Triforce! - Triforce! #284: Billy and Bobby Butlin's Butler Brother

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

Triforce! Episode 284! We're celebrating 8 years of Triforce, looking at classic UK holiday destinations, playing a game of Churchill or (MONETIZATION WARNING) and eating a nice plate of Paella/Palella/Plollerolla! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. Earn the points, share the journey. With the TD Aeroplan Visa Infinite Card, earn up to 50,000 Aeroplan points. Conditions apply. Offer ends June 3rd, 2024. Visit tdaeroplan.com for details. Well, well, well, lads. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,

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well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, to podcasting prowess skills boys jokes men chatting it up telling their story damn how many episodes two hundred sixty nine or twenty seven yeah no we've done more than that the mail there's been like 30 mailbags or something. There's 30 mailbags. Oh my god. So we've done- We should stop doing the regular one.

311. No, pack it in. Let's just change over. We're doing it now! We're doing it right now! We're not gonna call it Triforce anymore, we're just gonna call it mailbag from now on. I think it needs a reboot.

What are you talking about? The Triforce mailbag. We need a reboot, we need a rebrand, we need to start over. You know what it's like when you start a game over again, it's like a breath of fresh air. I mean, this is getting stale in here, it's getting stanky. I don't know though, I play different games but I end up doing the same shit in each game. Like I've been playing, for example, I've been playing Project Zombo now and I'm just collecting toilet paper like I do in every game.

So you would say that if we did reboot the podcast, we'd be back into our old routines within five minutes, and no one would... so there's no point, is what you're saying. You can rebrand it all you like, it's just the same old idiot turning up every Thursday. LIAM Yeah, what, are we gonna fucking change? No thank you. ALICE I'm not changing. LIAM I ain't changing for shit. ALICE I'm not changing for nobody.

LIAM I ain't changing for nobody. ALICE I can't change. LIAM No man gonna change me. ALICE You can't teach an old dog new tricks. LIAM Yeah, fuck that. Fuck you. I ain't changin'! I can't change! But not a buddy! No man gonna change me! You can't teach an old dog new tricks! Yeah, fuck that! Fuck you! Do you know what I saw this morning on the BBC website?

Picture your butthole. How did they get on there? Pfff. Again. You know how they're building a new nuclear power station? You know, the Hinckley C or B or whatever. Yes, they are. Yeah.

It's a huge one. In order to house all the thousand nuclear construction workers, that's what they're called. They basically rented town, like, right outside. They rented a Pontins. Gross. Which had like, two thousand little huts for holidaymakers. Like a little holiday village.

But it's the oldest one in the UK, apparently it started in 1946 or something, it's an ancient one. And it was a bit knackered, and they spent loads of money doing it up. But of course, all of the local people, the local storeholders, are like, we're not getting any trade from these people who have a full time job and then are exhausted. Just normally people there are obviously bored. So they walk around, they go to the arcade, they buy fish and chips, you know. I don't think the people building a nuclear, um, power plant want to every night go and

have fish and chips and go down the Penny Pushers. And go on the spinny wheels at the shit theme park, you know. What do you think was gonna happen? Like, anyway. You call them Penny Pushers, do you? Penny Pinchers. Yeah, the little, you remember those arcade games? I call them the Tuppany Shoves.

The Tuppany Shoves. Let me just, let me just ride my Penny Farthing down to the Tuppany Shoves. Indeed. For a lovely spot of light gambling. Just, it's alright though, because it's only two peas, only the coppers. It's only a few coppers. The most you can lose is about six pounds over the course of an afternoon. My kids love it.

My sister's got a technique I've spoken about before. You jam them in there as fast as you can. You don't do one at a time and try and time it. You get them. It even allows you to do that, because it has a rack for you to rack up the coins on, and you just go, you tap the coins with your thumb as fast as you can, they go shooting down, and the impact of all those coins at once causes like a cascade, and then you can get the good coins coming down. Right.

I think this is just a fallacy though, it's like a gambler has his strategy, you know, in Vegas, he's like, this is my thing, I know how to beat the house, you know, with this thing. It does work. I did it. It works. Like you want to get the goodies, the key ring, the key ring that's at the front there just needs a little tip. Oh, you say that. She didn't put that much in to these machines and she got she won toys for the kids. I don't win shit.

Well, but she's old. She's younger than me. She can pick. She can pick the machines now. You know, they know. Oh, I don't win shit. Well, but she's old. She's younger than me! She can pick the machines now. They know those old ladies. They spot them a mile off, they're like, that machine's about to give birth. That one's pregnant with babies! I mean, it's about to spill out of their front pouch, all those two peas.

They always hang them all over the edge and they look like, they're all glued together though aren't they? No they're not, they're not. A lot of them are glued on. No they're not. I'll tell you what it is. 100%. At the sides, at the sides, there's little shoots that catch but don't give. So if you look at the machine, the coins that fall down, the ones, only the ones that fall

down very centrally actually come down into the collection tray. The Russian, there's like an extra thing that goes and puts them back in the machine. You look at it, next time you're in there, there's like a... there's some secondary catchment areas, it's like, oh, we have to catch those, we can't give you those ones, because they're at the side. It's like a way of grifting. They have all these sneaky little fucking tricks, don't they? But they are still fun. It is still fun. It is still fun! I wondered why I was alwayschanged when I went and got my pennies out, and I always thought they were less than I'd knocked down.

I was like, this is gonna give me ten, and then I'd get it, and there'd be five, and I must've just counted wrong. Oh my god, it's been scamming me for years, P-flats. Fuck me. Anyway, Sips, you must do that all the time, since you live on the lovely seafront tourist trap. Yeah, it's not, uh, it doesn't, it's not like your typical seaside English town, though. Zipz, you must do that all the time, since you live on the lovely seafront tourist trap. Any pusha. Yeah, it's not like your typical seaside English town, though, you know?

It's not like Blackpool, you know? It's more like restaurants and bars and stuff. There's not many amusement arcades or piers or anything like that, you know? It was a bit like that though, wasn't it, before? I think back in the 60s, they used to have a lot more tourism from the UK. They used to be called the Bucket and Spade Brigade. This is when Jersey was... God forbid.

That Bucket and the Spade Brigade are in town, darling! Oh dear! Yeah, I know, but it was, like, the tourism industry and everything was thriving at the time, because it was low cost and it was, you were still, y'know, it was like a home away from home sort of thing, y'know? You could go somewhere that was a bit nicer, a bit sunnier, you could sit on the beach all day in the summer, and you were still in Britain, kind of thing, you know?

Yeah, you didn't have to go to any of these foreign countries and change your money and learn a language. Exactly. There was some appeal there, but then, over here, over the years, they just completely out-priced everybody, killed the tourism industry. Oh, because of the tax haven. Well, it's just... You switched tourists...

