Triforce! - Triforce! #29: Chill Resolutions

Episode Date: January 12, 2017

It's the first Triforce of 2017! Today we're talking about our hopes, dreams, resolutions and the stupidity of it all!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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flavors of the past. It's opening to bring back Rolo and Brownie Batter. Grab them before the DQ freezer closes. Only at DQ. Happy tastes good. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast in 2017. Whoa. Although, by the time you listen to this, it'll be 2018, obviously. Takes some time. That's the goal. That's my New Year's resolution, actually.

Trying to get these out annually. No, it's to actually get ahead on content. Wow. Because we have historically been very bad at it. You just want to shit it out fiercely so that you're way ahead of the curve? It's tricky. But we came back to the office yesterday with no videos recorded it's tricky because you feel this pressure you feel the stress and also it affects everything you do you're like oh quick we better record something

oh better quick better do something and it results in worse content i think so the plan the one of the resolutions really is to work hard to get a little bit ahead because because with the office move coming up and things like that oh yeah yeah you guys have to get left without content for a couple of weeks yeah so that's mainly because building work is going on in our building right right and it's gonna be really noisy and um we we viewed this nice place and it was like oh yeah this is really nice it had it's all it's all modern office building okay so what they do is they don't have any kind of ceiling they just have like the exposed beams or exposed boards or whatever and then they have this sort of metal grilling kind of hanging down i love that i love how they i love how they've managed to

do that i i love how they've said you know what it costs too much to put a ceiling in let's not fucking put it in but here's a good one Let's fucking sell it as this looks modern and good. Like, isn't that a good idea? Yeah, genius. Yeah, that's like, you know, when you sell somebody a car, it's like, you know, the rust just makes it, gives it character. It's fine. It makes it look cool.

You should buy this car. Yeah, it looks lived in yeah it is definitely upselling what is effectively normally a negative that's the classic state agent thing it's just like oh it's like if it's like got rats they say animal friendly yeah exactly yeah yeah if it's got like a you know it's hugely out of date and like all the like doors have fallen off you to like age they say period yeah yeah yeah yeah i like it's on fire they say motivated seller it's a it's like a is it a julienne is it a julienne balcony have you ever heard of these julienne balconies i thought it was a juliet right or juliet balconies i thought it was i think it probably is julienne but i thought it was juliet

after romeo and juliet but otherwise so the word balcony is in there but it's not a balcony because I think it probably is Julianne, but I thought it was Juliet after Romeo and Juliet. So the word balcony is in there, but it's not a balcony because it's literally a fucking piece of glass to prevent you from stepping out of a door into nothing. I mean, we've got one at the back and it's literally, we can open up both of our, like instead of having a window in the top bedroom here, we've got double doors, like garden style. You know, you can open them up. Yeah, which is cool, but it's not a balcony. It's just the rail is there to stop you from plummeting to your doom. Exactly. Yeah. But like, if you were in the market to buy a place or rent a place, that would be a feature

of the place. And they make it sound so cool, but it's literally just a preventative measure from you stepping out into into the wide open air and plummeting 12 stories down or whatever it is you may as well give give like banister like a banister on a staircase a fancy name but you're not going to be putting a barbecue out there there is no out there there's nothing it's just it's like opening a big window yeah yeah exactly so you if you if you're planning on getting a place with a balcony that type of balcony is not suitable for the types of things you're going to be doing on that balcony like you're not going to be putting any washing out there there's no way you can't even step out on it it's like it's just it's just a right no no no table or chairs you can't get

like one little round table with like one chair for you to go out there and do a vape in the morning or you know eat an apple it's not happening it's gonna have to happen indoors your morning apple whilst whilst admiring the scenery it's crazy isn't it it's really crazy sometimes they don't even bother putting doors onto them now do they they just seal them off so it's just this scenery thing yeah that's true actually yeah yeah yeah it's crazy so you guys got a new office that has no ceilings well we haven't got it that's the thing the reason we didn't go with that place is because when i talked to the builder who was still doing some work there he said oh yeah the uh the reason the building's at the back's only a third as big as it says the plans is because it fell down.

And then I asked Jimmy, I said, Jimmy, do you want to put a ceiling in? Nah. Nah. All these new trendy chimes, they don't want ceilings. They won't be wanting walls next. We're just going to have it open to the air they'll call it fresh and uh airy naturally air conditioned put a bunch of weird cryptic building markings like a line with a 23 next to it the fucking hipsters love that shit nobody knows what it means it didn't

help me build the place it just looks cool i guess i just made it up as i went along i saw it on a movie one time i think uh looked uh looked kind of cool i think that the funny thing to me is that none of these builders give a shit about any of this stuff like they just know like when we had our builders they were saying some people like so and so don't know if you want that and like they weren't offering a suggestion like they weren't selling it they were just literally like uh did you want this stupid feature that other idiots like you have had in the past and it's like now we're passing that they're like oh good yeah yeah because it's a pain in the ass you know no yeah builders builders are funny like that though right they just want to do whatever's easiest like Like they don't want the hassle, you know, like you're like, Oh yeah,

I'd like a, I'd like a gigantic fountain in my backyard. And they're like, Oh, okay. Nah, you haven't got fountain ground yet. You got any water going back there?

No. Okay. Well, we could do it. We'll run a hose from your kitchen sink back there. And you know, is it okay if just the pipe sticks up out of the ground and there's no fountain? Because that's going to be much easier. It's going to be cheaper for you as well.

In fact, we'll just gaffer tape the hose to this stick in the middle of your lawn. And that's your fountain feature. Just turn it on at the tap. Yeah, we'll tape a penny to where the water comes out at the top but it won't completely cover the the hole so it'll spray it's gonna look amazing you might want to show me really cheap for you too that'll be uh seven thousand pounds we'll need an architect as well obviously need an architect yeah oh yeah

an architect for sure and and and planning permission you have to go through all of the the hoops for the planning permission and stuff as well we have like it wasn't last year it was the year before last we had loads of work done on the house and they were here for like nearly two months i think it was a very very large amount of work and it took a long time and um i mean apart from the fact that they found all kinds of shit wrong with the house i'm sure i've mentioned this in the past but in the kitchen when we had the kitchen redone the entire ceiling of the kitchen in other words the bathroom floor with that has a big heavy cast iron bath on it was held up by a single piece of concrete like a little nubbin of concrete oh

man because when they when they redid all these old houses a lot of them there was a fireplace and a chimney in the back in the kitchen obviously you know your kitchen fireplace because he's we're built in like 1905 yeah and when they took out the the chimney stack they just sort of didn't put the beams into the wall so previously the ceiling was hinged around and hanging off that chimney stack and they just took the chimney stack out and just sort of patched over the hole but the beams that go across like the the supporting beams for the floor and everything for the the ceiling and therefore the bathroom floor just stopped they didn't go into anything because previously they would have rested on the ceiling

and now that on the chimney and now that that was gone there was nothing so he said your whole bathroom floor could have just hinged downwards at any time there was nothing holding it up of note nothing at all that's crazy it's nuts that's why you know when you watch homes under the hammer and they get to the end and they're like oh michael managed to do it again he did the whole renovation for only 5 000 pounds how did he do it and then you see michael's smug ass face and then it and then it cuts to a collapsed bathroom that was only being held up by like one little nub of concrete we went for the old i guess you don't know how michael did it that's it it's always the i guess that's how it

happens then they just they just fucking cut massive corners to like save money and time and everything and but that's the thing is now it's inspectors now the inspectors come out and any work that you do is inspected by the council so like when they did the foundations for our house um when we had the like the conservatory was torn down and we built a new extension, like the kitchen goes out over what was the conservatory and they had to reinforce it with all this kind of stuff. And this inspector came out and he like pokes the ground with this big stick. And he's like,

you're going to need some serious reinforcements here, lads. So they were like, okay. So they dug a trench. They have to call him back out. He comes out, he gets in the trench.

He looks around, he goes, nope, they dig more. He comes back out. He gets in the trench. He looks around. He goes, nope. They dig more. He comes back out. He gets in the trench. He's like, nope. And he came back like four times. And finally, this trench they had to dig.

