Triforce! - Triforce! #26: Boonos Aires

Episode Date: November 23, 2016

Everybody hates Raymond, a hobo Christmas, being traumatised by Planet Earth. It's the Triforce podcast! The new Bodega t-shirt is out now: http://bit.ly/BodegaTee   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Here we are. It's been a long time. How long has it been exactly? Three weeks. Has it been three weeks? I think it's been three weeks. And this won't go out for another week, so it will be like a full month.

Almost a month, yeah. Jeez, that's crazy. It's good. We've got a lot to talk about. We have. Well, you say that. i mean i i don't like i've got less to talk about than ever now like we went on a trip nothing really happened we came back nothing happened really and now here we are with nothing to talk about so let's start with blizzcon what what did you guys get up to at blizzcon how what were you doing the whole time pflex by the way yeah yeah somewhere this this is probably more interesting than our

trip what did you get up to while we were away on a trip when over the last three weeks because you went on vacation the week before we went yeah you were away remember it was half term you were away let me let me check my calendar because i can't remember back that far this is what happens when you get old yeah the time slips away from you oh i went to uh i went to italy oh and i went i went to rome with mrs f just me and mrs f was it was it exactly like everybody loves raymond when they go on the trip to Italy? I haven't watched the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. It was actually a two-episode miniseries where the whole family goes to Italy. I mean, it was just as bad as every other episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Oh, we're in Italy now.

Oh, this sucks. Oh, I can't get good coffee anywhere. Raymond, we're in Italy. There's good coffee anywhere. Raymond, we're in Italy. There's good coffee everywhere. Oh, I'd love a cup of coffee, man. Oh, fucking everybody loves him. Raymond, tell your mother to shut the fuck up. I'm sick of telling her myself.

God, it's such a hateful show. I think Ray Romano is clinically depressed that he's got to be he just seems to hate life and no i think he's just a dick i don't think he's depressed i think he's one of those people that just hates everybody else and everything they do like a lot of comedians are like that i think jerry seinfeld is like that as well those are if you're an observational comedian or a comedian who jokes about like regular shit you have to be someone that is annoyed by and notices every tiny stupid little thing that people do yeah and sort of looks down on it enough to make fun of it i'm i mean i'm a big fan of seinfeld right i love the

show david is is probably a thousand times more concentrated than that as well in noticing people's isms yeah exactly so i mean i think that ray romano and guys like that they just hate everybody and i think they they have a big ego and they're like this guy i don't like the way he eats a sandwich this is a fucking deal with it just shut up you don't have to make a show about how someone eats a sandwich in a slightly wrong way and the thing is i think they know it's super petty right i mean they do it anyway you say that but there'd be no seinfeld if it wasn't for that and i know i'm super grateful that seinfeld exists i'm not i'm not at all grateful that everybody loves raymond exists no but they're

different i think inside it's more like i mean kramer is such a great character and elaine is like they're all good characters they're all funny and you're kind of rooting for them all right even though they're also horribly petty the point is the other people in the show say to them you're crazy like that's disgraceful and that their behavior is picked up on yeah nobody loves raymond it's just this awful dysfunctional family with this objectionable horrible character that i just can't stand it's oh i just i just hate it it's so on my mom loves that show really yeah i've never met a person who loves that show like for me that show was just on and obviously people watched it because it's on all the fucking time like it's on tv here every day for christ's sake yeah and like you know there's a big culture gap there where you know i

think i think it was like seinfeld like seinfeld didn't translate super well in england you know like you'll meet a lot of people in england who've just never watched it or just or they didn't like it yeah and didn't get but for some reason everybody loves raymond is somehow more relatable it's it's on tv every day here seinfeld yeah maybe it's so weird i don't know yeah it's a it's a pretty weird show you are right i mean frazier's on every day here and i think that's a great show that is a classic that is a classic really really good um but yeah everybody loves like frazier does stupid shit in the show right and so he you know he makes bad decisions he's selfish but the other characters pick him up on

it that's the thing you need that balance the character was just, they're just all horrible, which is what everybody loves. Raymond seems like to me, he's got this awful mother, the terrible father, the brother and Raymond and his, his poor wife has to put up with this fucking idiot. I just want to shake her and say,

get away from this guy. He's dangerous. He's going to ruin your life. I mean, another show where all of the characters are terrible um not not like not not badly acted or whatever i mean i mean just like their personalities or whatever are are you know terrible is always sunny in philadelphia but that show is fucking hilarious i have never watched it it's super good like you should you should you should watch it it's funny it's amazing

it is yeah okay it gets it gets one of these shows that gets actually better with age as well. And actually the seasons get better as it goes along. Cause I didn't, I didn't watch community until it had been out for like years. I've never even watched community. Isn't Chevy Chase in there? It is actually good. Yeah,

it is good. I was surprised. Cause if I, like if you tune in for an episode randomly, it means nothing. I saw like a poster for it. I saw Chevy Chase didn't look anything like he looked in National Lampoon's Summer Vacation. I was like, nope, I'm not watching that.

I don't want to see that. I'm scared by the ravages of age. I don't want to know. It resonates with me. I think that's me. I look at myself like five years ago. It's like, I don like, that's me. I look at myself like five years ago. It's like, I don't look anything like myself.

And it, you know, I don't want to see Chippy like that. Yeah. I get it. I get it. I don't want to see Chippy like that. It is worth seeing though.

It's a funny show. Yeah. It's great. So Rome. Yeah. We went, we went around Rome for like, we were there for like three or four days and stayed in this nice hotel.

Rome is great. Like I loved it. It was very, very, very pretty. Rome's fantastic. God. around rome for like we were there for like three or four days and stay in this nice hotel rome is great like i loved it it was very very very pretty rome's fantastic god they drive like lunatics yeah and and everywhere like you'll be on an alleyway having a cup of coffee in a cafe sort of thing and a guy goes past in a car yeah scooters man they love scooters over there too eh they do oh bloody do that stereotype is is totally deserved it's a hundred percent like and the hand waving all that stuff they they do that they really do that they all talk with their hands they're all like hey benny how could you do this they're sort of waving their hands and stuff like they really do they do it they're waving their hands just like

this watch listen listen very carefully i can hear it yeah i can hear the air dispersing yeah um and we went to the vatican um obviously i'm not a religious person at all no it's worth going in terms of a building or a series of buildings to see it's unbelievable yeah and the main bit we saw was the uh saint peter's basil, which is this ridiculous church. It's like, it is like something out of Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings. It's just so incredibly big and grand. Yeah. It's just ludicrously high.

