Triforce! - Triforce! #28 w/ Duncan: Reassuring Boner

Episode Date: January 4, 2017

Triforce is back with a special guest, Duncan! Recorded in front of a Livestream audience we're looking back through our lives, striving to remember our first boner. The new Bodega t-shirt is out now: http://bit.ly/BodegaTee Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. How do you podcast then? I've never been in one of these. Here's what you do. All right, so he'll introduce him with a bit of music. Try force music. We'll wait for the music and then we'll go. I'll alley-oop him, you dunk him, okay?

Do you have like a... Please don't talk to him. There's an intro right now, Duncan. Hello! And welcome to the Triforce podcast on the road. We're live. You can't see us, but we are looking at each other. You can't see us!

We're joined by podcast amateur, Duncan. Yeah, we've got a guest for the first time Duncan you're our first ever guest on the Triforce podcast I can't be the first guest you're the first guest

we hate everybody we really actually hate everybody it's just because I'm here well that was a factor but don't let that discount from the fact

that you're here on the Triforce podcast Terps has begged to be on the podcast so many times Terps is going to be really mad really

now you're on it he told me this really boring story about how he listens to be on the podcast so many times. Terps is going to be really mad. Now, now you're on it. He told me this really boring story about how he listens to them on his way into work every day and loves us and thinks that I'm really funny and Perian's really funny and you're not so much. But yeah, he'll be really mad that he wasn't the first guest on this one. I guess you're talking to Duncan there rather than me. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I mean, no, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? I mean... No? Maybe? Yeah. Yeah, it was. So, of course,

on the Tri-Fields podcast we talk about all the mundane, boring, day-to-day dad shit that has happened in our lives. If you're not a dad, it's mostly dad shit. Welcome to dad chat.

Well, Lewis isn't a dad either. It doesn't matter. I have to suffer through the dad stuff. He's also, Lewis in many ways acts like a dad who just doesn't have kids yet

it's true he's a kidless dad the way he talks he's very dad-ish I guess Lewis is a kind of that's not attempted is a father to all of the

Yoastcast members exactly he's a dad to everybody in this building thanks Duncan in a way I'm your dad you're my dad you're so dumb

unbelievable you guys kind of look like you could be father and son actually do I look that old that's a bit mean. Come on. You've got facial hair, so that is an automatic indicator.

Unless you're French-Canadian, you're eight years old. If you have facial hair, it does make you look like a man. It's not peach fuzzy. It's very grown in. I've done my first portage. See, now you've truly become a man. Do you know about portage ah see now you've truly become you've truly become a man portage

do you know about portage no did you make sure you brought exactly the right amount of food for the time

that you were going to be portaging as well I don't know much about triforce podcasts I know a lot of the fans seem to have

very small penises or gaping vaginas yeah unless we forget the vaginas some people have small vaginas as well which is awkward or gaping penises but they go well with the small penises or gaping vaginas yeah okay lest we forget the vagina some people have small vaginas as well which is awkward okay well they go well with the small penises i guess yeah i mean if you've got a tiny vagina and a tiny penis you could be happy perfect you have a gigantic penis

and a gaping vagina again happiness the other way doesn't mix yeah no not very many people say they have gigantic dicks yeah that's true that's not something that really ever comes up, actually. It's mostly just small ones. Yeah. Well, that's cool. You know. I guess we... Got like a kind of...

Yeah, there's an average. Like friendship, you know. If someone came up to you and said, I have a gigantic penis, you'd be like, what are you trying to do? Exactly. Like, are you coming on to me? You think you're better than me? Yeah. If you come up and say, I have a small penis, you're like fair play to the club sit with us my dad my dad's dick is bigger

than your dad's dick remember that one when you're a kid my dad could be your dad up what does your dad do he's a pro wrestler what's your dad do counting i never had to offer that because i would have had to fly my dad in so it's kind of depressing I would have been like my dad can be your dad now in about a week's time he's going to book a flight and everything he's going to kick your ass

in a week's time fucking asshole so have you smelled any flowers this week? have you changed any nappies this week that are crucial to our knowledge? yeah some pretty substantial nappy changes. I haven't smelt any flowers.

The weather's been terrible. I haven't really been outside. Today I traveled, which is, well, period, I don't know. Traveling with kids is not the best. It's pretty tiring. Something you want to avoid at all costs. And especially when things go wrong, which everything went wrong today. It was crazy.

We turned up. We woke up. Okay, here's the story. Are you guys ready? I'm ready. Do you want to recline a bit? I'm reclining. Alright, hang on. Give me a sec. I've got to figure out what button is on this chair. I had a real bad day today, okay? There was

bad customer service, which is a huge thing for dads. You know, when the customer service is bad. Where was that? That's when you know it's going to be a bad day. Jersey Airport. At the airport. So, we get to the airport. We wake up at like six, okay? Because we had to get some stuff ready to leave the house at eight.

Okay, that's how long it takes to get out of your house when you have kids. Yep. Two hours. So we wake up at six. The whole day starts. It's fucking crazy. Everybody's screaming

and trying to kill each other straight away. And we somehow managed to like have showers and dress the kids and feed them and get like some stuff packed. And we make it to the airport and it's like,

it only takes us 10 minutes to get to the airport. So it's like, it's like 10 minutes. It's like 8.30. It's a small island. Okay. So,

because we fucked around and we went the wrong way and stuff a couple of times and stuff. 8.30 we get to the airport and everything's cool right one flight had been canceled out of like 10 that we're leaving that morning and we're like great so we go through security which took us like an hour because we had a fucking pram and like a million bags fucking sink and like just other shit uh we get through and we're like great

and we look at the board it's like your flight's been delayed uh there'll be another info update in an hour oh shit in an hour we're gonna have to have breakfast again so we just keep it busy right double breakfast so we so fucking double breakfast we have another breakfast okay and there's shit there's stuff everywhere like my daughter just she doesn't to keep them busy. Double breakfast. So fucking double breakfast. We have another breakfast, okay? And there's shit, there's stuff everywhere. Like my daughter just, she doesn't eat.