They had to dig down until they got down to like bedrock. And they're digging down. And obviously around here, it's like the ground underneath is not very solid. And I found out why. Apart from the fact we're quite near the river river so this probably was once river at one point is that when they were building my row of houses they started at the far end and they start there right and they start digging and they push the dirt to the next pile and so it gradually pushes all the way down the row so that my house is built on the dirt that was dug up from all the building from all these other houses so we were basically stacked on this

huge pile of dirt that's now settled down so when they're digging down the trench was deeper than a standing man like it was that deep and that's where they had to stop putting the foundation it was like six skips worth of soil and rock and shit and it was so bad

classic reclaimed dirt though vintage dirt, really. As a dad and a husband, though. Everyone wants that dirt these days. You can't get that dirt for love nor money. They don't make dirt like this no more, son. Your old chimney stack, we used that to build a shithouse for an old lady. She loved those reclaimed bricks.

She wouldn't use normal new bricks. No, she wanted old reliable classic classic classic bricks vintage proven bricks that have stood for years vintage rocks vintage rocks they don't make rocks like this anymore when shit like that happens though like as as a dad and and as a father you know when somebody comes by and they dig a trench and you're like now listen this guy, this guy's going to come over. He just needs to do a quick inspection to make sure it's OK. And then your wife is like, OK, cool.

And your kids are like, yeah, all right. Can I play in the backyard after? Yeah, of course you can. It's going to be two seconds. And then this guy turns up and he's like, no. And then he has to dig a huge trench in your backyard. And your wife's like, I thought he was just coming for an inspection. Why is there a big trench in the backyard? your wife's like i thought he was just coming for an inspection why is there a big trench in the backyard dad why is my swing set broken why is

there a big trench hey he's just doing an inspection he's gotta dig a trench and then he's gotta dig it more and more and more and then and everything escalates it's the worst like these people don't realize how much of an impact this shit has like on you as as a guy who's just trying to keep things in line you know hassle free it's true this guy you know you've got a lot of explaining to do why is there a trench in the backyard why are there 20 guys digging a trench in the backyard why is it taking them so long the kids want to go on the swing set where's the swing set oh no it's fine fine is it covered like is it okay no no no it's just out back it's upside down it's like half in? Oh, no, it's fine. Fine. Is it covered? Like, is it okay? No, no, no. It's just out back. It's upside down.

It's like half in the road. No, no, you have to put a cover. What? I don't want to put a cover on the swing set. I'm not doing that. You know what I mean? Like, it just, it becomes like this huge fucking ordeal, like for the simplest goddamn thing. And it's, and it's all because like a lot of these guys, the inspectors, like on the

councils and stuff like that, it's just like that it's just like it's just job creation right like a lot of these jobs don't need to be like it would be fine it would be totally fine to have your bathroom like just hinged on a little piece of concrete like first of all i like the way at the start of this conversation you said as a father and a husband which has excluded lew Lewis instantly from the conversation, which I thought was very cruel. I was just listening to this and all I heard was many of these jobs don't need to be. That was such a Zen phrase. I just loved it.

True though. I think we started this by pointing out the state of my bathroom floor was exactly because we don't have these inspectors. I know, but... And the bathroom floor could have hinged away. Hinged! Hinged away at any moment. And you're just like, we don't need these inspectors. We clearly do.

We do. I know. I know. Maybe it's a bad example. But there's a lot of jobs where it's just like, come on. The sole reason they exist is just to provide me more hassle that I don't need. Okay. I already get a lot of hassle in my life.

I don't need more. Like, I don't fucking want more. Please, go find like a better job somewhere that doesn't involve hassling me, for Christ's sake. Get a good, non-bothering job, you bum. Stop bothering me. Oh, it's true, though. But yeah, I guess inspectors are kind of important. So inspectors aren't going into room 101, then?

Is that what we're saying? That's what we're saying. We need them. Without them, we have a lot of problems. I saw a... Sorry, Lewis. We've hardly let Lewis talk. Please do say something.

No, go for it. I'm loving this. I'm just going to have to make notes about the things I want to talk about. That's okay. I'll come back to you. Fuck. I'm actually angry now. I feel fucking angry right now about all this.

We've been away for New Year and Christmas. We've got a lot to say about builders. Yeah, it's true. I mean, I haven't had any building work done for a while, but I just remember when I did have a had any building work done for a while but i just remember like when i did have a bunch of building work done um recently it takes so much longer than you expect it to take and they're always kind of reassuring you like it's just gonna take like a day don't worry about it and then like three weeks later like what what's it when you say it was day one day like

how does that transformed into three weeks and And, you know, they just turn up whenever. You expect them to, like, turn up at normal times, like, you know, working hours or whatever. Fuck, they turn up at, like, four in the afternoon sometimes. Is it okay if we work out tonight? No. Like, people need to sleep and stuff. Don't work tonight. You got bad builders, dude.

Mine were great. Come at a normal time. it's crazy mine did this thing that builders do now which is quite a modern thing i think which is where they bring their own toilet with them like they have a little port-a-loo out in the garden instead of stamping and shitting all over your toilet so my guys like yeah they were like they were really good they had like this was it like in a trailer no no it was just like one of those little blue worksite toilets fuck so it was like there next to the skip it stank by the end of the summer but i mean i bet yeah geez oh a summer one too holy it was summer work yeah so it wasn't too bad i mean it did mean that if i mean if it had rained while the work was being done that that

trench would have filled up like like a fucking moat around the back of my house so i'm kind of glad i didn't kids would have loved that oh they loved them they loved what they loved the builders they were obsessed they love a portable toilet you can make the whole place into a castle it's true before we moved into our house we had they had this um they so the inspector came by right like the surveyor guy came over and took a look around and he's like yeah everything looks fine except for uh there's it looks like there's some asbestos in your like underneath your stairs yeah and we're like oh okay like that's kind of fucking weird but okay sure and he's like yeah it looks like there's this big fireproof panel right underneath the staircase um but it's probably got some asbestos

in it and you'll you probably need to get it removed it's like probably pretty old it's like all right sure so we had to we had to phone up these guys these like expert removal guys or whatever and so they turn up and they had to like create an airlock around underneath the stairs yeah yeah it's really hard work yeah so that like the fibers don't go into the air and stuff but they actually brought with them a trailer which was like a shower unit like and a toilet so like they just turned up with this pickup truck and this with this trailer so that the guys could go in and just have a shower after they'd done all this removal and stuff.

Are you sure they weren't just travelers and that that was their house? I thought maybe they were at first, but once they put on the gas masks and they had the jumpsuits and this airlock and everything and it was pretty cool and then they just went out and had a shower like in my driveway in this trailer after i just see them coming out yeah i guess so yeah it was it was really weird but i never knew that existed like yeah it's pretty cool if you didn't want to have an rv and you just wanted to have like you know a ford fiesta that you just traveled around it you could just tow around a trailer that had a shower and a toilet in it what are you gonna sleep personal one just in the car

just recline all the way back right kids we're going on holiday it's not the fiesta yeah don't worry it's got a bathroom and a shower it's much cheaper we'll get the shower and toilet and the trailer we'll be be good. We'll be fine. Stop kicking me. Oh, fuck. Asbestos is super interesting, actually. I was reading about it. It's like mind, like it's a rock. Okay.

It's mind like a rock. I think the original anecdote I remember about it was that I think Marco a um like a dressing gown or a robe made out of it or a cloth made out of it and and in order to clean it he would throw it in a fire right so because it won't burn it would just burn off all of the stains so he would like get it really dirty covered in like tomato sauce or whatever they were eating back then. And then it's like a party piece. You just chuck it in the fire. It's got ketchup all over it. It's got hamburger grease all over his shirt.

