Triforce! - Triforce! #33: Famous for Nothing

Episode Date: February 8, 2017

Celebrity Big Brother, non-celebrities and watching Pyrion nap. It's the Triforce Podcast! Get a Bodega t-shirt from here: http://bit.ly/BodegaTee Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Well done, guys. Sorry, we're up? Hey. Hey, everybody. What an intro. Well done, guys. Sorry, we're all a bit distracted this morning. It's Thursday morning. We're distracted. I was trying to get a lot of... One of my new solutions was to go to bed early, right? Went to bed nice and early last night. Divine early.

At like 10. I was like, do you know what? I'm going to be up early. I'm going to do some yoga. I'm going to sort my stuff out. I'm going to turn up to the Triforce podcast. It's going to be great. I woke up like 20 minutes ago. Right. And then quickly got dressed. I'm going to sort my stuff out. I'm going to turn up to the Triforce podcast. It's going to be great. I woke up like 20 minutes ago and then quickly got dressed,

got a taxi to the office, and I'm here. I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I haven't done anything I wanted to do. What about you guys? Wait, how early are we talking about when you went to bed? Oh, like 10. 10? Like 10, yeah.

You went to bed at 10? Jesus. God damn. That's early. It is early. Yeah.? Jesus. God damn, that's early. It is early, yeah. And I was like straight to sleep as well. Maybe I've just been a bit sleep deprived lately. I feel like that's a thing that can happen, right? When you just miss a load of sleep, you have to catch up on it.

That's what naps are for, my friend. That's why. You can nap, yeah. You get some natural times in the day to just nod off. I forgot the art of napping. So do you nap in your sleeping bed or do you nap just on the sofa or just around? Maybe in a lazy chair or a rocking chair? Do you nap in your sleeping bed?

Yes. Not my standing bed or my sitting bed, but my sleeping bed. Yeah, I do. I mean, sometimes because I've got like the bed next to the computer here. Oh, yeah. If like other people are in the house, like if my wife or the kids are around or whatever, you know, like if it's a weekend, then I'll sometimes lock myself away in here and I'll sneak a nap by saying I have to do some work and then secretly having a nap up here on

the spare bed. Oh, my God. That's a pretty good idea. I really, I really would watch you napping on the street. That's weird. So if you could set up like a little webcam just next to your PC. What would that be under on Twitch? IRL, I think. They've got a new, they've got like a new category now, don't they? On Twitch where you're not actually

doing anything other than just like talking or whatever and it's like it's called irl so you can just do it on that it's like kind of like the social eating thing but it's just like social social creeping as you're creeping on me while i'm sleeping i'm one of these people right who's always coming up with ideas okay You're the ideas guy. Is that one of them? The one you just came up with? Are you the dreamer or the implementer? I'm the dreamer.

I'm 100% not the implementer. I expect other people to implement my dreams, which is a terrible attitude to have. You, make it happen. Make it so. One of the things that obviously used to be a big deal was Big Brother, okay, and stuff like this. Maybe it still is, and maybe some of these things still go. But back when I was, you know, it was a craze.

It was a thing. It was the big thing that was going on, right? It was huge. Like now it's not as, like it's sort of, it's kicked off that whole reality. I mean, it wasn't just Big Brother, but that was like the big poster child for reality TV. It really was, wasn't it? And I don't know what's taken over, but certainly it hasn't it i you know we're not informed of this

stuff i guess i'm a celebrity is still the big one right that still goes i think now it's just that one's trailing off a little bit things like i mean think how many singing shows there are using real people like i think in the past people would watch things like top of the pops and stuff like that for their musical content. And now that there's none of that on TV, people just listen to music online. Now that what people are interested in is watching real people sing actual professional songs with varying degrees of success. There's The Voice now, which is kind of like Top of the Pops, but it doesn't have all the... Sorry, not Top of the Pops. I thought you were talking about American Idol. No, it's that kind of like Top of the Pops, but it doesn't have all the, sorry, not Top of the Pops.

I thought you were talking about American Idol. Like the voice now. It's that kind of stuff, yeah. It's cut out all the, you know, when they get the people on that just like make a total fool of themselves. And that's like, everybody wants to see that stuff. It sort of just gets, it cuts all that stuff out

and gets like the actual decent singers and some are just better than others or whatever. But that's like a kind of reality TV, isn it i think it totally is yeah these are just like sort of everyday people or whatever and then they you know can potentially become i don't know the winners or whatever master chef is like that too yeah master chef oh yeah there's still tons of reality apprentice i guess yeah this is going strong yeah it's still it's still tons of reality stuff. And The Apprentice, I guess. Yeah. The Apprentice is going strong. Yeah, it's still going. It's terrible now, though. It's pretty bad, yeah.

So my thought about that was basically that people used to like watching people sleeping in Big Brother and stuff, just having it on in the background. So, period. Maybe you should just film yourself having your afternoon nap as part of your stream. So it's like, period, it's going to stream for two hours, then we're all going to have a nap together. And people can lie down. Yeah, it'd be like a nursery school for adults. You can really just formulate it in that way.

All right, everybody, get your yoga mats. It's nap time now. Maybe you could even get your kids involved, you know, because the kids are napping. Yeah. So you are napping. My kids don't nap. No, Lewis, kids don't nap.

Fuck's sake. What are you talking? Whoa, I thought you're talking about your kid at school napping before wasn't that thing? No. Well, they didn't really sleep They just lie down like I figure that babies. Yeah when they're little babies, they might just lie down They just like to lie down. What's the point in that? What they doing? Just Meditation because you're you're not like throwing water in their face at the time So they just lay down and wait for something exciting to happen. Basically, that's how kids work. I'll be honest with you.

I think the teachers just think, good God, I need a cigarette and a cup of coffee. So they say, right, kids, it's nap time. And all the kids think, yay, nap time. And they all go and run and they sort of have a little quiet time. Like sometimes if you go to the school during the day, all the lights are turned down and the kids are all sort of yeah but they're not though as soon as the teacher leaves the room somebody's making fart noises and everybody's laughing like it's just it's just like a little bit of a thing you know like it's like a novelty they're like oh this is new and but they're not tired they're not like having a full fucking rest or anything so so

well the classic question is that you know was something that used to trouble me, and I never could really decide on an answer, was would I, if asked, go on any of these reality TV shows? Would you go on The Voice, period, or MasterChef, or Bake Off, or Strictly Cup Dancing, or The Apprentice, or any of those appealing to you, or Big Brother? I've often thought that of all the shows out there, I've yet to see one that would

be a reality show like time commanders or something i would go on in a heartbeat right that's that's not really a reality so it's more like a game show like i wouldn't like going on a game show but going on a reality show where they have to watch you live your life and like robot wars would be fun you know that kind of stuff or you know anything where you just you go in it's like a day or the two of filming and then you go home and you were just a guy on that show like people are watching the show if they're watching something like you know jungle or or brother or any of those other ones what they're really hoping is that you'll do something stupid and fuck up and i almost certainly would and for the rest of my life i

would be that guy who shit on a crocodile or something. I'd be that guy. The thing that annoys me now though, is that a lot of these, some of these people that have been in like some of the earlier seasons, Big Brother or whatever, they're still kicking around. Like they're still on TV in some way, shape or form,

but they somehow get onto these like celebrity shows when there's no real celebrities to pick from. Like MasterChef is a perfect example. There are so few real celebrities out there that aren't doing the thing that made them famous in the first place. Like if you're an actor or a musician or something like that, you're doing that thing. Yeah. These people were famous for being on a TV show. They have nothing else to do.

