Triforce! - Triforce! #54: Dicky Ticker, Generous Tipper, Lawn Ripper

Episode Date: September 28, 2017

Triforce! Episode 54! Pyrion's facing impending doom, RoboDoc is here to save the day and Johnny Depp can't stop spending money!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Triforce podcast this week. Look it up. I'm sick. You're sick. I'm getting sick. I'm going to the doctor's today. I've got my eyes all swollen up and weird. I look like I'm half asleep.

Sometimes when you wake up and you look in the mirror, you're like one eye is more open than the other. Yeah. I think it's called ptosis, you know, because there's that actor who has it, isn't there? That black actor who has that drooping eyelid. Excuse me? Ptosis.

What, you mean... Forrest Whitaker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Forrest Gump. Forrest Whitaker. Man, I like Forrest Whitaker. Forrest Gumpaker, yeah. Is he one of these actors who's not been in any bad movies?

No, he's been in tons of bad movies. Oh, has he? Okay. Yeah. And also, he's a Scientologist, so... Oh, no way. He's a grinder, for sure. He's in a lot of movies.

Some good, some bad. Some more notable than others. Right. Ghost Dog, Way of the Samurai. That's a good movie. That's meant to be good. That one's meant to actually be good. There's this list of actors who've never been in bad movies.

Tilda Swinton is one of them, I think. She's been in some shit. Val Kilmer. I can't think of a think she's been in some shit val kilmer i can't think of a movie he's been in nicholas cage nicholas cage he's the opposite of that he's the ultimate like grinder though isn't he he's he's in every movie in some capacity jesus christ it's insane like how many movies he's been people always always say about Nicolas Cage though that it was because he had a tax bill he couldn't pay so he had to just take any work that came along

and so he ended up just doing a ton of shit but man I don't know maybe he just enjoys it going out doing stuff maybe he just like needs to he's one of these people that needs to be busy you know he's just got to get out of the house he's got to get away from himself and if he doesn't well that's when like the chronic masturbation

starts right yeah i don't know if we can dress up nicholas cage's career is just he just loves working he's just a worker i think it's purely greed and bills to pay bills yeah i read a really interesting article about johnny depp right really interesting so everybody thinks that johnny depp is being this ultra successful wealthy actor and he he did make a shitload of money from pirates like remember that period when he was in fucking everything everything yeah yeah he was in a lot and then all of a sudden he started making a lot of shit and you're like wow johnny depp's in a lot of stuff but it all looks terrible it's because his spending was out of control yeah dude was spending so much fucking money.

You've got to read this article. I can't remember. I think it was in Vanity Fair. It's unbelievable how much money he spent. And his lawyers and his advisors were like, you need to make like $50 million a year for movies alone just to make ends meet because he spent so much money on all this stupid shit. What did he buy?

He's like, oh, you wouldn't believe it. If it was available to be bought, bought it yeah everything what do people do that but why how like i do shit like he goes shopping he injected his whole face with tomato ketchup and that cost a couple million as well had to be the best ketchup he bathed in horse semen yeah yeah that's what that's what they all all the celebs do that though that's how you get famous yeah i mean he'd do stuff like go shopping and buy instead of just buying like a guitar he'd buy like eight guitars that were all like a million dollars each yeah he'd go and buy like a shitload just buy the store while he was there yeah you know what i like this place so much yeah i'm gonna buy the whole place how much is it worth oh it's worth about a hundred thousand dollars i

guess it's just me and my pop running i'll give you 10 million okay that's what he's like you drive a hard bargain 10 mil 10 million yeah pretty much yeah that's pretty much it he's been in some pretty good movies though johnny depp like i like i rate him i think he's like a good actor and stuff but i guess i guess if you have out of control spending habits and maybe drug addictions and stuff i feel like a good actor and stuff but i guess i guess if you have out of control spending habits and maybe drug addictions and stuff i feel like a a lot of them spend money on drugs whether it's like uh you know documented or not it's it's always they're they're always doing like coke and like probably about like six seven hundred dollars a day worth as well in most cases that's

cheap dude i mean i think it's probably two or three grand a day yeah oh man oh because it's not just for him it's for all his pals who are his friends because he has cocaine and money coke friends yeah they're only around while the cocaine is flowing do you reckon they make him do you reckon they make the like the whole the whole they they inform the personality too like they make them go off the rails you know and they make them spend all the money and do is it that yeah it's definitely an american thing isn't it like you see what was it like i was watching some american tv show and i could come and the kids like they they made like 100 grand okay between them and they instant and i just i thought that's not that's not very much

like money to make between them but instantly they went completely off the rails in a completely unreasonable way and one of them bought a car and i thought well that car for a start is more than your share of that 100 grand like you got 100 grand and you were like okay i've got 20 grand let's buy a 40 grand car i was like how how is that even but that is that is very american it's it's the shortcut mentality though right it's It's like you make a little bit of money and you convince yourself that you've arrived, but you also need to convince everybody else that you have as well.

So you go out with like the 50 grand that you made and you spend it all on a car and it looks really nice and everybody's really impressed. And then they realize like after a while that you're driving like in the evening when you say you're going home to like a phone booth and sleeping in there because all you have is a very fancy car and nothing else. I know a good buddy of mine, when he got his first job, the first thing he did when he got his initial paycheck was go out and buy like one of those big Ford. What is it?

The F100s or something. It's like a huge pickup truck. Like they were popular in America. I don't know if I've got the name of it right. It's like a huge fucking truck. And like a lot of people that buy brand new cars, they don't have the money to buy it, but they have enough money to get financed to buy one. So they go out and they end up paying 50% more for the car than they should for a car that by the time they finish paying it off is going to be worth about 200 bucks right yeah so they're paying all this fucking money and for like 10 years his paycheck was basically getting owned by these payments for this fucking truck that was a piece of shit by this point and was barely running but he's still having to pay these huge payments on it

people do that shit all the time yeah because when they they get the money and they just think they run around like waving their arms yeah i can get that big truck and they get the money and they just think, woohoo, woohoo, they run around waving their arms. Yeah, I can get that big truck. And they get the truck and then they're like, yeah, we made it. Woo. Like the truck is proof to their friends and to themselves. I have arrived and I am now a person who is not broke. Yeah.

But they make themselves broke very quickly. And I sleep in the back of the truck and I do my toilet in the back of the truck and I brush my teeth inside in the truck. I eat all my meals in the truck and nobody else wants to come in the truck because I live in the truck and it stinks and I'm weird. I hate the truck. I hate this truck. It's become the sole object of loathing for me. It's like a nightmare truck. It's like a hell on earth.

