Triforce! - Triforce! #40: Backdoor Neighbour

Episode Date: April 12, 2017

Triforce Episode 40! Sips is having trouble in Rimworld, Lewis is trying his luck on the Tuppenny Shover and Pyrion is creeping on his Russian Spy neighbour. Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do who wants this last parachute? I do

enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.

Please play responsibly. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people of all ages, bring out your dogs and your cats and your other pets and your grandma and your aunt and your mailman and the milkman and anyone else that you can. Because guess what? That's right. We're back for another podcast. We're here. That was Triforce.

It dropped at the end, but man, that was a real good build up. That was like WrestleMania shit. I know, yeah. Let's get ready to podcast. So WrestleMania happened. A bunch of people talk about it, and I couldn't care less. All right. I'm sorry, guys.

I'm not a wrestling fan. No, I'm with you. I don't understand the love that wrestling gets. I will never understand it. I understood it when I was like 10 years old. Yeah, of course. But now that I'm not 10 years old. But I know fully grown people.

Yeah. Oh, my God, it's WrestleMania. I'm like, you're not a child. You're not getting excited. Yeah, it's a SpongeBob SquarePants. It's like, no, it's for kids yeah i felt the same way wrestling for me is a lot like um seeing weird al yankovic play live at at blizzcon i lasted about 10 minutes until i thought to myself i'm either gonna kill myself or i have to leave this yeah yeah and then you you killed yourself

i killed myself yeah i'm dead now yeah i'm a ghost and i've come back to warn everybody not to go see don't let nostalgia get the best of you that that is the perfect case in point where nostalgia got the best of me i thought fuck how bad was it it was just pretty cringy actually i was you know when people watch you stream and they think that because they played you know 12 000 hours of a video game that you're retarded because you've only played like 20 hours of it and the whole time they're watching you they're saying like oh my god this is this is hard to watch this is painful oh dude that's my life i'm face palming all the time yeah i can't stop face palming in fact my face has not left my palm this entire time.

That's 10 minutes of Weird Al Yankovic live for me. That's how it felt. Wow. So it was pretty bad. I enjoyed it. I quite enjoyed it. I mean, I saw what he was doing and I just went along. I just watched it for the spectacle.

It wasn't like I was standing up. You know, we were all sat down. Yeah, you were sitting next to trump remember not donald trump yeah yeah hearthstone trump yes hearthstone trump and his uh the benign trump he seemed to be fucking enjoying it man like i looked over and he was like laughing his head off and stuff i'm a huge fan of trump i i sugar sand man it was cool he looked like he was he was in the same position as you sips like he didn't really like it but he was sat there because he didn't really have anywhere else better to go. I know. It was like watching the fireworks display.

After five minutes, it's just boring. Yeah. But you're kind of there. What are you talking about? Were you bored of fireworks? Well, the thing with fireworks displays is that they only last for about five minutes, realistically. No, no, no.

Some of them last for like 45 minutes. No. What are you talking about? You know how much money that costs to put on a 45-minute firework display? Yeah, but the ones I used to go to in the local village and town were so pathetic. They'd set off one firework every two minutes, and an old man would have to go out and flip the next one. That's not a firework display.

We're talking about something big. We're talking like New Year's Eve London. Like, huge. I'm talking about your own firework display that you run in your own house. You think it's going to be great. It's like a weird Al Yankovic catch. You think it's going to be great. You're like, get over there.

You flip it, set your fireworks off. And after a few, you're like, I've still got like 20 fireworks set off, and I'm kind of bored of these. There's only a couple of things in this life that are 100% guaranteed. And one of those things is that a homebrew fireworks display is gonna be shit like there's no two ways about it it's every time without fail it'll be bad guaranteed nobody's ever done a good one no and the only time it's good is if it gets dangerous right if someone starts shooting fireworks out their ass or like a cannon or like you know there's a i saw a gif i think the other day of a dude who had like a kind of their mouth or like you know yeah there's a i saw a gif i think the other

day of a dude who had like a roman candle gif like and he was holding the stick in his teeth this is after like a lot of drinking yeah and it went off and it just it was it was like a flamethrower in his face like it took forever to launch he just like fell backwards and i don't know maybe part of his face i think. I think those sparks don't actually, don't actually do too much damage. So I don't think he had like massive third degree burns or anything. I think he was just like a bit shaken up

because the sparks from those fireworks are like, they're like ticklers. They're like ticklers. It's like holding a sparkler close to your hand. You know, it doesn't actually. Imagine it just gave him like thousands and thousands of little tiny cuts all over his face.

Oh, it might've done that. Yeah. That would hurt. But that would look pretty pretty cool that would hurt a lot actually so yeah um well i don't know where the fuck we got onto this from it brings up this interesting point would you rather have 10 000 really tiny cuts on your face or just one gigantic gash on your face i think both have tiny how tiny are the tiny cuts like you know like you know like little tiny paper cuts but like thousands of them every square inch of your face is covered in these little cuts all right so here's the question are those tiny cuts gonna heal leaving a scar or not probably oh no no like little tiny scars like acne scars no they'll turn into like little

tiny scars you'll be a crater face when they'll turn into little tiny scabs. You'll be a crater face when it's all done. Really tiny. I'd rather have one big scar. Me too, actually. Would you rather be like a super badass pirate with a mega scar running all the way across your nose, like up one eye, you know, kind of thing? Yeah.

But not losing the eye. I think the sex appeal afterwards, you'd look like Scarface instead of Craterface, which is obviously... I think Scarface is a lot more sex appeal afterwards instead of you'd look like scarface instead of crater face which is obviously i think scarface is a lot more sex appeal yeah crater face i mean you're not you're not you're probably not going to to bed any ladies with that but you might you know like you might laugh them into bed or whatever but like scarface is is definitely going to be like oh man you know i'm in the mood for a bad boy. You're right. Here's Scarface.

I've never laughed a woman into bed. It happens. I don't even know how that happens. Trust me. Okay. Ladies love a good sense of humor. They love a good laugh. Look at Woody Allen.

Dude's tapped mad amounts of fanny in his time, I'm sure. He didn't do it on sex appeal. No, that's for damn sure. Like, first of all, his fashion sense is a train wreck. And second of all, he just looks like a bit of a fucking nerd, doesn't he? He's got glasses and stuff and wears like a fucking cardigan, sweaters and shit. He's like a poindexter. He's like an adult version of Mr. Rogers, kind of. You know what's weird?

You know, he ran off with one of his adopted daughters like so sunyi is that her name so he was with mia farrow they adopted a bunch of kids they were like the first celebrity couple that i can think of to start adopting a shitload of kids like madonna and what's her name jolie brandelina jolie yeah why did they do that for start because? Because Mia Farrow's a nut. I think she's a nut. And, you know, it's just one of those sort of right-on celebrities. I don't know. So he didn't want to put his dick in crazy, is that it?

