Triforce! - Triforce! #45: Crappy Casinos and Eurovision Feve

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

Triforce Episode 45! Pyrion is sick of old people, gets depressed at Casinos and needs only the hardest of drugs to survive it all.   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do who wants this last parachute? I do

enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.

Please play responsibly. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people of all ages, welcome back to... I'm sick. Fuck, I'm so sick. The Triforce. The Poodco. You're not sick. Sips, are you?

PDXCon gave me the clap. Yeah, all the sweaty nerds. They passed on germs to me. Where did it come from? It had to come from PDXCon. It had to. Nerds. Always the nerds. It's always those nerds. Every time. Yeah. Just as a heads up

you know, don't get mad if there isn't a Trials podcast for a while guys. Because you know, this is like we're not going to give you any warning if there's not going to be one. So don't get off my ass and be about it. It sounds like maybe people have been on your ass. Do you care to elaborate? be one so so don't get off my ass and well be about it that's the one i'm not like it sounds like maybe people have been on your ass do you care to elaborate people are on my ass about it

sometimes i don't really mind it's good to have i don't actually mind when people say these things i'm actually quite cool with it because it means we've got this passionate like lovely fan base you know where people people only complain when they care right i know but it's a passionate lovely fan but there's literally like 10 people so i don't know it's true do you know what i like i like the idea that i didn't think you were in a good mood this morning and i stand by that and you start off you start off the podcast by saying now listen here you audience all right i think there isn't a podcast you can go fuck yourself i could i imagine you were on your way into the office this morning and a white van went past and he drove down the window went went, oh, I know, babe.

Where's your fucking trifles pop-up? And drove off. See, my laugh is a bit like smokery. My lungs are a little bit full of fluid, I think. I think I have what you have, Sips, but I'm suffering different symptoms to you. Man, maybe it's pneumonia. I had that when i was younger

i had pneumonia and i can tell you it's no walk in the park it's more like a walk through hell like it it was bad i almost died my mom was really worried my mom i don't think actually gives a shit about me but at that point in my life she did a little bit think that i was gonna die do you think she thought she would be responsible if you did die maybe maybe she just like how's this gonna make me feel you know if my son dies right so i've just had i've just been away for a week and um my mom's been here covering for me because i was i was basically out of the last seven days i've been here well today and and monday and obviously we we were collectively at pdX con and then I went to, to play poker.

And it's funny because my mom being here is like, it's very helpful. Obviously she looks after the kids and the kids love her and everything, but it's never easy living with an old mom, let alone not your own old mom. It's like someone else's mom. So like if Mrs. F's mom came to stay,

that would be a living hell for me like a nightmare on earth right when my mum comes to stay it's bad enough but someone else's mum forget about it my mum drives me up the fucking wall yeah if it was my mum i'd be a bit like but my wife's mum is great i get along really well with her saying she could she could come down like she's here right now like my wife had to go to the dentist she's just inside with like my daughter looking after and stuff and she's great like it's really nice she makes me tea all the time like all the time every time i walk in the house she's like tea like yes please it's great it's really good no she's really nice really good and her and her dad is nice too actually i get along

really well with him too my the problem i have with my mom is she's she's so inflexible in her her routines and the things that she she does that it's almost to the point of mania like if it's not exactly like if she turns up and there isn't semi-skimmed milk to go in her tea or coffee i can't remember which one is which right she has full cream in one of those and semi-skimmed in the other If she doesn't It's like an arm Full cream Right But it's like an arm flapping Oh What

What What do I make you do now? Is it the fucking Is it the end times? Why don't you have semi-skimmed Ted? I'm probably gonna die Edward I always thought you It's just ridiculous

I always said Edward Semi-skimmed in the door Makes me a whore no but i old people get really set in their ways though that's the thing like i'm starting to become set in my ways as well it's the way they've made it this far though they've made it that far by being set in their ways right yeah they wouldn't have made the ultimate is when you get to the point where literally like every day of the week you do something very specific like on a tuesday i put my overcoat on and i walk down to the co-op and i buy the exact same fucking thing

every week and when the prices rise i get stressed out because i'm not used to change and stuff and it's like on a wednesday i go to my acrobics class and on Thursday I like to go you know what I mean? I hope my life never becomes like that. I want to be fond, loose and fancy free until one day I just keel over and die. But actually, preferably somebody shoots me in the back of the head with a shotgun and it's all over.

I don't want no slow, painful death. I want to go out in a blaze of glory like Django Unchained. That's how I'm going out. The slightest change in the most minor of demands or requirements and it's like it's a full-on meltdown yeah for instance she wants to go into kingston which isn't far from here it's good for shopping and things so she's decided she's going to go into kingston and she says i'll take one of the girls into school you have to do the other one what

even though it's literally a five minute walk to drop what like boat you could drop one kid in one school and then drop the other one it's like it's literally a five minute difference but it's like well no because i want to get into kingston as fast as i can and i'm like can you not just fucking do it because otherwise i've got to get dressed i could be recording and shit so now i've got to you know get up and get out before i would have done otherwise i can't stay up late the night before streaming and recording and stuff like that because now i've got this to do and i'm just like you know get up and get out before i would have done otherwise i can't stay up late the night before streaming and recording and stuff like that because now i've got this to do and i'm just like you know she's like well i want to go in i'm saying geez what is the point in in discussing anything with old people because they just decided wait no this is the way we're doing it this is the

fucking problem with politics they do all the fucking voting i fucking hate old people fuck them all i hope we should chuck them in a fucking volcano i mean it yeah well i mean i don't think that i think the rest of the country feels the same way the way that elderly people are treated in britain flex so you're not alone there like man they people really fucking hate old people like they treat them like shit on that like campaign slogan you know fuck them in a volcano not chuck them in fuck them in we were talking about this last night I was talking to my wife about it And we were saying that like

You know like a lot of the dumb shit that happens And like you know like You know like social services And all this dumb shit that happens And we were just saying I think that part of the problem is Is that you know The governments that get into power

It all It is just all A bunch of old people voting Like I don't think young people vote at all And even when they do vote they don't know what they're voting for like i don't think they i don't think they get it right so it's all these like 70 year old men voting i feel and they vote for the dumbest shit all the time women yeah you know what the problem is if you want to win an election all you have to do is talk about the good old days and promise that you will either freeze or raise pensions you'll win in a landslide yeah that's it if you talk about helping anybody that isn't fucking old and volcano worthy then you're you're not gonna win get a

fucking volcano i don't even like jeremy corbyn right but i reckon if he ran on a campaign where he he's old himself if he said we're gonna dig dig up a volcano, we're going to figure it out. We'll get a volcano somewhere in the Midlands where nobody nobody cares about it. And his campaign is we're going to fuck them all in the volcano. And I'm going in first if we win. I promise I'd fucking vote for him. I just want somebody who I can vote for who isn't like a gray old fucking grandma. Like I saw the Tory manifesto on TV last night

and Theresa May, holy shit, she opens her mouth and literally instantly I'm in a coma. Like I do not care about a word that woman has to say. She's like a vampire. She's old. She's like totally out of touch as far as I'm concerned. Like I don't fucking care. She wasn't even fucking elected in the first place.

Yeah, that's true. And she's just parading around saying, work with me to make Britain great and all this stuff. Fuck off, okay? Do you know what the weird thing is? Nobody gives a shit.

