Triforce! - Triforce! #223: Team No Fear

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Triforce! Episode 223! We're celebrating the Queen's lovely jubblies, thrillseeker Pyrion takes his entire family to Thorpe Park and Sips wants a state-of-the-art pegleg. We also dive into the overflowing Triforce mailbag! Go to http://manscaped.com and use code TRIFORCE to get 20% off with free shipping. Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly hello everyone welcome back to the triforce podcast oh period hello hello it's great to hear your voice hello sips how are you feeling oh. Yeah, we made it back. We're recording this on the first it's the, the officially the Jubilee tomorrow, I think, right?

On Friday. Oh, yeah. At Thursday. Today is just like a regular spring bank holiday, right? Did we get one at like the Sapphire Jubilee or the, the Diamond Jubes or the other one Jubes? What's the first ever, what's the first ever Jubilee? Because like, I know like when you, when when you're when you're celebrating your anniversary the first one is like wood or

leather or something i don't think they have a jubilee they were they do have them for these are i guess are they do they follow the same as anniversaries no i don't think i think they do when they get to the interesting stuff like like i think you can have a platinum anniversary for example or like an emerald or sapphire and i i'm pretty sure that the jubilee just sort of picks up the first jubilee is like some rare gem or something like that right like they just skim all like the all the crappy stuff that like us plebs have to celebrate because i think your first your first landmark 10-year anniversary is like wood or leather or something like that which sounds fucking like flag shit there's no there's no jubilee around wood or leather i don't think it's like it it goes straight into the precious

precious gemstones right like almost immediately or uh like metals yeah i guess you don't get silver till like 25 and that's a long fucking time as well it's a long time yeah i mean you don't get silver until like 25. And that's a long fucking time as well. It's a long time, yeah. I mean, I don't think any other monarch has had a platinum, right? Like none of them seem to last as long. No, she is very old. I read today, because you know they have the order of succession, which is like the ranking of who's going to become queen next or king next. That's obviously a thing. But there's a second order of seniority in the royal family, right? the ranking of what who's who's gonna you know become queen next or king next that that's

obviously a thing but there's there's a second order of seniority in the royal family right and so i think like for example like princess alexandra who a lot of people don't know is like pretty high up that order even though she's not high on the um succession list because she's like the queen's cousin or something you know so she at these events and at royal official events they have this level of seniority but because this is sort of so unusual there isn't actually in that list a place for the great-grandchildren of the queen because or the monarch because no no monarch has really had great-grandchildren before, I would guess, or it being relevant, you know? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Because she's so old. Well, she's like

the third longest reigning monarch of all time, kind of thing. Good lord. Well, Elizabeth is the longest reigning monarch. She's gotta be the longest, yeah. Oh, in the world, though. I mean, I think there's one guy, there's one, Louis XIV was a couple years longer reigning because he was crowned when he was a child.

Bullshit. Right. And so 72 years. Louis XIV. Theoretically, if you're crowned when you're like a baby and then you live to 100, you could really just go for it. Oh, wow. All right. He was king for 72 years.

72 years. Yeah. Jesus. One of the Louis. It was a great one. Well, so I think Kate and William changed the succession laws around like the UK monarchy, at least, because I guess that's all they could do. But they've changed it so that it's not just the male lineage now, right? It applies to females as well. So like, for example, like, I think it's George, right? William's firstborn son would be next in line after him. And then it would have gone to Louis, who is his thirdborn son son because in the middle they had a girl but they changed it now i guess so yeah i don't know but they changed it now so that uh charlotte their

their middle child but a female um is is next in line after after george so she she has just as much of a chance as uh as the males to become ruler at some point right yeah there's always it's like we know about the the successionals from old um crusader yes but yeah yeah i think i think i think there's still a few countries where it's done differently um but most people have changed over to this absolute version where it's it doesn't matter what sex you are i mean i played a lot of crusader kings so it just so happens that their firstborn was actually a boy so yeah i think uh i think the power move will be to get uh george to marry um prince andrew so that they can have uh so that

they can have some some kids that can then be immediately murdered so that they can take back York or whatever Andrew looks over or something and then they can finally imprison him as well and leave him in the dungeons forever. We did some serious Game of Thrones style

knocking out of murder. This is very Crusader Kings. Have you been playing Crusader Kings? No, there's a new Iberia DLC coming out soon, though, so it might be worth another look, yeah. I think Spain, yeah, love a bit of knocking the Moors out of Spain. Yeah. But, no, I mean, I don't think... I think it's unfortunate in the sense that the Queen's firstborn was a boy,

their firstborn was a boy, and then's firstborn was a boy their firstborn was a boy and then his firstborn as a boy yes you know there's no we're not going to get another queen for a good hundred years at this rate and to tell you what i'm sick of queens let's have a king it's about they got it they got to change or they got to change their song to god save the king and yeah well queens was so last century let's let's get a king in. How about it? Everyone loves Queen, you know? Yeah, but she's had her chance now. She's been there for 70 years. She might break the record if she lives to be 100 or more. I'm just saying.

She's still going, yeah. I mean, she's less mobile than she was, but she's still attending, like, the Chelsea Flower Show in a golf cart and, like, all the other things that she likes to do. I think now, though, I get the sense that she likes to do i think now though i get the sense that she's uh she's not going to everything because of the mobility issues but now she's just picking and choosing the stuff that she actually wants to go to so if there's any horses there she'll be there for sure right like she'll she'll make a point to go but if there's no horses

or flowers or anything like that she's just like ah fuck it like i'll just say i'll just send charles or whatever age not only is she the queen she's also 96 yes she don't want to do something she ain't fucking doing it and i mean hell yeah there's no pressure on someone of that age and that level of seniority i mean if anyone says well you've got to do it she'd be like who's been queen for 70 fucking years and is 96 get the fuck out of my face. I ain't doing shit. In fact, I bet she's having the time of her life. Tell them to piss off. I'd be throwing toast across the room.

This egg is overcooked. Smash. You know, what are they going to do? You've just got to rolling stones in your late 90s. Fuck it. Do you guys, what have you got planned for the weekend? Do you got to do street party? Have you put bunting up

have you like knitted a tea cozy my street is go on the letterbox my street is preparing for a street party right there is indeed bunting going up there is a barbecue and drinks

and all that I've done nothing to contribute because I'm a terrible terrible member of society so I'm just going to tip up have a chat

and then go back inside and play dotes you can pick up a box of a box of cold lagers or something I offered of society so i'm just gonna tip up have a chat and then go back inside and play notes yeah you can pick up a box of a box of uh cold lagers or something i offered i offered i said i can do a run to costco i'm a member and i got a quite snippy no thank you and i was all right your costco ale is not accepted here it's not not wanted i mean it might be that they all know i'm the noisy dickhead on the end of the road who they can hear screaming, you know,

fucking, cost your spouse! And stuff like that. Yeah, maybe. It sounds like they were just snootily looking down at Waitrose, though. Not Waitrose, at Costco through their Waitrose glasses. You know, they're thinking, I'm not going to eat. I think people have a very snooty view of Costco,

where actually there's some good stuff. I go get a load of Costco sometimes because my friend's got a card. Yeah. You do need to know. It feels like you need to know someone, though. Yeah, you've got to have an in, right? It's members only. You have to have your card and you've got to take your picture

and you can't just borrow somebody else's card because you got their picture on there and stuff. It's like... So what do you have, Sips? You have some... Is there a school thing or some street thing or anything happening on Jersey at all? It's my birthday on Sunday, but I'm not really doing anything for that either, I don't think. No, I haven't done anything for my birthday in some time. Yeah.

