Triforce! - Triforce! #52: Old Crone's Bone Zone

Episode Date: September 13, 2017

Triforce! Episode 52! Old people everywhere are getting busy in their old folks homes, but Sips doesn't want anything to do with that.   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. All right, I'm going to take off my headset for this intro. It's going to be a running intro. All right, you ready? Yeah. Wait, wait, just wait. Okay, you guys can still hear me, all right? We're going to do this.

Welcome to the DriveForce Podcast. Woo! Trumpet music, please. Editors, insert that. That kind of thing. It's like we've run out onto stage you know and then they run out of stage like yeah well it kind of reminds me of the Muppet Show. Remember the intro to the Muppet Show with Kermit the Frog?

He's like, welcome to the Muppet Show. And then he's just like waving his hands. And then, you know, the curtain comes up. It was so exciting, that intro. Yeah, yeah. It's really good. It was one of the better intros for sure. Yeah.

Okay, we should always do that then. I'm worried that we don't have much follow-up though, because already I'm like out of energy and i'm already sleeping yeah but don't worry because what will happen is the editors are going to put in some really upbeat music like pow and it'll be like the triforce podcast and they'll be like they'll put crowd sounds in and people are pulling stuff lasers lasers yeah all that kind of stuff and and uh it'll be amazing all right so fill me and then we just sit around talking about dad's you know let's just dive into dad stuff any dad things happen this week oh man i had a fucking whole week of like non-stop dad action last week i was on

vacation with my family for a solid seven days we went to the um united kingdom the mainland as we call it over here and um we visited Center Parks in Longleat. If you've ever been before, it's a nice place. Nice place to take your family. It's one of those places. The United Kingdom or Longleat? Both. You know, the United Kingdom is fairly nice.

Longleat is beautiful. Is that the one with the safari park? Yeah, that's Longleat. Yeah, that's Longleat. So like Longleat Forest is where Center Parks is as well. It's just like next door neighbors. Is it where you drive your car around and the monkeys pull off your windscreen wipers? So Longleat Forest is where Centre Parcs is as well. It's just like next door neighbours. Is it where you drive your car around and the monkeys pull off your windscreen wipers?

Yeah, pretty much. Lewis, they're called children. They've got lions. They've got some giraffes and stuff. They've got feral children foaming at the mouth. It took me a while to get that one. Running around trying to pull things off your car and stuff. But we stayed at Centre Par Parks the whole time this time.

And it's one of those places where you pay for your accommodation, you get there, and then it's kind of like a menu, right? You can do as much or as little as you want to. If you want to just hang out at your little villa or cottage thing or whatever all the time and like watch tv and have barbecues and stuff you can do that it's cool it's fine there's lots of nice places to walk around you can you can hire a bike or you can just like do lots of different things like we did a whole bunch of shit while we were there and it was really fucking exhausting it was fun but holy

crap i'm so tired like i i don't know if i'll ever recover. Like, I'm too old for Center Park. Did you have like an itinerary planned or did you just kind of wing it each day? Like, what are we going to do today? We just, we just, we're very much up for winging it. Like, we don't really plan things too far. You are wingers. Yeah, do you like that?

Do you like that sort of free roaming activity? I think so, yeah. I think it works better with kids because kids are so unpredictable. So you can get a sense for what kind of mood they're in and then you can plan accordingly that day. Do you have things though, like you make an effort to go out and do something or do you sometimes just have a day where you just can't be asked to leave the room?

Or is that impossible with kids? Is it like just making you go stir crazy? It's impossible, yeah. The one day that we decided that it was raining, we were all tired. It was near the end of the vacation or whatever. We were like, let's just stay in today or at least try to stay in. But it's not relaxing at all. You don't just sit there and fart around on your iPad and eat potato chips or whatever.

Basically, you spend the whole day constantly telling people to stop doing things, making sure that they don't kill themselves uh you have to sort of watch out for when they leave the room and they're by themselves because all it takes is a split second for one of them to like knock out all their teeth like on and that's your wife on a sink or whatever yeah i know my wife is just like so so crazy and like i i got to keep tabs on her all the time. It's nuts. But yeah, so it was fun, but it was really fucking hardcore and like full on and stuff. And it was good.

We rented a car to get there because we had to like fly into an airport that was nowhere near where we were going. So we got to drive around the UK a bit and stuff. And that was pretty cool. where we were going so we got to drive around the uk a bit and stuff and that was pretty cool and um and yeah and everyone we got home and then literally the the day after we got home my son started school again so it's just been like i have to do the school runs now gotta wake up like super early to get him ready and like take him to school did you take a picture of him on the doorstep as like the first day of school thing? Yeah, you have to like every year. Yeah, we've got them for every year.

You have like kids, their uniforms change and stuff and they look bigger and everything. It's hilarious. So you got to take pictures. They like to look at them too. Yeah, they love it. They love it. Yeah. They look back a couple of years and they're like, I can't believe I was so small.

And you're like, yep, that was you. Now look at you. My mom was up for the last week because she loves she loves my my girls she loves them and she's on her own obviously so she kind of she comes up uh as often as she can to look after the girls so i i kind of had a dad week and that i was able to pretty much do what i wanted did a few things with my mom and the kids but generally she'd take them out and do stuff with them so i was able to you know we did like some recording this week and stuff like that. I was able to do stuff, which was nice. That was pretty much why she could. That was her excuse. Oh, this way you'll

be able to work and stuff like that. I was able to do not really too much dad stuff. I was doing more PFLAC stuff than dad stuff. It was funny because I was talking to my mom. This is when I drove her to the station just now. She was telling me about when we first moved over here. Obviously, I was very young. was like eight or nine um so i you know i they have vague recollections of the kind of jobs that she used to have and i know that one of the jobs she had was um a friend of mine ran his family around a guest house so she worked sort of uh for the guest house so she was working for my friend's mom which is uh yeah a little awkward i guess like but um you know money's money um but

