Triforce! - Triforce! #23: No More Micro

Episode Date: October 12, 2016

We talk about poop and weiners before we talk about games and then Bodega. That's as good a formula as you're gonna get on the Triforce Podcast!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hey! Hey! You! Come over here and listen to the Triforce podcast with me, Perry Flax. Sips? Hi. Lewis? Hi. Let's get down to business, gentlemen. Why did you delay so much on your hi, Sips? Yeah. We were talking about this before it started. And we were saying, I was saying that I'm the type of person who can't listen to audiobooks and stuff because I zone out.

And actually, I zoned out while you were talking. I'm amazed you didn't black out. Well, I didn't know. Not this time. Not this time. So, yeah. Well, a bunch of people posted stuff about that after last week's one. Apparently, you do blackout.

It's like an oxygen thing, apparently. That sounds like bullshit. Falling fully out of a plane. Yeah, yeah. If you fall out of a plane, you blackout. If you fall off a building, you blackout and stuff. Is it a thing because you will, what, you can't is it to do with like the pressure on your body that you can't it's difficult to breathe i think so something like that maybe i mean obviously at

high altitude i suppose it's not a lot of oxygen so you might be like and then black out hyperventilation yeah i'm amazed there wasn't a comment saying actually the most efficient way to survive a bear attack is to black out like there'd be a ton of people with evidence. There was a big post with like a bunch of equations and stuff, but I didn't read it because I saw math and instantly I felt sick. That was about the speed of a person falling. Right. When I said you gained 10 miles an hour every 10 meters you fell,

but it's wrong. As somebody who regularly auto-asphyxiates myself, I know exactly how to knock somebody out and give myself a blackout. And you're not doing the same thing as I do. I'm a southern gentleman in a traditional lemonade drinking style. The real dream here for me is for somebody to black out but still be able to suck my dick at the same time.

That's the aim. That's what I've been spending all my time trying to research recently to see if it's possible. I have an Indiegogo page if anyone would like to. Oh shit. So what you guys be doing this week anything fun on your radars or has it just been a quiet one have you guys been catching up i've been enjoying the fruits of twitch prime which has brought a ton of new viewers and oddly enough new subs yeah we got a mail about that though there's a mail from twitch about that

saying that twitch prime subs the way that they're reporting them on twitch as revenue some people are signing up in countries because they want to get these promotions and stuff so they're signing up in countries that don't offer it they're saying like oh i live in lithuania but my postcode is something in london or whatever then those people are being reported as revenue where oh when it comes to it and they actually do like the revenue and payouts and stuff for twitch um those people won't count apparently well honestly you won't get paid for them so that so it's it it probably seems a lot better than maybe it actually is.

Well, I just want the number for the extra emotes. Oh, of course. Yeah. Well, in that case, it counts. I made it to 500 last night. I get the extra emotes. That is what I really care about. Because honestly, you know, I've had these emotes a long time.

It's time for some fresh blood in the emote market. Oh, and it's nice to just get like a bit of a... I think what they're doing is is is great actually it feels fresh if it just feels like it's opened things up a little bit more you know people that are streaming for hours and hours and doing it for a living and stuff it it'll give them you know more more money and they can make more of a living off of it and it's like the auto hosting thing is genius it feels a lot that's great yeah it feels a lot more exciting than say youtube red which is just like what i don't even know what it is you know what i mean like yeah i don't know as big as youtube and they they managed to do

something that makes more sense and is more exciting than you know anything that youtube has done in the past four or five years but they're just too big it's like it's the same with all big companies they become they become sluggish and immobile they sort of stop innovating because they're already making so much and they don't want to rock the boat like i how many gigantic companies do you see come along with a really fresh interesting i mean look at fucking microsoft right oh no they're if i look at skype and i look at the windows that i've got now it's not like skype has barely changed in years and they own that windows has barely changed in years and apart from annoying new features and they own that it's like how come discord comes along which is a fantastic program and with a lot of innovative stuff in it

for that kind of software yeah small small a small company. They're nimble. They're like a little fox rather than a giant elephant. Beluga whale. I think that's an illusion, though. I think Discord has literally $50 million of funding. That's nothing, Lulu! Okay. Well, compared to the gigantic monster of microsoft but it's

it's not like it's it's a little friendly startup made by you know little little pals well it might have been at some point but it's certainly very well supported very well funded and i assume i assume it will eventually sell to someone like microsoft because you know most of the world is owned by big chunks big corporate chunks yeah so yeah i i i think like i think twitch prime is something which is cool yeah sure and i think it's an interesting idea and i like the idea of uh hearthstone they've got that hearthstone um hero you get tyrande with twitch prime which means a lot of people will sign up just for that that's only the that's just the first thing though it by the sound of it it's going to be a regular thing you know like there's going to be regular incentives little little

goodies from games and i think twitch twitch are quite smart because they i think twitch know their audience they know that people are there to watch games they they understand the average mentality of a gamer and people like to collect things in games like that's become very popular and stuff i think the whole thing is just pretty clever i think i you know i think what they've done is is is pretty good and it's it's given a big boost to like a lot of people that stream and stuff and that's been good so yeah it's basically just twitch uh amazon throwing money yeah at twitch and that's that's really what it is it's like hey you guys we're gonna throw a shitload of money at you a bunch of people already do Prime,

but we're going to get new signups for this. You guys are going to see a chunk of this. We're going to just pay streamers. That's kind of what it is. And that's great. That's fucking fantastic. It'll grow Twitch even more. Because Twitch is already pretty big.

There's a lot of people that stream, but it's not YouTube big, right? It still feels like it's not humongous and and and there's still possibilities whereas like youtube nowadays it's i think if you were just starting creating content for youtube now it would feel like you were just climbing a fucking gigantic mountain like it would take forever sort of thing i'm a little bit surprised about it in a way i mean i'm surprised there aren't you know hundred thousand viewed streamers on a regular basis or even million viewed streamers on a regular yeah top streamers you do sometimes see that with things you do see that with tournaments and stuff since when you see

league of legends tournament or whatever they or do it tournament yeah they do have half a million people live watching it cs go tournament last year i remember had like a million breakthrough pewdiepie of twitch or whatever think about this when it comes to twitch what is one of the main reasons that people watch live sport gambling it's gambling yeah so yeah i guess so if you watch some guy's stream there's not gambling if you watch ti whatever if you watch csgo whatever there's going to be gambling gambling gets yes that's it that's the reason that people watch football fuck yeah dude yeah god yeah okay i didn't realize this until now take a team take like fucking take uh i mean liverpool man you you know they've got big fan bases and there are

definitely people that will watch those games no matter what but to the casual viewer who doesn't really care all right if they're in the pub and it's on they'll watch it but if they're watching it at home it's almost certainly because they've got money on it on an accumulator on online betting maybe they're on betfair people fucking love that shit that's why those sites those companies advertise around every football match you ever see on television is stacked with ray winston going hold a live odds are coming on the screen now. Blackbird versus Everton. Who's going to score first?

