Triforce! - Triforce #313 :The Worst Movies Ever Made

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

Triforce! Episode 313! We return to a Triforce classic: Terrible Movies, Sips returns to his favourite 80s animated shows and find the most indescribably horrible, vulgar, stupid, tawdry, depressing, ...embarrassing, filthy, vile, stinky, repugnant, slimy, unclean, nasty, degenerative and mind-numbing film around! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Pickaxe. And no matter your team, your favorite player or your style, there's something every NBA fan will love about BedMGM. Download the app today and discover why BedMGM is your basketball home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with BedMGM, a sports book worth a slam dunk, an authorized gaming partner of the NBA. BedMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.
Starting point is 00:01:02 operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast. We've had a bumper start to the year. Folks may have noticed there were some extra, extra PCarts that won't continue because we were going away and stuff. We're lazy. But at one point we weren't, you know, the the back end of 2024, we were all filled up with piss and vinegar. Now that 2025 has started back to our old ways.
Starting point is 00:01:36 All that vinegar and it's just all the vinegar and the piss is gone. Yeah, we just we did two a week for very consistently, didn't we? For a while. And then we suddenly had, I guess we just didn't need them. Like we normally- Oh, then we thought we were getting out of date as well though. Yeah. Like some of the mailbag episodes were, they were all, um, so no, we haven't recorded like tons and tons and tons of podcasts per week.
Starting point is 00:02:00 It's just that literally- Yeah. We had a, we had a big backlog of podcasts. We just had a moment of madness. We just went for volume over quality and now we're back to quality. Smart listeners would have realized that we haven't done much. Like I was saying to my partner, we need to do something interesting because I've got nothing to talk about on this podcast today. So wait, wait, wait. You want to do interesting things for the podcast,
Starting point is 00:02:21 not because life is precious. Nah. Fair? Yeah, fair. Both. Both. Well, it's all this made me realise that we haven't been doing anything interesting. You know, we haven't had a trouble. Well, you and your partner haven't been. No, no, we've just been... You need to spice things up.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Watching crappy shows on Netflix. Like which ones? Which crappy shows have you been watching? We've watched those Harlan Coburn murder mystery type ones. Oh, those are crappy, you're right. They're crappy. Well, I've met Joanna Lumley in it. They've all got Richard Armitage in. I've seen something recently with Joanna Lumley in it. Remember Motherland? They've done a spin-off of Amanda from Motherland and it's called Amanda Land. Oh yeah, Mrs F and my youngest are enjoying that. Yeah, it's quite good.
Starting point is 00:03:11 I mean, it's not as funny as Motherland, I thought Motherland was a lot funnier, but it's still pretty good. It's still pretty nice. All these shows are fine, but then they get to a point where they really have to crowbar in what's good. People really have to act irrationally or stupidly or, you know, someone has to do something really unbelievable for the plot to actually work. Because they paint themselves into a corner a bit with these plot twists. They're like, oh, you know, well, he was over here.
Starting point is 00:03:43 He couldn't have killed her. And then she was, she, you know, it turns out that half the people knew about it all the time, the whole time, everyone knew about it the whole time. And we're lying for some obscure reason. They're like, yeah, I didn't want to talk to the police because I accidentally burnt my cookies once and I didn't want to find out that I was a bad cook. So I covered up a murder. It's like, what? It's like, why are you doing? Do you mean the stuff like that?
Starting point is 00:04:06 That stuff happens in real life as well though. I mean, um, I've been watching a lot of 24 hours in police custody and you won't believe some of the shit that goes on. Like, uh, it's crazy. I suppose that's the fact is stranger than fiction. It's, you know, the things that people will do. I did have a walk the other day and we went to like a little foresty place and I saw a little boat side house, like a little boat house and it was so weird looking. I said to my partner, if I built that, like if I tried to build that or draw that or like, you know, recreate that in a video game or anything like that. People would say it looked, it didn't look real. Right? Like it was so, cause it was so odd looking, but that was a thing that was in real life, you know? And it's, it is real. And, but that's
Starting point is 00:04:55 what, that's what it's like. I'm like that. I'm like, ah, that looks crap. No one would build anything like that. And then someone's like, oh, that's a real building. And you're like, oh, yeah. But that's okay. Because now you can just assume everything's AI. Yeah, true. Yeah. It's everything. Everything. It's taken over. You know, you can't believe anything. You can't believe anything you read on the internet. You can't believe anything you see on pictures. This is the end of the internet. This is the end of the internet era. Let's let's kill it off. Let's go back to stuff in real life together with all that stuff that you have in real life together.
Starting point is 00:05:26 We tried and it didn't work out. It was a good go. We had a good go. We had a good run. It's gone too far now. Fun for while it lasted. Shut it down. Delete it. Delete all the internet. We don't need it. I don't like it. I just hate now how the truth is just what you want it to be. You know what I mean? Like there's no, you can't, there's no reasoning with people anymore. You know, like there's just too much You can't fact check anything, can you? No.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Like it's impossible. Cause there'll be some website that says, yeah, it's true. And there'll be some other one that says, no, it's not. And then people will only believe the one that they want to believe. It's just, it's too easy to lie and then be able to be backed up by this news channel or that news channel or this website or that website and people don't know what to think. So you can manipulate the entire fucking world. Yeah. I know it's sad, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:06:17 Whatever. Hey, let's talk about terrible movies, which I went down a bit of a rabbit hole looking at this. This is a popular recurring topic on this podcast. But we've not mentioned these movies before. No, that's good. I probably haven't seen any of them. I just don't really watch movies.
Starting point is 00:06:31 No one's complained about the terrible movie segment. Okay. As far as I've seen. So let's go. That's a winning formula. So let's start off with a 1966 classic, Manos, the Hands of Fate. I'll read this from Wikipedia. Is this a classic? You will see this movie.
Starting point is 00:06:49 I've not seen this one. The low budget horror film Manos, the Hands of Fate made by El Paso insurance and fertilizer sale with salesman Hal P Warren concerns a vacationing family kidnapped by a polyamorous cult of pagans. The film was conceived after Warren Bet Academy award winning screenwriter Sterling Siliphant that anyone could make a horror movie. Warren was convinced by the film's cinematographer and stunt coordinator that most of its glaring mistakes could be fixed in a Dallas post-production studio when in reality the two wanted to quickly wrap the production because they were not being
Starting point is 00:07:24 paid. Several technical gaffes made it into the film, including scenes filmed out of focus, a marking slate being seen in a shot, the scarf on the female lead's head disappearing and reappearing between shots, an insect bumping the camera lens. The film was shot with a camera that could not record sound and had a 32 second maximum shot length. All dialogue was later dubbed by Warren and four others, including a grown woman who dubbed the voice for a seven year old girl. Manos opens with nine minutes of monotonous driving scenes, reportedly intended to be overlaid with opening credits that were never added. The movie includes dialogue spoken while all characters are facing away from the camera,
Starting point is 00:08:02 a character complaining about it getting dark while the sun is brightly shining, and the character Togo, a satyr with overly large thighs that three women attempt to massage to death." So yeah, it's been on loads of TV shows and stuff. Everybody's saying it's like the absolute worst. There's a picture of Togo the satyr. It's like, it's voted one of the worst of all time. Yeah. Togo the satyr is just a man, it's voted one of the worst of all time. Yeah. Togo the Satyr is just a man.