Buckets Bay Brigade for... Finance. Yeah. Finance. Yeah. Well, it all came out of... Fucking arseholes. All the big banks set up offshore headquarters over here, and stuff, and then the price of everything just went up and up and up and up and up, and then nobody wanted to visit anymore because it's too expensive.

And now it's just filled to the brim with money launderers and criminals. Yeah. And you. and criminals, yeah. And you. And myself, yeah. Amongst, y'know. Amongst them all. Taking advantage of the low tax rates. Exactly.

You can't really complain. It's quite cushy. In Bournemouth they call the tourists grockles. I don't know if that's common to other parts of the UK, grockles. No. Yeah. Anyone from Bournemouth or Dorset will know that term, grockles. Bloody grockles are in town, innit, bastard? Yeah, Grockles. Anyone from Bournemouth or Dorset will know that term, Grockles. Bloody

Grockles are in town, innit, bastard? Is this like the English tourist maker, the lobster-coloured, big belly... It's like the Gamans. The big Gamans. I think it's because it sounds like a northern word, and a lot of northerners would come to Bournemouth, and make a frightful mess of them. With their pies and mash and their obsession with eating chips out of a cone. You know, those northern sorts. Right. When Leeds came to town for an FA Cup match they trashed it. Everybody hated Leeds

from that point on. Bournemouth and Leeds, yeah, we fucking hate Leeds. Well this is the difference isn't it, you know. This is why everyone loves Japan. Because they leave their football stadiums all lovely and tidy. They tidy up after them, don't they? Not ours. They trashed it. Famously trashed it. Japan? Fucking wrecked it. Leeds and Japan. It's the tradition now. Yeah, no, we hate them both.

Fucking hell. Do you think that's what pontons and these seaside resorts need to do, to bring themselves up to... What, trash the place? No, they need to open up as a tactic. No, I think the only hope for them is to just hope and pray that a nuclear power plant is built nearby, so that they can relive the glory. Rent out the entire holiday camp. Get it all rented out again.

What a strange world. I think the issue with these places like Ponton's is surely that there's no retro... there's a retro vibe to them that you could play into. There's a place in Margate called Dreamland, which is like an old fashioned little theme park, which is a lot of fun. And it had all shitty older rides, and the vibe there was, it's like going to the seaside like in the 50s or whatever. ALICE So it's full of whimsy. So it is thoroughly shit.

JUSTIN No, it was actually not bad. But it wasn't like Thorpe Park or something, the rides were just kinda simple. It was just kinda sweet. Like, it had that thing where you'd get on a bit of carpet and go down and shoot... Like when the local fun fair comes to town. It felt like that, yeah. But oddly enough, they'd done it in a way where it didn't feel too tatty. It felt like, it was obviously, they put a bit of money into it.

It was good design. Like the design of the fonts and the sort of backgrounds and everything was pretty nice. And it just had a good vibe. But I don't know who that's retro for as a nostalgia thing, but people my age. But the thing is, things like pontons, people my age didn't used to go to pontons, really. We did a bit, but by the time we were going on holiday, people of my generation, our generation, like, you know, once we were in our twenties, cheap flights had come in, so we were going to Greece and Spain. ALICE That's it.

Everything changes, you know? Like, you... What was... JUSTIN Yeah. So Pontins rebranded as a nostalgic enterprise. It's only nostalgic for people who are now too old to go on holiday. So they need a complete reinvention. ALICE I think with a place like that...

ALICE They need to rebrand us as an old age pensioner residential care home. Yeah, honestly, I think what a place like that needs to be more like is probably a smaller scale center park, but look for corporate clients and stuff as well, you know, do away days and team building days, or maybe, you know, maybe like an overnight or something like that. Or even like lean into the whole glamping thing, or something like that. But just to do up a bunch of old cabins and try to, you know, leverage off of nostalgia, I don't think is sustained.

I don't think it really... No. But so if you want to rebrand Pontus, right? The people that would be nostalgic about it are probably like in their 90s now. Exactly. They're not going anywhere. That's what I'm saying. So what I'm thinking is, how could we rebrand Pontins, how could we turn Pontins from being

this decaying old institution whose best bet is to hope a nuclear power plant is built nearby? What could you offer 20-30 year olds now to get that young crowd in? Well, bulldoze it and build some flats with Starbucks on the ground floor. No, you want a holiday thing. I'm thinking music festivals are still very popular. Pontons, I don't know if they do this, I don't know if they run music festivals, but if you had a thing where you could come away for, you know, a weekend or a week or whatever, and there'll be gigs. Let's have a look. Where's a Pontins? Hey, let's do a Bucklands.

ALICE It's still going. UK holiday parks and short breaks. Pontins.com. WILL I'm gonna look at Butlins instead. ALICE Okay, they've got the Peakfield Holiday Village and the Sand Bay Holiday Village. This one's in Somerset, there's another one in Lowestoft, Suffolk. WILL So, Butlins Minehead, I've been to that. In 2022, Potsies was rated the worst British holiday pop chain out of 19!

Wow. In which's consumer survey. So, if you look at Buttlands, it looks pretty shit. Okay, let's say Sand Bay, at the height of the summer, okay, let's say all three of us are going, we're gonna go from the 12th of August? When do you want to get away, yes. For how many nights? ALL Three. ALICE Okay. Four nights. Okay, let's say four nights, okay? ALICE Four nights. Seven.

ALICE Right. ALICE Be there over a week, fuck that. ALICE Okay, currently showing one to three of three breaks, okay. So, Sand Bay, August 5th, 2024, Pontons, adults only, holidays, four night break, half board, catering, 135 pounds per night. Room upgrades available from 20 pounds per night. RILEY Here, I'm posting a picture on the Discord, this is someone having a great fucking time

at a Butlins in Minehead, look at this. She is loving that. Oh my god. Do you want to just describe what we're looking at here? An old lady. It looks like an orphanage. An old lady, in one of those bucket swings. Yeah, it looks like a lady is revisiting the

orphanage that she grew up in, and it has not been maintained very well. In the thirty-five odd years since she was last there. JUSTIN It's got that, like, rubber, holey carpet, with covered in shitty sand, like dirt. ALICE And there's a bunch of flats. It's just a playground. Like, come to Butlins, there's a playground. Like that seems to be one of the selling points.

ALICE What's the other one, there's Bu- well, it's Boli- Bully. But that's just- Bully's not a holiday home, is it? ALICE Bully is, I think it's like a Butlins. I think it is a bit like a Butlins. SEAN No, I don't think it is. It's like a car thing, isn't it, Bully? Bully is a village, and then there's something at Bully.

Home to the National Motor Museum. Yeah, that's what's at Bully. No, I think, I think Sips is... There must be, well there's 19 of these chains, right? So there must be some small ones that are better than Pont's. Full attraction. Bully is in the New Forest, if that's what you're talking about. It's just south, it's south of Southampton.

