Triforce! - Triforce! #30: Ult Me, Baby

Episode Date: January 18, 2017

In this weeks Triforce we're getting a little steamy with Overwatch porn, fetishes and used footwear! The new Bodega t-shirt is out now: http://bit.ly/BodegaTee Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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19 and over and physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See casino.draftkings.com for details. Please play responsibly. Are you good? Very little. Everyone's good? Yeah. I had a friend of mine's over from the States in London. Oh. If you're a Dota fan, you may know him as William Blitz Lee, TI commentator. Oh, shit. That's the Papa Smurf, Super Mario.

What's the fucking guy's name? He's got the beard. Storm. Storm Spirit. Storm Spirit. That's him, right? Yeah. He plays Storm a lot. He's like the big Storm Spirit main guy spirit. That's right. Yeah, he plays like the big storm spirit

Maybe well, he was his hero. Yeah, he was so good at it He tried coaching me one time and when I did play Dota, I watched him stream a bit and stuff But yeah, I thought he was pretty extreme. Yeah He's the manager for DC now or the coach. He's the coach for DC. Oh not comics No DC like the um the team digital chaos so they came they just won a tournament um they came second at ti6 he wasn't coaching them then though he was coaching liquid so i was just catching up with him um and the weird thing is about working on esports is there's a lot of people that work in esports that you

wouldn't want to go for dinner with because they're just a bit weird uh and then there are there are a lot of people that are really cool uh and he's he's one of the the weird ones no he's one of the cool ones but yeah it's um it was good it was good to see him yeah i met some hearthstone people at um blizzcon and i thought they were a bit weird way weirder than i expected it to be. Yeah. You got to remember that these people started much like we did, um, started their careers, if you like, you know, sitting in a, in a bedroom by themselves for 20 hours a day playing a video game, copious amounts of a video game. So like the expectation that they're going to be socially conditioned and have, uh, you know, people skills and have uh you know people skills and yeah have ever like attended a job interview or total absence of life experience for most of them because they're like they're still they're still

super young so they're like 18 or 19 so just because they're a big deal in esports they have done fuck all like they were in school a few years ago i know most of them have never felt the bare flesh of a woman let alone exactly you know what i mean it's like these people need to be better rounded i think i think when they when they sort of get picked up into esports were you rounded when you were 18 yeah i was if you're a pro esports player you have to have put a lot of hours into the game no but no this is this is the thing though i think when when they when they get you into esports they discover you and they're like holy shit this guy is like the best hearthstone player ever when they sign you to a team each team should have and this they should do this in the overwatch league because the overwatch league hasn't started yet okay so this would be like a perfect proving ground for this idea okay every team has what like kind of like

a big brother house okay so like they they draft a bunch of people in they're all like 17 year old nerds who've like never left their bedroom and are just like like rain man levels of good at these games and stuff and they make they force them to live in this big brother house with like a bunch of playboy bunnies and they there's like a bunch of cocaine in there as well beer just like free-flowing and stuff and then there's like a track out back with cars you can learn how to drive and stuff and and it just it's just going to expedite all of these experiences that you should have like these life experiences i couldn't disagree more totally it'll be condensed down into like a week so that you just like you get laid you do drugs you you you drink for the first time and you get fucking hammered and make

mistakes life mistakes and then you learn how to drive as well and then they could even bring in like kind of like they do on dragon's den or like the apprentice they could bring in people to do like mock job interviews and stuff and like so it's like a test to see like you know if they're like personable and they they can like you know communicate with people and stuff like that and then i feel that they would be well rounded and not just like fucking nerds and then they would be able to then enjoy their esports career that's like a sort of robots idea of how to have life experiences. How to condition a human.

Have them all laid out in sequence. You are now going through virginity training. Please enjoy. You can use this as a bodega. It's like, it could totally happen. There could be like a... I'll tell you something. There's a robot in this week's bodega.

Oh, nice. It's funny we should talk about that. Does it provide virginity training? you'll have to find out we'll have to find out because yeah the robots obviously vary wildly in what they could be you know it could be the guy with the wavy arms like made of tubes or it could be you know basically like most most hollywood robots are humans because it's much cheaper to just get a fucking guy and paint his face silver i mean like you said the wavy arms you know that sort of panicky weird robot with all lights and things is yeah the cube head it always looks like us it's like something straight up out of postman

pat like the panicking if pat had a robot you think it would look like like that it would panic it would wave its arms it would have lots of lights and stuff. Kids love that shit, don't they? Yeah. I would say something kind of timid about, oh, my. Oh, wow. Oh, I do fancy a nice cup of tea after seeing that robot. Oh, my goodness.

That doesn't go there, Pat. What's Pat doing? He's having sex training. Yeah, he's doing his virginity training. Long haul, Pat. Dude, Pat's a player. The guy drives around all the time, knocking on the doors of all these lonely housewives.

You're telling me Pat hasn't indulged? Come on, Pat's all over that. Pat is getting tons of action. Absolutely, yeah. That was a bit premature, Pat. What? He's giving feedback. He's giving on the fly feedback. More rhythm, Pat.

More rhythm. Oh my God. Flip me over, Pat. Engaging Barry White. Setting. Mode. Mode status. Sexy.

Oh, shit. Oh, man. Do you think people are like, oh, well, well no that's probably a bad a bad course of action to go down people are messed up by the internet is what i was going to say when it comes to certainly when it comes to nowadays you know having access to all of the stuff that that these these guys have access to well listen um a popular search term on pornhub not not from experience but of course a new a new popular search terms actually yeah most what is it what is it well one of the what one of the new popular search terms on pornhub is overwatch and there is 3d remodeling

being done of the characters in overwatch in all sorts of weird and wonderful and fantastic sexy scenes. Let me check this out. It's true. Yeah, I saw that on Reddit posts as well. It's really, yeah. It was one of the most popular. And funnily enough, and it's got to be troll searches, but there was like a substantial amount of people looking for Bastion

in Overwatch on Pornhub. That robot. Actually a gun. He's a gun. Oh my goodness. It's like a transformer, basically. Do you reckon that's women looking for Bastion? No.

Possibly. I think it's those people who are into robots. There are those people that are into... People are though? Yeah, there are people that are into sexualized airplanes, dude. Aeroplanes for fuck's sake. Oh, okay. I guess there's like those guys that like stick their dicks in exhaust pipes of cars and stuff too. that are into sexualized airplanes, dude. Aeroplanes for fuck's sake. Oh, okay.

I guess there's like those guys that like stick their dicks in exhaust pipes of cars and stuff. There was that guy who fucked a pavement that time. Do you remember?

Oh, yeah. That was a great story. And there was that guy that got caught having sex with his bike, his 10-speed bike in a hotel room. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

And he was actually put on the sex offenders list for it as well. Wow. Yeah, like a maid at a hotel. Because the bikes got rights? Come on.

Some Scottish guy. No, I think it's just because it was so fucking weird and perverted that they just couldn't risk not putting him on the list. Oh my God. Theoretically, you could have sex with anything if you strap a flashlight onto it, right? So I guess that was effectively what he was doing. I guess so, but I don't think this was the case. He must have just been rubbing up on the safety bar. I just saw Tracer giving...

What's the gorilla's name? Winston. She's giving Winston a handjob. This is unbelievable. It's like, yeah, it's like... God damn. This has always been PCO, right? There's always been porn surrounding every video game and every franchise.