Exactly. And imagine if there was a big company that was launching and their flagship person at the front to launch this big new company that was going to appeal to the people

and it was going to be fantastic was like the oldest, crustiest, least cool person you could imagine that's theresa may you shove her in the front this is our flagship right here this is our leader no wonder people don't fucking like politics you know who they should get on someone cool someone from the only way is essex get them in there yeah get the kids voting all right my my name's Joey or whatever from the Essex thing. Right? Vote for me. Oh. Back in a sec.

He's off to do that, is he? It's Theresa May at the door. I can hear you talking ill of me. So Sips had his boiler. I hope it's okay. That's fine. You know, I'm concerned.

The guy's saying, the flange nut, you got the 212 on there you need the 214 whoever installed it had no idea what they were doing don't worry I've got the partner van I'll just pop out and get it and we'll have it running tickety-boo in five minutes but it will cost you

50 grand hope that's alright that's basically every conversation with a boiler man ever by the way where's the fucking Triforce on the topic of boring shit my boiler has been serviced um it looks like you had to um there are some black speckles coming out so he's had to put install some more fire cement whatever the fuck that is sounds really cool but like it's probably i thought they would just add a white speckle emitter in there to sort of cancel the two out. The black speckles would be counted by the

white speckles. I mean, if he said that was the solution. I didn't have any high-tech solution for getting rid of them, so I just got a bit of white paint and painted over them. Yeah, you want to listen. I don't worry about it too much. Have you ever watched them do the boiler servicing? No, well, I tried to, but this guy, okay, this guy, he's really good. These guys are really good, guy do it this guy okay this guy he's really good these guys are really good but this guy is typically a boiler repairman okay like ass crack out everything like i walked in earlier just to like right before we started remember i was like i'll be two seconds i just have to go and check to make sure the boiler man's getting on okay i opened the door and my entire vision is filled with this guy's ass crack straight away i was like oh he's fine i just came back out it's it's crazy because you know that you know that when they're bent down in there looking at the

boiler and their ass crack is sticking out things are probably going fine yeah you can't you can't ask for more than that really you know what's weird is i still i i had a guy out this was this was about 15 years ago when we first moved in here and we had a guy out to look at the boiler it's a similar thing i think the boilers are always awkwardly located so butt crack is going to be on show right but this guy he was quite a chubby guy and he had a big old butt crack and he's had these trousers were rose down so he's down there dealing with the boiler yeah and if someone's ass crack is showing even if you really don't want to look at it you're going to look at it you get your eyes are going to be compelled to look at it just the same way as you look at an animal that's been run over or something because you don't see ass cracks that often so when you do see one your

your eyes are drawn to it this isn't something i'm used to seeing i'm gonna look and then you and then you're repulsed but this guy's butt crack like i would expect this guy to have a big old hairy spotty butt crack but his ass was almost alabaster white like this perfect smooth baby's ass with this immaculate butt crack and i was just staring at it thinking what the fuck is up with this guy's butt crack it looks like a fake yeah and they said to him at the boiler repair uh school your butt crack isn't up to it your grades are great everything else is fantastic your demeanor is perfect yeah you don't have enough hair on your ass crack but this actually you're gonna need a fake one we're gonna have this all right we can supply one

but uh just just really let your trousers ride down let the fake crack do the work yeah okay that's the only explanation i think for i don't know if you guys have noticed like like i've noticed this recently there's like this there's this thing where there's commercials and stuff where you see like workmen traditional workmen you know kind of overweight you know they're wearing like jeans like that are ill fitting and those like high visibility vests and stuff. But then they put them, they put them in like hot pants and high heels. Have you seen like these commercials? There's a couple of them, right? And now I feel like my mind is warped because like sometimes when I see this guy who's fixing my boiler's ass crack, I think like,

what if he just had a G-string on? You could see his whole ass crack. He's just wearing a neon pink G-string. And I don't even know if I would bat an eyelid at this point, because I've seen all these workmen wearing stilettos and fucking hot pants. It is 2017. That fat chick comes out and she dances a bit as well and stuff. And it's like, for fuck's sake.

I didn't believe you, but when you mentioned the year, your argument became much more convincing. Well done. Yeah. That was a comment. I saw a Reddit. It made me laugh. So I thought I'd try and claim it as my own.

Well done. I mean, that's good. I do that. Can I tell you guys about my trip to quote unquote Prague? Sure. Why did you say quote unquote? Was it not Prague?

I'll tell you why. I got an email saying, would you like to come and play poker in Prague? And I was like, fuck yeah, Prague sounds like a lot of fun. You know, it was just after PDXCon, I had one day off. My flight was at 7.30am, so I had a similar kind of problem to you guys did. When you guys flew to Stockholm, it was very early. So I was like pissed off because the flight was early.

We get to the airport and I think, well, at least Prague is close and I can go and look around it. And the guy's like, we'll drive now to Rozhidov and i said what do you mean rozvidov is that like in prague he goes no i said how long is the drive he said two hours what i was like what and this is two hours the way the czech guys drive which is light speed right so it was it could have been a thousand miles for all I know. We were sure to have them forever. So we get to Rozhvadov, and it's literally a casino and brothels. That's what the town of Rozhvadov is.

So a casino was built in the middle of nowhere, and an industry has sprung up around it. And, of course, the industry that supports a casino is the brothel industry, the money lending industry, the cash-quick-trade-in-your-valu quick trade in your valuable items here industry and a couple of other shitty hotels. I mean, across the road from the casino is a place called Chiquita Massage. So that's obviously, you know, a neon sign that flashes open 24 hours. It's a brothel.

They are legal. Is that where you guys went after your poker playing? You're just like, well, the guys were like, do you want to go get a Thai massage, Piran? And I was like, fuck no. I don't like the idea of a Thai massage. And it's probably a brothel. Oh, no, this one's really good. These guys would go out twice a day to get massages.

I don't get it. But I don't want a fucking massage. Some stranger grabbing all over me. And they're like, oh, sometimes it's so good you fall asleep. So I'm telling them you have to pay the money to be touched by a stranger in a non-sexual way and then to fucking fall asleep i could do that in my hotel room my stranger you wake up and you're just like well where am i what's going on you look down and there's a boiler repairman like fucking rosvadov i'm just looking on google maps it's. It's like on the German border.

So I guess that's the whole point of it. Exactly. It's closer to Nuremberg than it is to Prague. It is, indeed. So they tried to entice Germans over to their Thai massage parlours and casinos. Oh, yeah. Completely. Completely.

That's clearly why it's been built right on the fucking border. That's pretty clever, actually. There are a lot of Germans there. That's industrious. I mean, the staff all speak German, because most of the people who come in there are germans so the border is literally 10 minutes drive not even that and you're in deutschland it's like a minute's drive it's just down the road yeah it's literally down the road so why didn't you fly into nuremberg then you tell me buddy all right you tell me so we're we're there at the casino and it i mean the

casinos are fucking horrible places all right i don't know i mean maybe in vegas it's different but it's it's by by nature of whichever evil overlord designed the first casino the whole purpose is no windows no signal of what time of day it is lots of pressing lighting yeah it's just just get it going and uh yeah sort of the most bland that you can imagine is it like like full of people that have to smoke in there still? Exactly. It's very smoky. Yeah.

