Triforce! - Triforce! #235: The Curious Case of the Fox on the Phone

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

Triforce! Episode 235! Ol' Sipsy Slow-Pee has multiple trips to the hospital, Flax almost gets thrown out of an Uber and we solve The Curious Case of the Fox on the Phone! Visit http://joinhoney.com/TRIFORCE to get Honey for free. Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. Now through April 15th, get 30% off all Sephora collection. Also, for beauty insiders, get 10% off the rest of your purchase on brands like Glow Recipe, Rare Beauty by Selena Gomez, Amika, and more. Don't wait. Shop at Sephora today. Exclusions and terms apply. Discounts not combinable. Earn the points. Share the journey. With the TD Aeroplan Visa Infinite Card, earn up to 50,000 Aeroplan points. Conditions apply. Offer ends June 3rd, 2024. Visit tdaeroplan.com for details.

Well, hello everyone. Welcome back. Well, hello. Why, greetings there, young fella. Hello. Come on in. Grab a seat. Chucking it down outside. I stepped outside today, looked at the rain, and I did have an umbrella.

Wow. Water just falling from the sky. What the fuck? I was like, well, I knew that even if I walked in with the umbrella, I'd still get my feet wet. And I was like, I just turned around and I went back in so I'm recording at home today you sound exactly the same in all honesty you do yeah it's like it's like you haven't it's like you've always been recording

at home maybe you have been I don't know I think I'm more muted I think I'm like more relaxed you know it's like I'm not holding stuff in you know yes all the stuff that you normally just chat about before or after we finish recording it's all going to come out the racism the sexism that's it yeah it's all just going to come pouring out of him he just what you guys don't know is Lewis just randomly shouts seek Heil like while while

we're not chatting while we're just chatting. It's true. Jesus. Especially when I'm relaxed. That's my going a little far. Jeez. I've had a headache for three days and I'm not myself. Even when we played bolt action P-Flex, even when I was a German I never shouted Sieg Heil.

Well, I didn't make the final cut but yes, he did. When is that coming out for fuck's sake? I'm waiting even to see a preview cut. I want to see the final cut, but yes, he did. When is that coming out, for fuck's sake? I'm waiting even to see a preview cut. I want to see a preview cut. There's a lot of work on. We've got a lot of busy bees and busy boys. Making fucking TikToks.

Talking about this, it's interesting, actually, because I've told you before about the Jingle Jam reach out, where I reach out to all these devs, and most people who aren't interested in Jingle Jam don't bother replying to me, right? Yeah. They may well have their reasons, and god knows what they are you know who knows lots and lots of reasons like mostly it's out of their control like their

publisher or their licensing partner or something or their boss or someone doesn't want to do it so normally they just don't reply but so i've had a couple replies this year complaining about charities right so it's basically outing themselves as a transphobe or something you know this and so right because because we've got a couple of um there's mermaids in the bundle there's a couple of other charities in the bundle one of them is like dogs for autism and one guy was like this doesn't seem to be a very good cause there's people dying of like diseases in other countries and i'm like well how who are we to measure suffering i didn't really say that i just ignored him but you know i mean who are we to like you know measure these

these things you know who's to say that you know that the helping someone out who you know how are you to be the arbiter of this you know it's it's very hard in my opinion the jingle jam puts forward a good diverse list of charities to appeal to the people who donate who are the most important people at the end of the day you know anyone anyone who makes the argument that if you try to do some good there are worse things that's called the fallacy of relative privation one of my favorites because you hear people use it all the time which is essentially that you say gosh isn't it a shame about so and so and someone says well it could be worse and they think of something worse so the idea is that it's it's it's a fallacy because it implies that there's no point attempting

to improve any one area because there'll always be something worse so for example you're trying to do something dogs for autism which might be a helpful charity might help some people but people. But you could then say, well, there are people dying in Ukraine. So we should abandon all other causes and just work at the very bottom rung of, you know, of what is the worst. And everything else should just go to hell. Well, that's ridiculous. Yeah. That's not the way things work. So, but I mean, it's a huge people.

It's a big it's a big event with lots of charities. I mean, the guy could have just said, do have anything around ukraine we could we could help with instead of dogs for autism which we're not that interested in we've got we got they're all good causes and they're all designed to inspire people to donate and be involved and think about these this stuff you know and also it's it's a lot a bit about the one guy was like oh can we put 15 games in and i was like can you just put one in that's great and everything well maybe two or three but like 15 games jesus yeah i think they just wanted to put their entire back catalog in and i was like well that's all very that's very generous but i think we also want to have other games we want to include other people yeah so yeah just hijacking the whole bundle i've had

to put like some weird i know i've also had a few the most common thing i get back is the reply of the why they don't want to take part in jingle jam is because they've only sold x copies why would they give away a hundred thousand copies right and fair enough but that i've had that this year for every number from 150 to 1 million we've only sold a million copies why would we give away a hundred thousand and i was like hmm and then you know so i guess the point is that some people will just want to get their games out there some people just hate money as well. Looking through Steam, it's really depressing to see sometimes how many games.

Someone's poured their heart and soul into making this game, right? Yeah. And no one's bought it or no one's played it on Steam. Sometimes devs just want people to play their games. And if you've sold 100,000 copies of your game you're a millionaire straight up so maybe give away some copies of your game i guess it's it's always like the other thing is they're always like worried about their bottom line you know is it gonna hurt our sales somehow is this something but as far as i can tell that in the 25 different complaints that i address every year i don't seem to no one's

ever complained about being in jingle jam no one's ever like don't seem to no one's ever complained about being in Jingle Jam no one's ever like had a bad time no one's ever you know gone bankrupt because of it you know no one's ever had seen that or at least not reported to me but they have reported to me that it's been successful lots of people have reported to get success out of it so it's kind of hard to like translate like that to people I think people are automatically very cynical but we've kind of we are now i think the spiritual successor of the the humble bundle you know that was a thing back in the day right humble bundle giving away all these you know they're still going right humble bundle's still going i think they're still going but they're

