Triforce! - Triforce! #56: Lewis' Japanese Adventure!

Episode Date: October 25, 2017

Triforce! Episode 56! Lewis is back from Japan and has a whole lot of stories to tell!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello and welcome back everybody to the Triforce podcast with me, Lewis, Sips, and Pyrrhine Flax coming to you live and uncut and only slightly censored from Bristol, Jersey, and Twickenham. It's exciting. Nice. Hey, where were you laughing at Twickenham for? I didn't want to say London. No, Twickenham's lovely. Bristol and London.

Actually, that does sound better. I should have done that. Jersey's a bit, I don't know what to do about that. The middle of the ocean! You can say that. So, we've been away a little bit, haven't we? We've had two weeks off. You went away.

Me and Flax, we didn't do shit for two weeks. We didn't do shit. Did it go quick yeah uh oh it dragged awfully every morning i woke up and there was a feeling of deep loss knowing that you were not present um yeah even in in the country let alone in my life on a day-to-day basis and yeah the nation was really i stopped eating breakfast yeah the nation was really teresa may brought it up at pmqs um corbinn shouted it down, of course. But yeah, it was a brutal, brutal two weeks.

And I'm only now recovering. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What an event. I went to Japan. It was pretty amazing. Yeah.

It's pretty interesting. Top three memories. Top three memories from Japan. I want to hear how you got on, though. Did you see the plastic food? And did you go to the arcade? And did you do karaoke and stuff? Oh, my God.

Yeah, I did all of that. Plastic food. Wow. I mean, it's weird, isn't it? Top three memories. I ate a thing called honey toast, which I don't think is even Japanese. I think I ate it at this Balinese place. Is that honey on toast?

No, it's half a loaf of bread. Literally, imagine a normal-sized family loaf of bread. Uncut, well, cut in half, I guess. Unsliced, you mean? Is it just like a big chunk of bread? Yeah, not uncircumcised. Fully got the crust on it and everything. And then just put some ice cream on the top

of that motherfucker right there you go that's literally what is that a thing did you get ice cream all over your face when you tried to eat that it was just like it was just an ordeal i don't know why that was even a thing just give me bread or give me ice cream i don't need to have a place that those worlds don't need to collide for white bread i don't know it was it was awful it's all sweetened it was so sweet and bread so but it wasn't sweetened enough to be cake really bizarre right i mean i i but okay like the place i had it had a mascot right as everything in japan has it's like everything's cute everything's got either a little cute animal representing it or something or a little anthropomorphized yeah piece of bread or a school girl no but honestly like that was a that was a thing i saw ronaldo i saw doing um i've got a picture

actually oh he was there looks like he was there a bunch of... Did you guys fly out together or did you just like meet him when you got there? Did you teach him a few keepy-uppy tricks? He was advertising something. It looked like a metal set of balls. Did you show him to like ball up your feet on the carpet of the hotel to get over jet lag? You rub on your arm.

You like rub these metal testicles on your arm and Ronaldo's there like trying to make it look good. And he's obviously being paid to just hold this thing. It was very Mr. Sparkle. A lot of celebrities do that. If you Google, there are loads of ads that you never see for Japanese products. I thought this stuff didn't happen anymore. Santori time and all that stuff, it's real.

That's the way they do it. They get these foreign celebs in. they go over on the sly even like like they used to be that doing adverts was seen as like the death knell of your career doing television doing adverts if you were a big star that was like wow he's doing adverts not like they were seen as a bad thing yeah and i think now it's like they're fucking everywhere it's just part of the empire now like look at the beckhams jesus christ yeah he will advertise anything that dude is like holding up a watermelon look at look at this fucking watermelon beckham loves watermelons hashtag beckham loves watermelons it's like you know it'll be anything it could be anything flip-flops yeah tampons yeah anything garden yeah ray ray ray yeah ray bands yeah or you know

or something just well i was thinking of stuff he's not really advertising i'm pretty sure he is actually advertising those things fanta i don't know if he actually i'll post i'll post the pictures on instagram of uh honey toast because yeah there was like plastic food tips was um you warned me about it but it was everywhere i know like well there's a whole industry devoted to it there's like a company that makes what is plastic food you go to if you go to a restaurant in japan there's always like a like a like a like a display window outside the restaurant you know a restaurant because you see a glass window yeah full but it's got this stuff so see a glass window full of this stuff.

So imagine a glass window with a shelf inside, okay? And then like plastic replicas of all the food you can order in that restaurant. It's meant to sort of let you visualize and make you hungry. But actually it just looks like, you know, like kids toys, you know, like the plastic like donuts and like cupcakes and and shit like that yeah it kind of it kind of looks like really glossy and plasticky and not at all appetizing and japanese food is like it's not it it's it's very japanese i guess right so like imagine like a plastic bowl of noodles and and yeah try to imagine if that looks appetizing because it doesn't it just looks

like a plastic bowl of barf basically exactly and then you order it and it looks pretty fucking similar to the plastic food actually but actually the it probably tastes delicious and smells nice too but there were a couple of times when the things i ordered looked exactly like the plastic food though That's the thing. They really are meticulous about how things look. And the taste is totally a secondary thing often. Sometimes in the UK, you'll order something and you'll think it's going to look nice and it just comes in this big mess and you're like, oh, geez.

But actually, it's tasty and really good. It's seasoned really balanced. It's really nice. A lot of the Japanese food I ate was actually pretty dreadful nice i must say nice i i really struggled not necessarily as a vegetarian you should have gone to subway general like they do subway there you could have just gone to subway and gotten yourself like uh i popped into a subway six inch combo or something it was there was always like safety nets everywhere in japan right like there's mcdonald's everywhere there's subways everywhere there's western stuff everywhere and so

therefore like if you ever don't want to be adventurous and don't want to try anything japanese you can just fucking eat a subway salad and it was exactly the same or you can go to starbucks and order a fucking exactly the same drink. Like, unbelievably identical. There's like, walking down the street and there's like a body shop there and you're like, oh, I'm out of banana shampoo. I'll just buy it from the identical store with the exact formula. It's like a body shop next to a Lush,

next to a fucking Pret-a-Manger. Did you go to Disneyland? No, we didn't go to DisneySea. You fucking asshole. We missed out. What about, did you go to the top of rapongi tower um i i don't know what that is it's like a really tall really tall like roundish looking building and you can go right to the top it's nice it's like we went to the top of the um

56 Tokyo Skytree was the Skytree built when you went? Oh, maybe not. I think when I went it was in 2007, so maybe that's like... I've got a question. And this is very important, alright? Did you go to one of the girlfriend cafes? Oh, the maid cafes, yeah. Yes, did you go to one? Yeah, yeah. Are they delightfully plump and pleasant?