the the main thing that she was telling me was that that i didn't know or i'd forgotten was that she had done spent some time looking after uh some old people in the area sort of as sort of a not not a nurse so much as just a helper if you like um so the lady that we bought our house off in bournemouth lovely old lady who's almost 100 dead by now, because it was one time ago. She has to be! Which is the first thing that I thought of was, she must be dead by now. Weirdo she's dead. No, no, no, she's 98% dead. She's like a zombie hanging on by a thread. Almost certainly gone. But she had like, you know, these old ladies, obviously,

it's just generally old ladies left on their own because the men die younger, right? So these old ladies keep plowing on into their late 80s and 90s and stuff somehow. A lot of them have really, really, really interesting lives, like really interesting lives. And there's millions of them stashed away in these old granny flats in Bournemouth. And I just think it's such a shame that they don't have any people to really talk to. And their stories are kind of lost you know their entire life history boils down to them for the last five or ten years of their life just in a flat being alone um and i i think it's it's really sad because my mom was

telling me one of these ladies um she'd had a really interesting life she'd like a couple of her husbands had been like really wealthy or something, you know, something, some crazy fucking job that they had. One of them was like this governor. She lived in India in the 20s. Whoa. Imagine that. So it was like way back. Man, I can't even imagine living in India in the year 2017, let alone the 1920s.

The 1920s. So she was there for that. And her husband had all these polo trophies. He used to play a lot of polo. She was obviously quite posh. and her husband had all these polo trophies. He used to play a lot of polo. She was obviously quite posh.

But one time they were walking, they were going out for dinner and they had to go down through a fairly sort of dodgy area. Not dodgy in terms of the people, but dodgy in terms of, it's literally like the jungle. Like it was near this jungle path. So he said to her,

now we'll probably see a tiger, darling. It's not uncommon, but don't worry. The tiger is much more afraid of you than you are of it. And she says, does the tiger know this? Because it's not uncommon but don't worry the tiger is much more afraid of you than you are of it right she says does the tiger know this because it's like it's a really good question there's a freaking tiger and i'm like damn now this old lady's living in this granny flat with like a hundred other grannies all in tiny little flats but she lived in india and she's like seen lions

and shit so i just think it's a shame i i don't know uh their stories and yeah their stories about stuff i mean the 1920s in india think how much she could tell you about what that was like well not just the stuff you could see on path a news it's like really interesting day-to-day stuff everyone knows something you don't right and everyone's got stories that are interesting they well they're very happy to tell you actually do you know what i don't think my nan actually does my nan is one of these 90 year old ladies who you know who's gradually got sort of more incapable as she's she's grown older yeah and so we've had people go and help her you know collect the shopping or push her down to the library or whatever it is that you know gradually and i think she's she recently sort of asked us to put her in a more of a home where she could

sort of not she wanted that though she was kind of like yeah i think it's recently sort of asked us to put her in more of a home where she could sort of not. She wanted that, though. She was kind of like, you know, I can't be asked anymore. I don't want to bother cooking for myself. Can we get me in a home with other old ladies where I can chat to them and play Scrabble? And I don't know. It's like it's a different thing.

But I don't think she has any interesting stories, actually. I mean, I speak to her all the time. Maybe she's told me them all already, actually. Maybe that's it. It's really weird, though, isn't it? What have these people done that makes them so fucking, like, unwanted and repulsive that nobody wants to look after their own moms and dads? I don't think it's repulsive.

No, I know. That's unfair. You know what I mean? That's also generalization. Nobody wants to do it. Shut up. Those people want to do it, and those people do do it. Nobody wants to do it. Shut up. Most people want to do it. Most people do do it. Their parents, like their old ass parents off to like a home, a retirement home.

I can understand a nursing home. No, but I think this is a stereotype. I think we see this on TV and movies as something to demonize, right? Yeah. And I don't think that many people do ship off their relatives to a nursing home. It is definitely a classic Simpsons thing where it's like, oh, no. And I don't think that many people do ship off their relatives to a nursing home. You know, it is definitely a classic Simpsons thing where it's like, oh, no, don't put me in the home. Kind of like, you know.

I don't know. I think stereotypes means that this stuff happens more than you think, though. You know, it is fairly common. I don't know anybody who has like an elderly an elderly mother or father that like, isn't in a home or, you know, unless they're perfectly capable, they're still living a life in their own house or whatever. But the minute that things become like a bit too much for them or whatever, they just go to like a home. They don't, it's not like you invite them to live in your house or you do anything to

help them other than just like foot the bill for them to live somewhere else. I mean, if my mom came to stay here and we've got we've got quite steep staircases. I don't know how she's going to get up and down those stairs. Yeah. Like when she's in her 80s. So, you know, I mean, I know people who've had to build like a granny annex right on the back of their house, which is like the flat bit. So you can come in the front door and go straight. There's like they have to build a bathroom down there with a shower.

They have like the granny annex out the back for the old bitty to go into. They don't have like a wheelchair ramp in the house. And I've seen, because a relative of ours, the dad had a stroke, like a really bad stroke. So he was in a wheelchair and all the rest of it. And they had to, like, it was a lot of money to redo the whole ground floor of the house so that he never needed to go upstairs because he couldn't. So most people are not in the situation where they can do that or they have the space, or maybe they're not willing to do that. And also, I mean, if my kids said, yeah, we'll move heaven and earth so that you can live in an annex at the back of a house, I'd say, do you know what?

Just save the money. I'll stay in a home which is purpose built and has other people of my age that i can hang out with and here's the other thing you don't probably know is that those old people in those old houses are having sex all the fucking time i am telling you it's like a fucking bordello you think i'm joking i'm telling you you ask people who work in those old folks homes they are doing are doing it non-fucking-stop. I was going to ask you how you knew that, and I guess that checks out. But I don't think they are. I think when you're fucking old as hell like that, I don't think you have a sex drive. Half those guys can't even get boners.