And there's this altar. And the whole thing about the Catholic church seems to be that if you're going to have a floor, make it huge and marble. If you're going to have a ceiling, make it like the floor make it huge and marble if you're gonna have a ceiling make it like the highest one there is and marble and if you've got some marble lying around put it put it somewhere like don't waste marble get marble everything and then if there's an altar you know the bit where the priest does the altary stuff yeah let's have an altar okay let's make it 40 stories high and he can stand at the top and throw marble down on the assembled crowd that

pretty much what happens the whole place was just ridiculous i couldn't believe it churches are really hit and miss like that because sometimes you go to a church and the altar is really crappy you know it's just like a just like a block of wood and it's boring but then other times you go to church and like you said it's like you think that's appropriate man honestly i'd rather go to the marble one because like but the point is that's not in the religion i want to be wowed well the commandments wasn't pizzazz i'm not i'm not there to learn or listen to anything okay i want to be blown away i want to have an experience all right and part of me having experience is being visually stimulated by a massive altar you're not meant to be you're meant to be spiritually moved and you're like jesus was a humble dude right i think that that would help move my spirit though

if i was wowed visually like that you know so you you go to church one day and jesus is given the sermon but he's like he's just wearing the white robe all right that'd be different though it's that's actually jesus okay wooden altar but you don't know it's jesus i would know it was jesus all right he's got the beard and the long pizzazz i'm fucking bored over here can we get some fucking glam up in here jesus jeez it's so fucking boring no but honestly i'd rather go to like the nice one than like the shitty you know like churches in in north america i don't know if you've ever been to them but they're lazy man they're just like shitty fucking buildings that were probably meant to be like a grocery store and then they just had a change of heart at the last second they're like fuck let's just make a church who cares like they don't even look churchy and like the insides are like really fucking weird and boring and the altars are all made of wood and stuff like

european churches are where it's at i think a church should be simple pick any european church and it's older than america i know but like you know you think that they could have done like a an homage to like the old churches and not like styled them up well i think there's a lot of problems with those old style churches they get very cold and they're a bit weird and i don't know like it's just they're not very easy to kind of you should be cold at church you should be free i've spent a long time freezing my balls off in church like no totally i think in italy though i don't i don't think i 100 agree with like what p flex said right i i think that having an extremely grandiose church reinforces that power of god okay it's like

that he's almighty he's he can't be wrong like yeah we've got we're so powerful we're so rich here's just a really elaborate showing of that it's terrible that's not the message the the this the message was that i'd be like i honestly think if you wanted to be yeah here's our reliquary with the golden blinging medallion we didn't get enough donations last year and all we could afford was this fucking boring piece of wood um do our praying from. You've corrupted the message of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. No, man.

Yes. It's a temple of worship. Thou shalt not worship graven image, sir. Graven. What soe'er that means. And I think that having a fucking basilica, right on the on the floor of the basilica man as you're walking along there it has a stone to say this is how long saint paul's is

and this is how long some other cathedral is and here's another one look it's not as long as this one is it okay there's this one it's got all the other ones in the in the world you know why this is the biggest one yeah you know why they build them big okay because old god is up there in the in the world you know you know this is the biggest one yeah you know why they build them big okay because old god is up there in the clouds looking down you think he's gonna see like a little fucking townhouse made of wood as a church he doesn't actually have to look with his eyes he doesn't he's always looking he's he is he's just like what is that he's gonna be the big ass church okay with the marble he's gonna see that it's huge by binoculars i think they built a really small wooden church i want to see it those heathens have erected another wooden church mama

it's tiny boo blow it up blow it up. Blow it up. Smite it. It's not like you when you're spotting animals in the garden. What was it you were saying? You couldn't see them? They're too far away? Man, what is that? Fuck, I don't know. That wasn't me.

That was Lewis, I'm sure it was. That was you. I remember it really well. I wanted you to do a nature documentary where you didn't leave a lawn chair. You just have a lawn chair in the middle of the garden. And at the end of the garden, I think, is that a newt? Fuck, I don't know. I can't really see it from here. Something.

Ah, shit. Have you guys watched Planet Earth 2 yet? No. I saw you jizzing on Twitter about it, though. Is it good? It is so good. It's jizz-worthy twitter about it though is it good it's so good it's jizz worthy it's incredible okay like it i mean apart from the fact that i don't know how they keep managing

to find animals that i haven't seen before in a nature program like all right there are 10 years you say that you know the ocean they've only explored like 10 of the ocean who fucking knows what's down there like alligators the size of like a building and stuff i'm telling you it's probably not alligators in the ocean i would wait it was just an example i'm not getting technical i'm just saying like who knows what's down there i think we found all the cool stuff no i think down there it's just gonna be slugs and snails and worms and shit. Some of them are crazy. Like they eat sand and stuff.

Yeah. You know what? That's the future nature documentaries. When they find it, we found a new animal. Everyone was like, ooh. And they're like, here it is. And it's just like a blob. It's just like eating itself.

It doesn't have any eyes, but it doesn't need any. It just lives at the very bottom of the ocean. This remarkable creature. Next! Doesn't look cool, doesn't look cute. We've scraped the bottom of the barrel of the ocean to find you all of the things that we didn't show you before. We have a collection of slugs with no eyes. Snails.

Weird slime puddles. Sea worms. And probably the biggest fucking alligator you've ever seen in your life i heard it was quite metal like quite quite kind of quite cruel as in nature kind of yeah i watched it with the kids quite adult i watched i watched the first episode again with the kids um we've got we've got a nice big telly it's it's beautiful hd picture and everything so it's like how big is it it's it's huge it's the size of a big a big alligator how many inches traumatic for them is like a 50 incher i don't know what the the dimensions are it's fucking big it's like you could use it as a table is it a curve does it curve no no no it doesn't

care but so we're watching it my eldest one of those she's like she's she's like seven and a half she fucking loved it right okay my one who's nearly five she was in tears pretty much the whole time because there are a lot of like animal like uh predator predatory animals not really she's got a tough one up there so i said to her i said to her listen i said to her listen sweetheart nature is cruel, listen, sweetheart. So she posted a titsy video, like, you're going to watch the rest of this for five minutes. I said to her, listen, sweetheart, nature is cruel. I said, you've got to learn that these animals, I said, like, if you haven't seen it, there's a scene where there's an iguana, baby iguanas, and the baby iguanas hatch up out of the sand.

And my kids were like, oh. And then they're like, and then come the snakes. And these snakes start coming at them. And the iguanas have to run up the beach to get to their parents who are like watching from the rocks like god son you can do it and the snakes are chasing them that's the worst part about nature documentaries because it's like a really shitty sports diet school it's incredible there's there's no like they get to the point where like the baby iguana is going to get eaten by a snake and the lead-up is like two minutes of basically silence and for

those two minutes you feel so fucking helpless you're just like oh shit it's just gonna happen like i can't do anything i have to sit here and watch this even attenborough's just not talking anymore he's done and then fucking it happens and then the baby guana dies and you're just like and then it's like so cruel mother nature mother nature. Fuck, no, not again. Another one bites the dust. That was her reaction. She was literally in tears. She was trying to get away.