Unbelievably so. Nice. Did you take pictures? Would they let you? Well, that's the thing you you have to the one we went you have to pay if you want to take a picture with them and it's very awkward um you have to pay basically you have to pay first we have to pay for like for like the table right for a start so you have to actually pay almost like it's like sitting down at a poker table you have to pay to be there right right right and then you have to pay for food and drinks and then you have to pay for photos with the maids if you want to pay to be there. Right. Right. And then you have to pay for food and drinks.

And then you have to pay for photos with the maids if you want to take photos with the maids. Right, okay. So you weren't prepared. But they're very polite. You're pretty. They're very friendly. You're pretty tight on money these days.

They call you master. Master? I don't want that. I do. That sounds great. That sounds, I was hoping that there would be some extra little things like that

just to get my juices flowing you know it's unbelievable honestly like i went to japan for two weeks and on the very last day we went to um akihabara which is the yeah you know the the nerd zone of tokyo the tokyo it's like the everything about about japan district right on that i'm literally literally buildings filled with like tentacle porn and stuff like it is and anime body pillows

and gachapon with under used underpants in them and all that shit I saw all that stuff and it and it kind of

I didn't necessarily taint the holiday in a way because I'm glad I went there on the last day rather than on the first day yeah because Japan did not feel like that.

It didn't feel ingenuine though, right? It felt genuine. Like we went to this thing early on, which was like the robot restaurant, okay? And basically it's kind of this thing. Are the robots delightfully plump and charming? Do they call you master? Do you have to pay to take a picture with them and stuff?

Oh, man. No, so the idea, it's kind of like a show written by white tourists of the idea of what tourists think Japan is, right? So the only people there were tourists. And it was basically a load of these massive, really cool laser light show robots. And they sort of drive them about and shout japanese things and do sort of speaking bad english deliberately and and all the english tourists are there with their beers and they're all like oh lol laugh at japan it was very kind of but i i kind of felt right at

home and you just like you just got involved right involved, right? You ordered a sake and you were like, oh. That was incredibly kind of fake Japan, right? With all the shops that sell samurai swords and fans and crap and teapots and all the crap that you go by. You walk through so much tourist shit in japan at the touristy areas and then going to akibara at the end didn't feel like it was fake it felt genuinely creepy and weird um to see all of this and really uncomfortable actually to see it felt akibara felt super grimy compared to the rest did you go into a multi-level karaoke bar and also an arcade filled with businessmen and business suits? Oh, my God.

We did. Totally. Yeah. And all of these things that you said I would see were exactly there. It was like you prepared me completely for this trip. There's lots of little quirks that just make it such an interesting place. But you have to sort of like. Yeah.

I did everything. And some of it I have really odd sort of like, yeah, I went at the, I did anything, everything. And, and, and some of it was, some of it, I have really odd sort of things to say about it in a way. Like, you know,

the arcades, for example, like we went into this, um, into this arcade and the first three stories of the arcades, this Sega building, right? Yeah.

Sega, like make like all of their money from Pachinko and, and arcades. Did you go into any, uh, Pachinko parlors? Hell yeah you go into any uh pachinki parlors yeah oh yeah yeah but oh my god they're so loud they're just like an assault on every sense oh my god it is every sense okay it's crazy it is your ears your eyes it's and also the smell like because these things used to be full of

people smoking right back in the day and even and now they absolutely stink of smoke and just filth and years of sweat and gross people spilling beer and people just fucking grinding away on these ball machines you're talking about my office or a pachinki parlor because i come into my little office quite often and i think damn p flex you gotta open a fucking window or something. I keep the window open all the time, but now it's getting colder. I have noticed it starts to hot. It was like walking into a bus station where all of the buses were parked in there,

just revving their engines, you know, filling the fucking place up. That's what it was like walking into these places. And actually, there's no smoking in them anymore, but because I think they had so many years of smoking in them, they are just unbelievably hard to scrub that stench out. I also think a lot of the people probably playing are smoking outside and then coming in. And that smell travels, man.

I just imagine the entire cast from that scene in Deer Hunter, when they're playing Russian roulette. I imagine all these sweaty Asian men with dress shirts that are half buttoned up, like screaming at each other and playing Pachinki and smoking. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like that's what each other. I couldn't even go in one, Lewis. Like we walked by many, but it was just so fucking overwhelming.

We were so scared to go in. We just didn't know what the fuck is going on. So I felt like I had to challenge myself to do this stuff but i couldn't breathe i felt like i was fucking suffocating yeah i mean i i was climbing up the um sega building and obviously the first three stories are like pride these prize machines right the grabber arm machines but they're all not like what you see on on a clacton or you know brian pier it's all kind of very they're basically very exclusive grabber machines, right?

So the grabber machine is for this like limited edition figurine of an anime that you can only get in this grabber machine, okay? And so you have to kind of try and complete the grabber machine, but the grabber machine only has one box in it, right? One box on this kind of, these two two metal bars and what you have to do is you have to lift up the box and drop the box that's all the grab machine does and sometimes the box like drops an odd angle which drops it through the slot yeah and most of the time the box just falls again back where it was and so you see these people just picking up the box dropping

the box pick up the box over and over again until they've repositioned it so it falls and drops down and you know it must cost like hundreds of pounds but i it's entirely luck you know how this stuff works though like in like pachinki like those grabber machines there's so in japan gambling is illegal uh but right but gambling as an industry is a multi-billion dollar industry in Japan. Oh, absolutely. In a country where it's illegal. Because the way that they do it is that all the prizes are toys. And what you do is you win a prize, you win a toy, or you pick a toy with whatever, how many pachinki balls you have or whatever.

And then literally around the corner in an alley next to the pachinki parlor is like a booth where you sell the toy to a guy exactly for cash and that's and that's and that's how it works that's the loophole that's how they get around it and if you don't want to buy if you don't want to go into the prize parlor and gamble on getting that limited edition figure reen they are for sale at the building next door of course yeah yeah of course it's a fucking crazy place like i liked um i liked uh shibuya i like like um like the big crossing and stuff i think we stood at that train station for hours and just watched like floods of people like crossing over every time like the lights went went green and stuff it was just it's really cool but we never we didn't think tokyo

though we we didn't we didn't we were in to in Tokyo for about, I think, 10 days. And there was more than enough to do in the time that we were there. Holy shit. Yeah, you're not wrong. I think next time we go, we'll try to venture out to, like, you know, like try to see, like, Mount Fuji and go to maybe, like, Kyoto or, like, Osaka or something like that. Like, there's some really other interesting places that

are a little bit more sort of off the tourist trail i think like i think yeah i think tourists definitely just flock to tokyo and it's a little bit easier because even even though it's very like westernized and geared up for like tourism and stuff we like i found when i went that nobody spoke any english like there's definitely this massive language barrier and it was sometimes hard to do stuff but overall i found that in germany very few people speak english as well well it's weird though we expect everybody to speak english but like like i mean it's it i guess it's like a common enough like sort of business and and and technology language or whatever but like it's it's such a strange expectation like to go to a completely foreign country with millions of people in it and just be like how come nobody speaks my language here like

kind of dumb but so so yeah the sky tree i went up that that was like it was it's massive um it's the tallest tower in the world or the second tallest structure in the world um after the one in dubai um the burj khalifa and you literally it's like looking out of an airplane window when you're up the top of it nice um it's it was so yeah it wouldn't have been finished when you how did you how did you travel lew? Did you travel in premium economy or better? Yeah, where premium economy was. It was like four grand a ticket to go on business. And I was like, oh, I'm not paying that.

