Triforce! - Triforce! #304: Classic (Terrible) Movie Tropes

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

Triforce! Episode 304! Pyrion has to deal with an oversharing Taxi driver and we dive deep into a load of absolutely terrible movie tropes! Go to http://auraframes.com/triforce to get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames. Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome back. Oh, my goodness. The Triforce podcast back up in this bitch once again. It's me, Flax Lewis. up in this bitch once again. It's me, Flax Lewis, bringing you some flavorful audio in to your ears right now.

Are you guys ready? Yeah. Oh, ready to drop off that salty sweet, just flavor. So I don't know what what our voices are. No, I don't think we were liquids. I'm definitely not honey. You don't know what our voices are, is that we were liquids. I'm definitely not honey. SEAN You don't know what our voices are.

ALICE Well, some people- SEAN You mean as a descriptor for our voices? ALICE Yeah, I'd- ALICE This is asleep still. SEAN Yeah, he just woke up. ALICE Sips his pickle juice, mine is, um... Ugh. SEAN Mine is-

ALICE Fucking hot dog juice. SEAN Cider hangover plus vape. ALICE Oh. Oh, wow. SEAN Plus apparently Kermit the Frog, which I- You got that big buildup of, uh, of, um, phlegm in your lungs. Phlegmatic old man, devoid of hair. Oh, I thought I was having to think about being bald.

Yeah. And something occurred to me, alright? So, given the rate, given the rate- Just that, just that sentence. So I was having to think about being bald. Yeah. You've had 40 years to think about that. No, I haven't been bald since I was eight years old. What are you talking about? Well, I remember, that's how I envisioned you as a child in school. Although, like I've said many times, my friends still don't think of me as a bald man, which is bizarre. But anyway, they've known me for longer.. Given the rate at which I am mistaken for other bald men, which is apparently

continuous, I'm constantly getting messages, tweets, instas, whatever, is this you? And it's just a picture of a bald man. Or... Mason- A picture of Greg Wallace. Greg- Yeah. Mason- Is this you? Greg- Literally any bald man. Like, if they see a bald man, they will send me a reel, or a video video or a post or something.

There is a resemblance though, between you and Craig Wallace. No, there is not. There is none. There is literally none. This is the thing, if you are bald and have glasses, which are two things that seem to go hand in hand, people will suddenly mistake you for every other bald glasses person. It's like, guess who played with a four year old? Like, that's how bad people are at recognising faces. But if there are any bold men out there who are famous, I think is good for all bold men because you're so easily confused for other more famous or successful bold men.

Like, it's almost like because we're all grouped into one category, the more successful bald people there are, the better it is for all of us. We just have to put up with the idiotic hair havers mistaking us for each other. That's it. But I'll take that. If it means, you know, shared success, I'll take it. Okay.

Who are we talking here though? I mean, obviously Dwayne Johnson. He's not bald. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. He's not bald. I believe he shaves. I believe he shaves. He's a shaver. He's a fake bal I believe he shaves. I believe he shaves. He's a shaver.

He's a fake bald. I believe so. I could be wrong. He may be genuinely bald. I think his hair was going and he went to the... It's his signature look being bald though, isn't it? And same with Bruce Willis. I'd like to think he's bald.

Bruce Willis is bald, but I'm not sure on Dwayne. I haven't seen his hairline. So I'd have to have a look. Dave Bautista, he's, he's, he's can count as a bald guy. I think he did that as a, as almost a tribute to Dwayne Johnson. Yeah, but if you look at Dave Bautista, he has a hairline, but I don't know how patchy it is. I've never seen it grown in. And if you look at Dave Bautista, he, there are very, very few pictures of him with some kind of fuzzautista, he, there are very, very few pictures of him with some kind of fuzz, but he has, there's like creases on his head. And the

fact that he has opted for very visible kind of odd creases over hair, it says to me that his hair is not great. Or it might be super thick and he just opts for baldness. What is your baldness requirement? Because I've, I just Googled famous bald people and Prince William came up. Yeah, he's bald. He's balding, yeah. He's balding. He's nearly there. baldness requirement, because I just googled famous bald people and Prince William came up. Yeah, he's bald. He's balding, yeah. He's balding.

He's really there. No, he's bald. I mean, the guy's bald. He's got Prince Edward with his bald... he's got the hair around the side and then bald on top. I'm that way. I'm pretty bald on top and then I've got hair on the sides, you know? What do you think about the Larry David, Jason Jason Alexander style, like baldness on the top,

but keeping it on the sides? What, the Frasier? And then keeping it on, yeah, the Frasier. So I guess it's because you can then have some kind of style going on up there. Like it's very final being bald. In the 90s, how many hairstyles were like that. It was so acceptable, but I feel like it's not as acceptable nowadays. It's like the Dr. Phil, you know?

It's really bad. Yeah, it is pretty bad. You don't see it as much now. People will just go full shave rather than leave a bit on the sides. Well, I think the Kelsey Grauer is so thin, though. That's the thing. It's like, it's almost bald, but somehow he's like desperately holding onto it. Right, but he doesn't look desperate. Because he's completely bald on top. He's letting it flow on the side.

He has so much charisma that he can pull it off. Also, I think he's a very tall man. So most people don't actually see... Apparently he's not a very nice person. Um, outside of the freezer. Yeah. We've spoken about him before. You know, his life history is a bit fucked up, right? Yeah. Did you know that a lot of these guys who were stars in the nineties are not necessarily well known, but this is like some stuff happened. Like, for example, um, I'll give you an you an example, he's been married four times, he has seven children and a grandchild. His first marriage lasted eight years, but they

weren't together for six years of that. He had... hang on. We don't have to drag old Frasier Crave's name to the dirt. One of his wives, he filed an annulment because she was crazy and she fired a gun at him. That wasn't great. Well that's hardly his fault. He married a dancer and model, aka porn star, and so that seems to have gone alright. And he had another girlfriend who I think was 25 years. That went alright!