I don't even really look forward to my birthday that much anymore because it's just like oh hey like let's go visit family and then do this and that and it's just like okay cool like these are all things i do not want to do on my birthday thank you very much the only thing that's how it's been for like 20 years just do what i do and say it's my birthday and then if you could if you're feeling cheeky you can extend it to a birthday week you don't have to do shit for a week i'm like oh i do that all the time i've seen that i try to do that all the time like i'll say like if somebody asked me to do something i'd be like i can't do that this week it's my birthday week and then they laugh at me but uh i try to

get away with it for sure but yeah no i don't think i don't think we're doing anything like we'll probably i like normally we just like go for breakfast or do something like that um and then in the afternoon we normally just like you know visit with family and stuff so probably just end up doing that but there's a couple of things going on over here over the weekend because of the jubbly so like i think there's like a motor show which is uh turns into kind of like a like a street street fair sort of thing. I am doing something for the Jubilee, I suppose, which is that on Saturday I'm going out with the lads.

Oh. And, you know, this is my London and London-adjacent lads that I've known since school and all that. And we're going to go out and we're going to do a pub crawl along the new Elizabeth line. Oh, wow. Gosh. go out and we're going to do a pub crawl along the new elizabeth line oh wow gosh that's so we're gonna go a stop go up find a pub have a drink go back on one more stop up pub and so on down the the bulk of it nice that sounds like a a nice a nice way to celebrate the queen get hammered on her just get totally smashed yeah where does the line go out of interest we don't know he's not gonna just stop for a couple of stops yeah he's not even

researched it you don't even know where it is there's no research no one knows where it goes it's just at the end of each each end there's just a black portal and like bones and skulls around maybe it hooks into that big shit pipe that they built underneath the thames eventually well in this dimension or another who knows but yeah yeah it's for the queen's jubilee that's exciting yeah that'll does it have new stations or does it have the the uh the does it go to existing ones it's brand new it's all brand new well no but it goes through like paddington it's all brand new look it up go ahead look at the elizabeth line what do you mean how do you get on anything it's a it's a line that will eventually um like run parallel to

other lines right it's gonna go all the way out as far as reading right to the west and it's gonna go all the way far east as something in the east I've never, I don't know the name of. Shenfield, yeah, I grew up around there. So it's a proper, it's a real east to west connection. What we need is what they were talking about was a connection from south west London into central

London much quicker and easier. That would be hype, but they just don't have one which is a real shame. If they had they would talk that they were going to extend to Twickenham this sort of crossrail thing that was going to zip in but then they were like nah even though that would be unbelievable really really good if they did that because at the moment I want to get to Woolwich say it's it's quite a few changes the Elizabeth line does make it slightly easier but I'd still need to go Twickenham to Waterloo Northern Line to tcr and then go tcr

across to woolwich so it's still three different trains where it would be nice if you could get on a train and go blam i'm in bank now you know something these are just such london problems like wake up in the morning you're like i would like to leave greater wobble bottom and I would like to arrive in in Western upon Thames Slough please like how do I do this? Yep, real London problem. Oh man. And then you get to debate which line would be quickest and you know which way would be the best way. And people always have their shortcuts. Did you know, if you get off at knee slip on the world, the number 99 bus,

just two stops towards Gemmler's ham. Yeah. And then get back on the flibble line and take that seven stops East to Dutch for con wargle. Yeah. seven stops east to Dunshforth Honshwoggle you can then take the twist line all the way around and get off at Twickenham for... That's right

it's a very simple set of instructions it's always that isn't it it'll save you two minutes it will actually shave two minutes off and you don't have to take the awful interminable escalators at Brody's Peak. Brody's Peak. Oh, God.

You got to get off at Old Wiblington. You have to exit the tube and you have to find the old speckled bitch in. And then you have to go in there and get yourself uh have a have yourself a little rest and get a pack of frazzles and then some frazzles and then back onto the uh back onto the line and uh carry on like this you can you can incorporate all this into your into your elizabeth line pub crawl yeah so that's that's uh that's gonna be saturday so i'm we're gonna do that in honor of the queen okay that sounds she would have done that if she was a bit younger oh i love a pub she

would not what is this she'd get off at fucking ealing broadway she would find a pub we're talking like get back on a go to west ealing no we're talking like 30 years old uh queen elizabeth though she'd have like she'd have the riding pants and the gloves on with the cap and stuff and she'd be like, hello. Just ready to go. She'd be ready to... She was hot back in the day.

She'd be ready to paint the town red. Imagine having sex with the queen. Can you imagine? On weed. Not there. Imagine you down weed. Can you imagine you were on weed and you were having sex with the queen. Oh, holy shit.

That would be crazy. She was a beaut. Well, she's knocking on now. I'm just saying, 96, that's a bit old. But when she was younger, what a hottie. You're in West London, right? So I assume you're going to go east along this fucking Elizabeth line. You assume incorrectly once more, Louis Brindley, du York's cast. We're starting west. Where are you're going to go east along this fucking Elizabeth line You assume incorrectly

Once more Louis Brindley du York's cast We're starting west We're starting east and we're going west Okay so what you're Oh right how far east are you going now Stratford He wants to go to Gunner's Quay He wants to go to Canary Common

He wants to go to Ealing upon Thames look at these fucking places dude we're going to ilford we're going we're going woolwich which is pretty far east if you're londoner going to woolwich drinks and then we're going to keep going chugging east uh i don't know where we're going well it's just a hundred percent on it not Not on this list. This guy knows what he's doing. Okay, he lives in London, and he's been on all of these lines before. Okay, I know exactly what Lewis is doing right now.

He's got Google open and Wikipedia. He's got like 10 wikis open. I've got the route. It goes Reading to the Seamfield. It goes, oh, Woolwich is on it. It's fucking down there. You're a moron So Woolwich Then City Airport

We're not going to go Has anyone ever been To City Airport before Yeah yeah I have Canary Wharf It's a beauty You're going Some fucking business bar

At Canary Wharf It's probably a weather space We're probably going to go Woolwich Whitechapel Liverpool Street It's okay to get a pub Around there

But it's not the best Farringdon Some good pubs TCR If you head north. Farringdon, some good pubs. TCR, if you head north of TCR, there's some good pubs. Bond Street, Paddington. And then I think we stop at Paddy, and then we'll maybe have a few drinks around there. It's easy for me to get home from Paddington

because I can just hop on the district line. So it's not too bad. We'll bake a loo back to Waterloo and then bosh it back down to Twickers, but we'll see. There's a new station coming after Paddington called Old Oak Common. That sounds very English, doesn't it? Changes the subject from claiming that...