Starting point is 00:08:26 So what happened was just... He's just got padding in his thighs. I want to be there when this guy realizes that it wasn't actually that easy. You know what I mean? I hate that attitude. Well, yeah, he made it, but it sounds like it sucked big time, and everybody was laughing at him and the movie. But like, I just, I hate that mentality sometimes, you know, like I know sometimes it gets things
Starting point is 00:08:51 done, but like when, when it doesn't go right, I want to be there to see the, the, the guy's reaction or he probably just has no fucking self-awareness whatsoever. And just, you know, like just thinks it's a huge success or that he's owned everybody. This shit has happened before. You've seen these movies made on an absolute shoestring budget of next to nothing, right? It's kind of a thing in the history of cinema where it's on purpose, right? And sometimes it's funny, there is a difference though between bad, so bad it's funny, like there is a difference though between bad, so bad it's funny that it becomes a cult classic and just bad bad. Like I've, you know, it's the same with games,
Starting point is 00:09:32 you know, there's tons of games that are made for nothing and they are shit. But that doesn't make them funny or even like worth commenting on. But it sounds like this one does have, this does have some mockability due to it's like semi, the semi effort that was done. You know, he obviously, sometimes it's hard, right? You have to do a movie on your own, whatever, with this guy being the actor, director, screenwriter and editor. Have you ever made your own movie? Exactly. Well, Yes, I have. In fact, yes, it was very well received by three people. All right.
Starting point is 00:10:10 So next up, this might be considered a controversial addition to this list. It does feature the well-known comedian Bill Cosby made a film called Leonard Part Six. It was not part six. Yeah. It was not part six of anything. It was just called Leonard Part Six for some reason. It's meant to be a sort of parody spy movie. So I watched some of it on YouTube. You can still find some bits on YouTube. It is absolutely unwatchably bad. Like, like terrible, terrible, terrible. So bad that he actually disowned the film and went on Johnny Carson show and talked about how bad it was.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Brought his raspberries. He won a shitload of the golden golden raspberries or whatever they're called. And yeah, he was like, it's terrible. It's absolutely terrible. There's really tons of product placement in it for some reason. That's really weird. Here's a review. The only good thing about Bill Cosby's Leonard part six is that we didn't have to see parts one through five, which I think is well said. It is honestly, if you watch any of the clips of this film, it's terrible. Oddly enough, it does have
Starting point is 00:11:20 an actor in that you might recognize the woman who played the Oracle in the Matrix movie. She's like the villain in this film. Oh, right. What year did it come out? 1987. It's kind of weird, isn't it? Like, when, I mean, Cosby, I know now it's not, you can't really look back or whatever, but no, but at the time he was, he was big time.
Starting point is 00:11:42 He had comedy records. He was huge. The Cosby show, like he was, he was really, was big time. He had comedy records. He was huge. The Cosby show. He was really big time. So the director, Paul Whelan says, this was a terrible mistake. When anyone gets into the position that Bill Cosby had, which is his position of power in the 1980s, they are surrounded by sycophants and no one will tell them the truth. His ideas and him just wasn't funny. I couldn't tell him directly. I'd say, this is feeling slow. And he would say, you worry about construction,
Starting point is 00:12:11 let me worry about funny. So obviously Cosby wrote it, planned it, paid for it, starred in it. It was a vehicle that he thought he was making the funniest movie of all time. And it wasn't, you know, it wasn't until afterwards that everyone saw it, that he was the sort of the ground fell out under him. And it was obviously absolutely terrible. And I assume he was horrified, you know. Leonard part six is a smug, tedious exercise in self-indulgence. There's nothing to laugh at and too much of everything else. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Like, it's just so bad. Just try it. If you can find any clips on YouTube, if you can find a clip that makes the film look like anything other than complete dog shit, let me know. But yes, it is, it is dreadful. It is. He won three golden raspberries and accepted them on Fox's The Late Show. But he demanded that they be made out of gold and marble, which were paid for by Fox. He brought the awards with him when
Starting point is 00:13:10 he starred on other shows, happily displaying them and saying, I swept the awards. Well, at least he lent into it, but oh my God. Will Barron What else can he do? I mean, that's the only thing you can do in that situation is you've got to dive in. All right, next up, the Garbage Pale Kids movie. Now, I didn up, the garbage, pale kids movie. Now I didn't know that they'd made a movie. I remember, I remember the garbage, pale kids being really like, uh, on trend at the time, like when they came in, everyone wanted them, loved them. Like we, I mean, I didn't realize
Starting point is 00:13:40 there was a movie though, but like with a lot of these things, I feel like the, um, the, the movie comes after the, the hype dies down, you know? It's like, and something like that would, can never maintain popularity, you know? Like it was such a, a kind of like gimmicky throwaway toy. Yeah. I feel like the movie probably came out, you know, a couple of months after people had moved on to army Ants or whatever the next big thing was and nobody cared about the movie.
Starting point is 00:14:08 So obviously the whole point of the Garbage Pals kids was to parody the Cabbage Patch kids. Which were huge in the 80s. Like, everybody had one. I had one, my sister had one, all our friends had one. It's just a doll. Care Bears were really big. Remember Care Bears? Those were huge too.
Starting point is 00:14:25 They weren't as big as the Cabbage Patch Kids. No, probably not, but they were still pretty. Yeah, they were. The garbage pale kids, they were just cards, right? Like Pokemon cards or whatever. Yeah, they were like trading cards. I mean, they were also stickers, but the main thing was that it was a card, but you could peel it as a sticker. And put it in a book. Yeah, I mean, on the back of it, I had a story or jokes
Starting point is 00:14:48 or weird things. I've still got a ton of Garbage Pail Kids cards in a bag somewhere in my office here. But we would collect them, we would go down to the newsagent near our school and we'd buy packs of them and trade them. And obviously some of them are ultra rare and some of them are super common. And it was like, it was a fad. It was absolutely a fad. But they were funny. If you're a kid, like they were gross and the imagery was kind of bizarre, like really surreal imagery. The sort of stuff that I don't think parents would want their kids to see. Some of it was so weird. It was an odd thing. Yeah, it was like a kid covered in spiders, or like a kid hanging themselves. Yeah, it was really dark some of it. A kid with their... They're really dark. This one is like a kid playing with those
Starting point is 00:15:37 ball and stick, except balls are their eyes. And they've popped out of their head. It's fucking weird. Yeah. Yeah, and it's s, and gross, and everyone... I mean, we know this, right? When you were a kid, there was certainly gross things that you were into, right? Like, whatever it was, Boglins or whatever, you know, whatever it was. Kids love that shit. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:16:01 I always wanted a really big one. They had like the movable eyes and like the it had like it had more like mechanics and you could get the small ones which was just basically a little like hand puppet like a rubbery hand puppet but then the big one had you it was still a hand puppet but it had tons of stuff inside to like move the eyes around and everything and they were really cool they kid the box that they came in was like a cage. So it was like, you know, they were like, you know, like a little jail. God, I love those things.
Starting point is 00:16:31 I remember getting one and just I loved it so much. The only thing with those was because they were like a bit rubbery and they were. It wasn't that they were sticky, but they would get covered in dust and fluff and you just couldn't get it out. Like they would age very quickly. And then they would just look like shit. I don't know what the material was that it meant. It literally adhered dirt and dust to the light. I think Boglins might have had a use as like something to clean under a sofa with.
Starting point is 00:16:58 You could just roll a boglin under it. Yeah, just leave it under there and let it do its thing. So oddly enough, the Garbage Pail Kids were created by a cartoonist called Art Spiegelman, who wrote a very famous graphic novel called Mouse, which was about the Holocaust. And he won, like he's won a Pulitzer Prize. He's an extremely well regarded cartoonist who also just happened to come up with the garbage pill kids. That's so funny. Yeah, mouse. I really funny how these things happen. I read it a few years ago. Yeah. Bridie came up to me yesterday and said, I just read this. Are you interested in reading it? I was like, I've read it. Yeah. It's a classic. It is
Starting point is 00:17:46 a classic comic and yeah, the garbage. As a summary, the film features seven of the garbage Pell kids played by dwarf actors in animatronic costumes, interacting with society and befriending a regular boy. That's it. A garbage can spaceship is seen flying near Earth which is then shown inside an antique shop. A boy named Dodger is being assaulted by four older teenage bullies and basically the garbage can somehow these kids come out and he hangs out with them. Utterly bizarre.