Well, you say that. I mean, here's the thing. I wonder if halfway in, Woody Allen just thought, you know, this is pretty sweet. We could adopt some hot girls. Halfway in, what to her vagina? I only like to stick it halfway in halfway just wondering if he saw it like you know what we could adopt a hot teenager and then i could marry them and that's exactly what happened he adopted sunyi and then now they're a couple it's it's fucked up that's pretty

fucked up that's really messed up i think the whole adoption thing i think when you're a female celebrity and you have a career in acting and looking good or modeling or whatever i guess some women don't want to have babies because it changes their body a lot so like at like the after math of having a baby is that you might be like a bit fat or whatever and it takes longer to get back to work and stuff so maybe that's why they adopt she's had four kids oh and she adopted 10 oh so no way i take it all back what that's a lot you know what i i thought that maybe rosemary's baby had put her off having children and she was like i ain't having no devil babies i'm going to adopt them but instead no she's got 14 kids yeah that's a lot of kids i mean two two is a lot of kids

14 they're all i mean over 80 if a lot of kids. They're all over 80. If you're adopting them when they're like... They're all over 80? Come to me, my children. Mommy? Hey, Mommy, my back's hurting again. Mom, have you seen my dentures? I bet you there are weird old people who would love to be adopted by

young mom i'm sure there's old creepy old guys that would love it i guess like anything goes nowadays 2017 like look woody allen married his teenage adopted daughter i mean that's got that's so fucking weird has like 14 kids you know john travolta looks you want to hear about do you want to hear about her children are you ready for this all right this is interesting as of september 2016 mia farrah has 11 living children four biological seven adopted including her adopted daughter sunyi from whom she's estranged yeah no. Three of her adopted children, Tam, that's Tam, Lark, and Thaddeus, are deceased.

All right? Farrow and her former husband, Andre Previn, have three biological children, twins, Matthew and Sasha, and Fletcher. In 1973 and 1976, respectively,

they adopted Vietnamese infants, Lark Song Previn and Summer Daisy Song Previn, followed by the adoption of Sue Nee from Korea and then she's also got uh Dylan Farrow he was known as Eliza for a while and also as Malone I mean what the fuck is going she's just snapping up kids and giving them loopy loo names what the hell is going on gee whiz why do celebrities always feel the need to give their their kids crazy names because

it wasn't David Bowie's son called um zoe bowie but then he changed his name to duncan jones yeah and then i mean what about like um gwyneth paltrow and and coldplay guys kids are called like apple and like banana i think they named it when they were just looking around the kitchen spatula it's a girl but Mia Farrow then adopted five more kids in the 90s Tam Farrow right this is a pretty typical Scottish name right so Kaylee Shay Farrow that's Kaylee K-A-E-L-L-I hyphen Shea, S-H-E-A, Kayleigh Shea. So, that's an Irish adoptee, and then Tam was adopted from Scotland, clearly. Right. Later known, that was Kayleigh Shea Farrow was later known as Quincy Maureen Farrow. Wow, wow.

And then a guy called Frankie Min, then Isaiah Justice, and Gabriel Wilk Farrow, later known as Thaddeus Wilk Farrow. Just change your name. And named after Elliot Wilk, the judge who oversaw the legal battle. I mean, Thaddeus sounds like a fucking Sith, doesn't he? Thaddeus isn't a name you change to, it's a name you change from, right? Well. Darth Thaddeus. Have you heard the tale of Darth Thaddeus?

He died in a car crash, but he'd also shot himself in the torso while he was driving the car, just to make sure, I guess. Like, what the fuck? I know we don't talk about games a lot on the podcast anymore, because it's depressing, but I have a tale to share with you guys of a

recent RimWorld playthrough that I did. Wait, I did a tribe playthrough of RimWorld, okay? So if you've never played RimWorld playthrough that I did. Wait, I did a tribe playthrough of RimWorld, okay? So if you've never played RimWorld. Yeah, I like the tribe. You could do the Crashland one where you crash in a spaceship and you have some bits and pieces from the spaceship. And you know some technology like electricity and stuff. But if you start with the tribe, they don't know how to do anything.

They can make campfires and they can hunt and gather. And it takes some ages to research takes a very long time yes and it's hard to survive for the time it takes to research because they get lots of diseases and it's hard to make food and stuff like that yeah i was doing i'm doing okay like i've almost researched electricity and stuff and and i'm doing okay but it's the winter and it's really really the winter okay it's cold as hell it's like minus 30 every single day but everybody's got parkas and toques and stuff and they're fine they're pretty warm but then we have a toxic fallout which lasts for months okay so people are kind of confined to being

indoors they can't really go outside too much they can't like stray too far from the camp or else they'll get like lots of toxicity build up and they'll die and then we had a volcanic winter which is a volcano erupting a lot of ash going into the into the sky in the atmosphere and stuff and and sort of blocking the sun so it got colder okay so there's a dog called polly that kept wandering out to get food because we're running out of food so polly would wander out and try to eat berries off of bushes and whatever paulie could find dead bodies right so paulie somehow got in a tussle with one of the townspeople who went berserk because things are pretty bad there's no food everybody's really stressed out and unhappy and stuff so this townsperson almost punches paulie to death okay so paulie is incapacitated in like minus 50

degree celsius weather and loses literally every body part possible to frostbite okay like the jaw is lost the nose both ears every leg like the tail everything is lost to frostbite but somehow we managed to keep polly alive okay so he's like a triple he's like please kill me there's no yeah there's no polly cannot walk polly can't leave polly's sleeping spot at this point okay but polly is still somehow alive we can't make a wheelchair for polly we can't do anything with polly somebody has to manually feed polly every day and that's the beauty of RimWorld. It's just insane.

The shit that can happen. You've got to keep Polly alive. That's become your quest is we've got to save Polly. Well, Polly's been trained up and is linked to a person. So that person will be even more unhappy if Polly dies on top of all the other shit that's happening. They'll have a serious breakdown. Can you not make fake limbs for animals? I think maybe it's something that you can do later on after you've researched some stuff.