Old Oak Common. Sorry, well, I didn't see it all the way out there because it's got a fork. It's forked. Yeah, it's forked. You got a problem with that? No. Look at it. The Elizabeth Line looks like a man stood very, very wide-legged holding his arms aloft.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha arms aloft i am the lizard flying challenge me yes i am the east to west king oh man man you can stop off at heathrow central heathrow terminal and heathrow terminal four yes sure there's a bar each of those have you guys have you guys ever ridden on the channel tunnel before no i haven't actually the euro start to uh to paris france from uh we keep saying like don't you find it's one of those things we keep saying we should take the train to france this let's take the train and then we never do it oh yeah i mean i've been saying for like 20 years i've been like every year oh we should really go visit Scotland we should really go visit Ireland and we've never been I've never set foot in Scotland or Ireland

before in my life and they're so close like I don't know what's preventing me from going but like I think it's just because we keep having more kids and it's just you know airfare for like five people and uh and and just like the headaches that come with traveling with small children and stuff. It's like it's put me off. But even before that, I don't know what the hell stopped us from going. Like there's some beautiful spots, you know. Sure. That you have generally people have one holiday, maybe two holidays a year.

And generally speaking, you wouldn't mind going somewhere warm. And no offense to Scotland or Ireland. I love you both. But you wouldn't mind going somewhere warm. And no offense to Scotland or Ireland. I love you both. But you ain't off summer holiday. So, it's kind of like that. I would like to put this point forward on this subject. I used to love going on vacation before I had kids. But I think even if I worked a normal job, I would love to go on vacation just to get away, get that break and stuff.

Right. Now that I do what I do, I don't want to go on vacation just to get away get that break and stuff right now that i do what i do i don't want to go on vacation like i i pretty much just want to do what i do every day i don't want to be interrupted like if there's a day where i have to do something and i can't just sit around and stream a video game all day i'm like kind of put out about it you know that let alone going somewhere for like two weeks you know like i i just like i don't know like my my day-to-day is uh i i like it enough not to feel like i want to get away from it you know what i mean like i do like going places sort of thing but it just like it it has to be somewhere

really exciting and fun you know like yeah for me to i like to have activities planned that i know i'm gonna want to do yeah like i don't just i'm not a lie on a beach person i find that boring yeah when you've got kids like if i was going out if i was going on holiday and i was young and i was going with a bunch of my mates who are also young you'd think great we'll lie on the beach because we'll be hung over yes we'll just sort of relax during the day and then in the evening we'll get bevved up you know we'll get something to eat that's it yeah pull some birds and have a right fucking tear up wherever we are right but now i'm just like if i lie on a beach all day i'm gonna get sunburned i got sunburned at fucking thorpe

park when i went there the other on friday damn um and uh top of my head is now peeling and burnt so oh man you've got to be careful so you didn't put any um you didn't put any factor 50 on that bad boy it's may it's may who thought it was gonna be fucking sunburn weather in may it doesn't matter doesn't even need to be overly sunny out if the uv index is high you're gonna burn like especially if especially if you're anything like me i go like a tomato yeah immediately yeah it was bad i gotta be careful you gotta slap some slap some factor 30 or 60 on that, it was bad. I've got to be careful. You've got to slap some slap some factor 30 or 60 on that. No, it was a rookie mistake. I mean, but this is what comes from

never leaving the fucking house unless I can help it. True. Because when I do, I'm completely unprepared. I'm like someone who's just landed from, you know, from the moon.

What is this? My head is burning. I'm just standing in direct fucking sunlight like a goon. So, yeah. Women are more attuned to it though

because they are where often um there's this stuff that they use on their face like i think it's it's it it reduces their uv because it's like anti-wrinkle stuff i think it's like retinol or something and it's good for it's a lot of women are using it and you obviously have to wear yeah it's really good to to to keep the sun off so yeah they're more hyper hyper actively scared of it but normally in britain you're right you can't get burned because the sun never rises high in the sky enough from you know october through you know april or whatever i don't know the summer can be pretty brutal though if you're not if you're not ready for it

like i've been burned yeah it can catch you off guard especially since you're suddenly spending all day outside i went um i went a couple years ago i used to work with a guy who was a very avid fisherman he had like a little boat he had crab pots that he would go and collect every day and uh he just liked to he just liked to get out there you know he just liked to get get out on the sea and do some fishing and stuff and he's like you want to come with me one day and i was like sure i had a day off so i went with him and uh it was not a sunny day it was just like it was an overcast day we went out um did some fishing it's like some fucking some you're gonna get shipwrecked on like no no i was like i i didn't realize we'd be gone for so long. And I got a little bit dehydrated for sure. Probably more dehydrated than I've ever been in my whole life, which is fine.

Like I recovered from that. I got home. I just felt a bit sick or whatever, but I was fine. But then the next day I woke up in agony. I looked down and my legs were like fucking purple. Like I didn't realize that they'd that they'd um caught so much non-sun because like i said it wasn't even really sunny out you know there was like periods where it was kind of sunny and then but it was mostly overcast but i guess you just

got nothing to protect you out there i didn't put any sunscreen on or anything because i just figured whatever it's not even sunny out and uh my legs were just like burnt to a crisp and they and like my knee and everything you know like when you you know like when you sit down and your knee the skin over your knee like tightens up over your knee then when you stand up it sort of like bunches up all that was burnt so every time i stood up it fucking killed me like it was the worst here's my question it's just it is a radiation burn right like yeah essentially it like it's a radiation uh from the sun yes so it's not like like what is it any science types out there how different is it from just a heat burn i mean i understand that there is a heat element yeah a complete idiot but i think there's a radiation element as well isn't there so yeah it's not like skin cancer from the sun yeah but it's not like uh it's not like uh you're not

getting like a chernobyl dose of radiation you know it's like but you you can't you do get there's enough for it to like potentially um you know alter alter your uh your cells around or whatever and and form form skin cancer. Because, I mean, it happens all the time to people. That's why they say, especially now, like to be careful because it's a lot more, people know about it a lot more now, right? Yeah.

Well, it can damage DNA. I think that's the thing, right? And that's the danger. Because if you get, that's where most cancer comes from. It comes from like a glitched out piece of DNA that's self--replicating you know and it's a quite a common thing that can happen yeah well obviously it happens a lot to people um but there's obviously it depends on whereabouts in the dna gets hit to to what type of cancer you end up getting stuff like this but other things can attack dna as well. You know, certain...

It's like a... I'm not a scientist either, so we'll leave it to the experts. But yeah, I mean, I think the difference is that radiation from Chernobyl or something will tend to be different sources. Like if you breathe in radioactive particles that then get stuck in your um lungs

you know that will give off radiation inside your body for a long time yeah and that's much more dangerous um and other things other things like that you know they're i think you can you can get some sometimes you can get things happening where radiation can cause other particles to oh it's i don't know i'm not i'm not gonna i'm not even gonna start trying to dig into it but yeah it is a radiation bird for sure um but it's it's it's cool but it's not cool no it's very interesting but it's unpleasant yes a lot of radiation won't penetrate the skin as well even like um i mean there's one of them that's like it can barely get through clothing right like the different levels of radiation is it gamma that's really strong and goes straight through

like yeah the gamma radiation is a wave isn't it whereas the other two are particle based alpha beta and so they won't go through like paper um but yeah that's why you need the lead screens i think for the tell you what though for the other park i took my no radiation no but i took there's got to be a little bit there's realistically let's be honest there's probably a tiny bit of radiation at thorpe park there's the radiation all the time everywhere yeah well that's oh my point has been but it's like nuclear radiation yeah yeah how do they run those roller coasters right you get radiation from being on a plane right like um if you go like take a long-haul flight there's like a certain amount of of radiation that you

you're subjected to not like yeah you travel forward in time very slowly cosmic radiation don't you something like that yeah which is different yeah it's different anyway i my my my kids both wanted to go to thor park as soon as they turned 10 and or were tall enough to ride on all the rides okay are your kids like thrill seekers in that sense like will they go on like the big loop-de-loop the insane brother i assure you that topic will be covered in this very conversation okay okay my 13 year old she now 13, took her when she was 10. She went on everything multiple times. Right. She went on Swarm.

