Triforce! - Triforce! #64: Lewis' Homeless Panic

Episode Date: April 11, 2018

Triforce! Episode 64! Lewis is getting attacked by homeless people and Pyrion hates Ballet!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. It's been a little while. Last week I was up and ready, but PFLAX didn't realise we were doing it, so he was streaming. Sips was up till 3am streaming last night for some obscure reason, and he only just woke up now, so he's a bit of a zombie. What a mess period's been busy busy busy busy busy so I've been away yeah celebrated a birthday actually I don't know if you're aware but he's now um 25 years old so congratulations congratulations getting over that hump yeah the mid-20s hump yeah the mid-20s lull they call it yeah what what a hump it was what a so yeah happy birthday if that's actually true it was last week

i think it was on thursday when we were meant to do the trip yeah it was thursday last week treat himself to a birthday stream instead yeah you two have been streaming like like no one's business it's been it's been ridiculous you guys like have been hitting it like so hard i hit it so hard i got a green screen and a new light like i went i went all out fuck trying to go professional yeah nice you've done that you've got that yeah but i have i have no room in my office so it's super cramped in here now with the green screen and the light um but yeah it's good the next thing i want to get is some cool transitions because my buddy you know monticus right so my buddy um he uh he streams he's got these cool transition effects and videos and stuff

and i was like oh shit i gotta get that are you gonna do like dr disrespect and have like a room that you go to and you can dance around when you do a win and stuff like that oh man no because i'd never use it but what i am gonna get is um you know the old batman i want to get one like that but with my face so zooming out which i think would be funny i've messaged sam to see if he can help me out you won't need to now anyone listening to this next week or whatever is probably like on it straight away like making one for you. So you're going to be all set. You'll be all set. Yeah, there'll be a thread on Reddit with people just making stuff.

That's what it's like. You just source it from your audience. Yeah, but I don't want to do it. I want to pay people. I don't want free labor is wrong. I don't know. I got a lot of time for free labor. I think it's great. Yeah. You guys are part of the problem. Why do you think he's got kids? Oh, hang on. You've got kids as well. Exactly. You've got older kids too. They can do more. You put them part of the problem. Why do you think he's got kids? Oh, hang on, you've got kids as well. Yeah.

Exactly. You've got older kids too, they can do more. You put them to work all the time, right? Yeah. They probably know actually how to sew a wallet. Mine don't. Bring me my slippers and pipe. I do get them to pass me things.

I realize that's why. Get down that coal mine. That coal isn't going to mine itself. This stitching is too far apart. Our customers will be furious. Nobody will buy these soccer balls, you ingrates. So, I've been away to LA

and San Francisco where I met Jeff Goldblum. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you got to meet him. Did he throw up on a donut while you were talking to him at all? Those are my lasting impressions of Jeff Goldblum. That's all I can see every time the guy's name is mentioned. Yeah, oh, in the fly god yeah

that was very strange he seemed like an unusual fellow he was but I think anyone kind of anyone of his kind of fame

just being like there for six hours just having to talk to weird fans for 15 minutes a piece you know kind of by contract you know

he's obviously sort of these standard Hollywood contracts where it's like yeah Jeff we're gonna pay you but we're gonna need you to do a day of promotion. Is that all right? It's like, oh, I guess.

Yeah. I guess. Oh, yes. And then, you know, so he sat there going slowly mad with all these people asking him dumb questions the whole time. But no, he was like super, super nice about it. Well, that's good. Some of them are awkward. You know, some of them when they have to do the paid promotional stuff,

they're just kind of awkward people to begin with. And there's lots of like long silences or they just won't answer certain questions. Bruce Willis is very bad at that. There are lots of videos of Bruce Willis refusing to answer questions. Robert De Niro too. Robert De Niro was pretty bad. The thing is, what I don't understand is, they surely have to understand it's part of the gig

because you've got to promote things if you're working on them otherwise what's the point you can't just do the work and be like fuck the fucking stupid movie i don't fucking care if you watch i think it's like uh it's like a street cred thing though it's like an x factor thing i think they kind of do it a bit on purpose to to seem like more mysterious and and aloof and stuff you know like they think that people or certain people will think that they're cooler because they do that maybe for instance i would be that way because you know i'm i'm like bruce willis in so many ways so bold an action hero yeah yeah yeah or almost oh i forgot you have hair i always think of you as a fellow baldman

because you're a fellow dad but you're right we differ in that respect not really though like i'm starting to like i'm starting to lose it all all over again it's such a traumatic experience you know you just go to the shower and it's all in your hands you're like what mother nature mother mother nature is just fucking me so hard also weezer i don't know if you've ever seen weezer interviewed before like uh i know they're musicians but again really awkward responses to questions long long awkward silences worth watching though it's very funny like that i think they again i think they kind of do it on purpose but it's it it's pretty entertaining like in itself there is a there is a very funny youtube interview with uh billy bob thornton because you know you know he's an

actor right but he also like a lot of these stupid actors he decides to be a musician as well even though they're very bad so yes well this is what jeff was saying he kept talking about his jazz band the whole fucking time yeah they love it you gotta you gotta come and see me play jazz i'm not really an actor you know, I really play jazz That's what I do. I think it's because it's their thing and it's like new So if you've got if you're an actor, I guess if you're not filming a movie go out of spare time So, I mean I know that some actors like Steve Martin. He's a very very accomplished banjo picker, right? Yeah, very good acting is what I do, but music's what i love that seems to be the

i mean jared leto's got a band i think steven seagal steven seagal has like a whole fucking menagerie of of song genres and and styles like i think he's got joe pesci's got an album yeah that's that's also is a very american thing right? With regard to the way they are trained, right? So American sort of actor training takes into account all of this stuff, dancing, singing, the whole shebang. Whereas English actor training, you don't tend to see many English actors necessarily become musicians. But maybe you do.