Put it back on. I like that. That's some Lord of the Rings shit. That's really cool, actually. It took a good amount of time for us to realize it was pretty bad for your lungs. I mean, if you don't disturb it, it's really good at what it does, right? Because it is. I mean, it's incredible. Yeah, I think actually it's most of the people who end up getting problems with asbestos

are people who've worked with it for a long time in the mining and are regularly breathing the dust. And the reason I think it's a problem is because the crystals are sort of microfibrous in the same way that carbon nanotubes are. And so there's this worry that carbon nanotubes will be similar to asbestos what's a carbon nanotube because it sounds like the future i've never heard of it yeah well it's this this material made of of graphene which is um oh graphene yeah i know about graph yeah graphene like rolled up into tubes like a newspaper yeah what's the point of it well if theoretically if you could find a way to make it very reliable, it would be a super material.

Carbon, obviously, is graphite or diamond, for example. Diamond is a form of graphite. Carbon nanotubes are a form of graphite. They're very, very strong, stronger than any material that we have now. Stronger than Wolverine's claws? Well, it depends what you mean by strong. I mean stronger than Wolverineine's claws it's a simple question it's a simple question exoskeleton as well it's pretty strong too well there's a

difference between hardness and tensile strength let's move on yeah so anyway apparently it's one of those materials by these super materials that is very expensive to make but potentially could be used to make things like a space elevator but at the same time it is like asbestos effectively you know it will cause these lung problems if you have you know long exposure to it so you know it's a little bit like those little micro micro beads that people put into shampoos that are trying to get bad oh man they're bad for the environment not about the environment the ones that are in the shampoo are the ones that are in like the are you talking about the um those like the little like grains of sand that are in like that shower gel sometimes no no it's like you know when you look

at it it's like tiny tiny balls and they're meant to be like full of shit like there's conditioner or some shit in them i don't know why they can't just mix it in it because it looks pretty i guess and i guess some of the beads get washed down get washed down the the plug hole and they just never oh and then what they release or like something will eat the bead hole yeah fish eats the bead and gets full of conditioner i read a thing about yeah that's a big thing the plastic is sort of getting into everything like apparently they're hard pressed to catch a fish now that doesn't have fucking plastic in it in some way yeah and it's like it's basically small plastic that's being sort of eroded down to sort of small particles of it yeah over time it's still bad for you and it's just super bad for you so yeah don't yeah

spooky what we're doing to the world isn't it but asbestos was used very up until well i say up until relatively recently but there was like i think i think i read like a thousand tons of it was released into the air when the trade centers went up so you know like stuff like that which is quite yeah well because i guess when when was the world trade center built like it was in the was it the 70s mid 70s yeah because I guess when was the World Trade Center built? Like it was in the 60s? Was it the 70s? Mid 70s. Mid 70s. Because I guess back then they still used it in a lot of buildings.

Because it's like the common thing now is that like old schools, hospitals, they all used it for like insulation and stuff like that in the roofs and whatever. It's like Y2K with computers, right? Remember they had to get like all these consultants in and roofs and whatever it's it's it's like y2k with computers right remember they had to get like all these consultants in and everything to like but i think there's a difference disaster there is a difference now there's like now there's like a mini industry around you know removing all of this like old old building work from you know hospitals but having said that the y2k thing was a load of shit people actually do die in that sips weren't you actually doing stuff around but you actually work yeah as a 12 year old child i was um yeah i was i was

really prolific in the y2k you were not 12 you were 20 uh 22 or something wait are you the same age as me how old are you i wasn't working when i was 20 though i wasn't i was what the fuck was i doing when i was 20 no i'm um i'm younger than you i'm 36 like right so i i was working over y2k like i'd finished university and i was working at uh an insurance company in bournemouth yeah and i was part of their y2k team. Oh, nice. I thought one of you was. Yeah, these guys were on like £1,000 to £1,500 a day. I know, yeah, it's nuts. They've been working there for like two or three years, preparing the company.

Well, then again, that's not going to last very long, is it? It's not exactly sustainable. It's not, but I hear you. Y2K job, way past Y2K. Yeah, but dude, look, if they're working five days a week for like two or three years at £1,500 a day, and these guys were all in their 50s. Yeah, and they weren't working normal hours.

They were clocking in the overtime like crazy as well. Yeah, they're all external consultants. It was just insane. Yeah, the amount of money that people were throwing at them. They don't turn up in their fucking sports cars and stuff, because all these companies were shitting their pants that Y2K was going to cause the end of everything. And we had to have this big midnight sort of white there was a lot of scare mongering about y2k honestly sips is the dumbest thing in the world people basically thought that what would happen

would be that there would be some old russian nuclear silo yeah and the date format hadn't been put in properly and it would tick over to the year 2000 there would be some sort of stack overflow the russians would like the automated systems would think that they were under attack and they'd fire all the missiles that was the level of fear that was going on about y2k and everyone thought that that would happen with the banks and the accountancy and the banks would go nuclear oh! The banks would fire all of their ATMs. In the news today, HSBC

has launched a ICBM. It looks like it's heading towards NatWest. It's headed right towards NatWest. It looks like Lloyd's TSB has been completely wiped off the face of the planet oh fuck we have the lloyd's tsb shareholders board we surrender unconditionally to the forces of halifax

we are prepared for nuclear launch oh man yeah i used to um i used to play wow with a bunch of um guys who consulted during y2k and they were they all took early retirement they made so much fucking money it was crazy they retired when they were like 45 because they made so much money just fucking consulting um during y2k and just clocking in insane amounts of overtime and stuff. We had like a midnight for the rollover. There was like a midnight situation room. So we had the whole floor of the office. We moved everything around.

Like this is all, you know, I was like the underling. So I wasn't involved in anything cool, but we had to get all the desks all out. We had all these whiteboards and I was like, right, Ted, we need to get a load of markers and whiteboards. We need to get all this kind of stuff because we're gonna need to solve problems on the fire i was like no problem so we went out and got all this stuff and we had to get food in and everything we were like ready like hunkered down ready and fuck all happened we were like hey that's it let's go

home like that was it it was so fucking stupid yeah what a waste of time yeah no it was scary i wasn't working yet by then because it was the lead up to it as well, right? Yeah, oh yeah. It was like three years before. There was a lot of mileage out of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing is, programmers always knew, and this was the question that I put to my dad, which he said probably was his answer. I said, surely programmers would have known. And he says, and this is the conspiracy theory going around, is that the programmers knew that when they were writing this software for the banks in the 70s and the 80s, if they didn't put in this year 2000 stuff, when it got to the year 2000 and they were getting towards retirement, they could pick up a nice fact check by turning up and saying, I don't think that's true at all.

So I will just build this in and we'll come in and say, we'll fix it and we'll charge them thousands of dollars to do it. Listen up to this. Okay. So is it either a Y2K was just a big scam the whole time and it was nothing and it turned over and everything was fine and everyone laughed about it or B those 55 year old guys, that whole bunch of guys did such a great job. They did so well. They robustly built and made protections for the system that it didn't

cause any trouble at all because of those experienced but here's the thing gentlemen i i i i think you've got to say first of all i don't think it was some vast conspiracy because someone would have come forward i i honestly think that at the time that the reason that it wasn't coded to deal with the year 2000 is nobody thought this code would still be being used in 20 to 25 years. You've got to also understand that people don't think it's the future. They really don't. Imagine you code this stuff in 1985. Yeah.

15 years away. That was my dad. My dad was doing that. It's 2017 now. Imagine what you'd be doing in 2032. Jeez, it sounds like so fucking far away. You wouldn't think like that there would be a problem related to that year. But it's like, you know.