And I was like holding her. It's like, no, you must learn. And my eldest was going, yeah, you got to learn about the snakes. You're like holding open her eyelids. No, I don't want to watch this. And then they did have a bit where these penguins live on this island. And it's like the largest penguin colony in the world. It's fucking huge.

It's like this volcanic island. And the entire coastline is just like ragged, jagged rocks. And the penguins have to time it. So when a big wave crashes against the rocks, they throw themselves in it and get swept out. But they have to reverse that process to get back in. They've got to ride the wave up to the rock and just themselves in it and get swept out but they have to reverse their process to get back in they've got to ride the wave up to the rock and just try and jump and cling on and they get dashed against the rocks and they get covered in blood and they're like

dragging themselves around and i was like okay now you can go like this is too much watching penguins get fucked up on a rock penguins are crazy though like i i saw that march of the penguins documentary years ago and like holy shit the fucking shit that penguins put up with is unbelievable they are incredible animals they really are it's it's insane like i i don't even know how they do it i don't know how they manage to have babies and make more penguins and stuff it's it's insane like they live in the harshest conditions ever and they starve they virtually starve to death every year because they have to just wait for shit to like come about so that they can start eating again and stuff and it's it's insane who would want to do that it's

well i know they don't want to they they don't know any better or whatever but fuck it's just bonkers to me that that something managed to find that foothold. Like there was a niche in nature that said, you know what we need is a flightless bird, which can fuck off in the first place. And then it can barely walk, right? It's like this fat waddling thing that can't fly. It can swim real well, but it has no arms to climb. And it has to get down from a cliff,

and then it has to swim 50 miles, And it has to get down from a cliff. And then it has to swim 50 miles, which is how far these penguins swam. And then it has to come back. And in our colony of tens of thousands of penguins, find its mate. Man, I don't know if you've ever seen penguins at the zoo or whatever. But to add insult to injury, after all of that, they fucking stink so bad, too. Like, they shit everywhere it stinks it's putrid it's awful and i just think like give these penguins a break give them something a break give them some redeeming feature i guess they don't even have a nice song they have a they're

good at swimming though oh they're the best man they're like they're like torpedoes when they get in there yeah but they don't don't spend a lot of time doing it which is weird yeah you know i just i just feel like that evolutionary path for penguins because they've got those little vestigial wings right so there must have been something further back in the line that was a flying bird yeah and then at some point that branched off and that branch was like fuck flying i know i'm a bird and i know that's bird heresy but i'm taken to the seas and just decided to be a swimming bird i'm like wait man maybe maybe they were banished from the skies because maybe they didn't fucking opt for the marble and stuck of course what i got to create them bear that in mind you know What the fuck are you talking about? So, you know, he obviously just.

If God created penguins, he fucked up, dude. What was he thinking? What kind of design decision is that? Maybe that was like one of the first things he created. He's like, I'm a little anxious here. I'm not very good at this. Let's just try this out and hope. Oh, shit. Okay.

Well, we'll learn from our mistakes and make better things next time make like maybe put them on a quiet island out of the way no one will notice hopefully nobody ever finds these things because they're just they're not my best work it's oh man anyway so rome what what else did you get up to in Rome? We walked around a lot. Like we just walked, we ate, like, yeah, obviously lovely Italian food every day and just hung out and it was very romantic and very nice. And it was, it was good. Sweet. It was good. And then got back and obviously we had the, we were going to go to, I don't know, I shall not mention its name on Friday, the Friday of in,

in October. You know what I'm talking about? Friday the 13th? No, no. The thing I was going to go to, I don't want to offend anybody. It was the thing that we were all going to go to.

And it was, it was canceled. Oh, Comic-Con. Don't say it. Oh, sorry. Right.

That's what we're going go oh shit yeah we're gonna go won't you your kid was really excited she was very excited yeah did you just did you just tell them that they had a um no i told them i told them the whole story the thing wasn't just they just closed it down yeah i told them the whole story no no i told them the whole honest story and there was alligators there and yeah there were penguins but not the good guy they couldn't get the penguins to show up swamp and then it was my mate's 40th birthday and i got absolutely hammered nice um and spent the next two days recovering and then halloween obviously which was great fun i live in a neighborhood full of families and stuff so halloween is really good

and some people really go to town i did not no. No, but my kids did. My eldest went as a vampire queen. Okay. And the youngest went as a zombie tennis player. Her idea. Nice. And she just wanted to be a zombie tennis player. I don't know where she got it from. But so I had to get her a little tennis outfit,

a little tennis racket and everything. Man, maybe she likes Tim Hinton. He's like a zombie tennis player. Yeah. Or was. He was. Yeah. And then we had Guy Fawkes. and everything man maybe she likes tim he's like a zombie tennis player so yeah or was he was yeah just a commentator now guy forks day which was a good oh we were away for that so of course guy forks night every year gets more and more forgotten about because it comes so soon after halloween yeah it's like there was that one year where that fireworks factory blew up you remember that and that was like the ultimate one nobody could top that one what are you fucking talking about so so ever since the fireworks factory blew up yeah everyone was

like oh shit what are we gonna have to do next year like blow up two of them or like and then and everybody just sort of said ah fuck it i don't think the fireworks actually blew up on guy fawkes day i'm pretty sure it'd be a bit convenient wouldn't it no i'm sure it did though like that i remember clearly this happening at some point they were like that's it there's no top in it we're done it's done yeah man that thing just blew up constantly for like 12 hours like it was insane like just when they thought they were like okay i think finally nope nope it's not done it's just like every time the fire brigade wanted to go in they were like no no you never approach a firework even if you think it's going out roman candles were just going like crazy and oh man yeah it was pretty pretty devastating you

know what they need to get they need to get a dad he'll walk up to a firework that should have gone off and hasn't because that's what dads do the kids go no dad you must you're like don't worry kids i've got this and just praying please don't explode in my face that's exactly what's yeah you don't want those things going off in your hand holy shit it's such a dad i remember my dad doing that as well just we were all like no dad don't go back there and he would just sort of did he have like the big did he have the big sand pit like in your backyard and nobody was allowed to go close to it he'd have to like launch them and stuff no my mom used to get me because i mean obviously my parents were divorced so there was there was no dad

to hand so i had to i had to step up i've been a dad most of my life god damn it like in spirit so i had to go up and i did the fireworks because my mom and my sister didn't want to go near the hair yeah exactly i was dad at 25 doing those fireworks man the responsibility before your your your time before you're actually a dad yeah yeah holy shit but it's so i can't go and like fireworks that's not a mum thing. No. Mum's the one that says, careful. You need that. From inside.

Like from the kitchen window. Behind the door. Careful out there. Careful. Don't burn yourself. I'll be 20 feet away if you need me. Through the window. I don't trust you guys with anything.

