Triforce! - Triforce! #228: A Triforce Around The World

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

Triforce! Episode 228! Pyrion made many notes in his travels across America, Lewis got sick returning from TwitchCon Amsterdam and Sips, hearing all of this, decides to stay indoors. Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Visit http://joinhoney.com/TRIFORCE to get Honey for free. Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Triforce. This is a real podcast, not none of them temporary mailbag crappy old ones yeah this is a real one we got the real boys we got the big boy sips we got big daddy flax all right charity partner we got me uh so it's been it's been a whole like three or four weeks since we've recorded a podcast yeah it's been made in the united states i've been in america boys doing a little tour of california let me tell you what a beautiful state that is.

It's got everything. It's got everything. It's got everything. It's really something. Are you really, if you embrace the culture, are you now fully 100% American now? No, absolutely not.

Having spent, I mean, obviously I grew up in the States and I've been all over it and i i do love it um so i i i was saying to lewis before we started that i sent myself occasional notes while i was away to just jog my memory about things that we had thought or seen um that we thought were funny while we were over there and as as much as i love america and i'm sure americans listening to this will understand where I'm coming from. I love it, but it's insane.

The whole place is insane. And a lot of it makes sense. A lot of it really doesn't make sense. And a lot of it just seems completely bonkers. And yeah, it's kind of hard to say why it's mad, but it is mad. It is definitely mad. It's exaggerated, America, isn't it? Everything's just... Everything. But there's also just stuff that they do differently where you think,

why would you do that? You know what I mean? It's hard to explain. So just to give people a quick recap of where I went, we went to California. Mrs. F had been there previously. I've been there for work. I've been around LA a couple of times, but never really into LA. This was an inland empire which is way out really um so i didn't really get to see much of la itself and i've certainly never seen the rest of california we went to san francisco then we we were there for a few days and we went up to sonoma which is like wine country north of san francisco we went northwest to sacramento we didn't mean to go to sacramento which i'm sure is true of most people that end up with sacramento we didn't mean to go to sacramento but yosemite was on fire so we at

the last minute had to rebook some dates and mrs f was like shit well we need to make our way down to sequoia so we went to sacramento and then we went to fresno which is not something that that anybody in california ever does uh from what i can tell um so we went to fresno then we went from fresno across to sequoia looked at the trees there were there for a couple of nights then we drove all the way from sequoia over to monterey which is on the coast then we were in monterey for a while for a couple of nights then we went down uh to down the coast and we went to san luis obispo and we went to um la and we went to santa barbara before that sorry so we went san luis obispo

santa barbara la then went to santa clarita to go to six flags and then we came home um and yeah it was it was a great trip it was we really saw a bunch of of uh california and everybody said you gotta go to san diego we didn't get a chance we'll go next time so i'd like to get a san diego and las vegas next time honestly uh and maybe spend a bit more time in Santa Barbara because it was gorgeous. Well, that's exactly what some of the lads are doing when TwitchCon's coming. Oh, really? So while you were doing that, we... Well, I went to TwitchCon Amsterdam.

You didn't go, did you, Sips? Yeah, I was there. You don't remember? Nice guy. What a good friend. Why were you not there? What was this? I guess family stuff right yeah um and um well you got you know you got new new bab new bab is uh sucking your time like big style i

guess oh my god how are you handling the three kids now is it is it a lot more stress um yeah man it's crazy it's too many kids like uh i think i thought two is too many honestly and now three is just like jesus there's always something it's crazy i just like i like fully now just eat standing in my hallway and stuff like i just there's no time to to really do anything it's like being in in a battle it's like being deployed it's just okay it's just non-stop chaos it's crazy yeah two two major shitting incidents happened. Well, and the carpet is now, that's it. It's done.

Well, I mean, it's okay for now. But yeah, it's like you can clearly see where it happened. It's like it's been like bleached and like anti-backed and everything. So there's just like a big circle in the middle of our floor that's completely off color to the rest of the carpet. And like the fibers are all like fucking hard and shit. Like it's, I think all the poop is out, but it's, uh, it really, it really did a number. I'm going to, I'm going to say, um, that obviously, you know, we, we, we both got kids. I'm way out of that stage now. Uh, and I'll, I'll be honest with you. I feel like the early stages, like pre 10, that's like

being in a battle. It's like being in a serious war of attrition. It's brutal. But after that it's like being in an occupying situation. So it's like you've got the original war, which is very bloody, a lot of casualties, it's a mess

and then after that, now it's just a war of occupation. It's generally pretty chill but there's a simmering resentment and occasional uprising so it's more like that and the management becomes political rather than than kinetic you know what i mean it's like a physical war it's more of a political war we're getting a bit of both sides because my son is is 10 going on 11 So the sassiness has begun. He's going into his last year of primary. So once he goes up to the big boy school, it's going to be an even worse sort of thing.

So we have the contrast of that with a fresh one-year-old who is still teething and shitting and barfing like yesterday. So that would be like your first is like the capital city you've taken that that's cool the area around it is getting more and more chill but now that whole new front has opened up and you've got suddenly you've got all these troops are going to come out of reserve you know you're you're already depleted forces are now like oh god we got to handle this whole new front it's going to be tough i feel like the troops already came out of reserve that's why they had the third child no man we the uh the middle one like i guess it's true what they say about the middle one though the middle one just

gets forgotten the problem with the middle one as well is that you expect them to be more like the eldest one but our middle one's still six but yes we we always like wrongly assume that she's much older than six so we're all we're like probably a bit harder on but yes we we always like wrongly assume that she's much older than six so we're all we're we're like probably a bit harder on her than we we need to be uh not allowing her to just be six right right yeah six much easier for us to have two older kids with a baby than it is to have a middle kid with a with a baby as well yeah so it's uh it's a weird one for sure this is why you have the the third child is the arty child as well do you think this is all like the all the memes are all true you know the first is the most responsible the most the most effort the most you took the most care and you know we stressed about the first

our first one a lot more than the high achiever yeah our first is way more messed up than our second like i think because we took more interest in it, we fucked it up. We would have been much better off just letting them be. You should have been hands off all along. I mean, a second is way more chill. So I feel like the first one you make a complete hash of, the second one is a lot more chill. And then the third one is like, you're barely paying attention at all. Probably going to be the bestest kid of the bunch in all, honestly. So I wouldn't worry. Not that I'm comparing your children. Obviously, you never need that.

No, no. Compare away. It's fine. It's fine. All right. So I made some notes while I was away on the trip and emailed them to me so I could remember them. So these are just things that either we said or thought.

It's like a tent digital diary. Yes. There's not many. So bear with me. So this is the first one. I was watching telly with Mrs. F and she just said, we were watching some adverts and she said to me, they're just obsessed with cheese, aren't they? They're obsessed with cheese, but a lot of their ads in my experience are about

medicine as well. They have a lot of medicine ads. A ridiculous number of medicine ads. My kids thought it was hilarious because half the ad is them telling you what's going to go wrong with you if you take yeah it's all like the disclaimers right do not take if you're pregnant do not take if you're overweight do not take it it's like excludes a hundred percent of the american population pretty much it was really the hard sell there was one quite that was quite popular while we were there where they said do not take this drug if you were allergic to this drug well duh but also how are

you meant to know until you've taken it like you can't wash your hands without me like wow we said don't take glablamoquil if you were allergic to glablamoquil and uh you took it it's like well i didn't know but they're all like ask your doctor about blamamoquil may cause anal bleeding uh penis tearing eyeball explosions like it's literally like that get me some of that testicle explosions yeah oh my god all right so here's the next one um they're obsessed with cheese as well we just glossed over that but that sorry yes no they literally everything every food they you think they've added as many things as possible like i think this was from an old McDonald's or Burger King ad

where they drop the parts of the burger onto a very bouncy looking, no doubt fake bun to show you all the many things in this burger and how obviously wonderful and fresh they look in the advert. And there's always, and topped with layers and layers of thick Monterey Jack cheese. And there's like just fucking cheese everywhere, all over everything. Nothing is a reasonable portion size

the whole time we were out there we had so much food left over every time we ate which is a classic thing to say about america but it really is true yeah even in california even in some pretty nice places we ate and i was like fuck me why is this so much food it's so wasteful yeah it's every trip that we've been on it's always said like you know when you order food you always end up with so much because we're used to getting a reasonable size portion that you're expected to finish right like if you if you if you dine out over here they don't give you too much and oftentimes actually they give you too little right but yeah um the expectation is that you're going to finish your food your plate of food or whatever but in america it's not it's like it's like three

or four servings worth and the expectation is that you take a bunch of it home with you yeah they'll always say to you do you want a box for this and we're like no we're on holiday like oh okay like i wish you could say i'd like this burger but in like a regular human portion not the massive one just offer the price in half you gotta get there you gotta get the kids meal but you're not allowed to order kids meal items if you're not i'm happy to even like pay the same just give me less give me less just so i don't feel as bad about wasting this food yeah just like it definitely puts a downer on the end but i guess it's actually because there are certain people who i guess it's a right? They're expecting a certain amount and they'll leave a bad review

if they don't have enough. It's like, oh, they're very stingy with their portions. It's become a cultural thing for sure. And there are plenty of big old Americans. It's just safer just to give people an extra 25 chips. Another thing I find, Mike. There weren't as many really big Americans. Oh, really?