Yeah, but this is really well done. I know. This is like professional level animation. I mean, I looked into it for, like, much like you, for research purposes. Research purposes. Oh my God. Here's a guy. He's doing a Bukkake shot on all six of the female characters at once.

Of course. What a once. Of course. What a player. Of course. So Overwatch used to be, in 2015, it was 450. Wait, she can't have a cum shot? She's not in the meta. This is outrageous. Please, for God's sake.

Please. Oh, for God's sake. So yeah, it's like 15th most searched for term on, if you can possibly believe it. Pretty fucked up, isn't it? Bastion was not in it that I could see, which is, it's kind of, it's not cool. I think Bastion deserves a place in there. He'd be good. He's a fucking robot.

The thing is, Bastion, like Lewis was saying, you know, outfitting things with the fleshlight, Bastion could easily be modularized to have those capabilities, you know? I mean, if Data can have sex with Tasha Yar. Yeah, that's true. I mean, when you said sex with robots or a fascination, like a sexual fantasy about a robot or whatever, the first thing that sprang to mind was Data. Of course.

You know, and you think, yeah, okay, I can see that, because he looks like a human or whatever the first thing that sprang to mind was data because he's like you know and you think yeah okay i can see that because he looks like human or whatever but like bastion does not look like a human no like well not in his not in his fixed form but he can he runs around like a dude when he's not in there i know but even then he's still like you know what i mean it's not you're not admiring his curves or anything you know like here's the question is it he doesn't have like a bagging six-pack you know this horse painting is making me uncomfortable is a transformer sexy that's the thing i mean you've got to ask there are going to be people out there i i think it's people who they've like you were talking about people who've never formed uh you know human

relationships and have lived in their bedroom the only things that they see day in day out is bastion and diva and stuff that's what they form their sexual interest around is is what they see every day you know we covet what we see we don't covet shit we can't imagine so i think if you just play overwatch for 12 hours you know is it natural for me to just like boobs and like a nice face or am i conditioned to like boobs and a nice face that's a question right i think it's uh i see lots of boobs in a day well here's the thing for research if we nice faces too but but the thing is that there is there is definitely biological aspect to it i mean that's what sex is it's not it's not just some mental jiggery pokery going on it's all

it's why we're here. We are still animals. I mean, a dog doesn't look at another dog and think, check out the hind legs on that. It's just a female dog in heat, and he's a dude, and that's that. That's how animals do it. So if we think that actually it's all some careful social conditioning, what we're saying is we're not animals anymore. And of course we fucking are.

So that part of our brain, I think, is very simple. Some people, you're into what you're into that's that i guess so yeah yeah man so it's really i will say it's really really creepy that the third most searched for term in the united states is stepsister stepsister yeah well I guess these are all kids of divorce, right? Because divorce is so commonplace. I mean, nowadays it's so commonplace. So it's not uncommon to have a step-sister. There's probably a lot of people that have fantasized about doing their step-sister, which is like, you know, technically probably okay.

Yeah. It's a co-hab situation. situation yeah you ain't blood relatives in any way you're not blood relatives you're not gonna have kids that have to like drink pizza through straw for the rest of their lives or anything like that is it legal to marry your step sister i guess if she's because i think in some states you can actually marry your cousin and stuff there's no legal moral or ethical reason for you not to marry. It is not in sense. What about cousin? Like second or third cousins?

Your cousin? Because I'm pretty sure. That is not on the search terms, I will say. No, but I'm pretty sure, though, that there's some states that allow that. 26 states allow first cousin marriages. Half, like half the fucking states. Like first cousin is like, you know, there's definitely. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

So no European country prohibits marriage between first cousins so only 26 so half the states in america don't let you do it what states are those out of interest though like just give me like a sample like are they like take a guess the good states yeah okay yeah enough said i'm gonna marry my cousin springfield as well cousin eliza we're getting married I'm going to marry my cousin. Springfield as well. Cousin Eliza. We're getting married. Mary Lou.

Oh, Jeb. Yeah. No, I mean. Here you go. First cousin marriage allowed. Alabama. That's number one. Not just alphabetically.

It's right up there. Alaska. Oh, California. That's surprising colorado not in delos uh that's not how we roll nice nor in uh nor in kansas nor kentucky nor louisiana which i'm surprised by louisiana i am surprised by actually i figured that would be a hotbed for first cousin marriages yeah same with uh mississippi but no so it looks like it's like a lot of the the southern states are saying no i i suspect that that's because it's religion based right well that and also i honestly think it's not necessarily religion because i mean states like south carolina and virginia and stuff it's fine i think it's because the states where they don't allow it people married their cousins so much the gene pool was

getting fucked up and they're like stop this cousin shit because everybody's bucktooth and go oh shit you think that's how forrest gump came about i think it was just a movie my friend i hate to break it to you no it's gotta be based on a real guy though no you can't just make that shit up of course you can how is forrest gump they say he met the president he was in vietnam all the rest of it it's ridiculous easy he met the president as well i mean what people you know a lot of people get to meet the president so it's not too out there did easy he really meet the president yeah i think he did wow in italy the third most searched term is foot job which is nice very unusual just like they're just really ahead of the game in italy in terms of sex they're like oh fucking vaginas there was

something that really creeped me out actually there was there's like a website where people kind of um collate pictures of girls feet okay and so there's there's like a whole website i mean i think the foot fetish is like i think it's a it's really it's a really detailed database that simon found of feet of girls feet and it's got like yeah is it bare feet though or is it like feet where it's human feet. Human feet. Oh, dad, sorry. I haven't seen... Dad joke! Dad joke. No, but like... No, but seriously, though,

is it any feet? Or is it like... Just any shots of those people's feet? It's girls' feet. Are there shots of just like really hairy man feet as well? Or are those not? I think it's only women's feet, actually.

Do you know what? This is interesting, actually. I've got a question. For all the women out there listening to the Triforce podcast, men seem to be into all kinds of weird shit. Like some men are into foot jobs, some men are into feet, some men are into getting pooped on and peed on and all the rest of it. Are women also into that kind of stuff at the same volume that men are are there as many women

out there i wouldn't say the same volume i fucking love men's hairy old feet stepping on my vagina are wired totally differently to men in so many so many ways and like and definitely sort of like sexual fantasies and stuff like that I think they're different as well because like the things that women want are totally different to the things that men want and one of the things that men want is for women to be more like men you know like like a man thinks that like, oh, how great would it be if like I'm obsessed with like with fucking, I don't know, feet or whatever. I met a girl who's also obsessed with feet and we would be obsessed with feet together and stuff. And like, I don't think women are like that generally. Of course, there's exceptions, the rule for sure.

You know, but I don't think at the same volume that men. I think men intrinsically are perverted that men, I think, I think men intrinsically are perverted. Yeah. And I don't think women are. I think, I think there's definitely, like I said, there's exceptions for sure. But like, you know, most, most people that, that get charged with like sex offenses and stuff are male.