Was it filled with like toothless old women with credit cards on a strap around their neck and stuff? Exactly. So like you're in the restaurant area and there were people saying, oh, the restaurant's great. It's really good. Amazing food. And the people that always say that to me, I'm always very suspicious of esports people and gamers in general telling me this food is amazing because I kind of think they have no fucking idea what good food is. Yeah, they like Doritos and nachos. Red Bull by the Gallo.

That sounds like a stereotype. But I mean, I've been to enough events where people have said to me, you have to go to this restaurant. The food is amazing. And you go, OK, and you eat it and you think this is garbage go to this restaurant the food is amazing and you go okay and you eat it and you think this is garbage like this is garbage food this is this is not you know amazing cuisine this is just default food this is like if the fucking replicator on the enterprise was a bit off that day and they had been fucking around with it trying to improve its efficiency captain picard says i will have the uh wiener schnitzel please and it just pops out the most default venus schnitzel and they would be like four paper food

this is the best venus vessel it's so good it's so you have to try no your fucking emotion chip is all out of whack it's the basic bitch schnitzel don't give me that shit so that was one and the thing is the restaurant is surrounded by the fruit machines right yeah and they're going night and day the graphics are like nes 8-bit style the sound is definitely it's probably better fucking fruit out of the fruit machines than exactly in the fucking restaurant nice jesus yeah i like that and it was just like it was just weird and the atmosphere was weird so i was and we were there for like three days there There was nowhere else to go. So I'm in this casino. The guys that I was working with out there, like the guys that invited me and all the staff were very friendly.

They were very nice. The dealers were very friendly. But they invited a bunch of other esports people. Yeah, because wasn't Forsen there? Yeah, Forsen was there. Hotted, 98, was he there as well? Yeah, yeah. All those guys were there. Okay.

I mean, a bunch of them knew each other. I knew a couple of them vaguely, but I didn't, like, know them, know them. But it was fun. You know, we hung out and we were playing poker and stuff. But then we met the big boss, okay? Right. And the big boss, Leo, is the owner of the casino. He's trying to get esports and gambling together really, really in a big way, right?

Right, yeah. So he wants to get esports people to come to the casino. the objective as far as i could understand is they have a big twitch presence and that will encourage people to go to rozvidov and gamble and it's like a whole new market that they're trying to get to that's the best i could put together from his explanation and he says to me says to us okay listen i want to make this the premier streaming location So when you come here You stream at we will have streaming table and you will sit and it will be stream like something out of science fiction like you Would never believe so you tell me what would be best streaming thing you could have it would be unbelievable People never see anything like it totally memorable one of a kind only in Roswith of Kings room casino

You tell me what you want and everybody was sort of silent for like a minute, looking at each other like, what does he mean, streaming table? And I said, do you mean like a poker table that we can come and play at and it's streamed? He goes, no, no, no, streaming table. Like you sit and you stream and you do your games and stuff and streaming. What do you want?

We have seven foot LED screen. We have discos. We have, I don't know, people coming out of the ground. We have whatever you want. Leo. We have Thai massage could we can we can we set all this up in the brothel please so that i can jam bitches all night long while we stream you want dinosaurs you want dinosaurs to come out of ground and eat the bad guys we do this you want real Mario there we do this it was just i was like i want to say to him have you ever watched a stream? And afterwards, we were talking about it.

You want that garage? We do this. We do that garage. We do that garage. You want interruptions from cleaner? You want your mother to come around and have the children while you stream? You want me to fix boiler? I fix boiler. No problem.

Let me bend over. You want my old mama to make you cups of tea? No problem. She make best cup of tea. A1. Also, where is Triforce Podcast? Last week, none. I have missed it in last week and it's not enough.

Where is Triforce Podcast? It's really weird. But his whole idea was that he would have this streaming table, which I mean, because he's a casino owner, so everything is table based, right? He doesn't understand that it's not a table. He's like, we will put streaming table which i mean because he's a casino owner so everything is table based right he doesn't understand that it's not a table he's like we will put streaming table because he's like yes blackjack table we have poker table we have roulette table we have streaming table you stream at streaming table we have dinner table we have sleeping table we have table base this place only thing in

kings casino table base table base today premier table base casino place only tables everything in King's Casino table base table base casino premier table base casino in Roslado servicing all of Germany only two hours drive for Prague

it sounds like this guy's making power moves into our world though Flax and if he hears this he'll probably try to snuff you out

at some point he probably would I mean there were a lot of obviously like mob guys around or at least guys that were not people that you would want to bump into by mistake you know there's like little rich guys with huge gorillas in suits that would sort of carry in their their cash and there's like high roller games where the people sit down with like 20 30 grand at the table like minimum to enter the house like 200 euros a hand minimum um were there any out of interest were there any asians there because every casino i've been to i find that predominantly the people

there are like chinese like i think chinese people just love gambling you know i'm not being racist or anything i'm just curious if they've heard about rosvidov and you know they've made their way out there sort of thing. There were definitely a few. A couple of the high rollers were Asian guys. But people will travel because the high roller games, especially against like big, big poker games, it's not every day. It's like it's hard to get a real high roller poker game. So people will travel, you know, and they'll stay at the hotel and everything. Yeah.

So the objective, as far as I can tell it, is that and also they want to have you can come and stay at the hotel in one of the sort of streamer suites or something right and you can stay in there and stream from the hotel room and the guys are like this sounds amazing doesn't it guys i was like i was just nodding my head and i was thinking that sounds like hell coming to the middle of nowhere living in a casino for like a few days which is so I was so depressed that in the evenings because it was just awful you can see is people coming in with their pay packets and just losing them to this already fabulously wealthy casino owner and I just it's just hateful stuff so I just I the last thing I want to do is encourage eSports people who are young people generally a lot of

people that follow eSports and play they're all young you know they don't have the money to go to a fucking casino you know i don't like it dude it doesn't sit right with me these guys are living by the seat of their pants you know they're just looking for the next big thrill all the time and maybe the next big thrill is streaming from a casino hotel and then gambling all night i don't have such a big problem with like the physical nature of actually taking money out, going to a casino and actually putting it on the table, being aware of how much you're losing.

I have a bigger problem with the online side of gambling, which can be very illusory of how much you can get sucked into. And also some of these other things, certainly some games and things like this can also be similar to gambling. I think that's one of the things me and Sips were talking about around Blizzard and how it feels like all of their games are now, you roll the dice on these packs and it's like, you know, you have to, you know, it feels bad, doesn't it?

But anyway, gambling, don't get into it. On the topic of Blizzard, did you see that Destiny 2 is going to be exclusively obtainable on Battle.net? So it's happening. The old Activision Blizzard merge and Blizzard slowly becoming kind of shitty and stuff, it's all happening now. I never played Destiny. They're moving away from Steam,

so you can probably expect at some point in the future on Battle.net all of the Call of Duty games and a bunch of other fucking crappy Activision shit on there too, so it's going to be great. Yeah, they did it. So because Destiny was console only, right? And so Destiny 2 is on PC? So Destiny 2, there's a PC version, I think.