Maybe there are more than one. Well, I think in America, you're more sort of destined for things like Broadway and stuff. Whereas in England, you might end up in theater and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's a different culture in that sense. Do you reckon it's like a kind of just, I mean, because even what was his name, Christopher Lee,

was in like that heavy metal outfit, wasn't he, or whatever, where he did death metal? Am I getting very mixed up here? Was that on Eurovision, the guys that dressed up as as orcs no uh well no i'm i'm more thinking do they get invited he was like the road manager and it's the easy one to say yes to you know do you reckon that that's it or do you reckon that they actually but then again there's like it's an artistic thing as well you see tons of famous people doing art and and selling it on like it's just george george bush do some stupid yeah he does painting actually his

were like pretty good i think george bush um which senior or or or george w w w yeah yeah i think he's done some i seem to think that he did was either some line dancing or maybe he was in a band or something as well. I'm pretty sure. I mean, Bill Clinton played the saxophone, of course. That's right, yeah. Lots of people have a second sort of skill. Right.

But I think for most people, what would just be an amateur thing? Like, you know, I've got mates who play musical instruments and they're okay, but they're not in a band. They're never going to be famous. But if you say Joe Pesci wants to record a record, people are like can sell that it doesn't need to be very good so the barrier to entry for them is lower by dint of their fame i don't think it necessarily translates into them having any talent yeah i guess that's why these guys are big time and i'm not because like i'm thinking about it right now i can't think of anything that i'm i'm like actually even decent at no i'm not even good at video games and that's all i do i I know, same. I mean, I'm

awful at everything I do. I'm just a ham-handed dumbass. You can't even say ham-handed. That's how ham-handed you are. You can't even speak. I burn everything I try and cook. Even when I did chemistry, I fucking fucked up everything I tried to make in a

chemistry lab. I mean, I pretend that I wasn't absolutely awful just in case I one day have to find a job in it again but no i was i was trash like i've i've been trying to paint little miniatures and i'm the fucking i'm like cack handed as heck like i tried i was i'm at home doing i do some like painting and stuff right and honestly your kid sips who is five now has way more talent than I do at like drawing correction he's actually six now is he six now that's probably why he's way better at drawing yeah I see that one year makes a huge difference congrats he ages so fast oh my god every year it's crazy I sent him a uh a letter with a bit of my draw I drew something yeah yeah yeah we got it I haven't seen it I remember I

remember the the letter coming through and being excited but i didn't actually see what's inside so hopefully not cutouts from a playboy or anything yet he's still young shit was i not supposed to know that was the one i said for you that's the one i said for you because i saw i saw some of these i saw some of the play boys and i was like sips were like these playboys while i was away i remember all around the world and i bought many playboys in my travels i saw a playboy when i was about seven years old at my friend's uh my friend's house his dad just had one in the bathroom which is a classy move i think that's a very 80s thing though i'm very sure i'm pretty sure anyone who's born in the

early 80s saw a playboy for sure the age of 10 like they were laying around everywhere back it was unbelievable i couldn't everybody everybody was a manual worker that didn't respect their wives and they just left playboys lying around everywhere in the 80s that's what we grew up with but if i if i was in playboy i'd be terrible if i had to write for playboy i'd be terrible i feel like everything i try and put my hand to i would be terrible at yourself lewis i think i'd be pretty good i don't care i'm used to it now but i just want to point out something gently caressed his red hot love pump oof i'm intrigued tell me more think about this lewis are you in the office right now were you at home yes yes i am you're in the office stood here stood i've got a stand around that office right and you tell me that you're not good at something, my friend, because you've managed to put that shit together, huh?

I'm currently looking around, right? And I've got fucking like 10 unpainted Warhammer models, which I gave up on painting because I was like so embarrassed how bad I was. I've got a box full of dice that I was planning on casting into resin that I gave up on because I don't know how to do it. And I tried to follow a thing and I just ended up like scraping the layer off my table. and then you know I was like I was doing some painting and everything I I did I sort of hated and and so I don't know I'm like I'm just a bit I'm not down on myself I'm just like I feel like I'm looking at my hands I'm like these hands they just don't do what I want them to do I want

to just be able to do stuff like it's the internet you know or like i've got some maybe i just need to follow more youtube tutorials you should be down on yourself for the simple fact that those are some nerdy ass endeavors like you should you need to broaden your horizons seriously you got to get out of that my goal sorry wasn't to bench press 100 pounds no not even that maybe maybe i should do that maybe A hundred pounds. I'll be on it. That's not that heavy. Go see a live music show, Lewis. That's what you need. That's the spice that you need in your life right now. Go and see a live musical band. What was the last live musical band you went to see?

I probably, I don't know. Hang on. I'm just looking up bench pressing a hundred pounds. How long does it take to learn to bench press a hundred pounds? I think it's pretty. I don't think a hundred pounds is that much, honestly. long does it take to learn to bench press 100 pounds i think it's pretty i don't think 100 pounds is that much honestly you don't have to learn you just got to work your way up to it it's all it's what your muscles can handle right you don't want to two to three months it says you don't want to overbench maybe i maybe i've forgotten how much 100 pounds quite a lot it's like the goal of like it's like one of the goals of where you know you've like

reached like a kind of decent that's thinking about it now it does sound like muscle it's like one of the goals of where you know you've reached a kind of decent level of muscle mass. Thinking about it now, it does sound quite muscle mass. It's like a tenth of your mother's weight now. Can you bench press your mother a tenth? Such a cheap shot. I know. Your mom. Your mom. Fucking retard.