No, I spent the money mostly instead on slightly nicer hotels because I knew that the hotels would be very, very small. So I spent like 250 to 200 quid a night on hotels, which isn't too bad. Did you have a Mecca toilet as well? Like, was it, did you have the, did you have the control panel with the mist settings? Oh, holy fucking shit.

Well, this is the second thing, right? If the first thing that's memorable about Japan is the honey toast, the second thing that's memorable is the toilets right i went i was in this shopping mall um and i went into the toilet and um wait was it was it like did it have a massive massive sony store in it the shopping mall fucking you name it sips it was like mind mind blowing i went to i went to the shopping mall it was like kind of like on an island like close to like a rainbow bridge like it's like but it It was kind of like on an island, close to a rainbow bridge. But it was sort of out of the city, out of the way a little bit.

But holy fuck, it was enormous. And the centerpiece to the mall was just this huge Sony store. And it was just filled with camcorders and fucking the usual TVs, all the sort of hallmark Sony stuff or whatever. But it was huge. Yeah, there's like a nine-story tech department store called Yodabashi Camera, right? And walking around that, it was like there was an entire floor, like a quarter of the floor dedicated to fucking telescopes. Like, shit you not.

That's amazing. There was like a thousand telescopes. And there was like a thousand telescopes and there was like a thousand binoculars and i'm like fuck me and you know there was like the headphone section was like just stretched into the distance i was like how many different kinds of fucking headphones can there possibly be god um no it was it was was it like an episode of simpsons where you turned up to the headphone section and then you saw like uh you know beats by dre and then you were looking at a pair and dr dre was standing right next to you were looking at a pair, and Dr. Dre was standing right next to you looking at a pair as well.

And he was like, hey, it's Dr. Dre! And then he was like, I just get paid here. You know, doing that. That's how Dr. Dre speaks. No, so fucking toilets, right? Before we get too distracted. People talk about this in japan a lot and there is an absolute gulf of of of of gap between toilets like sometimes you'll be at like

one of the nicest touristy areas in in the city and you're walking to the toilets and it's just a fucking hole in the ground do you mean with a literally a an asian man with a hose pipe standing there uh outside the door and you like sort of you know you know squint at him and he sort of nods and you sort of go in there and then after you finish he goes in there with that hose pipe and like hoses you down no that's almost like what it feels like right yeah it's really fucking old school as fuck and then you go into like a random fucking place and they've got the most high-tech toilet you've ever fucking seen in your life. All right? And it fucking... So this one toilet, okay, I went in,

and the toilet first... So I stepped into the stall, and the toilet seat lifted up as I went in, and it was painted to look like an orca or like a whale, and as it opened, it made like a squeaking noise that was like just this toilet seat was lifting up because it was a little bit old right but it sounded like like an orca making a noise almost like saying piss in my mouth!

and I was like I don't actually need a piss so I guess I've got a shit in your mouth so I felt incredibly like uncomfortable taking a shit in the mouth this like fucking orca whale basically and then afterwards it's got this massive control panel right and one of them is you know it's basically b-day functions first of all this toilet seat was warm as well the toilet seat was actually warm so i i thought that someone had been in there previously and been sat there. So I'm sat there, really uncomfortable, taking a shit in a mouth of an animal, basically, which I'm feeling. And then the seat is warm.

And you can feel his warm lips around the contour of your ass. Nice. Which is really unnerving. Nice. And then after I'm done, I have to press the fucking, the bidet button, right? Where it sort of, of it goes and it like it sprays out b-day up your ass at you know but it was warm water as well it was like a walker was just spitting hot warm lukewarm water up my it was like it was

unbelievably of the oddest most uncomfortable experience I've ever had in my ass it was like it was unbelievably on the oddest most uncomfortable experience i've ever had in my life it was very disrespectful water that was orca piss yeah it's all quick warm you shit in his mouth he pisses on your ass yeah well i mean i i did enjoy that um experience but it profoundly affected me and it was weird. And I think that that's a lot of the things, like, I think Japan, like, I kept coming back to these four words, right? It's all right, bit weird. And that was pretty much Japan in a nutshell for me.

Like, everything was fine. It was just a bit kind of hard to put your finger on it sometimes, but a bit weird. Yeah. I wonder what they think of England. Like when they come here, I wonder if they think it's all right, a bit weird. Like they use the toilet and it doesn't sing to them. No, I think Japan's one of those unique countries where you're guaranteed to have some warm water sprayed up your ass at some point, regardless of how long you're there. Do they understand that they're a bit how long you're there do they understand that they're a bit kooky and strange or do they think the rest of us are crazy uh you know is it like

if you go to a crazy person's house and they've got sausages hanging from the ceilings on strings to keep away the vampires or something and you you don't do they walk in and go fuck this guy's nuts like do they do they see us as being just boring? Or do they think our lack of girlfriend experiences in bars and special toilets and all that shit, plastic food. Are they like, man, people in England are crazy. You have to order your food off a menu. You don't know what it looks like. There's no mock-up of it in the window for you to see. Or is it, I don't know.

I'd love to talk to someone from Japan who hasn't spent much time over here here came over here and was like wow these are all the weird fucking things i mean anywhere i've ever been where there's been japanese tourists though they seem really fucking happy to be there so i i'm i'm gonna i'm gonna venture that they're they're pretty excited about other cultures and stuff and well they spent all that time guess. They probably don't look down on them. They just, I think they're just interested and they probably like being home, but they probably, I mean,

maybe I'm generalizing a little bit. No, no, they're good tourists. They're very, they're very well mannered. Like, you know,

they don't, they're not like, you know, they don't go places and just get pissed and scream and cause trouble and stuff like that. Like, like English people do like they're just really they just seem really like nice and laid back they don't go to england

and they're like they don't speak japanese bizarre you know we go to japan they're like none of them speak english yeah of course you're in another country i think that the last day of being exposed to scary, young, nerdy, weird, creepy sort of Japan was a bit upsetting in a sense. Because I'd had sort of 13 days of kind of 14 days, I mean, I think like food-wise, I mean, the other thing I want to say really about food-wise is like, the food was generally pretty fucking bad, right? Like especially, they mostly, the number one food is this tonkatsu, which is the sort of deep-fried pork and stuff. And look, I'm sure like maybe I just went to the wrong places. I only had sushi twice in the entire time I was there.

Once was at the fish market, right? In the morning. Yeah. Had it for breakfast, which was super weird. And it was really amazing. You know, it changed my life, blah, blah, blah, all this shit. I've had pretty good sushi before, but sushi is nice. It's fine.