It's like a hell on earth. Do you remember in Boogie Nights when he buys that car with his first paycheck uh when uh mark walberg is like the porn star in that movie yeah yeah and he's like a young kid he's never had any money he gets this amazing i don't know what it's just like one of those super muscle cars that they have in the states he gets the car and it like fast forwards like six years or something in the story when he's just coked out of his mind his career's on the rails and the car is like broken down piece of shit. Yeah, I know.

And it's just like that. People who've never had money have no idea how to look after it. And when I was younger, we were broke. We'd spoken on a previous podcast. And when I got my first paycheck, I was so fucking amazed that I had money in my bank account. Like the first time in my life I have money. Okay, is that like, is that like an investment though? Right? Is it like people think that okay, so I have nothing at the moment and said I got a bit of money. So I'm going

to spend it on this super sexy car. That's it's like investment on more pussy, right? So I'm going to get loads more pussy now because you don't pay the bills. No, but take that to a different like thing like rich people, you know, they have to have, even rich people have to have a lot of things in order to fit in. So if you work in like this high-flying industry, you need to have a nice car and a nice place, you need to pay loads of bills, you need to go on these holidays, you need to pay for golfing.

No, it's not. But even at that top end, living that rock star lifestyle of a super celebrity like Johnny Depp does he have to pay for these things in order to be that and carry on living that life it's a weird one because I think like like in in his like in his case like yeah he probably does spend a lot of money on stuff but he probably there's probably a lot of opportunities for him to not spend money as well you know yeah like a lot of the for him to not spend money as well. You know what I mean?

Because a lot of the stuff he's buying, you'd never see. Yeah, yeah. Like no one's going to see his collection of fucking jewelry. Like he goes out and buys all this fucking jewelry and stuff. I mean, it's like, all right, word gets around Hollywood. Here's the thing. If word gets around Hollywood that you have shit loads of money you're spending, and people are like, wow, Johnny Depp's hot. But the moment word gets out that you're in trouble financially,

your value as a star drops like a fucking stone because it's like no one wants to be near people who are in debt yeah it's like contagious you know they're like oh shit he's broke yeah yeah get him out of my movie like oh fuck you mean he's only in pirates of the caribbean eight because he wants the money i have no idea i thought he loved the project like you know it's it's fucking stupid yeah so debt is like you're right you want to show off ludicrous wealth but the moment you run into trouble it's like a fine line man the moment you run into trouble people drop you like a fucking rock no one wants to be near debt i remember like when i work with drug addicts before they work with broke people i tell you that yeah when i got my first job i was about i must have been about 15 years old i guess when i got my first job like like it was a part-time job after school i like couple

of nights a week weekends like for a couple hours as well and it was all right and um with my first paycheck like a lot of people that i went to school with and that you know i worked with and stuff around that age were i guess at that age maybe a bit more responsible than me they learned how to drive um they bought themselves like a car not like most most of the time it was like a second-hand car is it like back back when i was younger people used to buy honda civics because they were like ultra customizable and that was like a thing so people people would get like a second-hand civic and then they would spend money doing it up if that was their thing or whatever. And that was fine.

I remember every time I got paid, like I would spend almost all of my money on drinking and eating. That's all I spent money on. Like it was insane. Like every day I would go like from school, like I would never take a lunch to school. I would buy something in the cafeteria or I'd go to like, there was a like a mall like close to our school we'd go there for lunch or whatever i smoked like a pack a day in school like all the whole time i was in school as well so like all of my money was gone like instantly but like i didn't make that much because it was a really crappy part-time job but like i don't know like i like i think in my like when i was when i when i got a bit older

and i had a proper job and i lived on my own i was like much more responsible with money sort of thing but like early on fuck i was terrible like i know like i wasn't like johnny depp like a millionaire spending money and stuff but man you can see like how easily you could do it like oh yeah if you just like if you had millions yeah if you feel like it's just flowing in all the time, like, oh shit, I'm just made another 50 million bucks because I did this movie and that movie. Then in a weird way, it was like that when I was young and working. Cause like, cause I got paid every week. So it was just like, ah, fuck, I'm never going to run out of money. And every week I was fucking broke. Like within seconds.

You know what? That's interesting. Cause in America, a lot of jobs get paid weekly, don't they? Yeah. Like that's the way a lot of people get paid in the states is week by week i wonder if that has changed the way people spend money yeah i was knowing you've always got it coming in i got it took a while to get used to when i moved to the uk because it was you got paid once a month like payday was once a month and then you know depending where you work depending where you live depending how you live a lot of that money was just spoken for straight away you know it would enter your account and it'd be like okay shit you know i have like 10 bucks left because everything else is just totally accounted for sort of i always you always arrange all your direct debits

for like two or three days after you get paid yeah yeah and then you see it come in and then you see it go out and and you've got like, okay, we've got to make this much money last four weeks. Yeah. When me and Mrs. F first moved up to London, it was really like that. Like our money would come in on about the same day, and we'd see it all go streaming out

over the next two or three days. I know. You're like, right, we've got 250 quid to last us three and a half weeks. How are we going to do this? And we were like selling shit. Okay, we need this guitar. Mrs. F. Why don don't you get eight guitars but on the flip side though if you're getting paid once a week you you'd have to keep money aside every week to save up for like your

big bills right like if you got paid every week you'd have to set money aside like to pay because in the states you might get paid once a week but you probably only pay your mortgage once a month right like yeah yeah so like you'd probably have to put some money aside every week to say okay i need this for the mortgage it's gonna come out on the 14th or whatever and like saving people just save for shit yeah they find a little bit of money i mean that's the way to do it johnny depp doesn't save that's the problem he needs to check out r slash personal finance it's a great it's a great fucking resource personal finance oh my god i never like look at emergency funds for like you know just in case for this shit yeah what i feel like you're gonna write it to learn how to fucking manage your funds it's a bunch of

redditors what do they know they don't teach it in school anymore do they fucking people it's just common sense though isn't it like for the most part you know like some sometimes if you have money and you know you can afford it or feel that you can afford it and you you want to buy something like something is you know you buy it sometimes you have to save up for stuff and you do that and then you buy it and then and then other times you just think i can't afford that i'm not gonna buy it so i'm not gonna it's not like is it a situation it's not a fucking science is it but is it for example that these these people say what is it is it is it drugs is it that they they get told that they're going to be you know they're having this much money coming in at the moment

and they and they think oh you know i'm gonna have so much more future income like when you get your mortgage they get you get your mortgage based off the fact that you're gonna have a job hopefully for the next 20 years you know so does johnnypp think he's going to be in loads more films and then what, they dry up and then he can't afford all the stuff he spent? Or is it like bad accountants? Is it like people saying to him, oh, you know, you can spend all this?