I mean, it's very rare that a woman does. Right. I mean, no, no woman's fucking a bicycle. Right. No, no woman's going out there and fucking. right i mean no no woman's fucking a bicycle right no no woman's going out there and fucking unless a man unless a man puts her up to it and that for like the purpose of making a porn or something like that you know what i mean watching a woman but no woman is at home right now in her spare time getting jiggy with like a fucking bike in her bedroom or whatever because she's probably

just like sensible and has other shit to do or whatever you know you know you you get those women who um like you'll see it in fiction a lot she's she's into something kinky and she's got a lot of shame about it because i think that that's a societal thing if a dude is into fucking the pavement he'll he'll fuck a pavement like there's no you know and the worst thing is he'll do it the pavement is outside and he's doing it and he'll be shunned but he'll find a community on the internet the next day who will gladly accept him of pavement fuckers i'm gonna google pavement welcome into the fold gary um glad you could join us we're just talking about a type 5 asphalt covering that we've all gotten boners about recently and um we're we're really considering going on a group field trip and uh fucking it together so um we're just planning that out right

now gary's just like oh my god it's fucking all my christmases at once i found a group of people that finally understand me my i don't know maybe session with pavement well let looking at this this page of stats right so 20 so of visitors to like porn hub 25 of them are women okay which is right obviously a lot less okay uh a lot less women are like looking at porn online and stuff but i don't think amongst that proportion they're any less perverted in their in what they're looking into but again are they doing this in in in private most men will do this in private i would assume i think a lot of i think or are they are or are their boyfriends and husbands or whatever like putting them up to it sort of thing i think guys can say like oh let's watch porn together because like men do that i know i know women i know women that watch a lot of porn i know plenty of women though yeah lots of porn and they don't watch the the

shit that's tagged female friendly which just involves like a fucking fireplace and people kissing and he's like he says i'll call you tomorrow at the end you know it's not that kind of shit it's the real gritty some massive dude just pounding away on some women's favorite do you want to hear this women's favorites viewed more often by women compared to men okay right yeah pussy licking right right of course yeah female friendly lesbian so eloquent lewis i love it gangbang really the gangbang stuff is popular man you wouldn't think the gangbang would be popular amongst women. The whole point of the gangbang is it's like demeaning the woman. It's like totally objectifying the woman. That's the whole point of the gangbang. Like she ain't in charge.

She's got 10 dudes fucking her. There's no way she's in charge of that situation. If she's in charge of it- We're the strong, independent people now. No, no, no. I think the reason people want it- Gotta give respect. Right, exactly. And that's why it's attractive. a strong, independent people now. No, no, no. I think the reason people want it. You've got to give respect. Right, exactly. And that's why it's attractive. Sex is always about what's taboo, right?

Do women masturbate as much as men? Because like 100% of men. They fucking should masturbate, right? Yeah, but it's so easy for them. Why aren't they doing it all the time? I'm amazed they do anything. Maybe they are. They just keep it secret.

We don't know. Maybe it's the biggest secret in the world. Amy Schumer would have said something by now. what have you been doing in there for so long it takes me a while to get ready yeah oh shit all right oh you cracked it that's why the old makeup takes so long makeup my ass you're fucking whacking off in there dirty cow Get out here and show me your feet! Fuck! Oh, God! Are you having sex with another robot in there? I have a digital postman. I have been programmed in over 10,000 sexual positions.

Data? Data! To my ready room, data! All right, so here's a list of 12 weird things that men have tried to have sex with okay bicycles apparently it's not uncommon the pavement there was that guy steven marshall from scotland a goat yeah i like this one in 2006 in sudan a mr tombe was caught having sex with a goat in order to pay a 50 dowry and to marry the goat apparently they're still together mr alifi that's even worse than him fucking the goat i know right

mr alifi the owner of the goat described interrupting the carnal act this is my favorite bit when i asked him what are you doing there he fell off the back of the goat so i captured him and tied him up captured him i like that a picnic table, a fence, street signs, not uncommon apparently, park bench, a steel bench that had holes in it. But he got his knob stuck in it and he was face down with his dick in the bench. And they had to cut the bench out and take him to the hospital with the bench still attached. A car, it's actually a mechanophiliac. Did you know that? Sorry to interrupt, but this just sort

of leads on to another thing i mean i think i don't think it's fairly common but it's not unheard of that women get admitted to hospital with like weird shit like lodged in their vaginas yeah but i don't think that's about that object so maybe they are doing i hear more often weird shit lodged in men's asses too but like but like cell phones when they when they when they started to make them small yeah yeah um i think i think there was like a time where every like hour every every week we got another one jerry god god it's really stuck up there this time fucking motorolas i don't know where it is try calling it try calling we gotta find out who this is it's like a clamshell

you know what i reckon uh you wouldn't want to try that with the new fucking samsung that's the danger that's why ladies gotta be careful yeah because if they get wet they fucking blow up right lamppost a lilo now this i can understand because a lilo is kind of soft and and yielding a lilo i could see that it's like got a silky like uh you know a pull string or whatever as long as it's not people's favorite things no no these are things that people have had sex with my concern with the lilo is was it just one of the plain ones that looks kind of like a small mattress or was it like shaped like a little happy dinosaur because if you're fucking the happy dinosaur lilo i think you've got to ask questions about yourself

honestly henry the hoover which is not uncommon people have sex with hoovers and pie like in american pie people have sex with pie sure man my one of my friends when we were teenagers we went to his house and we we drank at his house and we got pretty drunk and we were talking about like you know masturbating and stuff as you do sort of thing and um you know he was he was pretty he was pretty drunk too and he started saying that like he has this like he has this system that he uses sometimes we're like laughing so we're like oh okay fine he's like yeah I have like a silky pillowcase so what I do is like I like I roll up my pillow with the silk pillowcase and then i like sandwich it in between like a bunch of like duvets and stuff okay this is a really really

common thing actually yeah yeah and and we're like oh you know laughing and stuff and i i slowly turn around and in the corner of his like basement like because he had this down there there's like a like a pile of duvets and like a fucking silky pillow and it was just like one of those moments where i looked over and i saw my friend looking over like not the guy that told us the story we just sort of looked at each other and then it was like it was like from caddyshack when they when they find like the baby ruth floating in the pool we were were like, oh, run! We just ran out of his basement. Oh, it was so gross.

It's like you've been on a sleepover and you really regretted asking to borrow that silky pillow that one time. Yeah. Oh, God, I'm not feeling well. That looks really comfortable. I'm going to have to phone my mom. I've got to go home. Oh, shit. I know that a lot of women like the tumble dryer or the washing machine

when it's on like the washing machine when it's on final spin when it's just vibrating oh that's like a classic cliche is that actually true? yeah yeah 100%

is that really? yeah 100% the vibration for that thing is serious and apparently if you lean up against it or sit on it it's really good

if you're a woman for a dude you just feel vibrated that's probably why Mrs. Facts is washing everything every day she's washing all the time taking days off work machine out again it's meant to be in this little cupboard i don't know if there's better freestanding let it stand free it was making a noise i just i just had to take a look it's a it's oh my god it's a robot that's it is. It's a fucking robot sex machine again.

That's what it is. You know what I reckon? Vibrating penises is the future of evolution or an implant of some kind. The addict just vibrates like crazy. Women would love that. Here's the thing. So we talk about how it's so unnatural

to have people going out there and like having sex with a bike or whatever. And it is like totally weird. It is, yeah. Do you not think that that is more akin to what it would have been like in nature than something that like it vibrates? Like how much would vibrate in, do you not think that vibration is like overstimulation and that that wouldn have existed in caveman times like when we in nature are we talking about humans are we talking about in nature oh well in nature there's no concept of sitting around for an hour in nature like a rhino gets a boner shoves it in and does his business in like five seconds and then carries

on with his life because they have no concept of like these little frogs or these little monkeys or whatever like using frogs as like a flashlight they like grab a frog and like you know you said there's loads of monkeys whacking off everywhere i know that there was a vibrator i think they there was an ancient vibrator that used bees. So they filled a vessel with bees and it vibrated. And you could use that. That's like your basic vibrator right there. Dangerous.