But we had, sometimes we went for like these more traditional Japanese meals, which I don't know what the analog of that is in Britain, right? For example, we went to a Japanese tea ceremony, okay? And in a way, it feels a little... It'd be like haggis and stuff like that, you know? It feels a little bit like an English tea ceremony. You go to a country house, and there's a tea shop, and you go there, and you sit overlooking the gardens and maybe the little lake and the little thingy.

And you have your lovely pot of tea. And the queen is there and Charles has his fucking knee socks on and his shorts and shit. Yeah, exactly. And there's like some schoolboys there and saying, Mummy, mummy, could you pass the sugar, please? Yes. Talk when you've had enough strong for today. Anyway, it's literally...

Mummy, Mummy, can you pass the crack pipe, please? Tarquin, we're out of crack. There's no more crack for you, Tarquin. Now go and shit in that hawker's mouth, Tarquin. So, no, it felt like there were these parallels. In any way, I guess we i think i think as brits we're quite polite at least or at least we feel like we are compared to the you know we always say oh the americans they're always loud and brash and you know the germans are always in your face

pushing in putting their beach towels on the on the you know do you know what i mean yeah yeah we sort of have i feel like like, in a way, England, I wasn't surprised by the politeness at all. I thought the politeness was very refreshing, and I liked it, okay? I like being polite. I like queuing. I like places where you, there's organised places to queue.

Do they like queuing in Japan? Are they big on queuing? They're big on queuing. They've even got little areas for when the tube stops. Oh, I like that. They all queue. Rather than in London, where the tube is just a i like they all queue rather than in london where you where the tube is just a melee there's actually very specific areas where you stand in there in their in their subway system they have like people like it's it's generally students who

are like pushers and they because the the volume of people trying to get on these trains is is so so much these guys just like help at the back by pushing like hordes of people onto the trains. That is a thing. I traveled around a lot and we were around in Russia a lot and we actually never bumped into that. I think it only happens at the busiest stations. And weirdly, on the day I traveled back to the UK,

the trains were all canceled all the way from Bristol to London. And so I had to take some other route and it was busy. The trains were more jammed in England cancelled all the way from Bristol to London. And so I had to take some other route. And it was busy. The trains were more jammed in England than I had ever experienced them in two weeks of Japan. The trains in England are fucking shambles though. They are a fucking disaster.

It took me five hours to get from London to Bristol. And it took me two hours to go four times as far from fucking tokyo to osaka like like across the like like across the entire fucking country i watched this i watched this documentary about um the british rail system and since it became like privatized and and everything and it was really interesting because they were saying that the big shareholders in the private companies of the rail lines in Britain are normally foreign governments. So like France and Germany are huge investors in these private companies that run the train lines in Britain. in britain um and in a roundabout way it's really strange that every time you're sitting on a train in britain and having a miserable time and paying through the nose to to do it you're actually subsidizing french and german uh rail um travelers in their own countries who have like much better

services and like just a much better system uh so you know do you know why because it's crazy shit at complaining like we are we are actually shit we'll we'll moan historically that is the way british people are we'll moan to each other but we won't actually do anything about it and i think the problem is there's not much we can do at this we don't really have much for choice that's the thing but if you like if you if you look at a lot of other countries, I think there'd be a lot more protest. People would complain. And I think people would complain higher up the ladder. Like it's not just about consumers

not complaining. It's about people who make decisions not complaining and people higher up from them not complaining and just going, oh well. That's just the way it is. And accepting a shitty deal. I don't know. Let's not go into old grandad politics about this. Let's not worry about it. We're almost granddads, pretty much.

That's true. We don't complain. If you go to a restaurant in America, you'll hear people saying, excuse me, I ordered so-and-so, and this is slightly wrong. Oh, my God. In America, it's crazy.

I never, ever complained in Japan, to the point where I was like terrified of upsetting people right because everyone was so lovely so polite like went out for this incredibly fancy we stayed in a Japanese guest house like a ryokan right and we had a um a kaiseki which is like the classic like the traditional Japanese meal just just for fun basically it's like going to a posh restaurant and having a really weird meal yeah that you're not really going to enjoy but it's like an experience like a haggis going to a restaurant and having a haggis yeah it's something you could tell people yeah it's like one of those it's it's something you you've heard a lot about it's like very traditional and stuff and you think like i

can't i can't go to scotland and not have haggis it just wouldn't be right and then you go and you're like fuck me why did i do this this is kill me yeah kill me right now on the spot I can't go to Scotland and not have haggis. It just wouldn't be right. And then you go and you have it. You're like, fuck me. Why did I do this? Kill me. Yeah, it's just awful. Kill me right now on the spot. Somebody execute me.

So we went to this fucking place and, you know, they bring you like out all of this weird shit. So anyway, we're sat wearing fucking these robes. Yeah, like yukata. And we're sat there on the floor like at this really nice table in this really nice sort of bamboo did you have to wear the sandals and stuff yeah and it's just just me and me and um and the person i'm with my dad my dad it's just me and me and my friend and we're there and um so we're like eating this stuff okay it was

ronaldo wasn't it it's it's it's so disgusting okay like like but but so we're on our own but because the walls are so thin you can kind of hear them outside and you're sort of you don't want to be so we're sort of whispering like oh my god what's this anyway that it's like you're eating like a potato shaped like a ball sack and it's like cold and fucking disgusting. And then you're eating like the fishiest like olive tasting thing and then an anchovy and like a whole load of sweet bean curd that just like tastes like some fucking sugar pill. I feel like you need to have somebody there with you,

like almost like a tour guide or something for stuff like that. I think that's like way too much of a deep dive. Anyway, it was fine. It was fine. But then obviously the person I'm with was like retching and like couldn't do it. And so I felt really bad. So I was like trying to help out and like finish their stuff as well.

Oh, yeah, Dan's no spring chicken either. Why did you fucking take him to that? finish their stuff as well that's no spring chicken either like why did you fucking take them to that and so and so they referred to me as the human dustbin at one point they were like you're my human dustbin oh my god i was like that is the least flattering thing i've ever been called in my life but they didn't mean it like that they meant it like like thank you you're saving me. You're my human dustbin. Because there was nowhere to spit this food out.

There was nowhere to hide this food. Or like, you know, and because if they'd come in and see like, oh, didn't you like it? And we'd have to be like, oh, no, it wasn't very nice. You know, or like, do you know what I mean?

We had to like, so I was just, and it was like course after course of this. And by the end of it, I'm like, I can't fucking take this? We had to like, so I was just, and it was like course after course of this. And by the end of it, I'm like, I can't fucking take this anymore. And so we had all of this fucking crazy over flavored shit. And then the last thing they fucking bring you is like a massive bowl of cold noodles.

And it's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do now? It's like, they bring you this like fucking random fish slime with fucking prawns and lotus fucking sandwiches and half a loaf of bread with honey on it and all this fucking shit. And you finish off and it's a fucking cold bowl of noodles. And you're like, what the fuck? Japan.