Right, and what invention has come along in the last 15 years that may have changed that? Viagra, homie! They're doing it! Okay, all right. You know right you know what and the thing is their girlfriends they don't break up with them their girlfriend or boyfriend dies because they're all super fucking old so they have all these short-term relationships and they're just like hey uh my girlfriend died last week do you want to get together yeah that's convenient my boyfriend died last week that's cool let's let's do it and they go up to their room and they've got privacy

and they just fucking do it all the time god it's i'll give you the benefit of the doubt but i'm serious dude i'm fucking serious don't think of that happens it's like some end of the world people stranded on a space station with aliens on there everyone's killing everyone why does it sound awful because man i don't want to fucking when i'm when i'm that old i don't want to look at somebody's wrinkly old pussy like that's not me i don't want to fucking, when I'm that old, I don't want to look at somebody's wrinkly old pussy. Like, that's not me. I don't want to sit around in my fucking, yeah, that too. I want to sit around in my fucking Mr. Rogers cardigan sweater, okay, with my fucking slippers and my paper and stuff.

And I want to, like, look at people and say, shit, I wish I was young again. But I don't want to look at some fucking old granny pussy or whatever. I'm pretty sure they do it in the dark dude it's still that's still fucking gross like you can still feel it doesn't matter if you're in the 90s any holes are gold that's all i'm saying i don't think so man i think when my dick stops working i'm cool with that like yeah i've made kids and stuff i've had a lot of sex in my time okay i'm not going to go into details when i'm old i'm fine i don't need to do it anymore i'll watch macgyver and fucking smoke a pipe and stuff and just like go to bed at six o'clock at night or whatever and i'm cool i don't need to have sex anymore at that point in my life i'm sure of it

you'll get your pipe and slippers you'll you know do the crossword you'll walk walk down to the shop and buy buy the milk and smell the flowers and you you know, look longingly at your phone. Pay somebody 25 cents to clear my attic and stuff. Like, you know, just general old people stuff. Just think sadly about those days when you went to Longley and had to tell people to stop doing things all day. Stop trying to kill yourselves and stuff.

Yeah, exactly. All I'm saying is, I think that you are doing what a lot of people do and assuming that the way they think now is the way they're going to think later you know what i'm saying like you're saying oh i won't want that but i mean when i was 17 years old i was like i ain't never having no kids yeah and now i've got kids and i would never have changed it and then you know back and you think geez when i'm 40 or 50 i'm not gonna want to have sex i'm gonna look like some horrible bold old man i want to have sex. I'm going to look like some horrible, bold old man.

I want to have sex all the fucking time. And I don't see why that's going to change just because you're a 30 or 40 years old. You look like a horrible, old, bold old man right now and you want to have sex all the time. Exactly, that's what I'm saying. You kind of fucking stink too, actually. And I still don't give a fuck.

I'm horny as fuck. Like, there's no... Just because I'm old, I'm not going to do it. I don't want to look at the wrinkly old pussy. You are wrinkly. And what you are, you like. That's all I'm to do i don't want to look at the the wrinkly old pussy you are wrinkly and what you are you like that's all i'm saying i don't know i'm not saying if i was 80 and some 20 year old model wanted to have sex with me that i'm going to go well that would be different wrinkled that would be different yeah in that case maybe i'd be tempted to have sex in my later years but but you're surrounded by old people all the time so maybe

your appreciation for what beauty is can change exactly but that in itself for me would kill the mood though i would just be miserable surrounded by all these old people tell you what what's the day what is the years 2017 all right so in 50 years time sips uh-huh we'll we'll have it we'll have a triforce reunion and you can tell me how many old biddies you're poking all You just tell me. Yeah, okay, I will. Sure. I don't know. I think probably a couple of you guys will be dead by then. It's probably just going to be me. I've only got a couple of years left.

I'm hoping cyborgs. I'll become like a cyborg. Yeah, yeah. Who do you reckon is going to... Well, you guys are older than me, right? So, you know, I'm thinking that you're going to go first. Wait, how much older are we than you, though? I'll be comforting your wives and it'll be like, oh, yeah.

You stay away from Mrs. M. My girlfriend died recently, so, you know. How old are you, Lewis? You're like 35, right? I'm 34 this year. 34, okay. So you're seven years younger than me. You're three years younger than me.

Yeah, well, you know, that's a big difference. You know, it's plenty of time. Jesus. Gosh. He's so happy that we're gonna die for god i'm just can you hear me suggesting that i'm gonna cut you from beyond the grave yeah i heard that jesus christ try it sounds dreadful but what you don't know is we have a suicide pact right and uh and you're you're part of it when we get too old we we kill Lewis and then ourselves. I saw a movie like a while back and I didn't watch the whole thing, but it was a movie about the end of the world

and there was like a meteor heading towards Earth and it was going to end the whole world or whatever. Was Bruce Willis in it? No. And the scene that I saw was, there's like this man and a woman sitting on the roof of a building holding guns to each other's heads and like crying because they didn't want to like, you know, have to experience this meteor crashing into the world and ending it or whatever. So right before it happened, they were just going to shoot each other in the head like Suicide Pack style.

Right. Go out together sort of thing. and i thought it's pretty miserable but at the end of at the end of the day too you can understand why people would be tempted to do that because like no man man i don't want to fucking experience that and and i certainly don't want to live through that either like i'm quite happy with the world being the way it is now i don't mind dying if i'm gonna die in that you know in the conflagration i would like you said i would rather die than survive it and be living like an animal yeah and the earth is on fire and everything's all wrinkled up yeah i don't want to be wrinkly um so i don't want to be wrinkled because of radiation from like you know nuclear blast or whatever i don't want to nuclear blast or whatever. I don't want to be wrinkled from being old.

I just don't want to get wrinkled. Hey, smooth skin. Hey, smooth skin. But just imagine this. Hey, do you want to try a wrinkle? Oh, I got a good load of wrinkles here. Just try them out and maybe you'll like it. Maybe you'll find that actually you like a wrinkly pussy.

Hey, baby. Come inside. I don't like a wrinkly pussy. I'm actually a Come inside. I don't like a wrinkly pussy. I'm actually a lady. Jesus. You didn't know. Oh, my God. I got a good old wrinkly pussy you can have a look at.