It's east of Bournemouth. We used to, we used to, I've been to Bully. Like it's somewhere that you would go. Must be tons of these. Culture. I mean, it's east of Bournemouth. We used to, I've been to Builly. ALICE Must be tons of these. SEAN Culture. What's actually here? Jazz festivals? Historic rock festivals? SEAN It's near Buckler's Hard, and Fursie Lodge.

Just west of Blackfield. ALICE Yeah. It's not Builly though, it's Beaulieu. SEAN It's Builly. ALICE It's French. SEAN Yeah, but it's Builly, mate. I'm from Dorset, I'm telling you, it's Builly. ALICE Okay, do you know what's really weird?

There's a school over here in Jersey called Beaulieu. It's a private school, so a private girls' school. So people pronounce it Beaulieu, but then they'll pronounce it Beaulieu for the place in the UK, and they're spelled the exact same way. So they'll call that Buehle, because that's what they call it on the ads, but then they'll call the school Bolleuh, because it is actually pronounced Bolleuh. I mean, it should be pronounced Bolleuh, obviously. But this is Hampshire Dorset area.

So we're simple folk. And we're not gonna be saying Buehleu, or it's Buehle, mate. Okay, what do you call the Spanish dish with rice and seafood? It's yellow. Dinner. Uh, palella. I call it placenta. Pilella.

Pilella. Pilella. Pilella. Pilella. Pilellia. Pilellia. Pilellia. Señor dos Pilellia.

What the fuck? What? What? What? What? What? Okay. Yeah. Okay. It's very reasonable, right? I love you! I love you! Honouray! Yeah. Sorry, what's your point? What's the point? My point is, where is my plan? We adopt these English words. These foreign words, we Englishify them.

Yeah, which, it's dumb. It's fine. It's dumb. We can't stop it. Look, it's British place names, innit? It's British place names. They're not accurate. None of it is.

Even if it's an English word, it's not even a foreign word, it doesn't fucking make sense. True. Leicester. Leicester doesn't fucking make sense. Yeah, that's true. Bicester doesn't fucking make sense. Glossester. doesn't fuckin' make sense. For example. Yeah, that's true. Fista doesn't fuckin' make sense. Glossester.

Did you think there's, like, do you have much value do you think there is in the cute English bygone vibe? Right, because I think Butlins can still trade off of that energy that they had, right? I think Butlins still does okay, though. I don't think it's... I wouldn't want to go myself, but I think it does okay. ALICE So, Butlin's turnover, their revenue in 2010, which was the last year on Wikipedia has beta for, their revenue was 184 million and they

made 12 million quid profit. That's how much they made. They employ three and a half thousand people. ALICE 12 million profit, I wonder what they would reinvest that into. I guess probably just up- probably just- well, no, I suppose it would cost of maintaining upkeep and- No, but, yeah, but that- this is the net-

They probably would have even factored in some refurbishment and stuff like that too, right? Right, but their net profit is 12.2 mil. I think they should buy back their own shares in order to increase shareholder value. RILEY Does that increase shareholder value? ALICE 12 million though, that's quite a bit. RILEY Yeah, it does. RILEY Well, so their margin there is about, what

is that, 6 or 7 percent? Revenue of 184, net of 12.2, I think that's about 6 or 7 percent. ALICE I think it's good for shareholder... it probably attracts new investments in shareholders as well, right? The fact that they're making money. Like if you listen to the radio, is it like Thames Water where they can't get any new investors because it is doing so badly. It can't even cover its costs. And a lot of the investors are foreign, you know, like hedge funds, investment funds, like all these, you know, the usual people now that are investing in lots of utilities and services, but nobody wants to invest and

people are pulling out because it is tanking. They're just losing money. The guy who started its name was Billy Butlin. Billy, Billy Butlin. Billy Butlin. His son, Bobby, took over in 1970, there's Bobby Butler. Billy and Bobby Butler. And they had a butler called Butler Butler.

Butters Butler. No, he wouldn't be related. They made their brother their butler. It's kind of the take on the... Bobby, Billy, Ben, Brenda, come over here. The butler's got something to say to all of you. I quit. That would be good, you get a butler, you get a butler. They had Mr. Tumble headlining butlins. They had Mr. Maker. How did he not get tangled up in the whole U-tree thing?

I'll be honest with you, I do not understand. I was like, surely. Who the fuck is Mr. Tumble? Mr. Tumble, he does the, he's a man named Justin Fletcher, he does the voice for Sean the Sheep. The baaah for Sean the Sheep. He's done some other stuff too, but he's a big, he was like a big time CBeebies presenter. JUSTIN No, apparently he's a good lad.

The thing is, if you Google him, his smile, he's like the James Corden of children's entertainment. He's fucking everywhere. And your kids will love him. And you will think, oh Christ, not this fucker again. And, yeah, makes him feel like- I mean, he is aimed at like two-year-old kids though. Like he is like the, like the, probably the lowest, lowest end of children's entertainment.

Got a face like a baby. Yeah, he does have a baby face. He's like in his 50s and he's got... He must drink blood. Speaking of, it's my birthday today. Oh my god, man. Why didn't you say? Happy birthday! Who gives a shit? I'm fucking 48. What am I gonna fucking celebrate? Mrs. F got me a book, the kids didn't get me shit, they got me a card, nobody got me any presents, I'm happy with that.

Yeah, I'm the same. I don't want shit. There's like no emphasis on birthdays for me anymore. My wife is very much the same, they just don't care anymore at all. They don't give a shit. I don't care. We care about our kids' birthdays, though, we push the boat out big time for them, but for each other we don't really.

Yeah, once I had kids my birthday each other we don't, really. Yeah. Once I had kids, my birthday became something I didn't think about. I think, actually, that, I think we're at the point now where it's like, I really appreciate that you just didn't do anything for me. I'm glad that you just, uh, conserved, like, an ounce of energy instead of... For my birthday, I would like to be left alone, please, in my chair. Pretty much, yeah, you get to that point.

That's what I want. I'm just like, you know, like, in my chair." ALICE Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, you get to that point. JUSTIN That's what I want. I'm just like, you know, like, Mrs. F was like, what do you want? I was like, just a cup of coffee in bed, and just- ALICE Don't talk to me all day. No one talks to me. No one even looks at me. JUSTIN Don't talk to daddy, it's his birthday.

ALICE You know, maybe someone will bring me a sandwich at some point and we'll have takeaway. Like, you know, that's- JUSTIN Mrs. F brought me some toast. Job done. I mean, that to me is a good day. And because it's my birthday, she generally won't ask me to do anything during the day, so she won't be like, can you cook dinner tonight? She'll cook.

So it's like, perfect. So I literally could just have a nice day slobbing around, doing nout. That is to me a birthday present. I do that every day, pretty much. I know. I know. I am slobby. Okay, here's the thing, right?

I don't know how... Okay. So imagine... imagine you... Do you have a point? Just before we get into this. No, there's no point. Alright, fine. I just wanna hear what you have to say.

I went on holiday this week. Last week. Went to Lanzarote. It was nice. I haven't been there since I was a kid. Say it, say it. It's one of these... It's like, Lanzagrotty.