Because I remember giving a peg leg to a dog one time. But in a different playthrough. But I don't seem to have the option to do it with Paulie. And I think it's maybe because my doctors aren't a high enough skill or something. So my only options are to administer luciferium, which is like a class A drug, which I have done a couple of times to Polly. So Polly also has need for luciferium now or euthanize Polly, which I don't really want to do. So it's a bit of a tough one. But man, I can't recommend rim world enough it's

such a fantastic game i need to do another playthrough i did a couple and then i stopped for a bit and then uh yeah i need to do another one because it was just brutal like i kept what difficulty do you play it on rough oh wow because i did that and every single time what would happen is we'd suffer the heat stroke oh yeah we'd almost all die and then a massive fire would come and i would be like out of fires i had one that was like there's a heat there's a heat wave and all your crops have blight and you're being raided and you're being raided again i was just like you get raided by a dude who has molotov cocktails and you're done pretty much especially if your whole base is made out of wood but um i so i so i i got obsessed with doctoring and the fact that you could like harvest body parts from

people right right right um so so i made it i made this i made this sort of like um law in in in the settlement where you had to donate a kidney if you wanted to be part of the settlement so that is the price you it's like the iron price you have to like you have to have a kidney removed from you and and that's how you can tell that you're meant to be like in the colony and everybody has died like during the surgery do you have like no no decent doctor or is the doctor just some crazy psychopath with like a pair of shears all the good people have died like one one of our best guys died mid uh kidney harvest and that's when we we sort of um we we reformed the law a little bit to say that if you're already part of the the community you don't have to go through you don't have to pay the price yeah because we lost like our best cook to um to to a bad kidney operation yeah oh man right i had i had a game one time where i had a

guy called mason who was like a cowboy type and he got a really he was he was our doctor for some reason because no one else could do it and the chef who was who was prone to bouts of craziness fought our dog and the dog bit his arm so badly that it got a bad infection and we decided we're gonna have to i think it was his leg actually we decided we're gonna have to amputate it and as mason is amputating the leg mid-operation the infection clears up but it's too late so he just had to go through with it and cut off his leg so he's walking around with a peg leg he just didn't need you're like i'm sorry yeah you could make it you can make like a bionic people you can but we didn't have the skill or the money to buy one so he was just walking around with his fucking wooden leg that he didn't even

need oh man mason was like sorry bard it cut your leg off oh shit no it is it is very fun so um so have you guys done anything of note in the last week we're back sort of on track now right we recorded a podcast last week we're doing one today yeah with with any luck we'll do one next week as well yeah over the weekend i went down to brighton oh um which i've never been to before it's quite a nice little town on the south coast it was a really sunny day went on the beach paddled in the sea went down the pier played on the old

2P machines oh yeah in the arcades and stuff and I don't know just had a good time cool had some churros

now what do you call those machines because I call them the two penny shoves but I don't know the two penny shovers yeah well my nan used to

take me to the arcades because she used to live in Clacton on Seed. So when we were kids, you know, we'd get dropped off at nan's and she'd walk us down to the front and we'd... So it brought back a lot of old memories, really, of, like, you know, hanging out with my nan. And so she'd give us, you know, a pound coin and we'd get 52 peas and, you know, that would last us about an hour in the two-penny shovers.

Yeah. Yeah, so it's like a lot of entertainment. You don't get that much for a pound. It's hard it's hard to find you know an hour's entertainment for a pound these days right yeah i don't know i mean i play a lot of ios games and those don't cost a penny and there's lots of entertainment there to be found so okay i suppose i'm wrong but no i i do i really enjoyed um enjoyed that oh it was it was it reminded me of like just all of these smells, like the really dirty, coppery feeling of all these old 2Ps. Sort of, I don't know, like just the sounds it makes and sort of the smells of it.

It's slightly kind of grimy, slightly kind of dirty. Because it's on the pier and it's on the ocean, it's kind of all slightly rusted and the sea air is like, I don't know, just sort of, it's kind of weird. And we went on the roller coaster on the end of Brian Pier, which was a good laugh. It's very rickety. So the roller coaster ride on the end is, there's three to choose from. One of them is just like spins you around, like it's like the vomit-o-matic.

One of them is like a log flume. And I didn't really feel like I wanted to have wet pants all day. So I was like, meh. And the other one is like a roller coaster, but it looks rickety and dangerous, as all peer-based roller coasters should be. Yeah. Only the best roller coasters look like you're going to die when you go on them. It's like the Funfair roller coaster. It looks unsafe.

It probably is unsafe. Yeah. And that's part of the fun. Well, if you saw how those things were put together, you'd never go on one. Like the people who put them together, especially like the traveling sort of like funfair ones, you know, they just seem to appear in the space of a day. And you think, wow, that's crazy. How did this roller coaster get here?

And then you delve into it a bit. You do like a panorama on it, like a investigative report. And you find that the people who've put it together are not trustworthy at all um they smell like cabbage as well because they're carnies man there's those people who possess like this weird skill of being able to like stand on the roller coaster and jump from car to car while the roller coaster is going but they're not good at anything else in life yeah people who run the um the sort of the the carnival rides they could just step in and out of traffic yeah yeah without like gracefully like a ballerina just dodging and they have like the

drug sweats as well it's not even just like normal sweating it's like kind of like half withdrawal sweating and also you know rigorous physical activity too yeah and so i went on that thing and uh man it was it was it was um do you know what though right normally i've been on a bunch of roller coasters in my time we yeah we went to um universal studios and disney when we were out in la last like year or year or so ago and uh went on a bunch of the roller coasters there and they were okay right they were quite chill but But a lot of them were kind of VR experience roller coasters, which I'm not a fan of, honestly. Like, if I want to go on a roller coaster,

I don't want to sit there and imagine I'm in some sort of fucking video game that bumps me around. Are you talking about the Simpsons one? Well, not only the Simpsons one, but it felt like all of the newer roller coasters, like the Harry Potter ones. Oh, the Transformer one was like that too. It was like VR sort of thing.

They all seem to have, like, you get into a normal roller coaster, but then you pull down some sort of fucking screen visor yeah and it's like well what the fuck am i even doing in a you know physical environment i might as well just be doing this in my living room pretty fucking fun though i mean like they're okay they're okay but i always felt a bit motion sick um anyway this one right it felt like i don't know whether it was just my seat but i felt like the um that the protective thing, bars that come down, were super, super loose. So every time we would bump around a corner or do a sharp turn or whatever, it felt like my spine was being chiropractor, was just snapping it. So I think I feel a lot better.

I feel a lot looser. No, I'm not. It was like, thank God I've been doing a bit of, I basically came out of that roller coaster. I was like, holy shit. Thank God I'm like not super, super unfit now because otherwise I would have like injured myself. I felt like I'd fucking been through the ringer.

Yeah, but if you're really fat though, it's just more cushion to protect you, right? I think if I was really fat, I wouldn't have had the problem. Speaking of getting in shape, I want to hear about your latest conversation oh fuck no please you know what as a counterpoint to what flax just said i don't want to fucking hear what you're saying to your i want to hear i want to know if people have been losing their mind about me thinking i'm some sort of socially awkward

yeah well i don't know about the autism and stuff, but personally, my theory is that you might be having some sort of midlife mental breakdown or something. He can't. He's not midlife yet. He's like 30. Like maybe some mild dementia or something. Do you have any dementia in your family out of interest? I don't think it's like that, okay? It's just, I'm not, it's not as bad as you guys make it out to be. It's fine. It's a normal thing. It's fun. It's great.