I smoked a lot of fallout. It's like one of those fucking cats with no fur. They're all like wrinkled up. Here's my wrinkly pussy. Oh, no. This wrinkly kitty is called Marjorie. Give her a good stroking called Marjorie. Give her a good stroking. Oh, it's like... Marjorie's

hungry. It's like stroking the dry scabs of an ex-Mesufferer. It's like, oh, God. Jesus Christ. God, I distrust cats. Alright, so wait, wait, wait. So just listen, okay? If the Earth's about to get destroyed, like, let's say the moon is going to smash into the Earth. Just imagine that. Or some giant asteroid. It's going to be

unbelievable. The whole planet's going to blow up. If you kill yourself, you miss, quite frankly, the once in a lifetime chance to see the planet get destroyed by the fucking moon. Like, I'd want to see that. The last moments of my life will be the most unbelievable in human history. You're going to miss it because you're going to be a coward and shoot yourself. I don't want to see that.'s like coming right for me you know what's worse though i don't want to be standing around people that i i know and care about and watching them die in like some inferno as well like i'd rather just like before that happens just charge the moon i get a big flag is that the earth on it some people get it's like being on a roller coaster right imagine like you know watching the moon come to like splat you.

I mean, it will be as instantaneous as getting shot. But if you could like, if you could like get it in your head that it's like exciting, like it's a roller coaster, you could make that experience not terrifying. You can make that experience exciting. A lot of the time,

right? Fear is what you, what you can, and also a lot of other things are how you make a mental choice about it. You can change your opinion on how things are very easily. You decide how you experience the world. So if you think you're going to find something, well, to some extent.

It's a little bit like I was doing some art again, right? I would love to see Lewis's art, man. Oh, my God. One day you might. It's like your son is a better artist than I am, Sips, 100%. Man, he's fucking better than me, too. Like, he's pretty good. You should see him go.

Holy shit. He made, like, a map of center parks while we were away. It was fucking pretty good. Yeah, it was. Lewis, did you watch that video with Jim Carrey where he's become a shit artist and you were inspired by that? Is that where this is coming from? I think I need to watch that movie, but it might put me off what I'm doing.

It's called The Mask. What movie is that? Jim Carrey is a shit artist. No, no, no. It was like a YouTube video. This is a thing that he does now. People don't know if it's like it was like a youtube video this is a thing that he does now they people don't know if it's like a bit ahead of a movie or if he's actually become like he's decided that he likes painting and it's like it's very therapeutic for him and everything which a

lot of people say okay but it's shit because he's not an artist he's a fucking actor and he's just people are saying oh isn't that really good jim carrey in the same way they'd say if any adult with money and fame did a thing they'd say oh yeah it's great really good i mean you can be a fucking serial killer and do the worst art ever and people be like oh this is fascinating work just because you're a fucking serial killer so it gives us a real insight into the mind of the killer yeah look what he's done with the skulls and the gore i don't know i just felt like i because i went Gamescom, and obviously there's a modern art gallery there that I've been to before. Fucking hell, man. Every fucking year you do this, don't you?

You go to Gamescom, and then you go to a modern art gallery. We talked about this before. We talked about this before. And I just sort of thought, fuck it. Like, you know, I could paint some blue fucking paint on a canvas. Also, all of the walls of my flat are, like, bare. So I decided i was going to just fill them up with with stuff and i didn't really want to go to ikea and buy like

a thing for 10 pounds i'd rather like the same thing that's on everybody's fucking wall like there's something interesting on there well also like i thought fuck it i'll buy like well i could buy like three fucking canvases for 10 pounds and then like a weird wait so you've decorated your flat with art that you've made some oh you know a lot of artists like to imbue their their work with like a personal touch at the end you know right so a streak of semen just like a little drop of semen just to sort of like give it that human touch i feel like that's too much i don't want to i don't want to think of my own semen every time I look at my art or else it will just make me horny all the time.

Do you know what I mean? That's part of the art. That's what gets people going. It gets their creative juices flowing. That's all they've got hung in old folks' homes. The art is just semen. Just gigantic horse erections and stuff like that. Oh, my God.

That's why there's all this sex going on. Fuck. Yeah, exactly. They can't stop thinking about it. But no, really, I'll show you. I'll show you a few. But it's just weird. Sometimes, like, when I was writing,

the thing I was always taught was that if you're ever faced with a blank sheet or a blank piece of paper or anything, that's where you get writer's block from. You have to just start putting things down. And then as soon as you've written something down it all just fills out um and it's like it's easy from that point on right and that's what it's like for me i've been where the fuck do i start and then i just start making bullet

points start making notes or some some trigger and then three hours would go by and i was like oh i'm done now and it was i'd come out it's almost like i was in like a reverie or something or in like um you know in a trance and it's the same thing with like art doing a bit of art it's like I just splodged some stuff down and I'm like okay what does this look like it looks like a fucking crunchy bar or whatever it's now you're basically a level one painter on the sims and but deciding to hang up your own art in your house rather than sell it fucking awful though sips I know that it's awful but it's kind of okay because it makes me feel but this is part of like the decision sort of process like for example. So I'm coming over next week and we were supposed to like go watch movies at

your place last time I was over but I was too tired and I wanted to just play Hearthstone. Do you want to do some art with me? Well no I don't want i but i'm very very interested to see what you've done okay oh man i'll take pictures flax i'll send them to you oh please oh good oh shit this is well i might i might post them on um i'm a little bit embarrassed talking about it but i shouldn't be i'm fairly who cares like you've got nothing i don't give a shit really yeah i mean even if you're even if you're a really good artist, you should never really care. Because I think art, when you create art, you do it for yourself. You don't do it to impress people. Damn right.

You don't create it for the benefit of others. Other people do benefit from it, obviously, but it's a personal thing, isn't it? You should never feel self-conscious about some art. Also, the main thing i wanted about because the main thing i like one of the things i like about art is that it's not as opposed to i guess well i just like seeing it be in 3d like if you have a painting for example it's it's you can tell it's it's not the same as a print because when you look at a painting in a gallery the paint kind of comes off the the canvas and it gives it this

sort of texture that is not flat whereas when you've got a print of something it is just flat and that i don't think represents the painting very well and so in a sense like i wanted to have things that were just 3d and also when you go and look at a painting especially a famous painting in the flesh yeah it's a lot more impressive than when you see it. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what's really impressive. You know, like the really big fucking murals? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like the huge tapestry ones? I mean, that's crazy. Like to keep the scale and to get like proportions on bodies right, like on that massive scale as well is insane. Like those are like masterpieces. But these pieces are actual art and they're created by someone with natural skill or honed talent.