When is that acceptable? I mean, what would the equivalent of that be in the UK, right? It's like you've had like a Sunday dinner, okay? And you've had everything, you've had all the trimmings. And then you're still hungry and then they bring you out like a Sunday dinner, and you've had everything, you've had all the trimmings. And then you're still hungry, and then they bring you out a prepared Tesco sandwich, just like an egg mayonnaise. Or not even that, just some Tesco white bread slices in a fucking bowl.

And I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this? There's nothing to dip it in. There's no sauce. It's cold. It's like, what am I doing with this? Do I eat this, or am I just supposed supposed to like is it like something to look at do i rub my fucking fingers on it i don't know anyway like there were so many experiences like that and it was just fine it was fine but it was a bit weird yeah do you think you'll ever go back i mean i think there's there's a whole shitload to

do i mean we we only did tokyo like you said really for a week and then we also went to kyoto for a week and that was pretty also went to Kyoto for a week and that was pretty awesome. We went to Osaka, but Osaka's a little bit like Birmingham. It's like the second biggest city, but there's fuck all to do.

Well, Osaka's big thing is sumo. And if it's not the season, if it's not like, if it's not like in season where there's like, you know, sumo fights happening

and stuff like that, I think it's, I think there's not that much to do there. Like, I think you're probably right. happening and stuff like that i think it's i think there's not that much to do there like i think you're probably right it's just like a big lived in city but i think it could be exciting if you went to like a big like sumo tournament or something like that they've got universal studios there but i've been to the one in fucking america which i feel like is universal studios it's like it's like it's a theme park. It's like Disney, but it's got all the IPs for Universal.

So Indiana Jones? No, not even. Are there rides? Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of... We went to the one in LA a couple of years ago. It's really good. And there was a Simpsons ride,

but it was like a simulator sort of thing. So you're like inside like a roller coaster car, but you're in front of like this big screen. I see. And it moved around and stuff. It's okay. It's like just a big theme park. And what is the Epcot Center?

What is that? That's a Disney thing. So that's at Disney World in Orlando. And what is that that's a disney thing so that's at disney world in orlando and what is it it was it was walt disney's sort of like wanted to make like uh the the world of tomorrow sort of thing you know like it's like a cultural celebration so like i see around the epcot center there's like eight or nine different sort of like um mini sets of like different cultures so there's like a mini italy and like a mini japan and like a mini of canada and stuff like that and then there'll be like these little restaurants that serve the food and stuff and then inside the actual epcot center

there's like a ride but like so walt disney world in florida has like loads of different theme parks there basically yeah and you it's not just one theme park. Epcot Center is one of the parks. It's definitely the worst park in terms of fun. Yeah, it's the least well-known one as well. I think it stands for... Hang on, I can look it up. It stands for something, doesn't it?

Epcot, it's like Community of Tomorrow. Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. Yeah, it's like community of tomorrow. Experimental prototype community of tomorrow. Yeah, that's right. Something like that. That's what it stands for. For a time, I don't know if it's still there, but in the actual Epcot dome thing,

it's like a big ball, right? They had like a NASA ride, like a zero gravity sort of thing. The world of tomorrow yeah yeah yeah I don't know if it's still there but

it was apparently pretty cool but yeah like the other parks are much more exciting like especially if you're with kids

and stuff like if you take your young kids to the Epcot Center they're not gonna like they'll just wanna go back to like you know imagination land

or whatever yeah so I mean fuck like there you go They'll just want to go back to imagination land or whatever. Yeah. So, I mean, fuck. There you go. I don't know. Japan, it was amazing. I had a great time.

Japan's a weird place, right? Because everything is art, right? The food is really artistly done. The writing, the calligraphy is very artistic. Or at least, I don't know. It's because i guess i can't read it that it looks pretty to me it's like pretty patterns i don't know like but in a strange way they take a lot of care and design around the calligraphy and stuff it's a big thing calligraphy um that was a building it was very interesting to hear about japan i've wanted to

go for a long time, but now you've made me think twice. Thanks. It's worth going. It is worth going. It's worth going. You definitely have to experience it, Flex. I think you'd actually enjoy it. I'm just thinking the kids might actually

enjoy it a lot because they love bonkers stuff. In Japan, their economy hinges off of like um the the spending habits of like children uh more more notably like 13 year old girls so like i think your kids would have a great time like that everything is geared up for like um people to spend money on their kids over there like there's like oh my god these massive like stationary shops where you can buy like fucking hello kitty notepads and like like i said the characters and the cuteness is definitely

something you notice yeah like like i don't know it's just it seems like sometimes they they their stuff is thought through and they take care and they get stuff it's strange like you know arriving at the airport we went to like the first thing we do was go to pick up our um like rail passes right which gave us like access to use any of the rails we wanted and i think it was worth it in the end but um you go and pick up your rail pass and you know there's like they pipe in like bird sounds into the station and then the station has like a little cute mascot and it's like playing stuff and there's like hello kitty stuff everywhere and you go and pick up your passes and in the pass waiting room there was like all these little pictures of cute dogs and stuff and like someone's corgi was in there and it was like it was just the announcer's ridiculously overly cute

announces everything on the tannoy has a very cute like voice and stuff yes and there's the stuff those sanrio characters are fucking everywhere. Like the Hello Kitty but also the little Rilakkuma one and all the other super unbelievably cute characters are everywhere.

Like you go you're trying to get some flipping sandwich for lunch and you have to pick between like these cute ones these cute ones.

I don't know. It's like it's very cute. It got overwhelming actually after a while. I was like I'm absolutely sick of seeing fucking

Hello Kitty on everything. Christ. You just wanted to come back you just you were just so pleased to land in heathrow and there just be like really loud weird sirens making noise just for the sake of it and people at the same time spitting on the floor and stuff and like so so i think generally like that's generally japan is is is the same but different right so it's it's it's all these things that i've said but a lot of stuff that's very familiar and comfortable and you never i never felt threatened i never felt like i was i was in a foreign country and i was lost i never felt like it was anything different because because of the western influence right you walk some some streets i walked down were literally all just it looked

like a street in in london you know really nicely put together street in london it was like there was like a paul smith a burberry like i said like all of these flipping it was just english shops all the way down um and western shops and then you go around the corner and it's all western shops again and american shops and and that like there didn't seem to be many japanese chains if you. It felt like most of the chain stores that you saw again and again were these Western stores. Obviously, a lot of clothing stores and stuff were Japanese. And there were a lot of Japanese-like stores.

