Triforce! - Triforce! #263: Who does Pyrion Flax think he is!?

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Triforce! Episode 263! TikTokker Flax has invented some new signals to get out of any situation, Lewis is back from a 2 week holiday and Pyrion discovers some pretty shocking facts about his ancestors! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe hello everyone welcome back to the triforce podcast i was on holiday for two weeks. Yes! Two weeks, man. How was that? I had, I've got like a golden aura of just ever so slightly tanned on me. Nice. Well, actually, I don't know if I have, actually. I'm looking at my arm now and I can't see the difference between the front and the back. But I feel like I should have done because I was in the sun. Where did you go, Marbs?

I went to Paris for TwitchCon. Oh, how was TwitchCon? con was was good right um it's i've talked about this a bit it's it's strange because you guys you guys have been to some sort of twitch con event i went to one in berlin a few years ago i've never been to twitch con but i've been to cons i went to i've been to conventions before bitch con i go to BitchCon. I saw you there, Lewis, at BitchCon. Oh, yeah, I go every year. I'm a speaker.

You're the main draw. The main event, yeah. So, yeah, I got there quite late. Everyone else had gone the day before and done, like, some tourist stuff. But I, for some reason, got there late. And I missed the partner party, which is, like, the thing that people go for. Yeah, but it's never going to be. Like, you go there, and then you go to the partner party which is like the thing that people go for yeah but it's never gonna be like that you you you go there and then you go to the actual party it's one of those yeah you

don't want to go to the fucking yeah it's got this weird dynamic to it which i've spoken about a little bit but um where basically everyone in the room is a partner right so everyone is has gotten enough subscribers or somehow or in some way to get to get to be partnered right which i don't know what the limit is on twitch anymore um but we had to buy our own tickets it's not like we get to go there for free you know it's kind of twitch does want to monetize their partners as well as their audience oh yeah and so it's this huge huge room which is the partner lounge right which is supposed to be quite glamorous but isn't really there's a lot of people in it like i'd say 500 maybe geez um and and everyone again like when

you you walk around and you're looking partly you're looking for people that you might recognize okay right they're also looking at people who they might recognize and so you have this weird dynamic where you're not sure if people are looking at you because they recognize you or they think you're looking at them. Yeah. Right. And it's it's kind of weird, like going around. Did you recognize anyone? Yeah, I recognize some some big streamers. Yeah. Yeah. And I recognize my friends. Obviously, I got there. I got there right at the end, though. Right. Right. But it was in like a greenhouse. It was super, super hot in there. It was like everyone was sweating.

Why would you do that in fucking July? Where should we have the party? In a greenhouse? In a non-air conditioned. No air conditioning. That's ridiculous. It's been hot too, right? It was hot.

It was hot. In Europe. Not here so much, but. I got to the party and Duncan and Ravs were right at the entrance. And I was like, what are you guys doing here? And they were like, are you guys doing here and they were like there's a fan and they pointed up in the ceiling like and so they were like they were like standing under the only fan in the place oh my god and they were like this is the best spot we're holding it you know and he was like so you're telling me can you take over holding this place there was only one fan at switchcom that's kind of crazy yes it's unusual

it's a pun you get it yeah i get funny stuff yeah i was just saying i got it but i just could not be bothered to follow up on it well it's right so we went to another party we went to like the we went to another pub just gonna plow onwards yeah went to another party which was on a bow it was nice and then we went to a party with the Tiltify people who do the charity stuff. Oh, yeah. Met a load of the charity people, that was nice. And we went to various other bars and parties. I didn't really do the actual con.

No. Which is, again, you never do. No. One never does. Even the times I've been to BlizzCon, you watch the opening ceremony and then the rest of the time you just hang out with people that you know that are there. Yeah. You don't go to all the panels and stuff. Well, I mean, some people do, I guess, but I mean, I-

Well, it's useful to know all the- some of our guys in the group are actually quite socially competent, unlike me. And so, they book all the book, you know, make sure we're on all the lists for all these various parties. There was a TikTok tock party. We went to nice, nice, which is pretty, pretty weird. And also like the crowd was, I want to say very high quality at the tick tock party. Everyone was beautiful. I felt like the oldest, ugliest man there. And I was probably so but on tiktok are

they're like like uh like like on uh instagram stuff are they're like big influencers or i thought tiktok was just kind of random like no that's some huge oh look i just you don't even know throwing up and then it's who they are you know you talk to someone and you talk to someone and they're they're million yeah they're they're the expert throwing up you know you talk to someone and you talk to someone and they're they're million yeah they're the expert throwing up you know they've thrown up or they throw up in every country in the world that's their thing oh right you know and they've got a million yeah they've got like a 10 million people so i mean these are the people you know the style that you see everyone doing on tiktok they're the ones who either came up with or popularized that like these are like the progenitors

of all the either that or they're beautiful yeah well they're just absolutely stunning they're really on it and they do all of the trends and they publish like 10 or 12 tiktoks every hour man i don't know how i managed to insulate myself from this but like this is not the tiktok that i use or have ever seen before right mostly like if i see tiktok it's usually like uh there's no sound it's like subtitle like somebody talking about some some crap that i i don't even read or it's just like i said somebody puking or somebody like doing whipping a bottle or something like that like right it's just like these really short little sometimes interesting things, but not overly.

But I didn't realize that they had like big. I don't think you spent enough time on it. No, I don't actually use the app itself either. Well, there you go. I just see it through whatever. It's algorithm based, right? So if something's popular and doing popular, it'll be shown to more people and it'll just get more and more popular. And we've got a guy, you know, Tom Bates in in the office he does animations that are really really really cool yeah and he's built up this

massive tiktok following um over the last couple months yeah yeah it's it's it's it's nigel and marmalade you should check it out um well you probably already know it i do not know that but i will check it out yeah Yeah, they're really funny. They're really good. Like, it's really, it's, yeah, it's just possible for people who are really talented to just, you know, get some stardom through the algorithm. I'm sure there's tons of people who are really talented getting no stardom, but, you know, that's just how it works. Kind of like what happened on YouTube with me. I was like so talented and then I just got really, really insanely popular as well, which is-

Yeah, so it works the other way around as well, doesn't it? My TikToks are so good and I never get any love. I'm one of the best TikTokers around. How many TikToks have you posted? What kind of content are you pushing? Five. Five. It's five.