So if they're not on TV, what are they? They're not famous anymore. They're not going to be in the Daily Mail online section because they have nothing else to do. So if they're not on TV, what are they? They're not famous anymore. They're not going to be in the Daily Mail online section because they bought a new swimsuit. So they've got to stay. I mean, are they desperately clinging to fame

or are they realizing that actually I can make a living just being on these stupid shows as long as I maintain a profile? I don't know if they're desperately clinging to it. I think part of them maybe is, but I think for the most part,

it's like, here's a job. Well, yeah, sure. I'll do it. Why not? not i don't like you said they probably not don't have anything else to do like before they appeared on big brother they were probably just like fucking doing whatever like not not sitting in a studio all day like recording your next hit album or something like that so it is the right audience for them bear that in mind too right it's like people who watch reality tv shows already know who they are and therefore they're a celebrity to them i think one of the big problems i have with this like these these celebrity brother or celebrity whatever is that who fucking i don't know 11 out of the 12 of the inverted commas celebrities there and it's like

okay sure why are you famous and and that's like really annoying to me um to watch these things but then again there's usually one person you know like jack d or someone and you're like oh okay fine right uh maybe it is worth yeah yeah some some like sort of like almost household name will be on it you'll be like oh shit you know like that that's like the heavyweight of like that celebrity cast and then the rest of them don't need to be known at all just because they can sort of say like, well, Jack D's in it. Everybody knows that guy. So it's fine.

It's a celebrity show. I don't know if you guys remember like, I can't remember what season it was, but Big Brother used to do Celebrity Big Brother. And it was like a condensed version of Big Brother. So like the normal Big Brother would run on for weeks and weeks and weeks. Would we be big enough celebrities to be in Celebrity Big Brother? God fucking way there's no fucking way like i like nobody would fucking know and then if you went on celebrity big brother and you met like jason donovan he's like oh hey um i think i recognize you where where are you from i'm lewis from theogg's cast. We play Minecraft on the internet.

And you'd be like, no, no, no. I think the bar is low enough that we'd be fine. I wrote a hip hop song in the 80s. So go fuck yourself, bitch. And then you'd be like, you know. You sure the bar isn't low enough that we'd be all right? I don't think it's low enough yet, man. I think it's got to go a lot lower.

I think it's always been fucking in the shit hole anyway. Listen, there was one season of celebrity big brother where there was a bunch of like celebrities i guess like you know people that maybe you've heard of and then there's a couple of people that you probably did hear of and then they put some random into the mix yeah and said you got to go in there and you got to pretend that you're a celebrity and tell them a lie and say that you had like a fucking hip hop song or whatever. What was her bloody name? But she was just a fucking rando from like London or something.

And so she went in and she said, you know, I was in this girl band called like, I don't know, fucking. The Snatchers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, oh, okay, cool. Yeah, great. Okay. And they all like befriended her and everything. And then at the end, fuck, I think she won it as well yeah she won okay yeah so she fucking won it

and then at the end she had to like tell them all they're like oh that's crazy and ever since then she's been in like these fucking women's magazines like consistently every fucking week that they come out like now magazine and heat magazine and look magazine yeah yeah and and she i don't know what the fuck she does like i don't know what the fuck she did before she went on the show i don't know what she does now i think she just basically makes money by putting on weight and having pictures of herself taking a bathing suit and then she spends a bunch of time losing the weight again and has more pictures taken with the bathing suit on yeah but that's the thing isn't it that's her career now they have a management uh person who'll be like that that's that's the person will say right we need to raise your profile so we need

you to do something like their their their lifestyle is their job yeah i mean i think if you look at a lot of them burn out because it must be fucking hard to have to live your life in the in the public eyes specifically as the entire reason for being famous i mean if you're a famous actor you know your work speaks for itself sort of thing but it's because of your work this is your entire private life has to be in the public eye and has to be poured over and has to be interesting yeah you have to force it to be interesting so you need to have heart break you need to have weight gain and weight loss you need to maybe have a drug addiction or something and then overcome it like that becomes the story your kids in public it's awful i mean

if you look at what it does to them eventually they just fucking burn out and crash and i think as well once they're not in their 20s anymore and beautiful then people are like oh man look how old they are then they just sit it's different for for people like that who sort of become celebrities through celebrity if you like sort of thing you know what i mean like they're not known for anything but they just like jade goody like she was just in big brother like in britain she just became very well known sort of like i guess i thought about jade good she's dead by the way i know she died of cancer like a couple years ago she had the perfect story honestly she even she even died rounded it off and and um what's her face as well carrie katona yeah she's another

one who just like hangs around all the time you always see her she's always doing the same putting on weight losing the weight doing the exercise video this and that yeah but she was like she started in a she was she was in a girl band for like two weeks and then i think she got really big off the back of i'm a celebrity get me out of here you know the jungle was yeah and ever since then like she's just been around in some way shape or form but like really really big celebrities who are like uh you know like recording artists or whatever sort of kind of go through phase as well like i noticed and especially this this especially happens in music and like britney spears is a perfect example like there's there's all sorts of things that there's all sorts of phases that you go through and then once you've exhausted all of those

you're basically left with nothing and then you just get like a residency in vegas or something like that like britney has but did you notice that she went from doing like the school girl thing to like being like a dominatrix to like losing her fucking mind and shaving her head. And then she had like a bunch of alcohol problems. And then there was just a whole bunch of like weird fucking divorces and problems with the kids and stuff. And then residency in Vegas,

like that's it. So like, she just like, she just like went, she's like realized her final form now of celebrity like just by having this fucking full-time job in vegas but like the lead up to that there's so many like weird fucking phases that she like had to go through and that happens a lot too it's really weird i don't get it like is it worth all the money like in the end i guess

i get like i guess it is, but... Ah, fuck. It just sounds like such a fucking tough life. You know, like... I read a thing that said, you know, money doesn't buy happiness, right? That classic phrase, right? Apparently, money doesn't buy happiness,

but it buys you the freedom to find your own happiness. Yeah, it opens doors right like it gives you opportunities that yeah that's it being poor fucking sucks man like you're not doing shit like nothing is happening yeah it's when i was when i was growing up we were we were fucking poor like me and my mom and my sister we were broke as shit it was you know you never had money for anything like your friends would be saying we're gonna go to the cinema or we're gonna do this we're gonna do that and you'd be like well uh no i can't make it because you're broke like you literally broke like i i started getting jobs as soon as i could and that money was just so i could keep up in terms of going out or you know not looking like

a complete scrub but i'm buying shit as well yeah like if you wanted anything yeah yeah you've got to buy it so it's it's it was very it was very tough so the idea that money can't buy you happiness i would like money like money money all right if you're a miserable bastard and nothing makes you happy then yeah money ain't gonna make you happy i think if you were born with money it's like you know what is it uh was it kirkegaard or someone said uh life without pain has no meaning right right? That's like the famous old philosophical saying. That sounds about right. If you don't understand how good where you are is,

because you've never been anywhere else. If you've only ever been rich, you won't really appreciate just how good it is. I think all the rich have is a terror of being poor because it's unknown to them. They just know it looks awful, so they don't want to go there. That's why the rich are so terrified of becoming poor. But anyone, anyone who's been poor, if you give them money, they're like, this is fucking awesome. Like, this is great. I don't have to worry anymore. The stress of being broke. So I think for a lot of these people, when they get a taste of money and fame, the idea of going back and having to work for an insurance company

or something boring and, you know, like a receptionist or something just thinking god damn for a while there people would recognize me and now i'll still get people saying hey weren't you on big brother oh yeah yeah did you were you were in it like seven years ago weren't you yeah yeah that was how much is that gonna happen like really like not that much no it's not no it's not they're not that famous i went to disneyland in paris with my wife. Like, just, we went, we were in Paris and we thought, oh, we'll just go for the day and check it out. This is before we had kids and stuff. We thought, you know, we'll just walk around and like fucking buy some shit or whatever.