I feel like it's a much healthier state in general. A lot of people seemed in great shape in san francisco in particular and in la so many people working out jogging running cycling a lot more active when you go to florida or something like that it's like gordo country everybody's fucking enormous well i think it's the demographics different too right like in florida there's like a lot of like um you know like uh older people but like you know like middle-aged but like pushing like you know people pushing like uh you know mid-40s to 50s and stuff like that and i think that's when a lot of weight like a middle-aged spread yeah a lot of spread occurs right yeah peanut butter that's what it is they uh from from my experience with

americans as well they know a lot about food right like they like almost obsessively know a lot about food and like and like seasonings and sauces and stuff like that i know i've got a pretty bland palate and like i eat fairly bland stuff i eat like a five-year-old like most of the time but um your favorite food is margarita pizza yeah yeah but they're like they are on the uh complete polar opposite end of the spectrum like the stuff that they're talking about like you know like it's all like this really like outlandish fancy like you know when they talk about like ordering uh like a like a meal in from like a like a takeout or whatever and it's just like holy crap like just get some chips or something like

what's uh what's what's all this stuff you're talking about like i mean it's crazy like but but then they also seem to be somewhat aware of like calories and stuff but you think holy crap you've just described like five or six things that are going to be bundled into this meal of yours like you you you got to be talking like six seven thousand calories for one meal here yeah but like it's it's it's just a given you know like that like and when you hear them talk to each other about it everybody's in the know they're all like oh yes oh gosh yeah the serpentine goulash is just so great oh god i would eat like a tub of that on the side if i could and stuff and it's just holy crap man their adverts like so many of their adverts are for food it's either food or drugs yeah i mean the other big ones are law firms. And there was an advert that we saw actually for an advert out there.

A guy comes up and says, hi, my name's Chet Hansel. And I represent you. And blah, blah, call this number. And he said in small print at the bottom that he was not licensed to practice law in California. I thought that was an incredible disclaimer. That's such an American thing, isn't it? That's like about as american as it gets i mean i guess he owns the firm but it's just why use him as a spokesperson the guy who poses i won't actually be able to represent you in california but come to us if you're in california we'll i will represent you not in california but yeah

you know it's like what how does that work how could you this is my lawyer he can't actually represent me uh i'm not sure why I've hired him. It was a good commercial. You know, that's pretty much it. Did you watch any Sunday TV? Sunday TV is just a completely different kettle of fish, like, to like their normal weekly TV. Because Sunday morning TV is just, it's all church stuff, right? Like most of the channels almost like have big church segments or the like the evangelicals have like a slot on certain channels and stuff like that.

I mean, we get songs of praise on a Sunday. I guess that counts. I was saying this the other day. I was talking about this and saying about songs of praise. But songs of praise is not like ram it down your throat either, right? It's just a bunch of... It's very Church of England. Yeah, it's just a bunch of choirs singing hymns and stuff like that man you can kind

of take it or leave it right like it doesn't really matter it's not aggressively god yeah yeah there's not somebody uh curing you know you don't need these crutches anymore and doing like the hand blast on the forehead and stuff like that they never said oh jesus jesus that's not coming up on some no no it's just it's way Too much right like it's today We're at Ely Cathedral The church of the undivided Trinity and we will be Beginning the

Ceremony with hymn number 44 Yeah All for he is So glorious or some Hymn like that right He did enjoy a nice summer day the camera will pan around a small church with about 25 elderly folks 25 like uh elderly thatcher lookalikes right they all have like the hats and the fucking uh like the pencil dress and and stuff like that

on but they're like 95 years old it's uh yeah so here's the next the next reminder that all this this this is three words cabby fresno jesus so we got in a cab at one point and the guy asked us where we're going next and we said fresno and he literally went jesus like we'd really insulted him and everyone we spoke to in california when we said we were going to or had been to fresno had the same sort of visceral reaction. Now, to be fair, when we were there, it was 41 to 42 degrees. It was unbelievably hot. The hottest I've ever been on the ground.

I was literally, he was like, Jesus. He couldn't believe we were going to Fresno. And everyone was like, whatever you do, don't go downtown or be careful and all this kind of stuff. We stayed sort of outside of the town. We just had to spend one night there on the way to somewhere else and that was the only place mrs f could find at short notice to book somewhere so we didn't go there by choice we literally did not see any of fresno but no californians had a good thing to say about it if you live in fresno i'm very sorry it's not having a go what is the deal with fresno it's just it's like one of the worst

parts of california that and bakersfield but then again it's probably like way better than like a bunch of the other cities in america why why is it so bad though is it like known specifically it's quite violent i think i think it's quite bad and i also it's just a shithole is what everybody said like it's hot there's nothing to do in fres over it's like being in an oven because california is shaped like it's like there's the coastline then there's a huge mountain range then there's a vast beautiful farming valley which is like if this was sieve if this was sieve this is like the ideal place you this would be you would feed every city in your empire from this little section it's unbelievable then there's another big mountain range. What did I say?

It's massive. Oh, it's huge. Sorry. This valley. Yeah. I always picture it like that World of Warcraft zone that had the... You remember the Naga were pumping all of the water out of that zone in that big hydro pumping facility? That's California right there for sure. And that's where Tom Selleck works. He's got that water pumping facility and he's denying all the locals of all their water it was like that joaquin the valley it's amazing yeah central valley yes it's it's amazing place honestly

because you see they don't they have to pump huge amounts of water into it from it's crazy miles away so you see these reservoirs there's this reservoir i think it's called the california reservoir i could be wrong it's probably called the sand something reservoir but either way it's on the way into uh monterey from fresno we went past it californians will know it's a vast vast lake surrounded by hills and this is their reservoir for like this part of california obviously this is connected by irrigation to all of these farms because you're just it's so much farmland there's so many growing so many different things i wish they were growing so many fucking almonds because apparently they're like the thirstiest plant stop growing so many fucking almond trees you're killing yourselves it's still better than milk

cow milk though that's the thing right so almond milk is meant to be better right but but california is growing all of these almonds like we went past mile after mile after mile of fucking almonds and they're just like thirsty bars are just sucking all the water out of the ground and all of these reservoirs and the reservoirs are having these droughts as well aren't they yeah but they have a drought when you were there they have they they are always having yeah it's like it's like all the time over there right oh it's crazy. Every time we've been to LA, they're always in the middle of a drought.

Always a drought. There's always some sort of fire. I love how you had to divert around the massive wildfire into the drought. It's such an American... We could see the fire. That's just normal. That's just accepted as normal now.

They have a fire. The weather guy pops up, he tells you. That's another thing they're obsessed with is the weather. I thought British people were obsessed with the weather, but we are obsessed with talking about our very bland weather. They are obsessed with living in fear of their genuinely terrifying wrath of God weather

that could come out at any moment, anywhere. So they were like, possible hurricane warning, blah, blah, blah blah like earthquakes tornadoes droughts wildfires more after this and there's an after from i can't handle any more of this it's too much it's unbelievable so it was like we could as we're driving in south towards sequoia we can see yosemite on fire there's this huge pool of smoke hanging across the horizon and people like oh yeah they closed a couple of gates i heard they lost about 10 000

square countries worth of fucking trees and when we came into sequoia we're going past all these giant like dead trees it was just like black matchsticks sticking out of the ground for miles and that was like last year's burn or something that this part sequoia had burned it was terrifying luckily we didn't see any burned down um like big sequoia trees these were all like pines and things like that but they're really worried about the fact that if they have a big fire they're gonna lose like the general sherman tree or whatever it's called which is like this unbelievable living thing to see it's like seeing a whale um it's such a big fucking tree it's ridiculous by volume it's the biggest tree in the world like it's not the tallest

but it's so thick it's dummy thick this tree right uh and they're just amazing the sequoias themselves absolutely amazing general sherman yeah wow it's it's the largest currently living tree holy crap it's unbelievable it's it's until you've stood at the base of it you can't really appreciate how large it is it's it's insane um and it doesn't have a huge canopy it's like a little it's like a huge thick body with these little arms it's like a t-rex of trees little arms of trees and branches sticking out at the top but yeah just they suck up water but the mountain up there was beautiful. It was 9,000 feet up.