not what they were are they you know it ain't what it used to be do you like the old gray mare yeah trombone Champ. I've been watching you play that all week. Sorry, well, look, that's all I've been doing this week is just hammering replies to people. I think a lot of companies perhaps don't understand the way that sales tend to work, which is that you have your initial peak in most cases, and then you have a tail. And that tail is like the tail on this peak right and it trickles along and you'll get like a few sales now and then but more often than not your game's going to sell its most in its first week and then it's going to precipitously

decline from there unless there are some games where that's not the case games that like you know they get it's definitely following over time and there are examples well like among us would be a prime example where it jumped in popularity later and all the rest of it but i think if you put your game into something like the humble bundle if you just released your game that week i could understand you not wanting to do it but if your game's been out for a few months you're not really going to sell that many more copies that's just the way it is so why not chuck it in there fucks it yeah yeah well that sounds like a good week lewis but nothing beats uh the week i've had uh of uh jumping through uh many medical hoops i'm uh i'm fully in uh in in

into into the medicine now uh because of uh my my complaints well uh like a a complaint which now they have to check everything to to rule it out so i have to do everything now like uh i i've had i've had to do some stuff and now i gotta do everything basically um i noticed a couple of months ago that when i go pee it's slower you know you know you go pee and it's like bam like it comes out mine still comes out but it's like it's it's slowed down a little bit right not being a doctor or anything i just figured this is happening with my shower as well yeah i i just figure i'm getting older just a bit low it's my prostate much like your shower is prostate well maybe the water's being used elsewhere i think that might be what it is when i'm in my place that could be it too find out if someone's siphoning your urine off

yeah okay so listen i don't know if you guys have ever had any issues like this or or hopefully you will never have to but you might have to have some of the stuff that i've had done done and some of the stuff that i have to have done in the future done. But so far, I've had a man's finger in my ass, which was not pleasant. I've peed on a robot who has measured what my flow is like. You peed on a robot? Yeah, it was like a non-interesting robot toilet. It wasn't like a Japanese one. Was it called R2P2?

Good one, good one. I mean, it's pretty neat, though, because it shows you a graph. It prints out a graph of how strong your flow is, which is kind of interesting. So, mine was weak. So, the consultant is like you know you probably give me your pain your pro your prostate feels fine but you know it's probably you know enlarged or maybe there's like some inflammation or something like that which is you know slowing down your waterworks so i'm like okay fine so they so he got me in for an mri so i went i went

into like the big tube machine that makes a lot of noise yeah yeah which was uh which was interesting and uh they took a look they were focusing on the area where my prostate is and uh they found that my prostate is not at all enlarged um but my PSA levels are raised so now they want to do a biopsy on my prostate to rule out potential cancer in my prostate. Right. Which involves having... But they didn't see anything on the MRI. No, it's not...

So that has to be positive, right? I mean, as in a good thing. I think so. Yeah. But if there's anything like inside it, that's what the biopsy is for, right? So basically, I think the next step is on top of having to have like uh like an enema and like all this other crap relating to them finally i guess jamming a needle into my ass to um to take a biopsy of my prostate well why don't they shove it up uh up your dick i mean well that that that's happening as well later

later on next month i was worried yeah yeah no don't worry no they're gonna be putting a telescope into my dick as well so uh yeah so it's um so it'd be a big fucking telescope to get into that wang well i know that's the thing so james webb i mean it's cool that they're being cold they should do it the other way yeah it's it's great that they're being like so thorough and everything but at the same time um this is gonna take me out of my gaming garage multiple times yeah it doesn't sit well with me and um i'm not sure the biopsy like like i'm not too like sure about you know like what happens after apparently like you can get you can get infected or whatever

there's a small chance but uh particularly having like a uh having like a camera in your dickhole yeah apparently is quite painful for like a couple you know it doesn't sound good yeah no so so lots to look forward to i think 2022 is going to be the year of uh self-exploration yeah yeah so we're you know um we're we're rooting for you bud and we're hoping that it's nothing and uh keep us updated and i'm sure that all the people listening to this are as concerned as we are even though we're making fun of it no no i mean we wish you the best i i i feel like i'm not like overly worried about it because i feel like i would have if it was something really serious i'd probably have like more side effect sort of

things like symptoms which i i don't really have like any any anything notable like i'm not in any pain there's no like weird bleeding happening anywhere like i'm not you know i mean i feel fine other other than just like you know not peeing as furiously as i used to pee you know what i mean you know what i i've never had that sort of uh horse pissing style it's always been pretty slow oh right okay yeah it's just always has never been one of those people sometimes you go to like the urinals in the in the pub toilets or whatever and the guy next to you is like pissing like a fucking fire hose that was me that used to be me and that's why i noticed a change right because like i went

i went from it being like a fire hose to it being just like you know a small garden hose a small garden normal a normal hose yeah i mean it's just i've never had like a a super strong i couldn't like you know knock stuff down in the garden with my dude tried so many times well maybe i just like maybe i was just blessed and you know now uh now like i'm uh now i'm mixing with the mortals you know like yeah something's happening professional professional pissing days are over yeah yeah so do you remember those do you remember when you used to go to those arcades on the seafront and they would have the um the fire that there would be like a fire hose thing you had to use the water to knock down targets yeah man i used to love that one what a terrible waste of water

well i didn't even need to use the thing for that i would just i would just um just whip it out yeah i would just start pissing everywhere this guy's horse piss it's unbelievable it's not not nowadays though it'd be yeah i'd be whipping it out i'd be missing the missing the target that would be like a this guy's got a very slow piss that would be like um fucking karate kid you know you they discover you at the beach like you know with your incredibly strong piss stream and they that is exactly what happened in the karate special operations have you seen the movie the what the new karate kid the one with will smith oh the original one yeah i've seen the original one yeah the new one is dreadful right even worse than you'd expect

right because the old one is also dreadful but i'm just wondering if lewis has seen it because at no point does do they get recruited for special operations no it's true they don't the whole movie is basically about somebody who doesn't do karate entering a karate tournament. He gets his ass kicked. He's new in town. Yeah. He gets his ass kicked by the locals who are all part of the, what is it, the Black Vipers or something like that? The Cobra Kai. Cobra Kai.