She went on Stealth. She went on Colossus. She went on the Nemesis, Runaway Inferno, whatever it's called. How were the cues? When she was 10. How were the cues? When she was 10. I feel like such a little bitch.

Like, I would never go on those. She's not a little bitch. She fucking owned it. She was- No, I'm not saying that your daughter is a little bitch. No, never go on those sure she she's she's not a little bitch she fucking owned it she she was no i'm not saying that your your daughter is a little bitch at all i'm saying i am one i absolutely get it i'm just saying i think i probably was as well no yeah so we paid for because it was her birthday i paid for the skip all the fucking lines ticket right oh nice it was like a special treat i thought you were gonna say i paid for her to get into the park i was like, that's nice of you. That's a very basic level of parenting.

Well done, period. It was just me and her zipping past all the queues. We went on stealth, which if you've ever seen Thorpe Park, it's the really tall one. It goes from 0 to 80 in like half a second, shoots you up a big ramp, and then you come flying back down again. That's the whole ride. You go so high at such a speed that you can just see for miles and miles and miles and then you're

hurtling back down towards the earth it's really something um and uh swarm is really good all these rides did you go on all of these with her absolutely fuck me man i don't know how you do it two of you just the two of us so when my now 10 year old turned 10 and was tall enough she said you have to take me to thought park because you took gene it's a right of passage now it's a flax family it is absolutely and i said you're tall enough and absolutely you can ride all the rides let's go um so we found an inset day which is when the teachers get a day off drinking tea sorry teachers but it's true and they basically i i took her and her mate she wanted to take her mate with her i was like well since you're bringing a friend i'm not gonna get

the skip all the queues line because it's too expensive for three but we'll get you can buy these little packs that give you five skip the lines and i thought that's that's plenty you know yeah so we went there and they were like what are we going to go on first now the way i did it with my eldest was we went on Colossus first. And I told her it was a beginner roller coaster, but it's actually quite hardcore. You go upside down like 10 times. It's quite fast. Because if she can do that, she can do anything.

It's like a thermometer. You're testing the water. What the hell is wrong with your family? How are you guys all so like genetically coded to handle these roller coasters like i guess we'll wait and see you are about to find out right that this is not the case all right so i think it might have been because there's there were two of them and they fed off each other's fear i don't know but essentially we were queuing up and this when you're queuing up the roller roller coaster is ripping over, going right overhead,

and you hear people going, ah, like that. So they were getting a little scared. We get in there, and when it was finished, we got off, and they were a bit shaky. They needed to sit down and everything like a couple of old women. And I was like, we'll be all right. Right, what next? And they were like, we're not sure we want to go on any of the big roller coasters now.

And I was like, I had to give them a little pep talk, a little huddle i was like all right come here you two and i said put your hand in the middle and we all put our hands on each other said listen we are team no fear all right we do not have fear these are just rides three two one when i when i say go on no fear we shout no fear and we throw our hands in the air and they're like all right so i made them do the no fear three two one no fear we throw our hands in the air right i was like now come on team let's go to the next one and we're walking along and there's the next one and it's called like rush or push or something and it's basically a giant swing that's hydraulically swings you right up in the air right you're on a huge rack of people and you're facing forwards and backwards on each side so it's like a

massive swing we queue up for this it's a very short queue we get on it and as soon as it starts swinging my youngest is screaming she wants to get off i want to go home i was like what the fuck happened to team no fear oh my god man so we get off and they're like oh let's just do let's just do the water flume ride and go home and i said listen i had to give them at the pep talk again no fear come on gang let's go i gave them some lunch they had a bit of time to think i said right let's go on stealth drag them probably drag them onto stealth they did it scream their heads off they both had their eyes closed the whole time didn't want to do it it was embarrassing it was embarrassing holy crap man well that's me that's me at all of those parks like the long flume i can handle but

everything well they did that you did team don't fear you went through the whole thing again you dragged us the next ride i i love this this like progression oh like it's just getting worse and worse it got worse and worse because after the stealth that was it no more roller coasters you know what their next ride was it was was just teacups. Fucking teacups. It was the fucking teacups. Yeah, I fucking called it. I get sick on those things too. I can't go on teacups. Jesus.

Teacups are shit. They're fucking jerky and bouncy. It's awful. So they did that, and then they did the dodgems. And then they were like, Dodgems are alright. They were scared of the dodgems. What if someone barges me?

I was like, what happened to Team No Fear? We are not afraid. We are riding these these rides and they wouldn't do stealth they wouldn't do so if they saw it and they were like no you didn't take your eldest with you on this trip oh you should have and then you guys could have gone on all of them no no i can't leave the two 10 year olds while we're queuing up for the ride so they we did the log flume. I said, if we're going to do the splashdown one where we all get soaked, we're doing that last of all, because I don't want to be wet walking around the park.

They were like, we don't mind being wet. I said, you guys thought you wouldn't mind the fucking roller coasters. You don't know anything. We're doing it last. We did it. They did it twice. We went home. It was shit.

Man, I could just picture this very solemn flax like sitting on the log flume not saying a word with like just uh just a very sulky face like going oh yeah yeah i can see why the back of your head got all fucking burned because you spent the whole day looking down at these two girls trying to fucking harangue them into going into any of these fucking rides it's just that i thought, you know, hold on. Who's that? I will tell, I'm coming to that part of the story. Now, please go.

I'm trying to work here. I'm an earwig. She's listed in. I forgot she was home for the platygyms. Yeah, yeah. They're listed in. So, as we're leaving leaving we see one more ride which is it's like you get on a little

dinghy and it's like a series of chutes that like it's just like a ledge is this the redemption story is this where she finally came out of her shell no no so you do three at a time we're at the top we're in our dinghies and then a little ramp tips

you up and it slides you down it's quite a quite a stage sort of quite a safe ride a little bit of water on the ramp to keep the dinghy going the guy sets us going we're sliding down i'm obviously the heaviest i hit the bottom first her mate comes down second we look up and i'm like wow she's slow she's stuck the dinghy is not moving she is now stuck on the road and she's quite high up and the guy is like signaling to her to push herself so she's like trying to move this thing but she's she's little and the dinghy's quite big and she's got to move her body weight and the dinghy on a completely flat dry surface so she's just not managing it so she starts to get out and i'm thinking oh my god she's going to fall off this thing and she's got her legs hanging out the front she's like slow walking this dinghy to the edge and then she's just going And she's got her legs hanging out the front. She's like slow walking this dinghy to the edge.