You're getting grotty in Lanzarote! That's what he said last week. Is that what you did while you were therety. You're getting grotty in Lanzarotty, that's what he said last time. Is that what you did while you were there? Did you get real grotty? Well, it definitely is the most holiday camp of the islands, in a sense. Well, it definitely feels like there's a lot of British tourist makers there, and it's hot and everything, so it's nice, but it's definitely... feels a lot of the places,

a lot of the towns feel like they're just a load of holiday villas slapped down. I mean, they're not actually... there's no natives there. No one lives there apart from people who work in the holiday tourism industry. It's entirely manufactured, right? These towns in the place. To the extent that it's kind of... I guess it's the same everywhere, right? But sometimes it's usually attached to an existing town, or attached to something beautiful, but in the area where I went, which is called Playa Blanca, right? Which means, I think, White Beach in... Playa.

Playa. Playa Blanca. Sorry. Playa Hader. Playela Blanca. Yeah. Playela. It fucking... there's not even a beach, right? Where is it?

Well there's a little tiny beach that's been sort of shipped in from the Sahara Desert kind of thing. So, a beach? Is there a beach or is there not a beach? Well, I should say you can call that a beach. I guess... Maybe a beach for you Pleyella-eating people, but for someone who's used to the best, say Butlins or pontons, this

is hardly a beach. Well, okay. You know when you go to an actual island with real beaches, they're fucking miles long. True. And they go on around the whole place. You can walk for like ten hours and never leave a beach, right? Whereas here, the whole island is rocks. But they've built some rocks out into the sea, and then got a lorryload of sand and dumped it on the...

ALICE Yeah, that's no good. ALICE That's not a beach. But it's just big enough, and as a result, obviously, it's packed full of tourists, right, because they want to go to the beach. And I guess a lot of people don't, they just hang out by the pool, and don't go in it. SEAN Yeah, I would rather do that. The beach is pretty gross. It's nice when it's clean, but I wouldn't go in it. Yeah, I would rather do that. The beach is pretty gross. It's nice when it's clean, but I wouldn't go in the water or anything.

Right. No. It's like the world's biggest toilet in there, I'm not gonna lie. These things have all the dumps that are in there, yuck. No thanks. Yeah. I guess you either have a choice between that or the pool, which is obviously chemically sanitized water.

Filled with dumps. No thanks. And plastic, as well. Blah. Yeah. Well, yeah, there's sharks and jellyfish and shit as well, don't forget about that. No thanks. You know?

I actually had quite a nice time. Weather was not fantastic, it was raining. And the way the local news, I turned on the telly one time and I saw the local news and it was like, um... Did they say Scorchio a lot? Was it like the Far Show sketch? Scorchio! Scorchio!

Scorchio! No, it was kind of like the Far Show sets where it all went wrong, and it was like, a cloud spotted. Because there's a Far Show set where they spot one cloud and everyone goes into panic mode. It was like that, except, you know how on the BBC when it's like a snow day, people film that it's snowing out their window? And they send it in and the BBC play all of this stuff. It was like that.

Except it was raining. Do you know what I mean? It was like they have this whole news segment where everyone's sending in their home footage of the rain coming down outside, you know. And it wasn't even very hard, and the rain didn't even last more than about ten minutes. If it's raining here in the UK, it's raining the whole fucking day, right? Whereas there, I look at my phone and the weather forecast rain, and I'm like, oh no. And then it rains for two minutes.

The whole day? Is it an island? It's an island, right? It's just so different. I guess it's like, it's? The whole day? It's an island, right? It's just so different. I guess it's the same thing with us and snow and Sweden and- Oh, it's usually the same. Sometimes you get weather that sticks a little, but for the most part it can be pouring rain

and then five minutes later the sun's out. It just moves through quicker, I think, because it's an island, you know? And the weather moves through the channel really quickly, too. So I had a... So we went to a hotel, it was very similar to when I went over there, I was in her mother. And it was nice, but eating the hotel buffet is just a flippin'... I'm taking my life into my hands, guys. Every time.

Did you have the oysters? I fucking hate oysters, man. I did not see any oysters. What kind of place has that? A buffet? I don't know, I'm just thinking of that episode of Mr. Bean, where he goes to the... he stays at that seaside hotel, and he's having a competition with that guy. And the guy, he's about to eat his oysters, but he pulls a face, like they've gone off.

But because Mr. Bean's competing with them, he'd already eaten like 20 of them, like, to get ahead. And then he just gets like sick, he gets the shits and he's stuck in his room, and it's, oh god, it's the worst. It actually makes me feel ill thinking about it. Maybe that's why I'm a veg- vegan now, you know, maybe that's why I'm a veggie guy. Yeah, maybe that's why, you know, it was ingrained into me at a young age. Yeah, that oyster, the yorster bit, you knew. So gross. Nah, so gross.

It's like Disney's Robin Hood made everyone into a furry. Yeah. It probably did, that's fucking funny. Yeah, did you have a big crush on Maid Marion? Well, who didn't? Let me have a look at her. Maid Marion. She had those big eyes? Let me have a look at her. Maid Marion. She had those big eyes that you got lost in with the big eyelashes.

Disney Robin Hood. And she's a fox, though, right? She is a fox. Exactly. She is a fox. The definition of one. Nowadays she'd have a real dumper. That's how they make them these days.

Yeah, she'd be twerking all over, nodding him. Sherwood Forrest, watch out. Here she comes. JUSTIN Oh, shit. There's a lot of naked pictures of her on the internet. Okay. Alright, thank you for showing me that. Brilliant. Turns out the other character, Robin Hood the fox, has a massive cock, if anyone's wondering.

Just found it online, yeah, apparently. Massive. ALICE That's who he's returning- when he talks about Little John, that's what he's talking about. About his massive- It's an ironical name. Anaconda. Fry a cup.

Fry a cup! That was a great movie, actually. Disney's Robin Hood with the Animals, I loved that. Yeah, they were pretty good. I still watched it all when I was a kid. I liked the music. That was when they used to animate shit. The whistly, the rooster that played the banjo and whistled was great.

You know who I miss? Fuckin' Foghorn Leghorn. Yeah. There is a character. What a character. I said, I said, I said, I said, boy! I said, I said, I said, boy! That was the whole cartoon.

That was the whole cartoon, basically, yeah. I was searching up some big old titties on the internet the other day, except- Were you in incognito mode when you were searching said honkers? I was and therefore I would suggest completely protect. Yeah, I think that's foolproof pretty much and nobody will ever know that you were on there No The complete so mode does not hide your activity on the internet. Yes It doesn't matter what mode you use or how many times you clear that browser history. That's why even when I'm at home, I never look at titties without using ExpressVPN. Good. ExpressVPN, re-reach your internet connection through their secure service so your ISP can't

see the sites you visit. It keeps all of your information secure by encrypting by the most powerful encryption. Only I know what I'm looking at. That's how this works. Okay. Well, now I know what you as well though, because you just told me. Well, I use it every day. So yes, ExpressVPN is available on all your devices, phones, computers, even your smart TV. There's no excuse for you not using it. Check your online activity today with a VPN rated number one from CNET and Mashable. You can visit our exclusive link, expressvpn.com slash triforce and get an extra three months free on a one year package.