She just throws, she takes food apart and throws it everywhere. So like on the ground, it just looks like there's been a war or like a fight or something. There's like bits of bread everywhere

and like Cheeto dust and whatever. You gave them Cheetos for breakfast? Well, I had to, yeah. She was like super insistent Like she can't speak She points at things and screams So you just yeah

Just do it whatever So she eats all that Well she makes a mess of that shit and eats some of it And then 10 o'clock rolls around and the update Comes on and we're like oh shit Maybe it's going to be another delay and they're like we regret to inform you that your flight has been cancelled so you've been up since six we're in the airport two children second breakfast we had four all the

stuff was checked in all the bags were like on the plane and stuff and they're like you have to go back and pick up your bags and then you have to go back to the departures lounge to get like another flight sorted out oh so fuck so we go to the baggage reclaimed i took like a fucking hour oh jesus christ they didn't even put the bags in the fucking plane and like i don't know where they were but they just took an hour to get back so we're just like sitting there the kids are like going nuts and everything we're just like super depressed and stuff and then they so they book us on to like the three o'clock flight and so we went home and everybody was like we're never gonna go to bristol my son's crying and everything's like we're gonna make it we're like don't worry we're gonna go back in a couple hours

it'll be fine so so we go home we do a bunch of shit we finally managed to make it back to the airport what do you do at home washing washing chores yeah like because there's fucking million chores to do so we get home we did chores for like three hours oh my god what do you mean you did chores we had to do laundry there were dishes that weren't done there was fucking toys everywhere we cleaned those up just did like some some spring cleaning which is like an ongoing thing in our house like it's too cold to go outside it was like all misty and stuff so we did all that shit and then so we we get back up the airport and then everything's fine okay they gave us vouchers too they gave us 30 pounds worth of

vouchers okay but airport 30 pounds yeah you know how much 30 pounds gets of vouchers, okay? But airport food is... 30 pounds? Yeah. You know how much 30 pounds gets you at an airport? Two cups of coffee. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. So we had two cups of coffee with our 30 pounds at the airport. And the kids didn't have anything, and they were fucking really mad. The whole time, they were like, can we have some coffee? No.

Well, I'm not giving you coffee. You're like one and five. Can you imagine? You can't decaf. No. So we get on the plane. Everything is fine. Everything's smooth.

We land in Bristol and we're like, okay, cool. Maybe this isn't so bad. You know, like we did some chores and stuff. It was all right. But we were supposed to rent a car, okay? So we get down to the car rental place and they made us wait for like an hour. They're like, okay, we got the car and everything, but we can't find your car seats for your kids. So we're like, okay, fine. So we're fucking waiting in there for like an hour they're like okay we got the car and everything but we can't find your car seats for your kids so okay fine so we're fucking waiting in there for like an hour the kids are going crazy again like my daughter had her like shoes in her mouth and like her socks were off

and everything we were like going crazy they come back and they're like well listen uh we can't find your car seats so we're not sure what to do um and then the lady's like, and I'm, I'm, my shift is done. So I'm going home. Great, great customer response. What the fuck? Yeah. So we're like, well,

so there's no car seats. And they're like, no. And we're like, how the fuck am I supposed to drive a car? Just sell it to your one year old to the roof rack. And she's like, I don't know.

And I was just like, well, fuck, can I have a refund? And she was like, oh yeah, yeah. And I was just like, well, fuck, can I have a refund? And she was like, oh, yeah, yeah, sure, no problem. Great, thanks. So what the fuck? So we had to take a taxi here.

There were no fucking car seats in a taxi. So we're just clutching kids in a backseat the whole time, worried that we're going to crash and stuff. And we finally made it here, and then everything's been all right since. But the kids were all jacked up on sugar. Yeah, we figured when we called you. We just gave them like fucking sugar all day, basically. And they didn't want to sleep at all.

Like my wife put a song on her phone. And they were like going crazy, like freaking chairs and stuff like that. They're like rock stars. What song was it? Smashing up the hotel room. I think if they could pick up the TV, they would do it. Or like radio the machine or something. And like chuck it out the window and stuff what song was it smashing up the hotel room I think if they could pick up the TV and chuck it out the window and stuff

and then now I'm here that's been my day so far so you left your wife just dealing with that she was like

dead I went into the room she had the baby and she just I'm sorry peace I'm out of here and here I am

jeez I just got a train here from Twickenham. It was no problem. Nice. Maybe in a couple of years, maybe I'll also be able to do that. You'll get there. Right now. Don't worry.

Trust me. It gets easier. It gets easier. I know the feeling. It's like when I bring donuts to the office. No, you don't. What? They have like little nibbles missing out of them from all the cockroaches that are infesting your...

You know what? I was waiting for someone to say, Oh, yeah, my cat was really... You know, my cat had a bad paw the other day. I actually had an awkward warning this morning. Was this involving a cat? No, it wasn't a cat. I got up and I was going to come to work.

I had to record Terraria at 11. It was quarter to come to work. I had to record Terraria at 11. It was quarter to 11 and I was like, probably should go now. Went down to the bike cage. My bike wasn't there. Oh, what? Yeah.

Your bike got nicked today? No. I just forgot that I left it at the office. Oh, shit. What did you do? I got an Uber. That's the end of the story. So there you exactly the same yeah it's pretty much the same did you get all did you have 10 breakfast to get jacked up on sugar no i don't have any breakfast actually no oh wow shit didn't eat it didn't eat

it yeah i had lunch so so you want to have kids now based on that story, right? No, I don't really know. You're like, yes. My five-year plan, I'm going to have three kids. I'm ready. I'm in the zone. I'm going to do this. Finally, I'm going to get my fucking life on track, man. I'm going to make three kids. Just imagine that morning with kids.

Whatever. It sounds a lot better yeah yeah yeah it's it doesn't get easier do you guys listen to like chamber music at home and stuff

chamber music fucking what do you mean chamber music what even is that you know like like French like renaissance manner music

like with a what do they call that instrument that's like a piano what oh shit a harpsich that's like a piano oh shit a harpsichord yeah like a harpsichord I was thinking more

like Fetch of the Opera kind of doomed sad music oh an organ yeah that would kind of you know you just like raise up your coffin

in the morning like you're ready for the day yeah that'd be great I had a school nativity play recently oh shit how did that go fucking awful oh no it was

the most boring thing no i went to watch it so i went to see my youngest school like honestly that they you know you've got to teach these little kids something you've got to keep them occupied so they spend a lot of time teaching them like letters and numbers and reading and writing all that stuff and then they're like the kids can only learn that for so much so you've got to think of something else to do that involves them moving around so when they start

school and reception they have like three or four plays a day like every time they just get up I think they just open the doors and just turf them out

into the playground and they run around for a bit and then you can teach them for half an hour and they play for a bit so around Christmas it's like nativity time

so they just practice practice practice they can learn the songs all their bits in the play or whatever and then they perform it and because there are three classes in my youngest daughter's school they had to perform it three times once for each of the classes what they didn't do like a they didn't combine well they couldn't because the hall isn't big enough

to fit for three classes so they had to do it three times so she was like sick of it and she was just like humming the song they couldn't do like a different one? Like each class do a different kind of play? All three classes, 90 kids. What's the one with Scrooge and stuff? They could have done like one class could have done The Ghost of Christmas Past. That's pretty dark for like a seven-year-old.