Oh, man. So, no, George Bush's art has been praised by an art critic as being surprisingly sophisticated and warm so he put out a book this happened relatively recently and I heard about it and I just thought

damn what a guy you know and it's weird that nowadays we think of George Bush as quite a nice fella you know

yeah he was the he was the enemy of a lot of you know he was seen as like oh look at this moron but now I mean holy moly by comparison the guy was like a president he was the enemy of a lot of, you know, he was seen as like, oh, look at this moron. But now, I mean, holy moly, by comparison, the guy was like a president. He was like an angel.

He was an actual president, for Christ's sake. This guy condemned people to death as well, right? Like, I know he didn't actually kill them himself, but he did sort of sign off to say, yes, kill these people. He went off and strangled them one by one. Well, he might as well have, you know. And he was painting do you think the president could do you like do you reckon he has the power to actually get in there and and fucking he's got very small hands have you seen that have you watched house of cards

yet yeah i've stopped on the road's recent series because it started getting boring every episode was getting very same so what sorry is there a new series is there that came out when no no i just like on the topic of presidents strangling people and stuff. That show covers all of that. That was a very shocking scene. They did say they were going to do a sixth season without Spacey. Yeah, no Spacey. Yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about that, honestly.

I think I'm done with that show, if that's the case. Yeah, for real. I can't handle the break in immersion or the change of pace. I don't think the other actors are good enough to carry it either. Agreed. It's like carrying on Taggart without Taggart. Yeah, Taggart without Taggart is weird. Like Morse carried on without Morse, didn't it?

It's like Bergerac without Bergerac. Can you imagine that? Exactly. Fuck. Or Midsommar Murders without Bergerac. Yeah. God damn. I'm up for just something new. I mean, they don't

need to try and carry on making it. It's like, it was alright. I've been going hard on TV recently. I've watched, I've caught up with Vikings, all of Vikings, which I thought was amazing. It was so good. It was good. And I also just finished watching season one

of Westworld, which I went into knowing nothing nothing about i didn't know a thing about the show i didn't know what it was quite late on that one because that was that was good that was quite a while ago yeah i enjoyed it i it about halfway through i i i lost interest a bit and i thought it was a bit dumb and then it sort of picked up again sort of like episode it was too many episodes but yeah because the nature of it is very repetitive as you find out when you watch it why but it's like i don't need this like there were three or four episodes they could have done without i watched a show called the sinner on netflix

yes i watched that very very good i enjoyed it a lot it was a good a good mystery kind of i might save that one we got a trip coming up at the end of the month so it's only eight episodes and so they're tight episodes good characters great acting and i was like this is what i want like i don't want 23 episodes where most of it is filler it's just boring i liked uh mind hunter that was great yeah that was good mind hunter was really good there's a lot of good stuff honestly like sometimes it's difficult to find detective season one was awesome as well. Yes, True Detective season one was fantastic. What a show. So let's talk about the trips

we've had and the things we've been away and done. Because you've been away again haven't you? PFLAX somewhere? Yeah. Where did you go? I went to Stockholm for Dream League which is a Dota tournament. I went out there that was a lot of fun. Did you cast it? No, I was the co-host. So Shiva it? No, I was the co-host.

So Shiva was the host and I was the co-host. The co-co-host. Yes. And yeah, that was a lot of fun. I mean, Dreamleague is, it's a really nice, you know, tournament is very relaxed. There was a lot of fun. So you were on the main desk, were you,

with Shiva just kind of introducing the games? Shiva had the desk and then I was on the couch. I was like the andy richter to her conan o'brien for anyone okay that knows that show right so i was like perfect analogy isn't he like kind of bald i'm bald yeah and you know a little chubby and he's very tall and thin so it was like perfect combo um so uh so that was what i did i was there for like a week which was great i got terrible food poisoning one day but that was fine so i missed i missed just for a day yeah it was literally you're lucky i was uh i went out to eat i came back to the hotel i watched the movie um god what's it called it's

got uh natalie portman in annihilation it's called black swan not black swan annihilation it's good it's good is it good okay i heard mixed things it's good good. I enjoyed it. That's on Netflix, isn't it? Yes, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I started getting horribly sick right then and there. Like, I was like, I felt, God, I don't feel right. Violently. Yeah.

So I was violently ill for several hours. And I tried to go to sleep and wake up again and be sick. And I was like, this is the worst thing. So I called it a day. So you missed a day. Yeah, I missed a whole day. But I was fine after that. But yeah, but it was okay.

What did they do? How did they replace you? Did they just put a blow-up doll on the seat? They had a coconut line around it. They made a Muppet version of you like they did that one time. Yeah, it was fun. Well, I liked day two. It was really funny and great.

That guy they brought in on day three. I don't know about it. He looked a bit peaky around the gills so I did that and then my dad's over from Florida

for the week so we've been hanging out and we're going to go into London today for my special big meeting what do you mean special big meeting

I have a big meeting you always tell us about these big meetings these big old big shot things the old big old P Flax is doing Flax only Lewis is, these big old big shot things that old big old PFLAX is doing. Only Lewis is allowed to be a big shot, okay?