That's the Cobra Kai. So they're in this Cobra Kai karate trip. Dojo. And the guy runs it at dojo. He runs it all wrong. And he's like, you know, kick his ass. You know, he's that kind of guy. Well,

he's trying to turn out champions is the, is the, he is, but he's also a dick, isn't he? I mean, let's be honest. Most people who try to turn out champions,

it's, it's, it's par for the course, right? You are going to be a bit of a dick as well. Is your take on this film completely different from mine? Because, no,

I'm just correcting you. I'm just correcting you. No, he's not, he's not trying to turn out champions. He's trying to, he's like, he's like sweep the leg.

You know what I mean? He's, he's cheating. He's not turning out champions. champions. He's trying to, like, sweep the leg. You know what I mean? He's cheating. He's not turning out champions. He's trying to cheat. That's what it takes now. That's what it's come down to. There's not much in it anymore, you know? The science is there.

All he cares about is his dojo. But he's not turning out champions. He wants Cobra Kai to win at all costs, even if that cost be other members of the dojo. They have to sacrifice. So he's not turning out champions. He's turning out people who are enslaved to his will. He's results driven.

This isn't Mr. Miyagi, right? No, no. This is the other guy. Mr. Miyagi isn't all about that. Yeah. Mr. Miyagi is more like a quiet, contemplating. He's into classic cars. Going on dates.

Yes. And chilling. And trying to catch a fly with chopsticks. And he teaches the young kids. Yeah. John Kreese is the other guy. He's the bad guy. He's an ex-Special Forces Vietnam vet.

Yes. Dickhead. Who's a bit serious. He is a dickhead, but we also have to thank him for his service as well. Like, you can't just leave it at that. You can't just call him a dickhead. He's a Vietnam War vet, okay? Where was Mr. Miyagi?

You're not wrong. He was fighting on the other side of... You can't say that. He was in a Japanese... No, no, he was in a Japanese internment camp. You can't say that. Was he? Yeah, he was in one of the Japanese-American internment camps.

Right. In Manzanar or whatever. Oh, right, okay. I didn't know that. That's a crazy piece of history a lot of people don't know about. There's some fucking lore behind the Karate Kid, right? Yeah. What the hell? There's, well, there's, you know, the Terror, which we're obviously a big fan of the TV

series. The second season of it's set in a Japanese internment camp, which is really interesting to see. A very weird and different um turn from you know a kind of for the show which was about the northwest passage and you know oh god i love that so wait there is a second series yeah but it's you know it's set in the internment we talked about it before it's out it came out eight years ago it's like wait wait i've seen the terror where it's in the north pole yeah yeah that's the one

i know i haven't seen it though yeah so the second one is not good no not as good not as good no it's different it's too different it's weird i don't know why the show sometimes do this they they like lead on the success of the previous one and try and fucking true detectives is a prime example hey you know what that was amazing season that was amazing. Season one was amazing. Season two, not so great. Season three, amazing again. I've heard contrasting opinions about it. No, I thought season three was really, really good.

Right, I've got two shows to recommend to you guys. All right? Maybe even a third. First one, I'll go in reverse order of recommendation. For All Mankind, it's on Apple TV. It's about the space race and it's Kind so good. It's it's a good old history drama It's got some bits in it because they've obviously dragged this out into a lot more episodes

So there's some bits for you just like we get on with the good stuff, please like they could Then the other show I would like to recommend is and or the new star wars uh series is that good very good okay really enjoying it and yeah apparently they're not doing like any fan service no it's like gritty like mandalorian gritty no mandalorian wasn't gritty by comparison to this mandalorian was like had a fucking baby yoda yeah but it was still kind of kind of gritty like comparison to this. Mandalorian had a fucking baby Yoda. Yeah, but it was still kind of gritty. I enjoyed Mandalorian, but here's the thing. Mandalorian episodes were like,

Mando turns up in a town. He needs a new part for his bike. He must defeat a monster in order to win the favor of the locals who will then help him. That's most episodes of Mandalorian. It doesn't matter. Right, but Andor is not like that's most episodes fine though i mean it doesn't matter right but and or is not like that right it's a really fucking good story beautifully shot really well acted episode three is in my opinion the best thing that disney has done with star wars

since rogue one i really loved rogue one along cons um all this other shit that they've done it's like it's good it's okay and some of okay. And some of it is like, fuck me, this is terrible. But then this comes along and I was like, this episode alone with the buildup of the previous two is so good that I was fucking hooked immediately. Just watched the fourth yesterday. Very, very, very, very good. Love it. Other show to recommend. This is on Apple.

Bad Sisters. It's a remake, apparently, of a Flemish TV series. Right. About these five sisters. And one of their sisters is married to this guy called The Prick. That's what they call him. John Paul. He's an absolute cunt.

I have never hated a character as much as I hate him. Nice. Because he's just fucking horrible. And you know he dies. Because at the start of the show, the very first scene is him in a coffin having the open casket in his front room. Oh, good. And the whole series is about

them basically trying to kill him. So we don't know what happens or how they do it or anything like this. And the sisters are brilliant. He's brilliant. He was the guy who was Dracula in that BBC Dracula thing, which was good for two episodes.

And then the third was abysmal. He's really, really good. I can't remember the actor's name, unfortunately. He's Danish, really good. I can't remember the actor's name, unfortunately. He's Danish, I think. I recommend Bad Sisters. It is so fucking good. If you haven't seen it, see it. It's very good.

Nice. I've been watching the... I do also have an ethical question for you guys when you're finished. All right, okay. I've been watching The Crown. I started watching it off the back of all of the... Of what?

The big funeral and everything. So I thought, no thought i got royal fever i'm gonna give the crown a go and uh it's it it's impressive i it's compelling it's it's it's it's definitely watchable i'm not saying it's like my favorite series of all time but it's interesting enough and it's uh it's well put together too it's it's pretty impressive actually i think it's great yeah so i've been watching that and um and that's about it i don't think i've been watching oh yeah sorry i've i have been watching uh married at first sight season seven uh uk edition which has been uh as you'd expect. Pretty spicy. Pretty, pretty spicy. Well, I've been watching Lord of the Rings, I've been watching Hot D,

and they've both been very good. So I've been enjoying... Sorry, did you say Hot D? Hot D. Just a big Hot D. I think that's so boring, I stopped watching it. I got bored.