So I've debugged programs before that were written in 1985 for a bank on a mainframe. I did this kind of recently, like within the last 10 years or so. Programs that were written in like 1985 when I was five years old are still being used every day in massive batch processes by banks, like overnight and stuff like that. I mean, I've looked at like hundreds of programs I've had to go through

and I've had to localize programs and debug them when they're not working and stuff like that. Like all old shit that just stopped working for some reason, or something new that's gone in isn't interacting well with it or whatever but at that level at like that program level they're not there's there's nothing that's like dealing directly with dates like all that stuff is going to be derived from like the system like the operating system you know like like the bank i used to work at used to use a mainframe called the as400 which is like the old ass ibm super computer thing it like it it took up a

fucking whole room it was like this gigantic thing that nobody knew how it worked they were very forward thinking no no but it's when they designed it they called it the old ass so in 15 years but it was one of those things where it was it was so big and and complex that it had to be maintained by ibm you know you couldn't just buy it from like ricky down the road uh right and be like hey ricky give me a mainframe uh i need one for this new bank i'm starting up uh all right you know so like so so ibm ibm had to maintain this thing like anytime anything went wrong if there was hardware trouble ibm had to come in and do it if there was like some fucking weird shit happening like you know in in the actual sort of like operating

system of the mainframe like ibm had to get involved like there's nothing that that you as a programmer for the bank could do about that sort of thing. So that's why sometimes like when the Y2K thing comes up, I'm just confused because it's like, what the fuck are these guys actually doing? Like all this time and money spent, like surely it was just down to like, you know, the big corporations that were supplying all of this stuff to the banks to sort it out. Not like just some dude coming in and being like hey let me take a look at uh quickbooks and uh see hey uh yeah no this is this is not y2k compliant you're gonna have some problems here you know what i mean it just doesn't make sense to me i don't get it because those old guys knew how to program in fucking fortran and kobol and shit like that

and all these young kids, all these young whippersnappers coming out of university, it's all C++ and C sharp. So when you need some of these old grizzle coders, like my dad, like he worked at a bank when he retired to Florida and he worked part-time at a bank up the road, um, because they needed the exact same shit. The only people that worked for the team were old dudes like my dad and guys from India, because in India, they still knew how to code. And I think a lot of those companies said, do you know what people are going to need? A lot of those big banks, they still need people to program in these old languages that people don't use anymore because the languages are really efficient.

They're really simple. Like I said to my dad, why don't the banks update the code for all this stuff? And he said, what's the point? What's the value? It would cost so much fucking money to do as well. There you would you'd have to pitch this to the board right guys you got this great idea we're not we're going to update all our code to c-sharp oh yeah what's what's that going to change nothing you won't notice any difference it's going to be exactly the same but the code's going to be different they'd look at you like why would we spend any

money on that like just but not just that but they're they're petrified that things won't work as well it's like it's all the unknowns that come yeah there's that too like it's like we've had this system in place since 1970 and it's been fine like you know that's why they don't want to change it totally see that though as someone who's who's i mean the problem we have this thing in the office right and it's like on one hand we want the office to be really complicated and do stuff we want to be able to like have any room connected to any room to hear it instantly we want to be able to have people hear their game audio but also record not the microphone you know and we end up having this overly complicated setup that no one knows how it works apart from sam and studio it is on

the one hand it's it's overly complicated and only he knows how to do is, on the one hand, it's overly complicated and only he knows how to do it. But on the other hand, he does just bring in random people occasionally and train them up in about a day to know how to do it. So if we wanted, if me and Duncan, we don't complain about all the time that we don't know how to use any of this stuff.

But if we actually took a day out of our schedule, we would just be able to learn it. It's not actually that bad. I think Sam's very clever there. He's designed a system. He's designed a system too complicated for anybody else to use. Sam has made himself a key worker.

Very clever. Well played, Sam. That's a very typical thing that happens in the workplace. But I think, like I say, Y2K could have been avoided if everybody had your mentality, Lewis, and said, you know what? I'm just going to take a day out i'm gonna train myself up just gonna just gonna i'm just gonna figure it all out in a day and you know what yeah we're not gonna have problems necessarily

applies it was tricky we didn't really google didn't exist back in 2000 i don't think so it was we're still using altavista remember altavista yeah yeah i'm sorry that yeah that that does not apply does it you know before google what the fuck you know like when i went i went to college i took computer programming and google was just like just just just coming about but it was not commonplace and it wasn't as um good as it is now you know like now you search for something you fucking find a million you know yeah answers to your questions or whatever back then it wasn't the same so like i'm taking this programming course and i actually had to look in books to figure things out.

And it was hard as hell. Like the answers are just not there or they're not what you're expecting to find. Like nowadays you Google something and you can find like similar threads from forums and experts exchange. Yeah, some guys like I needed some code that does X. Here's an example of what I wrote. And it's like and sometimes like paste job done exactly sometimes people reach out and they're like oh i needed to do this and some guy will reply me oh yeah i just wrote this on the fly for you uh just try this out see if it

works like thanks genius i wish i had that like that would have been great you know i do wonder if it would be possible and this might this would, I've often thought it would be a funny TV series. If you had people turn up to a job, they have no training in the job whatsoever. And the people that are working at their job think that this person has been trained to do it. And they have to see how long they can fool everybody into thinking that they absolutely belong there. So like you have some guy go into a big boardroom meeting like one of these really high level boardroom meetings he's our new director of international affairs and relations or some some bullshit title that you know these fuckers are going to have it doesn't matter what it means you could get away with it for a lifetime you could get away with it for a lifetime you could

some jobs people do it all the fucking time you don't need to know what you're doing you turn up to a meeting you don't say anything and you agree with the right people and you're done they think you're a fucking legend you ask a couple of could you just clarify that last point for me please and they'll think oh he's really listening and then you say i agree i think that's a very good idea yeah this guy's really yeah i thought it was a very productive meeting this guy and then he gets back to his desk and carries on playing solitaire for the rest of the day but like constantly looking to make sure nobody's watching him do it it's like god that was my life for five years yeah well you not not just you man there's fucking like 99% of the people out there working are like that i would say at least the ones i've encountered

holy shit like learning figuring out how to look busy was a big part of my job for five years that's the most stressful part of working. It is. And waiting for five o'clock so I could run out and get my train at five past. He's often five or ten minutes late in, but he always leaves on time. You've got to give him that credit. He's very punctual when it's five o'clock. You can't see him for days.

He's out the door. That's one of those things that people latch onto, right? When people at work, right? They get very sensitive about those types of things because they're very easy to pick up on, okay? You can pick up on if someone's coming in late or going home early very easily, but it's very difficult to pick up on

how productive they are actually at work, how efficient they are, how good they are around those other things. You know, someone might come in 10 minutes late every day and leave 10 minutes early, but they might be your most efficient member of staff by like a country mile yeah but you'd never be able really to like know that they were but everyone everyone around the office would would kind of be really annoyed about that guy and going like oh that guy doesn't do anything you know he's always coming in late always going home early

clocking off what a lazy asshole it's not but but but but i guess what i'm trying to say is that you know if you want to stay under the radar you know just make sure you turn up on time yeah and uh it seemed the other classic thing they always say is be angry like like look busy yeah and no one will doubt that you're not doing yeah yeah yeah yeah i think like most places and in my experience like i i worked at a place where there were two guys okay it was that it was an it department there was like 40 people working in this it department and literally two guys did everything and everyone else i don't know what they did okay i wasn't one of the guys who did everything i i was one of the guys who's like well i whatever so these two guys knew all the systems they'd been around forever

they were like older guys they would fucking turn up late every day like without fail they just fucking marched to the beat of their own drum okay and there was nothing anybody could do about it because they were so indispensable because they'd written all these like fucking programs that nobody understood and they maintained all these, like, fucking programs that nobody understood. And they maintained all these systems that nobody could be bothered finding out about and stuff. So they would be late. They would fucking stay late sometimes. Sometimes they would just leave early randomly and stuff.

And everybody's like, what the fuck? But, like, there's nothing they could do to these guys. They couldn't get rid of them. Because they would just be fucking up shits creek instantly because nobody knew half of the shit that was going on except for these guys and they just got away with it it was it was nuts and everyone else would just sit around all day talking about like fucking i don't know football and and whatever and like where they're going on vacation and stuff like it was it was it was the weirdest weirdest experience in work ever but it's so like commonplace as well because the next place i went to work at was exactly the same it was just like

it's just replaced the two guys from the previous one with two new guys who were the same i'd love to be around and they were really good friends with the boss and stuff and everybody else was just a spare part that was occasionally used for something or or might have somehow been good at something or whatever but it all hinged on these two guys like who didn't go on holiday at the same time like it was just crazy it was it was just it was like working at a fucking funny farm it was just nuts i feel like everyone in our office is kind of indispensable in that in the sense like that that a lot of people do something that we can't do and do it very, very well. And I think the way we've sort of tried to deal with that, there's people kind of taking advantage of that is by just being...