Starting point is 00:18:19 That's weird. It is weird that a sticker game would then evolve into a movie. Yeah. But I feel like they didn't... But it had like puppets and stuff. It wasn't like... Yeah, but don't you think it's the kind of thing where they... I feel like back then, it was a much more wild west approach to filmmaking where it was like, is this popular? Let's make a movie of it. And there was no art to the movie making. It was just smash a movie out there as
Starting point is 00:18:42 cheaply and as fast as possible. Like it was so obviously a cash in. And a lot of stuff was in the 80s though. It felt like it. Very commercial. I mean, you'd have like, you basically, a lot of the cartoons that were out in the 80s existed solely to sell the toys that they made. Like they would design the toys first and then they would sort of crowbar in a cartoon. Which is mad to think because those cartoons are actually really good.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Which ones? Well, like He-Man, G.I. Joe, Transformers. These are all great. They were good when we were a kid, but I mean, if you watch them now, it's on watch. I mean, they'll be good forever though, because you're still going to be looking at it through a lens of nostalgia. Right. Like Kevin Smith remade he manned in it. It was remember. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:34 There was a super barrio brothers movie. Yes. That's also on the list. I was going to read that. What the one with the one with Dick Tracy in it. What's his name? Dick Tracy, the guy who played with Dick Tracy in it? What's his name? Dick Tracy? The guy who played, not Dick Tracy, he played the guy in Roger Rabbit.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Bob Hoskins? Bob Hoskins. Bob Hoskins. The one I said. I mean, that movie was like, it kind of tried to... It was a movie about Mario made by someone who'd never played a Mario Brothers game. No one had. And I think it differed so much from... It was almost like nothing like a Mario game.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Or ever. And I think the same thing with the garbage patch kids. It looks like the art of the art style of the garbage patch cards was kind of endearing, whereas the movie is just like some nightmare puppet theatre that looks nothing like the original. It's not like people liked the characters from the cards and they became iconic. I feel like in the same way, it was just a cash in of something that was popular at the time and just completely misstepped. But also I think it is a situation where Hollywood had the power and a few people like the Bill
Starting point is 00:20:54 Cosby get to make all the decisions. They're just surrounded by, you know, it's like, we know best, Hollywood's our thing, let us do it. We've got a great guy on board. He'll use his vision for it. You know? I also suppose a lot of the time, even if you come up with a good idea, you're going to have people get hold of it.
Starting point is 00:21:13 And it's a bit like a big company where you have like, maybe someone comes up with a good idea and then it filters through all the layers of management and bullshit and money until something really shit pops out the other end. And I mean, so the people that directed this movie were a couple. and bullshit and money until something really shit pops out the other end. And I mean, so the people that directed this movie were a couple. And Bob Hoskins, this is in 2007, he said, The worst thing I ever did. Super Mario Brothers. It was a fucking nightmare. The whole experience was a nightmare.
Starting point is 00:21:37 It had a husband and wife team directing whose arrogance had been mistaken for talent. After so many weeks, their own agent told them to get off the set. Fucking nightmare. Fucking nightmare fucking idiots. That's Bob Hoskins talking about the directors. I mean, that's just that's pretty damning right there, isn't it? Yeah, good for him, though. Like just saying it as it was sort of thing, you know, like I think people just like pussyfoot around a lot of this stuff now.
Starting point is 00:22:00 And I think just because somebody's a fucking idiot, just call them a fucking idiot. You know, because otherwise these people get to work again. I know. And fuck everything up for some other. Yeah. Word of mouth is important. Like same, the same goes with like trades, people, anything. If somebody fucking sucks, just, you just got to tell people that they fucking suck. Like, don't, don't worry too much about it because it has to come out. The truth, the truth must be revealed.
Starting point is 00:22:25 I think it's so funny that he said that about a couple. A directing couple. Just imagine, he called us a fucking idiot, hon. Oh, hon. Sorry. We're just trying to eat some spaghetti at home after a hard day of directing. I think they finally figured out what to do with the more recent movies, like the Mario movie and stuff, where they don't put in any real people.
Starting point is 00:22:49 We know what Mario looks like from the video games since Mario 64. For the last 30 years, we've got a very consistent looking Mario. And I think that the way the Mario movie is, is not to have him played by a person. No. movie is, is not to have him played by a person. No, but then equally every movie has Jack Black in it and Chris Pratt in it. And like, it's always the same fucking people. The Minecraft movie, we're going to see what goes on with that, because it's coming out soon. And I'm not holding out any hope for it.
Starting point is 00:23:18 I mean, it's probably going to be an absolute fucking disaster. I mean, the Sonic movies have been, there's been three of them. Yeah, they've been pretty well received. I think initially when they announced them, people were like, this is just going to be dog shit. I think they were surprised that they were pretty good. But you haven't got a guy in a fursuit playing Sonic. He's like an animated character, right?
Starting point is 00:23:39 In the past, you would have had a lad in a suit being Sonic. There's certain things that are fairly, you know, like, need to be locked in. Who's clicking? I can hear clicking. It's me browsing the Sonic. It's me strolling through the Sonic 3 trailer. He's furiously looking up info. I thought you were playing one of those clicker games or something.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Sorry, people. Do you know what movie, a good movie, I thought this movie was great. When I was a kid, I mean, if I watched it now I probably wouldn't think it was great, but it was a movie about a video game, but it was not like you weren't immersed in the game. It was like to do with being around the video game. And it was the wizard. Remember Fred Savage? Oh, yeah. And it was, and it was, it was showcasing Super Mario Brothers 3 before it came out. So you got, you got a gotta sneak preview the game. Because the movie was about Fred Savage and his autistic brother.
Starting point is 00:24:33 And his autistic brother is very good at games. He was good at Tetris, all these home NES games at the time or whatever. And they wanted to go to a game competition tournament thing in California, but they lived in like Chicago or whatever. So they basically just go like on a road trip. And along the way, they meet a guy who has a power glove and he's like the local arcade kind of top gun, you know? He's got his power glove and he's got his like NES controller belt buckle and everything.
Starting point is 00:25:10 And then he ends up being the guy that the brother has to face like in the tournament. But it was super exciting at the time because Super Mario Brothers 3 was announced, but nobody knew anything about it. There was like nothing in Nintendo Power or whatever, just a couple of screenshots. But then you actually got to see some gameplay of the game, like in the movie. I just thought it was like looking back at the time, I was just excited because I was a kid, but looking back is quite a clever way of doing a movie around a video game franchise. You know what I mean? Most video game movies are like, you know, they are carbon
Starting point is 00:25:39 copies of the movie, of the of the video game story, or they're, you know, like immersed in the world of the of the video game story, or they're immersed in the world of that video game. But I just thought it was kind of clever to have something in and around the game, in real life, rather than just being about the game. Mason- Well, the original idea behind The Wizard was based on this film called Tommy, from 1975. Jason- Yeah, the Pinball Wizard. Mason- Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Mason- It was about the Pinball Wizard, right? Which was, again, that was based on The Who's album of the same name. Jason- I mean, that was based on the Who's album of the same name. I mean, that's just, the soundtrack is, there's so many good songs. Which is mental. But it was about this sort of Pinball prodigy kid, you know. Milton John's in the movie, I think, isn't he? It was a whole thing. No.