House of the Dragon. Oh, no. Boring. I'm loving it. The Lord of the Rings thing was alright. I didn't mind it. How was my review? It's alright. They're both both still going but you know plodding on i'm just like i gave up on house of the dragon i can't be arsed with it oh yeah i i i haven't been interested

to to seek out either of those series i think um i think i'm just like uh game of thrones then lord of the rings out at this point you know what i mean like i'm just i just want to watch something like maybe a bit different or i i don't know maybe it's just like what like where i'm at you know in my in my mind uh but uh i haven't really been interested enough to to watch those i don't know if i ever will i don't i don't really care fuck it's just always the same shit right like i don't know just like i want something like new like exciting to watch as i'm watching like the most boring show ever the crown but um you know just something uh just something different you know what i mean like yeah i know

exactly what you mean you go through like phases on this but no i'm definitely into the fantasy at the moment and i'm i'm enjoying both yeah shows so it's cool all right go on then what's your what's your moral dilemma, P-Flex? So it's not really, I wouldn't say it's like a moral dilemma so much as I was immediately realized what I'd said and thought, oh my God, I hope this guy doesn't take it the wrong way.

Right. But it was a genuinely purely- I get those all the damn time. You can't overanalyze this stuff. You know what I mean? Well, he could have been really offended. Well, you don't, you can't over, you can't overanalyze this stuff. You know what I mean? Like. Well, he could have been really offended. Well, if he was, you would have known about it immediately, I think.

Right. But there was a moment where I think we both realized what I said. Right. Okay. And then, I mean, I am, it was a question of pure innocence. Right. But it could have been, you'll understand when I tell you why. If you look at

what I look like and what this guy looked like, you'll understand immediately why he could have just told me to go fuck myself.

Okay. Right. I'm making it sound much worse than it is. But just let me tell you, let me set the scene for you and you'll know the moment where I realize,

oh my God, did I say the wrong thing? I order an Uber. I've got to go into London. It's going to be a long drive. The Uber turns up, the guy gets out. Uh, he's a black guy. Yeah. He helps me get my bags in the car. He says, how are you doing? We have a little chat. He says, going all the way into London. I said, yes, please. I get in the car and I said to him, are you from Africa? Because of his accent was incredibly African. And I, Mrs. F had been to Africa

recently I wanted to chat to him about that I was hoping he was from Ethiopia which is where she'd been and I wanted to ask him about Ethiopia a bit and he said he sort of turned for a second he goes yeah I said your accent gave it away he goes oh guess which part and he took it very well like it felt like I just got he said you from Africa from Africa, mate, to a black cab drive. Yeah, the delivery is not great, but fair enough. Like,

it sounds like it was fine. But he obviously was and I just wanted to chat about that. And the main reason I wanted to chat about it is because he was listening to country music

and I'm talking 1970s American country music, all the classics, Dolly Parton and all that. That's all we listened to the whole drive. Sure. And I was kind of interested and I wanted to know if country music, all the classics, Dolly Parton and all that. That's all we listened to, the whole drive. Sure.

And I was kind of interested. I wanted to know if country music was big in Africa, where he came from. And I think he said he was from Cameroon. I'm pretty sure it was Cameroon. I didn't guess Cameroon. But I said Democratic Republic of Congo, and he was like, close. I was like, ah, shit, now I need to remember which countries are around the Democratic Republic of Congo.

He was from Cameroon. Jesus Christ. Really? You guessed the Democratic Republic of Congo? That's a fucking, it's one of the worst places in the world, dude. Dude, it's a classic university challenge answer. Yeah, but I don't know if there's many people from there coming to the- Well, I'm pretty sure anyone that wanted to get the fuck out would come to the UK. That seems like a reasonable bet.

And he was like, close. Like, he didn't say, not how dare you. Like, you know. Right, right, right. And also, I'm sure there are plenty of people from the DRC, as I know it, who are perfectly happy to talk about DRC. I don't know. Yeah, but I mean, I'm just saying, if you hedge your bets,

like the DRC has a population of it can't be that many people okay let me look okay it's 100 million people i would have guessed somewhere bigger though well i went i went for like zimbabwe and i went for kenya and some places like that and i i gambled south africa and he was like no no no you're way off i was like so i had to think but anyway he didn't take my question the wrong way at all if he hadn't spoken and we got in the cab and i just said you from africa that would have sounded weird but it was genuinely awful just a purely innocent question because of his accent yeah i wanted to talk about it and well

i mean i i've how do you breach this stuff easily look i'll tell you how you do it you get in the car and you say god i i love your accent where are you from i can't quite place it done right okay right you can't say where are you from you can just say you know yeah you don't have to say you just say you you you you can i know but you can just be a bit more gentle with it you know what i mean like i mean he clearly was like his accent was pure i get this a lot because i have uh my my accent is uh is north american so you get there's there's two types of people there's the people say he's from america or there's people that say oh your accent i can't quite place it like whereabouts are you from north america somewhere like canada maybe america or whatever it's like it's gentler right

like it's i don't know you've eased into it you ease into it yeah them for the question yeah because because they don't want to assume it's just the the racist guy asking a question that was my fear was that he was immediately going to think this middle aged bald white man is kind of some kind of skinhead but i mean it sounds like he it was fine i don't think i well i'm thinking like your average encounter with anybody even if somebody offends you in a day uh like you don't come home and really think about it that much do you like no i i just i i obviously i'm sure he didn't give a shit because it was probably the least abusive thing someone's ever said to him when he's when he's in a car yeah so i i it was just it was funny because the country music thing i really wanted to know more why he

was listening to just country music and he said it's really big all his friends back home listen to country music he loves it yeah and literally all we listen to and when i mentioned it he turned it up so i just had to listen to like proper old down get the down down like country music like like really old school country dog shit in all honesty like not even the good stuff um no conway twitty uh you know it was it was just like no oh susanna was there some O'Susanna I don't remember she'll be coming around the mountain well some of that kind of stuff

I just put my headphones on in the end right because it was like an hour and a half Conway Twitty who the fuck is Conway Twitty

and how is that new stuff this is he is he died in 1993 yeah yeah Conway Twitty yeah the good stuff I thought He died in 1993.

Yeah. Yeah, the good stuff. I thought he was some modern guy. I thought he was some new guy. No, no. Come on. Not with a name like that. I mean, he's long gone. Jesus.