And it turns out to be some crappy quiz show with Toby Wan and Traction Slacks and Mousy or whatever. And you're like, oh, big fucking whoop. You know, big deal. Oh, big ball of big balls PFLAX. Fucking having his big meetings. He's got big balls, baby. Do you want to hear about the meeting? Yeah, yeah.

I'd love to. If we're allowed to hear. Yeah, no, it's with... I'm meeting some people at the government who are in charge of digital stuff. Fuck me. They want to understand how to make esports better in the UK. Because we've got...

Of course they do. We've got two big esports events coming this year. One in Birmingham in May, the first Dota major in the the uk which is going to be fantastic i'm going to that and then in birmingham in birmingham yeah which is which is a really good choice for a number of reasons mainly because london didn't give a shit when they asked london like they you know the people of not the people of london not like a street poll but like whoever's in charge you know the mayor and all his cronies or whatever right they were like whatever whereas when they asked the mayor of birmingham he was like holy

shit and he did like this big announcement he was like first we got the commonwealth games and now we've got this dota major birmingham is on the way up oh my god they were super hyped and the arena that they've got is fucking huge absolutely massive they sold it was the fastest selling esl event all the rest of it. The UK market is super hungry for us to actually have some events. So that's good.

So I'm going to that. So are the government going to pay you for this consultation? No, no, no. I mean, the thing is the guy doing it is a friend of mine.

The guy in charge of it is a friend of mine. Are you doing it like the Ritz? No, no, no. Is it going to be over high tea? I'm going to the

government offices, like Parliament Street and all the rest of it. Oh, flex. Yeah, it's pretty cool. So I'm going down there to meet with them. You've got to say that you're not going to be part of their system unless they pay you we live in a capitalist society flax look you know this is this is a day you could be streaming this is this is for the good of my people british esports fans and okay yeah what about the good

of your bank account as well though like time is money know what, this is why you don't get the big meetings That's true, you know So me and Sips are off to a very big meeting Oh really? Yeah, Flax, it's a bigger meeting It's much bigger And it's going to be Much more interesting as well

I think we can So basically It is actually meant to be top secret All we can tell you flax you could put two or two together is that we've been invited to seattle for eight days okay oh i know what this is then yeah so i was at gdc with turps and we went off for a week and the whole point really was just that i was already in america gdc is a lot of fun um and I was looking forward to just seeing a few games, but also saying thank you to a lot of people who gave their games to the Jingle Jam

and also tell people about the Jingle Jam. That's kind of the whole point, just to drum up a bit of Piano. And did you get paid for this? It's a capitalist society, man. I think we will, though, through, like, in the end. I'm only joking. Go on. We spoke to a lot of people,

and occasionally people would just sort of book meetings with us. And there was this one meeting from this group and this guy who was speaking to us, and I realised he was only speaking to me because he was a massive fucking Sips fan. And he was, like, he was, like, secretive. But he was very subtle about it, very secretive. You know, he was like,

so do you get to hang out with Sips much? Stuff like this. Super gushy Sips fan. And I realized that he was like, just anyway, we had a nice chat. He was very, very, very smart. And well, maybe we'll talk about it on a future podcast when we get back. But certainly we're heading out to seattle um to to meet a a games company yeah talk to them about their upcoming games which actually pflax microsoft you probably already fucking know about all the games from microsoft game studios because you get to hang out with all these guys on a fucking

weekly basis anyway and it's probably nothing special to you no yeah microsoft game studios that's right i thought it was a good the good games company in sample no it is i don't even think microsoft game studios are based in seattle are they i don't even know they exist well who knows they maybe that's who knows yeah so we're going to see a seattle-based games um developer publisher self-publisher they They also own a really, really popular digital distribution platform as well. We're already friends. I mean, GOG, yeah, they're good guys.

They opened up, they came over. Anyway, let's move on from that. So GDC in San Francisco, I had a few things I wanted to say about it. So it was a strange event for you guys, if you don't know and didn't watch the vlog where I talked a bit about it. Nothing in the convention center it is like a big convention center with all of the the stands and stalls and and show off things a little bit like a mini e3

kind of thing where you know it's a lot of adverts in there a lot of people you know it feels like almost like it's got this consumery section to it with where you can literally there's kids playing fortnite in the middle of it, you know, a big section of that and there's, because Fortnite is the new, the new kids game, by the way, it's the new Minecraft,

just FYI, if no one's watched it out there, but the Fortnite, it's going to keep, to the moon, it's huge, it's going to be the next massive thing,

just saying. Should I go and stop playing that now? It was, you've already missed the boat, it's gone, you know, Ninja's already covered that,

anyway, but Doctor Disrespect's going to be changing over to Fortnite. Oh, wow. Wow. How do you know all this? That's not true. This is bollocks. I made that up.

Could you imagine? I think he could pull it off, honestly. People aren't watching for the game. They're watching for the game. What are you actually talking about right now? I'm lost. So GDC is this big event, but no one wants to pay for floor space at GDC

because it's super expensive. So instead, they rent out a hotel room nearby, and you go to the hotel room, and they've got some snacks in there, and you sit on the bed, and they've got a Nintendo Switch plugged into the TV of the hotel room, and they show you their game that they're making right um and some of them are really cool and some of them

are really interesting and some of them are rubbish and you have to sit there for an hour while they tell you about their terrible fucking game yeah and you're like oh god they're the nicest people and they know that this game is a fucking garbage and we're never gonna play it and we're completely the wrong audience but oh thank god there's like a fucking beer from the country they came from or whatever i went to gamescom one year and uh paradox had a similar setup where they didn't want to get floor space or they couldn't get floor space at gamescom so they just basically had like a whole floor of a hotel booked out nearby. And we had to drive over there.