My friend said that there's a tendency in Japan for them to put jumbled English words on T-shirts without really knowing what the words mean. So you'd see a T-shirt that says something like Coca-Colacola holocaust and they just put those words on in the t-shirt they don't you know because they're not they don't have no idea what it says they just think it looks cool and because it's english it's like hey english words on a t-shirt well did you see much of that yeah i bought two t-shirts one said i speak trapanese i don't know what that even means now and the other one i bought said stay lit nice i mean it's i mean it's the same as like over here you know you see you see

you see people like you like people love the um the sort of like uh you know like japanese like symbols and stuff like that you know people get tattoos with them on and stuff and they probably just say dumb shit like you know like oh yeah there's a web there's a website actually it's a twitter account i follow called shit tats it's at shit tats and it's just terrible tattoos that people have had like oh my god some of them are so fucking bad i recommend it at shit tats i don't know if you're still going but yeah but it's fucking hilarious oh my god it's fucking so so so the other big thing i did was a lot of walking around right i didn't really get any buses anywhere i never got a taxi anywhere i used the subway quite a lot but i mostly just walked to a station got on the subway got out walked around um so i did a lot walking but

it was nice weather was nice um compared comparatively like i was shorts and t-shirt but i was the only guy wearing a fucking shorts and t-shirt. I mean, everyone else in all the locals, no one wears t-shirts or shorts at all. I think I didn't see any Japanese people ever wear shorts. Well, they're all too busy wearing their panda onesies and Pikachu onesies and stuff. No, they were very homogenous in a sense.

They dress very modestly but also similarly like generally like i think they did they it's not kind of good to stand out necessarily from the crowd no at least that's the impression i got certainly i was i wasn't necessarily someone who was weird and stared at because this tourist is so prevalent um that you know where it's just a part and parcel of the they've seen it all before kind of thing it's where it's just part and parcel of the they've seen it all before kind of thing it's not like I'm unusual

but certainly I wasn't any did you run into any Yogscast fans while you were there no not one you didn't get

not even once no not even I got a lot of tweets and stuff about people from people saying oh yeah I'm here

you know I'm around the corner from that blah blah blah I work here but I didn't ever bump into one I'm here. I'm around the corner from that, blah, blah, blah. I work here, blah, blah, blah. I didn't ever bump into one. I'm in an alley with a knife.

I'm gone and gone. So no, I think I walked around a lot of... Kyoto was much different. I mean, Tokyo was everything. It's London and New York and everything. Kyoto is where the Nintendo headquarters is, isn't it's kyoto everything is where the nintendo headquarters is isn't it yeah it is actually i mean that doesn't really make any difference did you turn up and say i've got a meeting with uh super mario uh i mean it's not it's not there's

not anything you can go to there it's to where they where their offices are it's certainly not where no you can't you can't see it or there's nothing there to see um and kyoto is is you can't see it or there's nothing there to see. And Kyoto is, you can't move for like shrines and temples. You know, we went, I think I saw about 50 or 60 shrines and temples as I went around. Yeah, I think Kyoto is sort of like the, it's not like the capital, like technically, but I think it's like sort of like the cultural sort of like capital. It definitely is that. I mean, I think that it was one of these places, it was originally not bombed too

badly in World War II because they wanted to leave targets for the atom bombs and Kyoto was at the top of the list for the atom bomb, but the then Secretary of War, I think, had honeymooned in Kyoto and said, this would really not be a good idea to bomb this place

because if anything, it's like the historical capital of Japan. Come on, boys, we're going to bomb another place instead of having my honeymoon in Kyoto. Exactly, and I think it was probably the right decision because, man, it feels like as much as, I mean, it was still bombed into the ground. And, you know, that's why most of these Japanese cities are grid-like like the American cities.

Yeah, well, they started. Yeah, well. See, I know my sympathy right there. Oh, for fuck's sake. Anyway, let's not talk about that side of things. But, man, it was but man it was um it was fucking it was great like walking around Kyoto was lovely I really enjoyed it I'd go back definitely like lots of really cool places to see lots of really nice shrines really nice temples

this is the first time you actually went away somewhere since you pretty much started doing YouTube stuff as well right like when was the last time you actually went on a two-week vacation and just did vacation stuff? I think all of my other vacations have been fake inverted commas vacations because I've always been in LA to do something. Exactly, yeah, yeah. Or I've been at San Francisco for this thing or Germany for Gamescom or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Well, welcome back, Lewis and as I understand it, happy birthday. Oh, shit, yeah. It's your birthday this weekend. Oh my god, yeah, I'm 34. Hang on a second, happy birthday. Oh, shit, yeah. It's your birthday this weekend. Oh, my God, yeah. I'm 34. Hang on a second. Hang on.

Alexa, sing happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. There you go, Lewis. Happy birthday to you. Oh. You like that? Thanks. No problem.

It's filling the void in my heart right now. There you go. Done. That was that she was actually quite quite pleasant and better singing voice than i've got yeah i know it's a little bit robotic i guess but did you see that sips couldn't even be asked to sing happy birthday to you he gets his fucking robot to do it well she did it better than that right i'm told does she let you shit in her mouth she sprays white hot orca piss up my ass everyday

which I really appreciate one of the toilets I went to sprayed water so strongly up my ass I think it was like trying to fucking drill into my it was just like a little enema it really was a very uncomfortable experience

It was like damaging to my tender anal skin That's really arousing actually I want to just get back to a point we touched on earlier in the podcast where we were talking about men smoking

in a pachinki parlor and Flack sort of said about his office how it gets really smoky as well um my garage is constantly in a shroud of vapor these days and uh so much so that sometimes my wife opens the door to come in to like you know give me some tea or whatever and the other day she came in and she was like holy christ i was like what what's going on she's like it's like fucking smoggy in here what came in and she was like, holy Christ. I was like, what's going on? She's like, it's like fucking smoggy in here. What are you doing?

I was like, nothing. I'm just like having a little vape once in a while or whatever. She's like, this cannot be good for you. I was like, well, maybe not. She's like, open a fucking window. Are you crazy? I remember you said to me that your wife wouldn't let you get a vape, right? And you were trying to convince her.

And you finally managed to convince her by saying, I'm only going to use the vape when I'm away. And it's the slippery fucking slope, isn't it? And now you're just sitting there in this big fucking cloud, like hotboxing the garage. It's bad for me, I know, love it and you know what nicotine is incredibly addictive yeah you know what's even worse the the local the local vape shop go you can order stuff online okay so the other day i was like ah fuck you know save myself a trip to town fuck it

literally an hour later, it turns up at my house. What? Yeah, because it's like just local, right? So it was like place the order. The order number, the confirmation came through. It was like order number 0000000015. So it was like the 15th order

that they've ever taken sort of thing. That's awesome. It's basically faster than me ordering food like i fucking fucking yeah took me longer to get a fucking taxi the other day an hour later and it was just as well too because i was running really low on juice so fuck i was pretty happy i want to i want to give it a vape shout out to this is this is obviously not a sponsored stream and i'm not sponsored by them, but I want to give a rare shout out for good customer service to Vape Club, who I recommend.

I ordered... Are you looking for free shit? I'm not. I ordered Scott's Custard from them, which is my favorite brand of custard mix. And I ordered 20 boxes of the three packs. It's like a lot of vape juice, right? And it lasts me for ages.