A whole class could have done The Ghost of Christmas Past. That's a pretty big story. It's a pretty big story. It's a pretty big story. You can just get lots of extras. It was like 20 minutes. They sing a couple of songs, job done. Brilliant. My eldest, it was at this big church around the corner from us.

All the classes in the school, the kids in her year, which is 90 kids, the kids in the year above, which is another 90 kids. It's 180 kids, and they've got to find a bit for them. So they're all dressed up and we had to make costumes at home. They have to wear the costumes in for dress rehearsal day. 90 kids.

Plus 90 kids. In a play. No, it's 180 kids. 180, 90 plus 90. Her year, the year above. In one play. In one play. In one play.

What? I'll tell you what. Only about 10 of the kids did shit. The rest of them just fucking sat there and when the songs were on they just rest of them just fucking sat there. And when the songs were on, they just sort of went... They could have done like... They were the choir. Yeah, they were the choir.

They should have done like a Cirque du Soleil or something. They did nothing. There was no acrobatics. So I went there to the church. That would have been good. And I'm sitting there. I'm like, I want to see my daughter in the play. So I'm sitting there waiting for her to come on and do her bit.

She's singing the song. She's, you know, she's making a go of it and everything. And the woman organizing it was one of those people who's like super enthusiastic like like an orchestra like a conductor or something yeah with like big bug eyes so she walks up and like the kids like this like everybody's smile and all the kids go like this and then she's like and it's like jesus we get it like you're really into it and it's like a big thing for you but come on and there's this woman next to me going woo the whole time

she was loving it just to rub in how much I hate it it's like the Scottish director who thinks she's Steven Spielberg and has to

just unbelievably make some sort of artsy fartsy bullshit you've got the super enthusiastic mums and dads who are filming

every single thing and the audience is full of people with video cameras with phones just the whole audience 180 kids who have to be in some fucking way that's like five of the blue trees and then man This is my character all the time. Do you see their dad in their life? Yeah

I'm like saying the fucking song. They didn't do that in the manger back then. It went on for an hour. An hour. So they were like, act one. I mean, the thing is, that doesn't sound that bad for me, but I realise how long that is for you. It was a long time. I mean, I've heard a lot of stories about six of you going to kids' birthday parties. How long were your kids in it for?

An hour is eternity. Out of the hour. No, no, no. Like, the whole hour. We're standing there in the church. All the parents everywhere. There's not enough seats for all the parents. So we're standing. I'm standing there in the church. All the parents everywhere. There's not enough seats for all the parents. So we're standing.

I'm standing there around the side and the kids are all sitting here. Half of them are like bored after 10 minutes. So were they all in it for the whole hour? Yeah, they just either sat there. Oh, right.

So it's like 10 of the kids are doing the talking and the acting. The rest of the kids just sit there when it's a song. They sing. And a couple of the kids

have like special needs. So they're just bouncing around all over the place. And this one kid was obviously like a real handful. I thought you were going to say something else. He had three handlers. Three handlers standing around him like this.

Every time he jumped, they'd grab him and just restrain him because he's just going like this. He didn't handle all these people and all this singing. We had a kid like that at our school who had three handlers, and one day, I'm not even joking He was walking down the hallway and there's just this massive lump and he just like shit his pants But like a huge just this massive lump like sticking out of his ass And there are three adults with him helping him and he just shit his pants

I don't even know how that happens How were they going to stop him? How could they have stopped him? No, they're gone No, no Just like fisting it back into something I don't know gonna stop him who's gonna check how could they have stopped him no they're just like no no just like fisting it back into something

I don't know Jesus Christ fuck me everything's better than shitting in your pants he was distracting for sure he was distracting

but then the plate like they'd go scene five and I'm like oh my god you've gotta be kidding me and it's like King Herod turns up

he's like send find this baby Jesus for me and his soul just come up and they've got this little lines and everything and it's like King Herod turns up he's like find this baby Jesus for me and his soldiers come up and they've got this little lines and everything and it's going on and on and the kids forgetting their lines

and the teacher's like Tain you have to tell King Herod that you will try your best King Herod we will try our best I'm like Jesus ruined the story Jesus fucking Christ Timmy did you not remember

your lines you're a fucking idiot and then they like your kid's an idiot they're like scene 8 our they're like, scene eight, our final scene, and everybody was like, ah,

apart from some parents, like, like they're loving it. The mum next to me, she was loving it. And I couldn't handle it. And I mean, then at the end,

the vicar comes out, right? And he goes, I know we'd all like to get home for a nice cup of tea. And some mums are like, ah, and this guy's like,

but we do need to remember at this time of year, those people who don't have cups of tea. And it was like a big sort of guilt trip. And I'm like, Jesus, we still need to remember. That's when the depressing phantom

in the opera music starts playing. I get it, I get it. Jesus never had a cup of tea. Yeah, exactly. And what would he have done if he had a cup of tea? He had frankincense and myrrh. Can't make tea. But never tea. Can't make tea. And what would he have done if he had a cup of tea? He had frankincense and myrrh. Can't make tea.

But he never tea. Can't make tea. And in honour of Bash. He had high-grade Afghan hash. He did. Did he? That's what myrrh is, isn't it? I assume so.

Yeah. If somebody said to you, hey, dude, I've got a couple of keys of frankincense. Yo, you got any telly? You got any myrrh? So, listen up. Did you guys ever do a school play and did you ever

what were you in the nativity oh man I did several I was the several let our guest let's let our guest yeah I'm the guest here

go guest no he's the guest oh no I can wait I can wait for sips no no no we've heard a story it's your turn I had a story

I was originally in our Christmas school play I was one of the Swedish. Can we did like a Christmas from around the world type play, right? Did you have to have eight children? It was like, it's a small world, but it was your school.

Did you have to do an accent? Because I mean, Gigi. No, I don't think so. Did you have to sing it's a small world the whole time? I think it was just because I was blonde. So I looked vaguely Swedish when I was a kid. I was blonder when I was a kid. small world i think it was just because i was blonde ah uh so i looked like when i was a kid i was blonder when i was a kid i'm a bit redder now but you know i was blonder and i was sweet but then um we used to do these like uh yearly pantos and uh i was the villain on one of them and i had to back comb my hair so it was like a big like crazy crazy bush and i was like

the the bad guy and then i also was uh reverend green in our um in our in our cludo play we never got that fan i did a play when i was in nursery school, and I played a cow who was like one of the extras. Like, I didn't get Jesus. I didn't get like Mary or anything like that. No, I had to play a cow. A cow? I had no lines whatsoever, and my tail was a brown sock. And it was pretty bad.