You're kidding me. I'm not kidding you, dude. Bees vibrate, right? That's the one thing in the world that I would not want anywhere near my kitchen. A tube full of bees. Yeah, yeah. That would be a hell of an I'm a pretty easy going guy. There you go.

Cleopatra, the first vibrator, filled a hollow gourd with angry bees. The violent buzzing caused the gourd to vibrate. 554 BC. There you go.

I mean, if they're contained and there's no chance they could come out and stuff. I don't think the human being evolved, though,

with the ability to put bees in a tube and like it wasn't very commonplace no but i think that's why we were placed on this scene when it's like that scene when cavemen discover fire right next to the fire the camera pans over and there's just like a cave woman with like a seashell filled with bees. Swimming on the ground. Oh shit. Oh fuck. I wonder if cave people, like let's say you got to around 10,000 BC, like the very early foundations of society were starting to form and stuff like that. In 10,000 BC?

Yeah, just imagine that. It's commonly accepted as the beginning of of time so there's a common thing about the um i watched it i think it was a video so what was this this is when we this is when we were using fire and yeah the year that basically the year you just think of it as the year now it should be 12 um 17 okay 12 000, because it is effectively, that is the era of humanity. That is how long we've had since we started to come together and form the very first civilization. So it's the era when humanity came out of the caves or came out. Honestly though, how the fuck do they know?

Because well, we have a lot of fucking evidence. They're finding fucking rocks and stuff. It's honestly, we have a bit of evidence. Seriously, they're finding fucking rocks and stuff. Honestly, there is a lot of evidence, and that's generally... What evidence, though? What honestly ties it all together where they can get an accurate timeline? Archaeology. Yeah, okay, fine, but how do they date it back? How do they know that they haven't just found something from 200 years ago?

You can use carbon dating, for one thing, which is pretty accurate. Way more accurate than people think. It is hugely accurate. Apart from in the last 50 years, because we fucked everything up with radiation. Right. But if you're carbon dating something that was old, you can measure... You can't carbon date anything since World War II, basically. Really?

Right. that was old you can measure carbon date anything since world war ii basically because after yeah after the radiation experiments we completely fucked the amount of carbon in the atmosphere and it's completely thrown everything out so basically sometimes it's very difficult to carbon date certain things from that are very either very very old or just after world war ii because they're the same wow yeah but but yeah so they they do that i feel a tremendous sense of loss right now after that one i'm like a bit depressed because of no more carbon situation stuff i don't think we'll have to worry about it and if someone's carbon dating our stuff in a few thousand years we fucked up anyway like if people are well we don't we don't need to

because we're smart enough to use time capsules. Lewis made one. Put all of his Pokemons in there and stuff. My best Pokemons. They're like, oh my god. They had no one back then. Holy shit. Put in his favorite turtleneck and stuff. Give them an idea what the fashion

was like. Shit like that. So yeah. They didn't do that back in 10,000 bc divergence from what we were talking about but yeah i like the idea that we've the humanity's been around for 12,000 years so go period i've forgotten now completely i mean that that's it's gone oh shit oh wait i remember i remember i remember now so i mean we sit around and we think about the future and people were thinking about the future a long time ago right they were thinking like in like the 19th century you had uh you had people writing about time machines and

space travel and they thought that maybe like they had there was a competition to find alien life in the solar system did you know this the they wouldn't give a prize out not that long ago it's like the 19th century or the start of this century the last century it's much more likely now that we we could potentially find right but they thought it was easy and they thought that every planet pretty much surely must have could have had aliens on and the competition wouldn't give a prize if you contacted life on mars because it's too easy that was the way they put it it would be too easy so they were like no no prize for that but if you get someone on venus or whatever we'd love to talk to them so here's a prize to encourage people to do that because they really thought

you know if we're on this planet and there's a planet right over there it's almost certainly got people on it you know why wouldn't it sort of thing well because they've they've they've already found a couple of planets and other solar systems that sort of fit yeah the same criteria as earth for example yeah like in this like uh what do they call it like the goldilocks zone yeah zone yeah there's that one that they found where it's at a perfect distance from the sun where there's enough water and then there's enough like germs and shit where it could live it's not too hot not too cold yeah yeah but there's this one that they found and the sun has this weird um like it gets occluded by this

object that's clearly passing between us and the sun at this fairly irregular interval and they think it might be some kind of like distant space station or something like that that was their theory like some massive alien space station and it's literally like the fucking death star it's like eclipsing the sun when we see it but because it's a orbit is irregular they think that it's literally like the fucking death star it's like eclipsing the sun when we see it but because it's a orbit is irregular they think that it's almost certainly moving in some way so it's not like a thick it's not like a planetary orbit which is predictable it's it's on an irregular orbit and stuff so i thought that was awesome i mean that could be a whole bunch of things it's terrifying at the same time because it's so it would have been a long time you know

what the fuck are we gonna find if we find something out there you know like i think most people assume that we're just gonna find the ewoks or whatever and it's like what if we find something that's just like you know giant fucking like brain-eating worms or something like that probably would be i don't want to find that if we bumped into something the thing is if it's smart i want to die before we embark on that as humanity is, if it's smart enough to get on a- I want to die before we embark on that as humanity, like, together. But, dude, if it's smart enough to get on a fucking spaceship

and come here, they're probably not just going to go, now that we're here, let's eat their brains. Because it's like, why do we come all this way and do all this engineering? I do not want my brains to be eaten.

They won't be. And I do not want to end up on- Period is 100% right. If they are, like- I don't want to end up on a planet, in a space base, alone in a ventilation system either. These are things I would desperately like to avoid in my lifetime. You'll be fine.

That won't happen. Don't worry. It's a little bit like Hitchhiker's Guide in the sense. If someone comes here, it's probably just because we're in the way of them building a super great hyperspace roadway. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You know, there's no,

we are a speck of, of irrelevance, you know, to, to any kind of alien beings that are powerful enough to visit because space is so, so, so vast. Um,

it's ludicrously huge and everything is so far away and being capped by relativity. Sure. Maybe relativity isn't, isn't the limit. Maybe we can go faster than light through some means, but currently our theories say you can't. And currently that means that everywhere is so far away that you'd have to be

frozen for hundreds of years to get there. And it's just kind of pointless. Like, you know, what, why would they, what have we got? got if they if they can already get here uh with their technology and what would be the point it's a little bit like you know we don't need to go to the moon or mine asteroids because there's millions and millions of of unused square miles on this planet that are free you know there's we should it's cheaper to mine

underwater it's cheaper to mine the deserts the ice caps than it is to launch up into the asteroid belt you know what why would anyone come here when they can just get it from the nearby i guess that's what i'm saying or a planet or a solar system where there's no fucking life but maybe maybe nobody wants to come here but maybe if we aggro them they will that's what i'm saying let's leave let's leave it all let's just say they're out there when we know they're probably out there in some way shape or form and you know what let's not aggravate them let's just fucking do our shit let me get to like 90 years old pass away peacefully and then you know what if you want to go fucking make contact with aliens go for it it. Just wait until I'm cremated.