You're talking to your personal trainer, a guy that you don't really know about, like, touching a pussy and, like, weird stuff like that. Being gay. So, I mean, I get what you're saying, that it doesn't sound that bad. But actually, even just listening back to the things that you've said to this guy, allegedly, sounds pretty bad. What I was surprised about was how dark you are now in your clothing choice and everything. Like, you arrived in the office yesterday dressed entirely in black, riding a black bicycle. Like, I think he's transitioning into some kind of a ninja. Oh, maybe.

Like, that's my first thought. Like, he's actually becoming an assassin, an international assassin. He's got the live look of a Lebanese assassin who's going to sort of pop out of an alleyway and stab me in the throat. Yeah. Do you have any... Are there any people in your family who are Lebanese? Because you do look really Lebanese.

I don't know. Maybe I should do some of that. Maybe you should go on to familytree.com and ancestry.co.uk and figure it out. I've sent away. Have you done that? Yeah, I sent away the DNA test. I sent it away the other day. It might have come back by now when I get back.

Oh, what, you did the 23andMe thing? No, you send away for this kit and you spit in a tube a bunch of times and then you send that in and some poor lab bastard has to deal with your spit and figure out what your genetic history is. God, I wonder if that stinks when you open the vial. No, because you mix it up with this blue water

that's in there. So when you spit in there, you then seal it up. It's quite clever. You seal it up and this solution goes in. It's like a stabilizing solution. Oh, to keep it from drying out or whatever. Exactly. I mean, it's never going to tell you something good, is it? It's never going to say, well, your genes are fantastic.

It looks like you're going to live for 100 years. I'm not looking for validation. Your family is prone to kidney disease and butt cancer. No, I just want to find out what's the background there. Because I went on the Ancestry and I was going back through all my family history and everything. Because the kids are curious. They're like, why do we have a Scottish last name? But we've never been there.

And I was like, well, let's find out. So I went back along and I found a guy. Yeah, was his name Bruce? It was not, but but very clever but he was way back there sorry and i he was a baker and then he he fucked off to canada because i've got tons of family in canada so he went from scotland to canada in like 1864 or something and then started having kids out there and so now i've got this huge swathe of Canadian relatives. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

Are they in the BC area? Yeah. Lewis, all of a sudden. Ottawa, Ontario. Oh, I'm from Ottawa, Ontario. Well, there you go. I grew up there. I was born there.

I was born at, on June the 5th, 1980 at Riverside Hospital, which is still there. It's big. It's much bigger now. It's a much bigger hospital than it was. I'm amazed they haven't renamed it after you. Riverside. They should have. Back then it was just a log cabin surrounded by otters and beavers. Chris Lovis Memorial Hospital.

Tragically, he killed himself during a Weird Al Yankovic concert. So this is how we remember him. And that's how we like to remember old chris so i want to see if your family trees intertwine now p flex i want to see i want you to keep i want you to both keep going back and see if you lived in the same place or same village or maybe you live i've looked at the the family history and it's all four sides yeah and i might pretty much like

my family aren't from ottawa Like, we just settled there. Like, my parents just happened to be in Ottawa when they met and they settled there. But like, their families didn't live in Ottawa or anything like that. Also, it's a big place, Lewis. That's like when you say that when you're abroad and you say, oh, I live in London. Oh, really? Do you know my mate Terry? No, no, I don't know Terry.

You know, it's a bit like that. Canada is a big place with a lot of people. I still think it would be interesting if, you know, both of your great-grandfathers lived in the same town because there's a chance that they might have crossed paths, you know. There's a chance. My grandparents were both, I guess, I don't know if this is the same for you guys, but, like, they were both, like, military families.

So my mum and dad ended up living on bases all over Canada and abroad. Like, my mum lived in London for a bit. She lived in Germany for a bit. You're a military brat. Yeah, a lot of military. My dad's dad wasn't like as high up in the military. So he had to live in like really shitty places in Canada on bases, like Goose Bay and stuff like that.

Goose Bay, fucking. I mean, obviously, I think it was pretty hard not for relatives to be involved in the military back then yeah like it it's fucking it was everywhere like i my great-grandfather was a pilot in the first world war and my grandfather was a pilot in the second world war on my mother's side he was in the her father was in the navy and he did all kinds of secret shit with nuclear bunkers and things after post-war it's like he couldn't talk about it much but they were posted here here there and everywhere and it was all something to do with uh the cold war but yeah it was pretty pretty cool he was one he was one of the last guys out of hong kong before the fall of hong kong geez like yeah they were they sort of when the japanese were coming there's a picture

of him and all these other guys looking really really pissed off and tired and they're just about to get on their boat and fuck off just before the japanese get it yeah it's pretty local my uh my great-grandfather was a field medic in world war one oh yeah fucking imagine that that's risky and then um my grandfather tried to follow in his footsteps um but he wasn't he wasn't old enough to fight in world war ii um but he when he served in korea he went over to korea whenever that was damn yeah the 50s yeah but he um he was like he was pretty highly decorated like i think he when he retired he was like like a colonel or something like that it was like geez yeah he's pretty high up fuck he did he did pretty good he did good stuff for killing the guys yeah yeah he's like his good friend would like who

lived longer than it because he died of cancer like quite young he was like in his mid-60s i think he died of cancer but as his friend who was sort of of a similar rank and everything uh stayed on and then he's like fucking in his mid-80s now or something and he still does like uh he's still like a consultant because he retired as a general in the end and he's he's like still a consultant for like the for like the national defense or or something it's yeah it's crazy yeah make sure there's uh there's no weird al yankovic concerts going on yeah yeah no he's still trying to keep yeah he's trying to keep the country safe by family man oh god i feel bad because i actually do still think that some of weird al's songs are very funny and stuff but i don't know like i think it

was just it's one of those things like you know when you just you get you just get that that bit older and you just you're not into it anymore. I think everyone understands Sips. It's like people who are... I feel bad for Weird Al because I think that he's a pretty funny guy. No, I don't think you should. I think a lot of people there were laughing the same way. They didn't think he was good either, but it was fun. It was like a nostalgia trip for them as well.

They were the same way as you. I think he a nostalgia trip for them as well. They were the same way as you. I think he's very aware of this as well. A lot of people say, oh, you know, the Oscars isn't what it used to be. They've changed, blah, blah, blah. But it's partly we've changed, sure, definitely. But you've changed too. Our audience has changed and grown older and their preferences have changed. And, you know, when you liked Weird Al ten years ago.