Pretty bad. You got one, P-Flex? Yeah, I was in an Alan Akeborn play. This is when I was in sixth form. Holy shit. I have no idea who that is. What is that? Alan Akeborn's an English playwright.

I was thinking of younger, but carry on. No, no, no. So I was like 16 or 17. Oh, shit. Well, you're not a kid then. Well, it was terrifying. It was like hundreds of people, and we'd rehearsed our lines for weeks.

Because I was doing theatre studies A-level, so we had to do a proper play. yeah proper degree and i played a level uh a man and his wife go to see a woman and i can't remember what the i think the play is called confusions or something like that nice and we had we had to go and see her for some kind of counseling it was kind of weird and then the other one we were all in a park sort of benches series of benches and we'd sit on a bench and talk to the person

next to us and they'd get up and talk to the next person it was like a series of vignettes I guess and I played a guy who I was wearing like

a trench coat with no trousers I was meant to be crazy so I had to walk in what were you wearing underneath your not a flasher but just like

crazy guy I just had did you have a short sword no just had a pair of shorts on. I had a trench coat on. Yeah, trench coat, pair of shorts, t-shirt. Inside the trench coat were little watches. Yeah, little watches. That would have been more interesting.

I had to do that. Man, I never did plays past nursery school, though. Because you had to opt into them. Yeah, you did. I was like, fuck that. I'm not doing it. It was fun, but it was hard work. I did a Wind of the Willows.

Who were you? Mr. Toad. I wasn't Mr. Toad. Mrs. Toad. No, I wasn't Mrs. Toad. I was one of the Toads. They had to add a lot of extra characters to take over the whole class. So I was wearing my mum's green yoga lycra.

Shit. And some Toad ears. Oh, wow. Whoa, you wore your mum's ears oh wow what are toad ears they don't even have ears do they well maybe eyes there's definitely something on my head was it uncomfortable at all to get a boner

in your mum's lycra I don't think I was old enough to get a boner do you remember your first boner was that your first boner do I remember my first boner. At that point. Do you remember your first boner? Was that your first boner? Do you want to remember my first boner? Yes, I do. Do you?

Because I really don't at all. It was a dark and dreary night. I'd just seen Princess Leia in her metal bikini. I'm trying to think now. I definitely don't remember my first boner. I'm trying to dig up my first boner. Not a chance. I can remember a lot of them, but not that one.

No. Man, I've been through a lot of boners in my life. Yeah, a lot of boners. Yeah. Accidental boners. Like, you know. Who out there isn't thinking about boners right now? There's just a feeling of a good boner, though, man.

Oh, man. Can't beat it. Everyone needs a good boner in their life. If you don't have a good boner in your life, man, you're just out. I think that's why people carry guns why because you know

if it's pressed into your hip there it kind of feels like like a boner like a reassuring weight like a reassuring boner that's why if you carry

more guns that's the name of this podcast guys reassuring boner reassuring boner Triforce Live yeah first boners are a bit

of a weird one on the topic of plays on the topic of plays yeah stay on that yeah yeah no did you guys ever do air bands at school is that a thing no like you know when you pretend right i know yeah every year we used to have like an air band competition and so and and it was almost like um there was like a season leading up to like the bit the finals so like every week there'd be a couple of air bands and then wow they'd get voted to go ahead and then there was like near christmas there was like a big finals and then whoever got voted went to like do a regional national yeah it was like a regional sorry that was regional yeah yeah yeah

and then Canadian national no no there was no national did you like pick a song that you played to or yeah yeah of course yeah so like was it always oh shit

one year we did Bohemian Rhapsody oh my god no way but we how would you airpan that we didn't know who Queen were at the time and we thought they were Kiss

so we dressed up as Kiss and did Bohemian Rhapsody what and we were like nine okay we didn't fucking know. And I had like these jeans on that were so fucking tight I could not take them off for the life of me. You were nine years old wearing the tightest jeans? I wore the jeans from when I was like four years old when I was nine. I could not get them off. It was pretty good. But then when we were like 14 I think

we did Ghostbusters and we were like runner up we almost won wow what was the air guitar version of

Ghostbusters it was like choreographed air band we had people dressed up as the Ghostbusters I was a ghost

we had all these moves and stuff what kind of ghost were you Slimer I was like a zombie sort of ghost right I did the start I hate to be that guy but what do you mean you did the start it was like a zombie sort of ghost. Right. I did the start.

I hate to be that guy, but... What do you mean you did the start? It was like a ghoul. You kind of shambled in, did you? Yeah, like there was like this like, you know, you know, thriller. Yeah. You know how before the music starts, there's like a little bit of a lead up. Yeah.

We did the same thing, but Ghostbusters. Oh. So there was like two girls talking. Okay. They were our friends. Okay. And they were like, hey, so what are you doing tonight Cindy? Well, you know, it's gonna do some drugs

And then I came off stage Yeah, yeah and then the Ghostbusters came out and there was like Yeah, yeah. And then the Ghostbusters came out and it was like... Oh, my God. It sounds amazing. It was fucking cool. And they threw the toaster out. Did your parents film this?

No. This was way before... Man, we were like in fucking high school. We didn't want our parents to come watch that. That sounds awesome. I would love to see that. It was pretty fun. And then quickly we devolved into Degenerates

and never did anything like that ever again. So yeah. Shit. Spent the rest of high school just being clowns. What the? On the weed. Spent a lot of time on the weed. Yeah.

While we were in high school. So we didn't really do anything cool after that. I don't remember anything else from school. We just did a lot of. Did go to band camp. We did a skateboarding stuff and then just fucking, just did a weed once in Did go to band camp. We did a skateboarding stuff, and then just fucking... Just did a weed once in a while, and that was it.

Did a weed. Yeah, just one or two, and that was it. That's a cool way to say it. Did you have those... What are they called? Snakeboards? No.

