Triforce! - Triforce! #252: Little Lew Lew Sunday

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

Triforce! Episode 252! We're going through a vomiting nightmare, Lewis gets a scathing text from his dad, we explore a typical Sunday in the life of Lew Lew and we struggle to write the perfect birthday messages! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And, um, although last week it was snowing, you know, it's a whole mess, honestly, the weather at the moment. Just thought I'd break in with the weather. Welcome, Pyrrhon. Welcome, Sipsin welcome sips how are you feeling pretty good no i haven't had any snow here so uh i'm i'm thankful for that it's chaos i realized um the more the more kids you have the more susceptible your entire household is to um stomach bugs um man we had such a fucking nightmare The other night It was just like on cue Like all three of them just perfectly synchronized Just started puking at the same time And they'd all been asleep for like an hour As well

And they just all woke up and started puking Everywhere Fuck me it was unbelievable What do you mean everywhere Were they taking turns Was there like a cue for the bathroom or was it just in- A queue? All right, my son made it to the bathroom because he's that little bit older.

My daughter just decided she was just going to puke in her bed. And then after she finished that, she puked over the side of her bed as well. So, all over the floor. And then the baby, God bless her, doesn't know what she's doing. She just puked while she was laying down in her crib and just puked everywhere. And then just sort of sat up and was playing with it almost until we scooped her out or whatever. It's like some hellish. It was hellish.

Yeah, it was really. There's moments, I'm sure you can um appreciate this flex there's there's probably moments in your in your parent life where you can count on one hand that the the amount of times that you've just been so fucking fed up that you wanted to fake your own death in a canoeing accident or something it would be very easy to just get up and just go i'm out and just walk away yeah i don't want to do this oh for me that was one of them because like with like the initial puking it was like okay you know we had to really scramble around i mean at this point like we just sat down to like watch tv right like we were like oh fuck

finally the day is done you know like let's have some tea we'll watch some tv or whatever and then this starts so we're just like oh shit you know yeah tea's gonna be cold everything and uh and the like the initial sort of wave of puking you kind of uh your adrenaline kicks in you get through it you're like whatever like uh you know it's fine but it's the repeats you know yeah they keep going and they they just kept coming back and it's like like stomachs they take a little while to fully empty out you know yeah and to settle back down and all the rest of it um yeah so yeah i've had every every parents had some situations because when you're older like when i went down to bristol uh i was in bristol last week um we went out on the monday night i got really hammered

on an empty stomach and i was sick at the pub. But I got that feeling where I was like, oh, I think I'm going to throw up. I better go to the toilet. Went in there and job done. Cracked on with the right note. Yeah. Like it's like a cleansing puke, right? Yeah.

You feel better for it. Yeah. You can feel it when you're a kid. You just sort of like, oh, I wonder what that feeling is. Yes. Being sick. It's like, you know, grownups very rarely poop themselves because you think oh gosh This doesn't feel good. This feels urgent. Yes

Sitting yourself, I assume that's part of that skill. Yeah, you start to gauge You know to not shit yourself as an adult you have to shit yourself at some point. At some point. You have to know. Yeah. You have to pass the threshold at some point. Interesting. Man, it's unbelievable.

So, yeah. So, I feel like I need to say, because I know so many people listen to this podcast are parents themselves, but it's really important. Please, the 48-hour rule, if your kid is at home barfing do not send them back to school until 48 hours of no barfing has passed right like you gotta clear up the bug because i i'm sure that somebody just sent their kid to school oh 100 you know not after the 48 hours and oh man the worst because it's like norovirus and all these stomach upsets it's always the way yeah like my youngest will come home she'd be like there was hardly anyone in

class today because so and so was sick a couple of days ago and then everyone else was getting sick don't send your kids to school if they're sick no i agree 100 it's the same as if you're really poorly and you go into the office you're fucking coughing and steve's never thank you so much you've made everybody else in the office people. Sometimes people don't have a choice. Even if your kid does a cleansing barf and they feel fine afterwards, please keep them home. They might feel fine, but if you send them in and you make my three kids sick again like this, I'm going to be so angry. I can't. I did get a text this week from one of my friends who was on a plane, and they said, I've just been sick on the plane. So maybe it's like a thing that's happening.

Sick on the outside of the plane or sick whilst they were on the plane? Just walking past the plane. Someone's been sick on the wing, Captain. We can't take off now. That would have been, if Sully would have been a different movie, if they'd been flying along and someone had been sick on the plane. Looks like someone was sick on the plane. We're going to have to land in the Hudson.

We got puke on the outside of the plane. It's caked in puke. It's got no air resistance anymore. I don't know what it needs. We got no lift. We lost all our torque. The torque is gone. What is torque?

Please, please, somebody explain this to me. What is torques? I think it's one of those bullshit movie... I think it's rotational pressure, I think. Torque. How do you even spell torque? Don't write in. T-O-R-Q-U-E is torque. Torque is a measure of the force that can cause an object to rotate about an axis.

Oh, I see. So you could lose all your torque. Torque is what we're doing right now. Yeah, we're just torquing right now, aren't we? Before we're having a nice talk yeah i think that there's all kinds of bits on a plane i watch a youtuber called 74 gear or 74 gear and he um he's a pilot he's a commercial pilot and he listens to air traffic control recordings and comments on them um and he's like i think what this pilot was doing here was blah, blah, blah. And he explains to you

all the different things they have to do. I'll tell you what, being a pilot, and I know that we have a couple of pilots that listen to the podcast. It's really interesting when you find out all the stuff they've got to do before takeoff and all the reading that they have to do.

Like if you'll go into an airport that you don't know, they give you this big map that you look at and it shows you where all the runways are and where they all lead and all the rest of it and so you know there's certain airports have certain little finicky details that are specific to them and you have to know them uh and if you don't you know there's all kinds of problems like this uh air traffic controller directed this huge emirates one of those huge emirates airbus things to go down a runway that it couldn't fit down and

halfway down it their wing hits this pole and fucking mashes right into the wing. He didn't know. Like the guy hadn't done his reading, didn't know that some runways were too narrow or whatever. He didn't do his own research. Didn't do his research. Do your research, pilots. Come on, man.

Yeah. So there's all kinds of bits on the plane that they're always referencing in movies. Like we've lost our aileron, or whatever that is. Which I don't know, there's like elevators to raise and lower things. You do not want to lose your aileron, or however you pronounce it. Yeah, don't lose your aileron. Aileron. Aileron.

Sounds like someone's elf character at a D&D campaign. Aileron, the cleric! Oh, druid! Cross class! I summon the beings of the woods to aid us in our quest. Yeah, make roll a d20. Alright, Eric.