Starting point is 00:26:18 In the 10th movie. With the hands on of Super Mario Brothers 3? I think they were thinking, because oftentimes you see this where people see a popular movie and they're like, oh, we could remake this, but with a video game spin, right? And I think it's this movie, The Wizard. Yeah, I do remember it because I think it has got kind of this cult following in that retro Nintendo world. You know, I'm sure someone like James Nintendo
Starting point is 00:26:45 nerd or whatever, I've watched a video of him talking about it or whatever. And, and I get it, right? But so many of these, so much, even today, so much of this, so much is is is tie in crossover stuff. Like, like, like selling toys or selling a product, you know, all the Lego movies are about selling products. And to be fair, the Lego movies generally are pretty good. The ones I've seen I thought were really good. They're funny. I think that's because the way they make these films, if you think about it, this is like
Starting point is 00:27:16 advancing the technology of how do you make a tie-in movie that isn't a shit disaster. When they used to do this, like the He-Man movie. Abominable. Oh, my God. Yeah. Masters of the universe. Yeah. Like all of us in the. Hell. They would almost always be absolutely terrible. Yeah. But now I feel like they they've learned the lessons from those movies. And they're like, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:27:42 If we're going to do this, it's got to actually be good. And they do try. Yeah. Although you do end up with things like the emoji movie and shit like that. I mean, fuck me. They're terrible ones. But something you don't see as much now is the direct rip off. For example, a film called Hobgoblins, which is just a rip off of Gremlins. Right. And it's just considered an absolutely dreadful movie. One of the worst ever made. It's on the list. The original Transformers movie and the original G.I. Joe movie, which were both not live action, you know,
Starting point is 00:28:18 they were just animated as you would expect from the cartoon. And in the original Transformers movie, if you guys saw it, Optimus Prime dies, which was pretty fucking wild actually at the time. And the G.I. Joe movie was really good too. Like really good. I remember loving it when I was a kid and thinking it was just great.
Starting point is 00:28:39 Whether it stands up or, I mean, kids, kids love any of that shit. Not true. We had no taste when we were kids at all. Not true. Whether it stands up or, I mean, kids love any old shit. We had no taste when we were kids. Not true. It's not true. It is true. When you're a little kid, you watch any old garbage.
Starting point is 00:28:52 No, no, no, no, no. There's a ton of movies that were aimed at kids and flocked like a catastrophe. I used to watch a show- Because kids were like, this sucks. Okay, I used to watch a show called Bionic Six, which was amazing. Okay. And the toys were amazing as well. I used to also watch a show called Captain Power. Oh my God, man. Captain Power was just insane. There was a cartoon that used to be on called Captain Power. Captain Power was insane. Like it was so good. Oh, this kind of looks like, what's it called? The Power Rangers.
Starting point is 00:29:26 Yeah, it was just one guy though, and he had like this... It was almost like a... It was like some weird power throne thing that he stood up in. Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future. Yeah, yeah. This looks amazing. It was fucking awesome. I remember it being awesome, at least. Captain Power Bionic 6 was really good. It had a cool like jingle.
Starting point is 00:29:49 It was a cartoon. And then the toys were all like, because, because all the, it was like a family and they had this big robot monkey, but then the family were all bionic in some way. Like you know, they had like a, one had like bionic legs and another guy had like one bionic arm and, and on the toys, the bionic bits were another guy had like one bionic arm and, and on the toys, the bionic bits were like kind of like cool, like Aqua see-through and stuff. And like, but they were like fully articulated, like the, like the small GI Joe's of the eighties, you know, like not action men, but like the, the GI Joe toys.
Starting point is 00:30:18 They're all wearing kind of silver metal suits and shit. It was so good. I used to watch that and I used to watch this other one. Oh my God. Okay, so hang on a second. No wait. Captain Power was cancelled. It's called Cops. After one year.
Starting point is 00:30:32 Captain Power was cancelled because of its dark post-apocalyptic storyline showing the aftermath of nuclear war and allegories on topics such as Nazism. Well. Ultimately, this became the show's undoing. It was too violent for children because of its toys, shooting at the television, live action violence and less mature aspects. It was filled with romantic kisses, sexual innuendo and occasionally scenes that implied sexual encounters between characters. There's everything in a show.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Pilot told Blastar at one point to go to hell. A violent death of one of the major characters was also an unusual development in a children's series. So this is why you loved it. Cause it was entirely inappropriate. Cause it was fucking awesome. That's why I love it. I used to also like this one called cops. It had a long arm who had like this, like this. Did he have a very long arm? Yeah. It was like this, they were have a very long arm? Yeah, it was like this.
Starting point is 00:31:25 They were like super cops basically. I see. You had you had. So wait, like like the long arm of the law. Yeah, he was called long arm, but he could like extend out his it wasn't not like Mr. Fantastic. It was like robotic, you know, like it would come out. Oh, it was so awesome.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Yeah, it was like a go-go gadget arm. Listen to this. The other reason Captain Powell's canceled is because of the 30 minute, it's basically a 30 minute advert for the, for toys, but five minutes of each show was devoted to a section where you had to play with your toys at, at, to watch the show, like with it. It was like a participation segment. And apparently it was one of the most expensive children's toys of the region. And so as a result, it became too, it was actually flagged as too much advertising. Well, I don't know if you remember, but like Inspector Gadget, GI Joe definitely had it. They used to have at the end of each episode, they'd have like a little two minute kind of like, Hey kids, don't be racist.
Starting point is 00:32:25 You know, the GI Joe's don't tolerate racism and neither should you. Hey, don't do drugs. Drugs are for losers. What's up with your skin color? That's racist. GI Jane. Don't be racist kids. You know, like it was, there was like always a message. And um, inspector gadget used to have them all the time as well. Remember it would be like now Penny, make sure that you look both ways before you cross the road. This should teach you that you're going to get, and then brain would like almost get hit by a car. And then Penny would have to bring the computer book out and stuff. And you don't have that in,
Starting point is 00:33:00 uh, in cartoons or anything anymore. That's why you need to buy the new Captain Power doll. Yeah. Or your parents won't love you. You can't. Don't close yourself in a fridge at the dump. You could die. There was always a message, you know, at the end. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:16 Yes. I think there were, there's a lot of that in kids shows, right? And it's- Not so much like smalls, like, like my kids have always watched like CBeebies in Britain a lot. It's just on. And a lot of their shows will have a lot of those like little messages like woven into them into the story rather than having like a segment or whatever.
Starting point is 00:33:36 But I don't know, I always just, maybe just because I'm like nostalgic for it or whatever, but I always just thought it was kind of cool to have like a little segment at the end. They were just like a bit, I see. Cause it was just like 25 minutes of violence and then like a quick lesson for your kids. You shouldn't, uh, you shouldn't use in windows or be overly violent with your friends. Don't use karate like the character karate one. Yeah. Yeah. Cops. Look up cops, man. We used to try to draw them all the time. The villains were just as cool as the good guys. Cops TV show?
Starting point is 00:34:14 I mean, it's very difficult because all you see is cops. Yeah. No, this was an animated TV series called Cops. C-O-P-S. Central Organization of Police Specialists. Yes. No, no, no. It's. C-O-P-S. Central Organization of Police Specialists. Yes. No, no, no, it's called C-O-P-S. Yeah, watch the intro as well.
Starting point is 00:34:29 The music would just get you going. It was so... It stands for Central Organization of Police Specialists. Sorry, let me listen to the music. It had kind of like, almost like an A-Team intro, you know? It just had a catchy tune, but then it would have like a really serious voiceover. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:47 Long arm, the long arm of the law and stuff like it was really good. Well, the animation is quite interesting. It's wild, but like the characters are so cool. And the the toys were awesome too, because they were like, kind of like, like action man sized dolls. And like the guy, the bad guy that has the machine gun in his chest, you could open up his coat and the gun would come out and stuff. Like, aw man, they were so good.