No, no, no, his accountants are begging him. No, they're begging him, please stop spending money. And they've gone to him and the thing is, he's got several people in his ear. He's got his financial advisors and people saying, Johnny, for the love of God, stop buying houses and boats because the upkeep on these fucking things is killing you and you're losing millions every month

just maintaining all the shit you spent millions on in the first place. Is it like bad investments? Is it like wives, divorces and stuff causing half of your money to go in the toilet? And then you have to think, oh, well, I have to pay half of everything I've owned, so I guess that means selling a lot of it. Yeah, it's like that.

And then once you start doing the jobs because you need the work, I think a lot of Hollywood people are like, fuck you, we're going to give it to Nicolas Cage. He doesn't need the work. He's a benevolent actor who does only projects that he knows have high artistic value. Pro Bono. And then Nicolas Cage.

Pro Bono. Yeah, they get fucking Bono in. That's the problem. That's right. I'm pro Bono. He's so pro Bono. Yeah, he just wants to admit all the time. It's terrifying.

It is. It's a weird one, isn't it? I think it's all right when you're a kid and you're learning about money and stuff like that. But at the same time, you need those experiences too, right? Yeah, I think it's one of those things. You have a job in your teenage years and you finish school. You've never worked. You go to higher education.

You're still not working. You do all that. You graduate or whatever. You still haven't worked. It's going to be a real shock when you finally do start making like some money for yourself and stuff like that. Like, I feel like, I feel like if you have like a string of part-time jobs and you sort of get like a feel for it sort of thing, it's a lot easier going into your adult life.

I don't think there are many kids these days, like, you know, teenagers or people who are at university who can do it without having a job. A lot of students. Yeah, I guess they probably have jobs. I mean, there were some when I was at university that had jobs. So I was on like a half grant. It was the last year that they did grants for students. So I got half a grant and the rest I had to make up with a loan. And of course, there were no tuition fees. And I was broke as shit. Like when I finished university, I'd run my overdraft down to the very bottom. was like two grand overdrawn and i had nothing like no money not not a penny to my name i was on job seekers and i i didn't have a job for like several months after i finished

university because i was still living in bournemouth and oddly enough there are no programming jobs in bournemouth um or there were very few at the time i think i think it's a very similar story p folks yeah yeah it is but that nowadays i think it's even worse because story, P-Fax. Yeah, it is. But nowadays, I think it's even worse because you're massively in debt when you come out of university. Cost of living is very high. Tuition fees are insane. All right, you take a loan for them,

but you start life with that huge debt. And here's an article I read the other week. Do you know how much consumer debt there is in Britain? 200 billion pounds. These numbers are just unfathomable though and how do you how do you even like this is the problem how do they even figure it out like it i'll tell you how they look at the amount of credit card debt in the uk and they look at i mean i don't think they consider mortgages as consumer debt because that's not stuff that people are borrowing money just to buy shit yeah i mean there's no way so you're talking about people like borrowing like 10 grand

and then buying a tv or something with yeah all that stuff anything on higher purchase credit card debt bank loans for for stuff like that i mean people borrow money to go on fucking holiday like that's how much people want stuff i I can't imagine. I could never do that. Like, it'd either be I can afford to go or I can't. And I just wouldn't go. I would never borrow money to go on a vacation. Like, you're doing something wrong, I think, if you're doing that.

Like, I don't mean to judge, but holy shit, do not borrow money to go on a fucking vacation. Please don't. Please do not. For fuck's sake. And this is, you know what the problem is? Then you get people having fucking weddings. I don't think this applies

to too many people. No, dude, 200 billion pounds of consumer debt. It's like almost become like chronic. Like people are crippled by debt now.

But I think it's by design though. Like that's what, that's, I think that's where banks want people as well. Oh yeah. Like for sure. I don't think people

are doing this recklessly. I think they're doing it often because they're forced into it. You know, I know a few people who have got their first jobs and they have to have a credit card

and they have to take money out on that credit card in order to actually pay the fucking bills because, you know, they're living in London. That's the other side of it.

They're working, you know, they're getting, you know, not very high starting salary and, you know, they literally cannot live month to month without paying a credit card. And it's an investment into the future

because they're thinking, well, if I work here for a year, I'll get an increase in salary. I'll be able to get more to pay off this, and I'll pay it back. And yeah, it's a trap, definitely. Next thing you know, you're exposing your feet on Twitch, and then you're giving people VIP you're you're giving people vip burping sessions on skype and stuff you're gonna have to sell all

those guitars asmr stuff or whatever it's called the audio thing you're doing all that right where do you think the worst debt in the country is um i would say that it's probably in i don't want to judge again but i'm gonna say it's in the north. You're wrong. I would have thought that. It's mainly around the home counties. Really? Yeah. So London is actually very, very good for debt.

Like we're not massively in debt. And I think the reason for that is if you can afford to live in London, you're probably not having that bad a time. Well, genuinely. The people who live in London aren't in consumer debt. So they don't have a lot of credit card debt. Is that what you're saying? In Red Hill, that postcode.

So between London and Brighton, very bad. All right. And sort of if you look around London, it's all terrible. People in massive consumer debt. Wow. People in London, not so bad. Just outside Liverpool and Manchester, just to the south of there. Very, very, very bad consumer debt.

So if you go like north, east, south or west from London, those areas are disastrous for consumer debt. Like much worse than the average. The average amount of debt is like 700 pounds a person. That's how much the average person in this country has in personal debt, which is crazy. I have no debt. Honestly, like a mortgage. That's it. That's the

only actual like debt i have or whatever right like i don't have fortunate i don't have like a credit card bill like we barely use our credit card like uh i cut mine up i cut mine up we have one we we we use it like if we need to um you know and it's usually to pay for stuff like in advance you know like if if we're planning on going on a vacation we have to like uh rent a car or something like that we we will pay for that on a credit card and then just pay it off like over the course of between paying for it and then going on i think a lot of very smart people are in debt and i think it's because they've been trapped often you know i remember staying with this yeah when i was working my first um when i was doing an internship for Pfizer, I stayed with a lady who rented rooms out in her house temporarily.

So I stayed with her for like a month while I was looking for another place. And she had loads of credit card debt, and it just sort of got on top of her, really. And she was like, it just kind of got a little bit out of, she didn't think it was too bad originally, and then so she used another credit card to pay it off, and it just got worse. It just got £100 worse the next month, £100 worse the next month. And over a couple of years, you know,

she ended up in like five or six grand of credit card debt. And it was like, but she was a very smart, very with it woman, and she didn't really spend a lot. It just crept up on her. It wasn't like she'd gone and blown it all or you know if it's i don't know if it's like you know like some sometimes people are like really smart okay like academically they're brilliant and stuff but they lack common sense like in things that like just very simple things seem to like evade them somehow okay but. But they're like, you know, they're like smart people,

obviously, like they know like a lot of stuff or whatever, but then they'll just be really fucking terrible at driving a car or something stupid like that. You know what I mean? And like, like, cause I'm sure I saw like a documentary and there's this woman and she was, she was, like you said, she was like, she was really intelligent. You know, she had this, like, really good job. She was really well schooled and everything. She was, like, super, like, advanced in her field and stuff like that. And she just could not fucking handle her finances, like, at all. It was just stupid.