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This has been an amazing time for movies. This is the last few months. Okay, where can I watch these movies if I decide to watch them? They're all available online. Can I watch them online? Okay. Just Google it, it'll show you where you can watch them. So, American Fiction, which is about a guy who,

he's a black author who writes very high brow books about very fusty historical subjects. And this book comes out that's like, sort of like not making fun of, but it's like a stereotypical vision of black America, the experience of a black person in America, comes a massive best seller and he gets so pissed off with it, he writes his own parody of that to give

to the publishers like, as a fuck you, and they're like, oh my god, we love your book. And it's like, super over the top, it's completely made up, and he has to play a character who's meant to be like, on the run from the police, who's written this book. So he has to pretend to be that guy on the phone. So he's sort of forced to play that stereotype, and the publishers all love him for it. Oh my god. So he wrote like a satirical version of taking the piss out of all of the black stereotype. Melodramatic plots, deadbeat dads, gang violence and drugs. Exactly. So he's like, put it all in the book.

And then they're like, we love this! So that's the setup. But it's also, it tells it that his family's story and everything, which is the second story running alongside that, is also brilliant. Such a good, such a good, clever movie. Brilliant. Watch The Holdovers with Paul Giamatti. Quickly, before we talk about this, did you hear about The Wily Coyote? Because we talked about that earlier, like The Fog.

Yeah, they've been there! There was a Wily Coyote movie, right? Yeah. Called Coyote vs. Acme. And the idea was that it would be like... it was basically done, apparently. And because this happened with another movie, I wanna say Catwoman or something? Yeah, it was something, it was a Catwoman movie, I think it was, yeah. That was finished, and it was actually even doing well on screenings, but they just decided that it wasn't gonna be worth... it wasn't gonna make enough money. Yeah, but they just decided that it wasn't gonna be worth, it

wasn't gonna make enough money. Yeah, so they just binned it. So they binned it and just took it at a tax break. So isn't it crazy that they can get into this thing where they're like, they figured out that they can either get... you can either take the risk, or we can just get half your money back. It's like... Yeah.

Or whatever. It's actually insane. I think it's because when you look at the budget for a movie, a lot of the time it doesn't include the marketing costs. And that is almost as much again. As I understand it. ALICE Well, a lot of movies, a lot of really big movies were born from that risk, though.

The original Ghostbusters was risky, they almost thought they were gonna lose everything. JUSTIN Well, this is it. ALICE The original Home Alone. Forrest Gump had to be bankrolled essentially by Tom Hanks and another guy. I'll pay for it out of my own pocket. Yeah, but had it not been for that, he wouldn't have had Forrest Gump. Some people don't really care about that. I'm ruined. Jenny, I'm ruined.

There's lots of really big movies that, y'know, people look back and just think, oh yeah, when they made that they knew what they were doing or whatever, but they didn't. It was a huge, huge chance. A huge risk. ROBBIE Well, I saw The Holdovers with Paul Giamatti, he's a guy that works at a private school, it's set in the late 60s, early 70s. ALICE Has this been part of your good recent movies binge? Yep.

And it's excellent. Have you been watching them with the wife? Yes. We've been watching those. Have you been doing like your own little criticism, like your own Gogglebox commentary as well? No, we just watched. Well I don't think much of this darling, go and get the wine. I think it's a real struggle to get through this one.

Wine's there anyway baby, let me tell you. But that's really good to hold over. And basically he has to look after these kids over the Christmas break whose parents wouldn't come and get them. And he's basically institutionalised in this school. He went there himself and now he works here. Like, it's all the sadness of their lives sort of unravels. It sounds like it's gonna be really, really serious and unpleasant. But it's very funny and very sweet. Very good movie. And that's the movie of the fall, I think I spoke about already. Yeah, you did. That's the French one. Yeah. So, so good. I watched movie. Um, Anatomy of a Fall, I think I spoke about already. Yeah, you did.

That's a French one. Yeah. So, so good. I watched that. What'd you think? I really liked it. Yeah. It was really interesting.

It's very, very good. The little kid's performance is amazing, and that fucking dog. I thought it was CGI. That dog was trained to do that. That was actually the dog. It was not a prop or a model. What did the dog do? It had to play dead, to the point where you think, there's no way this is a real dog.

Amazing. ALICE Wow. JUSTIN Or should have won an Oscar. Should have won an Oscar for that performance, that dog. And didn't even know he was in a movie! The dog didn't even know he was in a movie, and his performance was amazing. Dune 2! ALICE I haven't seen Dune 2!

JUSTIN Oh my god! ALICE I haven't even seen Dune 1 yet! JUSTIN You've got to watch them. They are so fucked. ALICE Okay. Where can I watch them? Dune 1 is on Netflix. June 1 is on Netflix.

Yeah, I've watched... June 2 is in the cinema. See it in the cinema. We saw it a little, it occurs in Kingston, where it's like, it's not an iMac screen, it's a regular screen, but it had this amazing sound system, Dolby Atmos, I think it's called. See it in a good theatre if you can. Holy shit. This lived up to our expectations.

It was so fucking good. I know. Really? Yeah. expectations. It was so fucking good. I know. Really? Yeah. Okay. Was the first one good? Yeah, the first one was good. And you can watch it on Netflix? Yeah, yeah. You can, yeah. I started watching it again, um, a couple of weeks ago, cause I was like, oh... I'll catch up.

I was in a bad... I wanted to catch up for the movie, yeah, but I was in a bad mood, and I was like... I can't... It was like... I watched like the first half of it, and there was so much serious shit going on, and I was like, I forgot how heavy this movie is. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Riverside Australia, hate it, been watching it, and The Apprentice as well, really hate it and still watching it. Actually, this season's been pretty good. Well, okay, fine, I started watching The Last of Us, which I thought was pretty good, but I'm kinda losing steam with it a bit now. I'm on the episode where the girl, it's like a flashback, the girl hanging out with her

friend and they... It's just... The mall episode? Yeah, that's a drag. That is a drag. flashback to the girl and hanging out with her friend and they... It's just... ALICE The mall episode? Yeah, that's a drag. That is a drag. SEAN Yeah, I think so, yeah. It's a bit of a drag.

I'm just trying to slog through it. I mean, I like parts of it, but I expected to like it more, y'know? ALICE Yeah, it's okay. SEAN It's fine. ALICE I don't know why people lost their shit about it, it was okay. SEAN Yeah. ALICE Also, here, the three body problem on Netflix, it's about aliens coming to Earth, and that's very good.