What's your demo? I haven't thought that far ahead. Right. I'll be honest with you. I did once where I tried to come up with new hand signals for things that there are no hand signals for. what's your demo uh i haven't thought that far ahead right i'll be honest with you i did i did once where i tried to come up with new hand signals for things that there are no hand signals for what are your optics in reach like um wow i'm gonna use so many sounds so niche so you're making your own sign language so like the one i came up with was if you need the toilet there's no way to

signal but you need the toilet there's loads for do you want another pint or you know so there's lots of hand signals before i need the toilet or where is the toilet there's nothing you've got a mouth where is the toilet so what came up with you cross your fingers one over the other like you've got your legs crossed like you're trying to hold it in that'll do as a symbol you just cross your fingers at someone like that one over the other right and they'll be like oh he's holding on because that's the symbol for he needs the toilet so you just this is actually great i know it's handy no one's come up with it i feel like toilets like are so well signposted anyway like you should never really overly struggle to find a toilet if you just look at if you're in a busy pub or a restaurant they don't put bogs this way

in a good restaurant you've got to ask do they do they not yeah no you've got you know you're generally loitering around near the kitchen and they're like i feel like i feel like if any time in a restaurant i get up and i go into the the i'm going somewhere where i'm walking around they know i'm probably going to look for the bathroom and i almost i'm like i could just the hand signal was just like i tilt my head i'm like huh yeah and then they're like oh in the back jimmy i'm saying imagine if we're having a meeting and i want you to wrap it up or to make an excuse like so i can leave but we don't want to reveal that i need to go to the toilet or uh you know i'm with a couple and and i need to loo and i want the other guy to say oh uh i just need to chat to you for a sec.

Anything. I can just give him the fingers crossed. But that's like a covert, that's like a game sign. I'm saying you could use it in many different ways. There's a lot of situations where letting people know you need the loo without having to say, I need the loo, would be kind of handy. You could just announce very loudly, is there anywhere a guy,

what's a guy got to do to find somewhere to jack off in this place you know what i mean like gotta squeeze out a turd anybody know a good place gotta take a big sticky dump sticky gotta take a big sticky one, yeah. Sir, this is a funeral home. I gave you the hand signal through the window. You ignored the hand signal. So is real popular TikToker. Dump me some sign language. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to catch on.

I feel like that's not actually that bad of an idea, but I also feel like there's nothing for it to grapple onto, right? There's no, you know, grapple onto right there's no you know you need to you need to start with the trends no i don't care and then move into original content after you've got a big audience right i was just fucking around i think you're doing it the wrong way around i don't want to do it i want to be known for making tiktoks that aren't popular mission accomplished so far let's see if we can keep it up you've done it i've got i've got a vibe on my instagram i never smile my Instagram. All the pictures are just of me not smiling.

That's cool, though. It is cool. But it's really not smiling, even in situations where you think you might be smiling. Well, like the birth of a child and you're just like straight face. Yeah, I'm just holding it. Completely passive. You're just holding it and you look annoyed. Me getting a giant check, giant novelty check on me just straight facing.

I just think it's funny. You look burdened by it. You need to post me just straight facing. I just think it's funny. You look burdened by it. You need to post more, honestly, dude. Like, it's funny. Instagram is what the engagement is so much better than Twitter, especially now. Like, if I post on Instagram. Twitter's engagement's been... It's shit.

Yeah, well, I don't, like, they changed a bunch of stuff around, right? When Elon took over. Yeah, I mean, but that, and also, if you follow a lot of people, you know, messages just get lost. I find on Instagram, stuff jumps out at you more, because by its nature, it's all visual. So the people that are posting dog shit, eventually I just don't follow them, but I just think it's just much better.

Do you unfollow them, or do you just mute them? I unfollow. Oh, wow. That's sassy. I only mute people. Yeah, I'm a big muter as well, actually. You shouldn't unfollow, well I've told you this before You can upset people if you unfollow them What if you meet them in real life

And they're like why did you unfollow me Exactly I don't want to have that awkward conversation But I don't mind having the awkward conversation Why do you never reply to me The list of people I follow On Instagram it's pretty bad When you meet them what you can do is you can give them the symbol. Oh, I really don't want to meet them.

For the, like, I need to take a massive sticky dump. And then you just leave. More people need to use that to get out of situations. The sticky dump excuse. Yeah, the really kind of over-the-top funny excuse, right? Just imagine someone knocks on your door and you're wanking in there, right? And they're like, are you wanking in there? It's a joke. And you're like, yeah, ha ha ha, right?

But you have to, like, it's hard. But imagine you weren't wanking in there, and they knocked on the door, and was like, oh, are you wanking in there? And then you're like, oh, that's... You can lead into the joke at that point, right? Because you're not taking... They didn't get it. they didn't guess right okay how about this though you you audio you do an audio recording of yourself jacking off really loud right all the grunts and groans and everything and you could even like if you want to put some you could have like a like some light

role play in there as well and stuff if you want to. Right. And then you leave it in the bathroom loud enough so that a passerby could hear it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then so they're outside the door listening to it. And then they call into you and they say, are you in there jacking off? And then you're right behind them. They're not going to say that.

You snuck up right behind them and you're like, no. No, no. What they're going to do is they're going to go downstairs and talk to the people at the lounge and say, I think Lewis is in his room. Even better. You might have like a gathering of people listening to your jack off tape. And then you're just right behind.

You sneak up behind them and do a huge prank on them. But then you have to explain that you did do an audio recording of yourself jacking off for the prank to to prank someone i guess what i'm trying to say is sometimes there's a fine line between making a joke about something like imagine as you just wanted to get out of a meeting you didn't actually need a shit but you could use the i need a shit like as a joke do you mean to get out of it what if you what if you use the i need a shit like as a joke Do you know what I mean to get out of it What if you use the I need a shit Excuse and then you go to Another meeting but you don't realise that somebody

From the other meeting is in the same meeting And then you use it again because there's no way you're Taking two shits in one day like You're like juggling meetings Close succession yeah but you just drop the ball A little bit there are two big meetings And there was somebody If they called you on that you could could just say, well, you know,

I had some bad prawns or something. Yeah, just really bad diarrhea. Yeah. I guess it depends. You have to be a certain level of confidence to pull this kind of shit off. That's what I'm saying. And I don't think I'm- I don't think I trust myself. Is it confidence or just not giving a shit? Because I think you could just not give a shit and really pull it off, right? Because when you don don't it's not even about being confident it's just about not giving a shit because if you don't give a shit then there's no consequences right you just think oh well whatever somebody calls me out on it i'll deal with that so i'm not too worried about it

and uh if they don't well great i've got away with it i think you just gotta not not give not give a shit about that anyway so twitch con paris was great right there's no riot problems people were lovely oh good i'm glad to hear there was no riot problems around that's what they can say next year still riot free come to twitch con come to yeah are you gonna go to the one in san diego i got it i saw that uh they're starting to advertise it are you uh i think it's in las vegas oh is it las vegas i'd go to vegas i might do do you wanna do you wanna i'll go if you go when is it i don't want to go to twitchcon but i'll go to vegas well i mean again we don't really go to twitchcon i'll do a trip to vegas under the pretense that i'll go to twitchcon and then i just won't go

do you reckon you could sell that to your family? Yeah, yeah. When is it? It's October the 19th. I can't go. Yeah. October is a real bad month for me. October is bad for me.