It was, like, it must, like, I know how people feel, like, watching me play video games now. Like, I was actually actually face palming the entire time it's like how the fuck are you so stupid like what are you doing like you're a smart person why are you letting this happen to yourself and she just could not fucking get a grasp on it she was just like i don't know there was just like something in her brain that prevented her from it's a little bit like a psychological problem though of something that you don't want to deal with you just don't deal with it. You don't escape.

You just, it's like escapism. You just put it away and you let it get worse. And you know it's there. You just don't deal with it. It was infuriating to watch, though, because it was so easy to fix the situation. And she was just incapable of doing it. She was just like so, I don't know what it was. She was just like.

I think this exact same mentality can apply to you know lots of other issues you know like like like gaining weight or being depressed or these other problems that you know not solving something and then that makes it worse and it's this vicious cycle though yeah you know it gets worse you don't want to deal with it it gets worse you know what there was a tv show there was a tv show a few years back about people who've run up massive debts. And then these guys go in, these financial experts go in and examine how they're spending money and what they're doing and stuff. And these guys would run up these huge debts.

This was sort of this idea that people had. You know the way in the post you're always getting these things about credit cards and you've got one and all you have to do is sign this form. So they just sign all these forms and get all these credit cards and they feel like they're rich and they've got all this money and they live these lifestyles they can't sustain. And their plan in a lot of the cases is when I run out of money, I'll just declare bankruptcy. Boom, no problem. A couple of years I'll be back and that's the end of it. But it doesn't work like that. People's idea of what bankruptcy is,

personal bankruptcy. If you're personally bankrupt, good luck getting any kind of loan in the future. Because if you say, yeah, bankrupt this was how much and these were all the companies that lost out no one's going to touch you with a fucking barge pole because the banks aren't that fucking stupid they want to lend you money and they want you to be in debt for like 30 years but they want to be controlled and and yeah they want to get it back right that's the point yeah well yeah i mean But then again, bankruptcy is a very common... I think Donald... Didn't Donald Trump become...

Oh, like eight times or something. I mean... Well, 50 Cent was bankrupt as well. But that was his company that he'd set up. So he set up a company, it didn't go well, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but it is very different from personal bankruptcy.

But you could see... Wasn't there this thing about different from personal bankruptcy. But you could see, wasn't there this thing about students, you know, declaring personal bankruptcy? But I don't think you can do that on your student loan, actually. Oh, maybe not. No, I don't think you can. I think they figured that out. They know students are crafty.

Crafty students, they're cooking this up. Here's what we do, lads. We're a graduate university. We'll declare bankruptcy. All our loans will be void. It's amazing. And they changed it so that until you earn that money, that debt is just sitting there. So

you could spend your whole life on a minimum wage job and never actually have to pay back your student loan, as I understand it. Unless you earn a certain amount, eventually they'll just write the debt off and say, this guy's a no-hoper. He obviously got a 2-2 like period flack at university, and he's never going to amount to shit. What's a 2-2? A Desmond 2-2. A Desmond 2-2. That's what they call it. A Desmond. It's an average... No, it's shit. What's a 2-2? A Desmond 2-2. A Desmond 2-2.

That's what they call it. It's an average... No, it's not. It's an average grade for a university. It's below average. It's okay. A first is like an A, right? A 2-1 is like a B to a C.

A 2-2 is like a D to an E. Like you haven't failed, but no one gives a shit. No, it's not. What did you get? A 2-2. I was definitely a 2-2 person in school as well. A third is a D. A 2-2 is a C. A 2-1 is a B. A third. If you turn up to a degree and they say you need a degree for this job,

and you're like, yeah, I've got one. What did you get? A third. They'll be like, get out. That's exactly. It's like a D. It's's not a fail but it might as well be yeah yeah i mean it's it's like a d it's a two two is a c it's a fine grade it's not it's a it's a c it's a pass i got the grade i deserved for the amount of work i did which was as little as possible lots of people out there are settled two twoss and they're fine. And they know the same thing I know, which is I did fuck all at university and I probably didn't even deserve that. That's all I'm saying out there 2-2 havers. Let's be honest with ourselves. I'm in the same boat.

I got a 2-2 and I know I did fuck all. And I saw the amount of work the guys who got firsts put in and I was like, fuck those nerds. I'm going down the pub. They got a first. They fucking deserve it. I don't want to diminish what they got by making out the what I did. And where are those nerds now? Fucking six grand credit card debt. Yeah.

But they got really good jobs and they got a nice wife and like a nice house and stuff. But they can't manage their debt. That's right. Fucking assholes. That's it. I learned to manage my finance by figuring out how many pints I could buy. Yeah. On a per diem basis.m basis using my grant and loan money. I mean, that's how some people like to go through life.

Some people judge it by a day of work. So it's like, oh, you know, a day I get paid, you know, like eight quid a day. That's eight pints. Exactly. They measure it in pints. We had this system at my high school. We had vending machines like Coke machines. And what you could do is you could go into the office

and you could say to the lady in the office, you could say, listen, I just tried to buy a Coke from the Coke machine and it ate my dollar. Can I be refunded? And she'd be like yeah sure just fill out this form or whatever they had like a whole form it was like this huge procedure okay so the people that came to fill up the vending machine could like track like you know if it was faulty or whatever and honestly there was like every month there must have been like thousands of

entries on this because everybody knew it was like the scam to do sort of thing so you go in you get your dollar and then you could either just go to the drinks machine and get a free drink with it or you could go play four games of metal slug the arcade game yeah so fuck man every day like we'd have just like this pool of money that we got from this scam and we'd play metal slug like until we're blue in the face and that's probably why i was a d average student yeah thanks to metal slug that was maybe it was really fun geez but okay so let's let's let's go back so um were you so you're were you seriously sick pfax or could we talk about this or were you like what about when i went to hospital you mean yeah have you talked about it let's talk about it i i thought i talked about um the first time i had uh supraventricular tachycardia i don't remember you ever telling me about the superventricular tachycardia

so what it is is um sometimes the rhythm of your heart gets disrupted and there can be different triggers for different people so when i remember when I was much younger, I was a very sickly child. I had like whooping cough and I had mumps and I had terrible tonsillitis, I had all kinds of awful things. And eventually they took my tonsils out and it made things a lot better.