There's no natural skill to it. Well, but that honed talent that has been crafted over tens of thousands of hours. Well, that's a lifetime of work though. I actually kind of think there is a natural talent to it. Like I know people who, like if you look at someone like Caravaggio, you couldn't just say,

oh yeah, he practiced really hard. Because there's a lot of artists out there who've done painting their whole life. I think you have to start really, really, really fucking early, though. Yeah, it is. It's something you develop when you're a kid. It's like Caravaggio or whatever,

all these Dutch masterpieces, you know, painters. They started, they're training at age fucking four It's like Caravaggio or whatever, all these Dutch masterpieces, you know, painters. They started their training at age fucking four and never stopped. It's like never stopped. You know, that was their life. They did nothing else. It's not just a technical exercise. No, no, there is a degree of technicality to it, though.

Of course. That's the skill. That's the practice and the skill. But I think if you look at a great artist, it's not just, wow, that's a technically great drawing. It's like, it has to be, because it's also a window into how they see the world and how well they can transcribe that and their feelings about it into an art form. That's the talent. I knew a bunch of guys that went on to become comic artists. Like these guys were drawing all the time at school.

Yeah. And like a lot of them went on to become comic artists for like, you know, like Street Fighter 2 comics and stuff. And the stuff that they used to draw was not like what you'd expect. You know, like they didn't just like draw like Zangief every day, you know, to get him perfect or whatever. Yeah, yeah. just like draw like zangief every day you know to get imperfect or whatever yeah yeah you'd walk into art class and they'd be there over their lunch hour drawing because they love doing it and stuff but they'd be copying stuff out of like anatomy books so like hands they would draw hands all the time because the hands are like the hardest thing to draw yeah and they would draw like

a leg but with nothing else just a leg but like all the muscle definition in a leg, like all different poses for a leg and stuff. And this is the kind of shit that they would do all the time. Yeah, yeah. And like, and that was like the training element of it. They had natural artistic ability, like at a very base level, but because they would do this stuff every day, they got better and better and better. But the anatomical stuff was like super important because that's what yeah it is that's what makes like you know when you look at like blizzard art you know like of

these like orcs that are just fucking ripped to shit holding like big like axes and stuff like that that all comes from like years of like you know doing this like anatomical like technical drawings and stuff like that you know like getting the proportions right making it look like really good and everything it's it's pretty impressive but man it's a lot of fucking work like it's not something that somebody somebody with like natural um artistic ability doesn't just sit down and draw something like that it takes like years of fucking practice like and all of those big paintings like there's sketches that they've done like for a year just to plan that shit all

out and get everything in proportion and figure out because then when you go to put it on the canvas you can't be like oh fuck oh shit i got the one of the legs is like twice as long as the other leg oh no god yeah no you gotta get it right it's nuts but like i you know there's there's all sorts of like different art like you know like comic book art is, is one thing. And, you know, like my son watches this show called art Ninja on, on, um, on CBBC. And it's like, it's not the same kind of art, but it's still impressive. Like the things that he can do, like he can like make like these like crafts and just like easy things that you can do at home where you like fold the paper and cut it and do different things with it and stuff. And like, my son loves it. And like, that's the kind of shit that like,

you know, like he's at that age where he likes doing that kind of stuff sort of thing. And it is weird, isn't it? It's impressive. It's very, it's both one point or one on one hand, you know,

something that kids and toddlers and we're really happy to expose them to. And it's really wholesome and it's really enjoyable and they get a lot of joy out of it. And then it becomes this thing that only pretentious people do or or people who have who who've honed their skill and are very very good at it like you know there's not too many casual artists like you have a few casual musicians you have a few people who are playing piano but you don't see a lot of adults learning piano it feels like that's something that you do as a kid as well you learn to play music with just while you're in school you don't you know other than a random couple people pretending to

learn guitar for their entire life kind of thing um i don't know it's weird so anyway i just thought you know it's weird it's good to get over these um pre predefined ideas and just fucking get involved do something weird do something different i'm also going to japan oh yeah you mentioned yeah in like a month's time you're looking forward to it yeah you went to japan didn't you sips yeah i did yeah for a couple of weeks 2007 i went for like two weeks i think yeah um what was your like reasoning to go there in the first place we talked we just wanted to go we just like we we'd read a lot about it and it seemed like an interesting place to go. We didn't have kids or anything. We had a pretty good job and had some disposable income. So we were like, let's save up, plan it out and go. We got translation books and everything.

So that was quite planned as opposed to your free roaming modern holidays. Yeah, well, I mean, we planned it like maybe three months in advance sort of thing. And we didn't plan anything to do while we were there. We turned up and then just sort of winged it while we were there. But I mean, you've got to plan it to some degree. You've got to like book flights and stuff. Yeah. You know, when it comes to planning, I plan very, very little, as you may have noticed.

So what happens is like you'll message me and say, we're going to do some CK2 next week. And I'll be like cool and mrs f will say i always think we go here on holiday this year and i found a hotel and i found a bunch of stuff to do and i've read a bunch of reviews about it and i've done this out the other and i'll be like cool like i don't mind having shit planned for me like when we went away on holiday to france mrs f had like a full fucking itinerary we're gonna do this on thursday this on wednesday what do you think and i was like that sounds great like she likes she loves to plan ahead yeah she hates surprises and she hates just leaving things sort of uh hanging which is good because I don't give a shit either way

uh so I'm happy to let her do the planning so it works for me I don't actually do any planning but I have a lot of stuff planned it's just that I didn't plan it I used to like the winging and the unplanned thing but I've I found that you can always break plans. You can always plan. What we're doing is we're planning something for every day in Japan, but we can always say, actually, we're not going to do this today. We're going to do this other thing we want to do or whatever. But at least then we're not stuck in the hotel or whatever,