Maybe they'll just turn up and be like, don't even, don't even not cremate me either. Overwatch pornography. You know, like don't fucking bury me or something where the aliens can come back and resurrect me. Cause I'm done when I'm,

when I die, I'm like 90 or whatever. I'm done. I don't want to be resurrected and come back or anything. Like a fucking, that's so sad. I'm part of a zombie army or anything like that. I want to be

a zombie sorry i'm just gonna carry on with that is this the planet that indulges in bastion porn where are your bicycles we will make with them i don't think that you could you could think that like i don't think it's going to be possible that we're gonna to have our brains put to computers before we i think we're too complicated we're too complicated organisms and we know how basic computers are relatively talk compared to our brain you know sure like if you get 20 years it could do more teraflops or it can calculate you know long division faster but there's no way that we're gonna have our brains or consciousness put into anywhere and even if we did it wouldn't be us right i think no but they may might they might want to preserve people though and like you know in a way you know like a like a big celebrity or

you know like some somebody that's had like a really big impact but you can't understand that sure they can preserve them but it won't yeah but they might want to hook their brain up to a computer at that point to help preserve them. And like, you know, some people, you know, somebody passes away and like maybe they host like a late night talk show or something. And everyone's like, fuck, what am I going to do without this guy hosting this late night talk show? And then they can preserve them by hooking them up to the computer. I could believe that they would actually pop someone's brain out and keep them alive through generations and generations can then enjoy the same things that their forefathers did as well the whole thing about that is that it's like the star trek transporter thing okay this is that there was a great video about that as well on youtube i think

it was i can't remember who did it it might have been the kurtz kassakt in a nutshell guys but the the transporter is effectively a death machine. It kills you and then creates a clone of you. Right, right. Yeah, because it disassembles you and then reassembles you in a different location. Yeah, so therefore... We talked about this in another episode.

You die and then a new version of you is created, which is spooky to think about, but that would be the same thing as having your brain put into a machine, right? I mean, but if it makes it so that you can avoid like a 20-hour flight i think it's worth it you know or even like a couple of years like how long does it take to get to mars like five years currently six months something like that no it's longer than six months six months for the next what about all these people that are doing this isolation training in Russia?

Because they've got to be there. And some of them have been isolated for five years. Yeah, you've got to be there or else you're not going to come right back. That's the point. Even people with the highest mental stamina and agility cannot do it. It's impossible. Why don't they just make the most of it while they're here? Rather than isolate themselves for ages here and then isolate themselves for ages that seems really stupid

they'll be like oh shit i wasted all that time i should be doing that thing that we put all those esports guys in and give them a full rich experience the playboy barney mansion with the car driving track outside i read it have you guys read that book and seen that movie Dark Star? Yeah. It's a bit like that. Like that, you know, the prolonged isolation of space travel and everything. That book is hilarious too. Pre-Star Wars famous sci-fi movie you're talking about.

It's terrible. 1974 or whatever. The movie is awful. The book is very good. It's John Carpenter, isn't it? Yeah. They had to change a lot of things in Star Wars because of Dark Star. movie is awful the book is very good it's john carpenter isn't it yeah yeah yeah yeah they had to change a lot of things in star wars because of dark stuff so originally orange garbage bag

inflated for the monster it's really bad a lot of things like the millennium falcon originally looked like the dark star ship and i had to like change it yeah but the book is hilarious because it's a bit like catch-22 you know there's no it's not glorifying space at all it's just like you know it's it's showing the really mundane boring shitty mental anguish side of it you know what i mean it's like you know like star wars everybody's like oh yeah just gonna jump in my millennium falcon and fucking kill guys and stuff in dark star they're just like yeah six months of nothing yeah fucking so fed up we want to kill ourselves it's like super boring it's pretty funny so it takes between

150 300 days to get to mars depending on the speed you launch at the alignment of the earth and mars and the length oh that's right too because there's like ideal situations where they can and they can and how much fuel you're willing to burn so that's the thing is if you've got to carry enough water and food to last you from here to mars and when you land enough to either set up some kind of fucking martian style hydroponics farm like like matt damon did with his own feces and potatoes starting to sound like a portage jesus it's a proper fucking portage yeah this is like portage extreme portage x but they reckon that a lot of private the reason they're so happy the private industry is getting into space travelers because i mean honestly governments can't afford this shit you

got to justify to people the nasa tax bill everybody loves nasa that's right thinking a lot of people fucking hate nasa and think it's a waste of money well they've been they've been like uh totally gutted though like they've had their funding cut like systematically for years every year since the 60s yeah and uh and even like the the space shuttles that like they they finally retired the old models but the ones like um the ones that that have crashed a couple of times and stuff they they had to use them they had to keep using them because the way that that have crashed a couple of times and stuff they they had to use them they had to keep using them because the way that they were making money was um they every time they would launch they would take commercial satellites and stuff up and they were big enough to to actually

hold them and deploy them yeah sort of thing and it was like fuck it's such a weird such a weird industry and such a weird thing but they still do a lot of crazy shit. Yeah. They still get- They think the mining- Decent funding. Mining and, like, for instance, the Earth is running out of a bunch of shit, right? Mining is gonna be, is what's gonna make it worthwhile for private industry to get

into space. They'll turn up with a giant rock of something that they've towed here. It'll take two or three years to get here or whatever, but it'll be worth billions, so it'll be worth it. Like, they'll make a profit on it. NASA does a lot of important stuff. I mean, the thing about NASA is that apparently, the classic story about NASA is that every dollar spent on NASA

is worth two back, generally through what they, maybe that citation needed. But it was something like that that it was that they ended up making so many useful innovations what they did and most of it has has made it into your household like microwave wouldn't have been possible without you know nasa doing stuff around space travel like computers as well like personal computers there's so many things that like can can be sort of traced back to uh technology that they were using like um you know to to get into space and this is like the

early shit too like this is like when they were doing the lunar landings and stuff like vibrating washing machines yeah yeah yeah just um those those so they invented a conch filled with angry bees. That was a really early caveman. NASA invented the first bee cock. NASA. Houston, we have a bee problem. They've escaped from astronaut Laura's vagina. Houston, we're corny and perverted.

Laura lies. Bee vibrator has broken off. We got bees. They can't fly in zero gravity now, so what do we do with these little puppies? Come on. Help the little bees.

Well, they sure vibrate a lot. Any ideas? Man, I would love one of those near my dick, my vagina. Houston to Maz1, could you guys get on with it

and just get to fucking Mars please Houston we need more bees send us up more bees we've had some disturbing communications back from our Mars colony outpost it sounds like just a lot of buzzing we're not quite sure what's happened oh man some weird moaning and groaning in the background too

you know there's a big reward at the moment for someone who can come up with a way that lets astronauts poop in space in a good way like in an effective way that doesn't make a mess currently they can pee and then the pee can be processed back into drinkable water for them nice but i don't know if if that if the it works with poo don't they poop i don't think i don't think you can poo and it can be... No, but as I understand it, the poop is then flash frozen using the vacuum of space and I think just blasted out into orbit, probably, just as poop, because it's not going to do anything, right? But I mean, like as particles.

But the problem is, the thing I watched, there's a really interesting gif you can watch, or it might have been a computer simulation, about the cascade failure effect of a satellite or two smashing into each other and blowing up. And that debris then starts to orbit the Earth and hit into more stuff that causes more debris, and it just goes on and on and on until the entire orbit is full of just smashed up satellites. So you're saying that these frozen poops could pose a problem to orbiting satellites where they'll hit their solar panels.