But when I was sick, the doctor was listening to my heart and said, you've got like a slight arrhythmia to your heartbeat. So you've probably got an extra bit on your heart, like a little extra sort of head poking up and occasionally it interrupts everything else not a problem generally but as you get older your heart gets a little weaker and the arrhythmia sort of occasionally kicks in and it completely disrupts the electrical

signals going across your heart so instead of going boom boom it goes like that like crazy fast they call it atrial flutter. Okay. I have it sometimes, yeah. Okay. So, I mean, I do get it occasionally. I'll feel like a weird flutter and then it's gone. But occasionally you get the flutter and instead of kicking back into normal,

it fucks up and it just goes, all right, fuck it. We're just going ham now. And like 200 beats a minute, which is crazy fast, and your blood pressure drops so fast that the veins on your arm will disappear because your blood pressure is so low. You'd think it would be high because your heart is pumping, but it's barely pumping. So it's like a motor that's idling, you know, rather than going. It's like idling at the wrong speed.

So it's all over the place. It's very scary. Yeah. It was. The first time it was very scary. I was out having a coffee on Twickenham Green, waiting for the kids to finish their swimming lesson. And you were quite relaxed, I suppose, as well. Very chilled. And you hadn't been like, you hadn't had too much coffee. very scary. I was out having a coffee on Twickenham Green waiting for the kids to finish their swimming lesson and I was going to pick them up. And you were quite relaxed I suppose as well.

Very chilled. Had a cup of coffee. And you hadn't been like, you hadn't had too much caffeine. Well, you were having the bit then but you were... That was the thing. I downed the cup of coffee because I realized I had to go get them and it was a hot day and I got up and I was rushing and suddenly my heart started racing. Oh, so you were feeling quite a lot of stress and caffeine. Just that one time.

Okay. That's right. And I went to get the kids because I didn't want to leave them in there. And I thought if I'm having a heart attack, I want the kids to be with me. That sounds selfish, but I want to see them if I'm on my way out. So I go and get the kids. I want to die in front of them. I know. Okay.

Because if I died right there, no one's going to pick them up from swimming. They're just going to be stuck there. And they'd be there for like hours. So I thought I'll get the kids. That's. So I thought, I'll get the kids. That's not how it works. I must get the kids. Okay, that's fine. So luckily, and this is insane,

there was one of those little ambulances, not the full ambulance, but the car. It's like an estate car that's an ambulance, you know? Car's right on the green. And I sort of looked at the guy, and I thought, that's handy. Got the kids, came back and knocked on his window, and I said, I think I'm having a heart attack or something.

I don't know what's going on. He said, said all right let's have a look at you because they're always super calm they don't go oh fuck no yeah no they can't like imagine yeah if you were having a heart attack and they started freaking out you'd you'd probably even if you weren't having one you would have one sort of thing yeah if they just sort of backed away from you with their hand over their mouth and just turned and sprinted down the road away from me. Oh, my God! Oh, God! But then again, like, paramedics, they're really heavily trained, but they're more trained around those types of things, I think,

like around heart attack, stuff that they actually have to have quick response for rather than something more like, you know, you don't say you're a paramedic, you're like rash, and they'll be like, what? Did you guys ever see that movie with Nicolas Cage in it where he was a paramedic and he was like really fucking depressed and stuff yeah that's all i got on that one that was that was a rare decent nicholas cage it was so he set you to it was very calm because that's what you have so that was the first time and he gave me

an ekg like reading right there on the green so i'm just sitting on the little fence there's like a little picket fence that goes around a little metal fence or whatever and i'm just sitting there in the middle of the street and he has to undo my shirt and he's put all the pads over me he's shaving my chest right there the kids are like terrified and he's like yeah that's real fast let's get you to the hospital so he calls an ambulance they take me in and all the rest of it um and so this time what happened was i called 111 because i wanted to know if there was something that i could do to stop it and there's something called it's called something, and correct me if I'm wrong here, Reddit, the Valsalva or Valsalva maneuver. It sounds like Volvo, but it's the Valsalva maneuver.

And basically, you know, when you're on a plane and you pinch your nose to clear the airways, right? Yeah. Right. You know, it's like that, but instead of sort of, you just sort of tense up, like taking a big shit at the same time. And what that does is compresses one of the parts of your heart, and hopefully that'll knock it back in. And honestly, a lot of the time when I'm getting a racing heart, if I just tense my chest up real hard, it's fine.

And it goes away. And you just sort of live with it. But this time it wouldn't. Nothing would pop it. And then they're trying this other maneuver called the advanced Valsalva technique, where they give you a syringe, and you blow into it like you're trying

to push the stopper out, and where they give you a syringe and you blow into it like you're trying to push the stopper out and then they tip you backwards like in the movie Inception. You know when they dunk them in the water.

Someone needs to kick you off a chair. Yeah it's like a kick. It's the only thing that gets you off anymore is balancing on a chair for a bathtub when your

wife has to kick you into it. Kick me in. Give me the kick. It's like that. So they tip you backwards onto your back and push your legs and that'll do it it as well sometimes didn't work so they they called an

ambulance and i go in and they get you into the resuscitation room because just in case right and you're lying there and they have to put even bigger pads on you because now there's a bigger machine and they put the finger thing on and at this point i've got a cannula going into my right vein on my my right arm that's that's a drip and then i've got one into the other one nearer to my heart on the left arm which is um this is making me a bit bit nervous of just thinking about it the second time it was a breeze the first time i was scared the second time it was a breeze i was like i know what's gonna happen here so the doctor comes in and she says we're gonna have to give you the adenosine you've had it before i was like yeah she goes so you're familiar with the effects i was like yes and she said because

i'm interested is it really like that like when the doctor is curious about the injection they're giving you you know it's a serious injection right so adenosine basically kind of fucks your heart up and knocks it back into its normal rhythm so if it's racing they give you adenosine and it sort of just almost paralyzes the heart just for long enough then they get this thing called the flush which is like this other injection that flushes the adenosine out oh geez give you adenosine then they quickly give you the flush the adenosine gets to your heart first and the sensation that people have they've referred to as like impending doom that's what it's described as and it literally is the first time i had it it was me and the doctor and his, and

like another doctor who was just assisting and observing because they'd never done this before. Like none of these doctors had done an adenosine injection before. And other doctors came to watch. There were like four or five other doctors watching because they wanted to see what it was like to give someone an adenosine injection. So I was like, what the fuck is going on here? And they're all watching and they're like curious to see and you're watching the ekg like and as soon as the adenosine hits your heart it's like and then it's like boom boom boom boom back to normal but when you when you get hit with it you feel like there's all terrible awful nightmares closing in on you and you literally feel impending doom for a brief moment and then suddenly you're fine. It's such a weird feeling.