just kind of thinking, oh, we should be going out and making the most of this. So I've got vague. That's the way I've sort of done things i i have more of a sketch plan for for every day rather than an hour by some people have a minute by minute plan where they're like we're spending 45 minutes here then we're going taking the 10 minute walk to here we who are you going with your dad uh no i'm not oh your mom then nice that'd be good has she ever been my my my dad is my it was my dad's 80th birthday by the way i'm going to keep saying this my dad's birthday happy birthday we went out week ago i bought him a solar pad watch so he actually has to fucking wear it because otherwise he would just like not not wear it um because you know he's like oh it's a special watch so

my son bought me i you know i want to keep it in the box whatever right listen speaking speaking of dads and also speaking of art that we just talked about i just wanted to say before we move on too far from art and dads i had a real dad moment while i was on my vacation last week um when i was when i was younger i used to draw a lot like at school and stuff i just just like drawing um I don't draw so much now but like I like I'm okay like I like I can draw so what like actual sketching actual like yeah yeah okay and so cool when I was when I was younger I used to draw like a lot of like the action figures and stuff they were playing with at the time so like Ninja Turtles Ghostbusters like I I can I can draw like the Ghostbuster logo and stuff like that. And like, I just somehow remembered, like that I can draw some of these characters, some of these logos and stuff,

which I never put like anything and like much stock into it at all. You know, I just thought at the time, whatever this, this is all there is to do sort of thing. So I'm just drawing and me and my friends would draw and stuff. And it was really fun. But when I was on vacation last week, and it was raining, we had like some, you know, some colors and pencils and stuff and it was really fun but when i was on vacation last week and it was raining we had like some you know some colors and pencils and stuff like for the kids you know just something for them to do sort of thing while we were like stuck inside uh and my son was just like can you draw this and i was like yeah i can actually and i just like sit down and draw it he'd be like oh my god like how can you do this stuff and he'd be like how about this like yeah i could do that he's like we had like a whole page of like Ghostbusters and logos and stuff.

And then we had a whole page of like Ninja Turtles. And then we did a whole page of like ghosts and stuff. And like, that was hilarious. It was so funny. He was just like, just like increasingly amazed at like everything that I was able to draw for him. That like didn't look fucking terrible either. Like some of it looked like all right sort of thing. So it was it was really nice it was it was it was good oh shit it's like i think i think he he thought for like a brief moment that actually i was like something other

than a person that just says no all the time it was really good right i get the impression that that is what you sometimes become it's just like It's just like the man who shuts down fun. Oh, you have to. It's crazy. Because the thing is like a kid's concept of fun is like stacking a whole bunch of cushions onto a couch and then jumping up and down on them. And they're like super uneven and wobbly and they're high up and going to fall down and give themselves a concussion sort of thing. So, like, you do sort of have to be, like, the gatekeeper of fun in those cases for sure.

Like, it's the worst. But, I mean, you've got to weigh it up. Like, you know, do you want to be the guy who says no? Or do you want to be the guy who's sitting in a hospital for the rest of your life? Because your kid's just, like, fucking mangled from doing some dumb shit on the couch. So, I mean, I was talking to ben and ben was like you know oh yeah japan sounds great because it's it's one place i want to go because it's literally about it's as far as alien as you can get you know without being literally little green

men you know it's the most different weirdest culture in the world it is really strange and it's fun though it's strange and it's fun though. It's exciting and it's fun and endearing. I've always wanted to go. Yeah, it's the kind of place that you'll leave and you'll be like, oh, I'd love to go back or I'd love to live here for like a period of time just to like really immerse myself in the culture and stuff.

It is nice. It's fun. I really want to go there because they have those girlfriend cafes. Yeah, yeah. And here's what it comes back to. Yeah. Carry on.

I really want to go there for some weird sexual reason. Girlfriend cafe. Always. Tell me about these cafes. Well, so my friend went there. My friend was teaching English over there for about a year. And some of my other buddies went out there to sort of hang out with them and spend some time and sort of you know to just say hi and they had a friend living in japan

which is a first for us so they wanted to go and see what it was like and they have these cafes uh where you can basically it's not like a porn thing right it's like a company thing so you hang out and you've got like this sweet Japanese girlfriend for like an hour or whatever. Yeah. While you have whatever coffee and muffins. I just thought that sounds awesome. And they said that like all the girlfriends that you could get were a little on the chubby side, which is my thing anyway. So I'd be like, you get a nice little sweet, chubby Japanese girlfriend for an hour.

That'd be fucking awesome. And I could like really imagine here I am with my hot slightly chubby young japanese girlfriend one second that'd be amazing go on you're a chubby chaser yeah fuck yeah dude you feed her as well just to just to no no no i just like i don't like girls that are like sticks you know what i mean like if you can see ribs that doesn't do it for me at all like I hate all that shit. I don't like skinny girls. No offense to skinny girls. I like you as people. Just saying when it comes to, you know, then the skinny girls is not my bag.

More cushion for the pushing. Exactly. Exactly. That's it. I get it. Distilled as a bumper sticker. That is it. How have I never heard that expression before?

Holy shit. Because you're not in my world, man. I don't know. You've got to get into the mind of the flex i like a figure eight i like a curve don't get me wrong like yeah you don't know what you're talking about oh no if you were in there you'd want a nice skinny japanese girlfriend cafe experience like no no no with me it's like two sticks like fucking rubbing against it's bad idea you know yeah like those it's like those anime school girls with like the like knobbly knees and stuff like that like right you know like they're all skinny and

frail and stuff like no i i'm with you that's fair that's like non-confident people i like them a bit chubbier than that maybe that's the same thing it's like it's like going back to the old folks thing though it's almost like i think i think to some extent people are attracted to people who are the same level of attractiveness as them or at least of course um no man i'm pretty ugly and i like hot chicks so yeah but it's like the same or higher right no like i like red smoking hot and like that would be higher that's what i'm saying your definition of red smoking hot is very different to other people's definitions and you won't realise this but it'll be because you think well you know maybe I've got a chance

I think we can all agree that Liz Hurley is red smoking hot. We can actually You know what it always makes me laugh whenever we try to give examples of hot women that are currently active in celebrities it's like she's not J-Lo. She's not J-Lo.

She's not Liz Hurley. It's like those women are in their 80s now. Come on. They're not in their 80s. They're not. They're going to age at the same rate as us. That's the problem.