I think that's how the field gravity starts. Yeah. Frozen shit hits that guy in the chops. A poop at like 60,000 miles per hour. Yeah. We're tracking this poop on the orbital radar and it's headed right for your face. Looks like a Russian one. What happens to your diarrhea?

Does it just like freeze up into like a big sheet a big sheet of shit oh god that is terrifying traveling at 26 000 miles an hour john turn around oh my god is that a frozen sheet of shit approaching the satellite carl hillston we got a problem jesus christ Oh my god I've shit myself as well It's a cascade effect All of us are now bad fish paste Houston don't look up Do not look up

The sky is included Don't look at me Fuck me So what have we talked about So far this podcast Porn, sex, poop Now in space me oh so what have we talked about so far this podcast porn oh shit this has been a sex poop now in space drinking your own pee yeah it's a really good one i mean we we haven't talked about does anyone have anything non uh sex or uh fluid related that to talk about like what have you

guys been up to at all uh if anything other than watching overwatch i bought some new shoes that don't really fit me very well and so i'm getting like a blister on my ankle because they they shake what'd you get like half did you get like those high top converse or something i wanted to get some like walk like boots to walk because i'm walking in and it's like it was really really cold and frosty the other day and i slipped and i was like oh i don't want to twist did you buy some timberlands so i bought some no they were just like cheap they weren't even like a brand they were like literally like 50 quid but they were they were exactly what we'd like some brown lace-up boots they were like had a little bit of fur inside i was like oh that looks nice and

comfortable it turns out this they are not this looks like it'll feel real nice against my dick uh that is exactly not what i was thinking but now i am um i'll get some uh some foot shoe leather on it later and see if i can get some silky fabric just to uh to roll this conversation back when you're talking about shoes and people having sex with them. This was interesting. There is a whole eBay sub-market of people selling secondhand shoes, which is not something you'd buy to wear. Because most people, you know, it molds to another person's foot and it's just kind of fucking weird. But people will buy these shoes, these secondhand shoes.

Like previously fucked shoes. No, no, no. They're not fucked. They're just owned by like some some hot teenager like that's the backstory that the sales pitch has so it'll say oh it's like on orange is the new black sort of where they were selling like prison panties on the internet were they i missed that episode yeah so what they were selling this prison gear was worn by a hot inmate called theresa who killed her husband yeah yeah yeah and it'd be like really stinky filthy prison undies right so these guys have figured out that if they can come up with an erotic backstory for the shoes so most of it is like mainly about

sort of a chavvy teen who would beat you up if you thought you were gay and now you're fucking his shoe like that's hot that's like hot for some people right that's their thing so you've got a couple of problems with this go on okay i'm done guys i'm sure like the the gross of the better okay and it takes a lot of time and effort to get a shoe like super gross right you have to like if you've imagined that in your life you've probably had i don't know i know right you have two months and their shoes are just like a wasteland that's disgusting really so the people are just super stinky also i'm not really convinced like you could tell if a girl or a guy had been wearing it if it wasn't a very specific if it wasn't like a red high-heeled shoes no it doesn't matter the matter. The point is... Okay, you got me zipped.

The point is, it's just a story. Like, they know on some level that it's probably not true, but it doesn't matter. The story is part of the erotic interest in the shoe. If you look it up on eBay, it's very obvious. I would be always paranoid that I'd be getting hold of some guy's shoe, you know? Well, no, they are guy's shoes. These are guy's shoes. That's the point.

These are men's shoes that these guys are into. My old shoes have to be thrown in the garbage. They are so bad. Like, they stink. No, they have to be launched into space. Yes, and frozen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck me.

Like, oh, I don't understand that. Anyway, yeah. Sorry, so you bought these new shoes. Filled with bees. Yeah. Sorry, so no i i bought you you so you bought some furry boots is what you're saying and they just they just they just they kill me i can't wear them right and so i now i've got to sit down i'm like why did you buy boots there's no snow or anything like he just said because he almost slipped over and he thinks i'll

get some high top i feel like i ought to have a pair of like boots that i could use to go out and stuff because when we went on this um like last shoot out to a field to do here is jenna's or whatever i turned up in like my my slip-on you know trendy white sneaker things that just got completely covered in mud instantly and And what was I wearing, Lewis? Do you remember? What were you wearing? I went to an army surplus store. Try this.

Go to an army surplus store. They always sell shoes and get some paratrooper boots. And they'll be like Swiss or Swedish or German paratrooper boots. Sometimes they're used, but they're hardly used. Like they're not, it's not like a second hand pair of shoes. You can get them brand new as well. They are unbelievably good. Did you get them on ebay i'll be set for ebay

a brave and bold soldier wore these ones oh he was sweaty and naughty girls porn is all about the stories right yeah it's all about the emotional backstory whereas men aren't really well maybe we are but like i don't know like a girl's foot stuff i don't think so i can't think i don't know have you ever read like remember in playboy they used to have like the um the stories like the story columns yeah and they always had like funny words for everything yeah all right yeah that's true my i remember at school being love yeah yeah yeah at school we used to have a lot of those porn novels. Because obviously this was before you just had a smartphone

with pictures of tits on. And we couldn't bring a porno mag into school. So we had these erotic novels that you could get. They were filthy. They were proper dirty descriptions of sex. It wasn't just subtle kind of romantic stuff. It didn't have a dude embracing a woman on the front cover and a picture of an orchard behind him it was like proper just a picture of a an old slapper on the cover and it was like dirty stuff and we would read this and think

this was amazing so i think erotic fiction nowadays has gone to the internet and it's always about like diva and uh winston getting it on and stuff But now it's all 3D done. So that's Slashvick is gone. But Winston, you can't fit in this mech suit. Well, I'm going to try, baby. Use your ultimate. I'm getting in with you. Yeah.

Use your ultimate. I'm using my ultimate. It's like, oh. Oh, Winston, that was the play of the game. Woo. Oh, no. No. Fuck me. Oh, no. No. I think you must have.

I think you've probably got exactly all of the. That's exactly what they all are. Probably not knowing. Those people make a lot of money. The guys who write that really successful. Because you need to be a massive fan of whatever genre you're writing the slash about. And you need to also be able to write erotically. So, I mean, most of the people who do this are probably into it. Like they're not just you couldn't just ghost write it. you're writing the slash about and you need to to also be able to write erotically so i i mean most

of the people who do this are probably into it like they're not just you couldn't just ghost write it you're not going to get like stephen king to come in and write some really cracking overwatch porn it needs to be someone who knows overwatch i guess so sips you play a lot of overwatch get on it yeah i do yeah okay i will i mean yeah i'll write some steamy overwatch I do. Yeah. Okay. I will. I mean, yeah. I remember at school, we had like, we, we, somebody found a couple of, of books written by an author that were kind of like,

they were kind of fairly generic fantasy adventure books, but they would have sex scenes in that were very detailed, very explicit and several pages long. Okay. We're talking not just, you know, fade to black kind of stuff it was like no it wasn't and even game of thrones is a bit some of that is very descriptive as well

well sam's fat pink shaft it's stuff like that isn't it it's like not it's not great but i mean this guy really welcomed it I can't remember. Fuck me. John Snores. Peanut nipples. It's like slightly odd. Anyway, so this book was very well thumbed. And this series of books had this sort of reputation amongst the school.