And then she's just going to ride down with her legs sticking out the front. And all I can envisage is her little legs getting stuck on the thing, the dinghy flipping over and some awful accident happening. So I'm screaming, get back in the dinghy, as loud as I can. She gets back in it, slides down, still doesn't make it all the way down the exit ramp, but it's just sat there looking miserable, and the guy comes and drags her to the end of the thing, and then she's like,

let's go home. Look, this was not the best thought park experience, really. So it ended on this terrifying fear that she might get her legs chopped off. Yeah, like it was just at the end, I was disappointed to want to ride the rides, but now I'm like, oh my god, please don't let my kid fall off this fucking roller coaster. I think that's the one thing i do remember from from

being at these theme parks when i was a kid as well as my parents were so like don't don't put your don't put your arms up right yeah don't lean anything or something's gonna get chopped off it's like there was this constant fear of things getting chopped off yeah every every stage it does happen but you just it does you don't hear about it very often because they like super rare it's super rare well not just that i think the parks pay a lot of money for like that not to be covered in there because nobody will go no that is not true well it's true at disney because i don't know if you have you ever heard of anyone having an accident or dying at disney world like it happens but you just never hear about it you know I got my tinfoil hat on they

got like that well people ambulance catacomb network underneath the park we've talked about this before but but they they they no one has ever died at Disney World because they take their bodies off site and declare them dead off that's right yeah so technically no one's ever died yeah but equally I don't think people are routinely getting minced on the roller coasters and they just go quick get the bits off i think i think it has happened i think people have lost arms no it's not like visceric cleanup detail they're not like going out there with a mop and picking up all the sausages or anything it's it's it's the worst that happens i think is that people have had a fucking milkshake before one of these queasy rides.

And then they puke it off down and it sprays over people. I think somebody got their head chopped off on a ride at Disney one time. Or I think it was one of the scenery rides. I think there was an American theme park relatively recently where someone got their head cut off. Yeah. But I mean, here's the thing. We were waiting in the queue for the Dodges. I bet they were really tall. Yeah, they must have been just like a beanpole.

Yeah, but still, they don't deserve that. We're waiting for the dodges, and I'm saying to the girls, come on, why don't you want to ride the rides? They were like, what if we get hurt? That was what they said, which is a legitimate concern. And I said, do you honestly think thousands of people come through here every day that routinely people get their limbs shot, their heads getting knocked off, they're dying on the roller coasters.

I said nobody would come here. They wouldn't be able to operate. It would shut down. People would say, someone dies every week at Thorpe Park. Fuck that. I said, there's no way. I said, when you got in the car to come here,

you were at more risk of accident than you were at the theme park. 100%. Your driving is more dangerous. You're right, than the automated things that have done 10 000 circuits exactly like as i'm saying this as i'm saying this there's a dad in the queue in front of me and he turns around and gives me a nod like yeah nice stats mate good one like gave me a

little thumbs up and me trying to give them this pep talk i don't know why he liked that yeah it's kind of weird to think though like places that, places that you wouldn't care about stats like that. Like, for example, say, like, center parks or whatever. Like, you wouldn't, there's nothing there where people immediately would think, oh, shit, you know, people must die there all the time. Yeah, yeah. What is my risk of death? Yeah, but, like, if you look, people die places all the time, right?

For, like, a variety of reasons, you know? Like, you can imagine somebody going to, like just an example center parks i bet you there's a good handful of people that do die there every year but you don't really you would never think about it because it's not like a big high octane place right but there's probably like dads dying of heart attacks there and and whatnot all the time you just wouldn't really hear about it. That's not on Center Parcs, is it? I mean, it's not like they've, it's not like the thrill of being at Center Parcs caused the heart attack.

No, but like they could be on the rapids or whatever and you know, like one thing leads to another and you've croaked it. Is there a rapids at Center Parcs? They got to close the pool and stuff. Like I'm sure it happens. Like, yeah, yeah. There's like a nice,

there's like every Center Parcs has like this big central like dome kind of thing that has like a pool in it and there's usually rapids that go outside and stuff. I didn't know that. There must be a bunch of like injuries from people's glasses flying off and hitting other people and coins falling out of their pockets. People getting in bicycle accidents and stuff like that, you know. There's probably a bunch of people slipping over and fucking or getting heat exhaustion drowning in the lake on the paddle boats like yeah well people crushing their hand i reckon there's probably a lot of like like you know squash injuries and stuff people getting squashed oh my god like you know poisoning at the teddy bear's picnic and stuff like holy

my hand crushed that's one of my being crushed would be awful i think yeah i think getting maimed in some way and then surviving it would be pretty pretty rough you know like and then losing survive it surely yeah but but then losing the ability to like use a like a limb or multiple limbs because they've been uh cut off or whatever, it would be so rough, wouldn't it? I mean, if I lost a foot, say, at Thorpe Park, like, you'd assume there'd be a pretty hefty payout for that. I suppose so, but, like, what if you lost both hands? Oh, that would be awful. Holy shit, man.

I mean, I wouldn't give a shit about a foot. Get a peg on there, that'd be awesome. I'd love a peg. I wouldn't have to cut my nails anymore. Here's another bonus. You'd cut down on stubbed toes by 50%. But splinter-related injuries would go up. Wait, you're saying it's a wooden foot?

Like I'm a pirate? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another splinter from my peg. I think there's a big adjustment period to getting a peg or like uh you know getting like uh you know like whatever it is like a titanium rod with like a shoe on it or what you know like when you if you lose if you lose a foot or like you lose like a leg or whatever I don't like I I always just thought that you know you would just get like you know a peg and you'd be off you'd be fine sort of thing but

like i think you're why well i don't know because it's never happened to me and i haven't really thought about it that much but so your assumption is that if someone has a limb or appendage replaced that they just crack on like like i mean to like to some extent yeah but i saw this adjustment period of course i know but like you don't realize this when you're not, like, faced with it or anything, right? Like, I've never lost a limb, so I don't know. And also, I've never really been around somebody who's lost a limb, so I don't know. Yeah, but you can safely assume that he's losing. Okay, sure.

But, I mean, yeah, now with hindsight, I can safely assume. But I never thought about it before. Anyway, I'm in town. I see this guy with, like, it's not, I can safely assume, but I never thought about it before. Anyway, I'm in town. I see this guy with like, it's not like a wooden peg leg, you know, like they're like fancy now. Like it was like this like state of the art peg leg event, essentially. State of the art peg leg. It was a state of the art peg leg.

He was like, he had crutches and stuff and was like, fuck, why does he need crutches? Like he's got a peg leg, you know, like he should be, he should justutches and stuff. And I was like, fuck, why does he need crutches? Like, he's got a peg leg. You know, like, he should just be cracking on sort of thing. But, like, obviously, and, like, I realize this now, having not thought about it much before, that, you know, there is probably, like, a massive adjustment period for all this kind of stuff or whatever. And it made me think, holy crap, I'm so fortunate to have never lost a limb. I don't know how the hell i would cope with losing a limb you know what i mean like it's it would just be so fucking rough

jesus christ oh no shout out to any of our listeners yeah big ups lost a limb big ups to anyone who's got a state-of-the-art peg leg nowadays and has lost a limb because christ well i mean i i think a peg leg i you know i think a black beard and like a fucking you know like a you know monkey island wooden peg leg you know like it's just funny they're in 2022 to refer to oh man placement limb as a peg leg okay but like i don't fucking think about this stuff that often so if i'm presented with it it's like holy shit all i know about this is through like a fucking video game or a book yeah i don't know i don't know how to how to deal with this with the doctor said i'm sorry mr lovers but uh we're gonna have to replace