Putting an orange in a sock and beating the fuck out of them. That's the best way. A bar of soap in a sock. That's the best way. A bar of soap in a sock. I think, well, it's weird to say, but I think we've learned, I always feel like I've learned a lot of my life lessons from World of Warcraft. Yes, okay. How tragic. Unfortunately, I was educated by World of Warcraft.

It took 10 years of my life. And so a lot of my philosophy stemmed from that. I like to apply doing quest routes to my real life as well. When I'm running errands, I like to be as efficient as possible. I like to take the most efficient route and accomplish as many quests as I can along the way. That's a good idea. What I do is when I've done something, I go up to my wife and I ask for the gold and the item that she promised me upon completing the quest. She never gives me shit.

Just a little bit of experience that's it what a waste i genuinely think that's something that i find satisfaction in by the way sips that that little thing where you're like let's get as many things done as possible i'm gonna take the car out so i'm gonna get this done and this done and this because every dad sets out to do that and it never works out that way and that is the life of a dad it's just like you mean i'm gonna go i'm gonna be ultra efficient today i'm gonna do these three things and then you end up doing like seven things and those seven things are not the three things that you set out to do and the order is totally reversed and there's a

lot of inefficiency in between exactly the same place to kill those skeletons again yeah exactly yeah exactly but it replaced skeletons with supermarket and skeleton bones with nappies so so what other life lessons has uh world of warcraft taught you well i think the good one that i learned was that when you what this this was something i learned through raiding okay so when you raid with people yeah you would you it was very addictive in a sense but it seemed addictive but it wasn't addictive in that sense it was like you always turned up on time because other people were waiting on you and you didn't want to let them down yeah okay that's i think why wow still

has these communities of people who raid together for years and years even though well if you asked everyone in the actual raid group whether they hated it or not um they would all say yes i hate it why do i still come oh i still come because everyone else wants me to come so you've got this this group of 40 people 20 people however many people turn up every week to do something they each hate because they are what don't want to let the other people down. And they don't realize that all of the rest of them hate it. It's this weird thing.

Okay. So I think that that kind of philosophy of not wanting to let people down is actually a much more of a big motivator for me to get out of bed in the morning. If I had to come in in the morning and do some work on my own, I'd be like, I'll just stay in bed. I don't want to do anything worthwhile.

I just don't want to let anyone down that's it right so i will come in and and every morning and do stuff because i don't because i i feel like yeah you know i i don't want to let duncan down don't want to let you know turps down don't want to let any of the people down that i've promised i'll turn up for this thing and and usually i i have to be very conscious in that i'm not hating those things too. And sometimes it's a bit strange because sometimes you can do anything with friends and it's fun. There's a t-shirt. I like that. You can do anything with friends and on the back it says, and it's fun.

I like that. That's a real feel good t-shirt. That's like an old wise man saying maybe but it's i think that's somewhat true you know i think that you don't it doesn't matter how crappy the game is you're playing like how much did we how much do we hate dota like after a while but we still enjoy it because we're there like shooting shit with with friends dude i played last night pudge techies in lane me and monticus it was one of the best games i played in ages new techies if you can actually make it if you can actually have fun as well then you know

if that's great you know but i think that sometimes for me it doesn't matter what we're doing as long as we're doing it with friends but but if you can if you could kind of get through that layer of oh god this game makes us hate you like i think that was with us the divinity right oh god i think that that divinity with us was like we were together but the game itself was frustratingly like i think i feel like that with certain other things that we do sometimes and i think just being aware of those things because if you have that golden combination of you're with your friends that you like spending time with and you're playing something that's fun yeah then you get really really good stuff out of that yeah my problem is i don't like anyone and i hate fun so i'm stuck

it's it's finding that magical combination like i think when we did the live streams over christmas we a lot of that happened right like there were these like when you did the star wars dnd i think you really really enjoyed that that was great yeah and everyone like totally raved about it and we we did out we did a dnd star wars d as well, with a completely different group of people. And it was completely different to yours, but we had a great time. And then when Sips came down and we played Stellaris, the game was pretty boring.

I think we got bored of it. And as a result, it didn't have that same joyous energy to it. Well, yeah. I think everyone else enjoyed themselves but i think it was just you really you got bored were you in a shitty part of the galaxy you guys had a shit area well it was it was just not the right choice of game really i think sometimes when sometimes you have to feel that you're able to you know no one wants to to do something that that they feel like they're they're they're shit at like in a Dota game, imagine you try and jungle on a character that doesn't jungle

because you don't know what you're doing. And they just have a horrible 45 minutes. I still enjoy myself. I just like hitting creeps. I think it's not as good as... It's the little things. I played last night and I played as Nature's Prophet and I did nothing. All I did was ult.

That was how I got... I got like 18 assists just by using my ult. I didn't kill a single hero in the entire game. I went 0-3-18. All I did was shoot, I just killed creeps. I killed 500 creeps. Took 50 minutes. I contributed so little to helping my team other than just killing creeps.

That's it. It's like a single player game. Maybe Dota is safe now to you though, right? It's like a safe option. Sometimes if you're trying something new, like a new game that might not work, it's not always going to guarantee. I think that's why when we pick stuff for the Christmas month,

we try to try and pick things that we know are safe, right? Like we know OpenTTD, I'm not going to run into that for two hours, it's going to be safe. We know that certain things are going to be safe. And when we try stuff that is is new like like multiplayer stelaris it's not guaranteed to be um safe it might be amazing it might be fine everyone might get into it but there's a chance that it will sort of not be as good and so that's the risk you sometimes take on these these live recordings

you know if this was done if it was not done live if we just did it recorded it and edited it we could always trim trim trim out all the ball bits boring bits or have a little breaker where we discuss like how you're going to play this game that's what editors are for god bless them no but it allows you more flexibility if you're thinking like after an hour oh man this isn't working um you could if you're doing a live stream you can't just well you can stop it i suppose but it sort of feels like if you've planned the whole night out around that one game and you've got seven people there but you can't just be like oh actually this sucks let's play geoguessr instead yeah that's a great game there's a lot yeah it is it's really good turns out so yeah sorry resolutions wise i think that's that's one of the things i'm sort of thinking about doing really is is just trying to get it's a good – to have it two weeks off over Christmas makes you sort of bored and frustrated that you're not doing your normal job.

You know, after two weeks, it's almost like I was hungry to get back. Yeah. Yeah, me too. For the first week, I was like, I'm so glad to not be doing anything. I was off for two weeks, and mostly I sat around my track pants playing video games, and I thought to myself, fuck, this sucks. I have to get back to work so I can sit around my track pants and play video games. There's always that part in Christmas that I used to hate when I was a kid. And now I just don't do it anymore.

I just never leave the house for the whole of Christmas. I barely left the house for two weeks. If everybody went out, like my mum was up, my mum and the wife and the kids are going out. They're like, do you want to come? I was like, nope, because I hate doing shit that's boring. Like I hate it. I've just grown to hate it.

And I remember when I was a kid, you're coming out. No, don't make me go out. You're coming out. We're going. It's like, great. And you'd have to go out and it'd be like you and some other kid you don't really like or know and a bunch of old relatives having a conversation that's completely boring and you you have no stake in and you don't even understand what they're

really talking about and they're not even enjoying themselves they're just making that small talk that extended family tends to make about boring shit you just have to sit there and just fucking suffer for hours and hours oh god you can't even drink because you're a kid so now i was like you know what i'm gonna make my christmas as fun i'm gonna start drinking at three every day i'm gonna just fucking do nothing for two weeks it was great and that's nice i think well for me christmas was a little bit of a refresher so it was for me it was like it was a turn off what you're doing do something different you know i went back to my parents and stayed with them for a couple, well, about as long

as I could handle. Two minutes. Yeah. Like four days. It was great. We were really friendly for like the first three days. And then obviously we were getting on top of each other and it was like, you know, can you go now?