Some really decent, sort of quite deep sci-fi problems, made by the lads that made Game of Thrones, and it's good. I've got a couple of problems with it. A couple of problems, but it's worth watching. ALICE What's the other one, like House of Dragon or whatever, is that any good? Or... RILEY Not for me. It's boring. I don't care.

House of Dragon I thought was great. Really really good. I'm really excited about it. The Targaryen dynasty started it. Why is everybody blonde? Fuck off. It just looks so stupid. Well, it's their bloodline there.

Yeah, it just looks stupid. They're Targaryens. It makes me think of the lads from that movie, The Day the Earth Stood Still, where they turn up, and they all look the same. Right. And doesn't you dismiss something just because you saw they were all blonde in the frame. They look stupid.

I mean, I tell you what I have to say. How does it stack up against the first season of Game of Thrones? It's great. Okay. Just as good. No, it's not absolutely not. It really is. Not even close.

I tell you what is really good. Not even close, sunshine! Let's tell you what's really good. The three body problem on Netflix. I really like that. I really like it. I'm enjoying it. I do have a lot of problems with it.

What is it, a series or a movie? Yeah, it's a series. A series. I'll give you the summary, Sips, okay? Careful not to do any spoilers here, because it's so difficult to spoil something. It's easily spoiled. I don't want to spoil it. It's very very cool.

There are aliens, and they're gonna come to Earth. That's the setup. And it's people preparing for that. That's the setup. The basic setup. It doesn't sound very interesting to me, I'm not into all that, but if it's good then I might try it. Give it a try.

Well, it's a book series by this Chinese author, and it's like the best sci-fi to come out of China, ever. And it's just... The guys, David and the guys who did the first few seasons of Game of Thrones... What, Weiss and Benidorth? Yes, those two. The two Davids or whatever. They're obviously in the doghouse for ruining Game of Thrones, but they've done a fantastic

job adapting this book. It's set in London instead of China, which is a bit weird. It's really good because there's tons of lines and it's really well written, from front to back. You can tell they've gone over and over and over and every line is like a little reference to something that's coming, or that's been coming, or that's happened, right? It's absolutely packed full of that. It's bits like these Chinese scientists are being executed in the sort of Communist revolution, or whatever it's called. And then

in the future, someone says like, oh, it's a bad time to be a scientist. It's like, well, oh my god, it was a bad time to be a scientist back then! It's like full of little callbacks and like, oh, it's just great. I think it's well done. I love the book series, and I'm really enjoying seeing it brought to life. I think I like it more than I like the books, actually And it's a funny thing to say because I don't, I very rarely say that about movies. If I've read a book of something and I've watched a movie I'm like, this isn't as good as a book. Almost every fucking time. And I sort of feel a little bit like that with Dune actually. I'll be honest with you, I think that Dune Part 2, first of all, I loved the book. It

was one of the first big sci-fi books I read. Loved it. Really formative in my brain about what good sci-fi is and everything. And it's still a really good book. Has lots of more intrigue in it than perhaps you could have on film. But they did a bloody good job of taking quite a difficult book to do justice to and bringing it to screen and making it suitable really for modern audiences and stuff. I thought all the characters were really well done. I would like to see a little bit more of some of them, I said that before, but the second book, and the second film, sorry, has absolutely blown me away. I could not believe how good this was when I saw it. My jaw was on the floor. And me and Mrs F were like, holy shit, that

was fucking amazing. We were just like breathless after, it was just so good. I think the Dune movies really lead into the cinema experience there as well. Oh, it was amazing. With the music and the vibe, like the energy. I will say about the three-body problem, that one thing that frustrated me is how all of the best scientists in the world, the foremost physicists, all look like they've just stepped out of the fucking love island. Yeah, they all look like models. Like, fuck yeah, they do. It's like, what is happening

here? They're all like supermodels. And it's like, give me a fucking break. Well they're using science to take care of themselves. They know all the right ratios and everything. Especially the one who makes the nanofibers or whatever, that lass. Fuck off, she's a fucking genius scientist. Fuck off. Like, she doesn't even speak like someone who's intelligent. Because there's this other scientist, she's like the main character, she's believable

as a scientist. But this other lass is just pouty moany little cow. Why is she believable? Is she an old Indian lady, is that why? That stereotype. No! We needed more nerds in this thing entirely about scientists. None of them, I've no physicists.

I'm a bit upset about that, I will say that. But she's just like, pouting around, they're like, you're one of the greatest physicists of your generation, she's like, whatever! Like that. Like pouty. It's like, fuck off! Like, this is ridiculous. And then, this is the other thing. You become this-

ALICE Well that's gonna be the next generation of scientists. WILL No, no, no, no, trust me. I've met a lot of the next generation physicists. They don't look like her. ALICE This analysis is cringe. Oh. WILL This is cringe AR, AF. That's for real, bro!

Be for real! Be for real! Bruh. Bruh! Bruh. Serious bruh moment, period there. Bruh. So, do you want the gaming news, or any other pop culture news?

Fuck gaming news, give us real news. Fuck off. Pop news. Uh, OG Power Rangers actor August St. John, who famously played the original Red Ranger, has announced a new line of clothing featuring quotes from historical villains, including Adolf Hitler. Is this Jason Lee Scott? Who apparently has some pretty good one-liners.

Oh my god. Is this going Jason Lee Scott? Is that the name? No, he's at Austin St. John. He said Hitler was, you know, a demon on steroids, but he had some pretty good one-liners. Oh man. I don't know what one-liners... I can't think of any.

So they can't be that good. I never had him down as a funny or quippy person, you know? JUSTIN So, by the way, this same guy, Austin St. John, has been charged with Covid-19 fraud, and he had a scam that was worth 3.5 million dollars to get money out of the government for the Cares Act. That's, so, he's a scammy piece of shit. He's been charged for that.

ALICE Geez. JUSTIN Okay. JUSTIN Slammed for plans to release Hitler- Hitler quoting clothing line. That is fucking hilarious. Thing is, you could like, ugh, look, if I get some Winston Churchill quotes and I get some Hitler quotes and I read them out, you have to guess which ones are which, right? Yeah. You're fucking not gonna be able to do it. I would. I would definitely be able to do it.

He called him a warrior. That's what he called Hitler. He called him a warrior. A building a warrior line. Where I'll go back in history from pre-Greek days as far back as I can. I'm gonna have famous quotes from warriors of all ilks, including the terrible ones. Hitler was, you know, a demon of steroids, but he had some pretty good one-liners. Beverly from the great ones to the infamous and terrible ones. What the fuck, who's wearing a Hitler quote on a fucking t-shirt? What's wrong with I'm with Stupid? That's a t-shirt, right there.

ALICE Yeah. You've been meant stupid, you cop! ALICE Where are you standing next to August St. John or wherever his name is. JUSTIN I'm with Hitler. That's the T-shirt. ALICE Hitler was a warrior. Yeah.