I think I liked it yeah that makes sense though i liked it better when you were that guy from star trek instead of like this weird international ninja that wears all black now that you've become right so you know that side of it makes sense to me i guess international man of right the other day right this is a complete change of topic but i thought it was funny. I was in Five Guys here in Bristol. Oh, yeah. And I was there, and the guy, the hands out the paper bags,

you know, they call out the orders like, 24, and you come and get your order. Yeah. He didn't know any numbers other than 50 and 1 to 9. So all he would do, if it said 24, he would say, uh, 54! And everyone's sort of looking like, what the fuck, 54? He just did, wasn't the previous order 23? It's like, 54!

And in the end, I was like at the front of the line, so I would shout a translation for the order down the line. He'd say, 54! And I'd look at the thing and go, 34! And then the person would come forward. Like, I swear to God, it didn't matter if it was 20, 34, it was 50, 34 it was it was 50

but this guy so you're acting as a kind of I was the relay voluntary order shout yeah but it was like

all these students in the line like they were all literally all students and they were all just laughing because this guy was like 57

I'd be like there's 27 like I couldn't believe it like I was like what fair play to this guy he's coming over here

he's trying his best but don't make him shout the numbers he doesn't know the numbers you're making a laughing stock of the guy it's alright he'll learn the numbers

but give him he's spent like 20 years flipping he's a master burger flipper oh he can flip a burger he can make a fucking five guys burger you bet

blindfolded if he knows one to nine he's set though why doesn't he just say he could just do what my son does if my son doesn't know what the number is he says it's a two and a seven like he could have just done that it would have been it would have been better than what he was doing which is really confusing

jeez or just or just instead of going for the 20 and they just know 2T or 3T. 2T7, 3T9. Exactly. So what was this guy's beef then? He was just... Hey, beef. It's a burger joint. Yeah, no, but like... No, but what was up with him?

Well, he was just not a native English speaker. I don't know where he was from. It's a big latch. Okay. Like I wasn't going to fuck with him. I wasn't going to go up and say, oh, you don't even know your numbers. He would have smashed my face.

I was just trying to help him out. When he came up to me, he slid the bag over to me. He was looking at the number and you could see beads of sweat flowing on his brow. He's thinking, I'm going to fucking say 50, whatever. I was just like, 37, that's me. I was nodding and holding up my thing.

37, I took it from him.'s like yeah 57 yeah you take the 57 so uh so how's Jersey looking in the summer in the summer sun have you been outside I have I have actually I've been outside we were outside um last week I think all day it was it was pretty nice we We went to the park. The weather is finally turning. Um, we had a guy come over yesterday because I don't know if you remember when you were here, but there's a lot of weeds in my, in my garden. Like the grass is like very weedy.

You know, like if you cut it short, you can't really see it. But when it starts to grow, lots of weeds come in. Remember like around the fence and stuff there were like bushes and stuff that were never tended they were like all dead and like there was like a like a little like palm tree that was kind of dying and stuff yeah so we got rid of all of that shit okay like all the planters everything is it's completely gone and we're getting rid of like the big vegetable patch that was there as well and um we're gonna to get a guy in to lay some new turf, but he has to do like a weed kill of the whole backyard, basically, because he said, you know, if you don't kill them, the weeds,

they'll just grow up through like the new turf that he's going to lay, sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. So that's what we're doing now. We have to get all that done. But it'll be good when it's done. We'll just have like a nice, it'll look like a golf course, like a putting good when it's done we'll just have like a nice it'll look like a golf course like uh you like a putting green when it's all done we're gonna get like yeah and and we're

gonna keep it only the size of a it's gonna be yeah so like it'll be good because then in the in the summer when the weather's really really nice then we could just lock the kids out of the house and they could play in the backyard we don't have to worry about them it is weeds or anything or plants because it's just going to be turf and a trampoline. That's it. Sounds like heaven. Do you have a back garden? P-Flex?

Yeah, we got a back garden. Actually, my wife went to... We thought we had a back garden. Okay, I'll tell you all about my back garden. But my wife went to a kid's party the other day and she just came back. She's like, holy shit, that person's house is fucking ridiculous. And I was like,

oh my God. Like it's a couple of roads over from us. Their garden was the length of our entire house and garden. Like that was just

their garden. So she was kind of jealous of that and she was like, oh man, their house was so beautiful and it was all spick and span and it was just stunning

and all the other parents are going, oh my fucking God, but we have to have them over to our house for a party. I'm going to feel like scrubs. But it is what it is.

But we have a back garden that, it used to be like a really, like one of those patches of grass that you get in London back gardens. Like all the houses are pretty close together. Most people have had their lofts converted. So they're all like three-story houses now. So the grass gets like no sun.

It's like the saddest little patch of grass. Like it's just clumps of weeds that can persist there. So we paved over it with stones. Yeah. And we left like flower beds at the back and stuff for drainage and to grow flowers and bushes and trees and shit. Now the guy behind us, I'm sure I've spoken before about the Russian spy that lives behind my house, right? No. I don't think I've ever heard of this guy.

All right. So the house that my garden backs onto their garden and then their house so you know we're sort of you know he's in the next road our house is back onto each other ah so he's not really your next door neighbor he's more of a kind of he's my backdoor neighbor yeah i've seen i've seen him once in the have you ever been around the front of his house yeah oh yeah i'll tell you all about it i've lived in this house for what is it 14 years now maybe 13 and i've seen this guy one time only one time in that entire period and yet i've often seen light on in the nighttime like in the downstairs or i've seen maybe occasionally a light in the

upstairs it's very strange i have i have watched it through binoculars because i'm so curious i'll sometimes peek and see what the fuck is going on in this house the upstairs back window someone's put a wardrobe in front of the window window so half the window is covered by a wardrobe which is not something you'd ever do if you were using that's a fire hazard as well like um you know nobody if there's a fire in the house you can't escape out the window you have to keep the windows clear they don't need to escape there's no one fucking there like they have a loft conversion but i've never seen a light one up there so it's just an abandoned attic at this point now about eight years ago because i've been really

keeping an eye on this thing because it's so weird the the the upstairs window that on this on this so not the ground floor the first floor the the back window there, it was fully lit up, right? There's no curtains in there. So no one ever uses that room. It's fully lit up. And I was like, I'm so curious. I got to see what's going on in here. I've never seen that light on. So I got my binoculars out and I'm peeking through and there's a guy in there, youngish guy. And he's got his hands on his hips and he's looking and he's got all this computer equipment laid out on the floor, just like racks and like a hard drive and all kinds of bits of computer stuff stuff he's in there for about half an hour looking at it and then he just turns the light off and leaves never seen this guy again never seen anyone up in that room again so i don't

know what the fuck was going on there maybe it was the dude from wiki yeah it's like snowden or whatever but it was just so fucking weird that this so sometimes i'll go around the front and it's like the front door is so overgrown. There's all shit ground all over it. Like you just, you wouldn't think anyone lived there. You thought it was abandoned. There's like a cobweb over the door and stuff. But then a couple of days later, you'll see that all that's gone and the door has clearly been opened. Like there's sometimes recycling is left out, but sometimes there's just a stack of shit piled up on there. So it's like, what is going on with this house? And then to add to that, I found out that around the side,

there's a little path and that actually the ground floor is one flat and the upstairs is a second flat. So it's actually two separate apartments. But the door to get into the upstairs is literally completely overgrown. It's like, there's no way you could get into that door. It's so overgrown.