And our ears were popping the whole time we were driving up there. The air was so thin, I was knackered going up like half a flight of stairs. I was like, fuck it, we had to keep stopping. It was really, really awful. But it was beautiful. It was absolutely beautiful. All right, so here's the next one. My eldest said that San Francisco is like the crustiest parts of Londonondon but all in one place that's her summary of san francisco

which is very unfair um but they saw like the east crustiest now so that's her favorite thing is to describe something as musty crusty musty crusty bit musty crusty around here isn't it that's what she says i don't know where she got it from but like she's not very nice well yeah we saw one homeless person and the kids shat themselves it's so i was like love wait till we get to venice i guess they didn't go anywhere near the middle of fucking san francisco then i know jesus christ i mean we we saw there's a decent number of homeless people in the bits of san francisco we were in but we didn't go to i can't remember what the area is i'm sure someone or someone will know it's like really bad like there are parts of yeah the tenderloin all around there there are parts of san francisco we were in but we didn't go to i can't remember what the area is i'm sure someone or someone will know it's like really bad like there are parts of yeah the tenderloin all around there there were parts of san francisco that were just like obliterated by covid everything was like

boarded up and shut down and the hotel owner said to us it was really bad a couple years ago like san francisco was like fucking terrible and it's recovering now when we were there it looked like a really prosperous city and it was stunningly beautiful. We went to Golden Gate Bridge Park, which was absolutely gorgeous. It's really nice there. Yeah. And I thought San Francisco was really, really something. There's a lot of really nice, really fancy. It's a really expensive place to live, obviously, as well. No doubt. But there are definitely real shitty areas.

I can't possibly imagine otherwise, because we saw some elements that my kids were not impressed by, the musty, crusty stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what else have we got? Oh, yeah, bear attacks, youngest very concerned. That's a note I've made here. Okay. When we got to Sequoia, as we're going in, we're reading about it, and there were all these warnings about what to do

if you're attacked by a bear and all the rest of it. My daughter was like, bears? And I made Mrs. F promise that we would attempt to do all the right things. And if this bear was still coming at us, I would run at the bear and attempt to distract it. Oh my fucking God. While she legged in with the kids.

You had this conversation. We had this conversation. Of course, we didn't even see a bear. But I was like, just in case, you know, you never know. I want the plan to be, I don't want to be dying to a bear attack and then Mrs. F and the kids are just standing there screaming. I want them to be running away so that at least my death is worth something.

I love this. Okay, so you're like, listen, I'm not going to sacrifice myself if you're just going to stand there and watch, right? You're going to be running. Right, yes, because otherwise I'll lose my nerve. Like I'll charge in there and they're still there. I'll be like, oh, fuck. Now I've got to worry about the kids.

And that takes away one of my flanks. You know what I mean? The bear might exploit that weakness. I've got to be all in. Come on! I'll rip my shirt off, grab a stick, and we'll do proper man versus bear. That bear is going to fuck you up so fast.

Oh, of course. But it's not going to stop attacking me because I'll grab onto it. I'll be biting it. Whatever I can can do at least they can get away that's my feeling uh hold on so who is knocking at my door during this better be good i'm in the middle of recording this had better be really really good it was not oh she just wanted to say good morning all right um good morning all right so what have i got that post bear attacks i've got driving in america very aggressive lots of accidents and overall no chill a million huge trucks that is a good summary

of what it's like i drove about 1250 miles in the okay that we were there. That's quite a lot. A shitload of driving. And let me tell you, Americans, you cannot drive. You cannot fucking drive. I've driven in Florida and it was bad. I've driven in all over California and it was fucking awful. Maybe in the other states it's okay. I'm sure some American people say, well, we used to drive in Texas, mate. We're all really good at driving.

They cannot fucking drive in California. The roads suck. The markings on the roads suck. The of the roads is is abysmal and they all drive like it's fucking dodgems everybody's just signaling and turning not signaling and turning weaving around overtaking undertaking they're all either driving way too fast or way too slow and you're constantly surrounded by these enormous trucks that take up the entire lane so when you are trying to overtake them you're like practically it's like fucking chariot dueling these things trying to get past them it was mad like my stress levels were off the chart any time a turning comes up sometimes your lane just starts going off to another motorway and there's bear bear warning

so you just got to be weaving about and everybody else is doing the same thing warning yeah not a bear warning it was scary it was really fucking scary just coming out of the don't turn down the i-5 unless you want to go west like that so that was pretty driving there was the worst part and very much you know most of the most of the time you just drive straight. You do one. Most Americans only have to navigate one turn per day. That's true. One turn a day.

Oh, my God. I've also made a note here. Fresno, murderously hot. 42 degrees and nobody seems to notice. That is true. Nobody really seemed to notice. There were people working in, like, huge thick work trousers, big work boots t-shirt jacket

high-vis jacket on top and their hat and gloves and they're just working away by the side of the road it's like and we're like i could go like 10 feet without having to stop and have a drink of water it was so hot they must just all be used to it but it was un-fucking-real how little they seemed to care about the fact that they were boiling alive um or they were just maybe they're just used to it most of them seem to be uh like latinos so maybe it's much hotter in mexico they're just used to it yeah maybe they're just more more adapted to it like yeah they've just done it their whole lives like they're like oh it's quite cool today it's only 41 but yeah it was maybe it's like that whereas our bodies are so used to being freezing fucking cold all the time yeah right that you know our default stance is um man it was it got up to

37 here the other week and yeah everybody was just losing their fucking minds like it was unbelievable it's just too hot my mom was here she's up in london i think it was 41 in london and she said uh that she was just lying on the floor next to the fan and that the cat and dog were lying next to her also in the fan. And they all just lay there for hours. Well, yeah, it was terrible, actually. So I had this, I came back from TwitchCon, which was great, by the way. Yeah, I really liked it.

Yeah, really fun. Really fun time. And I caught like a stomach bug or something you know and so i i didn't realize this uh so i came back and it was that hottest day when it was like 38 degrees in bristol and um i hadn't slept because our flight was really early so i'd had to like because we i had we'd meet up drinking on the last night you know and then i had about three hours sleep not really and then you know got to the I had about three hours sleep, not really. And then, you know, got to the airport, flew back, had a, had a,

had a load of stress to deal with when I got back just, um, personal stuff. And then was really sick. And I didn't really realize I was sick. I just thought I was hot, but I was like, I was feverish, really, really feverish, really sweaty. And, um, but I just thought, man, this is not a problem because i just i've been to corfu like a couple of weeks earlier and that was just as hot so i was like i can handle this this is not this is not i don't know why i'm so hot and fucked up and no it was it was just like a viral i just had like a viral stomach bug i think so then i started pooping and so it's the

middle of the night i was exhausted i was like super stressed out i was boiling hot i was like feverish and i was just in this really horrible like zombie mode where like i didn't want to disturb my partner because you know we'd had like an argument and so jermaine it was like it was just like everything was just a disaster that day um and and i just i remember i was like just feeling absolutely shitty so i was downstairs like trying to sleep on stuff but it was just too hot and i was like every time i would like doze off i would like snap wide awake again oh um and it was really really weird and what i should have done in the heat is horrible because the toilet seat gets all sweaty oh man it was just it was just the roughest night i've had so that's that was the hot and it wouldn't have been so bad

if it wasn't that confluence of of all of those yes conditions that's terrible that's the worst part any one of them i would have been fine with but the worst thing about pooping when it's hot out is you got to close the bathroom door when you poop so the bathroom gets really hot as well so you're like you're on the brink of sweating just sitting there but then when you when you got to move around like to you know to start you know wiping or whatever all of a sudden it's just like holy shit like i'm just breaking a massive sweat here and i'm not even really doing anything because it's so goddamn hot in this room yeah it was it was hell so yeah but twitchcom was was really cool amsterdam really cool place it's kind of this i don't know if you've you've been several times

i've never been before but it's it's it's a great place to host a convention like that right because there's always there's tons and tons of cool canals and bars all along everywhere and so even with a group of like 5 or 15 or 25 people you can always you can find somewhere oh yeah baby everyone's really chill i'm smoking weed i'm amazing fuck off i wasn't impressed by the red light district it wasn't why i was no people people often aren't impressed by it which uh baffles me because it's amazing it's amazing we're not right there in the window and they're beckoning to you and i was like wow i've never felt so desired in all my life this is ridiculous it is very strange um but obviously they're only

doing it for money but i'm in my primitive brain i was like oh that girl likes me but but i thought the idea in my head the red light district would be kind of slightly crustier and crusty musty crusty musty yeah but actually it's like a really nice area it's got like a really the area is incredible it's really flowers everywhere it's a gorgeous place in the day it's it's a nice area to walk around in the day you wouldn't even know you were in it no of course yeah and then like and then in the night time you know at like 11 p.m obviously this is when we walked around first of all there were a million tourists there like it was like water like crown full like every tourist festival or something like it's a nice atmosphere too right people are like generally like pretty high spirits like like anytime i've ever been it's always been pretty

fun because you just bump into people that you just talk to randomly or whatever and and stuff it's like it's that kind of place it's very social it's very like anyway but it was like waltz that crammed full of people. It's like, you know, being in a queue almost of like being in a tall group or something.