You're both like, I haven't got anything planned in October. Have you got stuff planned in October? We're going away. I mean, yeah. We're going away. And there's a half term in October. It's half term. Exactly.

First of October. Got to get that car MOT sorted. You've got to get the MOT sorted for his car, of course. And there is potentially, you know, if I'm lucky again this year, maybe I go to TI. That would probably be in October. Oh, okay. It's one of those.

Yeah, and you were willing to miss weddings for that. I missed my sister's wedding. Wait, they're in October now? Yeah. And you were willing to miss weddings for that. I missed my sister's wedding. They're in October now. Yeah. Yeah. What happened to summer TIs? Oh, it got delayed. Oh, do you remember that one year when it was going to be? This was covered.

All right. It's going to be in Stockholm. And at the last second, the Swedish government literally fell apart. Nobody was in charge and they needed Valve and PGL people to make decisions about visas to get people into the country for ti right they were unable to do so because there was no one to push a button that says yes or no so they were like fuck we can't do it in stockholm what are we going to do and then they did it in romania in bucharest because i remember you're telling me about that one yeah yeah so he is remaining and he was like, I will call my friends and we will get visa.

So they did that. Everybody turned up. We had a TI. It wasn't great. And no fans are allowed. And it was kind of that it was in October. So that meant that from then on, they were like, well, now we're two months out. We're going to have to do it on October again, because otherwise we'll only have 10 months

to run the season. So that delay is the reason that TI is now in October um this is this remind me of something that made me uh chuckle a little bit recently it's it's not related to TI or Dota in any way but uh when you said that the guy was Romanian I know Serbia and Romania aren't the same place or whatever but they are not but I it there there is probably like you know for people from Romania Serbia if you if you're in an English-speaking country or whatever there's always going to be like maybe little isms and or like lost in translations or whatever anyway I was watching uh Wimbledon uh the final and uh that that young Spanish lad beat uh Djokovic I don't know if you guys watched

or whatever but Djokovic took it really well actually he was very very nice about what he was saying after the fact after the match he only smashed a couple of rackets he didn't he got fined for smashing one racket but his he he said you know he's done really well he's played so well the better better player won everything like really really nice actually uh and then he got a bit tearful because you know he's like he's pretty accomplished he's played a lot of tennis or whatever uh and then the the person interviewing was like do you have anything else you want to say or whatever he's like i just need a minute i'm crying a little bit here and then he looked up at his son who was sitting in the in the crowd and he looked right at him and he's like i love you and later on let's go home and we can love each other it It was just like such a weird,

it's just such a weird phrasing. But like, I mean, obviously like there's like weird, there's some language barriers, like a second language and stuff, but it just, I thought it was.

Oh my God. I love it when this stuff happens. Yes. He just like, he was kind of stumbling over what he was trying to say in words and stuff. And then that's what came out. It was just, I don't know. It was kind of perfect, actually.

It was really funny. It was like one of those, you know, completely unintentional, but like kind of endearing as well. You know, like what didn't come across as like weird or malicious or whatever. It was just, you know, unfortunate phrasing. But it was funny. It was funny. Yeah. Poor guy. I don't think he gives a fuck. Apparently he's the greatest of all time based on his wins. whatever it was just you know unfortunate phrasing but it was that is funny it was funny yeah it was

good i don't think he gives a fuck apparently he's the greatest of all time based on his wins i think so i think he is yeah i mean i i personally i'm a federer fan and i don't care how much you've won if you've never made me go holy shit from a shot then i don't care yeah federer is one of those guys you just can't believe how good he was. Would you say that Federer is possibly the goat? I think he is, but apparently not because he hasn't won as much. Oh, right. But, you know, for me, sport is about entertainment, not just achievement. I don't care.

If you ploddingly win everything, you're not going to be remembered fondly. And he's not an exciting player to watch. He's, like, boring as fuck. And he's just an anti-vax dickhead, so I don't care. Yeah, there is the sort of personal life aspect of it as well but i don't follow enough tennis i watch wimbledon sometimes if it's on but uh no i just thought it was funny i'm not not not not coming from a place where i'm a fan or a hater and either way i'm you know what are you doing by the way yeah what are you doing because

we can hear you in the background battle bit no i'm not playing battle bit i'm playing calls of torment your fucking mechanical keyboard is clattering away it's like vampire survivors very intense can you just pause it yeah sorry. I didn't realize it was so loud. It's just so loud, dude. Well, we can both of us know that you're like slightly absent. Yeah, you're sort of going, oh, it's like, you know, whatever. And it's just like, you know, so it's like he's fucking playing something. I thought you were fishing or something. Man, I'm always playing something. Yeah, we didn't know.

But we were both like not addressing it. I'm always playing something. Until it got to the point where it was just like, I felt, I mean, I honestly thought I'd let on my keyboard at one point. It was so fucking loud. So loud. Sorry, mate. I do have a loud mechanical keyboard.

I should probably get a new non-mechanical. No, don't. You've got to have a good one. I like that. I love the clacking noise. It's a nice clacky sound. Yeah, it is. After I went to Paris, I went straight to corfu um where i went on holiday with some

friends who were sort of sort of an odd group there's this this couple that i met a while ago tom becky they're really really lovely people they've somehow put together this disparate group of random people there's like a couple of artists a couple of instagram people a couple of ex youtubers uh sparkles from uh the rock band area 11 and also yogscast back in the day yeah and a few other people who were in in different walks of life one like travel vlogger blogger one um another musician and and we just it was just they were so lovely it was so nice like i don't know like it was just such a nice time because there was always someone who was could you we had a little whatsapp group and i was always there's always someone who was like oh

do you want to play pool do you want to hang out do you want to walk down the beach or something you know there's always someone up for it but also like everyone was kind of there was no pressure right it wasn't like we were there was no one booking stuff for us to do it wasn't like we were having to get in a car for an hour and go to a road

right 6.30am we've got the hike up the volcano everybody be there 5.45 fuck off I hate those because nobody wants to even do that stuff the only person who wants to do it is the person who's organised it and the only reason they're doing it is because they organised it

not that anybody actually wants to do because they think other people will enjoy it no they don't want to do it on their own maybe they will maybe it'll be worth it selfish bastards how dare they organise things on holiday No, they don't want to do it on their own. Maybe they will. Maybe it'll be worth it. Maybe it'll be a great time. Selfish bastards, how dare they? Organising things on holiday.