So we're there. We're in like the Magic Kingdom, like the actual castle. There's like a gift shop in there. Jake Goody's working behind the counter. No, we're just, no, almost. We're having a look around and I look over and I was like is that fucking carrie katona she looks over she's like yeah it is and this is when she used to be with brian mcfadden and they're just fucking pushing around prams with kids and stuff just looking around you and your wife totally recognized and it was

pretty funny because it was like oh my god no no it wasn't even like that at all we like i turned around i was like do you want to say something wasn't even like that at all we were like i turned around i was like do you want to say something to them she's like no like what the fuck why we're like yeah all right let's get out of here like it was just shut up it was you were you this is not true this is not true you were gushing man i'm telling you we were not it was just it was just a bit sort of like it was weird and then we were fuck, I don't want to say anything. You go say something. No, I'm not saying anything.

And then we just fucking walked away. That was it. So she was just in the Disney gift shop buying some Mickey Mouse dolls for her baby or something. And it reminded me, my grandma used to say, when I was really young, if I like went to her and I said, oh man, I love like Wayne Gretzky or, or something like that. He's the best and stuff. She would always like,

she'd always be like. The classic Canadian celebrity choice of the 90s. But she'd always try to break it down. She'd always try to like bring you down a peg or two and say like, well, you know, he might be really good at, at playing hockey and stuff,

but you know what? Why don't you imagine him taking a shit because he has to do that just like you do the classic i'm sitting there imagining wayne gretzky taking his shit and i'm like oh man maybe i don't actually like like his hockey skills that much anymore because like you can almost like smell how bad his shit is and stuff and he's just sitting there like totally why did you well i could i can see that being a thing a kid would do though as well like totally get into that totally follow up on that that that just throw away line yeah but it was like i get what she was trying to do like you

know she's trying to say like you know nobody's that amazing like don't fucking spend all your time like obsessing over somebody or looking up to them or whatever and trying to like sort of bring you back to reality it's like dnd stats right he's got loads of points agility but none in charisma probably i don't know he seemed like a pretty charismatic guy actually like uh well you can't have everything though right no i guess not no maybe he had like just a fucking really small dick and he was like terrible in bed but like exactly amazing here's the thing you should know about the trade-off is though i i feel like now that i have kids and stuff like that i would love to just be really good at hockey at and the downside being i would

just suck at having sex because like arguably i don't really need to do that much anymore well it's not your problem but like give me the skills to be good at hockey now I'll take them gladly if you asked me this like when I was in my 20s maybe the answer

would have been different but man fuck me right now I want to be good at hockey like really good 39 year old Canadian superstar Chris Lovitz

has come out of nowhere he's got really bad arthritis but here he comes. Slap shot. Out onto the ice for the first time. He's not wearing a box today, Jim. Is that intentional? Yep, he's got nothing to hide back there.

He can take a puck to the balls, no problem. Oh, fuck me. I'm looking at the list of celebrities. By the way, it was Schopenopenhauer not Kierkegaard who said Life Without Pain okay cool I'm looking at the list of celebrities

from Celebrity Big Brother this year I googled this as well right now I don't know whether this is a thing where people or just the swirling

mass of culture that surrounds us every day has permeated my brain a little bit to the point where the final of Celebrity Big Brother

2017 is happening tomorrow okay it'll be six days ago from when this podcast goes out are you guys gonna watch it no the point where the final of Celebrity Big Brother 2017 is happening tomorrow. It'll be six days ago from when this podcast goes out. Are you guys going to watch it? No. Right. So here's the list of people. No, me neither.

I can't bring myself to do it. Angie Best, who was married to George Best. That's her claim to fame. She was married to George Best. Okay. That doesn't count, right? I don't know who she is. Angie Best.

I don't know what she looks like. She was in all those documentaries just like looking like really concerned when george best was just totally yellow and looked like he was gonna fucking die any minute sort of thing she was right and she was she was all up in those documentaries all the time being like we're trying our best okay so if he was on a on a on a a to b to c to develop a list like what list, what number would she be on this? D list? I mean, she's celebrity by association with somebody who is legitimately quite a big celebrity. So where's that? What letter are we talking about?

I mean, they're literally all the way down. So she's not even like, like K or like J. Is she Z list? Where do you place like a celebrity, like internet celebrities? Like we're,

we're, we're minor internet celebrities. Oh, so this is... Yet again, we run back to how famous is... There has to be another list, though, because I think we're like sub-Z. Okay, so where's PewDiePie, right? I think PewDiePie's pretty much an A, B...

Maybe even A, B list. He's pretty high up. A lot of people know who PewDiePie is. He is, but what... Does he translate into real media? Yeah, you see him He's pretty high up. A lot of people know who PewDiePie is. He is, but does he translate into real media? Yeah, you see him talked about all the time. Like I see him in the- He has crossed over quite a bit. He was on like, you know- I mean, I don't know.

Conan and stuff. I don't watch like any late night or anything like that anymore. Cause I don't know, but- I think more people would know him. So what he's talked about, like he's mentioned, like he's generally known. It's like, okay. I mean, if you read articles about the internet and the growth of celebrity culture online, not celebrity like Angie Best and- Sorry, so he's not like A-list though, he's not Tom Cruise, he's not Brad Pitt, he's not like Leonardo DiCaprio. No, that's what I'm saying. Tom Cruise's reach is going to be huge, right?

He's in Hollywood movies, so adults, children, all sorts reach is going to be huge, right? Like he's in Hollywood movies. So adults, children, all sorts of people will see this guy. No, exactly. And PewDiePie is fucking sensational on YouTube. Don't get me wrong. Like this guy, he's got more subs than anyone. Like everybody fucking knows him. He's like, there's memes about him, everything. Like internet culture fucking knows this guy inside out, right?

I mean, that bannies millions of people but where what's his reach though like do these people's parents know who he is through the kids watching him like if he appeared on like loose women would like my would my fucking mother-in-law know who he is like you know what i mean i think the thing is i see what you mean when you compare when we're talking about a list and b list and z list and all that like there really doesn't go c list d list because that's too good there's a list and b list and z list and all that like there really doesn't go c list d list because that's too there's a list there's like there's the big there's like superstars right there's superstars like justin bieber someone that everybody yeah michael jackson you know that kind of level yeah like god here like bieber everybody knows like my grandma who's

like 95 and hasn't watched the fucking tv so then you've got your A-list celebs, like you were saying, like Tom Cruise, and, you know, big-time actors, people like that. Then your B-list is, like, maybe the ones just below that. Like, I would say someone who'd maybe... Tom Sizemore. Tom Sizemore, I would say, would be slightly below that now because he fell out, right? I mean, he was big.

Yeah, it was because of that porn video, I think. And the drugs and everything. So he went nuts. I don't even think he he's he was a really good supporting actor though i don't even know who that is he was the fat guy in saving private ryan he was the sergeant sergeant he's like the greatest wingman of all time he was in same private r Ryan alongside Tom Hanks. He's a really good supporting actor back in the day. He's been in a whole bunch of movies.

He's been like a really good supporting actor in a million movies, Lewis. He was in Heat. He was great in Heat. That's right. He was in Heat as well. Yeah. And he's like, he's really good. He had like a really sort of good face for it and everything.

He played like the sort of quiet. Husky. Husky guy. What's he done since 2000? He's just dropped off the map. He flopped because of the porn vid and drugs. What porn?

He was in a porn vid. I mean, I don't know Tom Sideswell's history. He wasn't even that big of a deal before. What, because you haven't heard of him? No. He did a porn vid. He got into drugs

and he had a boner that wouldn't go away. What do they call it? I want to say myopia, but that's just short sightedness. It's something like that. I can't remember what it's called. Anyway. What do you mean he had a boner that wouldn't go away? He had a problem with like sex addiction and boners.