you with a peg a peg leg a state-of-the-art peg leg a state-of- of the art don't worry it's got a rubber stopper at the end we use mahogany and rubber instead of the old i don't know why i'm even laughing it's fucking brutal like i would hate for that to happen i i would feel so sorry for anybody i knew who that happened to and anyone out there who's had to suffer through this i feel sorry for you too i don't even know why i'm laughing well fuck's sake well you gotta laugh what are you gonna do sure exactly so no it sounds like a really eventful eventful did you have like a was it all quite jolly did they have a good time like overall it sounds like they didn't have a great time i i feel like i feel like i have some sympathy for your daughter because i've been in this situation before where i've gone somewhere that was supposed to be really fun with people who were trying so hard to have fun because they're familiar with it

and i didn't have fun and i got home and i just felt sick and kind of like oh fuck you know like i wasn't very fun to be around because i didn't have fun because i was sick and i just couldn't handle it or whatever i've been like in that situation before and I know it doesn't feel great. So I have sympathy. Did you have fun? Because I think part of the joy of being a dad, you don't get many of them, I'm sure, is to experience

something for the first time through your child's eyes. You don't want that experience to be losing a limb. Obviously. You obviously went through this rite of passage with your first daughter and you were thinking it was going to be losing a limb no obviously obviously but i mean you obviously went through this rite of passage with your your first daughter you were thinking it was going to be the same and i guess you almost had in your mind uh this this this obviously very good memory

that you clearly talked about before and that's why your second daughter is so excited to to to experience it you know but people are just right They are, and that's the thing. I've raised them the same. They've endured the same parenting from me. You know what I mean? Just imagine me as your dad. It would be fucking awful. They both managed to make it through that to double figures,

and yet one of them was bang up for every rollercoaster, and the other one was not. And I just think it's an interesting tale about how everybody's different. Is it because she's always been the baby though? Will that child get a better Christmas present than the other one this year, do you think? I don't talk to the other one anymore. I'm not even going to say her name.

She's a coward. So she is out of the family. Jeez. You will never inherit this empire That's the last I can think Oh my god Gentlemen Father's Day is just around the corner

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How about some mailbox? Hit me with the mail. I've got a ton of emails from, I've've got a ton of emails. I've probably got 50 or 60 emails. So we're going to have to do an email postbox special. This is not that special, but I want to read a few. I do have a request.

If you are sending an email to the Triforce podcast email address, which is period.flax at gmail.com, please put in your subject line the word triforce all one word spelled correctly so it filters to the right folder otherwise i have to go past all the spam no offense to some of you but quite a lot of your emails look like spam from the subject line and obviously i don't recognize any of your names so quite a few of them have probably been binned off like this one has no subject binned off for example yeah right so this one had no subject. Binned off. For example. Yeah. Right. So this one had no subject. You found it anyway. Yeah, I did.

From a lad called Shazad. That's such a red flag. But sure. His name being Shazad. No, the no subject line. Okay. Can I just say something quick before we start? My son came home from school the other day and described the way he was treated by another

student in his school as him being mugged off, which I found odd. Because that's not... You know what, Dad? He's mugging me off at school. You don't let no one mug you off. That's not a term that's frequently used in our household. No, of course.

He's picked that up from somewhere. But yeah, he's like, and then he was mugging me off, or he mugged me off. I was like, what the hell? Are we in Walford right now or something? You want some frazzles with that? Like, come on.

Like, what the heck is going on? He's mugging me off, mate. Mugging me off is a cracker. But my youngest said, lots of tea in our group chat today. And I said, what do you mean lots of tea? She goes, you know, tea, gossip, T-E-A. Because it's like spill the tea is a meme about share the gossip right so now you just referred to gossip and sort of in general as tea right really that's how she uses it yeah and apparently I asked in twitch chat when

I was streaming the other day has anyone heard that the younger crowd had the older crowd had not man wow I hear tea and I'm palpitating I'm like oh my god yeah i just want some tea i want some bad so here's shazad's email i was having a shit day at work they're a taxi driver in bristol right um picked up two customers and they noticed the triforce thumbnail on his screen he obviously listens to the podcast while he's driving around it made their night as they've never met a fellow triforce wow holy crap do you think that they all had the conversation about their wiener sizes as well i hope not okay uh here's an email from dr paunch the uh i figured i'd tell you that i love listening to podcasts at my car rental branch and many of my regular

customers have been accustomed have become accustomed to listening to it in the lobby we all agreed that any segments of y'all using the caveman voice are hysterical. I loved explaining to an elderly gentleman what jugging is, and many of them thoroughly enjoyed your bodega stories. Nice. Your podcast gives me a good mental break from renting cars all day. That's from Josh in Texas. I mean, i understand people listening

to it at work but not if your work is also customer facing and you're just playing it on speaker in the lobby of the car rental that's i'm very because a lot of the podcasts pretty slow and weird and salty like we complain a lot i don't know like if you ever listen back to an episode it's incredible i think we don't give. If you ever listen back to an episode, it's incredible. I think we don't give ourselves enough credit. It flows spectacularly. The jokes are just like, you know, like a joke, a laugh out loud joke a second. They all hit.

They all hit. There's no awkward silences. We barely ever talk over each other. Like, I think we're just all, like, trained professionals, you know? We're just so good, man. I think we just have some sort of gift. So I mentioned Hot Pot on this podcast. And a guy, I actually went to Hot Pot this week with a friend of mine.

And I went to this place I'd never been to. And it was empty apart from this one couple at this table. And we sat down and we were having. And he sort of leaned over to me, the guy at the other table,ed i have a tiny penis and i was like great thank you so much for that that's just what i needed but apparently he'd heard about he'd heard me mention hot pot on the podcast and looked up bristol hot pot and found the the place that i had because i'd done it at a friend's house but right he just um he looked it up he yeah Yeah, and there was no one else there but us. It was nice.

We had a nice chat. It was a nice chap. Very nice time, actually. The era of the influencer, huh? Didn't mug me off or anything. Maybe we need to get a... We got to get a sponsorship from Hot Pot now, because we're now driving business towards them, right?

Like, it's only right. Or just get a commish. Get the commish. It was very strange, actually, there, just get a commish get the commish it was very strange actually hey speaking of the commish you remember that show the the commish in like the 90s it was on tv the guy who played the commish in the commish was the guy who played the um the owner of the coach of the boston celtics in winning time that guy that was the commish and they actually referred to him as the commish uh at one point in the show too oh i don't know why but there you go it was michael because he was the commission it was flipping um michael chicklis from what's his fat from from

thing from the show commish uh the commish the shield the shield vick mackie that's what he's known as right no no that's not that's not him. Oh, yeah, it is, isn't it? Wow. Holy shit, it is. You remember him as the Kamish. I remember him as the Kamish, but I watch The Shield as well. Do you know what? It's weird, because I remember him from The Shield, but I always get him mixed up in The Shield for some reason with Grant, Phil and and grant from eastenders like they

look very similar don't they because he's fucking bald and stuff in the shield and uh and i always just in my mind i always picture uh grant from uh what's that what's his name again russell uh russell um ross camp ross camp right yeah yeah that's who i always picture as the guy from the shield for some reason but yeah no you're right it was the commish was the guy that in the shield i have to mention that to my wife actually because we we like the shield except for fucking uh shane in the shield uh walter goggins fuck me man god what a hateful character you remember that guy yeah yeah yeah oh goggins fucking good name yeah they've got some great names in america haven't they God, what a hateful character. You remember that guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Goggins. Fucking Goggins.

Such a good name. They've got some great names in America, haven't they? Yeah. Goggins. Love them. All right, what's next on the mailbag? What have you got? Had quite a few strip club stories.