Sometimes it is. But I basically did nothing the whole week. I didn't really move from... It's a fucking holiday, mate. That's why. It was bliss, dude, honestly. The resort's like a little bit kind of, little bit gross.

Like it's a little bit run down right it's in this like i mean coffee is not the wealthiest place in the world i'd say no it's a cheap holiday yeah everything was a bit broken have you ever considered going on a on a cruise uh like uh don't do it on the ocean don't do it or maybe you need to visit my advice fjord a fjord now that's a good cruise the hurt Hurtigruten, that is a good cruise. There you go. Cruise up the fjords. You just made that up. No, he did not. Look it up. Hurtigruten. H-U-R-T-I-G-R-U-T-N.

Apologies, Norwegians, for my pronunciation. If you get the most recent flight simulator, Lewis, you can go scope it out ahead of time. See what it looks like. See if it would quench your whistle. Why would I put myself on a frozen vessel going into ahead of time see what it looks like see if it would quench your whistle just why would i what put myself on a frozen vessel going into the north of the so first of all the fjords of norway

are i've never seen anything any part of the planet that looks like it it's it's absolutely breathtaking second of all you see a lot of really cool wildlife and stuff like that and thirdly there's a really really good chance of seeing the northern lights and like big bigly see in the northern lights yeah not just a little bit without any without any uh light pollution from a city or towns or anything now you can go all the way to the arctic circle um and i think there's even a her to gruten that takes you up as far as like having a look at it fucking the retreating ice shelf of the north pole that kind of level of north because they're so far North. So it's properly up there.

It was great. I mean, it was a very chill boat. Because it was so cold. Yeah, it was just relaxing. There weren't any crazy people. There are some Germans and stuff, and there's a hot tub on the top of the boat. And if you want to hang out with Germans, that's where you'd go in the evenings. Right.

It's pretty much just Germans in there. But yeah, it's just the kind of thing that they do but it was it was good It was really really cool You'd have to do with the right person or people Me and mrs. F just went just me and mrs. F. It was very romantic. How many days? I was like four days or something. It wasn't even a particularly long trip. Sadly. We didn't get to see the Northern Lights It was overcast every night, but we still had a great time it's beautiful nice that does sound actually doable it was nice i guess you don't go out on the deck very often well as much as you want to yeah it's not i mean bear in mind this isn't some kind of northwest passage you know icebreaker it's right depending on the time of year you go

it's it's cold but it's not going to be like ridiculously cold if you went in december or something i'm sure it's fucking freezing but the boat is warm i mean it's not going to be ridiculously cold. If you went in December or something, I'm sure it's fucking freezing. But the boat is warm. I mean, it's warm on the boat. You get off and walk around these little Norwegian towns. Ålesund was one we went to, which is eel sound. It's like a part of the water that's full of fucking eels. But Ålesund is like a UNESCO heritage site.

It's got all this amazing architecture, like this art deco architecture that they preserved. And then one thing they preserved as well as this huge really disgusting ruthless skyscraper that some cunt built right on the fucking dock and i was like why did you preserve this he goes well we thought you know maybe we think it's ugly but in 100 years people might think it's beautiful i was like that's a very good point my man nice okay yeah that's true um that's what i'm banking on for myself personally as well you know i guess i've always had a soft spot because of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy i think douglas adams was a big fan of the fjords and remember one of the characters was very proud of creating them or whatever yeah yeah there was like earth was designed by this

was it slarty bart fast i think it was iy bart fast he did spend a lot of time working on the fjords yes he was he was and i yeah i feel like there's there's something similar in new zealand on the south end i think the with um on the coast which is very similarly well look norway's right there and like i was i know i was thinking about norway the other day because um my eldest is studying World War II. Did I talk about this on a previous podcast? We're watching The World at War? Yeah, I think so.

Oh, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. So the disastrous invasion of Norway immediately made me think, well, at least they got to see the fjords because they are very nice. So yeah, go and have a look at the fjords. Well, okay. I'm quite on the list.

It's very Lord of the Rings-y. It's like there'll be this huge spike of rock coming out of the water. There'll be all little fishing huts and houses around the base. I mean, it's just, it's really, you could imagine two giant kings holding their hands across the water. You know, it's very Lord of the Rings-y. I loved it. Well, God, that's my jam. Did you go from London or did you just, did you fly to Norway and get on there?

We flew to some part in the south of norway and then we went up to oslo was it kattegat i don't know uh so we went up i don't think let me have a look at a map in norway i can tell you where we went maybe that's sweden actually we took a little flight so we went to um oh okay so i think we went to something like stavanger or something like that and then flew to there and then we went up through the fjords and then we went to something like Stavanger or something like that. And then flew to there. And then we went up through the fjords and then we went to, was it Trondheim or was it not that far North? Mrs. F would know either way.

Went, went to somewhere and took a flight to Oslo and then took a flight from Oslo back. I think that's, that's what we did. It was a few years ago. I can't remember anything. That's,

that's fine. Don't worry. Um, I'll look into it. Uh, he's already, anyway, he's booked

yeah so you went to went to went to corfu got there and i was like why the fuck have i come here again because like on that first night because because the the i went like there's like hair in the sink in the bathroom and like the sheets on the beds were like a bit kind of like not like like dirty like had dirt on them in places and like do you know i mean it was like kind of gross yeah right a little bit gross and i was like why the fuck am i come back here because the first night because i got in quite late um went like almost straight to bed and the aircon's like really janky so i'm like hot and then the um it was like it got cool it worked itself out but like that first night there were like so

many bugs in my room like mosquitoes like as soon as i would doze off there'd be like this little in your ear and you'd have to like slap a mosquito right and they were proper big and i swear to god i killed about 10 of these things not even joking and there were more hanging around and eventually i finally got to sleep i woke up with like bites all over me i was like fuck me um so i bought one of those little pesticide mosquito killing plugs um for the room they don't really work though do they which actually worked fine um you know what i've got a suggestion for you and i was a bit worried i was gassing myself other people feel free to take note of this. This year, I'm normally the one, I don't know if you guys are in the same boat, I'm normally the one who gets bitten by mosquitoes.

If we're on holiday, I will be the one getting bitten. They see you as the juicy hunk of meat. Yeah, so they'll eat me every time. So I've tried everything. I've tried all kinds of repellents and all the rest of it. It never fucking works. So I recently switched colognes. I moved away from Sauvage, which is, according to my sources, a fuckboy cologne.

Right. I now use Armani Code. I'm making a note of that. Yeah, I use Armani Code. Sorry, I thought you said Armani Clunge. I thought I misheard. Sorry. Armani Clunge. I thought I misheard, sorry. Armani Code.