Because there's tall groups there. If you were in a queue, you've got to wonder what you were queuing for. I know, but they sort of, they sort of stake around this area past all the windows

and there's not even that many windows. They're fairly like spread out and there's obviously the sex clubs. There's some sex shops as well. Yeah, they were awful. And obviously Duncan said to me, I was like,

Duncan, what is, why are people doing this? And was like well because you could literally just open any of those doors with women in and fuck them yes well yeah and i was like i was like right and he was you get to look at like first off because it's like managed and they're professionals and they're not just on the street whatever these they all look really gorgeous yeah like a lot of the prostitutes you're like holy shit like this girl is like really good looking and she doesn't have like all track marks all over and look like she's sleeping rough she's like she's got all her teeth and stuff yeah she's like a really good looking girl and she's right there in a window and she's like making eyes he was like oh my god i

could see how people would come here and just lose their minds but i but i mean i am not someone who's just gonna i feel like i would never be able to do it it'll be terrifying first of all though but it's like there's so many tourists there like there's literally a hundred tourists walking past these doors right yeah and you're supposed to be the one that goes out of the crowd you see some of the people that do right like i'm sure where you were walking by you saw a couple of people like trying to discreetly exit one of these places or you see like a huddle of men where somebody is just about to go in or whatever like it's i guess it's the same as like strip clubs really like if you're i think it is trying to get somebody in the champagne room or whatever you

know like it's always like everybody's in the strip club when you're at the strip club yeah you might just be out walking your dog and there's some bloke coming out of a room with a girl and you think sure yeah just knobbed her i just had sex yeah and you'd be like i guess like i'm not i just first of all it wasn't as seedy at all as i was expecting and it wasn't as kind of adult as i was expecting at all it was very because everyone's fully clothed outside there's no like you know know, there's no nipples on show anywhere or anything kind of. God forbid. It's all very, very clean.

I don't want to see that. I don't want to see nipples. Gross. There's hardly any. It's all very safe, you know, to the point of kind of. And obviously, yes, you can just have sex with people.

And also they can go down, down to these or up, I guess, into these clubs and go to the banana bar or whatever and whatever. Yeah to the banana bar or whatever. Whatever, right? Yeah. A banana bar sounds like there's going to be a lot of penises on show.

If you're calling it banana bar, that's got to be the dick. That's the dick part. Well, some of them are a bit like memes, in a sense. But I guess it's a stag do thing and it's a kind of laddy thing and it's a kind of... I get the impression that Amsterdam is like a kind of stag do, but made for stag dos or made for those kind of i get i get the impression that amsterdam is like a kind of stag but made for stag to make those kind of events right i feel like like red light district in amsterdam for me was like kind of like the same vibe as uh as vegas at night you know when you're out on the street like walking in between the the um the casinos and stuff in vegas it's it's a little

bit the same like atmosphere wise right like everybody's just like seems to be having a fun time or whatever like super safe right because there's cops everywhere in that's in in those areas right because it's like tourist central right it's like very like sanitized and the contrast like vegas during the day you see like lots of families taking pictures of all these big casinos and stuff like it it changes but it's still it's still not like it it's not like so much of a change where you're like all of a sudden feeling i think it's because it's so famous though yeah when you think about it's a novelty right people seek it out and you think of the red light district right and and those are the

two things that like kind of are such so prevalent in the people who run Amsterdam's mind that they've obviously made a lot of effort to, you know, sanitize, like, clean it up and make it, like, a place that doesn't reflect too badly on them or it doesn't, you know, there's no... It didn't feel like there was any, like, real crime or, like, danger. It all felt super, like, like, like, um...

Like, they know it's a tourist a tourist place right i don't know so so it felt a bit i don't know like inauthentic in a sense to me you know like um and also just a bit sparse i guess like a bit i was expecting it to be more american in a sense but it's definitely not it's definitely very european like it's kind of spread out across a wider area of little streets and little picturesque canal side you know beautiful bars very strange but no it was great great twitch kong twitch kong was so good in amsterdam because you know sometimes you're just like four of you but sometimes you accidentally there's like 26 of you you know and usually there's seemed like everywhere we went there were places to see and stuff so so next year it's in paris which doesn't feel like it's going to be no that's

going to suck as good no they hate us in france as in people that don't live in paris they hate people that don't live in paris and now there's going to be a ton of them yeah they're not they're not welcoming them just saying do it in twickenham. I'm just saying. Do it in Twickenham. TwitchCon 2024 Twickenham. That would be something else. Oh, you've got Twickenham Stadium? True. It's pretty big. You could do stuff there.

You could do it in Jersey. TwitchCon in Jersey. You've got Fort Regent over here. No. Don't get any ideas. I mean, it was good enough for Hot Chocolate, who came over. Michael Bublé was going to come over at one point.

He's an auto-tuning piece of shit. Don't talk to me about Michael Bublé. They should just do Amsterdam again. It was so good. Sorry, did I say Bublé? I meant Michael Bolton. Oh. Michael Bolton was meant to come over.

He didn't come over in the end, but he was meant to. He's great. He was like, Jersey? What, New Jersey? That sounds great. No, Jersey. Robbie Williams has come over here

to perform at fort region as well which is hilarious because fort region has a seating capacity of like maybe 400 people so it's like imagine like the smallest show that you've ever been to for like a like a punk band or whatever but it's robbie williams and like his whole crew and the production and everything for yeah region for region it's the big dome on the on top of the hill yeah and like his whole crew and the production and everything. Fort Region. Fort Region. It's the big dome on top of the hill. It looks nice. Yeah.

You know, when you're driving like along the front, you can see it. You can see the big dome, the big white dome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's Jersey doing? That's my head. Hello. Oh, terrible.

Oh, please. It's doing terrible. It's never been worse. God. What's wrong? Just a mess. mess are the gas prices just so high and like oh that was something the americans were complaining about the petrol prices it was half the cost it is here half the cost jesus you're like soon

soon as the price of the pump comes down god damn it you know you don't know you're born it's twice as much in the uk they're like what well they drive a lot further they do drive a lot further yeah they all drive over la there is no way to get around other than driving other than they have these massive fucking mega trucks as well the thing in america as well as the way that it's laid out like if you live in a neighborhood somewhere oftentimes you're not going to be working in that neighborhood because there's just not you know a neighborhood will have like a couple of convenience stores maybe a supermarket gas stations the the usual stuff that you need to commute away from where you live to go work in an office somewhere downtown or or whatever

but in in europe it's a bit different right there's a it's there's a good chance that even if you live in a big um city or town you you you will live close enough to where you work sort of thing right where it's true it's not you're not in a car for like you know two three hours a day or whatever that's true that was that was one thing i did actually that that may have been a bad idea we went out for dinner i had a few drinks and i said it was it was long enough back along venice beach which is a shithole that we could have have walked. But I said, look, let's get a Lime scooter, one of those little scooters you can get, and I'll give the kids lifts back to the flat, and then I'll come back and get Mrs. F. And Mrs. F was dead against it.

The kids were like, yes, let's do this. So I got one and gave them each a lift back, went back and got one kid, dropped them off. The problem with with the lime scooters is if you don't have mobile phone reception you can't park the bloody thing so you end up walking for miles with this thing that's running out of battery trying to find somewhere to park it because you only park in certain areas it was unbelievable the mobile phone reception that i got across california was absolutely shocking it It was shocking. I could barely, I didn't get a signal, I would say 70% of the time,

I didn't get any kind of signal. Because Vodafone goes to T-Mobile, I know you've got to go. Vodafone goes to T-Mobile, it sucks. This is, I'm sorry, really sorry. We'll have to do part two of this because there's so much to say and we've had to suddenly

cut the podcast short because I've got to go and do this tiny team stream. But yes, thank you everyone. We'll pick this up. Are you guys around tomorrow? Can we pick this up tomorrow? We can pick it up tomorrow, yeah.

And we'll make this, we'll just do the rest of it tomorrow. We'll do a part two. This is part one. Just pause it here. All right. See you for part two. Today's episode is sponsored by ExpressVPN.

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Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the podcast. We're doing part two. This will be the same one as yesterday. Yeah, so kind of part two where it just fades out and you expect to think it's the end of the movie and then there's a whole other fucking chunk. It's going to be just as disappointing

as the first part of the movie. It's going to be disjointed because yesterday we forgot everything we talked about in the first half of the podcast yesterday well no this is gonna be extra america yeah flax talked about america and but i think flax is pretty jet lagged too right so he'll probably forget some of what he was talking probably yeah so you know what i did watch well here's what i do want to talk about i watched the batman the batman yeah which i it's gotten to the point now where there's been so many batmans and they've had so many names for movies of batmans that they've

just had to resort to the batman the batman i'll be honest with you i thought it was actually pretty good i did it was okay i think it was jolly long because it was like three hours long. I guess we've come... And they definitely could have tightened it up a wee bit. But it was like... Yeah, the titling is like, what are we going to do? What can we call it? Well, I think they already did...