Alright. JUSTIN What, give me some quotes, give me some of his quotes. ALICE You want me to give you a... JUSTIN Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's hear. ALICE A Winston Churchill quote or a Hitler quote? JUSTIN You say them and we'll guess them. ALICE Okay. Um...

JUSTIN We shall fight them on the beaches. Oh, that's Hitler. That is Hitler. 100%. So this is, so hang on, you're reading quotes and we have to guess whether it was Hitler or Churchill. Hitler or Churchill. Right.

Yeah, okay. Sure. Uh, I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. That's Hitler. That's a Hitler.

That is Winston Churchill. Oh my god. That's Winston Churchill. Classic Hitler. I am fond of pigs. We shape... we... We shape our buildings, thereafter they shape us. That's a Hitler. That was Hitler!

That was, again, Winston Church. I am fond of pigs. I am fond of wiry. Let's have a Hitler one. ALICE Reading is not an end to itself, but a means to an end. LIAM Alright, that's Hitler. ALICE That's gotta be a Churchill. ALICE That is Hitler, yes.

ALICE Fuck. ALICE Well, this is a good Hitler one. To conquer a nation, first disarm its citizens. ALICE Oh man. Maybe he can put that on a t-shirt. Okay, how about this one. Words build bridges into unexplored regions. That's Hitler again. That's Churchill.

That is Hitler. Oh, fuckin' hell. I can't get these. I can't get any of these. Look, the Winston Churchill ones are very simple. They're just about animals and buildings. The Hitler ones are all like, you know, him saying some lofty semi-philosophical shit. And with Churchill over here he's like, I like pigs.

I like buildings. Like, you're taking your grandad for a walk. I love pigs. ALICE. The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. LIAM. The empires of the mind. ALICE.

I don't wanna guess, I don't wanna be wrong again. LIAM. That's Churchill. Lofty. ALICE. It is. It is. Lofty, I don't want to be wrong again. That's Churchill. Lofty. It is. It is. Lofty, I see what you're saying. Whereas Hitler's more... Pernicious.

Right. Yes. Not a nice man. I'm finding this out now. But he was a warrior! Look at this one here, he was a warrior! Fair play to him! That's his belaying with the two of Hitler.

You've got to give it to Hitler, right? He was a warrior, no, isn't it? You know what I'm saying? He had some great quotes, he had some great one-liners. He's gonna have some great one-liners. He's gonna have some banging one-liners? Um, so, Mike Tyson. Oh yeah, Mike Tyson is set to fight, uh, was it Logan...

Jake Paul? Jake Paul? Logan Paul? One of the Pauls. Who, weirdly, not playing a scientist in the New Three Body Problem. This seems like the perfect cast for that. Are you Tyson or Paul? Either. Not playing a scientist in the New Three Body Problem. This seems like the perfect casting. For Tyson or Paul?

For that, either. Um, sorry, fuckin' hell. So Mike Tyson is, uh, is, is... He's hoping, he's got some... Okay, this is a joke, but he's made some edible cannabis ears. Right? Nibble cannabis ears, right? So you can buy Mike Tyson ear-shaped gummies that are cannabis-flavoured. Flav- not flavoured, um, imbued. And he has three colours.

He has three colours. Whose ear did he eat? It was Holyfield's ear that he bit. You can eat Mike Tyson's ears, or you can bite nibble on them. I'm releasing a line of edible ears, with cannabis in them. That's exactly what it is. They come in flavors including black eye berry, sour apple punch, and watermelon. Hi I'm Mike Tyson, why don't you buy my edible ears?

Fuck you! Who do you think is gonna win that fight? If it was actually... He's 57. If it was..., uh, 57. If it was, uh, is he only 57? Jake Paul, he's fighting Jake Paul. Jake Paul is 57.

No, Jake Paul's not 57. No, I know, I know. Tyson is only 57, I think Tyson's got a really good chance of winning. He'll be 58 by the time the fight takes place. Great greatest boxer of all time. He's a monster. Like, in many ways. He was so dominant. But time the fight takes place. Great greatest boxer of all time. He's a monster. Like, in many ways. He was so dominant.

But yeah, in the ring. But he was so dominant, it's unbelievable how good he was compared to everyone else. He was absolutely, literally put on this planet to box. Unbelievable. And Jake Paul is 27, he's had nine fights so far, and he's lost just one, which was to Tommy Fury. He had no shit. Lost to an actual boxer, I think. An actual boxer.

Wait, who else did he box? Who else did he box? Just a bunch of other celebs, innit? I mean, internet people. Yeah, he'd be a bunch of internet people. I think they call it white collar boxing. Because it's like, just, y'know, people who aren't normally boxers, who have like, professionals that come in and do...

ALICE But then when he actually fought against a real boxer. JUSTIN Somebody who could fight, yeah, you gotta ask it. One of my best mates... ALICE This white colour boxing thing is nuts. JUSTIN Yeah it is. But one of my best mates' sons, both of my best mates' sons actually, are getting into boxing, and they're really enjoying it.

I think for some people it's just like, you try a bunch of sports, and when you get to boxing, that's your one. You're like, actually this is the one I really like. And I know some people see it as just fighting and shit like that, as just thuggish, but it's a very, very technical sport. It's extremely, extremely skilled. Very disciplined. Yeah, yeah. Like sometimes it doesn't look it, but it is not easy to fucking win a boxing match. Like, it's really about. It's not even just... It's a very dangerous sport, too.

Very dangerous. Very very dangerous. I fucking love boxing, man. I love it. I think that's the allure, though, right? I mean, certainly this white colour and YouTube boxing has been a relatively recent thing, right? Like, it feels like it's only...

I dunno, do you know what I mean? I mean, it's been around for a while, but it feels like it's only... I dunno, do you know what I mean? It's been around for a while but it feels like it's only really taken off in recent years. I remember, didn't Uwe Boll fight Lotak? Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. And Lotak's thought it was just gonna be a joke and Uwe Boll came out swinging. Yeah. That is some internet history for you youngins.

Yes. Because all three of us basically came from something awful. And Lotax was the owner and sort of manager of the site, like it was his site. And the goons, is what people that were on something awful used to, sort of not brigade, but they would... Ah, they'd brigade. We would go after people who made shit things or did stupid shit. Like the very early guys who were into bitcoins, there were a lot of really shit public access TV shows, really shitty movie makers like Uwe Boll, there'd be content made about them, memes made about them, and eventually, because Something Awful was huge

in its heyday, those people sometimes came back at Something Awful, and Uwe Boll challenged Low-Tax to a boxing match, and they went through with it. And they had the fight. Low-T They lost. ALICE This is a long, long time before these quote-unquote celebrity boxing matches existed. Yeah. I mean, I'm not kidding, Something Awful is probably the most influential website of the last twenty years.

Easily. ALICE For internet culture, for sure. Yeah. So much of what you see as just regular internet culture, and people who are big on Twitter, have gone on to be comedy writers, all that started off on that website. A lot of the way it is, is why things are the way they are now on the internet. Hundred percent. Hundred fucking percent.