Then it was the same. Like, I think we were looking at Cities in Motion at the time. Cities in Motion 2 was coming out. And Europa Universalis 4 was coming out. And they were demoing them. And we were just sitting in this hotel room on a bed with like five or six developers and watching these games. and it was kind of weird it's so ghetto it's like sometimes it's very strange being in a hotel room with more than just like yourself or like you're yeah it is it is and it's it's slightly creepy too like sometimes

you go to this darkened hotel room down the end of the corridor that's really dingy and there'd be like two creepy old men sat in the corner you know and then like three other men like they're kind of hanging around and it's like this is quite there's always a lot of men in this room sitting next to a very bright light drinking like a coke or something you notice that in the corner yeah yeah also i always find in those kind of situations you'll sit on a chair and someone you don't know very well will perch on the arm of the chair awkwardly yes so desperate for a place to sit yes uh that's super awkward i always just say oh here please sit down and try and get out of there as quick as possible or or you come into the room and they've clearly been sitting in the chair and they're like oh god you take the chair and i'm like well how old do you think i guess and then

they get there because there's only like two chairs in this fucking room yeah anyway that was it was such a surreal experience though um doing that but looking back now too i didn't fully appreciate it because i wasn't massively into paradox games back then so when they invited us i was like you know i'd heard of a couple of grand strategy games but i never played any of them right so so for me paradox wasn't you know this you know like a big sort sort of like highlight on my radar or anything, you know. It was just like, yeah, okay, sure. I'll go to that. Like Cities in Motion 2 seems kind of cool sort of thing.

And now like if they would have given me like that access and invited me today, I would be shitting my pants. Because like I really like all of their games now and i play play them all quite a bit so it'd be like a totally different experience but i mean that was back in like 2011 i think 2012 god yeah quite a long time ago so so gdc right so it's in san francisco now we we went there me and simon went there back in i think it was a long time ago, I think back in like 2011 or so, or maybe, I can't remember. And also I went with Duncan and Shin, and it might not have been, anyway, it's certainly a bunch of us,

we walked around San Francisco, we made a vlog of it back on the day, and I can't really even remember where that vlog is. Anyway, there was this moment where we are walking across the road to the conference center, and there's this crazy homeless guy there, like yelling, like nuts, crazy, the craziest stuff, like the most racist stuff and the most anti-religious, but also religious stuff.

You know, it's like he's contradicting himself in the same sentence. Did you point that out to him? Well, no, of course I didn't, because he's insane. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. But you've contradicted yourself there, my good fellow, now. But everyone there is just... So he's just...

There's this whole crowd of... I remember this, because it's exactly the same thing happened to me this year. Like, there's a huge crowd of nerds and arse and turps, and we got the camera out, and we're thinking about vlogging and stuff, and there's other people doing it around us, and we're all waiting for this big crossing to happen.

And while we're all happening it's the same I reckon it's the same crazy homeless guy yelling the same craziest shit except even worse this year

you know just about like the worst stuff you can possibly imagine just just and we walk across and I wanted to mention

this really in the Travers podcast because it's been burning a hole in my memory like just how much worse the homeless Travels podcast because it's been burning a hole in my memory. Right. Like just how much worse the homeless problem is.

Oh, it's disastrous in America. From back when we saw it in, I mean, it was bad. It's always been bad in San Francisco. Is this in relation to the Trump administration? Is this what you're saying? You think it's worse now? I don't think it's anything to do with that. I just don't know what it's to do with.

But I just, I don't know who's responsible. I'm just, I just feel like I wanted to bring it up because like it was it was it was weird and unexpected and I think like so so the first thing that happened to me was that I got the temperance gun I was on my own and there's a couple of homeless guys in Bristol that I walked past kind of a couple of times a day right so then they're always in their same sort of spots usually and some of them are a couple of them got obviously a couple of them then they're always in their same sort of spots usually and some of them are a couple of them got obviously a couple of them that they changes from time to time um but there's a couple of like big issue sellers and i've bought the big issue again off this guy a couple of times

because i just sometimes actually have changed my pocket mostly i don't anyway i nod to them every morning i'm polite and i i'm always like the funny thing is that when i walk past homeless people in england anyway i'm i'm always going to acknowledge them right i'm always going to be like hey sorry friend i've been changed or right like morning or whatever like something polite to acknowledge that they're there right especially if they talk to me if they say you know have you got any change i say no right i'm always i'm never gonna like just blankly walk past a homeless guy because that's just yeah there's no whereas in america i fucked up by doing that right badly the first guy that talked to me like he came up to me basically i was about to walk

across this crossing and this homeless guy came up to me and he put his hand on my shoulder and said don't do that and i was like oh how are you doing and i turned around kind of thing he was basically wearing like a brand it brand he was clearly a homeless guy because his face was all like like fucked up and tired and like homelessy and dirty and but he had brand new clothes on right like a brand and like a brand new hat with the sticker on it you know like a baseball cap brand new t-shirt like brand new jacket like brand new trousers brand new trainers I was like oh nice trainers and and he like as a kind of just uh notice and he was like oh you don't want to see my feet under

these mate i was like oh fucking hell um anyway and and so the kind of the call i was like you know i haven't got any change i'm sorry and he's like well i don't need you to give me some change i just need you to buy me some chicken i really like this chicken and i was like what do you mean he sort of points down the street and he's like there's a kfc down here you know can you can you buy me some chicken then if you haven't got any change and i'm like well i'd love to help me but i'm i'm not gonna go and walk down that weird alleyway with you and go get some chicken kind of thing and meanwhile the thing is like the lights have changed so i'm stuck now you know talking to this fucking guy at the lights anyway the conversation goes back and forth and i'm

and eventually i'm like fuck it i let look like i'm okay i fucking guy at the light. Anyway, the conversation goes back and forth, and eventually I'm like, fuck it. I look at him, I'm okay, I fucking dash across the road, and I get out of there. But it was like this kind of stressful homeless interaction that started a chain of homeless interactions that I had for some fucking reason over the course of San Francisco. They were a bunch of them.