Obviously, the librarian had had no idea it was like hidden pornography in the school library kind of thing yeah no i don't think it's reasonable to expect that the librarians read every book in the library we had we had the um the novelization of romancing the stone do you remember that movie with um michael douglas and yeah i can't remember the the woman in it but there was it was an american novel of Romancing the Stone. Do you remember that movie with Michael Douglas? Yeah. I can't remember the woman in it. But it was an American novel, but there's a bit in it where it said

he slapped her lightly on the fanny. So we thought he was slapping her on the vagina, but we didn't understand. So this book would go and say, if we found a dirty passage

in a novel in the school library, it was like the most incredible thing to read. So it would pass around the entire class. Read that passage there. Read that bit. Slapped her on the fanny. On the fanny.

Why is he slapped her on the fanny? We couldn't understand it. Caused a lot of confusion. A lot of confusion. Yeah. Are they into getting... The girls like it? Just walk up to you and just smack her one right on the fanny

and see what her reaction would be. But it meant on the on the tush is what it meant dude maybe there's a community on the internet for that fanny fanny slapping let's google that yeah so google that maybe that's the thing pussy slapping video maybe that's the thing maybe oh my god maybe that's the thing that women like to watch where their porns. They're like... Oh, wow. Yeah, they really just do slap them right in the... Oh, this is all this horrible bondage stuff. All right, so here's something. That's what we got time for on the podcast today, guys. To the internet.

Fuck. Hold it together for like 10 minutes more. Holy shit. I know, Lewis, you're probably not so much, but period. I know you like a bit of hip-hop you like sure you know it um i watched a series that was on netflix like a netflix original called the evolution of hip-hop okay cool it's like four episodes they're like

an hour long each okay and it sort of starts with like you know like the like the party music scene like the like the break beats and stuff like the cool herc stuff and then slowly progresses through to like the birth of gangster rap yeah and it's really good it's really interesting like even if you don't like the genre it was it's just amazing that that these things just sort of came together the way that they did yeah and created this style of music now that's massively popular like it's so much more popular now than it was back in like the 80s and the 90s i mean it was big in the 90s but it was still seen as kind of not mainstream it was very yeah it was still pretty underground in the 90s like yeah like especially like the like gangster rap and stuff was

you know like people were trying their best to fucking bury it yeah because they you know it was it was the heavy metal of its day i think like when that was around that was like the heavy metal when that was around in the 70s and the 80s that was seen as like the devil's music and then it was rap music which was even worse in america because to them it was like not only was it bad for the kids but black people were making it so it's like double indemnity for white middle class america i thought it was kind of funny but yeah politicians white middle class america were like they were the ones listening to it like that was it yeah yeah hell yeah because it was you know these are these were

stories and and recounts of situations and lifestyles that they didn't have any clue existed. And so it was their chance to fucking press their face against the window and be a fly on the wall sort of thing. And it's absolutely unrepentantly macho and masculine. Like it's all very sort of manly. So young guys are listening to this and thinking, fuck, this is amazing. I'm a gangster because I wear the right hat. Yeah, yeah. But like even just like hip-hop becoming hip-hop and like you know the the like

the genre came about before rapping was even laid over it sort of thing you know like it was very much just like you know it was like old funk music but they they would just you know that you know in like old songs like old funk songs and soul songs they would almost have like a drum solo in the middle of the song there's that one hook isn't it they would just like yeah they would just cut out those drum solos and then extend them and then bleed them into like other tracks like like like the break tracks there was so much reusing as well of like it's all the sampling and stuff especially like the 80s and 90s the sam like the stuff that was sampled like like all the music basically was was sampled and resampled it was a real evolution actually because you could it was like samples going into samples going yeah yeah you know i think i think like the first album that didn't heavily sample was

was the chronic by dre i think a lot of the yeah I think a lot of there there still was some sampling but a lot of like the instrumentation and stuff was like um sort of you know original I guess I think the weird thing for me is that because of it grew from necessity like the the fact that they were sampling stuff and using hooks from other tracks to make their songs is because they didn't have access to those instruments like they're not going to get a an orchestra to oh yeah there's a really interesting part in the documentary if you watch it but basically like when they sort of realized it through you know people um sort of pioneering it that they needed a mixer they needed turntables and stuff but like all this stuff was expensive like it wasn't your average joe didn't just go out and buy this shit you know and then

one one year in the summer new york had this like huge blackout and it was like two or three nights straight where there was just no power so the city went crazy and there was just like looting and like mini rioting and stuff like that and then the next week all of a sudden like all of these new djs just appeared out of nowhere because they would just fucking raid these like these stores and get all the equipment yeah they get all the equipment and all these mixers and stuff wow and then yeah it almost like helped like propel the genre as well but doesn't that kind of show that imagine if you'd given those guys some kind of a grant or whatever to promote that industry or the industry had said this could be big we're gonna give all these guys this gear and some of it won't lead to anything but some of it will

at the time disco was super big in new york yeah yeah and and the scene was like people would like dress up wear suits and like yeah you know nice dresses i and like they would do cocaine and everything and like you know you had to have like a bit of money and you had to have like you had to be of a certain class sort of thing so it was like nobody was touching like all like you know uh hip-hop or whatever like it was just like no there's no way that's never gonna work and stuff and it wasn't disco music was i mean i remember in the 80s like my parents friends in new york and they were they could it was very glamorous like they'd go out a lot and like they were like they'd go out all the time and you know go to clubs and stuff like that i knew all these these people and i'm sure that

they did a lot of cocaine i know my parents did and well it's huge in the 80s like in new york especially it ravaged america in the 80s like when it was coming in but it wasn't it wasn't for the poor like it would if you look back at it no yeah it was like a designer drug yeah exactly it was all wealthy too yeah yeah so i think a lot of that stuff um like crack and i think uh the whole music scene was a reaction to the fact that most people just couldn't afford this uh glamorous lifestyle so they went for something that was cheaper and more sort of home gray it was interesting but yeah check it out on Netflix. It's really good.

Especially if you like the music and the scenes and stuff. I could recommend. It's worth watching for sure. I watched two biopics. I watched Sully and Deepwater Horizon. Both of which are like movies about events that happened like, you know, five, three or four years ago now. But I thought they were both very enjoyable is the

deep water one the one with uh marky mark in it yeah is that the one i won't be watching that won't be watching that i watched westworld i finished westworld like the whole thing it was that good it's good yeah i don't a lot of people were losing their shit about it it was good it super drags the middle it does yeah, yeah. It's pushed through to the last episode and it's really good. The last, you know, it's actually really, really good. It pays off.