There was already the age of people rebooting stuff and just calling it the one word thing. So there was already probably a movie called Batman. There was. Recently. Yeah. And now they're like, damn, we've used that

what do we have so in France it's going to be Le Batman Le Batman or in Spain it would be El Batmano indeed El Batmano

I liked it because he was like he was a batman for our times you know recession batman like yeah he doesn't have all the fancy gadgets that that uh that the other batman had his car is just like a souped up car his motorcycle is just like a motorcycle and he gets his ass kicked quite a bit like he's just like a lad trying to do his best rather than some like he doesn't flaunt the whole billionaire thing um they don't really and he's got fucking andy circus is his butler for christ's sake i mean you think you could afford someone better than andy bloody circus but no so i liked it el hombre mercilago el hombre de

de de el naito it's a it's mercilago bat yes it is yeah

but that means the the bat mobile is a mercilago mobile that doesn't work at all it's a mouthful for sure

whatever whatever mobile would be yeah mercilago maybe the the automobile is shorter what a is shorter yeah it is a mouthful i would say look out it's the batman look out it's the marsiliago man i like that though i like those long on the on the topic of franchises where uh finally something good comes out of them uh i'm thinking of The Mandalorian.

The reason I'm thinking of The Mandalorian is because I'm thinking of Jon Favreau. The reason I'm thinking of Jon Favreau is because I watched a couple episodes of Seinfeld yesterday and the first episode I watched was The Fire. I don't know if you remember The Fire, but it's the one where George goes to a kid's party with a clown and he's obsessed

with bozo the clown right and he's trying to explain to the clown at the party who bozo the clown was and the clown turns around he's like you're living in the past man you're talking about a clown from the 60s and the guy who says that to him is john favreau he's oh wow he is the clown yeah so he's like a younger john favreau uh and then of course uh george notices a fire uh starts screaming fire and then pushes all the women and children aside so that he can get out first you remember that that's right yeah yeah yeah and then uh and then i also want to mention that i watched uh the the episode uh the hamptons which is the one with shrinkage if you remember that yeah where george very famous caught with shrinkage and they say to elaine you you know about shrinkage

right you know when it gets cold she's like it shrinks yeah and then she's like how do you guys walk around with those things yeah yeah so um so in that same episode ge George's girlfriend of the time goes onto the beach topless, but he hasn't had sex with her yet. But Kramer, Jerry and Elaine all see her topless. Yeah. And I don't know if you remember the scene where they're all looking at her on the beach topless. And Kramer says like, wowza or something like that. And Jerry turns around and says bootros bootros gali remember that from the fashion bootros bootros gali

chris waddle yeah weird yo bootros bootros guy well this is one of those things again it's leads into the the idea that foreign tv and move and and culture is different like certainly i mean batman i suppose this is pretty universal but there's certain things that caught on in certain countries and are still very famous there for kind of no reason almost like these things that everyone else has forgotten about you know it'll be like a cartoon series or like a tv show and everyone in that in that country is obsessed with it so there's always work for the stars of that forgotten tv show right because they can go to romania where it is still you know everyone knows it and it's like a part of the cultural you know and they'll they're

almost confused that we aren't huge fans of it in a sense right because we made it or whatever yeah like the fast show whatever it's like you don't remember this like this is famous in our country i love that stuff yeah so much i think i i am 100% sure we've mentioned this before but for any germans uh watching the the thing that they always talk about is this British sketch about a very old wait butler serving a very fancy old lady drinks at New Year's.

Yes, I've seen that. Yeah, which is like a very, it's like they play it every single, it's either Christmas or New Year's in Germany. Yeah, it's always New Year's. And they play this on TV and everybody gets around. It's like a big family thing

and they all know every bit of it. It's like, it's only 10 minutes long. Like, I've met multiple Germans, young and old, who will say to me, ah, yes, you must, you're British. You must enjoy the sketch. And I can't remember what it's called.

Dinner for one. Dinner for one. Dinner for one, yeah, that's the one. It is the best. Of course, it is British. It must be very famous in your country. With the music hall hero freddie frinton yeah yeah with freddie frinton the legend freddie frinton you must of course

know this so this is very popular in germany i'm sure it is very hugely popular and also in your country as well no like no we've never seen it. We don't watch those. This is exactly what I'm talking about, P-Flex. This exact type of thing. It gets me every time. Because it's almost so obvious they don't think to mention it as well. It's just in the back of their mind. They're shocked when they find out that you've never heard of this thing. I've actually been to Frinton.

It's a little place on the coast in Essex. It's a little seaside town where all the old people used to retire there. You know, Frinton. It's a little place on the coast in Essex. It's a little seaside town where they used to, all the old people used to retire there, you know, Frinton on sea. It's like one of these cute little places. Yeah. That'll be Florida if you're American or Vancouver Island if you're Canadian. That's right. These are all the popular retirement spots. It's definitely one of those, you know, where everyone used to retire to the coast do people where to retire people oh spain i guess that's where they retire to now isn't it um listen one more uh one more mention of seinfeld because um while flax was away i mentioned it on whatsapp but uh if you ever get a chance to watch the episode where uh jerry uh george and elaine

all help uh the elderly jerry gets this grumpy old man yeah george uh i i don't know if george and elaine all help uh the elderly jerry gets this grumpy old man yeah george uh i i don't know if george does george and kramer do one actually george gets george is the guy who gets the really grumpy guy who says they're stealing my records no no that's jerry jerry gets that guy no george does because then oh wait is it jerry that gets him and then but it's it's the assistant for that old guy that they steal the records from, right? No, yeah. George gets the assistance to lube up his bald head. Yeah, yeah.

And so he could rub his head all over her body or something like that. Wait, the old lady that Elaine gets sounds like my coupon lady almost, doesn't she? Yeah, yeah. The goiter lady. It's got this enormous goiter around my neck. Exactly. It's exactly the same. It's so fucking funny fucking funny man i was howling when it came on what's wrong dear is it this big goiter is it my goiter oh why i'd hardly noticed it that was my but when she talks about she's like who is this a picture

of you with mahatma oh the passion like she had a love affair with mahatma gandhi so good oh it's a good one but yeah it sounds exactly like pierre and coupon lady which is uh which is i mean i probably got it from there in all honesty it's one of those things that just that's a good one listen um i was playing uh because we were running a little bit late this morning and i knew we were late well i was playing some uh some snes classics on the switch with my son and we were playing pilot wings i don't really remember pilot wings but man what a game it was it's so much fun and uh it all came what was the graphics thing what was the graphics thing for pilot wings that they they had introduced it was it was like unique there was a chip that they had yes it was the same they used for f0 it was like uh it was like this way of presenting frames very quickly so that it gave

you the the sense that you were like in some some form of like 3d or whatever was it the super fx chip yeah something like that super fx yeah i think it was so um sounds right so i was like here give this a try that's really funny i used to play this when I was a kid or whatever. And he's like, he tried to do the skydiving. He tried to land the biplane and everything. And he just couldn't do it. And he was like, oh, you know, it seemed fun, but he couldn't do it. He's like, here, you have a go.

And I was like, oh, I don't know if I remember how to play this. Sure enough, fucking aced it. Like, I don't even know how I remembered. But man, I was just on it. Like, I was hitting all the rings i was getting the perfect landings i landed my i did the skydiving land onto the moving platform and everything he was like blown away and it's like so i passed him the controller he's like why are you passing me this i was like i gotta go i yeah i got i got stuff to do he's like what he's like

you thought we were gonna play pilot wings all day oh shit sorry so now i gotta play pilot wings later with him as well i had he probably thinks you're like some sort of secret pilot wings champion and you've been like he's been playing a lot of fall guys recently like so much so actually he's finished the entire season pass um the current season pass he's unlocked all the skins and everything and he's like he's really really quite proud of himself sort of thing um so i'm trying to teach him now to not spend all of his show bucks but to save them for the next season pass right because like he's like oh i want to get this skin i was like don't spend it on one skin get on the season pass you'll get way more skins

and he's like oh but we'll see i don't know if he'll be able to hold out you know the excitement he was like kicking his legs in bed before going to sleep yesterday he was like so excited that he unlocked like the was he like pretending he was running in full guys yeah it was kind of like that yeah but you're like you know when you just get so excited you just don't know what to fucking do with yourself like it's insane i miss that i do too i miss being yeah i do too yeah it's uh that's the the beauty of having kids is that you get to relive the excitement of being a kid through your kids sometimes sometimes i'm not going to say all the time because when you're you're up to your neck and diarrhea and stuff it doesn't you also relive that stuff yeah you've you've you've blocked out exactly but um but no for the

for the fun stuff it's great yeah it's really good oh my god yeah yeah that's really cool pilot wings yeah well done yeah yeah recommended oh yeah that's what i remember now there's scooters i was talking about lime scooters wasn't i oh yeah you were doing you ferried both of your kids and then your wife back to your accommodation using a scooter you were saying that's right well she didn't get on it wisely because it started to run out of batteries oh i i don't so and then when it comes to parking it that's right if you don't have any signal it's almost you you can't end the ride because you need to have a signal to say end ride and the the bike needs to be in a specific place, a parking spot. That's what they demanded.

That's right. So you have to put it in this parking spot. So if you can't get the signal, the clock's just fucking running. And the cost is going up and up and up. And you're like, fucking, I've got to run it around trying to find, A, a place where it will accept as a parking spot. And B, phone reception in America, which is apparently impossible. Because if you're with Vodafone,

it defaults to T-Mobile and their dog shit. Originally, there was a Wild West on these things. Yeah. You could just grab them anywhere, park them anywhere. They were just lying around. But then cities started clamping down on them. Which is fair enough, because you used to get them in the most fucking ridiculous places.