Alright. We're not doing roleplaying this week, Eric, alright? We just want a nice game, roll some dice. Oh, Erion does not respond to the name Eric. There's always one lad in the that takes the role play a little too seriously yeah always stands up when their character talk oh i had a dream last night i think well it wasn't like a fever dream but it wasn't even particularly upsetting but it was just uh annoying i had a dream where i think i was like in some sort of

like uh like a hostel or a hotel but a lot of people I knew were there as well. Like a lot of people I went to school with, like it was, I felt like maybe it was like a school trip or something like that. But I had a backpack full of supplies that I needed to stay like at this place or whatever. And in my dream, I'd been out drinking and I was quite drunk, which is kind of weird, right? To have a dream about being drunk. So I was quite drunk and I was coming back to this hotel, but all the lights were off. Everybody was asleep and I was trying to find my room. And like, I remembered roughly where my room was, but not entirely. And I accidentally went into a couple of other people's rooms. And at some point I just started floating in the air, but like uncontrollably, like I couldn't,

I couldn't land on the ground to walk around. And all this stuff was like spilling out of my bag all over the floor. Everywhere I went. Was this before or after the vomiting? This was after. So maybe, I mean, maybe I got the bug and maybe my,

my, my body was just processing it. So all this stuff was spilling out all over the place and I was constantly waking people up because I was in their rooms. So I'd have to like explain to them, oh shit, I'm so sorry. And they'd be asking me why I was floating and I couldn't explain to them why. I was getting all stressed out and then I woke up, but it was, oh, I was so satisfying because when I woke up,

I was like, oh shit, it was just a dream. I'll have to clean up all that stuff. I don't, because I'd like in my dream, in my mind, I was like, okay, I got to make sure I get my toothbrush and my, like I had like this mental inventory of things that I dropped that I had to pick up, but it was like becoming just this huge task. So when I woke up, I was like, oh shit, yeah, it was just a dream. I don't have to pick up all that stuff. The floating thing is a recurring thing for me though like i have dreams about this like just this weird uncontrollable floating in the air

like i can't like at the time when it's happening i'm like man people must think i'm so fucking cool that i can like get this much hang time floating in the air whatever but it's so weird like you expect people in the dreams to be like you're radical dude look at that hang child bro i'm surprisingly like surprisingly um but in my dream like i i have like uh like an internal dialogue about it you know like uh like i like i would in my real life sort of thing it's it's so fucking weird man like well you're just impressed about your your is there like a timer going up tony hawk style yeah just doing like the longest rail uh grinder whatever grinding the mall the escalator in the mall a little bit yeah it's funny you were talking about dreams and vomiting i had a dream two nights ago i i have i

have quite a few sexy dreams um i think my brain is like hell yeah let's go and makes up all kinds of sexy dreams i'm at a party with a girl. It's going great. We're chatting. I decided to take her in a back room and get funky with her. I lay her down. Okay. I lay her down.

We're about to get to it. I start kissing her and it's going great. And then she's sick in my mouth. Oh. Man. And we were laughing about it. And then that was the end of the dream. And I was like, God fucking damn it, brain.

Like, just give me one sex dream tonight where it's all going to be cool and instead i get i get puked in the mouth it was uh it was horrendous yeah i think that is a that is a hollywood could you smell the puke and then when you woke up there was just puke all over your bed one of your kids had stopped by and was just being sick on my head while I was asleep. Gosh. Oh, hey, Simpsons kids. What's up? Just puking everywhere. Or the dog, or the cat's been sick on you or something. That's the more realistic one, isn't it?

I'm kissing the dog and she's being sick on me. God almighty, what a wake-up that would be. You know, one of the worst... There are two really bad times I remember my kids being sick. One of them was coming down the stairs and was sick, like, just as it would get to the bottom of the stairs, projectile all over their bedroom door. Oh, fucking their bedroom so it looked like someone had popped a balloon and it just gone bang like all over the door and i was like fuck me this is gonna be such a pain that sucks

yeah another time we were in a car this was when we were in italy i think i've told this story before apologies but we were going around a really bunch of spurly whirly roads oh yeah got to the top and she was like oh I don't feel well and my missus was like pull over pull over and I was trying to find somewhere to pull over but it's Italy so there's like I didn't know you know if I'm gonna fucking pull over and someone's gonna run out

and immediately give us a ticket so I pull over as quickly as I can and before we can get out of the car she's like bleh all over the backseat everywhere and then my eldest is like oh I hate this fella's sick and she's like all over the backseat everywhere. And then my eldest is like, oh, I hate the smell of sick. And she's going to be sick. So we're like, fuck me.

And it's just everywhere. We've got nothing to clean it up with. Man, there's nothing like the smell of sick, though. Yeah. Oh, God. It makes other people sick. It does. It might even be a response thing. But that's part of it.

That's part of it. Yeah, it is. It's like a tribal thing. But then Mrs. F was like, where the fuck are we gonna get some like napkins or something and i'm looking around for a cafe or something she sees a bank she's like i'll ask in the bank i'll say they're not gonna have anything in the bank she goes and she comes out with a roll of like tissues like uh the kitchen roll style i was like what she was like yeah they gave it to me i was like how did you convey to them my child has been sick all over the rental car please god help us she just

managed i think i think the lady's in there sort of looking her eye. She probably went in there with a gun, yeah. She thought she was going to rob the place. She was like, go, go, go! When she ran out. I need some kitchen roll right now! And the woman behind the counter's like, okay! Did you guys, when you guys went to school, did you guys have portables at your school?

Like, at our school, we had like the main faculty building. I'm talking like primary elementary school. Right. We had the main faculty building. But then I think the neighborhood I lived in kind of grew too quick for the school. So, there was a sudden influx of kids going to the school. But there wasn't enough room for them. Like all the classrooms were full and stuff.

So, they got on some new teachers and whatnot and expanded the amount of classrooms there were, but physically there weren't classrooms. So, they had these, like- they're outdoors. They're just, like, little boxes. They almost look like shipping containers. Right, right. With a door on them. Yeah, they're like trailer park- like trailers that are classrooms.

Yeah, so my school had, like, I'd say a dozen of them. Tons of them. And, like- Well, also, they're very cheap. Yes. How old were they? And immediately available. I don't know.

They were pretty old. They were just like... Even at the time. They'd been there for ages. Yeah, they were never meant to be portable after you got them there. So my primary school didn't have that. It was just buildings. But the secondary school, Bourmith school that i went to

i don't know if they're still there but they had something called the prefabs right which were like breeze block buildings that was like with corrugated roofs that were dog and they were out the back and they'd been built like when the baby boom happened all these schools suddenly had to accommodate yeah more kids yeah and they they they were built then because my dad remembered those from when he went there we had these at every school i went to my first school we had like these demountables for sure and then i remember we went to this i went to a slightly nicer school but that was almost entirely different amount even my secretary school which was pretty fancy

had a bunch of them yeah they're probably still going I remember our secondary school had a

few of them and they were nicer the ones at the elementary school were old as shit and like cold

and I mean you gotta remember as well this is Ottawa right so it was like minus 30 for a couple of months of the year

and you're out in these fucking portables just freezing your ass off anyway the reason i mentioned it uh for context for you guys as well is one time uh a guy in our class puked right in the class like middle of class teachers in the middle of the lesson and this guy just chucks it everywhere um it never smelled nice in there ever again like for years it still stunk of puke like even though they put they put some solution down and some powder and everything to clean it all up and everything it always just smelled like puke like for years and years and years after because like i had multiple classes like in the same portable like throughout the

years because i i went to the same elementary school for like eight years or whatever right so you you're bound to like get a couple of classes and it never the the stink never went away yeah i can see this from a an office manager's point of view right that this would something like this would happen in our office and i'd report it to to to daf and he'd be like okay i'll get the cleaners obviously like you know a couple weeks later i'd be like dude did you this problem is still a problem and he's like oh yeah okay i'll tell the cleaners about it and then two weeks four weeks later or six weeks later you know i'll be like dude did you ever tell the cleaners he'd be like yeah have they not done anything? And I'm like, do you know what I mean?