Okay. And that's why it's going to be available on Battle.net or Blizzard Launcher or something. I don't know. This happened yesterday, apparently. I heard about this. So there's that. And in other news,

because we've just sort of transitioned into the news segment, poor old Chris Cornell has passed away. Yeah. Damn shame. Man, another icon from the 90s like another teenage hero dead 52 years old fuck pretty and he killed himself which is like apparently what is the deal yeah apparently killed himself he had a lot of addictions and problems apparently but he'd been sober for about like 13 or something. But, I don't know. I think a lot of time when people are...

Yeah, well, either that or I think if you're doing drugs in a destructive way... Oh my god, he was found dead at the MGM Grand. Yeah, it is bathroom. He died in a casino, P-Flex. I told you they're depressing places! You were fucking depressed in your evenings,

in your hotel rooms. He was depressed too. Wait, what day did he kill himself? What day did he kill himself? It happened yesterday. It happened yesterday. He killed himself yesterday, like evening. Yeah. No, day before yesterday.

Maybe that's why you felt so depressed. You sensed a disturbance in the force, Chris Cornell. That might have been it. Because I was like that evening, I was so depressed. Disappeared from this earth. And then, yeah. But no, honestly, though like he was he was touring with Soundgarden uh because I guess they did like a reunion tour or whatever and um he has

lots of upbeat tweets from him and stuff sold out shows everything it was all going well but he's depressive I mean if you if you're taking drugs like that to a destructive degree yeah that's not just because drugs are bad. It's because you have underlying issues. Like, I'm reading, I was telling, I was boring you sips with how good Norm Macdonald's book Based on a True Story is. I was watching his comedy thing on Netflix. It's very funny.

He's very offbeat and funny. He's a very funny guy. But there's a bit in there where he's talking, just my phone alarm. There was a guy that he's talking to and he says, hey you want to go get a drink and the guy says i don't drink remember i'm an alcoholic and he said oh yeah that's right i remember now you're an alcoholic so you don't drink and i'm not an alcoholic so i do drink like life's funny like that and i thought that was quite sort of a clever norm mcdonald bit of philosophy in there you know some people they can't drink right because there's

some underlying issue alcoholism or depression or something like that yeah and i thought chris cornell probably was depressed in the first place i do heroin all the time and there's no ill effects so i just don't have a problem obviously chris chris did yeah like i think he was doing like crack and everything like it was it was pretty bad yeah but um yeah so now so he's so he's dead sad times yeah he was he's pretty good i mean do you think the crack is worse if a friend of yours told you they were doing heroin would you be like oh my god dude what are you doing but if they said you were doing they were doing crack would you react even worse you'd be like crack yeah like that why does that seem worse?

I think heroin's definitely the worst. You know, like the chemical dependency of heroin is debilitating. And I don't think you ever kick it. You know, people have to take methadone and stuff like that to sort of quell the urges and whatnot. With like cocaine and crack and stuff it's probably really really bad but i think you can with enough like hard work sort of kick it and and not go back to it maybe you'd be tempted to go back to it but like with with heroin it's like i think it's a bit different like it's

um you know it's like it's like nicotine but like nicotine is obviously not as as bad as heroin but you know what i mean like it's it's it's it's that heroin. But you know what I mean? It's that chemical dependency, you know, like your brain is just like, I need this. I have to have this. Yeah, there was a really interesting video about that. But I don't think it's heroin that's the one that actually you can, you get physically dependent on, I don't think.

Because didn't they do that? I watched this Kersk Zakt, you know, in a nutshell video about drug dependency on YouTube, which is really good. You should check it out. But basically it talks about how soldiers coming back from Vietnam who'd been taking a lot of drugs, I think one of them was heroin, were just able to

kick it as soon as they got a supportive community back home. They didn't even notice that they weren't taking it anymore kind of thing. Yeah, I read a similar thing about how people talk about alcoholism as a disease or drugs being physically addictive, but that a lot of the science that they've done into that

doesn't actually bear out that concept. I think it's nice for us to believe that you just inject it and the drug takes over and there's nothing you can do about it. And I think that's actually a worse thing to tell people because it makes them feel like they lack agency but effectively you know if you're doing something habitually it may be habit forming but it's obviously a crutch for something else like uh i don't think it like a lot of the time people when they fall off the wagon or get on the wagon whichever it is yeah uh they it's a result of something yeah yeah and i think i think it's a result of like a lack of a good support social support structure around them a lack of friends a lack of people yeah exactly

and then and then if someone told you that they were doing heroin you'd want to distance yourself from them and that's that makes them worse in a sense it depends have they got any more heroin to share because i might get closer to him if so oh my god this is like i mean i told this story on the gone tips you you finish your thing with heroin is that it's not fun though i don't think like uh like cocaine and drinking those are like those are like party like cocaine's like a real a party drug right and like uh drinking right you know you you can get a bit like shit faced and stuff and have a nice time your heroin just knocks you flat on your ass and you just like you know nod off a bit and fucking yeah a lot and shit like you're not having a party when you're on on heroin like you're

probably tripping out like hardcore but like i would like to do acid one time i do think that would be fun i'm not encouraging oh my god it's so weird how like this this conversation this conversation today link up but i was talking about this yesterday. We were in Stockholm and went out, had a day, wandering around town. And I got stopped by a yoghurt in the street. You had some acid. So we dropped acid in an alleyway and blew each other a lot. And, oh, it was crazy.

Then I jumped off a roof and killed myself. Did you, like, read? Have you heard this story? Because that's pretty much what happened. Did you take the acid, Lulu? No, I didn't take any. I was offered a tab of, this guy basically was, so we're walking past a pub and there was,

he was a guy and a girl and the girl clocked me, but we carried on walking. And then like a minute later, you know, the boyfriend had run down the street to like say, oh, my girlfriend's a big fan. Come and have a drink with us. So I was like, oh, geez, all right, fine. So we went and had a drink later, the boyfriend had run down the street to say, oh, my girlfriend's a big fan. Come and have a drink with us. So I was like, oh, geez, all right, fine. So we went and had a drink with these guys. But this guy was absolutely completely wasted on drugs,

and all he repeated was, do you want some drugs? And he moved to shake my hand, and I was like, okay. But then he tried to give me a tab of acid, and then he was like, you don't want acid? acid i've got cocaine mdma and ecstasy he was literally like a full he had a big bag of drugs big bag of pills wow right right on him and it was like wow nice um and and so that's that's pretty much all he said like he kept he was so wasted did he have any of that WMD? Did he have blue tops? Did he have them red tops?

I got chili. What's it? Chili crack or whatever? Chili crack. Oh, my God. Nice, yeah. I got the chili willy right here. Red tops.

So, no, I was fervently resisting doing any drugs because I thought, oh, my God. I've never really done any hard drugs in my life actually, fortunately. Have you ever done any? Have you ever been tempted? Have you ever been swayed? Hard drugs? No. I've chased the Charlie. Taken tokes from the lyrical blood of the magic dragon.