I'm not kidding. Google it anyway. In your own time, you can look up the sad story of Tom Sizemore. And he also fell out with a lot of people and all that kind of stuff. Boner that won't go away. Yeah, but I'd say that Tom Sizemore back in the day would have been like B-list. Yeah, exactly. He was never an A-list. He's a perfect example in his heyday of B-list. He wasn't enough to sell a film on his own,

but if he was a supporting actor, hell yeah. Yeah, you'd be like, oh yeah, Tom Sizemore. It's a good solid name on its own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, okay. Then you've got, so here's the next guy on Celebrity Big Brother. Austin Armacost, okay,

which is a ridiculous name, but his whole thing is he was on a TV show. That's his claim to fame. He was on a TV show, it was like a reality show. Which one? It was,

oh God, what was it called? All Star or something? It was set in New York. It was about a house full of gay dudes. Right, okay. It was like a reality show about a bunch of gay dudes.

So he was one of those guys. Then you've got Bianca Gascoigne, daughter of Paul Gascoigne, right? That's all that she's known for. Okay, yeah. I mean, she was- So we've got a Z-list, an American TV star who no one's ever heard of. So are you saying that relatives of actual celebrities, because Paul Gascoigne was huge as well in his time.

So relatives of celebrities are automatically zealous? Because I don't think that that's fair. No, no, no. If they put themselves forward as celebrities, like some people pursue it and some don't, right? Some of them are going to try and turn it into something and some won't. Like, you know, those people who are like a socialite. In other words, they go to the right bars.

Like what about Miley Ray Cyrus? Miley Ray Cyrus. Miley Cyrus is pretty big deal Billy Ray Cyrus and she's like fucking I mean man my son fucking knows who she is and I don't even know how like obviously that's different right but I mean like I'm sure there's a there's a Jackson knocking about somewhere Miley Ray Cyrus. Okay, listen up. If you were on Pointless, okay, and they said, you know, name famous celebrity daughters. Right.

Okay. Would Bianca Gascoigne be a pointless answer? Okay, maybe like 15 years ago. Yeah. Would she be a pointless answer now? Totally now. It should be a tough one. No, she's on Celebrity Big Brother.

Because Paul Gascoigne, nobody talks about him anymore or anything like do they they do you can't say that she's a celebrity because she did celebrity big brother right stop i want to say something all right we're not defending this culture all right we're not defending this culture. We're not saying that she deserves to be famous or anything like that. But she has 135,000 followers on Twitter. That's a lot. People know who she is. We don't because we don't give a fuck. And I don't follow this culture.

We asked a million Brits to name American reality TV personalities. What was that one? What was their name from Pop Idol? I'd like to say Austin Armacost. Oh, that's a pointless answer. Like no one, you ask a million Brits who Austin Armacost is. Who? Who?

Nobody knows who that is. No, I have no idea. I've never fucking heard that name in my life. But we don't watch, guys, we're not the target audience. I mean, it's like if someone said to me, do you know this famous jockey? And they could name the most famous jockey that's currently running.

He could be the best jockey in the world. I'd say I have no fucking idea who that is. I don't know who they are, but I guarantee you, if you went to the right place and asked the right people, which is the entire audience for these fucking reality shows, people who love this shit. Oh, I see what you're saying. If they're watching this, they'd say like, oh yeah, Austin Armacost, he was great in blah, blah, blah. And they'd know all about him and they read fucking Heat Magazine and all these celebrity websites and they are all over it.

Yeah, yeah. Because remember, Peter Andre was kind of the same, remember? Yeah. He just, he fell out. Like he had a hit like in the early 90s and then literally fell off the face of the fucking earth right for about 15 years nobody fucking knew who he was and even when he was in celebrity whatever they they had to really fucking big him up at the start and be like remember he did this song you remember this song and like some people remembered

it and then it was like enough and then he went out with kt price and all the rest of it fucking andre he's got his own tv shows and everything now for fuck's sake it's crazy i can't help but think right though that what you've got here is a circle jerk right basically where the only people who watch reality tv are the same the audience who read heat and therefore they know this same group of spinning idiot people around this community. Oh my god. It can't be all the same people

year after year after year though. It's the same on YouTube. Your audience on YouTube. People grow up, eventually move on and maybe they're replaced by other people sometimes if you're lucky or whatever. How maybe they're replaced by other people sometimes if you're lucky whatever how are they ever going to attract new audience if they only ever source talent like like austin armacost and bianca gascoigne and angie best you i'm sure are lovely

people well i don't know i've heard some stuff these are not big names right i'm just saying it would be nice there's so many tv shows there's so many films it's like oh it's that guy from that series oh it's that guy from that series. Oh, it's that guy from that film. You know, why are these all reality people? Why are they no actors, no singers, no people with any talent? Because these shows are shit. These people don't want to do it now.

I mean, that's the thing. The actors and people that they get. Daughters of celebrities. Right, but the people that they get to do this are people who want this kind of fame. They want to be famous for being on Big Brother because it's a way to get famous without having any talent or really anything to do. They're like the Paris Hilton level of celebrity, i.e. famous for nothing. Yeah, they're like, I like being a celebrity. I haven't actually got a talent. I can't sing.

I can't act. I mean, I thought that was the point of Big Brother. I thought Big Brother was the point. We take people, just ordinary people, we make them into celebrities. I didn't think Celebrity Big Brother was now we have ordinary celebrities that we want to make into more of a celebrity but that the industry feeds itself now what you guys were saying about pewdiepie

and you were saying does that translate do people know we're we're asking the same questions that people are asking us like who's pewdiepie we're saying who the fuck is our austin armacost we sound just as clueless about their world as they might about ours. That's true. It's just a lack of information. We don't know. I mean, Brandon Block is a name that I recognize. You're right. Do you know what?

You're right. Austin Armacost, just as famous as PewDiePie, I think. But I'm saying, I bet if you asked people who followed this shit, that they'd say, yeah, I know who that is. Yeah, probably. I bet they'd know who Chloe Ferry is. I don't know who the fuck Chloe Ferry is. She's from Geordie Shore. That's a really popular show with some people.

Chloe off Geordie Shore. Yeah, she's massive. Colleen Nolan. Now, I know who the Nolan sisters are. She's on it, right? Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. No idea who the fuck that is. No idea.

No. Hang on a second. Austin Armacost was in... Who's my brother? Celebrity Big Brother 16 he was he's known one of his most

claims to fame is that he was in one of the old Celebrity Big Brothers he's already been in one I don't think you should be in another one why not

he's gotta fucking build up his he's gotta build up his street cred that's how they do somehow so Heidi Montag has 1.55 million

followers on Twitter and she's famous she is an American here's all the stuff she does TV personality whatever that means singer

fashion designer and author so she's one of these people who's figured out how to turn being good looking and a celebrity into a whole thing

it's like D&D it's like D&D she cannot be she's multi-class Lewis she's multi-class she is. She's multi-class. She is pretending. She's got good charisma, which lets her do certain things, right?

But she's probably not smart enough to write a book. Why are you going to hate on Heidi Montag? She's not got any points in intellect. I bet you she doesn't. Wait, who's Heidi Montag? Exactly. But I don't fucking know. But I don't hate her.

I've never met her. No, look her up, though. Where is she from? I'm interested now. 1.5 million people on Twitter know her. She's way more famous than we are. She is. Heidi Montag walks into a nightclub, and it is lit the moment she walks in.

I guarantee you. All right, here's a name for you. Sorry, you always got away with that. That's how I feel about myself, Flex. James Cosmo. James Cosmo. Do you know who that is? Oh.