It was like two independent foot things that twisted, and you had to move them in the right way, and then you would like... No. Shoes? You would get beaten up if you had one of those. It was like way and then you know shoes it was like a skateboard

with like a kind of joint in the middle roller skate and he's like move your legs no no it's jointed it's jointed you put your feet on it and you'd like have to move them in a certain way and it would like it sounds like if i was a real skateboarder i would be furious they sound like a very modern thing for these guys you gotta understand got to understand. Yeah, that's too modern. How old are you, Duncan? I'm 29. Yeah, well, exactly. You can just get the fuck. We had the big skateboards for a while,

and then we got the smaller skateboards, and that was it. Oh, shit. That's all you had. The other one's just the one lip thing. Yeah. Did you make soapbox cars and stuff like that? Yes.

No, we never did. We made one, and stuff like that yes no we never did we made one and we the one that we made me and my friends was based on the award-winning ecto one the ghost busters no fucking way it was just your average go-kart but that's what we wrote on the back and we would race it up and down my friend matthew's road it was did you make did you make a go-kart when you were a kid there was one time when it was shortly after my first boner I remember it very well we did have a

we did try and make a go-kart and we pushed it down my driveway and we pushed my brother in it off down my younger brother off the driveway

right into the road nice as a fucking car was speeding down the road and they swerved to avoid my brother crashed into a fence. Oh my God.

My dad had to repair the fence. Shit. Why didn't you just get someone to do it? I had to repair my fence recently. I just got someone to

do it. Yeah. But he was probably a kid. He couldn't just pay someone to do it. What if you smashed down someone else's

fence? I would get someone to do it what if you smashed down someone else's fence I would get someone to do it I'd be like hey I fucking smashed it I I fucked up

fucked up bad knocked over a fence you get out here and repair we used to do this thing where we'd we'd all sit we'd have these old

you know the old skateboards just the big old the big old ones with the the one like bendy you know the old skateboards just the big the big old ones with the one like bendy bit at the back yeah

with the big wheels yeah yeah we'd all get one of them each and we'd sit on them and there was this big massive fucking hill in our in our village

and we'd all just line up there was like four or five of us and we'd just line up on the road and we'd sit on them we wouldn't stand on them

we'd sit on them and then we'd just go down this massive hill and we'd sit on them. We wouldn't stand on them, we'd sit on them. And then we'd just go down this massive hill and try and knock each other off. And anyone that got to the bottom... Did you get all gravelly burned and stuff? We did a lot, yeah. There was this old lady's garden at the bottom of the hill that we'd use to stop ourselves.

Oh, Mrs. McGregor! And after a day of doing this, this garden would be fucking ruined. Oh, shit. Was she super old? She was super old. And angry? Well, she didn't really come out and say anything.

She's terrified. I'm sure she would have said something. I don't like people. She had this particular pretty bush that we just used to stop ourselves by hitting. And by the end of the day, it was just a mangled mess. Kids are awful. Kids don't have any fucking respect. Oh, Mrs. McGregor.

Oh, Mrs. McGregor's bush has just been trampled. My husband's memorial bush. I remember him during the war. I kept that bush. He loved that bush. She can't call the police. I kept it for him. And those kids have no idea

why they're ploughing my bush. They've been in my bush again, officer. Skateboard ran into my bush. No one's been in your bush for many years. Many years, yeah. You should be so lucky. Poor Mrs. McGregor. Poor Mrs. McGregor.

Hey, I remember one time we entered a Lego building competition. Yeah. Because we used to play a lot of Lego. We were like 15 at the time. And me and my friend were like, that's pretty old for Lego fuck these guys all right we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna kill these guys we're gonna make the starship enterprise out of lego but i didn't have like many gray legos i had like all the clown color lego so we we started making like the saucer section and then we're like ah fuck this looks terrible like what

do you want to do and he's like ah fuck just get the instructions from one of the sets and we'll just fucking build a set you can't just do that with like so we're like fuck it's just gonna be kids entering this competition right we're still gonna we're gonna kill it just buy the really expensive so we feel like teenagers so we take down like this made up instruction made like spaceship set. Okay. With us. And we're like, ah, fuck. We won this.

No problem. We take it down to the place. Every other kid just has like these sets. And holy fuck. We get there and there's like these massive 2D Super Mario's and like all this shit. Somebody made like a fucking huge Game Boy like out of Lego. And we're like, oh shit. I just like quickly ran back to the car with this thing. My dad's like, hey, what are you doing? Gameboy like out of Lego and we're like oh shit

My dad's like hey what are you doing? No The competition is way too rough Take me home It was fucking Yeah it was like the biggest backfire ever man it was so bad We used to do at school every year there'd be a competition where

you were meant to bring in a hobby that you were doing and display it in the hall and people would come in for the day and sort of go around and look at your hobbies and the teachers go around and grade them so i just used to put my fucking warhammer figures up there or whatever and they were poorly painted but they were like yeah there's my whatever. What army did you have? I was Space Marines. Oh, boring. So 5K. I just put all my shitty Space Marines up. I was like, eh, there it is. They weren't even very well painted.

It was just shit. But it was like, you had to do something. Were they Ultramarines? Punk. There you go. Just blue. No, it was just regular. I painted them all green and put flock on one of their shoulder pads.

Dark angels. I don't know. Did you guys do like those science fairs? Did you ever have science fairs? We never had science fairs in my school. That's not a thing we did in the UK, no. I think that's an American thing. My friend Aaron Dwyer. You didn't have a science fair.

But that was the thing, Aaron Dwyer, who was the kid in our year who was, I now realise, deeply autistic, like seriously autistic, but he was never diagnosed. It was just like... Back then, that was was never diagnosed right it was just like no because back then that was not he was just a bit weird yeah yeah that's it she's a weird kid so he would turn up every year he was massively into astronomy loved his astronomy and he would have this amazing little diorama of all the planets and a tape recording and you were meant

to go up and press play on the tape and it was like an hour long lecture from him about the planets okay and of course what we would do and I deeply regret this is record over this sex sound and we would just go

I'm a spaz I'm Eric Dweyer and I'm a massive spaz oh shit you should have just done a lot of grunting

and then rewind it and leave that so people can press play and just say I'm a massive spaz, I'm Aaron Dwyer, I'm a massive spaz. Oh my god. I cannot believe that. That's fucking bad man. That is awful. It was terrible.

You are the fucking worst. It wasn't just me! He had it coming to him. Alright, much like Hitler. His whole team of people. His whole team of guys. Oh my god. It was really original.

How far comedy as well. Oh that's proper bullying. Well we were kids. It was really original. much like Hitler his whole team a bunch of guys his whole team of guys oh my god it was really original comedy as well oh that's proper bullying well we were kids it was a boys school everybody got bullied

that was the way it was holy shit that's pretty good though we used to back before like you know you know nowadays like at school

in a computer lab everything's fucking firewalled to shit you can't go to certain sites and stuff back before that was like a thing. We had a computer lab.