I've smoked weed, but the one thing I've when it comes to hard drugs, the real thing that's hard about them is getting a hold of them. I've found. That's the hard part. You I would have done you need to know somebody a few but yeah I none of my mates are into drugs like they drink they don't even like a few spoke weed occasionally but not in a big way I did have a friend at university who was a cocaine dealer just as a side thing and he would never share like never even when we were all out he was like no buy it I was like no buy it i was

like i don't have any money it's like well go and go fuck yourself well they have to sell it though because that's why he's short they're gonna get killed so exactly you know but partly maybe he just cared about you and he didn't want to just he didn't want you to take no he was just a tight bastard he would have sold it to me in a heartbeat but but uh yeah i would have done coke i think and i definitely would do lsd but but not from just someone in the street walking up and saying, hey, big fan, put this in your body, you'll have a great time. Like, no, I won't eat a cake that someone's baked for me. Like, I'm not going to eat a fucking, I'm going to drop acid, give me a break.

Who knows what they could have baked into that cake, P-Flex. It's made with my hair and my semen. There was a thing on Twitter Where somebody was like Friendly reminder never to eat something That a fan gives you The needle It was like a crumbled up

It looked like a crumbled up cake With a gigantic needle How big was that needle? It looked like the cake was stained By cherry or something And one of the replies was like, I hope that those are just like cherry stains on the cake. And then the reply came back. It's like, no, it's not.

So like fucking dude bit into it. The needle stabbed his mouth and he was like bleeding all over this. Oh, horrendous. Who fucking does that though? Like who puts a fucking needle into like a baked good christ like what goes through your mind when you're doing that though like you have to be a fucking raging asshole to do it like you can't how do you live with yourself after that like knowing that you've done that like it's insane it's beyond me i. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

That said, I've had conventions. I think I've eaten a few things that fans have baked for me. I've eaten. I've given a try. Some of them have been very nice, like some fairy cakes, some little cookies, some little brownies. I'm not able to shit solids anymore, but cakes. I had a trip of my life after those brownies. It was never the same.

My gunny works are all fucked up now. It'll never be right again. My dick fell off. Yeah, no. Just glued it back on. I can't believe that there's people out there doing that shit. It's crazy. Yeah, people are nuts.

It's just try and get a raise. It's just everything's more extreme than the next, isn't it? It's just about topping the last guy. Well, how do you top that like that there's no top in that what you're gonna put like a nuclear bomb inside a cake but no you make you make a cake with a tiny assassin baked into it in a sort of concealed cavity you cut into the cake a little tiny assassin jumps out stabs you in the mouth oh fuck, fuck you. With a tiny needle. So while I was in Stockholm... Is this pre or post acid trip? This was post acid trip.

But maybe it's linked, actually. I went to my bedroom to retire for the evening and put Spotify on. And I noticed there was a Eurovision playlist on there. I was like, oh my God, is it Eurovision? So I turned on Swedish TV and Eurovision was on and I watched the Eurovision Song Contest

in Sway which was quite an experience because it was all just Swedish gibberish with people singing in European gibberish but it was so wonderfully

gay and flamboyant and like I'd been on an acid trip honestly some of the things some of the acts were just

I really like I like Eurovision I've always watched it I remember back in the day like five years ago when me and Simon lived together acid trip honestly some of the things some of the acts were just i i really like i like your vision okay i've always watched it i remember back in the day like five years ago when me and simon lived together we sat down and watched your vision it was one of the funniest nights of my life because simon was just he just it was it was obviously just one of those moments where simon was just being simon and he was just so funny we just had the best night of our lives and ever since i've really kind of had this soft spot for your vision i've used to used to try and watch it with simon but i don't know you know what happens people drift away from each other it's a bit sad but um i loved watching eurovision i loved i love i always question like

why like some people put forward the acts they do like i'm like you can't possibly think you're gonna win eurovision with this bizarre theatrical performance of like you know a woman painted white and doing like writing like you know skeleton on a chalkboard it was it was it was just bananas and I loved it I think that a lot of countries don't necessarily want to win because it's really expensive to put it on right and I think a lot of time they just want to put on the show to stay in it and you're always going to find someone in your country who's willing to go forth as a Eurovision competitor

some countries actually put forward established acts like we would never do that we would never put we're not going to put Ellie Goulding who's British forward as our Eurovision act remember that year when Britain put forth that it was like they were like airline

like stewardesses and stuff. We're flying our flag all over the world. That was an okay one. We're flying our flag. Yeah, that was all right. Do you remember Dustin the turkey, the Irish entry? I think it was Dustin. Do you remember him? I don't think it made it to the final. He, the Irish entry. I think it was Dustin. Do you remember him?

I don't think it made it to the final, though, did it? He was the Irish entry. This was after they'd won back-to-back Eurovisions. Ireland have won? Yeah, yeah. They won back-to-back, and they could not afford to put this shit on again. Wait, what are some notable Eurovision winners,

apart from ABBA? It's going to bankrupt the country. They literally said, we can't afford to do this again we've got to put forward an act that cannot possibly win so they put dust in the singing tag i think it was dustin someone in the comments will correct me if i'm wrong but it's unbelievable look at it it's like he was like this weird celebrity turkey puppet that was known in ireland and was like an awful sort of in joke and they just that was it that's our fucking entryland and was like an awful sort of in joke and they just that was it that's our fucking entry their previous two entries were like sort of nice beautiful singers

they're like we can't afford to win this this year lads we've got to fucking throw it get dustin in it was brilliant i love fuck it's been going since 1956 what the fuck and the and france have won it like in the early days france won it a lot. Forget about it. Holy shit. The UK seems to have never won it, I don't think. Excuse me. Sorry, it won in 97. Bucks Fizz.

Katrina and the Waves. Yeah, Katrina and the Waves. Go back to Bucks Fizz. Love Shine a Light. Hang on. Bucks Fizz. I'm not sure if Bucks Fizz. Dude.

No, Brotherhood of Men in 1976. Save Your Kisses for Me me that was also what do you mean bucks fizz never won bang bang boom bang a bang by lulu that was another winner in 1969 puppet on a string sandy shore boom bang a bang by lulu save your kisses for me by brotherhood of man yeah making your mind up by bucks fizz 1981 you went right past it sunshine i'm not at 81 right there it is making your mind that's a great song making your mind up i can see why it was the thing where they whipped away the skirt yeah and then abba won in 74 with waterloo which you know that was a pretty good i mean jesus how i mean jesus it's putting abba in

seems a little excessive well i mean does this, they were just trying. Held in Brighton. The host city was Brighton. Wow. Nice. And then in 1991, Sweden won with a song called Fangad av en stormvind. Maybe it was like a Warcraft themed. Stormvind. Stormvind.

I don't know. But yeah, 97, I guess, is the last time the UK won Eurovision. I don't care about UK winning. I don't support the UK. That's not why I watch it. I don't watch it for some sort of patriotic fucking, you know, bullshit reason. Like, oh, come on, England. Yeah, do it for old Blighty.

I don't give a shit about that, you know. Meanwhile, fix your boiler. Oh, it's a Triforce podcast. Oi, oi oi I don't even like I don't that you know

I didn't even cross my mind that I would want to support the English entry because I can't give a shit about it less

but man it was good there was this moment where a streaker because Australia's in it now and there was

this Australian streaker who came along and flashed his arse it was glorious. The Aussies are here. Out come the arses. Guaranteed.

It's just like opening the fucking gates and letting all the animals in once you let the Aussies in. Filthy, disgusting country. Get them out. And of course, the last winner was Portugal. I didn't watch it. I would never go out of my way to watch Eurovision. Like, I don't hate it, but I don't like it either. Like, I'm firmly ambivalent towards it, I think.