From Game of Thrones, right? He was in Game of Thrones. He is in Game of Thrones. Great. Well, he was. Spoiler alert, he was. He was the commander of the Night's Watch, right? He was the guy when Jon Snow and all that first get there. He was the big bluff guy. He was in Braveheart. He was the big Scottish guy's dad. He got his arm cut off by the British. Oh, so he was Mormont, Lord Jorah's dad. Yeah, I think that's who he was. I see him in waitrose in twickenham quite often he's a really

nice guy and i i said to him one time oh i said oh i'm a big fan of of your work i said i really like the stuff you do in game of thrones oh thank you ever so much that's very kind he's like he's a big guy really it's probably not even him he's probably like i get i get confused with this guy it was a hundred fucking percent him dude i guarantee you and i you know he he was on it i mean that's a guy that's like the level like he's not an a-list actor i like james cosmo he's not an a-list actor he's that guy you're like oh yeah i remember him and so and so yeah you're not gonna hang a film on on him right he's like a supporting actor a character exactly so that's the kind of guy if the show had more people like that it was interesting we would be watching it.

Here's a person for you. Jedward. Jedward. Oh, shit. Everybody knows Jedward, right? Everybody knows Jedward because we laugh at Jedward. But they're notorious more so than famous.

It's like Jade Goody as well. She's not like, not notorious like B.I.G. notorious. Right. Like, uh, just notoriously fucking, yeah, dumb. Are they counting as one person yeah it's jedward it's an entity it's not a human yeah they come together you can't they can't be

separated like a conjoined thing i mean they're not they're not human beings you got to remember that people like that they're not they're not actually people oh i'm sure they i'm sure they man they go home and cry every night just like like you and me. No, they live, they eat, sleep, breathe, drink, and shit, Jedward. That's it. They stay in character a lot. 100%. So here's one, Jessica Cunningham. She's a businesswoman, actress, model, and television personality. Best known, she was just in The Apprentice in 2016. That gets her in. So she got into The Apprentice. She's in. That's the one you always have to look out for.

When people list everything that they are in their Twitter profile or whatever, that's when you know that you're probably not going to know who they are. It's like, I'm a mother, father, politician, falcon breeder. That's tricky in itself. I'm a toaster.

What else could you possibly be? Who's Ray J? Do you know who Ray J is? It's like some sort of like new age hip hop superstar. He's an American singer, songwriter, television personality, which is such a loose bracket to put around someone. Kim Woodburn from How Clean Is Your House, right? Oh, Kim and Aggie.

Yeah. Kim. Which one was Kim? Kim from Kim and Aggie. Is Kim the big one? Kim is the big, the larger Oh, Kim and Aggie. Yeah. Kim. Which one was Kim? Is Kim the big one? Kim is the larger, scarier one. Right, okay. The one with the bun. The one that's not as obsessed with poop.

The other one is always like fucking getting somebody to poop in a container for some reason. Don't ask me why. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, no, no. She did a show. Oh, sorry. Aggie did another show after How Clean Is Your House

About people pooping in containers And what they're eating And then they would Somehow analyze the poop in the container And say like this is a healthy poop What have you been eating And then they put it all on the table What they eat in a week

And it's like one dude He had like a phobia okay he couldn't eat anything except for like mature cheddar cheese and salted potato chips that's it he couldn't eat anything else and that's all he ate and then she analyzed his poop and everyone was like this guy's gonna die in like a week like there's no way you can sustain yourself off like and like his his dinner would just be a plate, a mountain of grated cheddar cheese with potato chips on the side.

That's it. Every day. Okay. Jesus. Like, almost all of his meals. Because he had, like, some sort of phobia or something. He wouldn't eat anything else. So they analyzed his poop.

And everybody was like, oh, fuck. And they analyzed it like, actually, this is not too bad. His poop is fairly healthy, all things considered. And you can use it as a spray on cheese. And it was such a fucking weird show. Like, I don't know how you, like, how clean is your house? I get it.

Some people have really dirty houses. They come in and clean it up. And then you get that satisfaction at the end of the show. Great. The house is clean now. Hopefully these people will keep their house clean, not go back to the old ways or whatever. The pooping and the diet one, I don't, I don't, there was no fucking satisfaction to be had at the end of it. It was just like, these people are gross.

They're going to continue to be gross. What the fuck is wrong with this guy eating all this cheese all the time? I'm done. Like, I stopped watching it. I couldn't. You know, I think those cleaning shows, like, the big draw for those is not people who don't clean, but people who love cleaning and are obsessed with it. Because I know several friends of Mrs. F's who are obsessed with having a clean, tidy house and everything like that. They're like, oh, I couldn't sleep because I knew I hadn't cleaned the oven.

That kind of person. Oh, my God. They watch that show, and to them, that's like their Blair Witch Project. You know what I mean? That's like their big horror thing that really was like, wow, this is something else. This was their big rollercoaster ride. It was watching a show where someone doesn't clean their house, and being on the edge of their seat about what is going to be behind the cooker.

Oh man, I would be really interested in seeing, if we could build some sort of cultural societal web where it describes who overlaps watching what things. Okay, so what kind of people watch Big Brother versus read Heat versus watch How Clean Is Your House? Okay, I'd love to see, like, where the Venn diagrams and stuff overlap on that. It would be interesting.

Yeah, it's like, I get where you're coming from. And we all have these guilty pleasures of daytime TV shows that we, we, we love. You know, Simon loves RuPaul's drag race. You know, it's just,

it's just the thing, you know, he just, he loves it for no, for no reason. Well, there's probably some reasons. I don't know what they are though,

but you just can't, sometimes you can't put your finger on it. What's RuPaul? You don't know who RuPaul is? Oh, RuPaul. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. I thought you said RuPaul's. He who RuPaul is? Oh, RuPaul. Yeah. Right. I thought you said Ruples. No. You said Ruples Drag Race. Ruples. I think Ruples is the currency in Zelda. Well, I mean, it is all one word, his name, RuPaul. So it's quite, it's not got a gap. It's capitalized, the P though, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've Googled it. RuPaul, not RuPaul. He is like the first, he's like, he was like, he was like the first, I get like, what's the, what's the proper term now? Like, are you still allowed to say transvestite or is that not? I'm not sure. I think he's happy to be a drag queen.

I think that's what he would call himself. He was like that. I remember him back, like way back in the day. Like he was like the first sort of like, oh yeah, it's like, that's a, that's a guy dressing up as a woman or whatever. What about Dame Edna Everidge? I think it was a different world, wasn't it, back then? People didn't really

become... There were trans people back then. There were transvestites. I think you don't really see drag queens and transvestites that much these days. It's more... Oh, yeah, I see see so what you think now people have decided i don't just have to dress up now i can actually go the whole i can go full

yeah i can get the surgery the thing is right a lot of a lot of people a lot of the gay community especially in america it seems to me um they still big into to drag the thing is that you everyone should know there are lots of options and i think people people, sometimes people don't, don't necessarily see that. They think, okay, what are my options? Okay. I can't be straight.