A bunch of weird fucking interactions. So that was the first one, and I told everyone about it, about it and they were like that's weird nothing ever happens to me like that yeah well most people stick to the rules though don't make eye contact walk by mumble a little bit if you have to and and just get on with it because you don't want to get cornered by somebody who's going to try to convince you to go buy buy him chicken and stuff like that that sounds dangerous like i mean i've asked you to buy him chicken and stuff like that. That sounds dangerous. I mean, I've asked you to buy me chicken and you said no, and you know me. So why would you? No, I didn't feel comfortable then either.

I mean, I don't like buying chicken for people. It was most of the week was spent pouring with rain, which I felt like was pretty rough. And I'm not going to sort of judge these homeless people because they have a tough fucking situation, especially when it's pouring with rain. And I walked past like to sort of judge these homeless people because they have a tough fucking situation, especially when it's pouring with rain. And I walked past like a couple of people and one thing I noticed was that I saw about three people,

three women, homeless women, which is kind of unusual to see, who also had a baby with them, right? Right. Or a very young child. Yeah. And they were on the street kind of half begging and half saying,

oh, have you got any, can you spare some food for my baby or food for my dog in a couple of cases and i was like i was just blown away by the amount of um kind of sort of hopelessness that they they had or kind of mental illness that was attached to them yeah there was this moment where i was in an uber driving back from where hat films were staying about i don't know about nine o'clock at night, 10 o'clock at night. And it was pouring with rain. And the car stopped at this junction. And it wasn't too busy on the road.

And I looked to my right, and there was like a homeless people, not homeless people, there was a homeless woman on the side of the road standing there, like the fucking movie The Ring. Right. Like where the wet woman comes out of the car. And she was walking across the road towards the car

and I obviously fucking looked out the window and she fucking just slowly walked all the way up to the car window and put her fucking hand on the window of the passenger side like the fucking most terrifying

apparition of a zombie you've ever fucking seen. And then the car fucking, the Uber driver drove off and he was like, drunk people in San Francisco, right? And I'm like, what the fuck just happened? Do you know what I mean? Like, it was terrifying. What the hell?

Why are you such a magnet for this weird stuff to happen? I know. Who does that happen to? Are you making eye contact? I was trying not to. You have to be. I know. Who does that happen to? Are you making eye contact? I was trying not to. You have to be doing something wrong. I'm nervously looking as she approaches. I was fucking...

It was like a horror movie. Anyway, that was something that happened. It's so sad, the whole thing though, isn't it? When you see a homeless person, you feel... I don't know about you guys, but I always feel like really... I always feel really helpless because on the one hand you feel like yeah you know i should i should do something i should i should help in some way or i should be compassionate or whatever but on

the other hand it's totally wrong for that responsibility to be put on one person especially when you like consider like the the scope of the issues that that person must have to wind up sort of homeless on the streets, begging, you know, like, I'm not, I'm not a qualified therapist, I can't help this person in any meaningful way, other than just like parting with some money or whatever. I don't know if that's actually really helping them, or if it's just making the problem worse somehow in the end or whatever. Exactly. I mean, I don't know either.

But it's such a like frontline breakdown of society, isn't it? When you see a lot of homeless people and all of their problems and the fact that their problems cannot be dealt with for whatever reason. I think my favorite part of this is that lewis was spoken to by a man and a woman touched a car he was in and he says it's like a horror movie yeah it was like a zombie apocalypse because it was pouring down and she was like in a fucking i don't think she was in a nightdress particularly do you know i mean but do you mean it was like kind of she was like a shambling apparition in the in the dark it was terrifying pflax honest it wasn't terrifying i was i was fine with it i was a little bit unnerved it was a bit weird it was like a horror movie he asked

me to buy a chicken calm down this person wanted a social interaction with me no but it was almost both interactions of those two interactions and And here's the third interaction. I'll tell you that as well. I couldn't even emote. They were all weird because of the, just the difference. Like the fact that, because of the anachronisms, right? It's because that homeless guy was wearing a full set of brand new clothes, right? They were clearly brand new, right?

And then this woman was so soaking wet and didn't even seem to notice that it was pouring with rain and just did something that was so unusual. So, you know, stepping off the pavement or just walking into the middle of the road, like it was so different to what I'm used to that that's why it's like, that's why it's kind of weird and anachronistic. And here's the third example, right? I'm walking down the street and obviously I'm kind of aware that there's homeless people around because there are like i'm walking back from the convention and first thing i notice is like there's just a fucking homeless guy literally with his head in a bin picking up stuff out the bin and chucking out onto the pavement behind him right in the middle

of like a park a really nice trendy park in the middle of san francisco too so all he's doing is he's going through this bin chucking the stuff on the floor right and then walk past there and then there's there's there's like like other sort of homeless people around. And like mostly, there's a couple of guys in wheelchairs, right? But they're like, obviously like not, they're not begging. They're just sort of hanging out together

because you know, you don't have, there's like five guys, a couple of them in wheelchairs, all just homeless, clearly. But like, I don't know, trading weed or whatever. They're just hanging out. Then I walk past those and there's like this most, the most hipstery coffee shop in the world.