Anyway. Anyway. Uh, NVIDIA... What did you say? NVIDIA. I thought you said NVIDIA. No, he said NVIDIA. I thought you said NVIDIA, like it's all one word. NVIDIA. No, he said NVIDIA. I thought you said NVIDIA, like it's all one word.

NVIDIA. NVIDIA. Sounds like a beauty product when you say it like that. Yeah, it does, yeah. Are making... if you love Black Mirror you're probably gonna hate this... NVIDIA have announced they're making AI nurses, right? Who will replace humans in areas of patient care that can be done virtually. ALICE Like what?

ALICE Oh, no. I dunno, I'm looking at, like, the weird thing on your arse. ALICE Like, give me some examples. They're not gonna remotely look into your ass. ALICE Non-diagnostic patient-facing work that is considered low-risk, such as post-operative check-ins, nutritional guidance, and pharmacy orders. ALICE So it'll be stuff like, okay, lift your bandage, let me take a look, yeah that looks fine, put the bandage back on, I'll call you in

like three days or whatever. It'll be stuff like that, probably. That shit. RILEY I think it's more gonna ask you questions, like how are you feeling, and you'll say, and then the AI will assess your responses for red flags. Like, things that it should be like, oh that sounds like things are not going well.

It sounds like they could just send you a questionnaire. Do you know what I mean? Are you experiencing any pain? Do you know what I mean? Is anything falling off? Right, so you could do that, or you could do the questionnaire and answers and assessment of that questionnaire all in one call. Like, I think that's what they're saying. Is it, rather than me send you a questionnaire, you fill it out, send it back, and me then have to have someone go over it, come back with more questions, you could just do a real-time chat with an AI that is clever enough to assess your answers, look for symptoms that it can say, you should go to a doctor. I don't know if that's that

frightening. I don't know if we need AI on medical stuff. That's like one thing we don't need on. How about this? This is what we need AI for. DoorDash have started delivering Wendy's burgers by drone. By drone. ALICE & LIAM You can get your baconator burger delivered by drone. RILEY Wait, could I do this now? ALICE Uh, I assume so, yes. If you live in...

ALICE This world is so sick, isn't it? ALICE If you live in Christianburg, Virginia, you can have your square beef sandwiches delivered by drone. ALICE That is... I hate that. I hate drone delivery. I hate the vision of that future where drones deliver stuff. I just... it's just too weird for me.

Like, I don't... you know what I mean? It takes between ten and thirty minutes. Look. I'm posting a GIF. It hovers. I'm posting a GIF. And drops it onto... Look at onto... it drops it down. There's a picture, I can't copy the gif, so that little box under the drone, it lowers

down on a piece of string so you can't fuck with the drone, which is of course what people would do. You take your burger, wave to the drone, and off it goes. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? So it can identify your wave as its cue to go? No, I assume it goes off basically a GPS. When you take it off, the weight difference, I guess, the line goes like, well, the burger's

been taken. If you hold onto the line, it pulls you back up. You get in the drone, you get taken to the factory, and you can go over bacon pieces, you can stop in your face. Just going higher and higher. For a five hour session of non-stop anal probes. Oh, Christ. No, I'm down for this. Although it's gonna start... It's only a matter of time before we're gonna have spots.

You're gonna walk outside and all you're gonna hear is, wrooow wrooow wrooow wrooow wrooow wrooow. It's gonna look like hell out there. I mean, first of all, they're gonna hear is wrooow wrooow wrooow wrooow wrooow wrooow wrooow it's gonna look like hell out there. I mean, first of all, they're gonna crash into a lot of birds. You're not gonna kill every damn bird that exists, it's gonna make a ton of shitty noise, it's gonna look like crap, it's gonna look like hell, and it's just not good for people I don't think to have food delivered. But I need my baconator!

Where's my baconator? Where's my- God! God, drop a baconator in my head! No, not directly into my mouth! Here is your baconator? God! God, drop a baconator into my mouth! No, no, no, directly into my mouth! Here is your baconator, open wide! I can no longer move! My mouth is open, I'm ready to receive! You know, like it's gotta go...

Jet ketchup into your mouth from an elevation of 100 feet, you just have to catch it. All new houses are gonna have extensive roof windows that can remotely be opened so that all these drones can drop burgers directly into the recipient's open mouths while they're on their lazy boys. ALICE I can't believe it. LIE DOWN THERE. You just have like a chimney bleeding up. ALICE It's another step towards the WALL-E future, isn't it? It really is.

ALICE It's the future you've warned us about. 300 plus episodes. ALICE It's another step. Don't do it, people. We are living in a dystopia, guys. Nah, we're not. We get burgers delivered by a fucking robot. How is that a dystopia?

Damn drones. But if the robots were taking our burgers, that's a dystopian future. This is just shit. What, the drone is like knocking on your roof window at 2AM. It's drilling through the floor. Come out with your hands up. Where are your Bacon Agers? We're here to seize your Bacon Agers.

The Bacon Agers are driving through here! Give them what they want and they'll leave us alone! Hide them under the floorboards! Wait, no, there's none left, it's all windows! Oh shit! You're hiding Bacon Agers under your floorboards, aren't you? Like Hans Land and the robot. Oh god, I dread to think when they realize we're just a big slab of bacon ready to be

carved. Yeah. This is the fucking paperclip AI all over again. We're doomed. It's coming. Yeah. Absolutely right. Well that's enough of a podcast.

Well happy 48th birthday, you're one step closer to not having to deal with any of this flax. What do you mean? Here we what? Well this shitty future ahead of us. Oh I see, you mean I'm gonna die. The drone future, yeah. Oh thank you.

Thank you, appreciate that. Well it's one way of looking at... I'm just saying, it's one way of looking at it. One way of looking at it. Honestly, we lived during the best time, really. Yeah, Christ. I mean, you compare it to the way it could have been, 400 years ago or whatever. It could have been bad, yeah. It could have been worse. We could have lived during the Butlins era, when you had to go to Butlins, fuck.

I was gonna say the Black Death, but sure, Butlins is up there. Could have been drafted to fight in fucking First World War, that would've sucked ass. That would've sucked big ass. Well Second World War would've been bad. First would've been worse. Second would've been just as, honestly, just as bad. Like different, but just equally bad. If not worse.

Well anyway, it's a loppy tide's bee alive. First, the worst, second the best, third the one with the hairy chest. That's the old rhyme. Oh, I see, and that third world war is referring to the monkeys. Yes. Because, you know, that's what's gonna fight us, is hairy chested gorillas. No, because the third war is fought with sticks and stones. No, that's the fourth war, Lewis. They're not gonna suddenly throw away all their nukes. I remember. That's a Winston Churchill quote right there.

No, that's an Einstein quote. Alright, we'll see you all next week. Put that on a shirt see you all next week. Put that on his shirt. See you next time. Bye.