I know what a mood is, but maybe I'm missing context or something. Let me be honest with you guys.

There's a comedian called Catherine Cohen who has a Netflix special at the moment called The Twist. She's gorgeous. That's the name of the series, right? Right. So I'm going to put Catherine Cohen, Bo Burnham,

and a few other of those modern comics into the same bucket, which is I don't get it. And I don't know if they would want me to watch their comedy. I don't know if they'd see me as like, you're not invited. I don't understand it. I don't know if they're playing a character. Am I meant to be laughing at them? Are they laughing at me? Am I?

Is this ironic? Is it not ironic? Are they being honest? Is this who they are? Are they referencing some modern trend Am I, is this ironic? Is it not ironic? Are they being honest? Is this who they are? Are they referencing some modern trend I'm not aware of? It's so over my head. I've never felt so old in my life. What is like the material like though?

Like what are the jokes? So her show, I watched about 20 minutes of it and I didn't laugh and I didn't get it. Like I couldn't tell if- But it's just not for you. We've had these things before. Are you a fan of his? I detect some defense in your tone. He seems defensive.

He wants to move on is what it is. I want to hear all about this. I'm really interested. I will be honest with you. I've never even heard of these people you mentioned so I'm completely oblivious. He's fairly big I'd say. I've never even heard of these people you mentioned. So I'm completely oblivious. He's fairly big, I'd say. He had a pretty big show.

I've heard the name, but I can't say I'm familiar with. I wouldn't be able to pick him out in a lineup or anything. Right. So I watched that thing and people lost their shit about it. Oh, my God. It was so funny. I didn't get it. I still don't understand.

It's like this post post post modern so ironic it's not ironic but that makes it ironic like i it's just so i don't know if it's too clever for me or if it's just what is it like is he being like sarcastic or something i don't know i don't know like that's the problem have, is I'm not saying, where's the jokes? You know, knock, knock, that's a joke. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, I don't even understand if he's meant to be a fucking character,

am I meant to be laughing at him or with him? Does he despise everything that isn't Bo Burnham? Because it feels like that, but at the same time, then he's very self-deprecating. It's too many layers it's too meta and I don't understand it. Sometimes you get this when your

partner or your wife watches something with you right and you hate it but they love it or vice versa and they can't convince you or you can't convince them why it's good. I can't even get my wife to watch something though like in the first place to even get to that point like I've been even get my wife to watch something though like uh in the

first place to even get to that point like i've been trying to get her to watch whiplash for like years and she's just not even worth it she will not watch it i'm like good for her but i but i think it's got like two good scenes come on the rest most of the movies it's okay it's not it's it's all right it's a pretty good movie like i mean it's it's it's no uh matrix uh were you rushing or were you dragging she's interested in like psychology and stuff like that so i thought you know that'd be a pretty good movie like to to watch like it's distressing at times and interesting whatever and she's just like not having it like we can't i can't even start the movie she just is like no i don't want to watch

that i'm not i'm trying to get my eldest to watch encanto and she won't watch it she's like no she's like no she works she don't want to know she loves all animated movies i got three kids and we have not seen that yet you know it's crazy it's weird though sometimes that i'm i'm i know i do it myself i'm like resistant i'm like no i'm not gonna watch this fucking thing i'm not gonna watch this with you jim well i was like that with married at first sight australia and now i'm like fucking hooked man like if it's not on for a day i'm like i'm i'm i'm like uh i'm i'm doing like pablo escobar like on the swing and standing in the field alone and stuff you know like the that that i was talking to one of these folks

in the office and they were like oh yeah i love married at first sight australia but what's better is the undatables have you watched any of that no no apparently it's it's the it's kind of a more wholesome uh version i don't want no i just want i just want i want a bunch of train crazy people that i can make fun of and not feel bad about making fun of them okay oh god all right well no that's fine then i guess that that creepy guy is one of the undatables yeah i'd feel bad making fun of the undatables because i think a lot of times all the undatables are super nice you're meant to feel really sorry for the couple of episodes i've seen no but you're not really because they're just so nice you never