Yeah, apparently. So, his younger sister was murdered by a spree killer. Jesus Christ! Which is pretty crazy. And there was something else happen as well. Like, there's a, he's not, I'm not saying he's a good guy, but I am saying he hasn't had a particularly smooth personal life. It's been pretty crazy. So yeah, he's a Tea Party Republican as well.

So he's a bit of a nut in my opinion, but yeah, we'll see. I'm excited to find out who the next bald entrant is. I mean, in fact, there's a whole bunch here. You look at famous bald celebrities and it's like, it's mostly like action heroes. I don't know whether that became a thing though, right? Like, is it something to do with bodybuilding that you do lose your hair? Like the high testosterone or something?

No, no, I don't think so. I think high testosterone does cause you to lose your hair, but... I thought it was just genetics. I don't know if that's, yeah, I think there's like a genetics thing, more so than a I work out a lot thing, you know? Yeah, I guess. I don't know, really. Um, yeah, it's hard to say.

I don't know why people go bald. I'm pretty sure it's just jeans. And I mean, I would say like Billy Joel. He's bald. Samuel L. Jackson, right? He's bald. Samuel L. Jackson's pretty bald. He's bald. He's bald now.

Yeah. You know, he wasn't always he wasn't always bald. Jason Statham. None of us were. Statham. No, none of us were. Yeah, true. I don't like that. But he was like, but he is bald. Yeah. There's a lot of Vinnie Jones Yeah, true. I don't like that body. But he is bald. Yeah. There's a lot of Vinnie Jones. Pretty bald. I don't like Vinny Jones. Well, you don't have to like him. He's bald.

Yeah, but I'm trying to think of positive ones. Oh, right. Yes. Some good ones. Old people that you like. Yeah. Andre Agassi is bald. He used to be famous for his hair. Yeah, I could see it. I don't like Moby, but he is bald. John Travolta is bald.

Larry David's pretty bald. I like him. He's bald. He's good. He's one of our best representatives. A lot of the stuff he puts out there, we've known for years in the bald community, and the hair people, the hair havers, just seem unaware of it. Rudy Giuliani seems pretty bald.

Do you like him? No, I don't like him. Right. Joe Rogan's bald. How about Jeff Bezos? Do you like him? Not especially. I don't like any of them, really. Right. Joe Rogan's bold. How about Jeff Bezos? Do you like him? Not especially, don't like any of them really. Right.

I just want to think of fun boldies that are my friends. They're part of the crew. Right. Okay. If you're bold out there... Like Greg? A good ol' Greg Wallace. Not Greg fucking Wallace, he's a baddie.

Anyway, that's that. But let's move on from boldness. I was, I've been looking at Reddit a bit recently, right? Because I used to spend a lot more time on Twitter, but it's so bad I've moved over to Blue Sky because it seems a reasonably decent place for the time being, but Twitter's just so bad these days. But looking at Reddit, there is something I've noticed very consistently

that is quite frustrating. You'll have the original post, right? And then the top reply will not make any points about anything in the post, apart from pointing out one small possible error that they made. They're like correcting one very, very small thing. And then all the top comments are responding to that one tiny correction to maybe argue over that. So there's no actual conversation taking place based on what the person has said. It's

just just literally a hundred comments about one very minor error or point of discussion in that. So it'd be like if you had a big conversation with someone, you spilled your heart to them, or you told them something really important, and all they hung up on was one tiny, tiny detail, and they're completely ignoring the bulk of what you're talking about. I find it very frustrating. I think that's a really accurate summary of the whole internet, actually. It's a bit like that, you know? It is.

The top comment will usually be something funny and gimmicky, right? And I get why, because it's so frustrating to have, like... I think this doom-scrolling nature of Reddit as well, and the front page, is always full of depressing political shit. But I think this is why I periodically quit Reddit and social media platforms, because I think they are making me sad. Reddit leans differently to how people expect it to, as well. There is a bit of an echo chamber for people who, in this case, this thing that happened, were very wrong about. But if you spent a lot of time only on Reddit, you would convince

yourself that, oh my God, this is how things work and this is how things are and this is what people think and these are the things that are popular or whatever. And it's, I'd say, for the most part, probably the case, but in lots of cases, not at all the case. You know what I mean? There are definitely people not taking part in these communities and stuff that people discount all the time, but then they come back and sting you. You're not expecting it. There's so much good stuff on the individual subreddits, right?

Yeah. And I think if you're very careful to only stick to those and avoid the front page... There's some really great ones. Like the Satisfying is Fuck subreddit is fantastic, Interesting is Fuck subreddit is really good. If you don't want to read and doom scroll until you're blue in the face, there's all sorts of great stuff on there. You have to be in the mind frame to actually peruse it. Some subreddits are absolutely shit. And poorly run. But a lot of them, and a lot of these

niche hobby subreddits are dominated by a few very high level elitists. I think you can see that on the Dota 2 subreddit. Everyone in the Dota 2 subreddit is a fucking legend player, whatever the highest rank is these days. Period. But I mean, to some extent Wikipedia's like that too. There is definitely a hierarchy of contributors and editors and stuff like that. And there have been times

where information was put on and then taken off and then obscured and you know what I mean? It's always going to happen on all of these sites. Yeah, the nature of them is often unhelpful. It's actually quite difficult to find useful information on them, but they're kind of an aggregator of interesting things. Like, I did this interesting thing in this game. Like on the Factorio subreddit or on the Blood on the Clocktower subreddit. It's always, it's people saying, oh, this is a funny thing that happened to me. It's kind of a click-baity news aggregator for niche interest. And that can lead to inspiration too, right? In a sense, like, you can see something, you think, oh, that's a cool idea. I'll screw that away in the back of my mind. And if I want to find it again,

I'll never be able to. Because it will disappear off the front page of that subreddit and the search function is so poor that you, because of the clickbait title, you know, it's like, oh, I saw a really funny thing a week ago on this thing. I can't remember it. Can I find it again? No fucking way. It's gone. And I'm not one of these people who, I don't remember it, can I find it again? No fucking way. It's gone. And I'm not one of these people who, I don't know, is there a like or remember functionality? Fuck knows. Not obviously. I don't know. Jeremy, I know that you...