Armani Code. Timelessly sensual in a pure and understated way. Yeah, and it's really- This is the first oriental fragrance created by Giorgio Armani. Armani. So I don't know what's going on, but I'm not kidding. It actually hasn't- I haven't been bitten once. Well, it has wood and citrus in it, so that could possibly be something that scares away bugs.

They hate that shit, I think. Yeah, I think. All right, well, make a note, everyone, if you want to... There you go! Well, I had bug spray, and I also had this plug. And the plug, I was worried about, again, gassing myself with pesticide, but actually, it was totally fine after that.

And the air con kicked in, and it was fine. And once I... You know, the sheets were not actually that bad. It's like I spoke to someone because because the resort's so nice um and we went to the the west coast and there was this super yacht that pulled up on the beach was it jay-z's um and it was like a proper mega super yacht we looked it up because you could track them where they're going that guy from microsoft um can't remember his name now no but we looked up who owned it it was some nigerian oh okay some nigerian billionaire and a little a little yacht did he wind down the porthole

excuse me i have a billion dollars i must you must give me 100 dollars so i can transfer you for you is that what he said he's just like he's like my money's in escrow he's like a port to port pyramid scheme salesman on a yacht just stopping people at the fucking docks so there's a whole

so they got out and went in you sailed to shore and got into this went into this restaurant on the in the resort which is a really nice restaurant

so at the same time both a shitty Englishy resort but also the the billionaires are eating there so you know i guess that just goes to show that it's it's you know what you get um but yeah there was like some interest of this there's a van that drives up and or i think he drives around the island but he does drive up and down the beach selling fruit and tom was like don't buy fruit from him and i'm like why not and he's like well he's weird because he has things like loudspeakers and he kind of he says like healthy healthy healthy pineapple pineapple vitamin vitamin vitamin mango mango just a good salesman that's what

salesmanship looks like and you you're too ignorant to welcome to salesmanship it's like ASMR. Anyway, Tom said, I said, why not buy it from me? If he's creepy, I don't care. And Tom was like, well, I saw him pissing in the sea. He pissed in the sea. It's the sea. Who doesn't? I know, that's what I said.

Coca, coca, coca, coca, coca, coca, heroin, coca. He said, no, no, no. He was standing with his, he just pulled his pants down on the beach, pissed at the sea. And then like just turned around as if like, as if he was just pissing on the floor. Do you know what I mean? And he sells fruit. So he doesn't wash his hands. And I'm like, oh man, I can't, I can't be dealing with that.

Anyway, there's also this like large nudist beach. Hell no. Yes, please. I ain't going to a nudist beach. I did not know about. But, you know, you just go for a walk down the beach and suddenly everyone's naked and you're like and they're all almost all old yeah that's almost all french or german i'm just and they're almost very wrinkly in some way or like sunburned what is going on like honestly you can't like why does it have to be the beach why don't

we have nudist fields why is it the beach ask yourself they do that they had that uh carry on camping remember that was a nudist uh campground yeah that's true they do have they do have walking in the countryside and suddenly you come across a bunch of nude hikers who are like oh yeah this is the nude hiking trail then you put your clobber on at the other end of it. No. Get your fucking clothes on. It's a beach. What's her face? It's not British. I think she was in Harry Potter.

Miriam something. Margolis. Yeah. She went to a nudist place in Australia. She had like the show where she was going around Australia. She went to like this full nudist. I don't know. They seem like a cult to me, but I don't know if they were.

They do feel a little bit like that. Yeah, there's something going on. Yeah. Yeah. Once Mary and my girls have been there, they shut it down. We're sort of walking along. She didn't take her kid off, if that's what you're insinuating. But she's like eight years old, so.

I know. Right. We turn this corner and there's like, and the guy in front of me stops and is like, she's like, there's a man just girl in front of me stops and is like she's like there's a man just around there with his cock out and you ran around the corner almost like saying what do we do or warning me and i'm like you know just listening i have to know they're all very like it's not like there's always they're always like in these compromising positions as well like legs spread like gooch on full display and i'm doing fucking

i don't need to see old men's hairy goochies like up and down the beach left front center excuse me sir i didn't come here to see your gleaming cock i came to sunday anyway so i the next day i thought fuck it i'm gonna walk the other way down the beach right and see where that goes and so i'm walking down the beach and again there's like another whole bunch of fucking nudists out i'm like we've come to this resort you went the other way and you were expecting the other way as well i i would have expected you to go the other way and come across people wearing snow suits like uh like kenny from south park like it done up like over your whole face and everything like what's going on yeah there's some balance anyway so it's it was that was something i can't i'm just glad i wasn't wearing my glasses. I mean, because it helps definitely with the with the with the burned into my retinas issue. I don't need to see so many so many old men's ass. grandfather died a long time ago i was gonna say like recently then that's kind of fucked up i i

met him when i was about 10 sure and he was very old then that would have been in the uh in the 80s um and he was a world war one bomber um and he was he was a you know air force man a flyer in the first world war is a real old gent um and uh he died nude son baby loved it he died left a lot of stuff to um his my so uh my mom's uncle and he died a couple of months ago very sadly um or maybe it's about three or four months ago either way he died and uh left some stuff to my mom he left us some money which was very kind but he also left a bunch of family photos and relics and stuff like this that he had accrued this is all on my mum's side of the family over his lifetime so my mum's seeing photos and documents and all this stuff i see this is quite interesting so i guess because he was the last of his generation yeah yeah and also because he was

he's the last of that line uh my mum's sort of family line, if you like. So he had all this stuff. And did he have any secrets? He didn't have secrets. But my mum going through the. So I'll tell you some of the stuff. Another family member of theirs brought a load of stuff to my mum's house. He had a bunch of watches that I said we

should definitely get looked at because they're old, probably old watches. My great grandfather's watch that he probably had his entire life, a proper old wind up pocket watch. That's got to be, you know, all these things need to be insured, I think. Anyway, a load of old photos, load of old files and a will, last will and testament from her great great grandfather or something like that like way way way back and she looked at it she looked at his name how old is this oh this is from the 19th so mid 19th century uh he was the deputy governor general of barbados wow and sadly left in his will to some other guy 117 slaves in addition

to the plantation that he owned so yeah it was pretty awkward my mum was the funny thing is my mum says just found out looking through these files my great great grandfather was the deputy general deputy governor of Barbados

and I immediately thought oh so he was a slave owner. And she said, you don't think he had any slaves, do you? I was like, probably did, mum. I'll look into it. So I Googled his name and bing bang bosh, right there. There's a website that researches all this stuff. Yeah, slave owners, 100%. And crazily enough, there is a footballer, a Barbadian footballer, who has my mum's family last name as his last name.