And I was like, yeah, I'm going now. And so, you know, but I got back home and they immediately were like okay you're here but and they have their own life yeah right and you have to fit into their life in a sense and so they're like well you're here it's nice to have you but we're gonna go and um we have to go do this thing so do you want to come and i was like i guess and so basically what they had to do was they had they they they do this uh, Chipping Ongar, which is my town, my hometown. It's called swinging. And I wasn't too sold on the concept at first.

Initially, I thought it was a good idea. I had sex with an old woman randomly. It really turned me into it. Really turned me into a swinger. That was it for me. I was hooked. It turned me into a swinger. That was it for me. I was hooked. It's me and swinging now. It was replacing these big potted plants.

So imagine a classic pirate barrel. Okay. Imagine you cut it in half and then just fill it full of plants. Okay. And you just leave them around town as decoration. Okay. So someone did that about 25 years ago, probably, or maybe less than that. And these barrels had completely, like, rotted and rusted to the point that they were just falling apart.

Okay. My parents were like, we're going to go and get to, we bought two new, we didn't buy them. The council paid, you know, donations. Local people bought two more of them, load of plants. We're going to go and replace them. The council paid donations. Local people bought two more of them, a load of plants. We're going to go and replace them. It'll look nice. Okay. So we go there.

And the first thing to do is to remove the old barrels, right? But whoever had put them down was obviously this local old chap who was convinced that they would be stolen by the local youths or whatever. By warrants. okay by the local youths or whatever by war and so he had chained them with these incredibly strong chains to the wall of the the church and they were just the chains were just not coming off okay so my dad had brought his little dad toolkit with him okay it just in case we ran into any problems this is a very dad thing to do well at least for my dad it's like you know we're going to replace two pot plants how difficult can that be well you know just in case i'm gonna bring uh a hammer a saw um you know all this other stuff with him so we had this whole toolkit and very very quickly

realized that these chains were not coming off so i had to i had to use this hacksaw to saw through the metal chains which i've never done anything like that in my life yeah so i'm there like hacking away cutting through these chains i feel like i'm breaking into a sort of prison compound you know kind of thing yeah um or like hacking my way out of prison i'm i mean like skyrim in my head you know like like and so you cut through all these chains and then when we sort of we start trying to move these barrels and we find that a second protected measure this old man has done is basically fill the bottom half of these barrels with bricks. So they're just impossibly heavy to move anywhere. So even if some local youth had decided to steal a barrel full of plants, he first of all would have had to deal with two double thick chains. And then second, the bricks just filling it up.

I mean, it blows my goddamn mind, really. Holy shit, man. The paranoia of old blokes. Anyway, we finally got it done. And it was like, it took like, it was dark by the time we finished, you know. And it was nice. It was refreshing. It was something different.

And everyone does different stuff. It's good to meet other people and and just experience life through their eyes for a day gives you perspective you know you guys listen man i don't need perspective you know what you know what i did this christmas similar to period go on if we had to go somewhere boring that i didn't want to go i just took my ipad with me and i fucking sat somewhere and played Plants vs. Zombies 2 the whole time. Is it as good as the first one? It's alright.

The first one was so great. God, I loved the first one. It's similar to the first one. But there's just more to it. But it's alright. But you do do this, Sips. You do take holidays, right? You did take a little holiday over Christmas, didn't you?

Yeah. You went to Center center parks wherever or yeah or the zoo or whatever and had it had it had you went out of your you experienced something that was outside not willingly like going on vacation with kids is not having a vacation yeah there's no fun there it's more it's more work than being at home and you get back super tired i don't care whether it's not i don't care to care about that i think it's it's good for your soul and your brain to experience that different from your normal routine it's refreshing it's it's different it's it doesn't have to be good it can be good sure

the idea is for it to be good but it shouldn't you shouldn't go somewhere that's deliberately bad either i'm not suggesting you go and like torture yourself for a week um but some people would like doing that you know man go on a vacation with kids two kids and fucking submit your trip report when you're back let me know how you feel about that i'm just saying that you know it's it's it's it's better to do it than not to you know i think you can get sort of stuck in this sort of quite frustrating isolating echo-y place on your own if you're just sat there doing nothing. If your only escape is get drunk, period. What do you mean only escape?

I didn't say my only escape. That's not like the only thing I've got going on in my life. Yeah, dude plays a lot of Dota as well. Jeez. I have lots of good things to get out of my life. You have had plenty of refresh refreshing things you know you went to boston for the dota 2 major dude that was hard work yeah but it's it's a complete change to your normal routine of get up be a dad sit in front of the computer playing

dota all day go to bed you're really selling me down here buddy your analysis of people is really weird are you saying are you saying that you would prefer not to have done that you told you that you're saying no i i didn't realize that was the conversation i'm loving life i'm just saying that everybody needs a break even even billionaires get bored of it occasionally i bet and they're like shit i need to change like like you know we're not meant to live like life stinks we're meant to roam the the savannah looking for the next kill you know living life on the edge i'm saying brooks got sick of being rich and he he he was he became impoverished in life stinks remember that movie that was a really good one

that was a really good one i think there's a good lesson there and that's that you know keep doing the same shit over and over you get complacent you don't enjoy it much anymore you got to change it up sometimes yep even even if i mean my life at the moment is i'm really enjoying it it's it's i'm very happy it's going great but you know you still need to change occasionally and sometimes you just don't feel like doing anything that's it absolutely so what are your new year's resolutions guys what are you planning this year what what's what are you what do you want to change if anything if you're happy nothing man obviously you don't need to worry your new year's resolutions is last for like two weeks like most people most people are like i'm

gonna get more organized and they go and buy like a bunch of plastic bins from b&q or whatever like yeah go to b&q today lewis, and see what they have on sale. I do have one. From floor to ceiling will be plastic containers and exercise equipment. Because that's all that fucking people do after New Year's. Here's my plan. I gotta get my life back on track for two weeks. And then they just go back to being. I'm going to rearrange my office.

That's it. My office is getting rearranged. I'm actually going to tidy it up. And I'm going to put shit on the walls. And I'm going to have shelves and organize my's it. My office is getting rearranged. I'm actually going to tidy it up and I'm going to put shit on the walls and I'm going to have shelves and organize my stuff because it's just a dumping ground. And I live in this room, damn it. It needs to be more than that. So that's my news resolution is to deliver for you, the viewing public, a nicer room. A nicer room.

You're going to decorate it? Make it look less like a um for that for that eastern european in the corner of your stream nursing home that's it yeah now because people say it looks like a hospital bed so i'm gonna move it does yeah a little bit yeah it's very critical i think it's like it gives gives character though like yeah but it's just a bed and i normally just dump laundry on it this guy broadcasting from an insane asylum this is interesting wow this guy's not this guy holy shit they actually let him stream from there wow resolutions are a good thing though right they're very good thing they are they do have a measurable effect they're not man they're not

they're not a good thing two weeks what you mean a new year's resolution is just a fucking marketing con like like like the no ceilings in your office. It is. It totally fucking is. It's a way for them to sell shit that they couldn't sell before Christmas. Bingo. You think that New Year's resolutions are just a marketing gimmick to get people to buy exercise bikes? People don't work like that.

People do not work like that. It's just people will slump back into habits two weeks later. Guaranteed. Well, of course they do. Of course they do. Like 95% of New Year's resolutions. And all they have to show for their New Year's resolution is a bunch of empty plastic containers and exercise equipment with dust on it. That's it.