Yeah, so if you look at a post, in the top right there's three dots, you can click save. I don't know where it saves it. Yeah. Never used that. No, I don't think I have either. I think the weirdest thing is you'll be looking at a post and you'll accidentally refresh the page and it seems to be impossible to find it again. I don't know what's happened, but yeah, it is. It is weird. It is weird.

You know what? I got some good news for you guys. Well, actually, Lewis, you're involved next week. I guess guess who's back in town and guess who's going to see said person who's back in town. Ghostface killer. Ghostface killer. He's back. He's back.

We're going to see him again. Five years later. I can't believe it. Enjoy. He obviously liked it so much the last five years later. Is that what it was? Oh my god. Yeah, well, I mean, there was a bit of a lapse of visits because of COVID and stuff too.

And I think he has been back. I think he's back around the same time every year. He does like a little UK tour. Do you think he says, yo, I'm back in, and then he checks his hand. Bristol! Yeah, I'm sure he does. Just like spinal tap on the Simpsons. So it was the 16th of November 2019 that he played.

2019 we went to see him, yeah. But this time he's gonna have another member of the Wu-Tang Clan with him, Inspector Deck. Oh damn. It's his special guest. So yeah. Ravs is going as well, Ravs is a big hip-hop head he wants to go. So, Googling this is a post on rslashcips. So I Googled Ghostface killer, Bristol 2019.

On the first page is so happy I saw sips at the ghostface killer event last night in Bristol. Also saw Lewis and Duncan and they were all so friendly and happy speaking to everyone. Also seemed very shocked people at a ghostface killer event knew who they were. That's great. You're wearing a Wu-Tang shirt, so this is fantastic. Am I? I have an autographed Wu-Tang t-shirt by Ghostface, I'll have to get another one with Inspire. I feel like a little kid.

I feel like a little kid going. You had a great time. It's fun, yeah, it's a good night. I gotta get into... He looks like a ghostly Duncan Harry in the background. Yeah. I need to get some of those silicone ear defender things, though, because last time we went, it was pretty bad.

I thought I was gonna lose my hearing. Like, it really blew my head off, yeah. You're such an innocent Jersey Island boy. I know. Precious little boy. I know, I know. I gotta protect... Well, Wu Tang always say protect your neck, but I'm gonna go one further and protect

my hearing. I wanna make sure... What? Protect your neck? Yeah, I wanna make sure I can still listen to... As they get older, I think protect your hearing could be... Protect your knees. Be safe! That's the Wu Tang. Protect your knees. Be safe.

That's the Wu Tang. Protect your back. Don't lift anything heavy with, don't bend at the hips. I just remembered something. When I, I was in Sweden for like nearly three weeks, right? And I got back on Monday, got a cab home and the cab driver was a bit crazy. OK. And it really stuck in my mind because this guy I get in the cab, I tell him where I'm going.

He's like, yeah, cool. Hop in, mate. And I'm in the cab for like 30 seconds. He starts telling me about how his marriage is in trouble. And he's like, we've been together for 18 years. What was it? 11 years, something like that. 11 years just left me this week. I was like, I've been together for 18 years. Or was it 11 years, something like that, 11 years. She just left me this week. I was like, oh, I'm really sorry to hear that, mate. He goes, yeah, yeah, she's just, you know,

think women are just, you know, they're out for money or something, I don't know what she wanted. She was kind of a bitch. I was like, oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but. And then like silence for 15 minutes. I used to have a Polish wife. I was like, oh, okay. And he's telling me about his previous wife and they have a child.

They're two daughters together. He tells me about them. Silence for another 15 minutes. And then he starts telling me about his dog. And his dog, he said, I can't remember, he said it was called a Caucasian something or other. Dog, Caucasian shepherd. They are fucking huge.

Look at a picture of this dog here. I'll pop a picture of it. These things are massive, right? They are absolutely massive. Sure. It's a big fluffy... Side of that. He said, when she stands up, she's taller than me, she's huge. I was like, wow, I said, must be tough to feed. Like having a bear in your house. Exactly. I said, must be tough to feed. He goes, oh yeah, she eats anything. Squirrels, cat squirrel, she'll eat a squirrel.

Rabbit, she'll eat a rabbit. And I don't mean like rip it apart, she'll eat a whole. I was like, wow. Yeah. And he goes, cats, cat coming in the garden, she'll eat cat. I was like, holy shit. It's just like a big pile of like, collars, like built it up in the dog poop. And then he's telling me when we're out walking her, I've got to be careful. Cause she, you know, she'll

go for smaller dogs. I was like, that's not good. He goes, Oh yeah, but she's as good as gold, mate. She's good as gold. I said, well, unless you're a cat, he goes, well, cats are different, aren't they? I was like, okay. Like he's basically making out like if cat comes in the garden, so be it. You know, if she catches it. And then he tells me that he's got this patch of land. He lives out in Kent. He's operating cabs in southwest London. At the end of his shift you have to drive all the way back to Kent to live. Drive all those way. A lot of Gabbies do that. It's really strange.