It's no one's problem. Like if there's enough people, what I should have done was just cut that fucking square out and threw it in the bin. And then, you know, Daffy would be like,

there's a square missing here. And I'd have to fucking, I'd get a new one. Lewis, we've got a square missing in one of the offices. Can I get, yes,

get a new square. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's just, it's one of those things that you just just never gets do you know what i reckon it would have been solved quite quickly and easily if someone had actually done it but then there's no one's problem i know who you can get lulu when me and me and harry and tom when i was down we were out the front of the office i think it was me harry and tom it was me and tom might have been ben as well actually and we're standing there and this this old lad comes up and he says to us he's got his van there

and he says um oh you guys on the third floor do you need to puke when we were like what's up he goes oh i've got a big job in there today and we were like really he goes oh yeah and he started telling us what he normally does and he's the guy when there's been like a brutal murder him and his misses are this cleaning firm that they call to come and clean up the blood and the gore and all the rest of it and or some awful mess has happened that's his company and he was just like this nice old lad chatting to us about and telling us about this awful situation some guy killed people a bunch of people with a pair of scissors or something he was like oh there was a grim one some guy killed people, a bunch of people with a pair of scissors or something. He was like, oh, there was

a grim one. Yeah, I was like, fuck, you know. This was his previous job. But he was like, what's waiting for me up here? And I was like, I don't think it's that bad, dude. That's been a brutal murder there. It's terrible.

Just a massive, there's just been a massive bukkake up there. You're never going to believe it Whereabouts? Full store Joskos Sorry are they dead or are they Bukkake

It's just Bukkake You guys remember that scene in Dexter When I can't remember what season it was But Dexter's wife Gets killed by, oh, it must have been the Trinity killer, right? He kills the wife in the bathtub and then the baby is sitting on the floor of the bathroom, just like in a ton of blood.

Do you remember this scene? I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Sorry. The show. I've not seen the show. Oh, I was going to say that when I found the baby in the crib covered in puke, it felt very much like that, you know? Like, it was just- Right. But instead of blood, in the cupboard in puke it felt very much like that you know like

but instead of blood it was just all puke like everywhere she has like a little sleeping bag just covered in puke like you know those sleeping bags that they have like the straps over the arms you like you you like you you button them in and it's like uh it's like almost like a onesie sleeping bag do you ever have those for your kids i don't know it's like a like a onesie sleeping bag. Do you ever have those for your kids? I don't know. It's like a baby sleeping bag, but it has like, it looks like a pair of dungarees without like legs. You know, it's just like, it's all sleeping bag at the bottom. You zip it up. No. Anyway, she has those.

She likes them. But it was just dripping in puke. Like, just a cover. Just a complete write off. Just a filled bag of puke. Like some sort of crisp cocoon of grossness yeah it was flying very good pros that is incredible here let me see if i can find this baby sleeping bag jesus that reminds me how did your choose your own adventure book turn i gave up on

it i haven't written anything on it in years. We were talking about this when you were down. I was like, how's Bodega going? And you were like, I'm not sure. But you did say you had some ideas for short stories. No, no. I had some ideas for other books. Oh, right. Some ideas. I think some ideas for other books that I wanted to write.

I think I told you and Tom. Yeah, we were chatting at the pub. Maybe Ben as well. I was quite drunk, so I couldn't tell if you thought these are good ideas. I thought they were very good ideas. Yeah, I was hyped. I was chatting with you about them and throwing in my own ideas, and you were like, well, no, no, no.

That's the problem. Whenever you tell anyone your own ideas they're like oh that's really good how about this and then they throw in something which doesn't fit and i'm like no and you're like you can't write someone else's idea you can't write someone else's idea i don't think like you gotta do your own thing it's nice of them to help it shows but it always shows like they didn't quite listen. That's quite common though, don't you find? I mean, everybody does it.

Someone's talking. Exactly. And you're listening and you haven't really... So most of the time I really try to listen to what people are saying. But sometimes they're talking for quite some time and you kind of tune it out. And then you'll say something noncommittal and vaguely agreeable at the end and move on to the next topic and i think sometimes people just want someone to talk at don't they that's more often than not that's my experience you want to have somebody that you can speak at i don't know though it's never like when you're talking at somebody it's it kind of sucks though too because you i don't know like you you feel a

bit self-conscious sometimes don't you at the end where you're just like all i've done is just gone on and on and on and i don't even think this person has cared at all about what i've said yeah you know what i mean but then sometimes you'll be like i'm sorry for boy they're like no this is fantastic and they'll ask you questions you're like oh you were really listening yeah some people don't have a good listening face some people but are listening and some people have a really good listening face yeah i couldn't tell you a single thing you'd say but do you find sometimes after you've you've talked at somebody you vented enough where you're just not even interested in what you're saying anymore so like you get to the end and they were interested they have questions but you're done you're just like i don't want to answer these questions i don't want to talk about this anymore

i'm really done talking about this interview i'm out yeah so off the mic and storm off it was mother's day at the weekend. Well, at least in the UK. It was Mothering Sunday. It was Mothering Sunday, yeah. Holy Mothering Sunday. I was sick all week. I'd not seen anyone all week either, really, because I'd not been in since Thursday. And it just so happened

that I hadn't noticed. Did you puke all over your baby sleeping bag as well? I hadn't noticed it was Mothering Sunday and no one reminded me. It had not been in my head because if it had been, I would have been on it. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. It got to Sunday and I noticed it was Mothering Sunday on Sunday. And so, I texted my mom.

I didn't want to give her a call. I just texted her and said, oh, you know, just sent her a nice long message saying, nice message. Anyway, didn't hear anything back. Next day, I get a message from my dad saying, your mum's very upset that you didn't get her a card or anything for Mothering Sunday. Okay, I'm sure you know. Anyway, I could read you the whole text, but it's... Yes, no, go ahead. I want to hear this.

This is your dad. This is your dad. Having a pop at you for forgetting mother's day. Lewis, you waste of space this is the final time i will correct you boy i understand you're not feeling too good are you sure that you are not overworking and would that be the reason why your mom didn't receive i like that that is good that's good subtle well done kind of subtle yeah uh cards um i'm sure you know that women have a different emotional response to that oh my god that is incredible that's pretty good though i don't

know whether i should be reading this but i just have anyway for those whom they care about and love they expect nay need a response. Oh my god he's going fucking Churchill on you here like what is this speech oh man plus flowers or maybe some other small gift or token. We will shower

them with gifts on the beaches we will shower them with praise in the fields and in the landing grounds we will never surrender we will shower them with rays in the fields. And in the landing grounds. We will never surrender. We will shower them with flowers on their birthday. Your mother is a woman and has a woman's response to these things, Lewis.

They are delicate flowers. Unlike the flowers that you did not send so otherwise they worry that they have perhaps unwittingly caused a rift with you uh your mother knows how committed you are to your business and worries about you which is a woman's prerogative uh we don't often have a man-to-man talk but in this case i feel like we might need one right so my dad is obviously upset for not sending so basically this is i didn't have anything for my mom you see yeah so i just thought oh it's you know fine she's busy whatever i didn't i and so all sorts of stuff goes through much what's happened really there is obviously mom not getting a card from me has meant that all this stuff has gone through her head and she's told it to dad probably just wants someone to listen to the rant but then dad's like a classic man problem solve i want to

solve this problem i'm going to go to lewis and tell him sure and then lewis is gonna have to solve the problem and then everyone will be happy right because obviously mum's not very happy and i'm now going to speculate why that could be and it could be any reason it could well be that my mum has been spending a lot more time with my cousins who are very much more family oriented they've got two little kids mum and dad look after them every week you know and so there i think it's possible that she is much more into mother's day because she's got all these kids who and she's into mother's day i don't think my mum's been that into mother's day before but my mum does go to church and so mothering sunday probably went there who knows right i'm i'm wildly speculating about what could possibly be the reason that she would be more

i know exactly what the reason is all right when you get old you have nothing going and all of this shit is suddenly the biggest fucking deal it's the same with my mum and my dad it's the same thing that it's some bullshit that you would go ah who cares

they're like oh my god who would you believe this it's like they're begging for drama because you've got fuck all going on they've got nothing going on this is all that happened this week is Lewis forgot Mother's Day

that's it I'm sorry buddy and I didn't forget Mother's Day I just didn't send her a card. You sent a text. I sent her a nice message on the day. You may as well have sent a poo in a bag if you're just going to text last second. If she'd wanted to chat and stuff, I had time.