There's so much vines and shit growing over it. So I'm like, what is going on with this house? Like this, the house is where I live, worth a lot of money. Why is, why is someone let this place go like this?

It just blows my mind. And their back garden is an actual jungle. What was a weed when we first moved in there is now a tree. There's a tree growing in his garden. That's gone from weed to tree. It's so fucking big. Holy shit. Yeah. It's so fucking big. Holy shit. Yeah, it's just the weirdest situation.

It sounds like The Burbs. You know that movie with Tom Hanks? Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, it's just like that. Sardine? It's just going to be a murder mystery in your neighborhood any day now based on your sleuthing. God, I love that movie. Satan is good.

Satan is our pal. That's a great movie. I haven't seen that movie satan is good satan is her pal that's a great i haven't seen that movie in years oh it's got so many good maybe it's like a safe house or like maybe it's like a bank owns it and they they just have it as an investment it's like where nico bellic lives you know he's just who's nico bellic the guy from uh oh from gta4 yeah the russian guy right right maybe the guy's in prison no he's not here's the thing one of the guys one time we were having a street party and there was a one of the guys that lives in that road was in our street party and I said to him do you know anything about the house are we back

onto he's like oh yeah yeah uh that guy lets me park my motorcycle in his in his front garden sometimes because it's you know there's no off-road parking around here and um in exchange for that you know I keep an eye on the house for him I was like where is he said oh he does a lot of business in Russia that's what he said to, he does a lot of business in Russia. That's what he said to me. He does a lot of business in Russia. So I was thinking, all right, maybe he's a businessman. Yeah, fair enough.

But as time's gone on now, I'm starting to think maybe he's a fucking spy. Does he wear like tracksuits a lot? Like I said, I saw him one time. Oh, right. One time. Was he wearing a tracksuit? No, he was not wearing a tracksuit. Oh, okay.

He was hacking. Shattered all of my stereotypes of Russians. He was hacking in the street. Dimitri, we must hack the mainframe and steal data! And I thought, what's going on with this guy? That's a weird thing to say. And that was the last I said. That accent was subpar.

I think Lewis needs to do his. Let us run, Dimitri. Quick. FBI are onto us again. Catch us in their service. Quick. Bring the firewall back up

so no I'm interested about this street party that happened P-Flex yeah people have street

parties what's unusual about that it's London Louis it's not fucking Brazil it's London

they have street parties all the fucking time it's like New York they have street parties too you know like they get hot

dogs and hamburgers and they listen to loud hip-hop music and stuff they they close off the the street we put up some bunting a little tent goes up in the middle of our street and our street and the next street will be invited we'll have a barbecue we had a hog roast the other year so you know we all you chip in and the you get some live music and everything it's it's good it's really sweet you meet all your neighbors that you never speak to for the rest of the year and you know because it's london like i've got people my entire relationship with them for the last six years has been morning morning like that that's it yeah and i've lived lived like opposite these people or a couple of doors down from them for like six years it's kind of weird yeah you don't

want to you don't want to get chatting to your neighbors too much though if they're too close for comfort you know what i mean like if they corner you and you have to talk to them at length at any point yeah that is just going to ruin the whole thing you don't want to be chatting to your neighbors you have to keep them at arm's length you know just like a nod and a smile and the occasional good morning well i read it i read a book called i think it's called watching the english um and it's a book about, it's like studying the weird social habits that we have. And one of the golden rules that I thought was really true is

if you see someone in their front garden, it's perfectly all right to say, hey, how's it going? You talk to them. But if you see someone in their back garden, you do not talk. Yeah. That's like the private space.

And I thought that was so true. Like if you're in your back garden, you pretend the other neighbors are not there. when you're in your front garden you're like displaying yourself like like a peacock to the world you're available to be spoken to i thought it was interesting yeah it's like your storefront is open exactly you can just sell some you know beans that you've made a drone in your garden or whatever magic beans magic beans yeah oh shit that reminds me i've got to do a lemonade stand this summer. Promised the girls for the last two summers that they could do a lemonade stand. What kind of Americanized bullshit is this?

Have you ever done a lemonade stand? A garage sale in your front lawn as well? No, I mean, that's the thing. Once I agreed to the lemonade stand, I feel like the local council, they're trying to push their luck. They don't have a business license yet and they're already trying to expand their business enterprise. They want to offer ice creams now. What?

Old toys they want to be able to sell and they want to sell a variety of drinks. And my eldest said, maybe we could sell beer. I was like, all right, sweetheart, I'm putting my foot down here. Wow.

Holy shit. A, whose beer are you going to sell? Mine? That ain't for sale. All right, that's my beer. B, you ain't got a license. All right but the police will look kindly on a on a child selling lemonade beer no no no no they'll shut it down sells it for

more than you bought it for and then you could buy more beer with the money that because she's a kid to buy beer no come on you live in the uk just order it online i don't think i think we would get shut down do a home delivery geez we could do it under the table like a little speakeasy like they could sell uh the hard lemonade or whatever this is kind of uh you know fortified but the kids aren't allowed it like we could do that that might be fun the special hey listen on the uh topic loosely of uh of jersey and and and england and stuff so you guys you guys are getting a new pound coin right yeah phasing out the big deal a big deal the new one is going to be different and it's coming in okay yeah and this affects us somehow okay we were we were all we were over here and we were we were happy with

having in circulation some pound coins yes but also uh very popular locally uh because jersey has its own money which is it's it's pound for pound sterling but it has like jersey stuff on it and it's printed over here and stuff yep yep yep we have but we have pound notes over here which is awesome wow yeah and they're fucking phasing them out now because of this new pound coin like they're just going to of this new pound coin like they're just going to adopt the new pound coin because apparently it costs too much money to print pound notes how does it cost more money to print pound notes than it does to fucking do whatever they're going to do with these pound coins i think it's to do with longevity i mean i have pound

coins that are fucking ancient like you'll see these ones that like from from when they first came out still knocking about yeah but the notes they they decay real fast i think i guess so they you know because they get used a lot right yeah exactly i mean they're in kids pockets probably they're so fucking good though like i wish they'd just keep them but they're gonna phase them out right for example here's a pound in my pocket from 1983 okay so this coin is probably older than most of the people watching this podcast so it's pretty fucking old i was three when that was issued. There you go. The issue is they get forged a lot.

Like, I can't remember what the forgery rate is for pound coins. One in 30. It's high. It's high. One in 30 current one pound coins are counterfeit. Really? Yeah, that's crazy. So what?