And then he's telling me about his house. He's property. He's got this house and then he's got this huge garden that runs way down towards the end of like this wooded area. And she's got that whole area. And that's like her territory. And if anything comes in it, she tries to eat it essentially. Are we talking about the dog or the wife? The dog. The dog. And then as I'm getting out of the cab, he's like, come and have a look at the picture of my dog. And I'm like, I've just flown back. I'm tired. It's like quite late. And he stopped outside my house and he's trying to show me pictures of his dog. He's trying to

tell me about his house. I was like, this guy's just lonely. But then he tells me his postcode and urges me to look his property up on Google maps to prove the size of his garden. And then he says, I live in this big tunnel. It's like one of those tunnels, you know, like you grow tomatoes and that's my house, I live in that. Oh, Dartford tunnel, mate. You know that?

Dartford tunnel. It was crazy. But he was giving me such a weird look that I thought, I don't want to stand outside my house while I get my keys. So I went to a neighbor's house a few doors down and pretended to be looking at my keys there so he wouldn't be sure which house was mine. The guy was so crazy. I was like, this guy's a murderer. He's going to feed me to his giant dog. I think sometimes people find that someone, someone they speak to, this is very very common, someone

they speak to, they feel that they're listening, right? And it's easy to open up to people you don't really know, and I think you were just maybe polite or responsive, or he felt some sort of kindred, maybe he was a secret bald man. He wasn't bald, he had a head of hair. Right, well, it could be toupee. It always comes back to that for you, doesn't it? It could have been a shy baldie. You're obsessed. He's't bald. He wasn't bald. He had a head of hair. Right. It always comes back to that for you, doesn't it? It could have been a shy baldie.

You're obsessed. You're obsessed. He's obsessed. That's just an example, I didn't know. But you know, like, he obviously felt comfortable with you, or you gave him like signals that you were interested. I didn't. I was very dismissive.

I was like, cool, ooh, yeah, mmm. Oh really? Oh dear, oh goodness. You know, I didn't like engage him in conversation because it was so bizarre. So interesting. Wow. I like the I like the taxi drivers where and this happens quite a bit. And I'm thankful for it, too. I like the ones where you get into the car and you sit down and they're like, hey,

how's it going? You're like, yeah, yeah, fine. He's like, they're like, oh, gosh, yeah, nice weather today. Yeah. Yeah. And you're just like, I hope they're not going to talk the whole time. Yeah. And then they turn around. They're like, Hey, do you mind if I make a personal call? Yeah. I'm like, go for it. But yeah, yeah, of course. And they spend the whole time on the phone with their earpiece, like talking to their wife or their girlfriend or whatever.

Those are the best ones, aren't they? Absolutely. And then they stop and they're like, Oh, well have a good day. Yep. See you later. We Job done. We're not mates just because we're in the same car. You just want me to pay for a ride and I just need the ride. I don't mind a little bit of small talk, but man, when you get dragged into a big, huge conversation, the whole ride and it's political and this and that. Oh my God. Personal. You're just like, Jesus Christ, man. Some of them will give you their life story. Like I had this cab driver one time, he was from Afghanistan,

and he was telling me what it was like living under the Taliban and everything, which was genuinely interesting. But then he got into the conspiracy theories and sort of you could tell he wanted to blame the Jews for his predicament. And I was like, oh, my God, like, we're going to go down that rabbit hole. And he was just he was saying, you know, who's really behind all this stuff? And I was like, OK, I was like was just here. Yeah, there's the station. Drop me off. It's awkward, though, because you can't. I feel like in situations like that, I'm just trying to pacify the person.

I'll say anything. Just they've got you in their car. You can't get out. Yeah. But but like, also, you just like you don't want to rock the boat at all. You know, you don't want to say anything like that. So you're just sitting there constantly eating shit basically and it sucks no imagine imagine you're a woman on her own in that car at night this is why women are so fucking careful about getting cabs yeah because i mean i feel like this cabby's my age at the very least it's going to be more or less an even fight if it comes to something like that. Unless he's like some joker style villain and just gassed us to fill up the back of the cab.

Yeah. There's something, you know, some, I've got some kind of chance, but if this guy's twice my size, then you know, what are you going to do? Like you're just, you're just in big trouble. So yeah, but that, it always makes me feel uncomfortable. And it was, then Christ, at least it's not going to go down a, like, I'm just going to have to have an unpleasant conversation. I'm not going to feel like this guy's like being a fucking pervert or something, unless he's super into bald men. Lewis, I know you'd love to bring up my baldness.

I'll do it myself. I'll cut you off. OK, you ever get the one that's listening to like the radio, but it's like talk radio and they're like joining in, they're like getting all fired up about it. And you just say, come on, man. Like this life is too short. Just don't be like this. Like just, you know, there's gotta be something else you can do. You know, like I know you gotta sit in a car all day, but you know, it's crazy.

It's so annoying. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does happen, it's pretty annoying, isn't it? It's something. Isn't it funny how the people we love most are often the hardest to shop for? Luckily, there's one gift that everyone on your list is sure to enjoy and that is an Aura digital picture frame. Aura frames make it incredibly easy to share unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the picture frame. And when you give an Aura frame as a gift, you can personalize and preload it with a thoughtful message of photos using the Aura app,

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Hey, I've got a subject for us to talk about. OK, I'm hyped. It's film and TV tropes that I hate. I'm hyped. Film and TV tropes that I hate. I've been watching a couple of shows. I watched The Penguin, finished that, really good. I watched the new Day of the Jackal series, which is really good. It's been really enjoyable so far.