Yeah. And I think a lot of them ended up being thrown in canals and such, you know, and stuff like this. So now they've got these designated parking spots for them, which makes it more difficult And also like I know they started going bust one of them. I noticed called Bolt mobility, which is the same one as bolt the European Transport thing that's different thing, but they have like these bikes And I think

maybe East Kitts as well but like eight cities apparently Portland, Oregon Burlington etc like they've just

been abandoned now like it's gone bust the bikes are just still there but no one's picking them up they're not working

it's just like yeah it's like it's starting to happen because these the margins are like razor thin on these things. They're kind of speculative, right? It's one of these tech startups.

They're leaving them on the street. I mean, I don't think these companies ever began with an intention of making money. Like a lot of these tech startups, the plan is you start this up, you run it for a year or two. You get loads of investors. And you get loads of investors. You make loads of investors yeah you make loads of money personally and then you just go oh well fucking pack it up and then you can go around and say oh i was a part of the tech startup but we made this much we did this many rollouts they're

like oh you sound like you know what you're doing come up with an idea to make some fucking money how about that like seriously yeah come up with an idea to make some fucking money and then tell me about it so i can make some fucking money instead of you. I'll do a better job of it too. These investors, honestly, I think half of them are just, they're literally rolling the dice. This might be big. They don't fucking know. Because you can't really predict what's going to blow up and what's going to not. Well, they don't even care. They're not even rolling the dice. They're convincing other people to roll the dice. They're convincing investors to come on board.

Right. But what I'm saying is those investors can't be that stupid if they've got shitloads of money. So they must make some good investments. But I think a lot of the time they just think, well, look, if we invest in a hundred things this year and three of them explode and make us a shitload of money, job done. And if we have to write off a few billion along the way, then so be it. But this money is just getting dumped into this dumb shit. I shit i mean fair play the money's making its way somewhere but it's just fucking idiots honestly i doubt very much that they honestly these investors sat down and look at all of these

bike startup companies and say this is the one because how can it be there's like a dozen of them and you need the app for each one so you have to go along it's like well there's no limes around here well there's this fucking whatever it's called the the booth bikes right we could get a booth bike and booth's got her startup company booth bikes and you can scan the thing and then you can add the thing and blah blah you gotta pull your payment details in or confirmation bollocks blah blah blah 20 minutes of faffing about now you can ride their bike there is no central app is there where i can just say just get me on this fucking bike and i'll worry about it later that's what you want rather than have to have every individual bloody app that's why they're going to fail because there's no central coherency to it but i go to get on a bus i don't get who's

running the bus go i don't need a different credit card to get on the fucking bus to get on the fucking bus these bikes you're gonna have a different app that it's well the problem is it's like some it takes you can't roll it out across the whole country it was right so you have to roll it out across one city right and then while that's happening someone else a rival company's like oh well if we make it in another city they'll have to buy us out you know so that's and that just leads to this mad rush of kind of idiots like diving on the bandwagon oh it's you know it's think of the waste all those lithium batteries gone just clogging up the streets all the materials in these fucking bikes and when i mean i've ridden

one and i'm sure i looked a cunt when i was on it i had fun doing it but you see people riding them all the fucking time and i was you have a helmet on no i didn't see this is the other thing yeah it just feels like what are you doing like that like do you have to bring i think sometimes you have to bring your own helmets now to ride these bikes in in and that kind of defeats the whole point but also like just like talking about amsterdam and bikes like that city was so bike friendly that it was crazy but in a sense also they were so used to bikes and so many of them on bikes that it was based on having a second road on every next to every road so you had to cross the road and you had to cross the bike road right because there were just as many assholes

zooming along on those things jeremy it was cool but you know but that's built for it right and so you know sure like it's still i looked up stats i think it's something it was still like still three times more likely to you know be killed on a bike than in a car kind of thing on that in amsterdam you know where it's very safe for bicyclists and they have a lot of biking over there but it's still much more dangerous three times as likely not three times as many as like other countries right because obviously the more bikes you have the more accidents you're gonna have i think a lot of people i think they do have a lot of bike deaths but even so yeah proportional to the amount of people on bikes actually i think

it's pretty low but but i mean that infrastructure obviously is does favor the the scooters and the other these things you know whereas that doesn't feel like british cities are no made for it you know especially i mean in bristol sure there's quite a few cycle lanes now but if i got e-scooter one time and i was like on the road like 80 of the time it felt like and yeah just driving through the center and i just did not feel safe no no i know there was a lad that uh a lad i think he he either died or he got very very bad head injury he was going along near me near uhickenham. Is he on life support because there's some beeping in the background? That's some fucking Amazon truck backing up somewhere.

Have you caught him? It's so loud. Holy crap. Hold on. I'll pull the plug on that. There we go. There we go. He's gone.

He's gone. Oh, no. Don't do that. He's all right. Either way, he... Gosh, that sounded really dark. I didn't. Sorry. Sorry. either way he uh gosh that sounded really dark because sorry sorry i'm genuinely sympathetic it's awful but he was going along on one of these electric scooters i think he came off it and got hit by a car um so they had to the air ambulance had to

land on twickenham green and airlift the guy away unfortunately so they are they are very dangerous the air ambulance you're in the middle of fucking central london how is that why can a normal ambulance come surely it would take long for a fucking helicopter to come well what it's the air ambulance i mean you're not in the fucking break of beacons you're not like the scottish highlands they have to take them to a special brain hospital you've been twicking them yeah it's like fucking just like a there's traffic here massive urbanized area there's traffic here. Massive urbanised area. There's traffic here, I guess. Twickers me.

And they want to take him to a super hospital. So they pop him in the helicopter and zoom him up. Was he a billionaire? Is that why? Yeah, he invented lime scooters, actually. The irony. He's like the Segway guy who died on a Segway. Oh, fuck. Maybe that's how we get rid of them, you know?

Get them to ride them around. Get them to use their own stuff. It was funny, actually. When we were in San Francisco, we saw people on a Segway tour. Really? Yeah. And I thought, first of all, I'm amazed that Segways are still going. There are some police that fucking use Segways.

What a shit looking vehicle. Like, honestly, you look a twat on a segway i don't care what you're wearing or who you are you could be the coolest person ever if you're on a segway it's like the bum bag of transport you just look at twat it really is it really looks awful doesn't it i'm not even sure they're like um allowed in the uk i think they're illegal right really um yeah i think so i think so i don't think you can just like go around on them they're definitely not allowed on footpaths and but then again neither are bikes and no one really listens to that so apparently um in june 2020 ninebot the owner of the segway brand announced it would no longer make the segway only 140 000 units were sold during the owner of the segway brand announced it would no longer make the segway only 140 000

units were sold during the lifetime of the product god is that true and in the later years the segway pt only made up 1.5 percent of total company profit factors contributing to the end of production include the price five thousand dollars and the steep learning curve led to notable accidents involving usain bolt george bush and the Segway company owner Jimmy Hasselden, who died I think. And Christopher Trott, didn't he? Did he really? Did he have a bad one as well? Do you remember there's that, he was on, they were off the old, the films was doing them in America I think on the on the coast in LA they were cycling Segway down one of the cycle paths and Trott just went straight off it really hurt his arm, I think.

Yeah, I bet. Well, Jimmy Hasselden, the guy who invented it, Jimmy Hasselden, OBE, was killed when he fell from a cliff towpath into the River Wharf at the village of Thorpe Arch. Along the path, a rugged country version of a segway was found and the coroner concluded he died of multiple blunt force injuries of the chest and spine, consistent with a fall whilst riding a gyro bike. I mean, I had no idea that they were so so common an accident that you could injuries consistent with that thing i'm watching this now let's see chris trot segue fall fail

it's real bad wait so he fell so they they did a video of him falling but he actually really hurt himself yeah he really hurt well they they were filming him at the time. Well, he's twatting about on this thing as well. I don't know what he's thinking. Oh, you can see, yeah, that's a wrist injury. So what was he doing? Was he just really going for it, like getting carried away? Watch the vid.

Watch the vid. There's just a link to the discord. Everyone just Google. Or go to YouTube and go Chrisris chris trot segue fall fail now you tell me he's not asking for trouble here look at i think that's smithy in front no that's ross that might be smith look at this what is this gyration of the groin that he's doing whilst riding this like a fool the segue the segue was not made for this well he doesn't even gyrate it that much But obviously He was just

I don't know That second one He's right over to the side Just beans it Oh yeah Beans it all over the floor Oh yeah And then he

Cuts his hand up Oh that is Oh that is It's bad It's real bad And his knee He was really mucking around On that thing, eh?

He was That's what I'm saying Segway did nothing wrong there That's all on track The fall It's obviously so quick The fall And so sideways That it really That's the I'm saying. Segway did nothing wrong there. The fall is obviously so quick, the fall, and so sideways that it really...