I always thought it was probably more dangerous to be behind a window because if the firework did fire at you, the window would smash. Yeah, but windows don't shatter now. Single pane windows do, but if you've got double glazing, it does that thing that windshields do. It just cracks a lot, but none of the, like no fragments go flying or anything like that. It's all contained. Okay.

Yeah. It's good to know. It's got like some sort of film over it or something that holds it all in. So you'd be fine. But like, yeah, it was like back in the 1940s or something. You're dead. Yeah. something and you're dead yeah single plane a single pane um of glass shatter and stab you a million times directly in the heart and probably your face too so you'd be dead my god yeah maybe

oh i suppose so yeah we always used to buy fairly low powered crappy fireworks um that were were they the indoor fireworks no we mean we had some indoor fireworks as well at the crisps and things but not you know we didn't have like we didn't live in a block of flats and the best thing we could do a guy folks night was have some indoor fireworks like i remember a friend of mine invited me around one time for fireworks night and i was like he's got yeah we're gonna have fireworks i was like oh cool and it was just a single pack of the indoor fireworks like the the weird thing that you light it's like a tablet and the snake comes out of the top of it it's like the least the most underwhelming thing it's just a chemical reaction it produces a shitload of this weird black foam that's it yeah

i was so disappointed there was a firework that literally looked like a quality street chocolate or something you know and you light it and it just it turns into a gigantic like dog poo that's what it looks like it's so weird the dog poo firework what a fucking what a great thing like in canada and and well and in america well canada on the first of july is canada day So that was like our firework day. Like that's when you do your fireworks. And throughout the year, not really, you know, it was just Canada Day. And New Year's, New Year's Eve, like fireworks as well. Oh, yeah.

But Canada Day was the big one. I remember like they do like massive fireworks, like from Parliament Hill and stuff in Ottawa. And I guess the 4th of July is the American one where they go out and they buy all their humdingers and zizzle fraggers and whatever, you know, the ones that rip up the sky and stuff. But I don't know, like it's weird.

Like we didn't really like, it wasn't like the done thing. Like over here, people buy like a lot of fireworks in France, I guess, and bring them back over here and make a big deal about launching them in their backyard and stuff and all throughout. Why do you have to go to France? Well, that's the done thing over here in Jersey. Well, Bastille Day is July 14th, isn't it? And they have a lot of them left over after that.

They're pretty cheap and pretty big as well. I think their rules on fireworks are a little bit less than ours yeah some people do that but like yeah it's pretty weird i don't know there's like where i grew up anyway there wasn't like a lot of like homebrew fireworks like you just went downtown and watched like the real show you know it was kind of today this kind of thing where you did have fireworks yourself in your garden no is that the kind of no nobody really did that not where i lived anyway that was definitely a thing we did and halloween wasn't really a big deal at all when i was a kid no it was for us like in in north america halloween's fucking huge like what was when i was a kid anyway like we had pillowcases full of candy like it was

nuts when i when i was in new york it was big and then i came over here and nobody did it and i was really disappointed it's only like it's only in big and then i came over here and nobody did it and i was really disappointed it's only like it's only in the past couple of years over here i'd say that it's gotten really big yeah yeah and it really does overshadow uh guy fawkes night because it comes so soon after it that you just sort of everything is all halloween out the ass because they yeah you know it's such a seasonal holiday where you decorate everything and and every you know every shop now has spider webs and stuff in it and cobwebs and halloween specials i guess guy fort's that has never really had that branding well this this year was the first year where it

was the double whammy and it caught me a little bit off guard i went into we went into a store to buy a couple of halloween things because when you have kids they want to like decorate the house and they you know they look forward to trick-or-treating and stuff. And that's all fine and stuff. So we go in and we go in to buy the stuff. And right next to the Halloween stuff, it was like a half and half. There was Halloween stuff and Christmas stuff. I couldn't fucking believe it.

Like it was crazy. This isn't even at the end of October. This is like halfway through October leading up to Halloween. even at the end of October, this is like halfway through October leading up to Halloween. They're already selling like fucking singing Santas and just like, just all of this. Oh, it was not fucking crap.

Yeah. We were in Jesus. We were in America and there was literally like two whole aisles full of Christmas crap. Yeah. And we were there on like the, the third of november or whatever it's like holy shit it's not it's basically two months of and they're playing

like christmas music as well it's like it's like two months of the year is now christmas yeah which i guess i i like christmas don't get me wrong i love christmas i think it's a really it's that whole thing that that that danish word huge huge huger yeah that's a big word now it means like comfort and coziness um and it's and i i really feel that whole vibe you know come come january like you know it's just cold and miserable and wet and freezing and shitty i'm like oh fuck i don't feel any kind of coziness at all but yeah you know the whole way through christmas i'm just i'm full on just i love it i love it a bit so actually do you know what i'm not i'm gonna say yeah it's a bit early but i actually i don't really mind i do i like like the week of christmas i like like

christmas eve christmas day boxing day and like the couple of days leading up to the new year or whatever i i don't mind like you know if you if you have a like a normal nine to five job normally if you're lucky enough you can get that time off so you just you know lays around a lot eat there's lots of movies and stuff on tv that you can just watch during the day and stuff it's pretty cool i like that time i hate the fucking lead up like it drives me nuts i hate the fucking stores and all the shit and all these fucking weird frothing people buying up all this shit all the time. And like, it's nuts.

It's like the stores aren't going to fucking close. Like you don't, you're not preparing for the fucking end of the world here. You know, like just act normal. Like it's, it's just fucking Christmas. Like you don't have to lose your shit every year leading up like three weeks before christmas it's crazy like people yeah

so you decorated your house for halloween and then i guess you have to take all that down and then decorate for i mean we didn't decorate the house what we decorated the front door we put like some spider webs on right some fake spiders that you'd like carved some pumpkins no no and then like i know your i know your son is like Halloween could, you know, forget Christmas. Yeah. If you just had a long Halloween,

he'd be delighted. Yeah, he'd love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, like Christmas, we put up a tree and like we put up a couple of things, but we don't like put lights

all around the house. And that's another thing that's not like super popular over here. I don't find any way. Like in North America, putting Christmas lights on your house,

holy shit, like every house has them pretty much, especially if you're out in the suburbs and stuff. But over here i don't find any way like in north america putting christmas lights on your house holy shit like every house has them pretty much especially if you're out in the suburbs and stuff but over here not so much you don't see like that many houses like fully fully decorated with lights we generally we generally put a string of lights around like the windows and door frames and stuff like that and some outside but um i don't put like nothing that flashes on and off like it's a nice steady not like peaceful glow i don't like this vacation where you drain the grid sort of i hate that i hate any flashing lights yeah offend offend me greatly a light should be steady what about it what about a homebrew nativity scene outside on your front lawn is it is that really weird or or insensitive in some way or offensive then yes like the weirder and more offensive they are the better i think yeah make them just bonkers but but made from a point of view the person doesn't realize