It was all these like old ass Macs and stuff. And it had internet access. And we had like this thing at school. It was like, it was like this community portal and you signed up and you, it was like Facebook. Yeah. Yeah.

But like fucking years before Facebook and it was total dog shit and nobody used it. But so we'd go into the computer labs. We'd have, we had a whole afternoon of Photoshop class. This is when Photoshop first came out. So my whole afternoon was Photoshop.

And you had to do all these shit where you had to clip out a flower and superimpose it on something and stuff. So we'd finish up all that shit and then we'd go around to all the computers and we'd go to like gay.com or like we'd find like like goatsy or like lemon party and we just like on all the computers we put it up on screen and then switch off the monitor so the next class would come in and like you'd hear

them come out at the end of the class and be like oh shit fuck there was some girl pooping into a guy's mouth we're just like holy shit like you ah but you had to see that to put it up in the first place yeah but if it's your joke it doesn't fucking affect you you get really desensitized quickly you see a lot of that stuff

but for the greater good right so that it's up on all the screens the computer lab the worst thing we ever did was we

some people got in trouble because like the teacher would come by and be like what the fuck are you looking at it wasn't me we'd like leave it on

so it's like we learned how to overclock the school PCs and we used to just put them up to like the max and then they would just fucking explode they would just melt down we must have killed

like 4 or 5 PCs there's a line when you're a kid when you're a teenager you do some horrible stuff we must have killed like four or five PCs there's a line oh my when you're a kid when you're a teenager you do some

horrible stuff I remember we went to a house party and it's one of these teenagers house parties where

they're kind of just expecting bad stuff to happen and so they had a photocopier and someone

took a load of photocopies of their ass and sack they had a photocopier in their house yeah and someone took a load of like photocopies of their ass and and sack they had a photocopier in their house yeah yeah and someone took a load of photocopies of it they were like just stuck everywhere and then like people just oh man it was like people made ass prints on the windows and stuff and so like it was almost like stuff like you clean up after the house party and you're like hey man i've cleared everything up and then was that there's like, you clean up after the house party, and you're like, hey, man, I've cleared everything up. And then one day, there's like a foggy day.

Was that the giveaway? It was like, you cleaned up everything. Everything was pristine. You couldn't tell that there was a house party. But then there was ass prints. There was like ass prints. That's right. Hang on a second.

These ass prints weren't here before we left. And then they start noticing, like, that ceiling tile's cracked. Have you been having a house party, you son of a bitch? Exactly son of a bitch exactly yeah yeah so they were just these secretive like you'd like it was it would be a hot day and the windows would fog up and there would be like an ass print just coming out of the window and you realize who's been putting their bare ass on this window it would be that yeah oh it was horrible geez just that's not that bad though i mean at least he didn't overclock a bunch of like

expensive equipment for everybody. I didn't go to many parties when I was a kid, like house parties. No? Like I'd be invited, but.

Did you guys, is house parties like a big thing in the UK? It was in North America. I didn't have a car. I didn't have a car and no way of getting here and there. Well,

I lived in a little village, so the only way to have a party was to have a house party. There wasn't any like bars or anything like my friend my friend ben one time he was having a party his house and uh one of the girls there called up and she was like are you coming to the party i was like uh i don't have any way to get there she's like oh you could get a cab over and i was like shit like i was like i had enough money to get a cab probably and then we'd sort something out when it came to getting back who cares like i'm at a party i don't care she said because ben's sister really likes you oh and i was like really and i said which which

sister uh oh wait you mean i can't remember her name and i realized he had one sister who was quite a bit younger and when it was like just a little bit younger than me i was like if it's the one that's just a little bit younger than me then i was like, if it's the one that's just a little bit younger than me, then I'll probably go to the party. Cool, but if it's a seven-year-old, sorry, I'm out. I'm not fucking interested. The one that was like a couple of years younger than me, I was like, well, yeah, it's okay. I said, wait a minute, doesn't she have like really bad eczema?

And he was like, yeah, she does. I was like, oh, I'm not going to go. Oh, no. I mean, I feel bad because it wasn't that bad. But when you're a kid, it feels like, oh, she's got a bit of eczema on her legs. That's a no. On her legs? Yeah, even on her legs.

She was lovely. You had to see her legs. Very pretty. I was just a twat. I should have said, yeah, I'll be there in two seconds. Fucking run round. Even though it was Southbourne. That's a hell of a way from Westbourne.

Southbourne, oh, Southbourne Massive. Real, like, no Westbourneers would go to Southbourne. No, Southbourne is like a fucking suburb,bourneers would go to Southbourne. No. Southbourne is like a fucking suburb, dude. It's not a scary area. It's just a fucking long way. You'd have to go... I'm in Westbourne. All right?

Southbourne, you'd think would be close. It's not close. It's like the other... So you could go past Boscombe. That's the problem. Boscombe is a hellhole. So how did your teenage crushes go? Did you have a lot of them on the go at once?

Did you sort of juggle them? I had a few. I had a couple of girls I did. There were some that were conveniently located in like Charminster, not too far. Charminster. Yeah. And where was another girlfriend I went out with?

Oh, she was in Lower, which sounds bad, but it's not that bad. She was near the university. It is now the university. She's a nice girl, but she was a bit crazy. That was worth a bus ride That was one bus Southbourne was two buses Because there has to be A very special young lady

And Exmo is the killer On that one There was a girl I rode the bus to school With a friend who was a girl And we were friends For a long time And one of her friends

She invited her out To a local How old are you at this point I'm like 16 alright describe her

okay 15, 16 describe the girl and she is going to be in the gear because this girl was on the bus for the year below me so she must be 15

right okay then don't describe her and we go to the pub right and the pub they know me okay

because I know because you're Lewis Brendan of the Oxen you're like you're like fucking warm cheers I know someone who owns the Brittany of the Oxen you're like fucking warm cheers I know someone

who owns the pub someone whose dad owns the pub so I could always get served impressive and so you know

so I'm like I'm like pretty anyway she's about I'd say five inches taller than me so I wasn't sure I'd get

I'd get in there okay did she have big boobies did she fall asleep on command? Were you deuce bigelow? What does that even mean? Male gigelow

At some point in the night We start kissing And Her idea of kissing Is like Like an octopus Just going at it That's the best was it like it's like like a like an octopus just going at it like it's like and every all the old

men in the pub everyone else in the pub is just totally aware of this this happening okay it was just in them it was they're watching two children get off with each other in the most kind of oh my god and so that just man it's, man, it was a glorious moment. This is the first boner. People are saying this is the first boner. Was that your first boner? That was double boner territory.