And this incredibly beautiful, tanned, blonde woman comes out of the coffee shop with pouty lips and starts taking selfies of herself outside the coffee shop, right? Of her being at the coffee shop. And she's taking a selfie and then looking at it on her phone and taking another one and looking at it on her phone and taking another one. And she's going, and this whole process where she's making a pose,

she's like leaning forward, p tilting her head taking a pose having a picture brushing her hair back going through this whole rigmarole of like trying to make the perfect instagram picture right with these homeless men in the background kind of just like just slightly out of camera so she's trying to get those out of the camera shot but also get her and the sunshine and whatever and while this is all happening and i'm like amused by this sort of thing i i i hear like the rumbling of a skateboard behind me okay and turn to see a fucking what is what is the dirtiest looking homeless guy i've ever seen on a fucking skateboard pelting down the street and he yells at me and i quote i'm going to eat your rotting corpse, motherfucker. That's what he yelled at me as I looked at him

as he skateboarded fucking past me down the street. He yelled it at the top of his voice. You made eye contact, didn't you? That's got to be the reason why he yelled that at you. I turned for a second to see the homeless guy on a skateboard. I mean, this all happened quite quickly, P-Flex. And, you know, it wasn't like a long fucking process. I think that the problem is

you must give off a vibe. Like, you have a magnetism, but rather than attracting ferrous metal. Were you wearing a turtleneck at the time? I mean, I was just,

I was just wearing my usual fucking, my red jacket, you know, waterproof jacket. I just looked like a normal guy. I red jacket, you know, waterproof jacket. I just looked like a normal guy. I wasn't even like trendily dressed. I wasn't even like dressed up or anything. You know, it was just, it was just like a kind of just looking like a fucking guy.

And man, like, I don't know. I looked into this a lot, right? And I looked it up. And there's a lot of misconceptions with this. Like, because I originally heard this story told to me by a guy that that what they would do is they'd get buses in places and bus up all the homeless people and bus them out to san francisco because san francisco has the best facilities or the best weather or the best whatever like there's always these kind of like like that kind of stories that are bandied about

about why it's a problem and and how it's not their problem or or San Francisco, in fact, is the best place for them to stay. And then there's always the other side of the argument that they're all veterans, and then there's the other thing about them all being mentally ill, but there being no way for them to get treatment. And certainly it felt like they were a different, certainly a higher level of mentally ill than I was used to. I mean, in the UK, if you have a mental illness problem,

you can go to the NHS, homeless or not. But in America, if you don't have money, you're just going to have to be crazy for the rest of your life. Because once the crazy sets in, how are you going to make enough money? It's like a vicious cycle. And then it leads to these problems. I think they closed a lot of, like, the sort of state-run mental facilities in the 80s. Oh, yeah.

They were terrible as well. I remember those hospitals. My mom was like, yeah, there's, you see, but we're not taking you to so-and-so hospital. Shock treatment

and stuff like that. The 1880s, that was when, I'm talking about, obviously. Oh, right. I was talking about that. Bring back,

bring back the, hydrotherapy. The one where they hook you in the water and shock you. We're going to have to fire these eels up your ass, Mr. Forsythe. Okay. Don't worry, they're really slippery.

The other thing, I guess, is that it's more of a concentration problem. I think San Francisco is a small, concentrated city, and it's all on these hills, but the center area is relatively small. I don't think San Francisco has more homeless people than any other big city per population, but I think that they're more concentrated and certainly around the areas that I was going, which was the very center, walking around the convention center. But as a result of walking around the convention center and basically doing laps of the convention center, I was walking around the very center.

And as a result, I saw a lot of homeless people and had a lot of interaction with them as a result. ferry center and as a result i saw a lot of homes people and had a lot of i think i think some cities are probably different to others in in the sense that i'm pretty sure in some cities um police officers especially who are just like on patrol will move them along like just sort of like push them along get them out of like the the sort of like densely populated um areas where there's like a lot of people walking around and stuff like that. It doesn't happen everywhere, but it certainly does happen in some cities. I mean, it's not like these people are really dangerous or in any way. It's not.

Do you want to hear some numbers? Yeah. Okay. So in 2017, there were 7,499 homeless people in San Francisco. Is that more or less than when we last went? Because it felt like the problems were a lot worse. When you went in 2015, there were 7,539 people. So it's not that much or less than when we last went? Because when you went in 2015, there were 7,539 people. So it's not that much more. It hasn't changed much. It's gone up since 2011. It's gone up by about a thousand. So well, exactly. I mean, so, so 39% of them claim mental

health issues. 41% seems like a large percentage. I feel like half of them 55 have been homeless for a decade or more so if you didn't have mental health problems before you were homeless you sure as hell got them now i'd say well here's the thing about san francisco right and america in general like i remember going with simon and there being this kind of i guess they it's almost like the homeless are kind of the part of the background noise of this place right because? Because there was this guy called the world-famous Bushman. Do you remember him? No. And so it was this guy who basically on the sort of the pier front,

the front area of San Francisco on the nice sort of tourist area, he used to get like a frond of bush and hide there on the sidewalk, right? And then when someone walked by, he would push the front aside, jump out and go, and spook the fuck out of them because he was this terrifying guy in a combat jacket. Like, he looked like