Hello, I'm Conway Twitty. He looks kind of like Elvis blended with that guy from Stranger Things. He was very big back in the day. Fucking hell. That's so funny. This week's episode is sponsored by ExpressVPN. Let me guess. Let me guess. You've been using it a lot

on your computer recently. I bet he has. I do use it. Going to the arcade, the video game arcade, without ExpressVPN is like only be able to use those spray hose machines. You know, none of the cool coin machines, none of the jingly jangles, none of the games. You're missing out. Nobody's spraying my hose with a machine.

You may well have heard that, oh, this thing's on Netflix, and you go there, and it's not there. That's because they have global blockages. But with ExpressVPN, I've just been able to switch to America, to Japan, anywhere, and watch that content for free, get my money's worth out of it, but also hide myself while I do so, so no one knows what I'm doing, and I feel like a little spy.

Like a little mole man, just burrowed in the ground with his little Apple Watch watching all his favorite TV shows. Like a little degenerate. Hiding. Hiding from everyone. I just feel safer using ExpressVPN. I've got to admit.

Especially on my phone when I'm in like a hotel or an airport or something. Man, it's just better so yes uh express VPN is great works fast never had any it's never slower than my regular internet connection that I've noticed I've got it on my phone and I've and it works with with smart TVs you can get installed anywhere and you can get access to 94 different countries oh you know you can stop paying full price for streaming services and only get access to a fraction of the available content.

Get your money's worth at expressvpn.com. Do it. Do it today. That's a call to action. You can use our link, expressvpn.com. To get an extra three months. Just that simple. For free.

Keep it simple. Turn your Netflix into Le Netflix whenever you want. Maybe. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey. Oh boy. An easy way to save when shopping on your phone and computer. Here we bloody go. That's right. That old bitty's gonna turn up. My coupon,

bud. My coupons. She's aggressive today. My coupon. That's right. Just throw it away, Grandma. You don't need it anymore. The lack of coupon book has caused me to mutate into a new form of coupon lover. I will consume the coupons from all over the world. That's right. Honey is a monstrosity.

So take that. Manually search for coupon codes. It's a thing of the past. You don't have to keep track. It just is there in the background watching for you to put something in your shopping cart. Me, I will be in the background watching. She's kind of a bit Scottish now as well.

Orc, your coupons belong now as well. Fully legit. I have used it multiple times to save money on various things. I was buying some Warhammer stuff the other day. Oh, yeah. And it popped up and got me like 20% off. And I was like, damn. So I do use it. It does save me money.

And you will be missing stuff out. I almost don't buy anything now if there's not some sort of discount. Or I'm like weirded out if I'm buying something at full price. So, yes, I recommend you use Honey. Hop on, hop on, Honey. By getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast. Which is also a solid. Let's be real here.

You can get it for free at joinhoney.com slash triforce. and supporting this podcast, which is also a solid, let's be real here, yeah. You can get it for free at joinhoney.com slash Triforce. That's joinhoney.com slash Triforce. It works on your desktop phone, Safari. Desktop phone? How big is your phone? Desktop phone, laptop, whatever. You don't need to have that coupon book on your desktop.

You can get it on your browser. Wow. On with the show. I've got an email. This is a personal email, as in that a friend of mine sent me directly. Oh, right. Okay. It's a good one. This is worth reading. It's actually a Discord

DM. This is from my friend Enthused. He's one of my DotaStack regulars. Yes, I know him. You know the guy. This is the time the police broke into his house. I remember this happening, but this is now the full story. Came home around 11 p.m. after being out, and the door was completely smashed in.

He sent me a picture, and his front door is completely smashed in. Just imagine it. I had no idea what had happened when I walked in, but there were police outside, so I was worried someone had broken into the house and attacked someone. My brother is downstairs. He says the police broke in because they had a distress call to the house no one in the house had made a distress call by the way right they didn't really give the specifics of the distress call regarding who called or what they said to be fair to the police they didn't

go in guns blazing immediately they tried the doorbell getting around the side of the house and calling the phone that made the distress call, no answer, and even asking the neighbors. The only two people in the house were my brother, who goes to the second floor with his music on that's way too loud, and his uncle who was asleep. They both somehow didn't notice all this commotion until the door actually got smashed in, which prompted my brother to come downstairs and find six policemen charging up the stairs. After a bit of confusion, the situation cooled down and most of them left. My brother also informed me that the police were not

the only unwanted visitors that night. Somehow, a fox had made it into the house and had hidden himself in the conservatory. The police actually saw the fox before they came in and apparently said, do they keep foxes in here? Probably due to the fact

that we had a dog cage there with no dog around. So they look in and see a fox in the house and a cage and they think that there's a fox cage there with no dog around. So they look in and see a fox in the house and a cage and they think that there's a fox in there. So the police didn't seem to think that a wild fox being in someone's house was not strange enough to warrant mentioning to anyone.

Extracting the fox proved to be another palaver because the fox visited almost every room in the house, including mine, which smelt of fox piss for weeks and he also shat on my windowsill. Nice. What the fuck? How did this all happen?

I thought it would be fun for you guys to come up with theories on what happened because what actually happened is really funny. Just a couple of extra tidbits of info before we try to crack the case. When the police came in,

the phone was on the floor. The phone that made the distress call was on the floor. The call the police received wasn't someone saying they were in distress. It was phone call which is completely silent so of course they needed to send the entire station down of course yeah so first of all first question how did this happen the whole thing how did it all happen um there is a cat or dog flap that's not uh in use anymore that the fox got in.

I'm going to make some notes on this. Hold on a second. Or possibly a window was left open. My friend does own a dog. So Sips is going for dog flap, let fox in, or window open. Or maybe a door was left open because the dog was outside at some point or okay open enough for a fox to slip in they're wily right they can get into they are they are wily and you know if they smell dog food in particular yes they're gonna come in we know there's a dog in

there they're looking for dog food so what about the distress call the fox knocked the phone over and and accidentally walked on the buttons of the phone that just so happened to call the emergency services okay all right lewis your take uh they've i think the uncle is um has kept some poor man or woman in the basement and they managed to escape make the distress call but they were scared of waking up you know the uncle right and um the fox is just a a distraction to make this you know to make the uncle was dressed up as a fox and was yiffing everywhere and then uh to his surprise he turned around saw a real fox in the house and was so surprised that he fell over and knocked over the phone. Fell asleep.