What up? Bing bang bosh. Stick a fiver on it. What up? I'm Ray Winston and I've lost my money. I'm a gambler. Kill me. Get off me.

Twitch is a weird one. Like i know what you mean about there's no real like breakout pewdiepie of twitch but there are big twitch streamers like there's one guy established people like there's a couple of guys that just do variety stuff they're huge and then there's a couple of guys that will just stick to like a game that they're really well known for and they're huge you know like these these guys once once they start streaming they gobble up viewers like they'll just dominate the the game that they're they're playing and people you know will just gravitate towards like this highly viewed stream or or they like the personality or whatever but it it doesn't feel as uh as big as pewdiepie like because you know pewdiepie's numbers and everything on youtube are ginormous yeah i think the other thing that twitch has

definitely maintained is this layer of amateurism right this layer of kind of everyone even the biggest guys are still have no support although they appear to have no support structure behind them they're not in an office yeah that's that's the other thing it's live so you can't you can't the production value is going to be totally different because you can't cut things out you know it's a lot of it's going to be long-winded and stuff but i i think i think people mostly use twitch to sort of keep them company in some ways you know it's something you have on in the background like you know much like you would have the tv on in the background if you're not necessarily paying attention i think twitch streamers have to work a lot harder they have to produce a lot more content they have to stream for a lot more longer hours partly because i don't think people really like to watch vods they don't

like to watch things that already happen they want to be there live they want to see the reaction of people in chat and as a result i think a lot of these twitch streamers do have to work very very long hours and as a result they end up um not not being really having the ability to go and do it out of an office or out of a studio or anything like that they it's easier for them to just do it in their bedroom or spare room or whatever and so it is interesting it's weird isn't it yeah yeah when you look at a lot of other people i think from the outside looking in it's weird too i think most i think a lot of people assume you know at first glance that people on YouTube and Twitch just sit around and play games all day. And, you know, it's a cool job and they've got it easy and stuff.

But surprisingly, actually streaming for hours and hours and hours is pretty draining. Like it's I don't think it's hard. And I certainly wouldn't complain about having to do it or whatever. But like streaming for like eight hours a day. I think most of the people take it at a certain pace right you yeah you street streaming is expected i think to be lower pace and lower yeah um lower intensity yeah but also it's punctuated by these moments that are almost like it's watching like watching live tv anything could happen you know that's the exciting thing about it because everything is brand new and everything is being seen for the

first time yeah and you can sit there with an audience and watch it for the first time it's it's a little bit like um the opposite of youtube really in a sense because youtube is more like watching a tv like watching a live sex show a live sex show in amsterdam i think that's what twitch is like yeah those are awkward well they're funny if you're really drunk but if you weren't drunk at one of those holy crap they'd be awkward. God damn. Just literally sitting there super close while two people have sex. Like, what do you clap? Do you cheer? Yeah, well, yeah.

What, you're just like, yeah. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Like, you know the way in football they'll say, like, ole, when they're passing the ball around. Is there any moment where you ole? Do you clap in time with anything? Let's do a Mexican wave, everybody. You got to, like, coordinate it. Yeah, he's doing it. He's jamming her hard. He's doing it. Yeah, he's doing it Let's do a Mexican wave, everybody. You've got to coordinate it.

Yeah, he's doing it. He's jamming her hard. Wave! Go, go, go, go. Yes, come on. Oh, man. Yeah, there's nothing like sitting in a room full of men. Yeah, getting boners together.

Getting kind of boners in their pants. It's awkward. It's awkward. Unless you're into that. I mean, you have to be pretty drunk. I don't know. If you were gay, sitting in a room with a bunch of guys with boners would be fantastic. Yeah.

I'd love that. I don't know if you would love that if you were gay. I don't know. I'm not gay. And if I was sitting in a room with a lot of naked women and a lot of them weren't very attractive, I'd just be like, well, you know what? I don't have a boner, guys. Like, I'm trying.

Trying my best give me five minutes you guys need to up your game if you want me to get a boner i'm that's all i'm saying all i'm saying is i sometimes think like the stuff that we go oh that's awkward it's actually just because i said like for instance i don't particularly enjoy standing next to other men at the urinal right but some people are probably into i find it actually hard to urinate when that happens if somebody gets really like all up in my and they're talking to you there was a guy i used to work with and the the fucking toilets at this office that they put the urinals like an inch apart so you're literally touching shoulders while you're

there yeah having a pee and he was a he was a stare you in the face and talk to you while you're there yeah having a pee and he was a he was a stare you in the face and talk to you while you're peeing geez kind of guy was it really was it really kind of constantly staring you in the face consciously maintain eye contact the whole time your eyes drift at all like it's not like he would sort of i'd okay you know when i started talking i'd notice his head sort of dripping down and having a peek it was literally to him it's just like chatting away like oh hey what's up ted hey yeah how's that new work going like that and i'm just like do you reckon in his actual head it's like don't look at his dick don't look at his dick don't look at his dick i don't know do you reckon that's what's going on in his head i don't know but you know what i know for a fact that that guy had a massive dick okay it was like it was like

one of those things that gets out in the office i I assume, I don't know if he wanted to go around. That's not appropriate. I don't know why he's getting it out in the office. It's like jumbo. Yeah, it's one of those things that gets around in the office. His dick, I mean. Oh, my God. I tripped over Steve's dick again.

I need to file a health and safety claim. I twisted my ankle. I tripped over Steveve's dick again sorry he had it out he had it out i thought it was a wire from the computer nah it was his dick but i i think i think him having a big dick i think him having a big dick but but him do him him doing that him looking at you was a way of saying i'm so comfortable getting my dick out yeah to have a pee next to you because look at the size of way of saying i'm so comfortable getting my dick out yeah to have a pee next to you because look at the size of this fucking thing i mean i should be proud of it it's

like showing off a brand new car every time i unzip my pants yeah yeah the whole dick measurement thing is a weird one right because like i guess i guess as a as a guy personally okay just just thinking about this like personally i don't see other guys' dicks pretty much ever. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don't peek at them when I'm, you know, pissing in the urinal or whatever. And, like, I'm comfortable with the size of my dick. Like, I never really think, like, I wonder if this guy's dick is bigger than mine.

Like, I don't really care. But it's a thing, isn't it? People are, like, really concerned with the size of their dick and uh and and having that matter or whatever like it is uh it is apparently a big deal i think people who people who have but but how is it a big deal because like how what are these guys like saying like oh my dick is not uh it's not big enough i looked at a hundred dicks today and they were all bigger than mine like how like where does this come from i don't know how of all, if you have a great big old dick, I think that would be great. I mean, I'd like like a foot long.

I feel like mine is like huge though. I'm really happy with my dick. Is it like a giant dick? It's a huge dick. Yeah. Congratulations, dude. Good for you. Sometimes I find it obstructive.

It's so big. Like, I'm like, fuck, I can't harness this thing. Do you measure it in miles or are you in metric, in kilometers? Well, yeah, you know, kilometers, I think, is bigger numbers. I guess the question, I guess, I guess, have you ever had any complaints? That's the thing. Put that giant dick away. That's a frequent complaint.