Have you never seen one? Did that all happen just like in one go? Like somebody just fucking made a whole bunch of them and they were like really good and they couldn't stop them or something i think it's it's an ongoing thing isn't it i mean yeah but they're super easy to forge so these new ones are going to be like 12 sided or something and they're harder to forge they are the most secure coin in the world like if you look at them they're they look like a nightmare to make but they are they are they are absolutely fucking amazingly difficult to forge i'm sure it's got all kinds of details how are they gonna how are they gonna do the check are they gonna check a pound

coin the same way that they do with like the marker on the notes you pay with a pound they have like a little like thing that they have to put the coin in. The little jewelers loop it. Oh, yeah. Biting it. This pound looks good. So like surely we're almost at the point now where things, everything should just at least cost a pound and no less. Like when are we going to start getting rid of fucking like 50 pence and 20 pence and pence in general well i mean i was thinking this when i was on the 2p machines i was like what the fuck do we use two piece for rather than putting them in 2p yeah i honestly think that's probably the greatest use of the i bet 2p see more use in those

2p slider machines than anywhere else in britain like that's the last bastion of the penny in the two fucking annoying like to put it into two p coin is the size of a loonie in in like the canadian dollar coin and like you know fuck they're they're it sucks having a bunch of those in your wallet you know like they're so annoying and the 50p coins are even fucking worse they're huge like hey it's like now you leave the 50p alone It's like the fucking 50p alone. It's like a fucking dinner plate in your wallet. You leave the 50p alone. It's a good coin, dude. They halved it.

It was much bigger. And it was much, much bigger. And what about the two pound coin can fuck off. Holy shit. That's a great coin. It weighs more than my car. The two pound coin's

a very solid coin. You leave our coins alone, all right? I'll give you the 2p and the 1p and I'll fuck a 5p. Yeah, 2p and the 1p are shit. Fuck a 5p. 5p's are right up your ass. All 5p's can fuck right off. If you leave our coins alone, all right, I'll give you the 2p and the 1p. Yeah, 2p and the 1p are shit. Fuck a 5p.

5p's are right up your ass. 5p's can fuck right off. You leave the 50 and the 20 and the pound and the two pound alone. Those are good coins. I don't want those coins in my wallet, okay? You shouldn't be keeping them in your wallet anyway. Who keeps coins in their wallet? I want to spend them at some point.

In your pocket. In your pocket like a man, all right? You don't keep coins. For fuck's sakes, I'm going to lose them all. No, you keep them in your pocket. Put them in the charity pots. Use them as tip jar. Jeez. In your pocket like a man. All right. You don't keep coins. I'm going to lose them all. No. Put them in the charity pots. Use them as tip jar. Jeez.

You don't keep coins in a wallet. I wear track pants like all the time. They'll fall out. Don't carry coins in track pants then. Well, where am I supposed to carry them then? I need one of those bum bags. Don't carry coins. What do you need coins for anyway?

That's why bum bags exist. Because of track pants. It's true. Honestly, since contactless has come along i fucking don't carry cash ever it's like it's really hurt the hobos and stuff because no one contactless is really what about when you go to a country that doesn't have that shit though yeah it's true like it's okay in america it's all you still have to sign for shit it was all contactless and um and putting your pin in i i didn't take a single canadian dollar when i went

to canada and i paid for everything and on my one card and i never got it yeah but the thing is with that okay is that it's like all that shit goes into a computer and they can they can tell what you're spending your money on and they they can fucking figure out your spending habits and then you start getting weird letters in the mail saying like, hey, I noticed you were in Canada three months ago and you bought a whole bunch of weed liquid for vapes. Now we have, you know, I fucking hate that shit. Like, that's why cash is awesome. Because it's so fucking random. You can't fucking trace it.

Like, I know there's marked bills and shit like that. But like, you know what I mean? they can't fucking figure out your spending habits and shit and like they try to do it at airports right like with your fucking you need to have your boarding pass if you want to buy something why the fuck like i don't want you to fucking know who i am like what if i'm fucking buying a ton of lube or something and i don't want anyone to know about it you know what i mean like these people can fuck off seriously i should be allowed to buy lube and nobody should be able to find out about it is what i'm saying i don't think they get a detailed breakdown of a receipt you know you could be buying a double-ended dildo and they're not gonna you know though you're assuming that they don't

but maybe they do maybe they're like building a case against you right now you know they'll just arrest you for some reason you're like what did i do and they're like you a case against you right now. You know, they'll just arrest you for some reason. You're like, what did I do? And they're like, you're a terrorist. You're like, well, how? Well, we noticed that you bought a whole bunch of lube. You're a sexual terrorist. And then you're like, well, fuck, I should have just used cash and I would have never been in this predicament.

Let's get rid of contactless. Let's take the first step to shutting it down I think that's all we've got time for today we've got a bodega though I think yeah

this is the first the first hard copy bodega because I had to write it upstairs yeah we didn't even I totally forgot to mention it it was an on the road because

Purion's in Bristol for this one oh yeah yeah Purion is in Bristol so if people have noticed the audio difference that's fine. We've done the

poker stream this week. We can talk about all this stuff next time. It's been a good week. It has.

Had a lot of fun. Nice. Are you ready for Bodega part 20? So Purion wrote this

last night and this morning on the computer upstairs and had to print it out so it's the first hard copy of a

Bodega. The first hard copy of a Bodega and I need to figure out how to send myself the digital copy so I have it's the first hard copy. It is. Of a bodega. The first hard copy of a bodega. And I need to figure out how to send myself the digital copy so I have it to go in the collection.

Right. Email it to yourself. How about that? Are you ready? Yeah. Bodega. Part 20 Enyo. Nice.

That was your idea for last week. Yeah, no, that's good. I'm glad that you remembered and you kept going. Tamira sat back to the wall in the darkest corner as she had been trained. The Wallop Bar was a bar like few others.

Instead of paying an entry charge, customers were expected to show a life insurance policy at the door, and those without weapons were turned away. She had calculated her chances of making it out of this pit unharmed at around 40%, and death itself was around a 5% likelihood. Still, for a chance to meet with Bodega, she figured the odds were in her favor. After half an hour, there he was, the man himself, bang on time.

A layperson might have assumed Bodega would be one of those people that turned up fashionably late, but people who knew him knew that to Bodega, late was dead. Late was the guy hanging off the ramp of an evac ship, screaming for his compadres to rescue him. Late was a co-pilot mistiming the jump to hyperspeed and getting caught in an exploding Nova.

Late was a Viltruvian sliphound begging for mercy while a gunch-crunk smarkled like a trevinwonk at the biannual Gremfrith. Late was nowhere. Bodega sauntered in without a care in the galaxy. Tamira felt her undergarments getting a little tighter, a little hotter. Yeah, so what? She'd always had a crush on Bodega. It didn't have any effect on her ability to do her job.