Like, I just think whatever. Sure, no, sure. I mean, there's some notable winners here, like ABBA, Bucks, Fizz. Like, I know them. You better them. I couldn't tell you who Teddy Scholten is, though, from the Netherlands, with his winning song In Beat Je.

I don't know if I pronounced that right. That was in 1959, FYI. But there you go. Luxembourg has won a couple of times as well, French songs. Jean-Claude Pascal won in 1961 with the song Nous les Amoureux, which means Us the Lovers lovers how did they do it i

don't know it was hosted in cans so maybe fucking you know it was already heavily uh swaying towards like a french winner in luxembourg we're just in the right place at the right time i don't know i've got something to show you guys here look at this i've sent you this video this is a video the title of the video is eurovision 1971 manic woman freezes mid applause now just just watch watch that video and tell me what you just look that man vision 1971 manic woman freezes mid why did she just freeze like that with that facial expression that's so weird that is weird oh you know what though they probably had a big screen and she probably saw herself on the screen and just like was like oh shit i'm on the screen i don't know that's exactly what it is yeah it probably is that you know you know what always makes me laugh that the old footage of like uh michael jackson concerts where like and beatles and rolling stones concerts where

like all those those girls in the crowd are like fainting and going crazy and crying and stuff. Imagine having that sort of effect on a person. That'd be fucking hilarious. Holy shit. Hi, I'm Michael Jackson. With the ugly cry face and stuff. Fuck me. That'd be so funny.

It is like a kind of group insanity, isn't it? Like a kind of like madness. Like, Jesus Christ. So no, I love Eurovision. And yeah, I don't know. I don't know whether it's, I don't know. It's, there's a nice little thing. I mean, last year, I think the Ukraine won it

after the Russian sort of invasion or whatever. This year, I think Russians were banned from entering because the woman, because it was hosted in Ukraine, I think, the Russian entry had performed in Crimea or something, there was a bunch of controversy. But I mean, it's supposed to be more kind of bringing together all of these European nations. Yeah, well, good luck with that.

Yeah, I don't know. Best of luck with that one. I mean, I was amazed. Brexit didn't seem to affect how the voting went. Like, we did about as well as we ever do. Usually it's very political, the voting, which is kind of weird. I think everyone was, like, scared that we'd, you know, everyone would be angry with us in Europe.

But actually, people don't give a shit. No, they've always hated us. Brexit, no. We've never been popular. Like, why the fuck would the French ever vote for us? They would rather die, I'm pretty sure, than sayland is the best like they would hate that so i don't think we need to worry about brexit they fucking hate us anyway bingo well it doesn't matter i don't so who cares i don't care i just want to watch it it's just a good crack yeah you don't care because you voted

for brexit lewis you asshole how could you there was a there was a great Romanian entry where they were yodeling. That was glorious. I think the last one I remember was 2014, which was Rise Like a Phoenix. Remember that one? That's the last one I remember watching. So it's been a while. Heroes by Sweden, I don't remember. 1944 by the Ukraine last year. Don't remember that one.

And I did not watch this year's either, which was Amar Pelos Duas by Portugal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like this Portuguese guy. It was good. It was good. You liked it. Maybe, maybe not.

I don't know. It's all pop music. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's absolutely nuts. I remember that year. There was a year where Andrew Lloyd Webber, remember? He was like, we have to win Eurovision.

I'm going to make a song. We're going to just cheese it hard and we're going to win Eurovision. And they didn't win. And I haven't seen Andrew Lloyd Webber since. I think he fell into ill health and stuff. And like, because remember he was doing, remember he had those shows. He went into a casino. No, no, remember he had those shows where he was auditioning people to be in his musicals and stuff.

And that was going on for a while. But I think he got cancer or something. And he was really sick. Really? And he just didn't do it anymore. He was just old as shit. He looked like a fucking gremlin. You know what he did?

He did do one of his shows. He's gone to, where is it? Broadway. He's opened a show on broadway for the first time like that was like right i think he was just in him i don't think he died or was sick i think he was just in america all right yeah i saw phantom of the opera in in london and that that blew me away i thought it was fucking great like it was really really good like the songs and everything were really good it It's nice. I would highly recommend it

if you're ever feeling that way inclined to watch a musical. Do you know what Andrew Lloyd Webber looks like, by the way, if you look at his face? He looks like when Darth Vader at the end of Jedi, when Luke takes his helmet off. Yes, he does. That's what Andrew Lloyd Webber looks like. It's the really saggy bits under the eyes that does it.

You were right about me, Luke. Yeah. You were right. That's him. But you're wrong. Andrew Lloyd weber actually is still consumed by the dark side yeah it's true it's a shame you got this one you were wrong luke and it stabbed into the heart with a lightsaber do you want to be in one of my musicals luke it's called go fuck yourself it's gonna be the Western sensation, Lukey. You're going to do big things, boy.

Oh, shit. Guess what? There's a new expansion for your favorite game, Sips, Offworld Trading Company. A new expansion? Damn those filthy pirates. Oh, my God. No way.

That's crazy. Fuck me. Man, PDXCon was great. I'm pretty excited about a lot of stuff that like we saw at pdx con it was really nice it was like you know what i think what was good is it's all games that will appeal like to us right like yeah they're all the kind of games that we play games that have a multiplayer aspect or yeah single player but they're kind of still strategy and buildy games and sandbox games it's all my kind of shit yeah yeah i wasn't like i wasn't like super excited

for the for the new hearts of iron expansion because i thought a couple of nations getting focus trees and stuff like it doesn't sound that great but actually i think the stuff that they put into it what we played at pdx con was really good like i'm really looking forward to it i was actually kind of disappointed that it wasn't already out because i just wanted to come home and play it like as it was i feel you. It was really good. I'm really looking forward to playing some of the new countries and stuff. It'll be nice. I did a big post this morning, a big tweet longer,

about how I think they could fix frontlines in Hearts of Iron IV. So just to give you a brief rundown, I know that we don't normally talk about games, but just a very brief rundown. The problem, I think, is that you give the AI a frontline and it sees a frontline as a single thread that it needs to cover. And that's fine in terms of putting your troops on the front line. Like, I get that.

But I said that one suggestion would be that you also assign reserve units to that front line order, and they'll sit behind the front line, like a province or two back in strategic locations. And if there's a breakthrough in your front line and a province is taken either way those reserve units go to fill those gaps rather than you can kind of do that with fallback lines already though you know they're not dynamic no no it's not dynamic you'd have to assign like half of your front line back to the fallback line exactly or to have another unit there on the fallback line but i think it would be good if it was a reactive that's a great idea yeah like a reactive reserve troops who a reactive. That's a great idea.

Yeah, like a reactive reserve troops who were like, well, there's a hole in the front. We've got to plug it, bring out the reserve troops. And also those reserve troops, you would give them different, like they would be made up differently. So they might be more mobile so they can get to fill the gaps more quickly. So they might be a little softer than your frontline units. They probably wouldn't have artillery.

And they might have more AA because the AA is good for the planes flying overhead the aa and the reserve will will shoot them down i thought that was nice so i love your tweet longer it starts off with hey there it's me an idiot right and then it finishes off with you saying anyway it's a though you've missed the t yeah i did i'm an idiot i said at the start it was a it's a though it was anyway it's a though i'm not sure if i could take that tweet longer tweet seriously now that there's a spelling mistake. Your TLDR was literally you read the first sentence and the last sentence and you cashed out. I scanned it.