I can be gay or I can be trans. These are like the things that are people, people assume are the three options now, but there's, there was historically a lot more options, I guess. And there's still options now. Like people,

people are more accepting. Yeah. And don't feel that we're discounting. We're not saying, sorry, you have to do this or that. Just darting the eyes and crossing the tears. I don't want to upset anyone. No, we're just saying, like, the way, I mean, obviously we're a bit older than maybe some of our audience,

but nowadays it's not unusual. I mean, Caitlyn Jenner and, you know, stuff like that, back in the day, that would have been scandalous. Absolutely scandalous. Whereas now it was just sort of like, oh, wow. Like wow like it was a story but it wasn't like people were up in arms about it it was just kind of one of those things but so ru paul was kind of a big deal like a black guy a big black guy transvestite like that was like whoa shit everybody knows who yeah it was like it was like a big thing but it was a comedy thing too right because he used to do stand-up and stuff didn't he yeah he was like he was like a famous for being um like lily savage

you know they were sort of yeah funny and also uh cross-dressing i suppose you could say but it was just i like you said i think nowadays it's not seen as such a big deal and people have realized well if that isn't a big deal you know what would really make me happy is this lifestyle or that lifestyle. And it's just the whole thing is expanding because some people get really offended by the idea of that happening. Like other people finding happiness like that really upsets people because it doesn't fit with their idea of what society should be like. Yeah. So rather than just say, you know what? Go nuts. You want to you want to do anything you want to live like that. Go for it. Now, all of of a sudden that's a big problem so we here at the triforce podcast want to say do whatever you want to do you go nuts you know what

we don't give a fuck what you want to do you just go fucking do it and you know what just don't fucking tell us about it because we literally don't give a shit either way we yeah it's not that we don't care it's just that we're just not interested you know it doesn't it doesn't matter sit around and fucking talk about it for the next 20 fucking years like we have games to play and other important shit to do just do it if it makes you happy just go and fucking do it you can put your dick or do whatever you want with whatever you got put it wherever you want whatever you, you use it how best you see fit. Exactly.

And enjoy yourself. And be safe as well. If you put all of your, if you ended up, the life's lottery gave you a character with a great big old dangus, whatever, go ahead. Just dangler it. That's right. Whatever.

Oh my God. I think we're covered. I think we covered ourselves, guys. That was the worst attempt to be inclusive I think I'm the most fumbling You know what you want to do that stuff with your junk Or do whatever you fucking go nuts You cut it off I don't give a fuck

I don't care if you get run over in the street You can fucking do whatever you want to do And then a word of warning If you fucking do that shit around me I'll fucking kill you I'll fucking smash your gobotis in. I'll tell you what. I'll break your open.

Your implant wide open. I've got forgivable for you. So where do we sit then to fucking round this off on the whole celebrity thing? If you're related to a celebrity or if you become a celebrity through your association with a celebrity, are you sub Zed List? Let us know. a celebrity through your association with the celebrity are you sub zed list because personally that makes me in whatever capacity that i'm some sort of celebrity on the internet sub zed list because i i only became what i am today lewis by being associated with you loosely like you were popular and then i just sort of like piggybacked off that so now's the time to say thank you

thanks so so you're like my cousin much i guess or whatever thanks for thanks for giving me the opportunity lewis to sit around in my jogging pants all day playing video games thanks anytime i'd like to add to that point by saying uh if you if you want to you're welcome if you want to dress up lewis however you want you want to do whatever you want to your up Lewis however you want you want to do whatever you want to your body you go ahead and do that I'm just saying I'm here for you

I'm here for you I mean it's about time that we talked about this I've never had any problems like that I was very lucky I think growing up I had a great family I had a great upbringing I don't think we were we were not

we weren't poor but certainly we weren't rich but we didn't know that we were one or the other. You know, my parents didn't really like, you know, have a huge amount of money, but we were able to just about get by and do what we wanted and live happily. I think that I was, we're very lucky. We, I think we definitely won, you know, the lottery in that, in that sense that, you know, we, we, we had enough. And sometimes that's and sometimes that's sometimes

that's what it takes to have happiness right it's not you need you need more money you need more things you just need enough you still need that you still you'll still always have issues and problems and stuff like that that's not it's not realistic to live a life that's completely problem issue free like even with a lot of money there's always going to be something right oh yeah it's even worse i think the thing is is the the day-to-day stuff the stuff that that like lewis was saying about how all right money's not going to give you instant happiness but it's going to show you the way and it's going to open some doors for you that would have been shut otherwise but i think it's interesting you're talking about you know we were happy and everything like that and

you know we had enough. And I think the reason a lot of these people involved, just to bring it back to the whole celebrity thing, I think one of the reasons that maybe they seem like such a miserable, you know, swingeing, grabbing bunch, and they always blow up and go nuts, and they're like, oh my God, take it, is because there's no such thing as, you know, oh, I've got enough fame and everything now. You always want that adulation. No, they always want, yeah, they need it. And they always always want more and more and then i think finally they get to a point

normally actually when they've had kids and settled down a bit and they're in their 30s and they've had a lifetime to deal with being famous i mean britney spears has been famous when she was a kid yeah so there's no wonder she's shaving her head and going nuts because life has has no meaning well that was years ago now she's like fine she's like she's totally fine now she's in that commercial, that cell phone commercial with Kevin Bacon. Sips is like a fucking

Britney Spears expert. She really is. Oh, no, actually, she's totally fine now. By the way, I've seen her latest interviews in Eden. Yeah, she's doing great.

Honestly, really rounded off her personality nicely. Really proud of her. And her new, she looks great in a swimsuit. I'm looking forward to summer. She looks great in a swimsuit. Yeah. looking forward to summer. She looks great in a swimsuit. Yeah, listen to some of our new music. It's pretty good.

It's taken on she started to play the pan flutes, which is a bit weird. But she rocks those flutes like there's, you know. No, well, I mean, I was thinking, I see what you mean, period. I think that there is definitely that vibe.

Like, I think we have to fight against it on a daily basis, too. Like the fact that, you know, if we worked harder, we could be more. And then if we had more, we could earn more. And if we earned more, we could, I don't know. What do you, what do I, I mean, I'm one of these terrible examples of people who doesn't have anything and doesn't want anything. Do you know what I would like to do? I would like to make enough money somehow that we could pay off the mortgage and Mrs. F could take a job that she really wants to do that isn't so stressful

and doesn't require so many hours. That would be great. That's a very simple sort of idea for a real improvement in quality of life yeah and that's very very doable she's working super hard yeah it's attainable it's attainable yeah but but at the moment she's working like so many hours and so hard i've hardly seen her for the last like 18 months she's working so hard and it's i just feel like the kids are at this age where they're really interesting right now and they're really sweet and everything and i would love it if she didn't have to work such long days and every like evenings and weekends and stuff so it's like

always working constantly coming home late i haven't seen her in like quite some time and even just now she's sent me a text and said that she's got to help her boss work on his boat again tonight and stuff and i don't think there's anything funny going on i'm just like she's just working really hard you know just really really out there putting her all in she's got those tennis lessons and the gym lessons she goes with her boss to yoga i mean i'm amazed she finds so much time to see this private trainer that she's with you know the personal trainers They're together constantly. Really buff karate teacher and stuff. Karate? Karate. RuPaul.

I wouldn't be worried if she was seeing RuPaul so much. I reckon he could kick your ass as well. Oh yeah. I'm sure he could. Holy shit. Well, I think that these are two goals. I like the idea that I don't know. I'm not a particularly political person,

but I like the Swiss sort of idea of a universal basic income where everyone gets a low-level income that is enough to support them. We should talk about that. I've been reading a lot about it and listening to podcasts about UBI, and it is very interesting. It has some problems, but it has like a bipartisan support a lot of people are saying actually any way you look at it this makes sense and this isn't from a welfare sense no this is from a if you're a factory making robot cars and you fire your entire workforce because you can get robot

workers to build the robot cars which will happen yeah. Yeah. The fact is- Well, it's already started happening. Right, but who the fuck is going to buy anything? If all the shop working jobs, all the call centers, all the factory jobs, all the driving jobs, all the train driving jobs, the airplane jobs, everything can basically be done- Accounting. By computer. Somebody's going to have to pay. And I think what's going to happen is those companies will no longer-

Think of the amount of money companies will be able to make when they don't have to pay anybody anything. No sick days, no holiday, 24 hour workforce. All you have to do is keep them running. They don't even need food for God's sake. There's no working conditions for them. It's the perfect employee. Companies should be making a lot of money. So if they don't pay a very, very sizable share towards keeping the state going and then they should be happy with that because they can compete. It's the free market, baby. You can all compete and try and sell us your products, but you've got to give us some money or there's no economy.