That's why they could still work together from time to time. Bodega scanned the bar casually, saw Tamara immediately, and began approaching. Tamira felt her face flush in response. Be cool, she told herself. Tamira, how's it hanging, pard? asked Bodega. She played it cool. Men who fancied her didn't usually refer to her as pard, but she reminded herself this was a business meeting.

Could do with a refill, B, she said, swilling the last of her vulva all around the bottle to emphasise her point. Bodega turned to the bar and held up two fingers, and took a seat across from Tamira. Within 20 seconds, an eager bar boy pranced over with their drinks. Hate sitting like this, said Bodega, clearly uncomfortable with his back to the door. There's room here, said Tamira, sliding along to make space for her crush. She wore a midnight blue skin suit, and as she slid across the wooden bench it made a

pleasing squeaking sound. She noticed Bodega involuntarily bite his lip and she stifled a smile. No matter how much of a badass a man was, she'd still never met one that could resist her ass in this outfit. Bodega and Tamira sat side by side, eyeing the bar for a good ten minutes before the man spoke. Tamira, he said, are putting together a crew. Hoping you're available. He turned to look at her. Nothing but honesty written across his face, but there was the faintest twinkle in his grey eyes.

Holy Flav, she thought, my chance to get close to Bodega. For the last five years she'd been working as a spy, mainly corporate stuff. High-end deals, companies trying to steal from one another, boardroom manipulation, twisting a campaign slogan towards strength or weakness, intel leaks, assassinations, and of course, some general admin work and making cups of scoffy, that kind of stuff. But there was a chance to test her mettle with Bodega, and maybe, if she was lucky, catch his eye. What's in it for me? she asked, trying to play it cool. Not much.

Money, hopefully. Glory, maybe, said Bodega, downing his drink and ripping a vast cumulo nimbus on his mega-vape. Also, Bodega began, leaning in a little closer, much to Tamira's delight. Not sure if you heard what happened to me, but we got farved over. Woman's name was Sheila. Well, that's what she went by. Let me guess. Middle-aged appearance, frumpy, harmless, and made the best damn scoffy you've ever had, she smirked. Yep, that's the one, sighed Bodega. She took about half a billion Skrulls and made for the cosmos. Need some help tracking her down.

Name's not Sheila, it's Wargon. Shapeshifting son of a scrub. And he's a bad mother. Tamira was cut off mid-sentence by Bodega's expression. His smile had dropped, his eyes were on the door. Tamira turned to see what had caught his eye and, right on cue, in walked Wargon, disguised for some reason as Sheila. Well, I'll be farmed, spat Bodega, pulling his lasgun under the table.

Not here, and not yet, said Tamira, placing a hand across the gun and tilting it away from Wargon. Tamira, that bastard stole half a bill from me, and in my book that means it's party time, said Bodega, pulling a second gun out of his coat with his other hand. Bodega, please, Tamira insisted, using her other hand to push the second gun aside. Tamira, I ain't letting this fool get away from me, said Bodega, angling his left boot towards Wargon, a small lasgun barrel visible at the toe cap. Bodega, trust me, pleaded Tamira,

using her right foot to angle Bodega's boot away from Wargon. We need to know who he's meeting first. I don't care who he's meeting, said Bodega, using his remaining leg to point a toe cap towards Wargon. You need to wait, hissed Tamira angrily, as she worked her other leg over and pinned Bodega's last leg to the bench. She was straddling him at this point, her back to Wargon, her face close to the sinewy cowboy writhing below her.

Bodega looked square into Tamira's eyes, his face full of fury. A braid of her hair slipped from her head and touched his face. Then her lips touched his, and suddenly Bodega had forgotten all about that varmint wagon as he and Tamira smooched like teenagers right here in the darkest corner of the Wallop Bar and Grill. Okay, pard, we'll play it your way, said Bodega, breathless as their lips finally parted. Good, said Tamira, and honey, please don't call me pard. Bodega tipped the brim of his hat and looked a tad sheepish. Wargon, in Sheila form, was sat at a table around 30 metres away at the far side of the room. Bodega and Tamira sank back into the shadows of their cubicle and watched as Wargon ordered a drink and eyed the door. Around 15 minutes later, a figure in a dark red suit entered,

face obscured by a desert cloak. They glanced around the bar and finally took a seat across from Wargon, who pushed a package across the table towards the cloaked figure, who then pushed a small red disc across the table back to Wargon. They shook hands and then both stood and left by separate exits. You follow the man in red. I've got Wargon, said Tamira. Oh, sorry. You follow the man in red. I've got Wargon, said Tamira. Be careful, said Bodega. It's okay. Me and Wargon go way back, said Tamira, her face hardening. Bodega slipped expertly through the crowd,

not drawing any attention as he skulked after the man in red. Tamira made straight for the starfex it out the back and positioned herself in the darkness of an alleyway, watching for Wargon hands closed around the grip of her pentafire eight pistol as she prayed waggon would come her way to be continued oh bit of a cliffhanger it's really good one that's a good one that's a good one they're all good i did notice i did notice a little freudian slip in the middle what was it well because you you you say that you're not bodega right okay right you're not bodega but you call bodega bulldega no that was that was just that was not true i am not bodega clearly i like that i like to think that you are Bodega.

The ladies love Bodega, and he has a firm head of hair. Like, come on. He's got, like, Elvis hair. Like, really thick. He's bold. He's Bodega. He's not bold. Hey, let's...

No, bold as in he's bold. He's willing to take action. He's bold. Yes, he's not bold. Bodega. That's what we're going with. Not Baldega. Bodega.

There's been a lot of talk about whether I'm projecting various aspects of my personality and personal life in the Bodega stories. And I've got to say, I'm sure that it can't be helped. A little bit of me squeaks out. A tiny little bit of you's got to sneak through. He's a fantasy character. I mean, you know, Bodega's a guy you'd love to be. He's a badass.

He's fucking great. He's amazing. Yeah, he vapes as well, and you vape too. He does vape. He does vape. He does drink. He drinks. You drink.

And he kills everything that pisses him off. You do that in a virtual setting. There's a lot of commonalities in video games. I am not Bodega. He's just, I guess he's like a fantasy character. Well, you know, P-Flex, that was amazing. Thank you, everyone, for listening to Travel's podcast this week. Thank you.

Thank you, Sips. Thank you, P-Flex. Thank you, Lewis. No,'s Podcast this week Thank you Thank you Thank you Lewis We should do a song like Thank you Lewis Thank you Thank you Thank you Sips

Alright we can work on that one Thanks for listening To this Shit Wank Goodbye Buckle I want to leave you now. Thanks for listening to this shit. Wank. Goodbye. Fuck off. Fuck you.

Don't judge me. Don't judge me.