Listen up. I met some of the Paradox devs at ParadoxCon and said some of these things to them. And they were very crushed to hear anything that I criticized. They were like, oh, but we worked really hard and we were really happy with how we managed to get that working at all. And I was like, oh my God, it's terrible. And they were like, well, we think at least it works. And we're like, well, but it's terrible.

It doesn't matter. But I think what they've done is they've spent, they're so happy that it works at all because I think it took so long to even get it running that what we think is shit, they think is just, thank that it works at all because I think it took so long to even get it running that what we think is shit they think is just thank god it works and so they're so happy with it at the moment that they're never going to improve I mean I don't think it's shit I mean it's just one of those things that it's like a thing in a game where it doesn't feel like a good representation it feels like something that you once you get the hang of it you can work around it and you know

like oh yeah yeah if you want to do that you could here's a trick you know it's like one of those things in a game where there's like a trick to getting it to work the way you want and obviously that's not what you want what you want is to be able to tell the game to do something and it does it and it's sort of clever and dynamic i mean i'm hoping that they can build that kind of stuff in well i'm sure that they can though i don't think that's like i don't think that that's impossible for them no no absolutely no it's and like all paradox, whether you like it or not, the game will just get better over the years with the fixes and the DLC that comes out.

Because the thing is, these games are so vast, they can't get it all in for release. Otherwise, the game would never be released. You know what I mean? They have to do it this way. And the way that they sell DLCs means that their studio can keep working on the games as well. Exactly. It's a clever way of doing it.

It's like my dick. You can't accept it all at once. You have to take it in stages or it'll tear you up. Yeah. Exactly like a dick. I love that, yeah. I've never experienced that myself. But yeah, so I mean, I don't know. I feel like we just sometimes don't realise.

Then again, I have been playing the Kaiserreich mod. What did you think? Oh, right. I haven't tried that yet. Which is the alternative. World War I was won by the Germans instead. And, you know, it sort of puts you in, throws you at the deep end in 1946 with a very different world map,

but also a different world set setup of ideologies and things and the first thing i struggled with was the um political landscape because they have nothing similar it's all syndicalists autocrats yeah and i'm not really sure what any of those things are i'm not a political philosopher i don't know oh well see i am lewis so i think that sounds like the one mod for me i think i'll feel right at home that one i think my only my only problem with it is that it pretty much just changes the starting condition so it's basically if you're bored of the default hearts of iron setup that you have with the world as it was you can try kaiserike and everything's different everything is different yeah it is fun there's a lot of things that different there's

some different gameplay mechanics there's like there's so many different focus trees and you know it's huge efforts going in oh yeah 30 different focus trees and like thousands of events i'm not i'm not at the point after hundreds of hours of playing that game i'm still not quite at the point where i'm ready to play a mod like that and have you really played hundreds of hours it has been yeah it's crazy yeah it's incredible i still haven't played a game as the u.s because i thought they're going to be too big and overwhelming i still haven't played a game as japan you know you did one as the nazis the other day and you said to me that's the first time i ever played as germany and it was really fun and me and lewis

have been playing a game where i played as italy and that's been pretty fun as well actually well stop stop you guys have been playing hearts of iron without me dude you were away for like a week we wanted to play so we played we're doing good too fuck we're doing really good like let me just get something just get my keys here because I'm fucking leaving wow get my passport

I'm fucking out oh shit where's my bag back to that they got a Thai massage he's gonna go stream from the hotel now instead Where's my bag? Where's my bag? Back to that. They got a Thai massage waiting for you. He's going to go back. He's going to go stream from the hotel now instead. Streaming table. We got a new podcast called the Casino Reality Podcast. The truth is that Sips and Lewis are assholes.

Teddy, baby, are you ever coming home? No, baby. No. I'm streaming full time from the hotel now and gambling away our life savings. Streaming table. We have new full time from the hotel now and gambling away our life savings. Streaming table. We have new streaming table and the podcasting table. Anything you want. We have a special table for you to store all your life savings on table.

And then so you can gamble on gambling table. We have drugs table. We have gambling table. We have prostitutes table. We even have just table table. It's just a table. It's a, we call gambling table we have prostitutes table whatever you want table table it's just a table it's uh we call it table we stack many tables on our table it's it's for tables you choose from many tables on this table holy shit is there a bodega or can we can today? Well, apparently you just want to go. No, remember we got the kids' bodegas.

Oh, do we still have more kids' bodegas? Yeah, we got more. We got more. I didn't realize. Yeah, we got a few. And we got to trickle them out. It saves you a lot of effort writing a bodega because you've been away.

You haven't had a chance to write a bodega. Are you ready? This one's called The Pirate King. Okay. Are you ready? Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I will become the pirate king, bodega yelled, jumping up and down.

Bodega, stop shaking the boat, Zico yelled from his position on the bottom of the boat. Sorry, Bodega said, laughing. Why is he laughing so much? I don't know. He must be really excited. Bodega had just gotten his first crew member after saving him from execution. He was planning to go to the Golden War line, where he could get the treasure hidden by the previous Pirate King. It was a very dangerous place to go and was life-threatening, but many people still went to get the treasure.

Bodega had an advantage, though. As a child, he'd eaten a rubber fruit that gave him stretch powers. But it wasn't enough, since there were eight other people in the universe, all pirates, that had other incredible powers. All right, let's go to the pirate line so I can become Thai Pirate King, Bodega yelled. Zico was quiet for a moment, leaning against the side of the boat with his eyes shut. Then he slowly opened his eyes and turned toward Bodega. I already told you to stop shaking the boat. Besides, we don't even have a crew. If we go to try to get the treasure now, we would be killed. We need we need a crew first and you're the captain so get it together and decide on a plan

already zico shouting before leaning back again and shutting his eyes was there any punctuation in that sentence at all no okay i like you zico bodega said and sat down with a thump zico grunted and before he could yell again Bodega said sorry sorry Bodega sat and thought on a plan for hours before finally presenting a plan to Zico this better be good Zico said I decided the plan is to get a crew then go get the treasure Zico sighed I'm so gonna die with this guy the end right that was a really good one amazing i like i like the whole uh bodega becomes a pirate spin and seems really excited about it too like there's a lot of shouting in that one yeah i'm not sure so okay i've got a few comments on this first one is that i wonder how many bodegas and

also things that you or i am exposed to in real life that I don't recognise because I recognise that this is almost word for word plagiarism. Well, it's not word for word, obviously, but of the anime One Piece. Okay. It's like a pirate anime, whereas there's a kid who eats a rubber fruit and wants to be the pirate king, right? So obviously this child in this school has watched this anime. Now you two haven't any idea about this.