I was just sick, that's all. Do you know what I mean? I just felt like, and maybe it's nothing. Maybe she didn't really mind. And maybe, you know, it's my dad getting upset on her behalf and blah, blah, blah, and who knows, and who knows, like, this is his stuff. And it's not, but basically, like, you know, the idea of him saying to me, oh, you know, are you too stressed to send out a card? No, I am now. Like, you know, you're both mad at me all of a sudden, but they're not really mad at me, are they?

You could flip it back on her. It's fine. You could flip it back on her. You could fine. You could flip it back on her. You could send her a really shitty text. Again, text. Send her a dick pic. See if that's what... Is this what you're fucking looking for?

You want one of these? Here you go. I have a picture of my dick. What else do you want? Open with this. How fucking dare you? Smear some blood on a card. Question mark.

Okay? She is... Oh, she's a lovely mother. How fucking dare you? Question mark. Did you send yourself... Did you send your mother's a lovely mother. How fucking dare you? Question mark. Did you send yourself, did you send your mothers a card for Mother's Day? Well, I don't celebrate. Well, my mom, I sent her a card on American Mother's Day.

The American one. Right. Makes sense. But I mean, we did some stuff for my mother-in-law and for my wife and stuff. But you did send a card and you did some stuff. Okay. The kids got some cards and made some cards and stuff. I think a lot of people would be...

Lewis, listen to me. I have a wife, and she is very clever and remembers things. And what happens is, it's Saturday, and I realise it's Mother's Day tomorrow, and I run in there in a panic, and I say, Oh my God, I forgot Mother's Day is here! Well, you and the rest of the fucking universe, because I did the same thing this year.

I went on Saturday. I already sent something to your mum. I sent your mum flowers and a card. I was like, oh, thank you. That's my solution, is that I'm fucking useless and a complete bastard and awful in every conceivable way. But you have a wife that assaults some of it. But I have a wife somehow, and she is on top of this shit. I think that that is, when you're with a partner,

which I'm not anymore, you're twice as likely to remember these events. Exactly. You've got four pairs of eyes checking that calendar. But I suppose it depends, doesn't it? The thing is, Lewis, the woman's brain being different from the man's brain is more likely to remember of others feelings because

of course theirs are so fragile you could have avoided all this just by phoning quickly you like phone your mother just a two minute call would have done it you know you could have just phoned up and been like hey mom and just have your mother say i'm not really feeling well and i haven't had a chance to send you a card and stuff i I hope you understand. Yeah. Anyway, I got to go now. They just released a new Minecraft mod pack that I have to check out. So I'll see you later. It's my business. Well, I think it's also the guy thing of like, I'm seeing him next week anyway.

Yeah. I'm basically like seeing him in a week's time. Like, why do I need to do this? You know, we were chatting like a couple of days ago. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. It's there's no excuse. And I feel bad.

Yeah. Yeah. You should. You'll get over it, though. You'll get through it. I've had drama with the parents. And I mean, especially because, like, my mom's on her own. So she's triple insane.

Right. And my dad and his wife are both insane because they're old people. And old people in general are fucking crazy. How old is your dad? Fuck, I don't know. They're old anyway. Very old. They're in their 70s. Mid to late 70s. My dad's in his mid 80s.

Yeah, your dad's old. How's he doing in his mid 80s? Has he got a lot of pep in his step? I like his text. I think he texts, like, with the best of them. Like a gentleman. Like a fucking gentleman. He texts with the aplomb of a young 30-year-old.

A young roister-doister. That's what he does. Lewis, when you treat the woman's brain as one should, delicate and given to compliment they may flash you some ankle or, if fortunate, perhaps a knee I have learned much in my 107 years on this earth and I can tell you the women folk are easily

bent to our will with just a compliment You could go on like that all day Yeah, the character limits and stuff as well you're just getting into it it's cut off you gotta wait for a one slash two it's a bit of a hard time two slash two for my mom sometimes you know he's always uh sort of nervously tidying up and things you know do you mean like i feel like i don't want to say he's like um a beaten husband or whatever but i think he's certainly uh certainly i mean he's doing his best to try to reduce uh he's domesticated roth yeah he's the older man in the relationship he's

well trained when when you're the older man and you're still relatively young i guess you're seen as like in control and sort of like oh i've got an older man looking after me this is this is the way your dad sees it i'm saying right this way and now that he's got this this young wife it's great to see this and he's getting on this young 70 exactly but to him she may as well be you know a teenager compared to how old your dad is so he's like keep that hot young wife of mine i better treat her right yeah that's that's what it is. I see. The fear in all men that their woman is going to leave them because they haven't treated them right.

And then they'll blame themselves like, oh, I shouldn't. Why didn't I buy flowers? He has to like pre-suck all of her Werther's originals and stuff so she doesn't have to unwrap them. Oh, I found something out about Werther's originals. I didn't realize that they're from Germany. So it's probably Wer Virtus Originals. Yeah.

Would you like a Virtus Originals? You'll shuck on them with your mouth. Come over here and sit on Virtus knee. Sit on my knee. And suck on my Virtus Originals. Oh, you can taste the cream in the vertice no i mean that branding would have been way off good dog my friend this is the vertice originalish by the sweetie it is very good the best german candy yeah how did it on? I just guess maybe it just sounds English, doesn't it?

Weirdly. Yeah. I always just figured it was English. It just had that, you know, like even on the bag, you know, the countryside picture that it has like in the branding and stuff. It does look like it's something for old people. It's perfectly marketed, really, for those originals. It's slightly madmen.

Not at all appealing to children, because the bag is, like, beige, and, like, the font color for Withers is brown. If your grandkids nick in your Virtus. Yeah. The Virtus. The original name was Virtus Ector. Yeah, suck on the Virtus Ector.

Ector. It's a caramel caramel hot candy i am your grandfather and you will do it yeah do you think that there was ever a time where uh drinking prune juice wasn't just for old people like do you think when they first released prune juice it was like oh yeah shit yeah it was kind of like like getting a jolt cola or something like that. The prime of its day. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was like prime, prime drink. You guys got prune juice? Why is prune juice a thing?

Surely prunes are just dehydrated plums. Yeah, I think it does actually help you with the gutty work. Well, sure it's just plum juice though. I'm confused. Yeah, but it's got laxative qualities, I think it does actually help you with the guttie work. Well, sure, it's just plum juice, though. I'm confused. Yeah, but it's got laxative qualities, I think. Or there's a belief that it does. I don't know either way. But essentially, you're bummed up.