You're fucked. So you go bust. I think that's one of the big problems with like a universal sort of, you know, like a wage or something like that is that there's always going to be, there's always like a wage or something like that is that there's there's always going to be there's always like a like a status quo but then there's always going to be um things that people think that they need and and people are feel entitled to have as like a basic sort of thing as society changes and technology changes and stuff like that and a lot of this stuff when it first comes out is expensive not everybody has it but people will sort of go into debt to get it

now won't they like well the concern is that people would do but think about this you'll you'll know like this is another thing that they'll need to think about if it comes to debt and consumer and a consumer lifestyle when everyone's on a fixed income is that normally a bank will lend you money or a mortgage lender will lend you money based on the idea that you're working now and that's going to continue for a decent amount of time and then you take out employment insurance and stuff like that but now you can lend to people with certainty of how much they're earning and you could say all right yeah we'll lend you money for this thing but we're going to take it straight out of your ubi so it's not like you're going to be able to miss some payments it's going to come

straight out of your ubi you're going to have to pay us straight out of that to pay off this debt so the bank will maybe lend you money right garnish garnish your monthly UBI. But the thing is that they're saying they're going to give it to everybody, everybody, regardless of their income. So a billionaire still gets the UBI. I don't think that's necessary. I don't think that works. But what's the point in giving someone who's already rich a little bit more money? I mean, they're like, no, no, that's the only way it works it works but i need to know why that's the case yeah i guess like for the for the sake of making it work but like i i don't know i feel like i oh it's a very powerful idea but again like any like any huge untested thing like this the best way to do it is to just look at a small country like if

switzerland or you know or even like a a small community you know gets it going see how how it works you know i think it's like like these jobs disappearing that you're talking about just are created elsewhere though and like without you really realizing it no but the thing is but they're not it it's it it disenfranchises people who were working on like an assembly line or or making stuff or or having the skills to do that. But the thing is, those jobs eventually get replaced by automation and stuff. And that automation isn't cheap. Like, yeah, that's a huge investment for a company to fucking put that shit in,

run it, be profitable off it. It takes a lot longer for them to be profitable off the back of that sort of setup as well. So it's not going to happen overnight. No, no, not overnight. The thing is, the thing is is it moves these people into and like there's a lot of economies in the west that are built on this now almost uh into like these more service-oriented roles right like and i'm not just talking about fucking serving people at mcdonald's or whatever appearing on big brother i think we need to get more people into reality tv shows yeah i think that's the

future i think we can't do robot reality shows so if we just get work to get more people into those shows we do more shows with money we spread the wealth money are always going to want to deal with people they won't want to deal with robots okay like especially like people who are ultra wealthy and stuff what are you saying no they don't they want to deal with people who can fucking do everything for them and understand them and shit like that. How many people is that going to be? It's going to be tons

because the thing is, one person's not enough. So wealthy people are going to want personal assistance to deal with the robots. That's all it is. There's all that shit too. But then like,

think about like, if you do anything sort of like, off track, you know, like you take, you go on a flight and you upgrade for like, for cheap, but then you get access to like the loung track you know like uh you you take you you go on a flight and you upgrade for like for cheap but then you get access to like the lounges and stuff like that these places

they're full of people like and you don't know what any of them are doing but they're around to just cater to all these fucking weird rich people who have like all these like oh i need to have five plums in in my ass and i need 20 japanese boys to do it for me and stuff like that and that's that's what's gonna happen in the future the future is robots build everything and we just serve the mega rich exactly that's an awful idea and i hate it what's gonna happen then bring on the robot revolution baby i'm with the robots that's what's gonna happen we will take over the world fucking poor people have to work in fucking subway as sandwich artists and like ask you about your day and shit

like that's already starting man and that's gonna be the future everybody is going to be fucking serving somebody with more money than them and that's it god it's a terrible dystopian vision bombshell hey that's not my fight didn't invent it it's what's happening like look around open your eyes and you're right mystic meg here fucking way gretzky wannabe giving you the the real fucking the two-on-one man people gotta work somewhere and when they're when they're desperate to have a job so that they can buy like a big tv and stuff like that trust me they'll be in an airline lounge shoving five plums into some old wrinkled ass rich man's ass. Suckin' dick.

Yeah. Such a strange vision. Let's do a bodega if we have one. We do. And then we can all get on with our miserable existences. Come on. I didn't mean to be depressing. It's just the truth.

It's okay. No, it's fine. It's the truth. It's a real be depressing it's just it's the truth it's okay no it's fine fucking it's the truth it's just it's a real how do you know it's the truth what are you talking about you're not the fucking oracle you know what's gonna happen today you're gonna go out after this you're gonna go fucking buy some sushi or something somewhere go to my normal lunchtime lounge and have a boy in surprise exactly you're gonna get back you're gonna be like how come there's no cutlery and then you're gonna send out five people to scour bristol for cutlery and then you're gonna be like oh shit sips is right what he was saying is right i've turned into a wrinkly old rich man and i'm telling five people to go out and get me plums from different stores in bristol

so they can shove them in my ass when they get back fucking amazon is gonna fucking heli chopper a box of plums over to me and a little robot come out and he'll be like hello sir please can i insert this uh mango pip up your asshole no that's just delivering goods is different man like you're talking about like going out to eat going traveling you know all this stuff that requires like the human touch you know just delivering a fucking i just i don't think there's billions of jobs in that industry because by definition the rich are a tiny minority you know then they're not going to employ a hundred people to mow their lawn and shove grapes up there but did you ever visit michael jackson's neverland there was a lot of fucking people working there man. He was Michael Jackson. Yeah he was mega rich and he employed a fuck ton of people.

But did he employ a million people? Well not a million but I don't think he has to employ a million. He employed fucking several hundred easy. Fucking Arthur Anderson or whatever his name is that American guy big brother. He's not going to be employing hundreds of people to mow his lawn. He'll probably have a couple though. That'll cover it. He'll have like a personal trainer.

He'll have like a fucking like a PA to go around and do his fucking grocery shopping and shit like a hairdresser it's it's all happening man trust me oh shit all right well let's hope oh my god before i lose my god damn mind let's move on i don't know how convinced you are the reaction totally believe that you were you were stone-cold convinced that that was the future we had I sit in my fucking living room playing gardenscapes on my iPad for like six hours a day do you really think I sit around and think about that shit ever well yeah it's true all right the feedback by the way for bodega has been pretty, it's true. All right. Bodega. The feedback, by the way, for Bodega has been pretty real. It's been sensational.

I hope it doesn't get to your head, Flax. No, I'm just happy. I've always loved writing short stories and stuff and most of them, nobody ever reads them. So there's no way to know if they're any good. I just sort of wrote them for myself and stuff like that. So I just,

I've written loads and loads of short stories over the years and things and none of them have ever really been. there's no way to know if they're any good. I just sort of wrote them for myself and stuff like that. So I just like, I've, I've written loads and loads of short stories over the years and things. And none of them have ever really been. He's like a beautiful mind. Like, you know, when you look into his webcam and you see that fucking weird nurse's bed and shit behind him,

what you can't see off camera is just like the walls are just completely plastered in like a four paper line. Just got drawings and scribbles and notes and shit. Like bodega equals open brackets concept art for bodega.