So, he's probably descended from some of the slaves that were on that plantation that my great-great-great-grandfather owned. Jesus. Yeah, absolutely bonkers. I mean, it's going to happen, too. There's probably people listening to this right now who have an ancient, ancient relative who was involved. Of course, of course. I mean, it was-

Either on the English side or even maybe the American side or whatever. Especially the American side, I'd say. It was everywhere. It was huge. But yeah, it's just crazy to think that we're not that far removed. We're really not that far removed. No. If we're still, you know, families are still handing down to each other. This wasn't like a thousand years ago.

This was relatively recent. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, absolutely, absolutely bonkers. I also, I remember that the abolition of slavery in the British sort of parliament and everything was a big deal. But I guess that it only applied to British soil, like specifically britain not overseas holdings because i didn't think we still had slaves in the 1860s in britain but well i think again i think the caribbean was this loophole yeah exactly it was like it was like the cayman islands for money this was like the cayman islands but for slaves you could still have yeah i think i think the

whole the whole all of it, none of it's good. Even like when you look at it, like, you know, the government paid out tons of money when they abolished slavery, but it was to recompense rich people for the loss of their slaves. Do you know what I mean? None of it ever went to the slaves. You know, there was all sorts of horrible stuff that happened. This history is, yeah, it's pretty nasty.

How many relatives, how many tiers up is this great-grandfather do you mean what i'm asking i guess is how many how many great-grandparents relatives do you actually have is it like 16 32 64 it goes up quite quickly right yeah i guess the other thing i i heard and i don't know how true this is is like people always follow the father's side, like father, father, father, father, father line, right? But the mother's side, like the mother, the matrilineal line is more reliable because a lot of people, because if you go back like 10 generations, right, there's going to be 10 different men. And that means there's much more chance that your father wasn't, that the man wasn't actually the father, but the mother is always the mother, right? The person who gives gives birth it's pretty obvious that they gave birth unless

they adopted a child or rescued a child or something and said it was their own which can happen and has happened for sure many times in history but the father you know there's a lot of times when it's like was he really the father was was you know was it just a quick marriage to hush it up so i always am dubious when people go back in line of like a long father line like how much of that dna actually is theirs especially since it's already like 132 or 164 it's quite quite quickly you know within like oh yeah five generations you've you've doubled you keep doubling your number of um grandparents right so it's like when people say they're half

french or whatever and i'm like oh your mum was french oh no my my grandparents were french i'm like so which which one oh my you know you're not half french at all you're like you're like an eighth french yeah yeah um which is really i mean at that point you can't really claim it it's like i think i think once it's past half you know what i mean like it's not like i i've got i would say one a one quarter irish but i'm not going to claim that i'm irish like that that's just silly like i'm not going to say oh i'm i'm yeah oh yeah i'm irish like well because your grandparents might have been living in france but they might have been born in italy which would make them italian do you mean it like, you're going off like such weird information here. Yeah.

I think it's where you were born and then where your parents were born is pretty much what defines you. Yeah. Not where your great, great grandparents were from because it's just a waste of time. Oh my God.

This is pretty, pretty unpleasant to learn that you're descended from slave owners. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, it was,

it was weird because they're not going to put you on that. who am i show or whatever it's called um you know that one who do you think you think you are and it turns out who the hell do you think they are is what they call that episode oh my god yeah i mean it's like one of those things what can i do i can't be like you know i can't do anything about it it It's just my great-great-great-great-grandfather or whatever was this guy, and what can I do? I think there's a road they're still named after him, so maybe they could rename the road.

There you go. That's a good idea. All right, put a petition forward. There you go. Jesus Christ. It's hard to know. What a revelation. I don't know what I would do if I watched that episode.

We brought Piri and Flax back to Barbados to look into the... To apologise. Sorry. Sorry about that. I didn't see one penny of that plantation. I want to know. What the fuck? What happened to our family plantation?

Fritted away. You didn't get a penny of that money. You want to go over there and make it great again. Wasn't it someone who like benedict cumberbatch who recently had um a plantation that he sold or something yeah he had a the seventh great-grandfather of benedict cumberbatch brought the or had a plantation and he his family could face a claim for damages over its historical lease to slavery for money recently but at this point i mean there are still areas that you could call a plantation it just doesn't have slaves working on

it it's i mean it's still a definition of a place like it's not like the the term plantation is so loaded obviously because of its history but it's just a place now it's just a plantation it's just you know it doesn't have any fucking people enslaved to work there for free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's a place called Drax Hall Estate. Drax Hall! Welcome to Drax Hall! You'll never leave!

Which is still owned by a Tory MP, Richard Plunkett-Earn Earl Drax. It's a quadruple barreled surname he is actually a current MP he's also a captain he owns a big

slave ex-slave plantation and apparently Cumberbatch is a part of that family and they're looking to

try and get it back I mean I don't know what Benedict can do about it really it's Benedict cumberbatch he's you know he's a busy man he's got a career in tv and films uh it is well but then again like

this maybe is why he's famous though right because cumberbatch yeah because he made money through slavery that money stayed the family he was rich wealthy had a good education was posh was able to get theater training and that money has, down the centuries, given him this career where he's made billions. He has made billions. There's no way he's made billions. Many millions. He's made many millions of pounds.

He's made a couple of million, for sure. Well, I mean, I think there's probably a lot of people in England that you could point fingers at then, like most people. Well, yeah. I feel like, yeah, I don't know how, I don't know enough about this honestly to to make it cool wow it's difficult it's a deep topic we've just waded into from talking about old men's goochies well it's a similar kind of vibe yeah i mean he you know he he is um flax's relative would have also had a gooch um yeah so he might have enjoyed parading his gooch and well it's quite hot in barbados so i assume that you know he probably maybe i don't know was he in a cult as well a cult yeah like a nudist cult yeah how would you know

did you find any like i don't know here's the weird thing he died in the 1860s i guess you wouldn't find any clothing would you he died in the 1860s yeah there's a conspicuous lack of pants in this man's belongings so So here's the weird thing. Slavery was abolished in the British Empire in 1831. So he kept on. Yeah. The legacy passed. So it says here-