When you get old, people got all kinds of butt problems. You know what I mean? I'm not looking forward to it. Constipation and hard stools and all that shit. Why prune juice? I just typed in why prune juice. Prune juice is high in antioxidants, vitamins, and fiber, which work

as a laxative and can help maintain a healthy digestive system, along with preventing heart disease, strokes, and other health problems. It's also an excellent source of vitamin A. There you go. Oh, shit. I'm gonna get me some fucking PJ. When should you not drink prune juice? Since the body doesn't naturally produce potassium, consuming prunes or prune juice can help you avoid deficiencies on the other hand

if you follow a low potassium diet due to conditions such as chronic kidney disease the doctor dietitian may recommend that you avoid prunes where on their like why isn't there raisin juice is prune juice a laxative or a softener prune juice is one of many at home remedies for constipation that can offer the desired laxative effect oh are any of you guys a little constipated i might be i might spend my weekend just on the toilet drink a shitload of prune juice on friday like today drink a shitload of prune juice and then spend the weekend on the bob yeah just why not why not yeah well this a Dota tournament, get it on your iPad,

just poop yourself silly while you're watching it. This is what people did before the internet. Is that what you're saying? Well, you want to have a fun weekend. How else are you going to make it unless you put the effort in? That's what I'm saying. Before we continue, what do you guys use incognito mode for? Nothing.

Research? Well, it does actually say on the fine print that when you use incognito, every activity is still visible to your ISP, and therefore potentially your employer, your school, not very incognito at all. So that's why you should always use what I do, ExpressVPN. You should always protect yourself online and every site that you

visit, especially at like a cafe or a hotel or even your parents' house, can be checked and logged and caught by the admin of that network. Jesus! In America, they're legally allowed to sell all of that data to anyone they want. so protect yourself

by browsing with ExpressVPN keep yourself private it's got one big on button you press it turn it on that's it works on all your phones devices computers even your router so your whole family can stay private under one subscription if you want to set that up that's expressvpn.com slash triforce you can use our link expressvpn.com slash triforce you can use our link expressvpn.com slash triforce to get an extra three months free do it stop people online privacy and give yourself a bit of peace of mind and safety online don't worry if they haven't got you so far you'll be okay but you know um in the future who knows what could happen once the ai takes over you've got a

future yeah absolutely can you imagine you don't want to get blackmailed by some robot linking you all the big we heard you like big titties we will make this public please please don't do it please nobody can know all right well expressvpn.com slash triforce three months free uh all us so yes uh thank you expressvpn.com slash triforce on with the show oh did we comment that this is the seven year birthday of it was yesterday wasn't it yeah yesterday was the seven year we've been doing this seven years come on man yeah i was to do anything when we started this that's wild i was just about to turn 40 my daughter was just born my middle daughter was just just born then she's seven seven now fucking wild where does time go it goes i don't know man

it goes straight into good it goes quicker as you get older too it's insane just yeah blast i i mean i certainly my kids it feels like they get bored real easy right i'm i'm very rarely bored these days there's so many different ways i can entertain myself things i can do they get bored all the fucking time and i remember being a kid was a lot about being bored and waiting for something good to happen my my son has is bored but uh he's only bored because he thinks that he's going to get to do what he actually wants to do, appearing to be bored and waiting and,

and also sort of like turning on the charm offensive as well. Like, uh, he's now, he's now sort of conditioned to, um, expecting to do what he likes to do or what he most wants to do. Uh,

if, um, you know, like a couple of things have been done around the house you know like uh like the like the big one being like tidying his room or tidying up the lounge because we have three small kids so our lounge just looks like we've been swatted at any given time it looks like somebody's thrown a frag grenade in there all the time like it's insane there's shit everywhere um so usually like you know in the evening we say to him like come on go and go and have a tidy up and if you do that then you know maybe you can watch some doctor who before bed

or like play on your switch or whatever so you know now he he does this stuff very willingly you know thinking he's gonna get it gonna gonna get to get to, you know, go on the iPad or whatever. But then during the day as well, sometimes he'll be like, oh, you know, like, you're like,

you're like this sort of like, you know, like, like, like, like an ennui, you know, like,

like a bit of a moment. Oh, what's going on? Oh, you know, it just felt so good when I was watching Doctor Who the other day. And you're like, okay. He's like, okay.

He's like, he's, he's, he's not, he's not bored. He just, there's just things he'd rather be doing that he can't always do. So he's always angling for them sort of thing.

You know, I think the weirdest thing is, um, I would, somebody said to me the other day, like, uh, I've been streaming a little long war.

I've got to, I'm playing XCOM Long War. I saw that. Yeah. Are you enjoying it? Oh, my God. It's so hard. It's so long.

It's incredibly long. And it's war as well. It's a war. I got to try that, actually. It's been so long since I've played XCOM. But I'll tell you what. It's super fiddly, dude. I mean, I'll give you an example.

You're probably going to have about 60, 70, maybe 80 or more soldiers. Fuck. And you'll be stacking them up in all these missions. And sometimes you just have like 10, 12 missions in a row. Just missions, missions, missions. And your lads are getting injured and you're losing guys. And there's all kinds of little fiddly min-maxing shit you've got to do to give yourself a chance in the game because it's very, very, very hard.

Yeah. But I was thinking, I mean, I literally streamed, I think, a couple of days ago for 12 hours. Not straight straight but i did like eight hours in the morning four hours in the evening just xcom long war wow um it's long war of the chosen is what i'm playing it's really really hard for me um and i was thinking man if mrs f and the kids went away again which they're gonna do i always tell myself when they go away i'll'll just fucking stream all day. But then when it actually do a subathon Well, yeah, but you might as well I never do I never do what happens is I stream for a bit and then I think I'm gonna go and lie down or I'm gonna go out and without that without having something to compare it to and being on my own

Yeah, don't spend all that time playing games and stream and I actually get quite lethargic and sort of roll around Feeling sorry for myself, even if it's just for like three or four days. Yeah. So I feel like that kind of, I feel like I'm missing out on something. Sometimes when you get it, it's nowhere near as cool as you think it's going to be. It's the thought of it that makes it sound cool. The idea of just having a house myself for a week. Fantastic.

But it never works out. No, I know what you mean. It's a balancing act, all that, isn't it? I think when you're in your day to day act, all that, isn't it? Yeah. I think in your day-to-day, when you've got like a wife and kids and stuff like that, when you do get some time to yourself, you want to just game and just sort of like shut off and enjoy that or whatever. But without that, if your wife and your kids are away for a couple of days, you don't always feel like you need that, right?