Starting point is 00:35:13 We used to bring the toys to school and play with them and everything. That was amazing. So, here's the next one. This one is called Titanic, the legend goes on. Oh. Which is silly because I thought this might be a sequel to Titanic, but it's not. It's an Italian, what's called a mockbuster, which a term I hadn't heard before. It is a film created to exploit the publicity of another
Starting point is 00:35:36 major motion picture. Jason Vale Yes. So much of this still exists and happens every more and more now. And in the last, you can see, you see this all the time. There's every, every big release, there's some parody versions of it. Like in order to make people who are lazy, get mistake, make a mistake and buy or rent or watch the wrong version, not realize it. You know, they heard about a movie that was something to do with an asteroid or a volcano and they type it in and they, you know, they get the wrong one. Right. But yes, it's pretty funny. So this one, this one is called Titanic. The legend lives on, goes on. So it was in Italian. It's known as
Starting point is 00:36:18 Titanic, La Lagenda Continua. It's an Italian animated mockbuster about the sinking of the Titanic. It features a similar romantic storyline to James Cameron's 1997 Titanic film, but also has a number of talking animals, most notably a rapping dog. Reviews condemned the quality of the animation and criticised the plot for being insensitive to the memory of the victims of the Titanic. It's meant to be one of the absolute worst. It's a kids movie, oddly enough. I think it would have lightened things up, having a rapping dog on the Titanic.
Starting point is 00:36:52 You think it might? He rapped as the, and the rapping went on as the ship went down. Oh my god, he just, he was like, what was he like, like doing rap battles with people like on the deck as it was sinking? Let me see if I can find Titanic the Legend. Oh my goodness, I actually scrolled way too far. Interestingly enough, because these movies are so bad, they've basically been disowned, it's quite easy to find them in complete form on YouTube. Because there's very little interest in them.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Because no one is copyright flagging it. So anyone can upload it. Yeah. So I found it here, for example. And yes, the full movie, it looks to be about an hour and an hour and 20 long. And the animation is indeed absolutely terrible and does have talking animals. It looks, it looks appalling. I want to get to the sinking. But the main characters are a man and a woman. A man, a woman, a rapping dog. Weird cartoon. Where's this rapping dog?
Starting point is 00:37:50 This sounds like most modern cartoons that my kids watch. There's always like some weird ragtag group of individuals and then normally like an animal that can talk as well. Or they're all animals that can talk. But this sounds like the, this sounds like it wrote the playbook for new cartoons. Oh, it's it didn't mean to read. It's really bad. Well, I'm just watching. It's terrible.
Starting point is 00:38:15 Beyond terrible. All right. Here we go. So here is here's another one. Glitter. Did you ever hear of this film? I've never heard. I've never heard of a film called Glitter. No. So this is a Mariah Carey film from 2001. She's the lead role as an aspiring singer. And of course, guess what?
Starting point is 00:38:33 She makes it. It's like a musical. No, does she do like the really high pitched singing like all the time? Like, I just got to go to the. Um, singing like all the time, like I just got to go to the Yeah. So it's, it just looks dreadful. Um, sounds dreadful. So the problem was in her opinion, this was the reason it failed because the film was released just a little bit after September 11th attack.
Starting point is 00:39:05 Yeah, that's the reason. There's a picture of a billboard with the towers burning in the background. It's pretty. Oh my god. That is awful. But it's also just like a massive Mariah Carey vehicle. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:23 For her to sort of, you know, to be like the star and the singer and all the rest of it. Because Madonna then did one as well, swept away, which was terrible. JLo had a movie out last year that was made in man. I watched some of it. Oh, no, that's what that's very old. I'm talking about one that came out that was like, oh, it's utterly bizarre. JLo sort of disappeared off the radar as far as I knew. And then she was in a bunch of stuff. She was in a film where she was in something.
Starting point is 00:39:45 I saw her in something recently. I think it was a kids movie and she was singing like doing like I don't know what the fuck she was doing, actually. But it was definitely terrible. Yeah, she is pretty dreadful, actually. She was in a film called. What was it? It was about I'm just trying to find it. It was about AI somehow. So, OK, a couple of things. One, this is one of these great examples, the Mariah Carey
Starting point is 00:40:12 one of selective memory around September 11th, right? People, when they look back, they think that they misremember things or they remember things that make more sense. Right? And so she says their film was originally planned to be released on September the 11th, but it wasn't actually. It was released on September 21st, 10 days later. But you could see why she has, it's a much more interesting story and a much more interesting thing to say to people that, oh, my movie was released at September 11th. So I think the soundtrack was released on September the 11th. And obviously people aren't going and buying a soundtrack. Who's releasing it?
Starting point is 00:40:54 They released the soundtrack before the movie came out. Well, yeah, they, they, whatever. I think they realized that the movie's going to fucking tank, get the soundtrack, get some money from the soundtrack. So she, she released three movies last year. Jennifer, or J.Lowe. Oh, this is me now. A love story, which is abysmal.
Starting point is 00:41:13 And I urge you to see it because you won't believe how bad it is. It is the most bizarre, just fucking self-congratulating piece of shit. It is so bad. I hate it. I absolutely hated it. An atlas where Jennifer Lopez plays an AI genius and special agent of some kind. And this AI android or something goes to this other planet and they have to go catch him. And they just park up it. I just don't think that JLo has the range for any of this stuff.
Starting point is 00:41:42 I don't believe she does, no. And she's very distrusting of AI. They go out there to catch him, and while they're parked up in these giant mechs that are AI assisted, waiting to go beam down, something shoots them and they all crash land on the planet and it's like that. It's abysmal. Jesus Christ. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:04 Really, really, really, really bad. So swept away is another one. Master of disguise is another one. Of course. The room is quite famous. Jiggly, which is JLo's movie with Ben Affleck, which is appalling. Sorry, Atlas, Atlas, this movie had a hundred million dollar budget. Yeah. A hundred million bucks. Yes. All of these things, all of it, like the biggest thing I felt, if you make a shit movie, that's fair enough. But if you make a shit movie that costs a hundred fucking million dollars, you've got no fucking excuse. And I got no time.
Starting point is 00:42:35 What are you doing? She shouldn't have. How are you all spending that much money? Her fault, like though, I mean, she's obviously paid to act in it, but it's written and directed by other people. Yeah. Yes, yes, but they're all collectively involved. They're all culpable. And in the, in the trial, all this shows is that she doesn't have any taste. Not that she's not, you know, she somehow box office poison. She is. She's the carrot top of the morning.
Starting point is 00:42:59 She literally is. I mean, how is she still getting work? She's been in so many shit things. It's unbelievable. Well, she's like Nicolas Cage. She just takes anything that comes along. Just likes being busy. Yeah, but Nicolas Cage has actually been in some good stuff though, like over the years. He's been equally, he's been in some terrible stuff. He did have to do a lot of stuff to pay his tax bill. I think she just doesn't understand what a good movie is. She's that kind of person that has had such a weird life that they're just detached from reality.
Starting point is 00:43:30 Her agent needs to be fired. But then again, J.Lo is extremely rich and has enormous self-esteem. Yeah, but she's still Jenny from the block. She is just all that. That hundred million dollar budget probably went her way. Yeah, exactly. Her name probably still can pull in audiences. People have heard of her.
Starting point is 00:43:49 Yeah, but who? It's like 60 year olds, basically, now. I guess it must be, yeah. Do you know what? A film that I've never seen, also available in total on YouTube, Sex Lives of the Potato Men. Have you ever heard of this film? No.
Starting point is 00:44:03 I have. So, Sex Lives of the Potato Men, for those of you who haven't heard of it, is a 2004 British sex comedy. It's about the sex lives of a group of potato delivery men in Birmingham. Right. So like a, like a, like a carry on movie kind of similar, similar sort of humor and or not really. No, it's really not. It's just kind of gross out humour and it's kind of meant to be sort of like, it's hard to describe. I watched about 20 minutes today. It's terrible. You will recognise these names. It's Johnny Vegas, right? Mackenzie Crook from... Two very funny guys.