Holy shit. And so that was my Sunday night. And then I said, can I go? Because they let me go. The previous doctor was like this gung-ho Rambo doctor. He was like, okay, you can go. I was like, great. And I just got on a bus and went home.

This doctor, she was like, we're giving you blood tests. We're keeping an eye on you for at least three hours. I was like, come on. It's going to be 4 a.m. by the time I get out of here. She was like, no. So I had to sit there for like three hours just waiting with the sounds of the hospital all around me. Whereas the PV doctor was like high fiving me and running out and I could just leave.

So this time I had to stay, which was kind of annoying. And then I had to listen to the other people in the hospital, which is just. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Yeah, but that was that. I went to visit somebody in the hospital, which is just depressing. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Yeah, but that was that. I went to visit somebody in the hospital one time. It was my wife's great uncle. He was in the hospital.

He was in a pretty bad way, and he was in this room with a bunch of other people. It was like a ward. There was like six beds in the ward, I guess. So we went in to see him and to visit him. Holy shit, man. There was like some other people in there. There was this one guy who was just like the most jaundiced person I've ever seen in my life. He was so fucking yellow.

And he was just like laying in his bed, like moaning and groaning and stuff. And oh, God, it was horrible. Fuck me. Hospitals are genuinely terrifying places. Jesus Christ. The thing is though, right? Like it's a funny old thing where people... Well, the maternity ward is nice.

Man, people are so fucking happy on the maternity ward. People, I have this thing where I don't want to bother someone with a problem. It's like, one day I wake up and I'm a bit yellow, and it's like, well, you know, my face is a bit yellow, but, you know, I'm sure it'll go away. Next day, a bit more yellow. So I'm like, I ring up the doctor, and he's like,

oh yeah, you know, come in if you want, but, you know, it's like, I ring up the doctor and he's like, oh yeah, you know, you can come in if you want. But you know, it's like, I rang up the doctor for an appointment yesterday and they were like, yeah, the nearest, closest we can get you in is October the 9th. And I was like, October the 9th? Are you kidding? That's like two weeks from now. Oh, that's crazy, eh? And so if you want the sooner one, you know, you'll have to, you know, ring up at 8 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, yeah.

And, you know, and they'll schedule in for the daily stuff. And that's okay. But, like, it was just like, holy crap, you know, I felt like, you know, I can see why people don't want to bother someone, and then they get very bad, you know. And then obviously this guy probably came in and he was in a in a you know got even yellower then you know he was like oh okay i better go to the doctor now and they're like right you're going to hospital and then there he is a day later even more miserable um do you know what i was talking to the nurse there

and i said to her i said to her it's really quiet. Like it was a Sunday evening, but she said, yeah, it is. It is unusually quiet. Like Sundays are normally not too quiet, but occasionally they can be busy. But I said, at least it's not Friday or Saturday, right? She goes, those are the quiet times. I was like, what? She said, a lot of people avoid coming to A&E specifically on a Friday and Saturday because they think it's going to be busy. So they hold it off till Monday. She said Monday is always the worst fucking day. Monday is always the worst because most GP surgeries and doctor surgeries are not really

open at the weekends. You can't really see a doctor on Sunday. Right, right. I'm talking about A&E. No, but as a result, a lot of people who would go to the doctor on Sunday if it was open and they think it's bad, they tend to get like a bad infection or something. Then they end up in A&E on Monday

because of the way that we operate. I think the majority of the amount of deaths that are caused because GPs don't open on Sundays and because it's so hard to see a doctor on Sunday is actually a very scary number. Well, they have out-of-hours surgery. We had to take my daughter to out-of-hours one time. I mean, it's almost like everything,

every little thing that you do puts you off going to get seen. So, you know, having to ring up at eight o'clock, having to sit on hold. I had to sit on hold for half an hour today to get an appointment. What doctor are you calling? I call mine up like, bam, they answer the phone and that's it. But every little step, it's like every step that makes it awkward,

more awkward, more awkward. I have to go, I have to more awkward. I have to go, I have to drive further. I have to go somewhere. The out of hours surgery is, you know, 20 minutes drive away. The more,

you know, it becomes like more and more tricky. The joke of it all as well is when you finally do get in to see the doctor, he's on a fucking strict time limit. He can only see you for like two minutes

or whatever because he's just got a fucking gigantic schedule of patients he needs to see that day. Like I went to see the doctor a couple of weeks ago and I went in there and you could tell that this guy was just like furiously trying to get rid of me. And I was like, oh, okay. So like already there was a tone set. He's like, so what's wrong? I was like, my back hurts.

And he was like, all right, get up on the bed. I was like, uh, my back hurts. And he was like, how old are you? All right. Get up on the bed. I was like, okay. So I got up there and he pressed on my stomach a bit. He's like, did that hurt?

I was like, no. He's like, yeah, you're fine. All right. See you later. I guess then.

Like, thanks. You know, I was like kind of concerned, but you haven't really put my mind at ease, but I guess it's nothing to worry about. I suppose like, oh, fuck me. It was just like, I don't know. I don't know. Like, look, concern but you haven't really put my mind at ease but i guess it's nothing to worry about i suppose like oh fuck me it was just like i don't know i don't know like look we we have a very we

we're very lucky we have the nhs here in the uk you know it's free we don't have to pay for it you know so that's that's nice but again like i feel like i i feel like i mean we do we do pay for it it comes out of our taxes but it's not a point of use. I think that's the thing. I love the NHS. I would actually fight in a war to defend the NHS. That's how much I love the NHS. It's great. If there was a battle, the great battle of the NHS, and you had the NHSs on one side and the hateful cunts on the other side,

I would fight for the NHSs, and I would proudly die raising our battle banner which would be a picture of a nice nurse smiling there's so many good people in the NHS who work very hard to keep it going and work overtime for nothing and care and really, if you work in the medical profession you've got to have a certain

desire to look after people and I think that's an incredible amount of stuff doing like people who are doing good to try and make it better but also there's a lot of unfortunate I was talking to Ben about this because he used to work for the payroll people at the NHS

and he saw all of the mismanagement of funds and all the shit that was just done lazily and badly and you know like for example like um all the all the trusts all used to order all of their stuff separately and so they'd all get given this massive surcharge and so you know just looking at it then was like well if these guys ordered their stuff together it would save like 10 million pounds um it needs a lot of work i mean there's there's tons and tons of waste, but that said, you know, it's not as bad as some

Would you rather have a little financial waste or people dying? I think that's the problem. That's the choice you have to make. It's always a tricky choice, though, isn't it, as well? It's tough putting a cost on lives because we have this information, right? We know that if we did have more doctors and we did staff Sundays, we would save this many lives but we don't think it's worth it you know i mean it's what lives are not worth that much yeah we can't give every person in britain a personal doctor like we get that you know we get it not everybody's gonna have a doctor

following them around at all times 24 hours a day just in case you get sick that would be awesome but we couldn't afford it it's's too expensive. It is tough. It is very tough. Robodock. That's the future. Everyone has a little robodock, follows him around. You are looking a little jaundiced today.