You might be more up for doing other stuff i want to see people my my worry would be is if my wife and kids ever did go away for a couple of days i would be like oh i'm gonna wake up at seven o'clock in the morning and go for a jog and i'm gonna have a coffee and i would start living like a single man right doing all these things but it only lasts for like three days and then when they got back i'd be like fuck i can't do all my single man stuff anymore i guess i'm just gonna go back to playing video games yeah you don't want to get used to you don't want to get used to you don't yeah you don't you don't want to develop a uh like a new lifestyle well hey look we've got a single man right here in the podcast yeah what kind of stuff do you do single man louis listen listen to me he just got back from his 7 a.m jog and

coffee it's a it's a sunday you wake up uh let's say nine o'clock nobody nobody nobody who single wakes up at nine o'clock on a sunday though what time do you wake up on a sunday like probably noon i would say yeah like maybe one yeah 1 p.m no you don't i don't i don't believe well he does for sure i do at the moment uh because i'm i'm staying up too late playing games people on discord um oh but yeah i i let's just say all right sure let's just say normally i would make an effort to get up about 11 right wow gosh i haven't been there in a long time oh you know i love the way you know you know i i have kids and and a wife and stuff like that when i'm like oh you have a lie and you wake up and like oh i don't know 9 a.m oh my god i love that um but yes i i mean i certainly when

when i go away like if i'm away at an event for like a couple of weeks by the end of it i'm getting up at fucking 11 o'clock and being a lazy bastard and then staying up super late um because i i like staying up super late so you stay up super late you get up but let's say when i had a partner there living with me there was more reliability in my life and i think maybe if i got a new partner as well i probably would more structure a little more structure so so i want to hear a sunday from you in your current situation you wake up at 11 what's lewis's day like from from from wake up to go sleep okay so i'd wake up at probably 11 i'd have a shower i'd come down i'd make some like oatmeal porridge with a banana in it something healthy right um

have that for breakfast come you wait hang on a second roll this back a sec you wake up and have a shower immediately yes i wow every day immediately yeah yeah holy crap is that not a routine for you do you pat around some days i just cannot shower actually i just can't be asked yeah i stay in my pyjamas all fucking day. I've had so many micro chores mount up over the day that it's one more chore. It's one chore too many. Really? So I just say, fuck it.

I just stink. I don't see it as a chore. I just don't see. I cannot. I have to do that morning routine where I clean my teeth and put some clean clothes on before I can actually function i sometimes get dressed at 5 p.m so i'll just be in my pajamas and a t-shirt and slippers i think i think i really feel guilty if i am still wearing like if i'm if i'm in my flat like and it's it's

lunchtime and i'm like i'm in my pajamas still. I'm like a free-for-all over here, honestly. Yeah. I think that's okay. The fact that I have any clothes on in the first place is a miracle. I just think that's like a one little cycle. You've had your shower, you've had your breakfast brunch. It gets me up, yeah. What next? What next?

When you have oatmeal for your breakfast? Yeah. Would you like watch, do you watch TV while you eat it or listen to the radio or anything? Oh, yeah. Read a paper? Well, I've got like a bunch of audio books on my phone. Do you watch TV while you eat it or listen to the radio or anything? Oh, yeah. Read a paper? Well, I've got, like, a bunch of audiobooks on my phone, so I'll usually, like... I'll usually...

When I get up, I'll usually... If there's any tidying up to do after I've... Like, I've got, like, this, like, half an hour window after I've had a shower and I'm, like, awake that I can do cleaning stuff and tidy stuff up. You wake up and have breakfast and begin tidying up the house well is that really a thing well the thing is i won't usually do it before i go to bed so there'll be like everything from all the dishes from yesterday yeah yeah fair enough yeah and then i'll realize dishwasher

that like yeah oh yeah but like you know i have to you have to scrape them put them in all of them and the dishwasher has been emptied It's a whole rigmarole. Yeah, if you're living on your own, surely you just take plates out of the dishwasher and use them, right? Because there's only going to be, what, a plate or two in there? One plate, one spoon, and one cup.

Again, it's just these little things that I want a clean plate when there is one. I hate having to be like oh there's no clean plates and the dishwasher is full of dirty ones oh yeah yeah that is what that you you have these things that happen in your life when you're like they kind of flick a switch you're like i'm just sick of it being like this so no i tried i try and like keep it vaguely tidy um yeah and then you tidy it up you've had your baby so you tied it up what's next so then i guess i'll i'll turn my pc on and uh sit down you don't leave it on what should i do oh you got it i turn

it off i used to but now i turn it off every night do you night yeah every night yeah i turn it off because uh just i know again it's that little like 30 second one minute long boot time that means I can't just like instantly go on there when I wake up you actually fully shut it down every night yeah yeah I don't know like I have to like trick myself though into the routine that I have in a sense and so turning off is in part of it and then I don't know like I usually on sunday so on this sunday for example i'm doing a games a games thing with some friends coming around so so so that they're coming around to your house yeah they're coming around here like holy crap i could name who's coming over but i went okay they've got you you can't go on oh okay then i can't you can't he's got secret he's got secret

compartmentalized secret non yogs friends Well, no, they're not really they're my board game friends So people I know who I play board games with Do you have to tidy up your house and stuff before they come over Yeah, what do you need to get some shopping into like yeah, you have like some canapes well Vegan canapes you may as well put them in the fucking bin am i right meat eaters yeah well it's not so much that as as just like a bottle of diet sprite a bottle of diet coke jermaine and a bottle of um and something like

crisps jermaine this is like a christian youth group yeah it really is eh holy crap look you have to be uh you have crap. Look, you have to be, you have to keep up, certain standards have to be kept up, right? No booze! Like, your friends are coming over, you've got, oh, yes, we have a range of drinks available.

We have Diet Coke, Diet Lemonade, and some kettle chips that I've purchased. I understand they're very popular. So, yes, enjoy, enjoy. Where's the fucking beer? Well, they bring their own booze i'm like you'll they'll bring their own thing everyone's got their own fucking thing they'll be like oh i only drink this white wine or am i drinking this thing do you mean everyone if people booze they just bring their

own stuff they're not picky they're not picky i'm picky like you you know who drink anything's going you know but even if i said to you do you want some booze? You'd be like, what you got? I'd be like, well, I've got cider, I've got... You can stop right there, Barry. Okay. As long as it's not Strongbow or some dog shit like that. Oh, I've only got Strongbow, sorry. Out! Out!

I'm out! What am I going to say? I'm not going to play. Look, I feel like it's not my responsibility. I'm hosting, you know? They can bring the... If I go somewhere, I bring like it's not my responsibility. I'm hosting, you know? They can bring the... If I go somewhere, I bring my own drinks. That's fair. But I also expect that whatever I've brought, we're going to drink,

and then you better have backup. I want backup. I want to be able to call in the swap team equivalent of booze, have some long-term hard booze in case we get busy. Well, I've got a bottle of rum and a bottle of limoncello and a bottle of, like, various bits and bobs. You know why you have a bottle of rum and a bottle of limoncello? Because nobody fucking likes either of those things.

A lot. Some people like a little bit of rum. It kind of works, but you can't have a rum night unless you're a pirate. You're going to spend your evening drinking neat rum. You don't need that much fucking rum for a rum night, though. You really don't. I mean, one shot of rum each and usually that's plenty.

And you're like, I'm done with rum now. That is it. Yeah. Fuck. So, I don't know. That's not a typical Sunday, though. No, typical Sunday. We're talking typical Sundays.

Then I'll sit down. What do you do for lunch? Well, I've done lunch. He said he's going to sit down. So, I sat on my computer and I play a game all day, usually. Oh,

I imagine you sitting in a chair near the window. Do you eat your lunch at the computer while you're playing a game? Do you order lunch? Or do you have lunch at home? I have like,

I have like a porridge and a banana for breakfast slash lunch. that was breakfast. We're talking lunch. So you get lunch breakfast. I don't have a lunch. There's no need. You skip lunch. Well, he's just had porridge and a banana. That's going to get him until dinner time. Yeah, that was breakfast. We're talking lunch. So you get lunch breakfast. I don't have a lunch. There's no need.

You skip lunch. We just had porridge and a banana. That's going to get until dinner time. Yeah, I usually don't get hungry until mid-afternoon. And then I'll have like- You don't have anything in between? Like maybe some cashew nuts or like- I might make like a cheese sandwich or something.

Yeah, well, there we go. I might snack on some dried quinoa and cranberries. Yeah, a cheese sandwich sounds good. Usually I don't go shopping on Sundays normally. So my fridge will be full of stuff. So I usually have got some stuff in on it. Do you tend to use all the stuff in your fridge? Yes.