There are some moments they've lifted direct from the film and just remade, which is kind of weird to see. There's one scene, if you've seen the Day of the Jackal, the original with, what is it, is it Edward Fox? I think he's in it. Anyway, it's in anyway. It's really, really good. As a scene where he goes and tests out the sniper rifle he's had custom made

by shooting a melon that he hangs from a tree. Right. You know, you know the scene? No, maybe. Very famous scene. Is it a slow motion melon explosion? I don't know the scene then. OK, so it's like they've remade it

almost shot for shot. He's even wearing the same outfit as in the movie, which kind of feels like, huh, that's a bit weird. But I'd rather they did that than the awful Bruce Willis remake, which was just terrible. Anyway, there is a consistent trope that I noticed in that, in that there's, it happens in this, this show. And I realized how much it annoys me. People with extremely important jobs that are married, they've got kids, they've clearly been together at some time, but the significant other gets really annoyed by something like they're late

for dinner or they always like missed a piano recital or something like that. Yeah. And it's like you realize that this person's job is like genuine life and death national security shit. And you're like, well, I guess Dennis, but then say how, how has this relationship lasted this long? And this has never come up before? This is the straw that broke the camel's back, finally. It's like the chicken is burnt. I'm sorry if I'm fighting for my life against hired Russian

mobsters. But yeah, the risotto is ruined. Oh my god. And it's like that fucking argument has to come up. And they're always like, you knew the deal when you got into this. Yeah, but I didn't think it was going to be this bad. So, well, it fucking is. Because I work for MI6 and I am an assassin. Like, what do you think? I'm going to be late for fucking dinner. Like, that's literally every fucking show that has that set up. You got to, over the years, evolve into that role though. You don't just get that role. You know, like if you marry at 18 with your high school sweetheart or whatever, you know, you would eventually like kind of develop into that role. You would

just have that role straight away. So there has to have been a couple of years where you're just like, you know, a paper pusher or you're like the coffee guy or whatever, working your way, your way up to that. But then how does the marriage change to take on these new responsibilities? Or are they secret? That's definitely a fair point. But if I may, going out into the field and doing the grunt work, like getting in gunfights, is not the job of upper management, right? No.

So when you first start, they don't start you off pushing pens, and then as you rise up the ranks you push pens really well. We're gonna send you into the field to shoot people. But you probably start off doing the shooting people and the dangerous shit, and then as you rise up the ranks you push pens really well we're gonna send you into the field to shoot people. Right there. You probably start off doing the shooting people and the dangerous shit and then as you rise up the ranks you do less dangerous shit. I know, can you be trusted though? I mean if I, okay, I, you know, I'm 18 years old, I just got married at a very young age,

I'm starting, I'm starting my life and stuff. Alright, now hold on, what job are we talking about? Right, what job are you talking about? International assassin. Right, you're not getting that at 18 are you? No, that's what I'm saying. You're not getting that at 18, are you? No, that's what I'm saying. You've got to work your way up into it. But how? Because you're probably in the armed forces or the police or something like that.

Right. So you have a little bit of military, but how much? You get too conditioned and then you're no good at being an international assassin. Conditioned by what? Well, just like, you know, being in a regimented, you know, highly disciplined Like the army like the army. Yeah, you know you become institutionalized and then you can't think outside the box But I think my international assassin needs to stick on their feet The international assassin is obviously the jackal. I'm talking about the MI6 agent who is tasked with finding him, right? She has a family. She has a husband.

They have a daughter together who's like, I think she's like 18 or something like that. So they've been together a while and she's clearly experienced at this job. She's quite senior in her role. She still has to go do field ops and her husband, who's like the professor, is getting pissy that she was late for dinner and missed parent-teacher night. So she must, it must be a complete secret. She must keep her professional life very secret. No, no, they have the argument.

She's like, you know what I do and what this is about. He's like, yeah, but it's just it's just such a non thing that would happen. Like, it's just so frustrating. But it doesn't. They do it because it has to you. They have to create like not tension to you. They have to create, uh, like, uh, not tension, but like, uh, they have to create conflict at home, you know, because a lot of these stories, it's all the odds are against them, you know, like, and, and sometimes they just have to go that

extra step, you know, now the family is against them as well because they exactly. It's just so tedious. It's just so tedious. It is. It's just so tedious. It is, but like the whole thing is just kind of, I don't know. It's like so far-fetched, isn't it? Like it's so far-fetched that it's like not even really like that enjoyable half the time. There's two things I think that happen with this. One, they're copying another time they've seen it, right? It's like a rote idea that they've, you know,

it writes itself. That's what you expect when you're writing something. You have seen this before in a successful show and you copy it, right? You copy that idea and it's supposed to, they're not sure why they're copying it, but it's just, this is how TV or movies are made. These are the tropes that happen. So our one has to fit in, right? We can't be weird or different too much. And the other thing is, it's like, an easy way to establish a character is annoying. And this, like the nagging housewife, you know, it's such an old trope, right? It's in everything. And it sucks. Yeah, it's really dumb. Like, I dunno, there's tons, everything has tropes. And you see them all the time. Well no, it doesn't suck as much as being out on the field risking your life in some

old battle axe, y'know? Crying about the spaghetti. I cooked a lovely dinner and you liked for it! And now it's ruined! It's like, what, like, yeah. Oh, they say, what's that? She's a fucking. Your daughter's by.