it's bonkers those are my favorites when you see something that's just like, why is E.T. putting the baby Jesus here? That's what I like. Right. Do you like hiding weird shit in Christmas decorations? I found a lot of trash in my garden and I made a nativity scene with it. Why is baby Jesus a container of bleach? I don't get it. The three wise men, Coca-Cola, pepsi and dr pepper has come to pay tribute and dr pepper don't be fooled he's a legitimate doctor as well

it's like a hobo's christmas yeah i find i find people like extra irritating around christmas i i don't know what it is like you can just sense like how crazy they're going as well like the stress is building up there's a lot of pressure they probably have like family flying in from fucking who knows where to stay with them for a week and stuff and these people are buying like four turkeys and like just all of this shit you're like oh fuck off get a fucking grip you know what that's that's the thing i don't like is people who get stressed about christmas yeah like but the thing is bear in mind

that we're not seeing this from and this is going to sound sexist but i honestly think it's true from a woman's perspective my wife gets super fucking stressed and i don't know any of my friends wives that don't get stressed about christmas if they have family coming to stay they feel that the emphasis is on them to sort it out and if they fuck it up it reflects badly on them because no one expects me to do shit right no one's expecting me to sort out christmas it's always on mrs f so yeah even though i you know i do a lot for christmas something like that and i i help out but she the emphasis is still i wear my sweater and i get blindingly i get drunk by noon but you know yeah that's my fucking job i'm a dad it's christmas i'm gonna sit on the sofa complain about the tv and say there's no good movies on this year what the fuck they showed this last year and whilst drinking uh

you know baileys or whatever it like mary poppins will be on for sure though you know it'll be yeah that'll be on the kids love that movie yeah yeah we watched oliver the other day oliver the musical wow you know oliver exclamation mark that yeah that is a hell of a long movie i'd forgotten how long it is yeah but uh i always sing that song um that mr bumble sings when he's trying to sell oliver to like that undertaker uh because it's such a tragic song he's actually it's like the slave trade right with this this orphan kid and i sing that to the kids all the time if I if I claim I'm gonna sell them I walk around singing that song it's quite funny anyway we're watching and they were like that's that song you were singing I was like yeah this is the musical it

came from this is Oliver and they watched the whole thing like with rapt attention and they just couldn't believe how shitty that kid's life was and it kind of made me think that christmas is a big deal for them but really it's just another say how shitty your rendition of it was well i know how it sounds completely different dad this is way better i barely recognized it it has notes in it dad and the singer hits them what the fuck yeah but he was trying to copy this they're too young to be that judgmental when they're older they could do that yeah uh dad i just want to call into question your rendition of the uh song that mr bubble sang in oliver uh circa 20 2014 2015 i realize now this is 30 years ago but i just thought i'd bring it to your

attention uh i've written an essay concerning your performance i made a very lengthy tumblr post about the do's and don'ts of all of her renditions uh oh god yeah that's what's gonna happen what if i end up as like a tumblr post my kids will be like why my dad was a terrible dad yeah it's just like some some uh that's the fear that their friend has drawn of me hunched over a computer playing playing dota or something i mean there's plenty of pictures like that available of us as well so like yeah that's true you know they're going to be able to put together a pretty solid case about how bad of dads we are with all the pictures of us. So your kids were watching it with rapt attention thinking, Oh my God,

this is what he meant all those times when he was trying to sell us. Our lives would be like this. I would walk around the house singing like, you know, that they were like, that I was trying to sell them cause I was sick of them sort of thing. That's the song. Just tease them.

Like they, they know they, you know, it's funny and everything. But, but, but when they saw it, they were thinking,

is he really going to sell us to just anyone a friend of mine's mom used to do that if if um if these if the kids were acting up what their mom would do is she would say you see that man over there i'm gonna give you to that man over there if you don't behave yourself and it would be like she'd pick like the creepiest weirdest guy standing around so they they have an innate terror of strangers as a result of being told that basically they were going to be given to one of these strangers i'm going to give you to that man over there if you don't stop that's a good tactic actually done by dad he's on his lunch break you know he's like fucking ground down by his job he's got the kids at home he's thinking i'll get this

little bit of a break and that woman over there is pointing at him he's just like this one sliver of sunlight every day and even now i'm being judged by that man and his children lord have mercy it's just my lunch break oh man poor dads yeah you gotta feel sorry for a dad. Like, yeah, I see other dads out there and I'm just like, I feel you, bro. It's the ones that look like broken men. They're the ones that they've given up. Yeah.

They're forced to wear like, you know, like, like a salmon pink dress shirt or something like that with a pair of jeans. And you just think, Oh man, what the fuck happened to you dad responsibilities it's like it's like the same thing as happens with the with the mom on

christmas though right like you know all the pressure that you have to get every get all the food ready because the shots won't be closed and you've got to make sure everyone's got everything and you know you don't want to get up from the from the tv and be like oh you know where's the baileys and she goes i forgot the Baileys. Christmas is ruined. You know, she's got all this pressure. You bitch. Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, I forgot my Baileys.

Where's the ice? I want a Baileys. Honey, I forgot them. You forgot the Baileys. Christmas is cancelled. Give me those presents back, kids. We're leaving. Oh, man.

Exactly. That's the little paranoia in the back of her mind. But yet, in the same way, you have your dad's responsibilities, like going back to the lit firework and you know joining joining up when the war starts i don't know yeah yeah that's pretty much it dads have to do yeah you know yeah you're expendable right mom is needed to bring up those kids but you you you're gonna have to go that's true in time of war they might even require a 40 year old man like me to go and uh die uh to uh you know soak up some soak up some of the nukes yeah we know you'll be a general we know they've seen me play civ lewis they're

not gonna put me in charge of anything you're gonna be a grunt dead in seconds oh shit man anyway sips will be called up to the mounties of course yeah gotta police those mountains you never know what's going on there you know could be like some could be like a navy seal team or something trying to invade the mountains got to get the horse back they put you in charge of the mountains you'd be like i think we're gonna go deep deep into the forest we're gonna portage deep, deep into the forest. We're going to portage the crap out of this forest way, way deep, just in case. You guys just leave us out there. Don't worry about us.

Okay, we'll be fine. We're going to set up our HQ on a fortified island. Far away from the forest. It'll be like those members of the Japanese army who were still fighting like 30 years later. Yeah, yeah. It's like lost. later didn't realize the guy in the bunker i know like it wasn't anything to do with the war but that's kind of like that right like he's left at his post he doesn't know what the fuck is going on he's like oh shit maybe

we're winning i don't know they've forgotten about us we haven't had any any intel or radio comms with the with the with the mainland for well about 30 years now you know those guys those guys that were stuck on the islands those the japanese soldiers that like didn't surrender the locals would go to them with like foghorns or loudspeakers saying the war has been over for 30 years but they thought that was like psychological warfare, though. They didn't believe it. For 30 years? Yeah. And so they would still commit raids and steal stuff to survive. And they still had their 30-year-old service rifles and stuff. They would kill people from time to time.