What's the deal with the... It does feel like... What time was this? 11 p.m. Right. Okay. So quite late. Yeah.

I feel like that is the time when the two of them would just be lost to the world, you know, with loud music on, headphones. He's enthused if Memory Lives in serves lives in london doesn't he he does he lives in wembley and um like this is a this is phone london has had issues with foxes um being we have a lot of foxes yeah being out and about and also breaking in because there's been stories about foxes attacking babies and stuff you know yeah they get in they get in through windows that are left open and stuff like mrs f was attacked by a fox in broad daylight jesus a few years ago it bit her on the leg oh god and that must have been

terrifying it was she was very traumatized i to be fair to me just laughed because it was so ridiculous yeah but um she literally had little fox shaped mouth bites on her the back of her calf right so i said well we're gonna need to get tennis shots you know or whatever yeah went to the doctor they were like it's fine there's no tennis thing what if she got lockjaw from that you know that well quite that can be uh yeah you can you can get quite sick but she was was fine. I would have been very useful. In that same week... Behave yourself. Behave yourself.

In that same week, we received an anonymous fox cushion in the post. A cushion in the shape of a fox. And we still have no idea who sent it or where it came from. So my pet theory is the fox sent it he's like sorry or it's like a calling card anyway here is the solution as my friend he's a physicist so that's why he puts solution our original idea

was it because fox fox is um the noise that foxes make sound like someone who's actively dying someone must have heard the fox thought someone was in trouble and called the police because if you've ever heard a fox they go like it's terrible right so this theory was put out of action when we called the police they confirmed that the call had come from our landline after this call with the police there was really only one explanation the phone was knocked on the floor so clearly the fox had been walking around on the table next to it knocked it off its ringer and unbelievably dialed 999 and pressed the call button and this put the fox through to the police who obviously heard nothing but a bit of rustling yeah they think this is someone in distress coming

in blast the door open um so that was the best the best possible bet was it the fucking fox somehow with with phones though right because uh mobile phones can deal can ring 999 right yeah even on the yeah there's the emergency uh option right and i've actually done it i have done it as well yep in my pocket i've looked at my phone and i'm like why is this ringing 999 what the fuck so i think like there's a lot of like um you know especially because nine for us 999 is is it's on the same side of the phone right i've done the same thing with 111 and stuff like this right or you know whatever the other numbers on this corner of the numpad would be but i think you know i guess it would happen

less in countries where the number is a different number because you have to at least um type something different in but i think yeah i think it's very easy to do i'm not i mean landline this would have all to be avoided if they just not got a landline anymore like a normal house well no you you still use a landline you need them because um if you if you have uh if you if you rely on a phone that can run out of battery or that you might not have reception for or whatever it's safer to have a landline as a backup just in case. I'm not saying we should ban all landlines, but when I used to have a landline,

all I would do is get spam calls on there. So I eventually unplugged the fucking thing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but it's still good to have one as a backup. Who's got a landline and doesn't get spam calls on there? We got rid of ours. Yeah, we still have ours. To be fair, we don't get spam calls on ours,

but we still have ours. Because like I said, it's... But you've never given anyone a number, obviously. No, no, we don't get spam calls on ours, but we still have ours. Because like I said, it's three kids in your house. No, no, we're not listed either. So we went for the unlisted and we still get it because I must have in the past put my phone number onto some fucking website. And of course, they sell that data. So it could have been Facebook or anybody. And the thing is, if they sell it to someone, you don't know who they're going to sell it to and all the rest.

I mean, I get a lot of spam emails, a lot of spam calls. My email address is publicly visible on my Twitter profile, so that's fair enough. But the mobile phone number, you know, you have to put it on some website and they sell the data. They always fucking sell the data. And you don't know who to.

So that's what it is. So it got so bad with the landline that we just unplugged it. The only people who ever called it were spam calls or my mum. That's it. I just told her to call my mobile. So we just binned it off.

That's why when I called up Version and said we don't want to pay for the landline anymore, they said you don't pay for it. It's free. I was like, oh. So we just don't use it. You get it with your... Yeah. You have to have one for the broadband or whatever, and they don't't pay for it's free i was like oh yeah so we just don't use it you get it with your yeah you have to have one for the broadband or whatever and they don't charge you for it well at least yeah unless you it's it's a very dated idea but it's i'm just saying that

i like picking it up and saying operator connect me to uh number 54 um piccadilly lane please um thank you and then you can hear them like it sounds weird but so how did the fox get in i mean it could it you know could have gone in through a window or like you said through a flap or something might have been open so yeah fucking a fucking flap i think if if you if you turned up and you were the police and you were looking peering through people's windows and you saw a fox padding around their conservatory or whatever you'd be like this is a bit weird you know i think i think when you're i assume the police have like red flags you know and i think keeping foxes might be one of them you know it seems like a weird thing doesn't it and it's like okay there's something weird going on here there's been some sort of call let's just bash down the

door i think when you're a policeman like i assume there's you've still on here. There's been some sort of call. Let's just bash down the door. I think when you're a policeman, like I assume there's, you've still got to use a bit of your intuition. I think that would be, that would set you off, right? Seeing a fox, I would think that this house might've been broken into

because you might think the back door might've been kicked in and that's how the fox got in. That would be my first assumption. My brother-in-law had a cat break into his house through an old uh he doesn't even have pets but the cat got through an old cat flap that had somehow malfunctioned or he didn't realize that it was successful or whatever he was out one night he came back home opened up his front door and just the smell of shit just hit him and he's like what the heck is happening here he thought he'd

been broken into and somebody taking a dump in his living room uh but then he saw like the curtains were all fucking uh clawed up and there was there's just like little cat turds all over the place piss everywhere like a cat just got in and just went wild in his apartment yeah it's fucking gross yeah it's fucking wow that's He'd just been using his apartment as a playground for a week while he was, like, on holiday or whatever. Just, but imagine getting back to that. It would just be so. I wouldn't pay the cat for house sitting if he did that shit of a job, you know. Yeah.