date any of them you're rooting for them though you yourself would not date one of them though right well i think they wouldn't date me though because they are they i'm not like them right um what's that i'm not in their world well you have to find people who are kind of passionate about, I don't know, trains, like overly passionate, like insanely passionate about trains. And they have to meet someone who's insanely passionate about something similar to trains. I think that wouldn't work though, right? I think in this case, if you're overly passionate about something,

surely like an opposite track has to kick in, right? Like there's no room in a relationship for you to both be obsessed with trains like it would just be too weird right yeah but i think that you have to have similarities with your partner you do have to share things in common right and i think that you have to have a currency there's got to be a currency there somewhere yeah it can't be that you both love trains so much i I'm not trying to say I'm too normie for these people. I don't know. It's- I've never thought about it.

I'm definitely not like- I definitely wouldn't go married at first sight Australia though, in a sense, because I'm not normal enough for that, right? They're all normal lads and ladies. I don't know if they are though, honestly. They go to the gym and they look good. um they're all normal lads and ladies i don't know if they are though honestly i feel like sometimes when they're on there at first you're like why are they on this like they you know these people seem like nice well-rounded like they shouldn't have a problem finding somebody and then as the series drags on you're like i now realize exactly why this person is on

the show like the mask slips right they're very good at hiding their arsehole-ishness for a while. Right. Inevitably, the mask comes off. I see. They're on best behavior at the start. You see the rotten core. Here's another piece of news. Here's another piece of news.

Bruce Willis is having to retire from acting. That's, yeah. I read about that. He's got... What's the complaint he has? Aphasia. Aphasia. Yeah. So he's stepping away.

So I say, Bruce Willis hasn't really made good movies for some time. Right. But he certainly- What was the last big movie or set of movies he was in was The Expendables, right? Yeah, which was just so... He wasn't a big part of those, I think. And wasn't there a Die Hard reboot maybe in the last decade or so? There was a new Die Hard movie, was there not?

Or am I thinking longer back now? I don't know, but I'm just looking at his films. I don't know, but I'm just looking at his films and if you look, he was in a lot of direct-to-video stuff. Hudson Hawk. Right. A lot. Like the Lion King 6 and stuff like that. I mean, he was in Sin City, right?

Sin City, yeah. That was pretty big when it came out. It was. I'm just looking here in 2021. He was in Pulp Fiction as well, but I mean, that's going back. He was in looking here in 2021. He was in Pulp Fiction as well. But I mean, that's going back. He was in seven films in 2021. He was in 12 Monkeys as well, if you remember.

Yeah, he was. But of those seven films in 2021, only one of them went to the cinema. Wasn't he in The Fifth Element as well? Yes, of course. He was the lead actor in The Fifth Element. He's been in some bangers, actually. He makes an awful lot of director video stuff. Reprisal, air strike, survive the night, hard kill, you know, these kinds of-

Does he always have that sort of stony face and say, you're a Kaye motherfucker in like every movie now? Like has he become that kind of actor? I mean, here's a film, Out of Death. What does that mean? Midnight in the Switchgrass, a crime thriller survive the game he sounds like he's just been grinding hard like dead deadlock scenes fortress he's all very american siege i mean that's but not a flax is saying not a big part in the expense marauders

rock the casbah oh wait that's actually a bill murray movie that he's in for some reason some it's so so he's taking a break from uh from so he's no he's not taking a break he's done he's just out he's done he's out he was in the expendables as an uncredited cameo he's got in the expendables too he's got to be at a point in his life now where financially he's he can he can retire i'm sure he was that 20 years ago, dude. I don't think that that's ever been a thing. I think it's just because he's passionate about it. I think the thing is, if you are passionate about what you do.