Excuse me, sir. Can you please put your giant dick away that's a frequent excuse me sir can you please put your giant dick away this is excuse me sir we're gonna ask to ask one of you to leave because you're taking up too much space it's a it's such a weird thing isn't it the whole dick measuring thing like i don't know like where it comes from i guess i guess a lot of people out there maybe have small dicks and they feel like, fuck, my dick is really small and I know it. I don't even need to compare it. Like, it's a micro dick. And maybe they just feel, like, insecure about it.

And they feel the need to constantly reassure themselves. A friend of mine went out with a guy very briefly who had a micro penis. Yeah. And he was a very nice guy. Like, he wouldn't have guessed it he wasn't like a midget or anything he was like a it was me an average size person he looked like a small lebanese child. Eight-year-old Lebanese child with a micropenis. So, okay, so hang on.

So your friend goes out with the guy with the micropenis, right? Yeah, she's going out with him. And they're going out a couple of times. And then they go back to her place. And he whips it out. I say whips it out. He reveals what he's working with, okay? It's like a guy asked to do some diy

and he brings a toolbox and he opens it up and there's one of those screwdrivers you get in a christmas cracker that's the toolbox he's working with okay oh good lord so when you crack open that toolbox and that's the screwdriver you see you're just gonna have to send him home so she just said i'm sorry this isn't gonna happen and he just had to leave yeah she was like no she just laughed she's so i was watching um you know like embarrassing bodies or whatever you know like on on channel four they always have i don't know why these people go on this show yeah they're like i've got a tumor the size of a basketball coming out of my my balls well make some money out of it well you can you know yeah they get on a webcam and they're showing it off and stuff seems crazy to me but anyway there's a guy on

there with a micro penis it was like really like shockingly small like what like what this guy's penis fully erect was like a quarter of an inch but him and his him and his girlfriend or partner or i don't know i don't think they were married. But they were like, well, we try to have sex, but it just doesn't really work. And you know what I mean? It's so small, it can't work. You can't even sort of... He needs to find a woman with a micro vagina.

You wouldn't be able to use that to... I'm not even going to say pleasure a woman. It would just not even yeah it wouldn't even penetrate the woman's vagina it's so small like it's oh my god it's true though like it's crazy i guess it's a real problem like this guy yeah it's a real fucking problem that you will never technically have sex because his dick is not big enough to do it i'm thinking i'm thinking she needs an adapter of some kind like you like you'd have for for a foreign plug socket you need something that plugs into the vagina and protrudes a bit because

part of the problem is that when you need to get two groins in that close proximity yeah there's legs that all there's buttocks in the way yeah i see what you're saying right so you're saying like it's almost like plugging the headphone jack into a guitar exactly the jack would need to protrude a little bit so she needs an adapter there's no other yeah that's like a dildo that on the other end has it sticks out a bit and it's got like a hole like a flashlight like a flashlight big enough for a micropenis yeah holy shit You could revolutionize this niche for people who have a mic. The Indiegogo page is already set up, guys. You just solved the micropenis problem.

Patented by FlexCorp. It's like the reverse dildo. But it's like, it's electric. You know, it's motorized. So when he's going at the flashlight with his micropenis is you know the fleshlight bit especially you have to have like those wires with the pads hooked up to her to send like the dildo is going crazy then the impulses and stuff back to her ever real vagina her actual vagina so she's like oh this is the best sex ever and he's like you're right it actually is and my micro penis no more that's what it's like it's like the little the little i think i can i think i can

it's the penis vagina adapter from flaxcorp new in 2016 only available at jml and trusted retailers and sports direct Untrusted retailers. And Sports Direct. Jesus Christ. They'll put adverts on during the football. Yeah. Get your sports penis out. Yeah. Fucking Ray Winstone. Oh my God.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, but it is a legit thing. You know, this guy was fully aware that his penis was really, really small. And that it was a problem and stuff. How could you not be? He's fully aware. Of course guy was fully aware that his penis was really, really small. And that it was a problem and stuff. How could you not be? He's fully aware. Of course he's fully aware. And I think at that point you're fully aware.

But I'm talking about guys with like maybe just slightly below average penis sizes or whatever. Maybe having like this, you know, I've always thought that I had a small dick, but maybe it's bigger than I think it is. Maybe if I just looked at other dicks just to get you know a rough idea and then that like is that where all this comes from is that where all this like i think i think you understand that the average porno is probably over endowed right the average male dick on on the screen they look small to me and so therefore everyone like yeah apart from you guys obviously i think we do have i don't know it's this thing isn't it i think they have to stand like like

huddled in a corner at the other end of the room just to get it all in shot for me i don't think do you know what this has been a topic forever and it's like you, do women actually care most of the time? And I think 99% of men fall within the average. Well, I mean, I think there are limits, obviously. I mean, you know, there are limits. I mean, unless you're working with the classic nubbin that we've been discussing, in which case, please write in to Flaxcorp uh to pre-order please

don't please pre-order don't even do it we've got enough on our plates okay we've got a hearts of iron series to edit up we've got enough to do okay oh my god so this week i've been watching various movies and tv okay kind of catching up i had a i had a long weekend and i was just sitting around watching stuff and and i downloaded a load of um porno sort of first episodes of a lot of series were they animes no no no no like actual american tv now you're an adult now i don't know whether i'm either getting old or cynical or miserable or whatever but i i there were only but I didn't like almost any of it. I watched

the Independence Day film. The remake. And I watched Ghostbusters, the girl one. How bad is it? They are both unbelievably awful. Now, maybe the original Independence Day was also bad. It was awful.

When I watched it when I was like 11, I liked i liked it see this is the thing i i think i was 11 i think i would have really enjoyed both the new ghostbusters movie and the independent thing it's all in it's all it's relational weirdly though i feel like i actually enjoyed things like like the animated films the the one with Baymax. Oh, Big Hero 6. Big Hero 6, I really enjoyed, because there's a lot more than I've enjoyed some of these

AAA Hollywood movies lately. And also, TV-wise, well, I mean, I watched a couple of things, like I watched the first episode of Dark Matter and a few other series, and I just, I watched the first episode of Timeless, and I just thought, like, man, if I was 12 or 15 again

and watching Stargate Atlantis or stuff like that, you know, I would have been, I enjoyed it at the time. But nowadays, man. I don't think it's something that's ruined you. I think there's definitely some movies that come out that do better than others. The problem is, is that you're not 11 anymore, right? So you're not just going to like everything.

When you're 11, you don't care what you're watching. Like it could be anything and you'll probably like it enough. And some things obviously you'll like more. But now that you're like a fully grown adult and you're not like 11 year old Lebanese boy anymore, you're fully grown. You've got hair in places you never thought there would be.