Are you a waster? But I tend to use it and people hate that though. Because I tend to like, when I'm running out, I start making weird stuff when I've got not much left over. Well, it's fine. I think that's a noble thing to do. Wasting food is a huge fucking problem. Yeah.

Food waste is insane, how much food we waste. Yeah, it's insane, yeah. Especially in the UK, it's really bad, but the US is unbelievably bad at wasting food. And that would help a great deal. What did I make the other day? I had some sweet potato in the fridge, and I had a cucumber,

and I had an out-of-date couscous rice thing, and some beetroot. And so I blended that all together into a gross... That's exactly what you want, innit? Yeah, all right, alright mate I'll have a bit of out of date couscous and rice boss some fucking cucumber on there as well

mate if you could please it wasn't some cucumber it was half of a cucumber give me half a fucking cucumber way too much cucumber what else have you got but I wish I, I wish I could just throw all this shit in the bin and get something that was

actually edible. I feel so bad for, for wasting it. I just have a meal that I'm never going to enjoy. So this is what you're describing here. Your dinner, whatever's in your fridge, you're just cooking up. Yeah. Stuff that's threatening to go out of date and you're, you're uh yeah like some frankenstein dinners yeah yeah and occasionally so i mean like this week i've been playing various games and you know how like both of you played x-com and

you would get to a point where you would just rage quit like something would happen in the game that triggered you and you were like i'm done i'm never playing this thing again or wherefore yeah and then half an hour later you'd come back and boot it up again i get that i've had that a couple of times with a couple of movies or tv shows or like games lately i think that i think i need um we're always saying this that we're looking for something to draw our attention in it's an eternal quest the quest of the game and to find something to get addicted to again it always happens i love that i love the addiction though i was so addicted to hitman and i enjoyed it and i didn't even really fully rage quit out of it i think i just got to the point where it's like i i just need to take a break from playing this game i've just i've had enough i've had so

much fun playing it and i want to leave it like in a in a positive spot you know yeah but it did come after i lost a mission but i wasn't like too salty about it in a positive spot, you know. But it did come after I lost a mission. But I wasn't like too salty about it. But I was just like, you know what? I'm done. Hitman has conquered me. It's just too much. So, of course, on this Sunday, I will constantly be feeling a low level of guilt because I'm not doing any of the things that I should be doing, right?

I've got this half-built Lego thing. I've got this book I've half-read. I've got my bike here which i haven't half used and these these uh tires need pumping up i need to go out on that again jimmy so constantly all day sunday i'll be be like avoiding doing anything that i feel is more like productive you know i've got like i want to do some artwork i've got like all this stuff i've got all these like supplies for painting warhammer guys i've got like a little airbrush i've got like all this stuff i've got all these like supplies for painting warhammer guys i've got like little airbrush i've never used jimmy i've got all these projects that i'm like i'm desperate to start but those warhammer figurines and and the shit that you assemble

and then paint holy fuck it's expensive like i cannot believe it like i took my son because he's like he had uh some money left over from christ Christmas and he decided that he wanted to get like a Warhammer set. I was like, oh yeah, whatever. You know, he's got like, he had like 30 pounds. I was like, you probably get something pretty decent for like 30 pounds. I'd imagine it's just plastic, right? You just snap it together or whatever and then paint it. Fuck me.

Like 30 pounds gets you like one dude. Like with a cape. Like, I guess it's like a name all the time so so this it's so expensive there's a couple of things one for the last 15 or 20 years or even longer even when ben worked there they aim at dads it's not for kids yeah it is it's aimed at it's it's people with disposable lots of disposal the second thing about it is is that they've they've they they will price it at what the market can bear and then they've found over the time over the years that the market can bear

an extremely high amount and in a sense what they want though is for you for it to feel exclusive to for it to feel special for it to feel like it's the only way where place you can get is a piece of fucking molded plastic it's pennies of plastic literally pennies of plastic it's the it's like the most markup on something from you know cost of manufacture to cost of sale in anything it's like hundreds of thousands of percent markup it's insane um but yeah like like like the whole thing is is that we think as well that most people who go into these games workshop stores and buy stuff regularly, and it is a lot of regular customers, they already have lots of stuff that they feel guilty about not painting and not doing. And so therefore, you don't want them to be buying too

much. But also, oftentimes you have these people who need to complete their collection, right? They need to buy that last thing, they need to that one last hero or that that unit that's good in the tournament or germany that people are talking about online and so as a result like putting the price up means people will still pay it because they need it right yeah um so so yeah like there's a whole bunch of psychological things but i genuinely think what they've done is they've just kept putting the price up and seeing when the sales go down, and they haven't. So, yeah, it's not for kids either, really. It's for big kids.

It's for dads to play with their kids. So that's your Sunday. You know what I didn't find in your Sunday there, Lewis? Go on. A phone call to your mum. Oh, my God, you're right. I forgot. I wasn't doing anything productive either.

I found that you had ample time actually to think about your mum and to get her a card or even just do a voice phone conversation with her or whatever. It's not great, Lewis. I feel terrible.

We'd like to apologise because we've all made boo-boos when it comes to our mums, I'm sure, and let them down in some way. Gents, collectively, I think we apologize and we want to give a shout out to mums this It's a big ups. Big ups to mums. And shout outs to mums. I have felt bad all week. But, you know, what can you do?

I'm a failure as a son as well. I don't have a grandchild. Don't you? Listen, that doesn't define you. When you're feeling bad about something lewis what kind of things how do you self-medicate uh tears is the most powerful way i love you lulu next time i'm down i'll give you an extra long hug wait you just sit around and cry about it no i don't cry i just feel bad about it yeah oh no well i do self-medicate, I've got a pack of emergency- Like kicking a can down the road, thinking about it and stuff? I have got a pack of emergency chocolate Hobnobs in the-

Whoa, slow down there, buddy! Someone's got a problem! Someone's got a problem! He's got an emergency pack of Hobnobs. Well, you know- That's the most British thing you've ever said. If I'm having a bad week, you'll see that I have to buy a new pack, you know, that's what I'm saying.

That is the most British thing you've ever said. You've blasted through them. That's very relatable to every Brit. I do have an emergency pack of Hobnobs. Oh, don't tell anyone. Chocolate-covered Hobnobs as well, not just the normal ones. Yeah. I haven't had a Hobnob in many years.

Not really a biscuit fan. But I'll tell you what, I've always got time for them if they make time for me. You ever have those Maryland chocolate chip cookies? you know, like the small chocolate chip cookies? It's like they're very mid, to use a term that my kids use all the time. They are. They're quite sweet. They're quite American sweet. Sometimes those mid snacks are the ones that get you big time, right?

Like, I find if I open a pack of those, I'm like, I just want to have a cookie or two. The whole pack is gone. Like I can't, I can't, I just can't stop. They're very more-ish, I find. We had this like push in the office to try and switch from like, because we always had healthy snacks there. Oh, sorry. Yeah, this is the, tell everyone this, because listen to me right now, viewers, listeners.

This is the worst decision that the Yogs has ever made. I'm putting my foot down on that. We always used to have like tons of snacks, like crisps stuff keep telling him yeah you tell him and daf was like we're switching it to healthy stuff to fruit exactly okay and people wonder why i make fun of daven when i mean to him that is why and initially right the fruit would just sit there and go moldy so what was. So what was his response? I'll get rid of the alternative. Not, maybe people don't want us to buy fruit for the office.