She's exactly. Yeah, that's true. The whole movie of True Lies is basically that, isn't it? But she doesn't know what he does. No, but then she gets involved. Yeah, she gets to get involved. So that's she's like, she's just bored, which is like, he's away all the time doing spy shit. And she's just like, lives this boring life and wants some excitement, not realizing,

of course, that's exactly the life her husband has. She thinks he's this boring guy who has this boring sales job, has to go away for conferences a lot. That's a much more understandable and common real life thing than, oh, my husband's a spy and it's inconvenient for dinner. Like, fuck off. I think if you're going to be the lazier take, if you're going to be a spy and an international assassin, it's probably better to not hunker down and have a family and stuff. You want

to be in footloose and fancy free James Bond style, you know, you go on a mission or whatever and you don't have, you're not, you know, you go on a new mission or whatever, and you don't have, you're not, you don't have to bring a whole bunch of suitcases with you on the trip. You know, he did every time bond gets to the woman, it's ends really badly for her. It does. But I mean, Ethan Hunt in the, in the, uh, mission impossible movies, he smartly decides, you know what, get away from me and gets his wife off to go with someone else because he loves her and he doesn't want bad things to happen to her. So he's like, I'm gonna,

we're gonna, I'm gonna literally dedicate my life to making sure you don't get in trouble. So get away from me, which is like a genuinely quite a very romantic thing to do. I really like that. James Bond goes on a dating app and meets up with somebody and every time somebody asks him what happened in your last relationship, it's always the same answer. She died. It was kind of my fault as well, but you know, things around about, see? Doctor No killed her. What do you think of that?

She was killed by a doctor? Well, it was some kind of doctor anyway. Yeah. I've got some more. Here's the thing that people say in movies. I can make some moves on the street. Have you ever heard that in a movie? Who's the fuck? I've got some more. Here's the thing that people say in movies. I can make some moves on the street. Have you ever heard that in a movie? Who's the fuck I can make?

I can make some. I'll make some. I think I think everybody thinks that they can make some moves on the street, though. I think everybody has somebody that they know or they think that they know where, you know, I think people generally are pretty resourceful. In my mind, I'm like, yeah, I could probably make some moves. I know a I think people generally are pretty resourceful in my mind. I'm like, yeah, I could probably make some moves. I know a couple of people or whatever.

In reality, I'm not making a single move on the street. I mean, what is a move on the street? Like I'll give you an example of a call it probably calling in like a, some sort of favor and it's probably calling in a favor from somebody who is very scared of you as well. I think that would be making a move on the street. Maybe. You know.

Is it going to buying like drugs or something? No, no, no, no. I'll give an example. I'll give an example. Alright, so here's the setup. Someone bursts into an apartment. They've got blood on them. What happened?

Ugh, get out of here. Dude, we barely got out of there alive, man. It's like, what are you talking about? Why have you come here? We need somewhere to lay low for a few days. We stole from the wrong people. Ah, shit. You've stolen this from the Comerza cartel.

This is big trouble. It's like, we just need 48 hours and then we'll be out of your head. You'll never see us again. He's like, all right, I can make some moves on the street and buy you guys some time. Stay here, stay out of sight.

That's the setup. Okay. You'll see that all the time. Once you start noticing people making moves on the street. Yeah. Maybe they'll notice. Maybe the move they're making on the street is like just some sort of like time wasting distraction. You know what? Are they popping and locking on the street?

Are they are they busking outside the apartment on the street? Do they just go around and say to people, yeah, hello, mate. You know me from the street. I'm trying to hide some people, just trying to make some moves. Try and buy us some time. What have you got for us? On the street, yeah. What are you going to do?

What about make some moves? What moves? What is this move? These are fictional movies and they can say stuff like this without having to explain it or do anything about it. It's probably mostly implied that this person is very well connected with the local underground elements of the town and can probably call in some favors or waste some time or do a distraction so that these guys who have turned up out of nowhere covered in blood and said

that they're in a lot of trouble can get away and they'll never get away, they'll be dead. But don't you think it's funny that we have no idea what those moves would be? No. Really? But we've accepted it as an audience. Yeah. But the audience is just like, oh yeah, moves on the street. That makes sense. Well, does it? Like, could you even describe what those moves might be? Or are we all just collectively happy to just say...

Somebody's made a move on the street. Yeah, he's making moves on the street. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like a lot of this stuff is just really like throw away stuff in the movie. Nobody really remembers it or you know what I mean? It just washes over. Yeah. It's a situation that moves on to a bigger situation and you just sort of, you don't really think about it. But yeah, I guess, I mean, it's interesting. That one does come up a lot, doesn't it?

Yeah. Once you see it, you'll see it a lot. Making a move on the street along with like, you know, you need to get some rest. That's another one. Get some rest while you can. The hero not having a drink of water, even though they've been fighting aliens for 12 hours. Yeah. They apparently don't need water. Another one I've got is people just not saying in a straightforward way what the problem is or asking the questions that a normal person would ask. So like when the entire drama and the confusion is this person not saying what the audience knows in a clear way to another character and it leads to this misunderstanding and then they don't correct them they just kind of

go like oh and then the next stage of the drama is a simple misunderstanding. Yeah. They could have been cleared up just by speaking in a clear and adult way. It's so fucking annoying. Like you see it like in a comedy, if it's done for comedic effect, like a farce, like in Frasier, that's like bog standard, right? Just think of Frasier again. Lots of British comedies and comedies in that farce tradition. Someone will say something and get the wrong end of the stick.

And from that is the comedy. Yeah. Which is fine. But when the drama stems from someone just not really making themselves clear, you think, why didn't you just ask for an explanation? Like, this is a life and death situation. Aren't you going to be like, sorry, can you just clarify that for me? Because that sounds crazy. It's just so you notice these dogshit misunderstandings

leads to the whole next scene of the movie. And then, of course, it's all resolved. But what you just described there is kind of a common trope as well, because they usually cast British people into that role. Like, excuse me, can you just explain to me? You know, like all of a sudden they just have this moment where they need clarity or whatever. But a bomb has gone off or they're in the middle of asking for the clarity.