95% of New Year's resolutions don't get done. But that means 5% do. And that is actually a lot more than the zero. Oh my god. The 5% are probably people that are like fucking hopelessly hooked on heroin and stuff like that. Like, who've actually had to make positive change in their

life to keep living. No, I think the 5% that get done are things like, I'm going to do more heroin this year. That's my resolution. Yeah, that's true. That's another way of looking at it. I'm going to jerk off 20 times a day. That's my resolution and I that's true that's another way of looking at it yeah i'm gonna jerk off 20 times a day that's my resolution and i'm gonna do it he did it he did it well done he

fucking did it he can't see anymore but by god he did it he did it oh no it's a joke man like i new year's resolutions i never fucking bother i have no plans for the new year i'm just gonna do the same shit i always do because i know that that's exactly what's gonna happen it works have you not had it like during the break had to think about you know changes you might want to make or like you know and just fucking do it when it when the time is right man like do i feel like doing this now no will i do it in like two weeks time probably or like you know when when the situation becomes desperate i don't need a fucking new year's resolution for that i know what's gonna happen at some point geez something important is coming up then uh my wife will remind

me don't forget exactly i'm like oh shit yeah oh shit yeah i forgot were you listening when i told you about this thing uh yeah yeah but yeah so much to do i was just testing to make sure you remembered the classic yeah oh you two are the worst oh what are you talking about man we're living we're the two chillest guys you know yeah hey who wants to hear bodega part nueve oh man oh cool i do actually if you don't want to if you don't want to that's fine but yeah hey who wants to hear bodega part nueve oh man oh cool i do actually if you don't want to if you don't want to that's fine but if you'd like to is it is it a new year's special is it christmas special no it's not it's not themed in any way i do want to say does bodega

have any new year's resolutions no dude no i'm a little bit sick of the sherlock and dr who and all these things being done as like christmas sort of specials now i'm a little bit sick of the Sherlock and Doctor Who and all these things being done as like Christmas specials now. I'm a little bit... Yeah, it sucks. Two people died in EastEnders over the Christmas break as well. Did you hear about that? Was Phil Mitchell one of them? No, no.

He's due to die soon, apparently. But no, Ronnie and Roxy Mitchell died. They drowned in a hotel pool. Oh, my God. I remember Roxy Mitchell. That name rings in a hotel pool. Oh my God. I remember, I remember Roxy Mitchell. That name rings a bell. Let me Google.

Yeah. Yeah. Roxy Mitchell and her sister, Ronnie. I haven't watched. Both died. Oh, she died.

Yeah. Fucking crazy. Eh? Like, I don't know. Sometimes when people die in a soap though, you think like, I wonder if they just like got on the bad side of like the writers or the,

the producer or whatever, you know? Cause like to die no you're never coming back i think it's the game of thrones effect okay that everyone's thinking why is game of thrones successful they kill a lot of people we need to kill more people who are we gonna kill i mean who can we standers are pretty consistent for killing somebody every christmas but um two people this christmas two people yeah it's a pretty big one yeah yeah usually there's some big blowout,

some big life changing blowout. Somebody gets sent to jail or somebody dies or fucking, you know, some shit like that. It's, it's usually explosively big, not just like, yeah,

somebody's come back, you know, after 20 years or whatever, that's usually not like enough. It's gotta be big. They have to keep upping themselves though too, right? They have to have to be like okay this has to be more explosive than last time we have to kill more people let's be more it's like game of thrones right they have to every season they have to up the body count so they're like we've detected a nuclear warhead underneath walford

it didn't survive the y2k compliant it's got a y2k bug in it phil mitchell phil mitchell reveals i've done a bit of full-time programming it didn't survive the Y2K it's got a Y2K bug in it Phil Mitchell Phil Mitchell reveals I've done a bit of Fortran programming in my time rolls back Phil Mitchell's

a Fortran consultant oh don't worry from the 80s Phil save us hold on love I'm debugging fucking hell I'm debugging

oh fuck oh shit i know you guys don't watch this so i mean i don't even watch the soaps they're just on yeah a lot in the background so i pick up these bits and pieces my wife is like oh my god ronnie and rocks you're dead it's like what how it's this osmosis though isn't it through through other tv shows and other people talking about them and like radio shows and you just hear about this the sort of you hear about what's happening in eastenders without having to watch it hey you know do you guys can i tell you something quick before we bodega sure yeah i watched what did i watch the other day that caused oh yeah we bought the um

original animated 1957 jungle book oh yeah that's a classic okay and we watched it on one day like during the break he's back at school now so his break's over he's off for like three weeks so one day i i took him to town we had some pizza for lunch and we bought the Jungle Book and we came home and we watched it. And it was really good. And I remember it being like one of the better Disney movies. I liked it a lot. I watched it as a kid. And now my son has watched it as a kid and he really liked it as well.

And I was watching it. And then after the movie ended, because it was like, it was on a disc. They had like this, like a special feature thing. And this guy's like, oh, hey, my name is Ron. And I work at Disney Animation Studios. And one of the cool things about my job is that we get to go through some of the old, like, whatever things and the storyboards and stuff. And actually, there was an alternate ending to the Jungle Book that we found.

And I'm going to go through it now. So I went through the whole thing. And it was this big long-winded fucking clown fiesta of an ending that got dropped. I thought it was going to be some sort of dark thing where they died at the end. No, it was kind of weird. It was really long-winded. There was this bully in the village after Mowgli went back. And he didn't believe Mowgli and didn't like him because he lived in the jungle. And then they had some showdown in the village after Mowgli went back and he was didn't believe Mowgli and didn't like him because he lived in the jungle and then they had like some showdown in the jungle and like Mowgli couldn't

adapt to village life it was so fucking long-winded and weird they cut it all in the end and they just opted for what was in in the movie but they were saying like they showed all this like footage of Walt Disney himself being like super involved in like the process and had all these like other characters that didn't make it into the movie and it just sort of it got me thinking it was like fuck it's crazy to think you know like the Jungle Book it's just like for me like I don't know about you guys maybe it's nostalgia but I just thought it was one of those perfect movies you know like it was the perfect length that had like really good songs in it like the the story was pretty good and everything and it was just like just like kind of a perfect movie right you never consider how much work goes into a movie coming out like that you know like all of the shit

that they could have put into it that would have wrecked it or like made it too long-winded and wrecked it and stuff like that and so i started looking like so i started reading about walt disney and and disney itself and everything and it's fucking crazy like similar to the movie fucking disney like almost went bankrupt like 50 times like he like disney himself had like a nervous breakdown and like started up like five to ten different companies that went bust before like disney became disney and stuff and it's it's crazy to think like you know like i always just thought disney was just this big successful company that had like pretty high standards and stuff like that and they never

did anything wrong yeah my god like most of their movies were flops when they came out they were like ill time they came out during world war ii when nobody had money to go watch movies and stuff and like they they were just so close to losing it all like so many times like they they were in so much debt and stuff it's oh it's nuts it's crazy and then but it was the theme parks that kept them going like i think at one point like 80 of their revenue was their theme parks wow it wasn't for that yeah they would be fucking gone jesus crazy holy shit they made i think something like seven billion last year just yeah it's nuts well like they've they've acquired so much stuff along the way too like the muppets marvel star wars now like and and their

back catalog of movies have have just oh yeah generation after generation have become even more popular i know but it's crazy to think the movie cinderella was like a make or break film for disney like yeah that was like the film that like they'd messed around with stuff before but then when cinderella came out it was such a huge hit that it literally turned the whole fucking but i think after cinderella after cinderella for like years and years they didn't make any animated um feature length movies and it wasn't until 89 the little mermaid was like there they came back yeah and made an animated film again but from like man for the longest time they just had like live action movies and stuff that like did okay yeah they were fucking awful yeah yeah but like the little mermaid uh was released and that was the start it was like little mermaid aladdin the lion king and then duty and the beast like year after year for four years and they were

just like sensational do you remember there was a period when disney movies they all had um what's her name the the woman in uh silence of the lambs what's that actress's name oh jodie foster yeah they were like jodie foster was in a bunch of their shit it was all like yeah they were all like these sort of uh rambunctious wacky movies that were fucking awful you know walt disney's last words were reportedly kurt russell that was his last words he just went kurt russell and died man no died man dude died in like 65 so like it's insane to think that you know like the company that he

left when he died was not that big really like he was pretty wealthy at the time and stuff but you know yeah they hadn't even opened Walt Disney World Resort in Florida like it was it was still being built when he died

and like and nowadays it's like what honestly the stories around that are really really interesting as well because they brought up all this land under under like um different different people's names so they wouldn't realize that it was all being bought up by disney and they slowly very carefully brought up all of this huge amount of land on the cheap yeah um and it was oh it's really really clever some of it's amazing anyway it's an interesting read it's a it's an it's an interesting company to read about especially if you obviously yeah if you're if you're of the opinion that disney has has always just like been this big fucking blockbuster company and and stuff it's it's interesting to see that sounds to me sips like a really magical day that you had with your

son and it's like a little bit you know emotional i'm feeling a little tear in my eye because you know you walked out you smelt a flower you did some portage together out into town yeah you know you picked up a dvd copy of a film that you remember yeah and obviously when you watched it you know you were triggering stuff because you from your your childhood, you must, it must have, it must have awakened some deep seated memories. The moments where I turned to watch it because I was playing Plants vs. Zombies at the same time. But also, my New Year's resolution is to really tone that stuff down because like, I think like a couple of magical moments a year is okay, but too many. Too magical. So it's a bit too magical for me. I'm going to make 2017 less magical. I don okay, but too many. Too magical. It's a bit too magical for me.