Fuck me, man. How much did you pay for that? Well, because they were stopped. They were going out for like a thousand bucks or something no so they called me up they called me up and they said uh mr forsyth um about your recent vape order and i was like oh maybe they've they've called to award me some kind of certificate for vaping i love how the most positive outcome ever predicted. I was like, oh, wow, maybe I've won something. And he says, we're out of the Scott's custard.

We can only give you 12 boxes of it. We're going to need to fill the order out with something else. We're not going to charge you extra, whatever the difference is. Of course, if there's a difference, we'll refund it, blah, blah, blah. I chatted to the guy for like five minutes about what could possibly replace Scott's custard. And he came up with cream puff banana cream. And I was doubtful. Man, that's a fucking good shout.

That sounds delicious. Holy fuck. It is really fucking good. Oh. Wait, what brand is this? Because the brand that I use don't do banana. This is cream puff banana. These fucking guys, you walk past a vape shop

and in there are four or five fat guys that stood around vaping all fucking day, and they've tasted everything, and they know. Do you want a recommendation for a vape fucking juice? They are going to know. He knew, and he was, like, recommending it. He was talking about, you know, very smooth, not too much of an aftertaste, you know,

not harsh on the back of the throat, because I was talking about some other flavors. I've got, like, Dinner Lady's Lemon Tart, which is a little harsh for me. The strawberry one is a little thick. Gums up the coil. But this stuff's got some nice cream stuff. I had Pink Lemonade, Lewis, and it was

pretty nice, actually. But the thing is, after the bottle was done, I was like, I don't think I'm going to drink Pink Lemonade again. I don't want to eat Lemon Tarts or drink Pink Lemonade, right? Are you fucking crazy? You don't want to eat a fucking delicious Lemon Tart? Well, I do want to eat. Yeah. I don't want to eat lemon tarts or drink pink lemonade, right? Are you fucking crazy? You don't want to eat a fucking delicious lemon tart? Well, I do want to eat.

Of course I do. Of course I do. Like powdery sugar sprinkled on top? Fuck. But I don't want it because of all the sugar and stuff. I don't want it.

I don't want it. I want an alternative that's not... Just inhale it, Lewis, into your lungs. Yeah, exactly. That's why it sounds so attractive. Sometimes you just gotta

YOLO, Lewis. Christ. I would totally go for an inhalable lemon tart. Get on it. That's why it sounds so attractive. Sometimes you just gotta YOLO, Lewis. Christ. I would totally go for an inhalable lemon tart. Get on it. I've got one right here. Zero calories. Open your mouth, make a little noise, and I'll blow lemon tart in your fucking face.

And then you're gonna piss on my ass. Fuck. Oh, hey, also, I have some other news, guys, that's going to be of no interest to you whatsoever. But a last-minute invite to BlizzCon, and I'm going in like two weeks. Congrats. Oh, no way. Yeah, me and Shin are going. Cool.

That'll be fun. It'll be all right. We're literally there for BlizzCon. Like I land on Thursday night, BlizzCon's Friday, Saturday, and I leave like Sunday afternoon. So it's like a real quick one. But I think that's the best way to do BlizzCon. Honestly, it's like the times I've been before, if you stay on too long afterwards, it gets just exponentially more and more depressing because like everybody's leaving. You're all bummed out that BlizzCon's done and everything.

So it's like I think it's good to just leave on sunday yeah and like even getting there early i think is pretty good but i'm kind of looking forward to just being there for blizzcon specifically and then bam back home no you'll have fun i'm going away on sunday for five minutes cecily oh for fuck's sake man when how many fucking times do you go to Italy in a year? Seriously. Why? Because you go like all the goddamn time. No, he had to cancel his Valencia trip because of his...

Valencia is in Spain. Yeah, you had to cancel your last one. You're fucking holiday mad, P-Flax. It's not me. It's Mrs. Fucking F. And do you know what she's done? Get this. Our flights are at 6 40 in the fucking

morning on sunday oh no 6 fucking 40 in the fucking motherfucking i hate that my parents used to book the flights at that time and i getting up at 3 fucking a.m was just horrific especially in winter when it was freezing fucking dicking cold it's gonna be pitch black i've got to wake the kids up before 5 a.m in the morning and she freezing fucking dicking cold. it's going to be pitch black. I've got to wake the kids up before 5am in the morning. And she was like, I was like, how the fuck are we going to get there

on a Sunday morning? She goes, we'll get an Uber. I said, what, we'll get an Uber in Twickenham at half past four

on a Sunday morning. Good fucking luck. So she's like, well, we'll have to book a car. I was like, yeah, we will.

This is going to suck. I'm going to wake the kids up. They're going to be like, uh, drag them out of beds. Man, don't even put them to bed. Just do it all night. Just keep them up. You know what? My eldest came up with a're going to be like, uh, drag them out of beds. Man, don't even put them to bed. Just do it all night.

Just keep them up. You know what? My eldest came up with a good idea. She said, should we go to bed in our clothes? So we're just ready to go. I was like, that's a fucking great idea.

Holy shit. Drag them out of bed in their clothes. That's the daughter I raised to think outside the box. She's so fucking smart, man. She came up with that by herself. I was like, that is brilliant.

That's a great idea. I've been showing them Lord of the Rings. i think it's inspired something in them all right because i tried tried we've watched it in three parts fellowship of the ring extended edition obviously we're watching that jesus and we've watched it this week in our segments right and did they like it they fucking loved it oh well that's good that's good they fucking loved the first time i showed it to them they're like because it was like they wouldn't sit still but now now it's a whole thing. They say to me, Daddy, it's cinema time.

I was like, okay. But after dinner, we've got to turn all the lights off in the house apart from one. I insist on leaving one light on because I'm afraid of the dark. So we're sitting in the sofa there. We get the movie rolling. They're cuddling up to me. They're all ready to watch the movie. They fucking loved it.

Cried when Boromir died. anytime frodo cried which is like man what that's a tragic tale though like i don't blame them they completely got it and my eldest she goes even though you know it's coming it's still he was just trying to do what was best for his family like he did it's just you know my people yeah that's it fucking yeah at the end when he says to aragon i would have followed you to the into the fires of mount doom and then he says what has he said my my amigo my best chum my pal i think those are the exact lines that he says something like that and yeah we were we're all tearing up my youngest the best bit you know when when peregrine took knocks the armor down

that well and you know the orcsine Took knocks the armor down that well, and you know the orcs are going to come and get them, and they're about to bust through the door, and she was like trembling with fear. I was like, chill out, it's cool. She's like really on edge. And then the cave troll busts in, and she was like, aw, he's kind of cute.

Nice. I was like, you are good. She's dealing with it. The Balrog didn't scare him at all. The first thing they said was maybe he's a good guy. They don't know. I was like, all right, good. She's dealing with it. The Balrog didn't scare him at all. The first thing they said was maybe he's a good guy. They don't know. I was like, look at him. It's like a demon wreathed in smoke and flame.