And the problem is, is that a lot of movies that come out now you know like some of those animated movies are probably the best because they seem to get the the perfect sort of mix of um kids humor but adult humor as well you know there's lots of stuff in there that works really well you know it's a fun little movie like i took my son to see the iron giant you remember that movie it's like a like a warner brothers movie from fucking 93 or something and it was amazing it's like it's if you look at the reviews really emotional if you look on like tomatoes and stuff it's got like 99 or something it's like you know it's like it's one of these movies that

doesn't feel like it's a classic because it's not like this big name or whatever. But fuck, it is like a classic. It's an amazing movie. And if you're an adult, you can really appreciate it. If you're a kid, you can really appreciate it and like it and stuff. And especially if you're an adult seeing it with your kid for the first time, it's a really great experience. And it's like a perfect example of a movie that's done right for completely different demographics. You know what I mean?

Like it has enough in it for kids to love it. It has enough in it for adults to like it. And then coming together and if you're watching it with your kids especially, it's like perfect. But a lot of movies don't get that. And a lot of movies don't do that well. And that's like, you know, Ghostbusters, the new one, feels like a movie that could have potentially done that well and that's like you know ghostbusters the new one feels like a movie that could have potentially done that well but they were just so busy trying to fucking relive the glory days and cash in on the nostalgia and stuff like that that maybe they didn't or whatever because 100 from everybody i've heard it sounds like it's terrible and not worth watching everyone these days is i

mean like even like this year like kubo and the two strings the jungle books utopia these are like great great movies actually and they're kids movies but i think they're i've enjoyed them like way more than a lot of like movies that were supposed to be for adults then again i did watch um i did watch westworld the first episode of that hbo oh yeah i saw i i don't know anything about it except i saw ed harris dressed up as a cowboy and HBO next to him. And I thought, that's probably going to be pretty good. Is it good? Yeah, I don't want to say anything particularly bad.

Lots of tits, lots of shooting people. Fuck yeah, dude. I'm already there. I mean, like, yeah, great. Great. Just what I want. I love a bit of, ooh. I'm talking laser tits.

Does anyone get shot in the tits? I don't like that so much. That triggers me a bit of... Does anyone get shot in the tits? I don't like that so much. That triggers me a bit, actually. I want to see tits, and I want to see them resting on the gun arm of someone shooting someone. While the guy is drinking whiskey with the other hand. There are plenty of titties.

Can we rename it Tit World? I'm just thinking West Tit. There's only one episode out so far it's good really good you'll really like it and the south park i've been loving that and i also watch um last week tonight with john yeah that's a great show fucking an incredibly good show i think the depressing thing about that show for me is that a lot of this stuff they say seems to be eminently sensible and logical and then you just know that they're shouting into the void and

nobody's listening it doesn't matter it's sort of taken over from john stewart a little bit i think yeah it's more i think it's more specific like they've obviously said that the stuff john stewart did was great but they they're going into far more detail and it's just him yeah breaking it down and doing interviews and you know there's less of the i mean it almost of the... The Jon Stewart show was almost a vehicle for a lot of other comedians and performers to come through, whereas this is just Jon Oliver grabbing a topic and doing an essay on it. That's essentially what it is.

And I like that a lot, but I do... Nobody's fucking listening. His show isn't going to change anything. That's the tragic part of it, I think. But I love it. I do too. So yeah, we should fan. So yeah, check those out if you want. I've also been trying to finish off deus ex which has been quite slow i played it in a really odd way i sort of realized i was right at the end of it and i hadn't actually

tried out any of the skills at all because i i assumed i'd get more points than i actually ended up getting in the game and so when i started the game i was like oh okay i better get being able to see where the enemies are i better get a bit of hacking i better get this thing and this thing and then i realized that i'd kind of not put any points in any of the fun new abilities like the nano blade or anything so i feel like i've accidentally finished the game without playing in the game i mean that can happen from time to time especially i kind of ended up accidentally ghosting my way through all the missions too which took made the game take a lot longer but i i felt like i feel like in deus ex it's a good game because a lot of the time the missions you the people that you're killing are not bad bad

guys right it's like okay we have to go and capture this guy and he's defended by some guys who were just they're in the wrong place at the wrong time so you shouldn't really kill them all and that happens again and again and so i i never really have this desire to just massacre my way through so i've pretty much only killed like one or two people in the whole playthrough by by just not wanting to be killing people that i don't consider to be bad i i didn't want to go i don't know it made me feel like i didn't want to go on some sort of murderous rampage sometimes i don't mind going on a bit for murderous rampage in games but in deus ex I haven't really wanted to. And as a result, it's made it more fun and challenging.

I don't know. I actually got a kick out of it. I think people didn't like the new Deus Ex game particularly. I don't know. I'm just not interested in Deus Ex at all. So I know that like people still like talk about the original being like a masterpiece and stuff. And I've never played it.

I just never got into played it i just never got into it i just never we never got around to it no but it's it's it's one of these games that's quite a classic i think i think we suffered from this a little bit um by the time i got around to playing it it was a good few years after it had come out and i just it had been surpassed like in terms of you know the way it looked was so god awful at that point yeah i mean it's it's one of the original yeah sort of half-life era kind of like have you tried to play half-life one again have you well they've remastered it so many times now that actually it's not terrible people have such a such a love and a community around that game whereas deus ex doesn't have that you know half-life ended up getting basically rebuilt from the ground up in source engine and all sorts of other stuff

i there you know there hasn't been like a single player like shooter experience like for such a long time that that's very good no it's okay like i've almost finished it it's okay like it's it's not it doesn't have any of the moments the half-life 2 had like there was there were some great moments in that where you're just like in a town or on a on the beach on your little dune buggy and stuff and the idea that the enemies are out there you know you'll suddenly see the ship coming in you know you've been rumbled and it's like that you you felt like you were part of a resistance movement i thought it was it was wolfenstein though he's very good but again it's very straightforward i enjoyed it a lot i thought it was a great game,

a great shooter, but it's like an Arnie movie. Whereas I feel like halfway to felt more like some kind of independent action movie, which is maybe a bit more thoughtful. So they're talking about making a portal movie. Yeah. Yeah. This,

I mean, that'll be cool because they need to use that pooled franchise more. I think it's such a cool universe. You know, if they're not going to do another game or any other stuff with it i think a movie is a really awesome thing yeah it almost writes itself thank you yeah i mean glados could be the only voice in the whole movie and it would be perfectly watchable yeah it would be interesting it would be fine it seems hard to fuck that up when the poor universe is so cool it is very very cool, yeah. But again, I think they could easily fuck it up as well.