The scary thing is that it's literally like, he's not even leaning over that much, and the whole thing just fucking chucks him off. And he properly smacks his head on the floor as well. Good to get a helmet on. Cutting up your wrist like that's got to hurt, eh? That's going to hurt. To do gaming and whatever like while it's healing

or even jacking off would be kind of painful too god i would hate that i gotta be careful that's a good uh that's a good nice fresh reminder not to uh use yeah don't muck around outside really a big proponent of helmets to be worn while cycling and skateboarding for a long time and i'm sure people will will remind me of that but the point is a when i rode the lines i was drunk and b uh i didn't have access to a helmet otherwise i would have worn one if it came with a special inflatable pop-up helmet i'd bosh it on but they don't and when you're drunk you make bad decisions so even worse yeah to be fair i went very slowly when the kids were on it but when i was in stockholm i

was actually fucking caning that thing around yeah i went on one in uh in lisbon and uh for for the most part it was fine uh looking back now i'm surprised i didn't die because the traffic and everything was quite bad and i didn't really know what i was doing but one uh one thing that happened was when i was trying to go over like a road median, I had to like lift the scooter and it hit my ankle and my ankle was sore for like two weeks after. Oh, man. I know. I had to go off a curb at one point and I just jumped it. I like bunny hopped it off.

Yeah. And I said to the guy I was riding with, to T Governor, I said, watch this T. And he was like, oh, I'm watching. And I just fucking, wow, caught some sick air and jumped off the curb the curb felt like a very cool man but it could have been really disastrous yeah yeah yeah i could have just gone flying is that going back to life yeah he's come back the segway yeah they've got a pulse the pulse is back it's trot trot has survived the Segway fall and he's back. Oh, fantastic. What a relief. Get back to work, Trot. Poor Trot, man.

Seeing poor little Trot take a tumble like that, it's pretty upsetting. It hurts. It hurts, doesn't it? It does. It really does, yeah. I had some domestic upheaval recently. Would you like to hear about it?

Oh, yeah, baby. Spicy tea. Spill it. Spill that tea. We had our boiler replaced. We've gone electric, baby. Spicy tea. Spill it. Spill that tea. We had our boiler replaced. We've gone electric, baby. But it meant four days of no hot water. Oh, Lord.

No running water, really, until like the evening and stuff. So it was a bit touch and go. But we soldiered through it. It was fine. I had this. We soldiered through it. It was fine. I had this.

Now we got a nice, quiet electric boiler, which is not in the same place the old boiler was in. And it's freed up this huge cabinet in our kitchen where we're going to build this spectacular set of drawers, like pantry-style drawers and a cupboard on top. Oh, man. Wow, you do need that. your your kitchen has like a big deep drawer to put uh like cereal boxes and stuff into yeah another like a little like spicy drawer you know like a thin drawer for some spices and stuff your your kitchen is properly a family

kitchen right it's got a bit of everything yeah and each every cupboard is stacked to the max stacked yeah with old crap that nobody uses yeah old cups that nobody touches anymore like uh just old condiments and shit that nobody's ever opened like you know when you do you ever do that big kitchen clear out never cupboards okay no i don't think if you ever did it it's amazing the stuff you find oh i can imagine like packets of sauces that you can just just add water and add two chicken and three tablespoons of onions and you get spanish chicken yeah that you buy you think oh yeah well that's how spanish chicken went out in 2008 yeah but it's just a powder i mean how, how bad can it go, really?

It's just a powder. I found one of those the other day when I moved to this place. I think it was out of date when I moved, but I was like, oh, I'll just use it. And then I forgot it for another five years. No, it's definitely like that in there. There's some forgotten stuff in the back of some of your cup and sips, I remember.

Yes. Because I was like, do you have some mustard? And you were like, I definitely do, but you're going to have to dive into us. You've got to look for it. It's got to mind it. It's a mustard hut. It's an old-fashioned mustard hut.

It's in there somewhere. Some things we, every once in a while, we don't do a full kitchen, but sometimes a cupboard will just get so bad that one of us will just say, pull everything out and just try to reorganize it a little bit sort of thing. And the amount of stuff that comes out of any cupboard that is out of date is unbelievable.

You just hang on to this stuff for no reason, just for it to go out of date. And then you just think, oh, well, I'm not eating that now. Just chuck it out. It's such a waste of time. It's crazy. Yeah, I like to have a good clear out but a similar thing happened to me with my but i think i talked about it before before we you guys went away but my my boiler was was was was broken and leaking through the ceiling and dripping into the

into the corridor downstairs and so yeah i had no hot water for a whole week so i was showering in the office it was it was mental um i did not enjoy it well i had a couple of cold showers and then i was just like i can't deal with this um but fortunately it was it was warm enough weather that it wasn't wasn't as bad as it could have been if it happened in winter i would have i would have been going crazy um you know having no hot water but how did your family manage tips did you like take showers somewhere else or what no no we were able they they put the elements on in the tank um every night before they finished up because that like they the they're they're trades people right so they start early and end early so like 3 34 o'clock they were out but before they left they would make sure the element was on in the in the tank the old tank

for a while but then the new tank because we had to get a new water tank as well and uh so we were able to shower like at night but like by the time the tank warmed up it was like late at night sort of thing but it was okay like it was it was all right we just bought lots of bottled water for the day you know like people needed water for whatever got thirsty and then uh and then just washed at night it was all right but it's just it's the upheaval of having crap everywhere people coming in and out of your house all day like you know like we couldn't really use the house like we normally would we were just kind of stuck in the lounge you know with the doors closed because yeah there's all these people trudging in and out with stuff i had to do a whole bunch of um stuff on like the side of the house to drill holes in for like like new electrics and shit like that oh man yeah it was

pretty it was quite quite a big job yeah it was it's worth doing though i mean we don't have to uh order fuel now which is kind of nice and we don't have this big noisy jet engine in our kitchen anymore so you know it's probably cleaner and it'll probably save us money in the long run too because like the cost of fuel you have to fuel it yeah it was uh it was an oil uh oil uh boiler so my gosh kerosene i guess wow we had that is yeah there's like a massive like uh 200 gallon fuel tank on the side of the garage i'm sitting in right now right yeah yeah it's pretty pretty old school so yeah get rid can get rid of that now which will free up some space for like a little shed or something for bikes and stuff. So, yeah.

Moving into the future. Moving into the future. I know, so exciting. Get some solar panels, get like a windmill, little wind turbine. Yeah. Well, I can give you guys a little thing that we did around the house. We did it ourselves because it was a small job. We fitted.

that we did around the house uh we did it ourselves because it was a small job we fitted if you've got velox windows in your loft conversion those are those windows where you sort of pull down at the top of the window yes sort of lever that you clonk and then you pull and the the window pivots around a central point so if you imagine the middle of the window just for anyone that doesn't know what a velox is i'm sure everybody does those windows where you pull down at the top and it sort of hinges around the center of the window yeah just for anyone that doesn't know what a Velux is, I'm sure everybody does, those windows where you pull down at the top and it sort of hinges around the center of the window. Yeah. I never, I'm not a huge fan, but they're okay. I love them.

They're great. They're great windows, very good windows. It's this blind that you can get for the outside of the window. So we've got blinds on the inside. They're built in, but you can also fit very easily. And the Velux people have thought about this.

And I like that. When you install the Velux people have thought about this and I like that when you install the Velux windows it instructs you to drill these little holes in the wood at the top of the bracket where the Velux sits. If you remove this bit of plastic there that you I don't know know what it does you take that bit of plastic out and you put this blind in above it and then you attach it to hooks on the outside of the window that you install the screw holes are there already on the window when you close the window the blind is automatically drawn down because it's attached to the bottom of the window and so you've got a blind on the outside and it reduces the light from the sun hitting the window because the problem is our top room heats up a lot during

the day because there's sunlight pounding down on it all the time so it hits the glass goes through the glass and even if it hits the blind on the inside it's trapped in by the glass and the heat radiates into the room and heats it up so if you put this blind on the outside of the window it reflects quite a lot of that light and heat and it keeps the room cooler thrilling stuff it is amazing that's incredible i like i love uh dad things like that you know the little things in life so how does it how does the blind work on the outside then? Is it just like, I don't understand. It's just a durable sort of plastic black

blind with lots of little holes in. So during the day, it still lets in quite a bit of light, but it's sort of filtered and it doesn't let in as much. It is genuinely fascinating. I couldn't tell you how easy it was to install thanks to the good folks at Velux. It only took us 25 minutes to do all three.

I'd like to give them a shout out if I may. We're not sponsored by Velux this week, but if they'd like to sponsor us in the future. I don't even know if they advertise anywhere. That sounds like a big ups opportunity for Velux who sounds like they just... I thought you were against them, but I'd be happy to give them one.

No, no, remember we started doing one big up per podcast. Okay, well, if I may, I'd like to give give one. No, no. Remember we started doing one big up per podcast. Okay, well, if I may, I'd like to give a big up to Velux. Velux Windows. Very good. You may. Their little blind system was excellent. There, one big up.