And then the bomb goes off and they're like, Oh, they have to run away and stuff that that is also a big trope. I find that happens all the time. Like that guy that played Scotty on Star Trek was a bit like that was, he was like, you know, if you don't, if I'm not careful, the engine's going to blow up. It is appalling Scottish accent. All right, here's another one. People are only drunk if they are emotionally in trouble and need

help or they are about to get into trouble or somehow going to be the cause of trouble. Like alcohol in the movies, you would think that every time you have a drink, you are either your life is in a downward slide and you need rescuing, or you are somehow going to be in trouble. No one ever just goes to the pub and has a rip-roaring evening, comes home drunk, passes out on the sofa, no problemo. It's always for dramatic effect. You would not think that alcohol is widely used. The way they use it in movies is the same way they use heroin in movies. This person is having a fucking terrible time, they're doing crack. It's the same.

If they're drinking whiskey, it's like, oh, the stress is getting to them. Their life is this, their marriage is failing, it's all strung out and terrible, and the booze is the signifier. You're right. And the barman's like a drug dealer, like, it's like, kind of, evilly giving the drinks to this guy that he knows he shouldn't. Yeah. Like, this is their lowest ed. They're drinking. They're drinking alcohol. Oh my god. As if it's not the most socially acceptable drug ever. Yeah. People are doing it all the damn time.

Apparently, less than ever now people are drinking, but I'm not sure that that's true. But this has been around forever. There's still tons of people drinking. Is there not? Like, there must be. It's not the way they used to. No, it's like, if you go out, there'll be people drinking, but I think a lot of the people like drinking from home or going to the pub every day is still older people. Right. Alright, here's another one.

I think it's to do with the difficulty in replicating real life on telly, right? A lot of the time when you've got this pub, you can't fill it with extras, like it's really busy. It's a lot easier to just have it half empty with the barman, like one couple sitting at the table behind him, the camera behind the bar. It's such a familiar sight as well. I think if you're a writer for these TV things, or even just on the writing team, someone says, oh, how do we make this

guy look like he's lowest ebb? Okay, let's have him sit in a bar, like, sadly drinking whiskey. Yeah, but that's not your lowest ebb, that's a banging night. Like, come on, what are you talking about? You've just gone to the pub. That doesn't mean you're your lowest ebb. Maybe it's an American thing, because drinking in America has kind of got a seedy connotation, I think, compared to the UK. People don't go to the pub the way they do here. I think this happens more on TV when things are more rushed, right? Yeah, it's just cheap, and it's just a cheap, lazy way to do it.

Like one of my next ones, the keys. A lot of these things come from laziness, I think. Keys to the car being kept in the sun visor of that car. Oh, I mean, these are all classic. That's a classic, yeah. There's tons. You could do that in Jersey, by the, these are all classic. Classic. Yeah. All right. You could do that in Jersey, by the way.

I'm sure people do. The about to be hit by a car or bus framing in movies. Right. You know the framing I mean, it's always the perpendicular to the road. So the road is running completely. Yes. Where they go, right? And they're like, Dad!

And he's stepping out. It's like, son. And it cuts back to them. For some reason, at like a, quite a distant shot, like a full body shot. And then it's like, meh, CGI bus. Noise from the left side of the screen. Blam! There's that shot where they do like the zoom up on the face, but the background zooms out

at the same time, it's that weird one. The jaws zoom. Yeah. And they're like, nooooo! He's been hit by a car. And the car's just gone! You never see the driver. That framing sometimes gives me, like, fear. Like sometimes you see unintentionally,

am I, Oh my God, is someone about to be hit by a bus? And then they aren't. And I'm like, Oh, wow. I don't know when it starts. It's so familiar now. Do you know what I feel like the first time I remember it was in a Final Destination film. I don't know if I've ever seen one of those. Those are the ones where people die in them, right? Yeah, they step out and then a bus just goes, bideeeee! Yeah, or they die on a roller coaster or something. Yeah.

So Final Destination is that they got off this plane that they were meant to die on, but death is them following them and they die in all these grisly ways. It's a really good setup for like a slasher flick. It's genuinely quite funny because there's no baddie, it's just death. It's just death. Yeah, and they're like, you'll see them doing something like, I'm going to, hey, honey, I'm going to finally fix that table with all my heavy power tools. And then it's like, you're on edge watching as he's like, getting the drill started.

And he's like, I'll just put this bandsaw here on this. I got to unclog the garbarator again. It's really clogged. It's really deep. I got to reach right down. I'll reach in down there. But then that's not what gets him. He'll come out of there fine, but then you'll notice a marble rolling off a shelf and some rude Goldberg machine happens behind him and an axe drops and chops him in two. You know

they had a lot of them. It's like a kid's Lego brick. He steps on it and flies backwards and slips down the trash chute and, you know, he pails himself into an electrical socket. It's the same. They come alone. Come alone too, last year in New York. These are great. I got another one.

And these last two kind of occurred to me watching a film the other night, which is, quite often you will see in an American film, a character will be given a gun and they will have no idea how to use it. Like they won't even know where to point it. It's like they've never held a gun before in a country that has more guns than people. Am I really meant to believe that it's so common that people would just be like, what do I do? It's like just that end goes to the bad guys and pull the trigger. Oh's like, okay, fuck off. Tons of Americans have fired guns. What is this?

Oh, what is this strange object? It's a gun. You're an American. It's a fucking gun. You know what it is. Odds are you know how to use it. What is this? Where is this coming from?