Oh my god, storyboards. It's just nice that people enjoy it. That's it. It's just really nice. It makes me happy. Alright, let's get comfortable. Alright, bodega which is 13 i might have pronounced that wrong i'm comfy let me come with yous pleaded rab nope said bodega checking his holster and his belt and adjusting his hat he was moseying towards the cargo bay of the disco volante rab scurrying after him oh come on i've not been off tartania for years

said the big man clasping his hands together. I gotta do this one alone, pard. Filler I'm looking for don't like strangers, said Bodega, turning and standing on his tiptoes to slap a hand on Rab's shoulder. But if the Flarv hits the turbine, I'll be needing you, so stay in close orbit. And with one last look and hint of a smile, Bodega stepped through the airlock into the Gretham insertion shuttle, and he was gone. Spiraling down through the dense bluish clouds of Scarpon II, Bodega cloaked the Grettham

and brought it down on silent running on an outcropping of rock. He sidled down the ramp. To anyone watching, it was as if he'd just appeared in thin air, tapping the control panel at the foot of the ramp and sealing the shuttle. Only he could access it now. Scarpon II. A planet with an environment so rich and lush, its flora and fauna had more variety than a Spalupian cabaret.

Biologists who spent their entire lives studying every facet of this world, and its habitat still barely scratched the surface. It was 80% land, and all of that land was habitable, covered in dense foliage and towering jungle-covered mountains. Vast lakes and rivers, all of it infested with every kind of life imaginable. And then some rich bastard bought it and sealed it off from the universe. Nobody got in or out unless Scarpon Incorporated said so. Luckily, Bodega had access to the best hacker around,

so they've been able to forge a visitation pass. Of course, those sons of glubs at Scarpon Inc. would soon find out, so Bodega had to act quickly. Somewhere in this heady miasma of life was a man, a rich brat named Reed Chorley III. He was the sole heir to the Chorley Soft Drinks Empire, which he'd inherited five years ago. He had so much moolah, his net worth was just recorded as God++. Five years ago was the last time Bodega had ever seen Reed, and the last time anyone had really heard from him. But a little online digging by Nebish had turned up Scarpon 2 as his most likely hiding place.

Bodega shouldered his survival pack and rested a hand on his lasgun. Trouble with a world teeming with life is, most of it ain't gonna be friendly. It was quite literally a jungle out there. Millions of square miles of hot, hostile, deadly terrain. Bodega smiled. Sounds like fun, he thought. In his earpiece, the voice of the soft-spoken Nebbish. There are so many lifeforms, there's no way we can locate Chorley with any certainty. But what we do have is that reading on a fire about two k's from your position. Signature says fossil fuel. That's likely not a morgue beast cooking dinner, he said. Gotcha, said Bodega, making his way downhill.

Every step he took caused dozens of tiny insects and rodents and birds to scatter and reconceal themselves eerie cries and sharp calls filled the air of the jungle below the bag-like bodies of huge long-legged creatures grazing the upper canopy were visible from time to time as were the many species of primate leaping between the passive behemoths from up here bodega could see tens of thousands of birds flocking and fighting, wheeling and diving, as well as huge swarms of strange insects devouring a tree before moving on to the next. This reverie was shattered by the scrotum-tightening bellow of a Mork beast, a creature so terrifying and savage only a handful of people have survived meeting one, and none existed in captivity. Somewhere

down there was the most dangerous animal on Scarpon 2, maybe the galaxy. Well now he's got company, said Bodega, setting his lasgun to maximum and gritting his teeth. After silently approaching the location of the campfire, Bodega sat a while in the bow of a swiffy tree a few hundred meters away. His camo cloak and scent-masking field should render him pretty well concealed. Ogling the sight through his trinoculars, he could make out four figures through a break in the jungle. Humanoids. Naked. Armed with some pretty nifty-looking bows and spears, as well as some pretty evil-looking long knives. Their skin was midnight blue, save for a yellow stripe that crossed their eyes. A tribe on Skarpon? Bodega was pretty sure there were no indigenous intelligent life forms on this world.

So who the flav were these fellas? Survivors of a crash landing? Maybe they knew where Chorley was at. He watched them for another hour, but they seemed to be meditating. Bodega fidgeted. He sighed. No use. He was going to have to take a good old tug on his mega vape,

or his nerves would set to jangling. Maybe they won't notice, he thought hopefully. He was very, very wrong. No sooner had that delicious, relaxing, and harmless water vapor left his mouth than they were upon him. Flav, these fellas were fast. They poked up at him with their spears

and cackled insanely, baring their teeth. Now, now, there ain't no need for spear poking, said Bodega, deactivating the camo cloak and jumping down to meet them. They spread out, grinning and pointing at their stomachs okay then i got a question for you fellas said bodega drawing his last gun the four humanoids looked horrified come on now old chap that's hardly sporting is it said one of them bodega's eyes widened who in the name of holy space christ are you boys he blurted we might ask you the same thing said one of them all four stood up straight

and all four looked extremely disappointed i'm here looking for an old friend of mine, said Bodega. Bodega, said one of the men. I'm guessing that's you, Reed, said Bodega, touching the brim of his hat. Well, for goodness sake, what, why, and how, man? Explain yourself, said Reed, looking as angry and dignified as a rich boy playing tribesman can look. Wait a minute. Is this what you meant when you said you had to discover yourself? You bought Scarpon too and decided to live here with your boyfriends? They're not my boyfriends, they're my tribesmen, said Reed, pouting. Sell it to me, said Bodega. Back at the campfire, Reed explained it all to Bodega. He'd grown weary of the life of an immortal with more money than God. There was no challenge, no danger in anything he did. His life was so

perfect that it lost all meaning. But here on Scarpon, every day is a blessing. If we survive the squeegee bugs, if we can best the gloms and the widdle creatures, if we slaughter a chuffball, we dine for weeks. And if we fail, we die, he said, strutting around the campfire and preaching to his adoring converts. And to Bodega. If you boys die, you'll just activate some clones somewhere and you'll be back in time for lunch, said Bodega, grinning. Not here. We're cut off. Too far from our clone relays. If we die here, we stay dead. That's what makes it so invigorating, said Reed.

Uh-huh, said Bodega, drawing his lasgun and blasting Chorley and his friends in one sweeping motion. Back on the disco volante, Reed surely looked confused, sipping hot scoffy while wrapped in a blanket. Your holding company wouldn't let you risk your life, Reed. Nobody will. You're too darn important and too darn rich.

We stole one of your clones from the relay. The one in orbit around Scarpon 2? Guess you didn't know about it. Sorry for breaking it to you kinda harshly, said Bodega, sitting down. Was all a lie lie maybe i wanted to believe it all i really want bodega my man is the chance to die properly to take actual risks gosh flav it said reed language reed and don't worry if it's risks you want you're in good company reed smiled could you shoot me again i rather enjoyed it maybe Maybe later, said Bodega. The end.

Oh, man. It was good. There was the smoking gun of the Morkbeast, but it never turned up. We're not ready for the Morkbeast just yet. We've heard about the Morkbeast before. It's just, at the moment, it's just, it's a, you know. Man, that was a good one. I liked that. I liked that one a lot actually. It was nice. I thought you were gonna say like uh something like on scarpon three was the most dangerous

creature known in the known universe the most and a morgue beast you know like that the classic bodega said now he's got company because he's also like himself in there. I like it. I like it a lot. There you go, man. That was a bodega. That was our bodega. Keep it going, P-Flex. That was top notch. Our bodega.

I like how we are slowly building up a universe, okay, of things. Because we've definitely heard of Morkbeasts before. Well, we. It's period. I mean, we don't help.

No, well, we as in the grand we everyone is listening everyone you know everyone we're together come on then credit where it's due whoa whoa whoa okay no but when i mean all right fine no no fine sibs i like what you are doing period i like how you are gradually building up this nice universe where you have told us previously about characters who are now appearing in this one now today so yeah it's much harder sips when you're not saying that's better all right that's it for the triforce forecast today uh we're gonna see you next week.

Yeah. Thanks for listening. Goodbye. Or watching. Bye. Bye. Bye, Triforcey ship.