Or he just didn't update his will. During the Christmas holiday of 1831, a large scale slave revolt in Jamaica, known as the Baptist War, broke out. It was organised originally as a peaceful strike by the Baptist minister Samuel Sharpe. The rebellion was suppressed by the militia of the Jamaican Plantocracy and the British garrison ten days later in early 1832. Because of the loss of property and life, the British Parliament held two inquiries. The result contributed greatly to the abolition of slavery with the Slavery Abolition Act of 1833. Up until then, sugar planters from rich British islands such as Jamaica and Barbados

were able to buy rotten and pocket boroughs, and they were able to form a body of resistance to move to abolish slavery. In the end, they just said, no, we're going to fucking get rid of it. This West India lobby was later evolved into the West India Committee, purchased enough seats to be able to resist the overtures of abolitionists. So they just paid to buy shit boroughs where you could just fucking get in as an MP and then vote things down. But they pushed it through. So slave owners got paid by the British government, the Slave Compensation Act. So they paid out 20 million pounds to all

these slave owners to free these men and women. But if that was in the 1830s, half the money went to slave-owning families in the Caribbean and Africa, while the other half went to absentee owners living in Britain. So what I want to know is, if he's still leaving people slaves in his will in the 1860s, how does that work? Maybe it was an out-of-date will. Yeah, it probably was an

out-of-date will. It's gotta be. Guys, it's a puzzle. We don't know enough about this period of history yeah unless he was just like off the grid completely like uh is that no one was like those japanese soldiers who didn't realize the war ended because they were living in a cave like in the 1980s or whatever they right they turned up and they were like is the war still on they're like no no it's been done for a long time guys come on maybe your maybe your ancestor is the same thing happened to him you know maybe it was a situation like that um so we had a lovely time in corfu it was great i really enjoyed it good um it was very restful

i read a book i read a i read a book called circe which boba had given me which is like a greek sort of a reimagining retelling of a minor character from, I think, the Odyssey or, you know, sometimes these Greek myths aren't really necessarily fleshed out. They're full of characters, but you don't- but Circe is like this kind of terrifying witch character who lives on an island and helps or traps men and helps them out or something. I don't know, she's a bit weird. I read a book recently for the first time in god knows how long i can't remember the last time i read an actual book a paperback book um it was a book called the um hepatitis bathtub

and other stories uh it's about the band no effects who i went to see in leeds earlier this summer oh yeah it's uh they it came out a while ago but it was um it was kind of to celebrate their you know 30 years of being a band or 25 years of being a band or whatever and it was just um it was like memoirs from all the members of the band so like it was you went away in the last two weeks didn't you to when i saw yeah i saw blur at wembley that was incredible. How come you're getting time off to go and see rock bands in the UK all the time? Well, because I go for less than

24 hours at a time. He goes, he comes back. I go and I come back. We were there for barely any time. We just went, saw the show, came back. I did the same thing. Did you go London City Airport? No, just Heathrow. I don't think we have a direct to London City anymore from here.

And Gatwick, the options are a bit limited, but you can fly BA from here straight to Terminal 5. So it wasn't too bad. I see. By the way, I've just checked and it turns out it was the great, great, great, great grandfather left it in his will to this other lad in 1832. And then the next year they were like no more slaves. so he left them to him in his will when he died he died just before the abolition of slavery then this guy inherited the slaves immediately had to get rid of them that's what happened sorry just okay just to clarify well no good i'm glad we figured that out yeah well right in i'm sure we'll have a lot yeah i'm sure there's got to be somebody else out there

who probably has a similar i-back relation or something. But the further back you go, the more fucked up it gets. Yeah. Just saying. So what was Blur like in concert? Great. I mean, it's a big, big show. I've never been to anything like that before in my life.

Wembley, I've never been to a big stadium before in my life. I think the biggest thing I would have ever been to before that was I went to see Monday Night Raw, WWE Monday Night Raw in Montreal at the Molson Center, I think, which is big. But Wembley was just fucking enormous. I just, I couldn't believe it like even when when we turned up for the opening uh we didn't watch all the opening acts but when when we turned up there was one of the opening acts so who was it you and your your wife yeah and uh and my brother-in-law as well yeah um and uh it was just it blows you away like it's fucking i can't believe the just the the noise of all the people. Like when there's nothing happening, it just- it's the weirdest sound. You feel like you're going insane almost. Like it's-

I'm honestly shocked. You've never been to anything in a big stadium in your life. Not that I remember. Like not- not like- certainly not any time recently. Like I've been to like shows and stuff. I've been to festivals, like I've been to Reading, I went to the went to the v festival like right but it's like the bowl effect of a state yes yeah it's just and we had seats that were we didn't have um seats on the ground like we had stand seats right like like further back so you just got this huge this view of like the whole

thing um but it made me realize that i want to go i don't even really watch football or like football that much but i would go watch a football match at wembley for sure like that well i mean i i saw i saw the england's first international there i think we played italy oh and i believe we lost um i think it might have been the under 21s or it might have been the full team but i i watched it england's first internet, what, back in like 1916? At the New Wembley. At the New Wembley. Oh, oh, oh.

I went to a show last night. It was a really intimate gathering. It was very small. I was in the front row. Nice. About three feet from the performers. It was my youngest end of school play. Nice, nice, nice.

And they did Shakespeare Rocks. Fuck. Which actually had some banging tunes, but the jokes were a little bad. There was one joke I laughed at. I was the only one who laughed at it very loudly and everybody stared at me and then they carried on with the play, which was a little bit of an awkward moment. And the joke was that they arrived somewhere and one of them says, oh no, there's three

witches here. And he said, it's worse than that. We're in Scotland. And I just thought that was fun. And I was like, and everybody kind of looked at me, but the problem was I was so close to the kids. They all stood up and sang and it was always the same kid opposite me. So I was just having a stare at this little kid.

And I was like, I know this kid. Like I know his parents. I know the kid. So I was trying to look at all the other kids equally to try and not just stare at this kid. Cause it just singing to a passively faced grownup. He's just staring at you. I thought that's going to freak him out. So I tried trying to look at all the other kids equally to try and not just stare at this kid because you're just singing to a Passively faced grown-up who's just staring at you. I thought that's gonna freak. Yeah, so I tried to make sure yeah I mean you've seen your Instagram exactly. It's like looking at my Instagram, so I'm looking around and looking around But then I'm thinking he's singing right at me and I'm not looking at him

So now this is weird So I just sort of but I can't smile at this kid because you know, I know him I can't just be like one of those nodding and smiling parents. So I just kind of try to remain passive. I should never have sat in the front row. I'm not front row material for that kind of performance. No, you can't pull off the front row. It's like some people are not middles on the table. So we had these big meals on holiday,

and sometimes I was trying to position people in the right place. So the more shy people are on the edges but like the middle is like trying to engage everyone in the conversation like trying to make sure there's no one like just bored on their phone you know it's it's an art yeah you can't i mean you can't put an edge person in the middle it's no good no it ruins the meal this is a this is a larry david thing it's one of those things that we all knew it, but he put it into words. Yeah. You just have to have the right.

He's like, this guy ain't a middle. This guy's not a good middle. You can't middle. And she's like, what the fuck? And look at the way they're talking in the kitchen. Who the fuck put him in the middle? I know. He's ruining the whole dinner.