Like, I think they'd have to be very careful and get it right and take their time with it, not just rush something out sort of thing. But again, like, when did Portal 2? Fucking, that reminds me, Portal 2 was amazing, wasn't it? Fuck it was so good. It was such a good game. Like, oh, I remember just loving every minute of it. It was just, it was fantastic i didn't

play like the multiplayer much i just loved the single player story was yeah i didn't even know it had multiplayer the multiplayer wasn't you know it's just a bunch of fun co-op missions but the story was where it was was i think the level design and everything and the yeah just everything about it was so good uh and the puzzles were good and it just it really felt like a little world was created and that's what i'm saying like wolfenstein was fun and doom was fun but i didn't i don't feel the same connection to it as an almost an adventure with a shooting game like around it i feel that with doom and with wolfenstein is just a shooting game and i'm just progressing from level to level and it's fun it is a lot of fun, but it didn't stay

with me the way Half-Life 2 did. No. I think Dishonored is pretty good. It's not quite a shooting game, but it's got story, it's interesting, it's good. The way that you play changes the story as well, so if you kill more people

or you get found more often and stuff dishonored people are very excited for dishonored 2 actually they were they were showing it at egx and a lot of people i can't wait for dishonored 2 like i think it'll be pretty good like i'm looking forward to it the first one is excellent it's really good i think just going back to port 2 i think i think some of what made it special was that they it felt like the voice acting was just amazing you know having JK Simmons do Cave Johnson for me was like one of the biggest parts and also uh having Stephen Merchant yeah the um doing the Wally guy yeah yeah whatever his name was Willie Willie or whatever yeah but but it was Cave Johnson that's so good was it Wheatley

yeah it was Wheatley it was just such I don't know there were so many really good bits about it just sticks in your mind as this this pinnacle of like of putting a lot of effort in a lot of love and attention and just ending up with something that was very very cool yeah i felt like a lot of a lot of people a lot of passion had gone into making this game and it came out just sometimes it comes out like such a nice a nice thing everything just must have aligned at valve you know at the time when they were yeah you know on a high of making games and they had this cool universe and they all just worked together because it must have taken them years to actually make the game like i remember when it came out and there wasn't really much else coming out around that time specifically those couple of weeks where it came out and it wasn't the longest game but i remember it had my

full attention yeah i played it from start to finish and i didn't feel like there was something else that was you know eating into my time playing it or anything so i guess it i guess it just goes to show that it is important like when you release a game and stuff yeah definitely steam nowadays there's just shit coming out every day but oh my god have you gone have you gone to the new releases? Like all new releases, you click that, it is just a list of shit. Absolute shit. It's awful. My God. I just can't believe it.

So many games that are just never going to be anything. Yeah. Who cares about 99% of these fucking games? It's gone awful. So I'm looking at popular new releases right now. There's at the very top, there's the Fall 2016 Battle Pass for Dota 2. Yeah, that'll be a definite purchase, to be fair.

Okay. And then under that, we've got Butcher. I've never heard of this. Yeah, that looks shit. I looked at the trailer, it's gone awful. Campaign Clicker, which is a free-to-play indie casual clicker game. No thanks.

Most seem to be popular. Rocket League DLC, Triton, which looks like an underwater car. I don't know. Mortal Kombat X, Kombat Pack 2 DLC. Viking Squad, an action indie adventure beat-em-up game, which is currently 10% off. So you can buy that for £9 and 89 never heard of it rocksmith 2014 edition remastered well hang on i'm gonna bust out that guitar we've got aragami which is an indie action adventure stealth game wow i've

never heard of that one either atlas reactor i've heard people talking about this but i don't know what it is meant to be good actually okay well that's free to play as well and it's on the popular new releases but the weird thing is um it's like pokemon no it's like a competitive version no it's like a competitive version oh it's an arena game right yeah but it's turn-based now they're saying that it's XCOM meets Dota, which is not true. And I'm not just saying that as a Dota fan. I'm looking at it.

It's not anything like Dota, like at all. So, I mean, it looks okay, I guess, but I don't understand why people, companies still do this thing where they launch a game and they say, welcome to the brand new competitive arena game. I'm like, stop doing that. Just bring out a fucking game. Don't pitch it.

Because the moment people see it pitched as, it's a new competitive, yeah, but they're trying to get into a market that's so hard. Because there's so much flooding though already. Like the order for a game to rise above this dross, this sea of messages in bottles in order for one to get noticed you have to call your game x-con meets dota because it needs that

snappy sound bite or else sips is just going to go down to the next one in the list and say okay already i've moved along and i'm at war game red dragon nation pack israel israel it is difficult the way you said it made it sound like a tolkien baddie israel and his army israel rising in the north israel you will turn back steve's always really interesting though right so if you go to the top sellers top seller right now is mafia 3 which isn't even out yet but is is hyped up like out and everybody wants to play the other two would go probably gonna be no i like them a lot actually i'm looking forward to mafia 3 but you're a huge mafia fan though bear that in mind i know uh i don't know the other mafias weren't so i'm not sure if this one will be or not i'm not sure it's i think it's

more story driven sort of GTA style I've never played them, it's amazing they're quite good actually, I like them Civ 6 is on there as well do we want to talk about that? Civ 6? I've been playing it and I've got some concerns I've got some concerns

you have concerns? I think the primary concern I've got at the moment from a single player perspective which is going to be 99 of how the game is played the ai feels like the same fucking code from three four five and now six i do not feel like games are addressing the colossal problem that there is with ai and I honestly think the biggest issue that it has is nobody is writing an AI that takes a guess at what might happen. It comes up with a plan.

It doesn't use any of the information that it might be able to surmise from things you've done in the past or previous games. Why isn't it taking all the Civ games that are out there and collecting that information anonymously and allowing some central brain to think of ways to win at Civ how about that why not have a fucking computer sat somewhere that just absorbs some simple match data from games that have been played and improves the AI so So in the early days, it ain't going to be great. As we go on, it'll get better. Because at the moment, all I see is the same shit.

I've played four games of Civ VI now, and the AI is so predictable. And the conversations it has with you, the things it does are super predictable. It cannot fight a war to save its life. It cannot build units when it needs to. It is too fucking predictable. It needs to change, and somebody needs to change it and by god it could be me wow okay listen pflex i think

partly the problem you might have is that you have now been involved in some pretty hardcore intensive training on how to get better at this is about is about you, isn't it? This is about you. You think you've Yoda'd me. You're not Yoda. Before you joined our multiplayer game sessions, you were a fresh-faced young noob and you enjoyed Civ. You weren't challenged. You were just going in there, enjoying it,

and the AI was challenging enough for you, right? But now you've tasted real challenge and real competitive civ and you you need that you've tasted that crack that hardcore hero maybe you you can't you can't do without it you know you can't go in there and just walk over someone you need them to fight back you need them challenge you and i think that unfortunately civ ai is never gonna be that and was never that but why i agree though we gotta understand that we are playing an alpha build and it's only got prince unfortunately, Civ AI is never going to be that and was never that. I agree, though. We've got to understand that we are playing an alpha build, and

it's only got Prince difficulty. But you know what those difficulties are going to do. They're going to give them more food. They're going to give them more culture, more science. But the brain is the same. It's like taking an idiot and putting him in charge of the world. It ain't going to be well run. He's just going to have a load of shit. That's what multiplayer is for, though.

You know, you don't play... Unfortunately, AIs are always bad in games. We talked about this a little bit before. There's nothing you can do. I don't think that's my concern. There is a lot you can do. That's what I'm saying. Machines need time to learn.

You cannot code every situation in. But if enough situations occur, the computer can make a decision based on what has happened in previous games that has to be coded in that's the only way to solve the ai conundrum is that you have to get it to learn simply but it must learn otherwise it becomes predictable i think the uh problem we're going to have in civ is going to be a very different one i think it's going to be that you there seems to be no limit to how many cities you can settle and no penalty for settling bad ones.