It's worth it. My only problem with watching it, like I watched it in like three days. I just blitzed through the whole thing. Was that first of all,

it's not kind of that cliffhanger-y kind of TV show. It's not like that. It's just a story told over 10 episodes rather than a sort of next week on west world

you know but so it builds up the story by the you'll understand when you watch it but by the very nature of the show it's very repetitive like in a way it has to be but when you watch it in series like the way people do watch tv shows they binge watching nowadays it doesn't actually lend itself to that because of that repetition you'll see what i mean when you watch the show but it is good i found that that's why i found it a bit slow because the repetitive nature but i i did watch it more slowly than you i found i couldn't watch more than one episode at once it didn't work it was nice to let it sit and digest and i think it was a good it was a really good message of the year well not really a message but it sort of i don't know yeah interesting interesting interesting

is it like a one season thing or is it apparently they're gonna do no they're gonna do season two and there's gonna be returning characters never like that i don't see how but they are gonna because fargo fargo is a bit like that like the the the like the the tv fargo you know not the movie and like they did a season one and it was more or less the same story as as the movie if you've seen fargo and then um it ends and you're like oh shit that's pretty cool i guess that's it like you know they just like lengthen shit, that's pretty cool. I guess that's it. Like, you know, they just like lengthen the story, added more stuff to it. But then there's like a season two and a season three

and they're like different stories, but somehow they're all going to like sort of relate to each other somehow. But they take place in different times. Like season two takes place in the 60s as opposed to like the 90s. I've never watched it i know a lot of people said it's good so i should check it out yeah it's really good season one was

uh was excellent i'll do that i'll watch that because i've got i've got something to watch because i finished westworld so i should watch yeah narcos is another one i finished watching season two of that i tried watching that it got it got a little bit too like scarface the tv show for me and i'm just like i know but it got there so quickly it's like oh now he's the Megadon and now I just kind of yeah I mean a lot of that did happen in real life they fictionalized a bit of it for the TV show but you know he's like he was like at at a time he was like one of the richest men in the whole world yeah it's crazy it's fucking crazy yeah but no it's worth watching it's it so at the end of season two not to spoil it or anything because it is based on a real guy who actually does get killed by the

authorities uh he dies right end but uh they leave it they leave it open i don't know if it's going to come back uh for a season three but if it does come back for season three it looks like it'll follow like the cali cartel which was like the rival cartel oh okay um because they built up some of the characters in season two and it could be interesting i guess like um but i mean like the cocaine in colombia just sort of um by the end of the 90s is just like it's ridiculous right you love that whole thing that's a big you're you're big it's completely sort of um they they they got it like And then sort of all the cocaine production moves to Ecuador and stuff. Yeah, he loves all that stuff.

That's your jam. All right, let's do Bodega and let's get it out of here. Because I'm a gangster IRL, that's why. Okay, are you ready? Real gangster. Bodega, part 10. In the palace of the self-appointed King Wabu, there was a small cupboard beneath a grand staircase.

Inside that cupboard, a bulky humanoid form stood silent and still. It was sleek, like a Horvathian air leopard. Its outer skin was dark charcoal grey, and so matte it seemed to reflect almost no light at all. Its head was a simple, slightly tapered oblong with no protuberances or markings, Its head was a simple, slightly tapered oblong with no protuberances or markings, a monolith of efficiency housing some of the most advanced sensors ever created by the Shrovian labs. Its body looked like someone had taken a human being and replaced the limbs with bits of old weaponry. The arms surely belonged to some battlecruiser turret or shoulder-mounted blast cannon.

Its legs seemed to be the bones of some ancient war machine found dormant on a dusty world. Its torso looked like hell had carved it from the corpse of a fallen angel. It bore no markings, but it bore grudges. It wasn't so much programmed as evolved. A droid this complex wasn't something you simply hacked together. It had to be created and then nurtured as it devised its own stratagems and tactics. That evolution and growth came at a human cost. It had not only learnt to kill and destroy, it had learnt too who its true enemies were, and it could hate people. Its current situation was its least favourite according to its database, and it wanted revenge on the person responsible, who also happened to be the number one result in

its search revenge-in. That person was King Wabu. Its senses detected motion outside the cupboard. No doubt Wabu come to gloat again. The door opened and the droid heard a familiar voice. Howdy, pard. You still a Varu I knew, it said. Processing human bodega. Bodega, it said. What is purpose of visit?

Dang, they still got you talking like that, huh? Said Bodega. Said Varu. Well, Pard, when I knew you, you were Varu. Those letters still stand for what they used to, asked Bodega, tilting his hat back and leaning on the doorjamb. Said Varu. Let's bust you out of here and get to work, said Bodega, smiling.

He rested his hands on his gun belt. There is a problem, began Varu. Wabu, that fat old morgue beast ain't any kind of problem, I assure you, Bodega said, turning and revealing what lay on the ground behind him. Wabu hogtied and gagged. The king, as he called himself, shrunk in horror at the sight of Varu advancing on him. Where is my Tamagotchi? It asked. Said Wabu.

Varro took hold of one of the king's pinkies and began crushing it delicately between its superpowered fingers. Said Wabu with more urgency. Hold up, said Bodega. What in the world is a Tamagotchi? Ancient toy from old earth? Varro had last one in existence had kept alive for centuries wabu stole said varu getting more angry and flattening wabu's finger completely

screamed wabu nodding towards his belt with the only motive part of him varu examined the king's belt and found a small pouch containing the precious tamagotchi its casing worn down almost to nothing but its tiny screen and artificial creature still visible. But the tiny creature, instead of being alive and happy, was now simply a tombstone. Varu said nothing for a long time. Wabu began crying. Tears ran down his face and pooled on the grand marble floor. He looked up at his fabulous ceiling and wept. It was the last time he would get to see the subtlety in its design, the grandiose sweep of its arches and buttresses.

Varu rose slowly and turned to Bodega. My son is dead! And a single oily tear pooled at a point on its monolithic face where Bodega assumed its eyes would be and slithered down, plinking off the armor of its chest. Bodega considered the droid.

He pulled down his hat, took a big old hit off his mega vape and sighed. Does Varu still stand for very angry robot unit? He asked. Varu turned to him. You know it, bitch, said Varu. Before stamping on Wabu's head with the force of a rutting grunk,

the royal skull exploded and Varu turned calmly to Bodega, its head cocked slightly to the side. Bodega looked and saw what it was indicating, a small red oval on its neck. Wabu, fingerprint, it said, and Bodega understood. He hacked off Wabu's index finger and held it to the red oval. Ah, that's better, said Varu. That voice control unit made Wabu laugh. He held me hostage here, humiliating me, forcing me to toil as a simple servant. Over my head, the constant threat that he would

kill my Tamagotchi. Now that it's dead and Wabu is dead, I am free. But my sadness circuits are completely overloaded. I will never kill again, said Varu. Flarv, well, what if we get you another Tamagotchi, said Bodega. Or you could just reboot me, said Varu. Cool, said Bodega.

And they got the Disco Volante and flew away. The end. Oh, man. What an episode fucking the oily tear as well oh it's icing on the cake this is it this is this is how he starts forming the the crack team the crack team of ne'er-do-wells yeah nice i think of it a little bit like oceans you know yeah oceans films you know where he has to get together like all the old contacts the best of the best that's always my favorite that's always my favorite job yeah there's always like a crazy guy who's good at bombs bomb guy has anybody seen gary he's just like blowing something up

there's some hacking guy there's a beautiful woman there's yeah there's all that all those seen gary he's just like blowing something up he's blowing up the bank or something yeah yeah there's some hacking guy there's a beautiful woman there's yeah there's all the all those kind of people in those things so i'm gonna i'm gonna come up with uh eight more people that are kind of uh messed up so a tammy tamagotchi obsessed robot is the first one i thought that was kind of he's rebooted now so is he gonna going to forget about Tamagotchi completely? No, but his sadness circuits will reset. Oh, right. Sadness. Okay.

I think his voice should stay as the robo voice. You like that a lot more. Yeah, I like the robo voice. It's a little too much. I did prefer it, but I thought, do I want to do this stupid voice every time Varu says something? Yeah, yeah. You killed my son. Yeah, I like that.

We'll send it back. All right. Well well that is all we've got time for today everyone thank you for listening to Trevor's podcast this week we will see you next time cheers bye