That was my first double. I just got one just thinking about it. Yeah, me too, man. Actually, keep going if you don't mind. It was so fucking awkward. But it wasn't at the time, though.

Not at the time, no. Not at the time. You're like, this is the sexiest thing anyone has ever done in the history of humanity. And then, wow, that was, it never worked out. Did you, so was it just, was it a first bass night or were other basses rounded on that night? Well, no, there were no more basses. No, of course not.

No more basses were rounded. We don't really use the bass system. Yeah, but you understand the bass system. I don't think I really do, actually. Third bass is like your dick is out. Really? There were no nothing.

What's fourth bass? A home run is like the whole shebang. So how is it the anal? What is third bass? A home run is like the whole shebang so what do you how is it what is third I don't know if a home run is necessarily anal but I suppose if you're really into that what's a sack fly

what does that count as or a bunt what's a bunt I don't know I don't well it's not a base so what about a ground rule double

it's not a base it's like there's there's there's three bases and there's the home plate for the home run home run so a home run literally home play home run literally is you had sex you go around you

did all the other bases and then the home plate you slid into home which may or may not be anal okay and you're safe at home well you're safe you're you've you've goal achieved if you're at the home plate what would it be what a walk-off home run count as? What is this? A bunt is a sacrifice played to help a brother score. Oh, nice. Wingman. And a sack flies to help him go all the way.

Nice, I like that. Yeah, yeah. Wingmanning that shit. Honestly, the teenage years are just... The puberty is just a mess of embarrassment and... It's horrible. I wouldn't go back. I wouldn't go back.

No, I wouldn't change it for the world. It was great. I'd change a lot. There's a lot of girls I would have had sex with if I'd been into it. If I'd known what was happening. Knowing what I know now. It was way too cheesy. It's all about innocent kind of cuteness.

Knowing what you know now, you probably wouldn't because they were very underage. Completely the opposite Yeah but I would be that age If I went back as a 40 year old It would be fucking weird Yeah But if I could go back To my younger self

As a vision and say You will be able to have sex With a bunch of girls And you'll turn them down Because their hair's a bit weird That day Or you don't like their t-shirt Don't be so fucking choosy

And they disappear into the future I'd be like Yeah knowing what I know now My teenage years Would have just been One long Hardcore por future. I'd be like, cool. Yeah, knowing what I know now, my teenage years would have just been one long hardcore porno. Yeah, I'd be like... What are you saying? What are you saying?

Oh my God. What? Oh, God. Were you really able to just blag that many ladies? Really? You guys say that you were like players. No, I'm saying I could have been. I had so much opportunities.

They weren't players, but if they knew what they knew now. Could have been, yeah. No problem. I would have gone to all those super parties, and I would have had sex with all those girls that I rejected because I had X-ray legs. Of course you would have done. Do you know what I used to do sometimes?

I would not go to a party because I'd be too busy playing Pharaoh on my computer. Pharaoh. Knowing now what I know know would I have done that hell no I would not have stayed around that fucking boy you've got years for Pharaoh exactly

this guy knows what's up if you had never played Pharaoh you may never had played World of Warcraft you may never had joined the Oscars you're not helping and you would be still

a computer programmer for his bank yeah but you know it doesn't matter but you would have had sex with a 15 year old girl. So who gives a shit? Who gives a fuck?

When he was 15. Just to clarify. Let's clarify that. Holy shit. Maybe this was a bad topic to walk us down. No, this is interesting.

This is cathartic. Yeah, yeah, it is actually. It's nice, it's nice reminiscing. It's nice looking back. It's nice,

it's nice opening up the time capsule a lot of names shit i buried it i buried the time capsule did you actually what's in it everyone says that they did nobody did though i can't remember what was in it actually picture of your bum you took it a party i don't think it was like a photocopy this is what my balls looked like in 1986 just in case i forgot i took a picture of my balls. What will the people of the future think? And 50 years later, me and my family dug up the time capsule, forgotten what was

in it completely. And my son turned to me with a tear in his eye and said, Dad, why is there a picture of a bald set of balls in this time capsule? That would be such a troll. Holy shit, like a 50 year old

50 year troll. That would be glorious. Oh shit. I don't think they do time capsules anymore. I do, they do. They totally do. Back then, there was nothing that could withstand the forces of nature, right? Everything would deteriorateate all the

shit would get all gunky you wouldn't know what the fuck was in there it would be nowadays yeah you there's like synthetics and shit that could keep that stuff safe but like fuck nobody does that they were a big no big meme back in the day though everyone was doing time capsules putting stuff in them like putting marbles and it was because it was the millennium you know like 2000 it's like a big you know it's a big like was the millennium, you know? Like, yeah, 2000 is like a big, you know, it's a big, like, milestone year. So, like, people, you know, it's one of the kind of years that people might want to come back.

Come to a fucking university. Why am I going to do a fucking time capsule? Fuck that. I'm too busy getting drunk. No, I'm just saying this is why people were into it, you know, because it was like a, you know, a milestone. Yeah, a milestone. You know, you look at the future, people would,

people don't give a shit about 1998, but 2000, that's a big year. What did you do on the millennium? I drank a bottle of champagne with Mrs. F and had sex. Wow. With Mrs. F. Wow. I went to France.

I let off fireworks in my garden. I was actually in France and it was cool. We had a party in France. Shit. With Mrs. F. Party in France. With Mrs. F. With Mrs. F.

We had sex too. She had a busy night. She had a busy night. She gets her ass. Oh, gotta go. What is the time zones, right? So it was like the millennium in France and then it was the millennium in the UK. She hopped on the ferry.

She was by herself. I'm a second. Yeah. Why is there a helicopter landing in the back garden? Mrs. F. You look tired. Yeah, it's fun. What did you do?

I was at a... What was I at? I was at a creepy village hall party in my local village with all the mums and dads and uncles and aunties. It was very... That's no good. Sounds pretty creepy. Very shit.

Yeah, I really... Duncan? It's a depressing name. I was like, what? I was like 13? Yeah. I was playing Pokemon. I had some fireworks from Lidl's that I'd got.

Oh, yeah. Lidl was here in'd got oh yeah Lidl was here in 2000 no Lidl was still around no no they just arrived because when I was university in 1999 Lidl's fireworks are still

the best they're super cheap and they're fun and you should play with them do not this is what I used to do when I was a kid I used to play with fireworks

a lot and we yeah we let some fireworks off I think we got like a... What we do is we get all the little fireworks from a box. We gaffitate them all together. We twist their wicks together. Like the whole lot and just see what happens.