Okay. So you could just slap a crappy city up in the Arctic Circle. You can slap a crappy city down in like a desert. You can slap them all over the fucking place and no one gives a shit. And you can just spread with 10, 20, 30 cities across the world with no penalty. Which in a multiplayer game is going to be very tricky to manage, especially when there's no queue there's no production production what's up with that queue up production every turn you have to do

50 more buildings and we me and duncan have been really struggling with it because you know you you you you start the game you find yourself you've got a little bit of land you throw some cities down and suddenly you've got six or seven cities that you're trying to manage and it's complicated but but and those cities are also very very weak immediate and you really have to if if you're going to get attacked you have a lot of cities those cities are just going to go down and get raised to the ground in seconds or change hands in in no time and your attack has suddenly got all these cities that have changed hands i think it's going to be i'm really actually quite excited about the different dynamics of playing these i think it's going to be... I'm really actually quite excited about the different dynamics of playing these Civ games.

I think multiplayer is going to be great. I really do. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it a lot. So yeah, I don't know. I'm still stoked about Civ. I think it's definitely a different game. A very different game. It's moved towards more of a game than a simulator. I think Civ 5 became a good game

with all of the mods, with all the packs, with all the changes, with No Quitters mod. I think it became a good game with all of the mods with all the packs with all the changes with with with no quitters mod i think it became a real competitive exciting challenge um and we understood the meta of that which basically was that don't have more than you know five cities until the mid game and then really after that you only need about six or seven to win and you don't want anymore you don't want bad ones you want good ones um you know if you get if you capture a city loathe btu you know but now you can raise a city state to the ground you can fucking raise anything you want to the ground i like it it's good for it's the fighting version of civ i've been waiting for god damn it

did you say i like raisins yeah i do yeah i love them i love raisins so what about you sits what you've been playing this week what you've been doing Yeah, I do. I love them. I love races. So what about you, Sips? What have you been playing this week? What have you been doing? I have been playing this week a mix of Hearthstone. I've been playing a bit. I started playing when the new season started on the 1st of October. And I enjoyed my time laddering with Secret Hunter deck.

I enjoyed that a lot. And then I've been playing a lot of Overwatch, which I just randomly picked up because, do you know what? I haven't played WoW since last Thursday, okay? It's been a week. I went over to Bristol for two days. I got back, I didn't play, and I haven't played since.

So I managed to somehow go away for two days and get out of the habit of playing WoW. And I haven't gone back because I just I don't know why. It's one of those things, right? You just do that sometimes with games. Yeah. Like before I went over to Bristol, I was like, oh, man, I can't wait to get back and play more WoW and stuff. And then I got back and I was just like, yeah, I don't really feel like playing WoW.

So I was like I had like half an hour before I had to go do something else. And I just wanted to play something quickly. And so I was like, fuck, I'll hour before I had to go do something else and I just wanted to play something quickly and so I was like fuck I'll just install overwatch and do a quick game and then I've just been playing it like a lot ever since you did the the placement matches didn't you yeah yeah I did placement matches and it was pretty fun and then um I've been streaming it a lot like this week as well which has been pretty fun just playing with like people in the stream and um losing a lot we've lost a lot of games but it's been pretty good you know like i've been playing heroes that i i don't always play did you play too high then is that what you're saying did you play i guess so but i mean where i placed in gold is not like anything to write home about but yeah

i we just like we can't win. Occasionally we get placed. So we get match made against people who are much better than us and who have been playing a lot more as well. Like you can, you can kind of get an idea of how many hours somebody has spent by like, like their, their rank, I guess, sort of thing. So like I'm like rank 56, for example, and I've played for like 35 hours thereabouts. But so like I was playing, I did my placement matches with Shin. Shin's like almost rank 100.

So I guess he's played double the time that I have possibly, maybe a bit more. And we were getting match made against guys who were like level 300 and stuff in some cases. Oh yeah, it's bullshit. Which is, it's insane. Like they have just a lot more experience with the game and they're they've probably mastered at least a hero or whatever and we just got shit on it was crazy but it's like playing csgo though sometimes it is yeah i think it just happens sometimes and it's okay it's it's pretty fun like i don't know if i love it but i'm

enjoying playing it for now anyway i know that feeling right of playing a game like dota and like overwatch where you're like csgo where you've got equal teams and you it means you lose half your games yeah it's just the way that the game is designed you will just lose half your games i think that the thing with a lot of games nowadays is they drip feed you progress right they want to give you a little tiny yeah little nugget of oh i got a a gem or oh i got some points so i can get my new cape it's like that's that's it the actual experience has become very grindy because they've realized that people are very habitual yeah and it reminds me we spoke about it before i'm sure the episode of next gem where they get the the the the thing that they put on and they have to guide a disc into a trumpet and it's sort of a

virtual reality game that they play and it gives them a little shot of uh endorphins or whatever it's like that people just like a little drip feed of progress yeah i i play games which are punishingly hard and where you can lose and lose and lose, but you still keep coming back. I am a masochist in games. I don't know why. Yeah, I get that, too. Like, I think sometimes, like, when you do have a win streak, if you're going to have a lose streak, you can also have a win streak. And that's very, very satisfying.

I think that having the highs and the lows are rewarding. It makes the highs higher when you know how bad the lows are sometimes. You know, when you come away from Hearthstone thinking, oh, fuck, that was shit. I think you get over it pretty well. She doesn't, like, depress me for the whole day or whatever. But also, people do like that.

They like the raiding. They like these... They like having to grind against trying to complete something that's difficult. And then, because Simon was saying to me yesterday that he has been playing wow. And he's been what he calls grinding Pearson rep. So Pearson's this guy who has this raid group and he's a guy who used to

raid with us for a long time. And Simon's been joining all of his crappy raids. Like he, like the heroic. So they did heroic Emerald nightmare, which is the new raid in wow. They spent three and a half hours in there. They wiped the whole time.

They didn't kill a single boss, but it that simon's in pierce's raid yeah for the for the normal run or whatever you know so so simon's gonna get to go on that and and he he quite enjoyed it even though he actually just spent the whole time wiping it's it's a funny thing i don't think i'd enjoy it no it's weird like you just said but you seem like the type of person and simon seemed like the type of person who could enjoy it because the thing is with this it's it's weird like you just said to me but you seem like the type of person and simon seemed like the type of person who could enjoy it because the thing is with this it's it's very time consuming and you know when you set up a raid you have to do it at a specific time on a specific date and if you have kids and a family and shit you're not gonna be doing that it's impossible you just cannot make the raids you can't be reliable you're not always going to feel like doing it if you literally have nothing else to do hell yeah i'd be all over it if i spent all day waiting for

a raid to happen like nine hours from now where i literally do nothing leading up to it fuck yeah sign me up for a raid i'll do it for sure but like it's impossible like you have to have a lifestyle that fits with raiding and doing that type of gaming. You know what I mean? Do you know one thing about WoW that I never quite liked was that when you're doing those kind of raids and all that kind of stuff, there's a moment when you know you're about to wipe. And it's like the difference between it's going okay to we've lost this fight. It's like seemed to me to be extremely quick. And it took like one little lapse or one mistake. And that was it.