I mean, it's seen as kind of a funny story, but those guys were fucking nuts, man. And in other news, those three crazy fucking guys that think that the war is still going have struck again this time it looks like they stole a tin of beans from old miss maggie who was coming home she was on her way to the bus which which seems to actually scare the shit out of these three guys they've've never seen one before. And they killed her. They killed her.

They used the bayonet this time. It was pretty messy. Jesus Christ. They used the cover of Fireworks Night to commit a daring raid on a local town. They killed 55 children. It's like, whoa.

Sources believe that the firework factory explosion was caused by these three guys. I don't know what the fuck they were doing. With 30 years experience, they'd probably be fucking ninjas at that point. Yeah, man. They must be training in their bunker and everything like all the time.

But they had to get, they wouldn't surrender until their original officer, like some unbelievably old dude went out there and said, give it a fucking rest, lads. They had to get this 85-year-old guy to wheelchair him up there to where he's fucking in the middle of nowhere and left him there, I guess. But they were saluting and everything. Like a honey trap.

You did your duty, back to Japan you go. It's not their fault. It fucking is their fault. See sense. Look at this shit the war clearly isn't still going on lads think about it 30 years you know even if the war was raging on occasionally if i was in the middle of the war i'd be like fuck i wonder if the war's over like you know you just would it's just like that natural curiosity right because like it's such a chaotic and confusing time like i guess there'd be times where you could convince yourself that it was over and like i don't understand why those guys

didn't like it's nuts i think what they could have done was wheeled up a giant screen and projected footage of japan surrendering and bombs falling and like color television and people saying world war ii glad that ended back in 1945 and like just broadcast that day and night into the jungle until eventually these guys go yeah all right maybe it's over yeah it's like it's like the it's it's weird though isn't it like I understand in a way them not surrendering until they got the all clear to do so sort of thing because I think I think the Japanese army was trained that way you know like you're talking about an army with an air force where, you know, kamikaze pilots existed.

So like these people were like pretty sort of like, fuck, I better do it as I'm told, you know, to the letter. I never deviate from the plan because I'll probably get caned or something like that. They took it kind of seriously, you could say. They took it pretty seriously. They were the try-hards of their time, I would say.

They were. Mega try-hards. Yeah. Man, this reminds me of a story. So, one of the great things, one of my favorite stories about World War I is Ernest Shackleton when he went off to explore the South Pole. Yeah, yeah. And he, this was after Scott's expedition after armin son had conquered the south pole

before scott and scott died on the way back with his expedition and he was this this real uh national hero a real real solid symbol of englishness and and britishness to to you know challenge everything and and die against you know in a sort of epic way um and shackleton kind of never really got the the prestige as much as scott even though he tried to do things like cross the whole pole and do all sorts of expeditions but he was fraught with bad luck usually shackleton um anyway he was he basically went off in 1914 when before the war had started so this off august 1914 just at the very outbreak of the um of the great war and and well no actually he said hey can we instead go so he petitioned the admiralty

to say hey can we can we be part of it and he received um a one-word telegram saying proceed that's all so he was told to just go off on his mission okay and and do it and so he went off to the south pole stopped at bunos aries in south georgia and it was a long trip and anyway they went the whole way around and off to the south pole mean? Buenos Aires? Fucking Buenos Aires. Buenos? How do you pronounce? Buenos Aires. Buenos. Bueno. Kinder Buenos Aries.

Delicious. Boners Aries. I'm going to Boners Aries. Could you continue to interrupt me throughout the story, please? So, obviously he got stuck on an ice shelf, right? And their ships, they had to take their lifeboat off. And they stayed on their lifeboat for a while.

They ate seals for like a year and walruses and stuff. It was horrible. And they fucking fought with penguins and slapped them around. I don't know. Kicked them around as fucking footballs. I don't know. They entertained themselves. However, men stuck on an ice shelf in the middle of fucking nowhere do so in the freezing cold they have sex with stuff whatever

is available pretty much and um obviously world war one's going on and it's absolutely terrible and he hasn't they have no idea because back in the time they just thought oh well well one's not going to be this big deal it's just going to be over by christmas like it's just going to be a little a little kerfuffle in europe um anyway so their boat like sank and they took this tiny lifeboat and they they rode it well like 1300 kilometers um to off to to south georgia which is also in the middle of fucking nowhere by the way no one lived on south georgia and they didn't even know if anyone would be there and so they finally reached this um whaling station in 1916 okay after literally climbing a mountain range so they landed on one side of the island they had to climb over an entire mountain range on the island to get to this fucking whaling station and they were they

were absolutely wrecked and the people and so they i think they they saw you know they saw that the three of them made it there and they all looked like in absolute shit shape and so they they came up to this station these little kids saw them and ran off immediately and then another man saw them and ran off immediately because they thought they thought they were like the devil or some monster had come out of the sea and so you know they finally met this man who was absolutely terrified of them and you know he said he said who are you where have you come from and shackleton replied you know we've lost our ship and we've come over the island and this guy said you've you've come over the island like what what the fuck this is crazy no one's ever come over

the island before who are you anyway he eventually said said who i am i'm shackleton you know got a picture an old newspaper clipping or something and proved who he was and the first question he actually asked was you know tell me when was the war over and uh the man the man in the whaling station looked at him you know wide-eyed said the war is not over millions are being killed europe is mad the world is mad so that's that's that's one of the most amazing things so tackleton was such a hero can you imagine after all of that after being completely cut off from the world and having this incredibly turbulent trial where you thought you were going to die hundreds of times yeah doing all of this

in 1914 only to find that you know what's going on in europe is is absolutely completely crazy it was because world war one was just yeah yeah did he immediately set sail for the front lines to the front lines men and just straight to battle he just led the charge where's the nearest country we're at war with? Point me in that direction. I don't know if he goes in his fucking rowboat again. That's some hearts of iron shit right there. Holy fuck.

Back in the way of rowboat man, they climb across the island again. All right. Well, hey, listen. So we went on a trip, right? And as is custom when I go on a trip that's like a week long or whatever i catch up on tv i watched the latest series of game of thrones and man did i ever like it it was good it was a really good one i don't want to spoil anything so if you haven't seen it stop listening now but um for those of you who have seen it holy shit who wasn't satisfied with ramsey bolton's demise because

man it was good that guy was such a fucking dingus and honestly he had it coming holy shit i was very happy to see him die i like the the i think that the payoff for game of thrones is you have to watch all your favorite characters suffer and die like hodor and people like that which was just a mind-blowing episode like that Hodor episode was the episode. That moment was such a Game of Thrones-y moment. It was, yeah. I think no one quite realized how emotionally invested they were in Hodor as well. It was so great moment, but like, I mean, all the memes and stuff had started before I'd seen it, so I knew it was coming.