Bye, sir. You look very yellow today. What if robodock's under time pressure? Hurry it up, please, sir. You're fine. So am I. Get out. Stop it.

Please lie down on the bed and take your trousers down. Get out. Stop it. Please lie down on the bed and take your trousers down. My back, I'm here, but my trousers down. Okay. Oh, God. We got like our own system over here where we have to like, so if I go visit the GP, I got to pay. But my kids don't have to pay.

Like up until a certain age, they're covered. But then anything to do with the hospital, if I had to go in and get a treatment or a surgery or when my wife gave birth to the children or whatever, that was all covered. We didn't get any sort of bill for that. Prescriptions are covered as well. They're free. We don't have to pay for them.

It's basically just to visit the doctor you have to pay. I think we have to pay for prescriptions. Well, certain people don't, obviously. Certain people are okay. But it is really nice not having to worry about anything to do with health care. It is. It is reassuring, and I think that peace of mind is good as well. I think we're very lucky to have this.

So I'm a bit worried about you now pflax you you look i mean is this when was so this happens this happens last sunday night sunday night do you know what provoked it was it like no was it like a particularly intense game of dodo or not really no we had a really chill evening we're just playing games and but you know what uh the the i haven't had had anything to drink since uh sunday alcoholic not a thing how much alcohol do you drink in a week would you say a million units wow whatever that is right so i sort of thought i'll i'll trim back on on the booze you know i'll i'll go like dry for a month and then i'm going to stop drinking during the week because i'll

always have a couple of beers in the evening you know me i'll have a few beers in the evening so i thought well i don't need to drink on a fucking wednesday often sort of afternoon i don't need to start at six o'clock on wednesday have a couple of beers there's no need for it it's a waste of money and it's not good for me so i was coming back on the drinking and i was going to go away this weekend to valencia with my mates for a big old sesh and the doctor said that's not happening and she said you definitely shouldn't do that. Your heart is still recovering. The air pressure won't be good for you going up in a plane.

What if you have another attack on the plane? You definitely shouldn't be drinking yourself to oblivion for like three days, which is what I would be doing this weekend if I was with my mates. Wow. And I was like, okay. So I had to cancel that trip.

My mates are all talking. They started a WhatsApp group very sweetly. They invited me to the WhatsApp group so I can like, okay. So I had to cancel that trip. My mates are all talking. They started a WhatsApp group very sweetly. They invited me to the WhatsApp group so I can still, you know, keep track on how the trip is going and stuff like that. But I'm absolutely gutted about that. But honestly, I've really enjoyed not having that slight buzz you get from having two or three beers, you know, in the evening. And it's actually improved my gameplay immeasurably.

Got a rampage on Lich last night. And my PUBG game is off the hook. So if you're having heart problems, man, you should cut the meat, man. Join the veg crew with me and Sips. It's the way forward. Might be a cholesterol thing. It ain't no cholesterol thing,

and I'll tell you why. You might have some fucking, like, slimy-ass, clumpy cholesterol clogging up your... It's not meat. I don't eat much meat. You have this vision of me as some kind of Henry VIII figure

chewing on a giant fucking leg. It's just got, like, a full pig, like, turning around on a roll in his living room. I guess I do have that image in my mind. I don't know why I think it's because whenever I come to Bristol

we hit we hit fucking five guys hard but the only reason I do that is because it's right there and I love five guys but I don't know

it's not right there anymore they moved Flack so you haven't been in the new office yet you'd have to walk quite a distance to get to five guys oh god you're right

yeah you never made the new office it's pimp it's pimptastic no I want it to come next month. I want it to come down in October. How about that? Yeah, I'm going to Japan for the first two weeks, so I'll be back.

Well, let me know when you go, Flax. We'll coordinate it. We'll go together. It just can't be on the 27th because that's my daughter's birthday. But I think everyone's going to. That's half term as well, so that's good. And also, I'm away. I'm going to Palermo in Sicily.

Wow. Fuck me, man. Jesus Christ. Christ. Valencia, Palermo. What? Got any other travel plans? Jesus.

What the fuck? What's wrong with you guys? Well, just everything. I'm a fucking miserable asshole. So were you going to watch some football or something in Valencia? Or was it just like a holiday with the boys? No, no, it was just, I mean, we, I don't know why we picked Valencia. Like we all said we haven't been on a lad's holiday in a long time.

We just sort of picked Spain because it's cheap and it's right there. And we thought the weather would be nice. It's not. And what's wrong with Amsterdam? Like just go to Amsterdam. No, they're not. They don't smoke weed. And Amsterdam's nice and everything.

But I think we just wanted to go to Spain and sit by a pool and drink and then go out in the evening i would just go to amsterdam and look at naked chicks the whole time yeah i don't think we're gonna do that you wouldn't do that sims that's not your idea for lads holiday is it well well it absolutely is my idea it is my idea yeah we didn't fancy amsterdam i don't know why i think it's probably a bit too similar to what you could get here i guess spain we felt would be kind of different and yeah you know if you get like a big villa in spain ever be on a lad's holiday right really well here's the weird thing about the lads holidays is they always want to do it as cheaply as possible if you go away

with girls they're like let's get a nice place and we'll do this and we'll do that the lads were like what is the cheapest shittest place we can get it all it needs to be is like a concrete slab we'll sleep on that i just want to go and get blind drunk i don't care the last one i went on we went to amsterdam we stayed in a hostel in the red light district and that was crazy it was really fun though like i would love to do it again but like it's just the older you get and the more responsibilities you have it's like harder to carve out that time and justify it and coordinate everybody as well. So it's like, oh my God. I mean, I would love, I mean this, when we go to, to, to, um, Sicily, we've got like a nice house with a pool and it's like, there's the beach nearby and everything. It's like, it's lovely. And the lads would never go for that they'd be like nah mate let's just go for a

really shit fucking hotel so we went for this awful sort of like really really cheap fucking hotel cheapest flights possible it's just cheap hotels in spain as well are like the fucking pits god damn just they're the worst yeah worse than any other country i think like i don't know what it is i think it's like the cockroaches and the just the weather and stuff it's just there i don't know dude i went i went to a very very very bad quote unquote hotel in france in nice the worst place i've ever stayed me and mrs f went she picked it she she's she loves to be nice in this holiday right nice nice yeah nice is nice but this hotel i'm not kidding this building looked like it could have been the set for a movie in the 1930s it had that kind of decor and i can imagine in its day it was quite a nice building it had been left to rack and ruin like when we

got there i was like this can't be the place she was like this is the address so the outside of it was just peeling crumbling wood and there's like a shabby looking door. When you open the door, someone or something had a massive shit, a massive shit right there in the middle of the lobby. And in order to deal with the problem, whoever the owner was had just put a piece of cardboard, like a little drawbridge over the top of this giant messy shit. I mean, it was like a pool of shit. This was the entrance. So we went in, you go up to the room.