No, no, we can't pull this back. It's like, no, we've lost two guys. And that's it. We're down. Wipe it and try again. I play CSGO a lot. And you can be down a lot of rounds in CSGO. And because the enemy team ends up with less money, if they lose a couple in a row, go a lot and you can be down a lot of rounds in cs go and there's a you know because you're the

enemy team ends up with less money if they lose a couple in a row you can make a comeback and i like that the comeback is what i like in a game the fact that you can be down and then come back i always felt in wow you could do that pretty well they do like they do and that makes the games exciting exactly you know you think or even though you're down like 10 to 2 or whatever you still think holy shit you could see it you could think in your head holy shit we could come back from this in a football game if you were down 10 to 2 no fucking way you know it's basically over i'm gonna sit through the rest of the half an hour or whatever and fucking who cares you know we've in misery yeah but yeah i really like that that does I think that's one of the key elements in why these games

are so kind of good and popular I mean especially like in football you have there have been teams that have been down

like four goals with like 15-20 minutes to go and they do it I mean you know the European Cup final Liverpool AC Milan

Liverpool down 3-0 at half time I mean that was a real classic though that was a rare moment. Yeah, no, it was. But that's what makes it. That it's possible.

I love that. The comeback in any sport or any game, coming back from a losing position to win is always the best feeling. I feel like a lot of those grindy games kind of lack that. I think, yeah. Because they're quick. It's much quicker. If you think about Hearthstone, it's really rare that you have no board control.

You're down to like four health and the dude hasn't taken any damage. What could you really do? Hearthstone is a perfect example of a game where when you get too far behind, you're done. That's it. You're not going to come back. Even with big swing cards, oftentimes, there's just nothing you can do. You know, if you've wasted a lot of resources and you haven't been efficient and stuff, you're too far behind, you won't win the game.

Yeah. Sort of thing. But like, yeah, like CSGO, I think Heroes of the Storm, which I don't think you've played any of, Flax. Lewis, you've played a bit of. But Heroes of the Storm is a bit lenient with comebacks as well. You can get a good team fight, you can wipe the other team, and you can come back and win.

Like even if you're really far behind, like it does happen. Right, right. And it's like when it does happen and it happens more often than you think it would. It feels fucking great. You know, you just you manage to just coordinate perfectly. You know, you kill a couple of the key players. You know, you pick off the stragglers and then you can easily just push a couple of objectives and and win the game and like you know you could be pretty far behind at that point you still do it sort of thing i'm not unhappy that like uh that there's there's shit

loads of stuff on steam but i feel it's the same thing as the tv thing you know i watched like 20 different first episodes of series and i hated you know 18 of them. I can check out 20 new games on steam and I'll probably hate 18 of them. But do you know what? I I'm not actually hating that experience of checking something new out, trying it out, seeing, seeing if it's like good or bad, you know,

just cause I didn't like it. It didn't, doesn't mean that it was necessarily a waste of time. And then again, I do want my time back from ghostbusters. That was a garbage movie. I just like, I don't like, there's a couple of series and stuff that I want to watch.

Like, and that I will watch. But because we're going away in like three weeks. And we're going to have long flights of stuff. You've been saving stuff up. And that's really good that it's marketing to do. Yeah, I'm just saving shit up that I know I'm going to watch. Like the most recent series of Game of Thrones. You know, I haven't watched it yet.

I've got it saved up. I'm going to watch it on the plane. Luke Cage. I want to watch that as well like on netflix it's like just come out this is like the the the spinoff from jessica jones or whatever you know the guy yeah um and jessica jones that that looks pretty cool like i'll watch i like jessica jones i'll watch that so like i've got a couple of like series that i know i want to watch that i'll just save up and watch when i can watch them but like i could never do that like i would never just start watching something and spend like you know it has to be like a sure thing for me like i have to like have it recommended by people and stuff like i can't just try something and and watch two episodes

and then not watch it because like i'd feel so yeah so sort of like cheated out of my time sort of thing. Like, I don't want to like, I don't want to commit to like anything that's just going to be bad. You know? Sorry, this podcast has been entirely about media and just the thing, movies and games that we're playing.

I feel like, I feel like that's all I've been doing this week. I need to, I need to get out and do more. I think we've had, it's been an interesting conversation for me. I've enjoyed it anyway. Yeah. The podcast last week was really just kind of us shooting the shit about stuff. And sometimes, out and do more we've had it's been an interesting conversation for me i've enjoyed it anyway yeah

podcast last week was really just kind of us shooting the shit about stuff and sometimes sometimes that will be what you get on this podcast sometimes you work at that this has been all about media but we did have a lengthy conversation about penis sizes yeah there's 20 minutes at the start about dicks and we solved my we solved the micropenis conundrum is also wait we haven't uh there is something, hang on a second. Bodega Part Quattro. We have Bodega Part Quattro.

If you want, we don't have to do it this week. It's up to you guys. No, this is the best part for me. I wait for this, yeah. All right. It's not as long as last time, so it shouldn't take as long, but it's. Okay.

I'm trying to like get better at listening to audio books. I'll slow down. I'll read it more slowly. Hold up. Hang on. Let me get myself. I just got to adjust like my settings. That's all right. Don't feel the pressure to rush through it. I just don't want to take up too much time. That's all. No, no, not at all. We have all day.

We have all day. And the art of acting is to you know enunciate right are you ready be careful okay enunciate this time okay i will okay good okay can we have ray winston no my voice won't take it okay bodega park quattro no we'll do it normally come on bodega park quattro clouds of exhaustumes, the stench of synth oil mixed with coolant, and the musky funk of a thousand space dock engineers. Bodega choked back the aroma of the Barakian Quanto hub from high up on a gantry. His Gretham shuttle was parked on the roof.

Its chameleon stealth field and some fancy flying had made it past the security screens. He rested one hand on his lasgun and the other on his groin, which was itching like hell. Damn Spaloopian crotch crabs. A hundred meters below. Not the Spaloopian. Oh, they're the worst.

The busy spaceport on the surface of Quanto 4 looked safe enough. Bodega had been scanning the crowds for an hour now, making sure there wasn't an ambush. That business with the smugglers had drawn some weird heat. Fedpol had been all over him like, well, like a case of crotch grabs. He wondered just how high up the remote-controlled

vehicle smuggling ring went, but that wasn't his business. What was his business was the stench coming from the toilets on his ship. In orbit, cloaked naturally, its legendary ship the Disco Volante waited and, frankly, it reeked. He was pretty sure whatever was causing the noxious stank might even be leaking into space, however badly it ponged, it was still his ship, and at the push of a button on his wrist comp, it would decloak and rocket down to Bodega's position. At the push of another button, the ship would self-destruct, taking anything within 100 clicks with it. Bodega had to make sure he pushed the right button.