a sort of a Rastafarian kind of. He's been active since 1980, apparently. He's kind of quite, quite dirty. Wow. Apparently, he's still, still going. He's still alive. But I think he had like a partner and the idea is,

or like a posse. And certainly when we were there, you know, he spooked the fuck out of Simon going he's still alive but i think he had like a partner and the idea is is or like a posse and certainly when we were there you know um he spooked the fuck out of simon and um and his partner was like he got you good son you're gonna have to give him something for that and so simon you know was like like oh just take all my money you know kind of thing joey like like just jumped out of his skin and and kind of was like, Oh yeah, you know,

here's 10 bucks or whatever. And I think that that's their kind of shtick. But going down San Francisco, I was on my toes, right? I was on my toes for the Bushman leaping out or some sort of, I don't know, some sort of other homeless fucking trick.

You were ready. I don't know. I was ready. And I felt constantly on edge. Like I've never felt before in any other city really like i mean la we don't walk around too much but when you do it is a bit dodge um you know especially down some of the areas and and and america in general but but not in london you have to have your toes be on your toes a little bit as well um in any big city you do but never have i

felt more like kind of not under entirely relaxed well the bushman claims to make about 60 grand a year in a good year so could you really call him homeless would be the question exactly it feels like he's more of a street entertainer yeah i think that's what he is yeah but he's been doing it for uh what 38 years now the bushman i assume he doesn't do it to people with heart conditions. How does he know? Does he go, hey, you got a heart condition? No? You are now entering wild Bushman territory.

If you're pregnant or if you suffer from heart conditions, stay away from the Bushes. If you're in the front row, you will get wet. Oh, God, let me tell you guys about one of the worst experiences of my life that i had gone this is not as bad as the homeless thing but i wanted to kill myself okay so this was last weekend wow i know i've come back from sweden it was recent the scars are still fresh i i'd come back from sweden i was ready to stream just relax and all the rest of it mrs f says don't forget i booked us tickets to go to the ballet.

I was like, what do you mean, don't forget? You never told me this. She was like, yeah, yeah, I emailed you. So while I was away and busy working, she'd messaged me some shit about how she'd booked some fucking morning at some ballet thing up in London. So I hate the ballet. I hate it.

I cannot stand anything about it. Every aspect of the ballet i despise like it is the opposite of entertainment do you have to dress up when you go no this was the kids suit or anything this was this was the swan lake to wear one of those poofy dresses in the pointy shoes and just apparently i'm at your way no one else was but i'd been led to believe so i we go to this theater it's packed and i was like uh i'll have an aisle seat i'll just nod off no problem mrs f has booked us front row center right so there's no escape the performers are looking right at me and i said to her so this is going to be like like half an hour 40 minutes she goes

oh no it's an hour and a half i was like you've got to be fucking kidding me do you get an intermission there was an intermission but that just made it worse because it's like a it's like a break you know more of it's coming but you can't leave it was so bad it was the worst fucking thing and she was like crying at the end and the kids were loving it and people around me were loving it and i was i mean not only did i feel excluded because i hated every second of it and apparently everybody else had a whale of a time i hated it because i'd been lied to about how long it was gonna be come tomorrow yeah the kids now want to go to the ballet i like, if you ever invite me to this shit again without asking me first, I'm leaving you.

That's it. I hated it that much. For these situations, this is where I think Google Glass is the answer. Because you could just sit there and watch TV on your glasses and nobody would know. It was so bad. That sounds fucking fantastic. I would love that.

Google Glass. That sounds like the perfect time to use it. Lectures. Yeah. And like sitting on the bus and at the ballet. Yeah.

Watch something super fucking exciting and then all of the performers think that you're really excited to watch them. But actually, you're just watching something actually interesting on your Google Glasses.

You're like, yes! Play that Firelands portal! Yes! Oh, it was so good. That sounds terrible, Flex. It was horrible. It was really horrible.

I feel like such a selfish prick for saying that, but it really did fucking suck. And I really did hate every fucking second of it. Life is too short, though. You shouldn't have to sit through stuff that you don't like. This is partly what the fucking Triforce podcast is about, right? It's about you just telling your true feelings about shit that you know you should probably feel slightly differently about. Because those homeless people are having a fucking tough time. But at the same time, it was a bit tough.

Yeah, let's cover what we've discussed today. Homeless people going to the ballet with your family. These are all things. i had a tough time they thought they had it bad let me tell you something an hour and a half of ballet i wish i was homeless i wish so hang on was it kids was it kids ballet was it kids doing the ballet i would eat out bins for a year instead of going to the ballet well yeah thankfully it wasn't a bunch of kids fucking it up like it was professional dancers but and they're all so skinny like i like i like a woman with a bit of meat on her you know they were all just these skinny bitches doing their stupid hippity hop there's like four moves

in ballet there's one where they go up and down a bit on one foot then there's the one where they sort of glide a little bit flapping their arms they spin around occasionally and then there's one where they jump a little bit and they just did that and i was like how the fuck like without the narration how the fuck you meant to know what the fuck is going on it's ridiculous exactly well anyway that is all we got time for on trifles today thank you for listening we will be back next week yes uh oh no we won't i'm away next week i am also away next week yeah oh where are you going flax you going anywhere fun cornwall oh man that sounds great that sounds great we'll see if we get

a quick podcast in at some point who no promises though thanks everyone it's good to catch up with you peace out y'all good chat to you

see you next time bye goodbye