Starting point is 00:44:38 Very funny. Mark Gatiss, who's a very funny guy. And Dominic Coleman, who I don't know, but I assume he's, you know, it's almost like it feels like a BBC comedy TV show. It's literally a British movie. So they're just grabbing all the British actors they can get. And it's just another real symbol of we can't fucking make movies really anymore. We just can't. We've got all the talent in the world. But the inability, there's some inability for us to make a good movie. Like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. But this is like another example of the death of the British film industry for me, because it's terrible. Here are the reviews. One of the worst films ever made. Novelist Will Self called it merciless, worthless, toothless, useless, which is a great review.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Yeah, it's just absolutely dreadful. Totally unfunny. Absolutely. Kermode described as absolutely indescribably horrible, vulgar, stupid, tawdry, depressing, embarrassing, filthy, vile, stinky, repugnant, slimy, unclean, nasty, degenerative and mind-numbing. And some people describe it as depressing. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
Starting point is 00:45:57 it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like that were famous. So there's like Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, The Starving Games, where they just get a bunch of sort of Zoolist actors and they just bosh them in a movie and they're like, yeah, we'll just have really obvious stupid gags. Yeah. That that poke fun. I remember some of the scary movie being kind of funny. The old the old like spoof, like comedy movies like Airplane and Naked Gun and all that were so fucking funny. Like, I guess it's like boomer humor now, but like, I still think that some of it
Starting point is 00:46:42 is fucking hilarious. My favorite bit in the airplane movies is the guy trying to make his way through the airport and he keeps getting stopped. Yes. And he just ends up like karate kicking. I don't know why it's so funny. It always makes me laugh. You remember the scene in, I think it was Naked Gun 2.
Starting point is 00:46:58 It was OJ but he played Nordberg. You remember he played? And he's stuck under the van and he's fucking, his legs are open and the van is just like running over traffic cones and like all this shit is hitting him in the nuts and then eventually there's like this massive, it looks like a huge spiked watermelon. It's just bouncing down the road and hits him in the nuts. Oh fuck. So stupid. Yeah. And like Shyamalan is on this list with The Last Airbender, which as I understand it,
Starting point is 00:47:33 fans of Avatar. Yeah, my son watched a whole bunch of the original animated series of Avatar. The anime is fantastic. Which was pretty good, from what I remember. I didn't watch it avidly, but it was on and it was not annoying or anything. So 10 out of 10 for me, I guess. I think it had a whole bunch of problems, didn't it? Any live action remakes of anime stuff can really go wrong. I think for the same reason that people who like the
Starting point is 00:48:06 original really have trouble visualizing the characters as real people when they were cartoons. In a lesser extent, it's the same transition you see with a book adapted to a movie, right? A lot of people are like, oh, I wish it was like the way it was in the book, which is not the same as the book. you know, it's to a lesser extent. I thought Game of Thrones adapted well from the books. Well, and the Lord of the Rings. Something's happened. Yeah, it was really good. Yeah, for sure. But then again, like, Shyamalan has, I mean, he's iconic as the twist guy, right? The twist ending guy.
Starting point is 00:48:42 I know, but only really for like two movies. No, not, not even just fifth sense. Wasn't it like what I was six cents. The other ones like whatever, I don't know. Like, No, but he's carried on. Have you seen, That was the only one. That's what he's known for. Right. There was not been any other really big ones. There were, there were. Like what? Well, uh, the village. I've never heard of it.
Starting point is 00:49:07 For example. Yeah. The village. So here's, here's a stunning fact about M. Night Shyamalan. Who I hate. I absolutely hate this man. I haven't even seen any of his movies other than the fifth sense. So what? I, I hate him. The sixth sense. Sorry. Him. All right. Fifth sense. Um, thank goodness we didn't have to see senses one through five. I care so little, I just don't even want to correct myself.
Starting point is 00:49:32 I just, I don't fucking care. It is so bad. So here's the thing with M. Night Shyamalan. I would love to do some kind of watch-along where I watch The Happening, which is one of the worst films I've ever seen, and I could pause it and show people at every moment why I hate M. Shyamalan's style of directing, the kind of dialogue he writes, the way he gets people to act. There is something about him that is wrong.
Starting point is 00:49:58 I think he's evil. However, he has never made a movie from six cents onwards that has lost money. Really? All his films are profitable. He is box-office magic. Every movie, like the one where there's one called Old, where people go to a beach and they suddenly get very fucking old. It's weird.
Starting point is 00:50:20 And Knock at the Cabin is the one from last year. It is beyond appalling. It is so, so, so bad. I hated it. It's awful. Yes. It's got Rupert Grint in it. Knock at the cabin came out a couple of years ago last year.
Starting point is 00:50:34 2023. He did a movie last year called Trap, but actually he is also producing, I read this the other day, an Apple TV show that's got like three seasons of it. It's called Servant, I think. It's like a doll, creepy nanny doll, reborn doll movie. But sorry, TV show that they've somehow got 40 episodes down. Yeah, like a couple in Philadelphia who hire 18 year old Leanne Grayson to be the live-in nanny of their infant son. However, their infant son is dead and has been replaced by a reborn doll.
Starting point is 00:51:11 Right? Creepy. Really creepy. How'd they get 40 episodes out of that? 40 episodes of that? And also apparently it's critically acclaimed. That is like an episode of Inside Number 9. That sounds like something that you could cover you know, cover in like 45 minutes
Starting point is 00:51:25 to an hour. I know. 40 episodes? Fucking hell. Apple TV is putting tons of these things out that I have absolutely not seen. No. Right? I haven't even started watching the new season of Severance, which is apparently pretty good. Well, I mean, either.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Oh, it's very good. I know. That's great. Yeah, it's very good. But I think that's the only thing I've really watched on Apple TV. Ted Lasso, which kind of fell off in the end. Yeah. I mean, look, I'll be honest with you, when I look at Apple and it's a new series, or an Apple original movie, I generally, The Standard has been very good, and they've had
Starting point is 00:52:01 multiple TV shows on there that I've really, really enjoyed. Foundation? I will not be watching this M. Night Shyamalan. I will not. Foundation is one of the first sci-fi books I ever read when I was a kid. Well, teenager, young teenager, I guess. And as a moth. And I loved it. And honestly, it was hard work, honestly, actually getting through it. But I really enjoyed reading through the series and watching the Apple TV version. I can't really remember any of the books from when I was 15, you know, but I'm loving it. It's great to have a bit of sci-fi.
Starting point is 00:52:36 I'm kind of sick of watching sci-fi that is basically just low budget sci-fi. Things like Traveler, I don't know if you've seen that show. It's basically about, in the future the earth is fucked, so the future is sending back guys Terminator style, but they possess people. So it's like, the only way they can possess someone is if they're about to die. So a guy's about to die and he's about to get hit by a bus or whatever, but just before he gets hit by the bus he has a headache and then turns into a guy from the future, basically. And so they're sending back people to replace people who were going to die. But very quickly it spins off the rails. And the whole point of it really is that there's no budget,
Starting point is 00:53:17 there's no spaceships, there's no lasers, there's no nonsense. It's a sci-fi show set today and they're doing general cop things. They'll have a shoot out and they'll arrest people, you know, and they'll be under cover. And this one person who's dealing with baby drama, one person who's dealing with other human drama, it's like the cheapest sci-fi show you could ever fucking pitch. Right. Um, but I, and as a result, like give me, I want the expanse, right? I want people, you know, I want a bit of spaceships flying about you know I know not all the expanse is on
Starting point is 00:53:50 spaceships but a lot of it this is not as pretty I didn't like the expanse I thought it was really it got really stupid I mean at the end a guy turns into a fucking ghostly spirit or something or a waterfall or something ridiculous. It's really bizarre. Very odd. It's a weird... It's weird that it's... A man turned into a waterfall. What the fuck is that? I've been watching... That's fine. I like that.