I'm going to make 2017 less magical. I don't like magic that much. Too magical. Make 2017 less magical. Make 2017 less magical, yeah. That could be the title of the podcast. Good one. Oh, brilliant.

I love it. Anyway, let's do Bodega and let's get out of here. Bodega part Nueve. Now, if you remember remember in part Ocho he was on the planet with the Dildonian and at the end of that episode he decided he was going to start a small business.

So that's the pitch for part Nueve. A small red light blinked on and the intercom atop the desk Hang on, hang on, hang on. You've got to do the intro though. You've got to go Bodega. Sorry. Sorry. Bodega. Part Nueve. A small red light blinked on, and the intercom atop the desk of Sheila Bam barked,

K-forms! Uh, k-infernal thing. What in the k-cracklebs. Flarf! From the next room, a voice shouted, Sheila, could you get me a pile of them R580V Cronkite text verbs, please? Sheila smiled and rose, shuffling towards the filing cabinets in the corner. She quickly located the R580Vs and took them through to Bodega's office. Here you are, darling, she said, setting them on his cluttered desk. Shoot, I can't get this gork-damn intercom to do a flarvin' thing.

I'll just set the hollerin' if I need you next time, said Bodega, scowling at the small smoking intercom unit, a thin zip blade embedded in its face. He'd wanted one of these since it seemed like a thing people had in offices. It made the office look more office-y. It's very 80s. Very 80s. It was garbage. Total waste of squirrels. Sheila smiled and turned to leave. Working for Bodega was

challenging. He loved technology, but also hated it. He was lovable, but also a terrifying and heavily armed killer on the run from the feds. But it was steady pay and had good dental coverage, so Sheila was happy. Her teeth were a mess. As she was leaving his office, she noticed Bodega had written some names on a whiteboard on the wall. You got the numbers for all that lot, or do you need me to get the Galactic Interlocatron out? Most of these fellas ain't had contact details for years. Gonna need the old

GI for this one, yep, said Bodega, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet up. And how about some scoffy? Scoffy was short for space coffee. A name so stupid even Bodega balked at using it. But scoffy was great. He felt like a real office person when he put his feet up on his desk and

asked his secretary to get him a cup of scoffy. She knew how he took it too. Scream and two scruggers. The ideal color for a cup of coffee was Nice. Nice. He had a tiny surveillance camera that fed straight into his computer terminal so he could watch her while she brewed it to ensure there was no poisoning, mussing, nor fooling going on with his beverage. Right. About 10 minutes later, just as the scoffy was kicking in, a notification popped up on Bodega's screen. Sheila performance review, it said. Flirv. Time to let Sheila know how she was doing and such.

This was what management was all about, he guessed. Sheila, he shouted. A moment later, she entered his office. Sit your butt down, Sheila, said Bodega, trying to look kind of official. There was a long silence. You're doing great. Now get me a scoffie, he said. She smiled and left his office. Bodega clicked complete on the pop-up

and that was that. Easy. Bodega, I've got some contact information for those people on your list, shouted Sheila. Send it through, he bellowed. Okay, she hollered. In it came, reams of information about the nine people on Bodega's get list. Gawk, bless the interlocatron. The galactic interlocatron was a vast listening device and database. It grabbed every unscrambled signal, unencrypted message, phone conversation, or any other form of communication, and stored it. Even casual real-life person-to-person chats in a public place were likely to be overheard by some kind of listening device and duly recorded in the GI database. Of course, access to anyone other than

super high-level federal types was forbidden, but Bodega had lived his life by the simple credo, forbidden is for Bodega. Now he needed to get in contact with those bastards and find out if they were interested in his project. They would be. After all, how could they turn this down? The chance to form the ten most bastardy bastards into one mess of murder and carnage and just... do shit. Flav.

That was the problem. He knew they had to have a big idea beyond just do shit, but it wasn't coming to him. How could he go out and pitch do shit to nine people like him? It needed a hook. Sheila, could you come in here? Sheila, of course, obliged. Sheila, what in the floor is this all about to you? What's the point of it all? Asked Bodega, tipping his hat back so he could see her face real good. Well, you just have to try to do right by people around you and try not to leave behind more of a mess than already was there when you arrived. just enjoy life she said sweetly no i mean well we ain't getting those folks together

to throw a darn baby shower or help some old people fix their plumbing we're up to no good see he said hmm well honestly i thought you were planning on overthrowing the federation and i just thought well why not that's a pretty tall order missy i ain't one for rebel causes i just want folks to leave me alone said bodega well what if it was a sort of Bodega-style federation, like your own version, she said. Bodega contemplated this idea. Too much paperwork, he said, eyeballing the already mountainous pile in his in-tray and imagining that scaled up to running a galaxy. No, I just meant the shooting part, she said.

Bodega grinned. Now that, that I can get aboard with, missy, said Bodega, turning his chair towards the viewport and gazing out at the asteroid field there where concealed him. Yeah, this could work. His own version of the Federal Morality Police Division. The hum-funkers who'd locked him up in that mind-fuck of a prison a few months

back. A group of people who folks could turn to for justice when those who were meant to be just were being unjust or just kind of dicks. I'll call it bodega's space rescue force of people he knows sheila winced we'll brainstorm it sheila all right the end i like the vibe the whole 80s idea of what a business would be like yeah yeah i like it it is it's a very 80s vibe to Bodega's business ideas.

It's a little bit noir, isn't it? So a little bit of a dirty detective's office. Not so much detective, but more a Bodega's space force of people he kind of knows. I feel like this episode has been a very important bridging episode. It is an important bridging episode. I think people might listen to it and be like, that was a really bad episode. But similar to The Empire Strikes Back, years later, they'll look back and they'll realize how important the episode actually was.

They'll realize to build up the rest of the story. And how important all of those little details were. I just wanted to see Bodega in an office. That was it. No, I think it was good, man. It was just as good as all the other ones. You said it was a bad episode. No, no.

I think that like like I don't personally think it was bad I respect but I think that people maybe now expect a lot of action every episode you know what I mean I'm saying the pacing is perfect for me yeah you gotta slow it down

I like how it slowly unfolds because now we need to go out into the galaxy and make contact with the baddest bunch of bastards you've ever met. None of them will be as good a shot, obviously, but they all have skills. Sometimes you need an episode to lay out the framework of the rest of the journey, right?

And now we're going to come up with nine other characters that are kind of like Bodega, but each have their own set of skills. That is going to be fun. I'm looking forward to that. Yeah, that's going to be great. Fuck. So 2017, we're off to a great start we've done a podcast hooray um there's been a bodega hooray lewis has a whole bunch of new year's resolutions um period and i are just carrying on being dads uh without any of that fancy stuff and

go fuck yourselves that's it bye goodbye i thought we just leave it at go fuck yourselves no no don't do that it sounds weird you got it and uh go fuck yourselves end podcast go fuck yourself no go fuck yourself if it sounds too rude. Include the boys, okay?