Larry, you've got to say something. Yeah, you're not a front row guy. Your youngest daughter is finishing up at primary, right? She is, yeah. So she's off to secondary next year. She is, yeah. This is her last year. Yeah, my son's the same. It's funny because I see all these kids, dude, and I've known them since they were in reception and I know their parents and stuff.

And they're all growing up. And they've all, especially in this last year or two, they fucking explode in height. There are some kids in her class that are like the height and and like of a 14 i know already it's crazy a couple of them just take off like it's just insane um it's funny with the uh like we we know quite a few or at least recognize quite a few of the parents and and kids from my son's year because he was the first our first kid to go to school but with my daughter we don't nobody like we just we we make sure we didn't know anybody first time you kid to go to school but with my daughter we don't know anybody like we just we we make sure we didn't know anybody first time you get to know parents the second time you're

like i i don't want i don't want to yeah exactly yeah i know enough so uh some of them we know too just from birthday parties or whatever like you know say hi to but not not like with my a lot of the kids and parents in my in my son's year because it's i think it's not that we made more of an effort it was just more of a new thing to us at the time right we thought we had to but then with the second one you're just like i know i do not have to so i'm not going to but i think you're reaching out to other parents because you kind of want to not look for support yeah you're looking for a shared experience where you guys can say and you sort of you need someone because school is new to you as much as it is your kid because i haven't

been a parent at school until my kids start going i had no fucking idea what i had to know and now you you sort of need that support group has anyone got the spelling homework and we have like a whatsapp group you know what's the deal with the summer fair does it we need help with the pta all this stuff so you get to know the parents through that but with the second one you know what you're doing yeah you don't need help you're not going to make friends with some other fucking parent i don't know this fucking yahoo yeah from anybody yeah i'm gonna walk up and say hi fuck yeah just go all good fellas about it yeah what the fuck do i need to fucking do this fucking guy you must make friends with them though not really no first kid yeah a little bit.

You chat to people a bit more and stuff and like, because like what Flax is saying, you're looking for people just in a similar situation to you, but- Are they just too many? There are a lot, yeah. No, you've already got some. And they come and go too. I don't want to make new friends. Like, you know, sometimes, you know, like when my kid was in nursery, you know, and

all the kids that were in nursery with him we were like oh my god this is crazy you know he's gonna be in school with these kids for like six years or whatever um but then tons of them leave and new ones come in and stuff and you just yeah there's always kids leaving it's a revolving door your people who i guess it changes right but i thought your kids were younger so you were really actively like waiting outside the school. Well, we still do that, but we just don't talk to anyone when we do it. Right. I mean, again, like we used to with my older kid, but with the middle one, we... Are they just there on their phones or with their headphones in or something?

The older kids now a lot are, yeah. And their parents do. Oh, I meant the parents. Yeah. Or they don't even come to the they don't even come to the school they wait like at the parking lot for them or some some of them just walk home far too like all the way through town and stuff like i don't know i mean they're old enough too but i just i don't know we we wouldn't want ours too but each to their own i used to walk home when i was about that age but it was a different time, different location as well. Was it maybe a bit safer?

I don't know. I don't know. It's the age old. I think everybody goes through this. You know, it's like, oh, it was safer when I was younger. It probably wasn't. But, you know, you were allowed to do things. We've had emails about this.

I can't remember what they were. I mean, I just think we've become a bit more cautious. Yeah, I think so. Parenting has changed for sure from the 80s like my parents not massively hands-on like when i was old enough to do stuff they would just be like yeah okay take the bus or walk you know whatever as long as we don't have to do it sort of thing so rightly or wrongly i mean here's here's one thing for sure that i know is that the the safety that they put around people who is allowed to work with kids yes nowadays i am so fucking glad that that exists because we didn't have any of that when i

was a kid and i can't remember if i told this before but when i was with the cadets lewis you might remember this when we were with the cadets at school they needed some older guys to watch us because there are firearms involved we're doing dangerous shit so for some reason some of the guys that worked with the ccf were former pupils who had left the school were now grown men but would still come back i assume they did territorial army stuff for the weekends as well but they would go away on camps with us they would go away on the trips with us and the boats and all the rest of it they were not teachers they had had no background checks they were just guys who knew people at the school and they were allowed now to had had no background checks they were just guys who knew

people at the school and they were allowed now to work with children yeah that would not happen i don't think so that would not happen in a million fucking years like camp counselors type situation all that kind of shit and anybody who thinks that that's crazy you're nuts because we we know what fucking went down in the 70s and 80s and in the 90s as well and that's hopefully now becoming way way way less common yeah um but certainly in terms of kids safety i i talked to young people now who grew up outside london outside a big city they have the same life it's the same level of freedom yeah it's just if you live somewhere busy you get more worried if you live on a busy street yeah it's honestly like where we live it's not so much that we're

worried about anything other than the roads and the sidewalks are just not great you know you're you're always almost hanging out into a road and it's it's a small place so the roads are busy all the time you know what i mean like it all it takes is like five or six cars and it's fucking packed but there's certain spots where it's just not safe to cross or you know you you wouldn't you wouldn't leave it to a kid to to figure it out sort of thing you know where it's like where i where i grew up in the suburbs in canada there's a lot more space it was a lot quieter during the day like when i was walking to school walking home from school it was like barely any traffic because most of the traffic was you know on the highway to go downtown or back or whatever you know what

i mean so it's like it was just completely different i i i'm not i'm not concerned about like who's out and about to that extent or or whatever it's more just road safety and i just don't think my kids are there with road safety yet. You know what I mean? Like a lot of the time if we're walking with them, they're almost just like throwing themselves in the road. You're just like, what are you doing? You have to look like you got to make sure that there's no cars and stuff. You can't just step out into the road sort of thing.

If we weren't there, I don't know what they would do. So, I don't know. It's one of them. Big cities probably is the same thing. Yeah, I'm sure. If you're in a big city, I think it's always big. It's one of them. Big cities probably is the same thing. Yeah. I'm sure if you're in a big city, I think it's always big. Yeah, yeah. But anyway. That's an hour and 10 minutes of podcast, I believe.

I know. And 10 solid minutes of real dad talk as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Lewis is a whole lot of proper dad talk, honestly. We're going to hear about your dating exploits next week, Lewis. Yeah, yeah. Because you've been away for two weeks. yeah I know that's what I'm saying

It's Holly Bob's Love has to take a vacation I'm saying I want to hear about A date you must set up before the next episode You must Alright I'll do my dating homework Yeah That a boy

And don't forget as much as the theory Focus on the practical side of things Right The oral exam all right we'll see you next time