Right, and that brings us back to point one about old people having sex. You're telling me, Sips, you wind up in an old folks home with 72-year-old Liz Hurley. Oh, yeah. If I'm in an old folks home and they all look liz hurley yeah if i'm in an old folks home and

they all look like liz hurley i'll be having sex flex exactly all right but that's what i'm saying the thing is that's not the case you're in a fucking home with a bunch of people with marge simpson hair that's fucking white and you can like see their head because it's all thin and weird and stuff and they look skeletal they don't look like liz hurley at all you're not having sex with them weird no you don't have to there's people like that who are your age who don't look terrible you're not having sex go to an old folks home after we're done the podcast and do a trip report tell me what you see right we're not talking about people that are in there for like palliative care and they're like clinging to life i'm talking about people in their 70s yeah man yeah i'm

talking about the same people. The floral dress that goes down to their ankles with those weird fucking leathery gray shoes, like the orthopedic ones. Right, but they all do that. That's like their thing. And then they all have like that fucking wrinkly-ass skin on their face that looks like pulled back,

and their teeth are more exposed than they were in their younger years, and their eyes are super fucking wide they were in their younger years and their eyes are super fucking wide open and stuff listen sit and they have a petrified hair like they look like they've been electrocuted you reach the old folks home right it's gonna be women of our generations it's gonna be girls in fucking hoodies with nerdy glasses on oh you guys are crazy you don't understand how old people i do okay you don't understand how old people work. You don't understand. I know old people, all right?

I've seen old people. Right, so have I. Everybody's seen old people. And there are some old people, they dress the way they did when they were 30. Yeah. It's just that the fashion looks like it is for old people because if you went back to 1930,

you'd say, geez, everyone's dressed like an old person. So when we're old, they're going to be sitting around wearing jeans and T-shirts and hoodies, just like Lewis is saying. And also, bear in mind, their diet back then was fucking awful. Like, they didn't get anything fresh. It was a fucking war.

They did, what are you talking about? Everything was in a fucking can, and it probably had cancer in it and radiation and shit. I don't think we're much better these days somehow. Hey, smooth skin, come over here. Hey, smooth skin. much better so what so in the old folks home when we get there it's going to be a bunch of people fucking hurley coke zero wearing wearing fucking hoodies playing fucking listening to ipods playing overwatch it's gonna be completely different it's gonna be like young like we are now but we'll be old. That's it.

Yeah. Remember the internet? Yes, before the asteroid took it from us. We have to time capsule this. We have to time capsule this and meet up again in 50 years' time and laugh about this because I'm 100% the person who's going to come out of this being right, okay? And you guys are fucking crazy.

I mean, my mind is going to be fucking mush in 50 years i don't you know i'm gonna be like drugs and shit i don't well maybe we'll all just be fucking plugged into the matrix by that point do you mean internet yeah we'll all be in the matrix we'll have robots to do everything for us you'll be able to live in your house a robot will carry you up the stairs that's a big market is going to be robots for old folks i saw that movie what was it called the one with the old lad who gets a robot it's called with the old lad who gets a robot. It's called The Old Man Who Got a Robot, I think is what it's called. Yeah, and he was like originally hated it, and then it became like... Yeah, because he used it to like break into places.

He was like a thief. That's right. And he realized that he could use the robot to do... It was good. I watched that with my parents. I was expecting not to enjoy it, but I actually really enjoyed it. My dad really enjoyed that movie. Lewis, look at that old boy

breaking in with that robot. Oh, that's just marvellous stuff, Lewis. Oh, good recommendation, boy. Is he in the room? My dad is not some sort of posh lord. Yeah, he is. Like thigh-slapping country farmer with a shotgun under his arm

oh nice i feel like the golden girls is like you know you know like that that chart of human evolution where like they're like monkeys and they become like more upright and then they turn into right golden girls is a bit like that for old people as well right like if you were to line up all the golden girls it's like all the stages of like being old right like okay early early old age is like blanche devereaux okay and then a little bit on from that is probably dorothy i would say because she's still like she looks old but like she looks like young old but not so much so as blanche devereaux yeah yeah and then you can see what she looked like from years ago. From Dorothy, you go to Rose, because Rose looks fucking old, okay? Yeah.

And then from Rose, obviously, you go to fucking, what's her face? The really old one. Sophia. Who actually turned out to be the youngest of all of them. Yeah, I know. In real life, which is weird, but she looked old. And she was in Stop or My Mom Will Shoot with Sylvester Stallone, lest we forget.

Yeah, yeah. But so the oldest golden girl is what you can expect in these old folks' homes, okay? Like, stereotypically, with the big fucking glasses and, like, a fro and stuff. Okay? Nobody's going to be wearing hoodies, guys. I'm just fucking telling you. I mean, you're wrong. Honestly, like, here's the thing, though, right?

You've got to understand. We're men, okay? We are men. First of all, I don't think we're we're men okay so we are men oh first of all i don't think we're gonna necessarily make if you're lucky enough to make it to an old folks home right yeah you're one of a few who's who's lasted i think that's probably why these because the what the men who've lasted to these old folks homes are always like leathery skinned quite thin quite tall you know the classic Casanova

you know the strippings they make it through right the Casanovas have leathery skin yeah they're like

old Fonzies they get old Fonzies yeah that's right dude Fonzie is hella old now I saw him he's so old

yeah I know like that's what happens Henry Winkler yeah but I bet you Henry fucking Winkler has his pick he's getting all the pussy of all of that old folks he's fucking welcome to it no i don't think nobody else is hitting that pussy you might as well i think probably henry winkler although he's 71 if he wanted to he could probably date a fucking 40 year old woman easy

maybe you know probably george clooney george clooney can do can do it for sure though like he's in his 90s and he's pretty fucking handsome looking great he's looking great now he's 56 george clooney it's pretty old um he could date a fucking 20 year old christ he's only a little bit younger than my parents for fuck's sake if i was if i was a hot 21 year old girl and george clooney wanted to fuck me. I'd let him fuck me. Would you go steady with him, though, or would you just like... Yeah, for a while. And then, you know, you get sick of being around with an old dude,