Starting point is 00:54:11 It's not sci-fi, but on TV, on Channel 4, they got this series called Go Back to Where You Came From. Have you heard of this? Goodness. No. No. It's about... Okay, it's about illegal immigration, you know, or people even seeking refugee status. Oh, it's like, who do you think you are and what you do in an abduction? They have six people who are so fucking highly opinionated about this topic. But so what they do is they take them over to like Syria and Somalia and stuff, and they
Starting point is 00:54:40 tour them around these like tent slums and these, you know, these countries are war torn. They have no resources. They don't even have fresh water. They're like shitting in ditches and stuff. And, um, you know, they're just trying to like take them over to make them realize, you know, why somebody would go through all this trouble to arrive in Britain illegally, you know, because at the start of the show, it's just like, you know what? They just need to get a big wall on the beach.
Starting point is 00:55:08 And if they see a boat, they just need to blow it out of the water. Like they're really, really like anti anyone coming over. We're full up. Nobody else should be getting in. You know, why should I share all this with people? Anyone who tweets that should go. It's infuriating to watch. You just look through someone's, you find a bigot and you send them to like do a channel
Starting point is 00:55:29 crossing or like, you know, do a, go to like Syria. Oh, that sounds fucking brilliant. It's interesting, but it is, oh my God, it's, you want, you want to just reach into the TV screen and slap people. Like it is just, it's wild. You want to just reach into the TV screen and slap people. It is just wild. Jason Vale I can imagine them making, in some dystopian future, a game show where you get a bunch of people who want to emigrate and you have
Starting point is 00:55:55 to complete a series of challenges until you get down to two people and then you have the audience votes on who gets to stay and who gets sent back to the war zone. Make a TV show of that. It's wild. It's just crazy. It feels very symptomatic of a lot of stuff that's going on nowadays as well. But the opinions just seem so, I don't know, unhinged almost. They just live in these small, small little boxes. They have the most daily mail. They cannot handle. Why come in over here to steal our benefits? They're in a van and they're with these highly trained military people because it's so dangerous, you know, like, you know, there's drone strikes,
Starting point is 00:56:48 there's fucking kidnappings, there's all sorts of shit going on. So they've got these people with them. And one of them is in the backseat of the van. They're, they're going to like a new place or whatever. She's like, okay, well, first of all, I think they need to work on sanitation here. And it's just like, okay, like what the fuck are you talking about? Who the fuck is laying like sewage under roads? Like if you looked at the state of the cities in this country,
Starting point is 00:57:14 like they are all bombed out and depleted. There is nothing left. Like who is going to fucking put sewers in, you know, like, yeah, I get it. They need them, but it's, it's not, it's not like the number one priority. She's just there. Like, you know, with like her simple mind going through the checklist of stuff that they need, like trying to fix this massive complicated problem. It's, it's, it's amazing. You should watch it. Like it's, like I said, infuriating, but it's, it's interesting. She's a, she's a social media manager for a company in London who is going to fix Syria.
Starting point is 00:57:51 Of course. Very good. Would you like some loose news today? So first off, this piece of news comes around very often. It has been doing the laps since 2013. There's this guy who lost a hard drive in a landfill. He threw out 600 million... The number keeps changing because it's bitcoins. But it's currently $600 million of Bitcoin on a hard drive that this guy chucked away. He claims his ex-girlfriend mistakenly threw it out.
Starting point is 00:58:20 And he accidentally threw out a hard drive. Oh, like an old PC or whatever. Anyway, he threw him out. He knows that they were in a landfill and periodically tries to go to the landfill. He sued the council to try and get them to like give him access and all this stuff. Anyway, the landfill is filled up and is being sold off to, I guess, build fucking houses on it or whatever the fuck they do with landfills. He wants to buy it so he can find his hard drives. He wants to buy the site, right? So he can find the missing fortune. Now this guy, I hate him. I hate the story. I hate everything about it. But he is clearly a smart guy trying to keep this in the news because I reckon he's, there's some money in it, right? If
Starting point is 00:59:03 he's saying he's got 600 million, people will invest. He'll say, like, oh, you know, if you give me a million, I'll give you 60 million when I find my hard drive. So he can make money out of this little scam that he's got going, but it's just another fucking scam, isn't it? The whole thing is bullshit. He's never going to find this thing. And it just keeps coming up because it's so much money. And it's such a good story of crypto. Look how much money you can make on crypto. It's, it's all wank. I hate it. I hate him. I hate the idea of it. Please stop making it news. People who are news people stop telling me about it. I don't want to hear about it ever again. Thank you. I will just say, I know, but I'm sick of it.
Starting point is 00:59:45 Okay. I'm sick of it. Okay. I don't want to hear about it again. Just, I can smell the fucking from Newport in South Wales. In a while, I wanted to calm down. You've got to watch that show. Go back to where you came from. Uh, do you know what, uh, just to Do you know what? I don't need to. Just to calm down now. Oh, I don't know. I hate that kind of thing. Okay, here's an article from Kotaku.
Starting point is 01:00:10 This is a verbatim from the article. I probably don't need to tell you this, but Facebook is bad. Checking the site sucks. The only reason I do it anymore is if something related to my job makes me or I'm bored in bed and want to scroll through pages of horrible AI garbage. Speaking of horrible AI garbage, the most popular post on the entire social media site of Facebook last month was an obviously AI generated image of a large horse made of bread posted by a religious Facebook group from Romania that is supposedly selling clothing. There you go. That is what
Starting point is 01:00:46 we're dealing with guys. That's why Zuckerberg is the third most, uh, most famous wealthy man in the world. And he has rebranded himself recently from being an AI robot, because that would look bad to being a cool bro Trump supporting cunt. Um, yeah. And he plays Civ, guys. So he's just like you. He's the best in the world. He's just like you. All right. Next up.
Starting point is 01:01:11 This is not good for your blood pressure, Lewis. This this segment, we're going to have speaking of cunts. Lulul loses his rag. Kanye... Kanye selling a swastika t-shirt? Is that what this is? Yes, it is. Yeezy.com has been shut down because Kanye West has started selling a swastika t-shirt. It's insane. And that's the world we live in. So no, that's, that's no, we're not going to do that news.
Starting point is 01:01:45 There is a, there is, there is a guy apparently. Okay. This is the title of the article. This is the title of the article. Poop smearing bandit on the loose in Jeeps engine factory. So okay. In Indiana, right, they're making engines, 2.0 liter global medium engines inline forced into turbo for the Jeep Wrangler, Compass and Grand Cherokee. Right. Apparently someone in that factory is smearing shit all over the place and they've
Starting point is 01:02:23 had to put a plant-wide memo out pleading for whoever is doing it to stop acting like a deranged chimp. Do they not have any cameras? Cameras, yeah! Like what the fuck man, it's 2025, everybody's got a camera somewhere. I'm sure this is not a big mystery that's unsolvable. Okay. Kokomo engine plant and all employees, it is unfortunate for us to have to deal with
Starting point is 01:02:46 an employee S employees that continue to create situations that are unsanitary and certainly disturbing. Wiping feces, blah blah blah everywhere, blah blah blah. Effective immediately, we have been directed not to clean up after such events. With the exception being in front locker rooms, any bathroom found in a grotesque state will be immediately locked and taken out of service. This is the way to do it, isn't it? Is, you know, just close those bathrooms. That's going to make it better. I wonder what I, I, I'm interested to see what, how this turns out actually. I want to know the motive behind the smearing. But I also want to see, you know, what happens with these kind of measures, you know, that
Starting point is 01:03:34 they're taking to combat the smearing as well. Can you keep us posted on any future developments? Yeah. Can you, can you follow this? I'll let you know. Stories for updates so that we can find out more? If there is an update and you see it, let us know via the mailbag page. Mailbag page?