Right. Some of which are pretty cringy. Okay. Some of which are quite interesting. Had some that were essentially from strippers right uh which was interesting i wasn't expecting from the viewpoint of a stripper yeah we had one last week i think um well we had it it was a tweet from a stripper remember oh yeah that's right it said and said don't ever bring lew a strip club. That's right. I remember. That was the one. Yeah, I'm banned now, apparently.

You're banned. Yeah. Self-imposed. Globally banned from strip clubs. Yeah. You can send your picture to the strip club international network of clubs and ban yourself if you feel like you've got a problem. And then when you turn up.

I see. Yeah. When you turn up, they're like, no up there like nah sorry you've you've self banned yourself you're not allowed you can do that at casinos as well I think yeah that's cool you can add yourself to the ban list something we spoke about I think in episode 221 was people suggesting to people that are not white in Britain and I'm sure this happens in America as well where are you really from right right which is the question that we've got quite a few emails from people. Some of that is directly happened to them. So, um, this, uh, I assume it's a lady. Their name is Yu Chen. Uh, cause they then talk about pole dancing. So, uh, my name is Yu

Chen. I consider myself British. I lived here my whole life, but my family is Chinese and I look Chinese. I don't mind at all being asked, where are you from? I usually answer Wales, which is where I grew up. And they sometimes get followed up with something like, oh, cool. Have you always lived there? Which again, I don't mind because it's polite conversation. There are some, however, usually men in their 50s in her experience who would press on with, but where are you from?

And not let go, just refusing to accept my answer. I had this a lot from customers when I worked in retail tech support and I like to play a game to see how long I could keep it up. I will react to their question with feigned confusion and repeat,

I'm from Cardiff in Wales. My record is six rounds. I didn't know it was possible to phrase the question, but where are you from in so many different ways? I gave him one and he said, okay, I know you've lived in Wales,

but where do your ancestors originate? It was getting too hard to keep a straight face. I've had a couple of experiences like this, like very light experiences because I am white. So like visually, I would never really be asked that, I don't think. But my last name is a little bit unique, a little bit unique right like uh it's hungarian isn't it it's hungarian and but but people uh assume that it's like it's polish and some people realize it's it's hungarian straight away um so like when my wife was in uh was in maternity

for all of our kids okay all three of them um they gave her uh literature and stuff like as they do like at the hospital or whatever in polish first so like we just got this whole stack of stuff and it was all in polish we're like okay what the are we gonna do with this like uh you know what i mean and they're like oh sorry like we we figured you guys are polish because your last name we're like no right so so there's that and also another thing that happens quite often like multiple layers away from more more often than it's surprising how often this happens i'll go somewhere and like um i'll use my card or something where they can see my last name like and you know normally like i wouldn't have really

said anything at this point and you know they wouldn't either and then they'll they'll speak to me like in some fucking moon language i'm like what like and they're like oh sorry like uh i thought you were hungarian because your last name or or polish they start to speak to me in polish or whatever but if they speak to me in in hungarian they think i'm hungarian and they expect me to answer back and I seem confused. And so I'm like, oh, no, no, like I've never even been like I'm not like Hungarian or whatever. They're like, oh, yeah, well, you know, I'm not either. Like I'm from Transylvania, which is actually much nicer, by the way. It's like, okay.

I mean, I don't know what this flex is, but like it's wasted on me. Like I don't know what this flex is, but it's wasted on me. I don't even know. If you say Transylvania, I think of one thing, and that's Count Dracula. I don't know where you want me to go with this. I've seen that happen as well, because they're like Hungarian Transylvania, but they think it should be part of Hungary. I've had this taxi driver tell me this before. It's just like i i do not know what you're talking about like i did very very i think it's one of the early things in hearts of iron a decision is

as the nazis you can give parts of one country to another right right this actually belongs to hungary it's a big decision it turns out like almost all european countries have some claim on another country. Every European country has it, pretty much. So, I mean, it's... We have. We have. Northern Ireland, you know, come on.

That's pretty topical, isn't it? That Northern Ireland, we've got it. And reasonably, they might say, can we have it back? So, you know, it's a tricky one. Well, I think that's something that we own that they want back. Whereas I think we have other things that we claim. Do you see what I mean? That other people own.

There's probably bits of France and other islands that other people occupy that we have some historical claim on. And if some nationalist assholes decide to get power, they could leverage it into some global movement to get, oh, give us those islands back from from fucking portugal or whoever i mean spain wants to brought back again pretty reasonably it's literally attached to spain yeah we got it a long time ago but but the people of gibraltar don't want to be in spain apparently that's the thing who would know that they would choose us over spain there's a uh there's a bit relating

to this uh speaking of ireland as well from father ted i don't know if you remember this bit but all of the priests there's a whole bunch of different priests meeting up somewhere I think in Ted's house or whatever and uh you know they're just it's all formalities they're having drinks and stuff like that and uh you know they're asking each other which parish they they're from and stuff like that and one of the priests is black and I think it's Dougal or Ted or somebody goes up to him and they're like and and where are you from, Father? And like, because he's black and he's like a bit out of place because all of the other priests are white or whatever.

And, you know, the expectation that he's going to say that he's from like Africa or something like that. And then he turns around, he's like, I'm from Donegal, mate. Something like that. Like he's like super fucking Irish. Like, oh oh man it was pretty good it's uh it's an old bit but relatable i guess yeah yeah here's another one this is from uh this this is this is the the kind of hate mail that i sometimes receive uh in the uh the triforce

how we're such likable people i i this this well it's obviously not directed at you guys it's directed at me okay rather than that's fine then that's fine you guys are the beloved members of the dear bald idiot i am i am the heel i'm sick of your stupid takes on this thing that i know more than you about exactly right so this is dear triforce I'm going to put it in this voice because it's angry. Right, okay. I find it incredibly, because he spelled incredibly wrong, ironic that Perion of all people is dismissive. Like Incredi and then the name Billy?

Incredibilly? No, it's Incredibilly, but an extra I between the B and the L at the end. Like an extra rage letter the b and the l at the end so it's like like another like an extra rage letter from the rage typing incredibly ironic that a period of all people is dismissive of the new kenobi show describing it as i did on twitter as an rpg session with a mediocre dm wait well we haven't talked about this on the podcast so this would have to be directed at your twitter episodes out so far right yeah and it was in my mind like an rpg session with a mediocre dm he says given that your bodega stories feel like an rpg session with a 12 year old as a dm i think it's a case of glass houses and thrown rocks buddy holy i'll also say that the story of

a man past his prime trying to relive the adventures of his youth Should resonate with the Yogscast Given the return of both GTA to the main channel And Dota Karting to Double Dragon Brackets Both of which I enjoy by the way Keep up the good work lads Holy crap

That guy did not pull his punches This guy just went in there Fair play to you. Big ups to this guy. He's obviously a big fan. I don't think he meant it like that. I like his moxie. It's so easy to read it in that tone of voice. It's funnier as well, right?

Much funnier. Big fan. I love the in brackets big fan, by the way. Keep up the good work. People are very defensive about things they're very protective of things they want to be good and they can you can enjoy things that aren't very good i mean i i watch tv shows that are crap all the time and films that are bad and and and enjoy i only watch good stuff it's like the witch it's objectively bad the tv show but i still enjoyed it you know yeah i don't do i don't i don't i honestly still enjoyed it. Yeah, I don't.