Yeah, because he's a mathematician. He spent all of his time in the lab, but not at the shooting range. That's why he's... Absolute bullshit. It's just such an easy trope because it makes the goodie look even more powerful because he knows how to use this mystical object called a gun. Hello, high waters film called Hello, high water. I think it's set in Texas. It's got quite a good scene

where they rob a bank and like three people in there have guns and like shoot at them. So like average people just carrying guns is like it's a thing that happens in America. But in the films, you would think that nobody in America ever had a gun. It's quite funny. What can tropes say? Yeah, I've got I've got one more, but it's a little controversial. So I don't know if you want to talk about it. Go on. Come on.

Fuck it. You're killing it. This podcast. I don't know. I'm killing the podcast in some ways. No, you're doing great. Honestly. So here it is. I was watching know. I'm killing the podcast in some ways. No, no, no. You're doing great. Honestly. Right. So here it is. I was watching a film called White House Down last night on Netflix. Yes. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Channing Tatum is like the action hero. Well, it came out at the same time as another movie.

Olympus has fallen. It was, yes. With Gerard Butler. Was this the worst or the better one? This is the better one. They said Channing Tatum, they're both bad. This is Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx and James Woods and a bunch of other people in it. Anyway, in this movie, and I feel like this is one of the last ones of this kind, the president is like someone that everybody really likes and wants to support and is a good guy.

And it's only conservative bad guys who are interested in, like, the military industrial complex and defending America. Yeah. Like conservatives, they're the baddies. And the goodies are this black liberal president who all the people like, oh, my God, it's the president. And everybody's like, Mr. President and saluting him. It's all very reverent. And the White House lawn is like a big thing and people waving flags and like America,

America, America. And one of the baddies in it, they say, oh, they get a picture of like, oh, it's this guy. Who is he? Oh, he's like a right wing fringe militia type. And I'm like, is that really a character that you expect to see in films now? Given that we just had an election where a lot of people like that are openly on the news saying this is how I feel, this is why I'm voting this way, and some of the people in positions of

authority would probably identify more with that supposed bad guy than with Jamie Foxx's character. They got a real... yeah, well maybe the tone of movies in of that genre will change now. It's gonna have to. I'm not saying that films are gonna become like they did under the Nazis. I'm just saying you can't have, oh these guys are right wing so they're the baddies. You can't do that anymore. Because a lot of your older audiences that are still going to the cinema are those kind of people. And it's now like no secret that more than a decent around half the people in America

would probably have a lot more in common with the thoughts of these conservative guys who are the baddies than with these liberal progressive president types. Yeah. I just think you won't see a respect for the president. And oh, my God, it's the president thing in a movie for some time, because I think in general, people fucking hate the president, whoever he is. They're like, fuck you, man. So I'd like to see them remake White House Down, where the crowd is going, yeah, kill that motherfucker.

There seems to be a lot of hatred, not just for specific presidents as of late, but all of them. Yes, they are all despised by half the population. And probably happened for some time. I know, like, Reagan won in a landslide, but he was fucking hated. Nixon was fucking hated Who else is George W Bush? Clinton was fucking hated Bush

Hated I don't think they were hated the way they are now. I really don't oh, I don't know I think they were pretty fucking hated I think that the divisiveness in politics now is so extreme that The idea of putting the president as someone who needs saving and if they try to make the president a kind of more neutral, apolitical figure just to appeal to more people, you still like, fuck the president. Either way, people are going to say they're going to imprint their vision of a bad president onto that fictional character and root for them to be killed.

I think that if you had a movie now where the whole point was to kill the president, you got a decent chance that that would be the goodies trying to kill the president, whoever you are and whichever side you're on, and you'd be rooting for them to do it. That's a big sea change in the way films work. I think you've been spending too much time on Reddit, I think. No, dude, I'm just saying, watch the old movies and see how the president is treated compared to how people view him now. Okay, how come in all of those series of The Apprentice, are any of those people, like,

any good? He, he, do you know what I mean? He did all, Trump did all those series of The Apprentice, okay, he must have filtered through tons and tons of the best people, and what are they all doing? Is he still mates with any of them? What are any of them doing from the Alan Sugar one? Nothing. It's a TV show.

They'd have a fucking amount to anything. I don't think there's any follow through. I think maybe some of them get a job like, obscurely in some weird department under one of their companies, but it's never like, yeah, it's very rarely that anything happens. One guy who won the apprentice early on, the UK one is now like on the, you know, the advisory panel for Alan Sugar for in the show. But I don't, that's not really much to write home about either. If you follow him on Twitter, AMS, Alan Sugar, you will see that he tweets about products

that he's putting out. He's laid on some entrepreneurial thing. And it'll be like with the winner or whatever. They've launched some product. You never hear of it again. No. Like ever. It's like it's just it's an attempt at a business.

It fails the end. And then they go off and do something else. Like, it's not like a singer or something, where they basically, if they don't make it as a singer, they're like, well, fuck, I'm done for. If you're just a business person, you'll find some company that can fucking hire you. There's like management types all over the fucking place, making good money for just wank. PR firms and stuff. So yeah, I'm sure they'll be absolutely fine. Well, like, we got a podcast because you got shit to do today.

I gotta take Terry to the vet. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck, Terry. We'll catch up with all of you guys. We're getting some hibernation tips from the vet and he's got an underbite that needs to be sorted out as well. Oh, right.

I don't... What a strange thing. Fucking tortoises, eh? Jesus. We'll look after him. Yeah, we'll try to. See you next week. Thank you, everyone. Well, look after him. Yeah, I tried to. See you next week. Thank you, everyone.

Thank you. Goodbye.