Starting point is 01:03:54 Mailbag website. We don't have a mailbag website. We do now. period.flacksatgmail.com Just email me. We don't need a website. Finally, uh, 1000, a hundred, a hundred thousand eggs have been stolen from a trailer in Pennsylvania. Uh, obviously eggs have increased in price after the recent administration came in. Not many of them going around either
Starting point is 01:04:19 is the thing. And a hundred thousand. Not just that. What are you doing with a hundred thousand eggs? Like they'll go bad in a couple of days. You sell them as quick as you can. What? You just make a quick. Some, some turbo egg sales. Yeah. Quick clock.
Starting point is 01:04:37 Yeah. Oh, dear me. Do it. Uh, finally, uh, there was one of the lesser followed executive orders that Trump has put forward is no more one cent coins. The penny is not going to be made anymore. Making pennies costs two cents each. There's so many in circulation, I'm surprised that they still even make them.
Starting point is 01:05:02 I mean, they go missing. I honestly say that we should get rid of pennies, two P's and five P's. Get rid of them all. Get rid of them all. Yeah, but they can't do it. You can't do it because they won't round up. They love the 499. You still think it's not five yet, but I mean it's five.
Starting point is 01:05:20 People just accept that they don't get the penny. The penny doesn't exist anymore. Sorry it doesn't exist. I just think, yeah. think that things, yeah, get rid of all the small denominations and like the, so the lowest costing thing is one pound no matter what. Yes, because the thing is, if the penny doesn't exist, the shops now have to deal with people saying, well, where's my penny? If you don't want to sell one chomp for one pound, then do like a bumper pack, four chomps
Starting point is 01:05:44 for one pound. You know what I mean? Like, don't, don't just sell something. Don't sell chomps anymore is what I'm saying. They cost what, like 35 P? Nobody's got 35 P on them. The Freddo is generally the, I mean most people are paying by card anyway. Give him two Freddos for a pound. Come on. Every price. You just need a sticker to stick them together. Two for one. Even price. Yes, although the prices have to be divisible by, let's just say it has to, it has to be as a factor of,
Starting point is 01:06:10 not a factor. It has to be divisible so that a number five is involved. It has to be around no pennies. You just want to get rid of the pennies and the two, the two pennies. Get rid of it so everything is 95p instead of 99. Job done. Job done. They change prices like every day. So it's easy to fix. Job done. And then, you know, no more of that loose change. You know, is the end of an era though? What are you going to do about the two penny pushers in arcades? Who cares? Who cares? It's gone. Goodbye. We don't fucking need it. They're horrible, grubby old things anyway. Get rid of them. Oh, I think I've affected you with my rage towards end of this podcast. No, I'm not angry.
Starting point is 01:06:48 I'm not angry. So you agree with that executive order, that one for you? I actually do think that that is one of the few times when I saw Trump sized new executive order, I was like, here we fucking go. What did you think about the one relating to paper straws bringing plastic straws back? I mean, they are shit. What paper straws bringing plastic straws back. I mean, they are shit. What paper straws? Paper straws are shit.
Starting point is 01:07:10 But I also like the planet and I don't want things to eat but they are so fucking bad. Like they haven't figured out how to make a decent paper straw. I had a Coke the other day from a Sprite actually, from McDonald's and two, three sips in the straw basically became useless. It was really bad. They're so shit. I don't really use them, but I know what you're saying. Finally, I've got one more here. What about, you know, you have to take your own bag places now. Why don't people just
Starting point is 01:07:36 bring their own Tupperware straw places? Because it wouldn't be clean, would it? I mean, where are you going to keep it in a bag? You can put it in like a case, like you know, like how you put glasses in a case. You could just get like a long oval case to put your straw in. You know, put your straw in your mouth. You need to have your glasses in your mouth. You need to bust that thing.
Starting point is 01:07:53 Well, the thing is, once you've used it, you just put it back in the case and wash it when you get home. That's too much of a faff. You can be doing that. Well, precisely. Well, I mean, I got to carry bags everywhere I go now because they cost so much to buy a bag and sometimes some places don't even sell bags anymore.
Starting point is 01:08:09 You can smush a bag up and put it in your pocket. Yeah. You can carry a straw. My wallet, my phone, my keys. Wait, I keep it in my ear and I could just pull it out and then it goes up my nose. So finally, Saber Interactive who make, that's a huge game developer. They make all sorts of games. They make like Saber make, which one would you call it? Mudrunner.
Starting point is 01:08:39 Yeah, Mudrunner, Snowrunner, all those ones. And a few others like interesting stuff. They publish some things. I think it's Focus Home Interactive Entertainment that does the publishing. They're a dev. So anyway, they made one of the worst reviewed games ever back in 2018 called Shaq Fu, a Legend Reborn. Oh, that's a classic though.
Starting point is 01:09:03 Isn't that like a become like a cult classic or is that a different one? It's terrible. That's different one. This is just about, oh no, it's the Charles Barkley one. What is it? Charles Barkley. It's Shaq. No, no, I'm thinking the classic one I'm thinking of is Charles Barkley streets of rage, enter
Starting point is 01:09:21 the Gaiden or something like that. That was a classic Charles Barkley, the video game. I think so. Yeah. Holy crap. Barkley Shut Up and Jam? No, no. It was like, oh, maybe it was, maybe it was Barkley Shut Up and Jim, Enter the Gaiden. Anyway, Shaq Fu, a Legendary Board, 2018. Terrible, terrible game. Had a DLC. I'm just reading. Themed around Barack Obama.
Starting point is 01:09:46 Yeah. Barack Foo, the Adventures of Dirty Barry. Which in the words of the person, some sort of person, no, absolutely nobody played. Not even one person. They, but they had plans, if it had done well, to make a spin-off called Trumpfoo, which had a concept about how Trump's cabinet sabotages him and his plane goes down and he gets stuck in a Mexican desert and needs to escape back over the wall. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:10:20 Good God. Never got made. No. The plot of the Barack Obama DLC, which is not a sentence I ever thought I'd say, he goes through France and outer space to defeat a fictional take on rapper Kanye West. Wow. Utterly bizarre. Well, there you go.
Starting point is 01:10:38 That is... That sounds like a Saints Row DLC. It fits in with the theme of the podcast that Jeremy talked about, all those terrible 80s, 90s movies and just weird tie-ins trying to find any fucking way to get eyes on your game. I think at the time, obviously they thought, oh, we'll make this Barack Obama DLC and put Trump in it. And do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:11:01 And it'll get loads of news and then everyone will talk about it and then it will become a meme and all the streamers that we've got friends and Seinfeld crossover, uh, five V five hero shooter. Right. Yeah. I would love it. Can you imagine you'd have Seinfeld and friends and their extended universes all together with, you know, playable, uh, characters with abilities in a 5v5 shooter like Marvel Rivals or Overwatch or whatever.
Starting point is 01:11:28 Aren't there six friends though? Yeah, but there's only room for five. It's balanced around five. Well, no, I mean, you don't have to have the full... Lisa could drain in it. Come on. Phoebe will sit out. She's the worst friend.
Starting point is 01:11:41 Phoebe's the worst friend. She's the only one. She's the hot one. Let's rank the friends. Okay? She's the worst friend. She's the only one. For sure. She's the hot one. Let's rank the friends. Okay. Do we have to?
Starting point is 01:11:49 In order. Do you mean in order of how much we like them? Yes. Right. So what are we? We've got S tier, A, B, C and D. Yes. Put them all in D.
Starting point is 01:11:57 Yeah. Pretty much. Let's move on. Okay. Well, there you go. That's the podcast. Thank you everyone. Thanks so much for listening to this. Thank you so much for listening. See you next time. Goodbye. Take care of yourselves.
Starting point is 01:12:09 Goodbye.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.