Honestly, with a lot of this stuff, I don't really look into it to that extent. Technically, maybe it's bad. I don't know. I liked it enough. I liked it because I'd played the game and I had some semblance of what was going on already. So that helped. But it's just whatever. Yeah, you can fill in all the plot holes and gaps

in having said that though i've watched it never thought about it again like you know i watched it i liked it enough and then i moved on with my life like i assume most sensible people do uh instead of um staying angry at a tv show and basing your whole life about complaining about a tv show which is kind of weird things like obi-wan is that they have it they're doing the trickle release you know once a week which is this thing which is obviously a marketing ploy to get people to talk about it and every everything and keep keep you know but i i refuse to watch any of these things until all of them are out like i'm sick of hearing about fucking all these i mean even better cool Better Call Saul, I'm not watching it

because I want the whole lot to be out, and then I'll watch it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I've watched some of it, but I need to catch up. It's inevitably going to be a fucking letdown halfway at the end of the season or, you know. And if it's not a letdown, great, I'll watch the thing. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I just don't have the time to be constantly reminded about this fucking show. Loki and all these things that have gradually trickled out. I'll watch them when they're done, then when they're done i usually enjoy them or not i'll tell you what i watched something uh good recently that i really enjoyed um and maybe maybe not applicable to you guys i don't know if you guys would even um have remembered uh this or or or have any fond memories of it but as a as a canadian and growing up around the time when

this stuff was coming out uh the kids in the hall um oh yeah it's a new series they have a new series but there's a there's a good two-part documentary on them um alongside it as well on on that was such a big show when i was younger um me and my sister would record it off i think it was on bbc two or maybe channel four yeah i think it might have been Channel 4. And it was like, we'd been told that this was this huge show in Canada and it was such an unusual sketch show, proper alternative comedy compared to what was on offer at the time. It was really, really good.

I've watched it since and it's not great. A lot of the sketches are far too long. Yes. But some of them are really, really good. A lot of it was stage improv stuff that was then oh really uh yeah which was then made uh to to like crowbarred into tv especially their first season they almost got cancelled after the first season because it was oh it's got too long um mark mckinney who's in superstore i think he's the best character in superstore honestly he's playing like the um he's very funny but yeah i mean he did um

he did the i'm i'm crushing your head guy yeah and uh and uh and the uh chicken lady um in uh in the in kids in the hall yeah he's very funny but they they're all very funny there's not there's there's been some great sketches there's been some that just haven't aged as well or whatever but like i i think season two um is where it it really picks up and and starts to get yeah yeah a bit more for for tv rather than them doing like uh you know improv for tv sort of thing but um the uh the documentary sort of like, you know, they have their highs and lows and, you know, they do their run of TV.

Everybody's sick of it. They break up for a bit, get back together. And then they go on tour doing like stage, like live shows again, stage shows, which I saw one of them. They came to Ottawa in 2000. Me and my friend who were big fans went went to went to see them live and it was great it was a really really really good show it was funny like uh like there's a lot of

like stuff from the the tv series there's new stuff and it was just just really good and it's it it's just interesting to see that they're still around still doing yeah what they've always done sort of thing in movies yeah from time to time so yeah so it's so it's eight episodes they're all in their 60s now yes and it's technically season six yes and and the big thing that a lot of people mention about the new season is that there is a lot of um penis like they they they're not scared to just get their their junk out and uh and so there's a lot of dongs in the in the season okay well cavill's in it as well does he get his dong out he might do yeah you never know but um but yeah see i haven't watched much of the new season but

the the documentary is definitely worth a watch and then if you haven't watched any of the old stuff i'd say it's probably worth uh worth a watch as well there's some holy crap i mean that's a way to set up for a new show watch a fucking show from a 1984 geez yeah it was like 89 to 95 right the tv the the tv show they made a movie called brain candy yeah they did yeah that wasn't very good the movie um but um but the the show the show is very good there's some some really good stuff i'll check out the new one i'll check on the new yeah watch it yeah all right here's an email this is a really interesting opening this is from jordan hello ted pervert here i've had a cattle prod used on me by a partner when playing she touched the prod to my

outer thigh and it was quite intense my leg went numb for a couple of seconds and there was some pain but it wasn't that intense i can only imagine that that prod being used on a cow would be akin to you or me being zapped with an electric fly swatter as the cow has much thicker skin than i do yeah i can easily believe that the loud snapping sound and the small jolt be something the cow tries to avoid so use the prod would be less and less the threat. It would be enough to move the cows. Yeah, it's like a deterrent, right? Like it's just to move them where you need them to move.

However, I had a lot of emails from cattle workers, believe it or not. Holy crap. And they all said that they do not use a cattle prod. And that if you do, it'll scare the cows and make them not trust you. Generally, they will follow you around. If you call them, they will come. And the only time they actually really might need to use it is to get them to go into the slaughterhouse.

Like, that's it. Right. But other than that, they generally, for a start, I think they don't want to do it. Because, I mean, if you're working with cows day in day out even though it is your job they're very sweet animals really and i could imagine you not wanting to zap them so for our uh i believe i might have been the the lead on misinformation regarding cattle prods they don't use them that much from the cattle people that have mailed into me oh big ups to cattle herders everywhere um well i revoke my veganism in that

case it sounds like a completely humane treatment is going on for you and i have no reason to worry about this uh there you go that's great to hear yeah um fantastic that's i think that's a good one to end on you know like sometimes in the news they end on like, hey, Captain Tom is 104 years old and he just ran 700 laps for charity or whatever. You know, like that. I feel like that's our version of that. Yeah. Okay. Of our puff piece.

Sure. That's a feel good way to end the podcast, right? Indeed. Yeah. All right. Thanks, everyone. We're going to do a mailbag special. So don't worry if I haven't read your email out.

We'll get to it. we'll get to it we'll get to it well the thing is we're gonna have to record some episodes because you're going away to america for a month um holy so we might have this guy in his trips eh holy shit i'm going away though as well yeah i'm working in sweden for a week then we're spending two weeks in in california so yes i will be away it's a bit it's a bit of a busy we're gonna have a whole month where we're not able to record so we'll have to record some advanced ones but we're gonna have to get somebody to stand in for you flex we're gonna have to find um can we do we know anyone else who is no because if they're better you'll stick with them i don't want to be ousted okay we won't okay good point yeah we would replace you in a heartbeat exactly uh one quick thing before we leave.

I recommended Flax Play Satisfactory last week. I believe you played it and maybe didn't like it, but I have a new... I played it. It was very complicated and time-consuming. And to be honest with you, I just got the Tarkovich again, so I've been playing Tarkov and Dover,

but it's something I may return to. I didn't dislike it. All right. Okay. I have a to. I didn't dislike it. I get it. Okay. I have a new game of the week for you. My game of the week for you to both try this week is a game called Workers and Resources Soviet Republic. We talked about this.

Is it fun? It's really fun. Yeah. Get it and try it out and let me know what you think next week. All right. I'll pick it up. Can I get like a secret police to go around and keep people in line? You'll have to play the game and find out. Okay. fun yeah get it and try it out and uh let me know what you think next all right i'll can i can i get like a secret police to go around and keep people in line you'll have to play the game and find out

it is very very very very detailed i will say that oh god yes okay i've got i've got the platy tubes all weekend so all right well anyway um that's all thanks everyone we'll see you next week thank you