Is this really what we're using it on? Okay, no. Sorry, did you have a better fucking idea? No, but it was still another 20 minutes of the podcast. I would big up the electric company, our local electric company that did my boiler if i could but maybe yeah but maybe i'll do it next week i don't want to ruin the uh yeah wait till they format no they're done it's all done oh they're done it's all it's done and dusted baby so it's all in we're in the future already yeah we're humming yeah clubbing clubbing is is is dad life isn't it i tell you like

ben's toilet was was broken he had to get a new toilet so he didn't have a toilet for four days that's the topics are really helping my life yeah no you're gonna sleep like a baby tonight talking about boilers and blinds and toilets oh yeah well what kind of toilet do you go for only seven eight thousand you can talk about the weather a bit too if you want it's been real nice over here it's 18 degrees right now i heard trot has like a futuristic toilet in his place is it one of those japanese ones that wipes your ass i think so yeah it's got a control it's got like a remote control how do you get one of those over here i don't know you have to buy them from japan and ship them i guess probably there's probably somewhere i don't think that they ship them, though.

It's like, I think they try to keep it internal, you know? Like, I don't think they want the rest of the world to enjoy their toilets. I reckon you could get them from any place you get toilets, I reckon, now. Really? I reckon they're selling the electric ones. I don't think we have a toilet store over here.

I think you have to go to B&Q or whatever. The advert would say, wherever you buy your toilets. Available from good toilet... Retailers everywhere. Okay, but yeah, go to B&Q though and let me know if they actually have them there because last time I went... Have you got any of those Japanese toilets

that wipe your ass for you? Have you got any of those fancy mist spraying, music playing, strobe lights, lasers, smoke show toilets? Yeah, know if like i don't know if i'd want to get one of those fancy toilets because i think people would think i was some sort of pervert you know you think there's something slightly perverse i don't think they would think that you're a pervert i think that they would think that you're awesome for having a i don't mind like a b-day right like i wouldn't mind like a b-day i think that they would think that you're awesome for having a toilet like that. I don't mind like a bidet, right?

Like I wouldn't mind like a bidet. I think that that is obviously very continental. It's quite European. It's fine, you know, to have a little bit of a... I don't know. They're not that common in the UK though. You get them sometimes. I think a weird selection of different bum sprays and heating systems,

like a heated toilet seat, stuff like this. I don't know. Bum sprays. I just don't think it's too much no stuff like this i don't know if i'm sprays just just i think it's too much you know i don't like i don't like the idea i just don't like it i just don't like the idea of being electronic right i don't want my ipad watching me but my toilet watching me i don't know i don't know if i want that it's getting like uh every time you sit on it it's doing an upskirt on you it's taking a picture and it's sending it to a database emailing it straight to japan yeah it's emailing it straight to japan and they're staring deep inside your

asshole for hours on end well maybe there's a guy who's like you know looking point where to spray the um the hose you know maybe yeah maybe yeah maybe they can like do remote um five o'clock adjustments yeah there's a, 24 hour butt spray. Yeah, yeah. There's a bit of toilet roll at 11 o'clock. There's some lag though, isn't there? From Japan, the lag would be- They can do the same thing with the Mars Rover, right?

They can make little adjustments that take hours to update or whatever. They can adjust the angle of the spray nozzle of your toilet from Japanapan and uh the latency time would only be a couple of seconds right i mean i mean i wouldn't expect the toilet to be responding that fast p flex i don't want like super yeah but you might adjust your seat and suddenly there's i want to be able to i want to sit down and be able to prepare i don't want instant like laser targeted poo spray you say that now you say i want to be able to brace myself for the for the jet um i think that the anticipation would kill you though bracing for impact you have to like hold on to the rails yeah warning spraying in three what if a live voice came over an intercom hold still brace for impact brace for impact i'm gonna spray your anus with water

now thank you no problem you do like you can do like a big uh little richard like after the spray happens so that he can hear it wow it's like we're in a water park. I like the idea of that. I like that somebody in some like weird dystopian future, that's like somebody's like Stanley Parable job. He's just sitting at a desk. There's just one like one light on in his office.

The rest of the office is empty. He's like hunched over a little computer and he's just making adjustments to the sprayer on a toilet for four countries away from from his own oh man yeah that's i think it'd be fine that's such a good idea for like uh like you know like some lore a video game yeah for a video game right yeah think of all the think of all the simulators and stuff that you can get now like that's got to be one of them right like you could make that as like a job simulator thing where your job is to just make remote adjustments to the uh mist spraying nozzle i feel like it's already probably a head-tie game yeah i mean there's a i think it's probably already there

it's some someone's already made oh for like the upskirts and stuff like that for a fetish yeah yeah yeah because there'd have there'd have to be a camera on the nozzle right so that you could get it right yeah oh yeah i mean that's definitely someone's thing right yeah like no you know and then you're just spraying chunks of shit off of an ass in glorious 4k yes oh my god what an idea for a game what are we doing we're we're wasted here we could be making all these fetish games we would be so rich we would have so much money it would be insane oh p flex is on the phone he's missed he's missed the gem there what are what are we thinking eh like we could have got an important important phone call well we need to get him on we can't we can't do it on our own we need investors we need investors we need more designers too right we're gonna be like the new the new blizzard when blizzard was good remember

when blizzard was good and they had like all those rock star designers that would come out on stage and everything me you and flax can do the same thing but our whole company will just be three designers we design games and come up with awesome ideas for games and then just sell them to studios that are willing to that have the balls to make these games reality right and mostly they will be fetish games well yeah but i think that's the secret isn't it you need to you need to tap into that weird market right yeah the meme market. You know, people will... But that means you have to

really understand it and get involved in it. My worry is it would be a corrupting influence on us. That's how we would all die. You have to expose yourself to it too much. Like the Segway guy.

We would die like a toilet would like have a really strong jet and it would like pierce your anus and like kill you. Oh, his injuries were consistent with a very powerful toilet jet.

A high-powered toilet spray. Going right up his pooper. Oh, man. That's how we'd all end up dying to the things we created. I think that's karmic, though, right? Yeah. I think that's how everyone should die you know we all thought by the way we all thought we were over jet lag because yesterday was so easy

and i'd forgotten that the second day is when it really hits you yeah so this morning i woke up at about 4 30 uh i was having a mad dream that i was playing in a golf tournament but the golf tournament was taking place in an office right it was like a mini putt tournament no it was like a proper golf tournament like i was expected to use full-size clubs wow but it was it was a big office but it was literally i i the green was just about 30 or 40 yards away surrounded by desks and like secretaries working and for some reason all the women in the office had very large amounts of facial hair, like big beards and mustaches. And I'm about to chip in and I look up and there's Doris is sat there on the phone.

And she's like, oh, don't worry. Just knock it over me. I can see the green from here. And I was like, Jesus, what if I hit Doris with the ball? I was just paralyzed looking at my club and looking at Doris and the green and thinking this is a disaster. And then I just I realized I had the wrong club. When I went to change my club out, my bag was just full of umbrellas and i was sorting through all

these umbrellas trying to find the club and then i woke up and i felt like shit i was like fuck jet lag has struck again because my dream was so weird i couldn't get back to sleep yeah they're like feverish dreams right yeah that is a weird one that is a especially weird one were you feeling bad about not being able to take the shot are you feeling worried about doris is she okay like what was the worst thing is there's added pressure in the dream because occasionally like i said before my dreams cut to like a different person's perspective like i'm watching tv and i was watching the tv coverage of rory mcelroy who was a famous golfer that I was playing against in this tournament. And he was crushing it. He was doing really well.

So I was like, Jesus. But I was not that far behind. He was just doing drop shots off Jeff's desk. Yeah, he was just knocking him off the desk. He had no compunctions about hitting this right over Doris. And there's me struggling. I'm thinking I might hit Doris. That didn't occur to Rory.

Rory was just breezing it. And that added to the pressure. That's great. I love that. I love that I love that oh they get that was our bumper Triforce thank you everyone for joining us yeah Triforce interrupted definitely it was by phone calls by a pod by a by a live stream by by children by my crying child Laurie's yeah by injured people and um wait your kids were crying through it I

missed one of them yeah oh i missed that what happened she's not feeling well oh she's just tired it's the jet light guys yeah she's got a minging headache you know what i mean so she's yeah so she was like and she was crying she she knows that when the door is closed and i'm recording please don't come in so she was worried about coming in during the recording because yesterday she did it just to say hello yeah and i was like can you not do that when i'm recording please she's like i'm sorry so now she was worried about doing it so i feel like a fucking terrible dad as usual well you know you've uh you don't worry p flex go you could go make it all better now go and buy her a stuck her in a muffin or something

i got her a paracetamol stuck her in but she'll be all right well well there you go thanks everyone we'll be back to normal next week i'm sure yeah and um and and uh with with new new boilers new new toilets new fresh um fresh attitudes oh hell yeah new looks and new top takes on the the things that are going on in the world all right take a thrilling episode see you next time we'll see you next time. See you later. Goodbye. Goodbye.