I didn't know. I mean, I didn't know at all. So I was genuinely moved by it knew it was coming i didn't know i mean i didn't know at all so i was genuinely moved by it because it was just so staggering at the moment i was like oh my god that is so good that is so fucking good yeah so when uh and then obviously you know that like the payoff is you have all those moments where your favorite characters get killed brutally and everything but then the payoff is that the bad guys also die sometimes yeah that's like so cathartic when you see like ramsey bolton or what was that other shithead the guy with the blonde hair joffrey fucking rip he's dead too and that's been kind of satisfying as well just cersei slowly losing everybody that you know she's such a w kind of satisfying as well. Just Cersei slowly losing everybody that, you know,

she's such a wretched cunt as well. She's the worst. You know, like it's good that like slowly she's just being chipped away at as well. Like it's pretty good. But I guess she's like next season, she's the chief though. So who knows?

Yeah, but I mean, honestly, I'm kind of sympathetic to Cersei. Like if you look at the people that she's surrounded by don't get me wrong she's she's a cold bitch right yeah but so is every other fucker in in game of thrones there's hardly any good not more so than the mountain who is just like some sort of fucking undead yeah abomination i mean she's like she's clinging on to power and she's trying to she's always trying to protect her family Oh, she's all talking about family or rest of it And she does genuinely just want them like she wants the same thing for them that her father wanted for her which was the only

Way to stay protected in this shitty world That some bastards written us into is to have enough power to fuck over anybody that tries to fuck with you And if you don't do that, they'll get to you first like that's the world she lives in Yeah, I try not to judge Cersei based on modern standards of decency. Obviously she's a fucking idiot and you know, you'd hate her, but she's, she's, she's not an idiot. She's just a bitch, but she's, she's gotta be like, she's a product of her environment. So, and her parents, I don't judge Cersei that badly.

Jon Snow's the good guy, obviously. Jon Snow's story is pretty cool too. snow's pretty good john john snow's story is pretty cool too like you know like he's he he's he's a likable hero sort of thing isn't he my only problem with john snow is that when he comes back to life i'm kind of thinking that's a bit like when they write a character out of a series and then bring them back a series later like uh viewing figures were falling so don't worry he's back it was just a trip that he took uh to the moon and he's back yeah but it's it's got to do with the whole sort of thing like that robin hood guy who's um um barrick dundarian or whatever um you know he's still he's still alive too right and he's been killed you know nine times or whatever now and in the book originally

cat stark was meant to be the next right but they that hasn't made it into the into the tv series she was she was she was like the walking dead right she came back talking about this i take people talking about the fucking books as if as if like it matters like no no but there's definitely like a big different there's i couldn't care less about that close characters i'm glad they got rid of them I don't think everything that George RR Martin touches is gold, I think a lot of his stuff is boring and crap I'm not saying that at all, I'm just saying that there's definitely a big

plotline around being resurrected from the dead and that seems to happen to a couple of people only it's very dangerous to resurrect a character from the dead because it it makes you lose your if you're watching something in the world you're like well you know you're basically invulnerable now aren't you it's like watching james bond all of a sudden you're

like well james bond's not gonna fucking die yeah there's no it's kind of like one of the great things about game of thrones back in the day was that anybody could die and it was you know that the classic death of of rob is like a really a surprise one yeah you know and and and there's loads of those and and do you know what i fucking actually give a shit now i don't really give a shit because i know certain characters are immune to death well no but that's that's the thing i think i think john snow could still die and i think that like he he needs to come back for this thing because there's there's definitely some sort of like higher power at player or something anyway but i don't think that that

means that he's just immune from death forever now like i think i think i think as with anything in game of thrones like once they've sort of served their purpose or run their course, they're gone sort of thing. But equally, I'm glad that Sandor Clegane is back because he's fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah. It's a great show. I love it. I like how it's all very much based

on all of the War of the Roses. Like, you know, the real history of, you know, a lot of people say, oh, you know, if you'd like George R.R. Martin, you should read all these history books. Like where people go through all the history of, you know, about the Prince of the Tower and all the cruel, horrible stuff that was done in the Middle Ages with all the infighting across Europe and all the politics. And man, it was, there were some really amazing real life stories yeah that actually fucking happened yeah and it's true if you're interested in that then i'm not going to suggest you anything in particular yeah they do say that sometimes fact is indeed stranger

than fiction good point well spoken yeah so anyway oh my goodness now that we're now that we're getting all literary um i mean we have bodega shirts now so there's probably no chance in hell that there's not going to be another good by the way i fucking love some you can i don't know if they're available yet i got mine i got one i got one in the mail it's you guys got said bodega shirts I wore them the moment I got it I stripped boom this is going on I fucking love it it's got my name on it lads it's the first t-shirt I've ever had that has my name on it yeah it's actually got his full real name on there

how about that well so there's now a bodega shirt available on store.eos.com you can buy that it's the only thing we've got supporting this podcast and the goodwill of our listeners, of course. Obviously, that supports us greatly. Thank you for all your love and support.

There were a couple of people at BlizzCon that told me, that they have small dicks. I have a small dick. Yeah, that was surprising, but very entertaining as well. One man came up and told me that he had a gaping vagina. I had a couple of those as well, actually. And that was a joy actually but i i my kind of reply to them was you're not supposed to say that no i play overwatch you're not supposed to say it i've been playing a lot of

overwatch and occasionally just in like the in like the match chat which is like you know the non-team chat or whatever some dude will just be like i have a small dick yeah yeah me too yeah i get that i'll be playing squad or something like that and someone will say hey pyrrhon in all chat and i'll be like what's up and they'll be like i have a small dick like every time every single game it's nice i i it doesn't need the hyperion just just i think i just like the idea that chats in games are now people are just saying that yeah because everyone else in that game is like what the fuck you could you you'd be playing a game against somebody for like 20 minutes they'll they'll show no sign of recognizing who you are at all and then when you're watching the cards come up with the play the game in all chat it's just like i have a small dick you're like oh it's hilarious it's so funny

yeah it's good so um so so is there another that might be because people don't look at other people's names in games though until maybe and i mean if it's like play of the game by sips then you realize oh my god sips was in this game yeah true i have a small dick but i guess that never happens though right no it's very very rare they are just coming thick and fast these gags unbelievable yeah great value are you are you inquiring whether there's a bodega paciente i was yeah there is a part siete part what is siete siete it's uh it's imported directly from bun Aires. Buenos Aires. I'm pretty sure that's how you say seven in

Spanish. Let me do Google Translate. I always said Buenos Aires. I don't know why I did. Maybe it's because it's one of those words that... Bonas in the Aries. Buenos Aires. How are you supposed to say it? I think... Buenos Aires.

Buenos Aires. You have to have a little bit of a list as well. Buenos Aires. And then you have to have a little bit of a list as well. And then you have to have a little bit of a silence. And then in your angriest voice, you have to say. Puta. Okay. Puta. Puta.