It's really bad. It's not cool. My son has slept away from home for the first time in his 10-year life uh last night and tonight as well he's on a uh retreat with his school like they they're staying at a scouting residential trip yes a residential trip yeah it's their final year of uh primary so they're getting treated like the big boys and he's never done a sleepover at someone's house no he just like just never really um have you know like his friends are the same like he's got two or three friends where they've just they've just never never have either i know like some people are like all up for it or whatever but we just never we've just never bothered we never we don't want

other kids staying at our place and it's just never there's never been an opportunity to send them anywhere but so yeah he's on a uh he's on a on a residential trip like flag said that's cool yeah we haven't heard anything so i'm assuming he's having a fun time but i had to pick up a bunch of his friends and drive them all down and uh it's hilarious like their little social system like him and all of his friends it's like having twitch chat uh but like a mild version of twitch chat in in the back of your car like they're they were making like jokes about shrek being gay and like all this stuff and they were laughing their heads off and you you you don't even get a chance to to butt

in with anything right like you just sort of leave them to it it's pretty funny like it's it's bizarre as well like the stuff that they pick up and the stuff that they watch and stuff is just crazy i don't know it's a different world yeah like talking about leaving your kids places i just read an article this week about there's like a reddit post where um gamestop employees were complaining about how people parents like drop their kids off at the gamestop and let them you know browse the aisles of sure and video games and then come back after doing this show it's like daycare the game stop daycare which it used to be a thing when we were kids to go and to play play on you know go

into like a game store sure yeah they had the demo stuff and you'd play play on it and whatever yeah i remember playing you know i think i think obviously i'm a certain age where they had a nintendo demo station you know in in a local video game store and i'm assuming i was very irritating to the people who worked there but um it's definitely like a phenomenon isn't it where these parents can i don't know it's kind of stupid um yeah i'm not i'm not a fan of the idea of leaving your kids in just a store can you imagine ikea yeah lose your kids in ikea for i'm sure it happens all the time yeah i mean that like as they get bigger they they tend to wander off a bit more. Or like, you know, when they're little, they're like right by your side all the time.

You hold their hand and you go to the store or whatever. But like even with my son now, he's a bit bigger. So like he's, you know, if we're looking around a store, he'll be like, you know, 10 feet ahead of us just browsing around on his own or whatever. But I don't think we've ever just like dropped him off at a store and then gone like somewhere else and come back to get them that's kind of it's a bit crazy but i don't know i mean like maybe older kids i guess but i don't know like 10 still pretty small right like they're like they're still they're still like little kids they they they act like they're bigger but they're still they're still pretty little yeah i guess that's that illusionary time where you they're like little adults and so yeah treat them you sort of get can get confused about how to treat them but but in reality they are

they want a bit more mimicking adults yes of course yeah they want a little bit more autonomy but obviously not so much that it's like scary or or overwhelming or whatever you know what i mean like you just like you give them like these little like little extra freedoms i guess and then they just you know like they feel like they've accomplished something or whatever i don't know what the psychology is but i got some weird news for you if you want that sam's put together for us sure first of all this man he runs a pub called nigel right pub landlord wait the pub is called nigel no the fleece inn it's called right um he found out that he noticed that in 2016 and 2020 there were no new kids born with the name nigel no it's a dying name it's an old-fashioned name no nobody wants to be called nigel anymore so since then he has invented anyone called nigel

to his pub for these gatherings right um of nigels and the latest one he had uh 372 nigels uh in this in in this tent they've come from as far away as uh los angeles uh nicaragua zimbabwe oh shit maybe that taxi driver's name was nigel uh pflax and maybe he should go he's not back he's on the phone he's just had a phone from the taxi driver who has suddenly realized a week later how rude flax was to ask him that question distress call he had a follow-up landline follow-up i've been stewing on this one all week you bastard fox in the police station it's like bringing him bringing him back oh man so yeah they've got like there's an award for the youngest nigel which i think is being held by at least a 40 year old man right um there's an

there's an there's a ward for the oldest nigel who's an 84 year old yeah i mean nigel is kind of a uh like an older name right like there would have been i think like during world war ii you would have heard a lot of out in the field out in the out in the battlefield you would have heard a lot of Nigel say, get bloody Nigel down here. It's like such an old name, isn't it? It's a very forgettable name, isn't it? Nigel. Nigel. I don't know why you would.

Well, imagine naming your daughter Nigella as well. You love the name Nigel so much that you use the feminine version as well like you're so you love the name nigel so much that you uh that you you you you use the uh the feminine version as well well yeah but i think of that as a very different maybe that's what's to blame kids are naming i've not known any nigella there's only one nigella that i've ever heard of like i don't think it's a very popular name at all. But she is quite popular though, right? So she must have helped keep it going. I don't know if she has though. Because I mean, my only experience with this is like kids in my kids' classes or like, you know, like playgroups with a baby or whatever. I got to tell you, there's no Nigellas and there's no Nigels either.

I'll tell you what name is getting kind of popular, which is an odd one. Atlas for a girl. You ever heard this name? Atlas. What? Yes. Atlas. Atlas is the name of a bodybuilder in Gladiator.

Right. Well, it seems to be or is becoming a popular girl's name because we know like three. He's like a god it's like naming your kid zeus or something yeah atlas lots of dexters lots of olivers lots of oscars i don't like the connotation from the serial killer dexter no but i think that must be where dexter has been and it's recently popularized sounding but i don't think it's probably popular in america it feels a bit lots of leos as well leo is is a popular uh boy's name is yeah yeah my daughter's class there's about four of them so you they're all like leo a leo b like whatever they're like that's the

leonardo dicaprio effect maybe maybe yeah i think that i think that that's it seems like a strong male name i feel like atlas is overcompensating it though i don't yeah i don't know it's it's like calling your kid hulk or something yeah it's a bit weird i'm not sure i like it maybe that'll be the next thing hulk yeah like how far where does it stop yeah i know it's a it's a odd uh odd name for sure not one that i've ever heard before but i mean, think of a more, like, macho name. Like, like, like. Buzz. Hank.

No, well, no, but, like, they have to be, like, like, it's more like, it needs to be more like. Biff. Like. Buford. Like Titan. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's like I mean you might as well call him God

well maybe that's next or Mars I don't know if I've met any Gods or Marses but I feel like the names of the gold red rising everything okay yeah it's just school problems you know names of the gold from old Red Rising. Everything okay?