I love how au fait you are with anime now. Like you've really made it like a personal goal of yours to just know anime for some reason. Why have you done this? He's on a fucking quest. Remember back in podcast episode fucking three? Join me on my fucking journey yeah before passing judgment on anime i will cast mine eye upon its entire opus i must know them all

intimately signed lewis brindley weeaboo anime loving nerd nerd fuck me episode 1.6 like confrontation the air was warm and dry unlike bodega's pants that one was like 2 seconds long fuck yeah unlike bodega's pants he was cold and wet because he peed cool cool

urine start this one from the top that doesn't exist all right are you ready this is weird the air was warm and dry unlike bodega's pants he was cold and wet because he peed cool cool urine he just walked in on his wife slash future wife with one of his fellow crew members who had asked to have the day off now cool non-sticky pee was running down his right leg drip drip drip it was now dripping onto the floor they were eating space peanut butter bodega's one have the day off. Now cool, non-sticky pee was running down his right leg. Drip, drip, drip. It was now dripping onto the floor. They were eating space peanut butter. Bodega's

one weakness, it was like his kryptonite. The fellow pirate, named Kurt Beltpants, shoved the peanut butter jar of space skippy in Bodega's face. Bodega immediately burst into flames. Majesta, his wife, realised what the Kurt Bell pants had done, quickly got some space coffee and poured it onto the flaming body of Bodega. Relieved he was not, very relieved he was not dead, Bodega graciously kissed his wife. The other pirate, however, was not a happy camper. He took a torch and lit Bodega on fire again. Bodega thinking, why haven't I fireproofed my armor yet?

But luckily again, his pee cooled him down, so again he didn't die. His wife, now furious, picked up the torch and lit Kurt's belt pants on fire. He died. Majesta leaned in to kiss Bodega, but he stabbed her with his space knife. Bodega knew how to hold a grudge. Jesus Christ.

Why are these kids so obsessed with adultery? Every single story. One second he's kissing her, the next session he's like some sort of stone cold sociopath just stabbing her through the heart. Man, Kurt Belton. Holy shit. Like, oh, he died straight away.

Like, I can't believe it. He had so much more to give, I think. A bit of elaboration on his character, maybe a bit of development and stuff. But no yeah just lit on fire and he's dead that was some game of thrones right there like yeah just when you get attached to somebody they die the cold p yeah nuts do you want one more and then we're done so yeah sure oh my god this one's called the oh this is quite a long one actually this has got animated i don't know it's just it's just large font all right are you ready it's called bodega the crash bodega she screamed as the severed part of the spacecraft

got caught in the gravity of the nearby planet majesta he shouted back the severed spacecraft suddenly burst into flame as it was pulled closer to the foreign planet he only remembered the cries that were silenced by the endless void of space. Earth. This is what they call their planet. On the charts, it was only known as Sol 3, Bodega thought. Bodega groaned. He'd never had a space raid go so wrong. What had happened, he thought. All he knew was that he had to build a ship to get back to Cassandra, his girlfriend. He climbed out of the broken ship, blinded by the sun, and started to dig through the parts. He knew he would have to visit a store nearby He searched the ship again and found a credit card He then ventured out to find a store that would provide for his needs.

Alright, first thing, I don't think Bodega's credit card would be accepted by any major retailer on earth Because he hasn't been there before but anyway He reached a little town and went into one of the stores The owner was Hispanic and he guided Bodega to the section that he wanted He picked out many machines to help him with the spaceship. Bodega ended up buying the whole store. He was not considerate of the person who owned the credit card. Oh, I see.

This is why some Hispanic stores are called Bodegas. Ah, it's like an origin story. Oh my god. He used the building as the base of the ship, and then attached all of the machines inside to create a fantastic spaceship. Wow. It was time to take off. It was nearly night, but Bodega knew he had to take off now. Bodega pressed the launch button,

and the store building ripped from the ground and broke through the Earth's atmosphere. When he landed at his home, he found no one there. He only found a note from his girlfriend, Majesta. The note said the following, Dear Bodega, and this is in a different font, by the way, which I like. If you are still out there, I apologise for re-marrying again with the re-marrying. What is with this? Me and George had a child. We named him after you, Bodega. I hope you're alive. And if you are, then please accept my apology. I miss you greatly, greatly, Majesta. Bodega felt a tear slowly trickle down his face. At least he'd survived his fatal crash. And who knows? Maybe he could find love elsewhere. God, Bodega can't catch a break. If Majesta isn't treating with

cheating on some other, he's cheating on someone with a fucking moon buggy she's she's cheating on him with another guy and then saving him and then he's killing it that moon buggy thing was hilarious that was the funniest fucking thing holy shit i mean that was the funniest it feels like that one was written by someone's parents you know sometimes these parents are like what's your homework let me let me see it i want to help out and say, I have to write a thing about a bodega. What do you mean a bodega? What, a local Hispanic convenience store? Do you know what I mean?

It feels like, I don't know, it feels like someone got a bit of help here. I'm just smelling the rat. You're smelling the rat. Just some of the things that were going on in that are a little bit too suspicious. The Hispanic man helped show bodega the parts he needed, and he bought the whole store. What do you say? You're implying that Bodega owners have worked their way into this

in some way to kind of get free advertising via this. Is that what you're implying? Like Bodega operators have clubbed together? Guys, we have to use this opportunity to raise the profile of Bodegas by subtly adding Bodegas into the bodegas. Finally, somebody is giving us exposure that we desperately need. Have you sold out? P-Flex.

Have I sold out to the bodega magnates? To the local bodega. Is this undisclosed sponsored content? It is not. I want to state that for the record and for legal reasons. I have not been sponsored by bodegas. And fact we haven't been sponsored by anything so if you want to support the trifles podcast if you want to sponsor us it doesn't matter what you do if it's you porn we'll make a team i'll do you porn i don't mind like i'm up for anything at

this point yeah we were talking about this in sweden and we were talking about the fact that they have people have like uh patreons for my life. Yeah, we were talking about this in Sweden, and we were talking about the fact that they have, people have, like, Patreons for their podcasts and shit. And we were talking about it, weren't we? I don't know. It's something, a lot of people say that they want to support the podcast, and I get that. We're not going to do a Patreon.

There you go. The boss man has put his foot down. We will never do a Patreon. No Patreon, but we will be sponsored by Gillette, the best a man can get. I don't shave. Fuck you, Gillette, the best a man can get. I don't shave. Fuck you, Gillette. I don't want your shit.

I don't shave now, but I would shave if they sponsored us, for sure. No, fuck you, Gillette. Gillette, the best a man can get. Sponsored by Gillette. The best way to sponsor the ProFoss podcast is to buy a t-shirt. Oh, come on. That is not the way. Send me cash money in the mail.

That's the best way to do it. What? Cold hard cash. Bitcoin's accepted. No. No bitcoins. Oh, come on. They're worth like a bit.

You've got one. It's worth like a thousand bucks. It's like, no bitcoins, please. I want actual real money. How many bitcoins have you got, P-Flex? I don't want to talk about it. You've got one bitcoin. I have a fucking bitcoin, yes.

Yeah. A fan sent it to me. He's not happy about it, allegedly. How do you access it? Exactly! Exactly! Just money, please. Can you sell that?

The shop takes money. Why don't you just sell it if you don't like it? Just give me the fucking money. He doesn't know how. Give me the money. He's an old man. It's just a confusing thing I have that's a bunch of numbers and letters. I don't want the fucking comments to be filled with Bitcoin nerds telling me how great bitcoins are i tell you what

zip it all right get the money put it in the envelope send it give us the cash yeah jesus thanks everyone on that note see you later see you next time see you next week bye