So bodega part siete. Would you like to hear it? Let's do it. Hang on. Puta. Good. Puta. All right, so Bodega Partsiete. Would you like to hear it? Let's do it. Get ready. Let me recline. Hang on. Hang on. I'm just going to...

I'm a little bit tangled up here. Wires. Press the back of your chair to get it in a more comfortable position. I've got my legs up and everything. Okay. All right, ready? Ready. Yeah, I guess.

So, hang on. What happened last time because it's been a little while i'll give you a little recap the last one was the prison he was in the mind prison yeah the virtual mind prison that's right yeah escaped by channeling uh that little piece of majesta that was embedded in his brain his former girlfriend majesta. And so he'd used that to turn into a kind of ethereal being like her and had escaped. So now, Bodega, Patiente.

Majesta! Bodega screamed himself awake for the fourth night in a row. He reached his hands slowly to his face and yet again felt tears there. Was he sleep crying? Sweet jumping, jub-jub, this was not usual. He dragged the heavy blast-proof sheets back and sat on the edge of the bed, head in hands. Blast-proof sheets?

Of course! Oh my god! Pondering. When he'd escaped the virtual prison, see episode 6, he'd been forced to deploy the shard of Majestous Power that lay in his mind, which to that point had been dormant,

or so he'd assumed. Now it was gone, consumed by his transformation into whatever Majesta was. He probably should have found out the name for her people when they were together, but frankly, that time had been bone central. Every day, all day, just getting busy like Krivians, and screaming around the galaxy in the disco volantes, screwing and shitting stuff sometimes. In short, it fucking owned, and Bodega missed it. He remembered the time they'd taken the Crooked Casino on Bismuth 11 for all its coin.

The time they'd busted those rebel prisoners out of high sec using just a drinking straw and some chapstick. The time they'd destroyed an entire solar system with the doom egg of the Death Lord, Mr Pringle. Now that was a long story. Good times. So many good times. And of course the constant shagging, which was really, really, really good. Just incredible. He was getting a semi just thinking about it. Turns out Bodega missed Majesta. That little shard of her maybe kept that longing at bay. Maybe she was even kind of with

him all this time, but hopefully not when he was on the can or jerking it to Spallupian porn. He looked at the floor and saw tiny pools of tears reflecting the light from the cockpit. In the reflection of one, he saw something move, just a teeny tiny little reflection of something to his right. Bodega's reflexes being what they are, i.e. honed to Flav, he dived backwards over the bed and was up and ready in a heartbeat, last gun in hand. His captors had been too worried about the Disco Volante's many booby traps

to ever board it and strip it, so all his shit was secure. I see you, Bodega shouted, and I ain't in the mood for this morke crap. Bodega said a voice, a justice voice. He fell apart, laid out completely completely a tko of the heart baby baby i'm hurting he whimpered i know i'm sorry my love she said he still couldn't see her just sort of sense her loitering around the edges of his subconscious and then she was gone then suddenly

she was back behind him to the side then what felt like a mile away. What the flav? Was she just fooling with his achy breaky heart? Bodega, I need you to meet me, she said again, her voice distant and ethereal. Where, baby, where? I got a subscription to Neckflav so we can chill and such like. Oh my god. Come to the planet Stroyer 9, at the base of the highest peak on that world, and you'll find my estate. I'll be waiting. The engines of the Disco Volante were at maximum burn before the full stop on the end of that sentence had faded.

It was 12 hours to the Stroyer system. Bodega did it in three. He spiralled down through the thick upper atmosphere, his ship roaring across the sky, engines swirling the clouds behind him, high altitude hoverbirds and strange floating gas bag creatures scrambled clear but Bodega ploughed on, disturbing this tranquil place with the brutality of the warship. He practically collided with the estate in his haste but then the ship was down, he emergency ejected out of the top and parkoured down across the nosecone, then he was up and he was running to the gates, vaulting over them

with his jetpack, powering with his scramboots to the front door grabby grabbing the whole flabbing thing off its hinges and knee sliding across the marble floor stopping at majesta's feet his head down baby uh he began as he looked up and saw majesta holding a tiny baby swaddled in a mimlock silk blanket he stood slowly removing his hat what's this little fella's name he asked gently i named him after his father said majesta smiling why hello there little bodega junior said bodega smiling he felt something in his heart go twang like an old guitar string that badly needed tuning this was an unfamiliar sensation it was the pure love of a parent for their child he looked at majesta but her expression was strange her perfect brow

knotted her lips parted no bodega after his father she said this is tan blatchman jr and with that sentence bodega's universe imploded the end oh my god hey oh no so two things okay in this in this world of crazy sort of like lingo for things right jerking it i felt could have been something else you know like jerking it like you know what about like warving it or something you know like you wouldn't know what that meant you know what jerking it means like there are some things that never change even when you're out in the galaxy and everything's all crazy there's all kinds of weird animals and stuff swear words might change just like they do in real life and stuff but jerking it is jerking it that's it that ain't never gonna change also i'm i'm a little bit sort of the with the majesta shard okay yeah i feel

like it's in it's in bodega it was it was maybe maybe corrupting him a little bit while it's in there and um man i am not on board for a story of corruption and fell okay what do you mean corruption he ain't corrupted okay good let's just make i just want to be clear that well you think majestous the implant would have made him evil no not evil just just somehow corrupted him to do things that maybe he wouldn't have done it was just an escape it was a prison escape kit in his brain remember it's like yeah when uh no i know that's what he used it for but i just wanted to make sure that like fear not it was like a special one-off yeah you know okay it was a one shot it was a one-shot escape plan like the like the file in the carrot cake exactly it was like

that yeah exactly man pflex this was this was emotionally charged really good it felt like i was reading a little bit of a sexy girl form. Oh, yeah, you know it. Mills and Boone, you know, the classic thing that girls love to read about love and romance. I feel like the character development is really coming together. Yeah. Man, hearing him do, like, speak a bit more is also great. Yeah, he doesn't talk much.

Loved it. Was transfixed the whole time. Oh, good. I think you've outdone yourself thank you one of the better ones I've got no gripes start to finish

yeah raging boner now loving it I think it's time to end the episode in that case I've got to deal with this it's got a lot of episode then in that case, because I've got to deal with this. It's got a lot of emotions to sift through now.

Guys, can we stop for about 15 minutes? See you in a bit. I only need like two minutes. I still have coke all over my pants. I just got to go wipe it off. All right. We're going to go. Thanks for listening to the Travels Podcast this week, everybody. Thank you. We should be back next week

All things being equal Don't forget to buy a bodega shirt Good suggestion Are we allowed to say that? They're on store.yorkskars.com It's the crummiest thing to say Fucking pay us money Well we haven't asked for it

In like 20 x episodes so um yeah give us some fucking money you bums this is free entertainment jesus i love the podcast while it's free all right bye