Village life. Yeah. In a nutshell. That is village life. I'm sure I did that 20 times. I bet the whole town was there as well. No, no. It's just me and a few mates.

That's the whole village. Yeah, my family. Village. I can't imagine going up to the well. No, no, it was just me and a few mates. That's the whole village. Yeah, my family. Village, I can't imagine going to a village. We knew a guy like that. He put, I was like, lighter fluid or something down one of those spinny slides and lit it on fire. Yeah. Because he thought that planes would be able to see, like, the spiral of fire. What?

And we were just like, what the fuck, man? Like, why would you? And he just reeked of, like, fucking gas and stuff, like, all the time. It was just fucking weird, man. Like, I don't know. I mean, he's all right, but. Shit. I don't think any planes would have seen that.

And there's just this big skid mark on a kid's slide, like, forever after that, too. Like, you go to the park and go, oh, yeah, remember time? Eric fucking burnt the slide thinking that a plane would see it. Oh, it's like a plastic slide. Yeah. Yeah. It's like one of those like red, like it properly burn it.

Yeah. It's a local pyromaniac. Shit. Yeah. We had plenty of those. One of my friends ordered a bunch of industrial fireworks one time and just industrial fireworks. Why is industrial fireworks?

They're like the ones they use in London. Yeah, business purposes. They're like a keg of beer. You know, they're like a gigantic barrel and you sort of just put it in your garden, which is, you know, not very big anyway. And you light it and you think, oh, this will be fine.

And then as soon as it starts going off, you run inside. It sort of sets your entire back garden on fire. I mean, in New York City, I don't know about the rest of the state, but fireworks were, when I was a kid, illegal. In New York? In New York, yeah. You couldn't buy them.

In general, Americans have bigger laws on fireworks. Fireworks are generally a lot more restricted. But when I was a kid kid this was in the 80s fireworks in New York City I don't know if this is still the case New Yorkers were illegal. So we got them

from the Russians who lived across the road from us. Oh my god. So there was a Russian family the Bartoshes and they would go Go on Lewis

I know you're itching to do your accent. You pretend. The Bartosh. Do a role play. Hello period. Hello Mr. Bartosh. I have some things. Hello, Pirio. Hello, Mr. Bartosz. I have some things you might be

interested in. I have heard it is a celebration of New Year. I've acquired some objects you may have be like to use on the celebration

by the way congratulations on your first boner by the way I have some fireworks for you my daughter Magdalene she's a six foot three she says she licked your face off

at local pub like an octopus no I do not know what you are talking about and I have come by off back of lorry some lorry

off back of truck I don't know some explosive fireworks and so what the interesting

real good prize hey what are you going to throw in the driveway so yeah that was who brought

them and he came around to our house and he just had a

briefcase he just looked at us all put the briefcase down and he

was like nodded clunk clunk and opened it up it was just like a big red button

the whole house goes up but he had this thing in there called a block

buster and it was like a stick of dynamite, basically. And when he set it off, the whole block shook. It was a bomb. It was a bomb. It was a bomb. So we had all these files. It's a bomb.

It's a bomb. What's this one? It's a bomb. It's a bomb. It's an actual bomb. It's an actual bomb. It's an actual bomb. This is a natural glycerine.

When all of USSR Russia have many excess bombs. It's also really active, little people. It's okay. It's small in any way. So we set off these fireworks and it was mad because I realise now looking back, my parents and the Bartoshes were fucking hammered. Yeah, of course.

So I was just thinking, wow, mum and dad are acting really funny. But they were just drunk. So they set off these fireworks and they set off a rocket at one end of the drive drive we had a long drive with a run on the along the back of all the houses in our row and we were the only ones in a row had fireworks because everyone's you know it's hard to get so he set his firework off this rocket and it was meant to go up in the air and it the bottle was in tipped over and it shot down the alleyway and it was chasing after mrs bartosz she was running down like ahhhh she was chasing down

there and then this is weird next to where we grew up there was a Jewish school yeah okay and for some reason

we snuck into their playground we were set off the blockbuster yeah in the playground of the Jewish school which looking back from it was kind of weird

blew up their slide but we did it we set this thing off we ran a mile and I'm not kidding the explosion was unbelievable. Every window was

shaking and the whole house was like this. We know there were fireworks but what the fuck was that? Did there have been an accident? It's only a blockbuster. It's just a blockbuster. Only one blockbuster. It's just a little bit of

natural glycerin and some uranium little bit small C4 explosive plus crazy

explosive chemical weapon maybe oh for fuck's sake this is my Russian accent so I just remembered

because when I went to my French exchange it was Bastille Day wait you were on it in

exchange I was on a french exchange so your parents had a french kid yeah yeah they did holy shit no way

did they did they like him better than you yeah when you came back they're like oh get Pepe back Matthew

Matthew he was nice oh bring back Matthew we all have weird accents now he has spent so much time with Matthew so respectful he's so clean.

So we went to, on Bastille Day, of course, it's firework day in France. And we went to one of their teachers. They were like, we know where the teacher lives. Let's go to his house. They'd put dynamite in his leather box. So we did that. Oh, it was a disaster. Never told anyone.

I never went on an exchange never told anyone this is the first time anyone's heard about this did you guys have summer camps when you were small yeah not in this country

no no not really they were pretty big work yeah they're big because in the states they've realised if you can get rid of your kids for the whole summer

fuck yeah it's like a bonus for the parents because in the states you only get 10 days holiday on average right most people get 10 days holiday over here we get like 25

26 everybody in the states works at like fucking pizza hut and shit like that and they still only get 10 days holiday on average right most people get 10 days holiday yeah over here we get like 25 26 everybody in the states works at like fucking pizza hut and shit like that and they still only get 10 days holiday so you have to use it around like certain times the chat right now yeah all right hands up if you work at pizza hut and you're american if you work in a service industry job like pizza or whatever or you're gonna get 10 days holiday that's like that's like almost everybody in the chat right now works at pizza everyone says they work there

yeah well that's the podcast so I hope you enjoyed the live podcast we had fun doing it as usual big thanks to our special guest

Duncan who was here thank you Duncan that was gorgeous first guest ever on Triforce you did a good job I'm honoured

you did a good job great Russian accent as well thank you very little knowledge about baseball that's got to be said but there you go yeah

yeah well there you go hope you enjoyed it good luck with your jobs at Pizza Hut and stuff and we'll see you next time yeah

God bless thanks everybody we love you peace out bye thanks for all the money mwah goodbye