and you'd be like, geez. And you'd go with a young guy. The life of a 20-year-old girl. Jesus, what does a 20-year-old girl even do? Who knows? Having sex with George Clooney, that's what. Yeah, curry that's what yeah i don't know i don't know what's in the mind of of a 20 year old i don't know what they do though like i know like i know younger like you know teenage boys 20 year old boys just play lots of video games yeah because

i was that so i can remember but i mean i don't know but what the fuck do girls do they just sit around and talk on the phone all the time i guess oh my god you see randy's ball sack ew ew tiffany gross that's all they do that's all they talk they that's all they do they sit around talk they have to because i don't know what the fuck else they're doing i know i know i i speak to when you speak to some some like grown grown ass women right i'm not talking about no girls i'm talking about grown ass women yeah uh about what it was like when they were younger they like you you have this impression i i did when i was a young man of what girls were like that they were like pristine and amazing and they just did all this kind of you know they were all very together

and they did all their fucking homework it's always smelled really nice yeah and they're just like super awesome and and and shit and then you find out the fucking crazy shit they did and the stuff they did at sleepovers and shit like that and you're like holy shit those girls were nasty all i knew when i was 20 all i knew about 20 year old women was that they were not fucking me that's for sure they were talking about how they weren't gonna fuck you like this is the thing they all fucking get together and they talk about all the guys they know hey would you ever fuck lewis no that's what they do and they practice kissing on each other and shit i'm not kidding they fucking don't they fucking do oh come on girls girls out there you tell me and this is true i guarantee you because i know girls that did it you practice french kissing with a friend of Oh, come on. Girls out there, you tell me, and this is true,

I guarantee you, because I know girls that did it, you practiced French kissing with a friend of yours. Don't tell me you didn't. I know you all fucking did that. When they were like 14, I'm sure, but not when they were 20. Come on. No, when they were 20, they just practiced fucking... Jesus Christ. I think I read somewhere that the average 20-year-old woman

has had something like four or five sexual partners by that point. So it's pretty experienced. What I want to know is, if that's true, right, how the fuck were they not fucking us? What was going on? They were too busy fucking chatting. When I was 20, I was with... You even had hair back then.

When I was 20, A, I had hair, but B, I was with Mrs. F at the time. then when I was 20 a I had hair but b I was with mrs f at the time but when I was like 15 16 17 where the fuck were these girls who were doing all this fucking they weren't around me where the fuck were these women I want to go and find all the women I knew back then and ask them did you guys get together and have a talk about how you weren't gonna fuck me and they'd be like yeah the council made a decision yeah we did a veto on you it's binding i'm sorry fucking you made the list of non-fuckies you're out oh man god damn it well well i don't know like i mean guys for guys it's a bit different or maybe it was just like different in the circles that that we rolled in but like man we were not fucking practicing kissing each other that's for god damn sure well no obviously not i mean occasionally we laughed at each other's dicks but like that was pretty rare as well like it didn't

happen that often you know like there's that did i ever tell you about the guy that we went to his we went to his house to sleep over but we were like a bit older we were like 14 i'm sure i told you guys about this and is this about the stick we got really drunk and we decided to play hide and seek and every time every time we went to find this guy, he'd be hiding, but he'd be just completely naked. It was so fucking funny. So he'd open the cupboard or whatever and he'd be like, ah, shit, no, not again. He's just like fucking sitting there spread eagle with no clothes on. Fuck, it was so funny.

But yeah, no, we never practiced kissing each other i mean you know what the thing is i think young teenage boys are way more uptight about that kind of stuff so i still remember the year when we all finally admitted that yes we did masturbate and we were it was like the lowest sixth form so like the first year of a levels before we finally admitted that it was a thing like prior to that if you were caught mentioning it or referring to it or it was admitted that you did it it was like a big deal in my year like a really big deal i think we weren't like too too bad about it i think it just went without saying everybody knew that everybody was pretty much i mean we all know we're doing but nobody nobody spoke openly about it because then you went you were known as

a wanker i think it's possible that we were just like the fucking teen nerds who didn't get any action like when we talked about this before a little bit on the podcast the community response

was like oh my god granddad we talk about sex all the time we're fucking around all the time oh yeah get up slab that pussy

like it was like Jesus it was crazy like the response we got and it was like yeah it's different. Nowadays, people talk about it a lot.

I think it is. With the internet and with porn, everyone's like fucking, I don't want to do any normal sex. We're going to fucking stick a vibrator up your ass. I've had 20 69s already, and I'm only 16. Stick an umbrella. Yeah, no, it's different nowadays. Kids are sexualized a lot you know we were born in

the generation where the only way to get porn you hit like magazines in the woods yeah exactly find it in the woods or dare somebody to buy it off the top shelf older brothers my mate's older brother had a porno tape and a collection of razzles and we were like we must have been 12 it just absolutely blew our minds watching this porn and we were like holy shit we had a lot of French porn because I grew up really close to French really close to French Canada so all of the porn we saw

was French it was hilarious so did I tell you this my friend's dad for his 16th birthday he got him a subscription to the fucking adult channel I think you told us about this wait his dad got him a subscription to the fucking adult channel i think you told us about this wait his dad got him the subscription yeah his dad bought him it and we were watching it so some people do that because they don't want like their kids they they want to they want to like sort of

get their kids straight before they become gay sort of thing so they're like they expose them to like you know like naked women and stuff like that in some hope i think that's all it is whatever they see first that's what they'll go for i think that's like a fairly fairly common thing to happen especially if there's like any worries like oh my god he asked for a sewing machine for his birthday like let's get him fucking some playboys quickly before he like he becomes too gay or whatever you know what i mean like i think i think it does happen some people worry about that shit yeah holy shit wow well we're all just now thinking about playboys and we're gonna have to have a quick break uh just gotta get some toilet paper be back in about 15 15

jeez oh for fuck's so alright well I think that's a good podcast I think that's a good place to end we're going to let

you guys go thanks for listening we'll be back next week with some more of this you can check out me and Sips and Pfex

playing games together on Team Double Dragon as usual on YouTube and until next time, goodbye!