Yeah, it's just school problems, you know. It's tough. It's tough being at school and getting on with other kids and all that. I thought you said goal problems. No, now you mention it, my goiter has been acting up lately.

You got an overactive goiter. Well, it's underactive. I wish there was overactive goiter how do you feel about the name what was it sips atlas atlas is a name a girl's name there's uh it seems to be like a you know a popular new name atlas it's fucking ridiculous terrible name we were just talking about night nigel and nigella. Right. Nigel is a name that's dying out. Nigella is a non-starter.

I don't think there's ever been many Nigellas. I just think, you know the way there are male and female versions of names? Yeah. I feel like Nigella is like the lowest effort female version. Well, what about Christine or Christina? Well, there's a lot more to it. I mean, Christine, Christina, you know, they have their own kind of ring, I feel. Yeah.

Nigella is literally like, uh, on the end. Like, it's the lowest effort. Yeah, but the pronunciation is slightly different too, right? Because you don't say... I say Nigella. That's how I say it yeah i just think it's very low this is a gif and jif all over again yeah that's how i say it that's how it's felt nigelle how are you it does sound like a like the Christy villain, doesn't it? Yeah, so what else? No, Alice is ridiculous.

I don't know where you could go for that. There's a lot of really dogshit names out there. Honestly, no offense, but mainly coming out of fucking America. There are already names. You don't need to make up shit ones. The names you're making up are not as good as existing names. Just use one of them. Morgan. A billion of them.gan that that's a really american name for me morgan for like a girl a girl named morgan i don't know what it is it's very american isn't it and madison that's a that's

a real american girl's name too right madison possible yeah very there'll be the new karens for sure right once the karen jet will die there'll be new yeah i don't think people are naming their kids like karen anymore right here are some uh some names these are apparently names that are coming out in the states um this is from 2012 so there might have been some even well you gotta get a more up-to-date list 2012 will be dated already it'll be, but there's ones like Draven. Oh. Draven. Yeah, I mean, that sounds like a League of Legends character.

Jadian. That also sounds like a League of Legends. Maybe people are just naming their kids after League of Legends heroes now. Tice. That's T-Y-C-E. Tice. T-Y-C-E. Yeahice. T-Y-C-E. Yeah.

Zayden. That's also dreadful. Okay, these aren't like... Blade with a Y. Are these actual popular names though or are these just examples of ridiculous names that they've... No, it's a survey of people calling their kids these names. So there's like hundreds of thousands

of Dravens out there right now. There's a bunch of Dravens out there. Harvest, Cortlyn, C-O-R-T-L-Y-N. This is the one I hate. Those compound weird ones. Cortlyn. Morglin. Like any weird like.

It sounds like two names mixed together poorly. Like it sounds weird right it's like caitlin and courtney mixed together but but the effect is not desirable you know yankee people are calling their kids yankee y-a-n-k-e-e yeah tasia lux l-u-x-x julissa julissa j-u-l-i-s-s-s-a these are like 10 so so there's kids out there right now they're 10 years old with these names yeah there's i don't believe it the most popular names are always the the biblical shit right john john paul george ringo you know stuff like this yeah yeah and then you've got nigella nigella yeah well again i don't like that's always the top girl names have always been the

cute ones olivia emma sofia like these classic ones right ava luna they i think we associate like a certain cuteness with babies right and it seems like the generations it always goes an interesting cycle like obviously we've got terrible associations with the word nigel and karen at the moment right but once once we die off and our babies are grown up they might think oh nigel and karen they they were cool names you know who knows what what about dennis that's a name you don't really hear that much anymore i know but he's my age so then yeah denn is like, it's the same with like Chris. Like my name used to be, there used to be tons of Chris's.

Yeah, it used to be loads of Chris's. You never hear it anymore. I used to know loads of Andrews. I don't know many Andrews. I know a couple of Andrews. Yeah, but I don't know any kids called Andrews. Oh, no, no, there's no kids called Andrew. Yeah.

Tom is very popular, as we know, in the Yorkshire Coast offices. There's about 15 Toms. Yeah. And 77 Joshes it seems like. There's fucking Joshes. I know tons of bloody Joshes. Tons of Toms. Yeah, I know about four or five Dans. Yeah, lots of Dans.

Yeah, all overlapping different Dans. Those are all biblical names, aren't they they Joshua, Thomas, Daniel Is Daniel a biblical name The book of Daniel The book of David The book of Andrew Daniel the prophet

He's a main character of the book of Daniel According to the Hebrew Bible he was a noble Jewish youth of Jerusalem Taken into captivity by Nebuchadnezzar The second of Babylon Very cool Daniel Very cool youth of jerusalem taken into captivity by nebuchadnezzar the second of babylon whoa very cool daniel very cool damn daniel at it again with the biblical verse i read i was reading a thread the other day on um best of redditor updates which i read sometimes on my phone on the toilet but basically it's um it's all like people's weddings gone wrong and people's cheating on them yeah that's right and there was one where they were talking about how they

were doing an after-school uh group but they couldn't figure out what to call the kids because so many of them they were like not only were there like 10 with the same first name but three of those had the same surname and no middle name and so they were like how the fuck do i differentiate these kids i think they were doing um like basically a dnd sort of after school thing but it turns out that so many of these kids had such similar names that they said well look we can you can just i'm gonna make it so you could just make up your own name and then we'll call you that fair enough and so one guy wanted to be called like professor evil or something right and so he went home and told his parents that and they sort of got very upset about it you know that he wasn't being called his proper

name at school and it's after school club and so this teacher sort of you know oh god i don't envy the teachers have to deal with both awful children and awful parents you know i think what's what's worse honestly you're like trapped between two sets of cunts aren't you you know yeah i think that's how i feel on this fucking podcast jesus christ you're gonna say that to me after all of my pissing problems that i've been having i'm sorry that's insensitive i'm sorry oh my god well anyway that's all we've got time for because Sip's got to go to I gotta go get prepped up

for an enema now so wish me luck good luck thank you so much good luck my dude good god happy pissing thank you very much thank you so much see you next week peace bye Thank you so much. See you next week. Peace. Bye. Bye.