He didn't know why he put the two buttons next to each other, but these things happen. What are you going to do? Were they like a different color or anything? With the spaceport surveillance complete, Bodega gave his crotch one more good scratch before he jetpacked down to the main floor since he wore no cape the jet pack worked properly if he'd been wearing a cape scrum knows what would

have happened once down he colored a fedorian engineer and demanded a landing berth for his ship he called the disco volante down from orbit by focusing hard and pressing the correct button. The Fedorians were a squat, ugly collection of what Bodega referred to as nerds. They knew everything there was to know about the inner workings of spaceships and computers and nerd shit like that. Loadsome as they were, Bodega had no choice. He'd studied grown-up things like how to tear a man's throat out, and how to field strip a Viterian squirm-beam battle pack, so not useful when it came to fixing a busted megatoilet.

The crapper needs some work. Got a stink coming off it worse than a... Bodega began to explain, before the Fedorian interrupted, its nasal voice cut through Bodega like a lasgun through a pack of nerds. Uh, before we even get to the toilets, I really have to question your decision to have only one access door to this vessel. You really should have three. The not even have two

is pretty terrible. This thing is already a death trap, and the controls are on the wrong side of the door. They should be on the right, and your gangplank is off-angle by about three degrees. Bodega grimaced. Fucking nerds, he thought. They entered the ship. I don't smell anything wrong here, said the Fedorian.

It stinks. The toilet. It's broken. Trust me, said Bodega. It really doesn't, but okay, said the Fedorian, and he made for the toilets. As he entered the main deck of the Disco Volante, he recoiled in horror, pawing at the vid panels and peering into access shafts. Smell it now, Esbodega grinning. No, it's your setup! My god, you have so many things wrong here!

Why is your stealth field not firmware upgraded? Look at this wiring, it's like you don't even care! I have no idea why you would get a ship this expensive if you don't even know how to rig the squig indexer correctly! You must be losing like 1.5% more fuel every time you deorbit. The Fedorian was actually sniggering. He was standing there aboard the legendary Disco Volante and laughing at it. At Bodega. Bodega's face hardened. Are you shitting on my ship? He asked, giving the Fedorian one last chance to climb down from the precipice of a really bad time. The ship is a good one, but it's the owner! My groggle, you have absolutely no idea what you're doing here, do you?

This thing is suboptimal! It actually makes me want to put my head in my hands and maybe make a big post about it in the Fedorian engineering forums! The engineer prattled on, not noticing Bodega unholstering his famous lasgun and aiming it squarely at the Fedorian's head. Pard, you just cursed your planet of spaceports, said Bodega. As the disco volante sped into orbit, the Gretem following an autopilot behind, the explosions from the Barakian Quanto hub could be seen for miles around. Lasgun scorching, Tupido blasts, and even some dents from a fist

would be found by investigators in the weeks to come. Bodega from found the fault with the toilet anyway. He'd been drunk on bum-pincher ale and had just forgotten to flush away a particularly unpleasant crap from the previous night. As his ship entered orbit, he flushed. The ship ejected the toxic poop which tumbled back down to the planet's surface with a hearty plop a final reminder for the people of this world don't fuck with bodega oh my god oh my god okay i like the crap i need i think wow

that was a good one okay do you do you want my storytelling adjunct? Go for it. I think what you needed to do was grab the, whatever it is, the Flav by the scruff of his neck. The nerd, sorry, by the scruff of his neck. Get his head down there. Fucking get it in the toilet. What did you say to Sips last week?

What did I say to Sips? He tried to correct me and say what you should have done. And you said, you can't tell Pirian what to do. He's an artist. Oh, shit, yeah, you can't tell. I'm sorry, P-Flex. You're going to jinx it now. Now he's going to be second-guessing himself,

and it's not going to be as good. Come on, it was set up. Maybe that's the point, though. Maybe that's what, maybe you didn't do what we were predicting. You could have given him, like, a spalupium nuclear wedgie listen as well guys what's on what's what's unwritten as is as important as what is written all we know is he fucked shit up he could have done all those things he fucked shit up yeah he did this time he did do all those things and that's that's the beautiful thing because you didn't cover it

we can in our heads fill in the gaps i'm not telling you how to do anything though period i'm not saying i'm not recommending anything to you or whatever but i'm looking for i'm looking for a couple of extra dimensions in bodega i want like a bit of of character development because so far can you give more characters he seems to turn up and he seems to fuck shit up and then he just seems to put on his sunglasses and leave with shit exploding behind you got a problem with that no i don't at all but but maybe one day i'm hoping you want to know more about the man behind the myth yeah you know i want to i want to realize at some point that you know what this guy isn't perfect you know sometimes he just killed a guy for insulting his ship yeah i guess he did forget i guess he i guess

he did forget to flush the toilet yeah and his ship isn't even very well designed and laid out and you know as the engineer pointed out there's a lot wrong with it so bodega is not a superhuman in all aspects he's just a killer honestly i can sympathize that nerd was posting on all those fucking forums just whining about... Can you imagine? I would give you a super dad. I mean, I don't know where the inspiration for this one came from, but it felt very natural to writing it.

Yeah, it seemed like out of nowhere for me as well. I think it's very cathartic to just think about all those people who say things on internet forums and just, you know, just blow up their shit and just, you know, stick them their their shit and just you know stick them out stick them out the air give them a wedgie give them a wedgie bad bad shit flush their head down the toilet but i will i will i will take on board the idea that perhaps we need to know a bit more about bodega maybe lewis can do bodega origins there are there are like a dozen bodega

origin stories before bodega even makes it into space you know i would love to see lewis grew up on a farm on quad var five in the star lupian galaxy i would love to see lewis right next week's bodega nothing would give me more pleasure i don't know if i can't make any promises i have so much to do but if i if i find myself with half an hour i'll slap i'll slap some okay i'll write a fifth uh bodega part sink i'll have to check it i'll have to check it with you first because i don't want to break the canon you know you guys you've worked hard on establishing bodega universe he just kills stuff so if that doesn't happen in yours Lewis

You know you've done something wrong The cannon is mounted on the ship Exactly Just come up with good names for shit That's it That's where this series really excels The naming of things The Flavs, Palupians

They are my favourite Oh man Well that was the Triforles podcast for this week it was it was a different one no it wasn't actually at all different lewis i think this is just like looking into this is pretty much how it goes every week yeah we talk about dicks for a while or shit or something like that and then we move on and we talk about other stuff that we may or may not know anything about. And then video games.

And with a bodega. And then bodega, yeah. It's falling into a nice formula. It's nice. That's for sure. Yeah, I enjoy it. This is my favorite thing to do every week, bar none. I really enjoy doing this podcast.

Yeah, it's great. I hope you guys feel the same. I love it too, man. It's my favorite. Thank you for listening. Yeah, we'll be back next week. We'll be back next time. Hopefully you're not uh eating right now um or we're not eating at the start when we were talking about micro penises because that's not enough for a full meal or if you were eating a giant hot dog

or something like that just to give you some perspective if you were just eating a raw cucumber a really huge cucumber while that conversation was taking place. Good for you. Well done. You've done it. You're the best. Bye. Anyway. Bye. Bye.