You want to make these cool things. I think it must be incredibly sad for these actors to be involved in things like The Matrix, the new one that's so obviously critically panned and hated. I think Keanu and these guys are not doing it for the money you know i don't think anyway some of them are like nicholas cage for taxes and stuff you know obviously but but but kianu i don't i think he's i think in a way you know he doesn't need to do it i think he did it because he had fond memories of it and fond

memories of what people thought of it and he almost like was doing it. I don't say he's doing it for the people. I'm sure there was a lot of reasons why he did. But, you know, this is for the people of Ukraine! It's not that weird. Fuck's sake. I mean, yes, I think Keanu Reeves is bigger than whatever he's in

now in that he's such a beloved character because he seems like such a lovely guy. He could do whatever he wants. Like he could make a movie and it could be dreadful and he could still make another movie. It doesn't matter. I mean, the new Bill and Ted movie was fucking awful. Did you watch it? It was awful. No, I didn't fucking watch it.

I saw the trailer and I was like, I'm out. Yeah. No interest. This is the best movie in the trailer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So but he i mean you know i'm sure that keanu could come along people love him people love him and i just think he's a very likable guy bruce willis was not a likable guy i don't think people liked bruce willis his public

persona was awfully gruff no uh he had no time the hype around Keanu being in Cyberpunk was huge, too. Everybody was losing their minds. Hello, I'm Keanu Reeves. I'm in this movie. I know. Kung Fu. But that game sucked. And now a new Witcher's coming, though, in, like, years' time. But they've announced they're doing another Witcher game.

Holy crap. Please, God, let it be good. Please. They're talking a lot about, like like retiring gerald and having a new witcher being the main character that would be a mistake yes that's what i said but apparently the symbol is different it's not like it's not the same wolf anymore it's like a different sort of please just let me do witcher again like witcher 3 but a whole new thing just do that you just it's a video game i just want another i want a new witcher game Just do that. Just do that. He just wants his Witcher. It's a video game. I just want another

I want a new Witcher game. That's it. That's it. That's all we want. I don't mind doing the same thing over and over again. I tried to spook you and keep your expectations. You scared me now. You scared me now. He's getting stressed to the gills now. Yeah. Thanks. Well I finished Elden Ring so a lot of the stress in my life has evaporated.

Did you 100% it or did you just God no dude. There was a bunch of stuff stress in my life has evaporated. Did you 100% it or did you just... God, no, dude. There was a bunch of stuff I missed out. And apparently at the ending, I completely skipped over one bit. I just ended up a big fat lad sitting on a throne, job done. I was like, cool, did it, beat Elden Ring, happy. It took me about 70 hours. Nice.

Value for money, I'd say. It was really good. 70 hours. And I'll do it again someday. It's pretty good, actually. It was really good. It's pretty good. Yeah.

You still need to play it, Sips. Anyway, one day. Yeah, I know. still need to play it sips anyway one day yeah i know i need to uh i need to get around one day hey listen the only other thing that happened uh is uh will smith uh slapped chris rock in the face at your thoughts quickly this has been done to death hasn't it yeah it really has like yeah that's what i'm saying quickly one sentence each he should have been arrested before he was allowed to get his oscar yeah i think he should have been arrested before he was allowed to get his oscar yeah i think he should have been kicked out for doing that and not not been able to have a do an oscar speech as well fuck will smith yeah yeah okay cool well a rare moment where we're all agreed well i mean last week i think i was saying about because my my son they they're doing uh

fresh prints they're learning about the fresh prints and they're studying it at school or whatever. And, uh, and my son through watching the fresh prints really likes Will Smith. And, uh, he came home from school and he's like, dad, did Will Smith really go up on stage and punch somebody? And I said, yeah, unfortunately he did. And he said, oh, well well that's okay he's still my favorite actor and i said okay okay but i did have to say to him i said uh just make sure that you don't ever punch anybody uh because what he did was wrong and he's like okay well i still think he's really good as the fresh prince and i just said

okay good chat i like i like him sidling out to a 10 year old good chat he's like good chat you know uh he's got his mind made up i don't want to yeah well obviously we're not on the finger of the pulse of um timely you know that happened about a week ago and uh this podcast is gonna be released two weeks from now so my brain has only just processed it so it's like yeah brand new news for me anyway thank you for listening everybody we'll see you next time lots of love to you all goodbye