I'll stop getting it. What's happened lately? His response was, now you've got no choice. I think what's happened lately, P-Flex, is that we've got, everyone's been much more paying attention to things. There's always some fucking thing every day, either someone's birthday or someone's leaving

or someone's joining or someone's having an event or it's some sort of fat day or thin day or women's day or black history day. Can I turn up on fat day, please? Man, do you know what I just realized? I have not been to the office in like four years. Yeah, dude. It's been a long ass time. It's fine.

Like, I don't, I love having all these celebrations, but as a result, there's always some sort of donut or cookie or cake or treat or biscuit in the office. And it's worse than ever, health-wise. Every day, there's some sort of pizza or some snack. Lewis, it's not their birthday. They just want to sneak snacks in. It's a snack sneak situation in It's a snack sneak situation It's a snack sneak

People like eating snacks People don't want to eat fruit People have found a way around the fruit legislation I guarantee you people have got like 15 birthdays a year They've got some secret discord channel Where they're rotating it Who is it on Wednesday I'll say it's my birthday

You said it last week You want to create a ghost town, get vegetables in. Get some root vegetables in for snacks. Oh my god. Those things will never be touched. I've got one other thing that happened this week related to birthdays and events and things like this.

So, here it is. I don't know whether to read this out. I won't identify the people. I feel like I shouldn't have identified my parents, but I won't identify the people here. It was fine. We identified my parents but i won't identify the people here it was fine we would have figured it out anyway though right yeah we would have hello here girlfriend as you might know their birthday is coming up and i wanted to surprise with a photo book of friends and i know who this is i know who this is it would be great if you could share a picture of you and him together or just yourself or anything

that reminds you of him. In the worst case scenario, you should be able to look something up on the internet because he's a celebrity along with maybe a little story or a note. Please do not say happy birthday and do share a story or memory instead. It would be

also good if you could provide some advice uh so please give some advice deadline for submissions blah blah here's my email phone and so i didn't i sort of just um i sort of didn't notice it and i i've missed it and so but there were a couple of reminders um i'm not gonna say say say say say nags because, you know, how much effort is it for me to write a nice message to someone, find a phone, find a picture of me and them, send that through, come up with some life advice? Well, at least you could do. They are a celebrity. I mean. Now, look, it's hardly an imposition, okay?

But, A, I know this person quite well, and I like them, but I feel like I've never done this for anyone else ever. Even people that I love a lot, like my mum. I spent probably like 20 minutes going through trying to find a fucking picture of me and them together. Finally found one, so I had to send that through then i had to think about writing a nice birthday message now i have to write birthday messages to quite a lot of times people and i'm like i don't know this person that well but i know them pretty well you know you know i'm saying p flex they're like yeah i got you so it took me like five five minutes to compose a nice birthday message and so then i was done so I sent it through and they came back to me and they were like,

oh, can you also do some advice? And I was like, for fuck's sake. Oh my God. At that point, I was like, I've spent like all afternoon doing this. I've got some advice for you. Here's some solid advice for you. Please make sure your girlfriend never fucking does this ever again this is the worst and i just look i didn't mind right and i did it and i said some advice and i'm happy i just

write something funny and i think it's fine but again that took me another like five minutes of pacing of like thinking of like i'm not good at this i'm not no it doesn't come naturally to me i don't want to write something pithy i shit. I feel like in a situation like that as well, sometimes you would rush. You would cut corners and rush just to get it done. You know what I mean? But I, okay, this is making me feel slightly inferior because every time someone fucking has like a birthday card or some birthday war where everyone writes nice things on it, like Nina's drawn some incredible piece of hilarious artwork.

You know know everyone else has written these hilarious little things I'm there like what am I gonna write have a good one like what am I supposed to do like it feels like there's a little competition going as well and I don't want to be involved in the the funny competition to try and be funny on on someone's birthday card I don't want to be the funniest one there and then everyone else is like fucking oh god I'm gonna have to write something now like there's so much going on on this okay and all i'm saying is no one's ever done this level of work for my fucking birthday i'm much older than this person there it is what about me that's what it comes down to i i think uh i think you're doing yourself short because the thing is and i

always go back to captain picard, one of my heroes. He wasn't getting involved in this shit. And when he had to, it was super awkward. You're like Captain Picard. You're managing the ship. You're telling us where to go. This is like one of the engineers has a birthday and suddenly Captain Picard's got a thing. Oh, fuck.

Is there a picture of me and Ensign Stevens? I don't know. Like it has to go fumbling around in the computer.. Is there a picture of me and Ensign Stevens? I don't know. Like, it has to go fumbling around in the computer. Computer, find a picture of me and Ensign Stevens. And no file found, Captain. Just Photoshop a picture of me and Engineer Stevens on Rigel 7, just looking happy. And then he's like...

We're in small swimming trunks. Captain, you need to offer some advice advice my advice is to stop wasting my time i'm gonna do a big reversal on you for your birthday this year what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna assemble a scrapbook and i'm gonna take pictures of all of the have a good ones that you've given lacklusterly to people throughout the years. Oh my god, I have done so many lackluster have a good ones. You are joking.

The scrapbook will serve as an eternal reminder of why nobody does a fucking scrapbook for you. Oh my god. If you don't care, you won't get anything back. I don't know, like, I don't know where So I don't know, like, don't know where to stand on this as much as I enjoyed doing it.

And it was something interesting. Please do not ever make me do that again. It's a lot. I mean, I think that the thing is that that person's birthday is a big deal to that person and their partner and all the rest of it. And I get that. But I've never been one for.

There are a lot of factors here as well, because that partner clearly loves that guy so much that she's done this special effort thing that i've never seen i'm super jealous do you know what i mean but that that's part of it is you're thinking no one ever does that for me there's so many layers to this thing like that's giving me you know it wasn't just the effort and the concentration of the thing it was like it was this whole afternoon of like mental trauma i'm gonna take a wild guess here and say that these people don't have kids because they seem to have a lot of time on their hands like yeah it's a young people's fucking scrapbooks and giving a shit

about birthdays in the first place my last birthday um one of my kids puked and uh i spent all day cleaning up puke that's that that was my last birthday back to puke again it's good yeah we've gone full circle there you go look it's my birthday in five days time holy shit probably around the time people listen to this podcast there will be a 47 year old pflax maybe getting a cup of tea in bed and that will be the extent of my birthday celebrations and i don't give a shit that's it it. It's it's I'm just a year older. It's not a big deal. I can find a picture of us together. Yeah.

I'm going to find a picture of us together as well. A nice, and I'm going to write on it. I'm going to sign it as well. And I'm going to say, have a good one. Have a good one. That would be great. Yeah. Yeah.

In fact, you know what? Just if you guys just tweet at me a nice picture and have a good one on my birthday, that would be great. Okay. It could be a picture of us together or just a picture of you alone. Okay. Whatever you want. I know.

You said it's in five days time, right? Yeah, 29th. I'll try my hardest to remember. You won't remember. It doesn't matter. And it won't offend me. I don't care. It's the perfect defense.

He's giving you the perfect out. Do we believe him, though Yeah Do we believe him though? Do we believe him? One tear rolls down my Rolls out of my eye It's beautiful It's the perfect defense Perfect

It's a perfect defense I respect it so much Alright We're done That was Triforce Thank you for joining us That was a great one It was good to be back in the saddle.

Thanks. It was. Yeah, we love you. Bye!