He breathes fire. They're like, well, you don't know. They're like, give the Balrog a shot. I like that. They wanted to give him a chance. I don't think my kids are quite at Lord of the Rings appreciation levels yet. Yeah, it's a few years. at um lord of the rings appreciation levels yet yeah i don't think they'd like it but one thing that they've been enjoying immensely recently is the sweetest chef from the muppet show like

honestly he's amazing he's really fucking funny holy shit but like they they watch like these youtube videos they're like compilation videos of like all the old footage and stuff and man they're howling like every time he does the fucking bork bork bork and sends like the spoons flying and stuff they love it it's it is very funny though like it's amazing you forget how funny some of the muppet show stuff was like i loved it oh it was great i loved it it was my my childhood was the muppet show and sesame street and for the older american viewers out there who may remember the show the electric company which fucking owned oh i don't remember that one i remember i used to watch a show called um i think it was like called like uh captain power i watched that that was cool

there's this guy he was like um he kind of looked like a like a member of x-com you know like the with the with the helmet and like the the armor and stuff but his armor was like all gold and he had like this fucking it wasn't a chair it was just this thing he like stood in and it like electrocuted him but it gave him his power it was really fucking bizarre but it was like a very 80s thing it was cool captain power and the soldiers of the future that's the one well it was pretty nice power up and uh and bionic six was another one that i used to watch i used to like um g-force and the battle of the planets which was an anime looking back now that they'd obviously edited for a western tv audience

children's audience because it's actually quite brutal but it was fucking amazing they drove around in these awesome vehicles and there was a big chubby green guy who flew like a flying owl or something. And it fucking... When I was a kid, I was so excited when that fucking came out. Do you used to watch, like, the G.I. Joe? And the Battle of the Planets. Yeah, G.I. Joe was... The G.I. Joe cartoons and stuff were pretty cool.

The problem was, by the time I got back from school, it was already about 10 minutes into it. It was just badly timed for me at that time. But I did love it. I had loads of fucking G.I. Joe loads of fucking gi joe and uh teenage mutant ninja turtles the cartoon as well that was pretty big i was too old by the time that came around i was i was into the original kirkland eastman uh comics that were much darker and were then twisted by corporate bastards into the pizza eating goons yeah well i mean those are the only ones i knew so i watched them and i enjoyed it as well they had the original comics are really fucking good

party wagon launched pizzas uh at at its foes so that was eastman led god i can't remember yeah eastman led i've got the fucking name wrong imagine having a piping hot pizza launched at you from a cannon and splattering in your face and giving you third degree burns yeah i mean geez pizza comes out of the oven super fucking hot oh fuck it's delicious don't get me wrong but holy shit it is hot like you don't want to let that sit for a couple of minutes you don't want it on your face no you know the hardest fucking pizza in the world is those little mini chicago deep dish freezer pizzas they're like the size of like twice the size of a coaster you know they're not that yes they're quite pretty deep very thick they come out of the oven i swear to fucking christ if you get that on your mouth

kiss goodbye to your face because it's just gonna burn because if you guys want to have a good laugh to um to to brighten up your day at some point doesn't have to be right now look up swedish chef spicy sauce that one's fucking hilarious and also swedish chef spaghetti is pretty fucking funny too because every once in a while like it's very formulaic right with the swedish chef like the it's very like gag like there's like very like uh recurring gags and stuff like that but every once in a while he'll go high brow he'll get like he'll he'll get like randomly excited about something and just go off on this weird like tangent of excitement and it's so fucking funny it happens in the spaghetti one and it's really good i'm gonna watch these after we finish

recording the spicy sauce one let's go do it now a good one let's round off the podcast thank you everyone for listening that was that was that was a hell of a podcast it was great to hear about japan from you never go away again yeah don't leave us again we did nothing me and sips didn't even record anything we just fucking we played a bit of dota i think we played a little bit of dota and that's about it yeah i played x-com start to finish completed it man yeah wait did you do it on veteran difficulty yeah only veteran i did yeah some guy like the the series went up someone posted on on the there's the yelkscast subreddit about it and some guys like only veteran difficulty disappointing and told me how easy it was yeah of course it was iron man

yeah i mean i don't want to struggle like i'm streaming this in the evening and in the morning just having a laugh. It's mainly about naming the characters after the viewers and them seeing how good they get and whether they die or whatever. And we'd already had to restart once. I'm just not, you know,

I don't want to play a game that's really, really tough. I actually would like to complete the expansion. That's why I can't play on Commander. Oh, it's great. It's great.

You know, like, maybe in my spare time or something, like, I'll have a go at Commander and try to do it but for the sake of actually like producing content and enjoying your game and stuff fuck me like you don't want to have to i think you're probably gonna get jesus i mean i i did you know you know um the long war i did i played the long war on stream we got to restart like number 19 before I gave up. Yes, so fucking hard I was just grinding and grinding to try and get through this game It's just impossible like I come around the corner and you pull a pod and it's like ten aliens Yeah, then they call in reinforcements. I was like how the fuck you meant to do this

I don't even care how good you are you're gonna have to pull out and Like a mod like that is designed for people who like live and breathe that game It's not like you know, I'll finish that game like a couple of times in my life sort of thing i'll never get to the point where like i can you know perfectly min max and like flawlessly complete the game like yeah it's it's not it's not about that for me i don't think like we had we had one thing that helped us out with this run that made it easy you know the way the factions and maybe you don't, in War of the Chosen, you meet these factions, and they can give you little perks that you can sort of select. And for the next month, that perk will be in existence.

One of the perks I unlocked, because they're random cards that you basically draw, was that if I discover the aliens on my turn, on their next turn, they only get one action. So they basically mix up on the turn. It was like easy mode with that on because i just discovered them with um my these the reaper guy the invisible guy we pull them they get they get to move and then we fucking kill them like that was it it was brutal yeah well i got one recently which was like

um increase the turn timer uh by two you know for like countdown missions sort of thing you know like where it's like oh you got six turns before you have to rescue the guy or whatever and i find that super helpful because some of those missions are so fucking tight you know like i just change the options of the game so i doubled the length of all the missions and i doubled the length of the dark event turn time the countdown because it's just too hard otherwise i just get bored i just have to constantly restart you're constantly battling like even when

your dudes aren't healthy now they've added this mechanic where your dudes get tired and you have to rest them and I'm like

Jesus and if you chuck them in their will is all fucked and they get I mean my guys had all phobias one of them was like afraid of mechs

one of them was afraid of other people panicking I was like Jesus we gotta go thank you everyone by the way one final thing

congratulations on getting the gold congratulations on getting legend in Hearthstone Sims oh thanks yeah god I don't know if we're

gonna get it this month it's like really hard but yeah last month was great fuck it was you fucking pulled it out the bag there alright we're going

thanks everyone peace out bye Fuck, it was... You fucking pulled it out of the bag there. All right, we're going. Thanks, everyone. Peace out. Bye.