It's like a horrible box room with these windows that don't close properly, shutters that don't close properly, and it was meant to be self-catering. So there's an oven that's filthy. All the cutlery and cooking stuff is filthy.

Oh, shit. And the toilet, the toilet, you would not believe this, okay? It was obviously not a place that was built with a toilet. And in its day, you would have had like a bathroom on that floor. It would have just had a...

And it wasn't even the French hole in the floor. No, no, no. What they had was a porter cabin like you'd have on a building site bolted into the corner of the room. Oh my God. That was the toilet. And it had a shower in there. So it was like a porter cabin that had a shitty toilet and a shitty shower.

And the shower was just, it was a slight sloping plastic end to one end of the port-a-cabin. And the water trickled out and went down that drain. That was your toilet. It sounds like my prison architect. It was literally like a prison architect prison. It was horrible. The bed was lumpy. Everything was filthy.

And it was the worst hotel i've ever stayed in and that was in france which i consider a first world country did i did i ever tell you guys on the topic of finding a shit um did i ever tell you guys the story about the time uh a homeless guy shit in my grandma's lobby oh man okay so like my my brother my younger brother is really he's about six years younger and when were younger, we would go to visit my grandma who lived like downtown. She lived in like a 12-story apartment building downtown. We'd go down every once in a while. Like our parents would drop us down there to like, you know, spend the day.

Or sometimes we'd like sleep over and stuff. We were young. I was like 12 and he was like six or something. So one day we were there and it was kind of cold outside because it was Ottawa so it was like you know minus 30 or whatever um but we wanted to go buy some magazines there's like this magazine store up the road so I got my brother and I said come on let's go go buy some magazines he's like okay fine so we walk up the road to to the to the magazine store or whatever and then we get our stuff we come back and just

as we're like entering like the lobby uh to like my grandma's apartment building we had to like buzz we didn't have a key so we had to like there's like this huge like panel with all the buzzers and you like buzz and she could let you up sort of thing so i'm looking for like the the button to press to buzz and then all of a sudden this like overwhelming smell of shit just hits me i was like fuck it was it was crazy i was like i turned to my brother i was like fuck did you shit your pants or like what's going on did you fart and he's like no and he just like mortified i was like what's going on he points at the floor and we looked down and there was like this gigantic tube of shit like coiled up like it was just like this like gigantic snake shit on the

floor of the lobby okay well and it had traumatic story it had streaks of blood in it and everything and we were just like fuck me and so what it was is like because it's so cold over there um and these lobbies are like open and they're heated in most cases uh homeless people oftentimes just come in and and they sit in like in the lobbies to warm up or whatever so this this guy obviously did that and then decided to like just shit on the floor as well and and leave like we didn't see the perpetrator but man that was the unhealthiest shit i've ever seen and fuck me it was gigantic oh that's bad fucking stunk so bad holy shit and we went up to my my grandma's apartment we're like you're not gonna believe this somebody shit in

the lobby and she was like again like it happens all the time she's like it happened like two days ago somebody else shit why are these people shitting in my lobby it's like oh god yeah did you hear about that jogger? It's somewhere in America. And when she's running her route, she'll take a shit wherever she needs to take a shit, just on people's lawn. No. And this woman was in her house,

and the kids came and said, Mommy, there's a lady doing a poop on our lawn. And she goes out, and there's this jogger. This lady jogger pulls up her stuff, and the lady says, Did you just do a shit on my lawn? Can you not do that, please? And she sort of just went, had to, bye, and just runs off. yeah and this this lady has done it multiple times and you know what this lady's lawn this person is probably like some like high class financial advisor or whatever

yeah and she probably has like seven grand of credit card debt and she shits on probably as well that's what i'm talking about i gotta go had to go the common sense factor that's the problem nowadays not not not enough people possess common sense so that's why i just i just think a lot of people are very selfish she's like i'm trying to beat my pb here i can't be running to the toilet or say like a poopy yeah a poopy whoo nice one fuck me who shits like on a lawn like that though like with kids around dogs aren't even really allowed to do that. Why would a human be allowed to do it? It's stupid.

That doesn't make any sense. We live in a society where there's rules, and one of those rules that's unspoken most of the time is just don't fucking take a shit on somebody's lawn. It's disgusting. What the fuck did she wipe with? Did she just bring toilet paper with her knowing that

she's gonna do this or what she she does the you know when a dog just drags its ass along are you fucking serious no this person needs to be locked up like she's a liability that's wrong i can understand like one-off thing is like an emergency you know we're humans right we're gonna run across these situations where you have to shit yourself i've shat myself a bunch of times you know in my life or like you know had to take a shit in a weird place and you know it's just the thing that you end up having you run into these situations okay it's gonna happen to you whether you like so be in a situation where i'm not even remotely surprised go on carry tissues because you never know when you're gonna be stuck in a situation where you need to poop.

Apparently, I'm very crackly. I'm breaking up. I'm crackling up. Yeah, you're crackling hard, yeah. I'm crackling. Well, maybe it's time to put a pin in this poopy podcast. Put a pin in the poop. A little tiny flag pin in this poopcast.

So, yeah, thanks for listening, everyone. I hope you find yourself don't worry about P-Flax he'll be fine he's gonna he's gonna be join the vegetarians he's gonna start working out

he's gonna lie fake news he's gonna stop drinking he's gonna stop drinking coffee he's not gonna go to Valencia on a last night out he's gonna lose some weight

I don't I don't drink coffee anymore I only drink tea one cup a day that's it wow one cup down of caffeine as well yeah try green tea

it's fucking good anyway I'm gonna look after you but when you come back crackling anymore you're not crackling you want it and I'll rub you down and I'll say that I love you I'll whisper in your ear I'll try and come to I'll come to I'll try and come to Bristol next month and then you know we'll be we'll be together three of us it'll be it'll be magical yeah thanks thanks I hope your backs are all right, Sips. Hope my eye's okay. We're all fine.

Don't worry about us. Get well. We're falling apart. We're getting old. I hope all of you guys out there are not pooping in people's lawns. And if you are, don't do that, for God's sake. Yeah, don't do it. What the fuck?

And clear your fucking debt, too, while you're at it, for fuck's sake. I don't want you coming back next week to this podcast with seven grand of credit card debt okay i know i'm watching i'm paying a time watching you okay so fucking sort it out okay geez all right bye love you everyone thanks